#ignoring some of ssn8 canon because i didn't like it

[musicanddancingthroughlife]

Shklance -- Soulmark AU, Part 1

This is late for a bunch of reasons. One is that my professors hate me and literally assigned 4 essays last week, and then I think I have 2 or 3 this week, I’m scared to check. The other reason is that I’m finally at the point in the semester where I’m getting essays back and realizing I truly suck as a writer, so I think I spent five days debating giving up on writing entirely because dang these professors are ruthless and I was not prepared to be ripped to shreds again. But there we have it. Plus, work has not been going so great, so I’ve been in a depressed mood for the last couple of weeks. But I needed a break from the essays, so here’s this. Other reasons could include stress in my marriage, a lack of sleep or free time, and the fact that everything I’m reading for class is intellectually stimulating, but emotionally and spiritually draining and I feel the joy being sucked out of my soul one story and novel at a time. (see again: depression)

ABOUT THE STORY: Apparently all I write now is soulmate aus. This one is a soulmark one, which I think is different from the other one I was working on that was doing super well, but honestly my brain can’t think of anything but Shakespeare and dystopian sadness right now. It is a separate series, but similar in characters and au genre. Hope you enjoy

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              Lance had a secret. And it was a secret that he was going to take to his grave. Hell, it was probably going to send him to the grave. He knew that it wasn’t healthy, it was just… Fuck, it was Shiro and Keith. They were so happy together, and Lance knew he couldn’t ruin that. Neither of them were interested before, so why should knowing he was their soulmate make a difference?

         Sure, they knew that they had a third piece to their relationship, after all, theirs was a very well-known polyamorous symbol, though it did have their own individual colors in order to make it more their own. And Lance could only wonder at what they thought the paw print in the background of the bobbu that was highlighted with red, blue, and black. Regardless, they didn’t necessarily know that it was Lance that was their third.

         And, as mentioned previously, Lance was determined as fuck to keep it that way.

         Which, of course, also meant keeping it a secret from Pidge and Hunk. No way would Pidge not use it as blackmail against him, and Lance knew that Hunk would either struggle to keep the secret, or he would also pressure Lance to tell Keith and Shiro, which. No. Just, no. Lance just wanted someone to love him for him, not because the universe (which by the way, has honestly done nothing but fuck them over consistently) decided it would be a good idea, for whatever reason.

         But that didn’t mean that Lance didn’t love them.

         In fact, for as long as he could remember, Lance had admired both of them. Shiro was his hero and his inspiration, his main reason for going to the Garrison and trying to follow him into the galaxy. And Keith was his further motivation, the one he thought of when he was trying to get pumped up and trying to push himself to improve, to be better, faster, smarter. They were both unattainable goals, symbols of just how much Lance was a screw-up and a failure.

         And neither of them were interested in him.

         And that was fine. Lance could handle that. It sucked, but it was fine. He was fine.

           Yeah, no, Lance lied, okay, he was not fine. If he had to watch Keith and Shiro be sappy and gross (and cuddly a fucking adorable) one more time, he was going to through himself out the airlock. And why did they have to constantly rub it in his face?

         And speaking of… They had all just finished another diplomatic meeting (and that had to be the worst part of the end of the war; 90% of their missions at this point were about diplomacy and meeting the inhabitants of other planets. Which, sure, it was cool but it was soooo boringggg.), but Keith was heading to their living quarters rather than the training deck. And Keith always went to the training deck after a slow and boring mission. He had rage to work out. Always. And even weirder was that Shiro was following, as if this was totally normal or something.

         They fell into step with Lance. Lance tried not to show how confused he was. Finally, Keith volunteered, “We’re going to go take a nap. Diplomacy is exhausting.” He looked mildly disgusted, as if it really was too much work to talk to people. Lance tried not to think about how Keith that was.

         “Okay…” he responded slowly.

         Shiro and Keith exchanged a look Lance couldn’t read. “We noticed you always seem much more… rested after you nap, so we thought we would try it out.” And really, Shiro’s explanation didn’t explain anything, but damn was he attractive, with that stupid little light in his eyes and that weird but hopeful smile on his stupidly hot face. And the soulmark on his wrist. Ugh.

         Lance shook his head. “Okay,” he repeated, then, deciding it would be more polite to actually try to have a normal conversation (even if doing so hurt like hell because it just showed him they would never be able to have a relationship beyond sometimes-pleasant chats) he continued, “but if you’re gonna do it right, cuddles have to be involved. It’s the real reason I feel great after a nap.”

         Shiro looked startled, which was new. Keith looked pissed, which was not new. He usually looked angry when talking to Lance. Which didn’t hurt at all, because Lance was used to that. He was annoying, he could understand that.

         “Who the hell cuddles with you?” Keith demanded. Lance tried not to flinch, but he also knew that he failed miserably, because he had to try really hard to disguise the hurt and pain in his response.

         “Hunk’s always down for cuddles. He’s awesome like that, and he’s great at it. Best bro any guy could ask for.” Was it just him, or did that sound super dull and dead? Dammit, he needed to work on masking him emotions again. He’d thought he could let the masks and walls down after everything that happened – Keith being their leader, and Shiro and his clone, but after the war, they decided to hook up and it just… Masks were easier than being honest with his pain at this point.

         Shiro sighed in… relief? Literally what the hell. Thank goodness they were near their rooms now. Lance was gonna bounce before his heart finally decided to attack him. But before he could duck into his own room, Keith’s arm shot out and grabbed him. “Well, you’re welcome to join us and show us how it’s done.” Lance was honestly kinda terrified by the serious, intense look on his face, even though the words sounded suspiciously like an invitation. But still, he was tempted. Damn, was he tempted. But he also knew he couldn’t ruin this for them. He could see Keith’s mark peeking out from behind his collar, and he just couldn’t.

         So of course, because he’s a human disaster, he squeaked and bolted for his room, all but diving through the door the minute it was open.

           Shiro and Keith stared after him morosely. After several minutes Shiro said, “So. You might have been right about him.”

         “He’s an idiot.” Keith breathed fervently.