#ignore Coulson's passive-aggression at your own peril

[tonystarktogo]

For ironwidowhawk, how about a good breaking-out-of-a-kidnapping scenario? (Love your writing, btw 💙)

“Hold on a sec.” Tony raises his hands in a universal shut-the-fuck-up-I-need-a-moment-to-process-your-fucking-dumbassery gesture and flips his faceplate up.

One that doesn’t seem to be as universal as it should, given the way the villain of the week blinks at him. But Tony doesn’t have the time to educate the poor, soon to be dead fuck right now because any second now he’s going to be brutally murdered and Tony is so not down to getting caught in the crossfire.

No way, no how. Last time was plenty. As a matter of fact, last time was enough for more than one life.

“Are you telling me we’re here to rescue Black Widow?!”

The clueless, unlucky asshole preens.

“Did you truly believe your affections for your team mate would remain hidden from I, the-” she continues to prattle on self-importantly. Apparently she hasn’t realized that she’s a dead woman walking yet.

The lucky idiot.

Which leaves Tony to whirl around to present idiot number two.

“Did you know about this?”

Clint, at least, has gone gratifyingly pale. Clearly he also remembers the last time they’d attempted to rescue Natasha before she had indicated she needed rescuing.

Fuck, is Fury trying to get them killed? Actually, no. Never mind. There’s an obvious answer here and a very obviously guilty party too.

“What the fuck did you do to piss Coulson off this time?” Tony demands, half a second before the door explodes inwards into the room, knocking the still japping villain out.

And possibly breaking more than a few bones.

“What are you doing here?”