#ig its just one of those day where i wonder why i even bother) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lazyalani · 1 year ago

Note

Hello, I hope you're well! I hope I'm not bothering you, but if I understood correctly then you currently have requests open for Black Butler?

If I'm wrong, please feel free to delete this ask. I appreciate you taking the time to read it regardless!

If I'm not, then may I please request for Black Butler? I have all kinds of ideas myself about a situation where Ciel brings in another member of staff to help Mey-Rin out with cleaning since she can be clumsy quite often. That being said, the person (Mc, reader, whoever you wish to refer to them as) isn't strong or spiritual or really that special of a person. Borderline Mary Sue with how normal their life seems, but maybe they could have something more to them than just being a normal human. How would some of the characters react to/interact with them? (Preferably romantic headcanons if that's okay, if not then feel free to change it however you wish!) My favorite characters at the manor are Snake and Sebastian, but if you want to add someone different feel free! If you only take one character per request, then can it please be Sebastian?

No pressure, no rush, you don't have to accept this. Thank you for reading my request anyway! I hope you have a lovely rest of your day, please take care of yourself and stay safe! 😊

| Black Butler [Phantomhive Estate]

| When Ciel brings in an assassin as a servant

| i was a little bit confused to what you meant as 'more than a normal human' but i assumed they aren't supernatural but not a normal civilian either, i hope this is okay, gosh im so nervous about this, but i love this request, i got this when i was in rites rehearsal in school lol, only a few dialogues, oc is gender neutral, i wasnt sure if i should put reader or oc but ig oc would fit more i hope its okay, this could also be read as reader cuz its gn anyway, i wanted to write this is fic form but i figured it would be too long, im sorry i couldn't do snake because im not really that familiar with him, this is my frist time taking up this kind of request, mixing up an assassin and romance is a bit confusing so sorry if i dont live up to your expectations, mc is referred to as 'they/them'

Ft. Ciel, Sebastian, Mey-Rin

| Kuroshitsuji Masterlist

| Main Masterlist

Extra Note: I was a lot more motivated to write this cuz you're so sweet :') lots of thanks and hugs for you

CIEL [Platonic]

Ciel encountered them during a mission as the guard dog. An assassin sent to kill him, who ofcourse, failed due to his demonic butler. After suffering an utter defeat on Sebastian's hands, Ciel had a risky idea of bringing them back with him to add to his army servants. He has seen great potential. Although Sebastian had not been fully pleased as it was risky because they were literally sent to kill them, he had respected his master's wishes but kept an eye on them. Waking up to an unknown bedroom and then suddenly being offered a chance to work for someone you were assigned to kill before was definitely surprising for them, but after observing how the 'job' works, they reluctantly accepted.

They weren't good at doing the housework, but they weren't bad either for someone who had just started to work. Still confused, they kept observing Ciel, wondering why they were even offered the job despite almost assassinating him.

"Young Master, may I ask a question?" They asked during dinner time, dusting shelves near the dining table.

"Because you're useful."

"Pardon me?"

"The answer to your question. You were going to ask why I had offered this to you, were you not?" He calmly sipped his tea, then lowering the cup to let Sebastian fill it. "Failed, but not helpless. Surely you understand why I have 'servants' like you, don't you? You'd prove to be a good ally against those pests."

".... Thank you, young master."

"You have yet to prove your full loyalty, show me your devotion, servant."

"Gladly, Earl Phantomhive."

And so they brought back the heads of their former client and their agency employer. With a few days of Sebastian still keeping an eye on them, they had slowly but surely earned the whole manor's trust.

They had soon gotten used to how their job works. Although still a bit clumsy, they had done their best to serve the Earl, gaining fondness for the child. Despite what others think, it was quite easy to have affections for the young master, whether it's out of sympathy or slowly just getting to know him. They understand what draws the other servants to their master. The Earl was cunning and ruthless, but he was still infact a child and in need of support. So they had grown to get used to taking care of him by doing simple actions and words, serving him with gentleness and fondness.

"Young Master, is the blood yours?"

"Young Master, please let me tend to your bruises."

"Young Master, it is time to eat."

"Young Master, what should I tell Sebastian to prepare?"

"Young Master, Bard has made something explode again, please civer your nose from the smoke."

"Young Master, I heard this tea is good for soothing headaches."

"Young Master, I believe it is time to rest."

As an assassin, they understand what it's like to kill. To have a shitty and frustrating background. To have to kill to survive and get what you want. To have to be cautious everytime. To not affording to let your guard down knowing the dangers of your world.

And so they are cautious and wary of anyone getting close to him. A visitor or anyone that's not originally a part of his life before. They always keep them, hence why they requested to have a slight change on their uniform to hide it.

They had heard his story from the other servants and came to an understanding of what Ciel really wants to do, to achieve. Revenge, and if it means protecting the boy and letting him live as much as he can, they will help him towards that goal.

It's only when they are in a mission and they are involved that Ciel is reminded that they are a professional assassin still.

It does make him more confident that while Sebastian is out fighting the main enemy or hunting someone, they can protect him, not letting any other enemy near him and killing them all before they can even take a step forward. It gives him chills, the same ones he feels when Sebastian shows his true abilities. It terrifies him that a human could kill so easily like a demon, and relieves him that he took them in.

Eventually, Ciel has gotten used to their subtle (not really) smothering and protectiveness. He was bothered at first, but he just let it be until he does get used to it, it's a great balance to Sebastian's sarcastic and teasing nature at times. And althought he would never admit it, he does look forward to getting pampered after a long day or mission and not get teased for it (Sebby srlsy).

SEBASTIAN [Romantic]

When he doesn't trust them yet, he sees them as a potential formidable enemy. They may not have defeated him, but they still put up quite the fight for a few minutes. Although defeated, not completely. They might not be a danger for him but they are great danger to his master, being inside the estate and meddling with other servants. He does find them a bit interesting. Normal people may not see it, the assassin's face is neutral, but their eyes are readable, atleast to him. It interests him how their eyes keep on changing emotions, curiosity, observant, interested, empathetic, understanding, sympathetic, pleased, distressed, frustrated, disagreeing, surprised. It interests him how much a human could keep on changing through so many emotions in a short time, and manage to keep it hidden under a neutral mask. And it interests him how they could keep such a calm manner while suspecting something about him.

Sebastian could see it in their eyes whenever they see or interact with him. Cautious, observing, curious. He knows they suspect he isn't human. Ofcourse, what human could do those things he did during their fight. But still, they had kept quiet about it and never asked questions, atleast not verbally. Sebastian could see so many questions hidden in their eyes, and it amuses him to see how they try to keep those questions in. It amuses him how they could really reign their own thoughts and questions despite seeing and interacting with him everyday.

When they had gained his trust, he lets his guard down just a little bit more. He admits, he finds it comforting to finally have someone competent enough in the household to help him. It's not that he really needs help, it's just that he finds it quite a bother and annoying to do every chore while doing his tasks as the Guard Dog's 'assistant' or something.

It's not really a secret that Sebastian finds it easier to be around them than the others. The way his stiffness is nowhere to be found around them, and his voice seems to be less strict. He knows and he doesn't really care when even the Earl points it out. He claims it should serve as a motivation for the others to start working harder if they don't want him to always nag them. Ofcourse he and Ciel knows there's more to it but they don't care (though Ciel definitely would save his thoughts about it for future purposes).

After a while, their curiousty does fade into just being neutral and not giving a shit about who he is or what he is. Despite having suspicions, they let it be because knowing he keeps their master safe is enough. Although they are a bit wary to how he is connected to the young master, they decide to push it down.

Sebastian and them act like normal co-workers as time passes.

"Goodmorning, Sebastian."

"Goodmorning. Has the utensil shelf been polished upstairs?"

"I did that yesterday, shall I do it again?"

"No need. Have the pests been taken care of? There were quite a few crawling around yesterday night."

"They have, I laid them in the 'garden' and let the others clean up. I will check on it again later to make sure the job is done perfectly."

"Good job. Make sure everything is fine while the young master and I take care if everything outside for later."

"Yes. Is the young master still asleep? He didn't overwork himself again, didn't he?"

"It seems that he quite did, seeing as he is still asleep right now and not calling for me. I shall get him ready for the day, I'll leave you to do the rest."

"Yes."

Sebastian does prefer interacting with them than anybody else. Okay, maybe not normal co-workers, but the most normal talk murderers pretending to be servants could do. He prefers talking to them more than any servant because they understand how he talks about the things that aren't meant to be said around anyone else. They have the intelligence Sebastian wants a subordinate to have and he's quite greatful for it. It pleases him that he can now take a little bit more time outside the manor without worrying about it burning down or the young master's safety.

Afterall, their new servant is very skilled in doing their job.

But the main reason it that because he could show sides of himself that aren't meant to be seen even by the other servants. While he may not show his true nature, he does show a little bit of non-human capabilities. Not needing to worry about it makes things easier for him, also because they can cover for him at tines. Their neutral and usual they don't care nature puts him at ease. And them being an assassin definitely adds more ease. Knowing how to kill, and anything that involves it makes it easier for him to slip out and ask a bit help.

It reaches to the point where interacting with them puts him at ease after a long day or after an annoying event. Sebastian is definitely more comfortable around them than anyone else.

He does know what it means. He knows what the little tingle feeling he feels when he hears their voice. He knows what the ease on his back means when he sees them. And he doesn't mind at all. It feels good so why would he deny it? Although it could propose a few problems in the future, but he'll worry about it when it gets there.

When he realizes it, he gets a little more softer on them.

"Job well done as usual."

"After dusting that, you may take a rest."

"Have you eaten? The food I made a while ago is still fresh."

"Ah, do be careful dealing with those pests, they might be quite a handful."

"I imagine you might be tired from dealing with those cockroaches, the tea is still hot, it is good for body pains."

And yes, other people do notice. And yes, Ciel does know, and he doesn't give a shit as long as it doesn't interfere with their missions and tasks. Plus, it gives him opportunities to tease his butler back.

It also adds that whatever is going on will not have to interfere with his tasks to his master because he knows full well that they can protect theirself, the household, and the young master. They are a professional assassin and does not need protection and direct orders and intructions to kill and hunt.

In any case, Sebastian and them would deal with their growing affections slowly and quietly, letting it grow further while letting the each other savor it.

As times passes by, Sebastian does get a little bit more bold with his words and actions. He grows quite more confident when they reciprocate his advances.

All in all, Sebastian was drawn to them because he can show a little more if his true self around them. Because despite disgusing as a servant, they don't exactly differ from when they act as an assassin or a servant. They don't lose their personality and turn into a normal person when changing roles. They are competent in any role they take and know what needs to be done, how to talk about house chores and how to talk about other things, when to meddle, what to do, what needs to be left unasked, how to deal with their emotions efficiently, and does not get distracted by the slights of things.

MEY-RIN [Platonic]

Mey-rin sees them as an older sibling.

Sure they might be monotone and apathetic at most times, but their caring nature makes her think otherwise.

"Mey-rin, be careful, you might fall down."

"Please don't move too much, you might get injured."

"Ah, use this instead of that, this is more effective."

"Oh, don't do that, it will make blood flow out more."

They definitely scare her when they are at the battlefield. Those emotionless eyes and monotone voice are more terryfing than everything when they hold their katana and slash through the enemies. The thought of them being their ally when they keep enemies from coming at her makes her calm.

Merciless, definitely. But she sees them a bit different inside the manor. Those scary eyes are replaced by a neutral face. They rarely smile but she can see their caring actions towards everyone, especially towards their young master.

She was definitely more than happy to know that they can live up to Sebastian's standards in doing house chores because they definitely need help. Although she is ashamed and embarassed to be outdone and to ask for help from a new servant, she can't help but do it and admire them. She can't help but ask them to teach her, and she was happy to know that they agreed.

"I see, instead of doing that, I think you should do it sideways so the duster can cover everything."

"Try cleaning in a more staright posture so you don't fall down."

"How about starting at the top so you don't fall down bending when you start at the bottom of the stairs?"

"I am glad to be of help."

She does look up to them so much. She is very glad that they are as competent in the house chores as they are in the battlefield.

When she observes then, she can quite see the similarities of when they are outside. They still have that stealth when they are walking, that swiftness and speed when doing chores, the effiency when doing tasks, and the quality when doing everything.

It honestly terrifies her how they can just kill so easily without any trace of emotion and pretend to be a normal servant as though nothing happens at night.

Despite obviously having a crush on their resident visual butler, he also does intimidate her in a way the new servant does.

The new servant does make her a little bit more scared, but it brushes of everytime she sees and hears them taking care of everyone. It makes her happy that under that apathetic face they wear, they truly care for all of them. And it makes her relieved that they aren't an enemy.

Ofcourse, she was wary of her before, all of them were. But they did see their improvement. From doing chores improvement to socializing improvement.

When they kind of 'nag' her to be careful on standing in chairs to dust the shelves and clean the stairs, she feels warm. It feels like having an older sibling nag at you to take care of yourself.

They also have the room next to Mey-rin, and when she has her nightmares about her past, they come comforting her. Despite the usual monotone of their voice, she can feel their concern. They may not be much of a talker, their comfort is quiet, but it's enough for her that they listen to her thoughts and worries and understand her.

They also remind her to change her glasses when it's near breaking. Or when she falls and breaks her glasses, they always offer to buy a new one and let her rest and tend to her small bruises.

All in all, she's glad to have someone who can be there for when she's sniper Mey-rin, maid Mey-rin, and sad Mey-rin.

#black butler x reader #black butler #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji x reader #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #mey rin #sebastian michaelis x reader #black butler imagines #kuroshitsuji imagines #lazyalani #request: pitrii-petra

122 notes · View notes

annislittleshopofhorrors · 2 years ago

Note

That shower video “someone” made has bothered me for months. I’m sure no one wants to rethink on this but I have some thoughts about the whole thing that may or may not be delusional. But really with everything that’s happened, is anything too far fetched ? Lol

So when you post a story to IG, I think it allows like an under 60 sec uploading time. Within that time frame, I think you can still delete the post without it being fully uploaded and seen by your followers (someone correct me if I’m wrong).

What if - “someone” made her shower show and then preemptively uploaded it to her IG story but as it was still uploading, SS and deleted it (again, I do not know how and if this is actually possible to do before the story completely uploads) and then deactivated.

After the deactivation, she knew ppl would be checking for her as they have for months. As ppl are wondering what happened to her, suddenly some dummy account on twitter (or was it tumblr? Or IG) asks if anyone else saw her post that story…and then the SS of the story are leaked. Idk if there was ever an actual video that made it around (I HOPE NOT) or if it was always screenshots only.

The source of the SS conveniently disappears or is never really traced? but the work is done. The pics are spread and there’s hope that ppl will feel sorry for her or that she’ll go viral and make the news (she doesn’t lol).

Her trolling friends are mysteriously silent and never address the situation. Her fans seem determined to ignore it completely and instead focus on her deactivating bc she was being bullied. (Which she was, TBF, but if she willingly posted a story like that on Beyoncé’s internet unprovoked I have to wonder about her priorities). Nobody around her orbit wants to address the situation but she then pops up on twitter two days later (that timing…so convenient).

Now I can’t prove any of this happened the way I described, but I have an even stronger inkling the truth may not be too far, bc of the most recent sister IG story.

Again - a mysterious SS appears out of thin air looking oddly like it might have been tampered with. Where did that second X on the top left hand corner come from? That’s not in regular IG stories or even screenshots of IG stories. Did her sister REALLY post a story tagging Cap A? Why would she have done that if not to make it so obvious where she was? And how did a private account IG story suddenly make its way through cyberspace when nothing from her sisters account has ever leaked to blogs b4? Surely if ppl had been checking for her before, there would have been other stories she posted - esp when they were together in Paris or elsewhere.

This SS has a backyard backdrop that would not mean anything to anyone unless it’s eagle eyed stalker fans who can recognize the man’s backyard (IDEK wanna go there). Then add that location tag…obvious trolling bc if it were just the background without the tag, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. Assuming that the sister’s following would not see that post and know she was in his backyard. She adds the cap moniker tag and now the hint is clear as day. Then the SS gets sent to multiple tumblr blogs that are CE/fans. Get ppl talking, angry, riled up. Then “someone” follows a person who has a connection to her famous bf. It all unravels from there.

Now..why do all this? Why would you go thru all this trouble to troll? She could simply post a pic from his backyard herself. She could have posted a pic or video from inside his house in his bathroom showering if she really wanted. If she’s his SO, she’s allowed to do some of that within reason. IMO, she very much wants to keep up appearances that she’s super private and respectful of his privacy and she doesn’t troll. She’s above that and not like all of those other clout chasing women. However - by physically posing for that awful video, she literally proved she was proactive in creating that content. It’s not like it was a candid where she was doing something and was unaware she was being filmed. She posed willingly - that video was going to someone or somewhere intentionally. Her sister allegedly posting from his backyard and tagging that also means she wanted ppl to connect the dots.

Maybe all this is delusional overthinking on my part. There’s no way I can prove any of this is true. But I just don’t trust this chick. Can’t explain it.

Sweetheart, I hope you didn't wrote this long essay right after you woke up. 😅

2 notes · View notes

alyimoss · 6 months ago

Note

Your big sad kitten eyes have compelled me but I also suck at prompting stuff,,, Give me your random-est UTMV info, I am curious!!!

theres kind of a lot so im putting it under the cut

ok so i dont have much for canon info, except ig that dream is canonically demiromantic asexual? which i dont see talked abt much but is incredibly important to me

but headcanon info?? i got plenty of that shit. which. i conveniently cant think of much of rn but its!! fine!!

ok starting out is one that i wont elaborate too much specifically bc i wanted to make a full post abt it at some point but. i think underlust sans is in the star sanses. no question. why? because i like him and i like the stars and i like him in the stars. end of story. period. fine. theres more i could say but, again, full post at a later date.

next thing also has to do with the stars as well as the bad sanses and its. look. yeah, theres serious shit abt them. theyre supposed to be kinda serious as the protectors of aus and their conflicts can have devastating effects on their surroundings. and the bad sanses are literally a gaggle of murderers who are not okay by any metrics. theres serious stuff to be said and had with them, yes. however, i cannot take those motherfuckers seriously. any of them. and considering theyre different versions of sans undertale, mr crack shitty jokes with a mass murderer, i think thats a fine sentiment.

anyway they all hang out. they fight and they hate each other and they hurt each other gravely and need days to weeks to months to heal properly and they fucking hang out with each other. i think ink was the first to kinda. "reach out" in a way, because he sees absolutely nothing wrong in fraternizing with the enemy. he'd just pop in and bother them because he was bored and had nothing else to do. i think killer was more or less fine with this (most of the time, anyway) but the others werent exactly enthused. anyway they had to kinda grow used to him.

and then ink dragged dream with him and i think dream is also more or less ok with the idea of visiting the enemy because he wants to help them leave nm's side and lead better lives that dont have to revolve around uh. killing. and making everything worse not only for others but themselves as well. and the btt i think were more ok with dream than ink because of his positive aura — hes just nice to be around, and even if most of them dont think they deserve good things and good treatment, they cant help but be drawn to him. i gotta imagine beiong around him after living with nm is like being offered a heated blanket after days out in the cold. theyre drawn to the warmth almost instinctually, their bodies craving it so bad their minds dont have the time to deny them. anyway yeah dream hangs out with them.

blue and lust are understandably more hesitant, not only because they're more in tune with the concept of "hey those guys are our enemies should we really be getting that close to them", but also because, as mortals, they have a lot more to fear should someone not want them there. i think the bad sanses initiate this time bc theyre curious. and blue and lust agree tentatively.

yeah all that to say they hang. often. they'll fight and then like 20 minutes later theyre in ccino's or smthn talking abt their day. they mostly hang in different aus, but sometimes they choose nm's castle as their meeting spot just because. and every time theyre chased out and/or nearly killed by nm himself. and they never learn their lesson and just come back like a week later.

and bc im a sucker for the trope of "hero and villain's fights have become so routine to both of them that they just talk about the most mundane shit during them", they do that too. its like-

*dodges bone attack* "oh btw you left your jacket at our place last time"

*knocks opposing balster out of the air, charges a retaliation attack* "oh shit, i was wondering where that was"

"yeah nm kinda found it first tho…" *hisses in pain as he fails to dogde the attack* "i can return the shredded junk tho if you want?"

*teleports out of range only to be grabbed by blue magic and thrown and pinned against the wall* "yeah why not. ccino's?"

"ccino's"

and this PISSES NM THE FUCK OFF. and honestly i cannot blame him.

because imagine getting together a squad of guys with a main goal of killing your brother, and instead of seriously trying to do that and feeding him more negativity via their hatred of the other side, they just. fucking hang out with them?? they banter and he can feel that they feel happier and safer with them??? what the FUCK. id be pissed.

he definitely tries to put a stop to this via several methods, such as punishment and correction and just getting entirely new guys. but it just ends up all the same no matter what, and at some point he gives up. at least theyre still fighting. even if they do bring the enemy over to the castle to watch adam sandler movies every saturday.

and also speaking of giving up, the hanging out doesnt generally extend to nm EXCEPT when its ink. bc i think theyre funny silly together. ink just bothers him and has for like. forever. and nm can never get rid of him or prevent him from following him, plus he supposes ink is something like an ally sometimes?? he doesnt like him (totally), but he tolerates him. because theres nothing else he can do.

and also speaking of nm i think corrupted and passive are separate entities sharing the same body. corrupted is the one in control, and passive just exists off to the side, offering his opinions or whatever. he cant really do much (he can sometimes control the body, but its very brief before corrupted takes control back because hes stronger), but he refuses to leave. so he just bothers corrupted. bc i think corrupted is someone who does not want to see anything resembling good in homself — he is the embodiment of evil, and that means he cant care about anyone, he cant feel anything like love or longing or pity or compassion. he's just here to soak up the negativity and submerge the world in it as well. nothing else. someone who refuses to acknowledge the everpresense of balance and how it pervades his own self as well. and thats something that passive LOVES bringing up because nothing sets corrupted off quite as well. one day he'll maybe realize that he is more than his own perception of "the embodiment of evil" and maybe that will allow passive to have more control over the body he once called his. or maybe not. an ee way.

i cant think of anything else rn lol. i think thisll be enough for now tho

#finking #was considering properly tagging this but. no #thank you for the ask!!

1 note · View note

arts1upd · 2 years ago

Text

Chelsea Ann Baluyot, THU-11 for Module 3.2 Constructing Knowledge and Fictions | IG Post

-shared possessions-

a collection from special occasions, ordinary days, and everything in between

"Featuring not-so-random things from the memory boxes that I kept since the first year of high school. Each item is accompanied with a short description that gives a little background about the object and the year it was acquired. The items are either personally bought, given by someone, found somewhere, or borrowed from a friend and was never returned. Everything holds a story, which may or may not be interesting. Some of them may seem ridiculous to keep, but they might be the only reminder of things that may never happen again. Here's to hoping we can keep all the memories we want to keep in a box— to never forget, even when our brains fail us sometimes."

---------- The content is basically about the things tied with memories I have “accumulated” since my first until last year of high school. It’s like a reminder for me of the moments I have shared with the people in my life at the time. I call it ‘shared possessions’ since every item in the collection holds a memory or memories I do not solely own. That’s how I relate it to the weekly topic— a certain item or collectible has its own history. There is a story behind everything, which should not be erased or forgotten. Although I am actually guilty of doing exactly that sometimes. When I read the readings, one thing that really struck to me is the “… it also shelters itself from the memory which it shelters” part in Sarita Echavez See’s The Filipino Primitive: Accumulation and Resistance in the American Museum, where it was discussed how the showing of collection erases the problematic ways of its accumulation. Relating it to my own collection, I realize how true that is. Just a background, I always go through my memory boxes when I clean my room and it never fails to make me feel nostalgic and relive the memories each item is tied to in my head. It’s all fun at first until I remember that some of the people I made certain memories with are not in my life anymore. I would also cringe when I remember more context or stories behind the collection as I go through it for the nth time. Sometimes I wonder how I got a hold of a certain item and when I remember how, I realize I forgot I was close with the person who gave me it. Every time I find myself looking at the items, I just focus on it, the happy memories on top of my head and being in awe that I still have them. It’s as if it forces anything bad or undesirable things that are also tied with it out of my mind. That’s one thing I want to focus on. I included personal items that I think those who will see the post won’t even bother learning about the whole story behind it. I also wanted to focus on how little a mere viewer knows about a certain thing in a collection. This is mainly the reason why I put little description about each item. Even though I added a short description about the memory on some of the items, it does not give away everything. Another reasoning behind the descriptions is honestly self-serving (char). If given a larger space, I would have added a long text about each item because my friends and I take time reading them in museums!

#arts1thu11 #arts1upd #collection #everyday

0 notes

just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

Note

good morning/day/evening, lovie! ig ive just burst (into tears) from the amount of love i felt to this gif. 'when its day FOR YOU' its 2:19 and ive had some drinks w/friends. yeah, we have fem, masc and neuter gender words. and it usually depends on the nouns gender its paired with. and the nouns gender depends on logic (like a girl is fem while in german girl is neuter) or just feelings nothing (night is fem). 'i typed my love actually so thats on google translate' 1)i figured you typed my love bc youd used it already 2) we say google translate sucks 3) musc is the main form of an adjective on its own so no wonder its translated like this. 'but theres no rap here?' idk TT i just love this speaking(?) part, we call it recitative but im not sure. theres one song that describes my taste in the best way possible. milyy (darling/honey). it has no eng subs (all the translations ive found are ugly) and it doesnt matter, just listen to the way it sounds and the music. i have no idea why theres a child in the vid bc?? ok the chorus literally sounds like 'Guess what ive been doing when you werent here? I was meeting my ex-lover. He promised me to show his new apartment And to try out his windowsills. And i put on my red gloves Despite him begging for stockings. Do you know, honey? (x2) Do yk what ive been doing while you were gone?' it doesnt really imply sex BUT it does have mentions of alcohol and the whole vibe isnt childish at all... but ok i love the song. 'you’ve made me like her again' a fanfact! i have such halseys last album (where those songs are from) vibes from all hotd fics. maybe all this royal aesthetic affects me like this. 'which is what her name is an anagram of' OMG fhsjd i never thought abt it! ig its not really a problem you couldnt read it as halsey. if it doesnt bother you too much, then its fine. your writings are still good shjs. and youre still big brained. 'thank you for reviving my interest in halsey' my pleasure<з you can take all the time universe gives us! yeah i put notifs but the main point is i dont have notifs in general HFJFKDH the sound is ALWAYS off so... my mom gets mad at me frequently and noone can contact me whenever they want. 'AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH' IM SO GLAD. its so beautifel and also meaningful like the cartoon itself! i used to love su sm TT 'my child' meow meow, catmom. 'dont be so ok with it' well mindset ig. 'i cant even read the russian symbols' AHAHS IM SORRY i forgot to type a latinised version. its zapekanka. k is k its a simple one. and a is a. and з is z, i usually use it for <з. and yeah!! youre so right with p! what a big brain! 'she’s literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada' oh its sad( actually its like 90% of russian classic literature and thats why i usually end up hating fem characters. or theyre just too... sweet and naive and all. i dislike all people with this type of character and its not my fault its 8/10 times women (in lit). i love characters that are interesting to me and it doesnt depend on the gender. ig im frequently seen as a sexist/homophobic just bc im judgemental... yeah not the best trait but i dont choose whos the one im going to hate based on THESE facts. yeah your face can annoy me, your voice can sound too pitchy for my liking or i just dont like your vibes BUT not bc youre a woman/man/gay or smth else. and MORE SO when you have a reason to dont like a person? it doesnt matter whos it. 'WHYYYYY>?' well i dont know ANY of them closely and im still judgemental. 'YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO' YEah! pushkin is some kind of a literature hero here? well hes done a lot of things for it and the language and hes been a brilliant writer (hes called genius in schools). but he was SUCH a worldwife. hes written that he had more than 100 women. but he did have a wife closer to the end of his life. he also had a footfetish and put it in his most famous novel.. 'you keep saying cunning spain' well i like this image. meowmeow im glad you find it cute meowmeow. ig its all for the part 1 bc its already long. see you soon, my love<з

this is how my cat greats me sometimes T_T i miss my jinjin T_T MEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW T_T

ig ive just burst (into tears) from the amount of love i felt to this gif.

<3 <3 <3 thats great. idk if ive told you already, i feel like i have, but my teacher says its good to cry 2 a week to flush out the dirt from your eyes. on another note, i was chopping onions for my grandma this morning and i CRIED SO BAD IT HURT LASFHLKASHFKLHASFASH

'when its day FOR YOU' its 2:19 and ive had some drinks w/friends.

you went drinking!!!???? omg i hope you were responsible with it. i only recently tried drinking when it was my best friend's birthday. i want to try it again because being drunk is so fascinating but also i cant do that because T_T i would die on my way home

yeah, we have fem, masc and neuter gender words. and it usually depends on the nouns gender its paired with. and the nouns gender depends on logic (like a girl is fem while in german girl is neuter) or just feelings nothing (night is fem).

in german girl is neuter ???? ok then. i dont understand enough about fem/masc words cos filipino is neutral everything we just have siya which is he/she/it everything lolol HAHAHAHAHAH

'i typed my love actually so thats on google translate' 1)i figured you typed my love bc youd used it already 2) we say google translate sucks 3) musc is the main form of an adjective on its own so no wonder its translated like this.

#1 big brained for that #2 she trying google on her last brain cell T_T #3 makes sense. boo men 👎

'but theres no rap here?' idk TT i just love this speaking(?) part, we call it recitative but im not sure.

i see. thats nice to know. i figured that with all the music you sent me. i personally dont like it. i guess you like spoken poetry with background.

theres one song that describes my taste in the best way possible. milyy (darling/honey). it has no eng subs (all the translations ive found are ugly)

HAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHA I FELT THE UGLY TRANSLATIONS HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA i love the kitties and the cutie bb girl <3 if i had to guess what i means based on the song and the video, is it about wanting to growing up and like expectations as an adult? like 'i cant wait to be an adult' but also be careful what you ask for?

and it doesnt matter, just listen to the way it sounds and the music. i have no idea why theres a child in the vid bc?? ok the chorus literally sounds like 'Guess what ive been doing when you werent here? I was meeting my ex-lover. He promised me to show his new apartment And to try out his windowsills. And i put on my red gloves Despite him begging for stockings. Do you know, honey? (x2) Do yk what ive been doing while you were gone?' it doesnt really imply sex BUT it does have mentions of alcohol and the whole vibe isnt childish at all... but ok i love the song.

[jaw on the floor] my gosh boy was i wrong T_T WTF WHY IS THERE A CHILD HERE HELP T_T WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED AFTER READING THIS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SUCH A BIG BRAIN MOMENT FOR ME IM SO 💀💀💀💀

'you’ve made me like her again' a fanfact! i have such halseys last album (where those songs are from) vibes from all hotd fics. maybe all this royal aesthetic affects me like this.

interesting to know. i mean i think each of our experience affect us as a person so it goes both ways.

'which is what her name is an anagram of' OMG fhsjd i never thought abt it! ig its not really a problem you couldnt read it as halsey. if it doesnt bother you too much, then its fine. your writings are still good shjs. and youre still big brained. 'thank you for reviving my interest in halsey' my pleasure<з

nah it bothered me so much my brain was so frustrated i hated seeing her and her name because i kept reading it wrong. i read her as hasley in my head for a long time even though i knew it was wrong then i only shut up my brain by reading at loud and suddenly the world was silent again lashflashflasf and i wasn't bothered by her name anymore

this was the era of halsey that i could not pronounce HAHHAH

you can take all the time universe gives us! yeah i put notifs but the main point is i dont have notifs in general HFJFKDH the sound is ALWAYS off so... my mom gets mad at me frequently and noone can contact me whenever they want.

thank you i need all the time in the world cos school T_T. also ur so me fr tbh i personally dont care about notifs even though its on i just ignore everyone T_T HAHAHHA

'AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH' IM SO GLAD. its so beautifel and also meaningful like the cartoon itself! i used to love su sm TT

ive heard it on tiktok before and i wondered where it was from so thank you for that <3 i love the cartoon too but i never got to watch it play out, you know, like on tv theyd play the episodes out of order and i just ??? yeah i never even learned about stevens mom whats up with her

'my child' meow meow, catmom.

'dont be so ok with it' well mindset ig.

DONT BE SO OK WITH IT

'i cant even read the russian symbols' AHAHS IM SORRY i forgot to type a latinised version. its zapekanka.

slay zapekanka

k is k its a simple one.

IT IS WOW I THOUGHT IT WASNT MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE actually idk when i started telling myself it wasnt a k lol HAHAH

and a is a. and з is z, i usually use it for <з. and yeah!! youre so right with p! what a big brain!

purr thank you for the brief lesson <3

'she’s literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada' oh its sad( actually its like 90% of russian classic literature and thats why i usually end up hating fem characters. or theyre just too... sweet and naive and all. i dislike all people with this type of character and its not my fault its 8/10 times women (in lit).

SAME I HATE IT WHEN WOMEN ARE STUPID LIKE SIR HAVE YOU MET A WOMAN? AND HAVE YOU MET A man (derogatory) russian literature L for that 😞🍅thats why i like making my fem characters chew their male interests. feminism.

i love characters that are interesting to me and it doesnt depend on the gender. ig im frequently seen as a sexist/homophobic just bc im judgemental... yeah not the best trait but i dont choose whos the one im going to hate based on THESE facts.

T_T i think ur just judgy T_T your ire has no boundaries T_T HELP T_T you should maybe work on that ? but i totally get not liking weak characters

yeah your face can annoy me, your voice can sound too pitchy for my liking or i just dont like your vibes BUT not bc youre a woman/man/gay or smth else. and MORE SO when you have a reason to dont like a person? it doesnt matter whos it.

T_T 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀like i said, your ire knows no bounds

'WHYYYYY>?' well i dont know ANY of them closely and im still judgemental.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HELP T_T

'YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO' YEah! pushkin is some kind of a literature hero here? well hes done a lot of things for it and the language and hes been a brilliant writer (hes called genius in schools). but he was SUCH a worldwife. hes written that he had more than 100 women. but he did have a wife closer to the end of his life. he also had a footfetish and put it in his most famous novel..

HE HAD A WHAT NOW actually i dont want to know more about his footfetish, you do you boo. BUT OMG he like rizal for real, although yeah he didnt get married he just 💀 then never had a wife cos he just 👻 but idk if his lovers reached 100 💀💀💀💀💀💀

'you keep saying cunning spain' well i like this image. meowmeow im glad you find it cute meowmeow.

T_T MEOW MEOW

ig its all for the part 1 bc its already long. see you soon, my love<з

YEs yes p2 <3

xxx

#anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

0 notes

certifiedskywalker · 4 years ago

Text

Death and Dunes - Din Djarin

Anonymous said: Could I request a mando x male! Reader where its after the ending of the final episode, and its just soft fluff and maybe a “I’m glad you’re alive” sequence?

Anonymous said: Hi! I’m really sorry to bother you, but can you write a Mando x Male reader? Nothing specific, I love your writing btw 💕

AN: Sorry this is so short, I hope it’s fluffy enough for you!

You could feel the sweat running down your limbs, your back, and your forehead. Never before had you been so slick with sweat. It was disgusting, sticky, but you were alive. In that moment, just breathing was enough for you to push ast any discomfort. The sweat was a reminder that you were still alive.

Smoke billowed up from the smoldering structures that once made up Nevarro’s main outpost. The cantina was nothing but a black smudge of ash; where would Karga meet with contacts now? You were half tempted to ask him as he and Cara made their way back to the grey remains. Yet, you didn’t speak up as they passed. Whatever they rebuilt, you knew that you would be welcomed back if the need to return to Nevarro ever arose.

The sand dunes around you were no longer your home.

As you walked past the pair, you dipped your head to them out of respect. Karga returned the gesture and continued to detail his reparation plan to Cara. You felt the starting of a smile pull at your lips as you turned you gaze back to the fuzzy outline of the Razor Crest. With each step, the ship became clearer and you heart grew warmer. In that moment, the heat of Nevarro was pushed from your senses, from your mind.

Your only thought was reaching the ship, taking a breath, and feeling safe again. It seemed that now, the4 only time you felt truly safe was when you were with Din. Never before had you clung to someone like you did with Din. Granted, there were times when his aloofness chipped away at your resolve and you wondered about where else you could go, who else you could turn to. There were places you could run to, build a new life on new soil, a home.

Yet, when you thought of home, you saw only the cramped quarters of the Razor Crest and Din’s gloved hands. Had you known that first time you boarded the ship that you would feel such a way, you could have laughed. Now, you silently thank Karga for giving you the same mission as Din. One slip up on the Guild's part and you were part of a family. A family of three, but the truest family you had ever known.

As you stepped up the loading ramp and into the Razor Crest, it felt like going home. Or, at least, what you imagined going home felt like: taking a breath of fresh air after being held underwater for too long. Relief washed over you and, for a moment, you forgot the wreckage you, Din, and the Child left in your wake. However momentary, you knew that it was that peace that would sustain you in the cycles to come. Running would tire you all but, like Din, you wanted to deliver the Child to where he truly belonged.

Though, that thought made your chest ache. The Child had brought you and Din together. If the mission was a success, where would that leave the two of you?

“The kid is asleep, if you’re ready to take off.”

You looked up and met the darkened visor of Din’s helmet. “Yeah, I’m ready. I just wanted to grab one of these.”

You pulled out a Stormtrooper blaster from your holster. Din cast his gaze to the weapon and you could feel his apprehension. You set the blaster to the side and stepped towards him.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t let a weapon go to waste not when-”

“I understand,” Din interrupted, raising a gloved hand. “We’ll need to restock on supplies, weapons,” he gestured towards your commandeered blaster, “soon. Just...we almost lost today.”

There was a softness to Din’s voice that caught you off guard. It was akin to the tone you often caught him using when he spoke to the Child. An almost fatherly sort of concern though, now, it was different. You couldn’t quite place how.

“Almost,” you echoed, “if it weren’t for IG-11…”

You trailed off, the image of the droid sinking into the magma playing in your mind. Din never told you what the droid did to help him. When he stumbled down into the sewers, seemingly healed from his head wound, you were too relieved to ask.

All you knew was that Din was saved twice over by the droid. Perhaps that was why he was so eager to leave, push on to whatever your journey held next. Maybe Din did not want to tempt fate any longer than he already had. Even now, knowing he was safe, standing before you, worry plagued your heart. You had just found each other; you didn’t want him to be taken away, not so soon, not ever if you could help it.

“But we’re alive,” you said, breaking yourself free from your thoughts. “Alive and ready, so we should leave before the bucket-heads get a read on our locations.”

You moved to head towards the cockpit and perhap for take off. As you did, you felt your stomach twist. Yes, you were a family again but you were going to be on the run. Safety would be fleeting and, as much as the Razor Crest was home, you ached at the thought of never settling down. Even if it was only for a little period of time, a few days, a week. You would be running, always running.

Before you could take a step further, you felt something catch your wrist. When you turned to see what it was, you saw Din’s hand. Warm, even through the glove, his fingers gave your wrist a gentle squeeze. Your worries dissipated at the touch, melted into the lingering Nevarro heat around you. There was that relief again.

“I’m glad you’re alive, Y/N.”

There that concern was again. Though, now you could place his tone. It matched the feeling in your chest every time you looked him, every time you closed your eyes and saw his hands, the very hands brushing against yours that moment. His voice sounded like home.

Careful not to pull your arm away from his grip, you stepped closer to Din. You could feel his fingers curl tighter around your wrist with the movement, as if he were scared. A Mandalorian, scared? You couldn’t believe it, believe that Din could be afraid, not really. Fearful yes, but nervous, around you? You smiled at the thought and dared to take another step.

With your free hand, you reached up and towards his helmet. As if approaching a wounded but dangerous creature, you held your hand out and hesitated before closing the gap. Against your palm, the beskar was cool. Din leaned into the touch, his grip on wrist relaxed but he did not let go. You did not need to see his eyes to know how he was looking at you.

“I am too,” you replied. “Glad that you are too.”

There was a brief, fleeting moment of peaceful silence. There was no battles, no death, no fear or running. There was not even the strange past or circumstances that tied your fate and the Mandalorians together. It was just you and Din. But peace for those leading lives like the two of you never lasted long.

Eventually, Din let go of your wrist and your hand slipped from his helmet. “We should leave,” he said, stepping past you. You watched him climb up into the cockpit. The smile on your lips never wavered.

“On to the next,” you agreed. You stepped towards the open ramp and took one last look at the Nevarro outpost. As you watched the smoke continue to rise, you felt a breeze against your skin. The winds were changing and you were leaving.

You hit the switch and the ramp began to rise. As it closed, you turned back into the interior of the Razor Crest. No matter where you were, you would be home.

Still smiling, you moved to climb up into the cockpit to stand with Din.

181 notes · View notes

wokestraightpuffy · 4 years ago

Note

Hallo, i hope you are alright and that my ask aren’t annoying but I wanted to ask do you have any c!puffy headcannons? —🤡

YOURE NOT ANNOYING AT ALL !!! NEVER THINK THAT ILU VERY MUCH. MUAH /p

as for c!puffy headcanons, i am not the best person to ever organize their thoughts properly but ill try my best >:’D

ahaha. this got. super complex and way too long and more of like an introspective study to puffy now instead of harmless fun headcanons so, uh. under read more <3 (also reminder this is all /rp and /dsmp)

* i like to think that she has a hero complex, but its a bit different since she never really sees herself as an ‘important’ part of the story, not the main character but a support one, hence ‘im fine with being the side character’ or how she’s said she doesnt care what happens to her and would gladly sacrifice(?) herself if there werent other people she had to protect. girl u need therapy urself <3

* though very open with how she feels and never afraid to say when someone/something is upsetting her, ‘opening up’ is still a whole mountain climb for her, apparently. like, she’d rant about the egg, get mad at the eggpire, let off some steam by committing arson or exploding stuff, she’ll rarely ever talk about how much the stuff that upset her actually HURT her. does that make sense? LIKE, she’ll lash out, she’ll get mad, she’ll take NO SHIT thrown at her face, but to show the kinda vulnerability of dealing with that? to cry about it talk about those feelings with someone? I think she’d rather eat her own foot lol

* adding onto the thing above, she doesnt necessarily actually realize this about herself. less of actively doing it and rather growing... used to the ‘cycle of violence’ in the smp as they call it. and the fact that rarely have people really asked, that no one’s actually available for that, w her losing her closest friends, bad and ant, sam being busy w the warden stuff... and niki. yeah. there’s foolish, but i doubt she’d ever see venting to someone she considers her son appealing

* also. puffy is just sometimes... really bad at conveying sadness. i think she’s a rare crier. id go as far to say that shes even more emotionally constipated than dream, lol (but maybe not while the guy’s in his prison arc) and that she’d be the type of person to tell you its okay to cry but beat herself up over something if she let a tear slip in a heated moment

* speaking of sadness. she’ll only ever actually Be Sad if she’s alone or with someone she doesnt necessarily care the opinions of. yknow how she mourned for tommy and blamed herself? those dialogue bits? yeah, those are only times shed actually be vulnerable

* puffy’s go to response to the egg and how its fucked up her relationship w her friends is pure fury. but, going off of her line about ‘failing bad and ant’ i like to think that she probably hates herself the most about it. THAT IS A STRONG WORD LOL BUT YEAH. she yells and curses and gets mad, but sometimes i wonder if the words she had spat before were more directed to herself

* THIS GIRL HAS SELF-IDENTITY PROBLEMS. CAN WE GET A HELL YEAH FOR THAT CHAT? outside of having no goddamn clue about where she came from, how she got here and who she even is, scrounging up a role for herself in a server with a war on the background and traumatized kids got her resignedly coerced into thinking that she is only a Parent. Only good enough when she’s actually doing something Useful for people. SO. when she finds that ship? of having a crew and having a curse? OF FINDING OUT SHE MIGHT HAVE/ HAVE HAD A MOM THATS WAITING FOR HER? the sense of control she has on herself is absolutely crushed. shattered, and she’s left to pick up the pieces w no one to talk abt it with <3

* adding onto the above, it’s why the line ‘I’m supposed to be mama puffy. me.’ hurts me so much! so yes! please cry with me :D

* also to add more on the fact that she thinks she’s only worth something when she’s being useful, puffy literally contemplated leaving the server, thinking that it wouldnt matter leaving since no one really needs her anyway, since she’s failed so many people. bad and ant, tommy, dream. shes said how foolish can take care of himself on how tubbo and ranboo have each other, how she and niki have drifted so far away from each that it might as well be a break up.

HOOOOOOOOOO OBOY . anon youve really given me the perfect chance to ramble huh? sorry for the rather incomprehensible brainrot, here’s more lighthearted headcanons about puffy asdhfkd

* she cannot stand still sometimes. she always has to be doing something extra, walking when the prime path is right there? shed rather go through tedious little holes or hop and balance onto fences to get where shes going. she’ll mindlessly fix up the path when there are holes or mismatched wood, and one time went on a long, long LONG journey cleaning up the paths tommy purposely DESTROYED near lmanburg and even added cobblestone sidings which werent there before

* puffys a bit of a sentimental person. writing in her log to clear her thoughts sometimes and cared enough to try and preserve lmanburg with the glass sheet and trying to find possible surviving artifacts of history to respect it, even though she’s never been a part of it. its also why, when doomsday happened and lmanburg got permanently poofed, she began to appreciate the buildings that are still standing and began taking more pics

* she’s not used to being... what do you call it, um, cared for? she’d deflect compliments sometimes, when shes having a particular bad day, like, she’d laugh nervously and change the subject, sometimes she’d outright deny it, most days she’d jokingly say ‘staphhh it’ and add a very genuine thanks. my point being is, do something for puffy that is mildly nice and she’d keep that moment in her heart forever.

* also funny story regarding the above. u know how karl is notorious for stealing her materials? and how puffy was contemplating doing something in retaliation for them? karl says hi for once when she joins the server and she goes ‘alright fine youre safe for saying hi’ LOL THIS WAS PROBABLY A BIT META WISE but something about this implying that the bare minimum or LESS is enough to make puffy forgive someone is very sad and funny at the same time for me. girl really said ‘oh you said hi to me? thats nice all the crimes youve ever done towards me is now forgiven. <3’ (this is a bit of an exaggeration on my part, ofc, i just think its funny LMAO)

* ironically, despite being the ‘captain’, whenever riding a boat with someone, she prefers being on the backseat and letting them drive. ig shes just there for the ride i suppose, her and her uber drivers :3

* she either has a rather unhealthy obsession with baked potatoes or she just doesnt wanna waste eret’s massive potato farm

* idc what cc!puffy says is c!puffy will always and forever be 5′2″ in my HEART. u are the shortest member, u cannot change this <3

* shes really fond of animals/ neutral mobs. she often baby talks to them and they help boost her mood a lot when shes having a bad day :D

* up to this day, the little secret rooms she’s created around the server have all been yet to be discovered, unless the one under bad’s house has been found. she rarely ever really keeps tabs on them, and more often than not they are just collecting dust. she still visits sometimes and cleans them up ofc

* she still genuinely thinks dream can change. cc!puffy’s line about that, ‘i’m his last hope.’ really makes me think about this a lot.

* ive seen people talk abt it a bit but the headcanon that puffy acts as the server mom to fill the ‘void’ of her missing her mom makes me cry at night /hj

* she really likes her rainbow onesie! i headcanon that eret gave her that along w the sunglasses, but she started wearing that less when she found her old captains uniform. shes never really said why, though, and nobody ever really bothered to ask

* god bless this woman but sometimes the server members get on her nerves sometimes so she goes out of her way to traverse along far away from the main community to maybe commit a few crimes. let off some steam. these take a few days but she always returns

i probably have a lot more hcs but i cant remember them >_> THIS IS A LOT ANYWAY. HOPE U ENJOYED MY BRAIN VOMIT. IF U READ THIS FAR ILU THANK U

if there are mistakes it is bc i am crying and cannot see my keyboard and also i am sleep deprived /hj

#captain puffy #tea speaks #god this is so long the brainrot is concerning ANYWAY #clownon

42 notes · View notes

petri808 · 4 years ago

Text

@ktdkvalentines for Syd on Ig Valentines Exchange

Bakudeku College Au. TW: panic attack, anxiety, some angst w/happy ending based on the request.

Izuku Midoriya was in a great mood that Fall morning as he arrived at the college campus. His first day of his first year away from home, ready to start the next leg of his journey. He’d chosen this university for its good reviews and psychology program. He wanted to do something good in his life and what better way then helping others who’d suffered like he had. Not that he’d had a horrible life but growing up in a single parent household created some attachment issues and bullying when he was younger left him with anxieties. All through high school he’d worked extra hard to get to a point where he could function most of the time, and he was proud of how far he’d come. That growth is what led him to pursue a career in psychology, to take his negative experiences and turn them into a positive one.

So, he wasn’t ready when he walked into the dorm room and saw the familiar blonde hair and red eyes of his nightmares looking back at him.

Oh, this couldn’t be happening! Izuku swallowed hard, a mantra of calming statements flooding his brain as a silent staring content ensued. Neither man said a word, but the longer this went on for, the voices in his mind slowed and were replaced with questions. He was starting to realize... did the blonde even remember him?! He couldn’t tell if it was confusion, or maybe pain on the man’s twisted features, but it certainly wasn’t the angry boy he’d grown up with.

“Wow, Izuku is that you?” The man spoke with no malice in his tone, even rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Been a long time, huh?”

“Yeah... about 7 years I think.”

“H-How you been?”

“Okay, I guess. A bit surprised to see a familiar face.”

The blonde’s shoulders dropped slightly, and he averted his eyes to the ground, “probably not who you’d hoped to see again...”

“I didn’t say...”

“No, no, it’s okay.” The man waved his hands to stop him. “I— I owe you an apology Zuku. And I’m not looking for forgiveness cause I don’t deserve it, but I hope we can, I don’t know like start off fresh, I guess, since we’re stuck in this room together.”

Izuku blinked in confusion, what had happened to Katsuki Bakugou in these past 7 years?! He was certain it wasn’t all arouse, or that the man was trying to bring his guard down, because Katsuki sounded genuine. Until the age of 2 or 3 they were actually really close, but for some reason by the end of their first year of primary school, he’d started picking on Izuku, or taking out his anger on the smaller boy. He had no idea what triggered it, but in the end, he was left emotionally scarred. Now, the man standing before him exuded a broken version of that 3-year-old child he once knew.

“You’re right. I lost count of how many times I ran home in tears because of you. We were best friends and it really hurt when you started picking on me and being mean to me.” The pain evident in his voice rang out into the small, shared room. “I don’t care why you did it. But,” Izuku continued with a sigh, “you’re right, I don’t wanna rehash the past either, so if we can just start over and put up with being roommates, we’ll see how it goes.”

“I’d like that. A-and I know it might not mean much but am sorry Zuku— about how I’d treated you. I promise, I’m not that guy anymore.”

“I believe you.” And he did, for now. Deep down, Izuku always tried to stay positive because if he didn’t, and allowed the irrational thoughts to fester, it could pull him right back into an episode. He didn’t fully trust Katsuki yet, but if was serious about going into the counseling field, he also knew it was important to continue moving forward. That didn’t mean divulging all of his secrets, or telling Katsuki about his own struggles, but he’ll stay alert to make sure that at any sign the man was slipping, he’d get out of there.

As the first two months crept along, the roommates went about their own business with very little interactions at first. It was a bit weird to Izuku, to be in a shared room where their beds were literally just a few feet from one another’s, yet they were lucky to go beyond a good morning or hello. In comfortable situations, he was a bubbly person who genuinely enjoyed talking to people, so the stillness of their room was unnerving. Of course, this was better than feeling fearful around Katsuki, but how are they to move forward and maybe become friends again, if they weren’t interacting?

So, because they weren’t talking, Izuku did the next best thing and observed. One thing that had not changed about Katsuki, was being meticulous. The blondes side of the room was always neat and tidy, books or stationery on the desk stacked perfectly, clothes in the closet organized by color and type, even the bed was always made with crisp corners. Early to bed and early to rise, the man had a ritual of sorts. If he wasn’t studying at his desk, he’d be on his bed reading or listening to music. Even the way Katsuki ate was curious to Izuku, constantly wiping his hands or face of any residue. There were a few things the blonde requested of him, no scented candles or strong, smelling fish type meals, and to leave his side of the curtains closed, something about the sunlight bothering him. They were simple enough requests to acquiesce to.

The man rarely left the room except to go to class and as far as he could tell, Katsuki had only one other friend on the campus who’d occasionally drop by. A nice guy, very friendly named Eijiro Kirishima. Well, he assumed they were friends because most of the time, his roommate stayed quiet while Eijiro did the talking. Izuku was pretty sure he spoke to the man more then Katsuki during these visits. They seemed unlikely friends really, one happy-go-lucky, and one anti-social... kind of reminded him of their once friendship now that he thought about it.

Izuku could appreciate the idea of sticking to familiar surroundings. Their dorm room was a sanctuary for him as well. He avoided large, crowded areas as much as possible, and if he didn’t know anyone, did his best to be inconspicuous. But within their room, with just the two of them, it should be a comfortable experience. Before coming to the school, he’d wondered what his roommate would be like or imagined making friends, so it was a little disappointing. By the third month it was a close friend of Izuku’s that suggested he make the first move to engage Katsuki in conversations. Start out simple, maybe learn any hobbies, what music he listened to, his major, etc. Forget the fact he knew the man and pretend as if he’s trying to make a new friend. Ugh, he hated making the first move. Izuku preferred being engaged not initiating it because it drove his anxieties up. But they were right. ‘Think of it like practice,’ Izuku reasoned with himself, ‘pulling a difficult client out of their shell.’

It was a lazy Sunday around midterms when Izuku decided to make a move. As he sat rested on his bed similarly to Katsuki, with his back against the wall and a textbook propped on his legs. Every few seconds, he glanced over the book’s edge, side-eyeing the blonde who was also nose deep into a chemistry textbook. Should he say something? But the man looked preoccupied, and Chemistry is a difficult subject. Maybe he shouldn’t bother Katsuki? He didn’t want to be annoying or anything and it wasn’t important really. Then again, the guy was always preoccupied with something or other and if he waited for a perfect moment, what if it never came? Would he wait forever? No, this was as good a time as ever.

Izuku lowered his book. “H-How’s the studying going Kacchan?”

The blonde turned to look at him briefly. “Fine.” Then returned to his reading.

“Oh, that’s good.”

Ugh! It was always so hard to get a read on Katsuki! His affect and tone were flat, no anger, amusement, nothing, just his common one worded response. It was rare for the blonde to give or maintain eye contact, so at least the man looked at him this time.

He tried another question. “I noticed your chemistry book, is that your major?”

“Yup.”

“Um, what do you do with a chemistry degree?” Izuku asked genuinely.

This time Katsuki surprised Izuku when he stopped and put his book down before engaging. “I’m fascinated by the chemical reactions of fire and combustion. How it works, why it occurs, how it can be manipulated, stuff like that. And I don’t know, I could be a scientist, or maybe do pyrotechnics, just work somewhere I don’t have to talk to too many people.”

“Wow! I mean I was never good at math and stuff to understand, but it sounds pretty interesting.”

“I guess so. What’s with the questions all of a sudden?”

“W-Well,” Izuku shifted his body to face the man completely, “we’re roommates. I don’t expect us to be full-on friends, but I figured it would be nice to talk sometimes.” Katsuki’s silent reply of nothing forced him to make a decision to continue talking, because he assumed if the man wasn’t interested, he would have turned away. Silence wasn’t exactly a normal response, but maybe the blonde really wasn’t sure what to say next. “I don’t expect you tell me super personal stuff— just small talk. Like, um, what kind of music do you like?”

“Alternative.”

Izuku’s eyes flashed with surprise at such a quick response. Okay, so Katsuki was fine with answering. “I like that too! Well, some,” he giggled. “Though I mostly listen to pop now. What about movies?”

“Horror films.”

“Oof,” Izuku cringed. “I can’t handle those they scare me too much!”

“I remember. It gave you nightmares.”

Bouncing on the bed, Izuku’s legs moved to hang over the edge in his excitement. He was really surprised in a good way that Katsuki remembered something so mundane about him. “Wow! You still remember that?! Yeah,” he laughed, “I’ll stick to sci-fi or action. Plus, I’m not fond of theaters anyways so, I just watch stuff on my laptop.”

“Why not? You used to be the outgoing one.”

That made Izuku flinch because he wasn’t ready to tread into that territory with his former bully. “Oh, you know, it’s always crowded, and you have to deal with parent-less kids causing a racket in the place. I rather just enjoy my movie without all that.”

“Makes sense. I don’t care to go to places like that either.”

“Yeah, I noticed that— is there anything you do like or hobbies maybe?”

“Just exercising in the early morning, by myself, except since Eijiro inserted himself, I tolerate him.”

So, that confirmed what he’d already suspected. Katsuki kept his body in really great shape and that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Izuku. But since he wasn’t much of a morning person, he didn’t notice what time Katsuki left the dorm, only the man’s return, showered and refreshed. Needless to say, the blonde male with wet hair was nice to look at and smelled good too. “Oh,” his face heated up at the thought of it, but he needed to play dumb. “So, that’s what you do in the mornings. I wondered about that.”

Things between the roommates settle into a comfortable routine. As another month passes by, Izuku still needed to start the conversation, but at least Katsuki would respond amicably or engaged with him, and to his delight with the help of Eijiro, they’d even managed to get the man to go out to dinner once. Those years of dread and angst were melting away, and soon enough Izuku looked forward to spending time with his old friend.

He still couldn’t get a full read on Katsuki’s demeanor. The man’s emotionless responses made it difficult to tell whether or not he was even enjoying anything. So, Izuku could only assume that by participating, he didn’t mind. The old Katsuki would say whatever he was thinking, good or bad, and while he got the sense that he would do so as needed, such as letting him know about the scent issue, it would be really nice if it didn’t feel like a guessing game all the time. Regardless, the progress they were making to rekindle any sort of relationship was a win in Izuku’s mind.

“Here.”

Izuku looked up from his desk to see a plastic shopping bag held in Katsuki’s hand. “What’s this?” He took it tentatively.

“I saw it at the store. You still into this stuff?”

He opened the bag and pulled out the latest action figure of his favorite comic book character. It was a figurine he’d been saving up his spare money to buy. “Kacchan,” Izuku looked back up curiously at the man. “Is this for me? How’d you know?”

Katsuki just shrugged. “Just remembered you were obsessed with the guy.”

“Thank you, really, but I can’t except this gift, it’s not even my birthday.”

“Just take it. Think of it as an I’m sorry gift if it makes you feel better.”

As Izuku sat there stunned, the blonde simply went back to his bed without another word and picked up a book as if nothing significant had just occurred.

“T-Thank you, Kacchan.”

“Yeah, no prob.”

His face heated up and a smile took over as he stared at the action figure for a few seconds before staging it prominently on his bedside table. Izuku had left all of his collectibles at home, so it was nice to have something in their room. But even more important, was again, Katsuki remembered something about Izuku from their childhood and took the time to get this gift. Despite their long rocky history, this small act meant the world to him. It was the first true moment to make Izuku think, maybe they really could be like they once were.

Finals were approaching in barely two more weeks, and some students were already stressing out. The anxiety in the air felt palpable to Izuku. He could feel it practically oozing off the other students. Of course, everyone dealt with stress in different ways. Some went inwards, the pressure fueling them to work harder while other’s went the completely opposite route of goofing off and procrastinating. Other’s might stress eat, binge caffeine drinks, and friends banded together in study groups. But then there are the ones who took out their frustrations and stress on others.

Bullies. The bane of Izuku’s existence.

Most of the time, he could easily avoid their type around campus. He’d developed a sixth sense for such individuals which his therapist explained as a heightened sense of energy levels. It’s really not as mystical as it sounds, rather that, those like him that suffer from a high level of anxiety, are sensitive to other people’s emotional outputs. Being bullied or harassed himself certainly sent his anxiety’s skyrocketing but seeing it could also trigger a problem depending on the severity.

Hence his current predicament...

It was the end of the day for Izuku and he was ready to just get back to his dorm, eat something, and dive into his studies. One of his teachers had released the finals study guide early, so he thought it best to get a head start. But as he made his way past the row of dorm buildings, Izuku spotted something that sent a cold chill down his spine. Three men cornering a fourth. They were at least 50 yards away and he couldn’t hear everything they were yelling. Something about a group project, pulling weight— One man had grabbed the victims shirt and was semi-lifting him up while the other two men just watched and egged him on.

Oh, this was not good! Izuku’s memories started to replay and his experiences were brought back to the forefront. The men’s faces were so close... he could almost feel the hot breath wafting over, spit hitting his face, or the smell of the bullies breath. It made him sick to his stomach. Izuku’s heart raced, his throat began to close up, and breathing grew erratic. He needed to get out of there! The red piercing eyes of his nightmares took center stage in his mind’s eye... all those times he was harassed and battered by Katsuki rushing back like a wave to toss him against a wall of sandy hair.

‘Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths!’ Izuku screamed in his head, ‘calm down, calm down, get back to my room! It’s not you, it’s not you... it’s not him! It’s not him!!’

Izuku picked up the pace, a fast walk over a running sprint to avoid being noticed. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to himself and risk becoming the new target. He dug his nails hard into his arm to force his mind towards a physical distraction, but it wasn’t working.

A deep voice screamed, cursing at the top of its lungs, and filling Izuku’s mind, just like that long ago day. The worst attack, the one that finally pushed his mother to move him to a different school. All the fear coursing through his veins rush back, heart pounding against his rib cage. Katsuki had grabbed him, hand fisted into his shirt as he pushed Izuku up a wall and off his feet. He could still feel the cold stone wall behind him juxtaposed to the pain from his hot throbbing lip and swollen cheek where he’d been struck.

He burst through the dorm room door, stumbling, spilling his bag onto the floor as he fell to his knees, gasping for air because his jaw felt locked up and he couldn’t get enough air. All of his muscles were tensing up, imagined or not, it felt like he was suffocating. His body was shaking, sweating— he wanted to puke.

“Whoa, Zuku, what’s wrong?!”

Katsuki had rushed over and dropped to the floor, grabbing Izuku by the shoulders to hold him up and steady. But he couldn’t answer the man in words. Tears were streaming down his face as he did his best to focus and answer the man, but it was tough, fighting against the rapid assault of images in his mind and cursing blaring in his eardrums.

“Fuck, um, allergic reaction?!”

Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Choking?!”

Again, Izuku shook his head violently, no.

“Panic attack?!”

Izuku now adamantly shook his head, yes!

“Okay, okay, shit, panic attacks, um, it’s been awhile, what do I— oh, right, okay, okay, d-don’t move!” Katsuki stumbled back to his feet and ran out of the room, coming back within a minute with a cup of ice cubes from the common kitchen. He takes one, two, three, shoving it into Izuku’s mouth. It took a bit of effort to get the man’s jaw to open wide enough to shove it in. “Close your mouth all the way, try to get the ice to touch the roof of your mouth.”

Seconds after the ice touched, it sent a brain freeze from hell shooting through Izuku’s pain receptors. “Ahhh!” He spat out all the melting cubes as his hands fly up to his head, cradling, squeezing to counter against the physical pain, “cold! Cold! Cold!”

At that statement, Katsuki slumped back onto his haunches in relief. “Oh good, it worked.” He then took Izuku’s hands with an even soft tone. “Look at me.” Once the man complied, he continued. “Focus on your breathing, inhale when I say to, exhale when I say to.”

Izuku struggled against the embers of irrational thoughts coupled with the brain freeze coming down. His breathing stayed haggard, jagged as he fought his own mind to follow Katsuki’s instructions. But every time he’d start to struggle, the man would refocus him back to the breathing by pressing his thumb nail into the webbing of Izuku’s hand. Not very hard, but enough of a sting to bring back his focus on the physical. It took about 15 minutes until he could breathe in time with Katsuki’s words.

Be it the overwhelming sense of release or sheer exhaustion, Izuku collapsed on to Katsuki’s chest. His panicked breathing whittled down to silent sobbing. The blonde didn’t move or flinch and held the man up, simply keeping his arms around his back without a word. Minutes dragged by as the tears finally slowed.

“Thank you, Kacchan,” Izuku breathed out. “How’d you know what to do?”

“Let’s just say, I’ve had my share.”

Izuku sat back, rubbing away the moisture drying on his cheeks as he looked at his roommate with new eyes. “You? W-When? I-I mean if you don’t wanna say, it’s fine, I’ll understand. We probably both have a lot a secrets.”

Katsuki thought for a moment. “If I tell you what happened, you gotta come clean too.”

He hadn’t expected that, but after what had just occurred, perhaps it was time. “Okay,” Izuku nods.

“In middle school I was sent to a therapist because of my anger issues and diagnosed as a high functioning autistic. Frankly, I don’t know how much to believe in that, but in the end, the therapist was a good thing.” Katsuki leaned back against a desk leg. “The short answer, I learned the reason I’d started bullying you was because I was getting frustrated with myself which lead to anger, and I wrongly took it out on the closest person to me.”

“Why were you frustrated? I thought we were fine...”

“It had nothing to do with you. It was me and I don’t know, I just started feeling different, I didn’t like being around people, didn’t understand or even care about anyone because I couldn’t figure out how to fit in. Yet I’d watch you make friends so effortlessly and I got mad. There’s a lot more to it, even blamed my mom for some of it, but I just didn’t know how else to get it out except through anger. It took a few years to learn to control myself. That’s one of the reasons I got into exercising. If I start feeling frustrated, I can take it out that way now, burn off the excess energy I guess.”

Izuku was a little taken aback at the idea Katsuki’s been diagnosed on the autism spectrum. The man didn’t seem like he had a mental disorder, but the clues were there. The aversion to certain stimulus, social apathy, his fixations on certain elements. “Wow... I had no idea. It doesn’t excuse what you did, but I’m glad you’ve come this far.”

“So, what about you?”

“I don’t think it was just the bullying that started it all. After my dad left us, I was already vulnerable, it’s why I latched onto you so quickly. So, when you started— I-I felt extremely hurt. You were my first friend, my best friend Kacchan and when you started hurting me... I don’t know what was worse, the physical pain or the mental ones. By the time I moved schools, I’d developed anxiety and depression, and it got so bad my mom finally took me to a therapist where I worked all through high school to get it under control. I do really good now, but sometimes things trigger me.” More tears resurface to cloud Izuku’s eyes, but he kept them from spilling. “Today, on my way here, I-I saw a guy being harassed and it brought it all back again. Nothing was working, so I just thought if I could just get to safety, a-and I don’t know, I figured I could get it under control once I was alone. But I’m glad you were here, because I don’t think I could have. You really, saved me today Kacchan.”

“It doesn’t make up for anything. I’m the asshole who made you like this.”

He snorted a laugh, “that’s for sure, but the cause became the cure.”

“What?”

“You caused this, but today you cured it. That means a lot to me because I do want to forgive you.”

“No. I don’t deserve a second chance. I’m content that we’re at least on speaking terms again and I could make amends somehow.”

“Kacchan, everyone deserves a second chance.” Izuku’s smile returned. “We were kids. You didn’t know better. And you’ve changed, that’s the important thing. I think we’ve both changed.”

“How?”

“Well, it’s those experiences that helped me to find a new passion in life to help others— people like us who are struggling with something. Turn a negative into a positive.”

“How the hell do you do that? You just had a panic attack and you’re already sunny smiles again. I mean you were always like this, and it’s me, I just don’t get emotions, but if you wanna forgive me, I guess I can’t stop you.”

Izuku shrugged. “Nope you, can’t,” he smiled wider. “Right now, this is probably the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.” He stood up and extended a hand, helping Katsuki to his feet. “Dinner, my treat.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“I know,” Izuku smiled. “I’ll order in.”

#bkdk #ktdk #ktdkvalentines #bakudeku #katsudeku #Bakugou katsuki #Midoriya izuku #bakudeku au #TW: panic attack #tw: anxiety

32 notes · View notes

visceraah · 4 years ago

Text

The sound of music

(aka i’m so sorry for naming it after a musical it has nothing to do with dkjsdjksdjk names are hard)

My gift for @anianthe for @sanderssidesgiftxchange

Rating- Teen cause i’m incapable of not writing wayyy more swears then are necessary-

WC- 2947

Ship- Just Virgil interacting w the other sides,, feel free to interpret romantically if you want!

Warnings- not really any! Remus shows up briefly so.. beware of that. and ig Virgil is also kinda mean bUT he does it affectionately.

AO3

“We’re having a movie night!”

Virgil blinked. Took off his his headphones which, unfortunately, hadn’t been playing anything- he wore them out of habit, sometimes- meaning he heard everything his stupid best friend just said.

“No, we aren’t.”

Roman flopped down on his bed without waiting for any indication it was okay, something Virgil was all too used to. “We are now.”

Virgil sighed heavily and pushed Roman with his foot, trying to roll him off the bed. He didn’t budge. “And if I don’t want to?”

“Pleaseeee?” Roman employed the puppy dog eyes and Virgil knew already this was a losing battle. Ugh.

“I get to pick the movie.”

Roman perked up immediately, coming to sit next to him. “Yes! Okay! Just- Disney?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, wondering if Roman was capable of consuming content made by anyone else. He was beginning to doubt it. “Nightmare Before Christmas, then.”

“Predictable.” Roman murmured smugly, and he elbowed him.

“You want this movie night or not?”

“Okay, okay! I yield!” Roman cried, clutching his ribs. Virgil was pretty sure he was more upset at the prospect of a cancelled movie night then the ‘pain’ he was overplaying right now.

“Okay.” Virgil agreed, smugly, and set the movie on.

He’d seen it a million times already, which for most people would only make it boring by now- but Virgil found comfort in familiar things. Plus, that animation! He could happily watch it a million more times- and, honestly, probably would.

That meant he had it memorised, though, and soon enough he was singing along to the introduction under his breath. He listened along contently, until an unfamiliar third voice joined the chorus, and he startled, looking to the side. “Roman?”

Roman stared back, raising an eyebrow at him. “... Hi.”

“Were you singing along?”

Romans eyes flicked between Virgil and the screen, where the movie was still playing, in confusion. “Yes, Dr Gloom? Look, I know what a downer you love to be, but these pipes can’t stay closed all the time! They need exercise- and, the world deserves- neigh, needs to hear them!”

Virgil huffed at the dramatics, although it was fond. “I never said it was a problem, Sir Sing-a-lot, I’m just surprised.”

“One, that’s not an insult and I’m absolutely using that,” Roman retorted, “And two… It’s Disney! One of their best! Do you really expect me to not know the words?”

Virgil snorted, but he had to admit, he couldn’t disagree with that. “Whatever, nerd.”

Roman gasped, somehow seeming more upset than when Virgil had elbowed him. Of course that’d be what got to him. “I am not! I’m a prince- a very princely prince! Not-”

“Whatever you say, prince of the nerds.” Virgil hummed out, smirking to himself. Maybe Roman bursting in out of nowhere wasn’t so bad… This time. He still hated surprises and would not be convinced to do this again. He said that every time

Being Romans best friend, unfortunately, had its side effects. One was unplanned, unannounced Disney marathons he had no choice but to roll with. Another was actually listening to his musicals so often he learned to like them, too.

For all he said about Hamilton being overrated (and Romans reaction was priceless every time), he had to admit it was good. A little fast for him to keep with, but he rarely sang along to his songs anyway, preferring to hum quietly unless he was really in the mood.

He liked keeping his music to himself, too- he didn’t want to annoy anyone, so he always wore headphones- but sometimes he just wanted to drown the world out, and they went to full volume. Worked a treat to drown everyone out, but plenty audible to everyone else in the room. Sometimes, though, they’d just have to live with it.

Today was one of those days, where Virgil didn’t want to speak to anybody and had the volume to show it. He was playing one of Princeys musicals, too, humming along to ‘my shot’ no matter how different it was to his normal taste. He nodded in acknowledgement as he passed Logan on his beeline for the fridge, planning on grabbing the easiest and least healthy snack possible.

Retreating with his bag of marshmallows in hand- he was pretty sure they weren’t meant to be in the fridge, but they were imaginary, so maybe nothing needed to go in the fridge. Holy shit.

He pulled the headphones back, opening his mouth to ask Logan's opinion, when he heard a sound that made him freeze in his tracks.

Logan was rapping along to himself. And well. Jesus, how had he forgotten about that? He stared, still in disbelief, and Logan awkwardly trailed off when he noticed his gaze. “Ah, you could hear me.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to ask… Doesn’t matter. Holy shit, Lo, you’re amazing.”

Logan flushed slightly, looking down at the table. “I simply have an appreciation of the genre, and Hamilton has some particular, uhm- how would you say? ‘Bangers’.”

Virgil laughed, slipping into the seat opposite him and taking the headphones off completely. “Dude, I’ve spent enough time with Roman to know having an ‘appreciation’ doesn’t mean you can pull something off.”

Logan raised an eyebrow, clearly fighting back a smile. “I am not sure he’d appreciate you saying that.”

“Eh, I’ve said it to his face before- and will again.” Virgil dismissed, feeling his lips turn up as well. “Why don’t you do it more?”

Logan shrugged, adjusting his glasses awkwardly. “It is hardly a logical skill for me to have, so it simply… Hasn’t come up.”

“Ro doesn’t need an excuse for songs to ‘come up’ before he starts singing them.” Virgil pointed out, and Logan chuffed.

“No, he certainly doesn’t. But we are different people.”

Virgil laughed, nodding. “You could say that again.”

“Oh. Alright, we are differen-”

“It’s an expression, dude. Come on.” Virgil interrupted, sounding nothing but fond as Logan widened his eyes in realisation.

“A highly illogical one, but alright. I can add it to my flashcards to avoid further confusion.” He decided, pulling out his deck there and then to add to. He paused when he heard the crackling of a plastic bag pulled open, looking up as Virgil helped himself to a marshmallow. “Please do not tell me you intend on consuming that entire bag.”

“Maybe.” Virgil held it out, grinning now. “Want one?”

“A key ingredient is gelatin, created by boiling down a pig or cows bones, skin, ligaments or tendons.” Logan deadpanned, and Virgil almost threw the whole bag away in disgust before he remembered,

“But they’re imaginary!”

Logan titled his head. “I suppose so.”

“Actually, I was thinking…” Virgil began, curious about how the fridge actually worked. Soon enough Logan was in a full-fledged rant about mindscape food, and half of it went over his head, but he didn’t mind listening. It was interesting, after all.

Whatever concerns Virgil had about not bothering anyone with his music, the other sides didn’t share them. Roman didn’t hesitate to sing whatever came to mind as it came to mind, offering full renditions of his favourite musical tracks daily, Logan could be heard humming to himself as he worked, Remus had no restraint about… Anything, really, and this was no different, Janus wasn’t exactly considerate, and Patton- Patton was the worst at all.

He wandered the mindscape belting out whatever was in his head at the moment which, as a father figure, was always old, tacky, and bad. They’d learned to ignore it for the most part, but some of the songs he played… Some of them were just unforgivable. And, sitting on the couch as Patton tidied up a little, Virgil had left himself completely at their mercy.

“JOLENE-”

Virgil pulled his hoodie over his ears, wishing he’d brought his headphones. Or just not left his room. “Please, no.”

“Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeeeene, I’m begging of you please don’t take my man-”

“Pain, Padre. This is causing me physical pain.” Virgil groaned, slamming his head back in an attempt to make it all stop. Unfortunately, the sofa was soft, and he just bounced back. Eurgh.

“Awh, cmon kiddo! I’m just singing. You could always join me.” Patton chirped, rearranging the same jar for the fourth time in three minutes.

“I might die.” Virgil deadpanned, staring Patton dead in the eyes, and he giggled.

“Don’t be silly… Come on, my music isn’t that bad!”

Virgil couldn’t quite believe his ears. Maybe they were still bleeding from being subjected to Dolly Parton. “You listen to dad music.”

“Well, yeah, but what else did you expect from your pops-”

Virgil groaned louder, shaking his head. “I- whatever. When’d you even start listening to country music?”

“Nico likes it!” Patton replied, brightly, and Virgil bristled.

“That’s it, Thomas has to break it off.”

It took Patton a second to recognize Virgil was joking, and he started laughing. “Don’t be so judgy! I listen to your music- in fact, I quite like being cautious in the disco.”

“Oh my god.” Virgil pulled his hood down further over his eyes, the secondhand embarrassment hitting him full force. “You’re so old.”

“Now, I know I’m no spring chicken, but that’s hardly a nice thing to say-”

“We are all the same age.” Logan interjected as he walked through the room, gone before Virgil could try and drag the only other sane one around him to his aid.

“Look, Patt- I love you, but Dolly is too far.” Jesus, Virgil was spending too much time with Roman. Dramatic ultimatums weren’t his style at all.

“... How about Country Roads?”

“Jesus Christ.” Virgil sunk further back into the sofa, hoping it’d just swallow him and his smile.

“I wanna play a song.”

“Get your own headphones.”

“But yours are so loud, they’re basically speakers! You ever turn them up to full volume while they’re on? How loud are they? Oooh, reckon they could rupture your eardrums so blood would bubble out your ears and trail down your face-”

“Stop.” Virgil interrupted with a grimace, before Remus’ imagination could go anywhere gorier. They’d been at this for ten minutes and his answer hadn’t wavered once. “It’s a no, alright? Just… Go away.”

Remus huffed loudly and dropped onto the sofa next to Virgil. Great. “What do you want?”

“Hmmm… Oh, I can do a list!” Remus declared, and before Virgil could tell him please, god, don’t, he was off. “A pony- to disembowel so I can use its guts for ritual purposes, that one dick in a Russian erotica museum they claim is Rasputins and has magical fertility powers, for Barry Bee Benson to be real so I can fu-”

“Alright!” Virgil shuddered and disconnected his headphones. He didn’t know what Remus wanted to do with a literal bee, and he liked it that way. “There.”

Remus grinned a grin with far too many teeth, just a little too sharp, and Virgil rolled his eyes, waiting for whatever monstrosity he was about to hear.

There’s some whores in this house, there’s some-

“You did not just play WAP!” Virgil punched Remus in the arm, pulling his headphones off “You- I swear to God, don’t do the dance.”

Remus was already halfway stood up and Virgil quickly pulled him back down. He’d never wanted Remus to stay sat next to him more in his life. (To be fair, it wasn’t something he felt often.)

“But I already know it!”

“Of course you do.” Virgil grumbled, glancing over at Remus. “Why do you have to play… This, up here?”

“Jannie’s kicked me out, you know how he is.”

Virgil blinked at him, regretting what he was about to say before the words even left his mouth. “If I get him to back off, will you keep your music to the dark side?”

“That’s not fun, though! Ooh, wait, Logan likes rap, doesn’t he? Reckon he’d like to see the dance?”

Virgil stared at Remus blankly. “Please, say that was a joke.”

“It wasn’t! If you wanna hear one, though… Ooh, ok. Two kids walk into a hospice- ”

“No.” Virgil interrupted again, although even he had to snort a little at how ridiculous it was. Even if it was also deeply, deeply twisted. “I- look, I’m gonna do it.”

Remus tilted his head further then looked natural. Virgil was pretty sure he heard a crack. “Thought you hated me and Double Dee.”

“I- I’m just doing this for my sanity, alright? And Logans.” Virgil snapped back, avoiding meeting his eyes.

Avoiding things didn’t work with Remus, though, and soon enough he was uncomfortably close, peering right at Virgil with that unsettling grin. “Awww, Purps is being nice to us.”

“Shut up.” Virgil hissed, sinking out before Remus could pry any further. Creativity was so pushy, Jesus.

Virgil shuddered. He hadn’t been in the dark side of the mindscape in years and, after so long of the bright upstairs, the dark walls felt a little claustrophobic. He just needed to make this quick.

He strode down the hallway, trying to squash the growing nervousness in his stomach. What was the worst that could happen?

… Literally the worst thing he could’ve asked himself, he realised, speeding up subconsciously. So much could go wrong, while he was down here, and he didn’t even know where Deceit was, what if he tripped and fell and broke something and nobody would-

Piano, faint, made him stop in his tracks.

He wasn’t really an expert in classical music, but this had to be one of the more famous pieces, because he’d definitely heard it before. It was good, though, Mozart or something. Pretty difficult, too.

Exactly the kind of pretentious shit Deceit would play, and kick Remus out to enjoy. (Although Virgil couldn’t really blame him for that second part). Emboldened now he knew he wasn’t alone, and could make some jokes about what a snob he was, Virgil entered the room the sound was coming from.

He paled, because in front of him sat Deceit. At a piano. Playing the song.

“Since when do you play.”

Deceit only glanced up at Virgil, the melody smooth even with the interruption. He hated to admit it, but it was impressive. “Things have been quiet. I had time.”

“Quiet? With Remus?”

“I made things quiet.” Deceit amended, shrugging nonchalantly. Knowing him, it had probably been meant to sound as murder-y as it did. Didn’t stop Virgil from shuddering, anyway, serving as the perfect reminder of just how desperately he wanted to leave.

“Alright, look- whatever plan or plot this is, or is covering up, I don’t care.”

Deceit sighed, looking up at Virgil without faltering the music once. Jesus, he actually was good. “You’re right, I’m incapable of having any interests whatsoever without there being some deep, sinister plot behind it. You’ve spotted my evil plan.”

“I- alright, sarcasm’s meant to be for something obviously not true! That could be true!” Virgil protested, already feeling like he was losing this.

Deceit just raised an eyebrow at him in response, and Virgil instinctively hissed back, feeling more and more like he was backed into a corner.

Deceit had the nerve to laugh at him. “It’s been a while since you’ve done that.”

“It’s been a while since I’ve had to talk to anyone so- so-” Virgil groaned, glaring at Deceit. “Stop playing that stupid thing, would you?”

“Alright.” Deceit agreed, and Virgil waited. He kept waiting. The piano continued and after an excruciating minute of listening for an end, he cursed. Why had Virgil assumed he’d be honest?

“Dick.”

“That is my legal name.” Deceit agreed dryly, and Virgil rolled his eyes. He was impossible to talk to.

“Look, just let Remus back down. He’s probably scarring Logan as we speak.”

Deceit smiled at the thought, looking back down at the keys as he played them. “I never said he couldn’t be down here. Oh, and I’m sure there’s /nothing/ about ‘scarring’ Logan that could’ve appealed to him.”

“What, so Remus lied?” Virgil crossed his arms. Remus was plenty of things, but one of them was painfully, brutally, upfront and honest. “That’s your thing.”

“Not lied.” Deceit tutted, like scolding a child for not knowing something they should have. Virgil clenched his fists. “Just… Was dramatic.”

Virgil tried to figure out what he meant before realising it meant literally nothing, and he glared at Deceit. “Stop being so cryptic for five seconds and tell me, Jesus.”

“I wasn’t aware you cared about him so much.” Deceit smirked, and Virgil threw his arms up in exasperation.

“I’m trying to get rid of him!”

Deceit snickered but finally, mercifully, seemed to have already had his fun. “I didn’t tell him to get out if he couldn’t just be quiet and not…” His smile faltered… “Dance on the piano.”

Yeah, that expression was priceless. Virgil laughed as Janus furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“Just… Nevermind.” Virgil was pretty sure imagining that scene playing out was enough entertainment to last him weeks. And a reminder that honestly… Remus didn’t cause as much chaos as he gave him credit for. He was all bark… And plenty of bite, too, but nothing too permanent. “Keep playing, or whatever.”

“You aren’t going to demand I fetch the Duke?”

“He’s not a dog.” Virgil dismissed, resisting a smile at Deceit’s murmured ‘ehhhhh’. “He’ll come back when he wants to. And Logan can look after himself.”

“Amazing.” Deceit sighed heavily. “You wasted my time for nothing, then.”

Virgil could be proud of that, at the very least. He grinned in way of response, sending Deceit a nod before he sunk out.

#virgil sanders #anxiety virgil #uh #wow i've forgotten how to tag #ts gift exchange 2020 #ts virgil #everyone shows up but i don't wanna tag them all cause they aren't like. the MAIN ones #mads' writing

9 notes · View notes

bucksbisexual · 5 years ago

Text

okay since im rewatching 2gether, might as well make my reaction public lol

tine trying to be a supportive boyfriend by asking wat if something is troublig and wat’s himbo self being like “nah fam im good” god i love this dumbass

also tine not knowing how to talk about his feelings is so relatable help

honestly i would’ve LOVED to see sarawat at least one (1) question

tine’s smile while wat drinks..... Sir I Am In Love With You

also his blush..... Sir I Am More In Love With You Than I Was Before

“is the lyric about smile or happiness?” “don’t cheat” wat saw through his bullshit right there KSJFHKS

i wonder what’s in those glasses because it doesn’t quite look like coke but it obviously isn’t beer,,,,

ohhhhh “a friend from high school” ... explains tine’s reaction we see in the teaser when he introduces pam as his highschool friend

also explains why tine thought sarawat made that video for her instead of him. wat is in his high school clothes and tine probably thought it was before he saw him (when in fact it was probably recorded the same day lmao sarawat hopeless romantic)

tine: one more game! [spins the coin and supposedly falls on heads] wat!

sarawat: no one can talk to me if i fall asleep

i’m trying not to look at bright’s jiggly butt why is ass so fat fOR

it doesnt add the points here if i dont write something else so intro time yeet

yknow what . we need more earn and more pear in these two last episodes . i need my wlw rep and i need it Now

“personal space is important even for couples” still cant believe man was the owner of their braincell in this scene

tine giving all of type’s info away to wat so wat can give it to man who tine knows will use to pester him until he becomes his boyfriend...... say it with me: tine mantype shipper

“how did you know?” “i prayed to god” literally the funniest part ever

manboss: im not going good luck wat: you’re so full of bullshit

GREEN <3

i will just say that pink is tine’s best colour. i need him in every soft pink thing u can find. it accentuates his skin colour so perfectly and we are Here for it honeyyyy

MIL SHUT THE FUCKUP

sarawat being a savage (rachet booty nasty) we stan

bro get over him oh my god he’s taken and happy with wat LEAVEEEEEE

and man pestering type begins Now ksjfh

i’m like 100000000% sure that the only thing in that whole backpack is a pencil and half of an eraser

im also sure type saw him buy the book since u literally can see him from where man and that girl are and

hold up the waiter looks like a guy from whyru,,,,,,,,,,

i need someone to write a fic about tine being an astronomy lover and wat falling in love with him because of the joy in his eyes when he talks about the stars and interesting facts about the universe and new discoveries of galaxies and other things that wat doesnt really care about but he listens to either way because he’s too in love to shut off his brain

okay back to the episode sorry i just really had to say this

wat really said “don’t take advantage of me when i’m sleeping” when they haven’t even kissed.......... no words, completely speechless

tine probably thought he was being real sneaky right there lmao boy he fell asleep 2 seconds ago

god green really appears for 2 seconds and yet he steals the show KSFJHKFJFS he really was about to beat the person in front of him’s ass for not walking faster im crying i love him

BITCH SHUT UP AND LEAVE THEM ALONE STOP TRYING TO BE A HOMEWRECKER

wat looks so offended by his offer it’s so funny jhfksjhgj still MIL GET THE FUCK OUT

them running around is so funny when u know they had to do that like 20 times and were tired as fuck KSJFHKSHFS

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER i love u

omg the bracelet truly isnt there at the start of the scene :-(

“nuisance tree” lemme just cry a bit

the music stopping here......... they truly played with our feelings there huh

WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 2

the reactions are so kdrama outro i cant breathe KJHFJSFKJS

GET THE FUCK OUTTTTTTTTTTT

“well, you left him” IM GOING TO STEP ON YOU

bracelet where r u :-(

“it was here a second ago” it wasn’t im an obsessed bitch and noticed just as the scene there started

he looks so worried:-( tine baby

“i can make you a new one” “but i want the old one” why do i feel like that has more than one meaning,,,

half of the times wat touches tine’s head his hands are dirty as fuck lmaoooooo

is- is someone wearing a marihuana dress??????

manbosss again and he has a book

type is the teepakorn brother that can lie and will lie meanwhile tine can’t lie for a living

I LOVE THIS GUY GIVE ME HIS SELF CONFIDENCE

dim really made up a whole spirit just for wat to be with tine lmao i cant breathe (unless the pine tree spirit is an actual thing and he just used it for this specific thing lmao)

“that senior is me” “and who did you go with?” “that was a long time ago” “it wasn’t me, it wasn’t me” “green, drop it!” i love them KSFJHFSJHF

green and wats faces i cant bREATHE these are the faces of people who know this is all fake

BRO WAT WASNT EVEN THAT SLICK WITH THE PAPER IN HIS HAND SJKHSFHHKFS

my guess is that he had two papers that were the same number just incase they didnt get the same number but then somehow mf MIL had to come in and ruin it

i dont know who chose to make bright wear this much brown but it honestly fits him so well

coffee for his soon to be boyfie

man: loving u is kind of bothering? type: o_o man

he’s still reading the book kjshfsf WAIT HES SO CUTE

“you gotta miss me if i don’t show up one day” “just back off. i’m leaving. do not follow me. give me some time to miss you” okay tsundere ass bitch

type’s so rich he’d rather spend money on getting his tire fixed than get it fixed by man for free i hate rich people

he’s also too rich to care to check if his doors were locked i-

“for me?” “do you see anyone else?” bitch ass tsundere

type: smiles, realises he just did that, eyes cutely go o_o

type looks so cute in that scene for no reason im going to eat ur cheeks if u dont stop being a cutie

aaaaaand of course theyre not paired up

dude of course he is youre creepy and also trying to break his relationship apart only because u dont have the decency to see that you dont have a place in his heart whatsoever

dim honey........ jskhsjf

tine’s hair....... PLEASE I NEED TO TOUCH IT IT LOOKS SO FLUFFY

“the spirit doesnt like it when you pray with your eyes opened” did literally no one notice how nonsense that was? KSFJHSJ

GREEN U SCARED THE BABY WHY WOULD U DRESS LIKE THAT

he looks so cute im gonna cry like actually cry

weak ass blankets they gave them i swear

if u cuddled then u wouldnt have been cold but noooooo ur big puppy boyfriend has trust issues

baby:-((((((((((( i will cover u with a blanket and give u lots of kithes and hugs

tine having his phone die at an important moment and also having no sense of direction whatsoever is so relatable lmaooooo

thank god for the rain because otherwise sarawat wouldnt have ran the way tine actually went lmao i wouldve beaten dims ass if mil was the one who found him

this scene hurts so much:-(( his throwing the grass like that in complete defeat??????? the flashback to him saying that bad things seem to happen to them lately makes my heart break

the soft touches:-((((( please im gonna Cry

dnotsaysorrydontsaysorrydonsaysorrydontsayHE SAID SORRY FFS

baby :’((((((

“i prayed for something but i havent redeemed that prayer yet” “what did you ask for?” “it’s if i got to see you again, i would show you the video i made. it’s the song your smile you are so curious about” BITCHHHHHHHHH

HES GONNA SHOW ITTTTTT YES I LOVE HOPELESS ROMANTIC HIGHSCHOOLER SARAWAT

he’s all shy i cant breathe he cant even look at the screen skjfhksh

oh so it was on the same day sksjhj forgot about that

I CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

tine is all blushy im gonna sob i love these two

im trying not to scream and tines reaction to wat telling him he went to every scrubb concert just to look for him

ITS NOT GONNA GET STUCK ON THE VIDEO BABY HE WILL LIKE U BACK IN A YEAR!!!!!!

“i like you” “yeah. i know. i like you too” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM LITERALLY REWATCHINNG BUT I STILL JUST SCREECHED AT THAT I LOVE THIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

their smiles after he said it tho.......... my heart hURTS

wat: the wish only drew us to cross paths again. us being together is because of something else, tine: what then? wat: shout out to my homies for being there for me since day one i love u bros

THE FLASHBACK AAAAAAAA I FOUND HIM YES U DID BABYYYYYY

boss’s whistle after he tells them that he only said he would kiss him until he dropped lmaoooooo

“his name is tine. [with the softest voice ever] what a cute name”

manboss looking at each other like this bitch is so gone for this random dude but we’re gonna support him because we’re the only friends he has

wat was probably wishing the pool had water in it so he could throw both of them into it at that moment KJSFHJSFHF

“he’s the one i like” “shiiiiiit” same dim, same

fan dee nAAAAAA

his ass was so gone he was gonna make his ig username lovetine i literally cant believe him

boss having the braincell in this scene i love it

“but earn has a boyfriend” LIES. SO MANY LIES. ITS A GIRL. SHES A WHOLE LESBIAN.

boss once again being the owner of the braincell...... im starting to think he owns it half of the time

“you get it now? us being together is not a coincidence. it’s because of us” WAT YOU SMOOTH FUCKER 3

wait,,,,, tine’s little head tilt,,,,,,, SIR I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU

the stars!!!!!!!!! theyre there!!!!!!

“i think nothing bad is going to happen anymore” honey you got a big storm coming

it ended :’(((((( my beautiful boys i love this episode and drama so much i swear

lets watch the next episode teaser

i dont think tine is gonna lsiten to pam saying that but if he does,,, baby pls dont overthink okay he loves u and wont leave u for anyone in the world

phukong dont come back to him he knows that u like him and will play with ur feelings

type is gonna have to choose between im guessing either a boy interested in him from work or man and im gonna vote for him going with man lets hope i win

WHAT IS WRNOG WITH U BRO GET OUT HES HIS BOYFRIEND OF COURSE HES GOING TO CARE AND WORRY YOURE JSUT A CREEP FOLLOWING HIM AROUND HOPING THAT THEIR RELATIONSHIP ENDS SO U CAN SNEAK IN UGH

“is pam your first love?” WHY DID U END THE TEASER THERE AAAAAAA BITCH

im so glad that the episode comes out today because i Need to know more

okay thats it if anyone read all of this first of all sorry kjshkfj and second of all thank u ,, u didnt have to but u did and ily for that okay bye

#2gether #2gether the series #2gether ep11 #2gether reaction #svt-district posts

27 notes · View notes

knives-out20 · 4 years ago

Text

Before You Go - Cliff Booth x Male!OC

Fandom: Once Upon A Time In Hollywood (2019)

Pairing: Bobby Brightside (OC) x Cliff Booth

Warnings: Suicide, Bobby talks to god but the one that isn’t Cliff and the one he doesn’t believe is in the sky, Slight religious trauma, Abuse flashbacks, R@pe flashbacks, Bobby just not acting like himself, Sad Bobby ig people don’t like that, Parallels, Crying Cliff (a huge TW),

Notes: Based off of Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi. Slight Brokeback Mountain references. Enjoy!

“Reality sucks.”

Bobby lay on the rooftop of one of the highest buildings in Hollywood. In the dead of night, he fell by the wayside of every thought he was used to having when by himself.”I hate you” Bobby whispered, more to himself than anyone else in a long time; he knew he wasn’t just kidding himself at this point. He hummed for a moment- but what about Cliff, Aria, MJ, Sharon, Joseph, Rick, Calvin and Amelia? Bobby shrugged the thought away, his every moment with them, they were sure to replace.

Cliff. Cliff moved onto Bobby from Billie just fine, surely he has enough strength in him to do it again? Much more strength that Bobby ever had, believe it or not. Cliff didn’t deserve Bobby, he deserved so much better, everything Bobby ever thought that he knew he was. Time could heal Cliff of what Bobby was about to do quicker than it ever healed anything Bobby had to go through.

Cliff. The same Cliff who forced himself to play whatever genre of rock the Stones fit into, because he knew Bobby liked it. Sure, it was nice of him, but it made Cliff play music he didn’t like in his own car, and that didn’t make Bobby feel so good, the more he thought about it. Cliff already has enough on his plate, Bobby sighed as he only thought about it.

Cliff. Short for Cliff Booth, not Clifford, or Clifton, Bobby remembers Cliff telling him that it’s just ‘Cliff’. It was sort of humorous, because at least ‘Bobby’ was short for something. Even funnier because Bobby’s shorter than Cliff in general. By an inch or not, Cliff always teased Bobby about it.

Cliff. The exact Cliff whose every moment Bobby currently played in his head: every moment he ever had with Cliff. When they first met, their first time sleeping together, their first date, their first kiss as a couple, their first “I love you”s (Bobby drew the conclusion every “I love you” Cliff gave him was empty), the first time they called each other a nickname of adoration. Every single interaction the two ever had replayed in Bobby’s head, as he nitpicked his every movement.

Cliff. The Cliff with shaggy blond hair, soft blue eyes, a perfect nose, muscled arms, a scarred torso, toned legs, and welcoming lips. An endearing laugh, annoying jokes, messy driving, yet rhythm in his every movement. All Bobby could think of now was the inevitable look of relief on Cliff’s face once he finds out what Bobby was about to do.

Cliff. The same one who Bobby, among others, began to distance himself from. Little by little by little, Bobby drew himself to a safe enough of a distance in order to hurt himself the least for soon leaving Cliff. Again, he was sure Cliff could easily move onto another lover. Would he and Cliff had been better enough by now if Bobby let his extra walls come down, the ones Cliff was sure he tore down? Bobby guesses he’ll never know.

Cliff. The only Cliff- or man, in general- Bobby could bet his life on actually, truly, madly, deeply fell so in love with, it was unbelievable; unimaginable, even. Cliff was better off finding a copy of that love after Bobby, Bobby was sure of that.

Bobby stood up, and looked over the ledge, down at the alleyway he murdered Billie in. He forced out a giggle; this alleyway is just the Kill Cliff’s Lovers Corner, huh? With Bobby being responsible for both killings, that sure was funny. A blank grin slid onto his lips, a forced one. Smile even in the face of death, Bobby was told he’s reminded people of that quote quite a lot.

Bobby figured he had smiled in the face of death many times in the past. Each time he smiled at a pointless protest, riot, or rally, he was sure he was smiling in the face of death. Bobby was sure he’d die in each event. He wondered why he even bothered; he’s been to billions of them, and nothing has changed since he was a kid. What a waste of time.”I hate you” Bobby repeated, pointing his thumb at himself. He felt the cool breeze tangle itself into his dark hair, the same strands he remembers his parents tugging before they mercilessly beat him on countless events. Bobby now knows he deserved every hit he took. He looked down at the pavement, sure he had been asking for it- just like he had been asking for those two times men took advantage of him in the past.

Bobby thought about if he had anything else to do before he had to go...No, not that he knows of. He could practically feel the blood pumping through his veins, like troubled water running cold. It’d all be over soon, at least he had that one thought of comfort. Bobby gulped, taking a step away from the ledge. He realized what he did, and furrowed his eyebrows in frustration.”I hate you” Bobby mumbled once again, stepping back up. He took a long, deep breath, looking up at the sky.”I hate you too, big guy.”

Bobby figured this was the first time he had ‘talked to god’ after completely kicking the concept of its existence out of his mind. From the moment he met Cliff, he had been sure as all hell that if there was any God, Cliff was it. He remembers being laughed off whenever he called Cliff ‘God’, as if it was a recurrent joke. Bobby felt confused at this, because he never called Cliff ‘God’ as a joke- he was being dead serious, each and every time. Cliff Booth is God, a God among men, and apparently only Bobby knew that each time Cliff’s feet hit the ground as he walked, each time Cliff’s ribs vibrated when he laughed, each time Cliff said any word in the English lexicon, apparently only Bobby picked up on the fact that Cliff Booth is a deity worth worshiping. Too bad he couldn’t worship Cliff for any longer.

“You happy now?” He asked, eyes on the night sky.”You beat me up, beat me down, beat me left, right, sideways, upside, right-side-up, and even backwards, and it’s led me to here. Piece of shit, if I land up in the sky, I’m swinging at you, first” Bobby growled.”You took everything in my entire life that made me happy- or was supposed to make me happy- and twisted it into doing the exact fucking opposite, and look where we are, fella. This is so on you, right now” he carried on.”Don’t even act like you haven’t seen me in this position before- you KNOW I’ve tried before. But I’m going through with it this time, see?” Bobby laughed, the laughter dying down when Cliff popped into his head once again.

Cliff. The same Cliff that Bobby felt he was leaving behind for the better.

He sighed.”Now go! Save him!” Bobby called, referencing to Cliff.”Go! Save Cliff! Save him in the ways you couldn’t have been fucking bothered to save me, okay? Save Cliff!” He reached an arm up, hand grasping to somehow hold the moon.

Bobby was brought back to the time he lay in a grassy field with Cliff; Cliff had an arm outstretched, eyes on the moon he was pointing at. But Bobby was looking at Cliff’s hand.

“Take him to the moon for me, okay?” His face softened out of pure love, sadness written over his lips due to the fact he had to leave the one person who managed to make him so happy, just from the sight of him.

”Goodbye, Cliff” Bobby bade him farewell, stretching out his arms like he was on a cross. He inched closer to the ledge, slowly closing his eyes when tears made his vision blurry. Bobby leaned forward, falling from the roof as he heard one last thing.

“BOBBY!”

***

Cliff awoke in a jolt, blue eyes darting around the ceiling of his bedroom in his trailer. He groaned, slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Cliff remembered last night in spare blurs; his car racing down the dark streets as usual, cut to him drinking bottle after bottle. The same ones scattered around his bedroom floor. Cliff forced himself out of bed, glancing at the clock.

He had slept the day away. Shit. Bobby must be pissed as hell.

Cliff also remembered something, but not about last night; he was late from picking Rick up from that movie set.”Fuck-” he swore, grabbing his jean jacket and shrugging it on. Cliff rushed out his bedroom and out the front door, bidding Brandy a quick “goodbye.”

He hopped into his car, starting it up and racing over to the street.

Cliff passed by people huddled around an alleyway, but had no time to let curiosity get the best of him tonight. He skid to a stop, where he looked out his passenger side window to a worried Rick.”Hi” Cliff smiled sheepishly, reaching over to unlock the front door.

Rick raised an eyebrow, cautiously getting in and shutting the door behind himself.”Hey.”

Cliff started driving again, in the same comfortable silence he was used to having with Rick. But he enjoyed comfortable silence with Bobby, more. Cliff figured he should drive straight to Bobby’s afterwards, and find some way to apologize for not being heard from for the whole day. He smiled to himself; Cliff loves Bobby so much, it doesn’t even make sense to live without him.

Rick glanced over at Cliff. Should he say something...? No, it’s best to leave Cliff alone. Maybe this is how he grieves.

Cliff pulled into Rick’s driveway, setting his car in park.

Rick shook his head, he had to say something.”You, uh...You alright, Cliff?”

Cliff furrowed his eyebrows, meeting Rick’s gaze.”Oh, right- sorry I was late, man. I slept through the entire day, it’s so weird.”

Rick glanced away in confusion.”No, that- that- that’s fine, but like...are you- are you okay? Are you handlin’ well?”

Cliff blinked slowly.”Handling what well?”

Rick’s eyebrows jumped.”Do you-? Not know, or- or remember?”

“Know or remember what? Speed this up, Rick, I gotta go visit Bobby at his place.”

“Cliff, Bobby committed suicide last night.”

Cliff opened his mouth to say something, but it was moreover in shock.”Wh-...huh-?”

“Yea, do you- do you not remember? His body was in that alleyway by that- that cheap cinema Sharon likes going to.”

The same alleyway Cliff made the mistake of rushing past, earlier.”What-?”

Rick slowly got out the car, closing the door.”Cliff, buddy, you-”

But Cliff already raced away. He didn’t want Rick to see him start to cry.

***

Cliff stood with his friends in the cemetery, huddled around a black granite gravestone that reached to around his knees. He stood directly in front of it, a fresh mound of dirt touching the toes of his dress shoes.

‘BRIGHTSIDE’ it read, carved in a huge font, including Bobby’s birth year, a dash, then his death year, AKA the current year. Under both of these, it read ‘Smiled in the face of death’

Cliff’s lips broke into a small, sad smile. If he had a dollar for every time someone said Bobby was the personification of this quote, he’d probably be as rich as Bobby was.

Cliff glanced to his right, where Sharon, MJ, and Joseph lined up. He inhaled sharply, hating to see Sharon cry; or any of Bobby’s and his friends cry, really. To his left, stood Rick, Aria, and their two kids, Calvin and Amelia, fast asleep in a stroller. He glanced around at the other people who had bothered to gather; Bruce Lee, Jay Sebring, James Stacy, Sharon’s husband Roman, Wayne Maunder, Bobby’s band mates and his other buddies, among others. Cliff wondered if Bobby would have liked the turnout, as he slowly knelt down to place a bouquet over the grave- a bouquet made out of the extremely specific types of flowers that Bobby liked. He had it memorized like the back of his calloused hand.

Cliff kept wondering as people slowly began to trudge away, fewer and fewer and people staying around until it was just him by himself, still standing. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Rick.

“You- You, uh, gonna be okay, buddy?”

Cliff caught the worrisome look in Rick’s eyes. He nodded sternly.”Just...give me a moment alone with him, could you?”

Rick nodded respectively, disappearing in a flash.

Cliff fixed his tie, looking down at the grave through his usual sunglasses, the ones Bobby loved so much. He sighed silently.”You left early.” Cliff cracked a forced smile, one that didn’t last long.”Was there something I could’ve said to make you feel any better, to- to steer you away from...this?” He weakly gestured down at the ground, where Bobby lay, just six feet under. Cliff gulped thickly.”If only I’d have known you had your own storm to weather, beyond everything you’ve ever told me.”

Cliff thought back to each and every time Bobby opened up to him, and replayed his own every reaction, every movement. Maybe something he did made it seem like he didn’t care? He grunted softly; Cliff cares more than anything, especially when it comes to Bobby.

“Was- Was there something I could’ve said to...make you stop hurting, the way you did?” Cliff asked, as if expecting Bobby’s ghost to appear and answer him. He wiped the first tear he felt, unaware of the many that were to follow.”Bobby, it kills me how your mind could make you feel so fucking worthless. You’re worth so much to me. More than any amount of money, any car, any movie, any amount of fame. You’re practically priceless, baby, you didn’t- you didn’t deserve me, you deserved someone more in- in-tune to your liking, and your ways. I’m just some creepy stunt double who’s aging out of Hollywood...” Cliff looked straight down, breath shaky.

Obvious silence from Bobby’s end.

“Would we have been better off by now, if I had let my own walls come down?” Cliff asked, pushing his sunglasses up. He obviously had walls of his own, ones he spent his entire life building. Ones he was sure Bobby pushed aside like a glass door, but, he guesses not.”I guess we’ll never know, huh?”

Literal crickets.

Cliff, for once, hated this silence he had with Bobby. He got down on one knee, softly placing a hand over the pile of dirt he watched get shoveled over Bobby’s casket. Cliff’s fingers padded the brown earth.”I’ll miss you, buddy, there’s no denying that. I guess the Big Man himself has it out for me, if he even exists. You seriously had no right to keep comparing me to ‘im, baby, c’mon” he chuckled softly, a genuine smile crawling over his feature. Cliff loves Bobby, and he was gifted with the knowledge that that love was far from ever dying down.”You kept on treating me like how I never thought I deserved to be treated like, it was- it was strange, but I love you for it. Getting used to it was fun. Getting used to you was amazing. Getting used to the lack of you...will obviously be the exact opposite. Especially for Brandy, she always loved you like you were another me.”

Cliff looked down at his suit- this wasn’t the situation he wanted to be wearing a suit around Bobby, in. Quite the opposite, down to the setting and the mood. And the empty ring finger.

Cliff took off his sunglasses, folding the temples.”Here, sweetheart...” He whispered, placing it on the grave, so that its lenses were facing him, but its back leaned against the black granite headstone.”Y-You always look better in them than I- I ever did” Cliff stuttered, rushing to stand back up. He wiped his teary eyes, keeping the dirt on his knee. Cliff sniffled, racking his brain for a witty one-liner, or some final line at the end of the script of the movie Bobby and him had lived through.”You always knew how to render me speechless, huh, baby?” He rhetorically asked Bobby.

Bobby. The exact Bobby that Cliff had to somehow move on from, if he could even move on, at all. He was certain he’d be stuck on Bobby for a long time, like a puzzle he put so much time, effort, love, care, and emotion into. A puzzle that was way too grand for Cliff to even begin to be worthy of. Bobby’s everything Cliff could ever love in anyone, and now he’s gone, just like that. And now Cliff’s expected to move on, somehow? Impossible, no doubt about it.

Bobby. The same Bobby who breathed The Rolling Stones in like their music was air, or like Mick Jagger’s voice was a good blunt. Cliff remembers how time after time again, he’d play the Stones in his car. He knew how much Bobby loved them, after all. Cliff reminisced on how Jagger slowly started to grow on him over time, he started to actually like the Stones. He would play The Rolling Stones during car rides Bobby wasn’t even a part of, or car rides Cliff would take by himself. They weren’t that bad, really. And now Cliff can’t listen to them without falling into immense pain, because it’ll just remind him of Bobby.

Bobby. Short for Robert Duncan Brightside. Cliff would often catch himself thinking that, if him and Bobby were to ever illegally get married, Bobby’s initials wouldn’t change. Same goes for if Cliff were to somehow take Bobby’s last name. He was sad to know that this would only remain a fantasy, now.

Bobby. The same Bobby who was currently marching around Cliff’s head like at a protest, his every word playing on repeat in Cliff’s mind like a broken record. Cliff thought of every first Bobby and him ever had, along with their every last. Their last meeting, their last time sleeping together, their last date, their last kiss, their last “I love you”s (every single time Cliff told this set of words to Bobby, he meant it with ever ounce of his being), the last time they called each other a loving nickname. He remembered every moment he had with Bobby, and mentally beat himself up over every single thing he did in those times that could’ve made it seem to Bobby that he didn’t love him, that he didn’t care. Because Cliff did love Bobby, he still does, he still cares, more than anything. He knew it’s his fault that Bobby couldn’t see that.

Bobby. The Bobby with the tousled brown hair, deep brown eyes, a button nose, lean arms, narrow torso, fast-paced legs, and sweet lips. A playful laugh, dad-like jokes, stone-cold denial of ever sitting behind the wheel, and a pep in his every action. All Cliff found himself thinking of now was how much he was going to miss every little thing that made Bobby, well, Bobby. And how much it’ll hurt him, how he’s never going to see any of it, ever again.

Bobby. The exact same Bobby who was loud-mouthed, and very open with how he felt on any topic ever brought up in a conversation. Cliff would always admire how open-minded Bobby was, and how unafraid he was to say how he feels, and fight for what he believed in; for what was right. It was slow work, but each protest, riot, and rally Bobby formed or attended made positive change extremely inevitable. Bobby never distanced himself from a challenge, or a good fight, if it meant going for what’s right, and what he loves. Bobby loved Cliff, but Cliff wondered what it was that made Bobby distance himself from him.

Bobby. The only Bobby- and person, actually- Cliff swore his entire life on being the only person he has ever really fell in love with. Just the way he loves Bobby is unfathomable, it’ll never be ‘loved’, it’ll never be in past-tense. It’ll always be love, and loves. Cliff is in love with Bobby. Cliff loves Bobby. He knew this, so damn well it’ll hurt like a bullet through the heart.

Cliff got shoved back into reality, finding himself on his knees over Bobby’s grave, tears hitting the fresh dirt.”I’m gonna m-miss you so fucking much, I’ll hardly st-stand it” he choked, arms shaking slightly. When Cliff only ever found himself hurting under the surface, this was one way he never saw the cork exploding at, letting his emotions loose like troubled water spraying out of a pipe.”You’ll have no- no fucking idea how b-bad it’ll get, Bobby-” he sobbed, hunched over the dirt as stray tears stained the collar of his white button-up.”I wish I- I knew how to f-fucking quit you, baby, r-really, Jesus f-fuck-” Cliff cried, hands balling into tight fists.

From afar, Rick watched from his car. He exhaled quickly, going to get out.

Aria put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.”Leave him, baby. Give- Give him a bit of time” she instructed, clenching her jaw.

Rick looked back down at Aria, finally nodding. He sniffled, slouching back down.

Cliff continued to cry, his waterworks reaching the stems of the flowers wrapped in his bouquet. He used to compare holding Bobby like someone holding a bouquet of bright, beautiful flowers. Cliff grit his teeth in poor efforts to stifle himself, slapping a hand over his watery eyes; of course it was Bobby Brightside of all people who was able to make Cliff Booth cry.

Bobby. The same Bobby that Cliff could never leave behind.

Cliff wobbled as he slowly got up, wiping his eyes, then his nose, on his sleeve. He sniffled, blinked back any loose tears. Cliff wiped his eyes again, until his vision became crystal clear. His blue eyes trailed up from his bouquet, over the rectangle of dirt, onto his sunglasses, until he re-read the words on Bobby’s headstone. Black granite, up to Cliff’s knees. Cliff quickly leaned in, patting the top of the headstone and pulling away just as fast. He can’t recall the last time he was in this much pain, no stunt ever even had him hurting like this. Cliff gulped the lump in his throat away, inhaling shakily. He slowly licked his lips, tasting a couple salty tears.“I love you, Bobby. Believe it or not, I’ll never stop. I’ll- I’ll love you like it’s my air, Bobby. An addiction that I’ll never fucking get over...” Cliff slowly stepped away from the grave, not ever wanting to leave Bobby here, but he had to say one last thing before he left.

”I love you, Bobby. See you again soon.”

#ouatih oc #cliff booth x oc #cliff booth x male!oc #cliff booth x male #Cliff Booth #OUATIH #male oc #oc #male x male #male x oc #male x canon #oc x canon #oc x male #canon x oc #canon x male

5 notes · View notes

robinrunsfiction · 5 years ago

Note

Consider..Demon!Gerard (he’s such a sweetheart,,calls herbsugar,,darling-also super shady tho)finds the reader dying (mugged maybe?)And brings her back to life(the afterlife??)she lives with him now because thats what happens when a demon saves u ig?Anyways theyre kinda falling in love,,she falls asleep on him on the couch one night,,the next night what do u know things happen and things are said and they end up making out in their underwear in her room,, suuper fluffy,, they fall asleep

Have You Heard the News That You’re Dead?

Pairing: Demon!Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: TeenRequested By: AnonWord Count: ~2,400Author’s Note: Hi, my name is Robin and I am physically incapable of writing a short story, but this is super super late so I hope that makes up for it! I use the prompt “Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but much more effective.” from @writing-prompt-s as my guide for this one. Also TW: for mentions of death, but if you didn’t get that from the ask, I can’t help you.

You always knew you were different. You could tell the vibe you gave off wasdifferent of that of everyone else. Dogs growled or ran away when you walkeddown the street. Old ladies would clutch their pearls. If it hadn’t been likethat for as long as you could remember, it would be alarming to say the least.What you weren’t aware of was the fact that most people had a guardian angellooking out for them, and you had a guardian demon.

That’s not to say it made you a bad person, you just had a different way of moving through life. Sure trouble found you more often than others, but you were still having a hell of a good time. That is until the night you stumbled alone out of that bar in a drunken stupor. You’d be fine you reasoned. You were always fine. Until that guy with a knife appeared and you didn’t have any money left to give him and that answer angered him, and then you were bleeding on the ground.

The last thing you saw was a man with black eyes and black hair and a pale face running up, muttering obscenities under his breath, clearly panicked. All youcould wonder was why there was no one to look out for you at that moment.

You woke up in a bed that wasn’t familiar in a room you’d never seen. You sat upand saw your shirt still had the hole from where you’d been stabbed, but yourskin was unbroken underneath. You had been certain you were dying on that street. Was this some kind of weird hospital? Had you been in a coma for years? What was going on?

You got out of the bed and moved quietly toward the door. As you wandered down the dark hallway, you could hear music playing. Following the sound, you found yourself in a living room, where someone, a man with black hair, sat with his back to you.

“‘Scuse me,” you started and he turned to look at you with those same black eyes you saw when you were on the street. “What the fuck?” you gasped asyou backed away. “Where am I? Where did you take me?” You demanded.

He sat down the book he was reading and strode over to you. “My name isGerard. I’m your guardian demon and for the sake of honesty, its my fault you’redead.”

“I’m dead?!” You shrieked. “Demon? Am I in hell?!”

“Not exactly. You’re at my place, which dimensionally speaking, is earth-adjacent… on the hell side. Come sit down, I’ll explain everything.”

“No! I wanna go home!”

Gerard winced. “That’s the thing sugar, this is your home now.”

Gerard had to rush to help you sit down, as your legs seemingly were not working at the moment and you looked like you were about to collapse.

“You see,” he started once you were seated, “most of you humans have guardian angels. A few of you lucky ones get us, guardian demons.”

“How is that lucky? I’m doomed to hell before I even get a crack at life?” Youargued.

“Oh you aren’t doomed, you’re destined to become a demon as well. Knowing you guarding another luck human soul until its time they join our ranks.”

“Then what am I doing here?”

“You weren’t supposed to be dead yet. I fucked up.”

“Shocker.”

Gerard descended upon you, his face inches from yours. “Oh sugar, didn’t I dowell for the last however many years? Didn’t you have a life anyone could wishfor?”

You didn’t know how to respond, so you just swallowed thickly.

“I thought so,” he said righting himself. “Besides, my duty to you is not relieved now that you are deceased. We need to keep you hidden here so management doesn’t know that I-”

“Fucked up and let me die.”

Gerard glared down at you. “Exactly. But don’t worry sugar, I intend to keeptaking the best care of you. I promise you that.”

Despite Gerard’s explanation of events you still weren’t totally convinced he wasn’t full of shit. That was until he left you alone in the living area for a whileand you snuck over to the window to look out.

His apartment was a couple stories up on a busy street. But instead of the usualbustle of cars and people there were what could only be described as creatures.

Sure some of them, like Gerard, looked human, save for the black eyes, or horns sticking out of their hair. Some looked like something you’d read about in ahorror novel. You watched wide eyed as they passed along the sidewalk belowyou, going about their demonic business.

“Believe me now?” Gerard asked, startling you away from the window.

“Sure,” you said sitting down again. It was all too much to take. “But what am Igonna until my destined death day?”

“Think of it as if its one of those days you called out sick from work so you couldsit and watch hours of TV.”

“I’m doomed to watch Judge Judy and Maury forever?! I mean one day is fine, but for eternity?!”

“No, anything you want to watch, read, listen to, its all at your disposal,” heexplained.

“Will I need to do live human stuff like… eat or sleep again?”

“Totally optional,” he said. “Just like all other carnal needs.”

You just rolled your eyes and went to examine the bookshelf. Not surprisingly itwas filled with books on the occult, as well as a lot on history, art and music.

“’Bout what I expected,” you said running your fingers over the spines of thebooks, “for a demon.” When you glanced up Gerard was watching youintently and it made you shiver involuntarily.

“Help yourself to any of them. I have to go meet up with some associates. Don’tanswer the door if anyone comes around, remember, you’re alive.”

You just rolled your eyes as you pulled a book off the shelf and sat down to read.

You had no idea how long had passed, time being more of a human construct it would appear by the lack of clocks in the apartment. Or maybe they weren’t andGerard’s lack of time management was the cause of your current, or ratherpermanent, state of being.

Eventually you got up and watched the demons on the street for a while, then wandered through the rest of the apartment. Who knew Demons would be so sensible as to have guest bedrooms? The closet will full of clothes that seemed to be similar to the style you like while you were alive. You changed out of the shirt you died in, a thought that made you shudder, and into one that was less holey.

Moving on you noted there was no bathroom, but that made sense given what he had said about things that were “optional”. The kitchen was impressivelystocked with rich foods and fancy wines and liquors. Maybe Gerard liked toentertain? Well he wasn’t doing that impressive of a job of it right now youthought as you found yourself getting bored.

As if on cue, Gerard burst through the door. “Miss me sugar?” He askedas he breezed into the kitchen where you were still standing, feeling slightlyguilty, like you were somewhere you shouldn’t have been.

“Not really,” you mumbled.

“Oh come on sugar,” he said slinking up to you and grazing your cheek with hisfingers, “is that anyway to talk to your roommate?”

You made a disgusted noise and rolled your eyes before pushing past him.

“This is gonna be a fucking long eternity,” he muttered under his breath.

The thing you most enjoyed about not being alive was similar to your favorite part of being alive: sleeping. You would sleep as long as you wanted without any repercussions or judgement from others. Gerard certainly didn’t mind, as this left more time for him to do whatever he wanted since he no longer had to watch over you so closely.

Soon though he realized he missed it. He was fond of you, as he had to be based on the nature of the work, but he always enjoyed making trouble for the people who pissed you off during the day. Now he watched as a dark cloud started to gather over your waking hours, the shelves of books and movies and music no longer drawing your interest like it used to. One evening he walked into the living room to find you staring blankly at the wall.

“Novelty of it has worn off, hasn’t it?” He asked.

“Yea, and the permanence is setting in,” you sighed.

Gerard sat down next to you. “I am truly sorry. You probably don’t believe me,but its true.”

“What happened that night?” You asked as you let your head fall against hisshoulder and he moved his arm so it was around you.

“Remember that guy that was bothering you at the bar earlier in the night?”

“Yea…”

“I scared him off, that’s why he left you alone. He found someone else and theywere gonna hook up in the bathroom and I made sure that the whiskey he wasdrinking lived up to its reputation.”

You chuckled at the thought of the douche who had been talking such big game all night not being able to perform.

“I got carried away, but I’ve always hated guys like that,” Gerard admitted.“There really is a special place in hell for them.”

“Good,” you said, as you settled into him even more. A small smile tugged at his lips. “What else did you do for me?”

Gerard reclined to get more comfortable as he launched into his favorite stories of when he dealt out cosmic retribution on your behalf.

“You’re evil, but like, good evil,” you hummed as you slid down so you were laying against his chest. His arms wrapped around you protectively.

The next thing you knew you were being awakened by a hammering at the door. You both sat bolt upright and looked at each other.

“Gerard, you home?” a voice called from the other side.

“Go hide in your room,” he whispered and you hurried off and Gerard went to thedoor.

“Frank, what’s going on?” Gerard asked coolly.

“You got a hot little succubus in there?” Frank asked trying to look past Gerard.

“What’s going on Frank?” Gerard asked again, sounding more exasperated.

“Management is starting to ask about your human. No one has seen her in a while. You still keeping track of her?”

“Of course,” Gerard lied easily. “She’s just been dealing with some shit, so she’sbeen laying low.”

Frank nodded skeptically. “Just looking out for you. I’d hate to have you get fired,that would mean more work for me,” he laughed. “Besides, you know what happens when you get fired.”

Gerard nodded, trying not to let the nerves show. He remembered the last time another demon got fired. He couldn’t sleep for weeks it shook him so bad.

“Alright, I’ll leave you be, I know you got someone in there,” Frank smirked as he left.

Gerard went back to your room and found you hiding in the closet. “You’re good.”

“What’s going on?” You asked getting up.

“I’m gonna have to go topside and act like you’re still alive, or else I’m as deadas you.”

“Demons can die?”

“Not exactly the same, but it sure as shit ain’t pretty when it happens,” Gerard muttered.

“I wish I could help.”

“Not your fault, sugar,” he said as he headed back toward the front door. “I gottaclean up my mess for a while.”

“When will you be back?”

“You’ll barely know I’m gone,” he winked.

You spent what felt like forever sitting around, bored and lonely and thinking.Thinking for hours about what Gerard was risking keeping you here, and everything he had done for you your whole life. When the door finally opened again, you jumped up excitedly.

“Hey sugar,” he greeted you with a smile.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yea, we’re good for a while,” he said shrugging off his jacket. “I don’t thinkanyone will be asking questions anytime soon.”

“Good,” you said as you walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug.

Gerard stiffened momentarily, surprised by the affection, but then softened andwrapped his arms around you as well. “You decided you like me then?”

“Maybe it’s just Stockholm Syndrome, but yea, I think I do kinda like you after all. I have really did have the time of my life when I was alive, and I know you’re tothank for a lot of that,” you said before leaning up and placing a kiss on hischeek.

When you pulled back, he was looking down at you fondly. He reached up and ran his fingers along your jaw and leaned in and kissed you deeply. His lips tasted like coffee and red hots, as his arms wrapped around you and held you closer to him. You ran your hands through his dark hair and allowed his tongue to slip in against yours.

You pulled back and Gerard looked at you in confusion until you grabbed him by the collar and pulled him along back to the bedroom. He started to undo the buttons of his shirt as you peeled yours off as well. You pulled Gerard back to you again and your lips met as you tumbled against the bed. Gerard held himself over you as he undid his pants, and you slipped out of yours as well. Clad only in your respective undergarments, you continued your heated make out session, tongues moving together, hands roaming over bare skin, marks left upon necks. After what could have been 10 minutes, or maybe a decade, Gerard pulled back and looked down at you “(YN), I’ve never felt like this before,” he whispered.

“What, demons don’t do emotions?”

“Yea, but not usually love.”

You looked up at him and grinned. “Yea, I think I’d like to spend eternity here with you.”

Gerard grinned and rolled over to your side. You curled against him as he wrapped his arms around you and you both fell asleep peacefully.

#Anon #gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction #demon!gerard way #demon gerard way x reader

84 notes · View notes

shinneth · 5 years ago

Text

subject to future deletion

Normally I wouldn’t resort to that and I might end up being too lazy to do it anyway, but between getting sick again, dealing with some very intense verbal abuse every day irl, and the monthly burdens of the gender, I’m really not in a good place right now and I need to vent something.

It’s officially gotten bad enough to interfere with my ability to write, even though I’m at a point in my current story that I’ve been very eager to reach... and every step of the way I’m struggling to write it and I hate what I currently have and it’s taking everything in my current power to not just scrap it entirely.

Basically, I think I’m failing as a writer.

The irl stuff is actually not what I’m gonna get into because it’s really nothing new and it’ll probably resolve itself, but the side-effect of suffering that kind of negativity is that it enhances lingering negative feelings you’ve had about other things.

Namely, things you do to get away from the pains of the real world. The things you do to have fun and get some enjoyment out of life, no matter how challenging it is to be in this thing because it’s so wrongfully derided and demonized by the majority of your peers.

I try to keep telling myself it’s just because I’m still relatively very new to the fandom compared to my contemporaries, but as I’m typing this right now and listening to my favorite wrestler Shelton Benjamin in an interview, immediately I see the pit I’m starting to fall into.

Like, it’s uncanny. This is what he said as I started on the above paragraph:

“If I sit and constantly compare myself to other people’s successes, you would drive yourself crazy. Because no matter what, there’s always someone who’s gonna be more successful.”

“I need to remember where I come from; how far I’ve came.”

Basically, in the very small world of Stevidot (and to a lesser extent, SU’s fandom as a whole), despite my efforts, I feel very much like the Shelton Benjamin in a small, dedicated group of talented Stevidot content creators.

Which is to say, I’m basically a midcarder in the mix with a bunch of top-tier legends. Shelton graduated from the same group as some modern very well-known mainstream stars that I can easily associate with a very well-known and accomplished Stevidot contributor.

Shelton graduated with the likes of John Cena, Brock Lesnar, Dave Batista, and Randy Orton. At least half of those names should be at least vaguely familiar for my followers as most of them have had such great success that they’re known in avenues beyond wrestling (save for Randy Orton, but he’s well past outshined his father as a legendary wrestler who’ll never be forgotten).

I could easily say Watcher is the John Cena of Stevidot, while Platon’s probably the Brock Lesnar... sinderella0069′s the Batista. But I honestly don’t feel like I’ve done enough (or stood out enough) to even be a Randy Orton for this pairing. I’d at least give that honor to Ig just for being so active with it on Tumblr despite the wave of hatred thrown her way (even though she’s shifted focus onto Stevinel now).

Again, I keep trying to tell myself that it’s because I’m not even remotely as tenured in the fandom as any of them are.

Then I see this said in a review on a very recently-made Stevidot story...

And said reviewer has not once ever left a review on any Stevidot story of mine. Not even a follow or a favorite or a goddamned kudos. Considering I currently have an actively-updated Stevidot story going on (and a two-shot that I just did last month), I highly doubt my stuff was just overlooked.

Now, is it true that Stevidot is hard to come by? Of course it is. But this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a fellow Stevidot fan lament about the lack of Stevidot content while completely disregarding anything I contribute.

I know there’s one that outright doesn’t like my content based on personal taste (nothing to do with Stevidot itself, just how I execute it). There’s another big-name who shows no interest whatsoever in reading what I have to offer - and at this point I feel that’s for the best, because I have a feeling they’d hate my execution as well.

While I’ve always primarily written for myself, I also felt a great fulfillment for providing content for a niche crowd that really deserves more than what they have. I think Stevidot’s a fantastic pairing with tons of unexplored potential and should be much more readily available than it actually is. Even if I tend to not get many reviews, I keep track of the site traffic every day on my stories and I know for sure that there are people reading my stuff. Since I’m really bad at leaving reviews myself, I go out of my way not to whine about not having very many overall for my series since I’d be a huge-ass hypocrite to do so.

However.

Statements like the the aforementioned review and statements I’ve seen elsewhere by those who I know are at least aware of me are like stakes through the heart.

Because it can only mean one thing: my content doesn’t count.

I’m honestly not sure which is worse for me; being critically panned for the stuff I’ve put my all into over the past year, or being treated like my stuff doesn’t even exist.

I prided myself on contributing as much as I did for Stevidot over this past year. Quantity doesn’t = automatic quality, but I’ve got 20+ years of writing experience in, so even someone with a shit self-esteem like myself can’t just say I’m an objectively bad writer, because I’m not.

But apparently it doesn’t matter that I put in over half a million worlds in the name of Stevidot to a good chunk of the very tiny Stevidot fanbase; according to them, my contributions are irrelevant.

Is it my fault?

One thing I will admit is a detriment to my particular brand of Stevidot is that, save for one story (which happens to be by far my most successful Stevidot story in terms of recognition numbers), the rest of my series follows a continuous narrative that greatly deviates from canon as of Change Your Mind. I’m also notoriously a very verbose kind of writer - I have the tl;dr curse something fierce.

So all stories I’ve written since my main 3-act series (which ended up being nearly 200k in length on its own) have been direct sequels to that. Because of the heavy deviation from CYM, the environment of the following stories is very different and easy to get lost in if you skipped GA entirely.

Because there are so many dangling threads and new opportunities to be had after GA ended, I basically committed myself to my AU.

It’s not like anyone else is going to explore these possibilities.

Beyond that, honestly, I just don’t want to rewire my brain back to the canon status quo - not after the shitloads of character development I’ve not only given Steven and Peridot, but nearly everyone at this point has had a moment or two of really intense character growth.

I like having Peridot co-star with Steven. I like having her become a more competent and active teammate than she’s portrayed in canon (while still giving her comic relief moments). I like that I didn’t redeem the Diamonds and instead had them killed off to force our protagonists to deal with the fallout of the collapse of a mighty empire on a much grander scale than what’s going on in the actual show.

In a way, this AU of mine has helped me cope with the shortcomings of the show itself. I already went on a stupid tirade once about how the sadistic nature of my writing has basically made me no-sell whatever trauma Rebecca Sugar’s throwing on Steven and upsetting everyone else. I’m still fairly certain I’m still outdoing her in that department.

And because 100% of my passion for creating Stevidot is through this narrative I weaved, I have no desire to leave it.

So I’ll admit my stories aren’t exactly the most accessible to the average reader who hasn’t been following my work since Day 1.

Then again... I first got into Sinderella’s series completely ass-backwards at first. I eventually read it in the proper order, and like many of the great Stevidot epics, it’s canon divergent from a much earlier point in the series, so it was very easy to get confused about why certain things happened differently at first... but ultimately, I wasn’t that bothered by it because I just wanted some good Stevidot. I’d figure out the finer details later.

I really do owe this author more props than I’ve actually given - she’s one out of two readers I know for a fact have been following my series since the beginning without missing a beat. I’ll probably review her newest story sooner or later now that it’s complete.

Not gonna lie, though... when I saw our numbers side-by-side like this:

Considering they’re very similar stories (Stevidot smuts that were originally meant to be one-shots), mine is over a month old and hers is only a few days old and there’s already that big of a gap in our numbers?

It’s hard not to feel like a failure; like I did something horribly wrong to suck this bad by comparison.

I really should stress that I bear no ill will against Sinderella or any Stevidot author; this isn’t a competition, so this isn’t a matter of popularity. I knew coming into this that I wouldn’t get popular overnight; especially not with such an unpopular ship being the focus of my story.

But when other Stevidot stories get frequent reviewers that I’ve never seen once acknowledge my stories even passively, I can’t help but feel like I’ve massively fucked up somewhere. That despite all my efforts, I might as well be invisible. When they say “Oh, good thing your story is here! It’s been such a Stevidot drought around here until you came along!” to other authors after I’ve written half a million fucking words in under a year for this ship...

You know, is it unreasonable to feel that I utterly fucking failed in several ways?

I guess it’s no wonder why I’m struggling to keep writing. I still want to - like I said, I’m at a part I’ve been eager to write for a while now - but ever since I started it, I’ve just hated almost all of what I have so far (almost 8k words). And I’m really having trouble trying to salvage it.

I’m honestly not the type who’d scrap all my progress and start from scratch once I’ve gotten this far in. But maybe I’ll have to make an exception this time, because I think I finally made the mistake of trying to write while being mentally and emotionally distraught.

I thought I’d calm down once I wrote all this out, but honestly, I’m not really feeling it. Now I’m wondering if I should have just reached out to someone instead of making this, because now I’ll come off as a whiner with my pansy-ass first-world problems.

But then again, I’d be an asshole to subject anyone to my idiotic woes.

Maybe this’ll pass. I’m hoping it’ll pass. I really, really really really don’t want to lose my drive to write again. I was used to it coming and going in short and random spurts for almost all my life - then it finally came to me and stayed with me just a little under a year ago, and I’ve been desperate not to let it go because I’ve been more productive now than I’ve ever been in my 20+ tenure as a writer.

I don’t want this to go away. There’s still so much more I want to tell.

But then my logic goes... if you tell the story and no one’s there to hear it, is it ever really told?

#irl shit #stevidot #fanfiction #writing #self-esteem issues #self-worth issues #a cry for help #or therapy #or something #I probably shouldn't have made this #where did i go wrong

7 notes · View notes