#ig i built up an emotional blockade in response (though i Know i can feel it. can't emphasize enough that familial love feels euphoric)
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"what does familial affection feel like" normal person questions to ask at midnight
#and for normal person purposes (fic writing)#kalat incoming but i'm absolutely certain i've felt it at a time when i thought my family was safe and would describe it as euphoric but#at the same time i have vague recollections of people describing their affection towards their family members in ways i couldn't relate to#warmth? i think i've felt warmth but not as deeply. protectiveness yeah sometimes. crying for them when they're in pain#the negative leaning emotions outweigh the positive ones#bc i'll hear someone go 'i want to wipe my little sibling's tears away when they're sad' or 'i desperately want to give my dad a hug' and#in spite of having family members who are more affectionate than most ppl get#i just don't feel that??#then again safety and security have always felt conditional on assimilation and i knew that as a kid#ig i built up an emotional blockade in response (though i Know i can feel it. can't emphasize enough that familial love feels euphoric)#anyway this was spurred by me writing the line 'he wished to wipe [his tears] away' and going wait is that normal#just an extremely weird juxtaposition bc my entire family are close and emotional and affectionate but at the same time#emotionally closed off??? like it's a fucking stage play and you have to look nice for god#eugh#kalat#pamilya
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