#if you've been following me long enough to remember this sketch then you deserve a senior discount tbh

[bugborgs]

@bugborgweek2023 day 07: free day

last day babeeeyyy

i was really indecisive with what i wanted to do for the last day to the point of starting several other draws that ended up scrapped and eventually just took an old sketch i still liked and painted over it :]

i'm sad that bugborgweek is over, but it's been so much fun participating and seeing everyone else's works throughout the week! thank you to the hosts for making this happen <3!

[starryyyjoon]

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Δ

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.

[urmysilverlining]

Night Alone

Limply lengthening your arm along the opposite side of the bed, you find inches and inches of sheets giving you the good morning. Or, maybe, you should say the good night, since it’s still dark out of your window.

You get up and cross the hallway, accessing the room in front of yours. As soon as you turn down the handle and come in, you are blinded by a bright yellow light, coming from a lamp on top of a desk.

“What have we said about working late at night?” you lean down to hug your boyfriend, whispering in his ear.

“It’s 2 am, go back to sleep” he caresses your arms, slightly turning his head to look at you, as he was the one worrying about your lack of sleep. That’s so typical of Mac.

“We’ve already talked about this, you’ve been working too hard and need to get some rest. There are bags under your eyes.” You sit on top of the table with all his spread out documents, not caring about hindering him from going on with his work, but aiming to that, indeed. “We should go out more often: you’ve been so busy lately, it’s like we never have fun anymore. Our friends noticed, too.”

While talking, you slowly let your bare feet slip over his knees, along his thighs, waiting for him to make a move.

“For how much I enjoy what you’re trying to do, I’m really busy, and what you’re doing is distracting” he half-smiles you, but not the loving or playful kind of smile you wished for.

“I thought you liked spending time with me, I mean, you asked me to move together! Have you changed your mind?”

Mac rubs his face with his hands, showing all his tiredness, not only physical but also emotional. He stays silent for what it seems like the longest minute of your life, then he answers: “I’m sorry Y/N, I know that I’m not giving you the attention you deserve lately. The research of my father is becoming ever more exhausting and the more I get close, the more I feel like something always misses. But asking you to come live with me is the best decision I’ve ever made and I will never regret it.”

He gently pulls you towards him, making you sit on his lap: from the way he holds you close to him and kisses you, you know he isn’t lying. His warm hands give you chills in all your body, like it was the first time he has ever touched you, making you wish this could lead to something more than another night alone.

“Can we go to bed, now? You demand him, undoing the first buttons of his shirt.

“What about you wait me there while I put away this stuff?” This suggestion leaves you confused, but too afraid to ruin the atmosphere you have finally set up, you just nod and do as he asked you.

While you are waiting for him in your bed, a myriad of thoughts run through your head. The most importunate and painful of all, is the one telling you that maybe your relationship with Mac is not as important to him as it is for you.

When Mac wakes up and walks in the kitchen, he finds you already dressed up, without any apparent reason.

“Have I missed a call from work?” He lays his hands on your hips, getting you closer for a kiss.

You move your face, avoiding it. Looking at the confused expression on his face, few inches far from yours, you say: “Mac, we need to talk”

“Is it because of last night, isn’t it? When I came to bed you were sleeping so well and I didn’t want to wake you up…"

“It’s because we missed a chance to be together. Again.”

“We got time, now. What about we get back to bed and eat breakfast there?” He rubs his nose against your cheek, in the way you always find so tender, and places a kiss between your jaw and neck.

Mac never fails to make you feel special, when you are together. The problem is that time is always so little, and not because of missions, as you would have expected.

Even if his closeness makes it hard, you go on with your speech. “Mac, I have the feeling that you only have time for me when you got nothing better to do, sometimes…”

He presses his lips together and slowly breathes in and out, as he does when he’s nervous or doesn’t know from where to start to solve a problem. You can bet that he would rather defuse a bomb right now, than facing this conversation with you. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you? I feel like what I do is never enough for you…”

“I’m sorry if thirty minutes before going to work is not enough for me.” You leave your cup on the table and walk towards your bedroom.

Mac follows you and takes your wrist, obliging you to turn and takes a pause from what you’re doing: “You know that’s way more than what you said, at least that's what it means for me…”

“You are always busy, and I feel like I’m just a weight for you in this moment. This situation gets me so confused about us, I would like to come back to my house, at least for awhile…”

——————————————————————————

You lay down the big carton box you were holding between your hands, and insert the key in the door lock. With only one turn, you hear the click, meaning that the door is open. You look at Riley, that was helping to take back your things from Mac’s house, and say: “This is really weird, I am sure to have closed the door this morning”

Before your friend could give you an answer, you look inside of your apartment and find it in a state of chaos.

“Someone has been here” Riley says shocked, as she was reading your mind.

You walk in, followed by her, and start to put back in place the furniture and ornaments that have been overturned, the clothes and personal stuff that have been pulled out from your drawers and wardrobe.

“Apparently nothing has been stolen but this doesn’t make me feel more comfortable.” You affirm, at end of your inspection.

After years of work on the field, you know that nobody breaks in someone’s else house without a good reason. Maybe they were looking for something valuable and didn’t find anything, even your television is vintage, after all. Or someone was just trying to scare you out: with your job, it wouldn’t be the first time you receive menaces of revenge. If this is the case, whoever did this, sure succeeded in his attempt to frighten you.

“I think that you should call Mac and tell him what happened” Riley suggests, noticing your disquietude.

“He already has a lot of thoughts about his father. I can handle this by myself.”

But you know that Riley is way more determined than this, so you’re not surprised when she replies: “I have no doubts about it, but I think he would like to know if his girlfriend got any kind of problems.”

——————————————————————————

“Earth calls Y/N” Matty’s voice distracts you from your stream of thoughts. You lift your eyes from the sketches you’ve drawn on your piece of paper, during the long debriefing session, and nod to your boss.

Walking out the war room, Riley asks you: “Any news about who broke in your apartment? Have you told you-know-who about it?” She slightly waves her head in Mac’s direction.

“No, we haven’t talked a lot lately and it wouldn’t feel right to call him just because I need his help”

“So, do you admit it?”

“What?”

“That you need his help.” She affirms satisfied, as she just made you confess your worst secret. “That’s why you have been so distracted during the last weeks?”

“One of the reasons, not the only one. I don’t feel comfortable in my house after what happened. I am barely able to sleep at night.”

You look at Mac, talking with Jack and Matty in the room, and think how much you miss doing everything with him. Despite of all your problems, you’ve always felt safe knowing you were sleeping under the same roof. You feel so stupid having left the most beautiful place on Earth.

“You know there’s a solution to that, just talk with him” your friend says, before leaving you alone in the hallways of the Phoenix. You feel like a teenager waiting for his boyfriend to pick her up out of school.

“What do yo do still here?” His voice makes you turn to look at him. You can feel by his tone that it’s not everything alright yet, but at least you are talking to each other, now. That’s a little step ahead.

“I was waiting for you. Can we talk?” You answer, playing with your fingers nervously.

He nods to Jack to go ahead without him, then waits for you to say something.

“Mac, could you take me back home? I mean, if you don’t have any other plans for tonight…”

He’s surprised by your request, but you’re sure he didn’t get this is your clumsy way to say that you miss him.

"Something happened to your car?”

You shake your head: “No, it’s not about my car. Someone broke in my apartment a couple of weeks ago, and I…”

He doesn’t make you finish your sentence: “What? Why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“You have already a lot of stuff to deal with, and I was afraid that you would have overreacted”

“Of course, I would have overreacted.” He lifts your chin: “Do you know what they wanted? Or, any clue about who could have been?”

“No, I just found my door unlocked and my house in disorder, but nothing missing. Maybe it was just a gang, my neighborhood is not well populated…”

“I know, this was one of the reason I’ve asked you to come stay with me, remember?” He slightly smiles at you, for the first time in days. Then, he takes your hand and says: “C’mon, I take you home now.”

“I’ve walked around the block twice and I didn’t see any suspicious guy around. I think you’re going to have sweet dreams, tonight.”  Mac gives the last look behind the curtains of your window, to check that everything was quiet around your house.

“Thank you, I feel so stupid having asked you to do this. ”

“Nothing that can make you feel better is stupid.” He gives you one of his soft, reassuring smiles.

You would like to ask him to stay with you tonight, but you've been distant for a while and you don't know at which point is your relationship. Trying not to make it too awkward, you lay your arms around his neck, with the proposition of discovering it: “That’s not the only thing that would make me feel better.”

“What do you want me to do? Do you need a massage, a cup of tea, a hot bath?”

You can’t help but smile hearing that he would like to do all these things for you. Then pretending to think about what making him do, you go sit on the couch and say: “I would like to watch a movie together, like we used to do during our first dates. Do you remember?” 

Mac puts one dvd in the recorder, and sits next to you. In the darkness of your living room, he looks at your face, only lighted by the tv screen: “I can’t believe I got the first date, let alone a whole year”

“I knew that I was making the right choice.” you whisper, during the opening titles.

“And are you still sure, now? I mean, after the fight we had, and your decision to go back to your apartment...”

“Of course, I am. It’s just that I’ve missed these kind of moments in the last period”

“It’s not going to happen again, Y/N. I’ve put on sale my dad’s watch. I’ve decided to take a break from my research …”

You widen your eyes: “What does it mean? You’ve spent so much time in this, do you want to give up now?”

“I don’t even know if he stopped one second from what he’s doing to look out for me. While there’s a person right here, that really cares for me and seeks for my attention, and I don’t want to spend my time doing anything else than being with her”

“Mac, this is not what I wanted…” 

“I know, but I don’t care, I don’t want you to think that you’re anything else than my top priority.”

Before you could reply, he starts kissing you. Neither the movie would have distracted him from you that night.

[wrayghtings]

To My Future Self

Summary: A letter to myself.

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.x.

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To my future self.

There are so many things I wish for you. So many things I hope for. Stability, love, acceptance, strength, health and happiness and so much more! I wish for these things because some of them, I don't have so strongly today. Others, I hope you have plentiful of, even though today I have them as well.  

I hope you're healthy and stable, and don't need or want for much. When you are in tough financial time, I hope you at least have the support around you to help you out of those situations. I hope you have support of all kinds. That family and friends are there at your side through any and all hardships. That you can go to them just as they know they could come to you

I hope you don't have everything figured out. That there are still lessons you need to learn, but the ones you have learned from have benefited you even if they hurt. I hope you faced no mistake you couldn't handle and you stood back up where you never imagined you could. That you've faced and surpassed obstacles you never believed possible. I know today I am strong, and I hope my strength has grown and you are a better me for it.

I hope you read this and all I have hoped for so far is reality. All I've listed and a million other good little things I would've never thought to mention. That way, I have some pleasant surprises ahead of me.

If not yet, and you're in a tough time now, then maybe you're smiling at this because you have forgotten about this letter for some time and it reminds you of that optimism you felt so strongly while writing this. If times are tough now, I hope you don't simply remember that optimism, I hope you feel it. I hope these words remind you of your strength, because you are strong, even in times that feel overwhelming. You can get through anything. I believe that, and I hope that belief hasn't been snuffed out.

As far as love goes, it doesn't matter where it's from. A lover, a friend, a pet or whatever else, I hope you have love in your life. I hope you have all kinds of love and support. Passion even! Passion for things I love today! That no matter how old you are, your childish interest haven't faded. That watching cartoons and obsessing over shows still makes your heart a little lighter. Maybe, you have even more fandoms then I do today. I hope you have new passions as well as old ones. That art and writing are still great loves of yours. That typing up a story still transfers you to a clear, happy headspace. With drawing, I hope you still get lost in your creations. That you still sit for hours, not really realizing the passage of time, as you sketch away and your body cramps from being still in one position for so long.

Above so many things, I hope so desperately that you're happy.

You deserve to be.

I hope you remember that you weren't at 22.

That while you had love and support, you still had so much piling up inside that you could never put into words. I hope you've figured it out by now. How to put it into words. How to process and talk about the bottles cracking inside you.

It's okay if you haven't.

It's okay not to be happy.

I have trusted and loved and it hasn't always worked out. Maybe it's happened since writing this and you have had to deal with the scars and emotions since. But I know you will get through it because I know I will get through what I'm facing today. I have hope the future is better and that you are smiling and nodding along by way of saying that it is. If it's not, I hope your future self reads this later. When it is better. When she has worked things out. Because she is you, and you are me, and I believe I will be okay.

Above so many things, I wish you could talk to me…

I wish you could leave me a letter to let me know that everything is okay. That I am happy and all those other amazing things and more! That you could tell me it works out and I have something wonderful in looking forward to becoming you. There are so many days where it all seems so bleak. Where it feels like I'm not strong enough for myself. It hurts giving myself the pep talks to keep pushing through when part of me just wants to give in to the self deprecation and drown myself in the hurt. Some days, I don't look forward to being you. I am afraid some days that I'll simply never leave behind the pain. That'll it will follow me and swallow me. But I have hope. So much more of me, bigger than the darkness and bitterness, hope's for something better. That you are better than I am today.

Thinking of you, my future self, gives me more strength to treat myself with respect and love. Because it is you who deserves better than the version of you writing this. The burdens I carry today I hope you don't. That somewhere between me and you, I let go of the baggage. I know there may have been other hardships along the way, but it's me who's making the choice to do better for you...so there is less for you to drag around.

Remember me. Remember me with fond bitterness. Remember this version of yourself as you scoff and shake your head thinking "how could I have ever looked at myself with so much negativity." Remember me and look at yourself as you love and appreciate how much you have grown. One day, I know my future self that has found in herself love, acceptance and completeness will read this and do just that. She is the person I fight for today.

To her, and every version of myself in between, you will be okay.

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.x

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Also on my fictionpress.com page! Follow me there for easy access to my stories! I always upload there at least a day before tumblr!

[malfoy-allhailtheprince]

Draco gave a slow turn in the mirror, double, triple checking her appearance from the very top of her platinum blonde hair to the beautiful, extremely expensive heels on her feet.

Everything, so far, had gone absolutely perfect. The venue for both their wedding ceremony and their reception to follow were beautiful - a winter wedding in December, just as Draco had always dreamed. Their decor was nearly all white with soft touches of deep forest green, bright scarlet and deep navy blues.

But the best of all was her dress.

As long as she had remembered, Draco had loved fashion, both wizard and muggle (a secret she had kept for a long time). By the time the war had come about, she had sketch book after sketch book filled with her designs - beautiful clothing that mixed her favorite elements of both types of fashion. This had been her ultimate dream - to design and create her own wedding gown.

All of her efforts had paid off.

An off the shoulder gown that dipped between her breasts, her thin arms covered in white lace. The dress was form fitting to her tiny waist and hips, straight down her legs where it fell in an elegant train. Layers of satin and lace, buttoned up the back with a line of genuine pearls.

Her platinum hair fell to her waist in gentle curls, pulled half up and decorated with shimmering silver and ivory pearls. Her makeup was impeccably done, lashes long and thick, lips colored in red. She wore no jewelry other than the delicate pearls in her ears and her beautiful engagement ring that Carey had given her after the war had ended.

Carey had saved her, her whole family. She had had no doubt that he would - not only did his family hold immense power, but Carey himself was a war hero. Nothing like the cowardice she had shown.

It had nearly torn them apart.

But she didn't want to focus on that right now. All of that was behind her now.

"You look beautiful, my darling." Her mother spoke softly behind her as she pinned her thin lace veil into her hair. "Thank you, mum." She replied with a soft smile before giving a soft laugh. "I'm not nervous at all. Is that strange?" Her mother smiled warmly, turning Draco to face her, positioning her veil just so. "Not at all, my sweet. You've always loved being the center of attention." She teased, moving to adjust some of her curls before she cupped her cheek. "Of course you're not nervous, darling. You've loved Carey since you before you were even a teenager. You grew up together; you know your souls are meant for each other. You're one of the very lucky ones, Draco. To find a man you love who loves you so much, who you love equally. You and I are both lucky in that respect."

"My ears are burning."

The two women turned to spot Lucius Malfoy standing in the doorway, black dress robes impeccable, hair tied back, smiling softly at the both of them.

Despite what Draco had thought previously, the war and the trials that followed had been amazing for her relationship with her father. He had fallen to his knees before her when they were arrested, begging her and her mother for their forgiveness. It had shocked the both of them, but it had meant the world.

Once Carey had come to save them, once they had been released from the chains holding them in their seats before the Wizengamot, Draco had sprinted to Carey, falling in his arms. He had come back with them to the Manor and she had overheard the man speaking with her betrothed.

"I gave my blessing long ago. And you know I have never faltered on that decision. But now more than ever, you have proven to me that you deserve my Draconia. Just promise me, Carey, that you'll give her enough happiness to make up for all my wrongdoing."

Lucius stepped forward now, smiling at his daughter. "You look beautiful, love." "Thank you, father." She stood on her tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

As Narcissa handed her the bouquet of white roses, tied at the base with silver, Lucius offered her his arm, Draco smiling warmly at him as she took it.

Everything was perfect. Everything was finally the way it was always supposed to be.

The Start of The Rest of Our Lives || Draco x Carey

Carey smiled, looking at himself in the mirror.

He couldn’t remember the last time he wore a tux. The colors of his boutonniere matching the theme his future wife had set up. He wanted everything to go perfect for his princess.

He was sure that she had everything pre-planned since they had been betrothed in their younger years as there wasn’t really much left to do. She had already designed her own dress as well.

It had only been about six months since after the trials that their wedding was occurring. Not that he minded at all, it gave Draco the distraction she needed.

He had saved the entire Malfoy line that day.

When he went to the courts and reminded them of the laws with his family, the laws that made Draco safe from harm and death. Even her family was spared, and Draco was beyond grateful.

He made sure that Draco invite the Minister himself to the wedding ceremony so he would know it wasn’t a farce. He was a good man, sure, but he had his doubts on their love.

Right, a Phoenix marrying anyone out of pity was sure to kill him, and no one wanted that.

He rolled his eyes at the thought.

“Son, what kind of thought is on your mind that would make you roll your eyes on such a day?” Azalea asked.

“Ah, nothing important really.” He sighed, “I just find it frustrating how some people still question my love for Draco is all.”

“Oh, you mean that stupid Minister out there on the benches? Pay him no mind. Very few people know of us, and those that do will never fully understand us.”

“Yeah, you’re definitely right on that part. Draco only knows about any of this because she’ll become one soon enough.” He smiled, “I can’t wait to see how beautiful she’ll look as a Phoenix. I bet she’ll look like a goddess.”

@malfoy-allhailtheprince

[voidchangeling]

A Message From the Sides

Logan: Don't forget to take your medicines, take a break to stretch, get yourself some water and snacks, and get to sleep at a reasonable time. Even though you think you don't deserve those things or that you don't need them, I can assure you that you're doing a wonderful job, even if you are struggling. Your emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing is vital for you to succeed, to feel and be healthy, and to be happy. Always do your best and don't stress over one bad grade or one assignment. You are doing wonderfully, and I'm sure that I am not the only one who is proud of you. Take care of yourself, and just do your best. I have faith in you.

Roman: Stuck on that story you've been writing? Staring at a blank page of a sketch/notebook? That's okay! Creative block happens to everyone! You are not a failure if you can't produce content every day, every week, even every month! Make content that makes you happy and inspires you, and do it in your own time. Followers who truly appreciate you will love your content no matter when it comes out or what it is. Just remember, you are not a failure if you can't think of ideas right away, or if you haven't produced content in a long time. You can do things no one else can! Your words and drawings are your own! Let them fly!

Patton: It's okay if you can't take care of everybody! If you spread yourself out too thin, you won't be able to help others or, more importantly, yourself. Yes, it's good to make sure your friends and family know that you love them and that you are there for them, but don't beat yourself over not being able to help everyone. You are only one person, and listening to people all the time can be very mentally and emotionally draining. Make sure that You have someone to listen to as well. Your efforts are loved and appreciated, and even if you think you aren't doing enough, it is enough. You are enough.

Virgil: Look, I know that sometimes doing big presentations or performances can be really scary, but I know you can do it. If you stutter over stumble over a few words, it's not the end of the world. Every single person has messed up at least a little when giving a presentation. You worked hard on this project/model/speech/etc, show off your work. Have some confidence in yourself. You deserve recognition and praise for what you've done. If you mess up, that's okay. Don't be overly apologetic or freeze up. You can do this. Just take a deep breath and keep going.

I'm gonna go cry now, excuse me