#if you see someone struggling and they are seconds from 'drowning' make sure theyre not going to go under before working on a rescue plan?

[grinchwrapsupreme]

Saw a post about helping people that used the analogy of "if you see someone fall off a cruiseship and theres a life preserver ring on the wall next to you do you walk away or do you throw them the life preserver? Of course you throw them the life preserver." And i dont want to add to or tag the post with any sort of correction because its literally not the point at all but i am desperate to say that the first thing they teach you when you work on a cruise ship is that if someone falls overboard you Do Not Look Away

If theres a life preserver nearby but you have to turn your back to get it, tough luck. If theres someone nearby who can't hear you but you could run and get them, absolutely not. You see someone go overboard you point at them and never ever let them out of your sight because looking away even once could mean losing them forever, so you just have to trust that someone will hear you scream for help but you cant for any reason look away

And maybe that adds to the life preserver metaphor somehow but mostly i just need you to know if you spot someone in the water you point at them and you watch them close and you scream for help

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Tracks opinions part 1: Janus

(Yes I’m staring with Janus and going backwards, I just need to talk about this snake man right now!)

Alright, I’ve seen lots of people give their takes on each of the sides playlists, and honestly... I feel like they’re not all that similar to my interpretations. I mean yes anyone can interpret the songs how they’d like, but some people just flat out ignore canon to see the songs as their ship instead of what I believe they are actually meant to be seen as. Anyways... Janus! Yes let’s go through each song one by one ����

1) Black Hole Sun: I’ll admit this one was hard for me. The song is obviously so Janus, with plenty of references to snakes and lying, but I can’t seem to put a finger on the exact meaning. If I had to guess, it’s showing Janus’ fist instance of fearing society. He’s realized that the world is not a safe place for Thomas and no one can be trusted (“Times are gone for honest men” “no one sings like you anymore”). He longs for the ignorance of childhood when society didn’t seem to pose a threat and Thomas wasn’t aware of the dangers and lies it held, but he knows that someone has to protect him from it, and that is Janus (“my youth I pray to keep” “hang my head, drown my fear”).

2) Seemed the Better Way: To me, this is a song about Janus knowing his place as a dark side and knowing that the others will not listen to him (“I better hold my tongue” “better take my place”). He initially trusts the core sides to do what needs to be done and take care of Thomas adequately, but when he realizes that it isnt enough, he finds it hard to keep in hiding (“Seemed the better way” “now it’s much too late to turn the other cheek”).

3) Anywhere: A BIG middle finger to society (“It’s a beautiful world, if youve been lied to” “No no no, nothing in this world is beautiful”). Janus basically trusts no one in society, not even the people closest to Thomas because he believes that everyone will do whatever it takes to get what they want (“Every man standing on another man’s back”). He also believes that society has been a huge detriment to Thomas and, AGAIN, is very dangerous (“It’s the world’s excuse for being disfigured and lying to you”).

4) Talking at the same time: This song is about Virgil. The song begins with explaining that a hard time for one person can be a triumph for another in multiple different metaphors (“Umbrellas cost more in the rain” “hard times for some, for others its sweet” “someone makes money when theres blood in the street”). The next part of the song practically shoves it in your face that it’s about virgil leaving (“Well she told me she would leave me, I ignored all the signs” “I know you're leaving and there's no more next time”). Janus was clearly hurt by Virgil leaving and it seems like he was almost in denial about it happening. A line near the end of the song that I found particularly interesting was “Well we bailed out all the millionaires, They've got the fruit, We've got the rind”. This line to me shows that Janus and the other dark sides let Virgil go, possibly in an attempt to get all of the dark sides accepted. Virgil capitalized on this opportunity and of course, got accepted, however, he left the others behind. Despite wanting Virgil to get accepted by the light sides, Janus remains bitter that Virgil was the only one. Virgil got the fruit, and the rest of the dark sides got the rind.

5) All the Good Girls go to Hell: Janus believes that Thomas needs to listen to him if he is going to stay safe and healthy. He thinks that his assistance, above all other sides, expecially Patton, is crucial for survival in this messed up world. (“And once the water starts to rise, And heaven's out of sight, She'll want the devil on her team” “Look at you needing me”). You’ll find it a common theme in this playlist that Janus refers to himself as the devil or an evil entity of some sort... Just thought I’d point that out.

6) Denial: Well, its in the title folks! Thomas is (or was) in denial. Janus is aware of the moments when Thomas thinks about consulting him or using one of his functions, but almost as soon as he gets the idea, he drops it and acts like the thought never happened (“Don't just shut your eyes closed” “You know that I can hear you thinking, I've heard you all the way from here, But if I look you in the eye though, It's like your thoughts all disappear”). Thomas is struggling for answers to questions that only Janus can answer, but he refuses to listen to consult him and Janus desperately wants this to stop (“I know you're looking for direction, I know where you wanna go” “Please don't turn the light out, I don't think the conversation's over”).

7) Trust in Me: Obviously, the original song has much more sinister undertones, but when listening to the song from Janus’ perspective, I get a different vibe. Basically, Janus just wants Thomas to trust him and give him more reign over decision making. Not much for this one.

8) Razzle Dazzle: JANUS IS EXTRA! Is anyone shocked? Also a HUGE showman. But again, no one’s surprised. Janus believes that the only way to get the light sides to listen to him is to practically put on a show to cover up whatever his true intentions are (“How can they see with sequins in their eyes?” “Razzle dazzle 'em And theyll never catch wise!” “How can they hear the truth above the roar?”) I could keep listing lines but theyre literally all just different versions of the same sentiment.

9) When the Chips are Down: The title right off the bat shows that, again, Janus believes that Thomas needs to look to him when important decisions are on the line. There are also a lump sum of jabs at patton in this song, lines like “Aim for the heart, shoot to kill” and “Cast your eyes to heaven, You get a knife in the back”. Theres also a lot of lines, yet again, of Janus practically begging Thomas to trust him and no one else (“Ain't nobody but yourself to trust” “Help yourself, To hell with the rest, Even the one who loves you best”).

10) Mandy goes to Med School: Soooo this one... Honestly, I don’t really have a lot. The original meaning of the song is not very applicable to Janus, so its a bit hard to pinpoint its meaning. The only thing I can think of is that Janus is again hating on society and the crazy things that people have to go through in it. If you weren’t aware, this song is about coat-hanger abortions.

11) I put a Spell on You: This one seems pretty striaghtforward to me. Janus knows that Thomas doesn’t want him, and it drives him up the wall, but he does what a snake boi does and slithers his way in anyways (“And I don't care if you don't want me, I'm yours right now” “I can't stand it 'cause you put me down”). I suppose you could argue that you could replace Thomas with Patton (mostly because daddy is used like 10 times in the song 😂) but a later song covers their realtionship extremely well.

12) Evil Night Together: Another toughie. My gut feeling is that this is a song about Remus and Janus just going out and having a wild night together. As I read into the lyrics more, though, it seems almost like Janus is doing this for Remus. Like he wants Remus to feel accepted and loved by him (something that can’t be said by Thomas). I just can’t read some of these lines without getting big Momceit vibes... i mean... theyre so supportive! “I'll hold your hand while they drag the river” “I'll cuddle you in the undertow” “I'll hold you close while they dust for prints”. Then theres of course this line... “Who's gonna make you a hero?” And to me, that is Janus saying that, if Thomas only sees Roman as his hero and not Remus, then it is Janus’ job to make Remus feel like a hero. Janus also saying “No need for cake or flowers” also feels like him reassuring Remus that he doesn’t need to be like his brother to be perfect and loved.

13) Don’t tell Mama: I think I’ve seen some people interpreting “mama” as Thomas in this song, but to me Patton seems like a better fit, especially after their interactions in the most recent episode. Basically this song is all about how Janus doesn’t mind people knowing about the bad things he does, but he can absolutely not have one person know. Janus seems to have grown a soft spot for Patton in the new episode and if you ask me, he would definately not want patton finding out about some of immoral things he’s wanted Thomas to do. I mean he literally waits for Patton to sink out and then the second he’s gone he starts scheming about pushing people down stairs and sabotage.

14) You’re a Cad: Another Virgil one, but this time it’s after Virgil’s acceptance. I think Janus has little faith in the beginning that Virgil would get far in his journey to the light side. Whether that is because of envy or just plain pessimism, I’m not sure, but he definately doubted Virgil would ever be able to escape his past (“So now you want the whole world to notice that you've come around, Now you expect, We'll see how you're really so much better now, But I know the truth” “What's the point pretending that you could be a better man, Just give in, since you always end up right back where you began”). Despite his reluctance to support Virgil’s endevors, Janus shows a softer side for Virgil that has gone completely untalked about in canon (“You're a rascal and a rogue, a villain and a crook, Still I tug at your line, I'm a fish on your hook” “Still I know the truth, but I have a sweet tooth for a Cad and a bounder, a dog and a cheap”). Janus really misses Virgil and I would go as far as to say that he regrets the things that he’s done to make Virgil want to leave (“I should be better, but I'm worse” “You're reckless with my heart, still I wait by the phone”).

15) As far as I can See: A sadie but a goodie. Janus doesn’t really understand love, but he’s sure that no one loves him (“As far as I can see Nobody loves me”). No one listens to him, no matter how much he shouts and cries. He doesn’t believe that anyone could love him if they are unwilling to hear him out and communicate with him (“As far as I can see, Nobody's listening” “And when I'm crying out, Nobody cries back for me”).

16) Criminal: AH MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE PLAYLIST! I LEGIT CRIED MY GUYS! Anyway. Janus LOVES Thomas. I would go as far to say that Janus loves Thomas more than any other side. Despite his lacking knowledge of love and what it feels like, he knows for a fact that what he feels for Thomas is the closest thing he will feel to love (“Because he's all I ever knew of love”). Now that thats out of the way, lets get to the juicy stuff... Janus feels like a criminal as he’s been taught over and over again that his opinions and thoughts are bad and harmful (“Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal” “I've done wrong and I wanna suffer for my sins”) This song is ultimately about Janus wanting to improve for Thomas, the one he loves the most. He knows that Thomas needs him, and the only way to get Thomas to listen is to get some help. Whose that help you might ask? Patton. Janus wants to be more helpful, but he doesnt know how. He’s envious of Patton’s ability to be accepted so easily, so he goes to him for advice (“I've come to you cause I need guidance to be true, And I just don't know where I can begin”). Janus wants to be redeemed in Thomas’ eyes, he wan’ts to escape the criminal appearance he’s been doomed to (“And I need to be redeemed, To the one I've sinned against”). He HATES some of the things he does to Thomas and some of the things he makes him think, but he doesn’t want to be forgiven, he believes that he deserves to be punished, but he still wants to get better for Thomas. He just doesn’t know how to do that (“Oh help me, but don't tell me to deny it, I've got to cleanse myself Of all these lies til I'm good enough for him”). Also, Janus sees Patton in a very very high place. He goes as far in this song to liken him to an angel while comparing himself, again, to the devil (“So what would an angel say, The devil wants to know”).

17) Change: The song is about, you guessed it, change! This to me is a continuation of the last song. Janus finally feels like things are changing in his favor (likely after the most recent episode). He was beginning to feel like there was no point in caring or trying, but now that he’s begining to see the light, he’s grown a bit hopeful (“Lately I've been thinking it's just someone else's job to care, Who am I to sympathize when no one gave a damn?” “Trying to find the power in me to be faithful” “Change is a powerful thing, I feel it coming in me”). With Patton’s help and acceptance, Janus is begining to feel worthy of Thomas again and begining to see the he has a voice (“Maybe by the time this song is done I’ll be able to be honest, capable, Of holding you in my arms without letting you fall when I don't feel beautiful Or stable”).

18) Devil in the Details: Janus worries again about his ability to help Thomas. He doesn’t believe that he can tell the difference between good and bad and he looks to Patton for that differentiation (“There was love I meant, there were accidents, So tell me which is which. 'Cause I just can't work it out” “I have, no way, of knowing,…”). There’s also an odd underlying message about doing something that he doesn’t want to do, but continues to do despite this and I’m not quite sure what that could be referring to (“And I know the cost, and I want to stop. But I can't do it, I just can't do it.”). It could simply be referring to him lying or deceiving others, but that seems too simple. I wish I had a better answer.

19) Come Little Children: ALSO MY FAVORITE SONG ON THE PLAYLIST! This is really big guys. This song practically confirms the fact that Janus was in charge of taking in and hiding the dark sides from Thomas (“Come little children, I'll take thee away Into a land of enchantment”). The song literally uses the phrase “My garden of shadows”, a clear metaphor for the hidden parts of Thomas’ mind where Janus keeps the dark sides. But it gets better... Janus pities these poor sides. He hates the way that society has forced them away from the light and into the shadows (“Follow sweet children, I'll show thee the way Through all the pain And the sorrows”). Not only does Janus feel bad for these sides and longs to protect them from the cruelness of the real world, but he LOVES them. He values every aspect of them and thinks they are beautiful and perfect. He cannot fathom why society wouldn’t also love see them this way and it frustrates him to hide such amazing traits from the world (“Weep not poor children For life is this way, Murdering beauty and passions”). Despite this sadness and dissapointment, Janus does his job and keeps the dark sides hidden away, knowing that society would never accept them for what they are (“Hush now dear children, It must be this way”).

20) Into the Unknown (no not the Frozen song): This song is VERY IMPORTANT. I have seen so many misinterpretations of this song, and granted mine could also be wrong, but please hear me out. This song comes right after the last song for a reason. The sides that Janus had once hidden away are now being shown to Thomas. He is literally going into the unknown (“Led through the mist, By the milk-light of moon, All that was lost, is revealed.” “Somewhere lost in the clouded annals of history, Lies a place that few have seen. A mysterious place, called The Unknown. Where long-forgotten stories are revealed to those who travel through the wood.”) Thomas is figuratively traveling through the wood by learning more about himself and traveling deeper into Janus’ previously mentioned Garden of Shadows. The song ends, beautifully framing Janus’ love for the sides he’s raised and hidden away, calling them “ The loveliest lies of all”....

(Ahhh! I’m sorry that was so long guys 😅 Thank you if you read the whole thing or evern part! I’d like to hear your opinions, so let me know 💛💛💛)

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory (V x Reader Fanfic) Chapter 28

Author’s notes: I know Nero and Nico stick around RedGrave to clear out some demons while Dante and Vergil are in hell. But fuck that, theyre not sticking around cause I’m not writing around that

Chapter 28

(Your POV)

If someone were to ask you how long you slept, there was no way you could answer them.

Time was not a part of your life in those moments, mind lost to a fog of exhaustion and pain. You were barely aware of anything, everything mostly blank while your body desperately tried to piece together what had been so carelessly damaged. You had truly done a number on yourself, hadn’t you? You limbs were like jelly but heavy enough to be lead weights, chest hurting and stomach feeling like you had swallowed glass as it was working its way out through your throat. Even unconscious, you couldn’t escape the agony of it all. Just the thoughts and emotions, if only for a short time. Sleep was bliss, as close to non-existence as you could get in that moment. It was a blessing that you didn’t dream, for you feared it would only be of the one you lost.

Dreaming of him would hurt far more than anything.

Sometimes reality flickered in and out of focus. You could register the sound of Griffon talking once or twice through the haze, but were unable to discern what he spoke of. Just small things, like movement, being touched, warmth against your side. Quiet comforts, reminders that you weren’t alone. There were people protecting you, taking care of you when you needed it most. And that...felt strange. Like you were undeserving, but that selfish side of you refused to let go of the comfort it provided. Your mind stayed in the sleeping state, scrambling to repair you and calm the Void powers down a bit. What else could you do other than that? You had run yourself so ragged that the choice was no longer yours to make.

You consciousness waned some more, dipping its toes into waking for a few seconds of a time. Like you were floating in an ocean and skimming the glassy, clear surface just a bit. Everything sounded muffled and far away, drowned in the exhaustion pressing you down into the inky abyss of rest. But you made some things out, like the feeling of being held in someone’s arms.  You were being carried, body jostled by their movements. Air was rushing past you--were they running or flying? You couldn’t make out who it was, they didn’t feel like the arms of Nightmare. They were far more normal, their body hard, firm, and warm. Like laying against a heater.

You drifted back into rest, unable to pull your eyes open long enough to find out who was carrying you. The cycle continued, body floating in and out, skimming the surface of waking before plunging back in. You heard muffled voices, sounding like they were underwater and completely impossible to understand minus the fact that you were pretty sure someone was yelling at one point or another. A new set of arms held you now--at least you think they were new? It was so hard to tell. More movement, more jostling came next with silence following close behind. The voices were gone, but you were still being cradled in gentle arms with more air rushing past.

It was then that you finally managed to pull your head above water, the gusting wind shaking you awake more than you thought it could. Your body came back in bits and pieces, the pain sharpening to a hollow point in your stomach and head first. Your limbs came next, the sensation traveling down to your toes and fingertips before you could even contemplate opening your eyes. You regretted waking, whimpering when the memories of the days events hit harder than even the pain did.

You had half hoped it was just some terrible nightmare, and that you would wake up in V’s arms still in the chapel with some molecule of hope left. But...that was not reality. You could feel the familiars resting inside you, their consciousness quiet and subdued with how much work they put in. You didn’t want to bother them with your own emotions, not when they had been through so much.

Whoever was carrying you heard the sound of distress you made, holding you a little more steadily as the air continued moving past. You registered the sound of what seemed to be flapping wings, the body holding you feeling hard and warm as well. A voice rumbled from above, warped and demonic but still...familiar to you.

“Just hold on, kid,” That had to be Nero’s voice, despite how strange and distorted it sounded, “We’re almost there. It’ll be okay.”

You shifted a little, prying open your aching eyes and blinking at the dying light of the day. The sky was darker now, casting an orange hue on...was that Nero carrying you? When your gaze slid upwards, you felt yourself quietly processing this form the Devil Hunter was in--he looked like a glorified demon, body a different color and hair long and white. He didn’t look like himself at all, down to the clear blue wings beating steadily behind him to keep you both in the air. But you supposed he was there in that jawline, in the way his brow furrowed over those demonic, glowing eyes. You didn’t know what to make of it, head already fried from everything else that had happened during the day. So...you found yourself unfazed, just taking things as they were in that moment.

“Nero?” You whispered hoarsely, throat feeling dry and raw at the same time. The instant you spoke Nero’s gaze flickered down to you, surprise in his face when he saw your tired eyes staring up at him.

“Hey kid--Sorry if I woke you,” He replied awkwardly, the wind sending his longer locks whipping back slightly as he settled his gaze forward again, “Getting used to the whole flying thing--just go back to sleep and I’ll get us to the van just fine.”

You didn’t want to rest again yet, there was a lot you wanted to know and say. You tilted your gaze slowly to the side, seeing the tops of broken buildings drift past with the tree left behind over Nero’s shoulder. It looked ominous in the dying light of the sun, illuminated by the orange glow and casting craggly shadows onto the land. But...the tree also looked like it was dying, the roots long gone and losing color fast. Like a husk filling up the sky, ready to be cut down at a moments notice.

You closed your eyes, struggling to cope with everything that tree contained within. Every terrible memory, every tragedy. To finally be free of it, in open air and heading somewhere else...it felt strange. Where would you go after this? The unknown was all you had now, the uncertainty for the future that made your stomach swirl sickly again. There was no returning to the Void, no going to a new dimension with how things had occurred with the Deity. So...what were you supposed to do?

“Rocking a new look?” You commented weakly, trying to distract yourself from the growing need to cry, “I dig the long hair.”

Nero snorted, shaking his head lightly as he replied, “It’s news to me too. Guess I had a demonic ability in me just waiting to be used all this time,” His eyes flickered downward again, probably examining your face for any sign of distress. You knew what he saw--an expression of defeat, absolute exhaustion making your eyelids droop, “You should get more rest. I promise to tell you all about the new form later.”

No rest, you cannot rest. You have to cope.

“I bet Kyrie will like it,” You murmured, ignoring his persisting that you sleep and drifting your gaze off to the side again in an attempt to fight off the unconsciousness, “Chicks...like long hair.”

Nero let out a light sigh at your stubborn refusal, eyes scanning the horizon and probably looking for Nico’s van, “It’ll definitely be a big shock for her, among other things. But she’s always been super supportive, so I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Kyrie sounded like a really wonderful women--you were glad Nero had her in his life.

You smiled softly, the action taking on a sad edge as you struggled to keep open your eyes, “She sounds...great...really nice…” Your words sounded a bit slurred, mouth unable to keep up with your thoughts. No sleep, you refused to sleep yet, “I...I want…”

“Kid,” Nero said in exasperation, putting his clawed hand over your eyes in an attempt to coax you into resting, “Just take it easy, alright? You’re fading in and out, just let it happen and go back to sleep.”

Your vision was dark with his hand there, body struggling to fight the sensation of that black ocean trying to consume you again. Your breath hitched in your throat, tears threatening to bubble up as you fought more and more. You couldn’t rest, now with this uncertainty looming on the horizon. What were you supposed to do now? There was nothing left, everything that you knew and grew accustomed to was drifting away like ashes on the wind. The Deity had betrayed your trust, V had betrayed your trust, and now...all that remained was Nero and the others. How were you supposed to expect anything from them, after everything that had happened?

Don’t let this take more of you, there are no more pieces left to give.

The familiars started stirring lightly when they sensed your distress, Griffon’s voice sounding quiet and distant as it traveled through your skull.

“Toots?”

You swallowed hard, ignoring him and the others as you struggled to keep down tears. There had been no time to grieve before, to come to terms with the fact that you would never be held by V again. No more hearing his gentle voice read poetry, seeing that crooked smile and the way his ebony hair hung in front of his eyes. No more soft kisses, hand holding, sharing a tender embrace and trusting each other. And that was what became the most crushing of all, finally accepting the fact that all you had now were those memories. And they would never be enough.

“I...I can’t rest,” You whimpered softly, shoulders starting to shake as a few tears dripped out from under Nero’s hands, “I...I don’t know what to do now. My Deity betrayed me...V betrayed me...where do I go now? Everything is...gone.”

V is gone. And I’ll never get to see him again.

What am I supposed to do?

The familiars were the only solid thing you had left, the only saving grace in the swirling chaos that had become your life. If all else failed, they would not leave you. They made that loud and clear, their support curling around your tattered mind like glue trying to hold together fragile pieces. You heard Nero suck in a breath at your words, hand moving up to rest on your forehead as a few more stray tears dripped out from your eyes. You looked up at his face, meeting his demonic eyes as you struggled to stomp down on the turmoil cracking through your barriers. He looked...sad, guilty, worried about you as he lifted his gaze back to the horizon line.

“We’re going home,” He replied simply, a small smile curling up his lips as he added quietly to you, “You’re in luck, Kyrie is a great cook and she always makes wayyy too much food. She wants to meet you pretty badly, I talked to her on the phone and okayed everything with her first.”

That made you blink in surprise, staring with wide, teary eyes at the demon hunter as he shifted his gaze down to meet yours again. He had told Kyrie about you? When? And whatever he told her made his fiance want to meet you, this mystery woman that Nero spoke so highly of. Something about his words made your chest ache, sobs threatening to burst out as the sensation of wanting to return home grew and grew until you felt like you might burst from it. Only now...home seemed like it was a real place, a destination instead of an idea.

And that....you were not used to.

“It’ll be alright,” Nero continued firmly, mouth quirking into a half smile that was warmer than the sun dipping over the coast, “Promise. We’re gonna go home, and things will work out. When Kyrie gets her mind set on shit, she finds a way to make them happen--not to mention Nico talking her ear off about it. We could definitely use the extra help keeping the orphanage running.”

Home.

Your eyelids fluttered shut, more tears tracking down your cheeks and lost on the wind whipping by you. You wanted it so badly, to return home finally after all these years of existing in the Void, drifting from place to place leaving pieces of yourself behind. The Void had never been your home, not really. It had been your place of power, of awakening. But it was never provided a sense of calmness, or joy. You could never return to the Void to relax and unwind, to be around people that made you smile or laugh. All that remained there was the dark, the cold, the howling voices and the Deity himself. And before all of this...that had been enough, having a guiding force that was your closest thing to a father even after living your human life. Knowing that you were alive...it had been all you needed.

But not anymore. You had tasted happiness, and became addicted to it. How many times before did this same thing happen, you finding your joy to only have it be crushed and eventually erased when you fell to pieces? Those faint, whispering pieces of memory left behind from those times you lived before told only small pieces of those tales, providing nothing but lost emotions. You wanted the solidity of reality again, of memories you could make without having them ripped away. It was why you were willing to keep them, those moments with V that now only served to hurt you. They ached, weighing down your mind like icy chains. But you welcomed them.

Because in that moment, the deep, aching agony was better than that thorough nothingness that was the alternative.

“O...okay…” You mumbled exhaustedly to Nero, voice small and barely there as your body relaxed. Floating on the pool of sleep, ready to let yourself sink back in again, “But...Nero?”

You were fading fast, barely feeling as Nero landed somewhere, turning back into his normal self in a shift of his body. You felt the familiar fabric of his jacket under your cheek, the warmth faded to a dull sensation.

“Yeah?” Nero replied, starting forward and barely jostling you with his careful steps, “What is it kid?”

You let out a soft sound, trying to gather your thoughts as they swirled on the water’s glassy surface. There was a lot you wanted to say, but there was something in particular that was bothering you that everything was said and done.

“...Pretty sure I had sex with your dad.” You mumbled, the words feeling strange on your tongue despite their technical truth. It was odd to think that V was, in a way, Nero’s parent. He was so young, close to Nero in age...a reflection maybe on how much Vergil had neglected his own humanity. V had been weak, frail, driven only by his need to return to his former self over anything else. But...he was also charming, kind, vulnerable. A bit silly, humorous and a show off like the other two males. You had no idea if that remained inside of Vergil, or if he was repressing it so heavily that no trace of it could come through. It didn’t really matter anymore, did it?

Nero paused at your words, stumbling maybe. You couldn’t really tell. There was no way that you could pry your eyes open again to look at his face.

“...Yeah, yeah you did,” Nero finally said with a rueful click of his tongue, voice edging on the side of sympathy. And awkwardness, “I don’t know what to tell you there, kid. Could be argued that you technically didn’t, could say Vergil has no place being considered my fucking father either. But…” He sighed heavily, muttering under his breath, “I don’t know. Shit is such a mess right now.”

That was an understatement. Everything was so convoluted you weren’t sure what to think anymore. But at that moment...you couldn’t begin to care as you sank into the embrace of sleep again, head gently lolling to the side as feelings began to fade from your limbs. Tired, you were so tired. The familiars could sense it, wrapping around your consciousness and gently easing you back into restfulness. Like Shadow was curled around you, Griffon’s wings wrapped around your body, and Nightmare’s arms holding you steady. They were there in the dark, a reminder that you weren’t alone. And that, in those moments of sinking down into the abyss, was enough.

“We’ve gotcha, girlie. Just let it go and sleep.”

We have you.

We have you.

All of us do.

Words managed to slip past your lips before you fell back entirely, mumbled and tired. You wouldn’t remember later what you said, but Nero understood just fine.

“Let’s just...go home…” You were tired, so tired. No more pain, no more worrying and agony. Your mind had its hope, and for now its all you would focus on, “It’ll be okay...it’ll…”

But there was no more. For now...you would sleep.

(Nico POV)

The mechanic couldn’t remember a time she had been this anxious.

Worry was a close companion as she paced outside the van, her hair a frazzled mess from running her hands through it. She hadn’t know Nero for that long, and you for even less time, but she was so stressed about not knowing about your safety that she couldn’t sit still. She had grown to see Nero as the little brother she never had after these months of working with him for the Order documents, and even more so after helping him and Kyrie when he lost his arm. As for you...you had nobody, and that didn’t sit well with her in the slightest bit. How terrible, to go through all that shit and have nothing to show for it but a sad smile and some loneliness. You were family now too, despite the short time you knew each other.

Nero had given a short explanation to the three girls on what had happened with V and Vergil. About how the poet returned to his former self, leaving you behind to deal with the aftermath. Becoming his father. Christ, what a revelation was that? It was pretty easy to see Nero was a bit sensitive about things regarding his family, it left quite the chip on his shoulder. Nico could respect that, her own father was a deadbeat asshole and she only had an uncle to speak of now in regards to family. Nero had been distraught, on the edge and filled with that anger and distress she  had felt herself once. Then he had left, giving no explanation to where you were or if you were coming back.

Which left the three girls to wait. And hope.

Nico was the only one pacing, Trish sitting in the passenger seat looking tired and a bit guilty while Lady sat in the van’s doorway. She looked visibly unhappy, leaning her head on her hands and staring off into distance. There seemed to be a lot on her mind, but Nico wasn’t sure if it was in regards to Nero or you. Or both. Regardless, all three were sitting in an atmosphere of silence and tense, thick anxiety. Not a lot had been said, because honestly what could any one of them come up with to describe what was going on? This bastard “Vergil” was back, he was Dante’s brother, and Nero’s fucking father--And you had been in love with someone who was apparently a part of him.

“M...maybe we should go back and look for them?” Lady suggested after the silence stretched into the setting sun, shadows cast over the ground and van where they waited, “It’s been over two hours, maybe something went wrong?”

Nico snorted, stopping in her pacing to look up at the blight that was the Qliphoth in the distance, “Oh somethin’ went wrong alright. Nero’s deadbeat daddy came back, and everything went to shit,” She turned away, scuffing her boot over the ground and kicking up some dust, “And what the fuck is that all about, huh?! Some skinny lookin’ goth comes around and turns out to be some weird byproduct of Dante’s brother? It ain’t right…!”

Truth be told...Nico was angry and disappointed. Not just in V, but in herself as well. She should have noticed something was wrong, shouldn’t have encouraged you to get so close to the poet if things were going to turn out so badly. Might as well have lead you right to a cliff, then shoved you over the side. She didn’t want to imagine what all of this had done to you--such a soft thing, loving easily and caring about everyone around you. Self sacrificing. That made her frown more, running a hand through her hair again as she kicked up more dust. They all played a part in this, not asking questions and just focusing on defeating Urizen over everything else, who just turned out to be a part of Vergil too.

Lady stared at Nico worriedly, sensing all her anger and pent-up emotions pretty easily. And judging by that flicker of regret on her face, she was feeling the same thing.

“We couldn’t have known,” She whispered, tone soft but filled with doubt as she tried to convince herself, “How were we supposed to know what he was, what he would do?”

What he would do to you, to himself. The bastard had used you, of that there was no doubt in Nico’s mind.

“All I’m sayin’ is we could have done better!” Nico snapped in response, leveling her annoyed gaze over the beautiful woman and stomping a foot, “God damn it, we could have tried! Could have cornered him and made him talk!”

They could have taken everything more seriously from the start. Your little crush seemed so innocent at first, like seeing two confused teenagers stumbling about their attractions for the first time. But...it got serious, especially when it was revealed that V was dying. You were so stressed and distraught, but there was just no time to do anything about it. No time to talk, to plan, to wait. Everything felt like it had taken weeks, but only a few days had passed after all.

“He wouldn’t have talked,” Trish said from the open window with a low scoff, making both women turn to look at her. She had her arms folded, sharp eyes staring straight ahead as she continued, “Vergil was a stubborn bastard. V never would have told you, but...he told me.”

“You knew?!” Nico’s eyebrows arched toward her hairline before snapping back down, anger taking up her expression as she stomped up to the window, “Why the fuck didn’t you tell her?!”

“Because V told me not to…!” Trish said sharply back, turning a burning glare on the mechanic that was filled with several warnings. But try as she did to hide it, the woman saw guilt in her eyes too, “He was dying, and I didn’t know anything about her. I didn’t think it mattered, she was the servant of a god so I didn’t think she was here for anything else but to do its bidding.”

Nico ground her teeth, her own warnings in her tone as she replied, “She was in love with him, you dumbass! She suffered enough, and you just let it get worse…!”

“You think I don’t know that?!”

“Enough!” Lady yelled, making both women jump and turn around to look at her. She seemed visibly angry now, multi-color eyes staring at them both as she was now standing outside the van. There was distress in that gaze, the deep shadows cast on her face from the dying sun only seemed to add her her grieving look, “This isn’t the time to argue about what we could or couldn’t have done! Even if she would have known, what would it have fixed?”

Lady sighed, walking up to Nico and sliding down to the ground next to the van. The look she wore made the mechanic feel guilty--christ, she looked tired and dejected. More so than Nico had ever seen her as she whispered, “We couldn’t do anything, not to help her or Nero.”

She was right, of course she was. They had been fairly useless in the whole conflict, forced to watch from the sidelines as everything fell to pieces. Nico let out a light sigh, exchanging a look with Trish before she too slid down the van, sitting next to the older woman with a light huff. That’s where all the anger came from, wasn’t it? This thorough feeling of helplessness, the reality that there would have been no way to save either of you from the pain. Nero would have learned eventually, wasting so much time trying to prove himself only to learn the man he was trying to kill was his father. And you...even if they had tried to talk you out of loving V, it still would have happened.

There wasn’t a thing that they could do.

“We can still do better now,” Lady murmured, tapping her fingers on her thigh and staring up at the darkening sigh, “They’re going to need us when they comes back, they’re going to need support.”

Boy, that was the biggest understatement of the century. And that was if you actually did come back. The mechanic wasn’t going to voice that fear aloud, though.

Nico puffed out a breath, tilting her head back and running a sidelong glance over the black-haired woman, “You got that right,” She snorted, scratching the back of her own dark hair as she added, “Shoot, Lady. You’re a good person, how the hell did you end up in this profession?”

Lady let out a small, sad sigh, eyes trailing down to the ground. It seemed like there was a long story hidden behind her eyes, one that she didn’t seem fond of recalling. Damn, were all devil hunters hiding some terrible past? People like Trish, Dante, and Lady--It seemed like they all shared some bad life experiences that drove them forward. Nico’s life wasn’t a cakewalk either, but she at least had happy moments. Her mother loved her before she died, and Nico’s uncle treated her well and took good care of everything. Hell, even being lucky enough to get close to Kyrie and Nero, to become a part of their family...those things were all blessings, but she would never admit it out loud.

“It’s a long story,” Laid quietly, jarring Nico from her roaming thoughts, “One that’s too long to tell. Unfortunately being kind doesn’t save you from bad things happening--just look at Dante. Being nice to people never saved him from tragedy.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Nico grunted in reply, pulling out a cigarette and patting her pockets for a lighter, “Guess all we can do now is wait for the psycho to get back, and maybe then we can go look for Y/N.”

Lady smiled a tiny smile, turning her head away and looking at the orange-splashed clouds as she replied, “Then we wait. In the meantime, why don’t we--”

“Hey! Are you guys in there?!”

All three women jolted sharply at the sound of Nero’s voice calling from beyond the other side of the van. Speak of the goddamn devil and he will--luckily--appear. He had come back, and from the sound of it he was healthy and alive. Any and all thoughts halted, each girl scrambling quickly around the van to see the white haired boy approaching from down the street, the Qliphoth a distant memory far behind him. Seeing him was a huge relief, one that made all the air leave Nico’s lungs at once. And an added, blissful bonus was the sight of you being carried in his arms. You hadn’t left, you were safe too. Nico could have collapsed with the stress leaving her body, but it was replaced with so many questions as she stared at both you and Nero.

First being that you now had tattoos lining your arms, from your fingertips dipping past your sleeves.They looked like the ones V had before, down to the black streak in your hair now. Nico rushed forward, worry filling her expression as she and the other two women now took in your sickly pallor, dark circles under your eyes and scratches on your face and neck. You looked like hell and then some, which wasn’t very comforting for the whole situation. You were unconscious, cheeks still slightly wet with tears that still glistened from your closed lashes. Crying, and not that long ago too.

Last thing Nico noticed was the fact that Nero was carrying you, which wouldn’t have been so god damn jarring if it weren’t for the fact that he wore no Devil Breaker. His right arm, which up until that day had been bearing one of her metal pieces of art, was fucking normal--Not a demonic arm like before, but a real, genuine human one. Fresh and bare of hair, like it popped out baby soft just moments earlier like a fucking daisy.

What the fuck. What the fuck.

“Is she okay?” Lady asked anxiously, hurrying forward while Nico tried to shake off the layers of shock she was feeling. The older woman stroked back your hair, eyes traveling over your limp form with a motherly gaze, “What happened to her?”

You look like you had been hit by a god damn truck, like all the life had drained out of you. Closer to a corpse than anything else--all traces of your healthy skin and happy smile seemed far off from how you were now.

“A lot,” Nico grunted, pushing past the three women and heading for the van behind them, “Is the couch cleared off? Gotta set her down.”

“It is,” Trish replied, sounding the calmest of the trio as she followed behind, her eyes lingering on those fancy new tattoos as she added, “Want me to take her?”

“I’ve got it.”

Nero stepped up into the van, easily turning and laying your body down on the leather upholstery as gingerly as he could. You didn’t bat an eyelash, head lolling around limply and body settling without waking up at all. Trish, Lady, and Nico all piled into the van as well, the mechanic closing the door with a solid thunk and rushing over to push past Nero so she could look at you again. It was easy to tell that the days events had taken a lot out of you, that was for sure. She resisted the urge to card her fingers through your hair, instead settling on pulling out a pillow to rest under your head.

Nero sighed in relief, settling in the seat across from you and leaning his head back. He looked like shit too, shirt torn and spattered with blood in places. His jacket was covered in holes and slices, which would probably have to be mended later by Kyrie. What the hell had he done while at the top of the tree, gotten into a fight with a paper shredder? But his wounds were already healing, all the way down to that bright, shiny new human arm he was sporting.

“What the fuck happened?!” Nico blurted out finally, all her pent up questions bursting forth as she pointed a finger at him, “What the hell is that god damn arm?! How the hell do you have your arm back?!”

Nero blinked, head tilting back down as he grunted in annoyance, “Can’t it wait? Get us on the goddamn road, I don’t want to see that tree again.”

They were already leaving? There was no sign of the other devil hunter though, nor was there any sign of this supposed “Vergil” everyone had been talking about. But the mechanic could read Nero’s mood pretty easily--he was still on edge from his newfound knowledge, jaw tight and eyes staring at the ceiling like he could somehow will the anger away by force. Now was not the time to press for questions, as much as she wanted too. Nero had been through enough for the day.

“What?” Trish protested, shock lacing her tone as Nico groaned and hurried to get behind the wheel, “What about Dante? Where is he?”

Nero let out a heavy, aggravated sigh, running his fingers through his messy white hair as he replied in a snarl, “The dumbass went down to hell with Vergil to clear the fucking tree roots and seal the portal.”

“Are you serious?” Trish hissed, eyes narrowing as she stared down the younger male and crossed her arms. Despite her obvious anger, there was worry and disappointment hidden underneath all of it. Dante was a friend to her, that much was obvious. And this knowledge was definitely not welcome considering all that had happened.

Lady sat down by your head, careful not to move you as she added softly, “But they won’t be able to come back.”

“You see my issue here.”

Nico felt like she was turning in fucking circles--where was she supposed to start? First, they find out Nero had a daddy, then that V was a part of said daddy. Then everything with you, Nero’s new arm, and now that the two brothers would be trapping themselves in hell to cut down the tree? It was complete madness, way too many events pressed into one day to ever make sense. To gain a family in a day, then to watch them both leave to complete a dangerous, ridiculous task such as this one? No wonder he looked so pissed off, even Nero had limits to how much he could take in one sitting.

So the mechanic ground her teeth together, obeying his wishes and starting the van to leave. It sputtered to life, engine rumbling the vehicle. She wanted nothing more than to leave Redgrave for a sizeable time period, gather their thoughts and regroup a little bit. Dante and Vergil would be on their own to fix this shit, which was fair considering the goddamn bastard father had caused the whole thing. It was better that he hadn’t arrived back with Nero--He would have gotten a solid punch to the throat if Nico had anything to say about it.

“What happened to her?” Lady asked again, Nico seeing her stroke your hair again in the rearview mirror as she drove you all down the street. Despite all the clanging from riding on a bumpy road, you didn’t twitch once. Your clothes looked a bit messed up too, like you had wrestled with a demon before finding your way there. But the gauntlet Nico made you was still on your arm. The mechanic made a mental note to take it off so you could rest more comfortably.

Trish sat by your feet, frowning heavily as she looked over you with concerned eyes, “She looks…”

“I know,” Nero muttered, eyes closing as he leaned on his arm. There seemed to be another memory of the guilt and regret party, if his face was any indication of what he felt, “She watched all the shit go down with V, and she just...lost it. Pushed herself way too hard, broke her body over it.”

Lady’s shoulders visibly slumped at his words, her gaze lingering on you as she slid your upper half onto her lap, cradling your head gently against her stomach. You barely gave any indication that you sensed being moved, other than a soft sound that came from your parted lips. That was a sound of pain, a barely there whimper that was a pretty clear indication of what you were feeling. Nico quickly looked away, heart feeling achy as she tried to focus on the road instead. This wasn’t the time to feel bad or guilty, getting you the hell out of the city and home was more important.

“Why does she got those tattoos?” Nico asked from the driver’s seat, tone sharp and impatient as she met Nero’s gaze in the mirror, “They look like the shit the goth had on him when we saw him last.”

Nero opened his mouth to reply, but something cut him off.

Black dust suddenly materialized from your form, swirling up and taking form on top of her jukebox. Everyone recognized the creature immediately, even before his strange beak and sapphire feathers had even materialized. Griffon, Nico recalled, the bird-brained familiar that belonged to V. He balanced on his talons, shaking out his feathers and puffing up like an irritable cat. He looked tired too, head drooping and eyes half closed as he met everyone’s surprised gaze, an expression close to contempt shifting his avian features.

His presence said everything she needed to know, even before he opened his dumb, bird mouth. When he left the tattoos on one side of you lightened, just like V’s did when they left him.

“She’s got them because of us,” He hissed, narrowing his golden eyes on Nero as he added, “And shit is a lot more fucked than you know about, kid.”

Trish stood, standing in front of you in a protective manner, clearly distrusting of this bird. Nico could understand why--this creature belonged to V, who was a part of Vergil now. By all accounts, they had no reason to be friendly with him at all.

Nero scowled, glowering at the creature with disgust as he replied, “Wish I could say I’m happy to see you, chicken. But I’m not,” He crossed his arms, eyes narrowing at the bird as he added, “What the hell are you doing here? Thought V was your master, why didn’t you go back when he did?”

Nico was wondering that as well. The bird and cat seemed devoted to V, following his every command and sticking to him like glue. Seeing them devoid of him felt...strange.

Griffon let out a low trill, shaking out his feathers again as he huffed in reply, “The feeling is mutual, brat. And for your information, Vergil didn’t want me and the others back--we’re his nightmares after all,” He settled more firmly on the jukebox, tone irritable with exhaustion as he added, “Besides, we have a new master now. I’ll give your little pea-sized human brain a few guesses as to who it is.”

All three sets of human eyes landed on you, staring at your new tattoos and easily realizing what he meant. It was incredibly obvious, it took no thought at all.

“Ding ding!” Griffon squawked in confirmation, a low, harsh chuckle leaving him as he added, “We serve Y/N now, and we’re all happy with the arrangement. So don’t fucking ask.”

Nico let out an annoyed sound, but she knew you. It was obvious how close you were to the familiars when the goth was around, always snuggling up to them and smiling so happily when they returned affection back. It was relieving to see that you retained something good in the end, at the very least. Griffon seemed crass and rude, but he was staring at you with worry too. He bowed his head abit, looking away when Nero glanced over at him warily. It was easy to see the bird was growing uncomfortable with so much attention on him, especially considering everyone in the vehicle didn’t feel particularly fuzzy toward demons.

Griffon cleared his throat, letting out a long suffering sigh as he flickered his eyes back over to your sleeping form, tone gruff as he said, “I know we’re a package deal now, but don’t let that stop you from helping her. Hell, we can stay in her twenty four seven if you have an issue, won’t hear a peep from me,” He looked back at Nero, tone reluctant and golden eyes serious for once, “We ain’t got no gripe with you, and we can behave provided none of you stab her in the back.”

Nero blinked, seeming surprised by Griffon’s gruff words of truce as his brow shot toward his hairline. Nico was kind of impressed, and a bit...guilty. She spent a lot of time giving Griffon shit and picking on him, but she could tell he cared about you a lot. To swallow his pride, bow his head, and prepare himself to remain submissive in the face of others on your behalf was admirable.

And Nero seemed to agree.

“Glad we understand each other, chicken,” Nero smirked, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, “As long as you don’t have an issue with kids, and you’re nice to my wife I don’t give a shit if you come out.”

Griffon let out a snort, squawking in response, “I won’t be pecking any little brats, I can promise you that. I don’t have any gripes with your lady either, so me and the other familiars will be on our best behavior.”

He looked at you with his words, seeming relieved that things had worked out and there was no chance of you being denied a safe place because of them. Honestly Nico didn’t know why he was worried--familiars or not, you were still going home with them. Your body was relaxing considerably with Lady stroking your hair, her fingers dancing along your lashes to remove the remaining tears. You leaned your head to the side, pressing your face to her stomach and letting out a soft sigh. Any and all comfort for you was good--Nico would be right there with you too if she didn’t have to drive.

Nero stretched out his legs, eyes lingering on you as you continued to sleep on the couch. Nico hoped to god that resting was at least doing something to help you, because she honestly didn’t know what more could be done. Where your powers, body, and Deity were concerned they were all ignorant. Hell, the whole situation was rendering them all pretty useless in terms of healing and helping you. But Nico would take what she could get, she had always been a quick thinker and capable of planning at a moment’s notice. And like those other times, her mind was already in processing mode.

Think. Focus on the now, worry on everything later.

“Hey chicken,” She called back to the bird, keeping her tone civil despite that nickname she used for him, “Anything you can tell us about Y/N that might help? She ain’t lookin’ too hot.”

The bird let out a low trill, rustling his feather again as he huffed, “If you’ve got anything that provides nutrition and shit like that without shoving it down her throat, use it. She’s running on fumes and we ain’t doin’ much.”

That was definitely somewhere to start.

“In my chest in the back,” Nico said to Lady, sparing a brief look at the road to point, “I keep first aid and shit in there. I’ve got needles and some stuff that you can inject in a little blue bottle.”

“I’ve got it.” Trish grunted, noting probably how Lady was still holding you in her lap--it was probably wise not to jostle you too much. The blond woman turned, heading to the back of the van and trying to keep herself steady while it swayed and bumped around. Seeming satisfied, Griffon turned back into dust, swirling around and absorbing back into your tattoos again. From Nico’s point of view, it seemed like Griffon was running on empty too, only popping out long enough to say his piece and retreat back. Making sure you got the help you needed. You weren’t bothered at all by him coming and going, in fact it seemed like you didn’t notice at all.  

Nico focused back on the road, trying to pull herself together with everything that was going on. Dusk was now in full swing, forcing her to turn on the van’s headlights as they passed building after broken building. What an awful day, what terrible things to have happen over and over.

Two people she considered friends had suffered badly, and for what? Some bastard to end up getting everything that he wanted. The mechanic was trying to hold onto her anger, because she felt like otherwise it would be replaced by tears. Nico didn’t like worrying, nor did she like being afraid. But the day had brought both, forced to watch her new family risk their lives over and over. Now there was only pieces left, but they were safe, right? Nero was safe, so were you. And what little good that did, considering the state you both were in mentally.

Nero hadn’t looked that unhappy and tired since he lost his arm.

“...Let’s go home,” Nico muttered, drawing the boy’s attention as she stared forward, trying to push back the rising need to scream and punch something. Focus on the road, she needed to drive and get them all back safely, right? “Let’s go home, and we’ll...fuck I don’t know. We’ll do better, we’ll fuckin’ do better.”

They would move past this.

This didn’t feel like a victory. Things were gained, but too much was lost in the long run. And she hated that. Why couldn’t this have been resolved without conflict? Had Nero’s daddy just fucking talked to Nero, asked for help instead of ripping off his arm, maybe they could have realized who he was? Called Dante, gotten Vergil a doctor or something considering the kid said he seemed to be in bad shape. Had there been any communication, they could have saved you from losing the one you loved, saved Nero from finding out something so heartbreaking before he wasted days trying to kill his own father.

But in the end, all they cared about was the fight. And it screwed up everything.

Nero appeared at her side, footsteps quiet as he sat down next to her in the passenger seat with a heavy sigh. He could sense she was upset, of that there was no doubt--her hands were gripping the wheel like a wise, knuckles paling with the strain. She could feel him looking at her with concern, but she convinced herself that focusing on not crashing was more important than meeting his gaze. In the past few months she had got closer to Nero and Kyrie then she had planned, and ended up fitting right in with them and their little ragtag family of orphans. It had been a while since she was this worried about someone, and to be honest she was still mad he just jumped out the van like he did and left her to worry and wonder what happened to him and you.

He could tell, that much was sure. Nero scratched the back of his head, other hand reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter to place on the dashboard for her.

“Sorry...Thanks for stickin’ around,” Nero muttered, sounding a bit awkward as he stared out the windshield at the road ahead, “Things have been rough, but...they’ll work out. And you’re right, by the way.”

Nico snorted lightly, shaking her head and pulling out a cigarette as she replied in her usual drawl, “I usually am. What am I right about this time?”

Nero smirked lightly, grabbing the lighter from where it was resting. Nico paused, looking back at you and Lady sitting on the couch for a moment. She remembered the face you made when she smoked in front of you last, that expression of quiet, restrained discomfort and a hint of sadness. After one exchanged look with the Devil hunter, Nico shook her head again, tossing the cigarette onto the dashboard for it to sit and wait till later.

“You were sayin’?”  She prompted Nero, trying to shake off some of the fatigue and focus back on the crumbling streets ahead.

He let out a low grunt, flexing his new, baby-soft fingers before pulling a book out of his coat. She recognized it immediately as the book V had before, the one he was always reading from. When had he gotten the thing? It worried her, she was afraid of how you would react if your eyes caught sight of such a heavy reminder. Nero set it on his lap, tapping his free hand on it like he wasn’t sure what to make tp do with the leather-bound novel.

“We will do better,” He said finally, tossing the lighter back and relaxing in the passenger seat. His grey-blue eyes stared ahead, filled with calm determination and regret as the sun began to die in the distance. Leaving only night, and the moon coaxing its milky light up toward the sky, “We made it out safe, and for now we take the victories were we get them.”

The little victories. No one had died, technically if they weren’t counting V, which she wasn’t. Nero seemed to have his arm back, and she was sure he would explain in time. As for you...there was a home and a warm bed waiting in Fortuna, and Kyrie. If anyone could provide some sense of comfort and ease, it was her. The woman had such a healing, kind aura about her--wasn’t a soul she couldn’t fix. And that was exactly what you needed, someone who could help fix what the poet broke.

Nico always wanted a sister. Especially when she was a little kid, it was her favorite thing to imagine and think about. Never a possibility then, but she learned to take family where she could get it. Blood or no blood. Kyrie was like family, but she felt more like an older sister or a mother. Now that Nico had someone to consider a little sister, she would damn well make sure you would bounce back stronger and better than ever.

“What say you we stop for some breakfast once we clear the barriers outside of RedGrave?” Nero commented after a loud yawn, breaking the silence with some of the most normal words Nico had heard in days, “I’m willin’ to bet Y/N hasn’t tried Jack’s pancakes yet, and it would take more than the apocalypse to shut that bastard down.”

Nico chuckled lightly. Only Nero could come out of something like this and immediately think of breakfast, “Whatever you want, lil’ brother. Just as long as you’re payin’.”

“Figures.”

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Tagged: @nightshadow4713 @silentwhispofhope @slightlylunatic @just-call-me-no-name @efiicitia @raven-huntress

[cool-guysyndrome]

(I was gonna post this to Instagram first but the story got too long so here sees it first skkdhdh)

Title: dammit why do i always give the angst a resolution

TW: anxiety attack, heckloads of angst, swearing because virgil+stress=i get to write swearwords

Patton paced the dimly lit room, becoming more agitated with every step. He didn't know where he was, why he was there, how he got there, anything. It was awful being completely in the dark, thrown randomly into some foreign place with no forewarning or instructions. He had so many questions that it was hard to think at all. Where were his friends? Were they okay? Were they even in the same place as him? What if they were across the country or something? How would he find them? Where even was this country? Was he in a country? Why was he in a weird castle thingy on a mountain? It was scary up so high. What were these weird clothes he was wearing? What was wrong with him? Why could he suddenly create a weird green fire with his hands? Was he going crazy?

Patton sat down and leant against the cold stone wall, trying to steady his breathing. Was this how Virgil felt when he had an anxiety attack?

He looked down at his hands, scared to accidentally replicate the spectacle he had made when he went outside and set a tree on fire.

"Maybe i can control it?" He thought aloud. Worth a try.

Patton shut his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts on the tingly feeling that had spread through his fingertips when he made the fire the first time. Sure enough, he felt a soft heat begin to emanate from where his hands were outstretched, and when he opened his eyes he saw the small green flame dancing across his fingertips.

He found that he could make the flame larger or smaller by mentally compressing it, like a camera's focus lens. It was amazing, but at the same time it scared Patton more than any fear he'd ever felt before. This wasn't a kind power. This was something destructive, something dangerous. If this power was any clue to why he was in this strange place, it was not a comforting one.

Patton released his mental hold on the fire and it dissipated into nothing. He realised with a start that he had been crying while watching it, and he wiped his cheeks dry with a sleeve.

Whatever this was, it wasnt going to be easy, and how his heart ached every time he thought about the others was really not helping. Especially Virgil. Sweet, lovely Virgil, who was always kind and worried for Patton as much as his mother did, was probably hurting just as much as he was. That thought would have killed Patton, but his thoughts were mercifully interrupted by a-

---

-'CRASH!'

"Fuck. Just when i thought my day couldn't get better huh."

Virgil glared at the fallen ornament like it was personally responsible for all the wrongs in the world, which it probably was in his eyes.

He crouched down with a sigh and picked up the broken pieces of ceramic. There were far too many breakable things in this stupid palace for someone as clumsy and lazy as him to be around.

He found some servant to give the pieces to, waving off their apologies and persistent praise. It was exhausting, all this social interaction. Virgil wondered how Roman ever wished for this kind of thing, but he supposed Roman was the only person crazy enough to like it.

He kept walking, slow enough to still pass as a walk, but fast enough that he could escape to his room as quickly as possible. Finally he reached safety, locking the door behind him. He sunk to the floor, exhausted.

"This place is fucking crazy. I think im going crazy." He told the empty room.

"I dont know what they want me to do half the time, and they treat me like the fucking king of the universe more than some stupid prince. I just want to go home and not have to deal with this stupid, stressful, nonsensical place and its mad inhabitants!"

He ran a hand through his hair.

"Inhabitants? What am I saying? Fuck, i sound like Logan."

Logan. The others. Shit. "Great now thats just a whole other problem as well. Wonderful. Fucking fantastic!"

Virgil stood up and took his cape off, tired if the heavy and unnecessary clothes. He started to anxiously pace the room, caught up in a flurry of thoughts that were making it a little hard to breathe.

"Shit. Shitshitshit. The others. Are they safe? I need to go find them. Are they even here? What if theyre in trouble? Logan and Roman might be okay on their own, but Pat..."

Virgils voice trailed off as his mind thought a horrible, terrible thing. Patton. Gentle, bubbly Patton, the light of his life, could be in danger. Or worse, already hurt. Virgil fell back to the floor, every inhale more of a struggle than the last. His whole body filled up with an overwhelming sense of dread that drowned out any of his attempts to calm himself down. His heart began to pound like it wanted to escape his chest, and he pulled at his hair like he wanted to rip it out. He thought he heard a strangled scream from someone nearby. Why were they screaming? He should be the one screaming. Then he realised that it was his own voice, and he was the one emitting the heartbroken cry. He managed to stop his screams but there was no ceasing the sobs that wracked his body as he lay curled on the floor, his mind repeating a single horrible thought a million times-

---

-over Patton's head flew a tiny streak of black, and it seemed to be hurt because it wasnt flying in a very coordinated fashion. One wing was flapping a lot less than the other.

Patton waited for the little animal to settle, then he stood a few feet away from where it had landed on the table.

"Hey, hey, I'm not gonna hurt ya. You look like you need a bit of help, actually, little guy."

He started moving towards the table very slowly so he didnt startle the creature.

"Hey, its okay, im gonna help you, alright? Lets have a look at that wing."

Patton continued to talk soothingly to the little creature until he was close enough that he could reach out and touch it. He saw that the animal was a small black bat, and one of its wings had a splinter of wood in it, not enough to do bad damage, but enough to affect its flying ability.

Patton slowly outstretched his hand, and waited for the small animal to make a move first, as a kind of permission. The little bat looked up at him with big black eyes with a shine of blue in them, and if it were human Patton would have sworn it was studying his face.

Then, all of a sudden, he heard a voice say, "Help?"

He nearly fainted.

"What?! Did you- did you just speak?!"

He watched the bat carefully, but its little face didnt move an inch even though he heard the voice clear as day. "Help wing?"

Patton couldn't help staring at the little creature.

"How are you doing that?!"

"Person help wing? Yes, no?"

"Oh my goodness gracious. And i thought the fire was weird."

"Help wing, yes, no?"

"Yes, yes, sorry, yes, ill help you. May i?"

Patton held out a hand to the bat's wing. The little creature obliged and lay its wing across his hand.

"If i ever see him again, i will definitely tell Virgil about this. He'll hate me for it because he's always wanted to talk to animals."

"Vir..gil?"

"Yea, hes my boyfriend."

"Oh. Boy Friend Virgil." The little animal seemed to think for a second, then it spoke again.

"Boyfriend, Virgil. I, Jazzy. You?"

"What?" Patton took a second to realise what the little creature meant.

"Oh, is that your name? Oh! Its lovely! I'm Patton!"

"Pat..ton. Patton. Patton help Jazzy."

"Yes, thats right, im helping you! By the way, are you a boy or a-

---

-Gurl you are a mess. You're lucky i can pick locks hun."

Remy closed the door quietly and went to sit beside where Virgil still lay on the floor.

"I heard you scream. Good thing i convinced those other losers that I'd handle this." He glanced down at Virgil again, noting his fists still clenched in his hair.

His voice was a bit more firm as he continued. "Virgil. Can i touch you?"

The purple-haired boy hesitated a moment, then shakily nodded through his hands. Remy gently pried his hands down from his hair.

"Can you sit up for me?"

Virgil did.

"Okay. Can you copy my breathing? 4-7-8 yeah?"

Virgil nodded.

Once Remy was sure that Virgil was no longer in such a bad state, he got him to sit on his bed and gave him a glass of water.

"Thanks." Virgil managed as Remy handed him the glass.

"Youre fine, gurl, i get this kind of thing a lot. The staff here get stressed all the time and someones gotta help calm 'em down, y'know?"

"Yeah."

"Besides, gotta have you in top condition so i can 'scold you' as Perce puts it, or as i like to say, roast your sorry ass."

"Really? What did i fuck up this time?"

"Oooh gurl you wouldnt believe it. So much that the cat wants your hide."

"The cat?"

"The cat."

Virgil wasn't quite smiling, but his eyes werent as sad any more.

Remy lay back on his bed like he owned it.

"Nah, I'm messing with ya."

"I know." Virgil couldnt help a small smile.

"Its not the cat, hun, its the rats that cat's chasing that want your blood. Have fun arguing with rodents."

"That bad huh?"

"Nah not really. Percy wants to help you with some stuff you were struggling with today."

"Struggling?" Virgil raised an eyebrow at the other man.

Remy chuckled. "Gurl, you and i both know you aren't really the prince. Gotta have someone in on the secret to help before everyone is."

"Touché."

After Remy left, Virgil lay back on his bed, realising just how exhausted he was. This wasn't going to get any easier. But maybe it could, at the very least, be possible.

[the-black-mambaa]

Journal #1

The other day my dad sent me this video of two boxers, and how one was trash talking the other and the other was just taking it without saying anything. He told me in life there will always be bullies that will try to bring me down. There will always be problems and obstacles too big to overcome. They'll tell me that I can't do it. That I should quit while I can. That I'm a loser, and that I'll never amount to anything. That's it's too hard for someone like me to succeed.

He then told me, don't let them get to you. I see a leader in you. I know you are tough and can overcome whatever is in you're way. I've always seen you like this. You're quiet, and you let people push you around until you can't take enough. You need to stay strong, and show them who is boss. I love you.

I cried. And am still crying because my life is a mess. I tried fixing things with fredy, but I don't understand why. I'm still numb emotionally. Or I think the term is unavailable. I don't know, I just know what I feel and I just feel like nothing. Like I'm simply here, but even then sometimes I don't want to be. I told fredy this but he believed that he could make things work. He understood that he fucked up when he lied the first time. And although I told him I forgave him, I don't think I really did. I haven't been able to get over it. I still feel like I'm never going to be enough. I still feel like there is something wrong with me. That no one will ever.. But I guess that's not what matters.

I tried it with fredy because I could see he was hurting without me. He wouldn't sleep at night because his guilt was eating him alive. So we started couples therapy together. I think we had one session before everything went downhill. During that session I was asked on a scale of one to ten how badly did I want to fix this. And I didn't know. Because I was doing it for his sake, not mine. I felt nothing but guilt because I could see that I am the problem for him. I was doing fine without him, I am just hurt.

But he confronted me afterwards, and told me that If I didn't want this I needed to be honest. So I was honest, I told him that I wasn't sure because I felt like I was doing it for him. But I was willing to give it a second shot. So we did. We got back together.

I was afraid of what my family would say to me when they found out. The first person I told Was my best friend Julia, who literally lives with me. She told me that she supports me, and if this makes me happy then she would support me.

Literally like a couple days later Julia and I spent the night at Fredys house. (I didn't want to go alone). And I was messing around with him and jokingly said, give me you're phone.

-Now this is a joke between us from back when things were fine. And giving phones was never an issue because we never had anything to hide.-

But he got serious and said no. And I got serious and said why not?? What are you hiding?? He insisted it was nothing, and I said if it's nothing then give me you're phone. So we swapped phones.

And I was looking thru his fb messages and I opened the conversation between him and his ex Daisy. I was scrolling from the bottom up. When I came across him bragging about how fine white girls are (I am not white) and how he had a one night stand with one.

THIS IS AN ISSUE BECAUSE I HAD SEX WITH HIM 3 TIMES AFTER WE BROKE UP!

!!!!! And when I had the suspicion earlier (before these messages) about him sleeping with someone else I confronted him but he told me no. That I was the only one.

I told myself that I didn't care, that was I was angry about was that he lied to me. Because he could have contracted an STD and given it to me. And I wouldn't have known because he told me there was no one else. REMINDER THAT HE SLEPT WITH THIS FEMALE ONE WEEK After we broke up!

So I keep scrolling because obviously I'm dealing with a LIAR. And I start reading from the top down. He's telling her about his family and how his mom cheated on his dad and how it hurt him. And how to rebel against his mom he started going out without telling her and he literally bragged about being a (and I quote) "bad boy".

He then went on to talk about how Oregon is full of bisexuals who don't believe in God. And how everyone here is going to hell. How he never wants to have kids here in oregon bevause theyre gunna turn into athiest bisexuals just like everyone else. As if being gay was a contagious disease. And he tells her, "Daisy don't ever date someone who doesn't believe in God."

-backstory: during our relationship I told him that I wasn't sure what I believed in because I was raised as a Christian but I wasn't sure what was REAL or what has been forced in my head. So he knew I was struggling. Meaning that was a direct about ME.-

He goes on to tell her about how dating someone who doesn't believe in God (me) can ruin you. He literally tells her that I was like that and that it was my fault that he doubted his faith.

THEN he goes on to tell her how I left him for another girl. She goes, she's lesbian??? And he's like no, she's bisexual like everyone else here in oregon.

.

.

.

I haven't had sex with anyone but him since our breakup. I haven't kissed anyone or anything sexual. Much less with a female. I want to, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. So the fact that he was spreading rumors and lies about me pissed me off.

So I look at him, and he's looking at me like 😨😓. And I'm like so you did sleep with someone else.

Nd he THINKS and goes, yeah.

And I'm like so... you lied to me. After you got on my ass about being brutally honest with you, you were lying to me.

Nd he goes... yeeah....

And I'm like okay.

So I get out of the messages with Daisy, and I'm about to go into the messages with his best friend Siella, when he snatches the phone from me and says uh, I need to send my drug test to my recruiter. But instead he goes thru and deletes all the messages about me. And then he gives me back the phone and says I deleted some messages but here.

Bruh.

I told him then there was no point in seeing the phone. And he wanted to talk to me about what I was feeling atm, and what was gunna happen with us.

But.

Thing is.

I didn't feel anything. I was angry at first but after a minute, I just let it go. Because why would I waste my time getting angry when I knew then that it was over. So I just told him I'd talk to him when I was ready to say what was on my mind. I didn't talk to him for two days.

The night of the second day I posted a picture of my ass in a skirt on my sinsta (@crabi_abbi) knowing fully well that he would see it. The next morning I let him know therapy was at 4pm. And he broke up with me over text saying that he couldn't with our relationship because of the picture I posted. That there were people from my school following me( I didn't even know what he was talking about until he explain that his friend was following me and I was like how was I supposed to know I thought it was a spam account I've never met the guy!) And that he couldn't date someone like me.

So I told him that he was a dick because I had so much to say but he took the easy way out and blamed it on me.

I still have so much to say to him but,

If I'm going to be honest with myself,

Does it even matter?

I feel like I am alone. And will be alone for a long time. I feel like no one will listen to me and my needs. I cut my hair thinking that maybe i would feel some way about it but I'm so numb that it was like nothing happened. I feel worse and worse everyday. This overwhelming feeling that I can't make it.

I'm drowning but do I really want to save myself? Does it even matter?