#if you like ~ non-explicit general ideas ~ you've come to the right blog

[keen-eye]

How do you imagine Sam and Dean would have first sex? When do you think it is most likely to happen?

i’m going to add onto what i wrote in this post with them starting in s3 and then i’ll go through how it would build up across the following seasons

i think it makes more sense for their sexual relationship to start in s3 instead of the later seasons, if you wanted to try to fit it into canon (this is probably a snoozefest for others but it’s how i like to play with spn). realistically the show making the decision/receiving network permission to introduce it after so long is highly unlikely and would alienate a vast majority of their audience. so let's just pretend that it was planned from the show’s very beginning and the actors knew what they signed up for

s3: same as what i already wrote, but this post by @28confusedthoughts reminded me of dream a little dream of me, i had forgotten that was in s3. my version is that while they’re separated inside dean’s mindscape sam sees some sort of manifestation (either a dream!dean or a dream!sam&dean) that reveals dean’s hidden feelings. i’d have dean know that sam found out but sam doesn’t know that dean knows he did. dean’s convinced himself that now that sam has finally realized exactly how twisted dean is he’ll never want anything to do with him ever again (we already know this will never happen)

dean is on edge waiting for the fallout but sam does a good job at pretending like everything is normal. he had his initial shock/revoltion but sam understands that the role john thrust upon dean and the nature of their upbringing would explain why he developed these feelings (it certainly explains a lot of his past behavior), and that it’s not dean’s fault. what sam saw is ingrained into his mind and it makes him sick, but he decides not to do anything about it because although he always tries to get dean to talk about his feelings, this time it’s just too much for sam. and dean doesn’t have a lot of time left so why put them both through it. then mystery spot is next where sam is trapped in his grief, his only purpose being to avenge dean, to do whatever it takes. after sam gets dean back and he's still bound for hell, that's when sam starts to consider what his other “whatever it takes” for dean would entail

but it isn’t until the night before no rest for the wicked when dean has just over 30 hours left and is starting to hallucinate that sam goes off on his own and prays (out-loud so the audience can get some sam introspection). sam has loved and idolized dean as long as he can remember, and he feels like he owes dean whatever he can give for always taking care of him (he doesn’t, but sam believes it). however, his struggle with his purity is at odds with this. sam asks god for some sort of sign to tell him what to do (nothing happens), then he decides that it’s worth it because dean is more important than anything to him. sam doesn’t tell dean any of this when he comes back and confesses that he knows how dean feels about him because sam doesn’t want to make dean feel like he’s taking advantage of him (any more than he already does). so sam initiates and after repeatedly reassuring dean that he wants to do this, dean takes it from there and sam lets him worship him

okay, i’m gonna leave this here and then add s4 → onwards in the reblogs when i have time :)

[dgcatanisiri]

A brief discussion on Taash and how their development seems to be pointing towards at this point in my first play.

I want to tackle this in the now, considering how it's almost invariably something that seems like it will come up in the future. For the record, I've gone only so far as to feed the birds and then discuss clothing choices with Taash and Neve, so plenty left to explore.

Considering Taash is introduced as "she," then gets explicit references to questions of gender, it does seem like Taash is going through a storyline of coming to terms with being non-binary. Which is in effect a coming out narrative, like Dorian had last game. And if you've been on my blog a while, you know that Dorian having a narrative centered on his sexuality has always bothered me.

But I'm not upset seeing Taash have this story like I am about Dorian, for a handful of reasons.

Number one, Taash's non-binariness is not the only thing they get for their character, considering that Varric's narration mentions how they've gotten the attention of the Dragon King, so their place in the ongoing plotline has more than just being "the non-binary."

Number two, being non-binary is a thing that is still developing its place in the world we live in, so this is an exploration at a time that the idea that being non-binary is still something relatively new for society at large - y'know, beyond all the Hays Code censorship of queerness in general, you could still go back to the seventies and have a story about people being introduced to the concept of being gay, so while any queer character is inevitably SOMEONE'S introduction to queerness, there was a greater breadth of alternatives in media that were likely the introduction of "gay person" than there is for the introduction of "non-binary person."

Which dovetails nicely with number three, and that's the fact that at the same time Dorian was introduced with a story I've described as feeling right out of a nineties after school special, as Dorian interacts with his father who wanted to change him like dozens of homophobes in media have before, a story that felt like it was stuck in the past, the same year saw the release of How to Get Away With Murder, a show that took an old narrative of "gay person gets an HIV diagnosis" and then showed him living and not being reduced to a story prop for the development of straight characters, putting a new spin on the old narrative and doing something that hadn't been done with it.

There's also the fact that, number four, this is about Taash's self-discovery. When we meet Dorian, HE'S accepted his sexuality. The issue is that HIS FATHER hasn't. Taash, meanwhile, is recognizing that they don't fit into the gender binary they've been locked in to. It's a different point of the journey - the key moment in Dorian's development was when he chose to run from his father trying to change him, not discussing it in front of someone at least months down the line. Taash is figuring this out as we go.

And then there's number five, which is that Taash coming to an understanding with being non-binary actually DOES fit within the established worldbuiling - the Qun is rigid in its giving of roles, and, even if Taash hasn't been raised under the strict rule of the Qun, their mother left not because of a break in her acceptance of the Qun itself, but to protect her child. So while we had Krem in Inquisition introduced as being "those who were born as one gender but live as another," we are now seeing how the Qun is not built to accept those who are neither - it accepts binary either/or, that you are one thing and not the other, but it's been repeatedly shown how the Qun does not play with the shades of grey and the spectrum between black and white. Taash has not followed the Qun, but we still see how it has shaped their life to this point as a result of being how their mother was raised, how Thedas at large views anyone with the grey skin and horns that Taash has. They have dealt with the way that the Qun influences them, and that conditioning doesn't just break like that.

I mean, I've said for YEARS, Dorian's story felt awkwardly shoved in to the Dragon Age setting, considering that Cousland could be teased about a same-sex partner in front of their noble family like it was nothing, Leandra accepted Hawke's partner, and while Gamlen was an ass, you could pass it off as "...it's GAMLEN" and not "he's being homophobic." The worst really was Hawke asking Fenris if there was an issue because they were both men, a fact that didn't make sense, considering Fenris had never been ANYTHING but reciprocal to Hawke's flirtations. To say nothing of how Fenris never used Tevinter's "quest to distill the perfect mage" against Anders in their various arguments. And then there was the novel The Calling, where King Maric's surprise about Wardens Nicholas and Julian being together was simply that he hadn't recognized it, not because they were.

Arguing "oh, it's just TEVINTER that's like that" doesn't work either, considering that now we're seeing Dorian in the Magisterium and in Minrathous itself, and Maevaris as well - a trans woman, who married a dwarf, a magic-blind race. At MOST if these two can get into the highest point in Tevinter's hierarchy, they'd be assigned to the Thedas equivalent of Antarctica, not operating openly in the heart of the government.

Dorian's story was written in isolation, separate from the rest of the tapestry that was the universe of Dragon Age, not fitting in to the overall picture. Taash's story, meanwhile matches the things established and adds to it - the Qunari might accept binary transness, but existing outside a binary leads to the Qun trying to hammer them back into it. Qunari thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs, have always baffled and struggled with the human ones. DA2's whole second act showed how rigidly adhering to the strictness of the Qun caused problems - the Arishok was not a diplomat, so he only looked upon the world from the edge of a blade, and he could not accept that his position as a leader meant he HAD to interact as one.

This FITS the world. Taash's story feels like an enhancement, an enrichment of the world already established, rather than a tonal clash.

[wajjs]

i remember the year 2012, i was extremely active in (redacted) circles and logging onto tumblr using the family desktop computer because back then tumblr didn't have an app for android users (logging in using your phone's browser was as much of a pain as it is today).

anyway.

i remember hitting the daily post limit every single day. and when i would hit that limit, i would make do by sending asks (we didn't have direct messages) until i'd hit ask limit as well. there was fanmail, of course, but that was private, you couldn't post it and also you didn't keep a copy of the message you sent. so fanmail was only used when you were really, really desperate, since, to my knowledge, it didn't have a daily limit.

during one of the times i hit my daily post limit, it happened in, perhaps, the most humiliating way possible.

picture this: me sitting in the living room, logging onto tumblr using the family pc, not even bothering with incognito mode since my parents didn't (and still don't) know english.

so far, so good.

my parents, however, do have working eyes, and there are things that trascend language when it comes to moving pictures. or just pictures in general.

i never feared god, and i never had much shame in regards to my online activity to begin with, so it's not like i was being extra careful. perhaps i was too confident. perhaps i fell to my hubris, icarus flying too close to the sun and scorching himself with its flames just like i scorched myself with the situation i put myself in.

i have no one else to blame.

you see, i had been blogging as usual, seeing hardcore porn on the dash like they were wildflowers blooming just about everywhere, and doing my part in reblogging some of that hardcore porn when i felt like it fitted my blog's vibe.

(my blog didn't have a vibe.)

as i was doing that, i guess you could say that i hyper focused on just... sharing the porn i found nice to look at. there was something artistic about it, about the gifs and the portrayal of writhing bodies, of thrusts and squirts and crying faces, of hands around throats, of—you get the idea.

the thing is that i was in my zone. i was vibing.

i was reblogging and reblogging and reblogging, and back then you still had to open your reblog in a new tab if you didn't want to lose your place while scrolling down the dashboard. i was doing all of that. adding commentary in the tags, saying "this should happen to x character", or "omg fic inspo", or "pssss (blog) for your art". the type of tags you've seen before. the type of tags we've all seen before.

and then.

and then my hubris hit me.

the family desktop back then was this old thing, almost as old as i was. we had refurbished it a couple of times to keep it functional, but it never quite recovered after windows xp rolled around.

it all happened in this succession of events:

i reblogged an explicit yaoi picture with a catboy and a normal, non hybrid young man. i went to open the next tab, where i knew the gif of a man eating out a pussy with stubble is awaiting its turn. i tried to reblog it, and i got the notification that i had just hit daily post limit. i wasn't too bothered by it, and kept scrolling down past the miss a, mblaq, glee, hp, doctor who, etc, gifs that were intermingled with porn. and then—

my whole computer froze. for one long, very long, second, i sat there, watching with a frown and trying to scroll down, to move the cursor around, but nothing was happening.

there's the tail end of a doctor who gif on the top margin of the screen, but front and center you could see in all its glory a guy finger blasting another guy's hole.

this is when i started to sweat a little.

the only thing that was stopping my dad from seeing the content on the screen was my back, since he was sitting right behind me. i couldn't move a single inch. but if i didn't act like everything's normal, then he would be suspicious, and he would end up looking over my shoulder to inevitably see this guy with veins popping in his forearm just jamming three thick fingers in there. looking for gold. going all the way.

i told myself, okay. just breathe. give the computer a couple of seconds and it'll start working properly again.

but you guessed it: it never did.

by then i felt like an eternity had passed and the computer was still frozen. my dad's flipping through channels behind me. he's not even invested in whatever's being shown on tv. okay. i can still work with this, i thought.

but there was one thing i had forgotten about.

the player that i forgot all along in the dangerous game i liked to play:

my mother, waking up from her nap. she's stepping out of the room. to get to the kitchen, to get started on dinner, she needed to walk through the living room where me and my divine punishment sat. i turned my head to stare at her. our eyes met.

she clocked it.

she IMMEDIATELY knew something was up.

i could tell so by the way she stood straighter, and how she was now walking with a purpose right at me. i had just seconds, barely seconds, to do something and save myself from hellish intervention.

fight or flight hit.

while holding eye contact, i reached down under the monitor and YANKED on all the cables. she was almost upon me. for good measure, i pressed down on the pc's power button and don't let go.

with just one second to spare, my mother made it to my side. the screen was, blessedly, black.

i survived to live another day.

remember when there was porn and no ads. i miss it

[nerdsagainstfandomracism]

(Bona fides: Chinese-American woman, queer, in my 30s, grew up evangelical Christian.) You've been frequently reblogging diversehighfantasy regarding AO3 recently. I unfollowed them a while ago b/c I was unhappy with their constantly slipping purity culture rhetoric into their anti-racist posts. What are your views on purity culture? Esp. regarding fans of color who've been harmed by both racism *and* religious/cultural purity policing? Asking honestly, not accusingly.

Hello! Mod P. is here. Well, this is a bit awkward, because Holly (DHF) is one of our mods here. Mod Finn, the founder of this blog invited both of us when she started the blog, but now that most of the other mods have left us (because of RL reasons, and lack of time), I’m the most active one here, and Holly is one of our silent mods. So, make of that what you will.

As for your question about purity culture / religious policing.

I’m an Asian woman (Kalmyk) in my mid 30s, disabled. I’m a Buddhist, not really religious – as in I follow some religious traditions that my family part takes, but mostly I’m rather illiterate regarding the whole Buddhist theology stuff (I’m more acquainted with the Christian mythology and theology in theory, for example, because it’s integral part of the Western culture). I grew up in a secular society, so I really can’t speak of the experiences of the people of color that grew up in a strict religious environment. Personally for me, in general, purity culture in a religious sense is an alien subject and I’m definitely against the idea of forcing it on others.

If we’re talking about purity culture in fandom spaces, we’ll have to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, because the white fandom / pro ship people usually mix everything into one pile, often with the intention to gaslight and shut the discussions about racism, and antiblackness specifically. Even on the fanlore page of “purity culture” description they pile up racism / homophobia etc.

I don’t know how you define the term “purity culture”, as for myself, I usually stay away from the discours, but as far as incest / pedophilia kinks, for example, it’s actively not my thing. Like, when I was in the TWD fandom, I blocked people who shipped Carl/Daryl or Carl/Negan on sight. Things like Winc*st or J2 is not my thing, but also ships like Winc*st or RPFs J2 don’t bother me personally, as long as they stay in their line (also, I don’t bother going to white fandoms like SPN), and don’t overlap into the racism / homophobia etc. sphere. I don’t care about RP shippers, as long as they stay in their corner, and don’t harass real people like wives or actors / etc. they deem as a “threat” to their fantasy ship.

That being said, we have to talk about nuances and context. For example, in the Shadowhunters fandom the people who shipped J*lec would present things as if they were being harassed by the “purity culture people”, who called their ship “incestuous” (because J@ce and Alec were raised together). I never used that angle in my criticism of the ship, I always criticized it for its racism and racialized homophobia, because all J*lec shippers are/were actively racist and anti-Asian towards Magnus, used very racist and orientalist rhetoric to discredit Malec and Harry Shum Jr. (the actor who portrayed Magnus). In short, whether J@lec is an incest or not, isn’t my concern, but the fact that it IS an inherently racist and a homophobic ship, that actively erases the canon narrative of a bisexual Asian character, does concern me.

Another example is Michael/Eleanor ship from TGP, from what I’ve seen, the ship is often criticized by the non Black / white fans because of the age gap between the actors or because of the father/daughter dynamics between the two. For my part, I couldn’t care less about either. What I do care about is the fact that most Michael/Eleanor shippers happen to be people who almost never ship characters of color or IR ships. I do care about the fact that this white crack ship actively erases the canon narrative of the Black male character.

I don’t support attacking the authors who write explicit sex scenes. But I do understand the criticism of MLM fetishzation coming from gay men in fandom. And I do understand criticism when fandom tries to discredit IR ships of ships of color in media and write them off as “bad lgbt rep” because these ships don’t have explicit sex scenes on screen, like their favorite white MLMs.

I do understand and support the criticism of the “slave fics” coming from Black fans.

And yes, I do believe that there needs to be some anti racist policy on AO3, that prevents fans of color, and Black fans specifically, from seeing racist fanworks in the threads of characters of color. I don’t want to see J@lec fics in Magnus Bane thread, where Magnus is an abusive asshole and Alec is saved by his “true love” Jace. I don’t want to see fics in Glenn Rhee thread, where Maggie cheats on Glenn with Daryl, while oblivious Glenn is right in the next room. I don’t ever want to see fics in Sam Wilson’s thread, where he is a slave owner and rapes and abuses the white MCU characters, or anything like that horrid that Finnpoe Jim Crow fic.

I don’t believe in “ship and let ship” idea, because racist shippers never stay in their lane, they’re always in the tags of characters of color / ships of color with their gaslighting and coded racist hate. I do believe that Franzeska’s infamous meta is a big pile of racist BS.

That being said, I’ve known Holly (DHF) for almost ten years now and I’ve never seen her being pro purity culture in any way.

(P.S. Idk what’s with this glitch and why this ask looks like this.)