#if you know me irl though I'd prefer you pretend you never saw this post

[apolloette]

okay fine it's pride month so time to admit I am also cool with they/them pronouns. Still she/her also; still a lady; I'm just also My Own Nebulous Thing. a genderqueer lady. hope this makes sense, hope this helps, hope this causes everyone immense confusion, xoxo, memento mori, we are all ash and bones at the end of the day

[cookinguptales]

Inspired by that last post and also a debate I saw raging on twitter today...

Let's talk about comments on NSFW fic!

(under a cut for the squeamish)

So when I wrote Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't), I used to say that going off most of the comments, you'd never even know that the whole thing was just porn. Porn held together loosely with angst and feelings, admittedly, but -- lbr! It was 35k words of porn! (80k including the sequel.)

Almost all of the comments were about the feelings and the relationship with no mention of sex whatsoever, and while I was proud to hear how emotionally involved people got, I still thought it was very funny that we were all talking around the elephant in the room. When I said that, though, a few people told me that they didn't really know how to comment on porn because they didn't want to be weird.

Add that to the fact that this morning I saw people fighting, I shit you not, over whether it was morally okay to masturbate to fanfiction...

idk, this is just a post telling you where my comfort levels and boundaries are as a writer who occasionally writes NSFW fic. I never want you to feel the need to leave a comment that makes you uncomfortable; you should always abide by your own comfort levels as well in this situation. I'm just telling you where my comfort levels as the author are.

Let's get one thing out of the way. I write porn, I have written porn, I will continue to write porn. Yeah, yeah, okay, it's "erotica", it's "nsfw", whatever, it's porn. I know that most of my nsfw output is either ridiculously fluffy and angsty and relationship focused or like some fucking weird metaphor for a historical witch trial or something, but. I'm not here to sugarcoat it. I know what I've written.

So while I would prefer you not get too tmi about your own IRL sex life in comments, I can hardly be offended if you leave a NSFW comment on a NSFW fic. I think I'd be very hypocritical if I posted like 10k words of porn and then got upset with you for saying that you liked it. It's a weird situation! I know! But I'm not gonna be upset or offended or grossed out if you tell me that you thought a particular line or detail was hot. If anything, that just makes me feel like I did a good job the same way I feel if someone says any other line I wrote was effective.

Like... I laugh about the comments on the 5+1 things fics now, but I did have a little while there where so few people were even acknowledging that the sex existed that I was like ??? did I do that bad of a job??? are we just pretending it didn't happen??? I'm chill with it now, but it can be very difficult to gauge how you're doing as an author if no one comments on something, and NSFW is something that I'm still a little insecure about because up until very recently, I didn't write it much.

So you were shy and I was shy and I was like "do I... keep going...?" THANKFULLY, I DID, but I did have a couple of insecure moments where I almost went back under my rock. lmao

So anyway... to be clear, if you quote something or talk about a position or a piece of dialogue of any other detail and you say what you liked about it or leave a bunch of horny emojis or whatever, I'm totally fine with that. That's a compliment. If you talk about what you like to see in fic involving these characters, I'm also totally chill with that! Let's have a weird nsfw conversation about how we think these two weirdos would fuck!

That said... I don't love it when people are like "oh, when I do [x position] I like this" or "I'm going to do this with my boyfriend when I get home" or "this reminds me of when I did [y]" or "I'm a top and so [long meandering thing about what they like to do sexually]". Like... what am I gonna say to that, man? I wish you all a very fulfilling sex life (or lack thereof, if that's your preference) but I really don't need to hear about it. Let's keep our nsfw discussion on the theoretical and fictional, please.

As for masturbation... Look, man, I write porn. Weird porn, to be sure, but it's porn. I don't need to hear the details, but I'm totally fine with you enjoying it however you see fit. I don't know if anyone's ever gotten off to my porn, but like... statistically speaking, it's likely! And if they did, good for them! I'm totally chill with the idea. Proud, even. I just wanna make people happy and bring joy to my readers.

One way!!! Or another!!!

Anyway, yeah, orgasms are a good thing and I'm happy if I managed to put a few more of them into the world. lmao. We should all be so lucky to bring a little more enjoyment into existence.

So...... tl;dr, say whatever you want in comments on my fic as long as everything is kept fictional. You're not gonna scandalize me, and if whatever we're talking about moves out of my comfort zone, I'll just bow out. There are certainly some sexual subjects I'm not comfortable talking about, but as long as we keep things in the same realm as what I actually wrote about, it should be fine.

Oh, unless you're a minor.

Then, like, I'm not dumb. I know you read smut. You know you read smut. But please for the love of god don't ever talk to me about it.