#if you knew my insecurities about you tore me apart you'd feel so bad. because i'm so nice and so pleasant
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#85-90% of my friendships throughout my entire life were fake.#because i'm perfectly pleasant and fine to be around so people like me okay.#until i'm just a little too weird. until i'm just a little too offputting. until i feel just a little too hard.#until i fail to connect with someone in a “normal” way.#but i'm so nice and so hopeful and so trusting and so naive you'd feel so bad saying to my face you don't want me around.#so you ignore me and give me the false promises of “oh i'll see you again sometime we'll make plans!” and we both know it's a fucking lie.#if you knew my insecurities about you tore me apart you'd feel so bad. because i'm so nice and so pleasant#but that's all i'm fucking good for. i'm just pleasant and nice. i'm so pleasant and nice. and you don't have to care about me too much.#because i'm all whimsical and smiley and i like to giggle and talk your ear off but i can't connect with you. i can't connect with you. i ca#n't connect with you.#and then i lose the people who genuinely care about me to time. i want to throw up.#i'm so likeable. but i'm not loveable. i'm so nice and so pleasant.#i say nice things and give you compliments but when my whimsy borders on Too Much it's not okay anymore.#i break the rules of social norms and then you realize oh i'm really weird and my brain is weird so then you just kinda put me away.#like a toy. i'm everyone's favorite plaything until they outgrow me.#i'm sick of being outgrown because i refuse to let my sense of whimsy and simplicity of happiness die again.#i'm so nice and pleasant.
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