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#if you haven't read it read Kolyma Tales
queenlucythevaliant · 2 years
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Time to share another of my favorite Christian poems with you all. It’s a martyrdom poem by Varlam Shalamov, a victim of the Soviet gulags and also the writer of Kolyma Tales. A few favorite stanza are written out here; the entire poem is typed out below. It’s a little on the long end, but entirely worth it. 
“Avvakum in Pustozyorsk” by Varlam Shalamov
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The walls of my church
  are the ribs of my heart;
it seems life and I
  are soon bound to part
 .
My cross now rises,
  traced with two fingers.
In Pustozyorsk it blazes;
  its blaze will linger.
 .
I’m glorified everywhere,
  vilified, branded;
I have already become
  the stuff of legend.  
 .
I was, people say,
  full of anger and spite;
I suffered, I died
  for the ancient rite.
 .
But this popular verdict
  is ugly nonsense;
I hear and reject
  the implied censure.
 .
The rite is nothing—
  neither wrong nor right;
a rite is a trifle
  in God’s sight.
 .
But they attacked our faith
  in the ways of the past,
in all we’d learned as children
  and taken to heart.
 .
In their holy garments,
  in their grand hats,
with a cold crucifix
  in their cold hands,
 .
in thrall to a terror
  clutching their souls,
they drag us to jails
  and herd us to scaffolds.
 .
We don’t mind about the doctrine
  books and their age;
we don’t debate virtues
  of fetters and chains.
 .
Our dispute is of freedom,
  and the right to breathe—
about the Lord’s will
  to bind as he please.
 .
The healers of souls
  chastised our bodies;
while they schemed and plotted,
  we ran to the forests.
 .
Despite their decrees,
   we hurled our words
out of the lion’s mouth
  and into the world.
 .
We called for just vengeance
  against their sins;
along with the Lord,
   we sang poems and hymns.
 .
The words of the Lord
  were claps of thunder.
The Church endures;
   it will never go under.
 .
And I, unyielding,
  reading the Psalter,
was brought to the gates
  of the Andronikov Monastery.
 .
I was young;
  I endured every pain:
hunger, beatings,
  interrogations.
 .
A winged angel
  shut the eyes of the guard,
brought me cabbage soup,
  and a hunk of bread.
 .
I crossed the threshold—
  and I walked free.
Embracing my Exile,
  I walked to the east.
 .
I held services
   by the Amur River,
where I barely survived
  the winds and blizzards.
 .
They branded my cheeks
  with brands of frost;
by a mountain stream
  they tore out my nostrils.
 .
But the path to the Lord
  goes from jail to jail;
the path to the Lord
  never changes.
 .
And all too few,
  since Jesus’s days,
have proved able to bear
  God’s all-seeing gaze.
 .
Nastasia, Nastasia,
  do not despair;
true joy often wears
  a garment of tears.
 .
Whatever temptations
  may beat in your heart,
whatever torments
  may rip you apart,
 .
walk on in peace,
  through a thousand troubles
and fear not the serpent
  that bites at your ankles—
 .
though not from Eden
  has this snake crawled;
it is an envoy of evil
  from Satan’s hand.
 .
Here, birdsong
  is unknown;
here one learns the patience
  and the wisdom of stone.
 .
I have seen no color
  except lingonberry
in fourteen years
  spent as a prisoner.
 .
But this is not madness,
  nor a waking nightmare;
it is my soul’s fortress,
  its will and freedom.
 .
And now they are leading me
  far away in fetters;
my yoke is easy
  and my burden grows lighter.
 .
My track is swept clean
  and dusted with silver;
I’m climbing to heaven
  on wings of fire.
 .
Through cold and hunger,
  through grief and fear
towards God, like a dove,
  I will rise from the pyre.
 .
O far-away Russia—
  I give you my vow
to return to the sky
  forgiving my foe.
 .
May I be reviled,
  and burned at the stake;
may my ashes be cast
  on the mountain wind.
 .
There is no fate sweeter,
  no better end,
than to knock, as ash,
  at the door of the human heart.
#this poem absolutely destroys me#there are so many threads running through it but more than anything I see such beautiful submission to God's will in it#the road to the Lord goes from jail to jail; the road to the Lord never changes#and so there's this exhortation to relish martyrdom and long for glory#like so many of the martyrs#and yet it's so uniquely personal and Soviet#that opening line: if they blow up our cathedrals and outlaw our meetings we will still carry the church in our chests#behind our ribs in our hearts#and then to say 'we don't care about the specific books or rites or liturgies we care about /freedom/#but not freedom in the way that most people in this situation would mean it in the way that he would have every right to mean it#freedom for God to bind as he please#and somehow the part that makes my heart twist most with grief is 'i have seen no color but lingonberry in fourteen years'#YET still this is not a waking nightmare; it is my soul's fortress#my soul's barren colorless fortress#but God is there#and so my yoke is easy#ughhhh this poem#and that ending#the awareness that the greatest end a person can have is to have one's death be a tertimony#if you haven't read it read Kolyma Tales#it's some of the most beautiful prose I have ever read applied to one of the most awful subjects in history#and for goodness' sake read this poem#it will do your soul good#the unquenchable fire#literature makes us more human#leah learns calligraphy#i would cut off a toe for the chance to write about this poem in a formal context#but tumblr will have to do#martyr club this is for you#russia where are you flying to?
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