#if you ever see me watching through a creator's entire back catalogue now you know what's happening

[cupparosielee]

Me, entering yet another phase of my gender realisation:

[romansroys]

"#also now im thinking about lovett hiring an assistant a lot #au where lovett hires favs or tommy as an assistant idc who im flexible#and yknow things happen and eventually they fuck" expand on this please

yikes this extremely got away from me but i have expanded

ok so lovett gets his show and they’re planning the budget or whatever and they point out “oh hey you’re co-creator and a head writer you get an assistant” and it’s not that he minds the idea of someone doing all of his menial tasks for him and having to listen to his every word but he doesn’t care that much and having an assistant seems weird so he avoids it for awhile until he loses track of meeting times and what he’s supposed to be doing at any given hour and concedes that ok he needs an assistant

he hands a pile of applications off to a random PA on the show and tells them to narrow it down and waves them away when they grumble about how his assistant should do this and just yells back “im working on it!” eventually one day he comes in to the office and eight resumes are on his desk and there’s a block of 5 hours on his schedule for interviews

by the time lovett gets to number eight he’s bored and tired and cranky and sick of talking to 22 year olds so he’s shocked when a tall attractive blonde guy who seems closer to lovett’s age than anyone else he’s talked to today walks in. he briefly glances through the guy’s resume and notices a few semi-high profile press positions, lovett squints at the guy who looks like he could be a von trapp child when he sits down across from him

“are you here as a joke?” lovett asks before von trapp can say anything.

“excuse me?”

“it seems like you’re pretty accomplished, i’m just trying to figure out why you’re applying as my assistant.” lovett glances back down at his resume. “you worked at the state department!”

“you worked at the white house.”

“sure, but i’m the showrunner and co-creator. i am extremely talented, yknow? i’ve already gotten to the top of one field so i’m working on the next.”

“me too. except i like to start at the bottom.” the guy flashes a smile at lovett and he’s helpless to the flush that creeps up his cheeks.

“okay, you’re hired.” lovett works extra hard to make sure his voice doesn’t crack embarrassingly.

“i’m hired?”

“yeah, you’re not annoying, plus you’re older than me and i like the idea of getting to boss an elder around.” this time it’s lovett’s turn to smirk as von trapp turns bright red, the flush spreading down his neck. “just show up on monday.” lovett says as he gets up, leaving his new assistant alone in his office.

“oh, and don’t bring me fries. EVER!” lovett yells over his shoulder as he walks away.

the blonde guy (lovett really has to find his resume again or ask him his name) shows up right on time monday morning, which is notable because lovett is…late. his new assistant is waiting in a chair right outside his office.  

“are you always late? should i adjust my schedule accordingly?”

“no, i am not always late!” lovett ignores the snort that comes from somewhere behind him at that statement. “if you must know, my dog wanted to go on a really long walk this morning.”

“you have a dog.” his assistant says out loud, like he’s cataloguing it in his brain to pull out later.

“yeah, and if you’re lucky maybe you’ll get to meet her. she’s an angel.”

“i’m sure she is.” lovett stops and turns around to look at him, trying to determine whether von trapp is joking or not (it’d be nice to know his name but it’s almost too embarrassing to ask after hiring him and clearly the guy already thinks he’s incompetent). he can’t read the guy’s face but he looks so earnest, lovett huffs.

“she is! god, i already need another coffee.”

“i’ll be back, then.” his assistant smiles and taps twice on the door frame.

a week later lovett finds his assistant’s resume on his desk and discovers his name is tommy. a grown adult named tommy…lovett feels like he should’ve taken note of this earlier. the next time he sees tommy he can’t help but mention.

“so you’re almost 30 and you go by tommy?” tommy looks up surprised from where he’s scribbling notes on a sheet of paper.

“i’m a fourth.”

“you’re a what?”

“thomas vietor the fourth.” he mutters and lovett snorts. “tom and thomas were both taken.”

“wow i already pegged you as the WASPiest person i’ve ever met, and you’re even more of a WASP than i thought.”

“i’m going to take that as a compliment.” tommy replies.

“it wasn’t meant as one.”

“that’s okay.”

it takes a little while but lovett discovers that tommy is incredibly funny. he’s good at sarcasm and self-deprecation and he regularly makes lovett laugh, so it’s only fitting when he starts having tommy help him work on scripts. and lovett can’t stay at the office all hours of the day, he has a dog, so it makes sense when these brainstorming sessions happen at lovett’s house instead of his office. It’s not weird that they spend their nights together or that pundit loves tommy more than she loves everyone besides lovett.

when lovett has a date one night and spends the entire three days beforehand complaining about how he looks every time he glances in a mirror, tommy starts ignoring his lunch requests and only bringing him variations of salads and grilled chicken.

“i get a free visitor pass with my gym membership.” tommy mentions offhand one day.

“first the salads, now the gym. are you trying to tell me something?”

“no! i-” tommy clears his throat. “i think you look great. but you seemed unhappy, you’ve been complaining a lot. so i was just offering…”

“you think i look great, huh?” tommy’s entire face flushes red.

“lovett.” he half-heartedly tries to shame him, but lovett can’t stop grinning.

“i’d love to go to the gym with you, tommy. are there any other hot guys there?”

“other hot guys?” lovett rolls his eyes.

“cmon, you know your biceps look obscene in that baseball shirt.”

“i like this shirt.”

“oh, i like it too.” lovett grins and winks at tommy.

so that’s how things go for awhile. lovett spends his days with tommy at work; having tommy take notes in meetings and making fun of the big wigs behind their back, they eat whatever healthy lunch tommy picks up for them together, they work out at the gym, and at night they end up at lovett’s house rewriting jokes and sketching out storylines. sometimes they flirt, but lovett is pretty sure it doesn’t mean anything, tommy is obscenely attractive and probably has his pick of hollywood gays. and lovett is boring and also his boss.

so it’s a total shock when tommy slams into lovett’s office one day, out of breath and seemingly angry.

“i can’t date my boss!”

“um, okay?” lovett is not sure where this is going and he’s not sure he likes it.

“i’m a responsible adult.”

“i know, it’s why i hired you. you never let me eat french fries!”

“you hired me because i was older than you.” tommy mumbles and lovett shrugs.

“po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”

“i can’t date my boss.” tommy repeats as lovett watches him pace back and forth across the office. tommy seems to be mumbling to himself but lovett’s working out tommy’s comments in his head.

“are you saying you want to date me?” he finally asks trying to keep the hysteria out of his voice, tommy stops in his tracks.

“i-”

“i mean, of course you do, who wouldn’t want to?” lovett chuckles nervously at tommy’s non-reaction. “but then again you have, like, visible muscles and a strong jaw and i look like this. anyway, i was going to promote you to staff writer. you’re way too fucking smart to be my assistant and-”

the rest of what lovett was about to say gets cut off as tommy grabs lovett by the shirt and hauls him forward, kissing him. tommy’s hands slide down lovett’s chest and tommy grips his hips firmly. lovett puts his all into kissing tommy, pushing himself up on his toes, getting his hands into tommy’s hair, and opening his mouth. lovett can’t manage to suppress a moan when tommy walks him backwards and presses lovett into his desk.

tommy turns his attention to lovett’s neck, sucking a mark into the junction where lovett’s neck meets his shoulder.

“you know, even if you’re on the writing staff, i’m still your boss.” lovett manages to gasp out.

“hmm?” tommy hums, and lovett can feel it against his neck.

“i am very much in charge in this relationship.”

“shut up, lovett.” tommy mutters as he flicks the button open on lovett’s jeans.

“yeah, okay.”

[airadam]

Episode 126 : None More Black

"These evil streets don't sleep..."

- Pharoahe

Here's an idea I've been holding for a while - an episode showcasing Hip-Hop tracks that took a rock sample or influence! I thought it'd be an interesting one to select and mix without reaching for the most obvious standby picks, and we've got tracks spanning almost thirty years at the extreme ends. Don't worry, the guitars come along with plenty of bars and beats!

Links for the month... Michelle Grace Hunder - wicked music photographer!

The Flyest Xmas party on Dec 20th, featuring The Soul Twins

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Ice-T ft. Jello Biafra : Shut Up, Be Happy

One of those tracks that seems more relevant now than ever, this was the opener on Ice-T's underrated 1989 album "The Iceberg". A great marrying of elements, as Jello Biafra of the punk band Dead Kennedys delivers a totalitarian announcement (based on his own "Message From Our Sponsor" over a Black Sabbath loop. I couldn't put this anywhere but as the intro to the episode!

Camp Lo : 82 Afros

Kicking the pace up a touch, we move straight into a killer Camp Lo cut from the "Black Hollywood" LP, with Ski cooking up a banging rock-based beat. The kick and snare are straight boom-bap, but the toms add an unexpected extra element on top of the distorted guitar and vocal sample. Cheeba and Geechi might be known for their smooth styles, but this is just one demonstration of the fact that they can get busy over any kind of beat.

J-Zone : Moonwalk / Gel N' Weave Remix (Instrumental)

I was struggling to find just the right instrumental for this spot, but went back to "The Headband Years" to find this beat from a producer who could make a beat our of almost anything. He's full-time on his funk drumming now, but has a great catalogue of Hip-Hop that can't be fronted on.

Kobaine : Ko.Bain

This is an artist I know very little about, as as far as I'm aware this is his only release to date, a nice little contribution to the 2002 "Subway Series Vol.1" compilation on Major League Entertainment. I got this on digital release which had no credits included, so I'm not sure who produced it - I can imagine it being a Nick Wiz or Tribeca track though.

Agallah : Ag Season

Brownsville's Agallah has often channelled the rockstar vibes in his career, and this woozy-guitared track from "Bo : The Legend of the Water Dragon" sounds entirely natural for him. Self-produced as always, it's short, rock solid, and to the point.

Fabolous : Breathe

Fifteen years old, already? This was a huge single for Fabolous, taken from his "Real Talk" album, and is one of his best-known tracks even after all these years. Just Blaze laced him with a beat based around Supertramp's "Crime of the Century", and got a surprise when Fab told him he'd written his lyrics around the "breathe" vocal sample on the track...because that's not what it said! However, on hearing the bars, Just went back and made some changes to align the audio with what Fab thought he heard!

Ras Kass ft. Killah Priest : Milli Vanilli

Ras Kass' "Quarterly" was collection of tracks he released once a week, finally brought together in late 2009 - and there are some great cuts in there. Here's one, with Veterano's beat sounding like a cybernetic heavy metal group trying to destroy the speaker stack! Ras cuts through it regardless, and special guest Killah Priest (fellow member of THE HRSMN) matches him bar for bar as always. The hook of course channels the then-recent Lil Wayne track "A Milli", which was a heavily-used beat for freestyles around this time.

Body Count : C-Note

This was one of the shorter and gentler tracks on the debut Body Count album, but was always one of my favourites - Ernie C makes that guitar cry for real. Ice-T's metal project was waved off by some doubters in the beginning, but the music was solid from their first appearance on the "OG: Original Gangster" album and they're still killing it to this day.

Bumpy Knuckles : Swazzee

This one is so aggro, you have to love it. Seriously, you'd better. Bumpy Knuckles is in fine form on this guaranteed weight-training motivational track from "Konexion", taking out sucker MCs, snitches, haters, and pretty much everyone else. The hook is reminiscent of an old Sly Stone cut, and Knockout's beat is ferocious - precise, measured drums with the harsh guitar over the top. Bumpy might be the king of the third verse but a track like this lets you know he can handle the first two just fine!

Public Enemy : Go Cat Go

The "He Got Game" soundtrack was unfairly overlooked by too many heads, but is an absolutely worthy entry in Public Enemy's long and storied discography. Chuck D's political awareness and love of sports (he actually wanted to be a sportscaster at one point) combined for a really interesting listen. Jack Dangers of Meat Beat Manifesto and Danny Saber of Black Grape cover this one in heavy guitars which would drown out most MCs, but not Chuck! As the album subtitle says, this one is about the game behind the game...

Boogie Down Productions : Ya Slippin

It's hard to think now of BDP being a crew with a future in doubt, but this is how it was back in 1988 as "By All Means Necessary" was released, not long after the murder of founding DJ Scott La Rock. KRS might be young here but he rhymes with the confidence of someone who left home as a child to become an MC, survived homelessness, and achieved his goal. He scolds weak MCs like "The Teacha" he is, and gets down on the production too - the rock heads will recognise this guitar sample a mile off!

Pharoahe Monch : Got You

Shout out to Vicky T for reminding me of this tune! The lead single from the "Training Day" soundtrack is one where I think the radio version (as heard here) surpasses the original. Monch perfectly encapsulates the essence of Denzel Washington's character, who is one of the classic movie villains of modern times - and strikingly, is based on real police.

[J-Zone] Boss Hog Barbarians : Celph Destruction (Instrumental)

Zone again, and while it one didn't come to mind immediately, the aggressive sonics of this instrumental get it the nod here. The Boss Hog Barbarians (J-Zone and Celph Titled) album is an absolute tribute to ignorance (intentionally), but if you can deal with that then it's an excellent addition to your collection.

LL Cool J : Go Cut Creator Go

Another 80s classic hard rocking track, from LL's "Bigger And Deffer" album. It's the kind of track we don't get now - the MC just bigging up the DJ. DJ Cut Creator was with LL from the very beginning, and was the one who actually helped him to get him name known, so it's nice to hear the appreciation. The scratches still stand up today and cut through even the loudest of the guitar samples on the track!

Sly Boogy : Fatal Mistake

Sly may not have put anything out for a while, but the San Bernadino native did drop a few nice tracks in the early 2000s. This one has him totally disregarding the common standards of Hip-Hop song structure, opening up with a thirty-two bar first verse just to show he's not playing. DJ Revolution provides the cuts, and production is courtesy of a then-emerging Jake One. This actually doesn't have a rock influence, but is here because of how well it goes with the next instrumental...

[Rick Rubin] Jay-Z : 99 Problems (Instrumental)

The combination of this and "Fatal Mistake" is one I discovered while doing a mix years and years ago, and wanted to bring out again when the opportunity arose! You probably all know the vocal version of this track, which appeared on Jay-Z's "The Black Album". While working with the legendary Def Jam co-founder and producer Rubin, Jay said he wanted something like the flavour he used to give to the Beastie Boys and this was the result - a meshing of several ideas that came together perfectly.

Public Enemy : She Watch Channel Zero?!

Let's be real - the sexism is heavy on this track! It'd be entirely reasonable to argue that spending all day watching sports on TV isn't any better than soap operas, but that's just my opinion :) 1988's "...Nation of Millions..." yields this song which had an interesting connection - sampling the group Slayer, who were produced by Def Jam founder and major PE supporter Rick Rubin. 

Lacuna Coil : The Game

Going pure rock on this selection from this veteran Milanese gothic metal band! I actually learned about this group from "Guitar Hero" of all places, and "Our Truth" led me to the 2006 "Karmacode" album that included this track. It always reminded me a little of "Channel Zero", and while the guitar riffs are definitely fire and the drums bang, it's the combined and contrasting vocals of Cristina Scabbia and Andrea Ferro that can't fail to grab your ear.

RJD2 : Exotic Talk

Prog rock meets Hip-Hop sensibilities as RJD2 twists and turns, chilling things out in parts before bringing the thunder crashing back in. Definite standout from 2004's "Since We Last Spoke".

Z-Trip : Rockstar

We close with a standout track from the "Return of the DJ, Volume II" compilation, with Phoenix's Z-Trip putting together a masterpiece of DJ/producer song construction. The sample list is long, and since I don't know what was and wasn't cleared, I won't give anything away here!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[dessideriium]

A story that takes place at night

In which writer pj comes back from the 2016 grave to deliver a story every week.

               I haven’t done anything today. Correction. I have done nothing productive this day. I, myself, do not think it’s humanely possible to just sit all day staring at the ceiling, thinking about immortality. I spent all day busying myself with very inane and mechanical tasks that took over my human ability to think for myself, not just shut my brain and work on autopilot. Among other inane things like channel surfing and watching movies with my dog Ally, I also walked Ally (we took a different route and she loved sniffing all the new plants and streets and the scent of the animals that previously marked their territory), and did the groceries. Only for tomorrow though.

               And I napped. I hadn’t taken a nap since last year, so naturally, I felt refreshed when I woke up, like a new person. The only problem was that upon gazing at the clock, I noticed I’d slept all afternoon, evening and even part of the night. I woke up nearly at 11pm.

               I didn’t process the darkness surrounding me as I opened my eyes. I must have thought that the night was just starting when I picked up my phone and its screen glowed upon my face, because I could only think that I would just check the time and fall back to sleep. But I saw the clock marking 11:20 pm and barely reacted. I got out of bed yawning and stretching as carelessly as Ally, blinked at my surrounding and shuffled to the bathroom. There, I washed my face and emptied my bladder. After I flushed, Ally came to me crying and started jumping and clinging to my leg. I’d slept all day so she must have been starving. I went to the kitchen, followed by a desperate Ally and I filled her plate with her dog, and before I’d placed her plate on the floor, she was already jumping for it.

11:30pm

               After feeding Ally, I realized I wasn’t feeling groggy anymore and worried that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Then I quickly brushed it away. I just needed to watch a couple of videos or a movie (a boring one) to tire myself and pass out. I’d never had problems sleeping before, and as soon as I remembered that, I was at ease. I grabbed my laptop and went to bed. I called Ally to come to bed with me, but she stopped at her makeshift bed near mine where she curled up into a ball, meaning she was going to sleep.

               The sight of her curling into a small fur ball, which always melts my heart a little, deflated me this time. I sighed and brushed it away; realizing that fixing her sleeping schedule was more difficult than fixing mine

               I opened my laptop and turned it on, waited for a while and then opened my browser. I didn’t know what I was in the mood for watching so first I thought I could watch a couple of videos, maybe there’d be some updates on my favorite creators….which there was. I smiled and clicked on one video, then another one, then the site suggested me more videos related to this one. A creator I hadn’t heard from in a while uploaded something and it filled me nostalgia, so I had to watch a couple of their older videos. Soon, I was laughing so hard I’d forgotten about the fact that I’d slept all day and that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep in a long while. I’d also forgotten about Ally sleeping in the same room as me. Luckily, I didn’t wake her up. That dog’s sleep can be deeper than mine, I always have to check if she’s still breathing.

1:30am

               My stomach startled grumbling so I checked the time. I wasn’t surprised to see that it was so late, but a little worried that after two hours I wasn’t getting any tired. In fact, I had just as much energy as I did when I ate my breakfast this morning. I told myself to give up on sleep for one night and got up to the kitchen. There, I grabbed from the refrigerator a package of frozen pizza I’d bought that day and heated it on the microwave. I accompanied it with a glass of coke and went back to my room.

               I didn’t feel like watching any more videos, so I searched up for a movie. On the browser, I typed the name of this site that lets you watch movies and series online for free, and checked what new movies they had. I scrolled through the site’s catalogue as I ate my pizza, but I found nothing that appealed to me at that moment. I tried not to eat the entire pizza (it was a portion for one anyways), but I didn’t want it to get cold, so I finished it before ever finding something to watch.

               Pizza was over and I was still hungry. As I passed in front of Ally to go to the kitchen again, I noticed her slightly moving her paws. I wanted to shake it, but then I would wake her up, so I carried on my way. At the kitchen, I didn’t find anything I wanted to eat and I wasn’t about to cook something at 2 in the morning. That meant dirty dishes, which I tried to avoid whenever I could. The only other solution was to go out and buy something to eat. I had money, a car, a good reason, and more importantly; energy.

               I got on my car and drove around until I found an open McDonalds, where I ordered a big hamburger, fried and soda combo. I paid for my food and munched on the fries on my way back home, rekindling my love for them. Maybe I should have ordered an extra portion. I considered it for a while as I drove. Once again, I meditated. I had the money, the car, a good reason, and the energy, so I returned to the McDonalds and got myself another big portion of fries.

               Worried that the smell of meat might somehow wake up Ally, I brought my computer to the kitchen, closed my bedroom’s door, and watched a couple more videos as I ate. Officially, I’d declared this, the best food I’ve had in months.

3:45am

               After eating, I looked at my surroundings and noticed I started to blink heavily. I knew I couldn’t fall sleep right now, though. I’d just eaten a lot of food and going to sleep after that provoked nightmares, which I obviously preferred to avoid, so I tried to busy myself somehow. I cleaned the kitchen a bit, even inside those narrow sectors and upper cabinets, the top of the pantry and the refrigerator and mopped the floor. Now this kitchen could survive a month or two with a cleanup like this one.

               I went to my bathroom and brushed my teeth. As I returned to my room, I checked my phone and saw I had a message from my girlfriend, Aria.

               “Are you awake?” The message was sent an hour ago. There was also a missed phone call from over an hour ago.

               I rang her phone and she picked up after the third ring.

               “Hey, sorry I couldn’t answer, did something happen?” I asked.

               She just mumbled something unintelligible and then hung up. I chuckled because she has that habit of sounding like a real baby when she’s dead tired. Aria likes to stay up until very late at night. We’re polar opposites on that aspect. I’m a morning bird, and she’s the night owl. Not tonight though.

               I was back to being a bored person with a full stomach and also full of energy. It was past 4am already, so I decided it was time to do something useful. I went to my small library and picked up my economics book. I didn’t really have homework or a test coming up (thankfully), but during the last two classes I’d been somewhat lost, so the plan was to try to understand it from the book, my notes and some help from the internet.

5:00am

               I’d already lost track of time, but I was ninety nine percent sure I would have to ask someone for help with this. Our teacher had a special method for teaching this new topic, so the procedure I wrote down on my notes and the procedure that the book and the people on the internet explain are not the same. Frustrated, I scratched my head thinking who I could ask for help. I also cursed myself for skipping that class about a month ago, where the teacher probably began explaining the motive for my torture on a Sunday (Monday already) night at— I checked my phone, 5:12am.

               Then it hit me. Yes, I did know a girl in that class who I could approach to for tutoring. She wasn’t my friend, exactly, but I’d talked to her in the past. Now I just had to ask her and pray she’s available for explaining this topic to me before the next economics class. She was also in my statistics class, which we had tomorrow, so I would ask her then. I slapped the book closed. Problem solved. (Hopefully)

5:30am

               Finally, I yawned. This time I knew I had to give in. I blinked rapidly for about thirty seconds because I heard before that it makes your eyelids tired, therefore, sending you to sleep more quickly. They don’t tell you it can be dizzying, though. As I finished blinking, indeed with my eyes a bit more tired, I turned off my computer, picked up my book, notebook, and pencil from my bed, and placed them all on my couch.

               When I was on my bed, I texted Aria saying that I’d returned her call but she was already fast asleep. I told her that I hadn’t been able to sleep up until now and that I’d be going to sleep now and that I’d call her when I woke up.

               I checked my phone one last time and let out a sigh in defeat because I realized that soon Ally would wake up and cry to be taken outside to the bathroom.