#if ur in the same place rn im sorry bb i promise it'll get better soon :(

[diabunnies]

this side of paradise

— ok so. i have no idea what motivated me 2 write this but my hands were itching for some words on the screen so tada! honestly this can take place at any point in the cannon bc its so vague but wtv! i do not think i write angst very well oh my balls (｡´-д-)

character: isagi yoichi + g/n reader

c/w: sfw! but kinda sad ngl, angst (fr this time), falling outta love, not proofread lol soz m going 2 bed gn

when isagi's heart beats, it is not for the sake of keeping him alive. and it's not for you either, as you've grown to notice with each passing day that you seldom see him. instead, each beat is borne out of the love he has for the sport; a love so extreme its shadow looms over your entire existence, a threat growing with each victory and defeat. the pitch resembles that of a battlefield—much like the one you allowed your body to become after willing ignorance. he'll change, you'd say. he didn't mean to forget about it, you'd reason. i'll wait for him for dinner, you'd promise. he still needs you. he still loves you. but when the boy marches for war, his post is by the green field and not by the warmth of your skin. why do you enjoy loving blindly?

you tell yourself to be patient. to understand. to trust. you love him, right? and he loves you, no? so why invite all this doubt into your home? water all these worries to the point where they are overgrown—hell, verdant, even. why tire yourself worrying when he tells you not to? surely you don't think he's doing it on purpose, right?

but it's hard to not think that, isn't it? it's hard when conversations turn into brief greetings and goodbyes, hard when i love you turns into don't worry about it, hard when the only company you have at night is the unshakeable fear and unending heartache. but how lucky you are not having to worry about someone else—god, aren't you fortunate?

some people are born to love. some are even born with the ability to love so much that their heart can only beat for that very thing until it fails to do so. of course, there are the lucky few whose hearts are so strong that love can make a home out of their walls, a fire lit in all four chambers. but you two? love was only there for a fleeting moment, showing its face and baring its fangs before quietly leaving. for you two, love was merely a guest in the hollow house you had built.

maybe one day you will realise that roots cannot grow beneath a house that is both heavy and empty. when will you leave?