#if time travel were a thing i'd go back 27 years and tell them it'd be alright to let me die as a baby from that infection
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promised my aunt not to think about the information she revealed about my parents to me today too much
but I am only a simple creature trying to understand everything that went into me turning out the way I did
#i'm sure my parents only told me lies and half truths to shield me from the true depths of their failures and shortcomings#but man does the extra info put a lot of things into perspective#also solidified the hunch that my parents have never been healthy for each other. not even when they first met#also also. i might actually be a failed attempt at my parents trying to save their marriage/relationship more than#my grandma nagging my parents into giving her a grandchild ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ#either way. i was never really wanted for healthy loving reasons <333#if i were more unstable i'd wanna off myself to take at least one burden off my parents' shoulders#been nothing but a burden on them for all my life. financial. emotional. etc. just a burden making their lives harder ๐#if time travel were a thing i'd go back 27 years and tell them it'd be alright to let me die as a baby from that infection#spare them the misery of having me as their failure of a child#so they could've kept the house. and could've put food on the table
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