#if theres one thing i love it's boring ass and or obscure games of my blorbos

[tsubasaclones]

stickers from the chinese ccs app... i did my best to remove the background from my screenshots (sorry i can't really get them in better resolution OTL)

[bigtittydemonwife]

The pasta’s love language Part 1

Jeff The Killer 

Protectiveness

 this is the most obviously way the bastard man lets you know he cares about you 

Behind the asshole tsundere attitude and I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude about life lays another smaller asshole and buried deep under that lays the small boy that picked a fight with three bullies to protect his loving brother

Weather it’s him decking o**enderman for being creepy or saving you from a tricky last victim it seems Jeff always knows when your in trouble 

So low-key about it you never really notice his eyes on you until you’re being helped, and even then you never notice how they never leave

Jeff is like a dog, but not the loving wagging tail dog, the asshole that stands on your feet with his sharp claws, rips open your pillows and terrorises the mailman so much your mail is delivered by drone.

but he is also the dog that late at night sneaks onto your bed and whenever there’s someone strange approaching you on the street at night stands in front of you and bares his teeth 

Physical Touch 

Jeff’s love isn’t soft

Jeff’s love is as rough as he is 

Jeff’s touch is soft head-pats after you put someone in their place 

His touch is high fives after a successful mission where your hands linger together

His touch is quick side hugs before he goes off to go do something stupid 

Cheeky neck kisses in front of others to make you flustered 

fingers running though your hair or down your sides whenever he gets bored 

easiest way to get cuddled by this man? after a mission when he’s too tired to act like a tsundere  

Jeff is funnily like a cat in this regards, his cuddles are fun but he has to want to, otherwise it’s deemed as unnecessary

Defensiveness

Jeff isn’t a rational man 

So when he gets jealous his first response is to just stab the guy and run 

Ass a traumatised stubborn teen Jeff is quick to anger but he toe’s the line (aha reference) at when people disrespect you 

Is he an asshole to you all the time?

Yes

Is he the only person who can be mean to you?

Yes

Despite what everyone thinks Jeff does understand the difference between mean teasing and just being an asshole 

And if your someone like me who shows your love to people you care about by teasing and being mean to him he’s gonna understand if your friends are the same way 

What he does not accept is anyone who dares treat you like your lower than them 

thats when he pulls out his knife and commits stabby stabby 

Ticci Toby 

Physical Touch 

Unlike Jeff when Toby is in love he’s a touchy feely person

And once again unlike Jeff when it comes to cuddles Toby is most likely to be the one to initiate cuddles 

On a good day Toby recharges with touch

Most of the time he’s all over you 

His favourite way to cuddle is him on the bottom with you on his chest and your face buried into his neck 

If you cuddle with him like that theres a 97% chance you are not leaving any time soon 

He loves to hold your hands alot, Toby hands are an eternal mystery as sometimes their cold as fuck and others their super warm

After a really bad day when he’s had his alone time and recharged (which can take as long as a week) he just wants to lay with you a bit 

this usually happens when he’s burnt out (missions do not help) 

on days like that he wants to be held in your arms and rest his head on your chest

that way as he falls asleep he can hear your heartbeat and know your safe and alive 

Compliments 

Toby is an asshole, but he’s a lovable asshole 

And on a good day when he’s happy and in love he’s acting like a lovestuck school boy 

He’s the type to give you either the cutest nicknames or the weirdest 

One day he’ll call you love the next Mustard 

 His compliments are the sweetest thing ever because of how special they are 

instead of complimenting something basic about you (well not basic but well seen by everyone) he compliments you on some of the most obscure things that you didn’t think anyone noticed about you 

“I love how fast you talk when you get excited”

“I love easily you get along with sally”

“Your eyes glow in the sunset, it’s really pretty”

Ben Drowned 

Space

Ben is an antisocial person. 

He’s not bitter about it but most of the time he prefers to keep to himself 

Ben understands if his partner isn’t like that, but one of his ways of showing love is giving them space to be their own person 

While Ben does love to spend time with you and share interests and hobbies 

He is a human demon? ghost? thing that loves alone time 

And by giving you space and your own time alone it’s his way of letting you still have freedom to be you

Ben recharges his social battery with a quiet atmosphere so alone time or cuddle time is his favourite thing to do with you when he’s down

Don’t get me wrong he loves cuddles 

But that doesn’t mean he’s going to be clinging to you 24/7

Acts of service

Ben is a patient person 

Despite what people think all his years of gaming have taught him a lot about taking his time and how easier it is to get things done when he’s chill 

So he’s quite alright with doing things for people when they need help 

But even so he’s still his own person 

So he doesn’t usually do it for free unless it’s for someone he really cares about 

And that’s when you come in 

Ben is basically ready to do anything for you 

Will Jeff call him a simp? Yes, will he care? No 

In the end of the day he’s getting ass and Jeff’s not

Anyway 

You could ask him to hack the government for you and he would 

But basic shit is him bringing you snacks he stole from Jeff’s room when your hungry 

He just likes making you happy 

Physical Touch

Ironically enough in complete contradiction of the first one Ben actually loves spending time with you 

Not all the time, otherwise in his opinion the time he gets with you will feel less special 

But when either of you have a bad day he likes to either cuddle you and take a nap or hold you while you both/ he plays video games 

Ben’s a ghost? Thing so his body is always cold 

That’s one of the reasons why he loves holding you so much is feeling your warm body against him 

He likes to nap on your tiddys because 1) he’s perverted and 2) he likes to hear your heartbeat 

He finds the sound of it fascinating 

Sometimes he feels his pulse just because the shock of not feeling anything is fun to him 

Ben is probably one of the easiest pastas to date 

He’s like a house cat

Just give him attention and water and he can fend for himself all good 

Eyeless Jack 

Giving Gifts

Jack in love is a very very confusing thing 

Not because he’s contradictory but because the way he flirts sometimes ties into his demonic animalistic tendencies 

For example 

His gifts to you can sometimes be very sweet things that instead are normal gifts like flowers or chocolates but instead small things like breakfast in bed after a stressful mission (He may or may not use his acting like a doctor as an excuse yes EJ is the mansions doctor fight me bitch)

and then other times it’s organs like a heart or an eyeball, bones or a skull (sometimes animal) and sometimes even teeth, if your lucky most of the time once more they just belong to some pour animal in the woods 

and they say romance is dead

Jacks way of showing love is sorta a mixture of how some birds gift their mates things to flirt and how cats give their owners dead animals

He’s cute I swear 

Acts of Service

Unlike Ben jack isn’t going to drop everything to please you 

but once again the way he shows his love is more casual(?) (I mean he gives you dead things to show his love that ain’t casual)

and if he’s in a good mood/ had a good day then more often than not you’ll find yourself being spoiled in a completely Jack way?

You’re thirsty? He made you both coffee/ tea/ hot chocolate 

You’re on a mission and it’s raining? Take his jacket (not like he’s gonna die from the cold)

You’re hungry? Take a snack from his secret stash that no one else is aloud to go through (though most of the time it’s filled with organs)

Jack hates it when his lover is stressed so he likes to do whatever he can to help them out 

Physical Touch

I hate to sound stereotypical but Jack does this the most because he is extremely touch starved 

Trust me he’s not into PDA at all but behind closed doors he’s finding any excuse he can get to touch you ( with your consent )

he loves sleeping together because usually at night he’s reading or trying to piece together his broken parts

But when he’s holding you in his arms, and whispering how much he loves you in your ear when he’s sure you’re asleep he feels like he doesn’t to be whole 

that he can’t expect you to fix him at all, but being with you is enough to make him feel like instead of being broken, being fractured is alright 

But weather it’s his hand on your cheek on your hands laced together Jack likes to feel your skin against his 

fucckkkk I’m tired, this like took three days, you’re getting a part two when I don’t feel like my head’s trying to kill itself and no I did not spell check this nor will I ever as spellings for pussys and people who graduate school 

[unfortunatematchups]

(Hello is this blog dead because I haven't seen you post since February)

nope, this blog aint dead. i have it open on a browser tab as long as im online to check on any new asks and messages. im going to leave a short explanation here for those who dont want to waste their time.

weve been busy with other interests and ive gotten something like a writers block. matchup block? since im the primary writer here, theres pretty much no activity as long as im not writing. thats it. no reason, nothing to do with personal problems. just a block. 

keep reading for the real reason. you might not like it, but here it is.

im going to use these john sprites to convey my emotion so it might clear up any doubts on how im feeling. lets start with the process of how i write a match.

this is what a draft looks like. i write out how i would rant about this pairing, errors and all, then i leave it for the next day to come back to this and clean this draft into a polished, three-pointer paragraph. the thing is, im the only one doing this, so its obviously going to take long. i dont mind, i love to type and see something spawn from my effort. 

the problem? these rants are people-specific. right. whatever im rambling about in the draft, its about the ask and the ask only. it wouldnt fit if you crammed it into another ask, it wouldnt make a lick-a-sense if it was used to answer someone else. but, when i start to polish it up with clear and coherent sentences, suddenly it becomes… static. it becomes plain and simple, uninteresting and linear. think of it like youre hearing about a book from someone you know and trust versus a review. the person you know describes why the book is great with a lot of passion and love, but theres a lot of errors in delivery and some awkward bits they havent flushed out yet. 

nevertheless, its enjoying and persuasive, because you can see how they love it so much to the point where it gets them like that. they dont plan out how theyll describe the book to you word by word, because theres no need to. seeing how it gets them excited gets you excited, so you buy their faith in the book. 

what about a review? its clean, its cut, its perfect in delivery. it has a flow, introducing you to the story and overall appeal, then maybe it digs down for a spoiler or two. it gels with you in a simple fashion, doesnt quite have that connection a passionate ramble has. because its professional. 

thats what ive been making this blog to be. professional. i answer the request with a polished, pretty and perfect answer. theres no personal connection. i could take a match, swap out a couple of words, maybe cut out a bit, and it would be clear for another match. it feels static to write those paragraphs, and it progressively gets worse each time i repeat the process. im chipping away at something so close, so personal and unique into something dull and professional because i want it to look clean.

but thats my end of the problem. i dont like how it comes out, so what? people enjoy it. they must be, seeing how theres fifty three fucking asks for matchups and 73 followers. 

i wont show all the asks i have in the inbox, but ill tell you what majority, if not all of them, sound like. 

“I’m bi/pan”, “I have brown hair/eyes”, “I’m chubby/short”, “I like art/gaming/reading/writing”, “I’m shy around people I don’t know, I’m crazy around people I know”, “I’m a nerd”, “I have ADHD/Anxiety”. 

of course, there are some exceptions. not everything i say is as is, but from 50+ asks, these are what about three quarters of them sound like. there are personal differences, like music tastes and obscure hobbies, but the general gist is there. 

im not going to say anything about the sexuality orientation, because im in a friend group where majority, if not all, are not cishets. yes, people like art and gaming. 

but thats it? these descriptors are such shallow answers. i can personalise a match for you, sure, but does it feel like its right? you like gaming. so what, do you like ALL games? from FPS to Dating sims to Horror games to Sports games to Adult games? do you like ALL art? Surrealism, sculpture, comics, abstract, even those where they splash paint and call it a day? really? i dont think im asking for a lot when it comes to being specific. some asks literally just go ‘im a bi female, 5′3, i like gaming and drawing, im sometimes shy but i can be sassy at times’. 

with everyone being so similar and vague, how am i supposed to give a match i feel is right? i might as well take everyones favourite boy david elizabeth strider and talk about how he likes your art and how he likes gaming and oh isnt it so great that you two like music. 

there are some unique ones, and its pretty obvious which ones they are because ive put in more love into them. and i havent been able to do that to many asks. 

and the physical descriptions. while im sure some of the characters do have types and preferences, i dont care for appearances. i dont care if youre fat or skinny, i dont care if youre tall or short, brown hair or blonde. you being morbidly obese or morbidly skinny may affect the match depending on how i feel the characters might respond to someone with those physical traits, but they shouldnt matter. 

i dont need how you look. i dont want how you look. its shallow and unimportant. it takes up space in the ask, because you could be using it to describe your personality or interests in detail. not that youre limit to one ask, you can send in an entire fucking fourteen page essay and id match you, as long as youre telling me something i can pair you with. 

telling me youre ‘chubby’ or ‘blonde’ doesnt help visualise shit. this shouldnt be new information to you or anyone else. writing shit like ‘he loves your curves!’ or ‘she likes how short you are because it makes you cute’ is bullshit and is simply self-serving nonsense. yes, its an additional bonus if your lover likes how youre short or fat, but that shouldnt be why theyre in love with you. a paragraph based on how much they like to hold you are appreciate your body is utter fucking nonsense. you appreciate your own body, and thats it. 

i dont feel inspired when i look at some of these asks. i dont feel like i should answer any of these because a) im not obligated to, this blog is just a side hobby and b) id be writing something i dont enjoy for people who might also not enjoy it. i dont deserve to sit at my laptop and write something i feel doesnt represent my work or ideas well, and the person who im matching doesnt deserve the half-assed boring paragraph of nonsense im pulling out of my ass just to clear the inbox. 

ive taken some time away from this blog and upon receiving this ask, i wanted to use the same old excuse every other blog uses: ‘we’ve been busy, so we went on an unannounced hiatus’. 

but thats not true. with the pandemic forcing lockdowns, theres essentially nothing else for us to do. if anything, this would mean that we have more time to write. 

so there it is. my truthful answer as to why nothings coming out of this blog.

part of this is my fault. i thought that maybe i could force myself to match all those vague asks that feel like theyre about the same person, just with a couple of changes. but i cant. i wont. im not going to keep writing shit i dont like, and im not going to keep giving half-assed matches, giving characters people are at the very least sure to be okay with. 

i want to write exciting, unique and adorable relationships. i thought that with the homestuck fandom being so vast and creative, maybe i would get the chance to meet and write for a couple of people who were just so different it would make pairings id never thought of. 

but nah, it looks like everything is the same. all the anon asks start to bleed together. the responses start becoming the same. im given descriptions that sound so tame, so generalised. like somehow, youre afraid of letting me know who you are as a person. or not, perhaps you just struggle with expressing yourself. thats why youre using anon to send in your ask, isnt it? 

i turned anon on because i wanted to respect privacy. i wanted people to be able to send in each and every detail about themselves while remaining behind a mask so they could get the best match without exposing every inch of themselves on a blog. maybe that was my mistake. 

ill leave the matches open, but im only going to do the ones that interest me. but if you decide that you dont give a fuck about the quality of the match, tell me or something. i have drafts that i can just post. maybe youd like that. 

-pretty obviously, mod olio.

[oswednesday]

okay so everyone knows how i feel about ambigous kid age feets mcgee there, stuff i do like was the pinball machine like bumper cars and that she Likes candy according to the second creepiest trading card, 

(i obvi want to make her older, i think its more Fun if shes like Childish, as an adult, obvi again i guess omg so shes in her mid-30s and brags about being the strongest woman in galar)

(she ranks number 3 in the whole region so as far a league stats go, she would be right! )

(ability: technician, moves: rolling kick, rapid spin, gyro ball, drill run)

(okay i saw that rolling kick isnt a move that got in with this pkmn instead a much weaker triple kick was introduced? going to ignore that)

(this pkmn is not used in the cup rematch!)

(stow-on-side’s gym is protected by a union of regions, as a historic gym of the western regions, its the oldest gym in galar! this means that it can be a gym without being in the league and it answers only to the union representatives, or it did before bea has sole ownership of it)

(ability: unburdened, moves: sticky web, attract, play nice, play rough)

(she doesnt use this in the rematch, she likes to use sweet food pkmn but opal probs gets on her ass about it)

(her parents died in an “accident” in her mid 20s, leaving her an orphan, like no aunts, uncles, grandparents ect to speak of! and sole heir to a gym that had been operating outside of the league for generations, the funding it got from neighboring regions allowed them to keep it up to shape as a modest gym specializing in fighting, while teaching students the ancient fighting arts of galar (such as slinging a boulder with your bare hands)

(ability: filter, moves: power split, brick break, sucker punch, skill swap)

(sometimes she ends up copying other gym leaders and trainers who catch her interest, she doesnt get why others might take offense to this, she usually only holds on to a pkmn long enough to evo it before switching it out)

(bea doesnt use this mime again)

(bea is someone who gets bored easily and jumped at the invitation to join the league with the promise of interesting ways to transform the historic village, now stow-on-side is a must stop tourist attraction a 24 hr 7 day a week carnival town)

(ability: cute charm, moves: brutal swing, force palm, stomping tantrum, facade)

(this is the one she max’s out! and uses max guard!)

(she actually keeps this one and its a bewear next time you see it!  and youll be seeing it last in her line up)

(moves: brutal swing, hammer arm, stomping tantrum, body press) (she makes this one big but uses max knuckle this time!)

(no matter what her team is she always has one of these or the evo form on it, its like her signature mon and she has them imported, theyre prizes you can win in town! pokemon rights activists can been see protesting this practice, ones you see in the wild are due to people winning and releasing cause the amount of care needed for this type of pokemon in a lot, with no real predator unlike many other aggressive galar pokemon, theyre considered an invasive and dangerous pkmn species)

(the mini game is the same! except every time you hit a wall, one pkmn in your party has a 50/50 chance of becoming confused! the town is full of other pkmn themed mini games as well, her sponsor is like ballman brand, and like the corporation that owns basically anything cute and animated and produces most of the junk food in galar in partnership with like the food industry obvi, like if its on tv it probably went through this company at some point, because theyre her sponsor bea likes to be in charge of the snacks on opening day when the challengers get their numbers and stuff cause she often doesnt show up as its boring to her like the same thing as last year with just different people zzz)

(ability anticipation ,moves: rock smash, stealth rock, counter,endure)

(she’ll comment that this one was a gift but she wont say from who! youll be seeing it again at the championship cup, with everything basically unchanged, its just a higher level)

(because she gets bored easily she switches her team up a lot, it causes a lot of strife in her serious fan base but casual fans love the variety)

(ability: pure power, moves: seismic toss, detect, power up punch, recovery )

(hey vibe check on this pkmn? is it just like to inherently offensive to use or is it an abstract person enough that its like Fine with some tweaking, i plan to obscure its face more so it looks less ya know and push like parts of the design further away from human and more like weird mushroom maybe? but is everything else about it like Too Much A Racist Caricature to even use?  like using it as like being like a carnival fortune teller like fundementally like that or can the aesthetic and understanding that theres like history about it in the uk that just becomes its Own thing? the spiritual movements in the uk were taken way more serious than in The States, its weird that its so under represented in this gen?? anyway you’ll only see it for the gym battle!)

(some claim chairman rose’s modest alternative energy company has deeper ties to bea’s sponsor but its obvi simply because theres a mutual partnership as chairman he needs to make sure the games are the best after all)

(ability: iron fist, moves: mach punch, dynamic punch, slam, stone edge)

(you may be wondering how she stays at number 3 like this, well mostly because allister doesnt care about ranking up and raihan never loses to her, but its also because she has just so many fully evo’d pkmn at hand, she uses their pent up aggression, at being kept in a box or under exercised as they work in town, on the battle field, she’s also known to rotate pkmn during league matches which isnt against the rules but is considered poor sportsmanship, bea’s opponents never being able to predict what she’s going to do is her greatest strength)

(she’ll use this pkmn in the cup!)

(im probs going to aim for strong woman ring leader vibes for her design! like galar is the uk right, thats like uk History right there along with like the highland games, way more on? themed? than karate?????)

(ability: lightening rod, moves: mega horn, horn drill, smart strike, sword dance)

(after you get off the the spinning cup theres a platform and an unavoidable “carnie”” trainer” who’ll let you know in uncertain terms that they’re not getting paid enough for this, the first platform is likely Fine with a low level machop but the second and third platform the pkmn might rebel! as theyre not pokemon trainers just part time worker residents)

(ability:rivalry, moves: entertainment, yawn, hyper beam, noble roar)

(just a cup critter!)

(if they do you have a chance to catch them like wild on the platform after a battle! platform two is a machoke, platform three is a machamp,  who can dynamax completely on its own!! weird right? if that happens in my nuzlocke sheid’ll send em to the prof like a Clue to get! )

(her stadium terrain behaves like trick room, wonder room and magic room are in effect altering between the 3 every sixth turn!)

(ability: limber, moves: circle throw, taunt, revenge, payback)

(another pkmn just for the cup!)

[onceafuckup]

Well fuck....

+I slammed my front door shut with a loud crash and bounded down the stairs two at a time. I didn’t even bother looking back to see if the door actually stayed closed or bounced back open as it had several other times lately. What did it matter if someone came in and stole everything. The house was fucking trashed, had been since the night after the Fade ceremony last …I squinted my eyes and tried to think of how long ago it was. A month, maybe two? I lost track. That night I came home after sitting at the crash sight with my stolen Herra, I’d been piss drunk and pissed off. I shredded all of Blay’s clothing, tossed everything into a heap, not caring if things shattered and glass was sent flying. It was all material bullshit that did nothing. He was gone so it didn’t fucking matter anymore. Most of my shit ended up in that same pile because it had been gifts, things he thought I’d like, and I had, but it wouldn’t bring him back, nothing would. So fuck it. I’d probably torch the place soon. Into the ashes and all of that shit. But for now, I had places to be.

I double checked that I had my wallet and two brand new bottles of Herra shoved into the pockets of my jacket and I dematerialized from my little white picket hellhole where I spent 25 years with the man I loved and went to the only place I could feel close to him right now. The grass was starting to regrow, obscuring the charred marking from that awful night but still, if I focused hard enough, I could see everything as if it were that night. I could still see the mangled wreckage of the car. I could still smell him and his blood as if it were permanently ingrained in the dirt now. I folded my legs and dropped to my ass below the tree that bore the scars of where his car had wrapped around it and tipped the bottle back.  It didn’t take long for the conversation to start. Or what would be construed as a conversation if there were another person around anyway. It was the same as every night, I loved him, I hated him, I was so fucking pissed off at him for leaving me like he did.

Didn’t he know I needed him? That I could NOT survive without him? The empty bottle of Herra was thrown until it crashed against something hard and shattered into a million tiny shards. I should feel bad, but I didn’t. All I had in me was anger, loneliness, and disappointment. The anger was growing, fiercely though. I’d been pulled off patrol until I was ‘ready’…or until Mary gave me the okay, which wasn’t going to happen if I didn’t talk to her. I’d been avoiding that shit like the damn plague. I didn’t need a fucking head doctor, I knew what was wrong and what was wrong was that my hellren left me. I stayed out of communication with everyone since that last blow up. My phone hadn’t been charged since the night of the Fade ceremony, I was only at the house from sun up to sun down and then left as soon as humanly possible. There’d been notes left, but I simply crumbled them up and tossed them into one of the many piles of crap building up. I didn’t trust myself with seeing any of them. I couldn’t deal with the happy little faces of the families that were all over the Manse. Dealing with the trainees would result in someone being put in the hospital, at my hands. Only for the fact I was pissed at all of them. I hated they got to be happy. Hated the trainees had a whole life ahead of them when I could remember the excitement Blay and I held at being in that same fucking position. Hell, even Tohr had centuries with his mate before she was taken, then he got a second chance with the whole Scribe’s blessing bullshit. I was the cast out, the discarded, the one who took advantage of that happiness when I should have been preparing for this moment. This was the life I deserved, the curse my parents had instilled in my brain since the moment I opened my eyes. Fuck them. Fuck them all.

Rationally, it didn’t make sense for me to direct my anger at anyone, I knew I was the one ultimately responsible. But since I couldn’t beat myself up, I’d have to find someone who could, and who’d let me get a few licks in as well. Yeah, that sounded like one hell of a plan to me. I cracked open the second bottle and took a deep pull before screwing the top back on and tucking into my inner jacket pocket then I sent my molecules downtown where I knew a fight would be waiting for me.

It didn’t take me long to find the trouble there. I’d finished off my second bottle, getting closer to the clubs when I smelled it. That sickly sweet scent of the enemy. I wobbled a bit as I reached for my daggers and slunk around the corner tracking them. I wasn’t quiet and they weren’t really trying to get away. It was kind of pretty much the recipe for a perfect storm.  Two against one and all of us with our own version of a death wish it seemed. Nothing was quick, nothing was easy, on my end that was because I saw four rather than two and swung wildly with each sweep of my blade. We toyed, we teased. In the end, they were a distant memory and I stumbled from the ally covered in blood, mine and theres. My right arm hung lamely at my side due to the pain and numbness from the fresh gunshot through the upper arm, my jaw was halfcocked and refused to click back into place just yet. I needed more liquor to deal with that one. For the moment though, that was the only pain I felt. It wasn’t bone deep, it didn’t threaten to consume me, it was different than the pain of the past month or so. It was something I needed. I also needed more. I tucked their wallets in my pockets and turned down another back alley before I was seen by nosey ass humans and continued my hunt. I smelled them before I heard them and growled soft as a bullet whizzed past my ear. I spun, sending the space spinning with me as the last traces of the alcohol lingered around, but then I saw them. Two newbies, barely turned. They grinned like they won the lottery as they took in my battered body, whispering and nudging each other about taking down a big one. Yeah, that’s right boys, bring it the fuck on. I glanced up towards the sky and uttered a quiet thank you to Blay for sending me such fun prey tonight and then it was game fucking on.

One of them shot again, but I swear they must have gone to storm trooper training school with the rate of their accuracy. It swung so damn wide I was fairly certain it pinged off the wall ten feet to my left. I kept my pace as I stalked towards them and the bad shot must have seen the batshit crazy clearly written on my face because he stepped back suddenly looking not quite as confident as he had moments before. His buddy tried again, bringing his gun up and aiming it towards me. I grabbed the barrel and pushed his arm away almost at the same time as he pulled the trigger. The barrel burned red hot in my grip as I pulled it from his grip, bringing my other arm up, or trying at least before remembering I couldn’t get the damn thing to work. Instead I used my gun grip to pull him close before head butting him in the face. He dropped back with a loud groan and storm trooper jumped me from behind. I shoved the gun in my pocket then reached over my shoulder, grabbing the lesser by the throat as I pried him off of me, gasping for air as I did. His back hit the pavement and I drove my boot into his ribs with all the weight I possessed. It felt good. Really fucking good. I drew my foot back and kicked again before dropping to my knees and pounding him with my good fist. I laughed at the way his nose cocked off to the side and liquid poured from it each time my fist and elbow connected. He stopped fighting after a few minutes and that’s when I noticed his buddy slowly scooting away. That wasn’t going to work. I turned towards him, pushing off the asshole on the ground, and jumped on him. My fist connected with his face and I barely noticed the knife he held as it drove between my ribs. Fangs bared, I let out a rumbling growl as I used that fresh pain and new wave of anger fuel me.

His face was unrecognizable as much of anything when I slowly pushed off him, my anger sated for now. I grabbed my dagger and popped each one in the chest, then gathered up their wallets for later. Dawn was approaching, I could feel that tingle in my spine. It was tempting to stay here and let it claim me, but I didn’t, I couldn’t. I wanted to go down fighting, at least give my kids the illusion I didn’t just give up. It was a lot better than them knowing their dad was a fucking coward. I pushed to my full height and grimaced as I pulled the knife from my side. Staunching the flow of blood with my bad hand as I tucked the knife into a pocket as well. I didn’t want to leave anything for the humans to find, I had that much sense left in me at least. And after one final walk through, I took that slow deep breath and sent my molecules home, damn near collapsing on the porch when I made it. There was a fresh note on the door and I read it as the sun started peeking over the horizon. The Brotherhood would have to try harder if they thought an official summons was getting my ass to the manse any time soon. I sighed and then crumbled it up and tossed it with the others as I made my way inside. I turned towards the cabinet with the liquor in it and stopped dead in my tracks. My eyes lifting as a low growl spilled from my lips, fangs extending as I braced for the coming fight+ What the fuck are you two doing here? Get out of my…

+My words were cut off by the sound of the shutters closing for the day, trapping the three of us here. Well fuck me.+ 

[meiizumi]

Castle of Shikigami: An informal rant nobody asked for about my most obscure obsession to date

STOP i spent like 2 days writing this post and im only posting it on tumblr because it’s the one website i’m a member of that can hold the most text. i wanted to infodump somewhere...... read this to learn something i guess (´･ω･`)

Bad voice acting is the Peak of comedy to me, and while I was looking for something to laugh at one day, I found this game called Castle Shikigami 2 for the PS2. The US version of the game's dialogue is rife with machine translated text that makes no sense, and awkward voice acting to boot. They even have voice actors saying the wrong lines, voice actors speaking implied commands, and a few voice lines are left in Japanese. Apparently, Roger Craig Smith (Sonic the Hedgehog's current voice actor) was in this game but I don't think he's even credited?! I think I know which character he voiced but I’m not exactly sure.

The history behind this game’s localization is REALLY weird. Castle of Shikigami/Shikigami no Shiro was originally an arcade bullet hell shoot em up game. The series was created by Alfa System and it was one of Alfa System’s main IPs. There are three main shmup installments and a text adventure game for the PS2, Nanayozuki Gensoukyoku. Nanayozuki was practically fanservice for whatever number of CoS fans there were back then. Each main game in the series was originally an arcade cabinet, but they were all ported to PC and home consoles. In CoS 2′s case, it came out on the PS2, Gamecube, and Dreamcast, but only the PS2 version got localized. The western publisher, XS Games specializes in publishing quality budget titles such as “Bass Pro Shops: The Strike” for the Wii. I theorize they didn’t care too much about the actual content of CoS 2 and were more focused on selling a game quickly for a low price, so they just machine translated it and adjusted a few things. If you’re wondering if Castle of Shikigami 1 was also translated this badly, the answer is No. XS Games instead removed all the dialogue from the western release of CoS 1, and released it with the title “Mobile Light Force 2″.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘Mobile Light Force TWO’ if Castle of Shikigami 1 is the first game in the series?” If you want to know what Mobile Light Force 1 was, it’s GUNBIRD; another shmup game, but by a completely different developer than Castle of Shikigami. I don’t know why they did that. What really kills me though is that both MLF 1 and 2 use the same boxart, which is COMPLETELY unrelated to the actual contents of either game. AFJQHJFOKLJFDS look at this

There’s more hilarity behind Mobile Light Force that isn’t hard to find so you can search that up if you’re interested. But thankfully, Castle of Shikigami 3's Wii edition got more of a proper localization by Aksys Games.

Now I would bluntly say something like “stan castle of shikigami” but:

1. This series’ lore is insanely convoluted. It’s an essential part of this expansive fictional universe referred to as “Mumei Sekaikan” (I don’t know what this translates to in English) where there’s like, 7 different parallel worlds. There’s more obscure ass games and manga that are tied to this universe, and I think there’s even a tabletop RPG made based off it. Have you heard of “Gunparade March”? Most likely you haven’t; it’s an obscure video game made by Alfa System that also got adapted into an anime, and I feel it can be described as Mechas x Persona. One of the characters in CoS 2 is just one of the GPM characters going undercover to find her senpai who traveled to the CoS world. Or something like that. The 7-world universe isn’t explicitly talked about in the game but they make so many references to it without defining anything that it’s like you Must know about it. There is NO documentation in English about the Mumei Sekaikan I could find on the internet, although there is a wiki in Japanese where I got a ton of knowledge from (GOOGLE TRANSLATE IS MY TRUSTED FRIEND) I feel like I might be THE person in the United States who has the most knowledge on the Mumei Sekaikan, and I could go on another tangent talking about what I know so far (and who this one specific dude Shibamura Yuuri is) but I won’t.

2. The writing isn’t excellent and can be pretty Unwoke ™; the first game came out in 2001 and the third game came out in 2005 if that gives you a sense on what era these writers were in. As far as the games dialogue goes, the characters appear kind of flat. CoS 1 and 2 Kotaro (i refuse to use the official “Kohtaro”) is stupid and driven by JUSTICE to a point where it’s annoying. I can’t tell if Hyuga is trying to be a Ladies Man in CoS 2 and 3. Kim, a religious tae kwon do instructor, spends CoS 2 thinking about how he should atone for his sins, then he turns himself into jail at the end. Sayo’s backstory is that she was a shrine maiden raised as a “human weapon” to have no emotions and her only goal in life was to kill god and then die, something like that. However, after CoS 1, she gets a crush on Kotaro because he actually treats her like a human and Of course that’s what you’d expect from the main teen girl and boy in the series. In CoS 3, Sayo's character is mostly played out to be a major tsundere for Kotaro even though surprisingly HIS character in this game changed a ton compared to 1 and 2 (he had to kill an illusion of his older brother, who he learned actually died earlier, and now he has to kill an illusion of his childhood sweetheart... damb that shit sucks :/). He’s still stupid though

There’s a gag in CoS 2 that I can’t clearly remember where it’s like, Niigi makes Sayo and Fumiko, who are both romantically interested in Kotaro, think that he’s only into little girls? Meanwhile, Fumiko’s magic goes wrong and her appearance turns to that of a child though in response she’s like “hee hee maybe Kotaro will like this”. basically more On-Brand early 2000′s anime unwokeness than average. Speaking of Fumiko, she’s a 400+ year old militaristic witch who constantly teases Kotaro (who’s like 16 or 17) and she wants to marry him for his magical potential since he’s like one of the candidates for becoming God??? From the official CoS 3 character descriptions, “Her hobby is to steal the men from other women. Her second hobby is trampling upon people.” She canonically stole her stepmother’s husband from her stepmother (the 3rd boss of CoS 3). I don’t get how that shit would have worked

3. The game itself is HARD af but to be fair I’m a scrub gamer. I can’t get past stage 3 on easy difficulty without continuing. Yes i bought CoS 1 on Steam, Yes it has a port on steam i feel like i should have mentioned this earlier

4. Besides CoS 1 having a port on Steam, CoS 2 and 3 might be hard to obtain legally. The poorly translated CoS 2 was apparently super cheap back then, but since it’s an old game, its value might’ve increased. When I tried looking up prices for English CoS 3, all the listings were like at least $40 and being broke I wouldn’t want to spend more than $29 for a Wii game in 2019... honestly I just emulated CoS 2. shout out to PCSX2

Last month I was desperate, bored enough, and deep enough in the Shikigami rabbit hole that I tried to find the manga based off of it online. The CoS manga only tells the events of the first two games so I still don’t really get anything about CoS 3, like who Mihee, Batu, and Emilio are supposed to be. However, the plot events also differ. For example, Roger Sasuke exists as a character in CoS 3 but in the manga he literally Dies. There’s 11 total volumes of this; 3 volumes dedicated to CoS 1 and the latter 8 (the “Twisted Castle arc”) dedicated to CoS 2. Only the very first 3 chapters were scanlated to English all the way in 2011. Fortunately, I did find the entire manga uploaded though............... in CHINESE. So you know what I did? I “read” the entire thing using my phone’s Google Translate OCR app to take pictures of each page and comprehend the translations. Of course I still don’t understand CRAP because of the Mumei Sekaikan jargon + machine translation but I understood enough to get emotionally attached to some of the characters. I wish I hadn’t. At least through the manga I learned that the characters DO have some depth and pre-established relationships. For instance, the reason why Roger Sasuke became a ninja is because when he first landed in Japan as a kid, he was getting bullied or something and he didn’t know Japanese then Kotaro saw this and told the bullies to stop. Then after Roy /sorry i mean Roger learned that he was set to home-stay with the Kugas in the first place, he decided to dedicate his life to Japan in order to protect Kotaro back. I think. DO U SEE HOW ABSURD THIS SHIT IS Anyway Nanayozuki takes place between the second and third games and sets things up for CoS 3. There’s a full playthrough of it uploaded to YouTube and I think it contains a lot of juicy lore, but it’s just too much to go over with Shitty Google Translate OCR. There’s also Shikigami no Shiro novels which apparently contain the most backstory, but I have a 0% chance of finding these online for free. Not to mention that these would ALSO be too much effort to Google Translate.

in conclusion: You don’t HAVE to play Castle of Shikigami. Like, I’m not gonna recommend it for the content, but if you love shmups and are looking for a shmup game you haven’t heard of then I will recommend it for the gameplay (old touhou mutuals assemble theres a POWER-UP-BY-GRAZE MECHANIC). I’ve counted like 4 total fans outside of Japan that like this series for the story, and I don’t think that number is going to increase because I doubt CoS 2 will ever get retranslated and ported. I just want you to know that this series exists and that there’s a ton of wacky shit behind it besides the bad Castle Shikigami 2 dub. also if someone knows enough japanese or chinese and has an INKLING of interest in this series umm talk to me and help me decipher stuff

I‘m kinda sad that the series is pretty much Dead though. This is the most recent piece of official Castle of Shikigami art I could find, and this was for the 2018 New Year. The next most recent piece of official CoS art I found was also drawn by the character designer Sonoda Miku all the way in January 2008, commemorating the end of the CoS manga serialization. Alfa System released a spiritual sequel to Castle of Shikigami on the Japanese Switch eShop called Sisters Royale, with character designs I think are still by Sonoda. By “spiritual sequel” I mean that it has some of the EXACT same shot types as CoS and the same mechanic where grazing bullets increases your power and score. This is the closest we’ll get to a Shikigami no Shiro 4. I wonder what the business decision behind that game was but it actually looks like fun and I want to play it so OK Go off i guess

[thepalegoldmoon]

All the luxury asks~! C:

Woot!~ alright haha. Here ya go fam.

🌹luxury asks🌹

bubble bath: do you have any routines before bedtime? like skin care, etc. what are they?

Uhm kinda if I decide to actually do one, I usually will play on my ps4, draw, or use the computer, I’ll get ready for bed. Maybe wash my face and drink some tea. Send a “goodnight” to the people I’ve recently talked to and then kinda just let my mind wander till I fall asleep.

((If I wash my face, I run warm water, then wet my face, scrub with ocean salt from lush, wash it with aquamarina, use the rosy checks face mask. I then rinse and check my pimples then dry my face and go to bed haha ;u;))

When I take a bath I usually run the bath, throw in a chunk of bath bomb or bubble bar set up some candles and chill for a bit after doing my face routine. Then I get out dry off and bed. XD

champagne: what topic could you talk about for hours?Yikes, depends there’s a few topics. Hahah mostly views on the world, certain fandoms, religious/ spiritual beliefs, and just life in general?? It’s pretty much everything tbh. Especially if ya get me with the right people.

crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want?Um when I was a kid I used to try and act really cute to get toys or candy I wanted but I don’t know if I have a “charm” I kinda have a way with words?? It depends on the day cause half the time I can’t fucking speak proper English to save my life haha.

diamonds: how do you feel about excessively spending money?Ummm ouch. I grew up with a tighter budget than most so I like getting presents but I won’t blow my budget hahah. I think about it but I never go through with it I just like putting together or making things to show my creativity and it helps me show my affections in some way I feel haha. Uhm over all it depends on prices and what I’m buying tbh.

faux fur: describe your wardrobe.Ahhhhahahaha uhmI have alot of fandom/ band shirts and plain shirts. Black pantsI have a couple different pairs of shoes I tend to wear. They’re either red or black. I usually wear a sweater, hoodie, or a flannel. And occasionally a snap back.Overall my style is like a 90’s artist, a 90’s fuck boi, tumbler and hot topic threw up on me hahah.

glitter: describe someone special to you.Fucking amazing, and entire universe. Stars in his eyes, he holds planets in his hands, he’s fucking amazing tbh ;u;. Free spirit, acts like a dumb ass but he’s really fucking intelligent. Cheesy as fuck and I love it. He’s just ahhhh perfect and amazing tbh. He’s diverse, and fun and amazing. There’s never a boring day with him tbh. It’s always an adventure or learning experience. Overall it’s exciting and fun in so many ways. I could go on for pages but I can’t cause theres other question but hahah yeah that’s a very brief description.

gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.Yikes I love all food tbh so I can’t really say man.

jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.Ah god it always changes cause it depends on my mood man. An idk how describe mine rn cause I’m just chilling.

lace: what is something in your life completely different from last year?My social life and views of things in my social life. Or my school life in general haha.

lingerie: do you consider yourself a promiscuous person?Hmmm hell fucking no. I loyal to the person I love romantically. And honestly giving something like that over is the biggest act of affection I could ever give someone and it takes me a bit of time to build up to that I guess cause I’m awkward as fuck and idk I need to be in a relationship with someone to give them something like that. That’s physical proof I’m giving over everything tbh. In my opinion. Like y'all enjoy what you wanna enjoy but I’m just saying that’s me. ;u;

lipstick: do you enjoy talking to strangers?kinda??

pearls: what’s something about your personality that surprises others?I honestly wouldn’t know hahah. But I always tend to find something someone’s never done before, like a first time being called something or, oh that’s something a bit new. Idk just small things that are a first or not done alot between me and the person I guess haha. It’s a little odd. But idk if there’s anything else.

penthouse: what would you consider your dream home? describe it.Oh yikes hahah ummm I know I wanna start out in a studio apartment so just art supplies and easels around and just aesthetically pleasing kinda shit hahah but idk how to describe it all. Just look down my aesthetic house tag in a few weeks you’ll see.

perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?Probably sweet, maybe something from my childhood. Or something more tougher and that would remind you of fireplaces or a cozy winter or cozy fall night in front of a fireplace???

robe: how do you prepare for an evening alone with a loved one/date?Uhhmmm depends on the partner I have cute romantic date ideas like going to the movies or going places they’d enjoy. Usually it all depends on likes of my partner and something I’d also enjoy as well haha.

roses: If it had to be winter, autumn, spring or summer for the rest of your life, which would you choose? Autumn because the cooler weather, changing leaves, and Halloween spooky vibes tbh.

satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?Probably my junkets t-shirt I just got, my pronouns sweater (it’s comfy as fuck), my flannels, or my kigus.

sheet mask: what’s your favorite lazy activity?Playing games or drawing/ painting, while Netflix or Hulu plays in the background.

silk: do you have more inner or outer beauty?I wanna say more inner beauty but I have a little bit of outer beauty on good days haha.

silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?Taxidermy, and special fx makeup ((I actually wanna ask my good friend to be my model cause he’d be A👌 Fucking 👌 Mazing 👌tbh 💯🔥 and I need a model for fx because I suck ass doing it on myself haha)) (I also wanna make masks)

sparkling water: what are your top three songs for the summer?Idfk cause I don’t really pick out songs for seasons but I might as well start right?? Haha idk songs that always reminds me of summer are -fashionably late by falling in reverse, -forever stuck in our youth by set it off.

wine: what kind of drunk are you (happy/affectionate, angry, sad, fun/wild)? if you don’t drink, what kind do you think you WOULD be? I’ve never been drunk. Tbh I feel like I’d either be all of them OR. A happy, fun/ wild, and affectionate kind of drunk. My filter and my walls would probably get destroyed to the ground so I’d be a wreck.

[gamestudio]

Kenny Nunez Reading Response 3

        Reading Warren Spencer's perspective coincides with similar feelings I have. The enjoyment and popularity of "Do What You Want" games is something I like despite never taking full advantage of such features, I rarely attack random people in "Grand Theft Auto" or do any of the added mini games such as golf and racing, but giving the option to do so is something that must be commended. While ive never had a game tug at my heart strings ( perhaps im a heartless bastard ) I hear stories and through the power of "YouTube", can see other people take an emotional reaction to games from "Telltale's Walking Dead" to "Uncharted 3: Drakes Deception" and see how an emotional impact/bond can be had when the character or story is crafted well. Although people say an emotional impact is something amazing, its quite a vague statement, I mean, how many times can we recount getting completely enraged by something, rage is an emotion last time I checked, loopholes.

        Dr Ray Muzkya's foundation of "make it as best as possible" is something alot of people should listen to more. Nowadays we can probably name plenty of games or companies that either released games unfinished and planned to patch it later ( Final Fantasy 15, Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 5, The WarZ which was re-branded to Infestation Survival Stories ), focused on graphics rather than gameplay ( inFamous Second Son, Assassins Creed Unity ), or just lost sight of what there franchise was suppose to be ( Resident Evil 6, Dead Rising 4, Saints Row 4 ). Other factors beyond the control of the developers making the best that they can is localization, many games are altered when brought over to other territories, essentially censoring the game from what it originally was and its different per territory such as: America usually sees censorship of sexual content in Japanese games usually citing "it wouldnt fit the rating" or "well its too weird/sexual/perverted", it was in there to begin with so why remove it, examples being ( Fire Emblem Fates, Tokyo Mirage Sessions #FE, Bravely Second, Star Ocean 5 ), although sometimes it can be weird cases, such as "Dragon Ball Fusions" censoring swords with sticks or "Tales of Berseria" censoring a scene with violence towards a child, only to leave the character's journal depicting the uncensored scene. Japan sees censorship in games when it comes to violence or flat out nudity, examples being ( Resident Evil 7,Nioh, Grand Theft Auto 5, The Witcher 3 ). Any number of factors could get in your way of making something to the fullest you want.

        Dan Daglow's idea of "remember to do what you love and not focus on fame and glory" is something people still have an issue understanding. To put it bluntly, no one can just get fame for doing nothing or by half assing it unless receiving infamy and scorn is ok with you. Quick example being an indie studio by the name of "Digital Homicide" who tried every dirty tactic in the book to make a quick buck and defended their creations as if they were the next biggest innovator. It also speaks to how people feel they can come into a large medium such as video games and think they can speak whatever lies or venomous drivel to people and think they deserve fame for it as if they are doing what no one ever tried, trying to sell you metaphorical snake oil and persuade others they are the ones being harmed if someone comes to disprove them, case and point, Anita Sarkeesian. An example of a dev team going through great lengths for their creation is SEGA for the "Yakuza" franchises, having a dev team that wanted to go out of their way to make a game that took many efforts to persuade the higher ups of SEGA such as: its gonna be an adult game ( SEGA focuses on children ), its gonna be about the crime underworld ( SEGA wants a wide appeal ), its heavy in its Japanese influences ( SEGA wants a world wide market ), they needed to constantly ask for more money do to development struggles ( They were quoted saying the higher ups were legitimately furious and were never madder since ).

        Alan R Moon discussing how people should expose themselves to as many games as possible to see many influences/perspectives is very good advice. I generally focused on established games/companies or what friends recommended and highlighted by the media, it wasnt until high school where i went into " just play anything that looks good, review scores be damnded " mode, and found alot of franchises that pulled me and were way more fun and entertaining than what the general media consensus would describe. The "Hyperdimension Neptunia" franchises was berated for being a boring, cutesy, sexual, obscure JRPG franchise that was meant to parody the video game industry, when I played it I found it to be fun ( it can get repetitive though, very well written humorous parody of the video game industry, even getting little details down such as having character's reflect appearances and at times attitudes of the real life equivalence they were meant to represent while also joking about them. Some quick examples being, a character representing the SEGA Genesis/Megadrive being an absolute bitch towards the Nintendo character to represent how hard SEGA went into bashing Nintendo in the 90s, or villains representing different aspects of gaming such as: cheating/cheaters, piracy, corrupt journalist who do mean well, greedy business suits, dead/forgotten consoles, etc. Another franchise I found that the media would boil you alive for playing is the "Senran Kagura" franchises, a franchise built upon a single quote by the director "what would boobs jiggling in 3D look like?" and that led to the first game on 3DS, being an action brawler series that loves to focus on sex appeal but is still fun to play ( wouldn't consider it the best but better than most ), and with surprisingly good writing. To sum it up, exposing yourself to many franchises is always great, even the worst of games can teach you "ok, DONT do that", and some games could even be hidden gems that receives undeserved hate based on first appearances.

        Bill Roper's advice is the usual "you need to practice in order to get good" but, the added part of messing with the game's rules makes that advice more interesting. Many games nowadays either support the idea of people modifying their games or having a level builder in the game itself, such as "inFamous 2" and "inFamous Festival of Blood", the latter being the mission editor I dabbled in and had fun with making simple levels and spending hours making more "complex" ( complex in making it, not so much in how they play out ) even having a creepy fanboy/fangirl who refused to leave me alone on Playstation Network. On the side of messing with rule sets, theres more famous examples such as "Nuzlocke" for the Pokemon franchises or never speed running games, one that lies in more infamy would be " Level 1 Critical" for "Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix", "Birth By Sleep Final Mix", and "Dream Drop Distance", a built in feature allowing you to never gain experience throughout the game and is exclusive to the hardest difficulty setting provides a pretty insane challenge that also highlights how good the gameplay is otherwise it would be impossible ( dont ever do this, its not worth it ). Messing around with how a game is meant to be played can not only make things more fun but also show you a different side to the game and revealing features/exploits you might not have ever known about or just provide a new challenge to how you would normally do things letting you see everything inside and out.