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blazehedgehog · 2 years ago

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Sir BlazeHedgehog, where is your nickname from?

Oh wow, somebody actually asked for once instead of me having to volunteer it.

This is probably at least the third time I've said this just on this blog alone, but since tumblr search is worthless, we'll take it from the top one more time, but I'll hide it behind a "read more" tag for those who would rather skip it.

And because I'm going to be hiding it behind a tag, I'm going to go all in and tell a story.

The short answer is I made it up.

I am from a time before the internet was everywhere, on everything. In the 5th or 6th grade, our computer lab teacher introduced us to the world wide web using the suite of Apple Macintoshes they had available.

And when I say "Macintosh" I mean the original. Black and white screens, Hypercard, the whole deal from 1984. Keeping in mind it was currently 1995.

About 25-30 of these little guys split in to two rows. In the middle of the classroom sat a lone Macintosh Performa. Good kids got to use the Performa.

The Performa was the only computer that was capable to render what we would begin to know as the modern internet. It had Netscape Navigator installed, which supported the somewhat-new technology of webpages with embedded images.

For the rest of us, we were introduced to the text-based internet. You would bring up a terminal application and have to type out commands to interface with the school's webserver in order to check things like email (using PINE). You browsed the internet using Lynx. There was no mouse, no clicking. You scrolled using the arrow keys and could highlight links with tab.

They taught us other terminal commands, like how to open a direct text chat with another student in the lab, some basic formatting and typing stuff, etc. It was slow, difficult to use, and the internet was a lot smaller back then. We had somewhat strict rules on what we could and could not do on these machines, but since they couldn't do much, it wasn't hard to enforce.

In high school, half of the lab was a mixture of older 5200 Performas and newer 6600 "Pizza Box" Performas, with the other half being more left over monochrome Macintoshes. They also had "the one really nice computer" but this one was a modern (by 1997 standards) Power Mac G3. New tech came newer rules: no installing games, no adult content (even soft stuff, like girls in bikinis), and no chat rooms.

We were teenagers, though. You tell us not to do something, and that immediately makes you want to do it. I remember catching some of the particularly geeky among us logging in and playing online MUDs (the precursor to MMOs), and others trying to get around the Foolproof Software locks to install games or look at porn.

(This is a newer photo of that same computer lab, and I'm unsurprised that, outside of kids being on more modern hardware, absolutely nothing about the setup of that room has changed.)

I wasn't really in my spiral of depression yet, so I used the computers like a good little boy and followed the rules.

Until the last few days of the semester before summer break. That's when everybody -- students, teachers -- collectively stop caring about keeping up proper appearances. I remember having big free periods and spending time in the computer lab. I was usually the only one in there. So, immediately, I began looking up chat rooms.

A few friends and I had gotten into deep trouble a few months earlier, because one wild night during a sleepover we called into a "party line", which was a service where you were hooked into what is now known as a "discord group chat." Except you didn't know who you were getting connected with. They were total strangers. That was part of the thrill. It was new and exciting. We happened to be lucky enough to get a group of girls who were near enough to our age (maybe a little older), and we spent hours talking with them via speakerphone.

The thing was, there was a precedent that doing that cost money. You were calling a 1-800 number, and there were service fees associated with that. Per-minute. So we racked up a bill of something like $70-$100+ that night. That was a big problem.

But internet chat was free. The allure was impossible to ignore. And with it being the last few days of school, who could stop me? At worst I'd be kicked out of the computer lab, but they weren't going to, like, expel me. Being in trouble was a fake idea.

I forget where I ended up the first day, it was some kind of general Yahoo chat or something, but I remember I was too shy to be myself. Being 13 or 14 at the time, I decided to roleplay as Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. One of the only times I ever did anything like that. I was full-on "I send a rose to all the ladies @}---;----" and everything, it was awful.

On the final day, I started looking up Sonic fansites and ended up somewhere called "Ruby's Sonic Page." This was the homepage of Dawn Best, under the handle Ruby the Echidna. It was there she talked about a game I'd never heard of before -- Sonic Adventure -- and provided a link to the announcement trailer in glorious 160p MPEG-1 video. I was blown away. They were making new Sonic games again?

youtube

Provided was a link to discuss the game with other Sonic fans, and it lead to Missy's Sonic Chat, a Beseen Chat Room on a website called Xoom (one of the many Geocities clones). Beseen Chats weren't live chatrooms like we'd think of modern-day Discord, or even AIM or IRC. Beseen was much more comparable to Twitter, or Tumblr, in that it was a website where you could post messages and could refresh the feed to see what other people had posted. It was a bit of a hack, but it worked well enough.

The whole thing was broken down in to different frames (if you're too young to know what those are: imagine multiple separate embedded webpages, sectioned off to specific portions of the screen). So you'd have a frame on the left that was a userlist, where people had set names and even large image avatars for themselves. At the bottom you'd have a text entry field with two buttons at the end: Send and Refresh. And then taking up most of the screen real estate was the feed itself. Something sort of like this, I guess:

And a lot of people in this Beseen chat had made up their own, original characters. This was my first introduction to Sonic OCs. And Missy's chat was a veritable who's who extremely talented fanartists. Ruby, Barachan, T2, J. Axer, Rinacat, etc.

I wanted to fit in, so I felt like I needed to come up with "a character" of my own.

Literally the first name to jump to mind was "Blaze the Hedgehog." I didn't like it. It was too obvious. Surely there had to be other Blaze the Hedgehogs out there, right? And I wasn't even particularly attached to "flame" powers.

So I sat there for a few minutes, trying to think of something better. My mind went blank.

Admitting defeat, "Blaze the Hedgehog" it was.

The chat was rather dead, given it was still technically a school day, and once I went home that afternoon, that was the end of my access to the internet. The best we had at home was some sort of Hyundai thing -- amber monochrome monitor, no graphics rendering, no hard disk, basically just a glorified word processor.

That changed once my mom got her tax return a little while later. She invested in a 233mhz Packard Bell desktop computer with Windows 98 and a subscription to America Online.

When prompted to make my own AOL username, I decided to go with "Blazehgehg." BlazeHedgehog. The character I'd made up at school.There it was. For the first time, for real, it was set in stone. And from 1998 to 2023, I've never changed it. Other "Blaze the Hedgehog"s have come and gone, but I've been the constant.

Later that night, I found my way back to Missy's Sonic Chat, and I grabbed one of Axer's Sonic images, sloppily recoloring it in MSPaint. I printed it out for posterity and kept it in a folder with artwork I'd actually drawn.

Blue and green were my favorite colors. Sonic was blue, so Blaze was green. Instead of shoes, he had boots. He wore a leather vest with a black t-shirt on underneath that covered most of his body. And atop his head, a sprout of hair, colored like a flame.

Blaze's only real role as a "character" was in the first and only fanfiction I ever wrote for him; the story was a blend of Final Fantasy VII and an anime I was in love with at the time named "Green Legend Ran." It's better it was lost to time. Besides, I don't think it was ever finished.

Blaze would go through several revisions over the years. More immediately, The Matrix hit the next year, and Blaze was given a trenchcoat. Also, since I could like, actually draw, I decided to stop painting over other people's artwork and draw Blaze for myself.

Eventually, Blaze Hedgehog the character fell out of favor. I grew up. I never really used him for much more than a forum avatar anyway, and even then, I felt like people were judging me for having a Sonic OC. Especially a green hedgehog. There were a dime-a-dozen green hedgehog Sonic OCs floating around.

Once Sega introduced Blaze the Cat in 2005, that sort of became the final nail in the coffin. But by then, I'd been using "BlazeHedgehog" as an online username for seven years. I'd grown attached to it. I didn't want to change it. So... I didn't.

As I've gotten older and put some distance between myself and that time, I find myself a bit nostalgic for the character of Blaze the Hedgehog. I redesigned him a bit a few years ago to look more like a traditional Sega Sonic character, swapping in a bomber jacket and getting rid of the shirt.

And, of course, there was Sonic Forces. Options were limited there, but a brown leather jacket and the weird black bodysuit got closest. I was most surprised by the hairstyle options. While we don't get the classic yellow-to-red, we do get a green-to-red, which is good enough. And I really like these ring-strap boots.

That's about all there is to say, really. These days it's just a username for me, and I keep it so old friends can find me more easily. I'm pretty terrible at keeping up with some people, and I get the feeling I probably come off cold to others when that's never been my intention. But for those who want to keep tabs on me, they know where to find me.

#questions #Anonymous #fan character #sonic oc #original character #blaze the hedgehog #sega #sonic team #sonic the hedgehog #memories #nostalgia

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uglypastels · 2 years ago

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Part 3 part 3 part 3 part 3 pleaseeee

no but i am actually obsessed with this story and the fact that so many of you also enjoy it want me to keep writing it is everything <33 so here is pt.3 it 's a bit messy but that's life :) part 1 // part 2

no explicit warnings. swearings. high school drama.

Eddie Munson requests open!!// taglist sign up// support with reblog and comment!!

Chapter 3: Self-Preservation

'What the hell have you been staring at?' Your friend pointed out, making you immediately turn your face away from the direction that you had, indeed, been staring at. Probably for the last 10 minutes, you had blocked out every word your friend had said as you looked ahead at a few tables in front of you. Eddie sat there, at the head of the table like he was the king of the world, his own little world at least, accompanied by his friends.

'Well? Hellooo!' Your friend kept nagging you, waving her hand in front of your face until you pushed it away. 'What is up with you today?'

'Nothing. I just spaced out.' You shook your head, trying to let your eyes focus on something else that wasn't Eddie, hoping your friends would not realise what, or rather who, you were looking at. But they were teenage girls, of course; their minds immediately went to–

'Is it a guy?' All heads around you turned in the direction you had previously been looking at. You tried to play it off cool, pretend that they were far from correct, but it was difficult when it was true, and you had always had a hard time lying to them. So you sat back, hunched over and embarrassed as their hawk eyes analysed every person sitting in that "general direction over there" that could have been your object of admiration.

Luckily, plenty of people were in the cafeteria, as the space was bustling with conversations. There was the band table, the chess club, the mathletes, and the regular popular kids (no one really knew how they got popular? It's like they just hatched out of an egg wearing their dumb neon bangles and scrunchies). Then, of course, there were the Hawkins Tigers in their uniform letterman jackets and jerseys. You had a few cheerleader friends, all sitting on their boyfriends' laps for some reason.

Then in the back, there was the Hellfire club. Not bothering anyone except they did, with their mere existence, it seemed that they bothered everybody in the room. No one dared to even look at them, as if their individualism would smear off on them and, god forbid, leave some actual personality and likability behind.

'Oh my god,' one of your friends shrieked, 'Was it Jason!?' This was followed by a collective half-gasp-half-squeal from the entire table. Everyone made that sound except you, as you just looked confused at them with wrinkled eyebrows of confusion.

Personally, you had nothing against Jason. He seemed like a sweet guy. Captain of the basketball team and probably an all-rounder in everything else he did. His perfect little smile filled with perfectly white teeth… but that is what didn't sit well with you. Because there was nothing to that smile. There was nothing behind it. And yet girls kept falling head over heels with him. You had never been a day in school when that guy did not have a girlfriend.

'You were totally checking Jason out, weren't you!'

'I really wasn't,' you tried to laugh it off. 'Matter of fact, I wasn't checking anyone out.' Was that what you had been doing with Eddie? You didn't think so. It was more out of the urge to be close to him again. Ever since you came back home from that night at his trailer, you missed the feeling of sitting so close next to him that you could smell his cologne– it wasn't the most luxurious smell, but strong enough to cover up the scent of the weed he carried around.

You kept returning to that moment when he leaned in at the side of your car. He had really been so close to kissing you… or had he? The moment replayed in your head on a loop. Had he really been that close? Or did you imagine things? Perhaps believing what you simply wanted to happen…

But did that mean you wanted to kiss him?

Maybe.

All weekend long, you had been contemplating, trying to think of an excuse that would get you close to Eddie again. Not for him. You knew you could just walk up to him, say hi, maybe even sit at his table. And dear god, how you wanted to… but that simply wasn't possible with your friends. You could already imagine what they would say if they saw you talking to Eddie "the Freak" Munson.

Be careful; you don't want people to think you're a junkie or something.

Are you trying to be his next torture victim? Seriously, stay away from him.

He's probably trying to get you to join his weird cult or something.

You knew they meant well, though. They just wanted to look out for you like you would for them. But you also knew that all those things that people said about Eddie just weren't true.

'What do you guys think those freaks are talking about?' Someone asked at the table once the Jason talk had finally simmered down. You didn't join in just yet but listened intently as the attention of your friends turned to the Hellfire table.

'Probably planning their next ritualistic sacrifice, or something.' Laughter burst around, and you weakly joined in. Was the joke even that funny?

'God, how can they even let them into the school?'

'Mary,' you sighed, 'Seriously?'

'I'm just saying. Someone should… make sure that everything they do is actually… legal.'

'Last time I checked, boardgames were legal.' You picked at your food, not feeling your earlier appetite. Mary's eyes stared daggers into you; she didn't even try to hide it. Someone in the cafeteria slammed their hands on the table, making you flinch. Everything was getting a bit too much.

'I'm just gonna go,' you said, taking your tray with you. The words had fallen mainly on deaf ears, as the conversations around you had already regained momentum and no one even heard your soft voice.

You walked out into the broader walking path in the cafeteria, keeping your head down, but perhaps that wasn't the smartest idea because not a few steps later, you bumped into someone. The rest of the food on your tray spilt to the ground. People looked at you, seeking entertainment from the occurrence.

'Shit, I'm so sorry.' You looked up to see the familiar black and white Hellfire shirt, but the head atop of it was less familiar. It was just some freshman. You kicked yourself mentally. Had you just been disappointed that you didn't spill your lunch on Eddie Munson?

'It's alright.' The boy recovered quickly, straightening out his cap that didn't need retouching over his curly hair. He smiled at you, happier than you had anyone seen smile in high school. 'Eddie says hi, by the way,' he whispered as he walked by you. You almost wanted to snap your head around to look at him walk out of the cafeteria. Had he really just said that, or were you going insane? But you composed yourself and didn't let the million thoughts that were rushing through your mind show on your face.

Then you looked in the direction of where you were headed– the other exit from the room, not the usual one you took most days, but it was the one closest to Eddie. And when you looked at him, your eyes locked.

Eddie smiled the smallest smile he could muster. He had seen everything that happened between you and Dustin. That little butthead had almost barged into you like a maniac. And what the hell had he told you?

He watched you stand in the middle of the cafeteria. Looking around like a little lost sheep. But not in the same way that he had been used to seeing people. You weren't lost with yourself. He knew that you knew exactly who you were. It was something that he admired about you. But he could also tell that you were scared. Scared of letting all those things that made you "you" out into the open.

That's why he understood why you had not said a single word to him at school that day. Not when you passed each other in the hallway. Why you didn't come to say hello during lunch, and why you most likely wouldn't even acknowledge him as you walked past him. He didn't take an offence in it. It's just how things went in Hawkins High– it was a self-preservation method.

But then it happened. He had almost missed it, but you smiled when you walked past the Hellfire Club table. Right at him. It was a small smile, so that the rest of the school wouldn't see it, but Eddie did. And he was quick to return the favour, suppressing the urge to wave at you. And then he saw you mouth the little word Hi before turning your head and walking out of the cafeteria.

As casually as he could, Eddie followed you with his gaze, and he smiled to himself. How come, whenever he saw you, you were walking away? He wished that for once, he could see you walk toward him. He wanted you to be close to him, sit next to him at the table and then walk together to class. He hadn't stopped thinking about last Saturday. Seeing you on his bed drove him crazy. Not because of what most people would have thought of during that scenario. He was going crazy over how incomprehensible he had been feeling afterwards. He couldn't explain any of it, how he felt at the thought of you.

'Dude, just go talk to her,' Jeff said from behind his Weekly Watcher magazine. 'You've been staring at her the whole day.'

'Piss off,' Eddie tossed a pistachio shell his way, 'and no, I haven't.'

'Sure, man, and Wheeler's girlfriend is real,' Garett said, making everyone (besides Mike) snort with laughter. The boy wanted to protest, but it had no use. Eddie had joined in on the antics, he could never pass by making fun of the Freshmen, but his head wasn't really there.

It was true; he had looked at you from across the cafeteria, probably more than he should have, too. He had seen you sitting with your friends, but it didn't actually seem like you were with them. That smile that he couldn't stop thinking about was nowhere to be seen when you talked to them. It made him want to walk over and wrap his arms around you… which would probably make things worse.

He barely knew you… and yet felt this need to be there for you, to protect you… even if you probably didn't need it.

'Seriously, Ed, why are you still here?' Jeff asked. 'Just go.'

Eddie knew better than to tell them about your visit to his trailer. High school was a dangerous place to be implying such things. You never know who can hear you and what they will actually take with them to tell the others.

But after the night of the game, when the club had come together to play their beloved game, all of them could see that something had gotten into Eddie as well. He had kept it very vague.

You know y/n? Garett did, as you shared a class. Eddie continued: She was reading the manual. It had caused a stir, as there were few people in town, let alone the school, who seemed to care for Dungeons and Dragons. Hearing that someone had read into it had peaked.

You should totally invite her to the campaign, Dustin offered, and no one really seemed to be against it. And they didn't even know you had already agreed to let Eddie help you create a character.

But yes, the club knew about you. And it was almost impossible for them to ignore that their DM was basically drooling on top of his lunch over you.

Eddie stayed in his seat for another second before shoving the chair back and scraping the metal over the linoleum floor. He grabbed his makeshift lunchbox, flipped his friends off and walked out through the double doors of the cafeteria.

To his surprise, he saw you almost immediately. You were at the end of the hallway, standing next to your locker, shoving your books into your backpack. He hadn't even intended to sneak up on you, but you almost screamed out when he said his Hey.

'Jesus, Eddie.' You bend down to pick up the notebook you had dropped, 'you scared the shit out of me.'

'Sorry.' even though you had been the first to move, Eddie was quicker and had grabbed the notebook for you. 'Here.'

'Thanks.'

'Are you ok? You seemed a bit… I don't know, earlier.'

'"I don't know" is a good way to put it,' you laughed, stuffing the notebook in your bag now. 'But it's just nothing. My friends are assholes, and I'm tired and– urgh.' Then, with low energy, you hit your locker.

'I think I know what you mean.' He bumped the grey toolbox against the lockers next to yours. The sound of metal against metal echoed through the empty corridor. Everyone else was either eating lunch or getting to class. The bell would probably ring soon. 'I was just wondering if maybe–' but he never got to finish his sentence.

The door to the cafeteria opened, unlocking the noise from behind it, and with that, the chorus of laughter that you could already claim to be that of your friends. Eddie saw the storm of your thoughts already coming.

'Nevermind, I'll see you later.' Before you could reply, Eddie had already turned around and walked away. So when your friends spotted you, they could, maybe, just about see him turn the corner. You gave them a smile as you neared them, but their faces were all screwed tight with disgust.

'Was that Munson?' Mary asked.

'Who?' You tried to play dumb.

'That Hell pit freak, Munson,' your other friend said. 'What was he doing, talking to you?'

'He wasn't…I was just packing my books for the next period. He must have just walked by or something.' You felt awful, saying all these things.

But what surprised you the most was that what you felt guilty about wasn't lying to your friends. Instead, you felt bad for lying about Eddie. You just hoped that he didn't hear you. But if God forbid he did, then that he understood. This was how you survived high school.

'Well, good thing he at least didn't try to seduce you into his freaky cult.'

Not exactly, no. Hellfire wasn't a cult.

Part 4

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fakeikemen · 4 years ago

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Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand.

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture.

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!

#antis really be out there ignoring everything she does to hate on her because of two lines she said #nvm katara is one strong badass girl stan her for good grades and clear skin #katara #atla #atla meta #meta analysis #avatar the last airbender #water tribe #kya #sokka #hakoda #gaang #atla gaang #avatar gaang #zuko #aang #toph #ira's posts

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awed-frog · 7 years ago

Note

Out of curiosity, do you see Cas as a moral character? Because I've always seen him as someone who is more driven by purpose than an innate sense of morals. I don't remember a time when Cas would shy away from a morally ambiguous act if it helped the cause he was currently serving. He never seeks to cause pain, and he will switch causes if he thinks what is trying to be achieved is wrong. But take for instance Lily Sunder. The issue wasn't that he killed her child, it was that her kid wasn't 1/2

actually a nephelim. That was why he was upset that it had happened. Even almost a decade out from being under heaven’s command, he still saw killing a child as morally acceptable. I just don’t see at one point exactly this is supposed to have changed in his character? Not that he hasn’t developed, but that the part of him that believes the ends justify the means has clung on pretty tightly throughout the years, and I’d argue it was there in season 5 and 6, as well as 8 onwards. 2/2

Well, it’s actually very difficult to answer this question because it’s hard to pin down, exactly, what morality is and where it comes from. If you want my opinion, I think morality has to do with a shared experience. You can’t know right from wrong in a void. You need to belong to a community and see what goes on in it and how other individuals respond to those events. And that’s part of the reason why we’re having so much trouble negotiating our new, interconnected world: because for centuries, we could pretend the human experience and human morals were some universal, God-given instinct, when in fact, it’s something that’s strongly influenced by our cultural traditions.

(Man, think of all the trouble we’re having coming up with shared moral values in our multicultural societies: is circumcision right or wrong? What about ritual slaughter of animals? And veiling small girls? Sex ed in schools? Arranged marriages? Faith schools? As Western people, we were so used to having all the answers that we sort of got blindsided when we learned our ideas were not universal values but just, well - opinions.)

In this sense, I don’t see Cas - or any of the angels - as inherently capable of morality or immorality. To me, they are amoral creatures, because they exist in a different space. Traditionally, and for primal religious reasons, we like to represent these beings as bargain-makers, and that tends to showcase their different set of morals. The story normally goes, ‘stupid and/or desperate person makes unfair bargain, creature delivers but then heartlessly asks for their dues’. We’ve got hundreds of variations on this theme, from gods asking not to be watched to witches and fairies demanding babies in exchange for basil and gold, and it speaks volumes, of course, that we can add an illustrious human exception to his list - Shakespeare’s Shylock, who asked for human flesh in exchange for a financial loan.

(Supernatural, by the way, also makes liberal use of this bargaining trope, but they could have done more, in my opinion, to show just how much angels, and not only demons, function according to those rules.)

In this sense, Cas can’t be truly moral until he’s fully human - or, at least, willingly embracing some kind of human life. We’re very far from that, and, so it seems, losing what little progress we’d made with every passing minute. What Cas has developed, I think, is empathy, which is the foundation for a moral compass but also something that’s very distinct from it. While I agree with you that Cas still functions a lot according to his own internal rules (in that, for instance, killing Lily’s child would have been acceptable if she’d been a Nephilim), recently he’s also chosen to trust his own tentative empathy much more than anything else. The problem being, of course, that the vague onset of empathy he’d been feeling on and off for millennia and had caused him so much trouble seems to have shifted and solidified as full-on love not for humanity as a whole, but for ‘humanity’, his brother and his other friends and relatives. This is what worries me, and this is why the entire situaton is fucked up. These days, we’re talking a lot about self-driving cars, and everybody’s concerned about the fact the software inside them might be designed to make logical - and amoral - decisions - for instance, if a collision is inevitable, crash the car with the lowest number of passengers so as to minimize loss of life - because those logical decisions are not the ones we would make for ourselves (any driver would choose to save himself and his family, no matter who’s in the other car). What Cas has basically turned into, however, is a different kind of AI: a software that will do its best to keep every car safe, but will also systematically protect two or three specific drivers, no matter the cost. This is a problem we don’t have to face at the moment because AIs don’t have feelings (yet), but in the show, it’s turning into a real issue, because no matter how much Sam or Dean want to shield each other form harm, they’re human, and there’s a limit to the havoc they can wreak on the universe while doing so. Cas, however - that’s a different matter. He’s got enough power and knowledge to do some very serious damage, and that’s emerged quite clearly over the last few seasons. It was him, ultimately, who allowed the pro-Amara spell to go forward, and it was him who unthinkingly decided to kill Billie despite the consequences that was likely to have (and didn’t, but that’s a different rant). For Cas, his newly developed empathy seems to imply - depending on who’s writing him - that there is simply no line anymore. Empathy in an amoral character - that, perhaps, is the most dangerous thing of all, because love is changeable and unpredictable.

(I’m not saying any of this is Cas’ fault, of course, or that it can’t be corrected. I’m just annoyed by how it’s so rarely acknowledged by the show - that Cas is not human, that his perspective is different, that his decision-making process is fundamentally other - but apparently there’s no way out here. Embracing Cas’ alienness with more attention to detail would mean devoting more time to him, which the show doesn’t want to do; and negating that alienness by allowing Cas to complete his journey and become human - either literally or metaphorically - is also a no-go, because that would place him in the Bunker 24/7 and thus make him a true main character - and a main character who’s got years’ worth of romantic subtext and UST with Dean.)

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revswanson · 3 years ago

Text

1. Jack is my favorite character after playing both RDR1 and RDR2. Having played RDR2 first, my impression of him wasn't a lot but I thought he was a cute kid whose characterization represented innocence, and the loss of.

2. I would have introduced another Black Belle or Sadie type female character, possibly a villain. I think that it's important to diversify cast and characters even by insuring that all types of people are represented: bad ones too.

3. The first time I played, I found the game confusing and difficult and slightly boring because I didn't pay enough attention, I (again) was confused and unsure what to do so I skipped through a lot, etc. I completed it in a few weeks' time- When I got to about chapter 4 I started to get into it a bit more and slowed down a bit but ultimately decided to start a new play when I finished and try for 100% completion, which I did.

4. I've talked about this before, kind of as a joke but really: a mission, probably set in about Chapter 3, similar to the bar mission with Lenny. This one, with John. Arthur and John take a trip to the saloon, get shitfaced, and talk about everything. Everything. Possibly throw a few punches, really just get it all out.

5. My favorite mission is likely the bison hunting mission with Charles, for reasons echoed by many here on this site. I also really love the Stranger missions with Albert Mason or Charles Chatenay.

6. I'm mostly joking but I never understood why marijuana isn't in the game. Hemp was used for many things and many people smoked it alongside their tobacco or otherwise.

7. Clydesdale, but I'm pretty sure this doesn't match up historically or logistically. I just like them.

8. "We can't change what's done. We can only move on." The past is the past, but one can redeem themselves. A person with a violent and unsavory background can still rise to do great things, or even be a great person while and despite still doing the unsavory. Nobody is truly good or truly bad. We are all just here.

9. Uncle, smoke a big one and laugh the day away. Ask him about his childhood and being a teenager and how he got in with the gang, what it means to him, what plans he has/had (if any) for his coming days.

10. ^ Uncle... I've made a post about this before. I also think that Jack is underrated in the way that many, many people misunderstand and misrepresent him to an extent that so many people hate him for next to no reason.

11. I can't think of any right now except for the theory/culmination of evidence that Phineas Gage is a time traveler.

12. Cruel, Cruel World or Unshaken

13. High, always, pretty uptight about it. Been playing around more in my current playthrough and trying not to care but I prefer to keep it pretty high for immersion/headcanon purposes.

14. Arthur and Albert 🤷‍♀️ At this point, mostly to piss off everybody who says it would never happen.

15. Sadie. I do not want a game from Jack's POV and I do not see it happening: I like to think the boy lived a relatively normal life after the events of RDR1, such a normal life that it doesn't require a video game made about it. Sadie or Charles or Uncle for sure. Would like to know more about the rise of the gang or about Sadie/Charles life after the events of RDR2, possibly using the character switch mechanic.

16. This is a hard one. Probably "Some trees flourish, others die. Some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. Some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. Ain't nothing fair. You know that." John RDR1.

17. I would pay more attention my first time and try to really enjoy it! And tried harder to avoid spoilers...

18. Mullet. 😍

19. @scarfacemarston @charlotte-balfours-garden @reddeaddesolation @reddeadrebloggest @bonniemacfarlane @prairiemule @daily-escuella @remembermyfamily and many more including various VP and gaming blogs on here that post excellent scenery shots. Sorry if I missed anybody, I truly enjoy all of you.

RDR2 Ask Game

🍔 Who is your favourite character and what was your first impression of them?

🎂 If you could design a character of your own, what role would they play in the game and what would their personality look like?

🌭 How long do you think it took you to complete the game the first time you played?

🍗 If you could design a mission of your own, what would it be about and who would it include?

🍟 What's your favourite mission? (Can be a side mission or a random encounter)

🥞 If you could add anything one thing into the game, what would you add?

🥧 If you could add any breed of horse into the game, what breed would you add?

🧁 Write a blurb (100 words or less) that perfectly sums up the concept of Red Dead Redemption 2 in your opinion.

☕ If you could spend a day with any member of the Van Der Linde gang, who would you choose to spend it with and what would you do?

🥪 A character you believe is highly underrated?

🍇 What's your favourite RDR2 theory and/or headcanon?

🫐 What's your favourite song from the RDR2 soundtrack?

🍒 Do you prefer playing high or low honour?

🍩 If you could see any ship become canon in-game, what ship would you choose?

🍣 If they ever made a third RDR, who's POV would you like it to be from?

🥐 Your favourite quote from any character out of the game?

🥓 If you could wipe every memory of RDR2 out of your head and got to play it again, what's something you'd do differently?

🍤 A hairstyle you'd love as an option for Arthur?

🥟 If you feel like it, give your favourite RDR2 themed blog a shoutout.

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tloog · 7 years ago

Conversation

weinstein and more

IKM: Man, this Weinstein thing is turning into a fucking VORTEX of a shitstorm

IKM: sucking in everybody close to the dude

Kenzie: yep

IKM: Now Affleck has all kinds of groping allegations

Kenzie: I don't know if they are allegations

Kenzie: a bunch are on tape

IKM: at this point, I think we can say "groping facts"

Kenzie: Tarantino had to release a statement

Kenzie: Ben is toast

IKM: yeah, a bunch of his movies were produced by Weinstein

Kenzie: Matt Daman had to be like "I had no clue. keep my name out your mouth."

Port: Ben and his bro been bout that creep life

Kenzie: all of his movies

Kenzie: yeah I forgot about Casey

Port: I've just heard that Hollywood, generally, is filled with creeps and weirdos the higher you go

Kenzie: I would bet most of them get into the business for the ladies

IKM: Yeah the stories are starting to come out of the woodwork

IKM: the Steven Segal stories are terrible

Port: Once Terry Crews talked about getting groped up by some dude in front of his wife I was like shit.

Kenzie: what happened with Steven Seagal

DG: yeah Afflecks are verified creeps

Port: Women don't have a chance out here.

DG: Segal is involved with the Russians

IKM: Segal was inviting women to his house for "casting" interviews and would answer the door in a robe

Kenzie: Terry could have put hands on that man but didn't for his career sakes

Port: Correct

DG: Oh, didn’t see that (doh)

Port: For career's sake. Now think about a 5'3" lady

Kenzie: Segal looks like the type

Port: She can't do shit.

Kenzie: nope

IKM: Segal aint shit

IKM: and aint been shit for a long time

IKM: question is, what do we do with the likes of the Afflecks?

Port: Are we sure Segal doesn't not think he is starring in a new movie?

IKM: Casey has an Oscar and got it AFTER the whole allegations of something or other

Port: Sure did

Kenzie: there is nothing that will be done

Kenzie: they will apologize

Kenzie: give money to a cause

Kenzie: and continue to get jobs

DG: ^that

IKM: "In 2010, Affleck was sued by two former co-workers. I'm Still Here's producer, Amanda White, sued Affleck for $2 million. She detailed numerous "uninvited and unwelcome sexual advances" in the workplace, alleging that Affleck had instructed Spacehog guitarist Antony Langdon to expose himself in her presence, spoke "inappropriately" about her advancing age and fertility, discussed his "sexual exploits", referred to women as "cows", invaded her "personal space" by locking her out of her hotel room while entertaining another woman, attempted to "manipulate" her into staying with him in a hotel room, "violently" grabbed her by the arm when she refused and sent her "abusive text messages" for refusing to stay with him. White alleged that Affleck refused to honor the terms of the production agreement, including her fee, in retaliation.[163] The film's cinematographer, Magdalena Gorka, sued Affleck for $2.25 million.[164] Gorka alleged that she had been subjected to "routine instances" of sexual harassment by crew members including Langdon, "within the presence and with the active encouragement of Affleck."[165] While staying in Joaquin Phoenix's apartment during filming, Phoenix offered Gorka the private use of his bedroom. Affleck allegedly joined Gorka in bed while she slept, wearing only "his underwear and a t-shirt ... He had his arm around her, was caressing her back, his face was within inches of hers and his breath reeked of alcohol." She claimed that she was later berated and verbally attacked by Affleck for refusing his advances and she was forced to resign because of harassment and abuse."

IKM: Jeez man

DG: oliver stone said something dumb ass yesterday like “you don’t realize but what Harvey is going through right now is very difficult”

IKM: Oliver is....

IKM: I just don't know man

IKM: what a disappointment that dude is to me

IKM: seems absolutely clueless

DG: so, which Affleck is that? because either is plausible

IKM: Casey

Kenzie: yeah I knew about the Casey Affleck stuff

Kenzie: some of these guys are in a tough position

Kenzie: because they know Harvey personally

Kenzie: and some probably had prior knowledge of it

Kenzie: they have to act like they didn't know about it and hope no one has evidence contrary to that

IKM: but everybody knew

IKM: MANY people were complicit in this

IKM: apparently all of Hollywood

DG: supposedly Weinstein's contract had verbiage in it about sexual harassment suits lobbied against him

DG: not sure if that is standard contract shit or not

Schaedey: I mean it been a pretty established assumption for years, I have been hearing the same Harvey Weinstein jokes for a loooooong time

DG: really?

IKM: I think that's a problem though

IKM: people joked about it but who confronted him?

IKM: told him to stop that shit

DG: Harvey Weinstein is not on my radar on a normal day

DG: I think there’s a lot of Hollywood that is disgusting

DG: and there’s going to be a lot of shit that comes out that is terrible

DG: tip of the iceberg type shit

Port: That's what I'm saying. The culture of Hollywood seems to be gross

IKM: That's not just Hollywood though

IKM: This is pretty much male culture at large

IKM: Hollywood is just high profile

IKM: male culture at large is gross

Port: Also correct

Port: I'd imagine every creepy Hollywood exec is like turbo Gronk

Port: Jus a non-stop stream of sexually suggestive jokes

IKM: we "expect" Hollywood to be better cause they are generally liberal, pro-women in Hollywood

IKM: but that's a falsehood. Nowhere is pro-women

Port: Nah I dunno if I ever expected anyone with power to not be a scumbag but this is still exceeding my expectations

Kenzie: you expect a certain level of decency

IKM: Do you?

Kenzie: and I don't believe all in Hollywood are scumbags

DG: I think there’s gotta be more good people than bad, just the bad is so terrible

IKM: Maybe yall grew up differently than me

Kenzie: exactly DG

IKM: Cause male culture growing up...

Kenzie: growing up yes

Kenzie: but then you grow up

DG: some do

IKM: exactly

Kenzie: and you realize you were a scum bag

IKM: SOME

DG: but where does that example of the culture come from?

DG: you don’t just conjure this shit up

IKM: exactly

Port: Easy guys this is just locker room talk

(unamused)

DG: for example: I hadn’t seen blade runner in decades so I watched it this last week prior to seeing the new one… there is a scene where Harrison ford straight up rapes the replicant chick

IKM: Real shit, if you were to ask all the women you know if they have a sexual harassment, assault or straight up rape experience and they were to be truly honest with you, what percentage do you think would say "yes" to at least 1 of those three?

DG: but it was this scene that was probably thought of as an attractive and aggressive man keeping a woman from leaving when you know she wants to stay

DG: at least

Kenzie: their entire life?

Kenzie: I would say 75%

DG: revenge of the nerds the head nerd straight up rapes the hot girl

Kenzie: I am thinking about all of the shit I did as a teenager

IKM: Man DG I don't remember that

DG: he has a Darth Vader mask on I think? and screws her pretending to be her boyfriend

IKM: shiiiit

IKM: didn't even remember that

Kenzie: although that is rape it isn't what was considered rape back then

Port: 100% IKM

Kenzie: I want to hold out some hope Port

Kenzie: are we talking catcalls are sexual harassment also

IKM: Makes you really want to go back and think when you were younger like "Did I do some repugnant shit?"

Kenzie: I know I did

Port: This is coming from my small sample size but I've asked every one of my lady friends every one of them has at least one story

Port: From the light end to the awful end.

Port: I know for a fact I did

Kenzie: teenage boys are awful

Port: Can confirm

Kenzie: myself included

Kenzie: how many random asses did you grab on a dare from your friends

K Myers Jr.: I didn't do any of that cause I was an anti-social misfit.

IKM: And friends can't dare you to do shit when you're friends just as wack as you, lol

IKM: but who knows, I think I totally erased high school from my memory banks it was so wack, lol

Kenzie: yeah I try not to think about all the inappropriate things I did

Kenzie: all of the stupid statements I have made

Kenzie: and young Kenzie still wasn't as bad as others that I know

IKM: Oreilly, Affleck, Weinstein, Cosby, they are dinosaurs

IKM: world has changed

IKM: even from 10 years ago

IKM: that type of behavior is simply unacceptable

IKM: except if you're the president

Kenzie: but what about shit happening at new companies

DG: the google manifesto

Kenzie: isn't Uber going through shit

DG: yes it is

IKM: and I think 10 years ago we don't even hear about that

Kenzie: of course not

DG: definitely don’t because of no social media

DG: giving people public voices that never had them before

Kenzie: shit like that becomes standard practices

Kenzie: some women are coming out saying that co-workers kept her away from Harvey because they knew the deal

Kenzie: what are the chances that Harvey's brother knew what was going on

DG: 100%

IKM: of course he did

Kenzie: exactly

IKM: whole board knew

DG: scope and breadth, maybe not

DG: I picture one of those scenes where they are talking and a name comes up and brother goes “Jesus, Harvey”

DG: “but I had to make her watch me jerk off onto a plant”

Kenzie: You think Hugh Hefner was out here being a scumbag

Kenzie: he seems like he was in the perfect position to be one

IKM: I think Hugh set his shit up the proper way

IKM: Never heard of any harassment claims or anything on Hugh

Kenzie: Like Bill Burr said you just live too long

DG: I'm a pornographer and sexual exploiter of women… (y) aaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee (y)

IKM: Hugh was never a pornographer

Kenzie: it is called soft-core porn

DG: he was never a hard core pornographer

IKM: and whether or not what he did was sexually exploit women is up for argument

Kenzie: and he has a tv station dedicated to that

IKM: Exploitation is 1-way street

IKM: and porn has no artistic value

Schady: playboy was artistic?

IKM: so if his pictures have artistic merit they are not porn

Kenzie: didn't he get his hands on Marilyn Monroe skinny dipping pictures and published the pictures

Kenzie: he had an entire station that was not dedicated to art

IKM: from what I know about playboy

IKM: it was about doing tasteful nude pictures

DG: throwing money at someone who needs it to pose naked in your magazine so you can make more money is sexual exploitation

IKM: No it isn't

IKM: I need money. I get paid to program. Am I being intellectually exploited?

DG: but you would normally program, yes?

IKM: Yes

DG: i’m gonna go out and say not everyone that appeared in playboy would normally strip for money… some sure

Schady: yeah i dont think the girls doing nude photo shoots came out of school saying that is the career i need to be pursuing

Kenzie: http://www.npr.org/2017/10/01/554854492/marilyn-monroe-helped-hugh-hefner-but-not-by-choice

Kenzie: yeah he published those pictures without her permission

IKM: He woulda got sued out the ass today

IKM: suprised he didn't back then

IKM: or really I guess im not suprised

DG: if hugh ever sold being in a playboy as a way to jump start an acting career, or saying something like “i know people, do this for me…”… that’s exploiting

IKM: I can agree with that

Kenzie: i don't know

IKM: but there were plenty of women who appeared in playboy who did have acting careers

Kenzie: if he said sleep with me i know people than yes

DG: sure that happened too

DG: pose naked so i can sell magazines

IKM: I dont want to fall into the slippery judgement slope

DG: the man did it for decades, so i’m sure there’s a little bit of everything in his history

IKM: To me there is acceptable behavior and theres unacceptable. Paying women or men to be naked in your magazine? I honestly don't think anything is inherently wrong with that

IKM: As long as they weren't duped

IKM: as long as they know what they are getting themselves into

IKM: this is a free country, so do what you want

Port: Nah Hef came from that old school where quaaludes were like tic tacs

IKM: lol so you think hef was Lud'in em up?

Kenzie: i bet his playboy mansion parties where drug dens

Port: That's the era he me up in!

Port: I'm sure they were 'ludin in the grotto

IKM: if two people choose to take drugs and have sex while high that's not necessarily a problem

IKM: it's the Cosby, "I'll lude them in secret"

Port: Hmm that's where it gets tricky sir

Kenzie: but how many people were getting cosby'd up in that bitch

Port: Lot I'd say Kenzie.

Kenzie: yep

Kenzie: i doubt cosby invented the game

Port: Throughout the 70s and 80s. Prolly enough blow to build a snowman in the grotto

Kenzie: brotha from philly he didn't know how to get down like that

Kenzie: i bet they tried

Kenzie: Hef probably took Bill under his wing

Schady: i dunno i mean there is something to be said about attracting women to a place with piles of drugs and then them making even more poor decisions in an altered state of mind

Schady: obviously the women taking them intentionally are mostly to blame but it is very is enabling and promotes poor decisions

Kenzie: substitute drugs for alcohol and is it still wrong?

Schady: its still wrong but just gets a pass cuz its "socially acceptable"

Schady: alcohol gets a pass on so much shit

Kenzie: in those circles it was socially acceptable to do the same with copious amounts of illicit drugs

Schady: there are some differences

Schady: coke is much more physically addictive short term than say alcohol

Schady: so once some girl tries it once she could be doing some fucked up shit just to stay high

IKM: listen, if you go to the grotto you know what its about

IKM: if you're getting fucked up in the grotto it's with a purpose

Schady: maybe? You think it was always known to everyone

Schady: we say this after decades of tales of debauchery

IKM: two people go to a party and get drunk

IKM: they sleep with each other

IKM: is one a rapist?

IKM: I think we would say no

Port: We would

Schady: im not saying rapist

Port: Consent law not so much

Schady: but i am saying that having piles of drugs accessible to anyone that is around is somewhat exploitative

Schady: having spent plenty of time around people that like to get fucked up

IKM: isn't it the same as having a bunch of beer and alcohol?

Schady: like i said

Schady: some drugs are different

Schady: whats the joke in half baked? "I used to suck dick for coke.... ever suck dick for some marajuana?"

IKM: LOL

IKM: Its a weird line though

IKM: cause it says, "Ok men, it's ok for you to go out and get fucked up. Women? You have to stay sober."

IKM: If men can go out and get drunk and try to get laid, why can't women?

Kenzie: if that was your intention then go ahead

Port: You can but you gotta know as a guy that that could go left.

Kenzie: yes

Port: Honestly never thought about it till later in life but yeah whenever someone doesn't have their full mental capacity about themself

Kenzie: back in the day that was easy pickins

Port: You open yourself up. Because just being wasted isn't consent.

Kenzie: when that happens you have to get as drunk as them

IKM: I mean, I was wack so I don't know the answer to this question, but as a single dude, how many times are you having sex without the influence of alcohol?

Kenzie: if both are wasted then you are good

Port: More than I did not

Kenzie: if you are sober and she is wasted you could be in trouble

IKM: sober + wasted is bad for business unless the man is the one wasted

Port: Yes. If you are both wasted you still could be if she says I don't remember consenting to this.

Port: Correct IKM. If you're blasted then it's whatever.

Kenzie: what if you say i don't remember consenting to this

Kenzie: then the question is who has sex with who

Kenzie: DUN DUN DUN

Port: Then same rules apply

IKM: lol @ dun dun

IKM: See, this is why I don't drink

Kenzie: you can drink without getting wasted

Port: Jus nobody would give a shit about Kenzies story of being wasted then taken advantage of

IKM: so you gotta give breathalizer tests at the door Kenzie, lol?

Kenzie: i don't like not having my wits with me out in the street

IKM: "Aaaaaand now sign this release form..."

Port: I think you just gotta use your adult sensors

Kenzie: at home get as wasted as you want

Port: You can tell when someone is rippppppped

Kenzie: you can tell the signs of a drunk woman

IKM: you cant tell if you are drunk too

Kenzie: they get really touchy feely

Port: Like I was out one time and this chick was wasted. Slumped in a photo booth type thing in the bar

Kenzie: LOL

Kenzie: always makes me laugh

Port: And dudes were swarming

Kenzie: sloppy drunks

IKM: See Porter, you call her homegirl to come pick her up

Port: And I was like...this may end up bad

Kenzie: somebody is going to put their junk on her head and take a picture

Port: She had no friends around her

Kenzie: i know how that story goes

IKM: Came alone and got drunk?!?

Kenzie: seen it a thousand times

Port: She could barely talk we got her phone and the last missed call was her homies looking for her

Kenzie: first off no girl goes out alone

Kenzie: they will end up alone because apparently girls get lost easily

Port: She got out safe but the guys tryna engage in "conversation" KNEW she was trshed. An easy mark

Port: Correct

Kenzie: you got to stay away from that

IKM: Far

Kenzie: even if you know the girl

Kenzie: you have to know how fucked up they are because if they cross the deep end game over

Port: Nah man these days I feel like I do my part and get em an Uber or something

Kenzie: oh so you now mr captain save a hoe

Kenzie: lol

Kenzie: i just had to say it

IKM: That would be the last time I hang with such a girl

Port: Lmaooo

K Myers Jr.: If you can't handle your liqour you shouldn't be drinking

Port: Nah man just tryna break trip cycle of male shitiness

Port: I can't handle my liquor IKM BUT GUESS WHAT

Kenzie: but how does she learn not to get that drunk

[Kenzie: not saying she needs to get assualted to learn

Port: I dunno man I can't teach that lesson.

Kenzie: but i am a 6'2 250lb black man and i don't get that drunk

Kenzie: i have no fear of someone raping me and i know better

Port: Yeah I wouldn't want anyone to learn the lesson that way.

IKM: I tell you how such a person learns that lession: the next time she wants to go out her friends are like "uggggghhhh no. YOu can't handle your drinks."

IKM: done

Port: Or they smack drinks out of her hands

IKM: even better, lol

Kenzie: i have heard of stories of girl completly losing members of the group

Kenzie: that has never happened to me once

Kenzie: they can be horrible at watching each others backs

Port: Horrrrrible

] Port: That was the girl in the story we were like where TF are your friends?

Port: They left her at the spot because they couldn't find her slumped in the photo booth

Kenzie: granted i probably wouldn't look in the photo booth for you

Kenzie: we have the sense to passout in the bathroom

Kenzie: "PORTER YOU IN THAT STALL MAN"

Kenzie: wait i got seperated once when i got kicked out the club and my boy was still in there

Kenzie: he was looking for me and i was slumped outside

Kenzie: wasn't a good look for me

Port: Lmao Kenzie that has literally been me

Port: In the stall giving up all the body

Kenzie: i had friend say he had to use the bathroom and then 30 minutes later we was like where did he go

Kenzie: i go to the bathroom and that is where he was still at

Kenzie: said he just needed a rest

Kenzie: legs wouldn't get him back up

Kenzie: lol

IKM: lol

TS: http://money.cnn.com/2017/10/12/media/rose-mcgowan-harvey-weinstein/index.html

Kenzie: why was she banned from twitter?

TS: apparently she put someone’s personal phone number on there and it got her kicked off for a day

Kenzie: ok

TS: Bro, y’all had a real ass convo on here

TS: Gotta edit it but I definitely think this goes to the logs.

TS: @Kenzie, yeah, when I think about shit looking back, I thought I was a choir boy but shit. Definitely grabbed boobs and asses

Kenzie: same

TS: My twitter isn’t the worst BUT OH GOD IF I EVER GET FAMOUS, FIRST THING GOING IS FACEBOOK

[Kenzie: i thought i was just playing a part in the game that we all thought was cool

Kenzie: i grab your ass, you pretend like you didn't like it, rinse and repeat

TS: there was a time as teen that i tried to use porn logic… Grabbing turns them on...

TS: I was lied to

Kenzie: little did i know i was a habitual sex offender

Kenzie: never used that logic tre

IKM: On 10/13/17, at 11:58 AM, Kenzie wrote:

> little did i know i was a habitual sex offender

IKM: lol wut

Kenzie: by my sophmore year in highschool i stopped most of that shit

Kenzie: it was really around the ages of 12 - 15

TS: I remember and I think this kinda will haunt me. Wasn’t me but there was this girl in HS, ran for Ms Freshman. Beautiful, fun, great personality, everything. She was being her as usual, relaxing outside the JROTC building. I went to the shooting range, came back and she was in the bathroom BAWLING. Her brother runs in furious. asks where did he go and burst out the door.

TS: Dude, for whatever reason, decided to flip this girls skirt all the way up

TS: Asked me before that and I saw enough TV to think that wasn’t a big deal. TV lied to me

Kenzie: i remember in 7th grade a bunch of guys (myself included) was chasing this girl around the park so we could get her shirt wet

Kenzie: after about 5 minutes of this she got PISSED

Kenzie: turned around and lifted up her shirt and was like is this what you want to see

Kenzie: we all sat there with the dumb face on after that realizing we fucked up

Kenzie: she was legitmately pissed

Kenzie: i remember the girls name and everything

DG: yes... cool and funny wasn't cool nor funny

Kenzie: i still feel bad about that shit

DG: and no one ever told me otherwise

DG: that's the kicker

Kenzie: it was almost considered boys will be boys

DG: have to piece all that shit together yourself through age and experience

Kenzie: can't blame all that shit on hormones but it has to play a part

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loi-et-love · 8 years ago

Conversation

SZ: hi.

first thing first..... T H A N K S ....for so many things... talking to me, being nice to me (even when i was pain in the ass) .... being frank and open..... talking whatever came to your mind (well that you do with everyone) ..... answering to some long emails... with equally wrong emails....

you know i had drafted a mail earlier but had to delete it ... thought might as well write something new and fresh..... and this is what you have done to me ..... When i have free time .... i think "let me write to aditi" ..... sometimes..... i even wake up in the middle of my sleep to check...... if there is any message from you.... but unfortunately only calls or messages i get then at that time are from GC .... some how he just knows when i am busy.... or sleeping in office hours and he will call me..... the joke i tell my mom is "if i want GC to call me ..... i should sleep" and hola ...tring tring ....

initially when we started talking...... i did want to know why is she talking so much to me .... but then i let go of it ..... realized later you are talkative.....

i dont talk to many people..... and i dont remember when i had written 100 odd emails .... to someone ...... i guess there have been days when we have completed more than 50 odd emails in a single day.... like today we are already near 42......

two reasons i dont talk to many people in office is 1) my last name: they have pre concieved notion about me and feel uncomfortable talking to me ...... and i dont like when people are uncomfortable .... and they do make it previous obvious

2) whatever little interaction i have had with some ..... i just dont connect... i dont feel the need to ... or in simpler words..... i dont find anyone else interesting enough

yes i like you,.... want to know you..... but i want to know you at your pace and your convenience .... i am not in a hurry..... but then its like you kind of sweet like an ice cream..... and i get worried... what if it just melts away .... so i want to know things about you......

all those questions hanky panky and all is just to get you open up..... as i always say.... i was also 24 for one full year..... and i know things that happen.... i am no saint either.... and i had a car since i was 16..... so had my share of back seat action too....

sometimes...... its obvious that i am the distraction .... that keeps you away from ex......... sometimes.... its just that ... you have too much stored in yourself ...... and you dont have the channel to release it all..... so you just treat me like an "agony uncle" or lets say punching bag.... i am ok with that.....

And you are currently occupying lot of my mental space..... whether is sleeping or awake ....

like today i didnt need to send the photo which i sent in morning ...... or didnt need to think about you when i saw rainbow ..... didnt need to go for walk ..... i went yesterday also .... the reason : well yesterday i knew you would be busy from 6-7 while driving to go home and today i knew you would be sleeping while i was awake so i thought might as well go for a walk

talking sarcastically or flirting or being funny is natural to me and so is the serious attitude.... seen a lot of things in life....

you dont like flirting we can always stop.... it will be difficult but i can stop.... no more checking out .... btw its not the ass which i check out first in a lady....... its something else

chalo will send across this email when you are back from lunch..... and done with your work

ohhhh last thing ..... you are B E A U T I F U L ....enjoy have a nice day .

I: God!! nobody is ever going to let me read this email with full concentration. *angry face*

Will you stop thanking me?? I didn't do anything FOR you. i'm selfish that way. So stop!! I did everything because I wanted to. I didn't do any favors for you. I talk to you because i like talking to you. I'm nice to you because you have been nice to me (no indecency). I'm frank and open... Well, that's just who I am. I speak my mind. And I respond to your long emails because I love talking to you and I love long emails. Long emails signify how much willing you are to talk to me. It shows your effort, that you are ready to type so much because you so much to say.

Maybe you can send me that email you deleted. I would want to read everything you type to send me because that's what you wanted to say to me.

I know how you feel. you have done the same thing to me too. I was late for lunch and made Kaalu and H sir wait becasue I wanted to finish writing an email to you.

It's true that I am talkative but I don't talk soooooo much with everybody. I'm friendly with everyone but not everybody is my friend. So, I talked so much with you because I chose to and not because I have a compulsive need of talking.

And BTW you spoke to me first. I had my seat changed and you had asked me something. I think you had asked me what I do here, etc. and then why my place was changed. I remember it was dark and there was nobody in the office except you and me and you were filling your water bottle and laughed (that cute laugh I love) when I told you that because French Translator and I talk a lot they changed my place. (I know it was silly of me. I didn't even care that you're a C (last name) and I shouldn't have and I should've maintain a decorum with you)

"i dont talk to many people" Tha'ts what Kaalu said, you don't talk to too many people. And if you talk, nobody hears your voice. So, it's more or less like you don't talk at all.

And those days are the best days where we write over 50 emails to each other.

I know why you wouldn't talk to people here in OIA. I saw and felt how lonely you are. and then you talked to me one day and I felt "god! ye accha baat karta hai. Decency toh baapre.. chalakti hai!! Has a nice soothing, amazing voice. English mast hai." And then Idk how and when I started talking to you. I don't remember. All I know is that I must've blabbered a lot for no reason, forcing you to be in the conversation. Do you remember how I started talking to you so much after you spoke to me once? (answer me) I actually you spoke to me twice. once ws in the elevator when we were going down. I think we started talking about cars and books when we would leave. And then you would advise me like an uncle to drive safe and use this direction than the one I use. Ufff... how annoying I found you then!! Treating me like I'm 10!

So, as i was saying i thought u r introvert n shy n lonely n dont have many friends here. but i was happy to see you chitchatting with anand sir then.. Sometime in february i think. I was relieved..

I don't understand what preconceived notions they would have about you.

People know you're C because you speak THEIR language. (That's how I found out). I would always see you talk with Kapil. And I wud make a face like why does this man have to talk to him (Atul), bichara.. paka raha hoga Atul ko! But then i found out u r a Chaturvedi and I slapped my forehead. Like whyyyyyyy............... But then your last name never felt like a hindrance for me. You last name never bothered me. Is that strange for you? (answer me)

So, you know how I feel about you not being here right now? So, you know how I feel about you leaving? There is nobody interesting in this office. There's nobody who reach my standards and actually hold a conversation with me. You have no idea how ecsatic I was to talk to you everytime!! I would wait for NL to leave so that I could talk to you. But you would shoo me away like a dog.. :( That did hurt me when you continued to do it for a few days but I didn't say anything because i know you didn't mean it

You have to ask questions to know me. Don't ask me questions about what hanky panky I have done. I won't answer that. i don't kiss and tell. I told you about Aditya. I told you I have daddy issues. You figured out I have trust issues. It takes time to get to know people. And it's more fun when you get to know them as the time passes by. Fast-fast karne me koi mazaa nahi hai. I have been very fast in my life and i've realized this now and i always prefer to go slow.

I want to get to know you too. You conceal so much behind this fluffy (hehehe) exterior. But it takes time.

You are not the distraction. Dude. I have many distractions. Do you think you are the only person in the office I flirt with? Think again! Yeah, it's true that you are the only person I actually enjoy flirting with!! ('im not buttering you up here)

Nobody can keep me away from BB. BB and I... We have the strangest chemistry. We wouldn't talk to each other for months (which felt like years) and we'd gravitate back to each other. It's just how it is. Nobody can stop what's happening between me and him. and you're not a distraction. I don't use humans anymore. not that person anymore.

This is true "you have too much stored in yourself ...... and you dont have the channel to release it all" But you aren't my agony uncle or punching bag. I have just been awfully mad at you, once !! Just once!!.

You are just completely different for me. You hold the weirdest place in my life. Never anticipated to go this far. I didn't know you'd give me your number and i would chat with you like its the end of the world!!

And you are currently occupying lot of my mental space..... whether is sleeping or awake .... --> i don't want to ruin the moment, but i do do this to alot of people. What you said in another email that i have made your boring life here in OIA, interesting and now you look forward to it. There was this intern (also Adi, he's a southernese) he too said the same thing. He wasn't somebody who would talk a lot but with me, we would talk for 9 hours straight for 2-3 weeks! He didnt have any work and nor did I. and he still cannot believe it. Yeah, so i do have an effect on people. (I won't say i dont enjoy it. i jsut hope it turns out to be a good experience for them)

If you thought about me when you saw the rainbow, then i think of you everytime i see XUV on the street. I wait for you to text me on whatsapp. I come to work and I check my email first for any email from you.

Today when i came to work, i really thought that you're lying n u have come back n you'll come to work today.

" it will be difficult but i can stop" --> really? it'll be difficult???

What's the first thing you check out in a girl? and what's the first thing u checked out in me?

"ohhhh last thing ..... you are B E A U TI FUL ....enjoy have a nice day ." --> i have to hug you for this. There's a way of saying things. it also matters who is saying to you.

I'm too disturbed after wat NL said yesterday. I jsut want to go to him anymore.. i'm not Veena or Marina. Nor do I behave that way (although i did speak things with you, i hit on you, that's different. but really, i didn't do it with NL)

"ohhhh last thing ..... you are B E A U TI FUL ....enjoy have a nice day ." --> you made my day. (you too have an effect on me, okay. you just don't realize it, although I say it out loud so many times) this made me smile shyly. main sharmati nahi hu.. thank you :*

#personal #SZ #AC #love office affair

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