#if the 10th doesn't work for tomlin's timeline or something

[sadieclemens-blog]

THE BOTTLING OF SHIPS AND OTHER THINGS || Sadie and Tomlin

Wed May 10th

Sadie remembered the way to Tomlin’s place without fail or hesitation. In fact, she probably remembered with too much vivid clarity everything that had to do with him. Her subconscious kept trying to call her out, the thoughts invasive and sudden, sometimes stopping her in her tracks. She would fight those moments with a vicious vehemence, at war with her own mind. He was her friend, her very good friend, and she had to repeat the mantra to herself several times a day since she’d colored her hair. God help her, if she’d known a little red would change the chemistry between them, or that it would matter to her so very much when that shift occurred, she would have kept things safe and blonde and untouchable. Feeling confused felt somehow like a betrayal, to both him and herself. Their friendship had been built on a mutual and deeply rooted understanding, that there would be no conflict or confusing things to get in the way of their real chats and their support and respect for one another. Guilt riddled her now, as if she’d broken a sacred oath and could no longer protect Tomlin from the mess she might make if she couldn’t get these damn thoughts out of her head. She wasn’t looking for anything more than friendship, she wasn’t looking to feel such a pervasive pull to another person. It would go away, she would will it away, bottle it up like the half finished ship she was carefully putting into a box and tucking beneath the crook of her arm.

Her thoughts were turned to over-preparation. Ship-building tools they probably weren’t even going to need tonight were tucked into a bag slung over her shoulder. Maybe if she weighted her body down enough she’d forget about how heavy her spirit felt these days. Comfort food was always what she thought of when she thought of Tomlin, perhaps because between the pair of them there was always comfort needed. A small buffet was carefully settled in the back of her car; a plate with fried chicken and brown rice with shrimp, a serving bowl with gumbo, a side of sour cream mashed potatoes. Sadie knew that Tomlin wouldn’t be surprised, anyone that knew her knew that she cooked feasts and she liked to share. 

Normally she liked a quiet drive, but for once Sadie found herself in need of music to steady her thoughts. She hummed along to a barrage of jazz tunes, at her destination before she knew it and possibly before she was ready to be there. For the span of fifteen heartbeats she sat like a statue in the driver’s seat, wondering if she could just walk into that apartment and be normal, as casual as they’d been at that bar the first time. Her plan seemed to work, because trying to figure out how to balance all of her tag-along items took her mind off her nervousness long enough to make it to Tomlin’s front door. Hands full, arms full, heart fuller than it should have been, she used her foot to knock on the door. She wasn’t looking, she wasn’t looking . . . 

The door opened and even though she wasn’t looking, she saw him anyway. He’d probably roar with confused laughter if she ever told him, but when Sadie let her eyes linger on the man for too long, he tended to remind her of the original version of The Little Mermaid tale. Not the sweet soaked Disney version, no, the Hans Christian Anderson heartbreaker. When the mermaid gave up her voice to the sea witch, that wasn’t the only price she paid for being human. Her tail split into two to become legs, and every step she took was excruciatingly painful. No one around her would have guessed it though, because as much as the steps were painful the joy of being around other humans and the prince she loved was worth it. There were layers of pain in Tomlin’s eyes, the kind of strung up pain that could wrap around the world three times if you unraveled it. Sadie imagined that every word he spoke, every socialization he made, jostled his bruised insides and hurt as much as the mermaid’s walking did, but as much as it hurt he also needed it, occasional breaks in the silence, to be near others. As she smiled and scanned his face she wondered who needed the socialization more tonight, her or him?

“I’m afraid if I move first I am going to drop one of the fifty thousand things I decided it would be a good idea to bring,” she stated, a whisper of a laugh released as she held out one of her arms to him. “If you can grab these plates I’m fine with the rest. I hope there’s room in your fridge because I’m leaving this all with you if we don’t eat it all.” She wished her hands were free so that she could fidget with the strap on her green sundress, so she could make sure the red strands of her hair were secured in a bun at the nape of her neck. For some reason she couldn’t put into words, she hadn’t liked the idea of leaving it down, as if it were some dark elephant in the room that she needed to tuck out of sight and out of mind. Once the food had been moved out of the way and she’d released hold of the bag with their ship safely tucked inside, all Sadie knew was a sudden voracious need to hug him. A few lengthy strides and she was wrapping her arms around him, head against his chest, breathing in the scent of him and telling herself that a box of dye couldn’t break something real, something important. Blonde or redhead or brunette or bald they were the same people and she suddenly felt silly for feeling nervous at all. That zipping zap of maybe electricity she’d thought she’d felt was probably a shock induced fluke, over and done with now.

“You look tired,” she murmured, gazing up to take worried stock of his features. “I can make this a quick visit if you need rest.”

@tomlinotracey