#if it's not read only by the time this scheduled post goes up uhhhh. Go Hog Wild I Guess.

[not-the-conversation-starter]

The Death Of A Website.

tl;dr click source to see an AU of my blog.

As many of you may not have heard, Cohost has gone read only. The website infamous for "Zero Discoverability" and its users "Not Being Funny." Servers will close down at the end of 2024, if not earlier, being backed up on the Internet Archive before that. Since their user counts were still low after 2 years (about half of all sign ups ever were from people evacuating twitter, which then didn't know how to use the site so most left almost immediately. Kind of hilarious) they didn't feel like anymore money bleeding OR the fact that a staff of only four people being on call 24/7 was worth it anymore.

However,

the people who DID use the site loved it. And they did some genuinely cool things on it, far cooler than anything I ever saw even in the glory days of Tumblr. You know, like Finn and Jake hi-fiving between 2 posts. Stuff like a playable maze, or a fully navigable 3d room you move around in with your mouse entirely within a post. They really did some cool stuff.

There were also a ton of really talented people, people like the composer Lena Raine(Celeste/Minecraft) who loved the site because you could just. Actually talk to people on it! Without an algorithm to boost their posts, the only people who saw it were genuinely looking for it.

Also some of them were just good posters, we did get Pikmin 18 billion and eleven from Cohost after all.

The point is, I think if anyone outside of Cohost actually knew what was being done on Cohost, it would of succeeded. There would of been enough active users for them to invest more. If I knew about all of this I would of been there way more!

But rather than just you blindly believing me, I decided to spend (almost) every hour I would of on Tumblr, on Cohost instead. Clicking that link, or the source, or the link on the source above in the tl;dr, will take you to my Cohost blog. At least while it's still read-only.

You should check it out. I reblogged a lot, but the first page or 2 (every 20 posts, I kept trying to stop but I got sentimental and reblogged more) is pretty much just people's last posts. I'd say give it 3 pages to see if you're interested or not in exploring more of what the website has to offer.

If you've ever wondered what people would post on a dying website,

If you ever wondered what some of the best posts people were making on Cohost that got shared again in its last dying moments were,

If you want some reference for what inside jokes would look like to an outsider,

If you're just bored and need something to scroll through,

if you ever wondered what I would of reblogged on that website if I remembered my password easily enough to log back in easily...

You could think of my blog as a small encapsulation of a small website. There's only 60 pages, including the ones from before the announcement from me just rarely using the site!

I reblogged all kinds of posts. Goodbyes, sarcastic hellos, mourning, long speeches about the spirit of Cohost set to sad music, nothing burgers, inside jokes I didn't understand, The New Garfield, posts I flat out didn't read past the title because they were too long and I just wanted to move on really there's a lot of posts to archive, CSS crimes, stuff I found funny, "Where to find me" and webrings and website posts for people I never knew, Love Honk, reviews for movies and games I never intend to play or watch, 88x31 buttons, music recommendations and history, entire games, signing up for RSS feeds, asks and answers related to other stuff I didn't share on accident, regular memes, Intern Secretary Eggbug, a post that's just an image hosted off-site so it'll update even after readonly, and so on.

(Nothing overtly NSFW. Tag search still works if you want that)

One that I, personally, am sad is gone. That I'm glad I got to see at least in its dying days. That I genuinely hope someone makes another attempt at creating.

[incorrect-sdv-quotes]

Okay so I know this is a SDV Incorrect quote blog but I really wanted to show off my SDV headcanon’s so you may ignore this post if you wish (I’ll go back to the normal posts after this, I have like 13 quotes queue’d up right now) 

Headcanon’s under the cut:

1.Alex’s real first name is Alexander he just prefers to go by Alex

2.Alex is a trans male so he was born female but transitioned to male at age 13

3.The bachelors ages are (listed youngest to oldest):

 Alex: 19 

Sebastian: 19 (one month older then Alex)

Sam: 20

Harvey: 25-30

Elliott: 36

Shane: 38

4.Despite Sam being older then him Alex is taller (if you put them side by side Sam looks taller but that’s only cause of his hair if you flattened it you could see Alex was taller)

5.Sebastian is secretly a vampire (He does look like one anyway)

6. Haley and Alex kind of have a Hazel and Xander from Bunk’d relationship where they’re kinda friends but one of them *cough cough* Haley *cough* has a huge crush on the other to where it’s at yandere point- Haley is not QUITE as crazy about Alex that Hazel is about Xander and unlike Hazel Haley can hide the craziness she does have around people but when it’s just her and Alex she’s all crazy and clingy- 

Like, she’ll call him pet names like “My jock prince” or “Alex-zandy-” or “My knight in shining armor” Etc. etc- or hug him and never let go until someone LITERALLY prys her off- Talk about nutty nutty nut-so-

7. My headcanon voices for the bachelors are: (Well some of them, if a name is in strike through that means I don’t have one for that one- yet)

Alex: Shining Armor from MLP

Sebastian

Sam: Rottmnt Leo/2020 Sonic the Hedgehog/Dewy from Ducktails (this one might change)

Harvey: Fozzie Bear (Harvey: WaKa WaKa (I’m sorry))

Elliott: Gunther from Shake It Up

Shane

8.Shane is basically the god of chickens he’s such a good caretaker of chickens that he could summon an army of chickens to peck the eyes out of everyone in town with one “Babock” CHICKEN ARMY!!

If you decided to read this post and you liked my headcanons then this is it for now more might be added later as I play the game and scroll through the SDV tags on Tumblr more 

EDIT 1: More headcanons!:

9: Elliott is an amazing actor but a horrid horror-movie actor (It’s just his screams are unrealistic he will literally just say “Aaaah” otherwise it’s the same as the rest of his acting) (This scream-glitch is an easy fix if you yell “Ghost” more on that in 10)

10: Elliott is TERRIFIED of ghosts even those cute and/or clearly fake ghosts (Why else do you think Spirits Eve/Halloween has Skeletons every year and not ghosts? No one wants to scare anyone Too bad.) Actually Alex dared Elliott to watch the Disney Junior show Vampirina which went fine until Demi came on screen- Elliott literally wet himself and screamed for 3 whole hours- (Poor Alex who had to listen to that the whole time-)

11: Elliott treats his pocket crab as his ACTUAL son, not as his pet but as his actual biological son (it’s actually really cute)

12: The portraits in this video for a portraits mod is how the characters actually look to me (Excluding Elliott Sam and Sebastian they still live in my brain with their cannon looks): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmBW8BzSZpU&list=WL&index=1&t=5s

13: Krobus is Sebastian’s father (yeah you THINK it would not make sense along with Hc numb.5 but if you think about it if his father is a monster and his mother is human he’s gonna be born as a human-looking monster! Which is a Vampire!)

EDIT 2: Damnit. I was scrolling through this and I realized I missed a Hc and it slipped through the original post and the EDIT 1!

14: Alex has Dyslexia (this bugger Hc belonged in the original post but it slipped through both edits)

EDIT 3: MORE HEADCANNONS-

15: Both Abigail and Sebastian used to have hair to match their parents (Abby’s was brown (Like said in game) and Sebastian’s was Ginger) but due to their “Unusual” parents (Abigail: Wizard Sebastian: Krobus) their hair changed color when they got older and their mothers just pretended they died their hair so both the towns people and Abigail and Sebastian themselves would not freak out 

16: Sebastian has snake bite piercing's but he only wears them when he’s alone (he got them in the first place cause 1: Sam dared him and 2: he decided it would be a fun way to rebel against dead to Sebastian Demetrius, he didn’t have to keep them but he ended up liking the look) 

17: Sebastian owns a giant frog plush, it’s twice the size of him, is really soft and is incredibly fat (it’s to the point it’s just a circle that has stubby legs) he loves it more then anything Excluding Alex but he does not want anyone finding out he loves it let alone owns it so he stuffs it under his bed when people are in and/or near his room

18: Sebastian’s first word was literally “Froggy”

Ex:

Robin: Can you say “mama”?

Baby!Sebastian: ...Froggy!

Robin:

Robin: Out of all words your first word is “Froggy”? Really?

19: The shortest to tallest Bachelors are:

Shane

Sam (If you take his hair and go *Squishes flat*)

Alex

Sebastian

Sam (If you count the added height from his Mullet)

Harvey

Elliott (Tall stinky sea dude)

20: Sam got Sebastian to scream “Bubbles” for 5 hours straight 

Details on that:

Sam: It’s impossible to say “Bubbles” threateningly

Sebastian:

Five munities later:

Robin: Uhhhh Sam? Why is my son on the roof screaming “BUBBLES”?

21: Sebastian owns a biker jacket but he only wears it when riding his motorcycle cause the jacket makes him look way more goth then emo and he prefers the emo look over goth look despite he acts more like a goth

22: One Feast of The Winter Star Sebastian got everyone an empty box and when they opened it Seb said: “It’s a void of nothingness. Just like life.” He did not get in trouble or nothing cause your allowed to give what you want but he did not do that again

23: Sebastian requires glasses to read, he can see perfectly but when it comes to reading on a computer or on paper he needs glasses

24: Sam does a perfect Darth Vader voice and Darth Vader breathing noises

25: Sebastian has vampire powers (cause he is a vampire (Hc 5)), he knows about them and is chill about it but he does not use them unless necessary cause he just does not feel the need to use them otherwise (His powers include, immortality (he also can’t be killed cause on my take on Vampires the stuff that “Traditionally” harms/kills them is just a mith and actually does nothing to them), super strength, increased speed, fast self-healing, telekinesis (I know this is not “Traditionally” a vampire power but Seb does have it) and the ability to change into a bat)

26: Both Sebastian and Elliott are actually pretty jacked (Not Alex level jacked but still) you just can’t see it unless they’re shirt-less (but in Seb’s case at least loose the hoodie)

27: Harvey’s doctor’s mallet weapon is just as heavy and as big as himself so he rarely goes into combat cause he has trouble welding his own weapon- 

Harvey: Time to explore the mines! *grabs his giant doctors mallet*

Harvey: Nope going down. *falls backward with a thud*

28: Elliott carries at least one very sharp pencil with him at all times so if he sees a very annoying person or a slime that escaped the mines he’ll grab it and go *StAb*

29: Everyone else makes Hermit jokes around Elliott which he finds funny and annoying at the same time (They used to do the jokes about Sebastian as well but they stopped cause when they did Seb strangled them Darth Vader style) Ex of the hermit jokes:

*singing* Someone’s on the beach with a hermit! There’s a hermit on the beach I know I know! Someone’s on the beach with a hermiiiit! And the hermit’s name is Elliott!

30: If you think Elliott’s cannon SDV schedule is anti-social you should see how anti-social he gets when writing a book-

EDIT 4: Surprise, there’s more

31: Elliott is a mermaid merman (he’s a human by day half human half fish by night but he’ll change forms sooner if you dump water on him- found that out by Haley throwing water on him in hopes he’ll melt-)

32: When in ‘fish’ form Elliott’s tail is incredibly strong (if you get hit by it you’ll go flying 900 feet in the air in 5 seconds at full strength)

33:Elliott only lets Harvey call him “Elly” if anyone else does so expect Elliott to dump water on himself then hit you with his fish tail)

34:Vincent will sing The Little Mermaid song “Under the sea” around Elliott and Sebastian (Sebastian cause think about it and Elliott cause he’s an IRL Mermaid)

[cancerbiophd]

How I landed an industry job straight out of my life sciences PhD, without doing a post-doc 

In less than 7 weeks I’ll be defending my dissertation as a final step in my PhD in Cancer Biology, and yesterday I accepted a Scientist position at a local biotechnology company. And best part: I didn’t have to do the dreaded post-doc first! Which is pretty rare for our field (but I hope it’ll be more and more common for PhD’s going into industry).

I promised I would talk about the process here, and I hope that anyone who’s aiming for the same path can walk away with some tips or at least with a familiarity of the process. 

The main points I want to get across: 

Network network network. You can probably just stop reading here, because this job came about all through networking. I was basically head-hunted--someone in my network (a program alumnus) contacted me on LinkedIn to ask if I wanted to apply for a position on the team she directs. So set up your LinkedIn account, keep it up to date, and use it to actively network. At the very least you should connect with the alumni in your program as you all have something in common already, and since they’re out and about in the field they would be great resources for informational interviews and job referrals. 

My expertise and career goals matched the position. No brainer, of course. Even if I wasn’t contacted by the company, I would only be applying to companies I qualified for (so companies dealing with cancer since I’m my PhD is in Cancer Bio). My lab mate, for example, was finishing up his PhD in Nutritional Sciences but was applying to cancer companies with no result, because it just wasn’t the candidate those companies were looking for. My expertise was also probably what got that director’s attention in the first place and the reason she reached out. She was basically willing to wait 7 months for me (from job posting to my final start-date) because I was her ideal candidate, and not just based off my expertise alone, but our personalities matched too. She told me “we communicate well” aka our work personalities match. I know you can’t change who you are obviously, but getting along with your manager goes a long way. 

That being said, employers/PIs are flexible with start dates for PhD candidates. I applied to this position 6 months before I had my defense date set and when I only knew a ballpark of “sometime in the summer”. And then during my interview process I had to keep pushing that potential start-date back and back and back. But the company understood this. So as a PhD candidate you could start applying 6 months before your expected end-date (even if it’s still a moving target), or even months earlier for post-docs (which are much more flexible than industry positions). In general, you should start looking 1 year before your finish date to see what’s out there. 

It was also good luck/timing. If I had graduated earlier than the job posting, then I never would’ve had this opportunity. I also only added her to my LinkedIn network because I went to a lunch seminar where she gave a talk about working in industry. So small things that ultimately made a huge difference. Some you can’t control, but some (like going to that lunch) are definitely  opportunities to seize. 

I was low “flight risk”. Companies are always afraid their employees will leave the company/city for greener pastures, and that’s more common in “less popular” places to live, like the southwest desert where I’m located. But I’m from here, my grad school is here, my family’s here--so the company is making the assumption I’m not going to just up and go any time soon. You obviously can’t control where your family chooses to settle down, but you may be able to strategically choose your grad school based off of its proximity to potential companies. 

And lastly, in my experience, PhD’s with no post-doc in biotech industry should expect an annual salary somewhere between $75-95k (depending on the company and cost of living), with benefits.

Ok, my full story under cut if you’d like to know more about the process I went through:

It all started when a program alumnus (or alumna, if you’re picky about your latin) named RF talked at a lunch seminar to students in my program in Feb 2019. I was really interested in her company and knew she would be a great network to have, so I emailed her later to thank her, and then added her on LinkedIn. 

Fast forward to January of this year (2020) when RF messaged me on LinkedIn out of the blue asking me how close I was to graduating and if I would be interested in a position at her company. I think she wanted someone asap (so not me, I thought), but we talked more about my project, and she said she’d keep in touch. In February, she messaged me again saying a position opened up on her team and she wanted to see if I would like to apply. I said heck yes (or the more formal version), and sent in my application, with the expectation that I would be defending sometime in the summer. I also put her as my job referral and messaged her afterwards to let her know my application went through (with the hopes that maybe she could fast-track it through HR, which I think she did). 

In the meantime, I messaged (also on LinkedIn) another program alumnus I knew (our time overlapped a few years) who currently works with RF and we chatted on the phone about what he does at work, how he likes it there, etc. Basically an informational interview (and also to catch up as colleagues). I was also hoping he’d put in a good word for me with RF and can attest I’m a decent human being and all that. 

2 weeks later, I had a phone interview with RF, and I was super nervous going into it. I even practiced pages and pages of answers of common interview questions for a week straight. But to my surprise she opened the call with “I already know a lot about you from your CV, LinkedIn profile, and also your PhD training because we’re from the same program, so this is your chance to ask me questions!” And I was like, uhhhh awesome! The only thing she wanted to know about me was when I could start, and at that moment in time I was gunning for a July/Aug defense date. 

(I also emailed her and HR afterwards to ask them whether they could match my salary expectation, which I had researched well beforehand for what was common in the field for my position and experience, and they said they could.)

We then set up the next round of interviews for April with a colleague of RF’s who used to be in the same team but now directs her own, and RF’s boss (these would have normally been on-site, but I did them over the phone bc Covid). I again messaged my friend at the company asking if he had any tips. 

And then disaster struck! The company’s HR called me a week before those scheduled interviews to tell me the company had ordered a hiring freeze due to Covid and the effect it was having on the economy. Absolute bummer :( :( :(

So I then applied for a few more positions here and there, including some post-docs (which I really didn’t want to do). I got 2 rounds of interviews for a Scientist position at another local company, and as of today I still haven’t heard anything from them. oh well. 

Then in June I finally heard back from RF’s company saying the hiring freeze has been lifted and whether I’m still interested? Uh, heck yes! So we continued with those 2 phone interviews I had originally scheduled back in April. They both went really well. But I still continued to apply to other positions in the meantime because I wanted to have as many options as I could. 

Then 2 weeks ago (July 7) I got THE call: they wanted to offer me the position! :D

Only problem was, we needed to settle on a start-date. They of course wanted me to start like, yesterday, but my PI wanted to push back my original defense date of Aug 28 one more week to Sept 4, and also wanted me to focus on any dissertation edits for 2 weeks after that. So my earliest start-date would be Sept 21. If you remember, my defense date shifted from “sometime in the summer” to “July/August” to now September, so I was really worried the company wouldn’t accept this. I nervously waited 2 weeks for someone to call me back, and in my head I kept thinking, “I blew it I blew it”. I even sent in a job application to another company in that time. 

But RF finally called me and said hey, no problem, we can do that! She told me she was willing to wait because I really was her perfect candidate (I had all the experience she wanted, and she said we communicated well aka our work-personalities matched). She had also just recently hired another graduate from our program, who is also a friend of mine, so she knew we would all mesh together very nicely. 

And that’s the story folks! I’ll be starting the position remotely until it’s safe to return to the building again. They’re also working with my husband to see if he’s a good candidate for some of their other open positions (we’re both in the biotech field). We’re both super excited about this new chapter in our lives. 

All this because I attended the lunch seminar RF talked at all last year and then added her on LinkedIn. When people talk about opportunities lurking behind every corner, they really did mean that. 

[singingcookie]

I'm gonna go over personal wellness progress here. Mostly because I know no one reads my text posts anyway and I'd feel weird commandeering a discord channel to be like "hey look at my progress with this thing I never mentioned publicly because there's something embarrassing about admitting that I haven't been happy and have been hiding it from you"

Also, I feel like it'll mostly result in bot hugs and 🥺🥺🥺 faces which I don't really want either. What I want is to speak in the void and have a record of progress for myself to look back on whenever I'm forgetful or feel myself sliding. I think I'm gonna give it the tag "wellness progress" so feel free to mute or blacklist that tag if you wish.

On to it though.

So since I started therapy, I've been trying to notice patterns in what makes my anxieties worse and what makes them better.

In terms of what makes them worse it is, one hundred percent, being in my own head and refusing to communicate concerns with people. It can even be something small like "oh gosh, did I phrase this in a bad way?" but I internalize it and it almost like. Causes the concern to compound on itself until I'm basically shutting down on a conversation because I've convinced myself that I'm annoying them and they don't want to talk to me but are too nice to say so.

It's really hard to admit those feelings when they come. Because they can feel selfish but luckily my therapists technique for dealing with thinking traps has helped quite a bit with that one.

Another thing that makes my anxiety act up really bad (at least right now) is being asked what I want to do, like job wise. This is something I have to address eventually and I can't just perpetually put this conversation off. But as it stands right now I've been having a bit of a crisis over how my work affects my worth as a person. Cause you know when you hear things like "you can't work there your whole life" over and over and you can't get hired anywhere else due to ✨lack of experience and a degree✨ it only makes your self-worth go to shit. Go figure!

This one's kind of harder for me to work through so I don't exactly have a solution other than trying to internalize the idea that my self worth doesn't come from my job. Which is going to take time and effort to convince myself of but I'm willing to put in that time.

NOW THOUGH, THINGS THAT HELP. Things I've noticed about days where my anxiety is low and how to extend those times.

First, the one that did not surprise me in the least was talking to folks every once in a while. Go figure that communicating with people that make me happy uhhhh [looks at notes] makes me happy?????? Who would have guessed. I can't let myself get too distracted by talking though because otherwise I'll neglect other things I said I would do but don't. Usually I get around this by telling at least one person what I plan to do because then, inevitably, they'll ask "how did [insert thing here] go?" and then I either have to admit I pushed it off or tell them how it went if I made the time for it.

Semi-relatedly, having plans and tasks helps me a lot. Days where I have lots of things I want or need to do is actually really good at preventing major bouts of anxiety. My main issue with relying on this though is....it's been really easy for me to forget about what it is I have to do. Sometimes it's not forgetting outright but things like "Oh I'll do the laundry" and subsequently forget to switch the load to the dryer. Or forget to take it out of the dryer. It also doesn't help that my work schedule is inconsistent so it's hard to make plans and tasks for myself.

Solution to that though. I bought a planner! It goes through 16 months and it has messages of self care and cute animal art for every week. I'm normally really bad about using planners. I tend to fall out of habit with them really easily. But I'm hoping to incorporate it this time through sheer force of will! Right now I have it filled out through the 9th of next month with my work schedule and therapy meetings. Which isn't a lot but it's something at least. I figure this might also help me out more with easing into long-term planning which might help with the whole job anxiety thing. Maybe. That's just a theory though

Last thing also semi related to the planner, I'm trying to establish daily routine. I can't do morning or night routines, really, because my work schedule is so varied. But I figure! That if I give myself tasks and say "I have to try to do these things at some point every day" that's flexible while also giving myself a goal. For now what I have on my daily routine itinerary is...

Stretch (being on bar all day at work is really starting to hurt my back)

Take vitamins

Eat three meals a day (two if I can't swing that)

Play Pokemon Go (actual walks are preferable but hitting up a pokestop and catching one pokemon is okay)

Reach my 50 exp goal on duolingo lessons (or as close as I can get on a bad day)

Talk to at least one friend

Write, edit or outline at least a little

It's not a whole lot. But it's something and this last week since I started adhering to it, I've been feeling a bit better! I still have my bad days, but I can tell there's progress. And I guess that's all I can hope for.

[a-day-in-the-life-of-a-brotha]

5-24-21 Back at it, stronger, better, faster...older

5:52 a.m. I’m at the plantation, sitting in my car, 3 mins until I walk in. There are a myriad of thoughts dancing in my head, I’m still not well rested (a black cat...well the resident black cat walks by without seeing me). It’s a gray, drab Monday, but I’m in good spirits...my Dani is well, but she has a lot on her mind. She’s my biggest supporter and I’m appreciative. My children are fine, they are my biggest supporters, I dropped them off yesterday to their moms...I miss them already, especially since I really didn’t see them this weekend because of me new position. Pause...I have to go into work...

5-26-21 Unpause, thrust into debauchery again

Well,?I walk into work that Monday...I work...that’s pretty much it. It’s another day, I post a review, I talk with O and stay away from others for the day. The 17 year cicadas are out in full force. Everything is eating them, dogs, birds, humans...they must be delicious, but I will never find out. As I am sitting here I’m hearing a noise beyond the cars riding by, beyond the birds chirping, beyond the crickets and even the annual cicadas. I realize that the noise is the 17 year joints. It sounds like a cry from the heavens...a wailing...shot if I waited 17 years for a mate I guess I’d sound like that too. It’s eerie. I went to go pick up Dani yesterday, she was having a moment on Monday, crying about her next steps in life. I felt her pain, and I didn’t want her to be there. I’m the other half of her, and I’m responsible for helping her with her ailments. I asked those that are not seen to help me help her. Let me take her mind racing ailment, let me take her pain away. It worked, they answered, and on 5-24-21...I woke up with my mind racing. I knew that I took on her angst, I handled it accordingly and kept busy...ahhhh that’s what was significant on Monday. I was dead tired and I worked worked that day. Controlling my mind to not go too far over the edge. I even came home that day and started cleaning, cooking, washing, resetting my phone, cropping pictures, hooked up my studio, pulled out the dip kit, packed a go bag...just everything. Sleep was easy to delve into that night. “Goodnight Dani” is all I remember saying. It feels good to have money in my pocket on a Monday...and there is a reason why my pocket is heavy. So last Thursday I’m home, my off day, I’m chillin out on the balcony talking with...who else...my Dani. “I need to find a way to get some more money” I said. Now that statement comes not to long after a conversation we had about our ancestors, and how to put them to work for you, how they are always around and how they are READY to work for you. I contemplated more money for a hot second...then I let it go. No more than an hour later I get a call while on a call...the phone reads “Black”. “Let me see what he wants...hold on babe” I say. “Black man with the permanent tan...what up” I say to him, my normal greeting, even though we haven’t talked in a while. He says “Aye...I have a gig for you”, “Uhhhh ok what is it”? Then in the background I hear a all to familiar voice say “Heyyyyy Farman!” Ha!! It’s my long time friend Reds, Frenchie, Arlen...man these guys go back 30 plus years with me...I’m overwhelmed because it’s good to hear from them, and a plethora of memories rush through my head...those young good times. Nonetheless Black tells me about this bouncing gig. I deny it...it’s going to interfere with my regular job....but damn the money sounds good. He wanted me to stop what I was doing and go on an interview...I said “Nah...I’m cooking dinner, fuck it, I’m not going to be able to do it.” “Ok, I’ll vouch for you dog, just show up.” Damn...I thought to myself “Ok, Ok, I’ll do it!” Now I’ve retired from bouncing some years ago...now here I am again, finding myself thrust back into the belly of the beast in Adams Morgan. I’m a veteran of this strip. I know what goes on. Sex, drugs, and people that have yet to find themselves with severe mental disabilities and money. It’s a rough place for an enlightened human being, for someone that knows themselves, and has chosen to not be in the midst of that kind of debauchery any longer. When I was there those years back...it was me that didn’t know who I was, it was me that was susceptible to the night life, lifestyle. I got involved...selling this, drinking that, this woman, that woman, money money, cheating, lying, abusing (me), loneliness, depression, not trusting anyone and myself, not stopping people from going over the edge...essentially I died there, now I’m back and I’m reborn. I met many good people there in the past...hell if I wasn’t there, I would’ve never met my children’s mother. So not everything was bad...I learned a lot and I grew a lot.

5-26-21 Continued

So now I’m 45 I got this offer to bounce again, and I took it. I’m at a different place in life from 10 years ago. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke (weed anymore), I’ve done some egoism work, shadow work, and tempered my life to a better place. $25 an hour, perks like a STOOL to sit on all night (unfounded in the bouncing arena), $25 worth of food each night (an Asian american mix), $20 a night for parking...and I’m sitting outside checking ID’s all night...I’m doing nothing...getting paid. The place is called Death Punch...and it’s full of the residuals of the old Adams Morgan. Everyone in this spot is on coke, and I know it. I’m cool with it... The hours are from 10-3 a.m. and I work at 6 a.m....it a rough schedule but I can do it...shit it was hard...I had to leave that spot the first night and go to my main gig and sleep in the car until 5:50 and go to work. Whew...it was rough but I did it. Black told me to wear a black polo, and not to wear my crown...my signature red, black and green Kufi...that’s a part of my protection. I know I’m suppose to be weary a white Kufi...I know. So I obliged Black on the first night and man was I susceptible to all of the energies that shook my hand (millionaires by the way). Confusing energies, coming up to me talking about their wild ways and ill thoughts. I had to consciously swerve them these no good energies and some good. Long story longer...that first day a woman walking with her man caught my eyes. She was of hispanic decent and this instance happened in milliseconds. While walking, she pulled her mask down, smiling, and said to me “It feels funny being sober out here amongst everyone drunk!” I knew right at that moment that this was an angel, an ancestor...it wasn’t that woman. That comment stopped me in my tracks. Struck me in my soul. It had my mouth open. I yelled to her as she and her man were yards away “How’d you know I am sober?” She yelled back “Because I am”!! That moment moved me to the point of confirmation of me being in Adams Morgan in the state I am today. Shit I was even called a Bitch while simultaneously being called a King by a sista that had to be kicked out of the bar. In her moment of diluted, inebriated (coke) anger...she hurled what the average man would take as an insult (only a bitch nigga responds to being called a bitch), and right after she came back to herself from the sunken place and gave me the right title of King. That Saturday I wore my Kufi...I was fine...it was a swift night, and nobody cared that I had it on...I was protected. I saged and Florida watered the shit out of me before going in that night. Here’s to new endeavors, and being paid.

[inkslingerharry]

this is another rant about my friend who i recently made a post about bc sometimes he does stuff and my petty self needs to vent about it

i went to start this off by saying that i genuinely do enjoy talking to and spending time with this friend, he just happens to do stuff that i find weird or he acts a certain way and it bothers me. again, he really is my friend, i do care about him, but every single person does something that we’re annoyed by lol

so a lot of the time whenever i ask him how he’s doing he responds with “i’m not sure yet” or “i don’t know” ya know something along those lines. well one time he said that and THEN he texts me “i don’t mean to change the topic, but [one of our other friends] isn’t feeling good and it would be good for you to reach out to her. i’m not trying to deflect my own issues but i don’t want her feeling poorly either” and i was like uhhhh ok like thanks for telling me and then he said “i know how i feel now. i feel fucking awful” and i was like oh uh why is that and he SAID “I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really don’t like when my friends feel bad and the same for when I can’t do anything to help them” (that is 100% word for word i literally copied and pasted it) and i was like...... dude... i said something like “well like you said you can’t help it so i wouldn’t feel this bad about it, especially when people just need bad days” then he quickly changed the subject lskdjfa

and he changed it by asking what i was up to so i was like “just watching videos” and he was like “what videos?” like... we are just not on that level of me being like “here’s an exact title of video i’ve been watching” you know so i told him “just some youtube videos, not much” and THEN he says “Alright, I get it, I’ll take the hint, have your privacy.” like......... i literally put down my phone and sighed like i’m SORRY i didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell you i was watching “NYC cycling incidents compilation 6″ like idk what to tell you!!!!!!!!! and he’s done this before like he asked me what songs i’ve been listening to lately and i said something like “oh some new stuff i’ve found recently! stuff that i don’t really listen to tbh” and he was like “like what songs?” like...... normally i’m very happy sharing what music i’ve been listening to but!! (this will be another paragraph so i’m sorry) considering he doesn’t listen to the music i already recommend him i don’t understand why he cares!! and why does he need exact titles omg

okay this one has a death tw!!!!! so both him and i are ~mentally ill~ and we can relate on a lot of things that deal with that!! but sometimes... he takes it.. too far lol he jokes about death quite a bit and not in the typical sense like ‘omg i’m gonna die’ like... ‘i chose a history major bc if i can’t find a job to pay for everything i need to live i can just die slowly’ and it’s always super morbid and weird and kinda makes me uncomfortable especially bc he also jokes about my death :))))))) haha yeah!! fun!! like i told him that it sucks working but i kinda have to do it bc.. money!! it’s needed to survive!! and he went “Naw only if you plan to survive for any real length of time, death is cheap” and he always jokes about me dropping out of college and just making small jokes about me dying which isn’t the biggest deal for me personally but it’s also like... why are you saying that to your friend who has mental illnesses luv lol

he’s also lowkey stubborn? like sometimes when he’s not feeling well i suggest some activities to do as distractions and he shoots them all down so fast like i’ll suggest painting and he’s like “i can’t do that bc i have high standards for my painting and i know it’s going to be bad and i know i shouldn’t feel that way but i do” so i’m like... ok.... reading? and he comes up with another excuse and i’m like omg ok so taking a walk? and he has ANOTHER excuse so i’m like ok i understand wanting to sulk in your sadness but you have said that you wanted to get better but if you purposely do nothing about it why are you complaining about it to me :/

it’s also awkward holding a conversation with him bc he texts weirdly like... i’ve been making it more my language in these rants but the way he texts it’s not like “omg that’s hilarious” it’s like “Let’s see, right now I am doing nothing besides texting you and a few others. I am on a couch and not very active. For tonight, I plan to eat another meal today at some point, but other than that not much. And in life in general I have no idea but I’m gonna keeping for at least another 10-20 years and see how I feel then.” (that’s another copied and pasted text) like... he uses punctuation very carefully which puts me off and he phrases everything weirdly!!! and he says he wants to have a conversation with me when it’s good with his schedule and his “conversations” are just him interviewing me lol like he asks my favorite shows, movies, colors, books, but it doesn’t flow naturally, it’s just him going “what are your favorite movies?” and i answer and he goes “what is your favorite color?” like why are you interviewing me lol

okay about the music thing when i first met this friend he listened to ONE BAND..... ONE. when i asked him why he gave me a bullshit answer and he knows some classic, older songs, but VERY little. like idk why he didn’t know basic songs that are on everyone’s “classic hits” playlist SO i was like holy shit i’m making him a playlist of songs that he should know!! obviously it’s biased bc it’s songs i listen to and whatnot. i WRITE that shit out while also making it on spotify in case he makes an account or something. i make a key.. a LEGEND with different colors meaning different things i put fucking washi tape on that thing and i hand it to him and i can 100% tell he is not interested. but i give it to him anyway and WEEKS later (like over a month later) i ask him how much he has listened to and he said he didn’t listen to ANYTHING so i’m heartbroken like that fucking sucks to make a playlist for someone, introducing them to new music that you personally love and they literally don’t give a fuck lol so i went “...oh..” and bring out my phone bc i’m 1) pissed and 2) very sad that he did this and he can totally tell that i’m upset so he’s like “well... the list is in my room but i did take a picture of it so i can start listening to it” and i was like hmm ok and lowkey ignored him well i told my friend about this and she was APPALLED she was like “omg fuck that what’s the name of it” and i renamed it to her playlist on spotify and that was the only thing she listened to for weeks on end and she constantly complimented it so i love her omg and i can 100% guarantee that he has still not listened to all of it lol oh well!!!!

[callioope]

Questions Meme!

Hello, yes, this HAS in fact been sitting in my drafts for ages and ages. Thank you to both @crazy-fruit and @ruby-red-inky-blue for tagging me and for waiting forever for me to answer (oops)! I’m sorry I took so long, but y’all ask really good questions and I had to think about some of them!

Question Set 1

1. How are you?

Oh, I’m doing alright! Thank you for asking. The earlier part of this year was rather rough, but therapy has been helping. I’ve been rather busy these past few weeks with traveling, and my schedule going forward is rather busy, too, so while I’m excited for those things, I’m also excited for the eventual moment I can just relax.

2. What would you say are your talents?

Writing. Making fancy color-coded spreadsheets. I’ve been told that my super power is getting random (annoying) songs stuck in other people’s heads. Does that count as a talent? 

3. If you had the chance to start your life again, would you take it?

NOPE. No thanks. I like where I am at right now, and I would not want to relive my awkward years. Er, at least, my more awkward, younger years. Cuz I’m totally still awkward. Just less awkward. I hope?

4. Which language would you like to speak instantly? 

HMM. ALL OF THEM. It’s really hard to choose! 

Language fascinates me, and in another life I feel like I would have devoted a lot more time to learning more of them. Unfortunately, I really hated German class in high school because of the teacher’s tendency to put people on the spot -- I think that is sort of inherent in a language class, but I get anxiety speaking in public. 

Anyways, I suppose I’ll answer Turkish to this question, since spouse and I keep saying we’re going to try to learn Turkish via Duolingo. For the record, my HS offered six languages, which was the most I’ve ever heard of an American school offering, and I was always quite happy with my choice of German. (The others were Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and Latin.) I do wish I had maintained my German better, and I that I had more time to learn Spanish. 

5. Where would you like to be right now?

Honestly? I’m pretty happy when I’m at home. But if I had to answer where “else” would I like to be right now, out of the whole world? Being back on safari in Botswana is a top contender, as are a variety of places in Turkey, and also Munich. 

6. What name would you give yourself?

I’ve always liked my actual name (Elizabeth). I know I go by Liz; one of my HS friends was quite stubborn and I’m a bit stuck with it now, but I don’t mind it. There are worse nicknames that come from Elizabeth. I used to go by Fiona online; I’ve always been fond of that one. 

7. What is something you’re currently learning?

OOF, what a good question. I sorta blanked on this at first, and my first thought was uhhhh learning how to cope with my OCD??? I’m doing exposure therapy right now, ish. Emphasis on the ish. Also mindfulness. Does that really even count? I started a beginner’s knitting project several months ago that I never finished, does that count? (I just need to seam it, that’s what I’m putting off. I have knit plenty of scarves; however, this is my first hat.) I’m sort of teaching myself ukulele although I haven’t really learned any new chords or songs in awhile. I would very much like to take more photography classes with a focus on wildlife photography. That involves buying a new camera and... signing up for classes. 

Question Set 2

1. What is a detail in a piece of art/a text that you like that you really admire?

This was very difficult, at first because it was like looking at a bin full of loose things and just seeing an assortment of color and being overwhelmed by it all, and then because once I did start digging around, I kept finding different ideas and it was too hard too choose.

Character-building: In the A Song of Ice and Fire series, when Arya starts working for the House of Black and White, Martin stops using the name “Arya” as she dons different identities. For example, he uses “Cat” for a bit, among other names. It shows she’s trying to be someone else, but the caveat is that there are still little mannerisms and such that show she hasn’t really left Arya behind (I think maybe she bites her lip or something? I don’t remember specific examples because it’s been over 5 years since I read these books, but I do remember really appreciating the general technique at the time). 

Music: In The Beatles’ “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” I love those repeated arpeggios, over and over, building, intensifying, as the white noise comes in and you can just feel the heaviness of desire, of want... (and then I love how it just breaks so suddenly! And I know it wouldn’t have been intended this way because that’s the end of side one, but since I listen to the whole album on spotify, then those bright chords of “Here Comes the Sun” come in and god Abbey Road is the best Beatles album)

Writing: the poetry of Florence + The Machine’s “All This and Heaven Too,” obviously, since literally the title of my blog comes from that. I’d quote that whole song honestly. There’s something that speaks to me about the incapability of language to fully encompass just... everything. I mean, love in specific here, but also just everything. Words are just these little boats we put meaning on and we hope they make it to the other side but everyone takes ‘em a little differently. 

Like, look at this: 

And the words are all escaping, and coming back all damaged And I would put them back in poetry if I only knew how 

And this: 

Words were never so useful So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed before

Anyways, there’s also something just incredibly soothing about the music, too, and how she sings the song. There’s another line, from Sara Bareilles’ “Miss Simone” that goes “How does she know what a heart sounds like?” which pretty much sums up how I feel about “All This and Heaven Too” (and also many of Sara Bareilles’ song, especially that particular album, but I digress).

Anyways I did have some art examples, but I think I’ve rambled long enough.

2. Is there an idea that you really liked but had to discard because you couldn’t get it to work?

If I really like an idea, I don’t really “discard” it so much as put it on the shelf to attempt later. Out of recent fic ideas, I’ve really struggled with “How to Lose a Spy in 10 Days.” I first thought of this in late spring 2017, and for awhile I couldn’t stop thinking about it, but I was working on Whatever I Do at the time, and wanted to wait before starting another WIP. By the time I got to writing this, the inspiration well had sort of dried up. 

I really like the idea of a fun cat-and-mouse rom-com idea where Jyn and Cassian keep outsmarting each other, with a whole lot of competency kink, some “oh shit we actually work well together!” and maybe some battle couple. And I was really looking forward to both the moment when they both finally let their guards down around each other and the big confrontation when they actually find out each other’s identities. But it involved more mission writing than I was prepared for, and I really struggled with it. I think I need to start over but that involves a lot of working, so it’s unfortunately shelved for now, and I’m working on a “You’ve Got Mail” concept instead.

3. Is there something fandom-related you would like to be able to do (i.e. I’d like to be able to make gif sets but can’t)?

Oh, yes, absolutely! Really anything that’s not writing related, lol. Gif sets, art, etc. But most of all, I have a music video idea for the song “So Close” from Enchanted--like I have a whole story board plotted out in a google doc. But I don’t have any video editing software, don’t even know how you get the scenes for a music video, etc. I have made videos before, but not since high school, and I don’t even have the cheap, basic video editing program I used back then. Sometimes I think I should just attempt make a gif set instead, but there are so many lyrics! and scenes that go with the lyrics! that I don’t know how to consolidate it into that format anyways. 

4. What is a skill you’ve acquired through fandom work?

Hmm, this was tough. I’m going to say HTML. I’m not up-to-date on webdesign at all, but back in my early fandom days, I ran a few fansites. I still sometimes use HTML while leaving comments or to edit posts on dreamwidth or w/e. It’s super basic, but it has helped me at work at a variety of jobs. I take it for granted that people my age should know basic HTML, but a lot of them don’t, and then a lot of people I work with now are older and definitely not tech savvy. 

5. Do you think anyone can learn to create great art, or does it take talent?

Well, I’m going to cheat a little. I do think think that anyone can learn to create great art, but I also think that everyone has a talent at something, and part of learning to create great art is recognizing your skill sets and honing those. If that makes sense? I’ve sort of seen both sides to this. I’ve seen naturally talented people create great things, but I also think that they’re probably cheating themselves if they’re not learning and honing their craft and trying to get better. But I’ve also seen people who started out making things that maybe you wouldn’t call great, but they worked hard over and over again, and looking at their work now, you’d say they were talented without ever knowing the difference. Great art = talent + learning + passion. Did that even answer the question? ...moving on

6. Do you prefer AUs or in-universe? Why?

I prefer to write in-universe, for sure. I find modern AUs more challenging, mostly because--and I feel kinda bad saying this--it’s very difficult for me to tap into Jyn and Cassian’s characters without some kind of tragic background. Their experiences and how they coped with them shape their personalities, and it’s really hard to separate them from those. My WWII was easier because, hey, it’s war, not so different from in-verse. But I initially tried to write Learning Curve in a modern AU and I was just totally bored. Putting it in universe made it more interesting to me, especially having to finagle a happier plot inverse. IDK, it might even be that I generally struggle to make up any conflict in modern AUs that feels interesting.

THAT SAID, lol, I definitely read either. So it’s probably strange for me to be hung up on it because I’ve read nice fluffy modern AUs and found them perfectly engaging.

Tagging: @theputterer, @magalis, @allatariel, @mythologicalmango, @threadsketchier  MY USUAL DISCLAIMER APPLIES: no pressure if you just don’t wanna, AND if anyone sees this and was like “aw hey i wish she’d tagged ME” well guess what, I wish I did too! so go ahead and do it and let me know and then i’ll know to tag you next time, too :-) 

Questions:

When you suffer a setback or a series of setbacks when creating (writing, drawing, knitting, any kind of crafty project thing you work on... even work), what are some strategies you use to cope with that stress and move forward?

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to create/make and what did you learn from it?

What part of a bicycle would you be?

What’s a helpful writing (art/crafting/work) technique you’ve learned?

What’s a piece of art that made you see things differently?

You’re a new addition to the crayon box. What color would you be and why?

What was the last board game you played and what did you like or not like about it?

*sorry these came out rather writer heavy!

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S5E5

*still reeling*  ....OK.... hold on....

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

*Recap shows Ed blowing up Haven in the flashback*  So why did Ed blow up Haven?

Crap, and Jim’s gonna find out.  WhooooOOOOO....

Whoa....

*has to tilt head to side to figure out what film is playing*

AN:  It’s a 1953 noir film called “Tangier Incident”

“You gonna arrest me?”  “Who said anything about arresting you?”  *raises eyebrows in surprise*

“Whaddya say, boys?”  Uhhhh...

OK, what is it with churches this season?

Take him down, Jim.

“Now, who told you I sold that RPG?”  A friend.

*gasps when a military squad rappels through the stain glass on the ceiling*

Whoa whoa wait what?

Oh I like that camera shot [when Jim took down the arms dealer]

*gasps when the arms dealer gets shot in the head*

Ohhhh is this-

*Eduardo walks up and pulls down his mask*  Yooo!

“Last time I saw you, you were running through sniper fire plucking my sorry ass from a burning truck.”  *chuckles*

I am very interested to see how Shane West is gonna pull off Bane.

*silently jams out to opening theme*

Oh, I like this slow version.

“We hated each other in boot.  Jim disapproved of my ops tempo.”  “Yeah, ‘cause you only had one speed:  too fast.”  *chuckles*

Ahhh Harvey’s being the third wheel!

“We’re here to eliminate all criminal threats.”  *starts chuckling*  Eduardo’s rolling his eyes.  He’s like ‘I can’t believe I’m here either.’

*lets out small gasp when Jim finds Ed’s name in the arms dealer’s ledger*

“What you [Harvey] are is the best cop that I know.  I’m goin’ after Nygma; he’s ten steps ahead.  If anything goes sideways, you’ll have to take over.  I need your help, buddy.”  VINDICATIOOONNNN!!

*trying to read the name of the episode writer*  Who wrote this?  Id- what?

“You saw what she did to Jeremiah.”  Did you though?

“Jeremiah Valeska deserved to die.”  *smirking because we all know he’s still alive*

“Jeremiah made Selina a murderer.  Just like Ra’s made me a murderer.”  “Ra’s goaded you into stabbing him, Master Bruce.  He used you as an instrument; you’re no murderer.”  *jaw drops* 

*sits back in seat*  Holy shit, that parallel!

“And I’m gonna go find her.”  Oh, I’m betting Selina’s not gonna be happy to see you.

*fans self*  This episode’s gonna break me.

*Ed listens to his past recordings*  A swamp?

“YOU’RE NOT A MURDERER, ED.”  Wow, I love Jim Carrey in “Batman Forever”

*gasps when Ed breaks the mirror by punching it*

*chuckling*  How did they find him so fast?!?

“No, Jim, I can explain!”  *nods*

“I can prove it!  I just- I need- I need a little bit of time.”  No, no, take him in now.  Take him in.

“The people I have hurt... they hurt me first.  I didn’t know a single person in Haven!”  What the hell kind of excuse is that?

“Your call, buddy.”  Don’t shoot him.  Just take him in.

“We bring him in.  He stands trial.”  There we go.

*The floor panel under Eduardo sinks down*  Oh my God, they put a bomb in the floor.

“Your friend is standing on a pressure-plated IED.  One of several throughout the rooms.”  Of course he found time- when did he find time to rig the room?

*laughs*  That little eyebrow [raise of Eduardo’s]- like “Really?!?”

“Once word gets out that you’re responsible for Haven, they’ll have a target on your back.”  “I’ll take my chances.”  Really?

“A wristband that monitors his heart rate?”  “Welcome to Gotham.”  *laughs*

“Puzzle?”  “There’s always a puzzle with Nygma.”  Yes, there is.

*Jim climbs over to the bookshelf on the tables and chairs*  The floor is lava!

Actually Jim and Eduardo work really well together.  I like that.

*sighs in relief when Jim manages to get to the bookshelf*

*still laughing*  How do you get rid of a bomb?  Easy.  The floor is lava!

“I’m gonna wring this nerd’s [Ed’s] neck.”  *laughs*  SAME!

*Jim pulls out one of the books*  ...Did he stop it?

*Jim steps down without being blown up*  YEAH!  There we go!

“You OK?”  “You left the army for this city?”  *giggles*

“It grows on you.”  *still giggling*

What is this?

“Everybody, raise your glasses to the killer of Jeremiah Valeska.”  *shaking head while smiling*  No... mmm no...

“Bring his head!  Bring his head!”  Ohhh...

Also, where the heck is Jeremiah?

*chuckles at Ed being described as a “tall, skinny man”*

...That’s not much of a description to go on.

*very confused at a group of people rallying together to kill Ed*

I miss Mr. Penn

“Edward Nygma is the monster respon-”  *gasps*

“-responsible for killing the innocents of Haven.”  *covers mouth with hands*

“...Ed, what have you done?”  *leans back in seat*  Ohhh my God.  Oh Oswald, are you gonna break my heart this episode?

I can’t believe Ed is stuck within a redneck community.

So who sent Eduardo and his team?  The government, right?

“Taking him down?  That’d be a big win.”  “Well, that’s why we’re here.” Oh my God, are they gonna take down Scarecrow?

*Ed tied to a lawn chair covered in electrical wire*  What the....

Also, Ed, I want your boots.  Also, why is a guy wearing anklet boots?

What??

What??  What am I watching?

What??

Are they gonna electrocute him?  What??

*The redneck family electrocutes Ed*  Well “Honey Boo Boo” looks terrible.

“Pay for JoJo!”  JoJo?

*The mother shows Ed a sepia picture of JoJo*  A dog?  What?!?  This about a dog?

AN:  Also the actress who plays the mother here was in the Adam West Batman show.

“300 people died in Haven!”  “Pfft, we don’t care about people.”  *jaw drops open in shock*

WHA-WHA- WHAT AM I WATCHING??

“He... always had a smile on his face.”  You’re talking about a dog.

“You anthropomorphizing nincompoop!”  Wha- *starts giggling*

“Dogs can’t smile!”  *leans back in seat to laugh* 

[Ed’s] Gotta whip out that thesaurus!

*Ed starts remembering Oswald*  Oh my God!

“I’m going to fix you, Ed!”  *starts singing “Fix You” by Coldplay*

*gasps when Ed gets electrocuted with a full charge*

“I’m gong to fix you, Ed.”  Please go find Oswald!

“Oh thank God the fuel line’s clogged.”  *leans back to laugh and slaps table in hilarity*

*The mother makes her sons “fix” the fuel line*  Oh my God, is that gonna send the charge back?  Oh my God, he’s gonna burn these suckas alive.

*gasps when the car used to electrocute Ed bursts into flames*

Please tell me Ed’s gonna like take off on down the street with the chair still attached-

*Ed does exactly that*  YES, LET’S GO!

*imitates the way Oswald says “feelers” sarcastically*

“I am surrounded by morons, Edward.”  Aaawww...

Did he really just come in through the grate?

“But first, did you name your dog after me?”  YES BITCH HE DID

Oswald’s like “I’m not answering that question.”

“Cobblepot’s on the top of my list from Walker.”  Walker?  Wait, Walker sent them?  The secretary lady?  Are we ever gonna meet her?

AN:  Yes, in the next episode.

“Shock and awe’s my default.”  *raises fist in small fist pump*

Poor Harvey’s the third wheel on this.

“You know what, take Harvey with you.”  YEAHH!

“Man, you’re killing my buzz.”  Is Selina drunk?

Yes, she is.  How old are these kids?

“Let me [Selina] tell you [Bruce] something.  That night, that your parents were murdered?”  Nooo!

“I was in that alley, on that fire escape.”  This is such a low blow.

*trying not to be sad over Selina bringing Bruce down*

“You... were the scared kid.”  *sits back in seat*  Oh my God... shut up, Selina!

I’m very disappointed right now.

“I love this song...”  *shakes head in disapproval*

*Selina and Bruce start crying*  Oh God, you’re making me... *fans near eyes* 

Whoa, that was just the most sudden cut [back to Ed and Oswald]!

“How could you?  You have made into some murderous puppet!”  *shakes head*  No, I don’t think Oswald’s behind that!

“For weeks, I've been waking up in strange places, not knowing how I got there or what I did.  Driving myself mad, thinking I had gone mad.  And now I know that it was all your doing!”  No it wasn’t!

*claps hands toward screen*  NooOOO... LISTEN!

“Of everything that you have put me through, this... this is the most cruel.”  *puts hand on chest and shakes head*  Oh my God...

Nooo...

“Ed, I [Oswald] don’t know what you’re talking about.”  He didn’t have anything to do with it!

“You didn’t fix me!  You broke me!”  *puts hands in front of mouth in panic*

“You [Ed] had been stabbed, I [Oswald] paid Hugo Strange to save your life.  I bet he did something to you when he was patching you up.”  *flailing hands around*  OK, ask about Lee!  WHERE’S LEE?!?

“What was I supposed to do?  Let you die?”  *crosses hands over chest and leans back in chair*

“After Butch, you were my only friend.”  *voice squeaky*  Oh my God!

*Holds up finger toward screen*  You [Oswald] are not gonna make me cry!

Whyyy do I recognize this music?

AN:  It’s the track called “Penguin in Love” from S3

He [Oswald] walked into the gun [that Ed was pointing at him]!

Can you two just please have a drink and just make up please?  Thank you.

“I [Ed] might have killed you, Oswald.  And if that day comes, I swear to you I will stare you in the eye as I stab you in the heart.”  *slowly nods*  Glad to know we’re back on schedule.

*slams fist down on table like a gavel*

“If Hugo Strange did something to you [Ed], it means you are not responsible for Haven.”  So what did Hugo Strange do?

*gasps when the roof shudders over Oswald and Ed*

*Ed disappears*  Of course Ed runs!  Jesus... Christ!

“Idiot!”  *giggles*  His little hop [when Oswald slapped one of his men on the shoulder in anger]!

Whoaaaa that’s a cool shot [of one of Eduardo’s men throwing a smoke bomb in the foyer]

Ohhhhhhhh that shot’s cool [of Oswald in the smoke]!

“Why hello, Harvey!”  *in same tone of voice*  Hiiiii!!!

“I hope you’re better prepared.”  Uh, he [Harvey] has the military with him.

“Or, if you [Harvey] and your friends aren’t out by the time I count to three, I will mow you all DOWN!”  Robin Lord Taylor is just killing it in this episode.  Oh my gosh...

Also, Cory Michael Smith with that [confrontation with Oswald].  That scene was so good!

“I don’t have to call anyone.  Go ahead.  Count.”  Ohhh, let’s go, Harvey!   Let’s go!

*gasps when Oswald’s men got shot down via sniper on the staircase*

“Where’s Ed Nygma?”  He doesn’t have him!

*gasps when Ed is taken to Barbara’s office*

*points at screen*  How?  How?

“There’s more going on here.”  There’s always more going on in Gotham.

“I’m saying that Strange, or somebody, can control me.  They killed those people.”  Why would Hugo Strange go after Haven then?

“Information is your lifeblood.  You help me [Ed], and I will give you the best intel you’ve ever had.”  Listen to him, please.  Barbara, listen to him.

“I don’t know where Strange is.”  Where the heck is Strange then?!?

“But I can tell you where you’ll find his Igors.”  Wait, he has his own gang called “Igors?”  Oh my God...

*gasps*  Are they torturing Oswald?

“You know, they say you can judge a man by his friends.”  “This from a man [Oswald] who has no friends.”  Wha- excuse me!  You [Jim] are his friend.

“Nygma’s a patsy.”  *cracks up*

“Jim, you want information.  I want to go home.”  Same.

“Things are changing in Gotham.”  We know.

*Eduardo opens the door to the empty interrogation room*  Oh my God, did he let him go?

He let him go.  Jiiimm...

*jaw drops open in confusion when Strange sends a cadaver down a chute*

*chuckles when Ed jumps out of a body bag to surprise Strange*

“Oh my.”  *laughs*  Yes, BD Wong, come through!  Yes!

I’m actually really glad we see Hugo Strange again

This lighting in this location is fabulous

“But I [Strange] will confess that when I was sewing up your [Ed’s] knife wound, I may tinkered a little with your grey matter.”  The frick?!?

“I put a chip in your brain.”  :O

“It allows you to be able to be controlled remotely.”  *shoves away table with screen on it*  What the [expletive]?!?

“But I don’t control you.  I gave control to others.”  Who’s controlling Ed?

“I [Strange] will write it down.  That way, if I’m ever confronted, I can honestly say that I never told you [Ed].”  That’s actually a pretty good way to go around it.

*Strange knocks out Ed*  :O

“Not to worry.  You’re experiencing a simple neural cut out.”  What?

“I suppose we’re just going to have to open you [Ed] up and take a look under the hood.”  *gasps*  OH my GOD!

Holy shit!

“Are you [Bruce] sure you’re all right?”  No he’s not!

“What if we don’t make it out of this?”  *crosses hands over chest and leans back*

“Because the little things matter.  Act by act, deed by deed, it means something.  Even if no one cares.”  Oh my God, Harveyyyyy!!

We’re adding him to the Bat-Dads.  Yes!  He’s the Bat-Uncle!

*laughs when Bruce pulls a Batman on Harvey*

*gasps when Strange turns off one of his tools*

“I apologize for the discomfort.”  You better not!

*leans back and yells in disgust when the camera shows part of Ed’s exposed brain*  Did we really need to see the brain?!?

What the frick happened?!?

*gasps when Oswald is shown carrying his dog*  Oh my God!

That’s it.  That’s the best part of this episode.

Secret door...

What is- what is this place?!?

That a manhole?

*makes aawing noises at Edward in Oswald’s arms*

He’s getting him out of harm’s way!

“Edward, I believe the time has come for a change in scenery.” *still cooing over the dog*  Yeah...

Is he [Strange] stapling his [Ed’s] head [closed]?

*gasps when Jim holds Strange at gunpoint*  Shiit...

Wait, so if Ed’s like the Winter Soldier for Gotham, who’s Hydra?

“I [Strange] am a scientist.  A contract came along; I developed a tool.”  Why??

*gasps in shock when Eduardo activates Ed’s chip*

:O

“Ta ta.”  *flips off screen in shock*

“I [Eduardo] couldn’t say anything until we had the suspect in custody, but Walker wants Ed Nygma taken out now.”  *soft gasp*

“Walker was behind this?”  Wha-

“You know I hate this spook crap.”  *chuckles*

Why would the government blow up Haven?

“Walker wants you [Jim] to put a bullet in his [Ed’s] brain.”  *shakes hands at screen*  No no nonononononono!

“Call it proof of loyalty.”  Why?!?

“IT’s what she needs from you before she can move forward with final relief plans.”  What are they gonna do to Gotham?

“Look at him [Ed].  He’s a loon.  A cop killer.”  *shakes head*

Why would they destroy Haven?

“Jim, ours is not to reason why.”  He’s [Eduardo] just a lieutenant.  He doesn’t know anything.

*gasps and slaps hands on desk*  It’s like Russo in “The Punisher,” because he only took orders from Agent Orange and Orange didn’t tell him everything!  He’s a dog on a leash!

“What’s your answer?”  He’s [Eduardo] not gonna shoot Jim.

*leans back when Jim sets down his gun*  God... oh my God...

*gasps when Jim pulls a surprise attack on Eduardo*

Wait, how is Ed just frozen there?

“You [Ed] know Jim Gordon.  You know this city.  Find him and kill him.”  What?!?

*Ed yeets down the chute after Jim*  OK, that kinda took me out of the moment but what the hell am I watching?

God, that city looks terrible.

*gasps and reels back*  It’s Jeremiah!  Yes!

He’s just sleepin’, this scary, beautiful man.

What are they doing?

What?!?

“Ouch.”  *eyebrows raise*

“Stitches still sore, huh?  Never would have happened if you [Jeremiah] wore that armor I [Ecco] prepared.”  *scoffs*  Of cou-

“That bullet is making you [Ecco] sentimental.”  Glass houses?

“Give her a shake, huh?”  *jaw drops out of mixture of shock, confusion, and being grossed out when Ecco shakes her head for him*

“I told you I had to let Selina thrust the knife into my flesh at least once.”  *tries not to be disgusted”

“Verisimilitude trumps precaution, you see.”  *ends up smiling*

AN:  What a great line.

“Selina Kyle and Bruce Wayne needed to think you were dead, boss.”  “Yeah.”  Thank you, Captain Obvious-

*gasps when Jeremiah suddenly makes Ecco lean down toward him*

Where are they?  Is this still that tunnel from the Soothsayer’s lair?

*jaw drops in shock when Jeremiah and Ecco walk into the sitting room of Wayne Manor*

*slaps hands on table and leans back*  SHHHUT THE FRICK UP!

Shit, this is the music from the first trailer!

*gasps and jaw drops open in absolute horror when the surgery patients are shown to Jeremiah for the first time*

*Jeremiah laughs*  [very softly] My God...

“gasps when the camera gets in Jeremiah’s face*

“I love family reunions, don’t you?”  *just shaking out of shock*

*shoves away laptop and table at the final shot of Jeremiah*  Ahh my God!

*End title pops up*  Wait-wh-wh-wait what?  What?

*gets out of seat to take it all in when end credits roll*

*comes back after a good five seconds*  What the freak did I just watch?

*sits for a while to try to catch my breath*  Whoo...

We got to wait two weeks for another episode?  Get the frick outta here.  Oh my God...

[lavenderek]

What happened after Stiles left with Derek after Derek got rid of Chad?

oh, after chad left? it is not worth reading.

they walk to derek’s apartment. it’s only a block down and across the street, maybe a five minutes walk counting riding the elevator up. hence derek’s eligibility for the position of fake boyfriend (see linked post).

they do have a brief argument, but it’s primarily companionable silence. a little anticipatory, because stiles isn’t sure what’s going to happen. you can never be sure if your fake boyfriend is being serious or not when he tells you in a public space that two o’clock isn’t soon enough to take you to bed. and stiles isn’t sure if he was being serious when he agreed to it. he’s genuinely never thought about it before, and here it is.

derek’s in the same boat, but he has a lot less indecision around it. (1) derek doesn’t really spend a lot of emotional energy waffling on decisions, particularly with regards to sleeping with somebody. that’s just his nature. (2) he is totally okay with it if stiles wasn’t being serious. stiles was 100% serious about derek getting him away from that guy, and derek got him away from that guy, so, either way there’s been a net gain tonight.

they both realize it’s happening as they walk in the door, and that is that. they make out, they do that thing where you kind of navigate your way down a short hallway trying to make out at the same time? they don’t bother turning on any lights, there’s the trail of discarded clothing, the whole stupid thing. derek has a big bed and he settles between stiles’ thighs and kisses him, and derek has a big dick, too. you know. if you’ve read my fic before you know the schedule.

derek has lube and condoms, and he looks at stiles in the dim room and says, “okay?” and stiles is breathless and squirming and yes it’s okay, is derek kidding? is he within this plane of existence? has stiles heretoforth been broadcasting waves of unokayness? he severely cuts down on the talking once derek gets his fingers up in him. everything gets subverbal for a while, and stiles can feel his heart beating in his ears as he watches derek put the condom on, like, he knows cognitively that this is happening? but he can’t process it, he’s so horny that the entire situation is just sort of standing around looking at its watch and waiting for him to acknowledge it. “come on,” he urges, teeth grit. he can’t believe how needy he is.

because listen. the thing about his relationship with chad was, stiles wouldn’t let chad fuck him. that was the major, overarching theme of their entire thing. stiles just didn’t want to. he told chad he would do other stuff, told him he’d let him know if he changed his mind, but chad solidified that decision by being super uncool about it. that was about when he started getting mean. it was chad’s least favorite thing about stiles, and stiles knew it, but he just didn’t fucking want to. it was the only thing he wouldn’t budge on, the only thing. chad left stiles having never fucked him, and stiles is pretty relieved about it. it’s just not his thing, he decided, because the idea of it never really appealed to him.

derek doesn’t know this about stiles because contrary to some people’s perceptions of stiles, he doesn’t really go around sharing super intimate details about his sex life with people. derek offers to fuck stiles because he likes to and he wants to do it to stiles. if stiles wasn’t into it, derek would have been okay with it. but stiles is viscerally into it, to the point where he’s telling derek almost repeatedly to fuck him, as derek is already fucking him. it’s pretty stupid. it’s pretty intense. it’s like a porno. stiles didn’t think people said shit like this in real life. he is going to be super embarrassed after he comes. he is embarrassed after he comes, but he wouldn’t say super. there are more pressing issues on his mind.

he lays there in derek hale’s bed, a naked, sticky mess, and stares blankly at the ceiling. then he looks over and - yep, that’s still derek. “uhhhh,” he says eventually when he’s caught his breath. “we just had sex.”

“uh huh,” says derek. he is not in shock and he guesses he’s not sure why he’s surprised stiles is.

“you and - and me,” stiles elaborates.

derek says, “yeah, stiles, i was there.”

“we,” stiles laughs a little incredulously, “did that!”

“can we stop memorizing flash cards about it,” asks derek, annoyed.

stiles can’t believe he got fucked, and he can’t believe who did it, and he can’t believe how fucking incredible it was, and he can’t believe he did this. “jesus. oh, jesus,” he sits up and buries his face in his hands, an action derek was not anticipating. “i said i’d stop doing this. i said i wouldn’t do this again,” he’s saying into his palms.

derek sits up also, stung. he’s not sure what to say. he had no expectations about this night given the lack of forethought, so he figures it’s just how the night’s going; but he’ll admit it sucks.

“look,” says stiles, which is without fail, always a precursor to things derek doesn’t have the desire or the emotional energy to hear. “i can’t - do casual sex,” stiles tells him. see? derek has no energy. he is completely perplexed and he just came, like, five minutes ago, so he thinks he lacks the brain cells necessary to handle this level of confusion. “you came to my job,” stiles goes on, “and you - you rescued me from my ex or something, and i realized i - six months,” he looks at derek in the dark. “six months! and i never saw it.” he doesn’t mean he’s been, like, obliviously in love with derek or whatever; he means that the possibility was there, and he hadn’t even seen it. that if the opportunity had presented itself anywhere between now and last winter, he would have taken it and ended up right exactly here, and if derek is fake-boyfriending him, stiles is going to have to take a sadness bath.

stiles takes sadness baths when he gets dumped, so what? he’s man enough to admit it. grow up.

derek finally catches up, and sighs for eleventy-forty years. “i told you a year,” he said. “remember? you don’t remember, do you. you were too busy trying to give me shitty craft beer - “

“it’s so good. it’s like, summery,” stiles tells him desperately. “you’d like it. you have to try new things sometimes! i just did!”

“you - what? no. stiles - “

“i get attached,” stiles interrupts, routing back to his original point. or no, actually his second point, because the first point was some bullshit about telling derek they just had sex, as if derek hadn’t noticed or something. “i’m very possessive, and i - i know myself well enough to - “

“stiles.”

“ - able to say this with complete surety, that i - “

“stiles.”

“ - enter into a - what?”

derek just looks at him. stiles looks back. derek raises his eyebrows a little: expectant.

“oh,” stiles says, dropping his hands. “really?” derek waits. “me?”

“yes, stiles,” says derek irritably, “you.”

“are you sure?”

derek rolls his eyes. “no, i’m talking to halle berry, she’s right behind you.”

“halle berry?” stiles pokes his head forward in disbelief. “what year is it?”

“are you trying to get me to change my mind?” asks derek, narrowing his eyes. because stiles is certainly testing his patience, but if that’s his game, it’s not working. 

stiles says, “i am trying to, A, clarify your intentions because they came out of nowhere and make no sense,” derek glares in a new direction, beseeching whatever divine being exists for patience, “and B, ask you to reassess, in case this is the sex pheromones talking, hi pheromones, can i please speak to derek now - “ jesus christ, derek says, “ - and C, remind you what i’m like because you look like your entire soul just packed its bags and moved away, which is par for the course. okay? this is reasonable reasoning, i’m reasoning with you for reason.”

“shut up,” says derek.

“i think reason just stopped being a word,” stiles adds, looking away, into that part of his mind where all the stupid shit lives.

“shut up,” says derek again. “stiles, i’m trying to date you, you get that, right?” stiles returns to the present and stares at derek. “yes or no,” derek says flatly.

“why?” asks stiles. in the same tone of voice and with the same facial expression as if derek just told him he was trying to mail himself a unicycle.

“stiles,” derek sighs, helpless and annoyed, “i don’t know, why does anybody date anybody? you’ve finished A, B, and C and i’m still trying to date you, so i guess i’m not seeing why you’re fighting me on this. either date me or don’t.”

“um, first option,” says stiles, “please.”

this is the most pissed off derek has ever entered into a relationship. for real. and it’s not the most confused stiles has ever entered into a relationship at all. doesn’t diminish his confusion.

“i think condoms sort of make dicks taste a little weird?” stiles suddenly volunteers, which - derek doesn’t care that he’s lost anymore. he thinks he just deliberately entered into an indefinite period of being frustrated and lost and he just looks at stiles and waits a little pessimistically to be not lost anymore. “but,” stiles goes on, “i think i like you enough to want to suck yours anyway.”

okay, that was a little worth it. it was stupid, and derek hates him, but it was worth it all the same. “you know i can wash my dick, right?” derek asks him, which is the rudest and best question anyone has ever asked stiles. the rudest and best question anyone has ever asked, ever.

“if you just fucking tried it,” says stiles desperately, “one sip. one! it’s really good! it’s got peaches in it!”

“if i wanted your shitty beer, i would ask for it,” derek snaps.

“one sip,” stiles says, and he drags out the words for about a full second each. they’re lucky derek owns the building and uses the penthouse, because wow, they’re the worst. “please let me suck your dick,” he says.

“god, stiles,” says derek.

he washes his dick first. stiles is the biggest moron on the planet, and derek has just selected him out of the two-point-whatever billion other people on the planet, so, that’s where derek’s at. in his domespace. etcetera. you get it. whatever.

he explains the chad thing later, after the shower and the blowjob (excellent for both parties), when they’re too tired to argue about whether or not they want to date each other (they do, they’re just the worst). he tells derek what he’s figured out in the last three hours, which is that it wasn’t that he was uninterested in getting fucked, it was that he didn’t trust chad. his brain didn’t even let him unlock that desire until he was with somebody he trusted, someone he thought would make it good for him, would listen to him - the first instinct of self-preservation he thinks he’s ever shown. he curls into derek and thinks to himself that he hasn’t felt, like, unequivocally safe since he was a little kid, since he thought his dad both knew everything and was capable of stopping any bad guy. but he is, here. there is actually nothing that can hurt him right here. except derek, and derek won’t.

well, he’ll hurt his train of thought. and he keeps threatening to yank stiles’ head off his body. but. well. you know.

derek spoons him and thinks about how he really hates chad. he’s offered permission to shove chad down a storm drain or something if he ever sees him again. derek says nothing, but clings to that “or something.”

[uniformbravo]

god free! is such a dumb goofy series i love it like shit gets real sometimes but when it comes down to it it’s just a bunch of dumb goofy teens living their lives together?? i have compiled a list of my favorite examples from s1

makoto: *enters haru’s house uninvited, walks right into the bathroom while haru’s in the bath, presumably naked* hey haru: ....................................hey LIKe he just.... Accepts that this is happening, theres like a solid like 2 seconds of him just staring at makoto like he’s debating within himself whether to Say It or not before almost tangibly going “fuck it” & just going along w/ it*

haru & makoto & nagisa going “is it really okay to dig up our old trophy if rin isn’t here? idk it just feels wrong w/o him” only to find out that rin not only beat them there but also fucking just went ahead and dug it up by himself hfjdkjgd

haru having some kind of sixth sense for sugar apparently??? when nagisa throws “salt” on them he like tenses up all dramatic & goes “this isnt salt........................ it’s sugar” like ok????? just gonna let that one go i guess

rin having sharp teeth for absolutely no fucking reason

haru & rin not noticing the fucking pool they're about to race in is empty????

haru straight up rejecting their encounter with rin & trying to convince himself they all hallucinated him like huh? what? rin?? haha impossible he’s in australia there’s no way he couldve been at the swim club last night. no theres no such thing as airplanes he’s gone forever. yes im sure

rin going back to the old swim club again bc the first time his melodramatic brooding was interrupted by those old elementary school Goons showing up so he needed a do-over

nagisa skinny dipping in samezuka’s pool??? an apparently prestigious competitive swimming powerhouse that trains up future professional gold medalists, reigning champions of interhigh swim meets near and far in that same water & nagisa just jumps the fuck in dick out no fucks to give whatsoever???? this bitch

haru literally only showing up to both the old swim club and samezuka academy for the pools, it’s literally the equivalent of college students showing up to any given event for free food (and the fact that they had to break in both times, these Rowdy-Ass Teens)

rin showing up just in time to interrupt their illicit pool activities bc he Sensed Them

haru wearing his swimsuit under his clothes literally everywhere despite reportedly not having actually swum since middle school (except for in the ocean during summer, but it’s like the middle of spring rn?? is he just doing this in way advanced preparation? is this the equivalent of people who start posting abt halloween in july)

gou showing up to haru’s house bc apparently she just Knows where he lives (also haru hearing the doorbell & immediately submerging his head in the bath bc he’d rather drown than have to answer the door #relatable)

rei calling haru “haru-chan-san” upon first meeting him bc “haru-chan” is what nagisa has been referring to him as so that’s his sole point of reference but he also has to add his own honorific too bc come on

haru being instantly pissed at this random new fuck for calling him not only -chan, his Least favorite honorific, but now -san on top of it too??? Outrageous (and this is the same guy who reportedly “hates water,” a completely unacceptable sentiment that should under no circumstances be allowed anywhere near their team in the first place- honestly from haru’s pov it’s like “oh so this is the guy who hates water huh, this hot shit” & then the hot shit’s all “you must be haru-chan-san” he probably just immediately sees red ghdjsjf)

nagisa’s whole “we need this guy bc he has a girly name just like us it’s fate” thing even tho rei’s already in the track club doing pole vaulting that he’s obviously been training v hard to be able to do is such a stupid anime bullshit motivation & my favorite part of it is that their plan for recruiting him basically amounts to the whole gang of idiots showing up to all of rei’s practices and staring at him intensely from the corner until he joins them, like,,,, think of this from rei’s perspective he’s just minding his own business trying to perfect pole vaulting & these fuckers have fixated on him for no apparent reason? he can’t even swim???

rei going so far out of his way to avoid admitting to nagisa that he can’t swim that he comes up with this bullshit philosophy about “humans evolved from the water so why would we regress and get back into it??? Checkmate y’all are fucking idiots now leave me alone” (& also the effort & passion he puts into the delivery, the overdramatic gesturing hfhhddjf rei are u sure u don’t actually belong in the drama club)

after all that, rei up and deciding to leave the track team (even tho he literally structured his daily schedule around it, went running in the mornings & everything, read books n shit) to join the swim club bc haru just looked really, really cool while swimming that one time

haru legitimately having a hard time choosing between like 5 of the exact same swim suit

when they’re trying to figure out why rei can’t swim & haru’s like “the water doesn’t like him” & nagisa’s immediately like “poor rei-chan :(” like hfkglfkj he just Accepts

rei being so frustrated with his inability to swim that he blames it on his speedo & is very convinced that buying a new one will somehow solve all of his problems (& everyone else just going along w/ it like ok i guess it’s time to go swimsuit shopping then)

haru, the owner of the previously mentioned 5 identical swimsuits, joining in with everyone else to go shopping for even more swimsuits, and picking out another one that looks just fucking like the other 5 he already has

nagisa being told that he can’t put their ugly-ass bird mascot on the swim team uniform so he puts “secret iwatobi-chan” on the back of the shirt that will be hidden beneath the jacket as if that’s not Blatantly what he was told not to do (also the fact that anyone entrusted the handling of the uniforms to nagisa, the exact kind of person who would do exactly that kind of thing)

(ok this one isnt rly goofy but haru just bit his ice cream & im so intimidated rn??)

rin’s fucking 6th sense for haru again???? “smells like mackerel”????? i truly cannot handle this one (haru & company are looking in at samezuka’s practice through the window & rin’s just like “HUH what the fuck is that who’s there i smell Mackerel” like????? oh my fucking god)

amakata “we don’t have enough money for a training camp” miho renting herself and gou a room at a lodge on the beach?????? power move

this goddamn show having a fun ~spooky~ haunted house adventure right after everyone almost fucking Died

haru’s story about his “first love” being about a fucking waterfall igmgkdjkg

rin jogging on the beach the next morning & stopping by the tents like “who r these fuckin dumbasses camping right on the shoreline” & then he turns around and there’s haru & his band of swimming idiots

rin waiting in the hallway at the interhigh in case haru comes by so he can casually get up & have a Cool And Dramatic confrontation w/ him where he brags how he’s gonna beat him in their upcoming race (which, even better, he purposely entered himself at a lower skill level to be able to do while probably his whole team went “uhhhh are u sure abt this lmao we’re kind of trying to be the best here” & hes just like “yeah yeah its fine it’s gonna be so fucking cool just wait”)

haru apparently also having a Rin Sense where he just Feels that rin is there, watching him about to swim (although now that i think about it that bright red hair is probably a fuckin beacon, i bet literally everyone looked over at him the second he stepped out of that doorway- that and the massive aura of Teen Angst surrounding him at all times)

the whole thing with nagisa & rei’s operation at the summer festival to keep haru from seeing rin? first of all is v cute but they get so into it fjdhgkdj fucking dumb cute kids playing secret detective mission texting each other Classified Intel about the location of their targets while also trying to hide it from haru & makoto (who eventually find out bc nagisa is literally the worst liar ever while also already being the most suspect little shit out of all of them by nature)

rei getting so caught up in the detective shit that he ends up following rin out of the festival entirely & into town where the purpose of his pursuit in the first place is irrelevant bc haru’s not gonna suddenly happen upon rin at the elementary school?? rei is such a nosy bitch i love him

rei being such a nosy bitch that he inadvertently fixes the emotional turmoil that has been building between rin & the others unresolved for years

rin texting gou to get rei’s number bc he needs to have a Serious and Dramatic conversation w/ him but he didnt have the chance to exchange contact info the last time they yelled at each other behind the school

rin sitting alone in samezuka’s bus bc they banned him from swimming for being too obsessed w/ haru & he needs somewhere to Sulk

rin finding some random tree outside the swim meet & being like “this reminds me of that tree from elementary school” bc hes a nostalgic bitch like that

haru being able to find rin bc he saw the same tree earlier and went “wait, rin’s a nostalgic bitch, i know Exactly where the fuck he went” & Sure Enough

iwatobi getting themselves disqualified bc they wanted to swim w/ rin in an official race like??? i know it’s an emotional & satisfying moment but miho chewing them out for it afterward is so fucking funny like objectively this team was doing rly well & then suddenly went “u know what, we do what we want, this red guy is ours now” & the judges went “hmm............... no”

in the v last episode when theyre all just sitting in a classroom w/ rin having him pretend to introduce himself as if he were a transfer student like theres absolutely no reason for this, theyre just goofing off together and reconnecting after having lost each other for so many years & it’s so dumb & heartwarming & the perfect way to close off the season & im crying i really do love this show i love these characters so much what a dumb cute goofy heartfelt show aaaaaa free is a treasure

*from the very 1st point: i know there r cultural differences to take into account where it’s probably not as big a deal for makoto to walk in on haru’s bath time in japan as it would be in like, america & the real issue haru takes w/ this happening is that his one little place of refuge in a world w/o water is being breached by this annoyingly persistent guy who not only interrupts his coping time but is actively trying to get him to leave it for “important” things like “going to school” and “not being late” & the extended pause is really him registering this unpleasant situation & trying to decide if it’s worth it to fight for his solitude, ultimately deciding it’s not worth the energy and begrudgingly accepting makoto’s outstretched hand, though he vocalizes his displeasure by rejecting his -chan bc no one who pulls him away from the water is someone he can call a friend, not even his like. actual friend. only friend. either one

anyway i love free bye

[conoscenze]

RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET.

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Repost, don’t reblog! Template here.

Mun name: Vera OOC Contact: My IMs are always open for plotting, but I more easily chat on discord, which is this one: ⌞vera in a buttercup⌝#5711 (please send me an IM or an off-anon if you want to send me a request though! Just so I know.)

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Since I am a multimuse blog, implying that I have more than one muse, I’ll introduce my main gal: Salice Feltracco, aka my so-far most prized OC. Long story short, she’s the protagonist of a novel of mine.

A cynical, stone-faced, generally apathetic and indifferent lawyer who has begun working indipendently since a couple of years; Salice is a woman that comes off as stoic and perhaps even rude, as a result of her bluntness and generally brutal honesty. She doesn’t easily warm up to people, but when she does, her actual interests easily pop out, and they’re of a great variety; insects, 80′s goth fashion and magic being a few of them. The latter is seemingly the most prominent passion, seeing as... she’s a witch! A necromancer, to be exact.

As a necromancer she offers a specific service that grants her a fluid and constant influx of money; in exchange for a payment, she resurrects people’s loved one for a restricted period of time. This sort of process is a fruitful thriving market, effective enough that it managed to pay off her years at university (which were a lot) and that allows her to mantain now a 800$ apartment.

TL;DR she is a wealthy emotionless necromancer with a passion for ants.

Points of interest:

What’s most noticeable about her is her attitude, that comes off as completely uncaring of everything surrounding her. Though she is efficient, her coworkers deem her poise quite strange, especially due to her very short-lived but intense outbursts that sometimes happen. Other than that, her lifestyle, if you don’t know her, appears entirely average.

For friends and alike, it may be peculiar how she so casually gets involved in mindless street fights, and how her schedule is so incredibly busy despite not spending that much time in the office.

What they’ve been up to recently:

My blog doesn’t really follow a plotline; it just goes along a general flows in which some of the muses here are interconnected through an acquaitanceship, exception made for a couple of them. As far as I am concerned, Salice in particular hasn’t gone through any special development, but there are a few interesting relationships & threads I have going on with @carnivorarium​ and @thmaniac​ especially; though in different scenarios and plotlines, Salice has been having some curious interactions with Yamai and Johnny respectively.

As for the casual threads, nothing much! She always works and works and works, between law and necromancy. Sometimes she spends time reading books / watching documentaries about ants or insects.

Where to find them:

Her most common location is, of course, her office---Feltracco & Owen law studies---which she shares with her friend and colleague Allen. There she generally handles work (divorces, mainly) and also spends free time doing crossword puzzles or mindlessly watching videos on her computer.

Other places where you can find her:

the café, not much distant from the apartment complex where the studios are located: she’s there during lunch break and after work, if eventual case files need refinement or if she ought to do more research on her PC while drinking some coffee or eating some random sandwich;

suburbs pubs and nightclubs, where she can hang around lively teenagers and observe them as she drinks and does her own thing, or where she can feel a little alive by engaging in random street fights;

graveyards, which she visits not only for work but also for personal peace of mind;

and finally her apartment, which is the place where she can completely be herself. The latter is usually devoid of visitors, however. If you’re invited there, you can consider yourself a friend.

Current plans:

In the RP world, none whatsoever! Salice for now is as indipendent as a character could get. Aside from the aforementioned thread with Cirque’s character Yamai (which I actually need to figure out where it happens on the “official” blog timeline), there’s no specific arc plans for her, nor for anyone on this blog actually. They each have their own stories & comics & games they’ll possibly be in one day, but in roleplay they don’t have anything written down. Unless someone wishes to help me do that! I do want to notice that here, development comes only and explicitly with interaction between muses.

Desired interactions:

If I might be honest, any interaction is more or less desired. I have a wishlist tag here, but specifically for Salice I don’t exactly have a... specific idea... I just want her to develop all sorts of relationships and want her to experience a various amount of things; I suppose that since she has a more-or-less psychological serious emotional blockage, it’d be fun to have her slowly break that wall of hers down, whether be it romantically or through other emotions.

That, or it’d be fun to explore the grotesque, sadistic, murderous side that there is to her, because as morally grey as she is, to some extent she’s violent. She’s killed before and wouldn’t fear doing it again, plus she very often blackmails and threatens clients of hers that try to pin her on a wall, and considering the street fighting habit it’s no wonder she’d have a blood-oriented side to her character. It’d be fun to see her actually engage someone in a fight (as much as I suck writing that and never tried it---one more reason to desire it!), and it’d be entertaining figuring out how she speaks, thinks as such situation occurs.

Also someone witnessing her doing necromancy real-time? Please? It’d be so fun.

Offered interactions:

Salice is... a lawyer. She specializes but is not limited to divorce and mugging, and considering not a lot of muses around are married, the latter is a good start if you wish to entertain a “professional” plot with her. But as I said she’s not limited to those two types of cases---she accepts about anything, she just specifies due to her low rank as a lawyer.

So if you want to have a lawyer-client thing going on, show up with a problem and she’ll do her best to solve it (she is pricey to some extent though); the more tricky it is, the best it will be. Salice is always a sucker for complex and intriguing situations! Even more if your muse isn’t as innocent as they make themselves out to be!

That said, you can also have another sort of interaciton with her... which is via necromancy. You could be a client needy to reconnect with a deceased person and engage her: all while knowing her in normal daytime life. You don’t know she’s Ms. Necro, she doesn’t know you’re this specific acquaitance, and there’s this weird tension going on until one or both of you discover the deal. Either dig into it, or avoid it entirely!

Interesting situations could come up from a scenario involving her nightlife, which is made of nightclubbing and streetfighting.

Current open post(s):

I have a tag for open starters here! Though they’re mainly one-liners for the sake of vague context (I love when people come up with a random idea ahah), there are some long-ish ones too. I try to vary with muses, but the most prominent one is obviously Salice lol.

Anything else?:

Hm, not that I can think of right now! I do suggest looking through each of the muses’ about pages often, since there are things to keep in mind about them (and I do notice when people don’t read the pages lol I know they’re long but please do it, there’s a lot of vital info) and uhhhh... I’m personally very prone to a terrible thing called laziness. That said, I’m always up for a chat if you’d like!

Tagging: you >:3

[whyareyouyellingatme]

A post I deleted in the end

Here's one of the most personal/long things I've ever posted, and if you hate me you'll probably have a field day laughing at this one. I don't know how long it'll take before I maybe...delete it. I don't want anyone to respond with likes or comments. If you have something to say you can pm me, but I don't enjoy talking about it outside of one ong rant. I rant like this so I can jot it all down for records / evidence I'm not irrational, and then move on.

Here's the TL;DR: Rick Ranquist - 40+ years old, lives in Utah possibly Michael Aigner - mid 20's, probably lives in Bellingham by the pool Cooper Texeira - My age, lives in Seattle and goes to my school

All these men are white sexual offenders that did not get a punishment for their crimes.

When I was seven my 20+ year old babysitter did stuff with me that I did not understand, and I don't properly remember a lot of it. I thought it was a game, but it was actually doing sexual favors for a pedophile. I read a line in "The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe" about a man trying so hard to forget something unpleasant that he eventually succeeds in forgetting it. I tried to do that with the memory, and it sort of worked until I heard his name, Ricky. My brother said, "Remember when Ricky----" and that's all I heard before I started dissociating and everything was like someone was smothering me with a pillow.

His sister called me a liar when I said "your brother does weird stuff with me and plays games I don't understand". I decided if she didn't believe me, nobody would, because she was my neighbor and my friend. She still doesn't know today I was telling the truth.

I got raped when I was 19 by a 23 year old that had been grooming me since I was 16. I tried reporting it to the police and they laughed at me, nearly hanging up on me. I went to the ER, got a cervical exam while a doctor ogled my vagina with awe (because my relatively young genitals excited him, how professional). The taxi driver saw me crying and said "you put him on a list! Get him on a list!" and nope, he didn't get put on any kind of list. That fucked me up for a long time. I was numb for a long time. I just watched non stop television and didn't think. I can remember the exact outfit I put in a brown paper evidence bag, and I can remember the exact outfit I wore for days afterwards. I really changed as a person after that. Being isolated from all your friends and spending 3 years dedicating all your time to a shitty abusive man that made you think everything was your fault. Not fun.

Weirdly enough, a man who's in my family pushed me not to report the rape or try pushing for anything else from the police, because he thought it would traumatize me further. I gave up. I didn't want to see Michael, he made me sick. I was partially relieved I got out of the cycle of abuse, but I held on to a rage for a while . I still feel it if I think too much about it. I get really angry but it helps nothing because what can I do ? I'd imagine scenarios where I got to kill him as revenge.

It looked really cute on the surface! It looked like I was having a good time. But I was having panic attacks every week trying to make him happy, despite the beatings, despite the yelling (bc that's normal in my household so I thought it was normal in relationships) until the day that he went way too far.

I really thought it was my fault and that I deserved it for being stupid or not good enough. I was too focused on a very heavy school schedule and an eating disorder/self harm problem to realize I could do better for myself. Of course all of his friends saw me as a "crazy bitch" as he was beating me, real nice. His family was really racist and he broadcasted all of our arguments to them. His sister threatened to hit me with a wrench, not knowing/caring that her brother was already beating me. All of them just kind of watched whenever I broke down crying in front of them. His dad said "women get like this", I'm not...a woman. Not for someone like you dude.

Michael showed up at my house a couple days after it happened too. He stalked me for a while. I still get freaked out being alone sometimes. I have a knife collection and pepper spray, and even guns, but none of them make me feel as safe as a genuine friend does. I'm easily startled and for a while I had really horrible nightmares and panic attacks in public. It got a little better with time, but I still have really bad days. It's still difficult going anywhere near medical centers or dealing with cervical exams.

(I tried speaking with a nurse about the possibility that I have PTSD from that event, and she brushed me off with a "Women used to get raped all the time and they would have to just deal with it. You should lose some weight." Which started up my eating disorder again...horribly enough, people have been so cruel to me but I still care so much what they think.)

I tried faking confidence and happiness in college. I don't have a supportive healthy family, I just have me and whoever decides to be my friend. I made a friend group and went to parties with them. That was fun until a person I trusted grabbed at me when I was incredibly drunk. He led me to his room where I passed out. I wasn't sober enough to understand what was going on or even walk properly, and he texted people things from my phone saying that I was okay. It was all just kind of stupid honestly.

I woke up the next day in my room, on the floor, feeling kind of gross and even more gross as I try to figure out what happened the night before. He shows up at my work wanting me to serve him ice cream. I go in to report him because he did end up grabbing me without consent.

I lost my friend group. And after describing him grabbing my chest and ass in a disgusting amount of detail to a man that said "I remember being a young man and partying in college" with a cheerful nostalgia, I lost the case too. He didn't get anything. At this point I was kind of used to being treated like a piece of meat, so I was just mad he didn't learn anything. In fact, he has been checking up on me online to find dirt on me and report ME to the school for talking shit. His girlfriend has been doing the same, angry because she thinks he was trying to cheat with me. Cheating is consensual.

People just don't learn sometimes. I'm not a thing. I'm an nb lesbian though, and the guy that tried stuff with me when I was drunk knew that. He thought he could convert me.

I've been going through all of this without therapy, trying to just go to school. I tried telling a counselor about my situation and he said "those are long term problems that the university cannot handle".

Maybe I seem quiet and aloof, maybe I'm annoying to you, maybe you think I'm a liar or something stupid like that. But god damn it, I am a human being. I've been through some gross shit. I'm tired of people touching me and trying to invade my space. I'm tired of creepy ass college professors comparing me to their girlfriends and saying shit like "things aren't going so well with her". It's never a compliment you're just fuckin weird dude.

I'm super disconnected from reality even now (sometimes) because I don't like thinking about any of this. I stayed silent about it for quite a while because of all the people who probably wouldn't believe me. But uhhhh fuck you guys I know who I am.

This is a really personal story, especially very personal to be posting on facebook. It makes me feel super vulnerable, but not as much as having the memories bouncing around in my head nonstop makes me feel. I have a girlfriend now and I'm living in a pretty safe place at the moment. There's a lot of other shit happening in my life, my PTSD dog (one of my only sources of comfort in a bad time) got hit by a car and died. :( You all probs know about that, I just miss her when I think about the past. So I've just been trying to figure out how to help myself, you know?

This post got really fucking long and I don't feel like editing it. If you ever think I'm quiet, it's because I'm tired of explaining myself. I want to be my usual joke-y self but sometimes that feel really fake. I don't like thinking about all of this, but I think someone should know.

I wanted to write this post when I was sure I could finish it without crying. It has been a while since something super bad has happened to me, and that distance between the event and reality really helps muffle the emotional response.

Cheers to the survivors that aren't "good" survivors that react a specific way. Cheers to those of you that aren't comfortable sharing your story because it's really not anybody's business unless you want to say something.

I don't know, I still try and have fun, pretending nothing happened. I hate this crap. I hate the emotional baggage. Wish I could chuck it, but my brain has a different plan.

Like, all of this shit happened on TOP of me living in an extremely abusive home so you can imagine I tried to kill myself.

I'm a human being. Stop treating me like shit. I'm tired of it. I'm also not as mean as I look, I don't bite. I'm here for you as a friend if you need it. I just couldn't sleep tonight because of all this crap.

Please don't react to this I'm just babbling. I don't want to deal with people that have no empathy for my long ass story just because it's long / badly written. I'm just tired. I'm soooooo fucking tired.

Edit: I'm trying to reread this just once, but I can't even do it. Like not because it's hard, I literally just look at the words and they mean nothing. My brain basically put up a firewall against upsetting shit so I lose touch with reality whenever I get near it for too long. It's hard describing dissociation but if you would like to know more u should google it. A weird time. Anyway gn I'm alright I just needed to fucking let it out.