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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Bea & Buster

Bea: Again Bea: We're having this conversation again Buster: What have I done wrong now? Bea: You tell me Bea: If it's such a long list Buster: Actually, it's a non-existent list as far as I'm concerned but you clearly disagree Buster: So I'm just waiting to hear it Bea: Don't play as dumb as you evidently fucking are Bea: How have you potentially got ANOTHER girl pregnant, how did you not learn your lesson from the first very near miss? Buster: How do you even know about that, first of all? Buster: And secondly, it's an entirely different situation this time so you don't need to speak to me like that Bea: Does it matter? It's true because you're not telling me otherwise so Bea: Entirely different! How? You still haven't left School, you still live at Home, you still don't earn money of your own Buster: Mum, please, calm down Buster: It's different for so many reasons, like not being an accident and something I'm happy about Buster: Plus, I've almost finished school, we have a flat and Rio earns her own money Bea: If you think you're any more equipped to deal with a child than you were, what was it Bea: 6? 7? Months ago Bea: then you have no idea what you want for this to not be an accident Buster: In case you haven't noticed, a lot's changed between then and now Bea: You've lost the sense you were born with is what's happened, Jesus Christ Buster: Don't Bea: You lied to me Buster: I didn't Buster: I meant what I said when I said it Buster: But things change Bea: You mean you got her pregnant and now you're rolling with it Bea: just be honest, don't say you wanted this Buster: I am being honest Buster: We planned this 'cause it's what we both want Buster: I thought we had to wait for all the reasons you're saying but I realised it's bullshit Buster: We don't have to so we didn't Bea: Oh, is it? Bea: Well I've lived it mate so I think I would know Buster: Well, I'm not you or dad Buster: This wasn't a surprise to me Bea: No, I'm sure you plan to right all our wrongs Bea: Well, good luck, truly Buster: I plan to do a good job, that doesn't mean you didn't Buster: I don't need luck Bea: I don't know what you need, Buster Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You can say what you think Bea: What is the point Bea: You have never and will never listen Buster: I'm listening Buster: You don't need to shut me out Bea: I just don't want more kids getting hurt in this fucking family, alright Bea: Rio should know better Bea: You should know better Buster: She does. We both do. I get what you're scared of but it's not gonna happen Bea: You can't guarantee that Buster: I can Buster: 'Cause I would die for them, mum so I'll do whatever it takes Buster: And so would Rio Bea: Yeah fat lot of use my dead dad was to me Buster: I know, but you and dad were more than enough for me, everything you did and you don't even think you did it right Buster: So imagine what I can do, 'cause of what you've given me Buster: I know I can do it and that I will Bea: Why do you want to Buster: Why wouldn't I? Bea: You could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone Buster: I still can Bea: Maybe, but you still want to be married to Rio and tied down with kids Bea: I'll never understand it, I don't know where this has come from Buster: You make it sound like that's something that holds me back when it's the opposite Buster: I know this seems sudden 'cause of what I said and I don't expect you to understand Bea: It is sudden Bea: it doesn't just seem it Buster: Well, I was gonna wait before telling you for that exact reason, but here we are Bea: Oh yes it would've been much better for me if you'd waited 'til she was about to drop Buster: Obviously I would have done it before then, come on Bea: No, nothing you do is obvious any more Bea: You've waited 'til your hand was forced Bea: every single time Buster: Look, I could make you understand my every motivation, but you're not my fucking therapist, are you? Buster: I was gonna tell you soon, but not this soon Buster: You're not meant to, it's not personal, like Bea: Perhaps if you had one we wouldn't be here talking about this now Bea: and don't talk to me like I don't know Buster: Hilarious Buster: Then don't act like I was deliberately withholding the info from you Bea: We both know I wasn't first on your list Buster: You would've been, if I'd made one Buster: But like you said, forced hand Bea: Bullshit Bea: Her family always knows everything first Buster: No, her mum works shit out before anyone's ready for her to know it Buster: That's not the same thing Bea: Fair, should have seen this coming Bea: More fool me for having some faith Buster: Don't be like that Buster: I wanted to tell you 'cause I know I fucked up by making you think you had more time to accept this than you do Buster: When I said that I was scared, okay, to want what I want when I want it, but I'm not scared anymore Buster: Long story short Bea: Well, it's done now Bea: You can't change your mind again Buster: I'm not going to Buster: Jesus, give me some credit Buster: It just really fucks with your head when you want something for a really long time that you aren't allowed to want Bea: But now you're allowed Buster: To a degree, sure Bea: Why Bea: Who told you this was okay Buster: It is Buster: But that's all it is 'cause we aren't doing things at the speed everyone else wants Buster: So fuck that Buster: I don't want okay Bea: What do you want, Buster? Buster: I want not to waste anymore time just 'cause it might make you all feel better Buster: 'Cause then again it might not so why the fuck am I bothering? Bea: Then you've got everything you want Buster: Yeah Buster: I do Buster: I'm gonna finally live fully Buster: Be happy and not stick with the watered down version that's more palatable for this fucking family Bea: Don't be so bloody dramatic, who has ever told you to be unhappy Buster: You're all so concerned with not upsetting things that it's the only thing that ends up happening Buster: You've literally always told me what to do and what I want is somehow secondary every time to whatever you think the real goal is Buster: You don't want me to go to Trinity even though I'm sick to the back teeth of posh cunts, that's just one tiny example Buster: So it's not dramatic, it's factual Bea: I'm either that cunt mother or concerned with upsetting things but I ain't both, you don't get to feel that sorry for yourself Bea: You were a child, you are Bea: what was I meant to do, leave you to it? Buster: That's what you've ended up doing, regardless Bea: Again, not enough hugs or too many, Buster Bea: Which is it Buster: I'm not trying to make this about you Buster: It isn't Buster: I'm saying, it's too late to treat me like a child now when you literally haven't since Christ knows when Bea: You don't get to tell me how it is Buster: It happened to me so yeah I do Buster: You let Nance leave and you left me in that house all on my own and you never asked what I was doing Bea: You were not on your own Bea: You were 15, you didn't want me in your business Buster: That isn't stopping you now Bea: Because somehow we've reached this age without marriage and pregnancy so Buster: 'Cause that's the worst thing I could do, yeah? Buster: Jesus, you've got no idea Bea: Yes, Buster, it's pretty fucking bad Buster: No, it's not Buster: It's the best thing that's happened to me Buster: Who I was before, what I used to do, that was the bad shit Bea: You're going to resent it Bea: this lost time Buster: I resent all the time I wasn't with her, that's what we lost Buster: I resent that I was unhappy enough to get so fucked up that a girl literally assaulted me too, obviously Buster: But pick your battles, mum Bea: You're saying this like I can do anything about that Bea: You'll see firsthand how abysmally the system fails sexual assault victims, what do you want me to do, I can't make it un-happen to you, I'm sorry Buster: You can stop making Rio the problem when she clearly isn't Buster: You can easily do that Bea: When have I said she was Buster: By acting like being with her has or will ruin my life Bea: It isn't her it's that you're even thinking about either of these things at your age Bea: I had to grow up too fast, so did your dad Bea: neither of you needed to Bea: that's all I'm trying to say Buster: You can just admit that I ruined yours if that's how you feel but don't project it on to me Buster: I want my baby Bea: It's not about you Bea: If you'd like a rundown of what the fuck happened to me we can go there but I wasn't a child long before you were on the scene Bea: Before any of them Buster: And I wasn't a child before this Buster: You think that we didn't have to grow up fast but we did Buster: It already happened Bea: You didn't Buster: Just 'cause it wasn't on the same scale as what happened to you, doesn't mean it didn't Bea: I don't want to talk about this anymore Buster: Fine Buster: You could ask me how my exams are going or how my child is Bea: I know Bea: if there was something wrong you'd come to me, it's what I live for, remember? Buster: Stop Bea: Don't tell me to stop Buster: Don't you think it's really fucked that we only talk when there's a 'problem?' Buster: Jesus, don't you want it to be different Bea: Maybe Bea: but it won't change Buster: Not with that attitude, no Bea: Fucking hell, you sound like one of them Buster: It's not us and them Bea: No, it is Bea: and I thought you were like me Bea: but you're not Buster: I am like you and that's your problem Bea: Don't flatter yourself Buster: Don't lie to yourself Bea: You reckon? Buster: Yeah Bea: Nah Buster: Don't be stupid Bea: Nah Bea: This is why we're not alike Bea: I didn't get to do this, I couldn't talk to Tess and Fearghal like this Buster: Take it up with dad 'cause I'm like him too Buster: I don't get to be all yours Bea: Who's asking Norman Bates Bea: Christ Buster: You raised me to be like this, if you don't like it, do better Bea: You're not a child anymore, apparently Bea: this bullshit is your own now Bea: unlucky Buster: Now that it suits you you're taking that on board Buster: Unsurprising Bea: I'm capable of listening Bea: A trait you've not inhereted Buster: I'm capable Buster: I just choose to be selective Buster: If you want me to listen don't chat so much shit, like Bea: And he wonders why I don't want to speak to him Bea: Hilarious, this kid Buster: I know why you don't want to speak to me Buster: It's 'cause I won't do exactly what you tell me, when you tell me Bea: Good God if that was my criteria I'd never speak to anyone Buster: It's just your criteria for being a mum, clearly Bea: I know, absolute madness, knowing what's best and being disappointed when you do the opposite Bea: Sorry I didn't pick up the Hippie dippie tell you every mistake you make is wonderful parenting bible Ali clearly did Buster: Name one time you've actually known what was best for me? Bea: Literally all the time Bea: I knew you hadn't been listening Buster: Wrong Bea: Oh that's convenient, yet again Buster gets to say what's right and wrong, where's the impartial adjudicator or are you now above all authorities? Buster: Get one, if it'll make you feel better Buster: I get to say how I feel about how my life is, sorry if that messes with your world view Bea: I'm sure it feels lovely, that pissing, puking, screaming shit bag is miles away yet Bea: it's a nice fuzzy concept Buster: You really don't think anything of me, do you? Buster: Like I'm literally that stupid and naive Bea: You've met babies Bea: you've got no idea what it's like to raise one Bea: so yes, you are naive Buster: I know it's not fucking rose tinted Buster: Christ Bea: You know it in an abstract way but you wouldn't have done it if you knew it Bea: what it's like to have something so useless solely dependent on you, for everything Buster: It's done Buster: Deal with it Bea: I won't be Bea: This is very much your mess Buster: It's not a mess Buster: But if that's your way of bowing out then go on Buster: It's happening whether you like it or not and whether you're involved or not Bea: Where do you think I'm going? Buster: That's up to you Buster: Do what you want Bea: Generous Buster: It's been said Bea: I don't doubt Buster: Here we fucking go Buster: Say it then Bea: What? Buster: What you're dying to Bea: Still don't know Buster: Yeah you do Buster: We always come back to money, don't we? Bea: Well you seem to be fond of it, yeah Buster: Who's fault is that? Buster: I didn't give it to myself Bea: I imagine mine Bea: Usually is Bea: I'd be cruel if I left you with none Buster: Fuck's sake Bea: You can't be out here buying Ferraris with my money, and telling me to fuck off for the opportunity Bea: Grow up and go without or deal Buster: Fine Bea: Although, free advice, sell it and get a family car sooner rather than later Buster: That was obvious even for you Bea: You're the one with the masterplan Bea: How bad you want this kid not coincide with how bad you want a minivan, no? Bea: Funny that Buster: Hilarious Bea: I wish it was Buster: You are, console yourself with that, like Bea: Thanks Buster: So welcome Buster: Unlike your attempt at advice Bea: Well one of you better get used to walking then Buster: You're on a roll with the craic Bea: You know Bea: Lived there longer than you have Buster: Again, that's on you, mum Bea: Yeah, what a drag having to live in one of the most vibrant capitals in the world, ugh Bea: if only I'd stayed in Tallaght Buster: Maybe ask yourself why me and Nance would both rather be here, that's all Buster: Or why you didn't really commit and send me away to boarding school Bea: Yeah, that'd suit this victim complex you've developed Buster: It'd suit your us vs them isolation model you've built too Buster: Everyone wins Bea: You're blowing that out of proportion Bea: Just 'cos I don't wanna be in everyone's pocket at all times Buster: 'Course I am Buster: For the drama, you know Bea: God there's easier ways to act out Buster: How many times, it's not about you Bea: Sure sounds like it Bea: or you just nitpicking every choice I've made for the fun of the thing Buster: Like, I'm sorry you play a role in my life Buster: Jesus, I don't know how to do this Buster: I wish I could explain myself better, honestly Bea: Well come find me when you work it out Bea: I'll be here Buster: Like you said, what's gonna change? Buster: I can't write you a fucking essay Bea: If you were in the country longer than five minutes we'd stand a chance of talking in person Buster: I've been in London for ages Buster: Get a better excuse Bea: Yeah, using our house as a doss again without asking Buster: Hardly Buster: Tempted as you do make me Bea: Go right ahead Bea: I'm sure your wife would be thrilled Buster: Like that's what motivates you ever Bea: Making her see how childish you're capable of being? No, not my primary motivation but it's an enticing idea at present Buster: Caring about her at all Buster: You've made yourself pretty clear Buster: And yeah, you'd love it if she left me Bea: I don't dislike her but I'm not going to pretend to be happy about what you've done, no Buster: Well I'm not gonna pretend I'm sorry that I'm not gonna be alone forever like Nance is 'cause I'm so fucked up that I can't handle love Bea: That's a nice thing to say about your sister Bea: even if it is to get at me Buster: It's the truth Buster: She knows it Bea: Well she's getting help, isn't she Buster: She still fell in love with someone the same age as you and dad are Buster: So Bea: Oh and an inappropriate age gap trumps incest? Bea: Let's not point fingers Buster: It does when its clearly about you and him, yeah Bea: But your situation is totally not about us Bea: Yes, I remember Buster: I'm glad you're keeping up Buster: Better late than never Bea: Good God Bea: at least Nancy has the good grace to know she's fucked up Buster: I know I am Buster: I'm just not begging your forgiveness for it like she will Bea: Well I won't be begging yours Bea: Shit happens, kid Buster: But only to you, right? Buster: Yeah, I got that Bea: So I beat you in trauma top trumps Bea: get over it, not one you need to win Buster: It's a bit hard to get over something when you're told you're playing the victim if you dare to bring it up Buster: Just so you know Buster: If you actually wanna deal with it in any way and not just repress it, I mean Bea: Oh that's what this is Bea: We're healing are we Bea: Fantastic Buster: Fuck off Buster: From the bottom of my heart Bea: Say how you really feel Buster: I can't do this with you all day Buster: Other shit to do Bea: As long as revise is one of them Bea: Couldn't be happier for you Buster: Practice papers is Buster: Feel free to celebrate Bea: 🍾 Buster: Maybe ask your daughter how hers are going? If you wanna give out free advice so badly Buster: We're only a few texts away from a breakdown Bea: I know you're having fun labouring under the impression I've not said a word to either of you since you were 10 but I have spoken to her, actually, recently so Buster: Good for you Buster: Earn the points where you can, like Bea: Yep, that's how parenting works Bea: you'll do great Buster: I wouldn't ask you if I didn't know Buster: Don't worry Bea: Thank fuck Buster: Are we done? Bea: You keep talking Buster: And trying Buster: More fool me Buster: I'll shut up now then Bea: How and where? Buster: I'm not gonna write you a list Bea: You can't Buster: I won't Bea: Same result for me Bea: at least you could say you'd actually tried then Buster: We can both say whatever we want Buster: Just not to each other, that's how this works Bea: Dramatic Bea: I don't talk to anyone Bea: Isolation, remember Buster: How could I forget? Buster: If you wanna talk you know where I'll be, with them, like Bea: Good stuff Buster: Not really Buster: But if it ends the conversation quicker, then sure Bea: It's where you want to be Bea: You can't feel sorry for yourself on that one Buster: Don't act like you care what I want Bea: Regardless Bea: It is Bea: No one is forcing you there Buster: I don't want this Buster: Right now, me and you, I don't want it Bea: You've made that abundantly clear Bea: thanks Bea: so go then Buster: I mean, I don't want to leave it like this Buster: Please Bea: What do you want from me? Bea: Posed as an actual question Bea: Not rhetorical frustration Buster: Can we not just find a way to do better than this Buster: It's not good enough Buster: Not from me either Bea: I Bea: Believe it or not I try Buster: I know that Buster: I mean what I said about everything you and dad have done for me, I need you to believe me Bea: You said a lot of other things Bea: We both did Buster: Yeah but I said that before I was angry Buster: So that's the truest thing Bea: No denying who's child you are Bea: Alright, I believe you Buster: I'm sorry Buster: Not for what I'm doing but for what I said Bea: Okay Bea: That's good enough Bea: Do you believe me? Buster: I want to Bea: It's a start Buster: What do we do now? Bea: Do you want to consult the Cavantes or should I? Bea: Apologize until we can hug it out, I assume Buster: Weird Buster: Let's not hug Bea: If it's all the same to you Buster: Are you gonna tell Dad and Nance about the baby? Bea: Would you rather do it yourself Bea: I can or I can keep quiet, whatever works for you Buster: Yeah but I don't want you to have to keep it a secret for me Buster: I don't know when I'd tell them Bea: How pregnant is she? Bea: If Ali said I don't remember now Buster: 10 weeks Bea: That gives you 2 weeks to be finished with all your exams and psych yourself up for those conversations Bea: I'm hardly going to tell either of them about this conversation if you don't, not my finest hour Buster: Alright Bea: Is it? Buster: It has to be Bea: It's good news, remember? Bea: You're not ashamed Buster: For us, I'm not that naive, remember? Buster: Just 'cause this baby isn't Chlo's doesn't mean dad and Nance will automatically be thrilled Bea: Probably not Bea: then Rio will talk to your sister and she'll be fine Buster: Maybe Buster: You're still not Buster: Dad won't be Bea: What's he gonna do? Bea: What am I? Buster: Well, I don't really wanna have another convo like this with him Buster: And it'd be nice if my kid had a set of Grandparents that weren't weird hippies, so sue me Bea: I can tell him Bea: Guess what you're son's done now Bea: and it will, we're not actually going to disown you Bea: poor child's done nothing wrong either, though surprised you want it anywhere near me Buster: No, he should hear it from me Buster: I did it Buster: Are you sure? 'Cause you sounded very tempted not long ago Bea: I've been tempted since you learned to talk Bea: Doesn't mean I will or would Buster: It's 'cause I love you that it's this hard for me to talk to you, you know Bea: That and I'm a massively cold bitch, yeah, yeah Bea: I know Buster: That and it actually really matters to me what you think, whatever I say to try and prove the opposite Bea: It'll seem disingenuous if I say I'm proud of you now Bea: But I am Buster: You don't have to be yet, I know I haven't earned it Buster: But I will Bea: What are you talking about Bea: Of course you have Buster: Come on Buster: Neither of us are buying that Bea: Jesus, I'm being sincere here, I mean it Buster: So am I, you don't have to backtrack that hard, like Buster: It's alright Bea: Bloody hell, Buster Bea: You might do and say some incredibly stupid things sometimes or just things I don't necessarily agree with because let's not start this back up Bea: but I'm always proud of you Buster: Okay, mum Bea: How many examples failures do you need around you to know you ain't one? Bea: we've got enough, christ Buster: Stop being nice to me, I'm not gonna name my kid after you Bea: I'd be angry if you did Bea: Awful name Buster: So would he 'cause it's gonna be a boy so Buster: Awkward Bea: Wait, it's a boy or you want it to be Bea: did they see on the scan Buster: I just think it is Bea: Okay Bea: Gutted, was gonna lord that info over Ali Buster: You can, 'cause I'll be right Buster: What did she say? Buster: Like does everyone know now in a 5 mile radius or what? Bea: Well find out because poor Rio was in boy's clothes for the first months of her life because Caleb was convinced but also didn't care to check Bea: No, it wasn't like that, she isn't, for all my talk Bea: It wasn't so much she said it as she said something that didn't quite make sense without knowing Bea: I'm not completely oblivious Buster: I've seen the pics, she looked cute Buster: But yeah, obviously I'll find out and tell you first Buster: Well, that's fucking mysterious Buster: Okay Bea: Right answer Bea: Well I don't know, I kind of blacked out after the penny dropped to be honest with you Buster: How much do you wanna bet? You know Dad will be in on that when he calms down Buster: Fair, I really did want you to find out differently than that, I swear Bea: I'll wait 'til Billie has done whatever divination she's gonna do Bea: Get that hot tip, thank you very much Bea: I know, shit always comes out Bea: I tried so hard to avoid everyone when I found out and then your Dad shows up like an idiot so there goes that masterplan Buster: I really do take after him Buster: Fucking hell Bea: Try and sound more appalled, he'll love that Buster: Sorry but we both know you're the one with the more impressive traits Buster: He's just tall Bea: Suck-up Bea: How are you gonna paint me when you're winning him 'round? Just what? Buster: That's for him to know and you to find out when he tries to lord it over you after Bea: About right 🙄 Buster: Are you actually gonna be in London while I still am or not likely? Bea: Should be, working with some Billionaire twat in Surrey next so I can stay Home and commute easily Buster: Good, I need you to be around in case dad murders me Buster: Well, tries, he's too old now, like Bea: 😏 If this goes too well for you I'm telling him that Bea: just so you know Buster: I deserve that Buster: It's not my fault he's got the granddad look down already Buster: Have a word, seriously Bea: Oi Bea: You can tell me to fuck off but that's taking it too far Buster: At least we've found the line Bea: Trust you Buster: Maybe I'll bribe him with a Ferrari, yeah? Buster: He'd love that Bea: I'm sure Rio is less thrilled about you regifting Buster: He can't have hers, he needs midlife crisis red or something Bea: We're thirty fucking nine Bea: It'd be more amusing if you weren't actively making us grandparents before we hit 40, GOD Buster: Good news Buster: We've worked out when It'll be so you can go full meltdown Bea: Go on Buster: January 14th but if he's anything like me, who knows actually Buster: Might get away with not buying you a Christmas gift, like Bea: Ha Bea: You owe me presents forever for nearly killing me Bea: At least you'll have a full term of uni under your belt Bea: Unlike you rudely deciding to show up in my first week of 3rd year Buster: Almost like I planned it, right? Buster: I told you I did Bea: I don't think you planned it that precisely Buster: We can say I did though Bea: Style it out, kid Buster: Would you have not kept us if dad really didn't want to? Bea: I don't know what I would've done, is the truthful but unsatisfying answer Bea: I don't know what the fuck mess my life would be without him in general so Bea: I wouldn't have put you into care, I know that much, never Buster: That's not an admission about me and Rio, by the way, I was just thinking about Chlo and that whole situation Bea: I saw her in Claridges the other day, with her Mum Bea: she looked miserable, they both did Bea: not shaping up to be the glamorous experience she thought it would be, pregnancy Buster: She didn't think about it, that was the problem Buster: I still see him in school but I can't say I'm gutted she left Bea: I can't say I was devastated she pretended not to know me, suddenly Bea: Silly cow Buster: It's fucked up isn't it, that we all have to just pretend none of it happened Bea: It is Buster: It's another reason I have to be in Dublin instead of here Buster: If I saw her out shopping I wouldn't know how to do that Bea: I do know you aren't just there because you want Bea: You don't have to explain Buster: I know it's just Buster: I don't wanna talk about it with any of them Buster: But that doesn't mean I don't Bea: Because it hasn't happened to them Buster: Nance doesn't even know that kid could be mine too Buster: Even though I hope it's not Bea: I mean Bea: I'm not saying it wouldn't be a shock but she knows you slept with her so Bea: it's always a possibility, you don't necessarily have to tell her about all the headfuckery Bea: but she'd understand, it wasn't an ideal situation ever Buster: There's such a weird disconnect, like I don't know anything about what Chlo is doing or this kid but I still have to think about it Bea: I know Bea: It's fucked up Buster: If you see it and it looks like me, don't tell me Bea: You looked like a naked molerat, never mind anything close to human Buster: Cheers Buster: At least I'm not ginger though so Bea: This is why she stole your oxygen Buster: When did you find out you were having twins? Bea: 12 weeks Bea: Thought your Dad would definitely do a runner then Buster: Is it really so much worse carrying two than one or is that a myth? Bea: Double trouble Bea: could be 'cos I had you two first but it was definitely easier second time around with one Buster: Yeah Buster: And 'cause you weren't at uni probably Bea: Maybe Buster: Cheers for not dying when I tried to kill you Bea: You know Bea: What'd your Dad do without me Buster: Literally Buster: I love him but like Buster: He's also a twat Bea: You have that in common Buster: Good one Bea: Thank you Buster: Leave me alone, mother, I have practice papers to ace, thank you Buster: Who knew you were so chatty? Bea: Piss off

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