#if it sucks i'm sorry but uuuuhhhhh here you go

[notverybrighton]

HIC VENIT SOLVS; a self para

No coffee in the world was going to get Wren though this morning, not even the incredible coffee that the Capitol had to offer. She chugged that shit and left, head throbbing, the moment they came to get her. No use sticking around to say goodbye to people who wouldn’t miss you and you sure as hell wouldn’t miss.

Wren felt like shit. Pure, concentrated shit.

The Peacekeepers didn’t hit her when she threw up in the hovercraft, just passed her a bag, but they fucking manhandled her down the hallway into the catacombs. Somehow it was both a longer walk and a shorter walk than she expected, and dreary as shit. Probably to set the mood, Wren figured. They didn’t know that Wren didn’t need to set the mood for murder, not now.

No, she couldn’t process the memories of the previous night. There wasn’t time. Wren suppressed another lurch of her stomach and walked into the changing room with the launch tube.

Mako, the woman from the prep team who helped her get into whatever the fuck kind of linen bag she was wearing didn’t mention the blood under Wren’s fingernails. She just took a brush and cleaned them, and then braided Wren’s hair to keep it out of her face. It was a pigtail on either side, all tucked so that the braid started at her forehead and stuck to her skull, like her mom used to do when she was little. Wren wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t fucking going to cry when she needed to be emotionless and calculated.

It’s funny, she realized. She didn’t feel sick anymore.

“Are…are you going to stay with me?” Wren asked. Her voice came out small, throat gripped tight with a fear Wren didn’t want to recognize. Mako nodded, and smiled some pitying smile. Everyone always gave her that pitying smile, but this time it wasn’t that they were sorry that her mother was a city joke. This smile said that Wren was going to die, and Mako felt sorry that it had to end that way.

Arachne said she wouldn’t kill Wren until she had to.

Aspen had promised her an alliance when they met by the tree.

But Holland and Thea swore only that they’d keep their mouths shut, no other promises.

But Dice had said she’d wait until the Arena to kill Wren.

But Barric had already tasted blood and showed no remorse.

But Dani was ruthless and had a legacy to protect.

But Honey had taken her down in an instant, without any weapons.

But Thetis had said they’d meet at the Cornucopia and see who came out on top.

Wren wondered if her mom would watch. She didn’t want her mom to watch her die.

Would they give her mom her body? Or would it be carted away, the murdered remains? Just like Travis, Wren thought, all chopped up to disappear forever, then shook that thought out of her head. She’d done what she had to do. They all had.

She gripped her seam ripper in her hands. She’d gotten the stylist team to put it on a chain for her, so it was around her neck. She always did what she had to do. Now Wren had to live. She wasn’t fucking dying today.

Neither Wren nor Mako said anything until it was time to get into the launch tube, but Mako gave Wren a hug and Wren had to fight off tears for a second time. She barely even knew Mako - it was fucking pathetic.The door sealed behind her, sealed like her fucking fate, but it was warmer than Wren expected, and she didn’t feel as squeezed in as she thought she was going to. She took a deep breath and locked eyes with Mako, who gave her a nod, as if to say “good luck” or maybe “nice knowing ya.”

Wren could do this. She had to fucking do this. She would kill, again, and she would survive. She would take her mom to the Capitol and they’d just be Daisy and Wren in a little apartment. All she had to do was win.