#if i weren't actively being abused and hurt and deteriorating so badly id literally just give up and accept control
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alastors-wife · 5 years ago
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*agonized screeching noises*
#tfw all of the shit i was taught by that c*lt & by all the other horrible people that influenced and controlled me as far as spirituality-#-goes is bubbling up to the surface and i cant tell what's true and what isn't and i feel like im abt to start fucking sobbing ♥#ngl after having it beaten into your head for 7 solid years that you're worthless and nothing you'll ever do will be good enough-#-the shit feels fucking awful!!!!!#what if its. true though lmfaooooo#like... im disabled. im completely incapable of having two-way conversations like other witches. i struggle every day to even-#-take care of myself and manage my pain and energy enough to get out of bed let ALONE focus on spirituality#fuck. im so stupid. why did i think this would work???#i was fed lies for so long and controlled and told I'm not supposed to exist & im a danger to humanity n need to die#and i still feel worthless. i still feel like I'm not enough and never will be#and i am SO fucking oblivious and STUPID#i will never be one of those witches that has their shit together n is able to comprehend basic shit like...#realistically?? that'll never be me. and normally id be like ok whatever thats mostly bc of shit i was born with and cant control#but its not enough. I'M not enough and i feel so fucking terrible. i want to be good enough and actually...be worth something???#prove that this is important to me??? im not tryna sit here and talk out of my ass i want to actually SHOW it and ACT#lmfao thank you @ *** for ruining my life and mental health#and every time i make the SMALLEST mistake its just like. cool im gonna go kill myself now#if i weren't actively being abused and hurt and deteriorating so badly id literally just give up and accept control#ive been controlled my whole life. this is nothing new. im nothing but a tool and a toy.#hahahaha i want to fucking k*ll myself ♥#how in the world am i going to make this work?#sui /#abuse tw
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