#if i wake up to a bunch of nonsense i'm turning it off in the morning lol

[anneapocalypse]

I'm just gonna say it, the idea that Dragon Age has this big history of "playersexual" love interests I think is largely BS. It's a term somebody came up with that probably seemed like a good idea at the time, and devs and gaming news outlets have been parroting it mindlessly every since.

If "playersexual" means that an NPC's orientation is only toward the player character or changes based on the player character, and therefore they can't be said to have a distinct sexuality, that is just... demonstrably not true for most of the relevant characters in Dragon Age.

Leliana is not playersexual. She has a past relationship with a woman. There's a whole DLC about it.

Zevran is not playersexual. He tells you in dialogue that he's interested in men and women.

Isabela is not playersexual. She mentions past involvement with men and women, and will have a relationship with Fenris if not romanced by Hawke.

Fenris is not playersexual. See above about the relationship with Isabela.

Anders is not playersexual. In Awakening he mentions liking pretty girls, and he has a past relationship with a man. Not everyone may get the latter dialogue in the game (and it's fair to question that writing choice), but it's also in World of Thedas; it's canon even if you didn't hear it in your game.

The Iron Bull is not playersexual. He can have a relationship with Dorian if not romanced.

Josephine is not playersexual. She has a brief hint of a relationship with Blackwall, even though it doesn't last.

The player character's gender has no effect on any of these relationships canonically happening.

The only love interest you could maybe make a case for (simply because we have no other canon relationships to point to) is Merrill, and her lack of experience is largely alluded to being a result of her being sheltered as the Keeper's apprentice, rather than her having no interest.

While not all of these characters will outright tell you they're attracted to the same gender if not romanced, they all canonically have romantic or sexual interests of some kind outside the player character and none of those change based on the player character's gender, only (sometimes) on whether they are in a romance with the player character. My point here isn't that there's no room for queer identity to be made more explicit, but that their sexualities explicitly do not revolve only around the player character.

And if that's not the definition of "playersexual" then okay, what is it?

Do NPCs literally have to be having a threesome onscreen, visible in every single playthrough no matter what, for us to accept that they have a sexuality that isn't contingent on the player character? Alistair or Sebastian's availability as a romance to female PCs only is generally considered sufficient evidence that they're canonically straight (whatever else fans may headcanon or desire). It's possible to have Sera in your game without ever talking to her about her sexuality, but she's still canonically a lesbian. So exactly what standards for "canon bisexuality" or "canon pansexuality" are we falling short of here? And why is it only for bi/pan characters that the bar is set so high?

These games actually go to considerable lengths to show us that its characters have lives and personalities and preferences apart from the player character. Why is it never enough? Why are we so resistant to just calling these characters pansexual and bisexual? What do we gain from that refusal? And what do we lose?

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

ok ok about the drunk characters I'm having fun, can I ask one for Haitani brothers? I think they have a certain tolerance for alcohol but it must be a lot of fun when they get drunk

Like them hanging out together while drunk? This is what that would probably be like!

They both have pretty high tolerances, with Rindou's being slightly lower even with how much he drinks (this annoys him greatly even though his is still high). 

Frequently have drinking competitions between them (also encouraging others to join). This is what typically gets them both drunk.

They both insist they're good drivers even when drunk (someone always has to steal their keys from them normally Kakucho). This whole conversation starts when someone (probably Kakucho again) tells them they can't do that.

Ran has a habit of telling others secrets when drunk, he'll accidentally spill all sorts of info.

Rindou tries to show off how flexible he is in the middle of the bar/ club.

One time they both beat the DJ up while drunk at this club so that Rindou could have a turn.

Ran tends to get tired faster after drinking so he leans on Rindou a lot.

Rindou always feels like time moves faster when he's drunk, he loves the light feeling though.

When drunk they love to call people up and bother them (Koko blocked their number after a few times).

Ran talks a lot when drunk, he goes on and on but most of it is nonsense.

Rindou dances in the weirdest way possible 

They both somehow still look good though??? Even if you try taking a picture of them while drunk and messy it still comes out good??

They tell so many people who they are

Will get into fights for even sillier reasons then before. That guy over there looks like someone they hate (even though he looks completely different) time to beat him up.

Ran accidentally picks up a bunch of girls when drunk, due to the atmosphere, his personality and him getting close to them like that.

Sometimes Rindou will see this and get a little jealous, he'll then attempt to flirt a bit too. 

They normally stumble home together in the early hours of the morning. Rindou (who was helping Ran) sometimes makes the sleepy mistake of putting Ran into his bed instead of Ran's own. Ran is asleep as soon as he hits the mattress and Rindou can't move him, so Rindou normally just shrugs and ends up sleeping next to him, the same as when they were kids. (Rindou always moves before Ran wakes up though so he doesn't get teased about this). 

They have absolutely gone to gang fights with the worst hangovers before.

[txtmetonight]

"Why would I cheat on you if we aren't even dating...yet"

call summary ⋆ �� when one fateful night, their nightly dreams have turned into horrifying nightmares. how dare you cheat on them in their dreams....especially since you guys aren't even dating yet.

pairings *. * · ot5 x fem! reader (headcanons + little stories)

genre ⋆ ★ pure insane crack, maybe fluff idk

warnings *. * · cursing, the boys being immensely stupid and the reader being really really confused. mentions of cheating (duh), this is supposed to be a lighthearted, long asf with a lot of nonsense, bad grammar lol (unedited), cannibalism in taehyun's (as a joke 🤣) really bad jokes, cursing

call duration ⋆ ★ 6.7k (Each member is like 1.5k or more)

a/n*. * You would think that I was drunk or on drugs while writing this...I'm not even legal enough 😭 also sorry for how short Soobin's was, I didn't realize until I finished everyone's also this sucks ass but whateva 😜. Also for Hyuka I swear I don't act like this, everything is a joke, I swear please don't come for me, I'm normal and sane.

Soobin ˚ · • . ° .

✭ I think that he would have this dream after spending a whole day with you alone, and his own feelings are starting to get to him 💀

✭ Like he's had a humongous crush on you for over 5 years but he'd rather die than tell you so his own feelings were done with him and your oblivious ass

✭ So what do they do? They take it into their own hands by sending him a dream of you cheating on him with Yeonjun 😈

He was in a grocery store, filled with...groceries. Soobin was confused, didn't he just go to bed? Looking around him he notices that it was daytime, but no one was in the shop so he just decides to leave, wanting to go back home. And for some reason right when he goes outside there's a huge billboard of you, standing out the entrance almost like it was waiting for him. Looking around, he finds a bunch of butterflies flying around, but why do the butterflies look like you? Observing closer, he finds that the trees look like you, and so do the plants, the sun, the houses, the grass, the sky, the pavement, literally everything looks like you. Taking another look at the billboard-you, he finds out that you were asking him to follow you, which he obviously does. Your huge billboard-self takes him into your own house which was upside-down for some reason but Soobin doesn't care, he was just excited to see you...the real you, not the billboard-version that practically show-cased all of your pores from how much the board enlarged your face.

Going inside your house, he finds a bakery in the kitchen but he pays no mind to it, instead going into your bedroom. And right when opens the room, guess what he finds? You kissing a very ugly picture of Yeonjun. That's right you weren't even smooching Yeonjun, you were kissing a picture of him. Totally this one. Closing the door, he runs out the house, only to see what he saw in that room, plastered everywhere like a nightmare. Sobbing out loud he tries to run away but then that picture of Yeonjun chases him down, getting bigger and bigger every meter that it slides across the floor. Soobin thought he saw the worst of it until he accidentally stepped on something that shoots him into the sky like a rocket, a seat belt already making sure that he doesn't jump off. Flying all the way to space, Soobin soon finds out the grim reality of why he was sent all the way up there. It was so he could see the whole world mold into that horrible scene he saw in your house. And then....

✭ He wakes up, covered in sweat, with tears streaking down his cheeks which he wipes away quickly, the dream slowly settling in him

✭ Also I did put a link above of the picture you were smooching, just in case if you glossed over it

✭ He just scoffs, side-eyeing the picture of him and Yeonjun that was taped on the wall, and he's just muttering curses at the poor man while lying in bed

✭ How the hell is Yeonjun better than him? Especially that photo? literally thinking about it sends shivers down his spine

✭ But now at this point he starts to get insecure. Do you actually like Yeonjun?

✭ Yet he doesn't know that you actually like him instead but shhh he'll find that out later

✭ So the next day, he finds out that you've invited him out again and he's feeling mixed emotions. Should he be happy or not?

✭ But he still goes ofc, and for the whole day he's really pouty. Yk how his mouth just naturally goes in that pout? Yeah, but imagine that 10x more pouty.

✭ You obviously notice but you don't say anything, just quietly observing him, eyebrows and question marks rising when he (not) subtly hints about you having a crush on Yeonjun.

✭ "Sooo how well does Yeonjun treat you huh?"

✭ "Soobin what???"

✭ And finally the day ends with a movie night/sleepover at your place, and by then he's forgotten the dream and he's enjoying his day out with you. Giggling at all your words and being a huge gentleman and all.

✭ But then you guys arrive at your apartment and his mood goes sour all over again.

✭ He's even half expecting the same scenario to replay again and that damn (cute) pout is back again

✭ You set up the room and all, getting popcorn and snacks so you could settle next to Soobin, who just snuggles into your blanket...awww :(

✭ Noticing the pout on his face, you take the chance to ask him about it.

"Are you okay Soobin?" He just narrows his eyes at you, pulling the blanket up to his face, and hiding it away from your curious look. "DoyoulikeYeonjunorsomething?" "Uh, what, you said that to fas-" "Do you like Yeonjun?" He says it so sternly that you're back is suddenly straightened, nervously chuckling at him. "Er no, why?" He starts to get more irritated, not at you, but at something...he doesn't know who either. But that anger makes him spit out something that you would never expect from him in a million years. "Then why did you cheat on me with Yeonjun, and in my dreams too, what did I ever do to you?" You're left frozen, shocked at his exclamation as you watch him seriously look away. "C-cheat? in your dreams? Binnie, we're not even together yet" You scratch your cheek, blushing and laughing at his bewildered face. Oh god how could he forget, you guys weren't even together. "Oh n-no I'm so sorry I–wait–yet?" You just smile at him, taking his hands into yours, "Unless you don't want to"

✭ 'Till this day he doesn't know if what he said was the best thing he's said in his life or not

✭ You still bring it up of course, even after you're together with him, I mean it's a great story to tell your kids

Yeonjun ˚ · • . ° .

✭ Oh this cocky, dramatic  mf

✭ There were probably no reasons for this nightmare, it just happened, maybe because it's been days since he's seen you?

"Yeonjun hahaha" He groggily wipes his eyes, turning around in his...bed? Wait, that didn't feel like his bed. He tries to open his lids but it's in vain, so he just lays there, breathing heavily. "Junnie wakeee up, lookie here" the voice he hears is so near but far and it instills a feeling of comfort as he smiles, giggling along with the voice "I can't (Y/n)ieeee, i can't open my eyes'' He starts to sob once he realizes who he was responding to. He was talking to his love of his life, he can't be seen like this. Trying to physically open his eyes with his hands, he tugs and pinches yet it doesn't happen. "Open your eyes' ' he cries, and ta-da it opens. "Oh." Looking around he notices that he was actually sleeping on a huge bowl of cotton candy and that he was a roll away from falling to his death. Scurrying away, he calls for your name.

"(Y/n)! Where are you?" He soon finds out that he's able to stand and not fall down. Toeing slowly around, he finds a ladder that leads up. Grabbing the second step so he could pull himself up, he suddenly finds himself at the top, where a huge mist covered the path in front of him. Hearing familiar sniggers, he calls for your name happily. "Hey (Y/n), I'm right here, gosh this stupid mist" Flapping the strange fog away, he notices a figure in the distance. "Hi! Do you know where my beautiful (Y/n)-oh hi (Y/n) I've been looking for you, where were you at?" He smiles at you. "Oh me? I was with this handsome boy" Pulling a boy from thin air, Yeonjun squints his eyes at the intruder, feeling envy flow through his veins, before gasping. "You've been with Beomgyu!?" Without even answering his question you tug 'Beomgyu', planting a kiss on his lips. Yeonjun, who feels like he's going through a heart attack, stumbles backward not realizing that he was at the edge. But apparently Beomgyu does. "Goodbye Yeonjun, your girlfriend is mine muahahah" extending his arms, he lets out a small squirrel (that looks coincidentally looks like Taehyun) to push him off.

✭ And then he wakes up screaming

✭ "What the-" he gags once realizing what his dream was about and immediately pulls off the covers, getting up, and trying not to be blinded by the sunlight peeking through his curtains

✭ His whole body is like disgusted and revolted yet he feels his ego decrease a lot

✭ How the hell is Beomgyu your lover...and you allow it too??? What is wrong with you

✭ Grabbing his phone, he finds out that you've made plans with all of his friends (which were all of urs too) and you were asking him to come too.

✭' If you've invited all of his friends, which means you've asked for B-B-Beomgyu *gags* 🤢 to come along too' he thinks

✭ After that, of course he was going to come, I mean how would he let his girlfriend hang out with someone that broke the bro-code

✭ He obviously has to save you from his wrath 🙄

✭ We all know that Yeonjun loves to dress up to the nines, which he does but it also looks like he's the groom of a wedding

✭ "Yeonjun-hyung, why are you dressed like that?" Beomgyu snickers as you all go to pick him up

✭ "Shut up B-B-Beomgyu *gags*...oh hey! (Y/n) do you like my fit?" He's like a little puppy when he sees you, pure eyes lighting up, and everyone literally groans. They all know, except for you.

✭ The whole time his eyes are on Beomgyu, afraid that he was going to land his nasty hands on you and whenever he was going to, Yeonjun is always there to push him out the way, sweet-talking you away from that menace

✭ At first Beomgyu thought it was funny and all that, like how Yeonjun was getting so worked up over him placing a hand on you, like hahaha but now it's really annoying

✭ And Beomgyu being Beomgyu he blurts it out

"Yeonjun-hyung what is your problem, why do you keep pushing me...is it because of (Y/n)?" Even if Beomgyu was on the edge of a cliff, hanging on for dear life, he would never-I mean never- miss a chance to push Yeonjun's buttons. "Oh shut up, you don't understand, you never will!" Beomgyu just raises his eyebrows, whistling while you and others were quite shocked from his outburst. "Yeonjun calm down, we're in the middle of a restaurant" you pat his arm, trying to calm him down which somewhat works and he's just left in a glaring mess. Yet Beomgyu wasn't satisfied with his daily enjoyment of annoying Yeonjun. "What do you mean that I won't understand, does it have to do with her?" He cocks his head towards you, and you quickly start to panic, Yeonjun starts to tremble with anger under your arms. "Yeonjun no-"

"Your fucking ass stole my girl...you made (Y/n) cheat on me with you out of all people!" The whole restaurant goes quiet at his loud loud yell and people who were passing the place also stop. You couldn't even let yourself be flustered under all the audience, mouth hanging open at Yeonjun who glances at you sadly. "Wait hold up, Yeonjun you're dating (Y/n), why hasn't no one told me?" Hyuka is the first one to break the silence, gripping Taehyun's arm from all the drama. "N-no I haven't been dating Yeonjun, I don't think I've been with Beomgyu...like that either" Looking back at Yeonjun, you notice that he's gone frigid, pupils large and distant. Seems so he just realized what he's let out. "I-huh?" He splutters like a car engine and you awkwardly rub his back, smiling endearingly. "Where did you hear that Junnie?" You softly ask him, shooting daggers at Beomgyu who looked like he was going to laugh, slouching down promptly from your look, instead opting to shoo away the weird glances of the other customers. "Don't make fun of me" The others intently listen, watching you nod at him. "It was in my dreams" "Oh."

✭ I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened after that

✭ Beomgyu starts laughing at him which you chuckle too cause you can't help it blah blah blah

✭ But then you also reveal that you like him back too, which he's soooo happy for

✭ Beomgyu's never gonna live this down omg

Beomgyu ˚ · • . ° .

✭ He's probably gonna get extremely (10x) sad and annoyed even though you two aren't dating

✭ You guys prolly already act like a couple, yk lovey-dovey, and you guys have def kissed once in the past...anyways

✭ Sidenote he fell asleep when watching megamind when this dream happened, all while he was thinking about you, idk he just always has you in his mind

Eyes opening immediately he finds himself in the middle of the air...just floating. "What the hell? ''Moving his arms around, he swishes around like a gasping fish straight out from the water. He was starting to not like the dream. "Oh my god it's Bear-man, look look" Shooting his head down, he gasps cause he sees little bitty kids staring at him with their fingers pointed at him. And of course Beomgyu gets offended by this, so he points back at them, ready to unleash the motor that was stored in the back of his mouth. "Oi did your parents ever tell you that it was rude to point, shoo shoo stupid kids' '. Once they leave he moves his arms and feet like he was doing breaststroke, slowly but surely moving in the air. Something in his guts was directing him towards the city park, which he strangely knew about and it didn't take him long to reach the place, yet he was huffing and puffing in exhaustion. Looking around, he sees a tall building that was reflecting a man in a bear suit just floating around. Wait a second, that was him!

Swimming closer to the building to take a closer look at himself, a sudden flash of blue spins him around and faces him towards the tallest structure there...which was a building of Kai in that weird airplane uniform. "Hey who was that, I'll fight you!" He starts to swing and punch in every direction, even ducking invisible hits. "Ahhhh Gyu help me, help me!" Freezing up like a thick block of ice momentarily because of the sweet voice, Beomgyu snaps out of his daze "(Y/n), what happened are you ok!?" Taking his right hand up to his forehead, he tries to look around for you. "(Y/n) I'll save you, just tell me where you are!?" "I'm on top of Huening Kai's eye, Beomgyu!" "Oh ok!" Not letting a moment go to waste, he starts to freestyle all the way up to his friend's face and as closer as he got he was able to see your tied up figure. Stopping only a few meters away from you, he quickly finds out that there's a force field of some-sorts, stopping him from entering. "Oh no!" he howls, pounding on the invisible barrier. "It's alright Bear-man, we all know how weak you are, I'll save you (Y/n)" A familiar voice from behind him calls out, and he sees the same flash of blue again before the 'wall' in front him breaks and the mysterious man, fast as light zooms in towards you side. "Who are you? and why are you blue...wait hold up, Taehyun?!" Yes indeed the blue man was Taehyun who also had a very large forehead, but that didn't matter to Beomgyu the moment that Taehyun released you from the ropes and gasped you in his chest. "Get your filthy hands off of my girlfriend, Taehyun!" Beomgyu growls, lifting up his fists. "Lol no" and then he pulls you in for a kiss.

✭ Beomgyu wakes up, like literally jolts up from his bed

✭ He has no words at all, he's just in his bed contemplating if he either should just kill himself, kill Taehyun or do both

✭ He cannot believe that Taehyun would betray him like that

✭ I fully believe that out the five boys, he would be the most delusional with this dream, like he would fully fully believe that the dream was a sign

✭ And since the dream version of him said that you were his girlfriend, you were also his gee f here too

✭ The first thing he would do is that he would go to your apartment complex or house idk whatever you live in

✭ He's not gonna even brush his teeth or take a shower...he just gets out of bed puts his shirt back on and just walks to your house, which was the next house over

✭ He just wanted to be reassured that's all (and also to make sure that the dream wasn't real and that Taehyun wasn't at your house)

✭ You've prolly have known 💣🧪 (bombgoo) for like your whole life so you're not even surprised when he shows up at your door and ofc you let him in

✭ The first thing he does is look around your house for any remnants of that bastard and you just let him–mind you it's like 7 am so your tired and you just flop onto the couch so you continue your slumber

✭ And when he doesn't find anything he goes back into the living room to see you sleeping and since he's also tired he just lays on top of you to go to sleep, curling his arms around you which you also reciprocate making him smile against your cheek.

✭ But right when he's about drift away to la la land the doorbell rings, waking him up

✭ He almost leaves the person outside but he decides not to so he gets up again and goes to open the door

✭ and guess who he sees when he opens the door

✭ It's Taehyun who looks at him with surprise (and with a knowing look) holding your jacket in between his hands

✭ "Can you give this to (Y/n), she left this at my house"

✭ The only thing Beomgyu sees is red, but he takes a deep breath and takes the jacket from Taehyun's hands and then slams the door in his face

"Gyu who was that?" you mumble from your position on the couch, barely lifting your head to see a scowling Beomgyu. "Taehyun'' he grumbles, "He came to give you back the jacket that you left at his house, say why were you at his house?" "I had a project with him to finish, I'll text him thanks later...come back to the couch, I miss your warmth, it's really cold". As much as he tries he could never stay mad at you, so he cracks a tiny smile, fulfilling your requests, and pulling you into his arms once again. The comfortable silence ensues before Beomgyu, who is reduced to his own annoyance towards the other man, speaks up. "So you just went to Taehyun's place because you had a project right?" You nod into his chest, eyes fluttering open at his odd question.

"Why what’s wrong?". He just shrugs, "Are you sure it wasn't for anything else?". "Uh no, what else would I be doing?" you nervously chuckle at him, staring at him as he looks around your house, avoiding your eyes. "I dunno, maybe cheat on me" he quietly whispers and you would've almost missed his words if you weren't so enamored with the boy that looked like he was going to dissolve into your couch. "Cheat?...Gyu, I would never cheat on you, I love you too much to do that, you're the only boy in my eyes." You were a tad bit confused but you played along, taking the boy's face in your hands. "Really?" Laughing at his lightened eyes, you mumble a yes, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. "But...y'know we aren't dating yet right?"

✭ He almost fell off from the couch in surprise...wdym you guys weren't datin-oh

✭ Anyways whatever, he just shrugs it off with a huge grin on his face before explaining why he thought what he did

✭ And yes you found it endearing and you wanted to tease him but you couldn't so you just resort to placing tiny kisses all over his face

✭ He doesn't even question what you said above, yk about loving him and all

✭ You guys live happily ever after 🙃

Taehyun ˚ · • . ° .

✭ I'm thinking that he'll be the second most chill out of the five in this situation like he's still sad and irritated and all that but he knows what's real and what's not (somewhat)

✭ But that still doesn't mean that this his love for you doesn't make him forget and fall into the deep pool of delusions 🤷‍♀️

✭ Like oh em gee, I don't think you understand how powerful you are...you made the Taehyun delulu

✭ Also he's prolly gonna be the most embarrassed too, the others have little to no shame

✭ And ofc he has the most normal dream...I think

The loud sound of screeching wakes Taehyun up from his beauty sleep, who just grumbles at the sound, rolling around to turn off the alarm. Except when he flails his hands around in a sleep-induced phase, he finds nothing on his bedside table, forcing him to lift an eye up. "Where is my-what the fuck" Lifting his lower body up with concern, he spots a chicken that was drinking a bottle of sprite while screaming its head off. Getting tired of the noise quickly, Taehyun gets out of bed to pick up the animal so he could put it outside. Yet before his hands even touch the thing, you come bursting out the closet a bunch of other chickens following right behind you, letting out a sound of astonishment once you meet Taehyun's flabbergasted but infatuated eyes. "Tae what are you doing in my room?" "Your room?" He parrots, a small nip on his arm reminding him that he is holding a chicken, which he doesn't remember picking up? "Yeah my room" Suddenly you look past him and he follows your sight, and oh my you are right, he is in your room...but how? He swears that he was just in his place? Looking around skittishly, he catches your curious eyes, making him cough at how adorable you looked even though you were in your pajamas. "Um sorry about that, I don't even know why I am in your room?" You pat his cheek and he blushes under your touch. "You're fine, let's go to school, I think we're getting late!" "To school? I'm not even my uniform yet" He panics sending you into puzzlement once more. "What do you mean, you're already dressed up?" Looking down he notices that indeed he was already wearing his school uniform! "How?" Purely dumbfounded he just nods, wiping away the sweat that was starting to pour down his face. "Why are you acting so weird today?" You snicker, but mumble sorry's at your tease.

Grasping the door-handle to your closet, you open the door and slowly walk back into the darkness. "See you late Tae! and go straight to the cafe to look for the huge poster" Shooting finger guns at Taehyun, you close the door on his face, leaving behind. "Wait (Y/n)" Trying to grasp the same handle, he finds it gone without a trace. Glancing around, his eyes go to target the second door in the room; the actual entrance. Clutching the metal handle, he swings open the door, which for some reason leads into the chemistry lab. Closing the door behind him politely, he runs out of the lab, remembering your words about finding the cafeteria. And who was Taehyun if he ever forgot your words. Taking corners left and right, he doesn't recollect the hallways being this long or the cafe being this far but it doesn't matter and he soon reaches his destination. Stretching his neck, he looks around for the said poster but he doesn't even find it and after surveying the lunchroom over ten times, he lets it go, opting to sit down. But he doesn't even have a chance, cause the moment he sat his butt down, you called out his name with great joy. "Taehyun lookie here, this is the poster I was talking about!" Turning around swiftly, he watches as a huge roll of paper unravels itself over the staircase, revealing the hidden image that it was hiding. "Look, it's me and Kai, aren't we so cute!" you squeal while Taehyun stares at the picture in fear and envy. You two were cuddling on what seemed like his bed, while you gave a huge kiss to the boy's lips. "Oh no! I didn't secure the poster right!" He hears Huening Kai say somewhere in the distance, before looking forward again...only to be met with the giant paper breaking free from its clips and falling right towards Taehyun.

✭ Taehyun didn't stay asleep long enough to see what happened next

✭ He wasn't really sure how he was feeling, he didn't know if he was supposed to feel betrayed or not over a 'stupid' dream like this (btw he did feel stabbed in the back fkjhfuaisjfn)

✭ He knew that the dream he had was just a figment of his imagination but he couldn't help look around for a random rooster or chicken in his room before getting ready for school

✭ yadda yadda he's already at school and going to his classes when he spots you and Kai by the lockers chatting and giggling with each other

✭ And just couldn't help feel slightly jealous ughhh

✭ But him being Taehyun he ignores it, anyways he's the one that has first period with you, not Huening Kamal Kai

✭ Sitting at your desk, you feel a wave of butterflies as Taehyun smiles at you when he sits next to you, so you obviously smile back which also leads to Taehyun's guts being blended up inside him

✭ Gosh your so cute that he wants to pocket you and grill you alive

✭ I'm guessing that if you guys weren't that close he wouldn't even dare say what he was thinking right now

✭ But luckily you are sheeeshshhdihfs

"(Y/n)?" He stares at you snap back into reality while you were just staring into blank space, humming questioningly at your name. "Do you like Kai, you can tell me, I won't judge" He shakes his hands at you and you scrunch your nose at him, chuckling at his antics. "Not at all, I honestly see him as a brother, why? what's with the sudden question, did someone start spreading rumors again?" "Er no, I was just curious" He slowly nods at you, flashing his usual grin for comfort. "Ok...I um actually like someone else" Straightening his back faster than you can say love, he looks at you with a glint that you've never seen before. "Really? who?" You smirk, "You'll find out soon". He raises eyebrows and rolls his eyes, muttering alright before looking towards the side, humming a soft tune. When he first met you, he quickly found out that you liked leaving him in suspense, whether it was intentionally or not. His mind wanders back to the dream.

Should he tell you? Would you find him weird and if you did were you going to start avoiding him? What if-"A penny for your thoughts?" You sigh, staring at him through the corner of your eyes, amusedly watching his startled face. Gulping timidly, he decides to tell you, he just couldn't hold it in anymore! "So theoretically what if someone you knew had a dream about you cheating on them with another close friend, asking for a friend? '' He tugs at the collar of his shirt, anxiously watching your face go through a variant of emotions. You weren't dumb, nope not stupid at all, so you definitely knew that ‘his friend' was actually him and god were you freaking out inside. But it wouldn't hurt to tease. "So the friend saw me cheating on them with another friend, I didn't know I had a secret admirer" you poke Taehyun who scrambles so he could defend what he meant. "No what I meant is-you know what never mind, you already know what I mean" he grumbles, ducking his head back into his arm, trying to cover up the slight blush. "No need to be shy, I like you too" you lean down to whisper into his ear, and he accidentally lets out a squeak. And you push your body even closer, "And I promise not to cheat on our 'actual' relationship".

✭ He's the color of a flamingo now

✭ It's official to say that Taehyun is currently the luckiest and happiest man in the world

✭ But he's still really embarrassed, like he couldn't even look you in the eye after that for a couple of days

✭ And it still haunts him in his nightmares

Huening Kai ˚ · • . ° .

✭ He's prolly the calmest in this situation

✭ He got this nightmare when he spotted you and Soobin talking about anime without him 💔 💔💔

✭ He also probably fell asleep next to you and Soobin while everyone was watching a movie at his house...also it's safe to say that you're really really comfy like his plushies

Huening Kamal Kai felt like he was in heaven. Surrounding him were millions and billions of plushies of many kinds, especially the Sanrio ones. Funny story: he actually never liked Sanrio until he met you, his cute obsession after you won him a dozen of hello kitty and My Melody plushies at an arcade. Easily the best night ever. Rolling around in happiness, he stops along an oddball of a plushie, furrowing his eyebrow and trying to figure out what it was before a lightbulb clicked in his head. It was you in a plushie form! "Awww how cute!" Holding the little plushie up, he brings it up to his chest, snuggling it into the crook of his neck. Flapping right back down, he fights the urge to scream and squeal and he almost wishes that he would never leave, but then how would he see the real you? Sighing with content he suddenly starts to hear strange music echoing, and it seems that it's coming from the far side of the plushies. Picking himself up, he drags the stuffed version of you, ready to explore with great interest. "Who's there?" he tries, but it's to no avail, it's just the music that responds back but this time it has a familiar tune. "Hey, I know that song!" Looking down at the stuffy in his hand he continues on, "It's from (Y/n)'s favorite anime, wait maybe she's with the music !" Struggling to pick up the pace and exclaim his sorry to the many faces of stuffed animals he was stepping on, but there was no time to waste. "(Y/n)ieeee are you there?"

Receiving no response doesn't make him lose hope instead it just fuels his drive to find you more. Feeling like he was running for hours, he finally spots a tiny radio amidst all the fluff making him stop. The source of the music was found but (Y/n) was nowhere to be seen. Bending down to take a closer look at the machine, he decides to turn it off, it was starting to get annoying. But right when he does that, a door emerges from the plushies, a pink and white door, right next to Hyuka's feet. "Huh?" He leans down once more to tug on the knob which magically turns into a rainbow, yet it doesn't let him enter or even open the door. Puzzled, he knocks on the door, but it still doesn't open, instead choosing to send out a small hole that was similar to the (Y/n) in his hand. 'Oh should I put her in here?' Thinking, he chooses to push you into the hole and then only does the door open for him, letting a gust of wind swish his blonde hair. A strong magnetic force swiftly pulls him inside and shuts the door behind him, leaving him in a total dark room, contrasting the place he was just in. "Hello? is anyone-oh!" A sudden flash of bright light booms in front of him before a whole explosion pushes him onto his feet. Shocked, he stays on the ground, silently staring at the multitude of ignitions of color when something from the corner of his eye, makes him jump in surprise. "Is that Soobin as Gojo?!" He screams, rubbing his eyes to make sure what he saw was 'real'. "Oh my god is that Jogo, are they fighting?!" squawking like a hawk, he ogles with big doe eyes, literally rewatching the same intense fight that he saw in the anime. Except this time, when Soobin as Gojo won, out came you in what seemed like a hashira uniform. "(Y/n) why are you wearing a hashira uniform, are you really a hashira?" He excitedly waves towards you but frowns when you ignore him, looking right at Soobin with a dorky smile. "Hi my pookieicious, anime weeb, baka lalala, sugamama, deadchi, haikyuu, iwa-chan boy, I'm so happy you beat that Haisha (Loser).

Clenching your fists, you bring them to yourselves only to tug on Soobin's sleeve so you could place a chaste kiss on his lips. And all Huening Kai could do is just watch in complete horror, he wasn't even focused on the part where you called Soobin weird ass names, he had eyes on the part where you kissed him! "Of course my baby grill!" Soobin laughs like an old man and this is where Kai has enough, coughing loud enough to catch yours and Soobin's attention. "(Y/n) what are you doing hanging out with Soobin?! Are you cheating on me?! Why? He doesn't even like Megumi! What person doesn't like Megumi?!" Sending a flurry of words, Kai stands in the dark, ready to burst into tears. "I don't like Megumi either" You bounce your shoulders, and look right at Soobin again. "Ew who are you and what did you do to my (Y/n)?! Didn't you claim that Megumi was your husband the other day? I was actually going to change my hair so it would look like his, please I love you (Y/n)!" Consumed by terror, Huening Kai doesn't notice Soobin's hands producing some weird energy, and when he does it was too late to run away from. "Nooooo!" Kai screams once hit, flying through the air. "Nooo-"

✭ "Kai wake up!"

✭ "Noooo-huh?", oh shit am I in heaven?" Dw he's not, he just saw your face and thought you were an angel oops

✭ "Nope, you were just having a nightmare" he doesn't notice but you're trying really really hard to not let a single giggle slip from your mouth

✭ "Oh." Looking around he finds the rest of the boys sleeping in like weird positions but he doesn't even question it but for some reason one of them (Beomgyu) lets out a snore that sounded like it was a mixture between a screaming cat and a choking rat...I wonder why huh

✭ I fully support the idea that Kai doesn't tell you about the nightmare but yk he's still feeling jealousy especially at Soobin's head on your shoulder, and he was smiling too, that fucking toe-sucker

✭ "Are you ok?" you asks, ruffling his head and he just nervously lets out a small gasp, wondering how your the most prettiest woman he's ever laid his eyes on

✭ "Yeah I'm fine, I just need some water" "Ok let's gaur"

✭ He's confused about why you're coming with him but whatever, and being the gentleman he is, he helps you get out from the tangled mess of blankets, and he's holding your hand too jdshflueghhfuweh :(

Walking to the kitchen with hands interlocked with Kai was something you would've never expected but it was least to say that it was enjoyable. With his little skips and his hands swinging yours, it sent your love sensor into a frenzy and your heart feeling like you were racing in a marathon. Though Kai on the other hand, tried hard to not faint in your arms. God you looked so adorable with your nonsensical giggles at his stupid jokes and your pure smiles that you flashed in his way. The kitchen was obviously not far, so when you arrive, you guys make a straight bee-line to the fridge, grabbing your respective glasses. "So Kai, what was your nightmare about?" You breathe, intently watching him go pink in the face. Biting his tongue so he doesn't let out a shameful smile, he replies back with a lie. "I dunno, I forgot to be honest". He didn't like lying to you but he had no other choice...if you ever found out, he'd like to be run over by car so he would never have to face you again.

"Let's stay in the kitchen for a while, I don't want to go back to those idiots" Kai grins at your words, and was going to say a bright "ok" at your suggestion before he was rudely interrupted by one of the boys by their groan? Their snoring? Their mutter? The air fell into a comfortable silence yet Huening Kai was going through an internal turmoil. 'Why would you cheat on him?' Looking back at a sleeping Soobin he receives another question. "Do you still like Megumi?" You let out a confused hum. "Do you still like Megumi... 'cause I know that you were rambling about him being your husband or whatever?" he rumbles. "Yeah I do but I think his hair is mid, not the best hairstyle I've ever seen, I like blonde hair better" "Oh ok" his cheeks were starting to hurt from how hard he had to stop himself from smiling. Guess who had blonde hair, him! 'Wait Soobin also has blonde hair...' and his mood goes downhill again. "Um also I don't like Soobin, nor would I ever cheat on you" He almost has the audacity to just agree with you, and he almost does until your words mock him again in his mind. "Wait what-I" He stutters, taken aback by your choice of words. "I didn't know you sleep-talked Hyuka" You sigh, walking closer to him while he just remains frozen in shock. "You heard everything?" He weakly mutters, laughing to himself slowly, mentally preparing for himself to get rejected. "You know I can't cheat on you if we aren't dating, but...we can change that if you want" Practically cornering him against the wall, gleefully observing him changing colors like a chameleon. "Seriously?" "I've liked you since fifth grade, of course," Taking his dizzy smile as an invitation, you capture his lips into a kiss.

✭ You wanna guess why there were flashes of light in your guy's direction

��� "Gosh Hyuka that was like the lamest confession I've ever seen" Yeonjun laughs

✭ "Wait, they were awake the whole time?" Yea lol

✭ "Kai I would never like (Y/n) like that, the fact that she likes Megumi is a straight up red flag for me"

✭ "Oh shut it Soobin...I'm still better than Megumi right (Y/n)?"

✭ "of courseee"

✭ Kai is so awww ugugujdfkj

✭ Also, my bias for him may or may not have shown sorryyyy

lol please reblog and likee

[mariejordans]

can u recommend some good aus and fics about jordan and marie I'm begging you plsssssss

*gasp* oh my goodness i love this questionnnnn!

okay, i’ll give you my current top five limoreau fics uploaded to ao3, but honestly there’s so many good ones for you to pick from, you really can’t go wrong with anything. also, these aren’t ranked in any particular order just my top five in general!

(warning: a lot of these are smutty bc it’s the most common rating in the marie/jordan tag at the moment, so if smut’s not ur thing, let me know and i can do a top 5 of non-smutty limoreau fics!)

1. you can take my flesh if you want, girl by stormbxrnbitch

rating: E

this author has only two limoreau fics out right now and both are SO GOOD (seriously, i can’t recommend this author enough) but i’m obsessed with this au which is why i put it on the list!

this specific fic is a vampire au in which marie herself is a vampire (a cool take on her canonic bloodbending powers) and jordan’s kinda (super) into it. it’s a three-shot, kinda marie-centric, and just all around super interesting and compelling to read. it’s still a wip and it hasn’t gotten smutty YET, but the author has promised lots of it for the final chapter!

2. Want Want? by Cherrydrama and Levie101

rating: M

i’ve recommended it on here before but seriously, IT’S SO GOOD!

it was written before episode five came out, so it’s a jordan pov, canon divergence fic on what happens after limoreau wakes up in the bed together, and i don’t want to spoil it too much, but i will say one thing: SPARRING/TRAINING AU.

this one isn’t super smutty iirc, it’s rated M, so it’s good if you like spice but not a lot of smut in your fics.

3. The Weight Of You by Georgiathewholedaythrough

rating: M

another canon divergence fic! written before episode five, it’s also a take on what happens after they wake up in bed together, only this time things get…smutty. it’s marie pov, very sweet, very romantic, and funny too.

4. two timing by diaphanouspages

rating: E

this is a slight au (described by the author as “has a weird relationship to the show’s actual canon, but just accept the violent canon divergence and move on”) in which jordan attempts to make marie jealous, which works and then they end up in bed together. starts off angsty and kinda smutty, but also turns sweet towards the end.

also slight praise kink for jordan, so if you’re into that…

5. Reluctant Study Buddies by MercutioTheVelaryon

rating: M

another canon divergence fic taking place after episode 4 ending, but they all go in different directions i swear!

this is a study partners/study buddies au (as stated in the title) in which marie and jordan are assigned to be partners on a project for one of their classes. it gets a bit steamy, but it fades to black so if you aren’t comfortable with explicit smut, this might be for you! also, very funny and the banter between jordan and marie in it is *chef’s kiss*

(also this author has a bunch of other limoreau fics uploaded, which i also really loved, so i recommend you check those out as well!)

THATS IT THATS THE LIST! i genuinely hope it helped even a little bit, and that it gives you the mariejordan fix we’ve all been craving since thursday 😭 also, let me know your thoughts after you’ve read if you want, i’m always down to ramble on about gen v/limoreau nonsense!

[steam-beasts]

Oh Sheep!

December had rolled around on Sodor, and the snow was at its strongest. On the Arlesdale Railway, Diesel Junior – or "DJ" as he liked to be called – was resting in the diesel sheds at Arlesburgh West. It was early morning, but the schedules were a lot more relaxed than how they were during the autumn rush.

DJ was sitting at the very back of the shed, fast asleep and trying to keep his radiator warm. Just then, the doors slowly swung open, the chilly air sweeping in. DJ's face at the cold and opened his eyes to see Mr Fergus Duncan walking towards him.

"Good morning, DJ. Apologies for waking you" He said. DJ yawned "It's alright, Mr Duncan. Do...Do you need me to do something?" He asked tiredly. Mr Duncan hummed softly in agreement "Yes, I need you to go to Arlesdale Green to collect a left behind ballast cart. Rex forgot to bring it before going to sleep" the Small Controller explained.

DJ raised an eyebrow "Not that I'm refusing to do it, Mr Duncan. But can't one of the Blister twins do that? Or...Frank?"

Mr Duncan sighed "The Blister twins are off doing a passenger run, and Frank is away taking wool bales to market" he replied with a shrug.

"Oh, well...ok. I'll go"

Mr Duncan gently smiled, giving DJ's roof a pat "Atta boy. Off you go!" DJ lightly smiled back and watched as the Small Controller turned heel and left the shed.

Eventually, the little diesel soon set off out of the sheds and into the cold himself, wincing at the bright light after being shrouded in the dark shed.

Snow had begun to fall by the time DJ reached the Arlesburgh bridge street. He glanced at the upcoming platform to see a couple of workers shoveling away snow, and a middle aged lady. This was the Stationmaster, seemingly wanting to talk to him as she waited on the platform. DJ frowned.

"Oh no, not her!" The little diesel groaned quietly "She's always pestering me about something small and unimportant..."

He was proved to be correct as the Stationmaster took out a red flag waved him down. DJ knew he shouldn't be disrespectful despite his annoyance from her, so he slowed to a stop with a fake grin on his face, plus, she had a red flag so it was probably important... this time "Is something the matter, Mrs Stationmaster?" He asked sweetly ."Yes, you don't happen to be going towards the Marthwaite Woodland area, do you?"

"Yeah, I'm collecting a stray ballast truck down at the green. Is something wrong?" He replied nonchalantly. The Stationmaster scratched her head "Well, due to a shortage of sand, the tracks beyond the Ffarqhuarr road don't have any grit, so best be careful" she warned. DJ honked his horn in acknowledgement and continued on down the line. Once she couldn't see his face, DJ rolled his eyes "Pah, 'be careful' she said. Nonsense, the rails can't be slippy! I haven't slipped on them, neither of the twins have slipped, and neither has Frank. All that comes out of her mouth is a bunch of malarkey!" He scoffed. As he said this, a few cars on the road nearby were slipping and swerving, not dangerously of course.

By the time DJ reached the Ffarqhuarr road, the snow fall was getting heavier, and more like a blizzard. DJ had to squint a little as Farmer Willie came dawdling by with a cart packed with sheep. Willie noticed DJ and came to a brief stop "Hullo' there, DJ! You alright?"

DJ gazed up at Willie and smiled "I'm F-Fine, Farmer Willie. I'm just going up to collect a ballast truck!"

Willie hummed and nodded "Ah, ok..." he said before glancing over at his sheep. Some were asleep, some were not and simply sat in the cart...not all of them were accounted for. He then heard DJ gasp "Are those sheep?!"

Willie shook out of his small daydream "Oh, uh– yes! My boss wants me to take these little guys to the barn for winter!"

A sheep then looked over at DJ and bleated, making the diesel "Aww! Hi there!" He cooed. Farmer Willie just stared at the sheep for a solid minute before realising something "Oh yeah, uh...DJ? If you see a sheep on it's own somewhere, let me know please. It, uh... got out. It has a little bell around its neck and... it's not here..." He trailed off, staring into space.

DJ wasn't listening, he was more focused on the sheep "Look at your little faces...what were you saying, Farmer Willie?"

Farmer Willie shook his head again and scratched his head, haven partially forgotten about what he was talking about "Huh? O-Oh, erm...look out for sheep! Oh crumbs, I better get going" He muttered before driving off. DJ honked goodbye to the farmer and set off once more once the gates reopened.

DJ chuckled to himself "Hehe, sheep..."

____________________________________________

The Marthwaite Woods were littered with trees and bushes. The bare tree branches had icicles dangling off of them. The bushes were piled on with snow and the rails were all icy and slippery, but DJ didn't know this yet.

DJ honked his horn and took his time to look at his surroundings "Wow, the forest looks so mysterious during winter..." he commented to himself.

He then looked forward and remembered that Arlesdale Green was a few miles ahead. He smirked confidently and went faster up the steep track "Nearly there, nearly there" He panted eagerly.

However, the little baby diesel had to come to a stop as up ahead, a lone sheep stood on the line, using its nose and hoof to dig at the snow – presumably in search for grass. DJ skidded to a halt, clenching his teeth as his wheels slipped on the rails. He was still moving (at a more slower pace now), and was getting much closer to the sheep.

DJ frantically tried calling out to the sheep and honking "Out of the way! Out of the way!". The sheep just looked up and glanced at him with vacant eyes. DJ shut his eyes tight as he couldn't stop.

Why oh why didn't he listen to the Stationmaster?!

The sheep was unfazed as the engine ahead was skidding on icy rails towards it's direction.

Just then....

BUMP!

"Baa!"

DJ gasped from feeling the bump and whimpered, fearing what he may have very likely done. Cautiously, he opened one eye to survey the damage he had done, only to see a white furry face in his vision, lazily munching on a mouthful of grass. He then opened both eyes and sure enough, he wasn't dreaming – the sheep was okay. Thank goodness.

"Dizzy diesels...that was close" He sighed with relief. He kinda forgot he's not a big monsterous engine like his big brother, or else the sheep would most certainly become wooly paste.

The sheep bleated and sniffed at DJ, its ear twitching. DJ felt his (currently) non-existent heart melt as the sheep sniffed at him.

"Ooh, sorry about that, sheep. The rails are all icy! What are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn't you be..." he then gasped, thinking back to what Farmer Willie said.

"Oh! You're the sheep that got away!" He exclaimed. The sheep bleated and went back to chewing the little patch of grass it dug up. DJ paid no mind.

"Well, come on! We gotta get you home, and collect the ballast!"

The sheep didn't move, it paid no attention to DJ whatsoever.

A few minutes went by, and DJ huffed "Come on! Get going!"

The sheep remained on the line. DJ loved the sheep, don't get him wrong – but it won't MOVE for him! DJ thought decisively, then honked at the sheep. The sheep looked over at him, but went back to eating soon after.

DJ groaned "Oh I don't have all day!"

The sheep bleated and turned to face him, its ears flicking. This sheep was stubborn, stubborn like a troublesome truck. Maybe that's why they both look alike?

A good 20 minutes passed by, you'd think that the sheep would've moved off the line by now, NOPE! It was still there, but sitting down now.

"Pleeeaaase! Move...please, sheep?: DJ begged, but no avail.

Suddenly, an ear-piercing shriek ripped through the air, alerting both DJ and the sheep. The sheep bleated fearfully and looked around frantically. DJ gulped, doing the same thing.

"Hehe...i-its alright, sheep. I'm sure it's just a..."

An echoey roar was then heard somewhere in the distance as well as crunching snow, increasing DJ's worries "B-BEAR!" He yelled fearfully. He shut his eyes tightly like he did when slipping on the rails.

The sounds of crunching snow got closer and more clearer. DJ only feared the worst...until he heard the voice of a very tired Rex.

"Are you alright there, DJ?"

DJ's eyes shot open and he looked to the side to see Rex in his beast form, gazing at him softly with very tired eyes. The baby diesel's jaw dropped upon seeing him "R-Rex?! But... you're supposed to be hibernating!"

Rex chuckled "Well, I can't hibernate if I keep hearing you honk to your heart's delight. Remember, my hearing's a LOT more sensitive and sharper than it used to be..."

"Oh..." DJ blushed in embarrassment "...sorry. I didn't mean to"

"It's ok, kiddo. No hard feelings..." Rex assured him "...now that we have that cleared up, you appear to be in one baa-ad situation" the miniature engine teased, pointing at the sheep.

DJ sighed "Yep...I think its one of Farmer Willie's. He said something about one of them escaping"

"Escaping, eh? Lots of livestock escape here all the time. They should really improve the fences but then again...me, Bert and Mike can just ram through them" He chuckled. Rex then turned to face the sheep.

He made a little chittering noise at the sheep, leaning forward. The sheep turned to Rex with interest and bleated, walking off the track at last. DJ watched in amazement as Rex continued the chittering sound, leading the sheep into the foliage. It kinda reminded him of that evil snake from The Jungle Book, except Rex isn't evil of course!

"Wow..." he whispered. DJ soon resumed to his task; collect the ballast.

He oiled through the forest, much more carefully that time.

____________________________________________

DJ had managed to make it to the Green and was making his way back to Arlesburgh West. Along the way, he saw Rex trotting along the tracks, still looking rather sleepy. He honked "hello" to the older engine, who whistled back "Did you get the sheep home, Rex?"

"Of course! It's not like I ate it, hehe!" Rex chuffed cheekily.

"Yeah, anyway...how did you hear me all the way from the sheds in the first place?" The miniature 08 diesel asked, feeling rather curious.

"I wasn't sleepin' at the sheds, I was sleepin' in a nearby cave around here! That's how I heard you!" He laughed tiredly. DJ giggled as well, then looked over at the ballast truck "Hey, Rex? Did you know you forgot to bring a ballast truck back to the station?"

Rex frowned and raised an eyebrow. He then glanced at the truck behind the small diesel and gasped with understanding "Oh! Fire and smoke, I forgot about that one!" He groaned.

"It's alright, Rex. It's easy to forget things" DJ assured him. The small green engine smiled warmly, then walked in front of the diesel, blocking his way.

"Rex?"

Rex said nothing and gave DJ's forehead a lick, probably his own way of 'kissing' him goodnight. DJ's eyes went wide, but he grinned nonetheless as Rex chirped happily before setting off into the woods "Have a good hibernation, Rex!" He called out.

As soon as Rex left, DJ oiled away with the ballast truck. Back to Arlesburgh West he goes.

Until Spring...

[cloudycaffeinatedcryptid]

I have been taken by the sickness again (curse you viruses!) and sleep eludes me. Brainrot does not. What do you think each of the counselors are like when they're sick?

booo viruses :( i hope you feel better soon!

i think Jacob is the most dramatic about it. if you've seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, he's Cameron

total baby. even just for a cold. injuries, he barely notices, but gods forbid this man start to sniffle

Abi honestly prolly does what you're supposed to - she takes the day off, stays in comfy pants, drinks honey lemon tea & eats toast, takes the gross meds, a bath, & she's good by morning. couldn't be me but. yk. girlbossing

Ryan for sure just pretends it's not happening. he takes some cold n flu meds, keeps a water bottle close, and keeps having to blink spots out of his vision but he's fine! he's fine until his sister notices & chews him out bc he's always telling HER to take it easy when she's sick & "look here, mr. hypocrite, you better get in that bed or ELSE" so then he goes & lays in a dark room, listening to his podcast until he falls asleep

i think Emma prolly complains about it the entire time & spends an hour in a hot bath but i also don't think she stops working. if she can't go out, she's answering emails, keeping her social media updating, working on editing/scheduling/whatever an influencer does. picture Emma in her desk chair with atrocious hair, wrapped in a blanket, three mugs of tea, & a sinus strip just firing off emails

i see Dylan as a low-energy sick. barely awake, shuffling to the kitchen for crackers (he has a weak stomach when sick) wrapped in his comforter with his hair sticking up. sometimes he crashes on the couch, sometimes he makes it back to the bed, but it's all restless sleep, tossing & turning :( he keeps mumbling nonsense to his cat, who definitely tricks him into feeding him twice. you go schrodinger <3

Kaitlyn HATES being sick. she wakes up with a stuffy nose & a fever & she's like... "i'm gonna kill someone today & it might be myself". she has shit to do. she resists as much as she can & tries to do a bunch of things just to spite it, which usually ends up in her crashing hard & sleeping for twelve hours to recuperate. everyone knows to stay out of her way when she's stalking around, pale and clammy with a thermos at her hip, & just wait for the burnout

Nick doesn't get sick, even germs don't want this weirdo. i'm just kidding. kinda. anyway Nick one thousand percent just straight up goes comatose. dead to the world for 24 hours & then he's right as rain when he wakes up. how? no one knows. why? no one is brave enough to ask.

the love of my life, Laura, also tries to strongarm thru it but she's better about it. she takes her meds, sucks on cough drops, prolly drinks coffee to stay awake, & she's better about managing her workload. it's kind of just a background thing to her & it works great until her fever spikes high enough to be noticeable or she slips up & then Max finds out. he coaxes her to lay down on the couch while he makes them some soup & then they watch movies together until she falls asleep :,)

the other love of my life, Max, doesn't stand a chance. he coughs once & his girlfriend has a thermometer in his mouth & a mug of tea warming up. he always tries to downplay it, "honey, really, it's nothing" & it never works. he spends all day with a live-in nurse & he feels bad that she keeps doing things for him so he continuously plays the "i'm feeling better" & she lets him do it for the ten minutes before he throws up, then it's back to bed "& cut the bullshit this time, max"

[neonbrutalism]

I'm watching the True Facts video ZeFrank did on tarantulas and I just know in my heart of hearts Miles would use that video in some way to annoy Miguel. Whether it be from incessantly quoting it, watching the video with him and pointing at a tarantula in the vid and going "That's u", or else just utilizing the fact that while ZeFrank does reference the correct scientific term for things, he also piles on a bunch of nonsense phrases as build up.

Miguel, hearing the soft classical music: Turn that off NOW

Miles: What? I'm learning! You're going to deny me this opportunity to gain knowledge? You're going to go against CANON and deny me this event?!

Miguel: I regret ever telling you about that theory

"He's not even born yet and he has a 5 o'clock shadow!" he yells when he wakes Miguel up from a nap on the floor of the lab.

"Time to wriggle out of the ol' hairy onsie!"

"Miles, go home."

"You're tippy tappin' all over the place!"

and then Miguel punts him back to his home dimension.

[popculturebuffet]

The Kablammiest Retrospective: KaBlam! Season 3 (Comission for Cory Bryant

Hey there kablamoids, wake your grammy as it's time once again for more Kablammy. I'm back on my Kablam retrospective for season 3 as I keep my heiner in the recliner. It also feels weird to be almost done with the series, with only one season and a bunch of fun odds and ends left before we turn the page on this retrospective.

Season 3 was a weird watch.. not in terms of content: Henry and June visiting Colonial Williamsburg, Sniz becoming a faith healer via a power washer, Lou Rawls singing about loving the action league, Loopy invites burping aliens to colonize earth, and Tod isn't struck down by god herself is pretty standard wacky nonsense for the show and I'm here for it.

It was a weird watch more because it both changed.. and stayed the same. Most of the founding shorts are still here and will be till the end next season and have largely settled into what they are. The end of the Off-Beats last season and the departure of Mike Brandon from Sniz and Fondue felt like they'd really change up the show.. but it really dosen't. Two new segments show up in their place, Jet Cat and Race Rabit, but both a only have two shorts each this season. There seemed to be no real intrest in replacing either short.

There's also only ONE pilot this season, something that'l lchange next season as from looking ahead, something i didn't do this time, the series does try more to fill the gap left by it's departing segments. In their place are some music videos with the zambonis, both good songs, but it feels like a Kablam that both knows what it is.. but also dosen't know what it's going to do with that extra space. IT seems to settle up more by next season as jet cat and race rabbit appear more often and more pilots set in to fill the void left by our faviorite ambigiously gay ferrets, but it's still a strange time for our faviorite cartoon cramaganza. So let's see how this season shakes out and how our faviorite segments do in this time of change.

Henry And June continues similarly to season 2, but there's a theme I only noticed as I sat down to write this; network interfernece. There's a lot of episodes where the show's format is changed due to the network deciding on some weird new trend or raitings stunt. Our heroes pivot to being an educational show, go to colonial willamsburg, deal with a writers strike. get sidelined when Mr Foot proves more popular, and deal with a pompus director from Saved by the Bell: The New Class.

It's a fun idea too.. and lowkey feels like venting as the shows star with the network was slowly falling due to them shuffling the show around randomly. As a result we get some true classics. We also get bits where Henry or June will have green or blue eyes , respectively, a nice little animation bit. Overall season 3 of Henry and June is fantastic and a nice new coat of paint ot an already stunning hot rod of a segment.

More Happiness Than Allowed By Law: Henry and June celebrate their birthday (and creaton by Mark Marek). Henry naturally beefs it by getting June nothing while she gets him a nice remote control car, forcing him to scramble for a new gift till he settles on a really nice mood ring. A decent segment, not much to say.

Money Train 2: This one is just a bunch of assorted segments, but said segments are gold. They try a fan of the month program to spotlight the fans.. only to get a convict, Henry pretneiously explains why we need villians, the two do some mountain climbing and eventually ask

And the two try to guess the mystery celebrity but end up pissing off Ben Franklin instead. This is also easily one of my favioroite back covers, which tend ot tie into the story more this season, as after June guesses the mystery guy is wesley snipes, we get a hypothetical money train sequel with him and ben franklin. In a time of ip revivals great , small and sometimes really fucking weird please whoever owns money train.. give us this sequel.

Your Logo Here: KaBlam! goes educational by network mandate, leading to a fun educational tv spoof as our heroes try to turn this very much non educational show into one and also grapple with Ed the Educational otter, the first otter i've wanted to punch in the face. Ed is smiley, takes the duos antics not very well and even tears up a comic book when talking about the joys of reading. Despite the fact comics are fucking rad and their in one. Naturally he ends up getting beaten up as he should for being an uptight dick. Still it's a fun tounge in cheek adventure and one of my faviorites of the season.

Holdeth the Pickle, Holdeth the Lettuce: Another favorite, this one has our hosts doing the show from Coloneal Williamsburg. Why?

The sheer nonsense of the idea coupled with our heroes growing frustration with how the actors WILL NOT break character even when they need power or an interview, cumilating in our heroes taking a swim only to get put in stocks... it's great stuff.

It's All in the Wrist: Another random segmetns episode and this one... isn't as fun outside of the end one where they make a kablam arcade game tha'ts just henry getting hit by things and June's reaction to this not reflecting the show.. is to have mr foot drop thigns on him. Honestly feels closer to their season 1 characterizations.

Year Round Fun: The KaBlam! writers go on strike and I wish i'd knew about this one when we did our writer's strike special last year as it shows WHY shows need writers as our heroes slowly break down without them, and has a fun ending as our heroes offer them to turn the page in good faith, but it's not in their contract. A really stellar episode.

The New Class: My faviroite of the season and it's not an easy choice, but the concept is once again nicely bonkers and meta: our heroes get a new director, the pretentious Glen R Dilworth, probably a gentle poke at Courage the Cowardly Dog creator and Sniz and Fondue pilot director John R Dilworth.

Glen.. is fantastic. He's a pretentious director.. whose previous credit was saved by the bell the new class, which he treats as high art, particularly hyping up Screech. Just the fact someone was this far up dustin diamonds ass is glorious, as is the specific reference. It's extra juicy as for some weird reason.. NBC is not streaming the new class. And it's not a rights issue as the new class DID show up their website apparently before everything was converted to peacock, so I have no idea why they buried this thing. I mean it could be terrible but i'd still at least watch some of it to complete the trinity.

While i've seen this character type before it works really well here, with Glenn's acting exercises, constant interuptions of the show and Henry beating him with a screech impression, luring him outside so mr foot can put glen in the trunk of his car.. and.... okay....

People Henry Has Had Killed Counter: 1

Great for Paper Traning: June brings a dog to set. It dosen't go well. You've seen this plot before and done better. Next

You'll Love Our Selection: KaBlam! installs an audience enjoyment meter o rama thing and it rates our heroes high.. but mr foot thorugh the fucking roof. So the show pivots to focusing on mr foot who rises to the occasion, while Henry and June struggle on the sidelines. The weird mr footcentric verison of the show is great as is his movie... i'ts the best use of the foot man so far and a nice break from him just mauling people or reading something. It's a fine gag but they've done it a LOT and you get.. numb to it after a while.

You May Already Be A KaBlammer: June hires an expy of Ed McMahon to be her sidekick and Henry is insecure the guy dosen't find him funny and tries a bunch of stuff to be funny.. then his mom shows up. It's a fun runner and the guest guy is genuinely hilaroius even if you don't ENTIRELY scope the refrence.. which i only.. half do. Like I've seen ed mcchamon once or twice and listend to the weird al yankovic song "Here's Johnny", but i'm not really up on late night with Johnny Carson and likely never will be and i'm happy with that. I know just enough for homages and that's fine by me.

KaFun!: A grab bag to close out the season and a really strong one for a change. My faviorite bits are JUne being disapointed she dosen't need deoderant so henry fakes she needs some to feel more mature, which just feels genuinely sweet , and the ending where it turns out Henry's on japanese knockoff Ka-Fun!.. which i'd love to see, paticuarlly prometheus and yoshi. I am a bit annoyed they didn't call it a manga and while I get the term wasn't as widespread as it is NOW it was something they probably coudl've looked up. Not easily but still.

For what's sadly the last time. And I went into these expecting them to be terrible... I mean the creator left and these wer emade without him because they still owned the IP. Normally that situation.. dosen't make great art.

And while Sniz and Fondue: The Final Chapters isn't amazing, it has one of the series best episodes tucked away and the others are decent. I was expecting a trainwreck and what I got was mostly

Nothing truly horrible, but only one of them really felt outstanding and bonkers. Brandon was right in that they coudln't quite get the dialouge down, as the characters talk with less weirdly specific slang and we don't get as much waxing lyrical, with only the fourth short doing it. the personality's faded out a bit thanks to Brandon leaving and you can tell. It dosen't have Season 2's clear sense of exaustion, which IS a plus, but it dosen't really have the soul of the series. Sometims a series CAN go on without a creator, and sometims it has to because that creator's a sex monster. Sometimes a work can be revivied with a fresh voice. But in this case, at least at the time Sniz and Fondue simply coudln't work without Brandon.

It's a shame the series ends with kind of a dull thud. I loved these shorts and their 90's style and wish Brandon was more determined to actually.. do something with them again. or nick but let's face it nick's genuine atittude these days tends to be

So I have no real hope of a revivial of Sniz and Fondue or KaBlam as a whole.. but I can dream can't i?

Solitare Confinment: The setup for this one is good. Fondue gets a computer... says he got it from some guy who came down from space. Had some issues with it

Fondue however gets addicted to solitare, and hides that he is from Sniz. From there.. the episodes decent but i've seen enough gaming addiction episodes to have seen better. The big with a burglar robbing them because Fondue's too distracted and telling themn "I'll call the police.. after one more hand" is fantastic though. The ending with Sniz as a computer is also sweet. Together they'd create Baltaro.

Penny-Ante Vigilantes: This is just the Ed-Touchables but not as good. Or, to use an episode that aired before this one, Homer the Vigilante but not as good. Either would be a better time than this which is just... bland, and while the twist was sufficently twisty, it's really not tha tfunny and Fondue didn't quite go far enough to justify his getting beaten by a big unruly mob. Also fondue got beaten up by a big unruly mob.

Hosed!: So you know how i've been saying there was one exception to the seasons blandness? Well snap me down, here it is. It's such a goofy, glorious concept I can't help but love it. Okay so a random burglar man steals some wheel chairs, using one to escape. Sniz is testing the new power washer fondue got him and accidently sprays the guy.. then Fondue assumes the guy was healed because he got up and walked. So our heroes.. become faith healers.. using a high pressure hose. It's such a bonkers premise I love it so much. It was a sign that MAYBE they coudl've kept going, as it has that same creativity and singularly weird brain the Brandon shorts did. Naturally they once again get chased by a big unruly mob.

Big Unruly Mob Count: 2

The Great Chilli Cookoff: Our final short and it's.. okay. It's a "our heroes compete" episode, this time for a ride in a fire truck which after binging enough Chicago Fire to consume a planet, I get it. But it's your pretty standard compettion episode.. albeit the heartwarming resolution to join chillis burns down a fire house

So at least the series ends fittingly. Also the fire house was having a cook off at all because their antics destroyed the last one. I gesture you to the adorable puppies above.

So that ends our time with these boys.. and i'm really sad to see them go. While Seasons 2 and 3 had issues... I still loved these characters and it's one of the prototypical "two dudes get into shenaigans show" Sniz and Fondue walked so Regular Show Could run and Close Enough could fly. And for that .. i'll always be greatful.

Action League Now Season 3 is excellent. I prefer Season 2 slightly more, but Season 3 is still top notch and hilarious, keeping the league as unlikeable idiots so the slapstick works better, keeping it creative with the settings, and keeping it fresh. There's not much new here and having watched mass quantities of Bluey recently, I can tell you I prefer when a show evolves.. but sometimes it dosen't really need to. This show is simple, stupid fun and it's all it wants to be, and it's gotten good at it. After seasons 2 and 3, i'm gonna love the league.

Flippers of Fury: In a very obvious GI JOe parody, which fits perfectly given Stinky is very obviously an old gi joe figure rekitted, Stinky must face his old ninja rival the red ninja with the help of Master Pu. This segment is pretty good.. admitely it has a decent amount of 90's "we saw a kung fu film once" type asian sterotyping with master pu, a very white guy is voicing him very badly, but otherwise stinky's training, how he wins just by using his plunger and the spot on parody of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow help compensate. A solid start.

Rags to Riches: The Mayor Unleashes a mummy's curse. I could really end it there, but the fac tit gets unleashed on the Chief, who doubts it at first is great. A decent episode if only for having a mummy's curse. I'm a sucker for a mummy's curse i've just seen it done better. And I say that a LOTTT IN THESE reviews.. but i've been watching cartoons for most of my life, never really dropped off them as a teen like most kids, and thus i've seen a LOT of these plots and both Courage the Cowardly Dog and Aqua Teen simply did a mummy's curse slightly better. That being said neither has the Mayor trying to sell said cursed items on a home shopping network, so this episode still slaps, so it's not like say "Penny Ante Vigilantes" where ther'es zero reason to watch it. It's still good, other stuff's just better.

Melty Dearest: Meltman becomes mom to a giant spider. It's funnier than it has any right to be and ends with meltman getting cocooned by a giant spider and I love the spiders googly eyed design so ... decent.

Tears of A Clone: If I had a nickle for every episode of an animated show i'd seen with this title i'd have two nickles.. which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice. This episode is a LOT of fun though as Bill the Lab Guy gets into cloning. The Mayor understandably orders it shut down: No clone saga's or inferno's in this lab.. but that's AFTER the league bumbles into it. So we get 5 or so of each league member all failing to do anything right and getting some of them killed and it's glorious. I also love the mayors scheme, stealing fine china.. whcih naturally, like most of the clones, ends up over a cliff. I do love when they toss shit over a cliff, it has a gravitas the other stunts sometimes don't. I mean they had to clean that shit up, and it was so worth it. I also like the solution: the mayor clones himself. And now he has 5 beautiful kidneys. he feels freaking amazing.

Art of Thunder: The Mayor steals a valuable bit of art by timmy, a 5 year old boy and that alone is great. I love these little bits of world buildindg, seeing how the action figures use the human world house. Naturally the league destorys it. A decent episode.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen: We find out WHY Stinky is such an asshole: it turns out in the war his own mother sold him out. He bonds with a real life dog named smelly, whose a good boy yes he is... btu was trained by the worst boy, the mayor so he tears up the league like dogs do and Stinky has to be saved by his tratirous mom. This episode is redicluous, shockingly heartfelt and a lot of fun. It's not the first time they did dog shenanigans but it's honestly even more fun than the dog as godzilla thing. I've seen that. I haven't seen an action figure try to emtooinally heal using a dog that turns out to be used by evil.

A Star Is Torn: The Mayor pretends to be a film maker to trap thundergirl. What I like abotu this one is Meltman spots the obvious issues.. btu Thundergirl is absorbed in the ego despite loosing everal limbs.. and the others are her agents. Seeing Flesh and Stinky talk alike hollywood agents in thier goofy voices just works for me. What can I say. Another solid one.

Melty's Girl: My faviorite of the season. Meltman got a girlfirend.. I and I expected this to turn into a "she's using him for the fame" or "she's secretly evil' plot as is standard. Instead.. she's just genuinely supportive and likes him

So the problem is that... Meltman really isn't WORTH IT. She thinks he can do better than just gathering the coffee, sets him up with his own office and even gives him a flashy new costume as dr melt

I just love this idea of someone being just.. generally dogshit at superheroing and having a super supportive partner who instead tries to hype them up. It's a concept i'l lhave to file away as it could be really good on it's own and it's grea there as Meltman only succeeds by accident and breaks up with his girlfriend.. not because she's bad but simply because she believes in this idiot and this idiot cannot live up to that.

Roughing the Passer: It's the all star game and the Mayor wants to quaterback but isn't being brought in as not only does the coach already have several all star ones, but the mayor also sucks suprising no one. So naturally his counterplan is "murder them all and then get to be put in coach", while the league TREIS to help but naturally does a few accidental murders itself. A fun episode and the mayor even gets his dream by becooming the ball... it's a fun one even if I don't recognize a single person because I don't follow sportsball.

Hit of Horror: Hodge Podge returns and he's started to wear on me as his only gimmick is having a dumb voice nad calling them action jerks and we don't see as much of him. He brainwashes the public to attack the league and their stupid enoguh to go out to a parade. Thankfully Bill the Lab guy has an antidote: LOU MOTHERFUCKING RAWLS. Who we're going to be talking about a LOT on this blog this year.

For those who dont know him

Secondly he's an r an db singer from the 60's and 70's. He was on the muppets, has the voice of an angel and I found out about him when I gorged on the garfield specials as a teen, as he performs an opening song for all but one of them. And their all fucking bangers. Every last one. The man is a legend so him singing a rendtiion of his classic "you'll never find" that says "your gonna love the league" instead of miss my lovin is fun. It's also fun just to see little action figure lou rawls. This episode is lou rawls out of lou rawls.

And Justice For None: The weakest episode of the season and naturally the last... it's a clip show trial episode. They win because the judges naturally get crushed. While Henry and June lampshade it being a clip show that.. isn't enough to save it. A weak ending to a great season.

Same as it ever was really. I'm not a huge fan of these shorts, zoned out a lot and still respect the hell out of them. Their gorgeous to look at they just aren't for me. I can respect however that, intetinoally or not they are a good allegory for colonalism. Yes.. really.

Stay with me: Prometheus tries to "edcuate the savage" but a lot of the things he's trying to force on bob.. are things he either dosenj't need or want. Bob seems entirely fine as is despite having less technological advances than his tall friendo, but Prometheus tries to force new stuff on him anyway rather than introduce what would be benficial (such as a couch or clothing) slowly. Blend it with his cave culture instead of just trying to replace it.

Hammock: Some fun hyjinks. I didn't say I was ambivilant about ALL of them

Ball: I forgot this one happened. I said all of them not "most of them"

Birthday: this one is REALLY fun as Prometheus forgets that most caveman see fire as bad when he lights Bob's birthday cake on fire.

Toilet:... how did I forget this one?

Treehouse: It's bart's birthday and everyone's having fun, but Homer realizes he forgot a present, so he goes to the shop of an asian sterotype who sells forbidden objects from where many fear to tred, and also frozen yogurt which he calls frogurt. He gives him a krusty doll but warns him it's cursed. That's bad. but it comes with a free frogurt. that's good. the frogurt is also cursed. That's bad. But you get your choice of topping. That's good. The toppings contain potassum benzoate. That's bad. Can I go now?

Bed: Bob tries to sleep on a bed. Shenanigans insue

Robot: Finally one I liked. Promethus makes a robot of himself but it goes haywire and ends up making a bob. They run off to reno and get married. Good for them.

Arctic: ICE FLOW NOWHERE TO GO ICE FLOW NOWHERE TO GO LOST IN THE BLINDING WHITENESS OF THE TUNDRA

Laundry: I have too much of it

Glue: GLUE GLUE GLUE GLUE GLUE GLUE.

I'm happy to say Life with Loopy made a comeback. Season 2 wasn't bad.. but it wasn't as consitantly fun or imaginative as season 1. Still amazingly crafted.

Season 3 on the other hand takes the series to new heights with a fun season of wacky nonsense. The concepts here are pitch perfect and capture the series premise well again: take something a kid would misunderstand or go through, and have whatever their mind could cook up play out instead of the more mundane solution. We've got burping aliens, mom being part of a secret government project, clones, ducks, bulls in china shops, dog prisons and the revelation Loopy's into aliens and also bi, neither of which suprises me. Loopy is the best of the recurring segments this season and it's not even close, and it's fun to see the show at full throttle. Like with Sniz and Fondue I think some exaustion was seeping in, and the break to make more segments worked out like gangbusters. It's why while I may not like long hiatuses, I can undrestand them as it means the show comes back a swining and loopy certainly swung

Send in the Clones: Those laughy daffy clones. Okay simpsons refrence aside this was a very good start to the season with a very relatable problem: Loopy wants to play with her dad, but he's so busy with the 80 dozen things he has to do. I love how the two have a genuinely close and caring relationship.

So her solution is to clone him a bunch. this goes poorly as not only is he TOO present now, she gets no privacy, but turning the washer into a cloning machine means their mom's nearly gone insane from doing laundry by hand. Her solution is to simply make too many loopys.. and yes that's the exact same one the action league later used.. but hey it works as the reason WHY it works is diffrent: for the action league chief simply wasn't able to corral the dumbasses alone, while with Loopy it simply overwhelmed her dad's into non existantance by asking all the questions that drive parents insane. Granted we're left with a lotta loopys but I assume they formed a colony on the moon after loopy lassoed it again. A great start

Big Burp Theory: Loopy burps and aliens come down to colonize the planet as a result of speaking their language

It's still not bad at all, and the solution of Larry solving things by farting, thus offending them, while I could see it coming.. is still a pretty good fart joke. Not amazing, but still decent.

Secret Agent Mom: This one is a LOT of fun: So once a month Mom plans a fishing trip for Dad and the Kids, but Loopy wonders what she does. She claims she's cleaning out the basement and she kind of is.. but it turns out mom's a secret agent for the government. Her mission though is what makes the episode: turns out there's an alien in the family basement, and he was SUPPOSED to share his secrets with them. Instead he sat around and ate a lot, sort of like what I do between reviews. And during them. I may relate to this guy just a bit too much. So it's time to send him home. I also like that once Loopy finds out mom tries a half assed denial... and then just lets her ride shotgun. It again speaks to how much Loopy's parents love her and encourge her weird shit. Hell loopy saves the whole mission by helping the guy exercsie as they didn't adjust his craft for his belly buddy. I call mine fred. So Loopy helps him get buff, they get him home, and no one wille ve rknow an alien was in the basement and probably farted it up a bunch

Loopy and the Snow Lady: This one is touching. It's tale as old as time: Loopy makes a snow lady, she comes to life but OH NO THE HEAT WILL KILL HER. Loopy does keeper her alive a while btu eventually dad wants the freezer space back. No really he wants to kill a sapient being to store steaks. JUST GET ANOTHER FREEZER FOR THE WOMAN MADE OF SNOW DADDD.

Instead Loopy plans to take her to winter world, but has to deal with snow lady getting sidetracked and enjoying the warm world. She's seeing the world AND she got the beach. She got it all. They do get her there in time though and loopy joins her as their latest attraction. Awwww.

Goin South: Another fantastic episode in a row as Loopy runs into a canadian duck trying to go south for the winter, eh, but he can't fly so Loopy agrees to help her new friend. What's nice is he finds a new home too, as they end up in the south pole with a bunch of pengies. The pengies gladly accept their new duck friend and it's a touching, funny ending for all.

Sweet Dreams; Larry keeps having a very boring recurring dream, so to help him Loopy does an inception. I really love the reason WHY the dream is looping: the guys in charge can't think of anything so they put him in reruns. It's such a hilariously petty and mundane solution and Loopy crashing it and accidnetly unchaning his nightmares allows him to be the hero and save her, and gives the guyzos plenty of new material. Now Larry's dreams will run for years and years to come.

Fang Fairy: This one's really fucking weird and I love it. As Larry refuses to get dental surgery, Loopy hears a joke about the fang fairy and takes it seriously leaving some fake teeth to proove she's right. She is but the fang fairy's a real dick about it and makes her a relcutant werwolf. Her family's response is to runaway despite having seen weirder shit at this point, so she finds out she's his first client in centuries nad he get sa job as Larry's dentist, presumibly scarring him for life

Bull In A China Shop: This one is really fun and as a clumsy kid myself painfully relatable: Loopy keeps breaking shit so she goes to a china shop to train herself not to.. and meets THE bull in a china shop who not only runs it but runs a support group for it, helping loopy and some others. While this would be more than enough what I like is tha tat graduation the three accidnetly break more stuff.. and the bull feels liberated, realizing that while it's one thing to be mindful, hating yourself for simply being a tad clumsy even when your trying.. isn't healthy. Granted the solution of leather knick knacks isn't really WORKABLE but like this message: sometimes your just clumsy and tha'ts okay.

Whale of A Time: One of the season's weaker episodes but it does have our heroes getting eaten by a whale. The Wedon'tknowtheirlastnamejustgowithit family is on vacation with something for everybody!.. except larry whose intended activity, the charlie chicken summer spectacular, is canceled. Turns out they were eaten by a whale and found a ton of treasure, so our heroes trick them into remembering it's for the craft, not the money. It's okay though the whale does look pretty damn cool. The puppets on this show are always so dang impressive.

In the Doghouse: Loopy goes to retrevie a ball from the neighborhood dog... whose running a prison camp and holds her, a boyscout and a mole against their will

Thankfully she helps them escape and helps the dog see that maybe playing is more healthy than a home prison.. granted anything is more healthy than that but still, baby steps.

Larry's Girl: one of my faviorites this season. I love a good dance episode and Larry needs a date... however he's also too "teenage boy" to consider his standards are too high. So Loopy goes to a dating service ran by cupid, whose giving computer dating a shot. He pulls up a tentacle alien and while Loopy's intrested, she knows Larry isn't into tentacle monsters. So instead she gets a girl that's TOO cool for schoool.. and for charlie chicken. Thankfully loopy trying to use the old arrow bit finds him a girl who is down with the chicken, and yes that's the term they use. THeir going to get high and watch charlie chicken and that my friends is true love.

Jetcat is based on a series of comic stories by Jay Stephens, as part of his comic strip oddville then as part of a dark horse anthology. He pitched four shorts based on it to nick, sold them all, and thus we get JetCat, a new segment for KaBlam!. I won't be reviewing the comics for the odds and ends as I ... didn't think of that when I set tha tup, but I wouldn't be opposed to doing it someday.

Jetcat is decent: I love the reason for the name as young Melaine Mcay flies like a jet and is fast as a cat and the costume slaps. The action is decent and it's goot a nice cartoony feel

It's problem for these two segments.. is Mealine's best friend Tod. The first ep covers him finding out she's jet cat which could've been neat as he's genuinely hurt, especially since she makes a bit dael out of "best friends telling each other everything". The problem is it then gets ruined by tod being a giant sized shit in a tiny body, demanding she get him shit and milking her guilt. He gets beat up by a robot for his hubris but it dosen't feel like enough nor like he really learned his lesson

The reason for this is the next short. I could've forgiven him for falling a bit into his vices once or twice or in diffrent ways.. but no the next short he once again tries to take advantage of being a superheroes best friend. And look wanting some of the perks with that fine. You want them to take you to another country to get pizza or take you flying or just bring you some cool shit from saturn if they happen to be by there fine. But Tod just geninely seems to think he's entitled to get shit from mealine because his friend's a superhero, asking abotu her secrets for a book report, not getting that might leave her a wee bit dead if her enemies read it. Why her enemies would be reading an elementary school report, I don't know, but given how many arch enemies tend ot be a person the hero knows, it's a risk she shoudln't take so Tod can get a d+.

So the smug shit instead wants to interview a supervillian out of spite and nearly dies for it.. yet I don't feel bad as he glosses over the guys genuinely tragic past just wanting death rays and shit. I mean I like death rays and shit as much as the next guy. Tod once again nearly dies for his sins... .which sadly is just "nearly" but i'll take it. So two decent shorts held back by one of the worst sidekicks i've seen in a superhero work. To the point.. he goes in the hall.

Welcome home you little shit goblin. So to explain this to both new readers and to cory, the hall of aggrivation is where I put characters who for one reason or another, really boil my ass. The most obnoxious shit heads imaginable. And specific verisons too for those who cross franchise lines, as the sins of one version aren't vistied upon another. For those curious whose who

Row 1: Julie Powers (Scott Pilgrim (Comics), Helen Lovejoy (The simpsons), Billy Butcher (The Boys (comics), Bernice (Luann), Daisy Duck (Legend of the Three Cablleros)

Row 2: Mindy's Mom (Animaniacs), Peepers (Sam and Max Telltale Games), Whizzer (See Peepers), Roger (Miraculous Ladybug), Yivo (Futurama)

Row 3: That Idiot What Opened UP the Necrionicon despite ash writing warnings in blood (Evil Dead), the Stone Head of Abe Lincoln (Sam and Max Telltale), Prowl (Transformers IDW Comics (First Continuity), Steph (Luann), Tweety Bird (Looney Tunes) Row 4: Todd (Jetcat), Henry Peter Gyrinch (Marvel Comics), The Two Shitheads from Biodome, Havok (Marvel Comics), The Batman Who Laughs (Dc Comics)

Now we're all caught up onto

I REALLY liked Race Rabbit. RR comes to use from Scott Fellows, who would go on to make my beloved tweenhood faviorite Ned's Declassified School Surivival Guide.. which I REALLY gotta cover sometime. Someday... for now though he made these shorts, one of Kablams few live action segmetns and it's only recurring one.

The formula is simple: Race Rabbit is a world class Racer, and also a really good guy who stops every episode to help some person in need, which his super chip/ai max never takes well. The series is weridly british and fun as Race races to both do his good deed for the day on time, from helping get teeth from the queen herself to a young boy to helping deliver baby food, and to outrace the Boolies, two "inbreed bulies from the upercrust" who wantj to catch him and stuff him but their way too slow. Race Rabbit is fun fast paced and lovingly nonsense, and the boolie sare dleightfully hammy. I love their second defeat especailly as the ypretend ot be a moose in the road.. and Race, having equipment to detect them, sees through it, drives on by.. and lets a car that specifically says "i break for no one" ram the bastard. Well one of them the other is trying to catch him. At any rate only two shorts this year but a LOT of fun

Like I said there wasnt a ton of Suprising Shorts, scaling back to the four or five of season 1. There's also almost no pilots this time: Patchead returns, we get some music videos and we get one pilot at the very end of the season. We do get new recurring-ish segments with Jet Cat and Race Rabbit, so I get WHY this was scaled back, I just miss it: some of my faviorite shorts in seasons 1 and 2 were these one off experiments and even the ones I wasn't super over the moon on like the Brothers Tiki were still a lot of fun to look at. Part of what makes KaBlam! special is it feels like indie animation given a platform at a time where that simply didn't happen and part of that is various one off shorts, creative little bits from directors you really DON'T see often on kids shows outside of pilot showcases like Oh Yeah Cartoons! or What a Cartoon. I appricate it even more now with the current indie animation boom: Nowadays shows like Helluva Boss, The Amazing digtial Circus, Orion and the Stars and more can just.. go straight to series or share the pilot to see intrest instead of having to go thorugh hoops. It makes me appricate how much harder these animators had it and what a wonderful platform this was.

What we have though is good so let's get to it shall we.

Untalkative Bunny: I forgot this one in the original posting of the review. Stupid me. It's a decent short as a bunny makes reactoins to a telemarketer. It's fun, ther'es just not a lot to it and it's easy to see why this one might've slipped, but I still fee bad as the animatoin si gorgeous. It would understandably get a full series and i'd be happy to watch it some day.

PatchHead: Demolition Mission: Apparently these shorts had most of the voice rerecorded for these versions. Something I forgot to point out last time. Anyway Patchead's at the races today and Torque Dipstick is the faviorite to win. I also like his weird plastic lantern jaw. it's great. What isn't.. is that he has a confederate flag on the back.

This dosen't necessarily mean Torque was present on January 7th, as lots of people just used that flag without thinking "Gee this was fighting for slavery, maybe I shoudln't put this on my nitro burning funny car vroom vroom. " I mean the web comic PvP frequently used the general lee from the dukes of hazzard as a gag in the 2000s.

Fun Fact: I had this issue once.

We just.. thought of it as a relic and not a relic of racisim. White dumbasses tend to do that.

Trying to stop Torque is Crash Kudzu. Yes folks to my most plesant suprise Nick Offerman has returned to KaBlam!

I don't know if he's in the other patchhead shorts, but one can hope. Either way it's just.. such a joy to see Nick Offerman on my blog. I hadn't realized just HOW little i've got to cover anything with him till we got to Patchead these last two times.

Kudzu is once again up to cheating shenanigans, this time sabotaging Torques car. SO Patchhead naturally JUMPS ON THE FUCKING THING, then repairs it in mid run like he was that kid from speed racer as Torque uses various dick dastardly inventions on his nitro burning funny car vroom vroom to combat them. It's just fun to see and the early cg holds up decently. It's not exaclty convincing, but the sureealness of the patchhead shorts means it fits it in fine. Our heroes win, and Torque credits patchhead for his help and gives him a helmet for his helmet.

Pizza Rocket and Hockey Monkey: These are two music videos each animated by Mark Marek but each for a diffrent indie rock band.

The first is PIzza Rocket by James Kolchaka. The name SOUNDED familiar but I couldn't place it till I looked him up. Turns out Kolchalka is an indie comics artist, writing Johnny Boo a series i've never read but have seen before. He's done a lot of anthology work and is also a prolific musican, having a ton of albums.

Pizza Rocket is a decent song. Not really my forte, but I get why this man is popular. The animation is decent, it's just again for a song that's not my thing.

Hockey Monkey on the other hand.. is magical. It's from the Zamboni's a band I also didn't know existed, but is truly magical. Their a band that entirely plays hockey based songs. That's it. that's their gimmick. And having gotten a love of Hockey from watching Letterkenny and Shorsey, i'm entirely on board with this. Kolchaka also cowrote Hockey Monkey so good for him. Their also still around and I hope thier stuff can be featured on Shorsey one day. I mean it fits Jared Kesso's style: the music used is mostly techno or rap, but he can vary it up, as evidecned by this brawl set to born to be alive. You probably didn't know that existed but your very welcome.

So Hockey Monkey is a deeply wholsome deeply fun song about how all the scientests and national guard are running around looking for the monkey but he can't be found because he's down by the pond playing hockey with the kids, and all the parents and teachers are running around looking for the children but they can't be found because their down by the pond playing hockey with the kids. And it's 123 the kids love the monkey and 456 the monkey's got a hockey stick and 789 having a good time yeahhhhhhh.

As you can tell I REALLY love this , and the video itself is fun, using black and white live action bits for the people running around and nicely minimalist animation for the kids nad the monkey. it's REALLY fun and wholesome. Great stuff.

It's time for our third Kablammy awards! ANd i've realized I SHOULD have been giving out an award for best overall episode, but since it'd be weird to bring that in halfway I thought of a compromise. I'm going to do ONE FINAL kablammy awards at the end of all of this in the odds and end episode for best overall shorts from each one. That'll include best episode for each season and overall best episode of the series. Onto the awards

Best Henry and June: the New Class. I have a big soft spot for saved by the bell, another thing I should've covered by now but haven't somehow, sot his was an easy win.

Best Sniz and Fondue Short: Hosed. It's not even close. You faith heal with a pressure hose and tell me you can do better. You can't.

Best Action League Now! Short: Melty's Girl. I didn't really hide how much I loved this one, and that's for good reason. The Dr Melt costume is hilaroius and the idea of trying to prop up someone as pathetic as Meltman as a solo hero is hilaroius to me. And keep in mind I LOVE me a b list superhero, I think any superhero can be great in the right hands.. but meltman in this context is the worst and this epsiode only backs that up.

Best Life with Loopy Short: This was a tough one as this season was REALLY good.. but my pick is Bull in a China Shop. Larry's Girl was cloes as I love a good school dance and a godo dating service.. but I just like the bull himself, from his upperclass voice to the aseop he teaches and the china shop just looks neat.

Best Startling Short (Includes Jetcat and Race Rabbit): Hockey Monkey. I mean Patchhead is once again close, it has Nick Offerman.. but that song is just too dang catchy.

Best Overall Short: Hosed. It's just.. so delightfully stupid and while it's not the last aired sniz and fondue short, it was the last produced and feels like a proper sendoff.

And with that we're done with season 3. It was a good ride and we have another at the start of may as we reach the END of KaBlam! (if not this retrospective) with season 4. Will it stick the landing? Will I survivie without sniz and fondue? Let's find out next time.

[mi6021tomberry]

Pitching Flop

I've been deliberating over too many ideas but none of them hold any substance that have stood out to me. I feel like for this past month and a half I've just been arbitrarily spamming out situational ideas for my film to be a silly little sketch because at least if something which is intentionally stupid isn't received well then I can pull out the excuse that I made something stupid deliberately. This is why I've shat out loads of half baked ideas which haven't taken me anywhere so far. I tend to start a bit late so I've wasted a bit of time watching a bunch of films short and long for inspiration but I've not gained anything tangible yet from it all. I'm going to try digging a little deeper to see if I can put something in the film which I am actually invested in so that the project becomes more meaningful and thus I am more passionate about putting energy into the project.

I was thinking about issues I might come into without having any idea what it was that I was making.

These are some of the stupid ideas I came up with, you can tell from this that my framing of it as a stupid or silly short is just leading to a bunch of nonsense that I don't really care about. I came up with some ideas that I liked but a lot of it involved dialogue and I know from past experience that I just don't have the time to do the number of things required to make any of these ideas work.

These were some of the ideas I pitched on 4 hours sleep, it didn't go very well because I honestly didn't having anything to be happy about pitching so my words fell out like verbal diarrhoea and I knew that I wouldn't make any sense to anyone else because a lot of these ideas hadn't been said aloud before and I didn't have any confidence in them. There was just something off, none of the things I came up with made me intrigued to find out where they could go, it all felt very forced.

This is some of the feedback I got from Hugo and Chloe right after my pitch. I later spoke further with Hugo about what to do for my project and he suggested just copying 4 slapstick scenes that I like because we are already a decent way into the semester and I didn't have anything to show for it. Personally I cannot let my final project go forward in this way because I hate a lot of my previous work because they felt very much like technical exercises and I know that doing this would be another instance of this. Despite this Hugo does have a point that comedy is the hardest thing to write and I haven't come up with anything worth making yet, I'll admit I've been slacking quite a bit on this module because I'm enjoying the idea I have for the podcast module but this talk has acted like a wake up call to really start moving. I tend to start late anyway so I'm confident I can come up with something and get the ball rolling soon, I'm going to stop forcing the issue of a slapstick scene because it really was just pulled out of thin air, I need to reset and just make something not something that fits neatly into a genre category, I just need to work and figure it out as I go along so its not quite as contrived as everything else has been so far.

The 11 second club challenges were suggested as something to go ahead with if I'm getting nowhere and to be honest this feedback is pretty accurate for what I've presented so far because I've turned up with nothing and got the sort of feedback you would expect for someone with nothing. I've always managed to figure things out later on and I intend on doing the same, hopefully I won't regret putting my foot down here but worst case scenario I do just go ahead and practise acting with my animations rather than coming up with my own story.

[jefferythejelly]

FUNZ FICS??? GIMME

since like 7 of the ones in that list are funz (or include it) heres a basic rundown of all of them i guess lmao

funz pregnancy slash kidfic brainrot: like i said in the og post this one is less of a fic and more of a bullet point list of brainrot but basically: started as an idea for a breeding kink heavy omegaverse oneshot where foolish gets "baby fever" and cant stop thinking about having kids (with punz specifically). but then i never ended up writing it bc i got distracted thinking about them being cute and domestic while foolish is pregnant and them raising their kids together (they have twin girls). maybe i'll write it eventually idk, i do have a couple of cute little sketches related to it as well if anyone would wanna see those

funz body worship nonsense: what it says on the tin basically, punz kissing foolish all over and listing off things he thinks are attractive about him. they probably fuck idk i havent written that far yet. was started as a way for me to wax poetic about things i find attractive about foolish if i'm being honest

ahaha yeahhhhh: ok this one is actually kunzish (the ship name i invented for karl/punz/foolish bc i have seen barely anyone else talk about it) but funz is included ok. karl punz and foolish are watching a movie together, they think foolish fell asleep (but he didnt), and start talking about all the ways they want to fuck him. foolish finds that he enjoys hearing them talk about him like he isn't there, ends up giving away that hes not actually asleep, they fuck about it

funz empty: really basic horny oneshot, omegaverse (foolish omega punz alpha). foolish takes a day off streaming bc hes on the edge of his heat and dealing with the craving to have something inside of him. ends up on a call with punz, who asks him why he didnt stream that day (thinking he just got sick or something), eventually gets foolish to admit why and offers to help out, cue discord e-sex

yep its funz time: set vaguely in the nc frat house era where punz was living there for a while. after a random tension filled night where punz ends up giving foolish a blowjob, they end up in a weird undefined friends with benefits situationship. foolish is treating it with a sort of go with the flow attitude and not really defining it to punz, which eventually ends up scaring him off bc hes fighting against a bunch of repressed feelings and maybe a little bit of internalized homophobia. they start avoiding each other entirely, but because its making them miserable (plus a little bit of goading from karl) they end up talking about it and foolish realizes he had a crush on punz the whole time and was being an idiot about it not thinking deeply about his feelings and they make up and are boyfriends officially yippeee

omega punz: punz is an omega but grew up thinking he'd be an alpha, so he's really ashamed of it and pretends to be an alpha. things go well until he meets foolish, one of the only alphas he actually feels comfortable around. he keeps his crush under wraps until he goes on an impromptu trip to north carolina with sapnap, and through a series of unfortunate events forgets his heat suppressants and can't get new ones through the pharmacy there, leaving him to deal with omega instincts he's been suppressing for years all while living with foolish :3c predictably ends with punz going into heat and them fucking

funz new years kiss: short lil thing i wrote around new years where the two drunkenly make out at the dream team house new years countdown party, and eventually stumble into a random bedroom at the end of the night to make out and almost fuck before foolish has the foresight to go "hey lets not fuck while we're blackout drunk." they wake up to sapnap yelling at them for sleeping in his bed (which is actually my favorite scene out of the whole thing it turned out really funny imo) and after getting kicked out have a lil heart to heart about their feelings for each other awwww

i will also now apologize to the funz girlies bc i know it is rough out here and i feel like i'm teasing y'all with good ideas that are not actual full fics, but in all fairness the reason all these exist is bc i couldn't find funz fics that scratched the exact itch i wanted in my brain 90% of the time so i made them myself. i stg i will finish at least one of these one day tho I SWEAR

[leo-and-jay-dreamers-duo]

leo's "demonic :[ " nightmare

alrighty tumblr it's time for a doozy.

date: sometime early 2023

ooh-hoo-oh a nightmare this time? leo-and-jay-nightmarers-duo???? no. this nightmare sucks ass. it had me fucked up about sleeping for a few days. but it's metal as fuck. so i'm gonna share it. don't read if you don't wanna hear some mildy disturbing descriptions of body horror

this nightmare starts with me sitting on my porch at night with my dad, as i often tend to do. he hears "a weird noise" and goes to check it out. i follow him out of curiosity. when i see him he's fighting with a crying, red eyed, demonic looking version of himself. i jump back and yell, "AHHg- DAD!" and i throw pick up a broom to help him fight but he yells at me to go inside. after a internal battle, i throw the broom at the demon dad's feet and run inside. i tell my mom and brother what's happening and my mom tells us to run upstairs. she grabs a dagger from her work bench and runs outside as well. i convince my brother that he can't fight the demon and i manage to get him upstairs, not before grabbing a weapon though. i take my crossbow and a bolt, and i give my brother a big knife because i know he can't work anything else. we get upstairs and hide in my room. eventually my brother insists he should sit in his own room, so i let him go. then, i get really sleepy so i lay down on my bed. i wake up(within the dream) to the sound of groaning and howling. sounds like anguished spirits is the most accurate way i can describe it. there's red light coming through my window and i see those things that fly off of fire. what are they called? the little bits of fire that like fly off into the sky? whatever, i see a bunch of those outside my window. i walk over to it, i see our yard, now dead and black, i see just enough of those fire things for it to seem scary, isolated, and apocalyptic out there. but most importantly i see more of those demons. i hear a door open and i see the silhouette of my dad. "oh dad! is everything o-" "wait…" i step back, towards the window, leaning against my desk, "a-are you… no. oh no" he walks over to me. i see from the red light of the window, that this is indeed the demon version of my dad. his eyes look like the're bent permanently into a sad and tortured expression. tears fall down his face and fall into the large glowing red cracks in his face. on all of his skin. my dad's tattoos are nonsense, either they've changed into some sort of jibberish, or the cracks make it so you can't tell what any of them are. i sit on my desk now, trying to get as far away from that THING as possible. demon-dad stops when he's right in front of me. he falls to his knees, grabs onto my wrists, and just holds them there. he's squeezing pretty hard. he's shaking and making painful whimpering noises. the cracks on his skin, which look a bit like coals from a fire, slowly burning outward and turning into ash. the horrific demonic version of my father holds on to my wrists with increasing pressure, shakes violently, whimpers in pain, in MY dad's real voice may i add, and turns into ash right in front of me. after a minute, he's gone. and there's ash on my shoes, and on my floor. i stand up, i'm shaking. there's a wet feeling under my eyes, from crying i'm sure. i take a shaky breath and look up at my room. i can still hear the sounds from outside. more are coming. i walk slowly over to my bed. i pick up my crossbow. i hold the weapon up to my chest. not pointing it at myself, more like hugging it. it's all i can do. i have a thought for a moment about my brother, my mom, and… my dad. the dream then ends.

the night before having this dream i was having trouble sleeping, so i put on my red led lights, causing my room to have that very red light from my nightmare when i woke up, though i'm sure the light was the reason i had the dream in the first place. that was a few months ago. still every time i put my lights on red, i change it immediately. i saw my other father demon-dad sitting in front of me whenever i close my eyes for the next couple of days. yikers.

[aggravateddurian]

I just found a bunch of my early 2077 fanfics, like opening an ancient library.

Most of them are barely started, mostly concepts that I later scrapped, but I think these are the best ones:

'The Voices in My Head' (2020)- The year is 2079, V (my first ever V, a nomad) wakes up confused in a Biotechnica lab, surrounded by Arasaka and Biotechnica officials standing around gawking, confused as to why a woman was produced from their secret cloning facility, where they're growing an army using Biotechnica dark corpo science and the Relic's memory transfer technology to grow an army of trained clones, Palpatine style.

V's last memory was jacking into Mikoshi, so she is justifiably weirded out by why she's naked on an examination table being stared at by a bunch of confused suits.

'Subject 9' (2021) - a pair of Solos, I can only describe as proto-Val and Trey (not Val or Trey, but there's definitely the roots of their characters here), are hired to take out an Arasaka transport in the Badlands. They capture it, and find the cargo is a single human in a cryo tube. I think this one may have inspired my first Cyberpunk RED campaign, which also features a woman in a tube on an Arasaka transport, copious amounts of Militech nonsense (including the first mention of Aaron Donoghue, Dorian's boss) and Anders Hellman getting a Mantis Blade run through his gut (which, I think, we can all agree was a long time coming).

'Sniper NC' (2021) - Corie is a NUS Army vet with one of the steadiest hands and sharpest eyes in Night City, a common customer of the Afterlife, and Night City's most dangerous bounty hunter. I'm pretty sure I based her off Linda-058 from Halo, because she's a badass sniper with a tragic backstory that involves being trained as a sniper by Militech as a kid.

(I'm thinking that Corie might fit in Brother's Shadow)

'Cyberpunk Fanfic 5' (that's what I called it) (2021) - an alternate universe where V (a streetkid V) can't stop seeing and hearing Johnny Silverhand, even after the Relic is removed. It turns out that there is a fragment of Johnny still in her psyche subtly affecting her decision making, fashion choices and her overall personality.

'2080' (2021) - V finds the cure to her brain problem on the Crystal Palace, but returns to NC essentially a puppet for Mr Blue Eyes and his shady scheme. Johnny is... Johnny is somehow in this... with a cloned body... supplied by MBE, and is with Rogue? I don't know how many glasses into the rum bottle I was, but it was a whole thing.

I like 'Voices in My Head' the most, so I'm going to get that started. Should tide me over until I am able to look at wolvenkit again.

After a string of invective that a Marine Corps Drill Instructor would blush at, directed towards Wolvenkit, I have elected to organise my documents folder, and finally centralise the 10+ documents and like 10000 words' worth of lore, fanfic and homebrew Cyberpunk RED stuff.

It feels like spring cleaning.

[charliedawn]

Slashers x Reader

So...I was asked to write the slashers as their canon selves..Know that it was a request and I am not responsible for whatever happens next. Thank you.

Also, I've just heard about what people call an OC ? I don't really know what is the difference with an insert reader ? Hope I didn't do a mistake somewhere ?

Synopsis : So..You are someone who has moved in a new house—unbeknownst to you it is already inhabited by a slasher. Hence, you are forced to do their bidding until your debt is paid. You are planning on escaping..only to realize you can't.

You hadn't meant to enter the Neibolt House the first time around, it had been a misunderstanding—on odd turn-out of fate. Your friends had tricked you by pretending it was where a party would be held. You had dressed up for the occasion and rang once or twice before realizing nobody would be opening the door..You were about to go home when you heard the door creak open. You turned around and took a glimpse inside. It was lit—and the interior looked a lot less shabby than you had previously expected.

You had taken a look around at the different things inside and lovely wood-carved furniture. It looked ancient. But, you did have some money on the side and it was at that moment you had taken the worst decision of your life: you would buy the Neibolt House.

It didn't take long for you to be able to move in, the agency almost giving it off for free. It did have a few rumors about it—but it was nothing you hadn't heard before. A bunch of nonsense.

...Or, so you had thought at the time.

But, once settled in..that's when things really started to change. You would sometimes wake up in sweat and swear to have seen a shadow dancing at the corner of your eye—taunting you. It scared you.

But, you had already bought the house, you wouldn't leave so easily. So, you suffered through nights of insomnia, the barks of laughter that seemed so near, the terrible ruckus of trash being thrown in front of the house..You ignored all the warnings—all the obvious signs that you had to leave..until it was too late to do so.

It was on another starless night that you met it. You had never seen anything quite like it before.

He came to you when you had reached rock-bottom—your misery enticing him and making him crave for a taste of that fearful youth. When you opened your eyes, he had a big toothy grin on and more than his unusual attire—or that he was standing over you like a ghost—his eyes seemed to glow in the dark and make you lose your ability to speak.

"Aww...Would you look at that ? The poor thing is scared. You dare come in my domain and move in without my approval ? Well, do you have anything to say in your defense—soon-to-be dinner ? I hope it was worth the trip."

He laughed as his nails painfully digged in your flesh and threatened to break the skin. It hurt. So much..But, you didn't want to die.

"Please..I'll do whatever you want. Just let me leave..", you uttered tearfully—not caring about the pitiful picture you must be depicting. It was survival.

He seemed to ponder on your question. He usually did not indulge in those requests, but it was true that Pennywise had had trouble feeding himself and he was on constant edge because of it..

"Anything ?", he finally asked with a quizzical tilt of his head and you nodded vividly.

"Yes !"

Pennywise chuckled at your eagerness before loosening his grip on you—just enough so your attention may be focused solely on him. And then, he brought your hand to his mouth and bit down on it. You hissed and retrieved your hand promptly. But, it was too late as you felt pain spread all across your forearm and shoulder.

"Very well then..Bring me your replacement."

"W..What ?" You blinked several times in astonishment, as you wished you had misheard him somehow..But, his smile faltered as he leaned forward to confirm what you already suspected.

"You heard me. Bring me flesh. Bring me blood. Young, if possible. But, I'm not picky.."

He knew you wouldn't leave, and if you tried ? He would track you down..He had done it before. Rabbits are easy to catch when they are frightened. You immediately sprung to your feet and opened your mouth to protest, but no sound came out when he flashed his yellow eyes at you in warning.

"I don't like waiting, pet. And especially not when I'm hungry. Be quick. Or, you can kiss your life goodbye."

And just like that, you remembered the use of your legs and ran faster than the wind. You knew you couldn't go far, but just enough for him not to hear your thoughts and the pounding of your heart. You ran so deep in the forest, you thought you wouldn't be able to come home..but, no matter how far you ran, Neibolt House seemed to come back to you. You dropped to your knees and gritted your teeth at the cursed house.

"No..NO ! YOU HEAR ME ! I REFUSE !"

No answer was given and then your heard a small crack behind you. You quickly turned around, only to be met with a small rabbit. It was staring at you with its beady eyes and even though it disgusted you to do it, you pounced on it and grabbed it by the ears. It did struggle, but you tried to make it as painless as possible. It wasn't your choice. You closed your eyes and tried not to look at the lifeless creature in your hands—even though said hands were now covered with its blood. You wanted to throw up,but returned to the house instead. Where could you go ?

He won.

You didn't make a step inside that Pennywise idly tilted his head to look at you, his eyes looking for your 'replacement', but only found a rabbit there. He growled.

"It isn't what I asked you for..You are terrible at following simple instructions, aren't you ?"

He mocked you, but you only threw the lifeless rabbit at his feet and your whole body trembled. You had had trouble taking the life of a simple rabbit, and he expected you to kill another human being ?

Pennywise could feel something was wrong and even though he didn't particularly care about your well-being, he cared enough about his to get up and check on you.

"...I can't eat that." He insisted and you didn't know who he was talking to, but it still unnerved you. You had killed it for him, and may your ancestors be witnesses, he would eat that rabbit..

"THEN STARVE !", you shouted and Pennywise froze. You were both shocked by your sudden outburst and you didn't have the time to apologize. Pennywise was on you and held you two feet over the floor, making sure to remind you who was at the mercy of who. He was angry, and you didn't blame him. But now that you knew how much he really needed you ?

"Go ahead. Take a bite. And you can forget about your free delivery service." It was the start of a beautiful staring contest between you and the very dangerous alien with glowing yellow eyes and very sharp teeth...Guess who won ? You guessed it.

Not you.

He laughed. He laughed and laughed..You thought he would actually die of laughter. He comically brushed a tear off his cheek for dramatic effect and you gritted your teeth.

"You're one funny little thing, aren't you ? Thinking yourself empowered because I decided to spare you ? If you call that sparing..You don't even know what you agreed to. You will be my slave forever."

Your eyes widened and your heart thumped wildly in your chest. He could...do that ? You shook your head. It couldn't be..But, he didn't let you reconsider as he took your hand and pulled the bandages off. You let out a small yelp and immediately sheltered your injured hand, but the deed was done. You now knew.

"You said you'd let me leave..", you whimpered, but Pennywise only shook his head and clicked his tongue.

"No no no..Guess you weren't listening. I said I'd let you live, small bite. Not leave."

You cried as he suddenly grabbed your legs to drag you in the darkness and a dark laughter filled the empty house.

"You and I are going to be best of roomies.."

"No. No. Please. Don't.", you screamed and Penny laughed.

"No. No. Please. Don't.", he mimicked mockingly while tears brimmed in your eyes. It wasn't supposed to be like this..Die like this. You didn't think the damn thing was inhabited and had moved in with the hopes of finding peace—but what you found there instead was a scary clown instead.

He had stalked you from the shadows for weeks. At first, you thought it was your wild imagination playing tricks on you—but no.

It had waited there. Patiently. Waiting for the most unexpected moment to strike. You were preparing to go to bed and had carelessly and mindlessly said to no one in particular.

"Good night !" It was supposed to be a joke. Nobody was supposed to answer. It was just something you had said to reassure yourself that you weren't alone..But, there was an answer.

"Good night, Y/N."

It was at that very moment it had shown itself, and the reason you were now begging for your life and kicking the air in an attempt to get yourself free. The clown was staring at you with a wide grin and drool generously dropping down his chin and making your hands slippery as you desperately attempted to grab him.

You felt yourself slipping away.

But, you weren't ready to give up.

No. There had to be a way to get away..You looked around frantically for a way out—a weapon at least..Your hand reached behind you for anything to use. It finally wrapped around the neck of a bottle and you crashed it on his forehead. It was enough for the gigantic clown to draw back for a few seconds and snarl at you. But, you used those precious seconds to run away and lock yourself in the bathroom. You hid yourself in the bathtub and grabbed a nearby brush to point it at the door. True—it wasn't exactly the best of weapons, but it was the only thing remotely looking like one in the room..

The handle of the bathroom door suddenly shook and you could hear the bells of his costume on the other side of the door. He wanted to get in and your heart raced in your chest..not because you knew he could, but because you didn't even have a lock on the bathroom door. You had tried to reach for a locksmith, but none had been able to make it within the week.

It was at that moment, you knew. It was all a game for him. He wasn't staying outside because he couldn't physically enter, but because he was making sure you stayed afraid.

That beast fed on fear. So, you just had to look unappetizing enough for it to go away.

You took deep breaths and tried to calm your racing heart, your eyes still fixed on the door where the handle had suddenly stopped shaking. You hoped it wasn't a trick and the being had disappeared, but you knew it would certainly take more for the creature to lose interest.

"What are you doing ?" The voice next to you made you jolt and quickly hit the clown in the face with the brush. You both seemed shocked for a second, especially since blood was now dripping down his lower lip.

"OH MY GOSH ! ARE YOU OKAY ?!" You asked out of instinct and Penny's eyes settled back on you before he licked his own wound and it magically disappeared.

It seemed almost amusing to him while it horrified you. What the hell was it even ?!

"Feel lucky human..I have already eaten my fill today. I'll save you for later."

And with those enigmatic words, he disappeared in a flash and you were left alone in your tub.

Well, good news. It seemed your fear theory was correct.

Bad news: it didn't seem to be of the forgiving type and would surely be back.

You relaxed in your bathtub and let the brush fall to the bottom, letting yourself breathe.

The demon was gone for now, and even though you knew it was going to come back, you let sleep overcome you. You hadn't slept for days and even thoigh you were pretty sure the monster couldn't sleep, you had to.

You failed to noticed the two glowing eyes watching you from the shadows—waiting.

"Sweet dreams..Y/N."

It was the same nightmare.

Night after night.

Freddy. Freddy Krueger. Nancy had warned you about him the first day you had moved in the old Krueger household. You thought she was exaggerating and that no creepy burnt man would come haunt your dreams...You were wrong.

"LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE YOU MONSTER !", you shouted as he crept closer and dared laugh at your suffering. The thing with Freddy was he liked running after preys. He was a predator. He lived for the chase.

"Ouh..Pretty word. But, nah. I'm having too much fun with ya !"

He had already marked you as his by cutting your arm on your very first day in his den. He thought nobody would be stupid enough to move in, but he wasn't going to complain to have some sort of company after so many years of loneliness..Freddy liked the chase, and he was looking forward to playing with you before returning to his usual game of hide and seek with Nancy..

You pushed him off you and in a moment of respite, you thought about what would wake you up..You had tried almost everything now. Everything. You had pinched yourself, burned your arm, even piercing a hole in some of the pipes ! Nothing.

"Run run..You ain't gonna go far without your legs, darling.", you heard him whisper behind you.

Sh*t. He found you.

He didn't hesitate before scratching the back of your legs and you fell to the floor. You then desperately tried to move yourself forward towards the door—but he didn't let you.

He dragged you back into the depth of hell with little to no remorse as to the life he was depriving you of.

Could he even feel remorse ? No. Maybe, not. Freddy was dead, only the demain remained. But, you would give it a shot.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE ! NOT RIGHT NOW ! PLEASE !"

You thought he would slash your throat right then and there, but were surprised when he seemed to freeze and think about it. He rested his hands on his hips and looked down at you before tilting his head quizzically at you.

"Not now ? Why ? Any upcoming plans I should be warned about ?"

You thought he was joking at first, a cruel taunting before taking your life..But, you then realized he was dead serious.

"Hum...Well...I kinda have something planned on Sunday. Like...Do...Things ?"

Wow. Way to go. Real convincing. He might as well end your life now. You wouldn't complain. However, Freddy didn't and only let you lie there while he was thinking about it.

"...Do something ? Or, do someone ? Real life or death question here. No judgment by the way."

....What in the actual hell ? Was he actually..Was it actually working ? Quick ! Idea ! You needed an idea, an excuse that wouldn't sound too bad or too far-fetched.

"Hum..I got a doctor's appointment ?"

....Welp. Goodbye World. You tried.

Freddy smirked before cackling and openly making fun of you. You had kinda expected it, but at least you would have a good story to tell Death on your way to wherever you were going to end up in a few minutes.

"Did someone already tell you you suck at finding reasons to stay alive ?"

Well, considering he was the first person to ever attempt to murder you before..You would say you were doing rather well. But, you kept your mouth shut and Freddy shook his head.

"Fine. I'll give you until your "doctor's appointment" to think of a good reason why I should let you live. I mean, I don't really care that you do or not..I'm most keen on seeing the Nancy chick hit the bucket than you anyway.."

Your eyes widened as he mentioned Nancy and you cursed yourself for not having heed her warnings before. Now, you had a very dangerous slasher living under your own roof and you had no idea how to get rid of him...But, maybe was there a way ?

"Say...If I do find a good reason...Would you consider letting me stay without haunting my dreams or something ?"

Freddy narrowed his eyes at you and for a moment, you really thought he would say no. But, he finally shrugged and extended his hand towards you.

"Fine. It's a deal."

You stared at his outstretched unclawed hand for a couple of seconds before finally taking it. He then yanked you up and you suddenly found yourself in your bed. However, Freddy's voice echoed in your head, reminding you of the eventuality you would lose and it's repercussions.

"And don't forget, sweetcheeks. You lose. You die."

You had done everything in your power to stay away from Crystal Lake. You had even asked to be transferred to another city to get away from who you knew lived in those woods. There was a thing living there, a thing that embodied all of your regrets..

You used to be friends with Jason, a long time ago when things didn't feel so tense. You even lived in the old house you used to share. Well...that was before he decided to visit your friends and kill them all. He spared you. But, at what cost ?

The night that you were supposed to leave, you made sure that nobody knew.

You didn't want Jason to follow you.

You opened the door and said goodbye to your family before taking a taxi to the house of a friend that lived not far from your new work location. You had done everything to get away, but you would soon realize that the decision to leave wasn't a good one.

You had been staying at your friend's house for a few weeks now and had succeeded in making the best of your situation. You missed your family of course, but it was best for them not to have to worry about you..

Your friend and yourself had started cooking dinner when someone knocked at the door.

You both looked at each other quizzically, wondering who it could be at this late hour ? Your friend was the first to the door, and maybe was it the reason she had to die.

There was nothing that could have prepared you for what happened next..The way he shoved the door open and thrusted the blade of his axe into your poor friend's head—cracking it in half. It made you cry and scream when he dragged you outside by the hair. You had done everything to stay away from him. You had taken every measure carefully. You had even changed taxis mid-way. But, you should have known he wouldn't let you leave, it didn't make it any less painful.

"WHY ?! I WAS GONE ! I WAS HAPPY !", you screamed and thrashed as he shoved you at the back of his trunk. He then paused.

There was a moment where the only thing that could be heard was his heavy breathing and the only thing you could feel was his burning eyes on you. It was excruciating.

"Because...I...am...not.", he finally declared and looked you in the eyes, as if he wished the answer to be inside them. You frowned in confusion as he uttered those words. You didn't understand.

He then looked down at your wrist and you followed his gaze, landing on the small friendship bracelet you had made as kids. It was a bit cliché, but it was summer camp and everyone had one.

You just had to have one with Jason's name on it.

You didn't know why you still wore it, it was but a distant memory of a friend long gone..The monster before you wasn't Jason. Jason wouldn't kill your friend, he wouldn't follow you and kidnap you. The Jason you remembered was nice and innocent..But, the way he tied your arms and legs roughly with a rope and gagged you while you were in tears..That wasn't your Jason.

However, you did catch a glimpse of his own wrist as he proceeded to tie you up and you found a matching bracelet there with your own name on it. You closed your eyes and lamented on the fact that you would surely die because of a damn friendship bracelet.

If you had known, you would have thrown the cursed thing long ago..But, there was still a tiny part of you that had held on to the hope Jason would one day come back.

But, not like this.

You hadn't imagined your heartfelt reunion to end up in a bloodshed and you, being slowly balanced left and right by the many crevices on the road. You didn't even know what would happen next..What was he planning to do with you ? Was he going to kill you ? Was he going to even let you say goodbye to your family ? Your head hurt as different scenarios plagued your mind.

But, it was too late to ponder on it now..

One thing was for sure.

You were going home.

Brahms never took anything for granted. He always thanked his lucky star for everything he had—or ever received. So, when you stepped over the threshold, he thanked whoever had sent you. He thought you were a gift from fate. To cure his boredom and loneliness.

Nobody had moved in since Greta. He didn't want to spook you, so he had waited a few weeks before introducing himself. Of course, he had watched you intently before. He had seen how you had changed the whole house to fit your own tastes and even though Brahms wasn't one to accept change easily, he had to admit that he liked what you had done with the house. It seemed brand-new now.

It was for that exact reason that he had to thank you.

So, after leaving a few hints here and there of his presence, he decided to surprise you as you were preparing breakfast. You must have been tired from working the night shift, or staying up all night studying, as he saw you stir the a pan where nothing was cooking inside. You seemed upset after noticing and had left the room to come back to bed. It was then an idea of cooking you breakfast came to mind.

He firstly made sure you were resting soundly before stepping in the kitchen and preparing eggs. He knew he had to be quick about it, as your naps usually didn't last long. He added spices and fresh cream before putting basil to the mix. His mother had taught him how to cook, as she knew he wouldn't be able to rely on his babysitters most of the time.

He put a timer and just as he was about to add the finishing touches, a loud crashing sound was heard behind him. He turned around swiftly and saw you there, eyes widened in shock and your favorite mug splattered all over the floor.

You both stayed still for a moment before your eyes landed on the eggs in the pan. You frowned for a moment before wondering if you were dreaming ? Had a stranger really cooked breakfast in your house ? Brahms followed your gaze and since you hadn't screamed yet, he guessed you were one of the nice ones. So, he proceeded to alternatively point at the pan and yourself. He wanted to communicate and tell you that it was for you, but he didn't have the words for that and thankfully, you seemed to quickly catch on.

You carefully stepped over the shards of your broken mug and sat down at the table. You didn't know if this was a dream or not. And frankly, you didn't really care. You were hungry and at this point, you would accept food from a skunk if it cooked..

So, you remained calm and even though a tiny part of your brain was still alert and tried to warn you, you muffled it. You were too tired to think of anything else than food at the moment.

Brahms seemed relieved and sheepishly set the table as you watched him intently. The last thing you wanted was to anger the stranger and you knew the best way for him to remain calm was for you to stay impassive. So, you attempted small talk.

"So..Hum..What's your name ?"

He brought the pan to the table and even though you were pretty sure he wasn't deaf, you started wondering as he sat across from you and seemed to ignore your question.

You sighed and decided that the answer could wait and took a good portion of eggs before waiting for him to do the same, only to realize he hadn't set a plate for himself.

You looked up quizzically at him, but his eyes were fixed on the floor. You finally sighed before getting up. The movement caught his attention, as he thought you would try to run away or throw something at him, but you only took another plate and served him as well. The stranger's eyes widened as you placed the plate in front of him and then returned to your seat to dig in. You almost missed it when he muttered.

"Brahms.."

You looked up and made eye contact with the polite stranger who repeated.

"Brahms."

You finally smiled as you understood he was giving you his name and nodded.

"Brahms. Nice to meet you. I'm Y/N."

He already knew that, but he wouldn't tell you. He didn't want to tell you he lived in the walls yet. He didn't want to risk it. But, by the way you had remain calm and collected upon his unexpected arrival, he had this feeling you would end up being a better roommate than any of the other babysitters.

Some he had killed without meaning to, as they had screamed so loud it had spooked him into action. But, you hadn't and he was grateful for it. He started eating and for a moment, he felt at peace.

But, he didn't know you were secretly planning on running for the hills the moment he had his back turned..

And you didn't know that once Brahms had taken a liking to you, he would never turn his back on you.

"Jack. I wanna leave.", you told him—straight to his face. You had already said it before, but the look he gave you was exactly the same as all of your other failed attempts.

He looked bored.

"Leave ? To go where ?", he asked—as if the answer wasn't obvious.

"Anywhere !", you shouted and Jack sighed loudly in exasperation.

"And they call ME mad..", he let out a small huff before returning to his eternal writing machine, the infernal thing that had brought you here in the first place. You had heard rumors of the place and people had told you that whoever would find old Jack's writing machine would get a lot of money. The thing was apparently worth a lot since its owner was apparently dead.

But, surprise surprise. The owner was actually very much alive. And had been keeping you hostage for months now. For some reason, he seemed to mistake you for his long lost wife, and you had no intention to tell the very dangerous sociopath that he wife was very much dead.

"WHO THE F*CK ARE 'THEY', JACK ?!", you burst out and Jack didn't answer you. No surprise to that, as he was most of the time too drunk to speak..

You had tried your best to keep up with Jack's antics. You had played the perfect oblivious wife for him—even though far from it. But, there had to be an end to this madness. He needed help. And you were the one who would give it to him—or so you thought..

"Listen to me, darling. Keep your mouth shut, or the door is wide open.", he gestured to the door with a dismissive wave of his hand before returning to his bottle of whiskey and machine.

You sighed.

"You know what ? Fine. Good luck keeping yourself company.", you said before turning towards the door. You thought you would find it locked—as always—but were surprised when you were met with the cold morning air. It took you a while to realize that your freedom was right there. You glanced back at Jack who seemed too absorbed by his work to give you his attention.

Good. He would probably not even notice your absence.. But, you hadn't taken a step outside that Jack bolted out of his chair and grabbed you..

"Oh no. You don't, Wendy."

That name..That f*cking name. You wanted to cry, but you knew it wouldn't change a thing. So, you decided to shatter this illusion. It could get you killed, it would actually..But, he would hear it.

"I'M NOT F*CKING WENDY ! I'M NOT YOUR WIFE ! I'M NOT YOUR ANYTHING ! NOW, LET ME GO !", you shouted and your sudden outburst seemed to make Jack freeze as he spun you around to look at you.

"Yeah. I know that. You're far hotter than her. She was always so whiny and bitchy. But, you ? Hell..You put up with everything. My tantrums. My alcoholism. My craving for nachos. My clear need for space. You're perfect. I thought you were another ghost at first, but nah. Ghosts usually don't stick around me long enough for me to care."

He nuzzled the back of your hair with the tip of his nose and to your utter horror, took a long inhale of your scent..

"That's what I like about the living, they smell so great.." You froze at his words and your eyes brimmed with tears. What did he mean by "the living" ? He seemed to read your mind and chuckled before clicking his fingers together—closing the door before you shut.

You yelped and jolted back, hitting his back in the process. You slowly turned around and suddenly, the room was filled with people. But, not normal people. They were all dressed in costumes belonging to an era long gone and some had strange scars and bloody wounds. And, most importantly, they all mimicked Jack's smile. They were all waiting..waiting for the very moment your eyes widened at the realization..

"You...You really are dead, aren't you ?"

Jack's smile shifted to a dark smirk as he started laughing and clapping.

"YOU FINALLY GOT IT ! BRAVO ! THEY FINALLY GOT IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN !"

They all started clapping frenetically and you felt as if your heart was about to jump out of your chest. You thoigh he had survived, that for some reason he hadn't died in that maze as so many newspapers had claimed.

But, he was. He was dead. And soon, it would be your turn. Suddenly, the ghosts all stopped clapping and Jack took a step forward.

"Now..Don't make that face. It'll be soon over. Promise. You won't feel a thing." He said it in such a soothing way, you almost believed him..Almost.

You tried to scream, but who would hear you ?

Jack was your curse—the cross you had to bear. He would never let you leave. And you would never let him go..

"I hate you..", you whispered and he chuckled knowingly.

"~Liar."

[sor-vette]

Chapter Five | Monsters

At the turn of a new leaf, you find yourself dancing along the knife’s edge. To keep yourself from falling over, you must ask three questions: what do they have, what do they hold dear and how far will they go to make you stay with them?

▶ wc: 2.5k

▶ warnings: illness, violence against women, possessive behaviour

▶ this series’ masterlist

▶ other works

It's not simply hot. It is the very scorch of hell. Vaguely, around you, there are voices. Truly beautiful voices.

"Like angels," you think, delirious. But they cause you pain. And you whimper again. These beings keep touching you, and it hurts so true and raw, as though they were melting coals into your skin.

"Jungkook, I said keep away from her," snarls a stern voice, but in a way, it's gentle and deep, like a running river or a sprawling forest. You only wish it'd bring some relief to your overheated body.

"But, I just - just wanted to put a compress," the second voice cries. It's gentle and full of youth.

"Baby, you're just causing her more pain. Let go."

If you thought the first one was deep... This was one for oceans, dark alleys and drying paint filled with grief. The second voice begins to weep harder and the being leaves, slamming the door behind.

"Stupid," another voice whispers. You can't help but scream - it's brimstone to your hellfire. The raspy cadence gnaws at your bones and its owner tugs itself deeper into the corner.

These beings keep feeding you something. It never stays down. You just want them to stop, but a small part of you still feels grateful for the company.

They sat in frozen silence broken only briefly by Jungkook's cries. A scream tore through the closed doors. Taehyung tried to breathe. Then he began to cry too. His breath came up in choked up sobs and he thought there must not be any oxygen left on Earth. Gasp as he might there was nothing.

"She'll be fine, Joon will fix this, she'll be fine," Jin muttered, hugging both Taehyung's and Jungkook's shoulders, but he's interrupted by another drawn-out wail, along with desperate pleas to make the pain stop. Jin's hands shook as he tried to say something, anything, but he couldn’t find the strength to fulfil the role of comfort right now.

"I can't - I can't be here. I'm sorry, I can't bear this..." Yoongi spluttered, dashing off blindly. Jungkook’s fists bunched up into Jin’s sleeve as he watched Yoongi's distressed figure fleeing into nowhere with Jimin behind him. Hoseok sat completely still in the corner, not blinking, not moving, gazing at one spot in the wall - a face without expression. Body without soul. His soul was screaming and it was all his fault.

The evening was a blur. He'd been waiting for you at the door, cake in hand. And it was fine. He didn't know exactly why you smelled so foul, but it could be anything. People meddled in various sorts of affairs in this world, and you could have just innocently passed by some quack trying to connect to the afterlife or some other nonsense. And so he let it go, retiring to the kitchen. He had, in all honesty, meant to cut the cake, eat it with you and leave. But then that small, slimy thought reared its unsightly head.

Hoseok was no stranger to nightmares. Dreams of his family dying, dreams of decay, dreams of transformation. Visions of his life's grief and regret replayed underneath a peculiar lens. They were fleeting. He had learnt to deal with them already long ago. It was only that one nightmare that persisted year after year. The sight of them all dead, ripped apart, torn, gone. Gone. Even pondering about it for a second made his stomach plunge into an unknown depth. Sometimes he'd wake up and just let himself cling to whoever was the closest, reassuring himself breath after breath that they were here. They were all still here, together, and if they stayed that way, everything would be fine. Such was the essence of his hopeful existence.

And then they met you. And you were not there when he woke up. Sometimes he would sneak out to your apartment, just to sit in hiding and listen to the steady routine of your morning, hammering into his head that you were safe. As you had been the day before and as you will be the day after tomorrow. But the feeling never quite gave way. Had Jungkook not been dying when they met? Had Jimin not been sick? Anything could happen, anything. And as he was thinking then, his teeth found his finger and bit harshly on it. Mesmerized, he watched his own hand soak the white frosting with blood, changing them crimson. Hoseok had perhaps half a mind to register all that he was doing. However, he was convinced it wouldn't do any harm. He was just trying to protect you.

Which led them here. One minute you were okay. He'd kissed you, and you looked so delicate, treading on the verge of finally blossoming into the feelings that they all knew were firmly buried underneath. He had rested his lips onto your neck and after time well spent hungering and yearning, he thought how loved he would make you feel. How he would collapse into you and you would do the same, and everything would be fine, at last. However, that minute passed and you began convulsing on the floor.

Five days had passed since then. It was only when you began to vomit up shards of black jade alongside Angelica root that Namjoon gathered what was going on. Some aged, unusual protection potion was working its way through the bloodstream. Hence why the smell had hurt him. Perhaps it could be argued that whoever was behind this had meant well. Had meant to protect you from them, but as Hoseok unbeknownst to everyone mixed the potion with his blood, it ultimately created the opposite effect.

Now your body was at a crossroads - trying to repel something that was a part of it. The two substances had formed something akin to nuclear fallout in your system. They had already exhausted themselves in an attempt to reign in your fever. Unsuccessfully, mind you, as every touch, every linger, even something so small as the sound of their voice caused you measureless pain - the potion's fine work.

Namjoon softly closed the doors behind him, careful as to not make too much noise. He exchanged quick glances with Bo - Young, who nodded mutely and entered the room with a mountain of wet towels.

He could barely walk. He hadn't closed his eyes for a minute during these last five days. Namjoon took in the state of the room - the unfurling chaos. His precious books now laid haphazardly across various surfaces, open and torn of their contents - to no help. The antiquated cabinet in the corner of the room was in shreds - a remnant of Jimin's rage during the first day. Only four of them were present - Jin and Jungkook, the latter of which was continuously shaking, clinging to the eldest. Taehyung, who sat with a grave expression, hugging his knees and Hobi.

Namjoon's heart particularly stung seeing Hoseok. He was still in the same place where he sat down five days ago, eyes dead to the world.

"Is she - How?" Jin asked, voice breaking. It was clear he had been trying to control his tears.

"There's nothing else I can do."

Taehyung hid his face entirely, and Jin looked like he was personally thrust off a cliff edge. The worst had occurred. It was all now a game of chance - both toxins would naturally cancel each other out after a while, but at this point, you might not survive that sort of strain.

All it takes is one more seizure, and her heart will give out, Namjoon thought, breath catching in his throat. He was now faced with a question he never wanted to see or hear.

What would they do if you would just die?

"Yoongi, stop, it's no use!" Jimin called out, slightly panting. They were far away from the house now, running into the small hiking forest. When Jimin had finally caught up to Yoongi -

"He's never been fast like this," he muttered to himself.

- there was a sudden flash that swamped the forest in a bright orange glow. The tree was burning. An old oak that Jungkook was fond of climbing and Joon liked to collect acorns from. Yoongi's back was turned, his silhouette - a great, black shadow in front of a roaring flame. Even Jimin had to shudder at the sight. With a sigh, he outstretched his fingers and snapped. The fire died out, collapsing in on itself and rolling large waves of heat in the dark, starless night.

"There's enough wildfires as it is," Jimin said, voice barely above a whisper.

"What do you suggest we do?" asked Yoongi slowly, in a sharp hiss, every word spewed like poison.

"We should go back there. Be with her. This might be -" Jimin choked on his train of thought, and Yoongi turned, eyes narrowed. He was visibly shaking.

"Don't say it, you bastard! Don't even dare to say those words!"

Jimin flinched at his tone.

"Don't yell at him. He's not at fault," interrupted a faint voice on the other side of the oak.

"I - I left you at the house," Jimin mumbled in bewilderment. It was Jungkook, but he was wearing completely different clothes, and his face was considerably gaunter.

"And I am technically there, yes," he answered cryptically, leaning against the cindering tree.

"I told you to stop doing that! It freaks me out!"

"Did you go somewhere?" Yoongi asked, observing the youngest's appearance.

There was an air about him - of rage and chase and revenge, and Yoongi found himself savouring the taste.

"Well, who remembers Y/N's friend, sweet Jane?" His tone was utterly cold, mocking even.

Jimin thought back. Maybe he recalled a fleeting, fidgety figure that bumbled to them that Y/N was not here and she didn't know her whereabouts.

"Well, the last thing Y/N did that day was visiting that friend."

"You think her friend, this Jane, would poison Y/N? What for?"

"Ahh, dear Jane, had a falling out at work, and she apparently contacted some of her friends for work opportunities."

"Would you cut the theatrics?!" Yoongi barked. Either they ripped someone else, or he'd do it to himself, there was no way around it.

"And her friends just so happen to work in "Divine Emporium" chain. "Fortune-telling and Otherworldly advice," to be exact."

Ah, Jimin thought.

"Well, I spoke with the owner, and, in time, he was very willing to tell where this Jane lived," Jungkook examined his nails as he was talking. They were covered in dark patches along with the random splatter stains on his shirt.

"So, let's go!"

"I'm all for it," Yoongi hissed, pulling his jacket closer around. Jimin was the only one who lingered.

"Guys, this is stupid..."

"They hurt her, Jimin, do you understand? Our girl is now screaming because of some fucking lowlife bastards," Yoongi's words were flying out at such speed they verged on turning into nonsense.

"Are you just gonna stand there and let people kill her?"

Jimin shook his head solemnly. No, he would not.

"Jiminie, don't like it? Go back," Jungkook yelled over his shoulder, and after throwing a glare, Jimin traipsed along.

They kicked down the door with little ceremony. The waft was overpowering but ultimately useless. Yoongi snarled a short laugh; it had a cruel undertone. Incense blend to ward off evil. How cute.

The apartment was a mess, its contents - already thrown around in disorder before they got around to trashing it. The window was open, and through it came the sound of speedy footsteps.

"Hey, Jane, where are you running off to?" Jungkook called out tauntingly, leaning out the window. Yoongi felt himself blooming in a deranged smile. Jimin at the back continuously rolled his eyes but was just as quick to catch up.

Jane's laboured breaths echoed throughout the small side street. Her gait was uneven and stumbling as she cried whilst fleeing.

"Fucking pathetic," Yoongi growled.

They cornered her underneath a bridge pass. Dark and deserted. How very tragic for Jane. Jungkook was the first to catch up to her, at first tripping her to the ground then with no hesitation hurling her against the concrete pillar. There was a solid crack when her skull made an impact.

She only wept and wheezed fearfully. Yoongi caught her by the throat and pulled her face so close to his own that their noses touched. She stopped breathing altogether, and in her eyes, Yoongi saw the horrible reflection of his own demented expression. Maybe for a second, he felt awful, but all it took was a single memory of your tortured cries, begging for salvation, and all his would-be mercy disappeared. Yoongi squeezed his fingers tighter, half wondering if he could just pop her head off the shoulders. Probably.

"You pathetic worm, why are you wriggling? How dare you betray her? How dare you hurt her?!" He whispered. She clawed at his hands, legs dangling in the air.

"What do you think, Jimin? Skin her or tear her limbs off?" Jungkook pondered, in an exaggerated, grimly comical expression of a thinking gesture.

"I would not...I would never...hurt Y/N," Jane wheezed, desperately gasping for air.

"But you wanted to keep her from us," Jungkook hissed.

"Please...please...she's done nothing wrong... please whatever you want with her... she's done nothing to deserve it."

Suddenly, Yoongi's hands were twisted against his back, and Jane fell free. Jimin was looking down on her with an inscrutable expression. She once again mauled at her neck, letting out long frenzied cries.

"She is ours. Do you understand?" He asked with one disinterested arched eyebrow as if they were discussing whether doors were push or pull. Yoongi groaned and trashed around, but Jimin's hold was immovable.

"Tell everyone and all you know that from this day on - she is one of us." Jane crawled closer. Perhaps, in some lowly sign of gratitude for sparing her life, but Jimin kicked at her grasping hands.

"I'm not doing this for you," he scoffed. "I'm only doing this for Y/N. Your death would make her unhappy."

He tugged harshly at both Yoongi's and Jungkook's collars, dragging them away. In his mind, they were sparing the time in the entirely wrong place. Still, when they were a short distance away, he turned around. Jane was on her knees, swaying back and forth. Presumably traumatized out of her mind.

"And if the unimaginable occurs, and Y/N does not survive... Jane, I will not only not hold them back, I personally will make sure that every single one of your kind, everyone who gave you so much as a smile, will die knowing the taste of their family's intestines."

Their teeth are bared, and in the pale moonlight, the monsters look nothing more than bloodthirsty hounds cleaving at her skin.

"Jane," you scream, "Jane!"

You try to beg them to stop, for reasons unknown, you feel like these monsters would listen to you, but they don't. They mercilessly rip her apart, ignoring your pleas and barking harsh laughs underneath the dark dome.

"Won't you shut up? It's fine, everyone's fine," a voice next to your ear tiredly sighs. It's not like the voices before, and when you look at the figure, it doesn't glow like the sun. The figure bites you. On the shoulder, but against the backdrop of the ceaseless pain, it is little more than a bug bite.

"You have to get better. You can't die right now. We all will die with you," the voice whispers, biting you again.

previous ↔ next

Trivia:

- Angelica Root (also known as Holy Ghost Root or Archangel Root) is believed to be a potent guardian and healer, that also provides strength to women

- Black jade is considered an etheric defender and protection stone. It is known to attract potent energy guards for the body also for mind and heart

- In this story, Jin often feels useless among the rest of them, so he shoulders this role of always being the most comforting and the most assured of the group

- Jungkook has what you would call slight problems with managing anger. He switches into a red-hued tunnel vision if someone hurts his loved ones. Yoongi is the same.

Tag list:

@meowsimpson @singukieee @ilsan-seoul @ot7nem @littlrmills14-blog @themasterbob @ithtefani @mayla548

Bet you didn't see this coming :D Anyways, plot is plot and so we boldly advance forward in all its pain and suffering. Please, keep bouncing ideas about what could happen next, your impressions or just come yell at me. I appreciate everything.

Happy reading!

[vacantgodling]

tit for tat: the character from witch noir i'm most obsessed with right now is angel. he just sucks so bad, but at the last minute he decides to try really hard!! for love!!! he's a cancer sun pisces moon pisces rising he's so sad and pathetic and full of love. he cries big ghibli tears and changes reality through sheer force of he believes in it so hard. he can't drive and his best friend is a cat. and he looks like oscar isaac.

now you 🔁

thank you for doing this i’m also now???? obsessed with him. cancer x pisces baby he’s so TINY idk i’m holding him i am kissing on the head i am giving him hot chocolate 😭 i’d love to know more about him?? how does he suck? how does he manage to turn things around? what’s his cats name??? i need to knowww

(also he looks like oscar isaac? i’m 👀 looking)

i randomly get into moods for stuff so like earlier i was going through my google drive with all my nonsense and looked back over my stuff for NAD and man i wish this plot would better reveal itself to me bc i love these characters. so much!!!

NAD rn is an acronym placeholder title for the actual wip itself (hopefully it’ll name itself… one day…) standing for the 3 povs that the story’s gonna switch through.

N is for Nyseah Nicoletti. she’s a trans femme nurse who is so. fucking. tired. she’s so damn tired. let her sleep. in her 30s and works the midnight shift most nights of the week and hardly takes time for herself, chain smokes to keep the edge off of how tired and irritable she always is. she wants better for herself but like ? how. getting the boob job was hard enough lmao. anyway tho, she’s given a respite from her misery one rare night off and she decides (for once) to go out. gets all dressed up, goes to a bar and WOW? a handsome man is actually?? flirting with her???? this doesn’t happen every day, what’s the occasion? they end up going back to a motel, fuck, and then nyseah wakes up alone. everything’s cool… until she opens her left eye. then SUDDEN PAIN!!! (i posted that excerpt here but she’s not having a god time). and well, come to find out she’s psychic now. but not in a good way. in a if you even think about using your powers blood is pouring from your eye type of way. ends up meeting some “escaped experiment” kids that she immediately adopts who are able to help her but her whole story is kinda. revenge for this dude who fucked her over like this bc it’s definitely one-night-stand dude’s fault (and this ain’t just a funny like. he literally caused this lol,,)

A is for Alona. a sweet, little air headed but doing her best! college student in her early 20s. she picks up a job at the largest and most famous (infamous probably) company in the city as a part time secretary and is living the good life, or is trying to! her coworkers are a bit standoffish at times but she’s pretty chill with the whole thing until one day for the first time she’s asked to stay on for the night shift. that night goes well, but she notices what looks to be a trail of blood coming from one of the back rooms she’s told not to go into and while she doesn’t that night the thought doesn’t leave her mind. she just can’t help but want to know more? somethings not right and well. she’s curious! (let’s just hope the cat phrase doesn’t come to fruition shall we).

finally, D is for PI Donte MacBride, the oldest of the bunch in his mid 40s. he really should retire from doing pi work but he has no other prospects or savings, so he just lives out his days in his little rickety shop/turned upstairs apartment (since he lost the last real place he had), shooing away those with hopes of him facing the cruel justice system on their behalf. he won’t, not anymore, he’s done with that circus. and he’s all but stopped taking on cases too until one day a very. very famous guest decides to drop by; an actor known only by his first name leonine. he comes by to request his services, claiming its only for closure as per don’s policy: find out who killed recently killed rising star, the singer roxanne davis, one of his dearest friends. and he makes don a monetary offer he can’t refuse—one that would set him for the rest of his life. so… despite the red flags about touching this case going off in his head, don finds himself taking on one last case.

as you can probably guess, these three stories intersect and the three of them are going to meet and realize they’re all on the same path to… whatever the fuck is going on here. but !! i have yet to figure out truly what it is aside from lil bits and pieces. fjfjfj i’m sorry this was so long haha.

[cptamerica]

mrstvrks

“Mm. Not really. Not when I see something that needs fixing with each mission we do. Not all of us are super soldiers.” Tony tilted his head, smirk on his face, as he looked up at him. He knew Steve was having some sort of deja vu moment. Honestly, he couldn’t wrap his head around what it would feel like to wake up eighty years later in a completely new world with the son of one of your closest friends standing in the spot where he once stood. Which, to Steve, felt like a year ago. Maybe that’s what was keeping Tony levelheaded when it came to him. Steve knew how to push his buttons like no one else, but he was also a man out of his time. And they really did work stupidly well together when they wanted to.

Tony laughed at Steve’s suggestion and reached for a towel, wiping the grease off his hands, before tossing it onto the work bench. “I mean, do they all need therapists? Yeah. But can you see His Highness going to one? The therapist would need a therapist after five minutes in.” He smirked again. “We put them in time-out. We’ll just keep them separated for the time being, but I think Thor and Barton did a pretty good job of being a barrier for us.” He walked over to punch a code in the keypad on the wall that sent all the suits back into their cases. “I think a lot of things are easier than playing mom and dad to a bunch of super heroes, Cap.” Tony turned back to look at him. “I think we’re doing a good job, though.” He paused, giving him a knowing look after a moment. “You still avoiding Peggy?”

"And not all of are genius, billionaire, philanthropists," Steve replied, the shadow of a smile on his face. That ego too, was very much like the unspoken man. The ghost that hung between them. There was a tension there that Steve didn't understand, but knew well enough not to approach. To Tony, Howard was a landmine. To Steve, he had been a friend. Reconciling both as true was a challenge. It seemed the future -- the present, tenses were so confusing -- was full of them.

Steve sighed. "Good point," he said quietly. He couldn't imagine talking to one himself. "What we -- what they're going through is a bit much for the average doctor," he said, stumbling only a little at the start of the sentence. "It should've been us," he insisted, glancing at Tony. "We're in charge, we have to step up when things go down." Steve hadn't even been at the party. That wouldn't happen again. Tony's eyes met his and he felt the steel inside himself soften a little. "Sometimes I wonder," he said simply. His fingers reached out, traced a nonsensical pattern through the grease on a tool cabinet. He flushed instantly and deeply at the next question, his entire body going stiff. "I'm not avoiding her," he said, mouth falling open. He closed it again, then sighed. "I don't know what to say to her. One second you're talking about a dance in 1945 while your plane goes down, and the next you're waking up eighty years later, wondering if they even have dances anymore." He shook his head. "She's had a whole life, and I'm... still figuring this out."