#if i see someone say it's matriarchal one more time i'm going to start throwing rocks

[calware]

head in hands. beforus and alternia are both canonically patriarchal societies

[rozaceous]

We’re talking about Naruto here, so I can’t help but mention the good old Warring States (?) AU. Give me Mariko getting unwillingly involved with Madara and Hashirama’s drama while trying to make sure Konoha does get founded lol

OH THIS TICKLES ME, ANON

(aka, i went a little ham, and this might turn into a proper ch later. have some older!mariko being Done w everything)

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," she grumbles, brushing dirt off her trousers in clumps before she gives up and does it with a shiver of chakra instead. She'd--mitigated her landing, but it still hadn't been the best. Granted, she hadn't anticipated Sasuke's Rinnegan tearing a hole through space-time and then falling through it, emerging somewhere in the stratosphere and thoroughly disoriented.

The crater is pretty small, considering.

Clothes, bones, and hair set to rights, she sweeps her chakra out in a fine mist. Mariko's never gotten the hang of traditional sensing and considering that this is partially what she'd learned Hidden in the Mist Jutsu for…

Fuck.

Fuck fuck FUCK.

Not only is there someone who's incoming, they're fast and their chakra is huge. Bigger than her own, certainly, and somewhere on Sasuke's level. Fuck. She's got maybe thirty seconds.

Right. She's not going to pass as civilian given how she's dressed, and nor is she going to pass as poor, nor too traditional. She's in calf-length trousers, geta, a silk embroidered haori, and while she's not wearing her full kanzashi set, she's got enough bira pieces to catch eyes and ears. It's not her fanciest outfit, but it's hardly one she'd choose for training, either. Besides her tinkling jewelry, she hasn't got more than a handful of uchibari, her tanto, and a bit of wire on her. Her longer blade is still at home. Well, that's fine, she can work without many weapons, but what she's really concerned about is her kanzashi since there are some Uchiha-specific designs on them. Subtle, but present and identifying.

There's always genjutsu, she supposes.

And then she sees who's storming her way and it takes all her self-control not to start throwing a tantrum and stomping the ground.

"I'm going to kill him!" she says. Sasuke is so dead.

She is not killing Uchiha Madara twice!

She doesn't use any genjutsu on her kanzashi. Instead, she crosses her arms in her sleeves and cocks her head.

Not only is she now older than this Uchiha Madara, she can reasonably lay claim to the title of Uchiha Clan Matriarch. She's Mom Energy-ing her way through this.

---

Madara isn't…entirely sure how this all happened, and has the vague feeling of being hit upside the head despite being reasonably certain that no head trauma was involved. All he knows is that there's an Uchiha woman who fell from the sky, apparently from the future where she's the clan matriarch, and she has absolutely no tolerance for nonsense and is currently healing the gut wound they had all been prepared for Izuna to die of. Because she knows chakra healing.

---

She bitches under her breath as she heals motherfucking Uchiha Izuna because this entire goddamn situation is goddamn ridiculous and that's an assesment coming from her, so that really means something considering the sorts of situations she's found herself in before. This might actually manage to top the whole 'reincarnated into a major anime franchise' bit, but honestly the race between that and 'get summoned to the Warring Clans Era of aforementioned anime franchise's timeline via doujutsu bullshit and, apparently, sincere prayer' is close.

Mariko is ready for her karmic reimbursement for putting up with all this shit.

It's not even that bad of a gut wound. Like, all gut wounds are bad, duh, but the really bad ones have you dying in about a minute or two and there's not much to be done for it unless you're--well, her. But considering that Uchiha Izuna is about to die of infection rather than the injury itself--

"Do you fuckers need me to build another hospital? Is that it? Is this my eternal fate, to just build medical programs and teach people what ought to be obvious shit so that the terminally obtuse don't terminate from their obtusity? Who thinks I just have time for this shit? I could take naps instead! Nara took naps all the fucking time, and he's clan heir! I'm supposed to be some nobody, but somehow I have more responsibility than him? What a fucking scam. I don't get naps! I get summoned across space-time instead to fix intestines and livers!"

Madara makes some rude comment about her attitude that she only half listens to, and then Mariko flings a rotting piece of Izuna's jejenum in his face. She's the motherfucking queen of rude and tactless and bitchy and if this asshole wants her help so bad as to pray for it, he'll shut his fucking trap and be grateful that he's got someone as amazing as her saving his brother from absolute medical incompetence. And also sepsis.

Which is what she tells him.

And five hours later, Izuna is basically out of the woods. They don't have intravenous fluids or blood transfusions here, so he's not doing as great as he could be, but he's not going to die, and he's even probably going to regain all of his functioning if he recovers properly and rests. Which, she informs him, he'll be doing if he has any sense of respect for the amount of trouble that's been gone through in order to keep him in the mortal plane.

Madara gives a watery laugh when she tells Izuna that.

---

It's not arrogance when Mariko says, "I bet I could take him" about Senju Tobirama.

Izuna gives her a scornful look, opens his mouth, and Mariko cuts him off.

"His Hiraishin bullshit, right?" she says, unimpressed. "His new technique that makes him so fast? Well, that white-haired, talentless hack needs seals to do what I can do with the fucking Replacement Jutsu. He might be able to travel longer distances with it than I can, which is honestly the Hiraishin's greatest strength, but in direct combat? I'm better. I'm faster. I win."

Izuna, gone quiet, fixes her with an assessing look. "You actually think so."

"I know so. He needs seals to travel via Hiraishin, which means he's limited to places where he's thrown a weapon or placed a seal down earlier. And he's going faster than his eyes can actually keep up, but he can manage because his reflexes and his sensing are fucking amazing. Well, I might not be a good sensor, but I've got my own methods, my own methods will likely manage to throw off his sensing so that he can't predict my movements, and I'm also not limited to seal placement. I can Replace wherever I want, and what he's trying to invent as his fighting style has been my fighting style for years now. I win."

She leans back. "Of course, that's all supposing that killing the Senju off is even the best move forward, which might not be the case. I mean, if I don't want Konoha to be founded all I need to do is have a chat with Hashirama and be very honest."

Izuna's eyes narrow. "I have no desire to make peace with the Senju, but even I'll admit that that sounds incredibly ominous."

"You'd be right about that part."

"What." Madara's affect has gone totally flat.

Mariko meets his gaze levelly. "They fucked with my friends. Konoha deserved everything it got."

Izuna makes a noise that might qualify as interest.

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch.10

Ch1 ch2 ch3 ch4 ch5 ch6 ch7 ch8 ch9

Summary: scary moms are scary

---

Nicole stilled.

Moms.

Well this just got a million times worse.

Surprisingly enough, Nicole could count on her fingers the times she had crossed paths with either of the Ladies. Lady Dimitrescu was often busy and not bothering with the staff. Most things that needed communicated went through the Steward. Mistress Esteria was, as some would call her, a ghost. She preferred her solitude or time with family so it wasn't unheard of for new staff members to take months before they even see her around the castle. Paired with Nicole's job that had her in the dungeons almost all the time, she never got an actual introduction to either of them.

Not that she complained. It didn't take a genius to realize that both women were to be feared.

I think I'd like to bleed out now.

"What about?" Her voice was barely audible, due to fear or pain was anyone's guess.

"... I don't know." Cassandra's quiet voice mimicked her own.

"Should I assume it is about your um… choice of partners?"

The realization that, to anyone outside Cassandra, she was little more than a maid turned butcher hit Nicole almost as much as the bullet that until not long ago was wedged into her flesh. Would they forbid Cassandra from seeing her? Or perhaps decide that Nicole has committed an unspeakable offense to their family and punish her? She gulped and Cassandra's reply wasn't of much help either.

"I don't know," she repeated.

Nicole sighed, a slow drawn out exhale, all too aware of the pain it would cause otherwise. "When?"

"Soon. They told me to let them know when you wake up."

Nicole just nodded and laid back into the cushions. May as well be comfortable before facing death. But Cassandra didn't move. Instead, she interlocked their fingers and brought Nicole's hand to her lips, leaving a kiss on bony knuckles. They stayed like that, silently, for a full minute before Cassandra got up and, with a be right back, exited the room.

Left alone, Nicole looked down at herself once more. To say she looked awful was an understatement. Definitely not going to rely on appearance to make a good impression. The painkiller was also yet to do its job and any movement still shot jolts of pain through her body. Wonderful.

It wasn't long before the door opened again and Cassandra came in followed by Lady Dimitrescu, her trademark hat making her look even taller and more intimidating than she already was. Immediately behind, Mistress Esteria took light steps, her long white hair flowing behind her like a silky mantle.

They looked so in contrast with each other, and it went beyond the almost opposite color schemes. While the Lady had the expression of a mother about to scold her child for carelessly running up the stairs and scraping a knee, the Mistress looked about to take out the bandaids. Her eyes, blue and gray, looked at her with something akin to kindness.

"What's your name dear?"

God her voice sounded like rivers deep in the forest. Flowing and ancient and just as powerful as she probably was.

"Nicole," she gulped.

The Mistress came to a stop right by the bed, tall frame bending down and grabbing Nicole's chin between two fingers. She moved her head from one side to the other and hummed.

"My my, what a pretty face. You've always had quite the taste in women, love." She looked at Cassandra who only nodded stiffly.

Then, she was up again and moving towards the other matriarch, who by now was sitting in an armchair. The Mistress leaned on the armrest, opting to ignore the many other places to sit and Nicole had to wonder for a moment if they were the clingy type. What an oddly human trait.

A long drag of a cigarette was drawn out before golden eyes finally fell on Nicole and the Lady spoke.

"I was actually surprised to learn about how… deeply Cassandra cares about you. To actually come to me and ask for help saving your life." She narrowed her eyes slightly, just enough for it to be a clear warning. "I sure hope such kindness was not wasted on you."

Sensing where this conversation was going, Nicole groaned internally. Of all things, she would rather not have the break my daughter's heart and I'll break your legs conversation with Cassandra's mothers while a damn hole in her abdomen was still sending waves of pain through her body if she didn't move just right. In her defense, the painkiller was yet to kick in and there's only so much holding her tongue she can do while in pain.

"With all due respect my Ladies, I'd rather throw myself off the highest tower in this castle than pretend to love Cassandra. Have you met her."

That got a snort from the brunette, who quickly masked it with a cough. The Mistress however laughed. A melodic laugh that, in another situation, would be the most soothing thing.

"Oh dear. While the reassurance is appreciated, we do trust Cassandra's judgement."

"For the most part," Lady Dimitrescu added, eyes still narrowed.

"And we would love to have you for dinner soon," the Mistress went on, ignoring the small glare from her wife.

Another drag of the cigarette. "Well anyways. We didn't come here for a welcoming party. We'd like to make you a proposal."

Judging by Cassandra's furrowed brows, she probably knew as little about this as Nicole did. A proposal from Lady Dimitrescu could either be wonderful news or a death sentence. She couldn't help a gulp when the Lady continued.

"Contrary to popular belief, I do care about my staff. At least those who prove themselves useful." The cigarette was finally done and now Nicole had the luck of having her full attention. "And, as you may have guessed, medical training is not particularly common around here. I do happen to want a castle physician, a position that could be filled by someone skilled that also has a good reason to do a good job and be loyal to my family."

Wait what-

Nicole blinked in confusion, an expression mimicked by Cassandra. Did she mean…?

Lady Dimitrescu raised an eyebrow. "Do you accept?"

"Y- yes." The words spilled from her mouth without a second thought. And why would she have second thoughts after all?

Lady Dimitrescu watched her for a long moment. Then, when she seemed pleased with her findings, she rose to her feet.

"Very well. We will discuss the technicalities once you're in a better state. Now try not to bleed out before you even start your job. And," she sighed, "you are expected at dinner as soon as you're able to join us."

The last part caused her wife's lips to turn into a warm smile. The Lady simply turned around and ducked out of the room while Mistress Esteria lingered by Cassandra. She whispered something only the brunette could hear and then leaned in to kiss her forehead. The Mistress had a couple inches on Cassandra, which meant she was towering over Nicole. Then, with a smile in her direction, she too was out of the room, leaving only the two of them to stare at the door in disbelief.

"Well that went… well."

"Oh for the love of Mother Miranda," Cassandra sighed in relief, hands running through her hair.

Her shoulders lost their tension when she came to sit by Nicole's side, a smile now present on thin black lips.

"Your mothers seem… lovely women."

"Shut up you were scared shitless."

There goes Nicole's attempt at being polite. Not that Cassandra was wrong by all means, but part of her wanted to be on good terms with her lover's family. Maybe it was simply due to her relationship with the brunette, maybe it was due to how her own family never seemed to care much for each other. Not the way the Dimitrescus did, despite how they were seen as monsters by most outside eyes. She didn't let herself dwell on it, instead she took one of Cassandra's hands and started to play with slender fingers.

"Are you hungry? I can ask Cynthia to fix something for you."

Nicole smiled at the effort to make her feel better. She would never get tired of seeing Cassandra's caring and gentle side, especially when she knew how ruthless she could be otherwise.

"In a bit. I'm waiting for the painkiller to fully kick in so I can actually sit up."

Cassandra nodded and looked to the side, seemingly lost in some kind of thought. Nicole wanted to ask what got the brunette pensive all of a sudden, but before she could, golden eyes snapped back to her.

"Also. Don't you dare jump in front of a bullet for me ever again. It wouldn't have hurt me anywhere near as much as it hurt you."

There was a subtle growl in her voice that would have scared any other person. But Nicole recognized how the anger was just veiled worry at how much worse their situation could’ve gotten.

"Sorry. I just saw him with the gun and panicked." There was a reason she didn't pursue her father's idea of becoming a surgeon after all, and pissing him off was only part of it. "And I'm glad you didn't get hurt at all."

Cassandra narrowed her eyes, but her expression quickly softened. The big bad sadist couldn’t stay mad at her lover and Nicole almost teased her about it, but a gloved hand slowly caressing her cheek stopped her.

“I’m just happy you’re alive.”