#if i have to wait that long :') i feel like im nvr gnna settle. every time i think i get close that uneasy nauseous feeling comes back and i
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gumdecay ยท 6 years ago
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#feelin all kinds of weird lately and its honestly exhausting.. im getting $42 direct deposit from the state tmrrw no clue why and im not evn#gnna spend it so. ig one upside of this awful mood is my impulses are low :') othr than the ones telling me 2 go out n fuck strangers but uh#thats not happening lol :') mb i will use it 2 buy e tho i miss feeling good :') idk. one of the roommates moved out (again) and its not the#new girl but i wish it was. its making me want 2 move out more than i already do. my brothers saying not til june and uhhh im js but ill kms#if i have to wait that long :') i feel like im nvr gnna settle. every time i think i get close that uneasy nauseous feeling comes back and i#need to Change Everything :') if i had money id buy so much shit and move every few months and donate 2 every post i see :') it bothers me#that i kno ppl w money n they just dont do shit w it like Ok Ig :') idk idk idk idk i want 2 get drunk or high but my mom might b picking me#up later and im not as good at pretending as i should be. i want someone to pay attention to me bc they love me not bc i ask 4 it. i want#someone to touch me and remind me that im Actually Alive but thats not gnna happen so i wanna get high enough i dont mind no ones touching#me :') or drunk ig works too. i found vodka i hid in my closet the last time my brother was in my room but its almost gone. i can ask for mo#re not this weekend groceries but next. itll b close enough 2 a month she hopefully wont say anything. i want 2 live w my brother already so#he can get me vodka n e whenever i want. im nervous itll b bad tho the last time it was ok bc we were Fending Off Abuse but now we'll have#no common ground and itll probably b just as uncomfortable as it is here. idk i just want 2 live alone but im nvr gnna b able 2 afford to an#d it makes me want to die lol :') i am so lonely but being around people makes my skin crawl unless its certain ppl n its nvr the right ones#and evn when it is it nvr feels as good as i want it to. idk ig i just expect too much
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