#if he wanted to spend time with me he shouldve thought about that before threatening to kill me

[glass-trash-bab]

I'm livid today and I don't know why

[samdyke]

top 5 scenes/episodes/arcs that deserved horriblebreakdownnatural go!

OKAY MICKEY I DID THINK ABT THIS A LOT and these are Not in any particular order but i have thoughts SO (below the cut bc its long)

1. sometime in s2 (after having met max for sure like seeing his powers be used for something violent & learning he also has psychokinetic abilities) sam shouldve had a full meltdown about his powers this is a PRIVATE MELTDOWN he goes to the woods or smth in the middle of the night and just loses it. full screaming at the sky “what the FUCK is HAPPENING TO ME” yes his psychic abilities would act up during this display and he would cause like. a crop circle or knock over trees and that would freak him out even more so hes like crying and trying to calm down because he’s terrified of what will happen if he Doesnt calm himself down. there’s a lot of choking down tears here because he just wants to be fucking normal, he tried so hard, and he has no idea what the hell is inside of him. he slips back into the motel before sunrise and dean never finds out about this one. like this post was Correct

2. okay this is SIMILAR but not the same hear me out. PRE swan song, as in the night between dean agreeing that sam can say yes and try to fling himself into the pit and it actually happening, sam shouldve been able to fully lose it. because holy fuck???? what the goddamn fuck is this? this breakdown potentially all happens at bobby’s house once again alone - he goes out to the scrapyard and looks up at the sky and prays to god to help him, asks why this is happening to him, why god wont do anything. please. please. there is, of course, no answer. this is sam’s last night as sam, and if things go well he’ll spend the rest of eternity locked in hell with lucifer; i think he’s entitled to a little screaming and crying and desperation

3. i gotta say like. fitz was right on the money with a post soul-fixed sam dean having a complete and utter meltdown like this. its just like......sam couldnt process for so long and dean was absolutely repressing everything for the year he lived with lisa and ben and to truthfully recognize what sam went through and everything.....horriblebreakdownatural MUST include both of them having a very late night hazy crying fit because once DEAN starts crying about how he never shouldve done it he shouldve said yes to michael or found another way sammy oh god you were so good im ao sorry you did it but i shouldve protected you i shouldve protected you then sam would also cry i think. they need this. its catharsis

4. i personally think dean should have had a breakdown after learning that mary was a hunter. not then and there in the past because goddamn no time (hah), but there’s no fucking way he would’ve been able to cope with thee mother mary, angelic perfect figment of comfort and home, the pure martyr for whom his entire life was ruined, was actually. a killer. a hunter. and she hated it. i think maybe he would be telling sam about it and it would hit suddenly and he would just feel sick, this is the kind of breakdown where you’re throwing up bile and you cant catch your breath and maybe youre crying?? but thats not the point its the absolute crushing weight and sickness when you learn that someyhing in your life has irrevocably changed in the worst way

5. cry harder repression boy: i want that tearful horrible painful breakdown from dean that we were all waiting for after despair. when he processes what cas said? and what that MEANS? oh i wanted the full breakdown here. this isnt something he can drink away because cas is fucking DEAD and cas loved him, he’s deaf Because he loved dean, like. i think that it would be jack asking where cas was that would actually seal this particular breakdown deal and dean would have to flee to go privately lose his shit which is of course not that private. think a prayer like purgatory 2.0 but 20x more desperate, which turns into threatening chuck because rage is the natural companion to grief

honorable mentions: sam after expelling gadreel (this would be horrible. imagining sam sobbing about killing kevin is genuinely making me ill), dean after leaving cas in purgatory (a prayer that turns to desperate painful screaming at the sky which sam hears but they never talk about), dean after getting cas BACK from purgatory (to cas), sam learning that he’s lucifer’s true vessel, at some point i think dean or sam shouldve had a car meltdown (u know screaming at the top of your lungs while barelling down the highway, crying, lots of obscenities).....theres def more but these simply came to mind. feel free to share w me your epic horriblebreakdownatural moment suggestions

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Potions and Princes (Pt.2)

-------------------------

"He turned into a frog Logan! He probably hates me forever now!" Virgil buried his head in his knees, tears streaming down his face.

"Shhh, it's ok Virgil you didnt do it on purpose, and he's fine now, it's alright, you're not in trouble," Logan said, ruffling Virgil's hair.

"But that doesnt change the fact that I turned him into a frog," Virgil continued, whining slightly.

"Virgil. . ." Logan continued.

"Logie? Did you still want that soup?" Emile's voice sounded from behind the bed curtains.

"Just hand it to me Em-" Logan said. The bowl passed through the curtains, along with one of Virgil's favorite smells.

Logan set the bowl down in Virgil's lap and handed him a spoon. Virgil sat quietly and ate his food, happy to have something that could distract him from having to talk.

"Just rest up before your next class, ok? And you know the spell if you need to call me," Logan ruffled Virgil's hair one last time before disappearing behind the curtains, presumably to run off to the courtyard with Emile.

Virgil continued eating in silence, waiting for the sound of the bells that would signal his demise.

He had potions next, potions with both of the twins, and he couldnt have dreaded it more.

The words on the chalkboard swam in his head, he could barely focus on one line of instructions before it disappeared only to be replaced with more thoughts of frogs and twins and failures. He stole glances occasionally at the twins from across the room, Roman was whispering something to Remus, he looked perfectly fine.

Virgil paid more attention to the pair than to his potion, which was turning a threatening shade of red and orange.

It only became apparent that he should've been paying attention when he felt an extreme pain on his hand, the potion had seeped over out of the pot, and was pooling along the sides of the cauldron, directly onto the table. Virgil reached with his good hand for his wand, waving it a few times to remove the contents of the cauldron. He shouldve asked for a nurse, or at least something to heal the wound, but instead he just wiped the stains off and continued on with his work, ignoring the searing pain in his arm.

"Hey are you alright?" Virgil froze at the sound of Roman's voice.

"I-I uh-" Virgil sputtered, biting the inside of his cheek. He moved to back away slightly, brushing his hand against the cauldron and holding back a wince.

"Your hand-" Roman moved to examine it, Virgil held it closer, eyes still wide.

"I-Its fine- just a spill-" Virgil responded quietly.

"Are you sure? It's nearly bleeding," Roman continued.

"I'm sure-" Virgil said, trying to ignore the loud thumping of his chest. Roman stood there for a little while longer, before finally letting out a sigh and retreating to his desk.

Virgil didnt do anything for the rest of the class, just stared down at his injury, tracing along the blood spots like a sadistic game of connect the dots.

He was the first out of class when the bells rang, racing across the halls, this was his free period, and he wanted to spend it alone.

He decided eventually to retreat into the woods, it would be a lot quieter there, or so he'd hoped.

He was a few miles in, it was dark, there was wind blowing through the trees, making it much colder than it should have been.

"Such an unfortunate circumstance is it not?" Virgil froze as a voice pierced his ears.

"Wh-who are you?" Virgil said, backing away until he hit a tree, when had it gotten there? He thought to himself.

"A witch of shadows, I can teach you things most novices would only ever dream of," the voice continued.

"I-Im not a novice-" Virgil said, swallowing slightly.

"Oh? So you've changed your mind then? I thought you said you were the worst witch of your age did you not?" The voice jeered.

"I-I wasn't- that didnt-" Virgil scanned his surroundings, begging for something to appear.

"Virgil!" Virgil was snapped out of his thoughts by Logan's voice. He saw Logan rushing down the hill, worry clearly etched on his face.

"Virgil what were you thinking! How long did you let that sit for? Oh you are so lucky Roman told me you spilled that potion-" Logan said, pulling his wand out and tracing over the scars, pouring something from a vial afterwards.

"R-Roman?-" Virgil said, the guilt in his chest rising.

"Yes, contrary to popular belief Roman does in fact not hate you and is actually rather concerned about you," Logan continued. He took Virgil by the arm and walked back up to the school with him.

"You've got to let that thing rest, and you're lucky you're ambidextrous in terms of your wand hand or I'd say youd have to take a week off school," Logan said, Virgil felt like a kid getting chastised for stealing a cookie. It was then that Virgil remembered the woods.

"Logan?. . ." he said quietly.

"Yes Virgil?" Logan replied.

Virgil opened his mouth to say something, and then he felt a painful twist in his gut.

"Nevermind its- not important-" Virgil said finally, looking away slightly.

"Virgil if something's wrong I'd prefer if you told me," Logan said.

"Its nothing. . ." Virgil said, trying his best to convey sincerity, even despite the growing dread in his chest.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@nerosdayinhell

@the-sad-strawberry

@meowthefluffy

@thecolorfulolive

@frawkeye

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@cemmy

@frog-candy-bee

@teamplutoforlife

@littleladynightshade

[multi-fxndom446]

Never Forgotten

Bokuto Koutarou X Reader

Warning: angsty

Word count: 1.9k

Summary: don’t wanna give anything away so just read😁

Also can’t tell if I hate this so please leave your feedback<3

~

It felt weird to him. Being here felt weird to him. He had hoped he wouldn’t have to be there ever again after what happened but of course he would have to come back. It was his home.

The Black Jackals were all gathered around the court after there practice had ended. There first game was in a few days and usually he’d be hyped for this time but today felt different.

Hinata was next to him bouncing on his feet in excitement as he listened to the coach. “We’ll be leaving tomorrow night to get to the hotel on time. Please be here on time. Does everyone know what time you should be here?” He asked and there was a series of yes’s. “Alright get home and get some rest.”

The team split up and went there separate ways except for Atsumu and Hinata. They followed after Bokuto who was packing up his stuff to head home but before he could Atsumu stopped him.

“We’re going out tonight, Hinata and I, you wanna join?” Atsumu had his arm around Hinatas shoulder as he often did and he had his usual smirk. Hinata was beaming up at him but it fell when Bokuto shook his head.

“Nah I’m good, I just want to go home.” He grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “Thanks for the invite though.”

Atsumus eyes widened in surprise for a split second before Bokuto walked away and he shrugged. Hinata watched after him, his eyebrows drawn in confusion when Bokuto walked out the door without another word. “I’m sure he’s okay, let’s go.” Hinata nodded at Atsumus words and let himself be dragged away by Him.

Bokuto shifted the bag on his shoulder as he walked the familiar path towards home. He knew every path of this city because he walked almost every path with you. Walking with you and spending time with you was one of his favorite parts of his day.

He released a breathe of air and looked up at the sky. You loved the sky, more so when it was dark. He remembered how you loved to look out at the stars and how you always pointed different stars out to him.

The two of you grew up together, you were best friends all throughout your life and going into your second year in highschool you were more. You found it easy to get along with his volleyball team and that was another thing he loved about you. The team supported you both through everything because all of Fukurodani loved you too, you were so kind how could they not.

He took a right turn, leading to his house where his parents were waiting for him. Your house was just right down the street from his he could even see it when he finally got to his house. But he knew you weren’t there. The house was different, your parents weren’t even there anymore they moved a few years after what happened.

He stood on his doorstep and spared a few more seconds before he sighed and went inside into the arms of his awaiting parents.

~

The next day some of the Black Jackals decided to practice before they would leave and Bokuto was one of them. Although he was only planning on staying for an hour or so.

He kept to himself while he practiced. Politely dismissing anyone who asked him to join in on there practice. Bokuto was hitting a few more serves when Hinata, Atsumu and Sakusa came up to him but he just continued on with his practice.

“Bokuto-San, do you wanna come with us to get food?” Hinata asked after Bokuto hit another serve. Atsumu and Sakusa were beside him, waiting for his answer.

Bokuto tried his best to give a smile but ended up shaking his head no. Hinatas smile dropped again like the night before. “I was actually going to get going now. Sorry, I just need to go say bye to someone before we leave tonight.” Hinata watched Bokuto leave just like the night before.

“Do you guys think he’s okay?” Hinata asked the other two, who just shrugged in response.

“Are you ready to go?” Atsumu asked but Hinata started following after Bokuto. “Hinata!”

“Yeah I’ll meet you there.” Then he was out the door. Atsumu turned to Sakusa with confused eyes.

“He doesn’t even know where we’re going?”

Bokuto once again walked down the road that he had so many times before. But unlike the night before he turned left. He never walked this road until after highschool and he had hoped he would never have to.

He walked down the road just a little ways before he got to his destination. His eyes were downcast as he walked through the freshly cut grass. When he knew he was close he looked up again only to see someone standing by his destination.

“Akaashi?” Said male looked up at his name, smiling softly when he saw Bokuto making his way to him. “What’re you doing here?”

“Today marks 5 years.” He told Bokuto what he already knew. “I come see her every anniversary. We must’ve just never run into each other.”

Bokutos eyes widened when he saw Akaashis knowing gaze before he looked down at the flowers. Guilt was running through him but he couldn’t dwell on it as Akaashi put his hand on Bokutos shoulder. “She’d understand. You’re living your life, you’re busy.”

“I still shouldve made time.” He said quietly and Akaashi squeezed his shoulder slightly.

“She would understand if you moved on.” Bokuto clenched his jaw and shook his head.

“I won’t ever move on.”

Akaashi sighed, letting his hand slip from his friends shoulder. He took a few steps to leave but stopped right beside him. “I’ll be watching your game tomorrow. Do your best.” Then he was gone and Bokuto was left alone.

He turned so he could face your headstone and he kneeled down in front of it. His fingers skimmed across your name. He felt the tears he had held back threaten to fall as he scanned your name over and over.

Y/n Bokuto

Loving daughter, friend and wife

“Bokuto-San?” Bokuto jumped at the sudden voice. He turned to the person and relaxed when he saw it was just Hinata.

“Hinata what are you doing here?” But Hinatas gaze was locked on the headstone in front of him.

“Y/n?” He remembered you. He had seen you with Bokuto at multiple practice games, tournaments and training camps. You were so kind to him and everyone else.

He remembered how lovingly you and Bokuto looked at each other. How happy you both made each other. He had known you were his girlfriend but he didn’t know you both got married and he definitely didn’t know you died. He assumed Bokuto kept what happened close to heart.

Bokuto looked between Hinata and your headstone before he understood. “We got married a year after highschool.” He explained as he sat down right beside your stone, Hinata joined by his side.

“What happened?” Bokuto was silent. He hadn’t talked about you for along time but he knew he could find comfort in Hinata.

“I knew her my entire life. We grew up together. She was always so kind, always put others before herself. I had a crush on her throughout middle school.” Hinata glanced at Bokuto who had an almost nostalgic smile on his face as he thought back. “It wasn’t until second year in highschool that we figured out that we both liked each other and then everything was perfect. We wanted to spend the rest of our lives together but then a few months after we graduated she got really sick. The doctors said she wouldn’t have long, a few years at best so we decided to get engaged.”

“Bokuto..” Hinatas voice was soft as he saw tears roll down the older males cheeks.

“She wanted the wedding to be perfect so no matter how much I begged her to let us get married sooner she wouldn’t allow it. And so a year later we were married.” Bokuto quickly wiped away his tears as he looked down at the grass. “She died a few months later. Today is the anniversary of her death.”

That’s when Hinatas gaze locked onto a chain around Bokutos neck. “That necklace-?” Bokuto looked down at him before he clutched onto the necklace through his shirt.

He pulled it out and Hinata saw the rings hanging from it. It was yours and his wedding ring. “She gave me her ring a few days before she died. Told me she wanted to give me something to remember her.” He laughed humorlessly. “Like I’d ever forget her.”

“You only take it off for games?” Hinata finally realized and it was confirmed when Bokuto nodded his head.

The two of them sat in silence for awhile as they looked over your gravestone. Finally Hinata broke the silence with a quiet voice, “she was a really nice person. When I first met her she was helping me by tossing me some balls to spike.” Bokuto smiled slightly. he remembered that. He had to come drag you away and that was saying something because every night of that camp he was training later then anyone else. Well anyone except for Hinata.

“She couldn’t stop talking about how adorable she thought you were.” Bokuto told him, chuckling lightly when he saw Hinata blush.

“Even Tsukishima warmed up to her after a few days.” Hinata was smiling as he remembered. “She was a very kind person.”

“She was.” The silence lingered in the air for a moment before Hinata turned to him.

“And she loved you.” Bokutos eyes widened a little. “It was the first thing I could see when I first met you both.”

“Thanks Hinata.”

Hinata nodded his head slightly with a bright smile. He stood up from his spot and held a hand out for Bokuto. “Well let’s get going, you need to get something to eat before we leave.”

Bokuto reluctantly took his hand and let Hinata help him up. “Oh and Bokuto-San?” Bokuto hummed in question. “Tomorrow, let’s win that game for her.”

He took a deep breathe at that and smiled down at Hinata, nodding his head. Hinatas smile grew as he took the lead to walk out of the graveyard. He stopped halfway though when he realized Bokuto wasn’t following. He looked back towards your grave where he could see Bokuto saying his goodbyes. Bokuto kissed your headstone before he caught up with the younger male.

He played with the rings around his neck as he watched Hinata realize he didn’t know where Sakusa and Atsumu went to get food. He thought it was quite a funny sight when Hinata started panicking about it. When Hinata heard him laugh he looked up at him and smiled softly, at least he got Bokuto to laugh.

And that night as he sat in his seat on the bus he knew Hinata was right. Everything he said today he was right and so was Akaashi. But he wouldn’t ever forget you and even if he didn’t want to admit it he would knew he would eventually move on.

But for now all he wanted to do was win this game. For you.

~

[feel199x]

 gang!au, gang member!han jisung, florist!reader, underground band!au

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist

warnings: angst and themes of abuse and trauma

🌸 a/n: i actually finished this fic, and it’ll be up in my queue to post over the weekend! it’s kind of exciting to be finally finishing this fic! a hint  for the next chapter is at the end!! hehe

🌸 song rec: arsonist’s lullaby

Your eyelids were still heavy when you awoke. In front of you, though your eyes still blurry you made out a flower vase. You tried to move, suddenly desperate to feel the petals against your fingertips. Even though they were azaleas, petunias, globe amarths, carrot flowers, and asphodels- all dressed in a void black vase. You knew what it meant, you knew what it threatened. But you found your arms sore, propped up and irritated from the handcuffs that hung from the ceiling. As you looked down, your head getting too heavy for your neck to support, you found yourself surrounded eglantines, lemon and peach blossoms, lungworts, phlox, and red rose petals. You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob, your wrists burning, the metal digging into your skin. You arms stayed propped up, but the numb feeling began to spread through your body. You didn’t even look up as he came in, even as he made sure to slam the door shut.

“You know why you’re in here?” You didn’t answer, your voice all used up from crying. You could feel his fingers on your jaw, propping your face up so you could look straight up at him. You couldn’t make his face out completely, your vision blurred but not fading. There were already bruises there you knew, and he pressed down on them further. “Do you? I try so hard to control myself, and here you are, still acting up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? I should just leave you here, let you learn your lesson.”

His thumb rested against your chin, looking at you intently- what could almost be mistaken as sympathy. It was deja vu, sitting there like a doll. “But I can’t resist you, can I?” No, you guess he couldn’t. That was the funny thing, right? He couldn’t expect to, how could he resist these primal urges? He talked and talked about nothing, and you were glad that you couldn’t pay attention to his words anyway, mind foggy and complacent. “I even brought you flowers. You didn’t have these in your shop, huh? So I got them. I’m a good husband.”

“Husband?”

“Good thing you’re pretty.” He got up, reaching over you and pulled something off your, well, ring finger. “See that? That cost more than your stupid shop.”

Stupid shop.

He slipped it back on, sitting back down next to you as he continued to talk.

“How long,” you paused, voice weak and raspy, quiet, “has it been?”

He seemed surprised by your question, eyebrows digging into his forehead in sudden anger. He got up and paced around the cramped room, not even bothering to watch him as you stared down at your own clothes- crinkled and dirty. “Why do you care?” he seethed, “I could treat you better than he ever could. A low-level drug dealer and a shitty, amateur rapper. Do you see lover boy here? No, you don’t. ‘Cause he’s dead.”

You let out a small gasp, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes and you looked at him. “What did you do?” you weeped, “Please- please, please tell me what you did.” His pacing came to a stop as he looked at you, face contorted with anger. “I got my co-workers to shoot him and friends dead, that’s what I did. Because you’re mine. Always and forever.”

You didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t- he couldn’t exactly be trusted. You grew impulsive, angry with him. Jisung would never, Jisung could never. He wasn’t that type of person- he could never take advantage of people, he could never keep something like that from of you. And here your captor was, smothering ash over Jisung’s name. But you knew he wasn’t lying about shooting Jisung and his friends, even if you didn’t want to believe it. He had tried the same thing with your family back then too. You felt guilty, at fault like you were the one behind the trigger. Anger bubbled like sparkling in your throat like bubbling water, steaming with impulsivity.

“You should kill me too then. I’d rather rot in the ground next to Jisung than spend another second looking at you.”

You knew your goal should’ve been to play the long game, especially after your failed attempt some time ago. How long has it been? You weren’t sure, there weren’t any windows in the room- and the white painted walls burned into your eyes. If you made him angry now, it would only take longer to gain his trust, but the damage was already done- you could feel the blood pouring out of the back of your head. You might’ve been dying, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t even feel the pain from the hit from the adrenaline, so you continued to push your luck. Because it was true, Jisung had kept you going, your shop had kept you going. How would you ever be able to look another flower without seeing his face?

“He loved me better than you ever did and he didn’t even ask me to be his lover yet. Lover boy is better than you even dream about.”

It wasn’t like you to speak out of your turn, especially with the looming threat of death. You were too far gone, the warmth of blood streaming down your back. The bruises on your jaw from your grip deepening in color as his grip tightened, yelling some nonsense.

Still, even as he looked into your eyes, his breath hot on you- all you could think about was Jisung. How could you not? Your mind swam through melancholy memories.

You were in his arms tonight. His arms drooped over your shoulder, his head pressed against yours- lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered commentary about the movie you were watching. You were leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your back. Knees propped up as his legs circled around you.

“I love you,” he murmured, “probably more than like, shrek.”

“I would hope so, shrek doesn’t feed you,” you paused, “But I love you too.”

And it was true, but you were unsure of the extent of your infatuation and devotion he was refering to. You wanted to say you were in love with him, but it was too much of a risk. If you scared him off now, who would come by your flower shop to spend time with you? Who would carry you off your bed during the weekends just to go to the convience store. Who would wrap arms and limbs around you and sing you to sleep at night after nightmares, after remembering? Did it even matter? You’ve never felt like this before, the only thing that came close was your devotion was your flowers. Maybe it should’ve scared you, that suddenly there was someone with so much importace to you, on the same level as the only thing that got through the Incident. You turned your head, the side pressed against Jisung’s chest. His arms moved to wrap around you waist, tightening around you. Your nose was touching his, lips only a breath away- but he was crying.

“Jisung,” you said softly, “Why are you crying? You chose this movie.”

“Do you think people in love will always end up together?”

You laced your hands in his, intertwining the both of them. “Of course,” you whispered, “Love finds a way.”

You thought it would happen then, his lips practically on top of yours- but it didn’t. He turned from you, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down- something caught in his throat. “Even if the person lied?”

“I guess it depends on the ‘sung. As long as it wouldn’t change your perception of the person in a way that hurt the relationship too much, I think they could make it.”

“What if it did? What if the person wasn’t as good as you thought they were?”

“Sung, is something going on? You can talk to me, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t. I can’t. We can’t.”

“Sung,” You cupped his face, making him look at you. You turned around, and his embrace loosened but remained around your waist. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I love you more than my shop. I promise that I always will, no matter the circumstances. You’re a good person, I know that. I promise, I pinky-promise.” You held up your pinky, and he brushed away his tears wrapping his finger around yours.

You don’t remember exactly what he had said before he left, something about a band dropping out of the club he played at. He had gotten a call and gathered his things almost immediately. You offered to go with him, you always wanted to see him live with his fans but he always refused. He said that it wasn’t your scene, and all grimy- it wasn’t somewhere you should be, not a play for someone pure as you. But you didn’t feel pure and insisted that he was the purer of you two. But it didn’t matter, when Jisung’s mind was set, it was set. He kissed your forehead, and before the door close he wrapped his pinky around yours without another word.

And then Jisung disappeared again.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the longest. The days dragged on, the day having to pull and drag the night up into the sky. Even the sky’s star shined dimly, there only because of obligation. Ever since you started making arrangements back home at your mother’s flower store, you never liked roses much. But now you were starting to understand people’s obsession with them. It was an iconic symbol of love, everyone’s go-to, and you supposed there was a good reason for that. Its smell was sickeningly sweet, and the petals like velvet. You started getting letters in the mail. It happened every day. And even though you were flattered, you began to get worried. Worry arising.

After four months, you finally saw Jisung again. He kept somewhat in contact, but he had been busy. There were two months with complete radio silence, and one night you saw news coverage of shots fired in a car chase. You hadn’t put two and two together then, not even as you saw Jisung slightly limp as he moved around your store. You remember being conflicted about asking him, but as he kept telling you about his stories featuring his group members, you got lost.

That’s the night it all happened.

But before that, way before that. Maybe it really was love at first sight.

After the hose incident, you found Jisung lingering around your store until closing time. He had brought sweets every day for two weeks until you invited him back up to your apartment.

“Thank god,” he groaned, “My grandmother said if it didn’t work this time, she was going to interfere. Jokes on her, though, I’ve been stealing sweets forever.”

You laughed, getting bold after closing the shop and tugging at his wrist as you pulled him up the metal spiral stairs. “I would be more worried about Minho,” you teased, “you’d better not be slacking off during practice or he’ll chew you out.”

“Ew, ugh! Don’t remind me.”

“So, um,” you looked down, “What do you want to do?”

“Can I pick a movie?”

He had chosen a romance movie, you could’ve gone to the theater instead, but he insisted that he would pay you back for the fee- and that going to the theater would never be better than streaming at home. You didn’t mind romance movies, they were fun to watch. But during the less tense parts of the movies, you could feel yourself falling asleep and before you knew it your head was on his shoulder. If you were less sleepy, you would’ve freaked out as he pulled you closer is fingers lightly drawing shapes on your hips. You awoke when you felt Jisung’s chest heave and you looked up to see him crying. It was the first time you saw Jisung cry, and it broke your heart.

“Jisung, are you okay? We can change the movie if it’s too much…”

“No! Sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than love. I’m going to have a love like this one day. And I can’t wait. Thinking about makes me cry.”

 You were awake now. Eyes glazed over, still heavy with exhaustion and sleep. The blood down your back had dried now, you could feel your hair all bunched together and sticky with the flaky dried and blood. It was throbbing, pulsing almost- the headache was unbearable. How long has it been? How long would it be? You tried moving your legs, a numb static began to make you grow in discomfort. It was for the better though, because otherwise you would’ve felt the rope digging in and around your ankles. It was hard, you had to press your wrists further against the cuffs in order to help yourself. It was awkward, like a baby learning how to walk. It must’ve been hours when you stood there, the feeling finally returning to your legs. Your arms were relieved with the ability to relax, even if they were in an awkward position. They were still strung up, but at least your upper arm could relax.

The flowers in the room had been replaced, but the petals around you were starting to become crisp and brown. Alstroemerias, altheas, arbutus, red and yellow balsams, Japanese rose, jumpers, and kalmias. It made you shiver with disgust and fear. Where was he getting these flowers? Was he going back to your shop? 

You collapsed suddenly, your legs caving in on yourself. Your wrists pulled at harshly as your knees hit the floor. Have you eaten? You couldn’t have, how long has it been? Your stomach began to turn, you were hungry, but that was the least of your worries. Was Jisung really dead? What about his friends, Minho, Chan and everyone else? Were they dead too? How were you to expected to live with yourself, knowing you had brought his misfortune on all of them? If they were alive, how could you expect them to forgive you for the mess you had made? You couldn’t, and you would have to live with the guilt of hurting Jisung for the rest of your life. Because you knew it was dangerous, falling in love with someone knowing that it could be turned against you at any moment- but you did anyway. And now you had dug your own grave. Thoughts were growing difficult to form, the space growing through your coherent thoughts. All you could was feel.

How much time has passed? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? All you knew was white. You could see the walls fill in the spots in your vision. It was irrational, but you began to hate the white painted walls. The lack of color was draining you, except for the vase in front of you. You wanted to kick it, destroy it completely- you wanted to move and release everything- every emotion and irrational thought boiling with impulsivity in your head. The only thought going through your head, getting louder and louder, blocking the diminishing number of coherent thoughts.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

You cried, even as dehydrated as you were. Your voice was raspy, and you couldn’t even speak words of comfort to yourself. You couldn’t remember, you couldn’t make them out.”It’s…going….to...be...okay.” Maybe it was pathetic but you were the only one you could lean on. You couldn’t hang on to the hope that someone was going to rescue you, especially if the only people you were dead- or angry because of the mess you had caused.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

You looked up, vision spotty and glazed with tears, and nodded desperately. You were mad at yourself for giving in so easily. “You’re pretty like this, “ he cooed, “All broken down and desperate.” He stroked your hair, fingers getting caught in your bloodied hair. “I bet you’re hungry, hm? I’m not going to let you go, so you’re going to have to let me feed you. I’d hate to have to...well, you know.”

You wish you didn’t.

 It felt like you were giving in as you ate, the food dry and difficult to swallow. He sat there for a while. The water he made you drink missed your mouth and streamed down your neck. You sat there, helpless, unable to clean yourself. “What a pretty mess,” he murmured, “What a pretty mouth. Just for me.” You hated him, you did. You hated him like forest fire, like the damage of a natural disaster. He disgusted you, he was disgusting- time and time again, he had taken everything that mattered to you. And he won. You felt pathetic, useless. Jisung was dead, dead and gone and you felt like it was all your fault. It made you shake, your heart thumping against your ribcage, begging to get out.

His phone rang, the ringtone burning in your ear. “Yes… I told you...Just get it...Dead.” He must’ve heard you lean against the metal cuffs, because he got up. He smiled, using his thumb to wipe the water off your lips. You were beginning to panic again, maybe it was a small chance that he was talking about Jisung and stray kids, but any chance was big enough to get worried. Before he closed the door, before you could give a second thought: “Help me take..a bath. Please.” Even with your soft, raspy and broken voice, it was enough to get his attention. Words were getting harder to form, it was getting to harder to even think- but you had to warn them, even if you don’t know what the danger was. Because if the call was about them, some of them were alive- and that meant you could clean up some of your mess, or at least make up for it. He ended the call quickly, uncuffing you. You arms immediately dropped, hands slamming against the floor.

“I knew you would come around. But you’d better behave. I don’t care if I have to hurt you to keep you complacent.” You watched as he pulled at your legs, untying the rope that kept your legs together. You struggled to get up, so he opted to carry you, throwing you over his back. It hurt your eyes to be flooded with color as he carried you to the bathroom. The bath ran and you sat in the warm water, he was watching you as he sat on the toilet cover. The feeling was returning to your body as the water in the filling bathtub lapped against you. “Help...me.” You didn’t want him to touch you, you never wanted to feel his fingers brush against your bare skin. You didn’t trust him, and you never would. Especially not after he did, or tried to do with Jisung. But more than anger, you felt guilt. It was overwhelming, contradictory feelings making your head spin even more. You shuddered as you felt the soap against your back.

“I missed you,” he murmured, “I’ve been searching for you for so long, waited for you so long.”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as he continued. “I watched you for months. I wanted to take you and carry you away in the night, but I wanted to make him watch. He needed to know you were mine.” You felt hot water pour over your head, the bathtub becoming decorated in a red tint. “I almost gave up, I thought I had lost you completely. But then I saw you with lover boy. I wanted to kill him right there, I wanted to kill everyone but you. He gave a good fight though, beat the shit out of me. But guess who’s dead and who’s got the love?” He laughed at that, massaging something into your hair and picking at the flecks. You felt your wound burn and you moved to cover it, but he slapped your hand away. “Me. I won. You’re all mine, and if I ever see him again. I’ll kill everyone. I’m the only one who loves, okay? Not Jisung, not anyone else. You’re mine.” You heard him murmur that again and again. “I love you, you’re mine, mine.” You brought your knees to your chest, glad that the water hid the fact that you were crying. He didn’t push you to get up though, at least he was that decent. You watched as the red water swirled down the drain. He left and brought a towel, and your dress was clean and pressed. He sat on the toilet cover again, watching in case you wanted to pull something again.

This time you walked, content with being able to feel your weight shift as you walked. You knew this feeling, what it felt like to be completely devoid of basic powers. He led you back to the room, watching the phone in his back pocket. As you entered the room, you took an interest in the flowers. They were beautiful, despite what they meant. It was the only color in the white void of a room, and it mocked you. Your fingers caressed the petals, and the smell was haunting. Your heart was beating again, and you did your best to keep your face blank.

“Aren’t they nice? I got them just for you. You don’t even know what they mean, do you?

“No...tell me.”

“Nah. It’s a secret just for me.”

He moved to set up your ties again, and you got up, legs wobbling with a slight shake as your grip around the black vase tightened. It was now or never. It didn’t happen in slow motion- you knew that wasn’t possible. But you watched as the vase shattered against the back of his head, falling, bursting into tiny pieces as the flowers fell to his feet and he toppled. You knew there was no way he would be down for long, so you fished the phone out of his pockets. You panicked as you ran around the large house, searching for a room to hide in the meanwhile. His phone was locked, but you saw the screen unlock as you typed in your anniversary. You didn’t know where you were, a random room with various boxes. You slide the closet door open, met with the smell of mothballs but you entered anyway. There was a lot of stuff, and you piled things on top of you as you typed Jisung’s number.

It fell to voicemail, and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Jisung….it’s me….don’t have time, please...he’s send..ing...someone. Be safe..please...I’m in love.... with you. I’m sorry.”

You ended the call, typing in the emergency number.

“What’s your emergency?”

“I’m trapped...abducted.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Okay, stay calm okay? Please stay on the line as long as you can.”

“Can’t..he’s coming. Oh god, I’m as good...as dead.”

“Can you tell me his name please?”

“_____”

“____, as in the gang leader?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to stay on the line okay. Do you remember where you last were?”

“Boseong, my shop...flower shop..mirror.”

You heard the door slam open and the closet door slide open with a large creak.

“Sweetheart? Are you still there? Sweetheart, stay on the line. Is he in the room-?”

“Caught.”

azaleas: fragility

petunias: your prescense soothes me

globe amaranths: immortality, unfading love

carrot flowers: do not refuse me

asphodel in a black vase: death threat

eglatines: i wound to heal

lemon blossom: fidelity in love

peach blossom: i am your captive

lungworts: thou art my life

phlox: our souls are united, unanimity

alstroemerias: devotion

altheas: consumed by love

arbutus: love only for you

red balsams: touch me not, impatient resolve

yellow balsams: impatience

japanese rose: beauty is your only attraction

jumpers: asylum, aid, protection

kalmias: treachery