#if I were ranking 5sos hands it goes

[liannyeong]

Say you want me (out of your life)

Summary: Agents or not, they are still humans.

Word count: 7654

Pairing: Jaebum X OC

Warning(s): angst?, some blood and violence involved, tons of time skips and pov changes (but fret not! the numbering is supposed to help...)

A/N: It’s been a little over 2 months. Enjoy this agent/spy AU that I've always wanted to try (though I don’t really have the confidence in this plot...) Summary is bad, I’m sorry I didn’t know how else to write it. Oh and the title is a line from 5SOS’s Youngblood. :)

xi.

"It's over," Jaebum speaks, tone serious. A gun pointing at her.

"Indeed," Aera whispers to herself, reigning.

She closes her eyes.

The sound of a click and then--

Bang!

---

i.

The tension between them has always been there. Aera doesn't know how it all started, but it has always been palpable. Perhaps it was due to the rivalry between them at being the best agents in the company. Or before that, when they started on the wrong foot. Or perhaps, it was even way before that, when they lived in the same orphanage.

While Aera was a bully, Jaebum was quiet. Aera had a foul temper and was always aggressive. She would cut up soft toys of other girls. She would wreck buildings constructed by the boys for the fun of it. Most important of all, she resorted to violence. An avid fighter. She was always throwing punches and kicks at the other kids in the orphanage. On the other hand, Jaebum only talked when spoken to. But Jaebum stood up against her when she targeted him. The boy easily shoved her aside as if she weighed nothing. Then, a brutal fight occurred, much to the caretakers' chagrin.

From then on, Aera and Jaebum became sworn enemies -- though unsaid. They fought almost daily, over the littlest of things. With all the disciplinary issues, no one wanted to do anything with them. While all the other kids got their foster families, none would adopt them.

Until she turned fourteen, when Mr Park came to the orphanage. He approached them with a fatherly smile, tried to get close to them though Aera was adamant on being closed off. Still, the older male didn't stop trying. Finally, Mr Park won Aera's heart and she agreed to being his foster daughter. However, much to her great dislike, Mr Park took Jaebum along. When asked why, the older male would only reply, "Isn't it nice to have a friend?". So Aera had to live under the same roof as Jaebum again. And for the rest of her life.

But it became more bearable as they grew up. Mr Park introduced them to the secret agent organization when they were of age, having slowly trained them in combat. With more rigorous training, they easily topped the ranks: Aera was the best combat agent, Jaebum was the best marksman. Mr Park and the rest of the company staff saw how complementary they were. Thus, they were always paired up in missions.

Maybe it was the growth spurt, or maybe she grew out of it. But as she aged, as she spent more time with Jaebum, Aera slowly found him attractive. Not that she will ever admit it. He's masculine, his muscles now defined, his jaw sharp. His voice deep and manly, with authority in his tone. Aera likes to push his buttons, always wondering what it would take for him to burst.

Sometimes she thinks it's just a physical attraction. But when he always has her back, always protects her from a distance, shooting down enemies in her blind spot, Aera thinks it's more than that. When Jaebum was injured and Aera had to do a mission without him, it felt off-balance. As if nothing works. That was when Aera realized how true Mr Park's words were: "The two of you can't work without the other." Afterwards, she vowed not to do missions without Jaebum.

---

ii.

Their new mission isn't something easy or familiar. They have always been tasked to retrieve certain information or artifacts. But now? They have to bring in a human being, who just happened to be an assassin. It gives Aera the jitters. Perhaps, she's just nervous to capture a skilled criminal. Yet she knows deep down that it's nothing like that.

Based on the assassin's profile, the man is in his forties, named Jung Jihoon. He has cat-like eyes, wavy hair tied up in a bun. His jaw is defined, his body fit and masculine. It's weird, Aera thinks, that she's intrigued by this man. There's something about him that doesn't feel right. An alarm in her mind starts ringing, though she can't quite put the reason why. But she casts such thoughts aside, tries to focus on accomplishing the mission smoothly.

Chasing Jihoon down hasn't been easy for them. Heck, what were they even expecting, considering Jihoon is a trained assassin. Of course he would cover his tracks, or move stealthily like a shadow in the dark. In their chase, Jaebum managed to get a clean shot of the target on the rooftop, allowing Aera to corner him.

With Jihoon momentarily stunned, Aera bolts forward, then strikes with an uppercut. She quickly throws punches and kicks, getting him weak as much as she could. But Jihoon blocks her attack, an arm raised to guard against her kick. He twists the arm around her leg, then grabs her by the ankle. Aera loses balance, and Rain repeatedly hits her shin. She groans in pain as she collapses onto the ground.

Jihoon turns, heading for the helicopter. Aera pulls herself up, disregarding the pain on her leg. She limps forward, as fast as she could. The deafening sound of the helicopter blades help to cover her footsteps. So Aera stretches her hands out, grabs Jihoon by the back of his shirt. He resists, stays strong against her pull. The fabric gets stretched, then torn. It reveals an expanse of skin inked with a crimson dragon. Aera's brain flicks with pain and she's out of focus. Jihoon takes this chance to land a punch at her gut before breaking into a run towards the helicopter.

Aera can barely register the whole event, her mind throbs. Aera's body trembles. Hands pressed to the sides of her head, fingers dug into her hair, eyes shut tight, brows narrowed. She gasps. Surges of memories flow into her mind, all of them new and unfamiliar yet she knows it's flashes of her past. It's as if she just opened a box she totally forgot over the years. She sees that man standing over the bodies of her parents, sword glistening with blood, a grin on his face so wicked, his back inked with the same color and design. The engraving on his sword. The striking red dragon tattoo on his back.

"Aera!" she hears her name being called in a faraway distance, but the pain in her brain is too much for her to bear. She loses consciousness at the moment she feels someone hovering over her. The moment she hears an all-too-familiar voice speaking to her.

---

xii.

Aera feels numb. She barely registers the blooming wetness on her left stomach. She barely feels the pain. Her knees buckle, and she struggles to stay standing. She falls on her knees, holding her body up with just a hand. She looks down at her wound. The blood has soaked her clothes. She tilts her head up, meeting the male's eyes. It seems to have no remorse, no emotions whatsoever behind it.

Aera always knew it would come to this. She always knew this is how things would end. That she would run away until her lungs give out, until she gets tired. That it would be Jaebum who'll finish her. She always knew, but it still catches her offguard. She always knew, but deep down, she always hoped it wouldn't turn out that way.

Jaebum steps closer and Aera can only watch him, breathing as proper as she can with the pain. She's too vulnerable to attack. Even if she can, she wouldn't. She doesn't want to.

"You..." she says between her heavy breathing, "really hate me that much, huh?" Jaebum crouches in front of her, the gun still in his hold. Aera keeps her breathing steady, tries to stay awake enough to see the next move. She reckons he will place the gun to her head and pull the trigger. She reckons there won't be any last words from either of them. She reckons Jaebum will just leave her with the pool of blood oozing from her body.

Aera's eyesight becomes blurry, her mind slowly shifting out of focus.

Then, she falls forward.

---

iii.

Aera doesn't remember her parents, apart from the fact that they died when she was seven. Oddly enough, she could not remember a single thing about her dead family. The only possession she ever had of them is a pendant of their family photo. They were all smiling, but it felt so foreign to Aera. Nevertheless, she kept the pendant, as a hint of her past.

But sometimes, Aera dreams about them. It's always the same scene. Young Aera would be holding a teddy bear, clutched to her chest, as she tiptoes to her parents' room in the middle of the night. And when she opens the door, the next thing she knows, she's startled awake. It never goes beyond that.

However, this time, she dreams it all. When she pushed the door open, with a small cry for her mother, she saw her parents on the floor, lifeless. As she looked around the room, her eyes met the killer near the opened window. Most of his back faced her, body slightly turned, but she still saw the way his eyes were darker than the night sky. He held a shiny sword in one hand, blood dripping down its tip. Aera froze at her spot, watching traumatically, the way Jihoon bent over her father. He lowered his sword, wiping off the blood with her father's shirt.

Then he sheathed his weapon, before coming closer to her, step by step as if not wanting to scare her away. Aera couldn't move, totally immobilized at her spot. Jihoon stood in front of her, then crouched to match her level. He held up a finger to his mouth, and shushed. He brought the same finger to her face, and brushed away a tear that has rolled down without her realizing.

In a blink of an eye, Jihoon pressed a cloth to her mouth, and she breathed, before slipping into unconsciousness.

---

v.

The second time they got on Jihoon's tail, they were relentless. Ruthless even. Aera doesn't let the male out of her sight at all. She chases him down as if her life depends on it. Jaebum trails behind, riding a motorcycle onto the pedestrian's pathway just to catch up to the assassin. Aera goes by foot, into the alleys and out.

"I got him!" Aera reports over the radio, voice ragged from all the running.

Jaebum glances at his navigator, a red dot signalling where Aera is. The map shows her in an alleyway, a dead end. Over the earpiece, Jaebum can hear grunts and thuds. He speeds up a little more, swerving between lanes to get past the traffic faster. The groans sound more painful with each second, coupled with some murmurs.

"Aera," Jaebum calls her name over the communication device. "Focus on the mission!"

Aera doesn't respond, but Jaebum hears a cackle in the back.

"Aera!" Jaebum tries to get her attention. "We are only tasked with capturing him," Jaebum reminds her. "Nothing more."

Don't go for revenge, is what he truly means.

There's a pause, that Jaebum fears something might have happened. If Aera is hurt -- or worst, killed -- Jaebum wouldn't be able to control his own emotions. He prays internally, hopes that Aera is fine. That she would respond.

The pause drags on.

Then he hears a firm, "Of course."

Afterwards, the connection dies.

---

xiii.

In the time spent hunting her, Jaebum wanted to hate her. He wanted to get angry at her. He wanted to track her down and kill her in the most excruciating way he could ever do to a person. But whenever he gets a glimpse of her during his chase, that fury in him just disappears. Jaebum doesn't know why either. After all, it was Aera who betrayed him. It was Aera who turned against him. It was Aera who abandoned him. Yet, he can't bring himself to kill her. Being a loyal and obedient agent, he believes an assassination mission would force him to commit the act. But here he is, the target right in front of him, yet he still hesitates to aim for her head or heart.

Even with those pleading eyes, Jaebum falls for the trap despite being the ruthless agent in the organisation. Just what has Aera done to him?

Before Aera's unconscious body hits the ground, Jaebum catches her in his arms. Her body still warm against his skin though her breathing is slowed. Jaebum injects some drug, making sure she's knocked out totally. He stares down at the female, pushing some hair strands aside to see her face clearer. Jaebum has always thought Aera had a beautiful face no matter how rough and strong she is. He has always thought if Aera wasn't a trained agent, she could become a well-known actress. Maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way if neither of them became agents. Maybe, if they were to meet as completely normal human beings, they could have had a happy ending.

Jaebum leans forward, eyes shut, as he presses their foreheads together.

"I can never hate you," he whispers.

It takes him a while to break free from his own thoughts and to proceed with the mission. It's always hard to choose between desire and duty. But he has to make a choice ultimately.

So he throws the body over his shoulder and exits the office.

---

vii.

The disbelief in him is tremendous. There is no way Aera would do this to him. Jaebum couldn't wrap his mind around the whole situation. Aera abandoned the mission and went rogue.

Upon hearing that Mr Park sent another team to hunt Aera down, Jaebum immediately protested.

"Why? Are you protecting a fugitive? A criminal?" the older man questions, eyebrows narrowed at his agent.

Jaebum slams his hands onto his desk, body leaned forward, resting his weight on the desk. "She's my-- was my partner. I know her better than anyone in this organisation. I know her tactics, her strengths, her weaknesses," Jaebum argues.

Mr Park's brow furrows even more. "What are you trying to say?"

Jaebum takes a deep breath, standing up straight. The words that he says next doesn't bring relief over him. Instead, it makes his heart tinge in pain. Nevertheless, he pushes it aside, dismissing it as just a dilemma.

"Let me do the mission."

This surprises the older man but he leans back in his chair, eyes lingering on Jaebum before he narrows his eyebrows again. He nods at the agent. "Name your price." 

"Freedom," Jaebum answers. "This shall be my final mission."

This has Mr Park thinking a little. Then he nods. "Very well. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Of course," Jaebum says, dead in the eye. "I hate traitors the most."

---

vi.

Aera knows that Jaebum would get angry. She's confident that this will strain their relationship. But she doesn't think twice. Doesn't care either. All her life, she had been haunted by dreams or nightmares or memories of the past. All that she has become is because of the man in front of her. Everything that she is is because of him. It's time to end it all.

Aera keeps her focus on Jihoon, eying his every move, tracking him down like a hawk preying on its food. She manages to corner him into a dead end, blood pumping with the need to kill. Jihoon doesn't even seem scared. Instead, his grin is still as wicked as ever. He draws his sword from his back, the blade reflecting light in the dark alley. He may be skilled with his sword, but Aera has been trained hard to fight any weapon possible.

She darts forward, closing the distance within seconds. She evades his sword while simultaneously landing a hard punch on his stomach. He grunts in pain, but recovers quickly. They battle, Aera successfully dodging his sword, yet failing to knock him out. Jihoon slides a foot across the ground, and Aera loses her balance. The man raises an arm and elbows her down to the ground. In a swift of a moment, Jihoon has his sword aimed at her throat, but she managed to hold it away, her hand coiled around the blade. It's razor sharp, cutting through the layer of skin on her palms, blood slowly dripping down.

"Your eyes... Ah, yes, I remember you," Jihoon speaks, grin plastered on his face as if it's permanently tattooed. "You're that little girl. From the Kwon family."

The male removes his sword, crouches down, his face peering into hers. He grabs her by the neck, pressing her throat, blocking her airway. She coughs.

"W-Why did you k-kill my family?" Aera croaks out, struggling against his hold. She has her nails scratching against his skin, begging for release.

Jihoon tilts her head to meet her eyes directly. "To get to you," Jihoon replies, expression something similar to a devil. He smiles, the tip of his lips stretching up to the lobes of his ears. A taunting image to see.

"What better way to create a monster but by taking away everything one has?" the male spits.

"Why me?" she chokes out, her nails already digging into his skin as hard as she could. It would have already draw blood, but the male seems unaffected.

"I think the better question is: Who gave the order?"

Aera twists her body sideways, lifting a leg and hooking her knee against the man's neck. Then she brings him down, so close to breaking his neck if she applied more force. Jihoon grunts in pain, and Aera pulls the arm that held her before.

"Who?" she bellows, twisting the arm, bending the wrist backwards.

The man doesn't respond, only groans. Aera rolls away, detaching herself from Jihoon. At the same time, she slips a knife from the side of her boot, plunging the weapon into his thigh before the man can even move. He cries in pain.

"Answer me!" Aera roars.

Jihoon manages a laugh, sinister. "He trained you well."

Aera frowns. She was about to ask, when she hears in her earpiece.

"Aera, focus on the mission!" Jaebum's voice, reminding her about the mission. Her eyes flick to the man lying just below, face bruised and bloodied. She feels guilty, yet she lies of a promise that she doesn't intend to keep.

"Aera!" Jaebum calls once more. "We are only tasked with capturing him," Jaebum continues. "Nothing more."

Aera fully understands what he means. She knows. But at this point of time, the mission isn't her priority. So she replies curtly, "Of course."

Afterwards, she yanks the earpiece out, crushing it with her foot. Her attention now solely on the assassin.

"Who sent you?" Aera demands.

"You'll figure it out," he answers.

Aera spots his glistening sword just a few meters away. Glancing at the man's state, there's no way he can move quickly. So Aera grabs the sword, examining the blade. It bears an engraving of a dragon on the body. She tests the weight of the sword, swinging it back and forth. Lightweight, yet sharp. Deadly. Fitting for an assassin.

"Quit with the riddles," Aera speaks, raising the sword to Jihoon's throat. "Tell me the name."

Jihoon smiles, teeth all bloodied. "Never."

"Then pay for what you've done," she utters, cold. She raises the sword then--

With a devilish smile still plastered, Jihoon says gleefully, "You've become a monster!"

-- thrusts it through his chest. Merciless. Ruthless. Jihoon's screams are nothing but pleasing to her ears.

He collapses onto the ground with his knees, yet Aera doesn't let go of the sword. She pulls it out, the metal stained -- dripping -- red down the length. Again, she raises the sword with her two hands, before plunging it through his heart. She twists the sword, more blood spilling at the ends. The male's face turns red, blood spurting out of his mouth. Aera watches contentedly the way his eyes bulge, the way his life gets sucked out.

"Aera!" she hears Jaebum yelling behind, breathless. "What have you done?!"

Aera drops the sword, takes a step back, staring at the now dead Jihoon. Blood oozes out of his wound, pooling underneath his body. His words echo in her head.

You've become a monster.

As if broken from a spell, Aera snaps her attention to her partner. Jaebum has a gun pointed at her, his hands are trembling. The disbelief in his eyes, the horror in his face, Aera cannot help but commit them to memory. She hears a helicopter in the distance, then glances at Jaebum for the last time. She darts forward, aims straight at her partner, but slides when she's close enough. Then she hooks a foot around his ankle, destabilizing him to the ground. Afterwards, she quickly stands and kicks his gun away before breaking into a run on the streets.

You've become a monster.

She truly has.

---

xiv.

When Aera comes to, she nearly thinks she's in heaven. The sunlight that seeps through the curtains gives the room a soft glow. It gives her a feeling she hasn't felt in a long time: serenity. Everything seems so peaceful, so pure, so innocent -- something she knows she doesn't deserve. Not when her hands are tattooed with red ink.

She tries to sit up, but feels a slight pain on her left. She glances down, fingertips pressed against the layer of clothes and bandages. Slowly, she moves to get off the bed. It feels as if she has been unconscious for so long, her motor skills not as fluid yet. She stables herself with a hand against the walls of the house. Aera makes her way out of the room, though as silent as possible just like the trained agent she is. Pain may hamper her movements, but her skills are still deeply engraved in her body.

It's a pin-drop silence in the house. It's a big house, Aera concludes. There are still rooms on her left and right, and a staircase leading down. She takes a peek at the lower floor, before tiptoeing down the stairs. When she reaches the base of the stairs, there's no one at all. All she hears is the chirping of the birds outside. A countryside, perhaps?

Where on earth is she right now? Aera roams around the house for clues. There's no human picture frames hung on the walls, only landscape paintings and photographs. She tries to rack her brain for the last memory before she blacks out.

She had been searching for answers until she got it. She always thought she’d be killed when she learnt of the truth. She remembers the gunshots and the pain at her stomach. She thought Jaebum would have killed her. But here she is, still alive.

Something in her peripheral vision catches her eye and she looks up. It's a dartboard hung on the wall, the darts stuck at the bullseye.

Bullseye.

Jaebum never misses.

Then she hears it: the rustling of keys and the creaking of the door. On reflex, she grabs the nearest object she can use as a weapon: an umbrella. She wanted to hide herself behind a pillar, and wait for the right moment to strike. But before she could even do that, footsteps came closer, and the person steps into the room. Aera could only hold the umbrella up, the tip pointing at a familiar face.

Jaebum's eyes dart between her face and the umbrella. She can't describe the feeling inside her when she sees his face. With no cap and no mask, his face is bare for her eyes to roam. He looks the same as before but it still takes her breath away. He is still as handsome as she remembers. It's overwhelming for her. Especially when he lets her live. Tends to her. Aids her. Her eyes get cloudy.

She doesn't notice that Jaebum has taken a step closer, ducking away from the umbrella. She barely registers a firm hand pulling the umbrella out of her hold, then, the clanking sound as it gets thrown aside. Aera has been reduced to a vulnerable girl, as Jaebum grabs her by her shoulders and maneuvers her onto the couch.

Jaebum leaves the room, but comes back with a medical kit in hand. Aera doesn't resist when the male tugs at the hem of her shirt, and pulls it up just enough to expose the bandaged area. Aera remains mum as Jaebum cleans her wound and changes the dressing.

"You reopened your wound," Jaebum says, so softly and gently that Aera feels as if they haven't been apart for a day.

"I really thought you'd--" Aera can't bring herself to say. "I thought you hated me--"

Jaebum shakes his head. "I could never."

That is all that it takes for a tear to roll down her cheek. The realisation that Jaebum can never hate her despite all the things Aera put him through. She was so self-centered with her revenge that she sacrificed her partner. Yet, Jaebum couldn't bring himself to hate her. Jaebum still forgives her.

---

viii.

When Jaebum retreats to his safehouse after receiving the assassination order, he finds Aera in his living room. Clean, sleek and smart as she always looked. Her arms and legs crossed, Jaebum knows she has been waiting for him. For how long, Jaebum doesn't ponder about it. He pretends not to care.

"Why are you here?" Jaebum can't help himself but spit bitterly at her. He can't even look at her in the eye. He keeps himself at a safe distance, feeling a little out of place despite being in his own apartment.

"I..." Aera starts, but it dies on her tongue. Jaebum glances at her. She has the audacity to look guilty. She slowly gets up, cautiously makes her way towards the male. It's as if they've become strangers after spending all their lives together, unable to read each other anymore. "Did I hurt you?" she asks, concerned. Her eyes are soft, her voice sweet, her touch gentle where her fingers are on his cheek. Maybe if they weren't in this situation, Jaebum would have reveled in it. Maybe if they weren't in this complex situation, Jaebum would have given in to her touch.

But Jaebum tilts his face away, and shifts from the spot. He pretends not to notice the way Aera flinches. If she's hurt, Jaebum doesn't sympathize. He pads over to his couch. Now it's him who has his arms crossed over his chest.

"Why are you here?" Jaebum repeats.

He hears a deep exhale. Then she turns around, looking at the male in the eyes.

"I don't regret it," her voice is now stronger yet trembling. It's filled with anger, and no remorse. "Not even one bit. He deserved it."

He shakes his head, disapproving. "This isn't you, Aera."

Aera stares at him, a little frown appearing. But she disregards his words, as if she didn't hear it. She continues, "I still have questions left unanswered. I need to know."

"Aera," Jaebum calls her name, exasperated. He's leaning forward, his elbows to his knees, hands clasped together right in front of his face. "Stop this. You're not one to go after revenge. This isn't you."

"I need answers!"

"But you promised you wouldn't--" Jaebum halts himself, trying to compose his own emotions. But his chest feels like a volcano at the time of eruption, lava spilling out burning its way down the course. "Do you know what you've become? A fugitive. A criminal! And I'm tasked to hunt you down and finish you!"

There's a pregnant pause, their chests heaving. Jaebum hadn't even realized he's on his feet, standing in front of his former partner. Aera takes a step closer, eyes aflame with challenge. Her voice serious, she dares, "Do it then. Kill me right now."

Oh, if only she knows. How desperately Jaebum wants to do it. How desperately Jaebum wants to end this madness. It's so easy. It's just so easy to finish his mission and kill this vulnerable Aera in front of him. It's so easy, Aera already offering, making it much simpler than ever.

It's so easy, yet why is so hard for him?

Jaebum resigns, shaking his head. "You should leave."

He turns to move, but Aera speaks again.

"Run away with me," she says, voice softer than before. Any emotions from before vanished. What's left is just a plead. "Come with me." Jaebum glances back at her. Aera has a hand reached out to him, palm facing up, for Jaebum to take.

Jaebum casts a glance at her outstretched hand, then back up to her face. She's desperate to have him join her. She wants him on her dark journey. The way her eyes are pleading, Jaebum knows how much she doesn't want them to fight as enemies. But have they ever been comrades in the first place? So Jaebum takes a step back, along with a subtle yet obvious shake of his head.

He sees it anyway: the tinge of pain in her eyes by his rejection. Her hand hovers for a few moments before she closes it into a fist, dropping it by her side. She moves past the male, heading towards the already opened window. It must have been the way she came in. She doesn't look back, doesn't cast another glance at the male as she says, "Goodbye, Jaebum."

Jaebum just watches helplessly as Aera climbs out of the apartment, and off into the streets. That same night, he didn't know it was possible for a heart to hurt so bad. That same night, he didn't know a goodbye could mean so much.

---

ix.

Contrary to his words, Jaebum couldn't hunt Aera down that easily. In his anger, he overlooked how unpredictable Aera could be. She has always been the box of ideas whenever they were on a mission. Very easily, she slips out of his fingers. Whenever he thinks he's close enough to get a shot, she evades. Jaebum wonders if she knows it's him who is chasing her. He wonders if she knows him so well to evade his traps. But he pushes on anyway. It's his mission. He must end it.

The next time he hears news of Aera, it was through a phone call. She has infiltrated the company building, approaching Mr Park's office. Jaebum doesn't waste a second as he stumbles out of his apartment and rushes to the scene.

Jaebum tries to crack his brain. Just what exactly does Aera want with Mr Park now? He hoped it wasn't anything bad. But--

"I need answers!" was what Aera yelled back then.

Could it be--?

Jaebum gulps his saliva.

No way.

That's messed up.

Jaebum speeds up his motorcycle, running the red light, swerving between lanes.

---

x.

Clad in the company's guard uniform, she managed to infiltrate the building easily. A flaw, she realizes, but she doesn't complain. After all, it's to her own advantage. Now Aera stands in the president's office. Pictures of her with Mr Park and Jaebum throughout the years are hung on the wall. Those years feel like a lie now.

Mr Park sat in his leather boss chair, eyes on her. He seems calm, his two arms resting on the armrest. Perhaps he knew that it would come to this. While Aera knew nothing all her life.

"My parents... Why?" Aera spits, not wasting a single second.

"I loved your mother. She was everything I wanted," the older man says so fondly. It's as if nostalgic. The next moment, his eyebrows are knitted together in anger. He continues, "But she loved your father so much. I couldn't take it. I wanted him dead, so that your mother would come to me."

His eyes soften again. Now he's gazing at a photo frame on his desk, his finger reaching out to it. "Of course she wouldn't. She swore she would never. So I ordered Jihoon to kill her too."

Mr Park's eyes flick to Aera. Then he slowly stands, moves away from his desk, and approaches Aera. He stops right in front of her, eyes now fond and soft, the fury from before gone. He raises a hand, brushes his knuckles against her cheek. "I let you live so that at least, I had a part of her."

"You're sick!" Aera spits as she slaps his hand away. But in the spur of the moment, the older male managed to grab a hold of her wrist, firm and tight. He bends her arm in a way that it has her locked, and in pain.

"I waited before taking you with me. I waited -- made sure -- you would trust me. That you wouldn't hate me!" Mr Park raises his voice. "Everything I ever did, it was for you!"

"No," Aera interjects firmly, eyes burning into his. "It was for your own selfishness."

Furious, he twists Aera's arm, earning a groan from her. The female endures the pain and exerts force against his hold, successfully breaking free. At the same time, she slips a knife in her hand from the back of her belt. But before she can even aim for the desired target area, Mr Park is swifter. He pulls out a gun and presses it against her forehead.

"Do you really think you can kill me that easily?" he spits. "I trained you! I know all your techniques!"

Aera tilts her chin up, fearless. She twists her hand and the male whimpers. In that moment, Mr Park glances down his body. A knife delved into the side of his stomach, blood slowly spreading through his shirt. Aera takes the chance to pull the knife out, and using the same arm, she pushes his gun-held hand aside. Then she quickly maneuvers herself such that she gets behind the man, holding him in a chokehold, the blade of the knife pressing against his throat.

"But you didn't know you made a bigger monster than yourself," she utters right into his ear.

Aera slits his throat, letting his body falls forward, blood gushing out onto the carpet. The older man grapples for his throat, trying to stop the bleeding but it's of no use. Aera made sure the cut is deep enough for a fatal injury.

She stands over the dead body, the blood spilled over the floor, carpet soaked in red. Watching the death of her former guardian, it leads to an inner turmoil. She grew up with the memories of Mr Park as a great teacher, a figure to look up to. But the truth revealed itself after much searching. That the person she admired was never the person she thought he was. Her own foster father took her parents' lives for his own greed. In the years of growing into a barely emotional person, she feels her own heart hurt. She feels the swell in her chest, the tears threatening to flow.

She hears footsteps behind and she turns just slightly to see a man she's familiar with stand at a distance. Aera feels a tear roll down her cheek as she turns her whole body to face him. She drops her weapon and raises her hands in surrender.

---

xv.

"You can go anywhere you want, you know," Jaebum states as he gives attention to the fabric of the couch, brushing off some invisible dust. "You don't have to stay here."

"Do you want me to go?" Aera asks cautiously, peering into his face. But Jaebum is adamant in being interested at the couch.

He swallows his spit. "I don't know..." he whispers weakly. Then he tips his chin up. "But I won't make you stay."

She blinks at him. If there's disappointment in her eyes, Jaebum doesn't read into it. It's better that way.

The girl stares off in a distance, seemingly lost in thought. Then her eyes flick back to Jaebum's.

"And if I leave?" she asks again. "Will you chase me?"

"I... don't know."

Aera nods. "You're still unsure. Even after all these years. You didn't hold on to me when I wanted to leave. And now, you won't hold me even though I'm right in front of you."

Jaebum dares himself to look into her eyes, trying to gauge her hidden emotions. But what he sees is the same look on that night when Aera returned to their mission. Something between yearning for him and suppressing her feelings for him.

This time, it's Aera's turn to break the eye contact. She stands, saying her decision as if it's not a big issue for the both of them. "I'll leave at dawn."

Make your decision by then, is what Jaebum deciphers.

"Where will you go?"

Aera pauses at the door and for a moment, Jaebum thought she didn't hear him. For a moment, Jaebum thought she was about to say something else.

"Somewhere you won't find me," she says with finality, before heading out the door.

---

iv.

When Aera wakes, no one says anything. No one asks her anything. Not even Jaebum. He wasn't present when she regained consciousness. He wasn't even around when she recovers.

But once Mr Park gave her the green light to join the mission again, Aera gets sent to where Jaebum was: a rundown apartment just a few streets away from the location of the target.

Jaebum slips into her allocated room, eyes on her. It's as if he's observing her every move, to catch a glimpse of something, she thinks she knows what. A question in mind, but too hesitant to ask.

"Shoot," Aera breaks the silence, perched on the edge of her bed.

Jaebum eyes her still, but allows his curiosity get the better of him. He stays at the doorway. "What happened back then?"

Aera freezes. It's not something she's comfortable to talk about. It's not something she's willing to share with another person, worrying that it could be her weakness. But Jaebum and his hawk-like eyes, everything seems to be harder to be hidden away from him. It's like he emits a kind of truth serum that has her talking no matter how much she doesn't want to. Then again, she has always found comfort in confiding in Jaebum. Something about him makes her relaxed. Makes her feel home.

"I remembered my past," Aera says slowly, her fingers touching the pendant around her neck. "I... It was a memory I've forgotten. I think Jihoon-- I think he killed my parents. I remember that dragon tattoo. And that sword."

By then, Jaebum has walked over, settled next to her on the bed. He's so near that she can feel his body temperature. That she can feel his soft breathing. The male peers into her face, eyes filled with concern, emotions bare.

"You okay?" Jaebum asks ever so softly, his knuckles lightly brushing against her cheek.

It's too much for her to bear, too much for her to feel at once. If Jaebum is trying to console her, this is too much. Yet Aera leans in to the touch, eyes closing. Her nodding to the question was almost unnoticeable. She brings a hand up, her fingers coiling around his wrist, a thumb rubbing circles on the back of his hand. She relishes in the moment as much as she could, before finally mustering the strength to pull his hand away and down to his lap.

"Don't worry about it," she says as she moves back, preparing for bed. "I'll be fine."

Jaebum pulls her back by the arm, much to her surprise. If she were outdoors, out of these four walls, she would have had her guard up. She would have defended herself. But at this moment, she lets the male do whatever he wants, as if she's a lifeless person. Jaebum tugs her into his chest, a hand around her waist, the other cradling around her head.

"You're clearly not," he nearly whispers.

It's like her heart stops. It's a little awkward, her body angled such that there's still a significant gap between their chests. Yet Jaebum's embrace is so warm, Aera just melts into it. She hasn't had a hug in years, always thinking that it's a weakness. She keeps thinking that love is something pure, something she can never have with all her blood-stained hands. But right here, right now, she thinks that maybe, she has a chance. That maybe, she can have it too.

Aera snuggles closer, snakes her arms around him, up his shoulders, cheek pressed against his. They revels in the moment, letting the embrace soothe their hearts. Moments later, Aera feels his hands move, pulling back, fingers trailing across the skin of her arms.

"Better?" Jaebum asks, so soft, so gentle, she wouldn't think he is a trained agent.

She stares. An answer be damned, consequences thrown to the wind, she leans forward. Aera presses her lips onto his, her palms having slid up to the part where his shoulders meet his chest for support. Her eyes closed, she doesn't know -- doesn't see -- Jaebum's reaction. But she lets her senses take over her: Jaebum's lips are soft to touch, rather chapped.

She pulls away when she feels his lips are still, and that he doesn't return the kiss. Her eyes flutter open to see Jaebum's stunned face. Perhaps Aera misunderstood. Perhaps she read it wrong. Perhaps Jaebum never really meant anything other than consolation when he hugged her. But she doesn't care. She had always wanted to kiss him, had always wanted him. Even if she misunderstood the situation, even if Jaebum now knows her feelings, she doesn't care. It's about time he knows too. She fears she may not have another chance to show him.

Aera was about to back away, to break apart, but that movement seem to snap the male out of his daze. Because Jaebum closes the newly formed gap, pulls her even closer than before, a hand cupping the side of her face. Then he brings their faces close, connecting their lips again. This time, he moves. He rolls his lips, nibbles softly onto her lower lip.

And it feels way too good to stop.

They kiss as if they were teenagers, as if they will die without the other's touch. They don't go beyond that though. Even if they're pressed together on the bed, even if their hands roam around each other's bodies, they don't step over the boundary. They kiss until their lungs give out, until their lips are red and swollen, until fatigue washes over them.

In the end, they sleep on the same bed, limbs tangled, clothes on yet way too intimate for partners.

---

xvi.

Jaebum can barely sleep a wink. Not with his mind so filled with thoughts of Aera leaving again. Not with his mind so filled with the thoughts of not having Aera by his side. God, Jaebum had only got her back a few days ago, and now she's leaving. And now, he's not even making an effort to keep her.

There's some movement outside of his room, and he glances at the clock on his bedside. It's already dawn. It must be Aera making her move. So eerily silent, yet Jaebum manages to catch the slightest sound. He's so attuned to the way Aera moves, that it's so easy to pick her out. Jaebum stares at the ceiling, hands clasped on his stomach.

The slightest creak of the door, then a soft click.

That's what it takes for Jaebum to jump off his bed and hurry downstairs. He nearly breaks the front door with how harsh he's moving, but he doesn't mind. After all, he has all the time he needs to fix the damn door. But he doesn't have time to fix this vague relationship with Aera.

The female doesn't turn around despite all the noise, continues making her way towards the forest.

"Aera!" Jaebum shouts her name. He gives chase when she doesn't stop. When he catches up to her, he blocks her path, standing in front of her. Aera pauses, looks up at his face.

"Don't--" Jaebum tries to articulate as he pants. "Don't go. Please. Stay here."

Aera shoots him an unconvinced look. "And what? You won't even--"

Jaebum closes the gap in just one huge step, arms winding around her body. He pulls her close to his chest, tucking her head over his shoulder. There's no flowery scent nor any body wash on her skin. So plain, so characteristically Aera.

"Stay with me," Jaebum whispers into her ear. "Stay here with me."

Aera doesn't move, doesn't answer. She just stands as still as a statue in his arms. So Jaebum pulls away, but his hands stays on her shoulders, eyes peering into her face. "We can have this."

"I want to have this with you," he adds.

"Please," he begs.

"Will I have you entirely? Will you give me everything?"

Jaebum nods. "Everything. I'll hold you if you want me to. I'll kiss you if you want me to. I'll make love to you if you want me to."

"No more running away?" Aera asks, her voice small like a timid girl asking for assurance.

"No more," Jaebum asserts. "No more running. No more missions. No more fear."

"Just us?"

"Yeah," Jaebum breathes. "Just us."

Aera steps forward, into his chest, arms finally winding around his waist. She tucks her head underneath his chin. Dawn slowly breaks, the sun casting its soft light over the field. The morning dew is now obvious with the light, forming a low cloud around their ankles.

It's the start a new day.

A new life.