#if I don't make it back from where I've gone just know I've loved you all along...
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zepskies · 5 hours ago
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And I'm SO happy you're back, my lovely Wayne!! Of course, you decide to spoil me with this review the minute you dip back into this hellsite. 😘
(yesss, and don't think I didn't see that chapter you dropped of Polaris! When I get back from my vacay I will be diving into that. I need to know what happens next with our favorite cowboy sheriff 🤠)
I'm very glad and grateful you made the time to start ESC! I had so much fun figuring out Russell Shaw and the Tracker cast -- especially with all them Deanisms. 😏
Diving into the rest of your awesome comments below!! 💕
First of, Professor Goldstein is a piece of work... 😒 I wouldn't blame her for spitting into his coffee every time he calls her sweetheart. But Russell, I see you. She's gonna be so annoyed with him 😂
Oh he's a piece of something, all right. 🙄 She could def pull a Rachel on his ass. And Russell...lmao, you already saw where he's heading with this. 😂
Ooooh, another professor character paired with some rugged Mountain Man 😏 I'm addicted to those couples. She's all business up front, and he's all party in the back (seat of his Chevelle) 🤪
LOLL the way it didn't even occur to me when I was writing this (at first) that I was writing another professor paired with a law enforcement (sort of, in Russell's case), man of action type, like in Take Me Home with Beau Arlen. 😝 I came at it with the thought of, "what if she was Dory's best friend, and they worked together at the university?" I must have a thing for writing nerds who get the rugged, sexy Mountain Man. Not at all fulfilling a personal fantasy.
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UGH. The nerve!!!!! Massage therapist????? How about I step on your back with my high heels, bro... And then to go on about his trip and parasailing... Guess it's true. Ignorant people are happier 😂
Fuck YES, I'd be high-stepping up and down his spine fr. 🤣 Ignorance is bliss, I guess? 🤷🏽‍♀️
Or why are campuses so big in general? My university actually had several faculties strewn throughout the city. Sometimes it took an hour and several subway rides to get to your next lecture 😅
Oooh my God, now THAT's crazy! A whole subway ride(s)?? I've worked/gone to school on some big campuses, but that takes the cake. I guess you get your daily workout one way or another lol!
Please tell me Russell's in the room when she said that 😄🤞
Big YEP lmfaoo, and he likes her already because of it. 😂
Ooooh, right! I wonder how much she knows about the Shaws. Not something that comes casually up in the cafetaria I imagine 😅
No it would not, lmfao! But that is something that will be explored (how much she knows) in the chapters to come, for sure!
Love this whole exchange. You're making my dreams come true, babe 😘
Ahaha I had to do the little callback to sriracha fries (and figure out how tf to spell sriracha, first of all. 😂)
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I keep thinking he probably has that look now because he was in the army for so long. Young Russell was pretty much young Dean Winchester in a uniform (hello there, soldier 😏)
Ooh that's SUCH a good point (and yumm). It's making me hope that we get a flashback of Russell in his military days someday in Tracker.
Well... It's a toss-up, I'd say 😆
Oh, very much a toss up/personal preference there lmao. I've loved Justin Hartley since his Smallville days as Green Arrow. 😆 But in this case, I felt like Russell would try to claim top billing there loll.
In. His. Car 🚩🚩🚩😂 If any strange man said that to you... 🚩🤣
Honestly, it's amazing how many red flags you ignore when someone's charming and handsome. 🤣🤣🤣
Well, at least, Colter has an Airstream 😅🤷‍♀️
Ha!! True, it's beating out Russell's crusty motel of the week by far, I'd say.
He is a professional flirt. Kind eyes...
Oh don't worry, we're getting to that callback. 😏
Dear God, he does not stop, does he? 😆 (On the show, I loved his persistence with Reenie too, even though it was mainly just to annoy Colter. But you captured him beautifully here with this sort of charm 🥰) PS: schmutz, schlep... I love the sprinkles of Yiddish in this 🤓
In fact, he does not! lmfao That was what I loved about it too -- like maybe half of him is serious, and the other half just wants to needle Colter. 🤣
Aw I'm glad you caught that! lol I'm not Jewish, but for some reason it just felt right for these characters. 💜
STOP IT! And he upgraded too!!! 🤣
He absolutely did!! And this time, it actually worked! 🤣🤣
I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS! Gah, this was fabulous! I'm hooked! 😍👏 Are they gonna stay casual? Something about her brooding and reluctance tells me it's not usually her style? Which means, will he eventually settle? Get out of the dangerous hitman-nomad life?
Ooh my goodness, I'm so glad to hear that, friend! You're right. I don't think I full on state it, but "casual" is typically not her style. Also, Russell is Dory's brother, so she doesn't want there to be any weirdness or awkwardness between them if something happened or fell out between the reader and Russell.
She already knows his relationship with Dory is kind of fragile, in that they're still in that "reconnecting" phase. You'll see more of that dynamic and her thoughts in Part 2, but the rest of your questions will most definitely be explored throughout this little series. 😏
And then there's the stories about their respective families. We already know some about Russell's. How is she gonna react if she learns everything? And there's something odd about her private life as well. Can't wait to dive into that bombshell 😂
There's a lot to unpack there, right? There's a great deal that she already knows through Dory, and some things that are going to be revealed along the way...
Zep, my sweet genius Alex, you've outdone yourself once again. Bravo!!! 👏👏👏
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You make me blush!! Thank you so much. 😭🥰 If you like this chapter, then I think you're going to enjoy the rest of the series. I hope it's as fun for you to read as it was for me to write!! 💕💕
A Line and a Half
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Pairing: Russell Shaw x F. Reader
Summary: When Dory’s eldest brother comes to visit her at Wyoming University, you don’t know quite what to make of Russell Shaw. But he knows exactly what he wants to make of you.
AN: Okay, here’s my first toe-dip into the world of Tracker with Russell Shaw! 1x12 gave me too many ideas not to explore this intriguing character. This is set before episode 12, but I have a little series I want to sketch out that will continue after this one-shot, so think of this as a “Part 1,” if you will. 😉
Word Count: 3.2K
Tags/Warnings: A kind of “meet cute,” attempts at flirting, and hints of setup for more to come…
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You watched, silently simmering, as Dr. Goldstein added yet another packet of internship applications from his graduate students onto your desk.
Applicants that he, as the History Department Chairman, was supposed to review himself. Instead, he’d been adding these hours quite literally onto your desk. 
“If you could review these for me as well, sweetheart. Thank you,” he said. “Get ‘em back to me by Thursday, okay?”
As a Professor of History with two doctorates in your name, you once again grated internally at sweetheart, but you tried to keep that cringe off your face as well.
Goldstein barely even met your eyes when he dropped off his burden, and then aimed to leave your office.
“Uh, Paul,” you called out, raising a finger. You stood from your desk as quickly as you could in your pencil skirt, but the man was already out the door. You followed him out, your heels clacking on the tile floor. 
Damn it. Knew I should’ve gone with pants, you said, continuing to hasten after your boss.
“Paul! Just a second,” you said. That finally managed to turn the man’s head off of his phone. He glanced at you while checking his watch.
“About the internship applications…and your midterm exam essays for that matter. Don’t you think—” you started to say, but the man spoke over you.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to run. Meeting my massage therapist at noon,” he said, and rolled a seemingly stiff shoulder under his tailored blazer. “Something’s just not right here after my trip to Cali last weekend. I don’t know what I did, pulled muscle or something. But hey, they do say parasailing is a sport.”
You quirked a brow. “Do they?”
You weren’t sure that being strapped into a parachute for a nice air glide over the Pacific counted as a sport.
Goldstein shrugged at your question and he kept walking down the hall. Though he turned back to toss you a pointed finger.
“Need those by Thursday. Thanks, you’re the best,” he said.
You watched him go, as proverbial steam began to escape through your ears. Slowly you pivoted on your heels, and you went back to your office. You grimaced at the large stack of applications. You were pretty sure he padded them with an extra section of midterm exams.
Tapping your nails on your desk, you grabbed your phone next to your desktop and checked the time. 11:30 a.m.
Screw it. I’m going to lunch, you thought.
Dory had to be out of her Intro Physics class by now, which meant she’d be in her office, ready for you to drop in on her a little early. You took up your purse and almost made it out the door…but at the last moment, your anal brain made you turn back to grab a shoulder bag and the pile of applications. Maybe you could knock out a few during lunch.
Friggin’ doormat, as your brother would say. Laughing at you, probably.
You rolled your eyes and headed back out the door with your haul of papers, purse, work bag, and keys, locking your office behind you.
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Why, oh why did the Sciences building have to be on the other side of campus?
It was damn near a mile walk from your Humanities building over to Dory’s office on the second floor. Your hands were laden with packets that couldn’t be contained by your heavy work bag, your purse was slipping off your shoulder, and these heels were killing your feet.
It was a miracle you and Dory had ever met on this campus. On your first day of teaching, you’d of course been hopelessly lost. Somehow you ended up at the tail-end of one of her classes in one of the science auditoriums.
She’d been gracious enough to help you, and even walked you all the way to the Humanities building so you could find your World History class before the students decided to just get up and leave. (And after fifteen minutes, they very well would.)
That day, she became your first real friend at Wyoming University. In the three years since, she’d become your best friend.
And now, her door was mercifully open halfway. You pushed it open and stumbled just a little from the transition of tile to carpet inside her office. Your papers nearly flew from your hands, so you struggled to right yourself and contain them all back into the semblance of neatness.
“Hey, girl. You better be ready for lunch because Jesus fucking Christ. Goldstein’s up my ass again and all I’ve had today is a crusty donut from the teacher’s lounge, which I’m pretty sure was stale,” you said, with your brows furrowed in frustration.
When you finally looked up from your struggles, you realized that Dory wasn’t alone. She smiled at you in amusement, sitting at her desk beside a man who made you pause. Your eyes widened.
He was leaning casually with an elbow propped up on her desk, dressed in jeans and a worn, pale green jacket—a good match for his eyes. He looked a little rugged for Dory’s tastes, but you couldn’t fault her, with the cut of that bearded jaw, and the smile raising the corners of his lips.
“Hey,” Dory laughed. “I see you’re having a good day.”
You bit your lip in embarrassment, probably smudging your lipstick.
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve knocked first,” you said, though you could see she seemed to be having an actual good day. Office picnic? Or maybe the handsome stranger was getting ready to take her out.
Dory just waved you in. She stood and set a hand on her companion’s shoulder, and he got up along with her.
“It’s okay. This is my brother, Russell,” she said, and she introduced you in kind.
“Well, hi there,” he said. He subtly took you in with his eyes as he held out his hand. Already you felt your face heating up with more than just embarrassment.
You were a bit shocked as well, to say the least. Dory had told you some…interesting things about her family, including the fact that she had two older brothers. You wondered which one this was, the middle child, or the eldest.
“Hi! Sorry. Again. Nice to meet you,” you said. You tried to hold your hand out to reach his, but a few papers began to spill out. You clutched at them on reflex, but Russell drew in quickly to help you.
“Got yourself a load there,” he said. You agreed with an awkward laugh and a shrug of your shoulders.
“My boss’s idea of extra credit,” you said wryly.
“You can set it down on that chair over there,” Dory said, pointing to one against the back wall, next to a tall filing cabinet.
You and Russell meandered over and managed to set down the stack without casualty. You were able to pull up the straps of your bag and your purse from falling off your shoulder and give him a grateful look.
“Thanks,” you said.
“No problem,” he said, giving you an easy smile back. “I actually crashed in unannounced, so if you two wanna to head to lunch, you go right ahead.”
“Uh, no. I haven’t seen you in months! You should come with us,” Dory said. She grabbed her purse to join you and Russell by the door.
You raised your hands in placation. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other. You guys should catch up.”
Dory shook her head and grabbed your hand.
“Uh, uh. I want to hear the latest on Paul’s bullshit, and why you’re carrying half your office across campus. Let’s go,” she said, and gestured at your work bag. “Leave that here. You’re gonna eat and talk to me. No working involved.”
You laughed, but you agreed to her cajoling. With another glance at her brother, and those green eyes that seemed to be dancing, you joined them for lunch.
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The three of you ended up at a diner that you and Dory frequented at least once a week. The food was good, the service was quick, and it was close to campus. Wins all around. Russell seemed to be enjoying himself, as he hummed in delight after the very first bite of his Philly cheesesteak.
“Sriracha on fries, huh?” you remarked, gesturing at the man’s plate. Your brow was quirked, but he shot you a smile.
“I said avert your eyes,” he teased. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, sweetheart.”
Ugh. Another sweethearting man. You narrowed your own eyes at him a bit. He caught the look and raised a hand in defense (the one that wasn’t holding his cheesesteak).
“Uh oh. What’d I do?” he asked.
“You gave her some PTSD,” Dory said with a laugh. “Dr. Goldstein likes to sugar coat his demands with sexism.”
Russell noted your souring look with apology. You’d just finished recounting your morning for your friend, and recapping years of “sugar-coated demands” for Russell.
“Why don’t you just tell him to cram it up his…uh…” he paused. Seeing his little sister’s look of amusement, he amended. “Or you know, stuff it.”
A smile twitched at your lips. “Oh, believe me, I’d love to tell him to stuff it. But he’s technically my boss, and the department chair. Even though I’ve basically been doing his job for two years now.”
“Well, that sucks,” Russell said. “And I feel for ya. I’ve had my share of shitty bosses in my time.”
You sighed and accepted his commiseration with a nod.
It wasn’t fair, but Goldstein planned to retire early in a few years. Must be nice.
When he did, it would make you the most likely candidate to replace him as department chair. The way you saw it, this was giving you plenty of practice before you (hopefully) inherited the position.
Anyway, you shook your head. You didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You were more curious about one Russell Shaw. You now knew he was an army vet, and he carried himself like one. Calm, controlled, even though his smiles came easy. His tousled hair and beard, while well-trimmed and neat, still gave him a roguish quality.
“So let me guess. You’re…the eldest?” you asked. You blotted at your mouth with a napkin, having finished your chicken panini.
Russell treated you to another one of those smiles, though this one held a hint of more.
“Guilty. Though I’m the handsome one,” he said with a wink.
You found yourself smiling behind your napkin.
“I’m sure,” you replied.
Dory rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him. Apparently my brother’s an incorrigible flirt.”
He chuckled and sipped at his beer, but then he grimaced.
“Ech. Friggin’ weak,” he said. “I brew better than this outta the trunk of my car.”
 You raised a brow at that. “You make your own beer?”
“Damn straight,” he said. His gaze turned a hint more playful. “Next time I’ll bring you some. You can tell me what you think.”
You shared a telling look with Dory.
“Next time, huh?” you asked.
“Sure,” he inclined his head. “I pop into town from time to time. Gotta check in and pester my little sister, the physics professor.” 
He laid a hand on Dory’s shoulder, squeezing warmly. You could see the pride in his eyes, and it warmed you as well.
She turned to him with a smile, reaching up to cover his hand with hers.
“You don’t pester me. I’d love it if I got to see you more often,” she said.
“Ah, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, releasing her. “My job’s got me all over the place. But I’ll be here for a week or so on this gig.”
That intrigued you. “What do you do for work?”
“Ah, well, you could say I'm a contractor. Private security mainly,” said Russell. His shoulders shifted as he became a little more guarded, you noticed. “My company connects me with the client for as long as the job lasts. Could be a few months, sometimes a few days, depending.”
“Oh, wow. Do you live here in Wyoming?” you asked. He paused, but tilted his head a little, back and forth as he considered your question.
“I kinda bounce around,” he said. “Just go from one job to the next. Sounds a bit unorthodox, I know, but it’s a living.”
“Interesting,” you nodded, but inside, you thought that sounded like a hard way to live.
Unstable…and lonely. 
“You know, it’s amazing how much you and Colter have in common,” Dory said. She folded her hands on the table and met her brother with a pointed look.
He huffed in response, though he glanced at you, then back at his sister. As if he was saying, You really want to do this now?
Dory had told you before that Colter was a “rewardist,” or some kind of bounty hunter. The nature of his work kept him busy, and seemingly too busy for his sister. But you also sensed there was an edgier history here.
For the first time, you felt like you were intruding in a moment between brother and sister that went beyond words.
After a moment, Russell shook his head.
“Look, I tried with him, all right? He won’t talk to me,” he said. He went back to eating, polishing off his fries. He offered you one that was half-smothered in sriracha.
“Come on. Live on the edge with me,” he teased.
You eyed the sauce-covered fry in distaste, but after glancing up at his more playful smile, you accepted his offer. You chewed in contemplation, and found that the tangy hint of kick wasn’t so bad. 
“Eh? Eeeh? Delicious, am I right?” he said, his hands going wide.
You rolled your eyes, but you nodded in agreement.
“It’s all right,” you replied.
“Yes!” Russell’s hands swept up higher, like he was celebrating a touchdown. "See, I told ya."
You couldn’t help but laugh. Dory shook her head fondly and gave him a clean napkin for the bit of schmutz she spotted at the corner of his mouth.
“Here, wipe your sriracha face.”
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“You really don’t have to,” you said, as Russell helped you gather your stack of papers and slung your work bag over his shoulder.
“No, no. I’m a bonafide gentleman. Ain’t that right, D?” he asked his sister. She barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again, but she did give you a knowing smile.
“Oh, his intentions are pure,” she said.
 And by that, you both understood her meaning. His intentions couldn’t be any clearer than a mallet over the head, but you kind of found it endearing.
This man really carried your stuff from the Sciences building across the entire campus to your office. All the while, he asked you about how you and Dory met, the kinds of things you two did together, and if you thought she was happy working here.
You had a feeling he was trying to learn more about his sister’s life. On one hand, it was rather sweet. On the other, it made you realize that there was distance in this family, both literal and figurative. You were glad to hear that Russell, at least, was trying to bridge that gap with his sister. Dory deserved to have more of that in her life.
As you explained to Russell while you led him down the hall to your office, your friendship with her had just…clicked. From the very beginning.
“Dory, you know. She’s more than kind,” you said. “She’s a real one. I can rely on her, even when I can’t rely on my own family.”
Russell hummed at that. “That sounds like a story.”
“Yeah,” you said, glancing away for a moment. You smiled and met his gaze once more. “Maybe one for another time.”
“So you’re on board with a ‘next time.’ Good to know,” Russell remarked. Your smile deepened.
It was good timing when you two finally reached your office. You unlocked it and let him inside, so he could set down your bag, and the god-forsaken stack of internship applications back onto your desk. You’d probably be stuck here working late on those.
“Well, thank you so much. You really didn’t have to schlep for me,” you said.
When you turned, Russell was a bit close. Not uncomfortably so, but enough to make a trill of something zip up your spine. You smelled more intensely his cologne, woodsy and warm. Looking up at him, you once again found his smile.
“It’s no problem,” he said, but his eyes met yours for a moment, as if he lost his train of thought.
“What?” you asked, a bit nervous.
“Anybody ever tell you, you got soulful eyes?” he asked.
It took your brain a second or two to compute, but when his words registered, you had to laugh. You held it behind your hand, while the other went to steady yourself on your desk.
 “Well, that’s a line if I’ve ever heard one,” you said, shading your “soulful” eyes with a hand.
You didn’t know it, but Russell’s face warmed in slight embarrassment. He recovered though, taking in your pretty laugh, and the shade of your hair, let loose around your shoulders, and yes, your eyes, when you let him see them again.
If he hadn’t known before, now he was convinced.
He wanted to see more of you before he left town.
“Hey, now that was 100% genuine,” Russell said, but his grin spoke volumes. When your mirth died down, he scratched the back of his head.
“Okay, cards on the table. Would you be interested in grabbing a drink with me sometime?” he asked.
You took in a breath at that. You actually did consider his offer, because homebrew and sriracha fries be damned, there was something more to him. It was lying in wait, behind those eyes that were drawing you in.
However, this was also a man whose job basically made him a nomad. It didn’t exactly scream relationship material.
Which only left the alternative: something…casual.
You just didn’t know if that alternative was such a good idea. Not with your best friend’s brother.
“Just a drink. No frills, no more grilling you about my sister,” Russell said, breaking you from your deliberation. He gestured a hand between the two of you. “Just this. You and me.”
Eventually, you sighed. Your lips raised into a more genuine smile.
“Sometime, huh?” you asked.
He smiled back. “Tonight?”
You hesitated, but despite your better judgment, you nodded before you could change your mind. You still weren’t sure what to make of this guy, but you were willing to find out.
“Sure,” you said. “Howley’s at eight?”
“Well, all right,” Russell said.
He surprised you by sweeping up your hand into his. You looked up at him, curious, but not wary. Anticipation tingled down your spine.
He pressed his lips to the back of your hand. Soft shock made your eyes widen as you blushed, feeling the subtle graze of his beard against your skin.
Who is this guy, Cary Grant? you thought.
But when he pulled away, you had to remind yourself to breathe. Again, you caught sight of his cheeky grin.   
“See you tonight,” he said.
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AN: He is beauty he is grace, he is Mr. Sriracha Face. 😆
Let me know if you guys liked this! 💜 It's my first time writing a character based solely on one episode, but next up is a series that will continue this one-shot. It's called Every Second Counts.
Next Time in Part 1:
“Are you absolutely sure?” you asked, with your hands on your hips. 
You wanted no miscommunication here, no read-between-the-lines mishaps, no subtext or nuance to bite you in the ass later. So here you stood in the middle of your best friend’s office, still on the Wyoming University campus after your last class.
Dory had to laugh at you. She pushed away from her desk and threw her hands up.
“Yes, for the love of God, you can grab a drink with my brother,” she said.
▶️ Keep Reading: Part 1
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Ko-Fi Me ☕
Russell Shaw Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Russell S. Tag List:
@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007
@wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @roseblue373
@brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28 @charmed-asylum
@waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady
@leigh70 @clinicallydepresso @xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy
@kmc1989 @jackles010378 @emily-winchester @waynes-multiverse @jessjad
@my-stories-vault @deans-spinster-witch @syrma-sensei @stellasfictionalworld @ultimatecin73
@jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @pieandmonsters @lhymer1995 @taehyungxjungkookistaekook @lovelystoriesaj
@nicksalchemy1 @spnwoman @onlyangel-444 @sexyvixen7 @illicithallways
@wolkenprinzessin007 @alwaystiredandconfused @carpenterswife @cheynovak @grilledcheeseandtomato
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jetblack4realz · 1 day ago
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better - jj maybank x reader
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summary - in between season 3 & 4 when they're building their lives with the gold and jj wants to get his act together for you
word count - 1.9k
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you were an artist. you always had been - whether it was drawing random doodles on the side of your worksheet in class, or sketching out the boys' names in fancy calligraphy, or coming up with a new layout and decorating scheme for the chateau when you deemed it bland (after john b refused to let you paint all over the twinkie), or even reworking furniture to flip and sell to make a few bucks, you were always artsy. it had begun to work out really well for them.
you designed the surf shop and all of poguelandia with the help of your uncle, who was a contractor by trade. you carefully curated the indoor and outdoor decor, picking out pieces unique to your friends and your story and making it a homely, pseudo-trendy little shop. only when that was finished and you had it running did you turn your attention to your guys' home.
jj loved watching you work. at the moment, you had sarah helping you finish up the paint for the main living room as you put a final coat of white on the shiplap accent wall you'd had jj install for you. you had him put a similar one in your shared room upstairs, but had yet to paint it, claiming that you'd rather have everyone's space finished before focusing on your own.
john b walked in the kitchen and spotted the boy seated at the bar, his fingers typing away at the laptop you had gotten from your parents when you were sixteen - you know, before you'd jumped ship and left home to find treasure with your friends. he grabbed a can of lemonade from the fridge as he furrowed his brows, coming up behind his best friend. he squinted his eyes at the screen.
"job listings? what are you-?"
the lid slammed shut on the computer, jj spinning around with a shake of his head.
"it's nothing, bro, okay? don't worry about it."
john b stared at him incredulously. "j you have a job here. we literally own a business now, what are you-?"
"outside," jj said shortly, standing and walking out the back door quickly, john b following after. you looked up from your spot in the living room, glancing back at sarah with a shrug once the boys slipped outside.
once they stood face to face again, john b gestured for him to go on. "so?"
"look," jj said with a sigh. "i know we've got this shop, and it's so great. but, i just keep feeling like it's all too good to be true. like, we have this money now, but it's all gonna be gone in a second."
"it will be if you're the one in charge of it," john b said offhandedly. jj sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"and i know that too, alright? which is why i need more," he answered.
"why? what's going on that you need more money - and money that's separate from us?" john b asked, staring the boy down in pure curiosity. jj's eyes weren't on him though, instead going through the sliding glass door that separated them from their girls right to where you were painting once more, bobbing your head to the rhythm of the music sarah had turned on. "oh."
jj let out another heavy breath. "you and sarah are like, married now, right? and i can hear you guys when you're talking about starting a life together and me and y/n have started talking about it too recently... just, when the time comes i want to be able to provide for us. i want to be able to go out and buy her a ring and a dress and marry her and never have her worried about finances ever again. we've both had to deal with too much of that."
"wow, jayj," john b breathed out, a soft smile pulling at his lips as he rested a hand on his shoulder. "i'm impressed. you're really pulling it together, aren't you?"
"i'm trying," he said with a sigh. "i've worked a lot of jobs before and i'm willing to do it again. anything to make sure she's happy."
"she'll be happy with you no matter how much money you make," john b promised as he smiled at him. "and we'll all always have each other's backs. even if when y'all decide you want to be together forever you don't have all the money you want, we'll help you buy that ring and that dress and get it done."
"thanks, jb," jj breathed out, but with the lack of a smile and the tenseness in his shoulders still, john b knew he wasn't going to be accepting handouts anytime soon. even if it was still shared money between friends and not just handouts.
you'd recruited him to help finish up a few things in your bedroom, managing to finagle a thrifted and refinished dresser up the stairs and below the tv you'd stolen from your old bedroom. jj began hanging curtains as you put both sets of y'all's clothes away, giving yourself one extra drawer for your extra clothes. he finished before you did, watching you with a smile as you tucked his shirts into the top drawer all organized by color, finally shutting it to be done with the task.
"last thing to do is the bed," you hummed as you turned to him with a smile. you moved to begin pulling the white sheets on, jj tucking the corners before you grabbed out the blue comforter with a simple white stripe pattern that alternated thicknesses. "i nabbed this from my grandparents - my nana always buys them when they're on sale for christmas and never does anything with them."
"i know," he said with a light laugh, grabbing the opposite edge from you and helping you pull it over the sides. "she gave one to me for my birthday once. didn't exactly know why."
"because that's what she had and she probably felt bad," you answered, laughing softly with him. you tossed the throw blanket kie had given you for your birthday a few years back onto the corner to add dimension to the look, finally placing the two throw pillows you'd let yourself splurge $30 on at kohl's at the center. you smiled, glancing around the room before looking back at jj. "there. our room is complete."
he sauntered around the bed with a grin, taking you in his arms and leaning in close to your face as he met your eyes. "our own room, with our things, in our house with our friends, on our land, with our business down the road by our boat."
"our boat?" you asked with a teasing smile, hands wrapping around his neck as he held you close to him. "it's mine too?"
"what's mine is yours, princess," he told you, pressing a short kiss to your lips.
"even the dirtbike?" you asked, a brow raised in jest as a teasing smile tugged one corner of your mouth up.
"well, sure. it's yours too, but that doesn't mean you get to ride it, sweet thing," he answered with an amused grin, pressing more kisses to your lips and jaw.
"our next purchase should be a car. or a truck. an old truck. i like old trucks," you told him as his lips trailed to your neck. he paused, bringing his head back up to meet your eyes again, though his grip tightened on you.
"me too," he mumbled. "but, i think there's something we need to buy first."
"what?" you asked, tilting your head curiously. he glanced his focus between your eyes, a soft smile pulling at his lips.
"well, actually... i already bought it," he hummed. you sighed.
"and how much was it?" you asked, raising a brow.
"does it matter?" he asked, raising his brows as his smile grew.
"jay..." you groaned, head falling back in exasperation. "we talked about budgeting-"
"hey, hey, hey, hold on," he said, pulling you closer to him and catching your eyes again. his smile was mischievous as ever as he turned slowly, turning you with him. "you don't even know what it is yet."
you sighed, a small smile sneaking its way onto your lips. "alright. what is it?"
"well, my first paycheck just came in from working with your uncle, and i thought i might as well get it now," he said, dragging his words in the suspense as you continued to eye him. he looked you up and down, his smile still wide as he winked. "have i told you how good you look in that dress?"
"every time i've worn it," you laughed. "reckon that's why you bought it for me."
"damn right," he said, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. you giggled against him before pushing him back, raising your brows.
"what is it?" you asked, almost eager now. "what'd you buy?"
surprisingly, he released you, stepping back as he shoved a hand in his pocket. his smile was wide, but his eyes softened as he brought his hand out in front of him. he breathed out his next words nervously; "i really hope you like it."
and then he was on his knee, and in his fingers was a dainty, gold ring with a small circle diamond on top. right there, in the room you'd just finished, the room you shared, in the house you and your friends rebuilt, with the shop you owned just down the beach - he was proposing.
"i really want to marry you," he breathed out with a nervous laugh, his fingers squeezing the ring tightly. "you're the love of my life, y/n. i really don't know what i'd do without you. being with you has been the easiest and best damn thing i've ever done and i want to be with you for as long as you'll let me. so, will you please marry me? i promise to provide for you and be there for you and-"
"yes," you said, beaming as you took his face in your hands. you laughed lightly. "absolutely yes, jayj."
he kissed you quickly, standing and wrapping his arms around your waist as he leaned into you. when he pulled back, he was laughing, causing you to let out a few giggles, wiping away a small tear at the corner of his eye. he kissed you shortly before bringing the ring to you, slipping it on the proper finger with a certain look of pride in his eye.
"it's uh, it's not much, it's not even a real diamond but i-"
"i love it," you cut him off, holding his hand as you glanced between him and the ring, beaming. "i love it, jayj. thank you."
he smiled, a breath of relief slipping past his lips as he gathered you in his arms again, spinning you quickly. he pulled back and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips again before stepping back away from you. he let out an excited whoop, grinning at you. he grabbed your hand and pulled the door open, dragging you with him down the stairs.
"she said yes!"
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gunpowder-gemini · 2 days ago
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Hi I have many many thoughts on Dandadan and where specific characters are going in the story, so incoming ramble posts lol. I've got thoughts on Okarun, Turbo Granny and Kinta specifically.
WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA THROUGH CH. 175
First up: Okarun!
So obviously he's lost his turbo granny powers bc he's a good boy who keeps promises, but him having yokai curse powers is like, half the concept of the manga right? (The other half being Momo getting powers due to alien abduction). So clearly, he's gonna get them back because we can't just have one of our two main characters permanently sidelined. The question is just HOW.
I'm pretty sure Turbo Granny is gonna come back, she's a major supporting character and she had a whole little montage panel of Reasons To Stay despite her saying she has none but I'll get into that in a different post lol. HOWEVER! I don't think she's gonna give Okarun her powers again. I mean, they're HERS. And she just spent all that time getting them back why would she give them away again? So Okarun can fight? She can use her powers way better than he can, so if they're needed SHE'LL use them.
I think Okarun is gonna develop his own spiritual powers like Momo's.
In the recent chapters it's gone out of the way to highlight how ridiculously fit Okarun is now. Like, SUPER fit. Most obviously in the fitness tests, where he blew everyone out of the water:
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But also in the fight against the pygmies he easily kept up with Aira, who was in her yokai form at the time.
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Which I mean, it makes sense that he got fit - he's been fighting for his life as an after-school hobby lol. Obviously continually training to handle Turbo Granny's powers AND fighting things would result in him getting incredibly fit. But they've like REALLY emphasized it these past few chapters. It feels like they're really calling attention to it, you know?
But that in and of itself isn't the real reason I suspect he's got his own spiritual powers. It's actually because he can enter Empty Space.
So per the Serpoians, Empty Space is something aliens create that only pulls in humans with high spiritual power so the aliens can capture and study them. It's why once Aira got her acro silky powers she could enter Empty Space.
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Okarun's high spiritual power wasn't his, it was Turbo Granny's. He was able to enter Empty Space because he had her power, but without it he's just a normal kid. So once he gave it back he should be unable to enter Empty Space. And yet:
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He's gets pulled into Empty Space to fight the pygmies. He himself calls that out as strange! He shouldn't be able to! He doesn't have Granny's power! But there he is! So he must still have high spiritual power!
I think he spent such a long time with Turbo Granny's full power inside him, utilizing it so frequently, that it changed him. Either it awakened latent spiritual power within him or left behind an imprint of itself, I'm not sure lol. But I think he's developed his own version of Turbo Granny's power. I think it'll be a bit different from her, but still similar (I don't think they're gonna give him a completely different power ya know?). I suspect it'll come with a cool form change to his yokai form, like a costume upgrade lmao.
Furthermore, I think this happened because of the Danmanra arc. During that arc, in the final fight against the Fairy-Tale card, Okarun went all out three times.
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He's never been able to do that - it's been kinda implied it would kill him. But through the ~power of love~ he managed to pull it off, and I think it is going to have an effect/consequences. I think this moment here changed him in some way, and it might be the catalyst for him developing his own version of Turbo Granny's powers.
Further to that point is Count Saint-Germain. He cornered Okarun, got him to yield and clearly intended to take his powers, but didn't.
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I suspect it's because he wanted Turbo Granny's powers, but Okarun no longer has them. I think he either doesn't know Okarun has his own powers, or he does know and is waiting for Okarun to properly awaken them before he takes them. I'm like 90% sure the Empty Space in the pygmy fight was caused by him. Empty Space is pretty clearly outlined to be an Alien Thing and while the pygmies are spirits/yokai/whatever, Count Saint-Germain is probably an alien given his affiliation with the Kur. AND he was the one who gave Keiko the knife and the mission to steal Momo's power. Since Okarun got pulled into that Empty Space, if pretty boy here didn't know Okarun has some hidden spiritual power, he sure does now.
Either way, Okarun yielding to him here is definitely a Chekov's gun that's gotta fire at some point, and I've got theories on that but I'm gonna save them for my post on Turbo Granny lol.
Anyway TLDR; I think Okarun has his own superpowers like Momo now and we're gonna see them awaken in this arc.
Thanks for reading!
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lillypad-monopoly · 4 hours ago
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Wild Life Episode 5 Thoughts
(Except I'm insane about Martyn's ep)
LIFE SERIES TRIVIA is DIABOLICAL! The watchers literally being like "how well do you guys know your pain and suffering?" (also sorry only winners remember theory truthers)
The way Grian and Scar are such bitter ex-soulmates that Mumbo has to point it out is hilarious. (also them getting even and saying "Just like Third Life" hurt my heart)
Grian not remembering iconic moments from his own series is so funny. What do you mean he only knows Martyn beheaded Ren with an axe from fanart? Grian gaining possession of the Red Winter Axe was a whole plot point.
MUMBO FIRST OUT! IN SESSION 5! The canary curse is broken for real now guys but at what cost.
Grian standing on the ruins of the tower by himself going through the five stages of grief over Mumbo's death as the sun rises in the background is a gorgeous piece of fanart waiting to happen
Martyn you didn't need to start the episode by talking about how Ren is providing for you, you're asking for the shipping at this point 🤣
MARTYN YOU DO THE LORE OFC JIMMY AND TANGO WERE OUT FIRST. Also REN YOU WERE LITERALLY IN DOUBLE LIFE. RIP Ren/BigB we know where his true loyalties lie
THE TWO NICKLES MEME BREAKING CONTAINMENT I CAN'T
Ren inviting BigB to join the RenWood Mound alliance WITHOUT REMEMBERING DOUBLE LIFE is so insane I don't even know what to say.
OF COURSE SCAR REMEMBERS THE DESERT DUO FLOWERS I'M GOING TO BE SICK
Martyn and Ren saying they're going to be boat bros. This has been coming since last session but I NEED Joel and Etho to call them out on it
"We're boat boys," MARTYN INTHELITTLEWOOD WHEN I CATCH YOU-
Etho yelling for Bdubs to hit him so they could test if the wildcard affected damage and then Tango going "smack me harder~" in the background was diabolical. Suuuure you guys are all PG.
Etho sitting in a boat for Joel to jump over him feels like some boat boys relationship symbolism I'm not smart enough to explain
So Etho is currently living with team BET, but allied with the Four Gs, and in the family with Gem and Joel. Wildcard Etho is so back!
Of course Impulse immediately remembered the clock question.
Joel boasting about how he immediately knows all the questions is peak Joel form and I would expect nothing less. It is kind of warranted though because everybody else is waffling on the simple ones.
Joel is now two for two on unquestioningly trusting Etho only to have something bad happen to him and not even being mad about it what is wrong with this man 😭
Does Joel have the censor bleep on his keyboard or did he just straight up start swearing at Tango and know they would both have to censor it in post to get the effect that he was also making the noise?
Scott's gone from a creaking fanboy to a body horror situation and I'm living for it (also considering he's agreed to "go wild" this session--am I sensing a Scott corruption arc?)
Scott cutting directly from saying he and Jimmy were never married even though they called each other husbands to a scene WITH Jimmy was kind of an insane choice
Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss Girldad has been confirmed by Scott as the actual reason for the 4Gs. I still think Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss ImpulseSV is funnier but good to have an official ruling
Scott giving up his life for Pearl and them being good natured about it and calling it therapy! I love them so much!
Lizzie being the only person who's not exicted when a trivia bot spawns is so funny. Even the other players who weren't in all the seasons don't seem to be as miffed by them as she is.
Lizzie's flaming snail arising out of that hole while smiling is potentially the funniest thing I've seen all day. Why did it look like that 🤣
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reaperlight · 2 days ago
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(Venom 3 spoilers)
(More Eddie finds help from protective murder friends au)
Cletus: The first rule of rescuing a loved one from an evil government lab is to have fun and be yourself.
Eddie: This is not helpful.
Cletus: Sorry. You know... I did what you're doing right now. I searched for years but like I could only actually do it when I already had Carnage, so...
Eddie: So how is that supposed to help Venom?
Cletus: Do you really wanna make my mistakes, Eddie? You saw how that ended up.
Eddie: I don't know, you seem to be doing alright now.
Cletus: Eddie...
Eddie: I can't abandon him.
Frances: We know.
Cletus: Look... I've been there. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now. But you don't wanna be messing with this. At least not alone. Put those guns away and let us help you. You know Anne's really worried about you.
Eddie: You had to involve her in this.
Cletus: I didn't know what to do, you weren't listening to me and I couldn't just watch you throw your life away...
Eddie: It's already gone. I can't. Without him--
Cletus: Eddie... you know I'm already burned. So let me do it. I can get him back to you.
Eddie: Why, why would you help us?
Cletus: I told you, Eddie. I like you. That's all I ever wanted, to be your friend.
Eddie: You always try to befriend people via sledgehammer?
Cletus: I may have... overreacted. You know I didn't have my head on straight.
Eddie: And now you do?
Cletus: Yes. Look, I'm not asking for your forgiveness but I'd like to try and make it up to you, if you'll let me.
Eddie: Assuming I even agree to this... what's in it for you?
Cletus: Just... Can we be friends, for reals? Please? You don't have to forgive me. I'm not asking that. Just... we really want to be friends with you. That's all.
Eddie: Alright fine. Just help me get Venom back.
Frances: You won't regret this, Brockilicious!
Eddie: Believe me, I already do.
Cletus: So like, maybe... do you want us to just... clear the way for you? We storm in there, you get Venom out, all is good.
Eddie: You know they'll be prepared for symbiotes, right? That's like their whole thing. You'll get captured.
Cletus: Oh Eddie you do care! Yeah uh... Well both my girls kissed and made up, really bonded you know, and now we're immune to sonic attacks now. And I can stand the heat. I can take it. I don't really... experience pain like you do anymore. It takes a lot to feel anything. All my life it's been nothing but suffering. It's funny how I almost miss it.
Eddie: Are you going to read poetry now?
Cletus: Ha! You know that wasn't for you but maybe if we survive this I'll write something for you.
Eddie [daring to hope]: ...you really think you can do this?
Cletus: Uh yeah, did it before at Ravencroft.
Eddie: They've got like these elite symbiote hunters.
Frances: But they won't be prepared for me.
Cletus: Have I mentioned lately that Frances is awesome?
Eddie: Only every five minutes.
Cletus: Her powers have grown. She is like wicked strong in the Force.
Frances [eyes glowing, raw power swirling around her]: Alright, let's do this!
Eddie: No murders.
Cletus: C'mon Eddie, you know we can't promise that.
Eddie: Just... keep it to a minimum will you?
[Seeing the tank where Venom is held from some distance away while fighting their way through the base]
Eddie: Aw shit, I knew I'm forgetting something. How are we gonna get him out? I can't rebond with him or the codex thing activates. But I can't just leave him there. But as long as this Knull guy is out there if we bond again they'll come after us and doom the planet. He'd send those Xenophages, big monster things. They'd eat you for breakfast
Carnage: They can certainly try.
Eddie: Buddy, I've seen them eat like ten of you. You're not special.
Carnage: *Offended symbiote noises*
Cletus: Yes, you're very special, sweetheart. But I think it would be wise to listen to Eddie if he says it's dangerous.
Frances: ...I could carry him for you.
Eddie: What?
Frances: Venom. This... codex thing won't happen if someone else hosts him, right? I host Carnage sometimes. It won't be a problem. I can host him for you.
Eddie: But wouldn't that be awkward?
Frances: Why? I told you I host Carnage sometimes.
Eddie: Okay but like, for Cletus? [To Cletus] That's like... my husband in your wife... Sharing a body.
Cletus: You're sure you're okay with that, baby?
Frances: Yes, I can do this. I want to do it.
Cletus: Okay. If you're sure.
Frances: *nods*
Eddie: Okay. Then after this...
[All dodging bulletfire, Eddie looks away as Carnage slams tentacles through them and Frances clears a path with her new telekinesis and mind control powers.]
Eddie: Shit, what are we gonna do?
Cletus: So like, it seems simple enough to me. After we rescue your husband then we find this Knull dude and kill him.
Eddie: I doubt it's that simple. I don't think he's even on Earth.
Frances: So like we steal a rocket or something? If they're coming after you anyway might as well go big.
Cletus: Yeah, we just do whatever we need to do and find this guy and then... then you let me do what I'm good at.
Eddie: Are you sure you're cool with all this? Especially after all that happened before...
Cletus: Eddie... if we weren't cool do you think I be helping you now? If anything you did us a favor. You gave me and Carnage a chance for a hard reset so we could really bond.
Eddie: Wait a minute... the codex. Oh shit. It exists because I died and Venom brought me back to life....
Frances: You died?!
Eddie: Temporarily, nevermind that. [To Cletus] You died. So then why aren't they coming after you?
Cletus [Visibly confused]: Maybe they are and and we haven't noticed yet?
Eddie: Well, that's a terrifying thought but not quite as bad as you secretly working for Knull.
Cletus: Eddie, Frances is the only person I'd ever let boss me around. And I'd make a pretty shitty spy considering you already don't trust me, and for good reason.
Eddie: That's true.
Cletus: Maybe... Well, that wasn't the first time I died, you know.
Eddie: Huh?
Cletus: Told you. Baby Cletus died on the operating table as a newborn babe. Also my heart stopped when I got the needle too.
Eddie: Jeez, you're like a zombie.
Cletus: Yeah, suppose it could be something supernatural at play here, like Granny was involved in some weird cult shit. Also nearly bled to death when granny carved up my back with a kitchen knife as a kid. Maybe that counts as dying too.
Eddie: Carved up your back?
[During a pause in the fighting, briefly takes off his shirt and shows the scars. ]
Eddie: Woah!
Cletus: See, I'm not bullshitting you. I never lied to you, Eddie.
Eddie: Huh? Yeah, I believe you, okay Just... Holy shit.
Frances [holding him tenderly]: I know, my poor baby!
Eddie [visibly alarmed]: Yes. Also...
Cletus: What? What is it?
Eddie: I am sorry that happened to you. Like, there's no good way to say this so I'm just gonna say it. I'm not accusing you of anything--
Cletus: What is it, Eddie?
Eddie: That's Knull's symbol.
Cletus: What?!
Frances: Knull's symbol?
Cletus: ...well fuck me.
Carnage: Do not fuck him. He is taken.
Cletus: Eddie, I swear I don't know this guy. I didn't even know what that was. Given the way my family treated me I wanted nothing to do with it--
Eddie: I believe you. I do. And I am so, so sorry.
Cletus: This was from when I was kid... Was this asshole fucking with me my entirely life? Before I was even born? My entire family? Well, I wanted to kill this guy before on general principle but now--
Eddie: Now it's personal?
Cletus: Oh It was already personal. He hurt you.
Eddie: ...
Cletus: Eddie, I... I'm sorry. About before. My head wasn't on straight.
Eddie [sighing]: Honestly, I'm more angry about you kidnapping Anne.
Frances: In fairness that was my idea, don't blame him for that.
Cletus: We just needed you there, you know?
Eddie: Why?
Cletus: Because you're our friend and we were getting married and... and it seemed like a good idea at the time? I apologized to her when I called her.
Eddie: What did she say to that?
Cletus: I promised her I'm not that guy anymore. That I was gonna help you not repeat my mistakes. She passed on some legal contacts in case we got into any more trouble which I think more for your sake than mine but it was most appreciated in any case.
Eddie: [*staring at the scarification on his back.*]
Eddie: But... what does it mean?
Cletus: Well, I always assumed it just meant I was raised by abusive fucks.
Eddie: I'm sorry. But what if like... Knull's controlling you or something? Has been controlling you all along?
Cletus: ...I like to think I have some agency. No, those are my mistakes and I own them.
Eddie: That... That's all well and good but how can you kill him if he can just possess you or something? He's supposed to be like a symbiote God, right? And you've got his symbol.
Cletus: We don't know if he can do that? ...can he?
Carnage: *nodding*
Cletus: Oh.
Frances: *gasping*
Eddie: Shit.
Cletus: Well, if it comes to that... Frances. Can you...?
Frances: Cletus, you can't ask me to---
Cletus: Baby, you can control my mind, I give you permission. I want you to do it if that sick fuck is making me his meat puppet, alright? Do not hesitate. Use that jedi mind trick of yours to make me slit my own throat.
Frances: Baby!
Eddie: Woah!
Cletus: I'd rather die then be made to hurt you or our friends again. Do whatever you have to do to stay alive. Can you do that for me, baby?
Frances [*Wiping away tears, nods.*]
Cletus [*also wiping away tears*]: That's my girl.
Eddie: I don't doubt that she's strong, but I think Knull is supposed to be really tough. Venom was afraid of him--
Carnage [scoffing]: Venom was afraid of me.
Eddie: Just... we don't want to be underestimating this. What if he's too powerful?
Cletus: Well, I guess we burn that bridge when we come to it.
Frances: Come on, Eddie. Let's go rescue your boytoy.
[Getting to the tank where Venom is held]
Frances: [*Breaks the glass*]
Venom [in Frances]: Eddie!
[Venom making out sloppy style with Eddie while Cletus awkwardly looks away.]
[Eddie considering he is so far unmurdered. Maybe they really have changed...]
Cletus: C'mon we gotta go.
Venom: ...what?!
Eddie: He's with me, they're helping us. I'll explain later, come on...
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izpira-se-zlato · 1 month ago
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Inkpot Gods
Just
Fucking Inkpot Gods
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regicidal-defenestration · 8 months ago
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Inkpot Gods by the Amazing Devil as an Eight (Night of the Doctor) song does anyone see my vision
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patroclusdefencesquad · 2 years ago
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if i had to pick a song that i think perfectly encapsulates the amazing devil i think i would have to say it's not yet/love run. it just has everything for me : it has the drama and variety of the instrumentals and vocals that they show throughout their other songs, it has the highs and lows, it has the storytelling. it has the harmonising of multiple lines of thought and song, it has the callbacks to other songs, it has the moments where joey and madeleine break through with their laughter. it has those key messages that tad perfectly convey: the fantasy that's grounded in reality, the struggles and the overcoming of them, and the people that help you with that, and the relatability of it all. it has that feeling of love and safety and hope all from their vocalisation of a single line. it's like everything they put into their music is brought together in this single song
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Text
Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.
It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????
#sometimes i feel like a prized 12 point buck and everyone is desperate to give chase so they can skin me and wear my pelt in memorium#the luxury of being seen is rarely extended to those we perceive as confident/constant in their sense of self#the path of being a child who was constantly told i was making people uncomfortable and alienating my peers#only to immediately become an adult who everyone perceives as so together that they are just Like That With Everyonr#brennan said something like this in the disection of a recent misfits and magic episode about sam (character)#and how he (as evan) realized that the charm and specialness she gifts to everyone around her means that no one ever really gifts it back#and how that fundamentally felt transcendent and revelatory for evan as a turning point idea#he'd spent so long never trusting others feelings of care for him that he couldn't see how he was bulldozing right into and over sam's own#insecurities about whether or not she is worth loving or is special in the same way#and then they had some back and forth about like#sometimes when you develop the skill of relateability and pacification#you disappear so deeply into it that no one notices you're gone - even you yourself - until it's too late#it put to words a lot of the like#gap. that i've always felt between me and others. this insistance on elevating or pathologizing me depending on where they feel the need#to be in relation to me#while having absolutely zero awareness of my actual positioning in relation to them#i have found that they way i interact with others seems to give the impression that because i am being 'genuine' and 'open' about myself#that ALSO means that I am sharing the whole of me.#and when i talk about destigmatization and shame and people work really hard to be like. aware of the edges of me to carch me embarrassed#like if they can prove that i don't 'admit' something it's because i'm ashamed as opposed to considering that maybe they don't have the kind#of relationship with me that would warrant the sharing of it#because i'm willing to talk i am no longer allowed privacy or it's treated as incongruous#but like. i am different people for different people and they are all authentically me but they are also about faciliting the version#of the other person that matters to me to be able to spend time with. i'm not going to bring the parts of me that put you in a bad mood#or aren't comfortable/safe for you. also probably not going to put those things out into the open world as a mixed company conversation#i don't know where I'm going or where I came from here but i think the point is just that I think there's melancholy in seeing when#you also don't know a reliable way to be seen in turn
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foreverchangingfandomsao3 · 11 months ago
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Currently resisting the urge to write Hardeen Codywan to Inkpot Gods
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supermusicallee · 2 years ago
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and when the rain came down, I MADE A VOW out to the dark: please let her live just one more day! 'cause she is SO much more than all her scars
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ereborne · 9 months ago
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Song of the Day: February 23
“Inkpot Gods” by The Amazing Devil
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#song of the day#'if I don't make it back from where I've gone / just know I loved you all along'#I'm setting up my queue for a more proper recommendation tomorrow but I've been rereading 'shoulder the sky' by Night_Fury#the whole series draws from various Amazing Devil lines for titles and such#'back then I was dauntless' is my favorite reworking of the Melidaan arc I've ever seen absolutely anywhere#and the title is a line from my favorite Amazing Devil song 'The Calling' but 'Inkpot Gods' is used to stunning effect in-story#and the beautiful refrain from the end of the song is playing in my head now as I keep going into the series#today was a deeply unpleasant day: the inevitable finally happened and Duncan cut himself doing his mudlarking#we'd been trying to schedule a preventative tetanus shot but several times we've gone in for the properly scheduled shot#and found out that they didn't actually have one in stock. unspeakably frustrating#and today we ran out of time for a preventative one. I woke up#(actually I woke up for work as he was going out for his walk but I got a migraine halfway through my morning meeting--no good--#and took the rest of the day off--turns out to have been a very good thing--and went back to sleep. so I woke up the second time)#to Duncan coming back from his walk with a sliced finger and the grody plastic-and-tin swan that had done the slicing#(picture of said swan under the cut because why not. it does look neat. can't see the sharp edge in the pic though it's underneath)#and so then we called the pharmacy and got the same automated 'of course you can have a tetanus shot' as ever so we made an appointment#and we got there and they did actually have a shot in stock this time! except that they weren't able to administer it#because now he's post-exposure that's a different shot and they aren't allowed. so we had to go to the urgent care instead#all told we spent about four hours out of the house on this mission but Duncan did get his shot and some bonus antibiotic goo for the cut#and it was worth it but also bleeeeeeegh it was miserable. which is where my recommendations do come in#when I tell y'all that I spent today reading Night_Fury's fics and also looking at valiants' CoD art and it saved me#whooo I mean it. being simultaneously stressed + bored is the nightmare state for me and instead I had wonderful things in my phone
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destinyandcoins · 1 year ago
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hi folks, hope you're all doing well tonight on day three of the new Post-CC (Crowley Confession) calendar I'm adopting. I just want to let you all know that in the time honored tradition of all emotionally wounded fans following the devastating season finale of their beloved show, I'm retreating into listening to a Playlist and thinking about my blorbos.
Today's tracks are Ruin and Inkpot Gods by The Amazing Devil and boy howdee let me tell you I sure am Feeling Things right now
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purpleturtle9000 · 2 years ago
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A movie AU where Leonardo travels back in time with Casey. Because even though Leonardo doesn’t want to live any more, Casey doesn’t want to give up on him, and maybe, just maybe, Casey has enough hope for both of them.
Or, from my rambling while planning this fic: “future Leo is just so much fun because he's spent the past 22 years demonising his past self for starting the apocalypse but then when he travels back in time to the day it happened so he can stop it, he realises his past self was just a dumb naive kid who had no idea of the potential consequences, so future Leo decides to be gentle with him and it's the only self-love he's ever had because he's always hated himself a little”.
As well as “Leonardo trying to break the cycle by being kind to his past self (while still hating his current self) makes me want to put him in therapy and I think makes Dr Delicate Touch want to use him as a piñata”.
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Me grimly putting inkpot gods at the end of my arcane playlist: If I'm not crying by the end of this what's even the point
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xcziel · 2 years ago
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#this year is just the weirdest christmas vibe i've ever had goning on#i have all the stuff for a hallmark-y christmas: it's cold for once on christmas eve! i have a kitchen and a bare tree#but family is overworked and stressed and and i'm sick and worn out from retail so no visiting or sharing baking#so no reason to bake or decorate - even though i fully have the ability! the things are sitting out i am looking at them#but i just want to bury in the bed and read sad or schmoopy fanfic instead#i just can't get in the mood and it's so disappointing bc i remember loving having like#christmas music on and singing along and baking and i never could do much in my apartment bc of it being so small etc#and now i have a full big kitchen counter and could have the tree i always wanted and play christmas cartoons loudly#and it wouldn't bother anyone and there's lights up in the neighborhood i could go see but#i'm just so exhausted and generally discouraged and it's the MOST first world of situations but i may never get#another chance to have a christmas like this and who knows where/how i'll be next year ...#maybe it's really just the not being able to bake - like i don't even really feel like it but i still get sudden impulses#and it's like nope no family to cart tins of cookies to - can't take them or cake to work bc don't want to risk people getting sick#tempted to just force myself into christmas spirit but then the apathy just rolls back over me#i'm so worried about my bil and sister who are stressed bc if medication shortages#and all y'all who are suffering power outages and winter weather onslaught and stressful weekend plan changes#and seasonal overwork and all that entails i'm worried for you also and wishing for everything to be better and go well for you#it just feels like everyone's having an anxious exhsusting holiday season this year and i would like so much better for us#than just 'making it through'#ugh now i'm making myself sappy and teary again#whatever - anybody bothering to read this just know i wish you warmth happiness and joy however they may come to you#hug your loved ones if you can love on your pets eat something for a treat and look at some pretty lights this evening#i maybe am gonna light some candles and put on music and see if my sis wants to call or facetime later#but first my rx are finally filled so i have to go fetch them#happy holidays whoever reads this - mutuals i love you and wish you the best may your evening be merry and bright#or at least warm!
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