#if (as aforementioned) you keep putting stuff like that on my dash :D

[schwazombie]

just saw your tags on the shirt-in-teeth post. do you pinky swear? o u o

I'm not even at the half way point yet (don't worry it's in English my programme is just in German). I pinky swear with BOTH pinkies

[realcube]

rq; could you possibly write a one shot about the reader having AD(H)D and has a really hard time focusing on core academics (math, science, english, history) because they feel scared about stimming and/or fidgeting in front of people and so they ask tamaki for help?

tw; very mild angst, fluff, stimming, i use the word ‘embrassing’ too much, swearing

words; 2.7k

it only took a moment of skimming over your latest progress report for you to understand the situation.

you continued to thrive in practical subjects like physical education, graphic design and manufacturing — the three main reasons you managed to secure your spot in the support course — but your core subjects seemed to be lacking.

for the last two years, you managed to score flying colours in all your subjects. but now, it was starting to appear as though your golden era was coming to a close. what was once a report with only scores greater than 90%, was now a range of totals anywhere from 90 to 50%.

this meant you were still passing all of your classes but these grades were only indications of how you were doing now; you knew that if you continued to struggle in all of your core courses, you might not finish your third year of UA highschool.

you simply wouldn't allow for your grades to decline further, so like any good student would, you made a list of ways you could improve.

number one was, of course, study more. however, you were almost certain that discipline and diligence aren't the causes of the issue.

number two was to ask for help from your teacher and although this was a completely valid option, you still felt like the problem ran deeper than your ability to comprehend the material. after all, you had made it this far without having to do so.

before you could even ponder number three, your pen ran out of ink. with a huff, you reach out to grab a new one from your pencil case, until you noticed that in the spot where your pencil case usually sits on your desk, there was nothing.

it was as though the void had caused all your memories of yesterday to come crashing down on you in an instant; it was almost nauseating. yet it, ironically, provided some clarity as to the location of your stationary.

two days ago, after school, you paid a visit to tamaki's house to deliver the gear he had commissioned. however, what was initially meant to be a casual interaction, somehow turned into a game of pictionary (with mirio and nejire there too, of course), for which you needed to bring your pencil case out of your bag. amidst your awkward goodbyes, you must've forgotten to put it back into your bag, hence your pencil case is probably lying dejected on tamaki's coffee table.

this left you with no choice but to throw on your jacket and begin your journey to tamaki's house. fortunately, he only lived a bus ride away from your home, yet you still mentally rebuked yourself for the whole length of aforementioned bus ride due to the fact that every time you would interact with tamaki, it felt like you were digging a deeper grave for yourself.

partially because you always found yourself oversharing with him — not that it was a one-sided ordeal — and you couldn't begin to explain why; he kinda just had a comforting aura about him. albeit you haven’t said anything embarrassing yet but the possibility of that happening was way too large. plus taking into consideration your complicated feelings for each other, leaving your pencil case at his house was a disaster waiting to occur.

or perhaps you were overthinking it. either way, you were now standing in front of his door with your school uniform and backpack on during a saturday afternoon because you had no idea what else to wear.

after ringing the doorbell, you stood as a patient statue in the cold until tamaki reluctantly opened the door and only poked his head out. “hello?”

emphasis on ‘only’, because he was truly committed to not allowing you to see him in his casual-wear, for some reason. a part of him reasoned that there was no way you would expect him to be wearing his school uniform on a saturday, but the majority of his brain was screaming about how he had to hide his clothes from you at all costs. especially since he was wearing socks, comfy trackpants and — most shamefully — a sweater with a small octopus design on it. and what would you think of him if you saw that his choice in loungewear was so childish?! it would be utterly humiliating.

completely unaware that tamaki was having a crisis behind the door, you pulled your most authentic smile and said the line you had been rehearing on the bus, “hi, tamaki. sorry for coming unannounced, but i think i left my pencil case on your coffee table when we were playing pictionary with mirio and nejire.”

“oh.” tamaki was almost too panicked to process what you just said but once he did, he immediately recalled the moment he noticed that you had left behind your pencil case. at the time, he planned on calling you to ask if he could drop it off at your house, but his nerves got the better of him and he decided to keep procrastinating the call until he completely forgot.

though, if he remembered correctly, the pencil case should be lying on his desk after he moved it there in hopes that the convenient location would remind him to return it; which it evidently did not.

“yeah. uh, i’ve got it. i’ll just go get it.” his face tingled with warmth slightly as he retracted it from the doorway, resulting in him finally realising how cold it is outside. in fact, since the eaves of his house shielded you for the climate, he didn’t even notice that it was snowing!

the polite bone in him got to work before the rest of him could react, as he blurted out, “come in, make yourself at home.”

fuck! i mean, it’s not that he doesn’t want you in his house — quite the opposite actually — but rather now he had to dart off to his bedroom before you could catch a glimpse of his sweater. but at least now this gave him an opportunity to change into something less embarrassing.

closing the door behind you, you were now left alone in tamaki’s living room. your eyes followed his figure as he dashed towards his bedroom, “odd.” you murmured to yourself. you weren’t exactly tamaki’s BFF but you were close enough to him that you could tell when he was acting weird.

but you didn’t think to much of it. actually, you were slightly grateful for this weird spike in tamaki’s behaviour because if he doesn’t want you around, that just means you are less likely to overshare and catch feelings, which means better outcomes in the long run, right?

after changing into a plain blue sweater and collecting your pencil case, tamaki strolled into the living room and handed it to you with a weak smile, “here you go.” he almost whispered, patiently waiting for your response so he could mentally prepare himself for goodbyes or another hour (or so) of conversation.

“thank you!” you basically squealed, pulling off your bag to stuff your pencil case back inside. while adjusting the straps on your shoulders, you took a moment to appreciate tamaki’s familiar attire, “oh, i love your sweater; i have a similar one with a cute little octopus on it.”

tamaki concluded that neither of you would be saying goodbye for a long while.

“thank you.” he responded with a soft smile, folding his arms over his chest as he made his way towards the kitchen, “um, so how are you?” he inquired, assuming that it was a pretty harmless question that would simply help get the conversation off the ground while he prepared tea.

“i’m good. but i don’t think i can say the same for my progress report.” you said with an awkward chuckle, standing aside as you watched tamaki put the kettle on. “and how are y--”

“what do you mean?” tamaki asked, disregarding the fact that he didn’t answer the question himself. although, simply put, this was because he found that conversation came more naturally to him when he was with you; or perhaps that is a slight overstatement. he tended to be more curious and inquisitive when talking to you and it wasn’t hard to tell.

until now you and mirio simply brushed it off as tamaki’s interest towards the support course, since you were the one who manufactured most of his gear. yet nejire always teased him as she believed that tamaki’s interest was caused by a different sort of passion.

nevertheless, regardless of tamaki’s motives, you still found yourself consistently answering his questions, “eh, well, i’ve just not been performing as well as i hoped.” you replied plainly with a shrug.

“is that all?”

no matter how many questions he asked, each one still managed to catch you off-guard. “um,” your throat ran dry, which might’ve been a sign from a deity to stop talking, but your swallowing was your way of proving that you did not care. although you will probably regret it later, talking with tamaki always relieved you.

“well,” you started, the lump in your throat growing by the second, “i guess i have a bit of trouble focussing in some classes too. but i mean, maybe it is because i drink too much caffeine? i’m not even sure to be honest.” that was lie, you were  90% sure of what the problem was, but you wanted to hear tamaki’s response before you proceeded, to determine whether he’d be open-minded about it.

“there is no such thing as too much caffeine.” he joked, handing you a cup of tea while he sipped on his own. “so it’s probably something else.”

he’s too good. it’s as if he knew you were withholding information.

“well,” you began once more, trying your best to appear clueless, “i guess moving helps me focus, but no once else in the class does it so wouldn’t it be embarrassing if i was the only one?”

“i don’t think it would be embarrassing at all.” he spoke softly, leading you back into the living room and offer you a seat on the couch beside him, which you graciously accepted. “but if you think it is, then i have something to help.”

before you could say anything, tamaki got up and headed towards his bedroom; leaving you to drink his heavenly tea while he searched. though, only a few minutes passed before you felt his arms slither over your shoulders to hook two clips together by your neck.

“there.” he said with a proud smile, “this is one of my cloaks that i use in my hero costume. you can tie it together so it covers the whole front half of your body.”

observing your reflection in the blackened TV, you smiled upon seeing for your own eyes that everything he said was true. it was like wearing a cape that goes around your whole body, and it had a nice hood! “wow, this is so adorable!” you cheered, then paused, “but how is it going to help me focus?”

“well, you can do whatever you want underneath it and no one will notice.”

ignoring the shady implications of that sentence, you moved your hand around underneath the cloak and he was right! no one would see you fidgeting underneath the cloak, and hopefully the professor’s voice would cover any sounds you made. plus, it looked pretty badass.

“this might work! are cloaks included in dress-code?” you joked, but you weren’t laughing for long as you turned to look at tamaki who was wearing an upset expression with his head hung low, “no.”

“oh.” you sighed, unclipping the cloak and handing it back to tamaki with a slight smile, “it’s fine. thank you for your help, and the tea. it was delicious, but i’ll probably have to start cutting back on the caffeine.” you gave it a chef’s kiss yet he didn’t even chuckle like he usually does. it was almost scary how your true emotions reflected onto him, as it seemed like the whole atmosphere had changed.

“(y/n).” tamaki uttered with a much more serious tone; eyes filled with determination yet trained onto the cloak in his hands. “you shouldn’t be embarrassed-- or at least, I, um, don’t think you should be.”

your eyes widened at how sternly he said the first part; granted, he became flustered when it came to the second part, but it really showed you how firmly he stood by what he was saying. you nodded for him to continue as he looked like he still had a lot on his mind.

“it’s unfair that you have trouble focussing because of what other people think. so my two cents is that you should do whatever you need to do, and, um, not care about other people... well, i mean, you should care about them, but just not what they think about you. because like, you can’t really control that--”

he found himself having to abruptly shut his mouth to stop himself from prattling on any further. especially since most of what he was saying was probably none sense that he mistook for inspirational, or at least that is what he gathered from the shocked look you wore; it was ironic how humiliated he was.

“that’s nice to hear.” you hummed, a kind smile gracing your features in place of the previous stunned expression, “though it’s hard to believe coming from someone as cool as you, tamaki.”

“cool?”

“yeah.” you chuckled, rolling your eyes at his baffled look which he must have been faking. surely he knows how highly thought of and respected he is throughout the whole school. he is in the big three, for fucks’ sake! “there is probably a better word to describe it, but you are one of the most badass people i know.”

“badass?” it was as if all he was capable of doing was repeating these words to you with an innocent yet confused gaze.

“yes!” you enthused, “so, is there anything you even have to be embarrassed about?”

“i do!” he almost whined, and without thinking, he stormed to his bedroom only to grab the sweater he cast aside earlier to show it to you, “look! an octopus sweater, isn’t this embarrassing?”

you deadpanned, unsure as to whether he was joking or not. “stimming is very different from a octopus sweater but go on.” however after a few moments of actually analysing the design on the article of clothing, you exclaimed, “oi, i have that exact same sweater! how is a cute little octopus embarrassing? plus, it would be extra cute on you because you have tentacles.”

in a moment of frustration and wanting to prove a point, he threw the sweater aside and began to sheepishly grab at the ends of his sleeves, “well, you know what’s even more embarrassing? having a crush on someone for three whole years and not having the balls to ask them out! and on top of that, being to nervous to return my crush’s stuff after you left it at my house.”

you weren’t sure if he meant to switch out ‘my crush’ with ‘you’ on purpose or if he was just confused. either way, you found yourself leaning in to wrap the poor boy in an overdue embrace, smiling against his chest as he hugged back. “that was..” you faltered, allowing tamaki to interject with “mortifying” but you were quick to correct him, “i think that was a very unique way to confess, and i'm just glad you did.”

your chuckle that followed was left to echo around the room as tamaki stood still and silent, simply enjoying the comfort in your arms as feeling the pleasure of time escape him. until eventually he whispered close to your ear, “so since i know more about embarrassment than you thought, will you take my advice now?”

you snickered, gently tracing shapes onto his back, “i was going to take your advice either way because if i don’t get good grades and remain in the support course, how will i graduate with you?”

“good point.” he hummed, not-so silently enjoying the relaxing sensations near his spine, “but we are not wearing matching octopus hats.”

how did manage to shoot down your idea before you even proposed it?

[ladyfl4me]

Hi please yell about boyd and stern in TCOS and TMWCIFTC :D!

Anon, THANK YOU for enabling me, you have my fucking life in your hands

I’ll preface all of this by saying that everything in this post is related to my long-form Amnesty works, The Moth who Came In from the Cold and The Children of Sylvain. If you haven’t read those, then you’ll be pretty damn confused, so I guess now is as good of a time to plug them - and the series - as any. A heads up: I started it back in 2018, and everything in TCOS is just… very VERY loosely associated with Amnesty canon at this point. Same root premise, same characters, but back in 2018 even I couldn’t predict where arcs 4 and 5 ended up going. TMWCIFTC was written as the logical progression, in my head, of an alternate arc 4, and everything that happened in TCOS is based off of that progression. It’s got almost no connection to the actual canon at this point. I’ll be recapping some of the more important plot points for context, though.

Here’s hoping the read-more works. This was 7 pages long in the google doc I prepared this in, so I apologize in advance to everyone on my dash if this got fucked up. Spoilers for TMWCIFTC ahead, as well as general vague spoilers for Amnesty.

So everything’s coming up roses. Fantastic. Let’s start with the biggest thing: how the characters of Agent Stern and Boyd Mosche have changed from canon to this AU.

Boyd’s Changes:

We’ll start with Boyd, because this motherfucker is UNRECOGNIZABLE from canon. On god, that is all Griffin’s fault. Pretty much all of Boyd’s character was concentrated in arc 4 of Amnesty, and honestly? He was a fantastic character there. Loved him as a counterpart to Ned. He gave off an air of “the ends justify the means” in almost everything he did - especially how he was willing to do anything, including blackmail Ned to hell and back, to get back to England - which I’ve grafted into my version of him. The angst-loving part of my brain seized on the tragic possibilities of his relationship with Ned and was bumping “No Children” by the Mountain Goats every time they interacted. Great stuff, interesting complexity, was genuinely surprised when he kicked it.

All that happened after I introduced him as a character in TMWCIFTC. My version of him retains the smooth-talking Britishness of him, with the aforementioned “ends justify the means” logic for everything; I’d probably sort him as a chaotic neutral, with basically all of his points in wisdom, charisma and strength with very few in intelligence. I tried to work with that for the start. We knew nothing about Boyd at the time I was writing TMWCIFTC, so my brain wanted to fill in that blank for jokes and giggles and haha funny’s and was like, “Yo what if Boyd was a Sylph this entire time? Wouldn’t that be fucking hilarious?” 

And that’s what I did. What happened to make this version of Boyd was a bit of a random “perfect storm” of influences and choices, which really only got sharpened because of my one-shot The Devil Went Down To Georgia. That one’s the main source of all Boyd lore, even though I barely reference it these days because he’s gone so far off the rails it’s a miracle I can keep him straight. 

I’ve talked about The Devil Went Down To Georgia a lot in relation to Boyd on here. TL;DR, I decided to make him two things: a violinist and a Sylph/cryptid, specifically the Jersey Devil. Yes, he is still British. I chalk it up lore-wise to a few things: the original Jersey Devil is more of a distant relative, Boyd crossed over from Sylvain and ended up in Britain sometime after that, and just willingly chose to keep up the British persona Bastard. I don’t think about it too much. He’s been a criminal from the very beginning; he’d been in prison on Sylvain, went through some shit there that made him steal a crystal and book it, and he continued to do crime on Earth to survive.

The violin thing is mostly me desperately wanting a character to have that background, because I played for seven goddamn years and want to put that knowledge and catharsis somewhere. Boyd probably either picked up a Sylvan instrument that was similar, or learned it in the early 20th century when he came to Earth, and just held onto it. He held onto the skills and got good - good enough that he could have gone professional, and tried in 2007, but that didn’t go super well, as anyone who’s read TMWCIFTC can attest. 

In terms of the type of cryptid he is, I’ve made the Jersey Devils a subspecies on Sylvain that takes cervids (deer, moose, etc.) or bovines (goats, antelopes, cows, etc.), as well as canines/felines of any shape and size, puts them into a gashapon machine with pterodactyl-style wings, awful teeth, and a snake’s tail, and calls it a day. You can get a tiny Jersey Devil that’s a combo of a tiny cat and a dik-dik; you can get a jacked nine-foot-tall terrifying amalgam of a lion and a moose, with a fucked-up mouth of multiple rows of teeth and huge claws.

That last one is Boyd. Don’t call me a monsterfucker for this, I have no defense.

So where does that leave him in relation to the Lodge? Back in 2018, before I started developing the lore that factors into TCOS about Sylph communities outside the Lodge (namely the Manhattan Sylphs that Leo worked with when he was a Chosen One), I figured that it’d be funny if every single cryptid kinda just… knew each other, or hung out near the Lodge. As you know if you’ve read TMWCIFTC, he got into some trouble in 1967, which Barclay, Indrid and Mama “bailed him out of.”

Once they found out he was a fellow Sylvan, though, it became less about “report this guy to the authorities” and more about “we have to make sure we keep an eye on this guy so he doesn’t get himself, or other Sylphs, in trouble” thing. He basically became Mama’s mostly-socialized half-feral cat, slinking through the halls of Amnesty Lodge, eating random food, falling asleep wherever, sitting in rooms where people are doing interesting things and just watching them. And everyone... kind of likes him. Sure, he doesn’t have a sleep schedule, and they have to get soundproof panels installed in his room at the Lodge because he’ll stress-practice violin at 3 in the morning, and he keeps shoplifting stuff from local stores to give to people like a cat bringing back dead mice. But he’s a good man. And he’s getting better every day.

Then he got got by the Ashminder in ‘98. He bolted, completely forgot everything about the Lodge but had the address of a former Lodge resident on his body after his memory was wiped, found a still-alive but memory-wiped fellow Lodge dweller, and fled to that address. Boyd lived there for years, trying to clean up his act and try to anchor himself a bit. Then in 2007, something on his path went wrong, and the stress break he went through after that made him run from that place. That’s when he met Ned, and they had a few years together before Boyd ended up in jail.

Then, once they killed the Ashminder and the memories it had eaten came back, Voidfish-style, Boyd remembered everything: the people who’d taken care of him, the friends he’d made, the love he’d found, the time and effort he’d put into getting better, the rewards he’d reaped because of it. He remembered fighting monsters and defending them. He got hit with it all at once, and missed them. His parole date was coming up; he could bide his time until he was released, and run down there.

But then, at the start of TCOS, Something Happens that makes all Sylvan disguises and spells shit the fucking bed; his disguise spell, which has been hiding a nine foot-tall jacked demon out of hell, flickers, and the invisibility spell that had been put on his disguise item to hide it failed. Boyd knew he was fucked if the jail folks found out he was a Sylph, so he decided to fucking Kool-aid Man out of there, becoming a wanted man in the entire state of West Virginia and getting a bit roughed up in the process.

But hey. Whatever it takes to get home, right? 

Stern’s Changes:

Stern’s changed too, though, and here’s how. It was relatively simple to tweak him, because so much of him was a blank slate to begin with. First: that name. Garfield Kent Stern is his full name: Garfield for the cat/Deals Warlock, Kent after Kent Mansley, the irritating dipshit FBI agent antagonist from the classic animated movie The Iron Giant. Poor bastard. He started as a walking meme who I was going to kill off; I came up with that name long before we got his real name in canon, and didn’t want to retcon it out. 

I’m a sucker for secret connections and familial ties, too, and back in 2018 the headcanon gashapon gave me “what if Stern was a cousin of Duck’s, but there was family drama that made their parts of the family split when they were kids, so now 30 years later they don’t remember each other?” 

And that’s exactly what I did. Gary is Duck’s first cousin on Duck’s mom’s side; their mothers are sisters. Gary’s uncle Arnie was a Secret Service agent who tangled with an Indrid trying to stop the Kennedy Assassination once, and he keeps telling that story at Christmas, much to everyone’s chagrin. Gary remembered those stories, and even received Indrid’s old disguise glasses - knocked off his face during his uncle Arnie’s chase - and carried them with him for a long time.

He didn’t start off as a baby cop, though; he was more interested in hitting the books, finding out the logic and doing the research to figure things out. I have him become a history major, getting a PhD with a few bits and bobs here and there that I haven’t worked out yet. Whatever the case, he spent a LONG time in academia, from undergrad starting in 1996 to graduation in about 2005. 

Things weren’t as peachy as he thought they’d be, though. Gary wrote and published his thesis, like a good little PhD candidate, but someone was watching him. In his thesis, he’d been trying to cobble together various cryptid-related legends across the word and making connections between them, among other things. He’d managed to link up and explain something that Unexplained Phenomena had been trying to figure out themselves. They immediately intercepted his thesis, kept it from being disseminated anywhere else, erased all copies of it after graduation, and reached out to Gary independently to bring him on.

Make no mistake: he went willingly. Despite the whole thesis coverup, Agent Gary Stern wasn’t coerced into being a government stooge, and he wasn’t blackmailed - he was given an offer to work with the cryptid cops, and he enthusiastically took it. Government benefits were decent, he’d heard; post-grad options were looking slim, especially going into the recession. In his mind, there was a bit of allure to it all, too. A secret government organization looking into suspicious and possibly supernatural things all over the nation? Fantastic. More opportunities to do research. He was in. Gary accepted their offer and started basic FBI training in 2007 - the same year Boyd had that mental break and went AWOL, returning to his life of crime and meeting Ned.

Biggest mistake he’d ever made. But then again, if he didn’t take them up on that, he wouldn’t be here, would he?

So he joins UP, goes up the ranks. They had him researching and charting the Bigfoot case for a while, and he was the only one who was willing to work on it at all because… well, Bigfoot sightings weren’t as sophisticated as some of the other projects that were out there for UP. (See: Area 51. We don’t talk about Area 51. Nobody talks about Area 51. Definitely nothing shady and unethical going on in there, no experiments on anyone or anything, no sir.) 

Gary’s diligent, though, and doesn’t like to back down from a challenge. That’s all hunting Bigfoot was: a challenge. No personal stake, no empathy. It was a job to get done, even though an entire person’s life was at stake.

And he got so caught up in this challenge that, when he went to Kepler, he EASILY got attacked by the Ashminder and destroyed within an inch of his life. He got the very memory of his job and intent in Kepler torn out of his head; once the Ashminder died, and those memories came back, they didn’t feel like his anymore, or like they’d been part of his life plan to begin with. Overcome with confusion and guilt, he decided to clean up his act and try to work against the FBI, with Mama’s blessing. 

His goal? Quit the FBI, get them off the Lodge’s back, and then see what happens next. Maybe he’d go back to academia, or teach, or something - just get as far away from the FBI as possible, as far away as he can be from hurting people. But he’s got to bide his time, because if he bolts now, they’re going to get suspicious and put the Lodge in even more danger. And that’s where he is now.

So why have they changed?

Simple answer? I don’t want to rewrite them to fit with canon. I just don’t. I don’t want to make Boyd human; I don’t want to change Gary’s name to Joseph and make him a Bigfoot groupie. I don’t want to rewrite hundreds of thousands of words of work to fit last-minute decisions made in the end times of Amnesty’s canon. My fic has diverged so much from canon that the canon versions of the characters don’t belong here anymore. Besides, Stern was such a background character in arcs 3 and 4 that he barely mattered, making his reappearance in arc 5 a bit of a clumsy follow-through, and Boyd was a one-act wonder. A little expansion couldn’t hurt. Making Gary something other than a direct antagonist made the narrative load a little easier, too, at least on my end. I hate giving a cop screen time, but it’s easier to justify his existence by rewriting his backstory and making him slog through the hell of a redemption arc. He’s had that coming. 

This leads us to TCOS, though, where the arcs of our player characters turn a bit more towards the plot, as opposed to the emotional fulfillment they got in TMWCIFTC. Characters like Gary, Mama, Boyd, and Alexandra take center stage for emotional and backstory development, while the original player characters take a temporary backseat. Alexandra’s a key linchpin of the story as a whole, both emotionally and narratively; Mama gets lore expansions and has personal things to settle; and Gary and Boyd are… here. So:

How do these two work with each other in TCOS?

It’s great. It’s fantastic. These two are my favorite to write in TCOS because their conflict is just so fucking FUN. On the one hand, you have an almost-ex-FBI agent who’s been taken in by the Lodge, is related to a Pine Guard member, is trying to keep his coworkers off the Lodge’s back as sneakily as possible without drawing suspicion, and is desperate not to screw up this second chance he doesn’t think he deserves. On the other hand, you have an ex-con who got a second chance from the Lodge, sees them as his last best option to be safe as long as nobody reports them, and wants to keep them safe out of a sense of familial obligation he’s reluctant to admit to, even to himself.

That’s two people with questionable morals, with a semi-familial attachment to a place that gave them second chances, each seeing the actions of the other as a threat to their - and everyone else’s - safety. Claws come out almost immediately.

At the start, Boyd and Gary go together like apple juice and toothpaste. Boyd sees a narc who’s threatening the one safe place he has left; Gary sees an impulsive, selfish threat, a domino that - if it falls - threatens, you guessed it, the one safe place he (and other people, sure) has left. Boyd breaking out of jail means the entire state of West Virginia, and probably the whole East Coast, is on high alert looking for him, and if that attention comes anywhere near the Lodge? They’re fucked.

Neither of them believe that the other is capable of change or anything but selfish, malicious harm. Boyd has more of an argument than Gary because Gary is still actively reporting things to the FBI, but in Gary’s defense, the moment that he stops reporting anything to them, they’re going to suspect things and might end up sending more people to the Lodge. The Pine Guard can’t afford that, so Gary has to play by the rules until he’s in a position where he can quit. I’ll pull a specific argument they have from TCOS that I feel really exemplifies this:

"I don't want you to get caught."

Boyd scoffed. "Something tells me you're not worried about me."

"I'm not."

"Well, thanks."

"I'm worried," Gary went on, "about someone seeing you, and connecting you to the Lodge. You just used the hot springs as your personal landing strip, in broad daylight. We're on the upper half of the mountain. And I don't know how big your Sylvan form is, but -"

Boyd grinned. It looked more like a snarl. "Oh, plenty big enough," he said.

Gary ignored that. "Big enough for someone to see you from down the mountain?" he challenged. Boyd's lip curled, and he looked away. "Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm just thinking ahead. What if someone came beating down our door looking for you? What if it was a cryptid hunter? What if it was the cops?”

"Yes, yes, fine, alright," Boyd snapped. He threw his hands up. His eyes were hard and cold. "It'd put us in danger. I get it. But you're still here. I think the damage is already done."

A knot of cold rage formed in Gary's stomach. "I'm trying to keep this place safe, Mr. Mosche," he spat. "I've got a responsibility to keep."

Boyd scoffed. "Oh, you have a responsibility? To Amnesty Lodge? That's fucking rich."

"You've got one, too! It’s about time you started keeping it!"

They’re both very, very set in their ways and their ideologies, and they take a long time to get to middle ground. 

One of my friends described it as middle child syndrome in overdrive. Gary thinks Boyd’s the Lodge golden child, come to replace him in the Lodge inner circle. Boyd thinks Gary’s the Lodge’s new redemption-arc fixer-upper, come to replace him. And both of them feel thrown off by that, because they both thought that the Lodge was accepting them completely into the inner circle. It’s unfamiliar, it’s confusing, and when the Lodge as a whole regards them both with suspicion/unease (Gary) and polite detachment due to the passage of time (Boyd), it makes them both feel on the outside.

And when you’re in the same shitty canoe, you’ve gotta row it or sink. So that’s exactly what they do. 

Ultimately, they get faced down with bigger and worse foes that snap them out of their spat, because their common interest is “keeping the Lodge safe” and uniting will help them get there. When they do start to have each other’s backs, though, that’s when they reluctantly start to get to know each other. Gary feels like something’s off about Boyd and eventually suspects - thanks to some comments from Haynes and some digging of his own - that Boyd had something to do with the fire that burned down Aubrey’s house, but it remains to be seen what he’ll do with that information. (The Gary of November 2018 would have turned Boyd in to the FBI. The Gary of almost six months later, though… a different story. It’ll be interesting.)

The kicker is, they’re both really similar, at the heart of it. Both of them were the Lodge’s fix-em-up pet projects, brought into the fold in an emergency and protected/cared for as long as they swore to clean up their act. They see each other and feel a bit out-of-place, though - something contributed to by the way the Lodge treats them.

Gary’s still held at a distance by many, despite being Duck’s cousin and a mostly-valuable member of the team, because the stench of the FBI is still on him - how he dresses, how he walks and talks, how he acts. And Boyd has just swanned back to the Lodge after 20 years gone, with all his memories of the Lodge from back in ‘98 driven back into his mind - and part of him is expecting the Lodge to be the exact same way it was when he left. But it’s not. You can’t go home again. The Lodge has moved on without him, which he never expected, and coming back to them is… awkward.

It’s simple. They don’t know what to do with a version of Boyd who’s missed the past 20 years of their lives; Boyd doesn’t know what to do with people who have changed from the folks he knew 20 years ago. He’s lost, floating, and alienated, like going to a high school reunion after not having spoken to a living soul since graduation. It sucks for him. And the only wholly unfamiliar face there, other than the main Pine Guard - who he’s mostly fine with, except for Ned - is Gary, and he can’t help but be irritated with him. That changes, though.

What I essentially want to do is set these versions of the characters up as foils. Similar characters, similar pasts, similar situations that got them to this point. All that’s different is how far in their respective arcs they are. So I’m going to have them be friends. Give each other a chance in the face of a bigger threat, open up a little more, have conversations, talk about things with each other because they’re the only ones around to listen. The Lodge gave them second chances when they needed them most. Maybe they can do that for each other.

This is also to say, I would be a massive fucking liar if I say I haven’t considered having that unfold into a rivals-to-lovers arc. Yeah, I said it. I’ve considered it, at length and in serious detail, since I started drafting the arcs for TCOS. In fact, that’s what I’m probably going to do. I’ve gotten too hooked by the possibility to give it up. I outlined hypothetical futures for the whole cast after the final battle in Sylvain and, given the things I want to happen in that battle and the messy post-war fallout, it makes sense that these two would gravitate towards each other.

It makes a lot more sense in context, believe me. They’ve got a long row to hoe before they trust each other enough to become friends, or even push the envelope towards a romantic relationship - they’d have months and even YEARS to wait to pull that off. Whatever I end up doing with them, they are easily my favorite part of TCOS to unravel, mostly because I  - and, honestly, everyone else - probably never saw it coming.

Thanks for the ask, anon. This made my week. So sorry for the long response, but I have so many thoughts on what I’m doing with these idiots, and putting them down on paper was really fun. Any other questions or comments about this? Fire away, I’d be more than willing to answer! 

[professoruber]

Epithet Erased Role Swap AU FanFic: A swapped place in Sweet Jazz City Prologue

Hi, This is just a quick Fanfiction I've written up based on the amazing Role Swap AU made by @spliinkles. I actually did have a somewhat similar idea before (which was what if some epithet related event caused characters to switch ages) but I really love the ideas of this AU and wanted to write about it.

Sorry first of all if there are any errors. I wrote this up kind of quickly and if I do find errors I will be willing to fix them if  I get around to it.

Am posting this fanfiction here because the Epithet Erased fandom seems biggest on Tumblr and also that's where this AU is from.

Prologue: You're reading it

Chapter 1: https://professoruber.tumblr.com/post/189841325568/a-swapped-place-in-sweet-jazz-city-chapter-1

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Giovanni Potage was what some might call a variety of unflattering yet undeniably accurate descriptors. Such things included ‘problem child’ and ‘wannabe delinquent’, both titles he wore with pride.

With the exception of the ‘wannabe’ part of course, if you were to ask him, he would insist he was the most feared delinquent in his school’s history and most definitely not an adorable little soup child.

His reign of delinquency was joined by his friends, his ‘boys’ as he called them. Two of these aforementioned boys were now accompanying him on the most boring field trip ever.

“-and that’s when I smash that ball right into the principle’s office, and everyone cheered” Giovanni finishes accounting his latest most definitely truthful anecdote about his misadventures as a dangerous criminal delinquent.  His squeaky twelve-year-old vocal cords pushed to their deepest potential level in order to attempt to put on a wave of coolness on top of what he considers his amazing storytelling ability.

 “WOW GIOVANNI. YOU’RE SO AMAZING! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” Screams one of his friends, known most often as Crusher for rather self-explanatory reasons. The high volume of his sudden outburst eliciting a glare from one of the museum guides who were currently giving a tour to their class.

The young guide turns away from the crowd of youths briefly to pop another pain pill before taking a deep breath and snapping back towards the kids with a forced smile.

“As I was saying before I was… interrupted…” she began, briefly pausing to once again glare at Crusher, who blessed with embarrassment and hid behind the protection of Giovanni as she continues “Epithets are rare and amazing powers gifted to just a one in five of the population. Wow, so cool. Anyway, moving on…” she begins to keep walking before being lightly nudged by her older bearded co-guide.

“Come now my apprentice Mera. It is important to show enthusiasm for this thing. It’s important to always do your best in every situation” the man says the last sentence with such sheer power that he flexes for emphasis, prompting a array of awed stares bystanders at his muscular build.

Mera even admires it for a moment before turning back to the children and sighing “You’re right Indus… I’ll try to spice up the tour a bit” she gives a somewhat more genuine smile this time, as Indus pats her on the back.

“Now that’s the spirit! Why don’t we tell them about the Arsene Amulet, that will certainly spice things up” Indus suggests with large genuine smile aimed at his young apprentice.

Mera goes wide eyed at the mention of the amulet before whispering to Indus “Uh… Indus I’m not sure if telling these kids about the amulet is a good idea”

Indus looks thoughtful but nevertheless was still in proud teacher mode “Do not worry apprentice Mera. No harm should come from granting these children some of the wonder of this museum”

Mera eventually relents and soon launches into a somewhat less half-hearted explanation of the amulet as well as other cool and interesting exhibits, Indus sometimes dropping in to suggest topics, such as the Dinosaur exhibition which he insists is amazing.

However, these were quickly drowned out Giovanni’s criminal mind as it’s focus settled firmly on the fact a mysterious cool amulet was hidden within these halls. An awesomely evil formed from the dark confines of his self-proclaimed delinquent mind.

“Car Crash, Crusher, come with me” he whispers in his best covert voice before snatching his pair of friends away from the tour. The former blushed at the close contact to his crush while the latter looked annoyed.

“Hey, my name’s Fred. All I did was crash Ben’s go-kart five times and now everyone just won’t let it go!” He complains and throws up his hands in annoyance.

“Shush, will you? Whatever. I have an awesome plan to show the whole entire world my awesome criminal skills so no one will deny that Giovanni Potage is the most awesome supervillain of all time!” He exclaims quietly with clenched fist.

Crusher loved every moment of It and even ‘Fred’ was captivated by the intensity if nothing else.  

“I will sneak inside the museum; spray paint my name on the exhibits. And then for the finale I will steal that amulet thingy and leave a pool of boiling lava and… uh… acid! In its place. These history nerds will never no one hit them” he gives a smug smile, proud of himself for having come up with such a villainous plan.

Crusher fell to the floor as he clenches his heart, overwhelmed by the sheer continued amazingness of Giovanni. Fred meanwhile was somewhat confused on What Giovanni’s plan was.

“So, you want to get an amulet which steals Epithets?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

Giovanni looks confused for a moment before putting two and two together “oh is that what that thing does? Nah that’s totally lame. What I want is the street cred. If I pull this off then all the greatest criminal gangs will be begging to have me join them. Maybe I might be able to join the Bushido Blasters… or even the Banzai Blasters!” He exclaims with enthusiasm.

As Crusher continued to be amazed, Fred scratched the back of his head “I don’t know man, this seems kind of dangerous even compared to what we usually get up to. And me and ‘Crusher’ can’t be out after dark, so you’ll be alone for this”

Crusher cries manly boy tears at the thought of having to abandon Giovanni. But Giovanni simply dramatically holds his hand to his chest and begins to reassure them.

“Don’t worry my boys! I have the greatest- hey what’s that over there!” He suddenly shouts pointing to the left, and grinning as Crusher and Fred look to in that direction. While his friends are distracting, Giovanni quickly dashes behind them and yells “Teleports behind!”, startling both boys.

“As you can see my stealth skills and unmatched. And after tonight no one will able to deny the supervillainy of Giovanni Potage!”

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Across the city in the backroom of a family owned toy store sat a young barely adult woman wearing a dark green dress and a yellow apron and boots, her dark brown hair tied up to prevent it getting in her face.

The woman was working stoically on toys which would be sold in the Blyndeff Toy Emporium, her family’s store.

“Police are still baffled at the recent theft of expensive several statues from a local art gallery, all of which were replaced by teddy bears. Despite the absurdity of this case police have still found no leads on the criminals responsible, although reports suggest Banzai Blasters may have been involved- “ the noise drowns out in the woman’s mind as her lips slip into an evil grin as she recalls the recent caper which led to her promotion from Blaster to Captain in the Banzai ranks.

In the monotonous world of manufacturing and retail she was glad to have an outlet to cut loose when she could, keeping up appearances in front of customers and not hitting the many who deserved it was tiring, and she’s been doing this for around a decade at this point.

Taking a deep breath, she got back to work, turning off the news livestream playing on her phone just had it had begun talking about how a Detective Ashling had been assigned to the case. She had bigger things to concern herself with right now.

Namely that of her first heist as a Banzai Captain. Her crew of minions were ready and a location had been mapped out. Now all she needed to do was complete the final workings of her special criminal helper toys, as well as the toys which need to be sold.

“Molly! Mum wants to know if the new toys are ready yet!” The bratty voice of the woman’s little sister comes through the door of the workshop as the young girl in question walks into take a look herself.

Molly feels like grimacing but instead effortlessly donned a smile as hollow as her soul.

“Almost done Lorelai. Tell mum I’ll have these out on the shelves soon” she said with a mask of cheerfulness, to which Lorelai simply rolled her eyes at and gave a quick “Whatever” before leaving back to the rest of the building, shutting the door behind her.

Molly got back to work, only stopping at one point to take out a small picture of the Sweet Jazz Museum, causing her to gain a much more genuine, and evil smile “tonight” she simply says, as she returns to work.

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Later in the dead of night, Giovanni’s head raises up above from a bin. He leaps out and whisper shouts “Teleports inside!” to himself as he looks around.

He proceeds to run carelessly around the now empty halls of the museum, slipping and knocking some stuff over a few times before arriving in the entrance.

“Uh hu! This shall be a great place to begin the reign of terror of Giovanni Potage” the twelve year out super-criminal announces as he walks up to the desk.

“I should call my boys, to let them know I got it, not that they would be surprised of course” He picks up the phone and dials Car Crash’s number, only for it to fail to go through. Confused, Giovanni looks at the phone only to find an explanation of its true nature.

“Internal and emergency calls only? Pfft, lame” he comments as he slams down the receiver. He then proceeds to duck down under the desk and take out some items from his bag. First a whoopy cushion which he fashions to the chair and then a canister of spray paint.

He begins spray painting a message about how lame their phone system is. Meanwhile as the young delinquent writes, a hole in the roof is silently made and a group of Banzai Blaster begin slowly coming in from above, going unheard from anyone who might be within earshot thanks to their leader’s Epithet.

The last to go down is their new Captain, Bear Trap, who under the silence of her Epithet begins handing out instructions to her minions.

“There all done” Giovanni says proudly as he finishes his villainous vandalism, popping back up from behind the desk her suddenly comes eye to eye with Bear Trap.

All parties present simply fall back, startled due to not expecting to encounter anyone else. For a few moments silence reigns even without the assistance of Bear Trap’s Epithet.

The silence isn’t broken until the shock face of Giovanni suddenly shifts into one of wonder and excitement.

“Wow criminals! Awesome!”

[marvel-redemption-omega]

Of Outlaws and Family

Chapter One: New Beginnings

A/N: So I have RDR2 beat to 85% completion (the compendium isn’t finished but the story section is) and I CRIED when my precious Cowboy died! I had high honor and helped John so there was that at least I suppose... This has eight parts so uhh be prepared for this. It’s a helluva ride. It follows the story in the game for the most part, I changed some missions and added in a few for my own personal reasons (OFC x Arthur) so yeah... Don’t worry, there’s gonna be a happy ending! I promise. I have a lot of the story already planned it’s just a matter of getting the next chapters cranked out. Also Hosea and Dutch are a thing in my eyes... Dutch never corrected nor denied Hosea when he said “the curious couple and their unruly son” soooo I took it and ran. 

I am from the south and I drop ‘d’s, ‘g’s and do a buncha (<- example) other stuff when talking irl so I’ve added that into the story and tried to keep the same type of dialect (is that the word I’m tryna think of?) as they have in the game with accents. I also am trying (and editing) the Irish accents I have for Sean and Molly! If you think anything can/should be changed, please lemme (<- another example) know! Or if you can’t figure out a word/phrase I’ll help or have it in parenthesis if I know some people might have a hard time getting the accent if they’re trying to speak it aloud to hear it for themselves (my friend does this occasionally).

Warnings: Cursing, typical gang violence (shoot outs/shoot ups/gangs,bushwhacking. etc), mentions of death/dead gang members

Please enjoy! Hearts and repubs are appreciated!

My work is not to be posted elsewhere; I will post it to my AO3 and dA if I so choose.

Word Count: 3,246

“Faster, Girl, faster! Go! We gotta get home before them!”

“You think you can outrun us? You owe us, Little Lady!”

“Get her!”

“Don’t let her get away!”

“Fancy, let’s go! Hyah!” She urges her horse on and leans forward, stirrups tied high on the sides of the saddle. The brown mustang tosses her head and breaks from her gallop to a flat out bolt. “Atta girl, c’mon.” The trees and rolling land all blurs as she and Fancy run along the road, she barely registers the white blip of a horse at the four way cross.

“Whoah!”

“Sorry, Mister! Can’t talk! Gotta run!” She turns slightly in her saddle to call the apology over her shoulder as her mare continues to carry her back home. The small band of people, behind the man she narrowly missed, watch her in curiosity.

“There she is!”

“Don’t lose sight of her again!”

“Try and cut her off before she gets over that hill!”

A group of seven men, each on their own horse, fly by as well, sparring not even a glance their way. The owner of the white stallion is stunned for a moment before he calms his horse and turns around.

“Bill, Micah, go after her and help with those damned O’Driscolls. We’ll continue on to get settled. Once we’re good, if they’re not back yet, we’ll go search for them. Come on,” he instructs and watches as aforementioned duo break off and tail the lady’s assailants.

“Dutch, why did you send them? You know how he acted with Mrs. Adler. Was it really wise to send both of them unsupervised?”

“Arthur, are you doubting me? We’re almost there and it shouldn’t take too awful long to set everything up so we won’t be too far behind them,” Dutch turns his horse back and clicks his tongue as they continue on.

“Looks like that was the last one, Ma. Want me to go start the bonfire?”

“Yes please, James. Take Fancy out to the paddock on your way. I left her hitched to the porch,” she answers and leans her gun against the wall. “I’ll get the horses that didn’t spook and start dragging these guys around back.” The boy runs out the back door and she can hear murmurs to her horse and the soft nickers in a sort of reply as he does as told. She sighs and opens her front door.

“Hello, Ma’am, we just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Seems like we didn’t need to come help.”

Two men push their way inside as she darts back towards her table, picking up a rope lying on it. She lassos one of them and yanks him to the floor, hog tying him as a shotgun clicks as it’s cocked. The other man holds his hands up at the boy who is aiming the gun at him, startling back a few steps.

“Bill! Don’t just stand there! Do something! Untie me!” the hog tied man grumbles as he rolls onto his shoulder to look at his friend.

“And end up shot or like you? No thanks, Micah. I’ll stay here,” he snips and glances down. She uses the moment of interruption to her advantage and lassos Bill too, dragging him closer before hog tying him as well.

“James, hun, go start that fire. We might have more than I thought,” she orders and takes the gun from him as he passes. He shoots a glare over his shoulder to the strange men and dashes out the back door.

Dutch and Arthur look at the house where Bill and Micah’s horses are grazing. Arthur gives him a pointed look, which Dutch sighs at. They climb down from their horses and lead them to the porch and try to quietly walk up, checking around them for any traps or followers. The door is slightly ajar and a women’s voice, the same from earlier, filters out.

“You two have some nerve. Now tell me, what does Colm want now? I done told him I ain’t joining his stupid gang and I won’t warm his bed. If you think that I’ll do it for either of you then you’ve got another thing coming and not even half a mind between the two of you!”

“Well, Darlin’, you might be right about that. There’s not half a brain betweenst those two, but I do take offense that too you think we’re with that dirty, yellow bellied scum, Colm O’Driscoll.”

“Who the hell are you?” A shotgun is pointed at the two newcomers, and Arthur’s lips twitch up as his and Dutch’s hands go up.

“Dutch Van der Linde and this here is Arthur Morgan. I sent Bill and Micah here to help you with those fools, after you nearly trampled me,” Dutch smoothly states, walking forward as he speaks. She backs up to the other side of the table and raises her brow.

“Ma! Ma! There’s two mo-” James freezes at the back door, eyes wide as all attention focuses on him. “They’re already here. What do you want with my Ma?! She ain’t got no money! She don’t want no dirty O’Driscoll!” He shouts and moves so he’s beside his mother, eyes narrowed.

“That’s a tough little boy you have there, Ma’am. What’s his name? And yours?” Dutch stands just on the other side of the table, hands still up, no move made to untie his men, nor is there anyone else in the house, and he hasn’t reached for his pistols either.

“James. His name is James. And I’m Scarlet. Scarlet O’Hara,” Scarlet lowers the shotgun and places it on the table. “So if you’re not with Colm, why are you here? My…” she hesitates and glances at James,” his father isn’t in trouble is he? He’s not part of a gang.”

Arthur and Dutch share a look, glance at the grumbling duo on the floor, and back to Scarlet. They shake their heads and James wraps his arms around his mother’s waist, head resting on her stomach. She wraps her arm around his shoulders and leans down to press a kiss to his mop of dark brown hair.

“Considering we don’t know his father, by name or otherwise? No, we aren’t here about him. When I realized you we’re running from O’Driscolls, I figured you might need help. So I sent these two men to try and help you; though from the looks of your yard and what you’ve done to poor Bill and Micah, well, you didn’t need our help.” Dutch has a way with words, Scarlett will admit that. He’s charismatic and charming, easy on the eyes too. She likes him.

“Well, Mr. Van der Linde, care to help me drag the bodies out back to the pit? We burn any ones that manage to get too close,” she offers and hands James a knife, motioning to the men on the floor. “Cut ‘em loose, but don’t cut them or yourself, James.” The boy nods and cuts the rope on their wrists and backs up to Scarlet, leaving them to cut the rope on their ankles. He sets the knife on the table.

“Damn woman put these too tight to slip out of,” Micah mutters under his breath as he slices through the rope on his legs. He gets to his feet and helps Bill up as well.

“I think we can help with that. Any chance of more O’Driscolls coming this way?” Arthur leads the group out the front door, glancing at Scarlet over his shoulder.

“Maybe. I planned on burning down the house and headed out tonight. I have a wagon down yonder with our stuff and a horse. I was gonna saddle up Fancy and Shamrock and sneak there with James,” she admits and ducks her head a little in embarrassment. Dutch studies her for a moment as they gather the dead men and move them to the backyard.

“I have an idea. You’re free to say no of course, but we could always use more people. We could help give protection to not only you, but to your boy too. James seems like a smart kid, we’ve got another boy just a little younger than him. I’m sure Jack would love to have someone his age to play and hang out with.”

Ooooh, curse this man’s charisma. He’s bound to know I’ll do anything for my boy. Curse him, Scarlet thinks, hesitating in kicking her guy into the small, dug out pit. James helps roll the guy down then busies himself with the O’Driscolls horses, leading them to the pasture as he talks to calm them. There’s kindling starting to catch the logs and clothed bodies of the dead already in the pit.

“I always said I’d never run with a gang, though I fear as I don’t have much other choice. Not now anyway. They won’t stop coming after me and it’s not like I can hide here forever. They’ll find me eventually. I can’t have that. They can’t find out about James,” she confirms, voice filled with conviction. She nods to herself and turns to face the four men. “Dutch Van der Linde, you have yourself a new member. Just tell me all I need to know.”

They finish up the litter of bodies as Dutch and Arthur list the rules of the gang and all it entails, or what they feel they can share around James, with some protest from Micah, then all head back inside. Scarlet ushers them to sit around her table as she fixes them lunch, sending James to feed and water the horses when he’s done with his plate, which he obliges without protest. She keeps busy by cleaning the dishes and packing them as the men talk amongst themselves.

When James comes back inside, having fed and watered the small groups’s horses too, Dutch suggests they head out. He volunteers Arthur to stay behind and drive the wagon when she decides to leave and join them. Scarlet thanks them and sends them on their way with a promise to not be too long with the last of the packing.

It doesn’t take too awful long to get three full double-saddlebags put on the horses. James is sent to lead all the horses to the fence and hitch them to posts in preparation of saddling. Arthur offers to help James and Scarlet nods in thanks as the males head out the back.

Once the trio of horses are saddled, Scarlet ties Shamrock’s reins to Fancy’s saddle horn so he doesn’t spook when she lights the house. She helps her son get into Fancy’s saddle and rubs the brown mustang’s nose, up the white blaze between her eyes.

“Stay, Girl. I’ll be right back. Calm,” she coos to the horse and steps away. Arthur is waiting in his saddle, Fancy’s reins in hand to keep her calm, though Scarlet is positive she won’t spook and tells him as such.

It takes less than two minutes for her to grab her hidden cash and light the bedroom on fire. She leaves the door open as she walks down the front porch and towards the five horses, two being ones from the O’Driscoll members. She climbs into the saddle and Arthur hands her the reins, James sitting in front of her.

“Let’s go get your wagon and then head out. I think we can make quick work of the trip,” he suggests and James tilts his head up to look at his mom.

“Can I ride by myself please?”

Scarlet bites her cheek and hesitates a moment before nodding and slipping from behind him. She unties Shamrock’s reins and tosses them over his head and neck before hopping to his back and adjusting in the barely used saddle. He startles a little but settles down once Scarlet gives his neck a pat and reassures him it’s only her.

“Alright. I’ll lead you to the wagon, and then we can tie those extra horses to the back side of it so they can’t run off. I can ride your horse or lead him back if I ride Fancy. James can ride in the back of the wagon. Shamrock will follow wherever his momma, Fancy, goes,” she plans, though she’s talking mostly to herself until the end, and walks Shamrock to the hitching post to take the reigns of the O’Driscoll horses. They toss their heads and nicker softly as she ties the reins to the horn, leaving plenty of slack so her legs don’t get caught. “That should do it.”

“Lead the way,” Arthur gestures for her to lead and watches as James clicks his tongue and Fancy prances up behind Shamrock. He follows behind the boy and mother, smile on his lips.

“You know, I gotta admit, that was some fine handling of gang members. You sure you’ve never ran with someone before?”

Arthur’s question startles Scarlet slightly and Shamrock spooks, prancing to the left and pulling the two tied horses with him. She rubs his neck and soothes him before straightening in the saddle and kicking him slightly. James lets the reins rest on the horn, hands rubbing Fancy down as he sings her praises.

“No. My brothers are part of one, or were. I’m not sure anymore, haven’t heard from them in awhile. My parents weren’t too happy bout it but they were grown and both could handle their own with the best of them. Last I heard from them, I think they was in Blackwater. But that were years ago. Long before I were even pregnant with James,” her eyes stay trained on Shamrock, blinking back the withheld tears.

The thoroughbred-mustang cross tosses his head and neighs at her discomfort, slowing from a gallop to a trot despite her order to sped up. He pulls enough so the reins are from her hands and he turns to look at her, nickering softly. Fancy speeds up to trot as close as she can beside them, gently nipping at Scarlet’s boot.

“Mama?” James inquires, concern and fear in his quivering voice. She slouches in the saddle, hand going slack on the reins. She leans forward and whispers something to Shamrock before sitting back, looking at her son with a sad smile.

“Just miss my brothers, your uncles….that’s all, James. I wish you coulda met them. I wish I knew what’s happened to them or at least where they are,” she admits and reaches into her shoulder bag. She drops one sugar cube into her right hand and leans forward to feed it to her stud. She holds her palm out for Fancy who happily eats it, then turns to each horse tied to Shamrock, coaxing them softly to take the sugar. She holds her hand out to Arthur who hesitates a moment. “It’s just a sugar cube, ain’t gonna poison your horse. I’d be stupid too,” she chuckles as he accepts the horse treat. His horse tosses his head as he pats his neck.

“Well, I guess you’re right. Can’t be too careful though,” he huffs a small laugh as he rubs his horse’s neck as it nickers happily.

“Mm. That’s the wagon, just ahead,” she nods to a wagon stashed between several trees and bushes. Arthur moves his horse to her other side to get a better look at where she’s pointing. It hadn’t been a far ride, and there’s a horse already tied to the front, pawing at the ground in wait.

“How did you get to own three horses? If you don’t mind me asking,” Arthur asks as they slow to a walk until they reach the tied wagon. Scarlet shrugs as she slips easily from the saddle and leads Shamrock to the back to tie him to one of the trees and undo the other horses.

“My mom. Fancy was hers. Well, technically my grandmother’s but when she couldn’t take care of them my mother offered to take them and well, when I was ready to leave she said I could have Fancy since she don’t ride no more. Said it would be good for her to be with someone she trusts and who would actually ride her and take care of her. She’s pretty old, thirty five or six I think,” she admits and kisses Shamrock’s nose when he puts his face in hers.

“Shamrock was born a few years after I was, so he’s roughly my age. Maybe five years younger. That,” Scarlet points to the horse on the wagon, “asshole is Shasta. He is a moody jerk who I sometimes have to fight just to put up for the night. I got him in a race. Before I were pregnant with James, I would race Fancy. Bets for money or horses were traded, depending on my opponent.

“So I beat the guy who owned him. I felt bad though cause Shasta was young then, only two at the time. His owner, a real rich prick, hit him in the face with the butt of his pistol. So I lassoed the guy off Shasta and hogtied him. Fancy just let me do my thing since she’s seen almost everything, my old girl.

“Shasta spooked so I tossed the guy on Fancy and caught Shasta, lassoing him and calming him. When I climbed into that man’s saddle, I swear he didn’t even have him broke, just listening out of fear. He immediately started bucking and kicking like crazy. I wore him down and tied him to Fancy so I could rid him of the horrid saddle. It was too big for his back! I beat the guy up a bit and yelled at him about his abuse of the poor horse and made him swear to be better. Then I looted the saddlebags and the guy for all he had on him and dropped him and his saddle on the side of the trail we were on after cutting his wrists free. I rode with Shasta tied to Fancy back to my old place and have had him since,” she recalls, chuckling at the memories of that day.

“Sounds like you like gettin into trouble, or at the very least, causin it. Should I ask Dutch to rethink this invitation? We don’t need any more trouble,” Arthur jests, climbing off his horse to help unsaddle the O’Driscoll horses.

“Nah. I’m not gonna be the cause of it. I usually just wind up pulled into it. We can change Shasta with these two so they can’t break away and run off on us. I’ll ride him and my two will follow. Unless you’d feel comfortable tying him to the back,” she rambles as she helps James into the back of the wagon before moving to help Arthur with the saddles.

“Two horses work better than one. I think I’ll let you handle unhooking Shasta though. Sounds like he’s a right brute when he wants to be,” he hefts a saddle and puts it in the remaining room in the wagon, ruffling James’ hair in passing. James sticks his tongue out at the man before clambering closer to the seat and waiting for them.

“Aha, yeah. You’re right. He’s a brute alright,” she chides and rounds the front of the wagon after adding the second saddle on top of the other one. “Go ahead and slip their bits out and I’ll settle Shasta, get him dressed in Fancy’s saddle.”

[raidbossmadi]

People Like Us Chapter 5

5.Settling In

Previous Chapter : Here 

Sloane awoke slightly surprised to be in a strange bed before she remembered where she was,  that this was home now. Tyreen was notably absent though the sounds of the television coming from the other room was enough of a reassurance that the other siren was still close by.  

She walked into the living room and found that Troy was sitting on the sofa scrolling through his echo-feed. She noted that he looked a little rough around the edges, well rougher, but he didn’t seem like a morning person to her anyway. Tyreen on the other hand clearly was, as she was in the kitchenette working away on breakfast.

“Morning Sloane, glad you decided to take us up on our offer. We were a little worried you just might decide to dash.” Troy purred as he set down his echophone to give her his full attention. “ C’mon sit down, Ty’ll be done with breakfast in a second and we can go over the plans for today.”  He patted the cushion next to him and smiled, his augmented canine teeth glinted as they caught the light making the smile seem more like a warning than a welcome.  

“Thank you, Troy...err...Father Troy…I um, how do you two want me to address you?” Sloane squeaked as she slid into the spot on the couch next to Troy.

“Just Troy and Tyreen are fine at least in private. You’re not one of the followers out there. You’re here with us.” The way he spoke about their followers made it seem like he sorted people into two groups, the people like them and the outsiders. Sloane was just  pleased to find herself included in the us.  

Tyreen finally stepped out of the kitchen carrying a tray with breakfast and coffee on it. Sloane noticed that two cups were marked with a specific symbol on each, one with the crown design that was painted on Tyreens door and the other the now familiar twin snakes that decorated all of Troy’s things, the other of course was just a blank mug.

“I’ll have your mug customized once Troy designs you an insignia, we all have one it just makes life easier when you're doing the dishes and laundry and whatever else needs doing around here.” Tyreen remarked, taking a seat on the other side of Troy.  

Sloane glanced at the plate that sat in front of her, a waffle and some eggs. She had been slightly nervous that the self styled twin gods would only be fond of eating foods she’d never heard of but the simplicity of the food in front of her put her at ease.

“You read the report about the fancy new tech Maliwan put out?” Tyreen asked her twin. Sloane noticed that while Tyreen was drinking coffee she notably was not eating anything. She filed that away under an ever growing list of questions she had towards the twins.

“Yeah, looks like some quality stuff, I’d like to get my hands on a gun and take it apart, see if I can’t learn anything.”  

“You like engineering then?” Sloane asked as she recalled what Tyreen had said about the ship being Troy’s baby.

Troy turned to look at her and quirked a brow pointing to his prosthetic arm. “Built this myself, and before we picked up the crew I did all the work on the old Centurion here. Still like to fix her up, so yeah it’s a bit of a hobby of mine.”

She blushed feeling a bit embarrassed, she supposed that should have been more obvious.  At least she knew a little more about him now though, she could start to read Tyreen but Troy was harder to get through to and not just because she’d spent less time around him compared to Tyreen so far. Both the twins were guarded but in different ways, neither of which seemed easy to crack.

“I’m gonna go take care of those things you wanted me to before the stream tonight Ty.” Troy stood and began to make his way out of the room before he remembered something and stuck his mechanical hand over the couch in Sloane’s direction.

“Give me your phone, gonna set you up with one of ours. Gotta monitor your activity and all to make sure you’re not sending unauthorized messages to anyone.” He demanded. She fumbled with her pocket for a moment before producing the phone and placing it in his hand. She almost expected him to crush it in his palm but instead he merely snorted as he looked it over before he left without another word.

“Right so while Troy’s off doing his chores, I need to head up to talk to some of the crew. I’ve arranged for the high priests to show you around the ship in the meantime. You’ll be meeting up with me on the bridge to take care of those biometrics after that.” Tyreen explained as she disappeared back into her bedroom to change into her usual attire.

Sloane finished her breakfast in the silence of the now empty room before a knock at the door interrupted the calm. She found Jaxon and Helios waiting just as Tyreen had said.

“Good morning Sister Sloane. We hope your first night aboard the Centurion was a restful one. Come along and we will show you the important places aboard the ship.” Jaxon said motioning for Sloane to follow.

“As I’m sure you’re aware this is the Centurion’s second level,  we’re just leaving the Twin Gods private wing and moving into the second floor common space.”

Sloane stepped through the doorway partitioning off the twins wing from the next area of the ship. The halls of the ship were a bit more busy now, with more of the hooded priests milling about though they quickly tried to look busy as the High Priests passed their way.

“The Bridge is located straight ahead, but you aren’t due until later this afternoon. This way to the lift, we have a lot of ground cover.” Jaxon gestured in the direction of the lift the three of them heading down to the lower level.

The tour was largely uneventful in Sloane’s opinion, they showed her the bar and the meeting space she had been brought into upon her arrival to the ship. The Priests had advised it was better to leave the engineers to their work so simply showed her the engine room from the viewing gallery. By the time they had made it back upstairs Sloane was ready to curl up and go back to bed but she was gently nudged in the direction of the bridge instead.

“And to your left is the infirmary, Dr.Spectra is immensely talented and will be sure to patch you up good as new.”If there was one thing that Sloane had learned in this tour it was that Jaxon had to enjoy the sound of her own voice. “Anyways, it is time we return you to the God-Queen. We wouldn’t want to keep her waiting.”  

Finally being led through the door to the bridge Sloane was greeted by the sight of Tyreen standing near the center of the room talking to the woman who had taken the Priests ID’s when they had brought her onto the ship, Lydia, she recalled, was the woman’s name.

“Oh good, Priestess Jaxon didn’t bore you to death.” Tyreen said with a smirk.

“I simply informed our newest Sister of the in and outs of the ship God-Queen.” Jaxon reassured.

“Yeah yeah, Sloane, this is Lydia. She’s the chief of engineering, she’s gonna get you all set up.” Tyreen beckoned Sloane forward and she stood in the  space between Lydia and Tyreen.

“Right first things first, let’s activate your medi-chip.” Lydia said, reaching around Sloane’s neck to remove the collar before sliding a small band over one of the sides then slipped it back around her neck.  

“It feels the same?” Sloane hazarded.

“That little band has a micro-needle on it, you can’t feel it but it’s reading your vitals and all that. Troy and I have them to keep track of each other, and now Troy and I will be keeping track of you as well.” Tyreen said as if it were something everyone did casually.

“Now I just need you to come over here and stick your hands on this screen. Need to get your hand-scan in the system so you can get in the doors.” Lydia said corralling her over to the aforementioned screen. Sloane was a bit surprised at how thoroughly the twins handled security on their ship, granted she had never been on a space faring vessel before now.

“How many people are on this ship anyway?” She asked looking over at Tyreen trying to pass time as the computer completed it’s scans.

Tyreen tilted her head, eyes narrowing in thought. “About a hundred and fifty at any given time, we swap out crew when we visit our hub worlds, keeps people from getting stir crazy. Though important folks like Jaxon and Lydia here are always on duty.”

“And it is a pleasure to be in your eternal service God-Queen.” Lydia said leading Sloane back over.

“Aw Lydia, you flatter me. ” Tyreen cooed clearly loving every bit of attention. “I’ll have to tell Troy I’m your  new favorite!”

“With all due respect ma’am, I don’t think the God-king would take well to such insinuation and I rather like my position… and my head attached to my body.” Lydia kept her tone submissive but absently rubbed at a mark on her neck that Sloane only noticed now.

“Hmm you make a good point, took us long enough to find you to replace the last head engineer didn’t it? That’s alright, it can be our little secret.” Tyreen’s playfulness seemed much more threatening now, it was obvious that she thought she was just messing around but she was also clearly reminding the other woman of just who she was speaking to.  

With Sloane now in the Centurion’s system it seemed Tyreen was antsy to get out of the ships bridge there was a clink of metal as Sloane blinked and realized the God-Queen had clipped a leash to the d-ring of her collar.  

“Come along now Sloane, Troy and I have that stream soon.” She said pulling on the leash as she began to walk away.  They walked back down the hidden set of stairs that Tyreen had first brought her up on, arriving in the Ship Cathedral only now instead of the dimly lit room it had been when she had been presented before Tyreen it was illuminated with stage lights.

“Well look who made it with more than ten minutes to spare.” Troy teased his twin as he approached.

“Yeah yeah, is Iris on set yet?” Tyreen replied giving her nails a once over.

“Of course, she’s over in the wings as usual.” Troy squinted up at something Sloane couldn’t make out before letting out a low growl. “Hey! Idiots in the box you’re gonna wash out the set, turn those damn brights down.”

Tyreen tugged in Sloane’s leash again. “Best to get out of Troy’s way during set up. He tends to be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to this stuff.”

Off to the side out of the way of setup was a room set up with a hairdressers chair and makeup station, various pieces of clothing Sloane had seen the twins wear at one point or another were hung up on racks. In the center of the room stood a woman who looked about Sloane’s age, wearing a shirt with the CoV logo emblazoned on the front. As she looked up from the clipboard she was reading her purple hair fell in front of her face, which she brushed away before noticing her guests.

“Ah! God-Queen, is it time for your make-up?” She asked, her eyes flicking to Sloane.

“In a moment Iris,  first I wanted to introduce you to our new family member first. Sloane, this is Iris, she’s in charge of keeping Troy and I looking stunning. She does a pretty stellar job I think.” Tyreen praised with a smile. “Iris, this is Sloane, she’s the stray Siren Troy and found on Eden-4.”

“Ohhh,so you’re the one Father Troy was talking about.” Iris said looking over at Sloane. “You want me to watch her while you both are streaming tonight?”

“If it’s not too much trouble of course, I can always ask The high priests to handle it if you’re busy.”  

“It’s no trouble at all God-Queen. I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.” She said with a smile.

“Ty.” Troy leaned in the doorway interrupting the women’s conversation. “Get ready the boys want to push the screen test up a couple minutes.”

“Yeah yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” Tyreen reassured rolling her eyes as Troy left. “Brothers am I right, when am I ever late for anything? Sloane be a dear and sit over there like a good girl while Iris and I do our thing yeah?”  

Sloane obediently went to the chair in the corner of the room and sat watching as Iris took Tyreen over to her work station. She zoned out for a bit until Tyreen walked over to her.

“Right, you be nice for Iris, one of us will come pick you up after the stream. Have fun you two!” Tyreen said as she headed out the door.  

“Sooo, how long have you been with the CoV then?” Sloane asked Iris, she was different from the other inner circle members Sloane had met so far in that she and the twins seemed to have a much less formal relationship.

“Around three years, wow I can’t believe it’s been that long already...They rescued me from slavers, Troy and Tyreen that is. Been a part of the family ever since.” Iris explained while she worked on tidying up her workstation. “What about you, I mean I know you’re new but what drew you to the twins?”

“They wanted my vault and I wanted to stay with them because, you know to be completely honest I don’t know how to put it in words, I mean sure there’s the whole thing of them being powerful and obviously knowledgeable about the whole siren thing.  But also there’s just something in me that saw them and wanted me to follow them, maybe it’s a siren thing I don’t know.” Sloane shrugged knowing she wasn’t being terribly helpful but it was the truth, something had magnetized her towards the twins, something beyond their charismatic smiles and smooth talking.

Iris paused for a minute seemingly processing some thought about what Sloane had said. “Hm you’re right, Sirens really aren’t in my wheelhouse. Don’t let that put you off though, why don’t we go grab something to eat, get nice and cozy in the media room and watch the stream?”

That was the first normal sounding suggestion Sloane had heard from one of the twins' entourage in her short time with them. She had a feeling that she and Iris would come to be good friends as they got to know each other.

“That sounds great honestly.” She agreed and was relieved when Iris made no move to clip a leash to her collar the way Tyreen did. Instead walking to the bar to pick up a pizza as if they were well established friends.

__

Tyreen leaned against the crate of weapons they had been  gifted by the citizens of Eden-4 before they left as the crew buzzed around her setting up lighting and positioning the cameras. They were unboxing them tonight and she planned to drop the announcement about the new family member. Not knowing how Sloane would take being put on the spot she had chosen to make this announcement without the other siren present. She and Troy would have to train her to get used to being on camera.

“Your head in the clouds Ty?” Troy teased as he took his place on the other side of the crate. “You ready for the show?”

“Aren’t I always Troy?” She returned and flicked him in the forehead as he leaned in her direction. They both snapped to attention once the crew gave the all quiet on set call. She straightened her cloak and adjusted her hair watching as Troy did the same as the countdown ticked off, showtime.

Troy took the majority of the night’s stream, he was way more competent when it came to explaining what exactly was so cool about different models of guns. He had tried just handing her a script he wrote once but once it got heavy into the tech jargon it had all gone over her head. It was definitely not her finest moment and it had definitely led to a squabble between the siblings.  

“So Ty, you wanna tell everyone about what else we found on Eden Four?” Troy asked as he set down the last of the guns on the table in front of him. She smirked as she watched the camera turn to focus on her. She pushed off the crate standing center stage now.

“That’s right brothers and sisters, not only did Troy and I get Eden-4’s vault, but! We also found a stray who offered herself to yours truly and how could I say no to a face like this.” Tyreen cooed as if she were talking about a small animal as a holo-Sloane popped up from her echo-device.  “As you can see, she’s a siren, she’s our siren. I have big plans for her so needless to say brothers and sisters, you should treat her with respect.”

Tyreen smiled again, her thinly veiled warning coming across loud and clear, a new member of the inner circle had been claimed publicly. She then wrapped the stream in her usual bubbly fashion,  persona not dropping until she and Troy were back in their hidden staircase headed back to their rooms.

“You take her tonight, remember to be gentle. We want her to feel safe here, and if we want to test our theory we need her to trust that we won’t hurt her.” Tyreen said, offering the leash to Troy.

“I won’t need that, trust me.” He said, giving his twin a smirk.  “I’m good with the ladies.”

Tyreen snorted and flicked his shoulder “Yeah, yeah, just don’t get over excited this time, there’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

—- A few hours spent on the media room couch talking with Iris and watching the twins stream was enough to make Sloane feel as if she truly did belong here, any lingering doubts about her life with the Children of the Vault fell to the wayside. It felt good to be around people who seemed genuinely interested in getting to know her as a person, not a siren.

When Tyreen stepped up to make her announcement Sloane blinked in surprise and looked over at Iris. “Should I be worried about that?”

Iris seemed to think for a minute before shaking her head. “What no, Tyreen does that for everyone she takes in.”

Sloane wasn’t totally convinced but she knew Iris had no reason to lie to her and she thought that whatever Tyreen’s ‘big plans’ for her were, she was sure to find out soon enough. She knew that the Calypsos expected something from her in exchange for being taken in by them.

Not long after there  was a warning knock on the door before it swung open, Troy stepped through the doorway and rested against it. “Looks like you girls had a good time, I had no doubts that Sloane was in good hands when Tyreen said she’d given her to you Iris.”

“You’re too kind Father Troy, I just wanted our new family member to feel at home the way you and Queen Tyreen did for me.” Iris said.

Troy then gestured to Sloane. “Come, it’s my turn with you tonight.”  She approached him and he rested his prosthetic hand on her shoulder, the metal appendage’s  grasp was  just forceful enough that she wouldn’t be able to wriggle out of his grasp even if she wanted to.

He led her down the hall past Tyreen’s door and into his room. Where Tyreen’s room had been neat and organized Troy’s was a mess; bits and pieces of various machinery were scattered around the room centralized around a work table in one corner of the room. Sitting out on the kitchenette counter was an intricately detailed skull shaped bong that caught Sloane’s attention, it would seem that Troy’s private life was harder to get a beat on than Tyreen’s as outside the tinkering she wouldn’t have expected any of this.

“Sit on the couch and stay put until I come back.” He said with authority, disappearing into the bedroom. She did as she was told, looking at the books stacked on the coffee table, histories of various planet systems and books with titles in languages she didn’t recognize.

“Good girl, you follow orders. I mean I figured when Ty didn’t have any complaints you must be competent but I wanted to see for myself. Then again you did offer yourself to us so you must have known what you were getting into.” Troy had silently slipped back into the main room having traded his open faced vest for an oversized tee shirt, his prosthetic arm noticeably absent as the shirt sleeve was tied instead.  

“Is there anything else I can do for you tonight Father Troy?”  She asked feeling a bit awkward seeing him so casual.

“Ah-ah, what did I tell you? It's Troy in private doll, but I’ll let it slip. This is our first time alone together isn’t it?” He smirked  his hand catching her chin and pointing it up towards his face. She caught sight of his fangs somehow they seemed more threatening in this context than they had when he’d been willing to kill her. “Anyway, as for what you can do for me; go ahead and get comfy in the bed. No funny business I promise.”

He tilted his head towards the doorway he had walked out of. Sloane hesitated slightly as she got up, she had never shared a bed with a man in any context before now and while she trusted Troy to be true to his word she couldn’t help but feel strange about it.

His bedroom was much like Tyreen’s, a bed large enough that three people could comfortably fit in it without hassle, yet Troy’s  bed was a nest of blankets and pillows piled up like a dragon's hoard. Sloane found a spot to get comfy before Troy reentered the room.

“Don’t you just look precious. Well, sleep tight, still a lot to be done in the morning.” He said curling up in what was very obviously his spot as shaped by the pillows.

It would take some getting used to for sure, but this was still better than the life she left behind.

[mysticarcanum]

Ask and ye shall recieve, tell me about Isaac I dare you

well i WILL then!! take that! (also @ the anon who also asked me about isaac! thank u!!!!)

Full Name: Isaac Edmund Mallory

Gender and Sexuality: Bisexual cis man

Pronouns: he/him

Ethnicity/Species: So in D&D terms he's a Dhampir (a more toned down version of a vampire but also you can get weird with it. isaac drinks spinal fluid rather than blood). However, he was originally human, from the sky-city of Alchem. Alchem the center of a corporate superpower that has colonized the rest of what remains of the post-apocolyptic world, stealing and assimilating what it can from their cultures and destroying the rest. I struggled to find a real-world analogue for this, so for simplicity, I just made him British.

Birthplace and Birthdate: Isaac was born in the late winter/early spring to a fantastically wealthy Alchemian family. The midwife was specially trained to put the silver spoon in his mouth before he even exited the birth canal.

Guilty Pleasures: For the longest time it was human spines, but he's gotten over that (mostly) in recent days. In his youth, he was a fan of beautiful people and expensive drugs. When he got tired of that, he got into collecting as many cursed occult artifacts as his money could buy (it was a lot) (that's how the Dhampir thing happened. Stop touching cursed stuff, dipshit). Nowadays, he's more of an adrenaline junkie, and adores taking unnecessary risks just for the off-chance that he'll pull off something crazy that he can brag about for years to come.

Phobias: He knows deep down that all his magic, wealth and skill were handed to him, and that he is a fraud. He's terrified that people will find out. He is also terrified of losing control of himself again, like he did when he first became a Dhampir, and hurting those he cares about. But worse, he's scared that if that that happens, he would lose whatever goodwill and respect he has left. He also has frequent recurring nightmares of being forced to go back to business school.

What They Would Be Famous For: If he had his way, Isaac would be famous for his work as an archaeologist, occult researcher, and being an all around dashing hero. In actuality, due to a curse from Xehoan, the Demon Prince of Twisted Wishes, Isaac got famous - in fact, everyone in the world knows his name! They know that he was the one responsible for freeing Xehoan, who subsequently knocked the city of Alchem out of the sky. Whoops.

What They Would Get Arrested For: So, after becoming a Dhampir, Isaac went on a BIT of a murder spree, darkening the alleys of Alchem and tearing into the spines of the unwary. When it looked like suspicion was coming his way, he packed up and left Alchem. In his absence, he later discovered, the authorities had taken his fleeing as an admission of guilt, and rumours had sprung up about him. He's basically steampunk Jack the Ripper. So, yeah, he'd probably get arrested for all the murders. Whoopsie!

OC You Ship Them With: Not MY OC, but there's an NPC in the campaign - Malok Astra. Inventor, Engineer, and Racoon Fresh out of the Trash, Malok Astra is one of the children and heirs of the Astra Corporation (the aforementioned corporate empire). His mother is a goddess, his father is a vampire, and what's worse, they're both CEOs. Malok used to be in charge of the engines keeping Alchem in the sky, but after Isaac's whoopsie (Alchem getting knocked out of the sky) Malok is finally free to leave home and explore the world. He's not necessarily the rebellious son, but his family loyalty is flimsy at best. Perhaps Isaac's cringe fail mustachioed ass (he has no ass) can sedunce him away from the path of darkness, and into... whatever the fuck Isaac has going on. Malok's also a werewolf, which is sexy as hell.

If I'm honestly, my previous character in this campaign fucked one of the Astra siblings, and I'm trying to get another one in. For prestige.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: I swear to god, EVERY FUCKING NPC knows Isaac by name and wants him dead. You know, because of the 'knocking a major city and center of the only centralized world government out of the sky' thing. Again, it was JUST a little whoopsie!!!!! Can't a guy have a whoopsie???? But I'll say for #1 most likely for murder, I'll say Lumina Astra. Extremely loyal Astra sibling, in charge of corporate espionage shit, anger issues, inexplicably Irish. Reasons for murder: the Incident, Isaac generally sucks, is trying to destroy her mom's company, is trying to fuck her brother, etc. Also, in game, we did have to fight her. And Isaac killed her. And then she came back to life as a shadow being made of hatred because she hated Isaac so much. And then he killed her again. So like. I think she probably has some issues with him???

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: He read so much classic literature growing up but what he really loved? Trashy adventure novels. Or better yet? Trashy romance novels.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: For some reason, the rich people in some of these books keep getting taken down a peg. What's wrong with being rich? Rich people are just like you and me! If you and me are Isaac and Isaac's rich friends.

Talents and/or Powers: Isaac was born with a silver spoon in his mouth in more ways than one. Aside from the fantastic wealth, he was also gifted with a divine blessing at birth. No one could quite figure out who the blessing was from, but that's not important, right? (Years later, Isaac discovered that his patron goddess was the goddess of magic and fortune. Astra had wiped out all records of her and all of her worshippers in order to diminish her powers, so she set up a magic item shop right in the heart of Alchem, called Magics and Fortunes. She eventually admitted that she gave Isaac his abilities for the same reason she gave magic to the fey at the dawn of the world - she thought it would be funny).

After leaving Alchem to see the world (and avoid the murders) Isaac travelled to the floating desert continent of Yulmi. There, he did what all good British Alchemian archaeologists do: robbed a bunch of ancient ruins, until eventually he found a magic ring. This ring was a link to the elemental plane of Earth, and got him in contact with a dao, who was willing to give him powers, as long as he was willing to go and free someone named Xehoan from his prison. Something about competition on the wish market, surely nothing important.

So, to sum up: a bit of divine magic, some healing, buffing and magic manipulation. A LOT of rock and sand-themed magic (many murders committed by throwing rocks at people's heads at very fast speeds. Sometimes he switches things up by stripping their skin off in a sandstorm or turning them to stone). He can fly. With a little sand tornado. And also he can do the Dracula lizard climb on walls, and bite people very hard.

Why Someone Might Love Them: Underneath all the showboating, naivete, arrogance and the being British, he genuinely wants to be a better person. It took him a while, but he has learned that the best approach to his many mistakes is by doing his best to fix them, whatever the personal cost, and when that is beyond him, sincerely asking for help. He has a long way to go, but he has a kind heart, and wants to learn enough about how he has been going wrong to reach a point where his actions match his intentions. Also he's an off-brand vampire, and some people find that sexy.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: I've covered this. He's British.

How They Change: Being personally responsible for a truly staggering number of deaths all because you didn't think through the consequences of your idle search for power can snap a man out of his naivete pretty quick. He's trying to atone. He's taking risks to a dangerous degree, with the scarcest chance of making things better. He's learning to be brave. He's done a thing or two on his own merit, which might even mean that he's not a complete sham after all.

Why You Love Them: Because I adore men who suck. I love it when guys are just terrible. He has a flat ass. I love making fun of him. I get to put him in a blender every week.

[robertkstone]

TEST DRIVE: 2017 MINI Cooper SD Countryman ALL4 with Autohome Tent Review

I still remember the way the press and enthusiasts altogether reacted when MINI took the veils off the latest Countryman. Even though the BMW-owned brand started a new marketing campaign before the crossover was unveiled, to prepare the collective mind to the idea of a bigger than ever model, most people were still disappointed and couldn’t get their heads around it. Today, a few months after the unveil, the decision to increase the Countryman’s size so much is starting to make sense.

The reason why the British brand went down this road in the first place was because that’s what customers were asking for. If you have a friend that owns a MINI you probably already know that he or she loves the car for the way it drives/looks/sounds, and at the same time complains about the space it offers. That being said, the new Countryman aims to fix those quirks offering the space of a compact SUV with the driving experience of a MINI Cooper.

This is where the Countryman really steps in. Built atop the new UKL front-wheel drive platform developed by BMW, the biggest MINI ever made is now sharing its underpinnings, engines are gearbox choices with the BMW X1. And while the X1 might seem like the bigger and more practical choice, the Countryman counters with its style, chic interior and clever details, while still offering a decent amount of space for its occupants.

Exterior and Interior

It’s true though, the X1 does seem a noticeably bigger but when taking a closer look at the specs of the two cars, you might be surprised. The difference between the two is almost negligible and that’s exactly what you feel once you get inside the MINI. To be more precise, while the width of the two is exactly the same and the X1 is taller by just 1.5 inches, the BMW is also longer by 5 inches. However, when it comes to the room you get inside, the two feel almost identical while the X1 has just 50 liters of extra storage space in the boot with the seats up, compared to the Countryman’s 450 liters.

That storage space can drastically change though as the Countryman can be fitted with rear seats which can slide forward and have their backrest angle adjusted. Folding them will offer you up to 1,390 liters which means you can store a lot of stuff inside it. Compared to the old one, the changes are remarkable, as it used to offer between 350 and 1170 liters of boot space.

But that’s not the only thing that changed. While the exterior design remained equally attractive, with an evolutionary design more than anything else, the interior’s quality has gone up. The big center speedometer is gone and instead, just like every other new MINI out there, we now have the infotainment screen which, for the first time, comes with a touch-sensitive screen for more convenience. Since the infotainment controller was positioned quite unfortunately on the center console right next to the armrest, it’s a welcome upgrade by all means.

The features of the MINI Connected system have also been upgraded and now resemble the newest BMW iDrive system in terms of menus, submenus and functionality. The animations have also been improved making quite an impression on myself and the occupants of the cars when they first noticed it, having clean designs which are easy to understand and use. To top everything off, the Head-Up display comes in handy and there’s even a button on the dash allowing you to turn it on or off, if you decide you don’t need it.

Speaking of buttons, the cabin remains a typical MINI environment, decked with toggle switches everywhere and offering plenty of customizing choices for the customers. The one that you notice immediately is one big piece sitting between the infotainment screen, top part of the dash and the start button. It’s a big trim piece which can be had in a variety of choices. In the case of our tester, it was beige with black stripes and it came alive at night, having blue and red LEDs behind it, giving a rather special feel altogether. Definitely a nice touch by MINI.

The headrests also sported the Union Jack motif, while the steering wheel came straight from the John Cooper Works catalogue. In terms of leg and headroom, the changes compared to the previous Countryman are more than noticeable, four adults being absolutely comfortable in the MINI now, even if they are over 6-feet tall, both up front and in the back.

The Engine

In this regard, the Countryman once again seems to follow in the footsteps of the BMW X1, but there’s more to it. Under the hood of our tester hid a 2-liter 4-cylinder turbocharged diesel mill otherwise known around the BMW Group grounds by the B47 codename. This engine is now being used not only on UKL-based cars such as the MINI range and the BMW 2 Series Active and Gran Tourers, but also on the facelifted version of the 3 Series, the 2 Series and even on the new 5 Series.

In Cooper SD guise, the aforementioned engine develops 190 HP and 400 Nm (295 lb-ft) of torque, numbers which proved to be good enough for the G30 5er so why wouldn’t they be for the Countryman as well, right? Well, while on the 520d BMW made sure to isolate the sounds coming out from under the hood as much as possible, in the case of the MINI the mill does feel rather gruff and rough around the edges.

It’s well balanced but the sound it makes does protrude quite easily inside the cabin. While the 8-speed Aisin-sourced gearbox changes gears in a hurry to keep fuel consumption low, whenever you go over 2,000 RPM, the sound of the diesel engine makes itself heard and it doesn’t really suit the character of the MINI as a whole.

Nevertheless, the Cooper D and Cooper SD models appeal to those looking for a more practical choice from the MINI range. As a matter of fact, the Countryman as a model was developed to appeal to those faithful customers who used to own a hatch and now need more space for their young families. Therefore, the fact that a diesel engine is a bit noisier than a petrol alternative shouldn’t surprise anyone and those wanting a more efficient cruiser should know about these downsides before committing to buy.

On the performance spec sheet, the Countryman is also faster than the X1 xDrive20d model, reaching 100 km/h (62 mph) from standstill in 7.4 seconds when fitted with the ALL4 all-wheel drive system as our tested had. The sprint is not back breaking and, to be honest, the car doesn’t feel that fast but the numbers don’t lie, we put them to the test and the claims from Oxford were right on par with what our stopwatch showed.

The ALL4 system is also quite capable offroad but you won’t get to put it to the test too often anyway. That’s because of the low ground clearance of the Countryman of just 165 mm (6.5 inches). Sure, you can go for some mild off-roading, taking on some mountain roads and shallow water but that’s about it. Truth be told, you’d probably also end up feeling sorry if you took the car off paved roads as we did, as we felt like it was just a pointless exercise.

ALL4 might also appeal to those living in places where it snows all the time and in the snow the system does handle itself quite nicely as we found out earlier this year. Get a set of winter tires as well and you’ll be able to plow through some serious snow thanks to the massive amounts of torque available from down low.

Out on the road, the MINI Cooper SD Countryman handles itself quite nicely, carving canyon roads with eagerness and in a composed way, without any abrupt mood swings when changing direction on the fly. It keeps its composure but we wouldn’t invoke the famous ‘go kart feeling’ when describing how it feels on the road. Maybe it’s due to the diesel engine or the weight, but it does lean into corners more than you’d expect from a MINI. Then again, at close to 1.6 tons, what would you expect? Maybe the JCW Countryman should be your choice if you want to race down a curvy mountain road.

Around town the Countryman feels at home, with a fast steering rack that helps you navigate busy city streets and park this generous crossover into tight parking spaces. The car comes with parking sensors as standard and they will come in handy as the rear visibility isn’t this car’s forte. Around town we also saw the fuel consumption go up to 10 l/100 km (23.5 mpg) whereas outside the city limits it dropped to around 7 l/100 km (33.6 mpg), good numbers but not even close to the claims. Luckily for me, I did spend most of my time with the car out of town, making the most of the best optional feature the car came with, an Autohome roof tent.

Autohome Roof Tent

When MINI initially announced its collaboration with Italian roof tent manufacturer, Autohome, I was rather taken aback, initially thinking that nobody in their right mind would even consider such an option. And yet, it took just a weekend with such a combination to make me change my mind.

The Autohome roof tent is possibly the perfect solution for a couple or even young families that love to travel and camp in the middle of nature. Made out of Airtex and fiberglass, it is heat-resistant, remains cool, insulates, it is sturdy and easy to repair, if the occasion rises. The base of the tent has a 20 mm insulation and four handles to allow you to install it on the roof of your car as easily as possible. It also comes with a very comfortable mattress and two pillows.

The best bit about this tent is the fact that it can be so easily opened and closed. To raise it, all you have to do is unhook its three clamps, two at the front and one at the back. After that, since the tent comes with four gas springs, it will automatically raise by itself to a total height of 94 cm (37 inches). The length of the tent is 210 cm (83 inches) and it is 130 cm (51 inches) wide, accommodating two adults, easily.

Upon opening it you get two doors with an inner sealing, one on each side and 2 windows, one up front and one in the back. All of them come with mosquito netting. Inside the tent you’ll also find an LED lamp as well as plenty of storage pockets that really come in handy at night. Folding the roof back is just as easy as opening it as all you have to do is pull on it and it will fold right down.

Having spent a couple of nights with it, in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains I can tel

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TEST DRIVE: 2017 MINI Cooper SD Countryman ALL4 with Autohome Tent Review

I still remember the way the press and enthusiasts altogether reacted when MINI took the veils off the latest Countryman. Even though the BMW-owned brand started a new marketing campaign before the crossover was unveiled, to prepare the collective mind to the idea of a bigger than ever model, most people were still disappointed and couldn’t get their heads around it. Today, a few months after the unveil, the decision to increase the Countryman’s size so much is starting to make sense.

The reason why the British brand went down this road in the first place was because that’s what customers were asking for. If you have a friend that owns a MINI you probably already know that he or she loves the car for the way it drives/looks/sounds, and at the same time complains about the space it offers. That being said, the new Countryman aims to fix those quirks offering the space of a compact SUV with the driving experience of a MINI Cooper.

This is where the Countryman really steps in. Built atop the new UKL front-wheel drive platform developed by BMW, the biggest MINI ever made is now sharing its underpinnings, engines are gearbox choices with the BMW X1. And while the X1 might seem like the bigger and more practical choice, the Countryman counters with its style, chic interior and clever details, while still offering a decent amount of space for its occupants.

Exterior and Interior

It’s true though, the X1 does seem a noticeably bigger but when taking a closer look at the specs of the two cars, you might be surprised. The difference between the two is almost negligible and that’s exactly what you feel once you get inside the MINI. To be more precise, while the width of the two is exactly the same and the X1 is taller by just 1.5 inches, the BMW is also longer by 5 inches. However, when it comes to the room you get inside, the two feel almost identical while the X1 has just 50 liters of extra storage space in the boot with the seats up, compared to the Countryman’s 450 liters.

That storage space can drastically change though as the Countryman can be fitted with rear seats which can slide forward and have their backrest angle adjusted. Folding them will offer you up to 1,390 liters which means you can store a lot of stuff inside it. Compared to the old one, the changes are remarkable, as it used to offer between 350 and 1170 liters of boot space.

But that’s not the only thing that changed. While the exterior design remained equally attractive, with an evolutionary design more than anything else, the interior’s quality has gone up. The big center speedometer is gone and instead, just like every other new MINI out there, we now have the infotainment screen which, for the first time, comes with a touch-sensitive screen for more convenience. Since the infotainment controller was positioned quite unfortunately on the center console right next to the armrest, it’s a welcome upgrade by all means.

The features of the MINI Connected system have also been upgraded and now resemble the newest BMW iDrive system in terms of menus, submenus and functionality. The animations have also been improved making quite an impression on myself and the occupants of the cars when they first noticed it, having clean designs which are easy to understand and use. To top everything off, the Head-Up display comes in handy and there’s even a button on the dash allowing you to turn it on or off, if you decide you don’t need it.

Speaking of buttons, the cabin remains a typical MINI environment, decked with toggle switches everywhere and offering plenty of customizing choices for the customers. The one that you notice immediately is one big piece sitting between the infotainment screen, top part of the dash and the start button. It’s a big trim piece which can be had in a variety of choices. In the case of our tester, it was beige with black stripes and it came alive at night, having blue and red LEDs behind it, giving a rather special feel altogether. Definitely a nice touch by MINI.

The headrests also sported the Union Jack motif, while the steering wheel came straight from the John Cooper Works catalogue. In terms of leg and headroom, the changes compared to the previous Countryman are more than noticeable, four adults being absolutely comfortable in the MINI now, even if they are over 6-feet tall, both up front and in the back.

The Engine

In this regard, the Countryman once again seems to follow in the footsteps of the BMW X1, but there’s more to it. Under the hood of our tester hid a 2-liter 4-cylinder turbocharged diesel mill otherwise known around the BMW Group grounds by the B47 codename. This engine is now being used not only on UKL-based cars such as the MINI range and the BMW 2 Series Active and Gran Tourers, but also on the facelifted version of the 3 Series, the 2 Series and even on the new 5 Series.

In Cooper SD guise, the aforementioned engine develops 190 HP and 400 Nm (295 lb-ft) of torque, numbers which proved to be good enough for the G30 5er so why wouldn’t they be for the Countryman as well, right? Well, while on the 520d BMW made sure to isolate the sounds coming out from under the hood as much as possible, in the case of the MINI the mill does feel rather gruff and rough around the edges.

It’s well balanced but the sound it makes does protrude quite easily inside the cabin. While the 8-speed Aisin-sourced gearbox changes gears in a hurry to keep fuel consumption low, whenever you go over 2,000 RPM, the sound of the diesel engine makes itself heard and it doesn’t really suit the character of the MINI as a whole.

Nevertheless, the Cooper D and Cooper SD models appeal to those looking for a more practical choice from the MINI range. As a matter of fact, the Countryman as a model was developed to appeal to those faithful customers who used to own a hatch and now need more space for their young families. Therefore, the fact that a diesel engine is a bit noisier than a petrol alternative shouldn’t surprise anyone and those wanting a more efficient cruiser should know about these downsides before committing to buy.

On the performance spec sheet, the Countryman is also faster than the X1 xDrive20d model, reaching 100 km/h (62 mph) from standstill in 7.4 seconds when fitted with the ALL4 all-wheel drive system as our tested had. The sprint is not back breaking and, to be honest, the car doesn’t feel that fast but the numbers don’t lie, we put them to the test and the claims from Oxford were right on par with what our stopwatch showed.

The ALL4 system is also quite capable offroad but you won’t get to put it to the test too often anyway. That’s because of the low ground clearance of the Countryman of just 165 mm (6.5 inches). Sure, you can go for some mild off-roading, taking on some mountain roads and shallow water but that’s about it. Truth be told, you’d probably also end up feeling sorry if you took the car off paved roads as we did, as we felt like it was just a pointless exercise.

ALL4 might also appeal to those living in places where it snows all the time and in the snow the system does handle itself quite nicely as we found out earlier this year. Get a set of winter tires as well and you’ll be able to plow through some serious snow thanks to the massive amounts of torque available from down low.

Out on the road, the MINI Cooper SD Countryman handles itself quite nicely, carving canyon roads with eagerness and in a composed way, without any abrupt mood swings when changing direction on the fly. It keeps its composure but we wouldn’t invoke the famous ‘go kart feeling’ when describing how it feels on the road. Maybe it’s due to the diesel engine or the weight, but it does lean into corners more than you’d expect from a MINI. Then again, at close to 1.6 tons, what would you expect? Maybe the JCW Countryman should be your choice if you want to race down a curvy mountain road.

Around town the Countryman feels at home, with a fast steering rack that helps you navigate busy city streets and park this generous crossover into tight parking spaces. The car comes with parking sensors as standard and they will come in handy as the rear visibility isn’t this car’s forte. Around town we also saw the fuel consumption go up to 10 l/100 km (23.5 mpg) whereas outside the city limits it dropped to around 7 l/100 km (33.6 mpg), good numbers but not even close to the claims. Luckily for me, I did spend most of my time with the car out of town, making the most of the best optional feature the car came with, an Autohome roof tent.

Autohome Roof Tent

When MINI initially announced its collaboration with Italian roof tent manufacturer, Autohome, I was rather taken aback, initially thinking that nobody in their right mind would even consider such an option. And yet, it took just a weekend with such a combination to make me change my mind.

The Autohome roof tent is possibly the perfect solution for a couple or even young families that love to travel and camp in the middle of nature. Made out of Airtex and fiberglass, it is heat-resistant, remains cool, insulates, it is sturdy and easy to repair, if the occasion rises. The base of the tent has a 20 mm insulation and four handles to allow you to install it on the roof of your car as easily as possible. It also comes with a very comfortable mattress and two pillows.

The best bit about this tent is the fact that it can be so easily opened and closed. To raise it, all you have to do is unhook its three clamps, two at the front and one at the back. After that, since the tent comes with four gas springs, it will automatically raise by itself to a total height of 94 cm (37 inches). The length of the tent is 210 cm (83 inches) and it is 130 cm (51 inches) wide, accommodating two adults, easily.

Upon opening it you get two doors with an inner sealing, one on each side and 2 windows, one up front and one in the back. All of them come with mosquito netting. Inside the tent you’ll also find an LED lamp as well as plenty of storage pockets that really come in handy at night. Folding the roof back is just as easy as opening it as all you have to do is pull on it and it will fold right down.

Having spent a couple of nights with it, in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains I can tel

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TEST DRIVE: 2017 MINI Cooper SD Countryman ALL4 with Autohome Tent Review

I still remember the way the press and enthusiasts altogether reacted when MINI took the veils off the latest Countryman. Even though the BMW-owned brand started a new marketing campaign before the crossover was unveiled, to prepare the collective mind to the idea of a bigger than ever model, most people were still disappointed and couldn’t get their heads around it. Today, a few months after the unveil, the decision to increase the Countryman’s size so much is starting to make sense.

The reason why the British brand went down this road in the first place was because that’s what customers were asking for. If you have a friend that owns a MINI you probably already know that he or she loves the car for the way it drives/looks/sounds, and at the same time complains about the space it offers. That being said, the new Countryman aims to fix those quirks offering the space of a compact SUV with the driving experience of a MINI Cooper.

This is where the Countryman really steps in. Built atop the new UKL front-wheel drive platform developed by BMW, the biggest MINI ever made is now sharing its underpinnings, engines are gearbox choices with the BMW X1. And while the X1 might seem like the bigger and more practical choice, the Countryman counters with its style, chic interior and clever details, while still offering a decent amount of space for its occupants.

Exterior and Interior

It’s true though, the X1 does seem a noticeably bigger but when taking a closer look at the specs of the two cars, you might be surprised. The difference between the two is almost negligible and that’s exactly what you feel once you get inside the MINI. To be more precise, while the width of the two is exactly the same and the X1 is taller by just 1.5 inches, the BMW is also longer by 5 inches. However, when it comes to the room you get inside, the two feel almost identical while the X1 has just 50 liters of extra storage space in the boot with the seats up, compared to the Countryman’s 450 liters.

That storage space can drastically change though as the Countryman can be fitted with rear seats which can slide forward and have their backrest angle adjusted. Folding them will offer you up to 1,390 liters which means you can store a lot of stuff inside it. Compared to the old one, the changes are remarkable, as it used to offer between 350 and 1170 liters of boot space.

But that’s not the only thing that changed. While the exterior design remained equally attractive, with an evolutionary design more than anything else, the interior’s quality has gone up. The big center speedometer is gone and instead, just like every other new MINI out there, we now have the infotainment screen which, for the first time, comes with a touch-sensitive screen for more convenience. Since the infotainment controller was positioned quite unfortunately on the center console right next to the armrest, it’s a welcome upgrade by all means.

The features of the MINI Connected system have also been upgraded and now resemble the newest BMW iDrive system in terms of menus, submenus and functionality. The animations have also been improved making quite an impression on myself and the occupants of the cars when they first noticed it, having clean designs which are easy to understand and use. To top everything off, the Head-Up display comes in handy and there’s even a button on the dash allowing you to turn it on or off, if you decide you don’t need it.

Speaking of buttons, the cabin remains a typical MINI environment, decked with toggle switches everywhere and offering plenty of customizing choices for the customers. The one that you notice immediately is one big piece sitting between the infotainment screen, top part of the dash and the start button. It’s a big trim piece which can be had in a variety of choices. In the case of our tester, it was beige with black stripes and it came alive at night, having blue and red LEDs behind it, giving a rather special feel altogether. Definitely a nice touch by MINI.

The headrests also sported the Union Jack motif, while the steering wheel came straight from the John Cooper Works catalogue. In terms of leg and headroom, the changes compared to the previous Countryman are more than noticeable, four adults being absolutely comfortable in the MINI now, even if they are over 6-feet tall, both up front and in the back.

The Engine

In this regard, the Countryman once again seems to follow in the footsteps of the BMW X1, but there’s more to it. Under the hood of our tester hid a 2-liter 4-cylinder turbocharged diesel mill otherwise known around the BMW Group grounds by the B47 codename. This engine is now being used not only on UKL-based cars such as the MINI range and the BMW 2 Series Active and Gran Tourers, but also on the facelifted version of the 3 Series, the 2 Series and even on the new 5 Series.

In Cooper SD guise, the aforementioned engine develops 190 HP and 400 Nm (295 lb-ft) of torque, numbers which proved to be good enough for the G30 5er so why wouldn’t they be for the Countryman as well, right? Well, while on the 520d BMW made sure to isolate the sounds coming out from under the hood as much as possible, in the case of the MINI the mill does feel rather gruff and rough around the edges.

It’s well balanced but the sound it makes does protrude quite easily inside the cabin. While the 8-speed Aisin-sourced gearbox changes gears in a hurry to keep fuel consumption low, whenever you go over 2,000 RPM, the sound of the diesel engine makes itself heard and it doesn’t really suit the character of the MINI as a whole.

Nevertheless, the Cooper D and Cooper SD models appeal to those looking for a more practical choice from the MINI range. As a matter of fact, the Countryman as a model was developed to appeal to those faithful customers who used to own a hatch and now need more space for their young families. Therefore, the fact that a diesel engine is a bit noisier than a petrol alternative shouldn’t surprise anyone and those wanting a more efficient cruiser should know about these downsides before committing to buy.

On the performance spec sheet, the Countryman is also faster than the X1 xDrive20d model, reaching 100 km/h (62 mph) from standstill in 7.4 seconds when fitted with the ALL4 all-wheel drive system as our tested had. The sprint is not back breaking and, to be honest, the car doesn’t feel that fast but the numbers don’t lie, we put them to the test and the claims from Oxford were right on par with what our stopwatch showed.

The ALL4 system is also quite capable offroad but you won’t get to put it to the test too often anyway. That’s because of the low ground clearance of the Countryman of just 165 mm (6.5 inches). Sure, you can go for some mild off-roading, taking on some mountain roads and shallow water but that’s about it. Truth be told, you’d probably also end up feeling sorry if you took the car off paved roads as we did, as we felt like it was just a pointless exercise.

ALL4 might also appeal to those living in places where it snows all the time and in the snow the system does handle itself quite nicely as we found out earlier this year. Get a set of winter tires as well and you’ll be able to plow through some serious snow thanks to the massive amounts of torque available from down low.

Out on the road, the MINI Cooper SD Countryman handles itself quite nicely, carving canyon roads with eagerness and in a composed way, without any abrupt mood swings when changing direction on the fly. It keeps its composure but we wouldn’t invoke the famous ‘go kart feeling’ when describing how it feels on the road. Maybe it’s due to the diesel engine or the weight, but it does lean into corners more than you’d expect from a MINI. Then again, at close to 1.6 tons, what would you expect? Maybe the JCW Countryman should be your choice if you want to race down a curvy mountain road.

Around town the Countryman feels at home, with a fast steering rack that helps you navigate busy city streets and park this generous crossover into tight parking spaces. The car comes with parking sensors as standard and they will come in handy as the rear visibility isn’t this car’s forte. Around town we also saw the fuel consumption go up to 10 l/100 km (23.5 mpg) whereas outside the city limits it dropped to around 7 l/100 km (33.6 mpg), good numbers but not even close to the claims. Luckily for me, I did spend most of my time with the car out of town, making the most of the best optional feature the car came with, an Autohome roof tent.

Autohome Roof Tent

When MINI initially announced its collaboration with Italian roof tent manufacturer, Autohome, I was rather taken aback, initially thinking that nobody in their right mind would even consider such an option. And yet, it took just a weekend with such a combination to make me change my mind.

The Autohome roof tent is possibly the perfect solution for a couple or even young families that love to travel and camp in the middle of nature. Made out of Airtex and fiberglass, it is heat-resistant, remains cool, insulates, it is sturdy and easy to repair, if the occasion rises. The base of the tent has a 20 mm insulation and four handles to allow you to install it on the roof of your car as easily as possible. It also comes with a very comfortable mattress and two pillows.

The best bit about this tent is the fact that it can be so easily opened and closed. To raise it, all you have to do is unhook its three clamps, two at the front and one at the back. After that, since the tent comes with four gas springs, it will automatically raise by itself to a total height of 94 cm (37 inches). The length of the tent is 210 cm (83 inches) and it is 130 cm (51 inches) wide, accommodating two adults, easily.

Upon opening it you get two doors with an inner sealing, one on each side and 2 windows, one up front and one in the back. All of them come with mosquito netting. Inside the tent you’ll also find an LED lamp as well as plenty of storage pockets that really come in handy at night. Folding the roof back is just as easy as opening it as all you have to do is pull on it and it will fold right down.

Having spent a couple of nights with it, in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains I can tel from Performance Junk Blogger 6 http://ift.tt/2wATurW via IFTTT