#idk. today has already been kind of a shit sandwich day so it's just another cherry on top of that

[transpanda-1]

Just watched through Wagnaria!!/Working!! because of people saying the main protag basically socially transitions and um. We're not going to lie when we say it's definitely better than other pieces of media on this but he very much does not do that. Even remotely.

[rosesradio]

i’m posting a thing that’s not fanfic for the first time, i guess it’s an original work. it’s just my commentary on things i guess, it reads like a black mirror episode lol

tw: thought inspection, suicide mention, bigotry mention

word count: 1.3k

All this trouble, you think. All this screen time on the news, covering up every other issue...

You wished their time would come to an end. That it would all come to an end.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket, and you took a look at the screen:

Hey, said the little notification from TIC. That wasn't very nice. You should demonstrate more empathy for others! 🙂

A cold chill ran down your spine as your fingers came up to lightly touch the back of your neck. There was a chip there, small and unassuming, like Doc Ock's in Spider-Man. Like that chip, you knew full well that it would not serve you.

Want a quieter TIC experience? Upgrade to TIC Plus starting at $14.99.

You remembered going on a forum, one of the last places that was not asking for your government ID, and looking through the discussions. Someone was discussing a hate group gathering in a nearby city; they'd been hurling racial slurs at children.

I don't get it, one of the forum members started, isn't the TIC giving you notifications to cut that shit out? Show more empathy or smth.

Idk, another member replied, his hand proudly raised in his profile picture. Got TIC plus, I'm not dealing with that shit. Freedom of speech.

It probably doesn't matter, a third forum member replied. They pay, they get to stay—that's the TIC way.

The dig was subtle, though you had seen the comment live for a whole two minutes before a large This comment has been deleted by TIC for the safety of minors viewing text took its place.

Strangely enough, you never saw this kind of message for the hate speech on the forum. Perks of TIC plus, you supposed.

Swallowing, you ignored your own notification in favor of rummaging through your fridge for sliced meat and cheese. There was a nostalgia for the days in which you could afford more ingredients for your favorite foods, but—well, the stores didn't sell much of anything anymore. No one can afford anything, but you were lucky you could still make a good sandwich.

As for the TIC, you tried not to think about it when you could help it. Then again, you knew about the white bear experiment—the more you tried to push something out of your mind, the more it popped up.

Repetition helped. It drove you up the wall, but you found the TIC wouldn't harass you with more than one notification if you only thought one prompting thought repeatedly.

The TIC, or the Thought Impediment Center, was still new. It was all anyone could talk about for a year. There was excuse after excuse to explain its existence:

Our handy notifications reach out to tell you that you are not alone during a mental health crisis. Try BetterHelp and get matched with a five-star therapist today!

With this recording of data, we will be able to ensure criminals face charges during the planning period. Crime will go down in droves!

They were right about that. Everything went down in droves. Hollywood had to shut down because of the sheer amount of attention one studio got during their work on a heist movie.

When you thought about it, you were one of the lucky ones, getting one so late in the game. It came in layers—if you don't get one, you can't get food stamps. If you don't get one, you can't get medical care. As if those things weren’t hard enough to access already. College is what got you. You thought about dropping out, but you had to keep going—you couldn't just drop out and give up your dream job.

You didn't dream of work, of course. However, being a librarian seemed like a perfect fit for you.

After that interview last week, though...

You sighed, buttering up your bread and assembling your sandwich on the pan.

You had interviewed for a librarian assistant position last week, though you were rejected for two key reasons.

One was because you had a master's degree, and not your doctorate. Not to mention you only had five years of experience instead of seven. It made sense now that you thought about it—why would you be qualified for that position, with its thirty-two thousand dollar salary? No, you were much better off at the donut shop. It wasn't a bad place at all, though it wasn't where you wanted to remain forever.

The other reason you didn't get hired...

To be fair, the TIC-checking was new. How were you supposed to be prepared for it?

The lady at the interview, a kind, grandmotherly looking woman named Janine, voiced that she was also not a fan of the new TIC checking.

"The TIC in general is a bit of nonsense to me," she said. Her phone vibrated. "Sorry...I had to get one. Otherwise they were going to cut funding for the library, and..." her phone vibrated again, and she huffed. "I wouldn't feel quite so bad if they didn't take my family's chocolate chip cookie recipe. I'm sure you've heard of the Miller's chocolate chip cookie recipe by now?"

You had. You'd used the damn recipe, and the cookies were great. You shook your head for Janine’s sake. That seemed to help her feel better.

Ignoring the barrage of notifications, you had thought about how the TIC had come to the rescue of companies as they had lost money due to online censorship. People logged off social media sites, so they lost money in advertising. They had to have a revenue to make up for that.

It wasn’t just TIC Plus, or it’s advertising. It was the selling of data to third parties. That was nothing new, though this time, it was selling your thoughts. That was how Janine Miller’s family cookie recipe was sold to allrecipes.

At least it was just a cookie recipe. You had heard of Kaitlyn Johnson on the news, the twenty-one year old who had taken her own life after her pornographic thoughts had been sold to ChatGPT 7.2. They’d recreated them and sold the videos featuring her without her consent to sites across the internet.

That was why you had tried to suppress your thoughts as much as possible, though you knew that one day, you would slip up.

It didn’t matter, because as Janine Miller searched through the TIC-provided record of your thoughts over the past couple days, she found the exact sort of information she needed.

It was everything she couldn’t have in an employee. You thought about how much you loathed TIC, how much you loathed the job market and the housing market and the government and the advertising. The censorship, the restriction, the hate in the world. There was even a fleeting sexual fantasy or two, as you could no longer access smut without presenting your government ID. God forbid if you wanted to get off for the first time in weeks, right?

Your thoughts, restricted as they may be, held a fraction of the vitriol and imperfection of humanity you held in your heart.

With your thoughts laid out loud and clear, the only thing Janine Miller could do was look at you. Her gentle eyes were pitiful—perhaps a little disgusted, as if you were a writhing bug on the sidewalk.

She said sorry.

Eyes stinging, you nodded.

And you went home.

You’d cried for an hour or more, no longer caring if your four roommates could hear.

You wanted it all to end.

You had a migraine.

Your phone vibrated. Your mind rang as you heard that familiar feminine voice read your notification:

Suffering from headaches and migraines? Try Excedrin Migraine Pain relief! Guaranteed results in less than 30 minutes!

Swallowing, hands shaking where they rested against the countertop, you nodded.

Added to cart.

[nagipops]

hii I love your blogs sooo much you're really talented (I just needed to say it sorry) so straight to the point, I already made 2 requests to you and I really enjoyed your writing so I would like to make another again. As I'm clueless about what to request I'll just ask for random hcs for konoha 11, idk if it's too much but if so then you can do with Neji (I love him so much), Kakashi and Naruto. Thank you in advance and sorry anything ^^

RANDOM KONOHA 11 HEADCANONS!

FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, neji, rock lee, tenten, kiba, hinata, and shino

WARNINGS: mentions alcohol, drugs, food, bugs, and the tiniest nsfw mention if you get the joke. hehe

A/N: AHHHH ANONN this seriously made my day, im so so glad you enjoy my work!! 💖

NARUTO

you know how we all have “the chair”, where we throw all of our dirty clothes onto?

yeah, imagine that, but from the seat to the fricking ceiling

its just a GINORMOUS MOUND of clothes, you wonder how he even goes through that many clothes so quickly???

definitely shoves it under his bed whenever guests come over (somehow)

holds chopsticks really weirdly. but it works.

asked tenten to put his hair into space buns to mimic his sexy jutsu and went around flirting with the village

jiraiya was so proud of him T-T

comes up with the WORST pickup lines

they’re so bad, its almost charming. almost

has gone AWOL multiple times, disappearing from everywhere, just everywhere

it scared you a little, so you searched the entire village for him

you finally found him sitting on the ledge of a cliff, gazing out at the vast sea

concerned and panicked, you cried out to ask him what was wrong

he turned to you with a crestfallen, devastated look on his face and said,

“i bought shrimp ramen instead of chicken ramen.”

you’ve never searched for him after his disappearance ever again.

SAKURA

100% makes origami shurikens and chucks them at you

they are deathly precise and deathly sharp. seriously, how are these not illegal weapons yet???

writes threatening motivational notes to herself on the mirror

“u got this!” “make sure to smack naruto today!” “ino sucks!”

her backpack would always be way too high up on her back. idk why but. it would

does her hair all nice and pretty before she goes out but once she arrives to her destination SHE KEEP. TAKING. IT OUT. and redoing it over and over and over again

like it’s impossible to make eye contact with her because she’s holding a bobby pin between her teeth while braiding her hair

her guilty pleasure would be hostess treats

ding dongs are her favorite. don’t ask me how i know, i just know.

eats the yellow starbursts just to spite naruto and all her haters

loves small lap dogs, she think’s they’re so cute and cuddly

but she especially loves chihuahuas

they’re so feisty and naruto HATES them, so of course she had to go and get one for herself

dresses the poor dog up in little bonnets and jackets and ties its tiny fuzzy hairs into pigtails

she and the chihuahua are not that much unlike <3

SHIKAMARU

this man is a god at shogi but he absolutely SUCKSSSS at cup pong.

is this an ick? idk. but he is absolute trash at this game.

it gets even worse when he’s got a couple drinks in him

tries to calculate the velocity and acceleration and angle and shit but his shot is always a good two feet off BYE 😭

just mutters an “aw, shit” before awaiting his turn again

hates checkers, loves chess

“checkers is for WUSSIES” - shikamaru nara

i said this in another post, but he is Very Good at whistling

like that’s his hidden talent

can copy any tune with the perfect pitch and rhythm

speaking of, he can do really cool tricks with his tongue

like making a four leaf clover, touching the bridge of his nose with it, flipping it upside down, you name it

he has slanted, scrawled handwriting, to the point where it’s almost illegible

wbk he cheats in school SO OFTEN. but he never gets caught. he’s not stupid, he just couldn’t care less about his classes.

thinks weed and e-cigs are stupid, cigarettes are where it’s at

you just can’t replicate the feeling of taking a drag from a cig after a long, tiring day

plus he looks hella cool while doing it B)

INO

teaches the boyz™️ how to braid their hair

like they all gather in a circle around this feisty fashionista and fail attempt to braid their hair

sakura was just fuming in the sidelines

“OI, INO-PIG, THAT’S A DUTCH BRAID, NOT A FRENCH BRAID!!”

yeah, ino 🙄

the only one that can actually do it is neji because a) this man is talented af and b) he’s got the long hairrr

ino probably envies his thick, sleek hair because hE’S a bOy

also asks everyone for their blood type and zodiac signs and tells them if they’re compatible with her or not

and definitely judges you for your sign 😣

“oh, you’re a gemini? hmm, what a shame...”

makes bouquets for her favorite people and kin assigns everyone a flower

only assigns the pretty nice ones to the people she likes (sorry sakura, you’re out of luck)

one of her favorite hobbies is crafting! she’s really good with details and small things so she loves making those miniature dollhouses and stuff

also really good at watercoloring. especially painting flowers and landscapes

also i feel like she would be really good at playing any instrument because of her skilled hands

can play a badass flute solo. period.

CHOJI

would honestly rather die than get anywhere NEAR an asparagus

he just thinks they’re so gross and bitter and NOT SALTY

he always eats his yakiniku a little bit undercooked because he’s way too impatient to wait for it to cook fully. who do you think he is??

whenever he cloud gazes with shikamaru, when asked what he thinks a cloud looks like, he just says some sort of food

“oi, choji, what does that one look like to you?”

“a... yakiniku grill... with... pineapple rings on it! ooh, and a wagyu steak right there!”

he thinks pringles are an abomination to society. where’s the crisp? where’s the grease? where’s the saltiness?!!!

asks ino to teach him how to do his hair all fancy and the two of them devote an entire day learning different hairstyles

it’s his new favorite thing to do now :D

he really likes crayons!!!!

like he’ll write with them, draw with them, color with them, do everything with them

he’s even tried to eat them. he said they tasted good.

definitely had the 128 crayon pack WITH THE BUILT-IN SHARPENER, and everyone thought he was the coolest kid in town

he ate it UP, he even scored some bbq dates with the ladies

i also feel like he loves basketball, and he has a MEAN slam dunk

like his vertical isn’t that high, but the man can REACH

he loves when people laugh at him when he challenges them to a 1v1 and then proceeds to absolutely destroy them <3

NEJI

he seems like a cucumber kind of guy.

just cucumber

like i feel like he puts it in everything; soba, salads, sandwiches, his face, yeah

it’s mellow and cool, just like him!

speaking of, i feel like he lives for spa days and facials

it just lets him be alone in his little cucumber scented world for an hour or two and he gets damn clear skin from it as well

seriously he has PERFECT skin. flawless. not a single blemish. his cheeks feel like baby butts they’re so smooth.

i feel like he’d be a god at solving rubik’s cubes, don’t ask me why

like if anyone scrambled theirs on accident they would just take it to neji and he’d solve it in the blink of an eye

CAT PERSON!!! loves the little meow meows

who are we kidding, neji basically is a cat; agile, aloof, does silly things without trying to, very cute

he just feels akin to the little fuzzballs and he thinks petting cats are extremely therapeutic. good for the soul

he is a golf man. he would take his juniors golfing and everyone thinks he’s uncool. cmon neji let them go to the skate park at least T-T

also very good at karaoke, definitely surprised everyone once he got a few drinks in him since he started serenading you

LIGHTWEIGHT!!! do not get more than one shot of alcohol in him. he will go berserk.

i also feel like he’d really love photography; not taking pictures of people, but of nature

he loves taking a quiet stroll through a pretty forest and snapping pictures of all the unique flora and fauna

it’s so serene ︶ ‿ ︶

ROCK LEE

100% milly rocks everywhere

gai got in on it too once he asked what lee was doing

“is that what all the youthful cool kids do these days!”

they also dab together. a lot

DO NOT BE SEEN WITH THESE TWO!!! you are not associated with them.

definitely is the one breakdancing in the middle of the dance circle at a high school party

he’s mad skilled at it too

headspins and windmills galore

challenged naruto to a dance-off and completely OBLITERATED him

lee then asked if naruto wanted a rematch, this time with one hand tied behind lee’s back

naruto obliged, and he STILL lost

RIP naruto and his fangirls, they all scrambled to lee afterwards T-T

i feel like his favorite subject is science

not the boring physics equations and laws and theories but the fun EXPERIMENTS

definitely has singed all of his hair off one time and he went to gai blubbering to help him grow back his precious hair

but he loves experimenting with different combinations and chemicals to get different reactions each time

created a potent love potion and carried it around with him all day one day

and it was actually working

girls were flocking to him left and right, staring at his lips and his face

he was so abashed at the sudden attention

heck, it even worked on sakura

“oi, lee-san!”

“hehe, yes, sakura-san?”

her eyes shifted downwards to his lips and his heart thumped harder

“hey... lee-san?”

“what is it?”

“you have something on your lip. we’ve been trying to tell you all day but you just winked and blew kisses at us.”

legend has it lee has still not recovered to this day.

TENTEN

has THE prettiest handwriting. and she can write SUPER fast

it’s like a superpower

like she transcribed five pages of a report in less than two minutes with perfect handwriting

naruto is so jealous.

she is also super good at origami! those diligent, accurate hands aren’t just for throwing things

taught sakura how to make shurikens but does NOT endorse any violent uses of them

she can replicate all of her weapons with paper and they can actually function, it’s so cool

made paper kunai knives one day and the wholeee village wanted to get their hands on them

i feel like she’d listen to mitski. idk i just get those vibes

LOVES BIG DOGS!! especially fluffy wuffy samoyeds

like man’s best friend?? no, GIRL’S BEST FRIEND!!

hugs and cuddles and squishes all the big dogs

she thinks small dogs are spawns of satan

sakura and her have definitely quarreled over this

but at the end of the day, all dogs are adorable fur babies, so she lets it slide :,)

KIBA

kiba always looks SO GOOD in photos you take of him, candid or not

like you could just whip out a camera and snap a photo of him at any given moment and he would look perfect

you framed a picture of him yelling at akamaru for peeing inside the house

it’s pure artwork

i feel like he tries to swagger around with his hands shoved in his pockets but it fails MISERABLY and the girls are wondering if he broke his leg or something 😭

kiba just walk normally. for the love of god please just walk normally.

he tries to slump back in his chair really low but one time he slouched way too low so he slipped off of his chair and onto the ground LMFAOOOO

he just wallowed there... in shame...

also.. he LOVES when the girls put makeup on him!!

he tries to act like he hates it. but it secretly gives him so much confidence

not to mention the girls hyping him up are a huge ego boost

okay the inside of his jacket hood is the warmest. thing. EVER!!!

seriously, no wonder this dude is so happy-go-lucky all the time, he’s living in literal heaven 24/7

it’s like you’re sleeping on a cloud inside a warm, cozy bed during a cold winter morning

10/10 would recommend letting him give you his sweatshirt when you’re chillin with a hair tie ❤️

HINATA

always smells like lavender soap. always

also has the cutest pencil pouches with little puppy faces and kawaii things

oH and she has those mini yoobi highlighters, she thinks they’re so cute (and functional!)

everyone flocks to her to try them out and marvel at the cute tiny highlighters

and they try to steal them from her but she doesn’t even stop them because she’s too timid to 😭

naruto goes BALLISTIC over them

she lets him have all of them <3

tennis girl!!! tennis girl.

all of her opponents always underestimate her because she’s so timid and shy and quiet

but she has a KILLER serve

and then she takes her opponents to the slaughterhouse with a complete shutout ;)

she’s really athletic believe it or not, she can beat most of the boys in a mile run and she has incredible endurance

i feel like she really loves velvet scrunchies

she just thinks they’re so pretty and they keep her hair soft so they’re cute and functional

also takes the PRETTIEST notes!!

color codes, dividers, headers, you name it, it’s all super readable too its insane

everyone asks her for her notes, not to study but just to appreciate the pure artwork that it is ^w^

SHINO

shino is SO easy to prank

“how do you catch an eyemaster?” *cue naruto and kiba snickering*

“eyemaster bait. that is because—”

even when everyone’s laughing their asses off, he still continues to explain his answer since he does NOT GET THE JOKE

tried his hand at writing haikus

here’s his best one so far:

“Bugs are amazing. That is because they are bugs. Bugs are very nice.” - Shino Aburame

VERY proud of it, since it took him weeks to perfect

praise it, pls

had one of those ant farms and bug-catching kits as a kid

and he would fill the kit TO THE BRIM. LIKE IT WAS HEAVY BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY BUGS.

he loves the little chitters of the different bugs

he had jars of different bugs all lined up on a wall shelf in his room

collects silkworms off of trees and sticks them into his pockets (no i definitely did not do this as a kid...)

HELP I FEEL LIKE he would record a timelapse of his ant farm growing and upload it to youtube with a movie maker title screen that says

“my ants”

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

[elliewritessometimes]

hello. have you seen this post by @notsomightymightytiger?? that’s my friend!!! and this is completely and utterly inspired by that and completely and utterly written for her. love you stabby friend <3

also known as: the tigers go to disneyland, kateva like to kiss, chess, reese and mattie have an understated bromance and cheerwives can actually be fluffy for once

tw: swearing, theme park kind of things??? aka rollercoasters and fireworks and all that. as always, let me know if i’ve missed anything

(sidenote idk if you can tell but i have never in my life been to disneyland don’t come for me if i wrote it all wrong i tried my best)

---

"We're going to Disneyland."

There was silence in the gym for a solid thirty seconds before all hell broke loose.

"WhAT???"

"Wait, really?!?"

"Oh my God, Riley, you're the best, oh my gOd!"

"Why the fuck did you think that taking us to fucking Disneyland was a good idea??" Kate looked less than pleased at the proposition, a stark contrast to the delighted faces of Reese and Mattie.

Riley smiled brightly. "Team bonding!!"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Right. Of course." Their voice rose in pitch, sarcasm delicately lacing their words. "For the best of the team-"

Chess cut them off, not so subtly stamping on her foot. "Katherine, please."

Farrah had been wobbling on her tiptoes, peering over Annleigh's shoulder. She gave a long-suffering groan. "Annleigh, Clark's not a Tiger, he can't come."

"But-"

"No. It's unfair."

Annleigh ignored her sister and switched her attention to Riley, making her best puppy eyes at the captain. Riley only widened her smile. It probably hurt her face a little bit. "You know what? Fine. Clark can come. It's gonna be fun, right?!"

Annleigh giggled at the answer, sticking her tongue out at a fuming Farrah. Kate was in a similar predicament, being held back by a smirking Chess with an arm around their shoulder. They pulled out their phone as well, already dialling a number, “If Annleigh’s boyfriend gets to come, then my girlfriend should be allowed as well. Otherwise that’s nepotism.”

“Fine.” Riley was steadily regretting her decision to hold a cheer trip. On her left, Cairo squeezed her hand, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. Kate gagged in their direction. “You better not, Kate, or I’m banning your girlfriend from Disneyland.”

“Fuck you.”

“Wait,” Reese spoke up, “If Kate and Annleigh can have Eva and Clark, and Cairo and Riley have each other, can I bring my boyfriend?”

“No more significant others!” Riley clapped her hands, ignoring Reese’s pout. “If you can’t get Eva and Clark here in the next eight minutes, we will be leaving them behind! I paid so much money for these tickets and we will not be late.”

The team headed towards the door, being greeted by Eva and Clark already standing beside Cairo’s minivan. They split the rides evenly between the van and Chess’ car (Kate was more than pissed to find that their best friend had been in on the plan all along). 

At one point, Mattie took Reese’s hand. “Hey, even if you can’t bring your boyfriend, you’ve got me, right? Ultimate bromance and all that?”

Reese grinned and squeezed the freshman’s hand. “Hell yeah.”

-

“I want that pin.”

“No, you don’t.” Reese hugged the Belle pin closer. 

Chess held out a hand. “Yeah, but I do though.”

Reese shook her head.

“Look, I’ll give you my Tinkerbell diamond one.” They held out the rare pin in their other hand.

“No! Belle is my favourite!”

“She’s my favourite as well though!”

Cairo sighed. “We’ve been here literally ten minutes.”

Reese linked arms with Mattie, turning on her heel to walk off, “I’m going now and you’re not getting my Belle pin!!!!”

“HEY!” Chess chased after the two, trying so hard to keep up their grumpy demeanour and failing when a smile crept onto their face.

Turning to an anxious-looking Riley, Cairo sighed again. By now, she’d sighed more than she’d spoken today. “Chess does know that they could just... buy their own Belle pin if they really wanted, right???”

“It’s the fun of it, Cai.” Riley looked around, craning her neck. “Where on Earth have the other five members of our team gone?”

“Holy shit.” At this rate, Cairo must have been running out of oxygen from the intense sighing. “It has been. Ten. Minutes.”

-

Farrah wouldn't call herself a Disneyland regular, but she's been a few times before. She remembered a time before her mother had left, when she was still just a little kid, coming to the park for the first time. It had been the kind of magical that only a child can experience, filled with glitter and laughter and something that might have been called family. Her mother bought bubblegum flavoured cotton candy, handing the stick to a seven-year-old Farrah with a smile and a wink. They agreed that it was the first thing that you had to do when going to Disneyland - buy cotton candy. Every time since, Farrah bought the same bubblegum pink sugar from the same tacky stand and ate it with the same wonder as she did the very first time.

Now, Farrah had a new family. In, perhaps, more ways than one. Here, away from home, she's still with her family, maybe a slightly dysfunctional one made up of teenage cheerleaders (and Clark), but still, they are her family in one way or another.

Annleigh returned as Farrah was mulling over all this, a stick of worryingly neon pink cotton candy in her hand. "Figured you'd want to start the day off with your usual sugar rush."

Farrah took the treat with a smile, wondering if Annleigh is only so glad to buy such unhealthy food because at least it's not alcohol. "Thanks."

"Come on, ladies! We've got a whole park to explore!" Clark had apparently already visited a store, a pair of Mickey ears stretched over his head. Farrah rolled her eyes, but followed her sister and brother-in-law (nearly) further down the street because, after all, they are her family.

-

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to fucking Disneyland before,” Eva looked mildly horrified, “Has Chess never taken you?”

“I didn’t really want to go.”

Eva narrowed her eyes. “Why the fuck-”

“Reasons.” Kate’s voice was sharp and Eva backed off, only kissing the top of their head. Kate squeezed her hand in response. “Anyway, come on, show me everything. Mountain rides challenge, right?”

“Ugh, Katie, the queues with be forever...”

“Lucky for you, I’ll be there to while away the time with you.” She winked, laughing when Eva blushed. “Let’s go.”

-

Of all the things to happen at Disneyland, Reese was not expecting to get sneak attacked by a literal cuddly pig. She yelped, reaching a hand to smack it away, nearing the point of ‘this might as well happen’, when a small head poked out from behind the toy. Mattie grinned, “Boo!”

“Jesus Christ, you scared the life out of me.”

The younger girl giggled brightly. “Look what I got!”

“...Is that the pig from Moana?”

“Obviously.” Mattie rolled her eyes. “You should know by now that Moana is the best Disney movie of all time.”

Reese rummaged in her backpack for a second before pulling out yet another pin. “Look! Moana pin. Girl, I would give it to you, but me and Chess are tryna see who can get the most pins by the end of the day. Speaking of, was Chess in the store?”

“Yeah, actually.” She hesitated. “Dude, I hate to tell you this, but they had a Belle pin.”

“Shit.”

-

Perhaps queuing had been a mistake. It had probably been hours. Kate would have known more accurately if they’d worn a watch like Chess always told them to. She was stubborn though, and hadn’t. “Aves...” 

“Yeah?”

“How long have we been waiting?”

“Twenty-five minutes.”

“Oh.” They craned their neck to see over the heads in front of them, realising that they were only a few people from the front. “Oh.”

Eva laughed and took her partner’s hand again, “Told you the queues were long.”

However, in only a matter of minutes, they were seated in an uncomfortable car, the seatbelts just a little too tight to be comfortable and a little too loose to feel actually safe. To say Kate was uncomfortable would be an understatement. She was also maybe a tiny bit scared. 

Eva squinted at them. “You look like you’re gonna throw up.”

“I’m fine.” 

And so the ride began.

Around halfway through, they began the steady climb to the highest peak. Kate turned to Eva, yelling over the shouts of other passengers. “Hey, babe? Remember when I said I didn’t come here with Chess because of reasons? Now might be a good time to tell you that those reasons are that I’m scared of heights.” 

“You fucking idiot.” Eva turned carefully to them, holding their hands tighter, worry and amusement shining in her eyes. The car reached the peak of the ride. “Look at me and don’t fucking think about looking down. It’s okay.” She cupped her cheek. They fell suddenly and Kate's heart jumped into her throat. Eva laughed a little at their surprise. “You know what they say, babe, you gotta confront your fears straight on.”

“I can’t do anything straightly.”

And that was how they found themselves kissing on a rollercoaster, hair slightly in their faces, just as the camera shutter went off. 

-

The team somehow reconvened for lunch, stopping on a bench somewhere as Clark unpacked a multitude of sandwiches and juice boxes. Of course, only Clark, Annleigh and Riley ended up eating the home-brought food, everyone else opting to buy their own trashy, mostly-sugar lunch. 

“How the fuck did you know to bring all this if we only organised the trip this morning?” Kate sounded suspicious, eyeing Clark like he was the imposter. 

Clark looked mildly sheepish. “Oh... We all knew already.”

“WHAT?”

“Yeah, sorry Kitkat.” Chess stifled a snort of laughter. “We organised this weeks ago. We had a group chat and everything.”

Kate spluttered for a second. “Alright, traitors, who else was left out of this?”

Mattie, Farrah and Reese all raised a hand. 

“This makes no sense. Cairo, I trust you to tell the truth, why the fuck didn’t you tell us?!”

Cairo smirked. “We didn’t tell Mattie and Farrah because they’re children-”

“Rude!” Mattie smacked Cairo on the arm. “I am possibly more responsible than half of the rest of you.”

Riley cut in. “Don’t be silly, Cai. We didn’t tell Reese, Mattie or Farrah because they like Disney the most and we wanted it to be a surprise treat for them.”

The rest of the group made noises of appreciation or fondness. Kate, however, was less than pleased, “What about me?!”

“Oh, we just wanted to see your face when we announced it.” Cairo didn't hold back.

“Fuck you all.” But they were holding back a smile, already moving on to the next thing. “Hey, Farrah, you okay? Why aren’t you eating?”

The sophomore groaned. “I feel sick.”

Annleigh hugged her sister to her side, rubbing her back gently. ‘It’s because you ate all that cotton candy earlier.”

“It was so good, though.” Farrah frowned, regretting her past-self and her need for sugar. 

Clark reached into his backpack, pulling out a pair of Minnie ears, before plonking them awkwardly on Farrah’s head. He grinned. “That’ll make you feel better!”

“Dude, I don’t know, but thanks for the effort.” She fought a smile, reaching up to arrange the ears around her plaits. 

-

Riley had been anxious about the trip ever since it had been first suggested. She’d pored over the plans for hours on end, triple checking each detail with Cairo and Chess. Now that they were here, it was all going well enough. Sure, maybe they had gotten lost a couple of times, and sure, maybe they hadn’t stayed as much of a team as she’d planned, but yeah, it was going fine. Everyone else was having fun. 

“Hey, Rye, you doing okay?”

She nodded with a smile, clutching Cairo’s hand. “Yup! All good!”

Cairo did not look convinced. “Look, you've been stressing about everyone else all day, how about we leave them be and go visit some princesses, huh?”

“Cai... Cai, that would be honestly amazing.” Hesitating, she watched the retreating backs of the rest of the team. “You’re sure they’ll be okay?”

“They’ll be fine, I promise. Besides, they’ve got Clark and Chess and Eva in case anything goes wrong.” The taller girl didn’t hesitate from naming who she perceived as the ‘responsible ones’. 

“Okay.” Riley opened her mouth to suggest a destination, when they were approached by the one and only Peter Pan. 

“Hey!”

“OhmygodCai.” She clung to her girlfriend’s arm. “It’s Peter Pan.”

Cairo snorted, nudging Riley to spark her reply. She watched as the two had what was possibly the purest and most wholesome conversation she had ever heard, sneakily taking photos that she would treasure because of Riley’s true delight. Riley skipped towards her after a couple of minutes, grinning properly from ear to ear. “That was so cool!”

“Amazing, Rye. Who shall we visit next?”

“Oh my God, we have to see Tangled!”

“....Rapunzel.”

Riley paused from where she was dragging Cairo into another set of rooms. “What?”

Cairo laughed, “She’s not called Tangled, babe, her name’s Rapunzel.” 

“Oh. Yeah, right, of course, forgot.”

The other girl only laughed harder. “You're so stupid, Jesus Christ, I love you.”

Riley blushed. “Love you too.”

-

“So you did the mountain rides challenge.”

“Yes. Obviously.”

“And somehow, just magically, you two found yourselves making out in every single ride photo.” Chess crossed their arms, grinning at the couple in front of them.

“I- It was noT making out!!” Kate spluttered a reply, hiding her face in Eva’s shoulder. Chess only laughed harder.

Eva hummed as if she was making a difficult decision. “I don’t know, babe, you got pretty into it at one point.”

The senior cackled, high-fiving Eva over Kate's head. Kate continued to hide in their girlfriend's shoulder, only lifting a middle finger in Chess’ direction as a reply. Chess took the offending finger in their hand, pulling Kate up so she could walk between the other two. “Damn, Kitkat.”

“I’m not ever replying to that name again. I have been too attacked to allow it.”

Eva kissed the top of their head, “You came here to have a good time and you’re just feeling so attacked right now.”

“Exactly!” Kate nudged their head up into Eva’s chin, “This is why I’m dating you, meme girl.”

“Ew, gross.” Chess tugged Kate, who tugged Eva, who finally got them walking again. “Come on, lovebirds, it’s firework time.”

-

By the time the fireworks began, they’d been at the park for hours. Farrah still had her Minnie ears on, ones which Clark occasionally tried to steal due to his own ears being lost on one ride or another. Annleigh would only bat his hand away, laughing when he pressed kisses to her palm. 

Kate kissed Eva again when the first firework exploded above them, being caught by yet another camera, this time in the hands of Riley. The photo found its way onto the Tigers group chat by morning, greeted by a pouting Kate begging them to take it down against the protests of the rest of the team (“But you’re just so cute!”). Somehow, she didn’t complain when it even later worked its way onto Eva's Instagram feed. 

Chess and Reese jumped at the first fireworks, too absorbed in counting pins to pay attention to the rest of the world. Mattie wormed her way between them, sneakily stealing both Reese’s Moana pin and Chess’ newly-bought Belle pin. They were too distracted by the light show to notice and Mattie celebrated her little victory by also stealing some of the cotton candy that Farrah had bought herself again, despite her earlier regrets. She supposed some people never learnt.

Cairo stood quietly at the back of the group, showing a still-bouncing Riley the pictures taken with the various characters they’d encountered. Riley kissed her for the final firework, a silent ‘thank you’ for today. 

With the lights of Disneyland glimmering maybe slightly tackily behind the group, Riley took one last picture. It was them, the team, the Tigers, silhouetted in the lights but, if you zoomed in and maybe turned the brightness up a bit, you could still see them smiling. That made its way onto the group chat as well and maybe it still hangs in more than one of their rooms. It was certainly a day that qualified for the scrapbooks.

[thisisthestoryofanotherus]

Hey, so can you write something like person at Starbucks collides with calum, coffee all over her... Meet again a week later at same place, both hungry, so calum offered lunch, forgot to exchange numbers... Both want to get to know each other more but don't have contact... Just add your flavours after this please. This is like a dream I had a long time back and I really wanna know what happens in the end lmao. It's kinda cringe but I really hope you will work your magic and make it better <3

For me the cringier the better haha. This idea was actually great!…and gosh I’m so jealous of your dreams shoot mine are just confusing af and very Calum-less haha Thank you so much!! Hope you like it!!! Idk about magic but you made me very inspired!

Requests for drabbles, mtls, reactions, and fake texts are OPEN!! Please send in requests!

  Fuck. You could not believe your boss. I mean sure you were his assistant but to send you on petty errands like coffee…fucking coffee, when the office was in a rush trying to complete all these orders. But no… you totally had time to go pick up his fucking americano despite the fact you had a million other things to do that actually related to him being productive rather than some caffeine intake. But here you were at the infamous Starbucks, packed as usual from the looks of the long line you could see from the window. You felt your pocket buzz as you approached the door. Reaching for the door handle you read the words “Y/n can you also get me one of those sandwiches?” from your boss when you felt the impact of someone colliding with you and the sensation of cold liquid running down your blouse. You screamed in surprise, looking down to see the iced coffee staining your blouse a caramel color. Your muttered quite the string of expletives and was ready to curse at whoever had the AUDACITY when your eyes met the most apologetic brown puppy eyes and all your anger faded away…

Tell me you wanna come over… wanna be closer…wait no that doesn’t sound right. Calum had been working on these lyrics for what felt like ages. The tune always came easiest to him, but lyrics was something he was always very particular about because it had to capture everything perfectly. He kept running what lyrics he did have for the chorus through his mind, trying to get them just right, as he walked out of Starbucks with his coffee in hand. Tell me tell me tell me you wanna come over…I wanna be closer… or no you’re telling me you’re telling me you wanna come over, you wanna be wanna be wanna be closer. Do-duh-do do-duh-do do-duh-do closer… shoulder rhymes… duh-da-duh hair over your shoulder… hold ya…duh-da-duhsshhhhiiittttt

He did not realize someone was on the other side of the door, so he was surprised to suddenly feel someone colliding with his chest and the crush of plastic in his hand. He noticed his caramel macchiato all over her blouse, looking up to her face he found her quite cute despite the frustration across her features. Before he could apologize, because he truly did feel sorry, suddenly all the frustrations were vocalized. Several curse words later she looked up at him, he prepared himself for your obvious rage to be directed at him, cursing himself for not paying attention since this girl clearly has been through enough today. Meeting her gaze, he watched as her features softened. He took this as his chance to finally apologize.

“I-I’m sorry…I didn’t see you-I wasn’t really paying attention-”

“No…it’s-it’s fine don’t worry about it” she said, cutting him off. “I just-ugh… it’s just the kind of day I’m having you know?”

“And I just made it worse…look let me get you some napkins and I’ll get your coffee. It’s on me…really the least I can do” He said as he walked back into the café, already grabbing napkins and handing them to her. “What is it you’re getting?”

She wiped the coffee stain as she recited her orders to Calum, running to the bathroom to get whatever else she could out as he placed her order. By the time she returned, he was already handing her the carrier of the various assortment of drinks.

“Thank you… you really didn’t have to do that I was on a coffee run for some coworkers” she said, blouse in better shape and a soft smile on her face.

“It’s really the least I can do. Can’t have a pretty girl like you having a completely shit day” Gosh that was cringy…he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth…what was he thinking?!

She laughed in response as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.

“Hello? WHAT? NOW!? Ya-no I’ll be right there” Panic filled her features as she glanced back at him.

“I’m so sorry-I gotta go… work is-yeah…maybe I can...um maybe we-uh um bye” She muttered as she practically ran out the door, leaving Calum wondering what on earth just happened.

You left the poor guy, the poor oh so attractive guy, as a stuttering mess. The right words refused to leave you mouth. You wanted to say SOMETHING that would allow you to see him again, but you were distracted by the incessant vibrating in your pocket and the thoughts of the chaos unfolding at your job. By the time you finally got out of work (two hours late, honestly how surprising) you couldn’t help but walk past that very same Starbucks hoping to spot the stranger who’s name you never did get, much less his number. Sure enough you couldn’t see the beautiful man through the windows…just employees wiping down tables ready to end their own shifts. When you got home, slipping on your pjs, you almost stopped yourself from spraying stain remover on your white blouse. Staring at the remnants of the coffee stain, you wanted some proof that today actually happened (even if you did nothing but completely embarrass yourself). After several moments, you finally pretreated your poor blouse and started the washer. The memory being washed away along with whatever minuscule chance you had with the beautiful stranger.

That did not stop you from trying though, oh no. You walked past Starbucks every morning on your way to work, and every afternoon after. Along with whenever you could sneak away during your lunch break, you weren’t stalking him, although you couldn’t help if this may be borderline stalking even though he never came.  After several days passed though, you wondered what on earth you would say to him if you had the luck to actually run into him again. Fate was not on your side however, since each time the man was no where to be seen. He probably didn’t remember you anyway.

Today. If he is not here today then this will be the end of it. It’s been nearly a week if I don’t see him now then I never will. You thought, making your way to the Starbucks entrance once again. Today you actually got the afternoon off now that work had slowed down. Your boss thought “you deserved it for you hard work”, as if you hadn’t put in dozens of hours of overtime. After a quick glance around the café, he was once again nowhere to be seen. Surprise, surprise. You gave your order to the barista at the counter and sat down at one of the nearby tables. You pulled out your phone to pass the time when you heard someone clear their throat next to you.

“Uh-hey” Calum said, almost in disbelief. After coming to this very Starbucks practically every day at various times hoping to run into you. So when he walked in, imagine his surprise when he looked around and saw you sitting at the table next to the counter. You looked frustrated, probably another bad day, so Calum almost didn’t approach you however he couldn’t stop himself. After saying hello, he was glad he did because the smile that lit up your face was breathtaking.

“Hey” you laughed. “I didn’t think I’d see you again” Your eyes widened after making this statement, redness spreading across your face as you put your head down in embarrassment. Calum chuckled as he sat across from you.

“Neither did I. I hope this doesn’t sound weird but I’ve been coming here a lot hoping to see you again…I mean…I just um… wanted to apologize”

“No I-I’ve been here a lot too… I had to leave so I didn’t get your name…”

“Calum”

You smiled holding out your hand “I’m Y/n”

Calum smiled back as he took you hand in his, holding on to it for longer than a simple handshake would require. “Do you wanna get out of here and get some actual food or something? There’s this great pizza place up the street and-”

“I’d love to” you smiled wide, pulling on his hand still wrapped around yours as you led him out the door, leaving your coffee order forgotten.

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #457

“blue are the words i say and what i think  /  blue are the feelings that live inside of me”

Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. That shit is so overpriced and not for my size group. Would you ever use an online dating service? I never would again. Are you good at multitasking? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Have you ever eaten Frosted Mini Wheats? Ugh, those are so gross. What does your bikini look like? You think THIS bitch wears a bikini??????????????????????? Does age really matter in a relationship? To an extent, yes. How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? I honestly don't even know if I'd be here without her. Almost like magic, Sara popped back into my life right after I returned home from the hospital following my suicide attempt. She helped make recovery possible as a solid source of support. Do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough. My skin is so dry; I need to. Do you believe in teenage love? I experienced it deeply and thoroughly, so yes. Have you ever sat on the roof of your house? No. Do you like Sublime? I like that one popular one of theirs. "Santaria" or whatever it's called? What’s your favorite movie genre? Paranormal horror, especially the "found footage" type. It's creepy to imagine it being actually real. Is there a celebrity that you’d be willing to have a one night stand with? If he was single? I know in my gut I would lmaooooo Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life? OH MY GOD PLEASE NO If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do? She's demisexual, so. She can like anybody. If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name? A tegu, because it wouldn't need an enclosure that I don't have. I'd let it free roam. God, I can only imagine Roman's reaction. How many people have you slept with? If you mean what I think you do by "slept," one. Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of? Not really. What’s the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone? Hunny, have you seen my dark RP????? The world best be glad I'm a pacifist lmfao Do you think anyone deserves to die that way? I don't believe in torture, so no. If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be? A gun, I guess? I'd want something with range and that's quick. I wanted to say a bow and arrow, but preparing another arrow after shooting once could really cost you your life. Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog, period. If not, are you afraid of them? No, I love big 'ole puppos!!!!! I just don't wanna own a dog myself. Are you good at playing darts? Holy fuck no, I have NO hand-eye coordination. I once stabbed the guy at a balloon popping booth thing with a dart in the arm, if that tells you anything, ooooooooooof. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? YESSSSSSSSS omg Do your parents know that/if you smoke? They know that I don’t. Have you ever been under a blacklight? Omg so in elementary school, we did this thing once where we all washed our hands as best we could and then put them under some sort of light (maybe a blacklight, idk???) to see JUST how resilient germs are. You gotta scrub the fuck out ya hands, people. How many pounds do you want to lose? I'd rather not share a number, but a lot. What’s your favorite natural phenomenon? The Northern Lights. Do you snore? Very surprisingly for someone with sleep apnea like mine, I actually don't. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? Off the very top of my head, one, but it's spelled differently. I KNOW I know of a shitload more Brittanys, though. Is it possible you could be pregnant? Well, I haven't been intimate with a man in years and just finished my period, so like- Could you go a day without texting? I go most days without texting. Do you have a step-parent? My dad is remarried, so yes. If so, do you get along with them? She's EXTREMELY Christian, so her beliefs wildly disagree with mine, but I keep my mouth shut a lot just to keep the peace. She IS a very sweet woman, nevertheless, and am glad she and my dad are so happy together. Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform? My last job (which lasted not even two hours lol) did. When will your driver’s license expire? My permit has been expired for like... two years. Do you live in an apartment? No. If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say? That's too wild a concept to even imagine. I'd probably ask if she was okay lmao. Would you ever get back with one of your exes? Weeeelp, I want to get back together with Girt. Pretty badly. Write a foreign word, and what it means: "Schadenfreude" is a German term that essentially means secondhand embarrassment, but it doesn't have a perfect translation. Is there an ex you think about everyday? Inevitably. That's PTSD, my friends. Who is the last person that you said I love you to, besides family members? Sara. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Something along the lines of "no one could ever love you like I do." It boils my blood just typing that; I considered even deleting this question. That quote right there is fucking manipulation, even IF I thoroughly believed it. Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? I don't feel like looking. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? It's weird, I'm into slightly older-than-me guys, but probably girls who are barely a bit younger than me. Have you ever been used? I don't think so. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Like I've said in plenty of surveys: Jason is probably a permanent fixture. But also as of the past two days, Girt's been living up there. I went from "hmmm I just don't know how I feel" to "FUCK I want to talk to him about how stupidly into him I am right this fucking INSTANT" pretty goddamn fast. It kinda scares me just because of how extreme my feelings are. Again. That's only ever gotten me hurt. Buuuut let's not get into that. Have you ever got caught cheating on a test? No, because I've never tried to. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope it won't be. But it's not like I know the future. Have you ever worn an oxygen mask? Actually yes, when I was young and thought I was having an asthma attack or something. Mom had one for her own asthma. Then I obviously wore one for surgery. What song do you want to be played at your funeral? "Paradise" by Coldplay is absolutely #1. How many swear words are in the song you’re listening to? I'm not listening to music; I'm back to watching Gab play Sekiro. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same sex, and if so, who? Yeah, just Sara. Who did you last tell to ‘shut up’? Ha, I think my WoW friend Lyndsey, but only playfully, of course. We pick fun at each other all the time. Would you ever get a tattoo of a boyfriend/girlfriend's name? NOOOOOOOOO. Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? I know what I'd name my kids IF I actually wanted any, yeah, but I don't. Do you think guys with long hair are attractive? Yessss, I love long hair on guys. Are any of your siblings taller than you? I think Ashley is a liiiiil bit taller? I know my brother is, for sure. Have you ever scared someone so badly that they cried? Yikes, no. When was the last time you wore high heels? Boy oh boy, no idea. Is there someone that you want to hurt right now? Jeez, no thanks. What was the most interesting or colorful birthday cake you’ve had? I don't remember, but I'm sure something from childhood. What was the last thing someone bought you? Was it expensive? Mom bought me food from McD's, which obviously isn't expensive. Do you have any interesting moles anywhere you don’t want people to know of? No. Have you ever gotten high or drunk in a really formal place? Strong "no" there. Do you ever write poetry and post it on any certain websites? On the very rare occasion I write poetry and actually like it, I'll sometimes post it on dA. What do you miss most about your childhood? Actually, genuinely having fun and not dealing with fucking anhedonia. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? Hell no. Do you photograph well? I'd like to hope so. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Maggots and similar bug larvae. What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. It just sounds... awful and overwhelming. What’s your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? Oh, I KNOW I have answers to this, just none are coming to me immediately and I don't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking about it. If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? My snek! :') If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? Tempting, but... I don't think I would. I cannot go through how deep my depression was again. Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My nieces and nephew. Yes, I don't believe in profanity being a "thing" and is just a stupid human fabrication, but nevertheless I acknowledge societal standards and expectations, and they're way too young to get when you shouldn't say something like that and why. Have you ever won a contest or competition? A few. Who is your favorite TV character? I don't think I really have one? Do you coo over other people’s babies? Not really, no. Sometimes I'll think they're super cute and be like "awww," but I don't like... squeal and spaz like some people do. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin got me deeper than anyone else. Chester Bennington hit real hard, too. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? Most of my closest ones, yes, at least via Facebook. What’s a movie that you want to see? Old movie, but Jacob's Ladder. It was a massive influence on Silent Hill, so naturally, I'll probably love it. It's a classic, anyway. Do you use the same username everywhere online or do you have a lot? I use "Ozzkat" in most places, but I do have some other ones for different sites. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? My friend Ana recently revealed she's expecting her second child, a boy. What fad were you actually into? I have zero clue. Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Fuck no. That's how so many wrecks happen. My sister legit got in a wreck with an 18-wheeler mostly because she was tailgating (which she does BADLY); she was trying to pass, and he moved over at the same time because he couldn't see her coming around. It's a borderline miracle she got out with only some cuts, bruises, and a seatbelt burn. Have patience, people. Get off cars' asses. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Look, don't get me started on this. There are a shitload of reasons and I have been way too emotional over this the past few days laksdfja;lwke What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel w/ cream cheese for breakfast. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We don't have a landline phone. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Personalities, for sure. I cannot be into you if your personality isn't attractive.

[purplesurveys]

1001

survey by voicedance16

Name A...

Name yourself:  I said this like, seven surveys ago. To make things different, I share my name with a bird and Rihanna’s first name. 

Name (one of) your best friend(s): Angela. Sister for life.

Name 3 things in your fridge/freezer: We have a loaf of white bread, a near-empty bottle of Japanese mayonnaise, and a tub of liver.

Name a color you're wearing currently: Pink and orange. I ended up going to the virtual Halloween party at work - went as Dora - and it was a blast. I’m SO glad impersonating our characters didn’t turn out to be mandatory; I just sat there and was happy to be there, lmao. 

Name the last thing you ate: A ham sandwich.

Name the last store you went to: Does the vet count? They sell pet food over there, so it’s kind of like a store I guess. I went last weekend because Cooper needed a heartworm test and a couple of shots.

Name the song you're listening to: Nada.

Name the artist of that song: See above.

Name your favorite animal: Dogs! Elephants are a close second.

Name what pets you have, if any: I have two dogs, an aspin and a beagle.

Name the town/state you live in: I won’t give away the city, but I will say Metro Manila is a literal stone’s throw away. I live right at the border.

Name something commonly ordered at Starbucks: Like...in general? I’m not aware of the most common food/drink ordered by other people but if I had to pick a guess, I know frappes are popular among my age group and the age group before us and that java chip is a popular flavor. But if you’re just referring to my usual, I like getting an iced caramel macchiato.

Name the last person you talked to in person: My dad. They gave us a box of Halloween donuts AND cake pops at work today :’) so I just asked my dad if he wanted a donut.

Name the last person you talked to on the phone: Mom. But my last call in general was a Zoom call with the entire company just a few minutes ago for the Halloween party.

Name the current day of the week: Today issss Wednesday.

Name the current month: October.

Name the current time: 6:55 PM.

Name the last movie you watched: I’m Thinking of Ending Things, blech. Need a happier movie to mention.

Name the last book you read: I’ve mentioned it too many times on a lot of recent surveys.

Name a place you've been on vacation: Bali.

Name a place you'd like to go on vacation: I desperately need to go back to Sagada, or at least Tagaytay. I think visitors are already allowed to go to the latter so I’m really eyeing a solo, soul-searching trip soon. As for places I’ve never been to before but would make for interesting vacations, I’d go with Chicago and Marrakesh.

Name 3 things you can see from where you're sitting: I can see an empty mug that used to contain coffee, a box of cake pops, and a purple pen.

Name your favorite musical: Miss Saigon.

Name an animal (any): The first animal that came to mind was dragonfly.

Name a fruit: Avocado, the only bitch in the house that I ever respected.

Name a vegetable: Broccoli, my favorite.

Name a common breakfast food: Where I live, beef tapa.

Name a color: Dandelion.

Name a type of flower: ...Dandelion!

Name a type of tree: Pine. Not that we have any here lol, but it’s the first kind I thought of.

Name a city: Uhh, idk. Let’s go with Seattle.

Name a state: I first thought of Wisconsin because I have a lot of family living there.

Name a country: Let’s go outside of the States and go with Sweden.

Name a continent: Asia.

Name a planet: Mars.

Name a girl's name: Clara. Such a pretty-sounding name.

Name the last person to comment you on Facebook: I haven’t had Facebook in weeks and I genuinely can’t remember from whom I received my last comment before I deactivated.

Name a clothing store/brand: Mango.

Name the last book you got at the library: It’s called History of the Filipino People, written by one of my great-uncles.

Name a restaurant: Max’s, even though their food sucks.

Name a grocery store: SM.

Name an iPhone app: Like, an Apple-exclusive app? I think Keynote is one of them.

Name an actor: Eddie Redmayne! One of my favorites.

Name an actress: Kate Winslet, my biggest crush through and through.

Name a music group: Destiny’s Child.

Name your favorite/lucky number: I don’t have a lucky number, but 4 is my favorite. I don’t have a solid reason for it to be my favorite; it just is.

Name something you've accomplished:  Graduating college from my dream school in my (then-)dream degree/course.

Name something you'd like to accomplish: Travel, and travel a lot.

Name someone who makes you laugh: Andi made me smile and chuckle a bit today, so let’s name them.

Name something exciting coming up soon: Nothing too specific, really. But I’m supposed to be receiving my internship cut any day now and it’s gonna be my first salary ever, so that’s pretty exciting :)

Name a song that makes you emotional: 26 by Paramore.

Name one of your pet peeves: People who call without texting or notifying beforehand. Holy fucking shit. A hiring manager did this exact thing to me yesterday and I rejected her call because she did not text first. I honestly have no regrets, and I wouldn’t have been bitter if she stopped pursuing me then. 

Name someone you know who is an amazing singer: Hannah, without a doubt.

Name someone who is the same religion as you: JM.

Name a holiday you celebrate: Christmas. I can hardly believe another one is coming up soon.

Name the last 4 digits of your phone number: Uh, no thanks.

Name one of your cousins: Sam.

Name a book you loved when you were younger: I used to really love the Septimus Heap series by Angie Sage and I reread the first book, Magyk, more times than I could ever count.

Name a song you loved when you were younger: Big Girls Don’t Cry - Fergie.

Name your favorite movie: Two for the Road.

Name a popular book series: The Hunger Games, even though I never actually read it.

Name a musical instrument: A song played on a solo saxophone...

Name a language: German.

Name what other tabs you have open: On this window, just Bzoink. I just closed a YouTube tab.

Name 3 things on the walls of the room you're in: Audrey Hepburn wall decors, a painting that I’m trying to cover up with post-its to turn it into something positive, and uhhh my aircon is mounted to the wall if that counts lol

Name your house number: I’m not sharing that.

Name your high school: It’s an all-girls Catholic school in my city. I’ve shared the name before but I don’t feel like doing so tonight.

Name your college, if applicable: My college was in mass communication, but I went to university in UP.

Name your middle school: See high school.

name your elementary school Again, see high school.

Name the college you wish you went to/hope to go to: UP.

Name your favorite teacher: My music teacher throughout high school. I don’t like her subject, but I love her.

Name the color of your backpack: I haven’t had to use a backpack in a while but my main one is pink.

Name a dessert: Creme brulee. I don’t memorize which letters have those accent marks and I don’t feel like looking that up right now.

Name a famous landmark: Because I can clearly read the next question, the Statue of Liberty.

Name a place you might go in NYC: I’d go straight to my uncle’s so that he can show me the good spots. He has a lot of cool friends who run their own bars/restaurants in the city so if anyone knows how to have a good time in NYC without having to go to all the big tourist places, it’s him. GOD I can’t wait to go to New York.

Name an inventor: Hedy Lamarr.

Name an article of clothing: Scarves.

Name an ice cream flavor: Mint chocolate chip, yum.

Name a religion: Buddhism.

Name an emotion: Resentment. 

Name a room in your house: My bedroom, because that’s where I’m staying in at the moment.

Name a website: Wikipedia.

Name a car: This is pretty vague. A kind of car? Hatchback. Are you looking for a make? Toyota. Or maybe a specific model? Honda Civic. I gotchu.

Name something you need to do today: SLEEP. I should not be awake at 11 PM.

Name someone you admire: Andi.

Name someone you miss: At the moment, nobody.

Name a part of the body: Elbow.

Name the last youtube video you watched: I bawled my eyes out to a video playing the audio to Ben&Ben’s Kathang Isip because that song makes so much goddamn sense and is relatable now. Can’t I just go back to a simpler time when that song was just fun to listen to and wasn’t actually relevant to my life? I hate music sometimes.

Name a quote you love: I don’t have one.

[surveystodestressme]

263.

Last thing you bought online? just bought a calm strip, something for anxiety

Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? absolutely

How would you react if your artwork became famous? i’d be surprised considering i don’t really dabble in artwork anymore unless you count my small business stuff

Would you get your nipples pierced? yes

How many people know your birthday? plenty

Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? i don’t think so

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? yes lol i used to all the time when it was late at night when i was in middle school lol

What is your current MySpace song? Iduuuude i don’t even know if i ever put songs on my myspace

What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich? turkey

Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? i don’t have any chemistry with any of them anymore

How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets?good for them, doesn’t affect me whatsoever

Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins? nope

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? i don’t know

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? i love looking at other peoples artwork, any kind really, just really interesting to see the beautiful things others have created

If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them? of course, i would support him

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful? yeah

Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? i don’t really think of myself as an expert in anything, there is always room for improvement

When was the last time you got all dolled up? a week or so ago

Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) sometimes

Do you have a criminal record? nope

Last person you took a nap with? my boyfriend or myself lol

Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? yeah but she cries all the time lol

Do you think someone likes the same person you like? nope

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? not necessarily, i’d be cool with some things being different

Have you ever been to craigslist.com? yeah

What about eBay? yes

Have you ever used Nair? no idea what that is

Are you medicated? yeah

Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows? nope

Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? no

Could you make a statement about anything political? i literally do not care about politics one single bit

Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? sure

Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? maybe

Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? sometimes

Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? nope

Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? i have not slept over at her house but we have both spent the night at another friends house together

How often do you go bowling? i used to be in a league but since i moved i have not yet joined a new one so it’s been a couple of months

Last time you were in an apartment? currently

Have you ever seen a live seahorse?  yes

Would you like to have your own yacht? nah

Winnie the Pooh or Tigger? tigger

What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today? idk i had coffee earlier

Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? i had a stranger buy my drink at the bar last week

What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot? popcorners

What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to? Ihe like rock and heavy metal

Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? jacob, light brown

Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? plenty of them

Do you eat dessert after dinner? no i am usually too full

Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day? sure

When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? something sweet and fruity

What was the last animal that you saw? Dog.

What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings? my brother asked me when pit bulls should be neutered so i answered him lol

What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for: my car

What is your favorite messaging program? my texting app

Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week? no

Have you ever almost drowned? Yes.

Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook? i don’t think so

What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted? i don’t even know

Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? yes lol

Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? yeah not a fan of thursdays because that;’s the start of my work week

If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? i usually put a little bit of sugar on mine

What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? i’ve heard plenty of weird shit

Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: snickers

Do you use Mozilla Firefox? yes

Who is your favorite person to hug? my sister or my mom

Have you ever had to have a mug shot? no

[a-splash-of-stucky]

A Messed Up Place | Four

Pairings: Bucky x Reader || Steve x Reader

Summary: Bucky sees something that leaves him shaken up and makes some bad decisions after. 

Warnings: One mention of sex, alcohol abuse, a lot of swearing. BUCKY FEELS SHIT ABOUT HIMSELF -- and the language of the chapter reflects this.

Notes: Written for @hellomissmabel. Y’all like angst, right? Because I’m feeding it to you by the bucketload. 

and random, but: sorry that things keep happening in the kitchen. idk, I just have an obsession with kitchens, i guess?? Also, sorry if there are any typos. Didn’t really have a proper read-through of this. 

AMUP Masterlist

True to your word, the day after your date with Steve, you come in search of Bucky in order to have a chat. Despite the fact that Bucky is expecting it, an uneasy sense of dread settles in his gut all the same.

Though he tells himself otherwise, Bucky knows that he’s skipped breakfast today because he doesn’t want to risk bumping into you in the kitchen. Though he tells himself otherwise, he knows that he’s opted to go for a long run outside today, in lieu of training in the gym, just so that he can stay out of your way for an hour more. Though he tells himself otherwise, he knows that he chose to sneak into the compound via the back gate, just to delay the inevitable.

Though he tells himself otherwise, Bucky knows that he’s more affected about the Steve ordeal than he’s willing to let on.

Unfortunately, Bucky’s avoidance tactics only get him so far. Eventually, hunger wins out and he is forced to wander into the kitchen in search of food. Lo and behold, who does he find there?

You, of course.

You’re standing with your back towards him, fixing up a sandwich by the counter, humming tunelessly under your breath. As always, Bucky is left breathless by your beauty; god, you’re not even doing anything, yet here he is, pining after you like a puppy without its owner. You’ve just showered, so your hair is slightly damp and plastered against your scalp. You’re dressed in a pair of leggings and an emerald green hoodie with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows. Fuck, why do you look so good in that outfit?

It is at that moment that you turn around, a flicker of an amused smile passing across your lips.

“Hey there, Buck,” you say, setting your knife down and putting a hand on your hip. “Why’re you being a creeper and just standing there?”

Bucky shakes his head as he walks over to the kitchen island and takes a seat on one of the bar stools. “Jus’ watching,” he murmurs, folding his arms and resting them on the countertop in front of him. A moment of silence passes between the two of you. The tension in the room is palpable, thick enough that Bucky could probably slice it with a knife, if he tried. Unspoken words hang in the air, just waiting to be said.

In the end, it’s Bucky who — for once in his life — plucks up enough courage to make the first move.

“So, Steve, eh?” he asks casually.

Just like that, something inside you snaps. You lean heavily against the countertop behind you as you cross your arms over your chest. “Bucky…I didn’t…I knew you’d be hurt. Or something, I dunno. I just—fuck, I know I should’a told you, but I didn’t ‘cause I was scared,”.

“Of what?” asks Bucky, cocking his head to the side in curiosity.

You shrug helplessly. “Dunno, how you’d react? How you’d feel about it? I just…I didn’t wanna hurt you, ‘cause…” your voice trails off.

“Cause what?” he prompts gently.

You sigh. “‘Cause I was already…y’know, breaking things off with you. I didn’t wanna pile on too much of the bad news all in one go,”

“Y/N,” Bucky murmurs, forcing a smile onto his features, “You don’t have to worry about it. Was I surprised? Hell yeah, I was. Does that make me angry? No, no it doesn’t,”. He’s telling the truth. Bucky was surprised to find out that you and Steve are seeing each other, but he’s not angry about it.

Upset, would perhaps be a better word. No reason to tell you that, though.

“Y/N, m’ being serious with you,” Bucky says, “Really, really serious — you wanna be with Steve? You go ahead. Don’t hafta care about me,”. Bucky has to hide his wince at those words, because really? That’s a lie — he wants you to care, wants it more than you’ll ever know.

You cock your head to the side, assess him for a moment longer, then nod firmly, accepting his response.

—————————

That was the last time you and Bucky had a conversation that lasted for more than five seconds.

Bucky spends his days moping around the compound, not talking to anyone unless it’s entirely unavoidable. Most of all, he does his damn hardest to keep his distance from you. He’s been avoiding you like you’re some sort of deadly disease.

It’s hard, Bucky won’t lie. The two of you used to be pretty close friends, once the sex broke had broken down the barriers between you. Having to rip you out of his life is — it’s a tough choice, but one which Bucky feels like he has to make, if only to preserve his sanity. Being around you just reminds him of things he’d rather forget. He doesn’t want to constantly be thinking about what he doesn’t have.

What he can’t have.

Of course he’s happy for you. Of course he’s happy for Steve. In fact, he’s ecstatic for the lil’ punk — not so little anymore, Bucky thinks ruefully. He’s so indescribably happy for the two of you, but his joy is dampened by a pain that is more severe than anything he could have ever imagined. Bucky would gladly take ten years in that god-forsaken, wretched chair, than another half-second of heartbreak.

But he can’t.

And so, Bucky finds himself hiding his emotions behind an increasingly strained smile, saying some variation of “S’all good” to throw people off his scent and going on with his day like nothing’s amiss.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Nowadays, he doesn’t even know what his body wants anymore. Bucky doesn’t know whether it’s even what his body wants at this stage, or whether it’s his head and heart warring for control over his self. God, love is one confusing puzzle, is it not?

—————————

It’s a quiet evening in the compound tonight. Everyone is off doing — whatever is is they do whenever they’re not saving the world from imminent danger. Hobbies, or something mundane like that.

Bucky snorts inwardly. Maybe he should think about getting a hobby. It’d certainly be one way of getting over you.

His stomach growls menacingly, reminding him that he hasn’t had anything for dinner, despite it being almost half-past ten at night. With a tired sigh, he switches off his tablet, tosses it onto his pillow and rolls himself out of bed. Bucky slides his feet into a pair of fluffy Captain America-themed slippers — a cheesy present that Sam had gotten him a couple of months ago — then trudges out of his room, towards the kitchen.

He’s been feeling out of it today — hell, he’s been feeling out of it most days, lately. Bucky finds himself in a permanent state of disregard, not really caring about the world around him, not really paying attention to what’s going on. Of course, all that changes when he’s on a mission, but even in that situation, he feels like he’s running on autopilot, living solely off the adrenaline pumping though his tired veins. Once the mission comes to a close and the wheels of the quinjet kiss the asphalt of the compound’s airstrip, he closes in on himself again, existing as nothing more than a shell of a man.

It’s unhealthy, he knows it. But fuck, you’ve been with Steve for just over two months now, and the fire of your romance has not yet died down to smouldering embers. It kills him. Everyday, Bucky feels like he dies a little more inside.

He doesn’t let it show, though.

Every morning, Bucky goes through the ritual of donning a mask of bravery which he parades behind for the rest of the day. He makes sure to keep the facade flawless and polished, not a single crack in sight. It’s a routine that’s as easy now as brushing his teeth or making his daily cup of coffee. No. Not easy. That’s the wrong word. He’s become accustomed to it. It’s part of his life now, and will probably continue to be part of his life in the foreseeable future.

Because if there’s one thing Bucky knows how to do well, it’s pretend like everything’s okay.

Bucky rounds the corner and is about to beeline for the fridge when—

—his heart freezes over. He forgets how to breathe. He forgets who he is, why he’s here, what his plan was. He feels ungrounded, like his soul is detaching from his body. Rage and misery, sorrow and jealousy — a tidal wave of emotions slam into him at full force.

Steve has you pinned between his body and the kitchen counter.

Steve has you pinned between his body and the kitchen counter, his arms encircling your waist and his lips locked onto yours.

The way Bucky’s always wanted to. The way Bucky’s always dreamt of doing.

You’re standing on your tip-toes to reach Steve’s lips. The fingers of your right hand are curled around the nape of his neck, whilst your left hand is idly roaming over the defined muscles of his back. The two of you are wrapped up in a little bubble, that much is clear; consumed as you are in each other’s taste, neither of you notice Bucky standing there by the entrance to the kitchen, rooted to the ground in shock.

Equally, neither of you notice when Bucky — as silently as he can — turns on his heel and quick-marches the hell out of there.

Bucky is in pain.

He thought he was in pain before, but really, that was just a strange kind of numbness. It was blissful, with its quiet peace. The roiling agony inside his chest right now? This is pain; acute and sharp, like someone is jamming a serrated knife through his ribs and gouging him open in the most brutal way possible. It’s raw and it’s violent and what scrap of control he was holding onto vanishes at the sight of you and Steve in each other’s arms.

Happy.

Content.

In love in a way that Bucky can never hope to experience.

His feet carry him to the end of the corridor and down the fire escape. He’s cruising on autopilot again, so it takes Bucky’s brain a while to realise where he’s headed. When he does make the connection, however, it’s like he can’t get down the stairs fast enough.

One of the benefits of it being a quiet evening in the compound is that no one is there to catch him as he sneaks down to Basement-3. Otherwise known as the high-security storage area within the building, otherwise known as the place where the Avengers keeps the things that probably shouldn’t reach the hands of the public.

Bucky has clearance to enter, obviously. He places his palm on the reader beside the reinforced door, punches in his access code, lets FRIDAY run the retinal scan and voice recognition software and just like that, he’s in.

Steve had brought him here once, not too long after he’d moved into the compound. It’s a nifty little place, full of all kinds of toys he’d like to get his hands on, as well as several things he’d rather not. About a third of the stuff in the vault has a note saying something along the lines of ‘Do Not Tamper’ attached to it. The Hulkbuster armour is here, as is one of the prototypes of Steve’s shied.

Bucky isn’t interested in any of those toys, however, He heads towards the back of the room, towards a small wooden crate filled with fluorescent pink packing foam. After scooping some of the foam aside, Bucky shoves a hand in and roots around until his fingers close around cool glass. With a triumphant grin, he fishes out a medium-sized vial of Asgardian mead, which Thor left on his last visit.

Stuffing his treasure under his arm, Bucky puts the foam back into place as if it’d never been touched — although he doesn’t know why he bothers, really. FRIDAY will have a record of his visit and the place is bugged with cameras, anyhow. Still, Bucky’s always been taught to tidy up his messes and that’s what he’s doing now.

He leaves the vault and takes the stairs three at a time, bounding his way back to his room. Once inside, he kicks his bedroom door shut, then locks it, for good measure. Bucky grabs his tablet, heads into his bathroom and locks himself in there.

It’s pretty spacious, as far as bathrooms go. One would expect nothing less, in a compound built with Stark money. Bucky plops himself into his enormous bathtub, lets his head thump against the headrest, pops open the cork and takes a hefty swig.

The alcohol is powerful stuff — and it needs to be, in order to intoxicate a god, he muses. Like Steve, Bucky can’t get drunk because his metabolism’s too high. But, even an enhanced liver is no match for a drink as strong as this. He savours the feel of the mead as it travels down his throat, swirling down with a pleasant, welcoming burn. It’s accompanied by the loosening of the tension in Bucky’s body, the alcohol hitting him almost immediately, sending a pleasant buzz through his veins and making him feel like he’s unmoored, like someone’s cut the tether of his boat.

Without prompting, the memory of you and Steve cozying up to each other in the kitchen hits him again, a sudden flash of vibrant, all-too-bright colour in his consciousness. The vivid image makes Bucky wince.

It’s a scene that will forever be seared into the back of his head, he knows that. No amount of drink will chase away the dark sorrow threatening to consume him, but he takes another swig anyway, just to keep the demons at bay.

God he wants you. No, more than that — he wants you to want him, wants you to love all the broken pieces of himself.

Bucky knows that that will never happen. He didn’t have a chance before and certainly doesn’t have a chance now, when you’re so clearly caught up in the torrent of Steve’s love. Steve is good. Steve is perfect. Steve has been through so much in his life and still has the capacity to love with all his heart; of course he deserves you.

It’s an odd kind of torture, watching you with him.

On the one hand, Bucky feels like he’s in sheer agony every time he sees you together. On the other hand, he feels strangely at peace, knowing that the two of you — the two people he cares most about — have found happiness in each other. It’s conflicting, it’s confusing and at this point, Bucky gives fuck-all about it because goddammit why can’t things be simple, for once in his life? Why can’t he get what he wants, for once in his life?

Because no one cares about what Bucky wants, that’s why. HYDRA didn’t care, the universe doesn’t care, so why would you?

Bucky brushes the back of his hand over his eyes and is surprised to find them a little wet.

Weak, Barnes, he thinks dryly.

A thunderous crash draws him out of his gloomy downward spiral. He feels like he should care — this may be a sudden attack, after all — but if someone could kindly kill him where he lies, Bucky would be more than willing to go. He hears muttered curses, loud footsteps and then the sharp rap of knuckles against the bathroom door.

“Bucky?”

It’s Steve. Bucky groans internally. The punk means well, he knows, but Bucky just doesn’t need to see him now. More importantly, Bucky doesn’t need Steve to see him when he’s like this.

Steve knocks on the door again, more insistently this time. “Bucky? I know you’re in there. You okay, pal? FRIDAY— never mind. You okay, bud?”

Again, Bucky doesn’t answer. He knows he probably should, knows that his failure to answer is only making Steve more anxious, but truth be told, he just doesn’t have the strength to say “I’m fine”. He’s been pretending for too long. He can’t do it anymore.

Steve jiggles the handle and growls quietly when he finds that the door is locked. “Bucky, I’m gonna come in there, okay? Jus’ to make sure you’re okay,”. A moment of silence passes, then Steve throws himself against the door with a low grunt. The door, to its credit, shudders violently, but holds.

Even so, no door is a match to the enhanced strength of a super-soldier, so after a few more shoves, it finally gives way, coming off its hinges with a small flurry of dust. Steve bursts into the bathroom and looks around wildly, chest heaving and cheeks slightly flushed with exertion. When his eyes land on Bucky, he calms down, taking stock of the situation.

“Heya, Buck,” Steve murmurs, “Is it okay if I come over?”

Bucky shrugs indifferently. Steve accepts the unspoken invitation and timidly makes his way over to the bathtub, kneeling down beside it so that he is eye-level with Bucky.

“You wanna talk, pal?” Steve asks quietly. The concern is evident in his tone, yet he tries to keep his expression calm and neutral. With Steve in this position, Bucky’s eyes can’t help but be drawn to the movement of his rose-pink lips, the way the move so seamlessly as they shape the words that fall from Steve’s mouth. Is that the view that you had, just seconds before Steve leaned in and kissed you? Or did you reach up and pull him towards you?

How many times has he pressed his lips to yours? How many times has he tasted you in a way that Bucky was never privileged enough to enjoy? He can’t get the image of your lips out of his head now, perfect and oh-so-kissable. They are the epitome of a forbidden fruit; ripe and tempting, but never for him to touch.

WHY?!

Bucky snaps.

“You don’t know what it’s like!” he shouts suddenly, his words coming out a little slurred. Bucky glances at the hand still clutching the vial and is stunned to find that it is almost completely empty, nothing but half a mouthful still inside. Huh. No wonder he feels drunk. Bucky’s forgotten what it felt like to feel drunk, hasn’t had to deal with that issue for a long while.

Steve blinks, but otherwise shows no other outward response to Bucky’s outburst. “Don’t know what what’s like?”

“You don’t know how lucky y’are, Steve!” Bucky snaps, “To have her. To—to be together the way you want, to—,”

“Bucky what on earth are you talking about?” Steve asks, brows knitting together in confusion. God, Bucky’s half-tempted to slap him around, make him see sense.

“What do they taste like, Stevie?” Bucky continues, rolling over Steve’s words as if he’d never spoken. “Bet’cha they’re real sweet, huh? Fruity, or somethin’? Bet’cha they feel real nice and soft, yeah? Ya’ don’t know how lucky y’are to have her, Stevie, don’t know how good she is, how fuckin’ perfect she is, she’s a fuckin’—fuck, I don’t know! But she’s good and she deserves the world,”. Bucky knows that he should stop talking now, because with every word he lets slip, the deeper his grave becomes.

But he can’t stop, that’s the problem. The train is rolling down the hill in an uncontrollable plummet and there’s nothing he can do but hang on for the ride. Bucky doesn’t care anymore, at this point. After bottling his emotions for so long, it’s a relief to finally be able to get something out there. This is the closest that Bucky’s ever gotten to confessing his feelings about you to someone.

“What’re you talkin’ bout, Buck?” Steve breathes, before shaking his head decisively. “Never mind. You’re drunk, c’mon. Up,”.

“Fuck you, Steve,” Bucky growls halfheartedly, “You don’t get it, do ya? Stevie — ya gotta ‘ppreciate her, you hear me? Like—she’s the fuckin’ queen, or somethin’. You gotta do it, ‘cause I can’t. I can’t do it, so you gotta do it for me,”.

“Okay, Bucky,” Steve breathes, getting up onto his knees and moving to help Bucky out of the tub. “I will. C’mon, now,”.

He doesn’t get it. Steve doesn’t get it.

“Never mind,” Bucky grunts, batting away Steve’s hands. “M’fine. Forget about it. Forget everything I said. Go. Leave me alone,”.

“Buck—,”

“I said go, Rogers,” Bucky growls threateningly, not caring about the fact that Steve’s face visibly falls at his tone. Bucky’s pissed off at himself, at you, at the fucking universe and Steve’s the one unfortunate enough to have to deal with consequences. A part of him knows that he should feel remorseful and indeed, a part of him does want to take back the sentiment, but it’s there, it’s been said and there’s no going back now.

Recovering from his shock, Steve hardens his gaze and stands up, using his height to his advantage. Bucky could’ve laughed at the irony if he wasn’t so messed up; once upon a time, Steve Rogers had to stand on a crate if he wanted to pull off the same stunt. “Gimme the drink, Buck,” he says firmly, holding out his hand. There’s no anger in his tone, but when Bucky’s eyes flick to his neck, he can see the tension in his muscles, the way the vein is threatening to bulge out of his skin.

“Bucky,” Steve repeats, firmer this time.

With a heaving sigh, Bucky hands over the nearly-empty vial. “Now go, will ya? Leave me alone,” Bucky mutters, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against the cool wall.

He sense Steve hovering beside him, as if he has something to say, before the punk realises what’s good for him, turns on his heel and strides to the door. “I’ll—I’ll leave some water and some pills on your bedside, ‘kay? Not sure how much help they’ll be, but just take ‘em, yeah?”. When Bucky doesn’t answer, Steve sighs and leaves, leaving Bucky alone.

Leaving Bucky alone, like he’s doomed to forever be.

------------------------- Tags are open (permanent and for AMUP), but I’m only accepting tag requests from asks or PMs. Replies/comments will be ignored. 

[dannylexxbang]

speaking of today’s work bullshit...

so weekends have been hell for months lately, and ive kinda grown used to it since no ones putting effort into hiring staff, but anyway

today we had expected our usual closers to come in at 11, but when one of them didnt show up on time, i got concerned

he’d been off on vacation (as is several of our staff at this time, which i must say is fucking awful to deal with), but i had heard that he didn’t request today off as part of his vacation time, so my supervisor had wrote him down on the schedule to come in

so around 11:30 i called the number we had on file which was his house number and no one answered, so i took it that him and his family were still on vacation...great.

essentially i got no answer from him, but luckily we already had someone scheduled to come in for 3 to close with the other closer, so there were still 2 people to close

but it got SO STUPIDLY BUSY and we could barely restock anything and we kept running out of shit every 5 minutes! everyone was either helping customers, cooking, doing dishes, or making sandwiches. everyone was always doing something, and when something ran out, there was absolutely no time to fill it up again, unless there wasnt a line at the counter or the sandwich line slowed down (which was only a few times mind you)

so yeah everyone was completely stressed out, and when i managed to sneak my break in, i called my supervisor to tell her the issue, and she told me to ask around for anyone who could stay (hah...NO ONE could) and then she said she’d be able to come in later in the day if need be

soooo when i found out no one could stay i left her a message letting her know and by that time, my time was up and i had to leave them. it was still chaotic. things were empty and all over the place. but i knew if i stayed, id be trapped for another hour, maybe longer, and i was fucking tired and dehydrated from working in the 1000 degree kitchen. 

but here comes the best part! i hadnt heard back from my supervisor, and she hadnt read my message, and i even asked my friend who had stayed until 6 if she ever came in........aaaaand she never did. oh. wow. OKAY.

i mean it really shouldnt be my problem. i didnt have to close today. i did my part this morning and did what i could, but when you expect someone like that that you trust to come in and help out to blow us off like that....it feels awful. but idk if she ended up calling the store to tell them something came up or something, but wouldnt my friend have told me that?? it makes it seem like you didnt care. but hah, ever since she switched over to help the kitchen and catering, shes practically abandoned us staff out front, and pretty much puts everything on my fucking shoulders cause im the “senior staff member” and the most reliable person right now

its just...so much for me right now. and with this moving situation happening, my mental health has been extremely bad lately (i almost started yelling at my coworkers yesterday for the littlest things, and i hate getting upset, which made it worse). i havent felt like myself, i never have time for myself to really enjoy, and im really considering leaving...like, for real this time.

if this kind of shit keeps happening, its gonna get me fired. im gonna lash out at a customer or my coworkers and break down in front of everyone, but HAHA NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH. ITS NOT LIKE I CAN JUST TAKE SOME EXTRA TIME OFF TO RECOVER CAUSE LOL EVERYONES ON THEIR FUCKING DANDY VACATION TIME AND I CAN BARELY GET 2 DAYS OFF CAUSE I GOTTA COVER EVERYONES ASS WHILE THEYRE OFF RELAXING AND HAVING FUN. YEAH. GOOD FOR YOU. 

you make think im crazy (and youre crazy for even getting this far into this post), but i feel abused. im taken for granted. im forced to step up and do everything around here cause no one else will. im being pushed to my limits, and thats not what i wanted from this job. i desperately want to leave...but at the same time...could i even transfer to a new job that will still support me? id probably fall back down to minimum wage. id go back to my interviewing days, and sure id have more experience and stories to tell, but it’ll still be awkward and intense for me.....

sigh

once again, im stuck. of course theyll fall apart without me, but that wont be my fault. but i need to take care of myself before it gets any worse. 

our next meeting is coming up (and SURPRISE, its the day of our condo closing and the day before we start moving in), and im def bringing today up and shoving it in everyones face the fact that this shit should never happen again. we NEED more people. specially for the weekend, or those who can work the weekend. they need to be smart about who they’re hiring. make sure they have the experience. make sure they can withstand the hours (no more 4 hour babies that cant even mop the floors). i want to see the effort, the interviews come through, maybe declined, but maybe for the best. and find those you can trust to build our team up again. 

im gonna end it here before it goes on forever, but i really do want this place to get better. id hate to have it stay in a shit-hole forever. but people need to put the effort in and things need to change. otherwise, you’re gonna drive your best people away...like me.

[canaryatlaw]

Okay, well today wasn't bad. Still kind of overall stressed, but dealing with it. I have time at least, to get all this shit done, get it spaced out over and all that, so that helps. Alarm went off at 7 and I got out of bed and made it to work and made it through the rest of the file for the permanency hearing, which was more of the parents being like "we're not alcoholics we don't need treatment fuck you" all the way to getting their damn kid removed, so I write up some normal permanency hearing questions and took that and the file over to the lawyer who gave it to me to talk to him about it. I ask if they ever made a paternity finding, because there was a whole big thing about it because apparently her "dad" her whole life isn't technically her legally-presumed dad because her mother was married to someone else when she was born, but I never found a finding, and then the lawyers like "oh yeah, well dad passed away in November, something related to his alcoholism." Oh. Well. And he goes on to add the mom is basically on her death bed in the same situation. Don't need treatment my ass. This poor child. She seems like a good kid though, so hopefully we can get her get into some post-high school training if not actual college. I'll get to meet her and interview her Monday. At that point I went back to my office and created a template for permanency hearing questions that I could just tweak for individual cases since the status based questions are largely the same. Somewhere in all of this my eyes were drooping way too much again so I took another 15 minute head on desk session, I might've actually passed out for a few minutes, but when the alarm went off I freaked out for a minute because I was expecting the wrong time for some reason and thought I accidentally passed out for like two hours lol. So I was fairly glad that didn't happen. Somewhere in here I also tried to call my psychiatrist about the whole Xanax thing I was discussing last night, only to be told he's on vacation till the end of the month.....I mean, the guy definitely deserves it, he's partially retired already and probably in his 70's, and I don't want to disturb him or anything, but like, I know him and I know he would want to hear two sentences from me on this issue but I didn't want to say it was an emergency because it wasn't, and if I did they probably would've put me on with one of the other psychiatrists that are filling in for him, and I'm sorry but there's no way I'm trusting anyone else with this shit. I think I'm gonna increase it to 3 mg a day for now at least, which is still within the normal range he said I could try so it's not a big deal. Hopefully that will make finals a bit more manageable. So that was less than ideal, but oh well. All of my events are really out of order for today so idk if any of this happened in this order, but around lunchtime I went to go see my across the hall friend who's now my across the building friend, to see if she was feeling better and if she wanted to get lunch because I, like a kindergartener, left my lunch box in the fridge yesterday (I had actually packed dinner in a brown paper bag for later but I didn't want to pack two of those). So we went to the "bakery" that has super awesome pizza an I got some of their pizza with the seriously biggest slices and ate like, half a slice lol. So good though. It was nice to talk to her though, we traded crazy stories from our courthouse and the DV one, and I was just like man, I'm so glad I have people I can share these things with without them being immediately horrified and me being like "yes I know those are terribly tragic circumstances but if you hang in there for a moment the court moment was really funny!!" Lol, it's gallows humor for sure but I mean gotten let it out somehow. I vent to my brother about crazy cases too, that's helpful since talking about the law is one of the few things we can talk about and actually have a lengthy productive discussion on without it somehow devolving into him being an asshole (mostly, anyway). So there's that at least. He appreciates my stories. So back from lunch and I spent a while organizing orders into alphabetized folders for two different lawyers haha who both apologized for the shitty work but I'm like hey whatever it's all good I know I'm the intern and I'll deal with your shitty jobs if it gets me a good in here. And then I had to show my supervisor how to send in the mid-semester evaluation my field placement supervisor wanted from him (oh, and he apparently knew my FP supervisor like 15 years ago and he was her boss in this office??? I swear he was everyone's boss at some point) because he was getting so lost in computer forms and retrieving files and saving them and electronically signing forms, so I'm just sitting there showing him how to do it and he's like "ohmygosh Rachel, you're so smart!!!" and I'm like trying not to laugh because he's just so adorably funny. And then of course I got to read more of the nice things he said about me which made my heart melt once again because he's literally so nice I can't handle it and his words are always really genuine too so it's nice. And yeah. So I didn't have anywhere to rush to right after leaving the juvenile courthouse today for the first time I can remember since, the summer, since I decided no kickboxing this week because I simply don't have the emotional or physical energy for it, so I was just gonna find a Starbucks to chill in and work on my appellate brief until small group time. So I got to like, take my time leaving and my supervisor is like "Rachel what are you still doing here, you're gonna be late to class!!" and it's like 5:01 haha so funny. So then waiting for the bus I saw the PD that was on the panel we did yesterday so we of course talked about delinquency stuff, like the spring break project from last year and of course eventually got into the whole transferring to adult court thing and I mentioned the slenderman case because that's just the most horrific case of misjudgment by the system and she'd heard of it of course but didn't know the details and she was beyond horrified to hear that they're trying two severely mentally ill 12 year old children as adults and having them face 35 years in prison. Like, we literally have an entire juvenile justice system FOR PRECISELY THESE REASONS. Bypassing it ignores all the science and research and not to mention the recidivism rate which skyrockets when you try children as adults. I'll cap it there though, not gonna go into a full rant at the moment (I know I've already done it on here). I got off the one bus to catch another and had to watch it stop and drive off while I was stuck on the other side of the crosswalk which SUCKS and it was just chilly enough to be annoying out today, but then thankfully another bus came like 2 minutes later which isn't typical but I was very grateful for. So I took that to the Starbucks area, then popped into Walgreens to buy more of their caramel chocolates that Lyft driver got me hooked on (lol) except they didn't have those exact ones, so I got what's basically the same but with toffee pieces and I tried a little and they're pretty amazing. So then I went to Starbucks and got an iced white tea lemonade and tried to surreptitiously eat my sandwiches (I mean I was facing the window so I didn't have to be all that secretive about it) and start the behemoth that is gonna be finishing my appellate brief, and I pretty much immediately felt lost, but always over like the stupid stuff I could find like whether saying "don't use the party names" meant the given names or the terms plaintiff/defendant....(it's the prior, I think anyway) but I figured as some sort of game plan I would work on fixing the argument section based on the feedback I got from our prof, since that still is the substance of the brief, and then work on adding all the extra parts. Half of the edits she gave me though we're like about ordering the arguments and shit and it just pissed me off because I like the way I order my arguments, dammit, because IT MAKES SENSE, and I'm sorry if it doesn't fit your blue book standard but my boss at my actual job where I submit actual motions to actual court seems to be quite impressed with it so you can take your argument order and shove it.....(note please that that wasn't actually directed at my prof, cuz I kind of like her, and I know it's the curriculum and not her setting the standards). But that just annoyed me cuz like, real life isn't legal writing fact patterns. You're not always gonna have an analogous case and a distinguishable case, and you're gonna have to make it work. I just....I get too worked up about all of it. But I at least made some progress on preliminary efforts, so maybe, 5% done? It's a start, at least. I walked from the Starbucks to church which is like a ten minute walk and even though it was still a little chilly I haven't done any walking for the past two days and I haven't had any chance to work out this week (I likely won't go to the gym tomorrow because I have no reason to be downtown) so it's something at least, to go with my push ups (which I think may be hurting a muscle in my side, because trying any new physical activity is basically let's see how I can piss my body off this time for me). But yeah, small group was good. This was something I meant to mention quickly on my last week's recap of it, but I think I might have a teeny tiny crush on one of the guys? Like it was in my head last week but it was barely anything, then I get in there today and we start talking about the marvel tv shows and you know I can talk above superheroes all damn day haha so that was enjoyable, and then he was being like "yeah it was cool being at my cousins wedding this weekend but it's also so weird being single at a wedding" and I'm like alright, that might have been a subtle hint, lol, and of course as soon as the idea even entered my head I spent the rest of the night pretty much planning our wedding when I haven't really decided if I even like the guy yet, lol. Physically he's not like drop dead gorgeous, but he's definitely not ugly and has a certain charming quality to his appearance, so I can work with that. The rest of small group (I almost just wrote Smallville) was good too, we talked about a passage in 1 Corinthians I was familiar with about love and of course I got to opine about my deep theories on the issue about how basically the passage is indicative of the entire problem of "religion" and what the church is facing today- that is, they have all the rules, all the right answers, but without love following through all of it it's basically useless, and I feel like that's so on point for what the church is dealing with right now. Like, no. Love meets you were you are. Love is right in there with your mess. Love doesn't require you to clean up your act before you're welcomed into our church. Jesus certainly didn't require it to be let into his presence, so how dare we even try to do it? And yeah, other random deep shit like that, lol, you get the picture. Took the train to the bus as my normal and AGAIN had to run to make the bus (this was a different stop, but same bus route) and again had to bang on the door to get let in while the driver was looking so put out by it and I'm just like....calm your tits lady we're giving your company money but being here, lol. But I got home, didn't almost get run over by a car but had the weird experience of a car stopping fully at a red light, and I started crossing, and then they suddenly started driving again and blew the light by like, a mile. They didn't even come close to wear I was crossing so I was never in danger or anything, but I was like seriously, wtf man? Who does that?!? Idiots. For home and watched Powerless, which was cute of course, then Riverdale which just left me with the comment that this is the one teen drama where all the high schoolers have it together for the most part and all their parents are going batshit crazy, lol. But I enjoyed both, and that pretty much wrapped up my night. And it's late, and I get to sleep in which I'm very glad about, but still I'm tired and want to go to sleep now, so that's what I will do. Goodnight mis amigos. Happy Friday.

[sxdomy]

All numbers

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? not @ all3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? tissues, napkins, sticky notes, random cuts of notebook paper4: how do you take your coffee/tea? two-four sugars w creamer or 1/2 n 1/2 (tea)5: are you self-conscious of your smile? not after i got braces6: do you keep plants? no7: do you name your plants? 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? idk the only art i do is in photography, and i try to do dark/spooky shit.. it doesnt have a meaning9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? i dont rly have a friends group, less drama that way12: what's your favorite planet? smth has always intrigued me abt mars13: what's something that made you smile today? lars (:14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? idc it's somewhere to live.. we can fix it up if we have the money. if so, i would prob have a bunch of shit everywhere lmao15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it says language programming ??16: what's your favorite pasta dish? some plain old penne/rigatoni w red gravy, but it has to be GOOD red gravy .. none of that ragu/preggo shit17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? black and it already is dyed that color, but i do want to experiment a bit and get few pieces red18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. JESUS.. these are endless... once i RLY had to pee, and i was @ school. it was after school hrs. my friend and i were waiting for the game to start. all the doors were locked up @ the school. i think they took out the portapotty from outside, so i said to my friend, "let's go to the lower field" (we have an upper and lower field idk what other schools have lmao) despite it saying there are cameras down there (which IK for sure bc i've seen the computer w the school cameras, and there are ones surveilling the fields), i peed. in 8th grade during lunch, this girl pissed me the fuck off. i can't remember what she did, but i picked up her sandwich and threw it to the ground.another time in 8th grade during gym, my friends and i were fooling around during a fitness walk (walk thru the trail surrounded by woods oooo). i was yelling "IN DA GREENZ" bc i was a rly weird kid, and now we bring it up whenever we see bushes. OKAY lasT memORYYY in 8th grade, i was on the soccer team. i sucked @ it... the ball was coming to me, and i tried to kick it. instead of kicking it, my foot went on top of the ball resulting in my fall19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i used to keep a journal. last winter was the most recent journal i'd had, and my guidance counselor purchased it for me. i was going thru a rly hard time, and it was an outlet from that. after the winter ended, i never felt the need to write in it again.. it hasnt gotten that bad20: what's your favorite eye color? lars' eye color21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. 22: are you a morning person? depends... if my sleeping schedule is just like that, I LOVE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING. if i don't usually, then no fuck it lmao23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? literally nothing, but i do that when i have obligations... i get to it @ some point24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? lars25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? i've broken into my friend's house and my own. breaking into my friend's house wasn't rly that weird. i was out of it bc i had hardly gotten sleep the previous night. i also had permission lmao it wasn't as if i just went in. my friend had forgotten her key. breaking into my own house was actually bizarre ...26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i usually wear my docs, but i switch out. before getting my docs, i wore my all black vans W LITERALLY EVERYTHING. the only time i wouldnt was when i wore a light outfit, which wasnt often bc 98% of the time i wear all black27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don't chew gum. it has aspartame, which is literally poison28: sunrise or sunset? i haven't seen a sunset since i was a child, and i want to definitely see it again29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? monty is my lover30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. socks are good. if you wear them in the cold months around the house, you are less susceptible to sickness. they also work well when you wear them w most shoes bc they prevent sweat. lars take notes (; i love wearing weird socks. i love socks. i usually never match socks bc no one will see them?? if i wear a black sock, i try to match w another black sock tho. i do sleep w socks in the cold months. otherwise, my feet would freeze. sometimes i wear multiple socks in the summer to keep my feet warm. i do wear white socks sometimes32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. i wasn't w my friends, but i found a drunken man in my rm after 3am on st. patricks day two yrs ago33: what's your fave pastry? cannoli34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept this one stuffed animal who was a girl. she had blonde braids, and i used to kiss her on the lips when no one was looking. i knew it was weird bc she wasn't real. i also used to pretend i was fucking her... it was a weird childhood. idk where she is now35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I LOVE PENS!!!! okay im going to sound like a weirdo.. i only love certain kinds. i hate cheap ass pens. my fav pens are the ones that u click on the bottom to get the tip bc the clicking helps me concentrate. it's also fun to just click it. i haven't used a clicky one in awhile bc i bought myself pentels. i love pentels as well bc they come in nice colors, and i rly like the cap for it. i like pens that come from certain companies bc it looks like i've been somewhere.. maybe i have? i've gotten free pens from places and some of them i just found w that lettering lmao 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? nine inch nails (:37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? dont care as long as ik where everything is. my parents call it messy, but i call it my peace38: tell us about your pet peeves! i hate when ppl put things back where they don't belong. idk i dont keep track of this shit39: what color do you wear the most? black40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? none41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? 1984 by george orwell42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbucks LMAO43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? no one44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? the last time i was w lars45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yes46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. idk47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? high fructose corn syrup48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? idr what it was then, but now it's getting raped.. ive had this fear since i was 14 i think49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? i dont usually buy that shit50: what's an odd thing you collect? wristbands.. i like to say i've been places51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? lars , peach // the front bottoms52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the yr just started, bUT I LOVE IAN'S (IDUBZZZZ) VIDEO OF "I HAVE CRIPPLING DEPRESSION"53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i want to see rocky horror picture show. i've seen heathers, beetlejuice, and pulp fiction. i love heathers and beetlejuice. i didn't understand pulp fiction entirely, but that could be bc i was spammed by a gc while watching it54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? idk56: what are some things you find endearing in people? smile57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i never realized that this song sounds like five mini songs put together... i did reenact them in my head58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? nonexistent lol59: what's your favorite myth? black eyed children60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? anything from edgar allan poe61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? idk i hate getting gifts i'd rather give them, but i don't usually give them bc i never have money when it's time62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ORANGE!63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? no64: what color is the sky where you are right now? grey65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? lars66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i have SAD soooo68: what's winter like where you live? FUCKING HORRIBLE, but it's worse in other places69: what are your favorite board games? ive been missing guess who? lately70: have you ever used a ouija board? no, but my math teacher says u have to make it from a certain wood and put a spell on it for it to work... too much work 😩71: what's your favorite kind of tea? lipton lemon!!!!!72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i try to note everything down, but sometimes i can remember things w/o writing them down73: what are some of your worst habits? staying in bed for too long74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. bye75: tell us about your pets! i have a dog, and she's old af lmao i never rly liked her idk i hate dogs76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? homework and probably calling up my new job to see when i have to go in.. cant be arsed.. 77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? FANCLUB!!! (:79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?lars gave me cute cat headphones80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white.. i didn't choose it81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i can't rn82: are/were you good in school? i made it into university, so i guess so83: what's some of your favorite album art? the devin n god are raging inside of me // brand new .. cant think of many in particular84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? one in remembrance of my friend who died and a full sleeve85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YES YES YESSSS MANSON 'S CONCEPTS R SO GOOD (: 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? idk88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i just rly like frida kahlo89: are you close to your parents? no90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i want to visit/live in philly so badly ):91: where do you plan on traveling this year? texas92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i only put a little fresh mozz on it if there is quite a bit93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? i just wear my hair the same everyday94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? lars95: what are your plans for this weekend? none96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? omfg i had 20 or so awaiting updates last summer that i had to finally do bc it was fucking up my computer97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? what98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i dont hike99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. NOBODY'S PERFECT BY HANNAH MONTANA100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 yrs into the future.. why would i want to relive the last 5 yrs of life ?? idk im just fine living w my past mistakes.. they've shaped me

[alicecanthang]

5000 Questions Part 1

I found this cool 5000 question survey. I’ll be posting 100 answers every few days or so, whenever I feel like it, until I get through all of them. Don’t worry, they’ll be hidden behind a “keep reading”. You should also participate! The questions are over at https://5000questionsur.livejournal.com.

1. Who are you? Alice 2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you?  My real identity will never be revealed on this blog, most of these posts are word vomit, meditation significantly improved my well-being.

3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing?  Probably watching Netflix or wishing I was asleep.

4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time).  I really liked my cognitive psychology class and some of my other psychology classes. Math and history were always my least favorite.

5. What is your biggest goal for this year? Feel more confident about dating and my future.   6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Working at a theatre company full time. Have a cat (or two). 7. What stage of life are you in right now? Post-grad 8. Are you more child-like or childish? Lmao what? Child-like I guess. 9. What is the last thing you said out loud? It wasn’t words, it was like a “ughhhhhhrhrrrrrrr” from stress. 10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? I don’t have one. I honestly don’t pay super close attention to lyrics in songs. 11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? Yeah once when I was little. 12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? That’s a hard question to answer. This past year, it’s stayed mostly the same. 13. Does time really heal all wounds? Maybe not heal, but scab over. 14. How do you handle a rainy day? Put on my anorak and grab an umbrella. 15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? Losing your luggage. Are these two even comparable? 16. How is your relationship with your parents? Eh it could be better. Will you miss them when they are gone? Yes and I don’t appreciate them enough now. 17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? Sometimes. It really depends on what I’m doing. At work I’m pretty good of being aware of things, but tbh I zone out a lot when I’m driving. 18. What is the truest thing that you know? My boobs are two different sizes. 19. What did you want to be when you grew up? An actress. 20. Have you ever been given a second chance? No but I haven’t really needed or wanted one. 21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? Hate to say it, but taker. 22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? Lmao no I usually make decisions on impusle. 23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? When I was like, 11, we were on my aunt’s and uncle’s farm and we were feeding the goats and one of them RAMMED INTO MY KNEE. It even made a hole through my pants. 24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? This is a really long story. I might actually make a post about it sometime if people were interested. But TL;DR I told my best guy friend I liked him, he took advantage of me, and then stopped talking to me.   25. Who have you hugged today? Myself and my blanket. 26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? The guy I’m going on a date with tonight texted me this morning saying he was excited to meet me :) 27. Do you have a lot to learn? Fuck yes. 28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? A Act B Sing C Dance 29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? What they say and how they make me feel 30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? Trust and support? Lmao idk not like I’ve ever had a relationship. 31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? A Become friends with a tiger. B See the northern lights. C Adopt a cat. 32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? A Anal B Having a boring dead-end job C Having to kill someone 33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? Evolution over creationism. 34. What does each decade make you think of: The 19.. 20's: Flappers 30's: Flappers??? 40's: Victory rolls 50's: More victory rolls 60's: Hey mama welcome to the 60′s 70's: HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIR HAIRR HAIRRR HAIRRR flow it show it long as I can grow it my HAIR 80's: women’s business suits with insane shoulder pads 90's: grunge 2000 (so far): Brittney Spears 2010's: depression 35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why?  Probably the 2010′s because it’s the one I have the clearest memories of.

36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song?  Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce.

37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? USA, D****d T***p If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be? You have tiny hands. 38. What's your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? Adult Swim 39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? God I don’t know, I don’t pay attention to these things. 40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? Nope.   41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? Boat! 42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? Something about light particles and water, right? 43. What does your name mean? Whatever I want it to. 44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outer space? The ocean! So much cool shit down there.   45. Word association What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word: Air: Bender Meat: Sandwich Different: Good Pink: My blog Deserve: More White: Wine Elvis: Presley Magic: My friend Heart: Love sucks Clash: of Clans Pulp: Fiction 46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? Mr. Rogers 47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? Obama 48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? What We Do In The Shadows!!! 49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? Computer with internet connection 50. Have you ever saved someone's life or had your life saved?  Nope

51. Make up a definition for the following silly words... Fruitgoogle: When you put your eye really close to fruit to try to get a closer look Ambytime: A special unit of time that ambidextrous people use Asscactus: A specialty buttplug with thick spikes 52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? A sandwich 53. What was your favorite toy as a child? Bunny blanky 54. How many TV’s are in your house? 2 55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Watch the clouds go by 56. How do you feel when you see a rainbow? Like I want to find the end of it. 57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Maybe??? 58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? No 59. What is your idea of paradise? Wherever I’m happiest   60. Do you believe in god and if so what is he/she/it like? Not one bit.   61. Do you believe in Hell? No.   62. What one thing have you done that most people haven't? Lived in another country for a few months.   63. What is the kindest thing you have ever done? Idk but the other day I gave a homeless person the trail mix I had in my bag   64. Are you a patient person? Lol FUCK no. 65. What holiday should exist but doesn't? National Voting Day. Everyone should be excused from work and school so they can vote. 66. What holiday shouldn't exist but does? Columbus Day. It’s not even historically accurate.  67. What's the best joke you ever heard? http://longestjokeintheworld.com/ 68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? The Pink Palace in Corfu, Greece 69. Is your hair natural or dyed?  Natural

70. Do you have any deep dark secrets or are you pretty much up front? I have one that I will never tell anybody and I don’t even like thinking about it.   71. What is under your bed right now? A thong. 72. If you were in the Land of Oz would you want to live there or go home? Probably go home.   73. If you drive do you frequently speed? Yeah but I just do it to go with the flow of traffic... and a little faster than that. 74. What is the world's best song to dance to? The Way We Touch by WE ARE TWIN 75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? Absolutely no idea.   76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brothers? Either one is fine. 77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? TIGER!!!!   78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Not particularly.   79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? No??? Lmao what kind of question is this? We have gravity.   80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? Well, acting. But I’m already doing that. Although I guess “having a miserable life” isn’t really a sacrifice compared to secure finances, in my opinion. 81. If you (and everyone) had to lose one right or freedom, but you could pick which one everyone had to lose, what would you pick? I have no idea so I’m just going to say guns.  82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? Equator! So much cool wildlife there.   83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? Omgggg I’m gonna go with listening to music. Watching Netflix and tv accounts for way too much of my time.   84. What do you think makes someone a hero? Being selfless in the face of hardship. 85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? Avatar the Last Airbender/Legend of Korra   86. Name one thing that turns your stomach: Bodily fluids 87. What was the last thing you paid for? Taco Bell   88. Are you a coupon clipper? No 89. Get anything good in the mail recently? No but my Grandma is mailing me something this week and I have no idea what it is.   90. Which would you rather take as a gym class...dancing, sailing, karate, or bowling? Dancing or sailing   91. In Star Trek people 'beam' back and forth between different places. What this means is they stand in a little tube and their molecules are deconstructed and sent to another tube somewhere else where they are reassembled. Only problem is when the molecules are deconstructed the person is dead. When they are put back together it is only a clone that has all the dead person's memories. So... Is the person who gets beamed the same person on both ends? WHAT 92. What insects are you afraid of? All of them 93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? leave me alone   94. What's the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? For one part I had, I had to wear a really short tight leather skirt and thigh high stockings. 95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? CHOCOLAAAAATE 96. What are your parents interested in? Retiring   97. Have you ever caught an insect and kept it as a pet? No but I did that with snails when I was little.   Have you ever caught and tamed a wild animal? Caught a feral kitten and brought her to the humane society but I didn’t tame her myself. 98. What is more helpful to you, wishes or plans? Plans. 99. When do you feel your life energy the strongest? Night time. 100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you bring? A knife, a fire starting kit, and plenty of clean water.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

[purplesurveys]

663

Well hello, good to see you again. How many surveys have you taken today? This is my first, and there’s a good chance it might be my only one seeing as I’m working on my thesis tonight and feeling a bit tired as it is. So the world is dying to know the longest you've ever been on an airplane. Uhh it was somewhere between 4–5 hours, during my visit to Shanghai. Speaking of airplanes, can you sleep on them easily or no? I’m sure I’m able to fall asleep easily, I just choose not to sleep in situations where I’m traveling with a whole group of people. The one time I passed out on a plane was my trip back to Manila coming from China, and that’s because we did a lot of walking and waiting that whole day before boarding. How long did you last drive in the car for? It was like a little more than an hour. I went to Pop-Up to meet up with Hans and Angela, because I asked them to get a bouquet of roses for me to give to Gabie (they know a cheap supplier so I asked them to do the whole ordering stuff for me) for our anniversary as a surprise; but that supplier flaked at the last minute so we had to go all the way to the Marikina flower stalls to have a bouquet arranged at the last minute :/ Then after waiting for that, I drove all the way to Gab’s friend’s house in Ortigas, because she was apparently there for a whole-day shoot. FINALLY my job was done and I drove back home. It was tbh so much driving to do in like an hour that even though the friend invited me to stay over for a bit, I had to decline because I literally just wanted to be back home lol. Name me your three favorite flowers, s'il vous plait. Favorite flowers are asked in so many surveys, so once and for all, here are mine lmao: peonies, carnations, and roses.

So if I were to touch the place you last itched, would it be awkward? Nope, but I’d be weirded out because nobody ever touches another person’s eyebrows. Have you ever given food at a homeless shelter? No. I don’t even know if we have those. I know for a fact we have orphanages, homes for SPED and homes for the aged, but I dunno about homeless people. This government doesn’t give a fuck about the poor. Has anyone a grade above you ever had a crush on you? It’s always possible, but I’ve never asked around nor has anyone ever told me. Can you fly? Be honest. Nah but there was a time that it was the superpower I wanted. Have you ever come close to drowning? Yep, when I was nine. My cousins and I made like a human train where we were holding on to each other’s legs and formed just this long line in the pool, but the thing is it was in the deep end. For some reason I eventually got dragged down but I couldn’t say anything because my head was already underwater. I had to kick frantically to escape the conga line and for them to know what was up. What books did you have to read for school for summer reading this year? Haven’t been through that shit since freshman year of high school. The last thing we had to read for English was Stevan Javellana’s Without Seeing the Dawn. We also have a set of books in Filipino, but I’ve already forgotten which ones they were. What were you doing right now 24 hours ago? I think I was having dinner with my family. If not, I was working on my thesis with Andrew. Have you ever tried counting sheep to get to sleep? Does it work? I only ever tried it as a kid because it’s all we saw in American shows and Mr. Bean and the way it was portrayed is that it was such a fool-proof way to fall asleep haha. On the nights I’d be too restless or feeling too awake to sleep, I would try it, but I quickly learned it was useless. I guess it maybe works for some people, but not me.

What did you give up last year for Lent? I never gave up anything for it, even when I still ~identified~ as Catholic. Is the window in this room currently open or closed? Windows are closed. But we have our main door open to let the cold air in because we have a screen door to separate the inside from the outside anyway. What is the weirdest thing you have ever licked? Idk I try not to lick as my first reaction lmaoooo. I hate the feeling of soaked paper straws, though. Can you control your dreams if you realize you are dreaming? Nope. I always say I’m going to try, but I just never realize it when I’m already dreaming; it always feels real to me, no matter how weird the situation is. Is your phone fully charged right now? Nope, quite the opposite. It’s at 6%. If you gave yourself a symbol (ex: star) to represent you, it would be...? The yellow sparkling stars emoji. Combine your two favorite animals. What kind of animal do you get? Eledog? Today at school it was boys make girls sandwiches day. What kind of sandwich should I tell the boys to make you? Cool. Didn’t know that was a thing. My go-to sandwich is a classic banh mi. So...remember Girl Scout cookies? Any favorites you had/have? No. Never had them, never seen them, never been sold them. What is the name of the main character in your favorite book? I don’t have a favorite book but Scarlett O’Hara is one of my favorite characters. How about your favorite movie? For my top three favorites it’s Mark and Joanna Wallace, April and Frank Wheeler, and Will Hunting. If I gave you a box of chocolates, which would you hope to get? Nothing with dates, fruits, nuts, or raisins inside. I'll give you a box of chocolates but I'll eat the coconut filled ones, ok? YES, take all of them. What does your middle name rhyme with? Shell. Have you ever caught your clothes on fire before? Nope. Describe the weirdest car you've ever seen. I’ve seen a handful of cars that have modified to have monster wheels, even though they’re too suburban/small/normal to have that kind of wheel. It looks so fucking tacky. Which key on the keyboard do you think you use the least? I have never pressed the function key on my present laptop. How many times have you seen your favorite band in concert? Twice out of the three times they’ve visited. How many concerts have you seen in general? Four big, foreign acts. I’ve been to countless local shows/gigs. Are you any good at improv? Not at all. I’d be too scared to be asked to do it. Turn your eyes away from the screen. What is the first thing you see? My milk tea from Coco! Been craving it for a while and my parents got it for me this evening, so yay. When you pass a stranger in the hall, do you smile or no? For the most part no.  Do you have any special handshakes with friends? I don’t. Are you better at writing fiction or nonfiction? Nonfiction, without a freakin’ doubt. I’m garbage with anything fiction, whether reading or writing or analyzing it. Did you ever have to use Wordly Wise in school? I have never heard of that. Can you keep a secret? Technically no, because almost all secrets I know end up getting to Gabie. But Gab gives no shits about secrets/gossip so it’s also technically safe, and I don’t spill secrets to anybody else after that.