#idk. my life feels like a claustrophobic box. i feel like i'm buried alive and i can't get myself out because i can't work | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pollen · 3 months ago

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hi fellow neurodivergent people

i hate to jump on the "i think i might have adhd" bandwagon, but if i think i might have adhd, how do i bring it up to my care team as a 28-year-old cis woman who was a massive overachiever until i couldn't keep up the ruse anymore?

#idk what happened when i got laid off it seriously is like my brain BROKE i cannot do anything #i have not done much of anything in a year. and i think it's bc my coping mechanisms were 1. self-medicate but ESPECIALLY do that while #2. overcommitting. because it kept me busy and distracted. i excelled in school because i could focus on it without it giving me anxiety #school was honestly almost the only thing that didn't give me anxiety as a kid. and i never felt quite Right like i didn't feel like i fit #in with my peers. i've always felt like a human being that isn't a person. like something's not quite right. i excel but i feel like i'm #doing it wrong because it's SO hard for me. i graduated my BA and BS programs with a 4.0 #but it came with the cost of alienating all of my friends and family and becoming really reclusive and weird and distant and anxious #but i really just wanted to do well at the one thing i felt i was good at. which doesn't seem like something i should take note of #idk. my life feels like a claustrophobic box. i feel like i'm buried alive and i can't get myself out because i can't work #because i can't focus. but maybe i'm just stupid and lazy and want everyone to take care of me forever so i can continue laying around doin #fuck all. which i do a lot because i'm chronically ill. idk. like is there ground to stand on here. i literally have zero friends rn #and i feel so so so sos so anxious any time i am working because i worry i'm going to do something wrong or forget to do something or make #lots of mistakes that get me in trouble. i'm so scared of making mistakes it keeps me from doing anything at all. but i get so anxious bc #i'm not doing anything! i'm wasting time! and i can't focus on anything when i AM working because i have to get up and pace #like i HAVE to move around or i start to feel like i need to peel my skin off like i'm an orange #like. is it anything at all. or is this just me being someone who has Other Stuff going on

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