#idk why i'm even admitting any of this lol i need another coffee

[wizardlyghost]

jokes on you i and everyone in my family have a valid troll name irl

bootsre fullov oiter :(

[thehighpriestess1]

Okay I'm just gonna start of like when I read the spoiler that satoru was gonna die I thought he was actually gonna die but turns out he isn't good thing it's only a dream hopefully it stay like that

Can we all just take a moment of gojo being petty like when I read through the scene where he just throw the all the resume paper with all the male to the trash I thought he was a menace but sending another ma to Africa for our dear milf queen having a homie moment damn like I guess we ain't getting our date night after all it was guees we ain't having no friends unless their good in satoru radar or a girl 😔 does make me wonder imagine this instead of males being interested to our girl what if it's the same gender thought???? 🤔🤔🤔 Like what's gojo plan of action then 😂😂 it was kinda sweet of him waiting with keiseku for y/n in their bedroom IDK HOW y/n DIDN'T FOLDED WHEN GOJO ASK FOR HER TO JOIN IF I WAS HER I WOULD HAVE FOLDED WAY WAY BEFORE I SWEAR 😩😩

Also am I the only one who got the coffee reference from sdf I was literally laughing when I read those and said i guees we getting another noritoshi LOL

Their argument pretty based on them not being able to communicate much better I swear now whenever I eat anything related waffle I'm gonna think of the waffle scene man was crying while eating those soggy waffles like he was a kid who was forced to eat vegetables but instead of throwing it away he probably ate them thinking it better than five course meal i somehow come the point that I hate him salute to him to his dedication still eating them like a champ think anyone agreement Jerry the true MVP in this chapter like where was him when we needed him in the first chapter like it was mentioned y/n and Jerry met before 99% of the problem in the series would have been solved if he was there was he Also the one who taught gojo about fashion like ain't no way satoru got good fashion Sense in him when he choose those clothes for our queen

I feel like the two just need to not fucked each other to avoid any angst coming their way because whenever those two do the deed something always come up but on the good side we got feral gojo he got me running lapses in my room I swear he's like that person that sooo scary but still come out being a hot person like two dangerous combination but super hot also how big was the couch in the dressing room to be able to fit the two of them baby number gonna be shocked af when the parents told them where they were created 😂😂😂

Also can I just get a moment that my cat literally name is yuri she's a little feisty but I care about her she's a mother two kids ok I'm going off the track I saw someone saying that geto might join yuri side and I admit it was good but what if hear me out it was utahime helping her out what's drug gojo was on must have really knocked him out real bad man didn't even gave consent my first though that yuri paid someone to dress up that to get those pictures what ever it is she's delulu praying for yuri to get admitted to retirement home by retirement home I mean the cemetery but it's the same thing right 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Okay first of all I LOVE YOU for getting that SDF reference!!! Like guuurrrrl that made me happy! Thank you!!!

If a female was interested in the reader then gojo would be just so confused! But I doubt he'd get that feral. He'll give that woman a bombastic side eye like 😒

Y/n lowkey folded when Gojo asked her to join but our girl is resilient 💅🏻

That waffle scene was a way to make Gojo realise what he missed out on because of his pettiness and anger. He would NEVER make that mistake again.

Gojo and y/n should do a energy cleansing every time they do the deed because.....it seems cursed and I want them to make more babies without any complications 😂😂😂

That leather bench/couch was something like this except in maroon colour.

We'll have to wait and see who has been helping Yuri because someone is definitely on her side 😉 why send her to cemetery once when Gojo can k**l her everyday 🤫🤫

I apologise to your cat I bet she is the cutest floof ever with two kittens snbabdkaman!!

[gurugirl]

I have a lengthy rant (sorry lol) and really need some advice. Theres this guy who I was close with that I liked. He didn’t know I did and I use to pretend i didn’t… I wasn’t sure if he liked me too but he use to show all the signs that he did. We both agreed to a friends with benefits dynamic and I told him how I didn’t want any feelings or commitment involved which he said ok to. But he ended up admitting to me later on that he liked me wayyy before we started our situationship (which I kinda figured) I never told him that I liked him too but instead told him that I didn’t like him in that way and maybe we should just go back to being strictly friends. We never went to the extent of having sex but did everything else under it. And he was my first for it all which he knows because before our situationship I told him that I was a virgin. Never dated, never gave/receive oral, never had sex. And so our first time was making out and me getting off on his lap and each time it gradually increased to us giving/receiving oral. (sorry for the details lol) And each time he would teach/guide me through it. I know he has a lot of past experience and I know he doesn’t have the best track record in relationships (always cheating) but I didn’t really mind cause in my head, I wasn’t gonna want to actually date the man. Anyways, we also work together and go to college together. So I’ll see him occasionally at school but always at work. And he started to call out more to avoid me and take different routes to not me on campus. I confronted him and he said he just wanted to respect my feelings and how he thinks he’s getting too attached to me and likes me more than before so he thought giving me some space would help since I didn’t want that. Then about a week later he ends up moving to another state for school. We were talking/texting the whole time until he landed. He ignored my text so I never bothered reaching out after (it’s been almost 2wks now) and I just found out from a friend of his that the entire time this happened HE WAS DATING ANOTHER GIRL!! So now idk how to feel. I can’t be mad because I said I didn’t want a relationship even tho I liked him but I can’t help but feel like he used me… Even though we both consensually made that choice, knowing he had a gf the entire time makes me feel like I was being used for sex but it’s so hypocritical for me to think that way since I told him that’s all I wanted… Am I wrong for what I did? And do I really have a good enough reason to be upset/hurt? I talked with my friends about it and they all keep saying how he shouldn’t have lied but he technically didn’t “use me” and maybe they’re right but it’s kinda how it feels. Like just shitty. And why pretend to like me?? yk

Oh my god :( :(

Baby, I'm so sorry this happened. I think this sort of thing is just SO TRICKY. Because even tho he had a girlfriend it doesn't mean he didn't like you. He lied to you, though, and that just makes him a super shitty person for doing that to you. I'm glad you didn't have sex with him, though!

I've been in a situation where I was the "other woman" too. Only I slept with the guy and we started getting serious (well I thought we were getting serious lol). I had no idea he was seeing a chick he was ENGAGED TO and wound up marrying after ghosting me. I dated the guy for MONTHS. I slept at his house and his roommate never said a damn thing to me (stupid guy code bullshit probably). I would wake up early and start coffee and walk his dog, have conversations with his roommate... And he acted like he was falling in love with me. He was super romantic and would say super cheesy shit to make me laugh but he'd be like "i'm serious. that's how i feel about you." and of course that ish worked on me at the time... anyway one day he just stopped calling, texting and totally ghosted me. A year later I learned he was seeing a woman the whole time he was with me and I only found out because a mutual friend was invited to their wedding 😂

SO... I'm telling you all this to say I know how it feels. You dodged a bullet that he left the state and now you can move on. He probably did like you but it's not worth it to dwell on that because he's a cheater - he even had that reputation so... yeah. You dodged a huge bullet there.

You didn't do anything wrong hon. You had no idea! That's how I felt about the guy who lied to me for months at first but then I realized that I was enjoying a relationship with someone and that's the end of that. What he was doing was his issue. Not mine. I had fun with him while it lasted but now I know the warning signs to look out for and you do too. Don't feel bad and don't worry about what his intentions were. He's a loser and you get to sigh a huge breath of relief knowing he's gone for good and that you didn't sleep with him.

Just give it some time, my love. You'll feel better soon. xoxo

[lilac-5ky]

I just read your latest Takasugi headcanon/drabble/idk what to call it and now I am curious

What IS in his shopping list👁️👄👁️

Like it got to my head and now I NEED TO KNOW

Lmao anyways u can share your headcanons on it if you actually have any specific thoughts. I'd just like to know lol

Somehow, I knew I had it coming 😂But, as always, I'm going to be serious about it and I'll give it some proper thinking!

Let me start by saying that Takasugi doesn't just go shopping whenever he pleases. For starters, he is a terrorist and a wanted man, he can't just walk in Edo Mart and be like yo, what aisle for brussels sprouts? And even if he wasn't can you imagine Takasugi just strolling through the supermarket, comparing prices and reading the additives of each product? 😂 Not gonna lie, I pity the employees, he'd just give them THE STARE. What do you mean you have no yakult? 👀 Don't get me wrong, he'd be a very respectful customer, wouldn't cause any trouble. Unless he ran into Gintoki, then he might as well bury his face in the first shelf he finds. But anyways, anyways, let's not get off topic here!

Takasugi would rarely shop by himself and most of the time, Matako or someone else would personally handle his shopping list. But on the rare occasion he goes shopping, then this is what I would imagine his list to be!

Warning: SOME OF IT MAKES ZERO SENSE OKAY but I'm getting a vibe for it, I promise

his look when they are out of his beloved beverage :)))))))

Sugi's Shopping List

Yakult

it's his priority, he loves it, come on!

Yoghurt

considering how he likes yakult so much, I can see him getting behind yoghurt honestly. Even having a bit of a childish eating habit and picking those flavored small yoghurts that are meant for kids. I don't think he'd openly admit to it that's why it's something he'd purchase when going shopping on his own.

String Cheese

another childish habit I can see him having. string cheese is something he can eat on the run and basically, many of the foods I'm going to include are ones you can eat on the go. basically snacks that don't need to be prepared and can be consumed as they are.

Tofu

even if he might indulge himself in certain western delicacies, at his core, Takasugi is a traditional man. rather than actual cheese, he'd opt for tofu.

Eggs

eggs are just... eggs, you know? so many dishes include them, so yeah.

Tea leaves

but you know, not the cheap Lipton ones. he has high standards after all! rather than coffee, I see him more as a tea kinda guy buuuut

Coffee Beans

he would like to have some coffee around and I feel like he'd be good at brewing it himself, just like his tea. i can see him and bansai sitting together while drinking either, honestly.

Water

he is a human, humans drink water, what can I say? plus, i doubt he can find high quality water lying in space.

Fruits and Vegetables

now this is the harder for me to think, because i can't really tell what kind of fruits or veggies he'd prefer. i feel like he is into healthy food, considering how yakult is basically probiotics and if he could afford to have a proper meal, he'd go for it. i can see him being into berries (NOT STRAWBERRIES BECAUSE GIN which actually arent berries at all but eh), grapes, lychees, persimmons, dates, plums or perhaps the occasional apple too. i'm afraid i can't offer an exact explanation as to why i chose these specific ones but eh, it be like this sometimes. about veggies now, lotus roots, edamame, yams, cabbage, daikon, seaweed (not really a veggie but dk what to consider it here ;-;), mushrooms and beets. i wanna say eggplants too because they are purple and well... heh.

i guess something these things have in common are that they can be either eaten individually, or are widely used in japanese cuisine.

Nuts

YEAH YEAH, I CAN HEAR THE SNICKERS FROM HERE ABOUT THIS ONE. still, nuts are a great source of NUTrients. also for some reason, i can see Takasugi liking something that requires a bit of work? now this will sound weird af but i can totally imagine him spitting the shells (or seeds since i mentioned fruits) at gintoki or people who annoy him (throwback sakamoto spit translate scene). i dont know, maybe it's because he smokes, maybe it's because he uses his fingers a lot WHEN PLAYING THE SHAMISEN, DON'T GET ME WRONG, i can see him liking foods that need some work. that's what i meant. yeah? yeah.

Sweets?

i don't see him as a sweet kinda guy, not gonna lie. but, perhaps he would indulge in an occasional chocolate candy bar. perhaps a darker chocolate? if he got a craving, i'd still think he'd opt for more traditional stuff so, perhaps dorayaki or mochi would catch his eye, if the store had some premade ones.

Miso paste

absolute MUST for breakfast.

Rice

Gum?

this one is debatable. he is a smoker, he has shitty breath, gum is easy to pop in for some freshness i guess. if he needed to have a clean breath, this is the lazy way to do it.

Soy sauce

the answer to the eternal debate of ketchup vs mayo would be soy sauce for him. this is the way of the ancestors, somehow.

Noodles

another no brainer. if you ask me, he is more of a soba kinda guy though.

Meat/Fish

usually he doesn't buy such things himself. he isn't the one to cook his own meals so... plus, meat and fish take a long of time to prepare. i think of him more as a fish kinda guy, not sure why though. if he can get his hands on some fresh fish, he'll go for it.

OH AND, not exactly fish but, Mentaiko!

Onigiri

Takasugi is a bit of a sentimental fool, no denying here. onigiri is a food linked to his childhood and to Katsura. he would eat such things behind everyone's back and if anyone noticed and asked him if he wanted some, he'd deny it, claiming that he hated the taste of him. still, i feel like it's a food he'd buy without second thought, if he happened to find it in the store.

Jelly Beans

another troll-y food choice. they are tasty and can be eaten on the go. i can see him being very picky about the order he eats them in, going as far as to not eat a certain type of flavor at all!

Alcohol

man needs to drown his pain somehow. Sake, Umeshu, Nigori, Shochu, i can see him drinking each of them. usually with Bansai, he is his certified drinking buddy. sometimes Matako and Takechi join too but they get wasted! Matako gets all flustered, attaching herself to him "Shinsuke sam~AaaaaaAAAa", she is just a mess. Takechi's lolicon comments intensify and he might honestly try to annoy Matako who just gets defensive and cries harder while wiping her nose on Takasugi's sleeve... yeah....no, it's better if he just drinks with Bansai on second thought.

Hygiene Products

i feel like Takasugi is very hygienic when he can afford to be. he is someone who obviously puts thought in his appearance and so i can see shampoo and shower gels being up high in his list. funnily enough, i can see him as someone who could potentially get behind bath bombs! they are relaxing, have a certain aesthetic and hey, BUBBLES! but mainly, i feel like he is a soap bar kinda type. he prefers clean scents without bells and whistles. perhaps something that has a bit of a flowery scent? basically relaxing stuff. definitely an ylang ylang or sandalwood kinda guy (damn i'm reading too much into it). also toothbrush, toothpaste, the usual stuff. floss too. gotta wash the tobacco away.

oh and of course, he is clueless about detergents. he doesn't handle that at all, Matako takes care of his laundry somehow. he frowned upon her about it in the start, but she's managed to find a smell he likes so they are good.

Tobacco

wasn't sure if i should add that because not all regular stores have that but yeah, he needs it for his kiseru!

MAN, I spent so much time thinking about this. Not in a million years would I ever think that I'd be writing Takasugi Shinsuke's personal shopping list. But there is always a first, I guess! These are just my opinions/headcanons/guts, call them whatever you want, really. Some of these have a base I guess while others are just hunches.

Hope this wasn't too out of character, hey, I DID MY BEST! I loved this ask though, it was so particular and different from what I usually do or think about.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: the lure of coffee machine burns and demanding customers proved too strong? Jimmy: Your gratitude at getting another smoothie an' all Janis: you found out I was a big tipper? Janis: grapevine getting oddly specific and vaguely complimentary Jimmy: Your boyfriend never said nowt, awkward and 💔 Janis: which one Janis: have to put him on the 'really, never again' list Jimmy: the one who works here but ain't me Jimmy: Pete Janis: so that's his name Janis: cute Janis: well he can't go on that list so I take it back Jimmy: Or I'm lying Jimmy: but I reckon I'd give him a better name if I were Janis: exactly Janis: one every lad has like Jimmy: what every lad don't have is a 🎸 and a band attached Jimmy: he's WELL unique 💕 Janis: OMG Janis: makes so much sense why you're 💘 Jimmy: I ain't 😳 it's the steam, alright Janis: 😂 Janis: If I was a nicer friend I'd be made up for yous Janis: obviously I've learnt from the best and I'll covertly hit that behind your back, sabotaging you every step of the way Jimmy: We mates now? 🎉🎊🕺 Janis: the best 💕 Janis: thought 💔 you ain't 💔 about the friendzoning, obvs Jimmy: I'm made up for us Janis: 😏 good Jimmy: you'll be well about having a gay BFF Janis: ikr Janis: as if they didn't have enough reasons to be jealous of me Janis: ultimate accessory Jimmy: I am gonna ask him to move in though so if you could piss off before the end of our shift Jimmy: Tah, babes Janis: how could you Janis: genuinely did not see this coming Jimmy: when you know you know, girl 💕 Jimmy: soz you didn't Janis: I know lots of things Janis: like his name and passion so tah, dickhead 🏆💘 Jimmy: @petechambers is what you need to know Janis: why you being so helpful Jimmy: he reckons you're my girlfriend, how far do you reckon you're gonna get Janis: reckons you're my boyfriend, by that logic Janis: looks like we're both fucked Jimmy: I don't fuck in the workplace, I told you Jimmy: only customers 👴👵💕 Janis: fucking hell don't say that Janis: not just their spidey senses tingling, eurgh Jimmy: 💀👑 and her #squad ain't here yet Jimmy: can say what I like Janis: 'course not, it's before noon Janis: and as long as your manager don't hear you, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 he won't hear me 😴 in the back either Janis: you must be dead Janis: all the freebie espresso shots today Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: should've let you call in for me Janis: dangerously close to admitting I had a good idea Jimmy: only the one Janis: one more than you had you poor 😴 fool Jimmy: You sleep alright? The 🐕 was being a right little twat when I had to go Janis: like I'd been drugged Janis: not accusing you Janis: just don't usually sleep that deep Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: the barman was a bit Jimmy: could accuse him Janis: who am I to turn my nose up at free drugs Jimmy: 👮🚔 undercover me, remember Jimmy: might wanna hit delete on that Janis: listen, you've definitely crossed some boundaries yourself, idc how deep your cover is Janis: you keep it 🤐 and so will I Jimmy: Oh it's really deep like my 💕 baby Janis: 😂 Janis: yep, you're definitely 45 Jimmy: were warned Janis: didn't say I didn't like it 😍 Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: #whenshelikestherealyou Janis: just can't help but be goals, me and you Jimmy: tough job but I've already got a piss easy one Jimmy: I'd be bored to 😭😭😭 or 💀💀💀 Janis: so welcome, babe 💕 Janis: shame you can't be bored to 💤💤💤 rn though Jimmy: earnt myself a burn for cheeking everyone's manager 🙏 @god soz, like Janis: 🌩 Janis: he'll get ya Jimmy: bit late for the warning, Jenna but tah Janis: got off pretty light Janis: it could've been genocide, he's a big fan Jimmy: tell it to all the fans who want pics of me touching you up Jimmy: ain't gonna be goals for a bit, that Janis: bad enough you can 🏥 Jimmy: still got skin ✔ Jimmy: makes it a no go Janis: 😔 baby Jimmy: will to live ✖ Jimmy: least I've got you 💕 Janis: you poor, poor boy Janis: and your fave customers ain't there either, what's the rest of the crowd looking like? Jimmy: 👪 and 👫 Jimmy: be why I'm in such a romantic mood Janis: so inspiring, yeah Jimmy: nowt as inspiring as you obvs Janis: how many paracetamol did you pop Janis: very peace and love rn, you Jimmy: might be talking in my 💤 Janis: in that case Janis: let me hold you to everything you say Janis: go on Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you/any of yous get a chance to walk this dog Janis: it's being batshit Jimmy: I let it out but unless Cass is up and about now Janis: If she is she's being as quiet as I am Janis: no worries, I'll take it for a run Jimmy: hang on, I'll text her Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Alright, boot the door in for us Janis: you what Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: 👮🚔 tactics, mate Janis: not gonna marry your da, remember Janis: no stepmum here Jimmy: well he chucks her 💰 for walking that 🐕 you're gonna at least wanna take that off her Janis: I guess I could let the dog in her room Janis: just blame you or the kid Jimmy: I did it earlier, dunno how it got back out Janis: clever girl Jimmy: 👻🐕 Janis: awh Janis: if I could draw for shit I would Jimmy: Have a go Jimmy: there's loads of shit in my room Janis: feeling #inspirational as well as #inspired, mate? Jimmy: you feeling 🥇 or 🙀? Janis: how do you know I ain't got plans Jimmy: Come on, I'll do it too, let 👻🐕 decide which is better Janis: ugh Janis: fine Jimmy: Crack on then, loser Janis: fuck off Janis: I never claimed I was good at art, 🎨 hoe Jimmy: Getting the excuses in already Jimmy: should've just backed out from the challenge, babe Janis: you should get to work Janis: doodling or your actual, like Jimmy: I'm doing both Janis: get you Jimmy: 🏆🥇👑 Janis: ⭐⭐⭐ for your name badge Jimmy: It says Jamie right now so you're alright Janis: 😂 Janis: doesn't suit you Jimmy: only been working here ages Jimmy: don't put yourselves out Janis: your names not actually James then? Janis: least they're in the ballpark Jimmy: Bollocks would it be, Ian'd reckon that too la-de-da Janis: fair, can't imagine that either Jimmy: and anyway we're all y or ie except him 'cause ❄ can't get ideas above ourselves Janis: don't stop every cunt I know giving their kids genuinely mental names though so Jimmy: I've wrote some mad ones on ☕ Janis: ooh #whenhescreativetho Jimmy: his new missus better fall in like my mum did Jimmy: fucked yourself you Janis: I mean, I'd change it but what to Ian, you've got the vision, like Jimmy: @ him Janis: from his house, that'd be hilariously psycho stalker Jimmy: he'd be 😍😍 so don't actually Janis: alright, in your bed not his Jimmy: Are you? Jimmy: Get up dickhead there's 🎨 to make Janis: 🙄 alright, on it Janis: ruin the fantasy with your details, why don't you Jimmy: ruin your lie in with my jealousy of it, tah Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: In a bit then Janis: are you concentrating that hard? Jimmy: you need to if you wanna beat me Jimmy: doing you that favour Janis: so kind 🖕 Janis: so considerate 😒 Jimmy: I know 💕 Janis: [hit him with a cartoon of ghost Twix doing a phantom shit in Ian's shoes] Jimmy: [one of those recorded texts things of him loling] Janis: is that a lol of approval? Jimmy: 'course Janis: good, 'cos I tried Jimmy: yours is better than mine Jimmy: glad I ain't the judge Janis: rub it in pedigree, like Janis: she likes you better, maybe a walk would swing it Jimmy: she don't like that I only let her out in the garden for a bit Jimmy: so if you're gonna cheat Jimmy: would be 🥇 cheating Janis: from the professional himself 💕 Janis: leave a note, so your sister don't reckon it's been dognapped Jimmy: 🖕 and 👌 Janis: love you too Jimmy: [sends her his picture of ghost him walking ghost twix and Janis in a ghostbusters outfit getting him with the vacuum thing cos Twix is her true love but someone's spilt coffee on it rudely] Janis: fuck off Janis: that's actually sick Janis: can't even be that mad Jimmy: you ain't judging it either and ☕ ain't a treat she's 😍 for Janis: take the compliment, boy Jimmy: I'm too tired Janis: doesn't anyone at your work have a decent coke habit Janis: inconsiderate, that Jimmy: what kind of rock and roll god are you, Pete? fuck's sake Jimmy: 😱💔 Janis: if he's straight-edge Janis: have him Janis: won't be lectured by some 🤓 however cute Jimmy: from his feed I'd say 60/40 that he is Jimmy: gutted pisshead Janis: actually devastated Janis: please give me time to grieve Jimmy: me an' all, gonna have to rely on you and only you to get me through this shift Janis: I haven't got any on me either, you know Jimmy: like I said Jimmy: he does 🚬 though actually, I've seen him Janis: 😻😻😻 Janis: oh thank god Janis: not ready to let that dream die tbh Jimmy: Alright, calm down Janis: you don't understand Jimmy: Have you even looked at his profile? 60/40 that bird's his girlfriend an' all Janis: idk what that's gotta do with me Jimmy: she's got better tits than you Jimmy: I don't reckon you'd win if you challenged her Janis: well I know I would but tah Jimmy: You ain't his type Janis: omg you don't know that Jimmy: try some heavy eye make up and a band t-shirt Jimmy: might 👀 at you then Janis: can't argue with good looking Janis: whatever you think you're into Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what's with the negging Jimmy: What you want me to big you up? Got that covered ain't you Janis: nah Janis: but shouldn't affect you that I know my worth, should it Jimmy: it don't Jimmy: nowt you do affects me Janis: then stop chatting shit like that to me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: no or what about it I won't fucking talk to you Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I ain't got time for you, my best customers are here Janis: lol really Jimmy: [a pic of them gals, chin chin] Janis: 🤢 Janis: if I never saw that face again, it'd be too soon Jimmy: [resends it with faces scribbled out] Janis: 😏 Janis: idiot Janis: time for a stock check, probs Jimmy: time to post something about you more like Jimmy: [does about how much he misses her and how hard it was to leave her there asleep this AM etc] Janis: you trying to kill 'em? Janis: 'cos good job, honestly Janis: they'll at least have heart palpatations at that Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: could do better but this ain't a topless kinda place Janis: we're all 💔 about that Janis: should've taken some creeper shots whilst you were sleeping, my bad Jimmy: such an amateur you Janis: had other things on my mind, happens Janis: my reply will be extra slushy, how's that Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: obvs but yay or nay dickhead Jimmy: where are you? Janis: park opposite yours Janis: why Jimmy: do you look like you belong in a park opposite mine? Janis: fuck you, I'm clean Jimmy: I'm saying make yourself look like you just got out of my bed and get over here Janis: alright then Janis: but that counts as one of my debts paid, definitely Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: er yeah it does Jimmy: How is this a favour to me? Jimmy: They're chatting shit about you Janis: when ain't they Janis: I don't ever need to be in the same room as my sister, tah Jimmy: Stay at the park then Janis: make up your mind Janis: I said I'll do it Jimmy: Not doing this for my health Jimmy: they ain't wrong in thinking I look like shit and if you were any kind of nurse you wouldn't have let me go nowhere Janis: marry 'em then Jimmy: I don't wanna marry you why would I wanna marry them? Jimmy: Also how? In what sequence 'cause can only be one at a time Janis: 'cos clearly you trust in their ability to look after you based on this snippet of overheard convo, idiot Janis: none of them have had a boyfriend longer than 3 weeks, no time to get a fucking cold, nevermind get over it Janis: don't count, they're a hivemind Janis: cut off Mia's head, they all die Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how can they possibly have anything to talk about Janis: not seen any of them in days Jimmy: You've been online, nowt else they need Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: I'll throw a drink over Mia she'll melt, game over Jimmy: if she ever orders owt Janis: some sweet as Janis: that hot sweet vom will coat her mouth on the way out, enjoy that for hours Jimmy: Don't Jimmy: you'll make me vom Janis: such a baby Jimmy: Piss off Janis: you ain't cleaned up worse in the CG bathroom, no Jimmy: don't mean I loved every minute of it Jimmy: or that I wanna relive it right now with you Janis: k, just tryna kill the mood, baby Janis: calm you down Jimmy: Leave it out Janis: lighten up, me they're chatting shit about Jimmy: and it weren't me who invited her here Jimmy: stop being a knobhead Janis: I'm not Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: shut up Janis: what's actually wrong with you Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to you if you're gonna take the piss Jimmy: nowt wrong with that Janis: when did I Jimmy: This job is crap and I don't wanna do it but I ain't got rich parents Jimmy: so yeah, I have to clean up after dickheads all day Jimmy: and they get to say whatever they want to me while I'm doing it Janis: it's you who's assumed my parents are minted, you ain't once asked me about 'em and I ain't told you Janis: how far do you reckon 2 paychecks goes for 12 people, but nah, whatever, they got more than some Janis: but not so much that I'll never have to work a day in my life so don't come for me like I think I'm too good to clean a toilet or some shit Jimmy: Don't get at me when it's them you wanna Jimmy: we're supposed to be in this together Janis: I weren't getting at you Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: Alright Janis: it clearly ain't but I weren't so I'm not apologizing for some shit you only think I said Jimmy: and I'm not starting something with you 'cause they're annoying Jimmy: So alright Janis: Fine Janis: that we can agree on so we'll just leave it yeah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: the 🐕 with you? Janis: yeah Janis: taking her back Jimmy: do me a favour and leave her there Janis: weren't planning on bringing her if I do come through Jimmy: I mean at the park to get actually dognapped Janis: well don't take it on on the dog either Jimmy: I didn't like her long before 💀👑 were on my radar Janis: ain't her fault Jimmy: is Janis: she's only a puppy Jimmy: cute enough to get snatched then Janis: i'm not getting rid of your dog for you Janis: do it properly if you're going to Jimmy: just trying to get rid of that IOU for you Janis: sure Jimmy: You're really scared to owe me one, you Janis: scared and not wanting to are not the same thing Jimmy: that'll be why I said what I said Janis: 😒 Janis: fuck off, what's there to be scared of Jimmy: You tell me Jimmy: What do you reckon I'm gonna do? Janis: shut up Jimmy: Easy, I'm faking I lost my voice either 'cause I'm 🤢 dying or 💀💀💀 from how well you nursed me Jimmy: theirs to keep guessing about Janis: ours to prove easy enough Janis: if we wanna Jimmy: Do you? Janis: I mean Janis: obviously I don't care but also Janis: why should they just get to go around being cunts all the time Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I also get that you badly miss Mr Lucas, babe but I ain't drank enough coffee for you to pretend I'm him 💔 Janis: 🤢 okay but don't Jimmy: I could take a few more shots before you get here but I might Jimmy: don't actually like it Janis: it's rank Janis: fuck the rest, being around the smell all day would be shit enough Jimmy: hang on, I'm gonna wipe off the chalk board outside and write that Janis: 😂 Jimmy: so inspiring baby 💕 Janis: if we could thin the crowd at all be ideal Janis: don't need the 👪👫s seeing this Jimmy: some of them did leg it pretty quick when Mia walked in Jimmy: not gonna want your kids or your fella seeing that Janis: honestly, meant to learn about death through a hamster, not your local 💀👑 Jimmy: well early in the day to try and teach them to spell anorexia Janis: thank god for spellcheck, eh babe? Jimmy: didn't have it when I communicated with her via napkin note but I think I managed Jimmy: will do if I don't think about what she'll do with it after Janis: basically sold your soul to the devil Janis: couldn't wait 5 minutes for me to get there Jimmy: already 👻 nowt she can do to me Jimmy: only come to life for you Janis: can't decide if 💕 or 🤤 that Jimmy: why not both? Janis: 😍 #whenhesthefullpackage Jimmy: give me everything you've got then Janis: you've changed your tune Jimmy: I've not Jimmy: been saying 🥇 or nowt since the start Janis: last night Jimmy: What? Janis: never mind Janis: both had a few by then, not to mention knackered Jimmy: Go on Janis: well you said don't give you anything Jimmy: it ain't for me, it's for them Janis: yeah, I know Jimmy: So no need to hold back Janis: wouldn't be much point coming otherwise Jimmy: I've gotta be fake mute, you've gotta be fake loud Janis: really Jimmy: We can't both be 🔇 Janis: Jesus Janis: why are you being mute again anyway Jimmy: I lost my voice 'cause you're the best at bringing someone back from the brink of 💀💀💀 Janis: 'course I am Janis: well don't put me off, I have a plan Jimmy: I just had to let you know loudly and repeatedly even if it cost me this #goals accent Janis: sounds about right 😏 Jimmy: Obviously, I thought of it Janis: I mean, it's believeable for you but alright Jimmy: A boy can dream 💕 Janis: dream no longer Janis: [post up hoe] Jimmy: [get ready lads and I don't just mean you gals] Janis: [least she'd always have her gym shit on her so can still have that moment] Jimmy: [yeah that's forever legit, and thank god he looks good in his uniform too or that'd be awkward like she's bringing it and he's blah] Janis: [when you're gonna have to just go for this lads] Jimmy: [he's gonna get a bollocking from his manager regardless we all know it, him most of all so nothing to lose] Janis: [when you come at him like 'I just missed you so much' loud/close enough that it's heard but you're already wrapping yourself around him] Jimmy: [when you have to be fake mute so it's all 😍 but it does mean you can just pull her even closer to you how he likes to do and go IN on kissing any part of her that'll get the best reaction, from her and the audience] Janis: [letting that happen for way longer than you need to before redirecting his mouth to yours so you can be loud without it being really indecent] Jimmy: [I feel like as much as they think they can read each other from all the make out seshs they've had he should've done something in that bit then that surprised him with how much she liked it even if they are pretending it's fake and he told her to be extra] Janis: [agreed like as much as it's all real it would be like the shock when they first kissed and she weren't bored so 100%] Jimmy: [just gonna put her on the counter for that mood and moment soz customers but like we're putting on a show here, not getting in trouble without making it worth it] Janis: [when you say his name and it's half 'cos you wanna half like are you sure] Jimmy: [when as much as you're pretending you've forgotten where you are you also have because so much pent up everything] Janis: ['come home with me' do you mean it or no we'll never know] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Mia's head exploding so get her down but onto the staff side with you so you can keep this going as you make your way towards the back like you're gonna continue this there/leave that way] Janis: [heheheheh] Jimmy: [obvs gonna keep kissing out there for a sec 'for realism' and in case anyone follows you like um what the fuck Jimmy are you leaving or wut not cos you wanna and you couldn't be closer and you haven't stopped since you started even when you were also moving, oh no never for that reason] Janis: [literal like in no world did they need this entire display also how you gonna stop, least his manager can come through to make that happen] Jimmy: [just like ahem #awkward because you know they wouldn't have stopped when he first appeared cos too into it so it's like EXCUSE YOU] Janis: [how shaming if either of you could care] Jimmy: [HOORAY for not feeling shame because yeah Jimothy you're gonna have to sit with him now and get told off looking that poor manager in the eye] Janis: [honestly you'd wanna die if you weren't so highkey distracted] Jimmy: [wait until Ian hears about this, he'll want you to die too] Janis: [nooooooooo] Jimmy: [no wonder he don't like Janis, no offense babe we know his actual reasons ain't that but] Janis: [she does get him fired we all know] Jimmy: [thank god he gets another job cos can you imagine if he couldn't they were all like no thanks you saucy bastard] Janis: [whoops, have to leave forreal] Jimmy: [how the hell are we gonna kick off a 'normal' convo between them after that MY GOD] Janis: how much trouble you in Jimmy: Not enough that I care Janis: good, not looking to + my IOUs that hard Janis: worked though, yeah Jimmy: How many stories has Mia posted? Janis: [screenshot of the longest line of stories ever but she's only on the first one 'cos not watching] Janis: more detailed than 24 hour news Jimmy: I get that I ain't the focus on her obsession, but get my angles, fuck's sake Janis: 💔 Janis: be more blatant, girl Jimmy: This plays like the Love Actually wedding video Janis: 😂 Janis: Keira should've told her husband to sort his friend, honestly Jimmy: I'm waiting for my full crop and her floating bobble head where mine were Janis: literally gonna haunt my nightmares, thanks Jimmy: Soz, I ain't seen her commit that edit yet if that helps Jimmy: we all know you can afford the software girl, sort it out Janis: no time if she wants to break the story Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: it wouldn't take long if she knew what she was doing Jimmy: could've asked me Janis: we all know now she's not arsed about you Janis: sorry, dear Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Jimmy: brb jumping off the roof Janis: could you wait a bit Janis: so it doesn't look like an immediate reaction to me Jimmy: gimme something better to do then Janis: well, I was sure you'd be sent home Janis: dunno how you managed that, jammy git Jimmy: #effortless Janis: must be Jimmy: 😎 Janis: sure you've got loads of invites in your DMs then, boy Jimmy: Yeah but Janis: but what Jimmy: I don't fancy it, do I Janis: still up to me and me alone then, is it Jimmy: for a bit Janis: okay Janis: see what I can do Jimmy: a full day's work won't 💀💀💀 you, rich girl Jimmy: promise Janis: my sister might beat you to it anyway Jimmy: she can try 🏆💪 we've got a pact and I called it ages ago Janis: can argue that one with her, if you like Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: have lost my voice going for it with Ian, not fazed by hers Janis: it's pretty grating tbh but you know Janis: nothing worse than the way she types Jimmy: Oi, there's nowt as annoying or loud as me Janis: don't need to lie to make you feel good about yourself Jimmy: Good Jimmy: a lie wouldn't Janis: and you're a cocky little shit without my help so Jimmy: with your help an' all though Janis: works for me Jimmy: I know Janis: what does that even mean 😏 Jimmy: What do you reckon it means? Jimmy: It means I know Janis: that definitely means you're chatting shit then Jimmy: If saying that I am works for you, babe Janis: 😑 taking the piss now Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: do what you've gotta do Janis: so fucking cryptic Jimmy: 🧩 me Janis: 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: OMG, smoking is NOT a personality trait Jimmy: I'm keeping you updated Jimmy: like a good boyfriend Jimmy: my whereabouts, what I'm up to etc Janis: subtle hint Janis: Mia teach you before she went? Jimmy: I weren't in the room as she 👀 it, remember Janis: on another 🪐 Jimmy: where you and her 😍💕💋💋 Janis: not funny, you Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: You gonna give me your update like a good girlfriend then or what? Janis: actually going gym Janis: as I've got the gear on, makes sense Jimmy: 💪🏆 gotta keep it goals babe Jimmy: one day I'll have to show you how it's really done, like Janis: ��� Janis: ok, that was funny Janis: you've redeemed yourself, welldone Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I get it, you're scared I'll make you look a right tit Janis: mhmm Janis: scared I'll be overcome by how manly you are and all Jimmy: no need to be at the gym for that, mate Janis: just how you live your life Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you dope Jimmy: taking that as a compliment 😎 Jimmy: as only a 45 year old bloke can Janis: oh yeah, how's your 💘 after that Jimmy: I ain't about to have a heart attack, you're alright Jimmy: one lung but there ain't nowt wrong with the rest of my organs Janis: good to know Janis: though my case to sue you is definitely more viable anyway Jimmy: 💰💰 talks and you've got more of it to chat bollocks about me with Janis: you've been warned Jimmy: You loved it, I've got enough witnesses Janis: very unreliable Janis: they all hate me Jimmy: I will an' all if you drag me to court Jimmy: ain't got a suit or owt and I ain't buying one for you unless we 💍 Janis: fake marriage is too far, we agreed Janis: though would LOVE to ask them all to be my bridesmaids so I could dress them in the ugliest shit and watch the meltdowns ensue Jimmy: Go on, all marriages are fake any road Janis: just string out the engagment and planning then blow that shit up on the day Janis: s'a proper finale Jimmy: knew you'd get it 💕 Janis: suck on that pregnant amie Janis: steal your ✨ Jimmy: if she'd left it at that she might not be 🤰 Janis: don't make me laugh Jimmy: why? not enough cardio for you or? Janis: 'cos I'll look mental and not the new image I'm going for, tah Jimmy: Fine, I'll make you 😳 Janis: you can try Jimmy: [sends her a pic of all those epic love bites she did cos they'd look WILD the next day like] Janis: they look pretty Janis: very artsy Jimmy: proper Georgia O’Keeffe you Janis: 😒 I know she was the vag obsessed one, twat Jimmy: 'Course you do Janis: shut up Janis: not a moron Janis: or a lesbian Jimmy: Don't need to tell me Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: Baby Janis: such a windup, you Janis: gotta have finished your 🚬 by now Jimmy: ain't that 👴 Jimmy: giving it my best go with my oxygen on Janis: cute Jimmy: So you want 75 not 45? Alright Janis: your type, not mine Janis: a fucked 45 is fine Jimmy: OUR type, babe, and I'm gonna find him Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 💕 Janis: stop being a goals fella and go do your job whilst you still got it Jimmy: that is my job Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: making me miss you and that Janis: if you don't you'll make me look bad Jimmy: couldn't obvs Janis: yeah her 😍 know no bounds, fair Jimmy: Oi, mine an' all Janis: awh, you jealous Jimmy: Of her? Jimmy: Yeah she's well close to 💀💀💀 and all I can do is wait Jimmy: 🚬💔🎻☕ Jimmy: #friendzonedbythegrimreaper Janis: always the bridesmaid, her Janis: you know you're 🥈 to my 🥇, baby Jimmy: you on the 🥊? Jimmy: that backhander really hit 😵😵😵 Janis: [selfie like pow pow] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [flirty posts and shit to keep it 'safe' haha] Janis: [as if anyone is doubting you rn, they seen enough lmao] Janis: you go this hard with your actual missus, like Jimmy: You've got her attention, be easy enough to go on and ask Janis: seriously Jimmy: What you reckon all that carry on at the CG dont matter to anyone but 👑💀? Janis: well idk do I Janis: why would I Jimmy: Talk of this town and the north Janis: at least any beatdowns will only be 📱 Janis: unless she likes you that much still she'll get on a plane or ferry, like Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: what outcome are you crossing your fingers for there Janis: 'scuse me Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: jussayin Janis: not fake fighting for you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: not agreed to that level of soap drama Jimmy: where you draw the line that? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I mean Janis: not pregnant rn is she? Janis: fair game Jimmy: I should've opened with asking Jimmy: bit late now Janis: yeah, gonna look weird now Janis: subtlety is not your strong suit Jimmy: It's alright, it ain't hers either Janis: 👍 Jimmy: But I reckon if her hubby had it in him to put it in her since the last 🤰 she wouldn't be in my DMs Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: never know Janis: pregnancy makes you mental Jimmy: Yeah Janis: later then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [later] Janis: did kayleigh f invite you to her party too Jimmy: I dunno, did she? Janis: not your secretary Janis: check your dms Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: I ain't seeing her, have to crash 👮🚔 Janis: why am I so popular, damn Jimmy: gay icon Janis: ha 🖕 Janis: you actually want to go or Jimmy: Do you? Janis: idk Janis: ain't got nothing else on Jimmy: Who is she? Janis: hmm Janis: not sure what her identifier is, but she's alright, does sports science and shit too Jimmy: The party'll be alright an' all then Janis: doubt the squad'll be there so improvement on the last Jimmy: works for me Janis: if you're allowed, like Janis: ⛔ Jimmy: She gonna stop me at the door? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 😏 Janis: nah Janis: guestlist can't be that exclusive if an invite found me Janis: not like we're bffs is it Jimmy: I'll go over the fence to be safe, leave a window open for me or whatever Janis: such a show-off Jimmy: You love a show, Juliet Janis: hm Janis: keep your feet on the ground, yeah Jimmy: Bit late for that 👻 Janis: 👏 alright, got me there Jimmy: right where I want you, babe 🎯💘 Janis: yeah, and where's that? Jimmy: 😏 Janis: gotta get those hourly updates Janis: could be ANYWHERE Jimmy: could be lost Jimmy: Where's this lass live? Janis: good question Janis: oh, like 10 minute walk from yours Janis: [the deets] Janis: easy Jimmy: might get there before my 👮🚔 co-workers then Janis: well i'll be ages Janis: and not 'cos i wanna be fashionably late Janis: so see you there Jimmy: I get it, looking proper #goals takes you longer than it does me 😎 Janis: 🙄 Janis: more like my gaff is in the middle of fucking nowhere and I ain't there rn but I can't go like this Jimmy: Where are you? Gotta be near 🛍 Jimmy: do your thing, rich girl Janis: who am I Jimmy: No idea, who are you? Janis: not a bitch who's gonna get new clothes for a party Jimmy: Alright, you can wear mine, stop begging Janis: however could I pull off such a 😎 look Janis: I daren't Jimmy: 🙀 you Jimmy: never up for a challenge or owt Janis: what's challenging about your style Janis: been same since 1956 Jimmy: You pulling it off, so you said Jimmy: 🤷 if you can't, you can't Jimmy: see you when I see you Janis: and you lost your ability to detect sarcasm, alright Jimmy: might never have had it, how would you know? Janis: giving you benefit of the doubt that you ain't a total idiot but alright Janis: maybe not Jimmy: giving me what's dangerously close to a real compliment an' all there Jimmy: thank fuck you took it back before things got weird Janis: don't sound like me Jimmy: might not be Jimmy: can't 👀 or 👂 you Janis: yeah it's your biggest fan surprise Jimmy: that dickhead Jill is my biggest fan Jimmy: why I'm fake dating her Janis: get lost Janis: you're so annoying Jimmy: Probably will in a bit Jimmy: dry your eyes til then Janis: have you got a problem, like Janis: your sense of direction is for shit Jimmy: It's how they keep northerners in the north, mate Jimmy: ain't even allowed to leave in a ⚰ Jimmy: but 🤞 they bury you right way up Janis: you mean you don't want god to kiss your ass? Janis: seems like something you'd be about Jimmy: He ain't really my type Jimmy: 👴 maybe but a bit of a knobhead Jimmy: and there's the not being real Jimmy: got a fake girlfriend already tah Janis: one to talk 👻 boy Janis: that's just a third of his personality and it's your whole schtick Janis: jealous, clearly Jimmy: You reckon I'm jealous of everyone I ain't Jimmy: getting a bit awkward now Janis: is it Janis: sensitive and all Janis: n'awh Jimmy: I get it, you're that in the dark Jimmy: hang on, I'll put my 📸 on Jimmy: sort you out Janis: about what Jimmy: It's no bother, dark corners can be very #goals Jimmy: just don't 🙀🙀🙀 Jimmy: know what you're like, Jasmine Janis: cats ain't afraid of the dark, boy Jimmy: You don't play by the rules, girl Jimmy: or do you now? Janis: how much do you think has changed in one afternoon? Jimmy: Been a bit since I last had an #update from you Jimmy: could be owt or nowt Janis: ain't the only one capable of mystery, like Jimmy: Good Jimmy: this party'll be shit if I am Janis: what do you reckon you can get away with when you're my plus 1 Jimmy: my name ain't down but I'm still coming in Jimmy: do owt else I want once I manage that Janis: don't be stupid Janis: you know what I'm saying Jimmy: Make up your mind, am I stupid or what? Janis: you're being it if you reckon you can get with someone when I'm at the same party Jimmy: I never said that's what I reckoned Jimmy: I get that you're new to it, but there's more than one way to be mysterious Janis: everything is always about sex, end of Jimmy: For you paddys maybe Janis: pretty sure it's universal but alright Janis: whatever Jimmy: Are you? Janis: am I..? Jimmy: Are you so sure I wanna fuck some girl at this party even though I've been doing all this bollocks to stay single Jimmy: well done Jimmy: You've cracked it, like Janis: 1. single doesn't mean abstinent Janis: 2. why do you say stupid shit that sounds a certain way then get pissed when I take you at said dumb fucking thing you said Janis: 3. i don't care who you do or don't fuck but if that's what you wanna do, probably don't have me there for it Jimmy: I'd ask why you take everything the wrong way but that's obviously what you wanna do Janis: just say you're talking bollocks if that's what you're doing Janis: but also take it somewhere else 'cos I don't need it Jimmy: It ain't but go on and piss off yourself if you like Janis: First good idea you've had Jimmy: Take it then Janis: do what I like, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: and I got invited so how about you don't come Jimmy: You said it yourself, no way you're getting there 1st Janis: fuck you Janis: you don't even know her Jimmy: I don't know anyone Jimmy: race you 😘 Janis: poor you Jimmy: Lucky me Jimmy: Poor you Janis: don't need your sympathy fake or otherwise Jimmy: Fake or not, you ain't having it Janis: 💔 Janis: oh no Jimmy: Ill play the 🎻s when I'm on the clock if it's alright with you Janis: I don't care what you do as long as it's not at this party Jimmy: 💔💔😭 Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: You finished? Janis: with this convo Janis: why not Janis: with you in general Janis: sadly no Jimmy: Tah for the detailed update Janis: what you asked for Jimmy: 💕 Janis: hope you find your way back home at some point Jimmy: can't stay pissed off at me you Janis: if you leave, sure Janis: your standards are that low Jimmy: Don't worry, staying aint part of my plan Janis: good for you Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we should skip to this party which he obviously gets to first, damn you Cali and your postcode] Janis: [this is such a bad idea like always] Jimmy: [living for it] Janis: [just showing up and avoiding your boyf like hmm okay lmao] Jimmy: [at least he's avoiding everyone anyway cos antisocial bastard so makes it less obvious that he's even there] Janis: [at some point y'all are both gonna end up at the drinks so] Jimmy: [we know that is where he's forever at getting drunk (great idea boy) unless he's outside 🚬 so easy done] Janis: [i die just like sup] Jimmy: [so will he when he sees her serving a look] Janis: [at least you can 'pretend' you've had a domestic, be that couple for the night but still, probably acknowledge each other's existence 'found your way then'] Jimmy: [believable that you could have cos nobody else needs to know he don't give a fuck about his manager or getting in trouble and everyone would be talking about earlier still. He shrugs because always. 'without your help or owt, almost like I dont need you'] Janis: ['well let me know when it stops being almost and I can get on with my shit, yeah? taking a can/bottle/whatever and walking away like good talk] Jimmy: [5ever watching her walk away] Janis: [why are you two here, being such delights lollollol] Jimmy: [Im gonna say he is playing drinking games because peeps have been trying to get him too since he got there cos of that new boy shine honey and theyve worn him down cos hard to resist a challenge or a drink] Janis: 🏆💪 Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: even when you lose, it's a win Jimmy: 🥇 or 🤢 Janis: not if you can handle your drink Jimmy: they can't, soz to piss on your expectations Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🍀💔 Janis: tunes can't get much more morbid Jimmy: change them then Janis: won't change the crowd but yeah maybe Jimmy: You've handled worse Janis: don't be so hard on yourself Jimmy: Why would I, got you for that Janis: come on Jimmy: Deny it Jimmy: never off the clock on that one, you Janis: ain't personal Janis: don't get to feeling special for it, like Jimmy: 👌 Janis: anyway, you give it back so don't act like you're 😢 Jimmy: I ain't acting tonight, tah though Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: try not to need a 🚬 for the next 5 k Janis: [goes out, obvs] Jimmy: I'll live Janis: good, don't need your death on my conscience Jimmy: I know 😇 you Jimmy: be alright Janis: not likely Jimmy: What do you want me to say to that? Janis: say what you want, you ain't acting Jimmy: fucked if I wanna say nowt Jimmy: already done mute to 💀💀💀 today Jimmy: and I gotta stay alive for a bit Janis: so that's my fault, yeah Jimmy: Nah Janis: it's not my fault people won't get off your dick because you're the new boy Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you treat me like it is Jimmy: and you treat me like what? Janis: how am I meant to treat you Jimmy: how am I meant to treat you Janis: I don't fucking know Janis: you're this weird kid who just asked me to do this crazy scheme with him and I'm the idiot who said yes, I guess Janis: but I don't think you knew what you were asking any more than I knew what I was going along with Jimmy: Stop it then Janis: why should it be me Janis: and why is that all you have to say Jimmy: Why shouldn't it be you, that were the plan Jimmy: and why would I say owt else when that's where this is going Janis: a plan you changed Janis: and acting like you have no stakes in whether it ends now or not makes it make even less sense Jimmy: Change it back Jimmy: not acting, remember Janis: then tell the fucking truth Jimmy: I fucking did Janis: what's the point Janis: alright Jimmy: There ain't any, that's what we're both saying Janis: least not one we're happy to admit to Jimmy: You're so Janis: we're gonna go for this again Janis: didn't work last time but go on Jimmy: Piss off Janis: why can't you say it Jimmy: this is fucking stupid Janis: yeah no shit Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: why did you come Jimmy: Why did you? Janis: to see if you would Janis: probably get drunk Jimmy: There you go then Janis: no you can't steal my answer Janis: then you'll just say you never actually said it and it's just bullshit to hide behind Jimmy: I'm here, that's my answer Jimmy: it weren't cause I desperately wanted shots to do to a shit soundtrack Janis: okay Janis: then go Jimmy: is it? Janis: if that's the only reason you're here Jimmy: I came here for you, you twat Jimmy: but alright, I'll go for you then Janis: don't just Janis: why is it like pulling teeth Jimmy: fuck you Janis: why Jimmy: I didn't sign on for this Jimmy: I can't just Janis: you think I did Jimmy: no Janis: you are literally the only other person who can get it and also the one fucking person who won't talk about it Jimmy: what do you want me to say? Jimmy: that this is Jimmy: or that I Janis: that it's not just Janis: fuck Jimmy: You know it's not Jimmy: every dickhead knows it's not Janis: I can't be Janis: I don't wanna be what we've pretended Janis: I ain't but Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: you know Jimmy: I wanna know Jimmy: come here Janis: where are you Jimmy: on the stairs Janis: [comes in Jimmy: [the eye contact bitch] Janis: [when that's all you're doing 'cos you suddenly can't move like] Jimmy: [deer in the headlights moment but dont worry babe hes gonna move and pull you SO close to him that you will die] Janis: [least that would kickstart you into being very clear with what you want] Jimmy: [likewise cos once you do start it's just like a not at all casual free for all of everything you both want] Janis: [heaven help anyone tryna use them stairs like excuse me] Jimmy: [you better find another way peeps because they cannot be tamed rn] Janis: [breaking away to be like 'we can just try it, right?'] Jimmy: [just nodding because if he speaks hes gonna say too much and none of us are ready] Janis: ['no phones, no fans'] Jimmy: [throws his phone to one side dramatically because that bitch] Janis: [when you lol but are also genuinely like 😍 so we back at it] Jimmy: [Its a good thing the squad arent here cos they would know he aint mute LOL so much so you have to stop for a sec and once you do 'when I said I wanted to leave some shit to mystery, this is what I meant. All I meant. For a night, none of the usual bollocks. Just me and you'] Janis: [nods 'I believe you. All the rest just had me in a bad mood. I mean I always am but when-' shakes head 'doesn't matter now'] Jimmy: [moves her hair out of her face after she's shaken her head because #shameless need to always touch it okay and just looking at her like you can tell me cos she can 'go on'] Janis: [bites lip but in an actual nervous way not a saucy one though you know same effect 'I was just fed up with all the things getting in the way of...this, as was, so then when you mentioned your ex- like I don't care if you get back with her but it's why I was so' shrugs like you know] Jimmy: ['I want you to care about me getting back with her more than I'd ever wanna really get back with her' when you just blurt that out nbd quietly but still boy are you drunk enough to be chatting like that, excuse you] Janis: [when you're just looking at him like did I hear that right or am I also that gone and going so red, mumbling 'you know I do'] Jimmy: [nodding in the direction of up the stairs 'let's go up, there's too many dickheads can see us' because its awks and also no fans is meant to be the point] Janis: [yeah probably do find some privacy] Jimmy: [probably the room of this poor girl that didnt even invite him] Janis: like excuse me madam you did not ask for this at least they didn't have a blazing row and ruin your whole ass party] Jimmy: [him shutting the door but then just standing against the back of it like UM cos his turn to freeze, boy this is why you dont speak, going too hard when you do] Janis: [least she's not like we MUST talk now 'cos also the pressing matter of actually being able to make out and not film it or cater to a crowd] Jimmy: [omg just being able to do what you legit wanna] Janis: [a mood, let's hope this girl's room ain't too distracting, have to be going some like] Jimmy: [I vote for a double bed because they deserve that] Janis: [the luxury, get on that boys] Jimmy: [actually having some space in all the ways, imagine] Janis: [not that he's about it or her tbh we know] Jimmy: [but at least you wont fall out if you move guys] Janis: [are we gonna cockblock this before it can go all the way] Jimmy: [probably should cos the way we did their first time before was pretty swag from what I remember, not saying this wouldnt still be but] Janis: [agree though, and easily done like get out me room] Jimmy: [yeah and you can still get pretty far before then we dont need to be that mean] Janis: [things can happen honey] Jimmy: [theyd have to because you cant tell me they wouldnt take the opportunity to touch each other in all the ways you cant upload anywhere or let happen with an audience, shameless as you are, and therefore have had no excuse to do]] Janis: [truly 'cos how bad you would've rather been doing this and she'd be telling him as much] Jimmy: [he would blatantly tell her that too but dying too much so you will have to decode it from the eye contact and other sounds he is giving you instead babe] Janis: [when that's such a mood and I highly doubt how Harry was lol] Jimmy: [ugh god no, he's such a twat] Janis: [defs not thinking about that rn like whomst] Jimmy: [they are gonna be FUMING when they get kicked out of this room cos never enough when youve been waiting and holding back for any length of time] Janis: [literally like opened the floodgates honey this hasn't solved anything but we getting there bless] Jimmy: [you thought you two were frustrated af before hahaha] Janis: [gotta give a reason why they can't just go home together tho, actually] Jimmy: [ooh maybe they do but Ians heard about the CG antics so he kicks off when he hears them come back, lowkey waiting for that fight like] Janis: [that's a good idea also brb wanna die] Jimmy: [at least she can go to Mcvickers when he has to kick her out cos not far Janis: [not that Ian cares, dangerous frankly sir] Jimmy: [honestly she could get murdered you slag] Janis: [giving some time for them to argue but not that much 'cos highkey] Janis: you alright Jimmy: You? Janis: yeah 'course Janis: sorry I got you in shit Jimmy: You've done nowt wrong Janis: probably debatable that Jimmy: alright gimme chance to stop with this bellend and I'll debate it with you Janis: let you focus on that one 🥇 Jimmy: harder work than a latte him Janis: savage Janis: hope you hit him with that burn Janis: oh, forgot about yours Jimmy: I can do better than that me 🥇 Jimmy: oh shit, me an' all Jimmy: ✋ didn't fall off though, must be alright Janis: 🤞 or I've really fucked it with Ian Janis: no one wants a one-handed babysitter, even if he's live-in Jimmy: wouldn't be very goals for a boyfriend either Jimmy: I'd make it work but like a fake hand is going a bit far Janis: pretty macho Janis: pretend you lost it in a 🦈 attack Jimmy: can only be a duel, Juliet, come on Janis: damn, you right Janis: don't have a cousin who's in love with me though Janis: hope I don't, anyway, awkward to find out like this Jimmy: be fun round the Easter table Jimmy: 💔 I don't have any cousins Janis: Poor boy Janis: idk if he was related to that first bitch anyway so there's still hope Jimmy: I'd only be stuck looking after them too, ain't that 💔 or 💰 broke Janis: fair Janis: more trouble than they're worth in all areas Jimmy: got enough on with this dickhead dad Janis: yeah Janis: liked it better when he weren't there, tbh Jimmy: #same Jimmy: 🙏 for us when you're done making sure my hand stays on Janis: add it to the list Janis: hard work but a 😇 gotta do it Jimmy: good 'cause I wanna touch you again Janis: yeah? Jimmy: and 🤖 💕 not what I were necessarily thinking Janis: 😏 Janis: leave the vibrator at home okay Jimmy: hang on, can't turn down extra limbs if I've already lost one Janis: make up your 🧠 Jimmy: Oi, I'm thinking of you here Janis: so the considerate thing weren't an act, interesting Jimmy: shut up Janis: so cute 💕 Jimmy: I just Janis: it's alright, only pissing about Jimmy: don't sound like you Janis: promise it is Janis: not an opportunist mugger Jimmy: 👴💕 Jimmy: want me so bad they're willing to do owt now Janis: bit rude to use me as collateral Jimmy: they might not have that long to live, be fair Janis: so that means I've gotta wait Janis: 😒 Jimmy: we've got a pact you ain't dying without me Jimmy: and not til you couldn't 💕 me more Janis: alright Janis: what's one more day Jimmy: only gonna feel like a slow 💀💀💀 Janis: you're telling me Jimmy: I am, yeah Janis: mean Jimmy: Baby Janis: don't Janis: I miss you but I actually mean it Jimmy: I Jimmy: where are you? I'll get myself there then Janis: don't get into more trouble or never actually see you again Janis: real starcrossed shit Jimmy: 👻💕 Jimmy: You reckon I've got into enough for you? I don't Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: I can handle so much more, girl Janis: you can't come here Janis: let me think of something Jimmy: Alright Janis: okay, if I can get us a car, don't ask where it's from, yeah Jimmy: not actually a 👮🚔 babe Janis: good, 'cos my rep really can't handle that Jimmy: the rep I gave you can handle anything I also wanna give you Jimmy: including my dad's 🚗🔑 Janis: yeah? Janis: 'cos I got one for tonight, less likely to miss it than mr 😡 rn Jimmy: Less of a fuck you an' all but you're right Janis: don't need any more interruptions Janis: actual 🚨s included Jimmy: actual crashes too 'cause I'm a shit driver anyway Jimmy: not how I wanna kill you Janis: not how I'm planning on going out either Janis: I'm alright, and we need to be in the middle of nowhere so Janis: come to this address Janis: [mcvickers house soz i'm stealing your car lads] Jimmy: [should we let him go or not though?] Janis: [that's the real questions and I'm fine with it going either way at this point tbh, Ian would probably be being highkey but that could mean forcing him to stay in or kicking him out so you decide] Jimmy: [yeah exactly either is plausible as is her getting caught by Mcvickers so 🤔🤔🤔] Janis: [oh, might be good to burn that bridge for a bit so then she simply has to stay at his 'cos can never be home] Jimmy: [omg true lets do that then] Janis: [triggering everyone with your illegal driving like your sister ain't die] Jimmy: [its the only way Tess would be angry enough to be like get out tbh so real] Janis: [a new boy for you to hate in your old age god bless] Jimmy: [why not its been a while lol] Jimmy: ? Janis: fucking Janis: i'm Janis: you should go Jimmy: tell me you're alright or I'm going nowhere Janis: i am Janis: i mean i'm beyond fucked off but par for the course Jimmy: 👌 Janis: this is so stupid Jimmy: par for the course that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: you have no idea 🙄 Janis: the ample opportunity we've had up until we actually need it takes the piss Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: genuinely Janis: same but Janis: don't mention it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: exactly Janis: sincerity is scary, boy Jimmy: 🙀 you Jimmy: be fucked if you weren't fit, Janet Janis: shut up Jimmy: you wanted insincere, mate Janis: no middleground, no Jimmy: very 🥉 thinking that Janis: go away Janis: don't have time for 2 arguments Jimmy: me either Janis: 🤐 or 😴 Jimmy: Alright Janis: any chance of your dad forgetting what I look like any time soon Jimmy: We were barely in the door Janis: not like he knows my name if you don't so 🤞 Jimmy: Gonna have to change it for him anyway, remember Jimmy: no ie ending no 💍 Janis: just a place to crash again is fine Jimmy: Julie's basically it any road Jimmy: won't miss the odd letter, will you Janis: my actual has 2 letters in common but yeah Janis: whatever works Jimmy: 🌹 whatever you're called, like #obvs Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not necessary tonight so give him time to get over it Janis: just you keep 😍 #obvs Jimmy: soon as I can get back in, I'll let you Janis: where are you gonna go Jimmy: It'll be morning in a bit and then I'll go work Janis: I am sorry Janis: make it up to you Janis: but there's no chance she's turning this car around to pick you up Jimmy: he don't need an excuse to be a prick Jimmy: and Ill survive a shift without my name badge Janis: still, he got one Janis: I left a blanket and shit at the park near yours last time, strapped under the ramp but it's usually gone if I leave it too long so Janis: but Jamie's the best 💔 Jimmy: that's like saying I deserve this, fuck that Jimmy: Jamie might Janis: nah Janis: you know what I meant Janis: and Jamie was into it okay, I'll have a word Jimmy: don't go near him, I don't trust that dickhead 😏 Janis: I'll try but Janis: hard to stay away Jimmy: I'll have a word then Jimmy: he's too 😍😍😍 for you if you ask me Janis: what's it to ya Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: just looking out for you, mate Janis: cheers 😏 Jimmy: You coming to the CG before your wanted posters go up then? Janis: once I've been delivered home for my 2nd bollocking Janis: not planning on sticking around Jimmy: I'm opening up for the rest of the hols as my manager's idea of mine Jimmy: tell them to get it over with and you can stick around here Janis: alright Janis: see you after my great escape then 🤞 Janis: you opening alone or you got your bff with Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: the lass with the extensions? Yeah Tony ain't thought that through Janis: as if I've had 👀 for anyone but Pete, you fool Jimmy: What kind of rumoured lesbian are you? Jimmy: sort yourself out Janis: don't sound like my type Janis: fake? no thanks Jimmy: I mean, she ain't 💀👑 so I get you don't want the competition over tits Janis: fuck off Jimmy: her hair'll still fall out if you pull it, you can make that similarity with Mia work Janis: 😑 Janis: so unfunny Janis: good thing you're fit Jimmy: and I've got 😎 + 🚬 for my personality traits Janis: don't do it for me but sure Jimmy: that sounds dead fake but alright Janis: how does that sound like anything I've ever faked Janis: check your socials, there's way more 😍💕😘 Jimmy: I'd love to obvs but it ain't tomorrow yet Jimmy: and tonight we said none of that bollocks Janis: right Janis: how are we gonna do the fake shit though Janis: going forward Janis: still business as usual or 💀 Jimmy: Is that your way of saying you wanna fake break up to secretly date me or what? Janis: no Janis: idk Janis: is it gonna be weird Janis: weirder Jimmy: always were weird Janis: well yeah Janis: note that -er Jimmy: I don't see how it'll be owt different to faking shit when I didn't like you Janis: alright Janis: why not Janis: not not working Jimmy: we can just see how it goes Jimmy: play it by 👂 if you can leave me one 🧛 girl Janis: no promises 👻 boy Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you sure you want me coming in Jimmy: You don't wanna? Janis: I wanna see you Janis: you see my point Jimmy: I'll see if I can ban them all Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: I mean Janis: gotta win your manager back 'round somehow Janis: order all the lattes you can, gals Jimmy: come and splash your own cash, rich girl Jimmy: won't need them then Janis: you want me to 💩 myself Jimmy: you got me Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: proper kink for me that Janis: save it for the 3rd date Jimmy: you asking me out? Janis: depends Janis: you asking me to shit on you Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: You gonna be 💔 if I don't? Janis: obvs Janis: lifelong ambition Jimmy: There you go then Jimmy: owt to please you I said Janis: is it the next day already 💕 Jimmy: If you want Janis: sounds like some good ole fashioned fake shit, is all Janis: but fair, can't hear over the 📢 coming at me rn Jimmy: You know me and habits Janis: honestly Janis: can't let it go eh Jimmy: wouldn't wanna scare you, easy done that Janis: 🖕 Janis: not that dependent on it, funnily enough Jimmy: 👌 Janis: the fans, that's another story of 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: let 'em down gently, babe Jimmy: what kind of bad boy Janis: the fake kind Jimmy: 🤞 the cancer risk is an' all Janis: should be vaping soft lad Jimmy: Piss off Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I know that's what you really want from me, babe Jimmy: but you'll have to find a lad who likes you enough to look that much of a twat Janis: then you don't know what I really want from you Jimmy: You gonna change your mind in a bit? Janis: if you're asking if I'll want a 🚬 after, don't be tight Janis: can spare me one Jimmy: Don't be a dickhead, whenever you've asked you've had Janis: and they say romance is dead Janis: not met you Jimmy: Tweet it tomorrow, like Janis: thought we'd started Janis: overachiever Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'owt to please you I said' you kicking us off Jimmy: Nah, it'd be fake if I said I didn't wanna when you know I do Janis: how long is your lunch and when Jimmy: I dunno when but I know it ain't long enough Janis: is that a humblebrag or actual though Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: 😒 Jimmy: What? Janis: not at you Janis: just the rest Janis: gonna go on a long fucking run Janis: nice knowing you if I end up in a different town, start again Jimmy: Alright Janis: got to wait for everyone else to fuck off Janis: ridiculous Jimmy: Swap places with me then Janis: alright Janis: get me a nametag, like Jimmy: Which one do you want on it? Janis: surprise me Janis: I'm method Jimmy: Yeah, love a surprise you Jimmy: I worked that out Janis: what you talking about Jimmy: 😏 Janis: don't 😏 at me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I don't know but don't be mean Janis: won't come and see you Janis: 💔 that Jimmy: you Jimmy: that's meaner than owt I've said Janis: I know Janis: don't play around, me Jimmy: 😭😭 me Janis: baby Jimmy: How drunk am I? Janis: if anyone asks, we ain't Janis: but probably a fair bit Janis: beer pong champ Jimmy: easy to get 🥇 when you ain't playing, pisshead Janis: dangerously close to a compliment Jimmy: Take it Jimmy: I don't mind Janis: should've just stayed on the stairs Janis: that's what we shoulda done Jimmy: We'd have been interrupted quicker doing what we were if we had Janis: probably Janis: don't reckon any of the party-goers would be as committed to the cockblock though Jimmy: Bit late to test your theory now Jimmy: have to be next time Janis: promise Jimmy: Do you or do I? Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: you Janis: that there's gonna be a next time Janis: proper one, real Jimmy: Come on Janis: say it Janis: wanna hear it Janis: and have it in writing Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: have that in writing Janis: what you pussying out for Jimmy: I already said I don't want you in and out on my lunch break Janis: fine Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: ain't forcing you to say nothing Janis: i don't care if you know i want you though, so have it Jimmy: Tonight you don't Janis: what Jimmy: You heard Janis: yeah and that's bollocks Janis: i'm not saying i'm in love with you or any of that fake shit, i'm saying i wanna fuck you Janis: have for ages so Jimmy: and I'm saying don't take the piss out of me 'cause I don't immediately say owt that I ain't been allowed to before now Janis: um i weren't Jimmy: Whatever Janis: i fucking weren't Janis: god forget it Jimmy: like that's easy an' all Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: so Janis: whatever it is, I'm sure I know Jimmy: 'Course you do Jimmy: know everything you Janis: yep Janis: that too Jimmy: Biggest fucking head in all of Dublin Janis: tell me it's unwarranted Jimmy: You make me feel like a massive idiot, that's what I'm telling you Janis: not what i set out to do Janis: and don't think you are, for the record but what do you want Jimmy: What do you want? Jimmy: nowt I say or don't is working for you Janis: I don't know, alright Jimmy: Dangerously close to the truth so probably not alright, is it? Janis: like you do Janis: now who's taking the piss Jimmy: Like I don't know what? What I want? Jimmy: that is a pisstake yeah Janis: well how would I know Janis: don't say shit Jimmy: 1. you do know Jimmy: 2. yeah I do Janis: whatever Jimmy: I'm not good with words that don't mean I'm not saying owt to you Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: alright let's just Janis: it's been a long weird night Janis: we can leave it Jimmy: So now you want me to shut up? Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I didn't say that, dickhead Janis: like I said, not trying to force you to say anything, that's not what I'm about Jimmy: I'm not thick, I know what leave it out means Janis: Jesus Janis: I'm trying to be nice for once Jimmy: Clearly not gonna work, that Janis: 👍 Janis: thanks Jimmy: Save it, better at faking that bit you Janis: fuck you then Jimmy: not unless your 2nd attempt at kicking a car is better than the 1st Janis: ha Janis: don't count on it Jimmy: I obviously can't Jimmy: but I were well aware you can't do owt right the first time so don't worry Janis: at least I get there in the end Janis: you did fuck all, as per Jimmy: Get where? Jimmy: you're nowhere same as I am Janis: not for long Jimmy: Impressive Janis: don't care what you reckon Jimmy: Make up your mind Janis: never have Jimmy: I know, you don't have any idea what you want, you said Janis: don't flatter yourself Janis: that's only about you and you don't feature in the big picture do you Jimmy: Why would I bother? Plenty of other dickheads to flatter me, including you earlier Janis: so? Janis: why do you reckon I'm gonna be embarrassed Jimmy: Why do you care what I reckon even as you're saying you don't? Janis: because it's worth a laugh Janis: it's just sex, plenty of people want you, plenty want me, who cares Jimmy: My entire reason for doing this is that I care about how wants me and doesn't Jimmy: who* Jimmy: and you'd throw me to them if you didn't Jimmy: So stop talking bollocks Janis: it ain't Janis: it's not that simple Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: You either give a shit or you don't Jimmy: and you either want me or you don't Jimmy: sort it out Jimmy: and when you have just say it Janis: I said I do want you Janis: I literally said it and you rejected it outta hand Janis: just because I was trying to say how much of a headfuck it is because what's real and what's fake and what parts are both Jimmy: You also said that after you've had a go I can basically fucking vanish 'cause who cares Jimmy: loads of others Janis: I didn't say it like that Janis: or mean it like Janis: it's just weird alright Jimmy: You're weird Jimmy: I don't get you Janis: no kidding Janis: what would you rather, I was like them Jimmy: #obvs Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what's the point in pretending Jimmy: Depends Janis: to get dickheads to leave you alone aside #obvs Jimmy: How shit is it gonna be to break the habit? Janis: shit Janis: nothing to say we can't stick at it 'til you're old news Jimmy: isn't there? Jimmy: I reckon owt's been said and done Janis: then it won't be hard to break the habit if that's what you think Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Fuck pretending then Janis: fuck pretending Jimmy: Don't be scared of me Jimmy: you can say or do owt you want Janis: why do you think I'm scared Janis: of you or anything Jimmy: because Janis: what, because I'm angry all the time Jimmy: because recognition Jimmy: I am, I know you are Janis: why are you scared Jimmy: Why is the why important? Janis: Deflection's easier, yeah Jimmy: 💔 then Janis: well you don't need to worry about that Jimmy: Yeah I do Janis: in general, yeah Janis: but not with me Jimmy: You think you're never gonna hurt me? Jimmy: wearing enough bruises for you already, aren't I? Janis: that weren't me, don't count Jimmy: cheat Janis: nah Janis: just saying, not my sport Janis: 💔 Janis: got no interested in breaking yours Jimmy: flattered, like Jimmy: but that's what every lass says Janis: so Janis: not every girl is me, been discussed Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: not like I know you, been discussed an all Janis: up to you if you wanna find out then Janis: but the idea you think I've got the time or energy to dedicate to that is insulting Jimmy: I get it, I ain't special, no need to go on about it Jimmy: heard you at bigger picture Janis: nothing personal Janis: no one is Jimmy: nowt is with you Jimmy: but you don't reckon I should be on my guard Jimmy: very suspect that Janis: you worried about being collateral, duck Janis: just saying, not gonna make it my life's mission to fuck you up Jimmy: and I'm saying you want me to tell you things, put myself out there when it don't mean owt to you Jimmy: how's that fair Janis: I never asked you to bare your soul to me Janis: I asked you to say you wanted to fuck me as well Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: I did say that Jimmy: if that were all you wanted to hear you wouldn't call owt a headfuck Janis: I know you're vague on purpose Janis: that's why I asked you to say it, so it couldn't be taken back and said it was never said Janis: that's the headfuck Janis: all the previous shit can be wrote off as fake and neither of us can argue otherwise even if we wanna Jimmy: But if it's just sex which means fuck all to you or to me then why do you care what I say or don't after? Jimmy: that's why I don't get you Janis: same reason we started this Janis: everyone gets to talk shit on me Janis: not having it taken as gospel 'cos you put your dick inside me thanks Jimmy: I weren't about to screenshot and tweet out this convo once I did Janis: you're the only one that can be on his guard Janis: nah Jimmy: I'm the only fucker admitting that I am Jimmy: If you reckon I'm like that, like them, why would you even wanna do any of it? Janis: never said I reckoned that Jimmy: You think I'm gonna talk shit about you Janis: you could Janis: do it to my face plenty so why wouldn't you Jimmy: because I do it to your face Jimmy: go no reason to go anywhere else with it Janis: flattered, like Jimmy: just Janis: there's no way to guarantee any of this shit so we may as well agree to trust Janis: or not trust Janis: either or Jimmy: been worked out that we don't Janis: then it's settled Jimmy: is it? Janis: like I said, what we gonna do Janis: make a blood oath Jimmy: left my dagger up north, soz Jules Janis: then it definitely is Janis: letdown Jimmy: I'll delete my profiles then Jimmy: avoid you til school starts Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: Oh alright, what kind of fake break up do you want? Janis: have you been listening Janis: for fuck sake Jimmy: Have you? Janis: shut up, that's literally so far from the point of anything we were just talking about Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: go to hell Janis: seriously Jimmy: Tah for the holiday recommendation but the CG's only place I'm off to for a bit Jimmy: close but no 🚬 Janis: good, I hope you suffer Jimmy: 🤞 and 🙏 Janis: no need, you miserable prick Jimmy: not totally clueless then Janis: you wish Jimmy: I do wish you would catch onto a few, yeah Janis: heard you at avoid you til school starts, don't worry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're an absolute cunt Janis: why would you get me to say it again just to Jimmy: Go on Janis: and all that bullshit about being scared about getting hurt too Janis: what the fuck Jimmy: Yeah, all of this is utter bollocks Jimmy: what the fuck is right though Jimmy: what the fuck else do you expect me to do? Janis: how the fuck do you take me REPEATEDLY telling you that I want you as 'I'm going to ignore you from now on, bye' Janis: literally are we having the same conversation Jimmy: How can you think telling me repeatedly what a low fucking opinion of me you've got of me is gonna put me in a 😍 mood? Jimmy: Or that this is a good idea when we don't trust each other Janis: where Jimmy: You want this to mean nowt and now there's nowt to worry about Janis: I never said I have a low opinion of you Janis: and you don't give a shit about what I want so don't even pretend for the bit Jimmy: how do you take me REPEATEDLY asking you what you want as not caring about the answer? Janis: when you do the opposite Janis: how else can I take that Jimmy: like I said, what else can I do? Janis: not what I want, apparently Janis: alright Jimmy: I really fucking like you, alright Janis: we don't even know each other, how many times have you said that Jimmy: not enough obviously Jimmy: if it didn't make any difference Janis: but Janis: why Jimmy: Why are you asking me like its my fault? Janis: not fault but I do everything Janis: did everything so this doesn't happen Jimmy: It might be fake Jimmy: a headfuck like you said Jimmy: everything just Janis: you think so Janis: yeah you liked fake me Janis: you don't like me, you say it all the time Jimmy: that'd make more sense Jimmy: but tonight was real and I liked that too Janis: this is a mess Janis: i am Janis: you shouldn't get involved just 'cos I wanna Jimmy: but it weren't one sided Jimmy: everything we did earlier I wanted to do it Jimmy: and everything we still haven't Janis: it'd be easier if we hated each other Janis: its okay if I like you but you shouldn't like me Jimmy: just do me a favour alright Janis: what Jimmy: keep being real with me so I can work it out Janis: i don't want to hurt you Janis: i don't know or care how i put it before but i don't Jimmy: I'll live Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: might be that tonight's a fluke, I'm drunk and you're fit, not gonna not be into it Jimmy: you Janis: alright Janis: then it's a deal Jimmy: What? Janis: I'll keep being real Janis: like you asked Jimmy: Promise Janis: promise Jimmy: Alright, I swear I'm sorry Janis: what for Janis: not saying there's so much you gotta be specific but Jimmy: Making this weird Jimmy: weirder Janis: weren't one-sided either Janis: it's what it is Jimmy: Will you still Janis: come see you? Jimmy: Do you still wanna? Janis: yeah Jimmy: Okay Janis: besides, someone needs to make sure you don't die on the job Janis: bring you some caffeine that doesn't taste like shit Jimmy: and deny Ian the pleasure of doing me in? What kind of son would I be Janis: so your dads a real dick yeah Jimmy: you were warned Janis: we need to pimp out your shed so you got a place to sleep Janis: I was thinking Jimmy: the trampoline's alright, like you said Jimmy: can't remember how you did but you liked it Janis: when it's warm-ish out, yeah Janis: was comfy Janis: you or that dog woke me up though Jimmy: It's always warm out compared to Manchester Jimmy: why I need my 😎 Jimmy: and everything is always the 🐕 never me Janis: take your word for it on both of those Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Good Jimmy: I get why you reckon it'd be easier for us to hate each other but I hate Ian and nowt is for it Janis: yeah Janis: you're right Janis: there's nothing easy about hate it's just Janis: more familiar, idk Jimmy: the 💔 is different Janis: right Janis: if you already hate them, then it's not as shit, yeah Jimmy: At least you don't love me, it's even shitter when it's both together Janis: yeah Janis: headfuck doesn't begin to cover it Jimmy: @ my mum if she still used her profiles Janis: you don't know? Jimmy: She ain't logged in for years, why do you reckon I'm so tempted Janis: can't blame her Jimmy: who could compete with Iantaylor8 for online presence Jimmy: other than us Janis: well exactly Janis: also be a bit rude to deny the world your face Jimmy: yours Jimmy: so I'll keep my 📷 one Jimmy: maybe Janis: as long as you don't avoid me too Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: then don't Janis: I don't want you to either Jimmy: tell me again tomorrow Jimmy: when I'm less Janis: gotcha Jimmy: it just hurts more now Janis: i'm sorry Janis: do you want me to come? i don't have to Jimmy: you didn't do this Janis: what do you need, let's start there Jimmy: Now? Janis: yeah, now Jimmy: Tomorrow Jimmy: it needs to be tomorrow so I can see you Janis: baby Janis: you can see me today, it's alright Janis: I'll help you at work, it'll all be good Jimmy: I'm not letting you serve lattes to any of those dickheads Jimmy: you're too good Janis: shh Janis: i wanna help you somehow, i've gotta Jimmy: Do you wanna just 💀💀💀 them? Jimmy: me and you Janis: killing spree then a death pact is a solid chain of events but probably want to start in a better state, don't we Janis: 💪🥇 Jimmy: can be an utterly new pact if there's enough poison to go round Jimmy: you don't have to die at the end Janis: what about you? Jimmy: Did you forget? 👻 Jimmy: already am Janis: how could I Janis: is your manager actually in today? what if we contact that Pete kid see if he'll cover for you Janis: you should get some proper sleep, in an actual bed Janis: I can persuade him Jimmy: OMG you wanna use me to slide into his DMs Janis: boy, focus Janis: not really the sexiest approach, please do some overtime for my boyfriend Jimmy: 👀 on your 😍 girl Janis: 🙄😏 Janis: you gonna answer any of that or Jimmy: I don't know if my manager is supposed to be in Jimmy: probably won't be either way though Jimmy: Oh the money, power and the glory Janis: you can but dream, yeah Janis: well it's up to you then Janis: but it'd probably be worse if you were in and in this state so what he don't know Janis: can't get you sacked Jimmy: I don't have any other place to go though, do I Janis: won't he be at work by now himself? Janis: can come back to mine if not, no funny business Jimmy: he's not the one I care about Janis: your brother and sister? Jimmy: I'm not gonna wake her up to let me in Jimmy: or let him see me like Janis: right, okay Janis: we'll sort you out first Jimmy: Didn't reckon all that fake nursing training you had would really come in handy, eh? Jimmy: can't help being goals Janis: bit of an extreme length to go to for some TLC but I'll allow it Janis: I'm on my way now so just hold on, yeah Jimmy: I mean, it's fairly standard for me but alright Janis: how you pull all the birds is it Jimmy: Babe, I'm just SUCH a lad, yeah? Jimmy: get drunk, have a scrap, nick my dad's scotch and get MORE drunk Jimmy: all in a day's work Janis: gotta be done Janis: I get it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: fit right in on this bus Jimmy: don't get 💀💀💀 after we've changed the story in favour of your survival Jimmy: bit rude Janis: try my best Janis: don't victim blame me Janis: please and thanks Jimmy: don't sound like me Jimmy: blaming you for nowt Jimmy: 😂 bit soon? Janis: hmm, don't get cheeky, like Janis: just 'cos you're a patient today Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: just a bit then Janis: trying to be nice Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I promise Jimmy: I won't be cheeky enough that you kick me out of bed Janis: you're always nice, babe Janis: little ray of sunshine Jimmy: anyone can be nice Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🌩🌪 Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: You know when you're a kid and you count Jimmy: that's what it's like waiting to see you Janis: you're gonna make me Janis: forget to be professional Jimmy: not on the clock til you get here, it's alright Janis: I'm mostly worried about when I do get there, like Janis: not that I'm about to give the bus a show Jimmy: don't worry I'll take care of you too Jimmy: we're a team Janis: yeah, we are Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're alright, you know Janis: you know I think you're alright Jimmy: I will be when you show up Janis: such a smoothtalker, honestly Jimmy: I know you didn't think all that were fake Jimmy: come on Janis: there's only so far you can get with no inspiration, yeah Jimmy: good thing you're 🎨 or we'd have been exposed as frauds ages ago Janis: we're a pretty good team, all things considered Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: yep Janis: shame you can't put relationships on CVs Jimmy: I can't pay you owt either 💔 Janis: don't need it Janis: or want it, like Jimmy: but decent headshots could get you a modelling job 📷 not 🎯 Jimmy: I could do that Janis: then we could both go Janis: no 💀 Jimmy: might work Janis: start of a plan Janis: we have such a good track record, like Jimmy: 💀👑 would 💀🤯 Jimmy: ⚰🎊🍾 Janis: just when she thought she couldn't be any more jealous Jimmy: I can give motivational speeches as my 2nd job too cause I felt it with every emoji Janis: very empowering, babe 💕 Jimmy: onto something Janis: reckon so Janis: just don't bang EVERY model you shoot Janis: get well shaming Jimmy: They'd have to all be as fit as you Janis: practically in the job description Janis: unless they're the 'unique' kind Jimmy: there's loads in mine I don't do Janis: 😱 employee of the month Janis: shh Jimmy: you'd vote for Pete anyway Janis: don't think they follow democratic process Janis: and how dare you, Jamie is the backbone of that place Jimmy: still Jimmy: you would Janis: nah Janis: you deffo would though Jimmy: I'd vote for myself Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: #selflove Janis: can respect it, boy Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 1. how much scotch did you drink Janis: 2. did you text your ex anything you should delete before you sober up Jimmy: if you're asking if there's any left for you 💔 I fucked up Jimmy: as for Hayley, she's been told to fuck off by half the north, she'll live Janis: could be worse then Janis: not for me, obvs Janis: but same Jimmy: I don't wanna get back with her, you know that, right? Janis: not my business either way Jimmy: Alright but do you have to say it like that? Janis: how do you want me to say it Jimmy: if its how you feel then Janis: look Janis: I'm glad I don't have to share your attention right now Janis: 'course I am but I don't need to sound possessive about it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is it Jimmy: Before, you said Jimmy: maybe I can't remember it right though Janis: no go on Janis: it's cool Jimmy: I dunno, I just Jimmy: reckoned you needed to hear that Janis: I did think maybe Janis: just some things you'd said too but it's Janis: you know Jimmy: you go on Janis: well like I said, not my business if you were Janis: but yeah, I thought you were Janis: I'd get it Jimmy: I wouldn't get it Jimmy: I trusted her and she Jimmy: It don't even matter anymore Jimmy: I made a mistake doing that and she made hers Janis: it's okay, you don't owe me an explanation Janis: I don't know her or your situation Janis: I just thought, from my limited perspective, you hate it here, it'd be a link to home, even if it was a bad one, like Jimmy: I hated it there an' all Jimmy: just 'cause I didn't ask and weren't asked to come here don't mean I wanna go back Janis: oh Janis: well that I get Jimmy: you had it right when you called me a miserable prick or whatever it were Janis: bit harsh though Janis: shit's shit Janis: you'd be an idiot if you didn't see it Jimmy: 🌧☔ me Jimmy: I'm alright with it by now Janis: yeah? Janis: that's something then Jimmy: everything's shit everywhere Jimmy: nowt gonna change next place he drags us Janis: wherever you go, there you are Jimmy: might get a new mum, might not Jimmy: might hear from my actual, might not Janis: she don't even call Jimmy: and say what? Janis: fucked Jimmy: they both were Jimmy: are Jimmy: and so are us kids Jimmy: ⚪ Janis: yep Janis: get out early as you can Janis: and don't have kids yourself Janis: only poem I've read that's any use Jimmy: 💔 that age 6 is probably pushing it a bit Janis: give it a few more years of shit and you can get away with it Jimmy: I'll start him on the poem anyway Janis: Larkin's dead easy Janis: debatable how appropriate but I'd go for very so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: so we're going back to mine first Janis: or what Jimmy: You made this plan Janis: you gonna comply Jimmy: Depends Janis: that's what I was 🙀 of Janis: go on Jimmy: my 🙀💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: What's your house like? Janis: old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere Janis: perfect place for the local nutters to reside Jimmy: well now I'M 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: you should be Janis: nah, you'll be able to get a decent kip, they're all doing their own shit and giving me disapproving looks if they know what's good for 'em Jimmy: Alright, protect me then Janis: always, babe Jimmy: I'm being dead serious Janis: 1. what makes you think I ain't Janis: 2. why Jimmy: just Janis: we can sneak in Janis: well, we can try but I don't know how well you'll do, pisshead Jimmy: Shut up 🏆💪 Janis: happy to be proved wrong Janis: it'll all be good though, promise Jimmy: stay close to me and you can every step Janis: I won't leave you on your own Jimmy: because you wanna stay or because you reckon I'll 🤢 and choke to 💀💀💀 Janis: you've made it this far without me, I'm not that bigheaded Janis: believe that or not Janis: I wanna stay Jimmy: even if I wanna die I wouldn't give Mia owt close to any satisfaction so that ain't the way for me to go Janis: hot Janis: keeping it petty, even in 💀💀💀 Jimmy: remind me to send it as a tweet tomorrow or something Janis: 'course Janis: that relatable suicidal/horny vibe, they get it Jimmy: #ultimategoals Janis: I think so Jimmy: I think no # would ever do you justice Jimmy: a voice memo is pushing it even with this top accent Janis: that laugh one you sent me was cute Jimmy: you do make me 😂 girl Janis: I know Janis: got the evidence for all time now 💕 Jimmy: keep it Jimmy: I'll be back as a 👻 fucking up all your electronics baby Janis: dunno what you got against 🍆s Jimmy: if they're not in you then nowt Janis: 😂 Janis: new levels of jealousy that Jimmy: is it? Janis: new to me Jimmy: Soz then Janis: don't Janis: don't need to be, like Jimmy: but if it's weird Jimmy: or too like Janis: it ain't Janis: its Janis: it ain't Janis: I wanna hear it all Janis: don't hold back okay Jimmy: You wanna hear what bits you do then you want me to shut up is what you mean Janis: would've said it if that's what I meant Janis: just 'cos I don't know what to say don't mean you can't say it if you wanna Jimmy: it's what everyone means, nowt personal Janis: you're just so chatty, like Jimmy: You just bring it out in me Janis: 'course Jimmy: so inspiring Jimmy: have to write you a poem now I know you're such a fan Janis: 😂 Janis: go on, he was always drunk Janis: will be a masterpiece Jimmy: Alright, shut up and let us crack on Janis: such a 🎨 temperament Janis: 🤐 alright Jimmy: [a selfie of his adorably drunk concentration face like 🤔 with a pen in his mouth and everything] Janis: you're cute Jimmy: shhh Jimmy: OMG Janis: your fault Jimmy: Girl if you don't 🤐🤐🤐 Janis: or what, boy Jimmy: You'll show up and I'll show you Janis: mhmm 😏 Janis: reckon you've got like 5-10 so write fast Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: nearly done Janis: dread to think Jimmy: Oi🥇 muse and top content Jimmy: so rude Janis: just a sext that rhymes, yeah? Jimmy: You ain't having it now Jimmy: gonna 🔥 it dramatically in this bin Janis: let's not play with fire tah Janis: and don't be mean Jimmy: you Janis: I'm joking Janis: I'm sure it's 🔥 Jimmy: [a poem that I don't have the talent to actually write soz lads] Janis: it actually is Janis: how did you do that Jimmy: I told you got a 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆 muse in you Jimmy: keep up with what I'm saying, Janet Janis: but really Jimmy: What? Janis: you're good, that's all Jimmy: Baby Janis: I mean it, like Janis: no bullshit Janis: english teacher must love you Jimmy: she don't Jimmy: too much 🎨 in my margins Janis: can't be tamed Janis: maverick Jimmy: rebel with just that one cause still Janis: 'course baby Jimmy: if you ain't wearing your pjs why would you even be here, like Janis: you can see 'em when we get back Janis: sure you've missed them Jimmy: gonna make me 😭😭 Janis: emotional drunk Janis: it's alright, won't tell Jimmy: emotional support PJs Janis: 😂 don't get to be a funny one and all Jimmy: can do it all me Janis: 😍 Janis: just need to sleep, alright Jimmy: you wanna 🥊 or 💋? Jimmy: working through the list Janis: you know we can't do either yeah Janis: not drunk as you now Janis: nothing if not fair, me Jimmy: can fix that for you Jimmy: unless your parents are teetotal or something Jimmy: even then can't live that in the middle of nowt, can you Janis: lol you have no idea Janis: wait and see Janis: and we're fixing you, not feeding my addiction Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: I know, how d'ya think I feel Janis: things I do for you Jimmy: I'll owe you though, you love that Janis: that's you but good to even the score Janis: can't lie Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: is that a subtle way to say I need to hurry or Jimmy: working through a list, I said Jimmy: gotta use the bin for something since you said no fires Janis: so demanding Janis: almost like I don't want you getting more burns Jimmy: that Freddy Krueger #aesthetic though 😍 Jimmy: love a stripy jumper me Jimmy: very slimming 💀👑 will double tap my OOTD faster than you can say no cheese Janis: you are technically a nonce so Janis: the fedora fits Jimmy: 😂 Janis: where are you then Jimmy: where am I Jimmy: good question that Janis: full of 'em, me Janis: gimme a clue Jimmy: 🍀 Janis: oh good, you ain't fled the country Janis: wouldn't be very good for my rep, that Jimmy: Looking for a bus has gotta be easier than looking for the one lad Jimmy: hang on Janis: how blurry are your 👀 Jimmy: I'll take my 😎 off, babe Jimmy: for you Janis: scandalous Janis: behave you Jimmy: #nudes Jimmy: 👀 Janis: dunno if I'll recognize you even Jimmy: 😱😱😱💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: supposed to know me anywhere you Jimmy: the films have fucking lied Janis: shit fake gf me Janis: always said it Jimmy: If you want a tea you'll have to wait til we get back Jimmy: or fake it of course Janis: wanna have a tea party Jimmy: Depends Janis: guest list? Jimmy: So who else is invited? Janis: only the best 🧸s in town Jimmy: Forget that twat 🧸 your sister hangs out with then Janis: 😂 Janis: deffo Jimmy: I dont want owt to do with him Jimmy: no trust there, like Janis: unless he makes his own way Janis: ain't risking that bear cave to bring him Jimmy: if he is owt like her Jimmy: 🥇 at turning up where she ain't wanted Janis: telling me Janis: 🤞 he's like his father Jimmy: yeah, your birth being one Jimmy: well awkward Janis: so rude, honestly Janis: fuming in that womb I was Jimmy: Well done on taking the spotlight every day since, mate Janis: 🤷 Janis: someone's gotta Janis: she'd melt Jimmy: the kind of commitment I need Jimmy: and you need on your CV Janis: always banking them transferrable skills Jimmy: might be the hottest thing you've ever said Jimmy: dunno but it's up there Janis: you're a lucky boy Janis: everyone knows Jimmy: fake 💍 ASAP then Janis: have to find me first Jimmy: Stop distracting me Jimmy: or be distracting IRL Janis: [find this boy lmao] Jimmy: [just like oh hey cos how far away can he really be] Janis: [exactly, when you've gotta wait for a bus straight back, go to a different cafe and get some breakfast kids] Jimmy: [state of him he needs it lbr] Janis: [just steering him like] Jimmy: [nice parallel to when he had to when she hurt herself on that trip lol] Janis: [just silently fuming at Ian's handiwork blatantly, actually getting a pot of tea too 'cos why not] Jimmy: [tea improves any situation okay bye] Janis: [trufacts] Jimmy: [are they sitting next to each other or opposite? Real questions] Janis: [hmm, probably opposite on a lil 2 seater moment] Jimmy: [eye contact ftw] Janis: [plenty of time for snuggling later, oh the casual tension you're having to put aside rn girl, it fine lmao] Jimmy: [so soz Janis but actually no Im not haha] Janis: ['better?'] Jimmy: ['if things between us are' you know hes drunk when he answers a question] Janis: [nods but looks away like so casual 'course'] Jimmy: [when you're just trying to do something to make her look at you again but you end up just gently holding her face and looking into her eyes for 9 years] Janis: [bit deer in the headlights but allowing it still] Jimmy: [nods genuinely like okay I believe you as if she hasnt just come all this way to find you and take care of you bitch] Janis: [licks his hand like get off but also kisses it 'dope'] Jimmy: ['stop giving me such weird compliments'] Janis: ['stop taking insults as compliments, slag' 😏] Jimmy: [throws a sugar packet at her like how sweet] Janis: [puts it in his tea like energy] Jimmy: ['Oi, sweet enough me' but puts another one in anyway] Janis: 🍬🍨🍧🍭🍰 Janis: you Jimmy: Tah Janis: any time Jimmy: 🤞 won't be any time soon Janis: ['try your best' shrugs 'like you said, ain't your fault though'] Jimmy: My fault he ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: I'll come through with the ☢️⚠️☣️ Jimmy: only so many times I can say tah before it's weird, you know Janis: won't tell if you forget your manners Jimmy: 😏 you'd like it is why Janis: shh Janis: return the favour Jimmy: not gonna say owt to anyone Jimmy: mute, remember Janis: can be as loud as you wanna, remember Jimmy: that middle of nowhere, is it? Jimmy: 👌 Janis: told you Janis: no one can hear you 😱 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: very shy me Janis: yeah, noticed Janis: 😏 Jimmy: [playfully nudges her but nearly knocks the precious tea everywhere cos drunkard] Janis: ['careful!'] Janis: I ain't got an apron and you can't be out yours yet Jimmy: [throws a napkin at her like sorted] Janis: [😑] Jimmy: sure you don't wanna 🥊, babe? Janis: stop being tempting Jimmy: never 💕 Janis: what am I gonna do with you, like Jimmy: What do you wanna do with me? Janis: [a LOOK 😳] Jimmy: [obviously giving her one back but shamelessly] Janis: [putting your finger to his mouth like he speaking] Jimmy: [you know they gotta go in his mouth in a saucy manner now girl he got no chill and cant be stopped] Janis: we're in public Jimmy: You're my girlfriend in public Janis: you see anyone else doing Janis: that Jimmy: if they were going out with you, I would see it, yeah Janis: you're wasted Jimmy: and what? Janis: don't write cheques you can't cash Jimmy: it's won't not can't Jimmy: and that's only 'cause you said Janis: yeah okay Janis: but that's the right thing to do Janis: even if I don't wanna Jimmy: If it feels right to you then Janis: you know it is Janis: or you'll know later Jimmy: Later I'll be 😴💤 I won't know nowt Janis: that's the plan Janis: come find me after that, yeah? Jimmy: Where are you going? Janis: nowhere Jimmy: might actually be able to find you then Janis: 🤞 Janis: believe in ya Janis: ['finish up' 'cos bus has to come eventually] Jimmy: [when you just give her a look like do you though? before necking that tea honey] Janis: [gathering their shit and holding the door open for him like come on boy] Jimmy: ['so romantic you' as he goes through the door like] Janis: [does a bow] Jimmy: [lols] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [takes her hand because if you cant handhold when you need to be kept upright when can you] Janis: ['least you'll definitely get a seat' 'cos can't be wobbling about the bus lmao] Jimmy: ['A northern 45 is a 95 anywhere else, only gotta spread the word a bit'] Janis: ['you're doing a great job with the psa, mate'] Jimmy: [IRL 👍] Janis: [sitting him down and she should have to stand busy bus vibe] Jimmy: [trying to move up as if she can share this seat with you like that unthinkingly but she not #smol] Janis: tah Jimmy: [shrugs] Janis: considerate forever Jimmy: [gesturing that she can sit on you because not like she hasnt before and its all so casual lol lol lol] Janis: [a look like are you sure? also excuse them the like old lady he's probably next to heheheh] Jimmy: [a look like do you wanna stand for 13 years I dont think so] Janis: [shrugs and hops on] Jimmy: [wrapping his arms around her like a seatbelt even though shes not gonna fall off and we know you just are doing a little hug moment boy] Janis: [so soft] Jimmy: [god bless] Janis: [a moment even if you're dying slightly] Jimmy: [just really leaning his head on her so casually here too nbd] Janis: [stroking his hair and sneaky checking the bruises and stuff] Jimmy: [he started it but its too soft and hes dying like] Janis: at least you look cool Janis: [is sad face tho] Jimmy: [makes her sad face a smiley face by smushing it] Janis: [lols 'excuse me'] Jimmy: helping you look if not 😎 then 😊 Janis: you're sweet Jimmy: you not gonna do the emojis this time? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: baby Jimmy: [😍 in this close a proximity, not a good idea boy, but here we are] Janis: you're just very Janis: distracting Janis: [so much eye contact] Jimmy: [when you say 'you' out loud so you don't have to break it by looking down at your phone to type] Janis: [annnnnd hold, just internally debating if you can kiss him or not morally] Jimmy: [we all know he would be leaning in to kiss her and then would so] Janis: [go with it girl, it's okay] Jimmy: [don't mind them bus peeps they just gotta have a moment] Janis: [lmao the tutting they don't even notice rn] Jimmy: [deal with it slags they are in love] Janis: [the level of restraint you need to keep it just at a makeout moment tbh, the old lady should need to get off like ahem lol] Jimmy: [honestly its been SUCH a night and they are gonna be on this bus for ages yet gdi, off you go 👵] Janis: [least they've got two seats now, spread out] Jimmy: [but never that much you clingy bitches #same] Janis: [lbr would've taken you longer than necessary to get off his lap] Jimmy: [a mood] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [has to kiss her again obvs because they stop when they want not when a 👵 says so] Janis: [which is lowkey never but it's fine, long bus journey] Jimmy: [at least you can take advantage of having slightly more space to basically swap over so he's all but on top of her now instead, the tuts would be LOUD haha] Janis: [just being like 'don't get too comfy' 😏 between kisses] Jimmy: [giving a LOOK because unrepentant af about any of this soz passengers] Janis: [when you have to be the one with some control lmao good luck] Jimmy: [at least theres plenty of other people on this bus to tell you to get some LOL] Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: 👀🔪🔪🔪 Janis: 👴👵🚨👮⛓ Jimmy: 👵💔👴 Jimmy: so jealous them Jimmy: 👮🚔 will be an all Janis: yeah you're pretty cute Jimmy: you Janis: you wanna 🥊 so bad Jimmy: not what I most want but alright Janis: really Janis: maybe you should be clearer Jimmy: [more kisses that are more extra, look away people] Janis: I get it Jimmy: You sure? Janis: ['You know you wanna' and a LOOK] Jimmy: [forever returning those looks bitch and you can have some lovebites too girl cos its been a minute for you] Janis: [into it] Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: [just taking photos of said bruises like it's a force of habit but you just wanna] Jimmy: [thats fine because gives him an excuse to take 📷 of her too which he always just wants to] Janis: you gonna be my personal photographer Janis: when I'm mega famous Jimmy: Do you still want me to follow you about then? Janis: Do you? Janis: [are you him like] Jimmy: Where are you going? Janis: Paris, Milan, Tokyo Janis: list is endless Jimmy: Alright Janis: alright Janis: sorted Jimmy: til I get lost Jimmy: at least you know how to take a decent selfie, babe Janis: have to put a tracker on you Janis: not a crazy gf, for his safety purely Jimmy: [lols] Janis: [😍] Jimmy: [just looking into those 😍 with your own] Janis: [😳] Jimmy: [kissing her on each cheek really soft like hes practising for europe but we know its for the 😳] Janis: ['stop' but soft] Jimmy: [does but doesnt move far enough away so still up in her grill like] Janis: [just pushing his head down, gently lol, like go to sleep] Jimmy: [pouty face] Janis: [squishing his face for revenge] Jimmy: [like oi because standard but snuggling into her] Janis: ['promise I'll wake you up'] Jimmy: ['no challenge too hard going for you, I get it' sleepy voiced] Janis: ['flexes the arm he ain't on] Jimmy: [a genuine smile] Janis: [have a snooze boy we'll skipperoo] Jimmy: [take some deep breaths Janis theres so much more to come babe] Janis: [roll up on the cali gaff lads] Jimmy: [that wont be awks at all now that its whatever o clock in the morning] Janis: [when one of them probably stayed home to watch her so she already snuck out to get him, on the shit list big time rn] Jimmy: [I hope whichever parent it is aint doing yoga on the lawn rn] Janis: [lmao now is not the time lads, not sneaking though 'cos fuck you fam is the mood evidently] Jimmy: [it really isnt because it should probably be Ali to show how seriously they are taking the driving escapade so him thinking her mum is fit is really not the mood] Jimmy: [also take a moment to really appreciate HOW MANY cats he would think he was half asleep still cos wtf] Janis: [i vibe] Janis: [when you're so embarrassed by your fam/house/everything tbh like get in my room quick thanks] Jimmy: [at least he wont really fully register it cos actually is sleepy so she can just hustle him through speedily] Janis: [just moving her shit out the way so he can get in] Jimmy: [I cant even think what her room would look like either dont start me] Jimmy: [so much like her nan bye] Janis: [like it was once nice 'cos can afford nice shit but is now wrecked/she's never in there now so any posters would be dated as hell] Jimmy: [I feel like hes gotta notice that even though hes not gonna say anything] Jimmy: [file that away in your head boy] Janis: [for another time, also have a nice tuck-in moment for the throwback] Jimmy: [yaaas! what size is her bed?] Janis: [defs a double 'cos she doesn't have loads of other shit she needs so she can] Jimmy: [good thinking you aint gonna have a homework desk are you babe] Janis: [and the attic is already more sizeable anyway soz lads, like they all could, but for example we said grace don't 'cos she wants her youtube background moment so then there is no room] Jimmy: [and Grace never brings lads home cos she would rather die so priorities] Janis: [surprised she brings her friends tbh, Mia like we coming bitch] Jimmy: [she wouldnt want them there but yeah Mia inviting herself from day 1] Janis: [getting all the tea the snek] Jimmy: [I hate her so much because we all know bitches like that] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [anything I need to know about that Janis is gonna do while hes just sleeping and snuggling?] Janis: [she'd probably do some homework 'cos promised she wouldn't leave obvs, work out 'cos all the tension today but that's only next room and also snuggle] Jimmy: [I was gonna say, use that gym honey its been a DAY for you both] Janis: [mhmm honey] Jimmy: [we need another skip cos we gotta let this poor boy sleep for a while] Janis: [let her have a sleep too 'cos also hasn't so he can wake up first] Jimmy: [casually like where the fuck am I in that hot sec before he realises shes still right there bitch 😍 at her for a bit boy she wont know] Jimmy: [but actually like snuggling into her more cos you know you should check your phone to see if your siblings are alive but you dont wanna but thanks to Ian it would hurt trying to bury your head cos you arent drunk anymore so youre like ow and thatd probably wake her up so] Janis: [enjoy boy, waking up like 'hey'] Jimmy: [saying it back in the quietest voice ever] Janis: ['you need water?' and going to get up] Jimmy: [when youre like I need painkillers for all these injuries but you arent gonna say that because gotta be hard and northern so say nothing] Janis: [looking back like ?] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug, oh boy have some water and dont be a knob] Janis: [goes for that water] Jimmy: [does check his phone to make sure Cass and Bobby are alright] Janis: [should've washed his uniform for him so he can look like he's been a presentable boy at work all day, so bringing that back in too] Jimmy: [thats so domestic I nearly screamed then] Janis: [when you so caring on the low and no one knows rn] Jimmy: [he would be DYING because he dont have a mum to care about him and clearly Ian isnt] Janis: [trufacts] Jimmy: [fully conceal dont feel boy so she doesnt know how much that got to you] Janis: [just sitting back down on the bed, looking at him like 🤔 'well, you look less pissed at least'] Jimmy: [he was drinking his water and keeping it casual so gotta do a little choke laugh into it like] Janis: ['if you die when I've gone to all this trouble, I swear' 😏] Jimmy: ['less witnesses here than on the bus, be alright' 😏 oh the double meaning excuse you slag] Janis: ['that's alright then' so flirty] Jimmy: [forever giving LOOKS, oh you two] Janis: [all the looks all the time, also the PJs are on as promised so] Jimmy: [give them a nod now youre properly awake boy] Janis: [little lol] Jimmy: [takes her hand and puts it on his pulse so she can see that hes still alive cos obvs trying to kill him with how cute she looks and is] Janis: [just moving your hands up and down 'cos you wanna but then getting to his face and pausing like 'what you gonna tell the kid, if he asks?'] Jimmy: [looks down at some old burn scar or other and back at her like theres your answer cos can easily say he did it at work by falling over something or whatever] Janis: [nods 'then you're good to go-' adding '-whenever' 'cos blatantly does not want it to be yet tah] Jimmy: ['Is the plan to starve me out or-' obviously stalling because he doesnt wanna go either ha 'Mia'll be well proud' but also when was the last time they ate either of them lbr] Janis: ['could just say you're hungry, dickhead' gentle push back down, like 'what you want?'] Jimmy: ['it'd end the live tweets too quick that' gets comfy and doesnt answer what he wants of course v helpful] Janis: [when you get on top of him like you're about to playfight or be saucy, which is it??? neither, getting up like 'get what you're given then, boy' 😏] Jimmy: 💔 Janis: sure you don't wanna live-tweet it? Jimmy: You want that to be your rep then? Janis: worse things than a heartbreaker, I guess Janis: jussayin, you had your chance to chat to me 🤐 Jimmy: Oi, not if it's my heart under the 🔨 Jimmy: so rude you Janis: so your 🖤 is delicate but your lungs and kidney can take it? Janis: noted Jimmy: swing a 🔨 delicately, do you? Noted Janis: forgot liver, but thought that might be a sensitive topic still Janis: very fucking considerate, I'll have you know Jimmy: might be for you, pisshead Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: now Janis: thanks to my excellent nursing Jimmy: Then an' all Jimmy: but I know how into giving it a go you were, not the only considerate one you Janis: even if we're back to faking it, you were never that good Janis: your 😵🥴 and bambi walk gave you away Jimmy: might be concussion that, you didn't ask, some nurse you Janis: didn't need to, you told me about the scotch of your own freewill Janis: so rude to question my competence Janis: risky, when I'm making you food as well Jimmy: scotch which came after, could've already had the serious head injury Janis: 🙄 considering you've survived your all-day nap Janis: gonna say I was right and you're taking the piss Jimmy: no 🏆 coming your way for a fluke, mate Janis: don't ask for much do ya Janis: don't fancy being your real gf, high maintenance motherfucker Jimmy: Nowt off you, I hate to be disappointed me Jimmy: enough 🎻 playing as is Janis: come up here and help yourself then, twat Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: 💀👑 is probably hiding in your fridge Janis: sniffing calories Janis: yeah well you can go in the freezer if you don't start behaving Jimmy: beats a cold 🚿 if you're gonna keep being so 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: not if you're concussed Janis: can't risk injuring you further 'til you're all better, can I Jimmy: I have been before, I ain't now Jimmy: You'll have to think of another way to lose your fake nursing qualification Janis: 'cos that's what I wanna do Jimmy: be out of your hands if you ain't 🥇 Janis: and lemme guess, you'll be 🥇 and in charge, yeah? Jimmy: Let me guess, you want Pete to have final say, yeah? Janis: I mean, don't even put the idea in my head if you want this food any time soon Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 can't share that cold 🚿 Jimmy: fuck it, go on into his DMs its been a bit and I can wait one Janis: BUT WHAT DO I SAY?!?! 😱 Jimmy: pic gonna be worth loads more than words, girl Jimmy: he's an artist Janis: 👂 not 👀 but I get your point Janis: and a voice message would be well forward Jimmy: and you're 🙀🥇🙀 obvs Janis: piss off Janis: not sending nudes to every fit boy I see ain't 🙀 it's sane Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you do it then Jimmy: he don't want mine Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and you turning out to be my beard isn't very believable Janis: why not Jimmy: would've picked a different lass if that's what I was after Jimmy: more girly or something Janis: 🖕 Janis: ignoring you now Jimmy: Why 'cause I'm not gay? Bit rude Janis: no because you're rude Jimmy: for not sending unwanted nudes to my straight male coworker? Nah mate you've got that wrong Janis: 😑 Janis: to me Jimmy: What for? Janis: what do you mean what for Jimmy: What do you mean I'm being rude to you? Janis: where to begin Janis: it comes that natural, you don't even notice, eh Jimmy: You notice owt that ain't happening Janis: don't be a gaslighter, that ain't #goals Jimmy: don't be throwing words about that you could save for a # Janis: liked you better when you were asleep Jimmy: I liked you better when I were too Janis: your sense of directions for shit but you can work on where the door is if that's the case Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: are you taking this food or what Jimmy: is it done or what? Janis: you're in such a rush Janis: would you even be done with your shift yet Jimmy: You told me to be in one Janis: I never Jimmy: you said fuck off out so I'm going Janis: I said stop being a dick Jimmy: you said leave Janis: well if you don't like me why would I do things for you and why would you want me to Jimmy: I never said Janis: yeah well you did Jimmy: that were you Janis: you said it back Janis: I was joking Jimmy: because in dreams owt can happen, why wouldn't that be better? Janis: now you're gonna be slick, huh Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: whatever, keats Janis: just stay and eat Janis: in the oven now, don't need go waste Jimmy: only gonna take poison off your 💋 Jules so don't get any other ideas with the 🍽 Janis: promise Jimmy: I'll take your word, no need to 🔪 yourself to get it written out anywhere else Janis: yeah if they reckon last night was a suey attempt they probably will take the knives so I'll be 😇 Jimmy: til I take you somewhere else, any road Jimmy: soon have you back at 😈🥇 Janis: not sure I can take your word on that score yet Janis: but we'll see Jimmy: Why not? Janis: still impatiently waiting for you to take me, ain't I Jimmy: if you're so impatient let's go Janis: gotta eat Jimmy: not me 👻 Janis: take my duties very serious, even if you doubt my ability Jimmy: so serious you Jimmy: that'll be why you were all jokes a bit ago Janis: keep your on your toes Janis: check for any concussion Jimmy: I'll work out with you, stop begging Janis: never keep up, baby Jimmy: That hurts, babe Jimmy: Ian's got nowt on you Janis: give him pointers on the verbal smackdown if I see him Janis: 😒 Jimmy: 🤞 you won't but tah Jimmy: getting really boring having the same row every time, like Janis: yeah, figured I was fucked for an invite back Janis: give him some new material, whilst I'm at it Jimmy: I meant 'cause he makes himself scarce for a bit after Jimmy: not showing you the door Janis: Ah Janis: almost like remorse, but not quite, sir Jimmy: Don't wanna look at me til I'm healed Jimmy: he'll have that in common with my instagram feed I'm sure Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Prick Jimmy: You ready for your close up then? Jimmy: be your time to shine, this Janis: so kind of you to share your spotlight Janis: 😏 Jimmy: well you know, if the queen of the undead asks I got every bruise decking some dickhead for you or whatever so I won't need it Jimmy: hero worshipped as standard Janis: she ain't very good down on her knees, so the rumor mill says so might wanna reconsider getting 'em 🙏 Jimmy: Teeth falling out during would put anyone off tbf Jimmy: 🤞 she at least swallows them Jimmy: Tooth fairy won't come but the lad might still Jimmy: 💕 Janis: put out a poll in the groupchat Janis: important info Jimmy: Where's Grace's room, if I don't get lost I'll ask her Janis: piss off Jimmy: Come on, tell me Janis: shut up, no Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you're disgusting Jimmy: What? Janis: you know what Jimmy: No Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't need to, pretty obvious Janis: ask your sister the same shall I Jimmy: She don't have a #squad for you to get the goss on, soz babes Janis: well I'm not gonna, freak Janis: neither are you Jimmy: What's the fucking matter with you? Janis: what are you on about Jimmy: You heard Janis: and you heard, shut up chatting about my sister Janis: don't see how you don't see that that's weird Jimmy: I weren't chatting about her, just her besties Jimmy: So what's your problem with that? Janis: just quit whilst I've got hot food coming at you or it'll end up in your lap Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: [coming through with some kind of safe food she's just shoved in for them] Jimmy: [takes it so he can eat it and shhh] Janis: [omnom] Jimmy: [awkward moody silent eating lol] Janis: [fun times forever] Jimmy: [just finishing speedily and getting ready to go as if I'm gonna let that happen haha] Janis: [looking up as if she's shooketh 'alright?'] Jimmy: [a nod that's clearly incorrect] Janis: [a funny face like obvs not 'come on'] Jimmy: [a look thats like dont tell me to come on] Janis: [😱😬😋 in that order] Jimmy: [leaving but not really cos I still ain't gonna let him get that far obvs] Janis: excuse you Jimmy: can do, if you want Janis: the least you can do is say bye Jimmy: Alright then Jimmy: bye Janis: fuck you, come back here and say it to my face Jimmy: [does come storming back in but doesnt say it, because just looking at her intensely instead] Janis: [😡 face 'say.it.'] Jimmy: ['you' doesnt need to be as up in her grill as he is, but what's new 'why are you being such a massive dickhead?'] Janis: ['me?' outrage lmao 'you. what is your problem right now?'] Jimmy: ['What's yours? I fucking asked you ages ago'] Janis: ['Nothing, you've been an asshole ever since you woke up'] Jimmy: ['No, I've not, you've been having a go at me since your sister got mentioned'] Janis: ['and I told you, it weren't funny'] Jimmy: [annoyed shrug like whatever then] Janis: ['goodbye then' and flinging yourself dramatically on the bed] Jimmy: [does not move] Janis: [is on phone not looking his way so] Janis: what Jimmy: [taking her phone off her #problematic] Janis: [death stare 'WHAT'] Jimmy: [when you can't handle her shouting at you because soft boy 5ever so you're in a shut down like you didnt start this, oh boy so problematic] Janis: ['what' at a normal level like genuine confusion] Jimmy: ['everything's shit' but quietly like the grandma I am would be like ?? 'since I woke up, before then, just....'] Janis: [sighs, rubbing her temples and sitting back down from getting up to shout 'yeah' also quiet 'it is'] Jimmy: [sits next to her but not close to her, a throwback to that bench on the school trip because I'm that slut] Janis: ['I get it, alright' throwing a glance back but not maintaining any eye contact rn 'sorry'] Jimmy: [lying on your back to stare at her ceiling dramatically because you wanna cry and its another throwback while Im on a roll 'I'm a dickhead and I'm sorry'] Janis: ['yeah but so am I, for one; and two, don't make it alright that everything's SO shit, you know' shrugs, shuffles back but doesn't commit to laying down next to him, taking his hand] Jimmy: ['You're not though, you're-' I can't even begin to go there rn boy, sits up but without letting go of her hand and is just looking down at it like 'and you have made it alright, a bit' because she is so nice and he cant even deal Janis: ['a bit' 🤏 smiles a lil and nudges him like, you ain't either though, shrugs 'just what any fucker would do, and they probably wouldn't be a cunt minute you wake up so-'] Jimmy: [raises their linked hands like I can't do the lot stretched out hand thing without letting go, soz because of course he isnt gonna do that. Lowkey crying silently #same because you dont know how to express how nice she is or how much you arent used to/cant handle it] Janis: [when their hands are going back down, tapping his head 'you nerd' then taking his other hand and finally hugging so he can cry in private 'I swear, I wanna make it alright all the time, I wanna be your mate but you don't get it, I ain't a good one, all I'll bring is more hassle, like'] Jimmy: [just the longest hug ever because all the reasons 'you're the best I've had, I get that it sounds fake but it's not'] Janis: [just squeezing him tighter 'cos what to say like same bitch] Jimmy: [such a MOMENT 'you wanna get out of here with me now then?'] Janis: ['yeah' no hesitation 'but you're gonna have to leave and I'm gonna have to sneak out after'] Jimmy: need a 🚬 anyway Jimmy: find me after Janis: okay Jimmy: [leaves but looks back of course cos ILY bitch] Janis: [chasing him down and giving him the most intense kiss of all time, pablo where you at to interrupt] Jimmy: [OMG Mia where you at tho] Janis: [if she was actually over LMAO] Jimmy: [she so could be if we want because always inviting herself] Janis: [amuses me greatly why not] Jimmy: [Grace chasing Mia down but not to kiss her I hope and just like oh ffs because so over Mias obsession with JJ] Janis: [#thereallovestory] Jimmy: [they are everyones otp get over it now Mia] Janis: [least they can bants about how it's getting weird now, egg on your face sweaty Jimmy: [and she cant hang so she cant join them bants soz] Janis: [not soz, when you can start kissing again like it's purely to get them to fuck off but blatantly not] Jimmy: [going for it because you know Mia is too invested when Grace has to drag her away like dont be weird] Janis: [probably try to join in, just loling when they're gone] Jimmy: [you know they are having a bestie domestic, Grace having to be all what is your problem herself because seriously Mia get a grip my love] Janis: [oh the drama, weekly falling out is on, pick a side everyone] Jimmy: [at least JJ are living their best lives rn] Janis: ['why are you making me wanna stay, just a bit' 🤏] Jimmy: [kissing her again because challenge to make her wanna stay a lot is very much accepted] Janis: [just making your way back upstairs really slowly 'cos you're making out the whole way/being pushes backwards] Jimmy: [don't fall over and hurt yourselves either of you because that wouldnt be a mood and this is] Janis: [you got this, on your knees/sat anyway so it fine] Jimmy: [love that you keep having moments on stairs atm] Janis: [mewd] Jimmy: [god bless you both] Janis: [first time yay or nay?] Jimmy: [I say yes because it happened here OG anyway and feels are well high like how would we even stop them lol] Janis: [my thoughts exactly] Jimmy: [we have to steal them missing their stop on the bus from the OG and having to walk for another occasion though cos that was a mood] Janis: [yes easily done tho so we will] Jimmy: [blatantly re-read that hence me and my dementia remember so] Jimmy: [At least Cali cant kick off at her because she did technically stay in] Janis: [gonna say I do not tbh lol] Janis: [if they do just be like HE WAS LOCKED OUT fight me] Jimmy: [we all know Caleb is a soft touch anyway lads] Janis: [trutru also save the lecture she busylol] Jimmy: [he would have that boy over for dinner every night and lowkey adopt him haha] Janis: [he don't know that yet tho just thinking there's another bad egg on the scene] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [the joys of being a parent lmao] Jimmy: [arent you glad you went as hard as you did on the numbers guys] Janis: [regrets, you have 10] Jimmy: [awkward] Janis: [speaking of, how you wanna be lads] Jimmy: [staying forever is how he will wanna be clingy bitch] Janis: [probably need to go feed your siblings though so he could always have a headstart and she'll meet him there] Jimmy: [good point, gotta keep them alive] Janis: [especially if Ian is hiding] Jimmy: [at least he would be at work still so easy to avoid] Janis: [true tea, and if he shows Jimmy can pretend he been working all day anyway] Jimmy: [Twix will be going mental honey, poor bab] Janis: [🤞 cass been holding the fort and walked her] Jimmy: [Im gonna insist she has or Ill be 💔] Jimmy: [also gotta insist that Mia has been posting about them so they gotta be reminded of the fake shit after being the realest ever with each other like] Janis: [a good jump off point] Jimmy: [leave them alone and mind your business bitch literally why are you so bothered] Janis: [never known love, never known life] Janis: how many restraining orders you reckon her da has found loopholes in, like? Janis: [whatever extraness on Mia's socials] Jimmy: Fuck's sake Janis: yeah Janis: she must've left in a strop a while ago 'cos grace is stomping around here solo, like Jimmy: 💔 Janis: thoughts and prayers Jimmy: Hang on, let me start a gofundme to buy poor Gracie a new bestie Jimmy: 🧸 still in my bad books Janis: well, s'a hard sell so Janis: 🍀 to you Jimmy: Oh come on 🥇 optimist at work here Janis: call it clueless Janis: but love that for you Janis: luxury money can't buy Jimmy: Oi, be nice to me Janis: I am Janis: it's endearing Janis: only jealous, like Jimmy: Suspicious Jimmy: my undercover 👮🚔 senses are going Janis: Why? Janis: no case to crack here Janis: open book, me Jimmy: that's what a closed book would say Jimmy: got my 👀 on you, baby Janis: 😏 Janis: that's what a 45 year old perv would say Janis: nothing to hide, keep on 👀 Jimmy: Alright then Janis: you not on the bus? Janis: don't have to hide in the bushes w the binoculars Jimmy: I don't have time to spy on you 🚌👵💕 Jimmy: 👀 for another, tah Janis: 💔 Janis: move so fast Jimmy: told you I could keep up with you in the gym Janis: not gonna be your gym buddy now though 😭😭😭 Jimmy: have a new 🚿 buddy in a bit Jimmy: those non slip surfaces and grab rails 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: it's a date and a party Janis: 😡 Janis: hope she breaks a hip xoxo Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: in good hands, her Janis: be nice to me too Jimmy: If I start Janis: ? Jimmy: I'll want you to get on this bus with me Janis: same Janis: they're being ridiculously OTT Jimmy: bit rude when that's my job Janis: I'll let 'em know Janis: dead curious, like 🙄 Jimmy: tell them I ain't done a shift of my other, raring to go, me Jimmy: such a strong worth ethic Jimmy: work* Janis: you want 'em to like you Janis: 😎 boy for life Jimmy: I want you to know I like you Jimmy: where OTT comes in Janis: I want that too Janis: no 🙄 needed Jimmy: Come back then Janis: I will Janis: when they shut up and give me a second alone Jimmy: How much trouble will you be in? Janis: not enough that I care Janis: unless they plan to actually lock me in my room, they know I won't stick around anyway, pretend to the contrary if they want Jimmy: Did you just quote me? Janis: didn't check if I got it verbatim but Jimmy: 💕 Janis: shut up 💘 Jimmy: you can't tell me to shut up when you're having my words come out of your mouth Janis: you know I say 'em nicer Jimmy: bollocks you love my accent Janis: just like it when you actually talk, babe Jimmy: Do you? Janis: 'course I do Jimmy: What do you wanna hear? Janis: How much you like me Janis: and how you're gonna show me Jimmy: [a voice memo thing going into far too much detail considering he is either on the bus or waiting for one] Janis: oh Janis: that's Janis: remind me why you aren't here again Jimmy: 'cause you're coming to me Jimmy: soon as Janis: yeah Janis: and I can stay Janis: 'til Ian shows again, yeah? Jimmy: even when he does Jimmy: I said, not kicking you out Janis: good Janis: 'cos don't wanna go unless we go together Janis: 💀🤞 Jimmy: 💌 Jimmy: got that in writing now Janis: love a contract, you Jimmy: #middle aged man kinks Janis: 😂 Janis: it's alright, you got stamina, for an old guy Jimmy: reword that tweet a bit before you hit send probably Janis: not gonna blow your cover Janis: bit late for the blow-by-blow account anyway Jimmy: 👍 Janis: in a stunning turn of events, gracie is helping me for some reason so should be able to get out of here sooner than anticipated Jimmy: very funny Janis: funny weird, yeah Janis: already ordered a lift so Jimmy: Hang on, you ain't joking? Janis: unless she is Janis: see in 5 Jimmy: unless she kills you Jimmy: still see you though 👻💕 Janis: counterproductive if that's what they're all claiming to be so upset about Janis: funny though Janis: she'd get shanked so fast in prison Jimmy: Might not, had loads of practice being Mia's bitch Janis: assume that's where she's running herself Jimmy: how romantic Jimmy: tell her not to, we don't need the competition Janis: absolutely not Jimmy: You won't have a convo with her or you won't tolerate them as an IT couple? Janis: 1. I'm not trying to help her ever Janis: 2. they're both in love with me Janis: 3. we're 🥇 and don't ever imply less Jimmy: So forceful you Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: sort it out, honestly 😏 Jimmy: if you get to mine before me, you'll have to Jimmy: skipped the honeymoon and went straight to kids and a dog Janis: that's a point Janis: evidently YOUR honeymoon is over 'cos waited for you to get on that bus, like Janis: plan worked 💕🙌 Jimmy: never a bad plan, you Janis: n'awh Janis: don't worry, know how to do oven chips, I can sort it Jimmy: so does Cass, she's 12 not 2 Janis: excuse me, you want me to muck in or nah Jimmy: No, I don't want you to Jimmy: that's why I said you might have to Jimmy: under duress, same as me Janis: well I'm used to that Janis: no worries Jimmy: Ruining the fantasy a bit there, rich girl Janis: you can do better Jimmy: Obviously Janis: and you'll have plenty of time after the bedtime routine Jimmy: Not if our kid has owt to do with it but I'll make time for you Janis: can't stay awake long as I can Janis: 💪 Jimmy: I'll give you the 🏆 when I wake up then Janis: talking 'bout outlasting the kid but if you're 😪 already baby Jimmy: been tired since before I met you Jimmy: worst kept secret in my new boy mystery set Janis: poor boy Janis: I'll help you sleep, trust Jimmy: What's your singing voice like? Fed up of 🎻🎻🎻 me Janis: don't reckon I'm winning any 🏆 but Janis: do my best Jimmy: 👌 Janis: how do you do it then Jimmy: What? Janis: the whole having self-control thing Janis: 'cos when I see you I'll just wanna Jimmy: The clue's in the first bit Jimmy: it ain't about me Jimmy: what I wanna do Jimmy: I ain't got no self control, just Jimmy: shit in my way Janis: hmm Janis: makes sense Janis: all your habits, like 🚬 Jimmy: got plenty of self destruction, yeah Jimmy: nowt in the way of that Janis: I'll drink to that Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: There's no scotch but you can have owt else that he or I've not Janis: such a good host Jimmy: Do you have 🚬? Janis: nah but I'll go shop Janis: give you chance to get here Jimmy: Alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: How do you do this? Janis: ? Jimmy: it's the longest 🚌 ride I've ever been on 😱😱 Jimmy: you really live in the middle of nowt, girl Janis: you were warned Janis: hoping it'll keep us in, hasn't really worked Jimmy: actually gonna have to move you in Jimmy: don't even like you it's just jealousy that you get to spend so much time with hot drivers like this bloke Jimmy: and the 👵👴 on board every time Janis: honestly, prime hunting ground for you Janis: it's probably trevor Janis: be more jealous, I know 'em all by name Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Why you trying to make me get banned for 🥊? Jimmy: even if I won't need to visit you here 💀👑 and  the rest of the #squad will want me to show up Janis: 1. you're jealous of me for seeing them, not the other way 'round, remember Janis: 2. just really want an excuse to steal another car Janis: 3. gonna make a habit of giving them what they want? Jimmy: 1. that's obvs all a blur 'cause I'm too fuming to think clearly now Jimmy: 2. I didn't steal the 1st one so I don't reckon you can say another Jimmy: 3. Depends Janis: 1. Me too now, see 3 Janis: 2. you don't know how far I got, pisshead Janis: 3. 😒 Jimmy: What's that face for? Jimmy: You dunno what it depends on yet, mardy Janis: I know I don't like it either way Janis: but fine, what? Jimmy: I was just Jimmy: but nah it's alright, you don't wanna know Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😒😒 Janis: [imagine she's done them huge like on facebook] Janis: well tell me Jimmy: If they still want me to break up with you, I might Jimmy: to cut out all the fake shit between us Jimmy: that's what I were thinking Janis: who told you you were allowed to be so Jimmy: ? Janis: idk the right word Janis: cute just sounds fake Jimmy: I know what you mean Janis: alright, bighead 😏 Jimmy: Piss off, I meant about sounding fake Jimmy: that's why I reckon breaking up and just seeing each other when we want, how we want, is the best plan Janis: makes sense Janis: anything we were gonna achieve with it, we have by now so Janis: can just ghost 'em, like Janis: not like we have to make an annoucement, they'll do the rest themselves Jimmy: school might be weird, being exes, that's the only thing Janis: yeah Janis: not really an alternative though, is there? Jimmy: Be easier to fake 💔 than 💕 probably Jimmy: not like we have every lesson together anyway Janis: and school is shit anyway so Jimmy: If you want a day off from pretending to hate me, we'll skip Janis: why do I need to hate you Jimmy: We were so in love and now we ain't #duh Jimmy: every dickhead knows you can't be friends with your ex Jimmy: unless you want them to think you're a lesbian again, like Janis: if it's the only option we've got then it is Jimmy: You don't reckon it's a good one? Janis: nah Janis: but there ain't a good one Janis: not your fault, like Jimmy: Fake 💔 or fake 💕 then? Janis: 💔 why not Janis: may as well, change of scenery Jimmy: I get it 😒 is easier than 😍 for me an' all Janis: 👌 Jimmy: sorted then Janis: yep Jimmy: [shows her a doodle he's done of them while he's stuck on this bus like okay boy your 😍 are showing here] Janis: you still got time to post that or what Jimmy: Do I? Janis: your plan Jimmy: I'm not gonna 💔 til you wanna though Janis: what are we waiting for Jimmy: Alright I'll delete now Janis: 👋 Jimmy: Owt you want off my phone you can sort in a bit Janis: don't need to Jimmy: bit rude Janis: why Jimmy: Oi, a 🥇 photographer, me Janis: don't actually need a portfolio Janis: tah Jimmy: Fine Janis: don't fancy it, posting the 🚬 through your letterbox ok Jimmy: No, there's nowt okay about that Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: what are you Janis: something's come up Jimmy: What has? Janis: does it matter? Janis: just need to go Jimmy: Why wouldn't that matter? Janis: don't be awkward Jimmy: you Jimmy: What's wrong? Janis: Nothing Janis: but this plan won't just happen by itself either Janis: things I need to sort now Jimmy: Not what you said before Jimmy: you said we didn't have to do nowt Jimmy: that they'd work it out Janis: about figuring it out Janis: I'm talking about the fallout Jimmy: What do you mean? Janis: well do you really wanna mope around and pretend to be 💔 Janis: actual 💔 Janis: that's the rep you want? think about it Janis: just means more faking, only with other people Jimmy: I'm not gonna get another fake girlfriend if that's what you're saying Janis: not saying you repeat this scheme Janis: but gotta be seen to be moving on, yeah Jimmy: No Janis: alright for you, isn't it Janis: who do you think they'll reckon dumped who Jimmy: You can dump me, I don't care what they think Janis: still fake, ain't it Janis: whatever way we play it Jimmy: Yeah but Jimmy: we can be real with each other Janis: I fucking hate it Janis: that it matters Jimmy: That's why I'm trying to give us a chance to start over Jimmy: Alright, we might have to give them one last show but after that whenever I see you or say owt it's real Janis: Is it though Jimmy: Why wouldn't it be? Janis: if you're trying to not see me again for real, just do that Janis: don't headfuck me Jimmy: You're the one who has come all this way to decide you don't fancy it Janis: it's you that keeps talking about hating and avoiding and all that shit Janis: how am I meant to take that Jimmy: If you don't fancy me anymore because fucking me weren't like you thought it were gonna be then alright Jimmy: but don't talk bollocks Jimmy: You know I wanna see you Janis: No Janis: it isn't that Janis: but no, I don't know that either Janis: feel like I don't know fuck all these days Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: I didn't wanna go, you have to know that, you were there Jimmy: and I wouldn't bring you here where I don't wanna fucking be if I didn't REALLY want to see you Janis: I'm Janis: stupid Janis: sorry Janis: take your pick Jimmy: just Jimmy: come back Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: it does if I've made it weirder than I already felt Jimmy: what can be weirder than not being fake with your fake girlfriend? Jimmy: I don't care, alright Janis: you thought it was weird Jimmy: What? No Jimmy: I mean actually telling you how I feel is weird Janis: oh Janis: well, agreed Jimmy: Agreeing is weird an' all, isn't it? Janis: can't take the other side and pretend this is standard for me, soz Jimmy: be weirder if it were Jimmy: You reckon I've got some fucked habits but that'd be Janis: don't be mad 'cos you're my 5th fake boyfriend, alright Janis: judgey Jimmy: That ain't funny or cute Jimmy: Shut up Janis: obviously not Janis: you approached me Janis: not doing that kinda suggestability voodoo Jimmy: OMG 🤐 Janis: yeah, think on Janis: was a pretty out of character thing to do, no? Jimmy: Paddy girls are pretty full on Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Deny it Jimmy: there's nowt you can say Janis: not lumping myself in with that lot Janis: and you Jimmy: neither were I Jimmy: never have done Janis: �� Janis: I remember Jimmy: 👍 Janis: such a dick, you were Jimmy: Nah, I am Jimmy: no need to past tense it Janis: just specifying the time Jimmy: Alright, so don't forget to add I will be such a dick too then Jimmy: for the future Janis: if I'm about, I'll be sure to let you know Jimmy: 💔 you won't be able to @ me Jimmy: but wherever Ian drags us next somebody'll say it to my face, no doubt Janis: of course, you are a dick, after-all Jimmy: and yet still properly sought after Jimmy: a brainer lad would've planned that Janis: enough room for a proper beefy 🧠 in that massive head Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 that it's empty then Jimmy: well nearly Janis: poor boy Jimmy: I'll live, babe Jimmy: 🧟💕 Janis: now it's my turn to be 💔 Jimmy: Go on and have a 🎻 too then Jimmy: might as well Janis: can't even be 😍 over how generous you are Jimmy: Why not? Janis: 'cos you said from now on we're only saying real things Jimmy: and you shot down the 💡 in 🔥 Janis: no I didn't Janis: you didn't explain properly Jimmy: You don't wanna say real things to me Janis: where'd you get that idea from Jimmy: call it 👮🚔 senses Jimmy: or that you're well quick to not understand what I've said 'cause like I said 😒 is easier Janis: or maybe it's a weird situation that's hard to understand Janis: which we agreed on Janis: if 😒 was easier I would've thought it was the best idea ever Jimmy: Alright Janis: it ain't though Janis: so what are you saying Jimmy: nowt Janis: fuck off Janis: you reckon I can't handle real then Jimmy: You did, I were there Janis: so why are you saying I don't want it then Jimmy: No 🧠 Janis: ugh Janis: alright Jimmy: It just feels like Jimmy: you don't want any of this now Janis: that's not true Janis: why do you Janis: nah Jimmy: Go on Janis: it's Janis: like why would I have freaked out back there if I didn't want it Janis: when I thought you didn't Janis: not keeping you around as a sure thing when I don't give a fuck, am I Jimmy: I can't say how long I'll be around here anyway, you either so Jimmy: don't worry about it Jimmy: I'm just being Janis: don't mean we can't now Janis: does it Janis: every fucker else does, not like they have any more guarantee Jimmy: Not a habit of mine to leave 💔 lasses behind me Janis: behave Jimmy: I don't want to, had to for ages when you were only giving me fake 💕 Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me that Janis: 😏 Janis: yeah but the 💔 has always been fake, what I'm saying Janis: don't need to think about that Jimmy: Good 'cause as far as 💭 I can do better Janis: go on then Jimmy: [the most 🔥 sext of all time obvs] Janis: can I come back Janis: please Jimmy: I said Jimmy: nowt's changed Janis: just checking Jimmy: where are you? Janis: not far Janis: well a bit but not out of town far Jimmy: 🏃? Janis: if that's you, then no, think of your lungs Jimmy: not the bit of me I'm thinking with and I'm only thinking of you, not me but alright Jimmy: if you can't handle another race Janis: now I'm with ya Janis: 'course I'M gonna run Janis: but the incentive is appreciated Jimmy: I'll appreciate you better than that Janis: you better Janis: i've missed you Jimmy: 🥇 baby, you'll see Jimmy: it feels like ages since I left Jimmy: it's been ages but you know what I mean Janis: yeah Janis: like actual time as passed and not a day Janis: it's always been a bit like that with you Janis: weird Jimmy: but you were still always gone before I was ready for you to be Jimmy: weirder Janis: felt it too Janis: weirdest Jimmy: I Janis: yeah? Jimmy: just Jimmy: it is a mess but Jimmy: I'm glad I did ask you Jimmy: nowt else could've happened if not Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: You reckon I'm wrong? Jimmy: somehow don't picture you hanging round the CG like your twin Jimmy: obviously I could have caught you in the gym 🏆💪 but unlikely you'd be chatty then, sore loser you are Janis: ha x2 Janis: 😏 Janis: we do go to the same school, you know Jimmy: Were you gonna offer to help me with my homework or what? Janis: not porn Janis: and I'm not some bitch with pigtails and a plaid mini skirt, like Jimmy: not with that attitude Janis: 😂 Jimmy: and I've seen you in your uniform, like Jimmy: not that far off Janis: you're such an idiot Janis: but you did know then, that's good Jimmy: Know what, that you're really fit? Obviously Janis: that we were at the same school before the fateful trip Jimmy: I get that I hide them well but I've got 👀 Jimmy: I saw you, like I said Janis: and obviously I couldn't miss the welcome party so Janis: 👀 likewise Jimmy: Am I ever gonna see you today or did you get lost? Janis: I'm on my way Janis: I'm fast, works in and out of your favour, I'm afraid Janis: depends which way I'm 🏃 Jimmy: Tah for not being well fast at everything then Jimmy: be over before I did my best tricks Jimmy: and you'd be asleep like half that bus were Janis: 💔 get used to not having an audience fast Janis: and benefits of not being a lad, just go again Jimmy: can't if you're 💀💀💀 Jimmy: get me arrested that Janis: promises promises Jimmy: which you know you can hold me to Jimmy: unless your memory loss is back Janis: no but Janis: stop distracting me if you want me to get there any time soon Jimmy: Baby, I've seen you multitask Jimmy: come on Jimmy: can do so many things at once you Janis: I wanna save it for you Janis: you turned me on so it's yours Jimmy: I'm going nowhere yet but the kids and dog are Jimmy: this whole house is yours, just need to get to it Janis: serious? Jimmy: Deadly, as usual Janis: Good thing I'm only a couple streets away then Janis: hold on Jimmy: Surviving somehow Janis: 'cos you can't 💀💀💀 without me Jimmy: keep my promises, yeah, that kind of dickhead Janis: I like that kind of dickhead Jimmy: Shakespeare's got nowt on you, girl Jimmy: you better only be a couple of streets away Jimmy: don't be saying shit like that to me if I can't respond immediately Janis: [rings doorbell] Jimmy: [thank god he sent everyone away because we know what kind of hello she's getting] Janis: [lol if someone else answered that would've been very awkward for us all] Jimmy: [likewise if Twix got there before him] Janis: [distracted with food probably] Jimmy: [it's alright she can be gone too on a walk or wherever] Janis: [my boo say everyone out] Jimmy: [give them their privacy please they've had enough audiences]

[kfawkes]

alright get up here with Taron (I'm not sure if you do actors but it would be lovely if you did :) x

[Hi! I’ve been sitting on this for awhile… and I apologize for that!!! I know I’ve made posts/comments on how I don’t really write for celebrities… and I really don’t lol, but I have said that I would be open to making exceptions… so here I am lol, making an exception XD 

It’s pretty short and quick though, and I really don’t know Taron as a person so it’s a little harder/awkward for me to write for/as him… where as Eggsy I super connect with and feel like I know him so well SO ITS SO EASY TO BE EGGSY!!!! But… anyway off topic lol. This is pretty fluffy and Colin makes an appearance hahah. Hope you like it my kind sweet and patient anon!

Pairing: Taron Egerton x Reader 

Warnings: mild cursing.

About: You’re a makeup artist on the set of Kingsman 2!!! Why? Because idk. I can :P ]

It didn’t take long for you to realize just how amazing Taron was. It was one thing to see him on the big screen acting cheeky as fuck as Eggsy, but another to witness it first hand. Not only was he charming as all hell, but had a smile that lit up the room, with eyes even brighter than that… and to top it off he had a killer personally, and his terrible jokes never failed to make you laugh. 

Which to be clear only made your crush worse. A whole lot worse… 

It was normal to have a tiny crush on some random celebrity you’d never meet– it was even to be expected, and had you known a few months ago that you’d be working alongside yours, you may have tried to mentally prepare yourself… But could you really prepare yourself for something like this? 

The answer was no, you really couldn’t.

When you got the call that you’d be doing lead makeup on Kingsman: The Golden Circle you just about pissed your pants while simultaneously crying and mumbling in attempts to form any sentences other than ‘ohmygod’ or ‘is this real life???’ and even now over 4 months into filming you could still hardly believe it. 

You were a nobody in the industry. A nothing, fresh out of school with only indies under your belt, yet here you were–

“Mornin, Y/n,” a familiar voice purred softly behind you, and in that moment like every moment before you felt a warm wave wash over you as you jumped in surprise. 

“How are you?” he voice continued stepping forward.

“Sneaking up on people is super creepy, Taron…” You spun around with a smile when he laughed; pulling your hand to your hip as you tilted your head slightly eyeing him as secretively as you could, and god damn if he didn’t look just like a dream. 

“Right. Think Colin mighta mentioned that actually…” 

You smiled to your feet then tried to look busy– moving stuff around, organizing things you’d already well… organized. “To answer your question, I’m good. Veeeery tired, but good… what about you? Busy night?” 

“Nah, just stayed in and watched something… was quite lovely actually.” he answered dropping his bags to the side not breaking your gaze once. He watched closely as you fidgeted with your makeup brushes; enjoying the cute nervous mannerisms you displayed.

“Good… I’m glad. You deserve a break.” You paused nodding as you placed your makeup kit to your waist. “Alright then get up here, and let’s see what I can do with this mess…” you offered a wink– which was ballsy you had to admit, but you were just so comfortable with him, maybe too comfortable now that you thought about it… then signaled to the chair for him to sit. 

He nodded lightly then complied not saying a word. 

Today seemed different some how. Like Taron was different… and now you could swear he was staring at you in the mirrors reflection as you styled his hair. 

You tried not to smile… to hold it back, but you felt it slipping just like the pink now decorating your cheeks. This of course he noticed as well, and in that moment he looked to his hands and pursed his lips as if in thought. 

You bit your lip lightly trying to push away that feeling; knowing there’d be no chance in hell his thoughts would be about you… In that moment you reminded yourself he was miles out of your league… that he was just nice– friendly. Charming, kind and considerate, but not into you.

“Turn around then.” You set your hand lightly to his shoulder after a brief pat, but he didn’t move. A  moment later you narrowed your eyes, trying to figure out what that look could possibly mean– Had he not heard you? “We don’t have all day do we? Pretty sure Matthew wanted you ready, oh…” you paused looking at an imaginary watch at your wrist. “15 minutes ago?”

Taron smiled this time, softer than the one he usually gave you but it was just as pure and sweet. He didn’t say anything yet, his face still lined as if he were debating something or having an argument quietly with himself. He did however turn in place finally, and when he ended his eyes looked up at you almost affectionately. 

That look was jarring… intoxicating even, and in that moment you almost forgot why you were there at all. You just looked at him, and he just looked at you. 

He smiled again, but this time he held admiration behind those azure eyes and maybe even something else… but you couldn’t think about that right now, because you had work to do and how does one even figure out what a look like that meant? Not like you could just ask him…

You finished the little that needed doing, then instructed him to turn around to bask in your masterpiece. Which… honestly wasn’t much aside from a few cuts and bruises but he acted woefully impressed as he eyed your handiwork with a wide smile. 

That smile distracted you so much you hadn’t even realized you’d set your hands on both of his shoulders. That you’d been holding them there lightly while you laughed together… but a few seconds later he raised his brows, locking eyes with yours in the reflection once more. 

It only took a split second for you to realize you were STILL touching him, and your face turned about awkwardly as you began lifting them, turning a darker shade of rose; mind rushing with anxiety as you realized the inappropriateness of it all… But before you could remove one of your hands, he slid his up and across his chest; resting it on yours, and locking your hand to his shoulder. 

You stopped suddenly with jaw laid open lightly; eyes still transfixed on his, and saying you had no idea what to do or say didn’t really cover it… so you didn’t do or say anything at all. You just stood there as he ran his thumb lightly over the back of your hand with the softest smile you’d ever seen slipping the corners of his mouth.

“Ahhh, good morning Taron… Y/n.” Colin said as he stepped into the trailer with a wide smile. If he noticed what was happening between you two, he hadn’t yet let on– He just held his jacket in one hand and a large cup of coffee in the other looking oblivious and chipper as ever.

The second he spoke you pulled back from Taron as he turned in his chair to face his old friend with a welcoming smile. You hadn’t done so smoothly of course, but Colin was polite enough not to acknowledge your falter and went on as if nothing happened at all.

“Hello to you too… we just finished up. I’ll see you both in a bit.” Taron stood then, and as he passed Colin he gave his shoulder a friendly squeeze and made his way towards the door. 

Colin walked towards you after a moment, ready to offer other pleasantries on your past weekend, but you were still focused on Taron and whatever the hell that was…

You shot your eyes to the door just before he exited the trailer. He was already looking at you, and tossed you that smile… that perfect smile as he stepped down and out leaving you with a warm feeling you would never forget and a fistful of questions.

[i-want-my-iwtv]

Hello! How are you? Are you well? I hope so ^-^. Anyway, I'm curious what are your headcanons on Louis having a living lineage? Could his family still be thriving through his sister's bloodline? If it is possible that he does have a line and is aware of it. Do you think he'd be a secret patron to them, like he was to his family when he was newly turned? Thank You! Sorry for the spam of questions! Have an amazing week! :D

Bon soir to you, thank you (I need this week to be amazing bc it’s my first 5-day week at work in awhile, bc of the holidays and the snow day last week, omg it’s gonna be rough, lol), I’m very well! Hope you are, too, and that 2018 is treating you well, so far. I’m stretching my creative muscles again, making promises to ppl about fanworks I have in the pipeline that are ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. Yissss. 2018 is going to be a more productive year  ^_______^

(No worries re: the spam of questions, I’m going to treat them as one mushed-together question, hope that’s ok with you!)

Louis having a living lineage and being a patron to it is entirely possible! Do I personally headcanon that he does, definitively? That’s hard to say… I could go either way on it. I can parallel-headcanon, and have it both ways ;) It depends on the fanfic/fanart/etc. I’m consuming, whether I headcanon yes/no on that.

A) On the one hand, I think he’d be charmed by seeing his own mannerisms (or that of his immediate family!) in his descendants, as can happen.

I know I’ve seen at least one fic that had Louis discover a great-great-great….(idk how many?)…grand-niece in NOLA, and even being just a child, she resembled Louis physically and/or psychologically, and he was deeply touched about that *u* I don’t remember whether he became a secret patron to her… I think the fic was by @gairid​/ @vampchronfic​, if that ficwriter sees this post, they are invited to reblog/comment the name of the fic! It was sweet without being pure fluff. 

B) On the other hand, I think Louis might take some comfort in the fact that he no longer has a family to support financially or emotionally, and no family to worry about from a distance, 

…which Maharet has made a career of doing with her own family bc she enjoys it. Louis is fiercely devoted to and protective of those he loves, and he chooses those loved ones very selectively. Canonically (post-IWTV), he has few ties to the other vampires in the coven, and no mortal ties other than Merrick, but she bewitched him, and admitted to doing so, so I don’t think that she really counts. If we include PL/ROA, then one could argue he has an attachment to some of the mortals in those books, including Rose.

Another thing that’s come up in canon now and then is the idea that mortal relatives/descendants can be used to try to blackmail the vampires; mortals can be taken hostage and threatened with violence unless ransom of some kind is paid for them, as happened in PL. So I think Louis would be relieved that he wasn’t unintentionally placing any innocent mortals in harm’s way simply for being related to him. 

^^^ALL THAT SAID, we could always use fresh fanart/fanfic/etc., especially on this kind of rarer topic, so anyone who sees this post is invited to share their headcanons on it, too ;)

Hit the jump for just a little bit more.

Canonically, Louis tells us that his sister married, and yes, he did give her money to invest for the family:

“My sister was married in my absence, for example, while I had a `malarial chill,‘ 

…With dozens of miserable headaches I would receive my sister in a darkened bedroom, the covers up to my chin, bid her and her husband bear with the dim light on account of the pain in my eyes, as I entrusted to them large amounts of money to invest for us all. Fortunately her husband was an idiot; a harmless one, but an idiot, the product of four generations of marriages between first cousins.” (IWTV)

I skimmed IWTV and I didn’t see any mention of his sister having any children. 

I don’t know why AR included that the husband was the result of an incestuous lineage, that may have been normal at the time? I don’t know what impact AR intended that information to have on the story. Maybe just that the husband never questioned Louis’ strange behavior re: meetings in his darkened bedroom bc he was, as Louis said, “an idiot”? Maybe this was a little reminder of Louis’s ego, that he felt he was a better man than his sister’s husband? 

BTW, Louis’s sister has a fanon name, some fans have accepted it as fanon anyway, Henriette. 

Personally, I do headcanon that Louis has at least a few mortal friends in NOLA and San Francisco, like a particular barista at a coffee shop he haunts in the French Quarter, and a few other locals who have done work at Rue Royale over the years. @gairid​/ @vampchronfic​ also has an OC, Brian Callahan, who I think Louis cares very deeply about

[omglr]

patiently momming the shit out this fuckin' potential serial killer...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like feminism.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: asl

You: 33 f

You: canada

You: you?

Stranger: m22 canada

Stranger: feminist?

You: yes

You: you?

Stranger: fuck no

Stranger: feminism is sexism and hatred of men, why would I support it?

You: meninist?

Stranger: not really

Stranger: just knowing the truth

You: where do you get this information from?

Stranger: online

You: ok

You: have you considered.... reading a book?

Stranger: no

Stranger: because with the ability to be anonymous online people will say the truth without fear of being outed for it.

You: interesting

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: Feminism isnt about equality, its about hatred of men and female superiority

You: ok, if you say so

Stranger: how is it now?

Stranger: not*

Stranger: women demanding a safe space free of men is seen as just fine

Stranger: a male only space is seen as "sexist"

You: uh, do you think their aren't men only space though?

Stranger: feminism cries about male dominance in politics and management positions , but when it comes to male dominance in jobs like trucking, mining, construction etc, feminists dont say a word

Stranger: there is men only, and to feminists thats seen as sexism

You: you seem a little worked up

Stranger: I mean, Boy scouts of America now allows girls in... wtf its the BOY scouts, girls want to be a scout? there is a thing called girl scouts of America too

You: yeah girl guides is a much better organization anyway

You: they also accept boys

Stranger: LMAO wow what guy would joint girl guides.

You: idk, a kid who likes camping and cookies

Stranger: I do like cookies

You: yeah, cookies are great

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: women are also entitled and selfish and think they should get stuff just because they are a woman

You: i think the word entitled gets thrown around a lot to describe people

Stranger: women expect a man to pay for the date.

You: but its mostly about folks asking for respect

Stranger: but I thought you bitches wanted "equality" oh wait...

You: like millenials are real entitled

You: for wanting jobs that pay a living wage

You: says boomers

You: who dont want to pay a living wage

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but you NEED a living wage

You: yeah, we all need a living wage

Stranger: but women are entitled and think they deserve only the best of the best of the very best men who will do whatever she says and wants and no matter what shes always right

You: this seems like a narrow focus on what women are like

Stranger: its the truth

You: like, this is a pretty shallow stereotype that might be true for like 10% of college girls

Stranger: lol its true for all girls

Stranger: girls are shallow

You: but i guess if thats who you put on a pedestal, shallow girls

Stranger: all girls are shallow

You: mmmm, i mean, you might be misinterpreting women's intentions

Stranger: how so?

You: like if i saw you at a coffee shop and over heard you talking this conspiratorial feminist is evil game, i wouldn't be interested in you

Stranger: Im not 6'0 or taller, im not ripped af and I dont drive a BMW, your not interested in me

You: eh, again, i didn't say that

You: i'm not interested in cars or money or height

Stranger: sure

You: or muscles

Stranger: sure

Stranger: so your a lesbian?

You: but i can tell a dude is a self loathing weirdo pretty quick

You: i'm bi

Stranger: ok

You: women are easier to date

Stranger: sure

Stranger: im 22 and still a fucking virgin

You: for me anyway

You: yeah, that happens

You: some folks are late bloomers

Stranger: LMAO no, women are shallow

You: alright, well if you want to believe that that's up to you, but your world view determines your world

You: so if you can't open your heart and learn to trust women, you'll probably keep thinking worse and worse thoughts about them

Stranger: well im not good looking so...

Stranger: LMAO trust women... that is horseshit.

You: and find yourself in more situations where you can prove yourself right

Stranger: women are nothing but cheaters and liars

Stranger: let me tell you something?

You: ok

Stranger: I met a girl on here 2 yrs ago, shes down in Tennessee, we kept in contact on skype, became friends, fell for each other, admitted our feelings, fell even more for each other, hoped to meet one day, have our first times, maybe end up married and be forever. She met another guy and threw me away.

You: so, you were 20 years old and an internet girlfriend ruined your life forever?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: it just proves how unloyal and unloving women are

You: idk, that sounds kinda stupid

Stranger: plus my 3rd ex cheated after a month, not to mention other BS she did, I'll share if you wanna know,

1st and 2nd ex never even liked me

You: like, i'm being pretty patient with you here

You: this self loathing rap is pretty pathetic

Stranger: lol its hatred of women

You: yeah, its called misogyny

Stranger: and feminism is misandry

You: eh, not really

Stranger: sure

Stranger: women are hypergamous whores

You: eh, i mean, if you and i were the only people on the planet, i would say men are toxic dudes who have little self awareness and say abusive bullshit with so little life experience its kinda tragic if not a little dangerous, and that women are extremely patient and nurturing even to weirdos who don't deserve it

Stranger: sure.

Stranger: if you think im ever going to trust a woman again your insane

You: i guess it was more advice for your sadness but its up to you

Stranger: im not sad

You: eh

Stranger: I just know the bitter truth of life

You: i mean you sound angry, but its obvious where its coming from

Stranger: yeah

You: lol, what is the bitter truth of life?

Stranger: that women are nothing more than shallow unloyal unloving whores who only care about themself, love isnt real. together forever doesnt exist

You: are your parents divorced?

Stranger: never married, dont know my father

You: what's your relationship with your mom like?

Stranger: its fine

You: does she love you?

Stranger: yeah

You: is she loyal to you?

Stranger: i guess. im her only child

You: would she give you her kidney if you needed it?

Stranger: idk, shes not in great health herself tbh

You: would you give her your kidney if she needed it?

Stranger: yeah

You: well that's good

You: have you heard much about internet feedback loops and how it can hurt your self-esteem?

Stranger: yeah

You: i kinda think you should look into your online peer group and figure out if thats who you want to be?

Stranger: Im not on any forums or anything like that

You: like... behind the "women are all cheating selfish shallow whores" is like "a woman would never be loyal to or love me or find me attractive"

Stranger: that is true

You: and that says something about you that isn't true

You: that you aren't unlovable

Stranger: Im not

You: eh, you probably are, or could be

You: just maybe chill with the incel stuff

Stranger: im not. for one im not anywhere near cute. That alone keeps love away.

I have huge trust issues. A short temper,

You: have you considered seeing a therapist?

Stranger: no

You: i've been seeing therapist for like 6 years, they are pretty great

Stranger: well I dont need one

You: what about the trust issues and the short temper?

Stranger: you cant fix those.

You: yeah, that's what therapists do

Stranger: and all it takes is one asshole to come along and destroy it

You: they help you work through those things

Stranger: honestly, I rather just blow up when im man

Stranger: mad*

You: eh, again, you do you, but this is real good advice honestly

Stranger: im fine

Stranger: as for trust issues, I tried to get over it, just to be fucked over again

You: eh, yeah,

Stranger: so I will stay single

You: i have had shit come up in cycles through my life too

You: its hard

Stranger: yeah

You: anyway bud, i should go, but take care of yourself, enjoy this summer :)

Stranger: yeah, but you know whats painful

Stranger: ?

You: what?

Stranger: seeing a hot af girl at the beach in a bikini and knowing I'll never get to smash that

You: dude, just see a sex worker

Stranger: I dont wanna pay for it

Stranger: or get aids

You: eh, don't be cheap and use a condom

Stranger: I am very cheap

You: ok, well, put a fuckin tin can in your room, and everytime you think to yourself "I'm unlovable" but a dollar in it

You: or what ever mean things your brains says to you

Stranger: I've got a peanut butter jar of like $400 change in my room. just because why not

You: yeah, well $400 will get you a good looking woman

Stranger: yeah.. or it can sit here and be mine.

You: or like half an xbox

Stranger: ok

You: ok, good luck

You have disconnected.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [I'm thinking like long enough that Mia and Co can establish a pattern of stalking him shamelessly but not long enough that half the hol is over obviously] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: have a word to your sister Janis: you're alright Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: bad enough she's always here without leaving half her clothes Janis: what you chatting Jimmy: There's the selective dyslexia Jimmy: sort it out Janis: sort out coming at me like I've got a clue what you're on about if you want solutions Jimmy: fuck's sake, Judith Jimmy: she's coming at me at work Jimmy: they all are Janis: lol where do you work sephora Jimmy: Yeah, that'll be why I knew so much about lipstick when you attacked me with it Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: that sounds like a you problem Janis: her details are NOT hard to find on purpose, like Jimmy: I didn't put in all them fake dating hours to end up where I were Jimmy: or to have a lovely chat with her Janis: what do you expect me to do Janis: if she cared about my feelings she obviously wouldn't be trying to fuck you or get a free makeover Jimmy: not be a dickhead Jimmy: but alright Janis: she's an annoying bitch Janis: my condolences Janis: not news to me Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: give me her shit then, I'll take it home Janis: where do you actually work though Jimmy: Common Grounds Jimmy: [sends her the deets] Janis: alright Janis: I'll be in later, leave it with whoever if you're off Jimmy: 👍 Janis: can't you bar them Jimmy: Top idea to piss off my manager Jimmy: no rich girls Janis: 🙄 Janis: they ain't the only ones about Janis: idk, hide when they come in next time Jimmy: they're the ones most often about Jimmy: tips are well up Jimmy: 🥈 idea to piss off my manager Jimmy: do nowt Janis: I know you don't all need to serve Jimmy: Use your big head Jimmy: they ask for me Janis: 🤢 Janis: she better not be Janis: not that rich Janis: who the fuck does she think she is Jimmy: Mia's the only one allowed to talk Jimmy: keep up with the squad rules, mate Janis: no tah Janis: want me to put in a sneaky complaint Jimmy: I get it, you don't play by them Jimmy: 😈 you Jimmy: why you never 💔 me Janis: ain't been back that long Janis: christ, my holiday too Jimmy: if you wanna just 👻 me, crack on with doing nowt Jimmy: it's working anyway Janis: is it? Janis: 'cos you just said it weren't Jimmy: not with them but my DMs are full of people ❔ & 💔 that I ain't posting about you Janis: there you go Janis: so wanna go with that, caspar? Jimmy: Do you? Janis: Don't make odds to me, I've proved my point, whether that lot wanna listen or not, like you said Janis: everyone else has so Jimmy: more questions if you don't swap me for some other dickhead though Janis: great Janis: I'll attach myself to the nearest prick then Jimmy: If you've got another answer for why you went from 😍😍😍 to 😑 then go with that Jimmy: like you said, ain't been that long Janis: you were way more 😍😍😍 Janis: but sure Janis: ugh, I'll be thinking on this bus then Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you were Janis: take the compliment Janis: such a good actor Jimmy: Piss off Janis: What? Jimmy: I know you're calling me a drama queen or owt like it Jimmy: an insult up north that Janis: Calm down Billy Elliot Janis: I was saying you fake rocked my world, remember Jimmy: It ain't that kind of cafe like Jimmy: if you want dancers that's up the road Janis: I'm neither coming for you nor the lattes, boy Janis: coming 'cos her idea of flirting is pretending she's braindead and loses all her shit on the reg 🥴🤪 Janis: so appealing, right Jimmy: Good shout, me and every drink are too expensive Jimmy: gotta stay rich, eh? Jimmy: and 'course obvs 🤤🤤 Janis: 😂 Janis: that kind of dancer, are you Janis: left my ones at home Janis: soz Jimmy: a shit one but keep that between me and you Jimmy: it just ain't goals babe Janis: 🤐 Janis: your next gf, real or otherwise, won't hear it from me Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: #whenyourexaintapsycho Jimmy: what's that like? Janis: Poor kid Janis: not you, but 💔 of course Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: getting richer thanks to 💀👑 but still Janis: it feels dirty, no I get it Janis: maybe just be a stripper Jimmy: 👍 Janis: they won't get in Janis: 👶💀 Jimmy: nor would you 💔💔 Janis: 1. I don't wanna see that but keep that between me and you Janis: 2. yes I would Jimmy: Baby please Jimmy: such a liar OMG 😭😭😱😱 Jimmy: reckoned you and WE were better than that 💔🎻💔 Janis: it's called a private show Janis: nothing #goals about paying for it Jimmy: nowt goals about pretending you can get where you can't Janis: you think you can be a stripper fullstop Janis: too twink to be legal, babe Jimmy: You think I can 'cause you're 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I never said it Janis: 😠😠😠 Janis: don't tell me what I think OMG Jimmy: stop thinking about me naked then Janis: pretty sure you have to keep your thong on Janis: this is a Christian country, thank you very much Jimmy: how much have you thought about this? Jimmy: gonna make me 😳 girl Janis: Stripping? Janis: Not much Janis: my lack of tits and all 💔 Jimmy: Me stripping 'cause you'll be suggesting thong colours in a bit Jimmy: and my tits are decent so not a problem Janis: Well, black, obviously Janis: but that's just a given Jimmy: But babe you love pink!! Janis: that's the colour of your skin, it's obscene Jimmy: Have you gone blind? Jimmy: have you been all this time? Janis: no, whiteboy Jimmy: It'd explain the PJs and missing my neck when you went in with your teeth Jimmy: you sure? Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: What do you mean what do I mean? Janis: I mean both were intentional and you know it Jimmy: admitting I know something? Jimmy: are you alright? Janis: just sick of talking to idiots Janis: if it's all the same to you Jimmy: you ain't gonna wanna come here then Janis: I don't, hence I'm going to the gym first Janis: quite near there, who knew babe Jimmy: Not me Jimmy: 💪 is natural Janis: pah Janis: don't make me actually LOL Jimmy: I carried you, don't make me have to recreate it 'cause you have some kind of memory loss Janis: and I'm skinny, regardless of the complex you wanna give me, pervert Jimmy: don't make you light Jimmy: you're not a 💀 girl Janis: been making you carry her 'round, has she Janis: she's not that rich and you're not that downtrod Janis: there are some rights you've got, like Jimmy: How are you not getting how high maintenance my ex was? Jimmy: you're not my first princess Janis: 💔 Janis: aw I thought I was special Jimmy: I know Jimmy: soz Janis: no worries, just drop the 🏋 on my head Janis: ttfn Jimmy: 👌 Janis: none of them are there rn are they? Jimmy: they left a bit ago Janis: great Janis: I'm not ruining my streak of Grace-free days Jimmy: 🏆💪 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Exactly Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: or nowt baby Janis: Mhmm Jimmy: we're so in sync 💕 Janis: not the worst team Janis: just ask the fans Jimmy: won't be able to when I delete my accounts 💔 better do that Q & A quick like Janis: going 👻? Jimmy: that 💀😭💔 over you, Jill Janis: but actually Jimmy: ? Janis: easiest way to shut 'em up is just to throw 'em a 🦴 yeah Janis: won't be all that taxing to just get a pic whilst I'm picking up her shit Jimmy: The lighting in here is #🔥 Jimmy: and I do know your angles Janis: half the appeal, obviously Janis: give you a solid 35% Janis: the iced coffees a 15% Jimmy: if you order iced coffee I'll dump you myself Jimmy: give a shit what the plan were meant to be Janis: those are their numbers, not mine Janis: I don't even drink coffee, just give you a tip so you don't 😢 Jimmy: I know that, rich girl Jimmy: I'm the dickhead making them Jimmy: no need to give me a tip, give me a like and retweet Janis: 😏 missed me that much yeah Jimmy: you know it 💕 Jimmy: just gotta tell everyone else Janis: 'course Janis: now we're back in civilization, more inclined to do so Jimmy: what you ain't gonna miss holding your phone up in the air like a right knob? Janis: ahh #memories Jimmy: save it they'll 💀 over that Janis: sad that it's true Janis: so popular Jimmy: 😏 yeah you sound 💔 mate Janis: like you don't find it even a tiny bit amusing Jimmy: if it weren't I wouldn't still be bothering Janis: exactly Jimmy: 💀👑 makes me 😂 not soz Jimmy: what's her #obsession with you? Janis: Obvs we've been in a centuries-long battle over the title queen of the undead and she's mad I wear it better Janis: I actually don't know though Janis: mad that I hate my sister more than she does? mad my hair doesn't fall out in clumps? Jimmy: 💀 pact but make it #goals, I get it Jimmy: 🩸 ain't everyone's colour Janis: she ain't got any, anemic cow Janis: not that I'd trust drinking from her, like Jimmy: alright 🤢 ain't anyone's either Janis: 😂 Janis: can only imagine the hilarious shit you've been forced to overhear Jimmy: crack on Janis: heard the general gist plenty of times but assume they're tailoring it towards you which means it's even more cringe than normal Jimmy: Your sister actually mute or? Jimmy: like is it some 🏆💪 with your deaf brother Janis: ha, no, you joking Janis: even he wishes she'd stfu Jimmy: never heard her say owt and I'M obvs 💔💔 Janis: idk then Janis: you probably seem the type that likes introspective, quiet girls #deep Janis: maybe she's giving that a shot Jimmy: 😂😂😂 Jimmy: that's a fucking misread Janis: her specialty Jimmy: where does she reckon I'm from? Up north there ain't no quiet girls Janis: exactly, you poor misunderstood boy 💔💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: s'a tragedy, truly Jimmy: Mia probably cut her tongue out for saying black's the new pink Jimmy: that's the real one Jimmy: such an underappreciated colour your fave Janis: Yeah, dead awkward she's done be such a solid Janis: have to say thank you and everything Jimmy: I'll sign it for you Jimmy: know everything I need to if I'm gonna chat to her Janis: 💀👑 her personality revolves around how fast she can get things in and out her mouth Janis: no time or need for chatting, I already told you Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: but that'll be why she's gone deaf, that & the starvation Janis: why's she deaf Jimmy: weren't listening to none of them when she let them say owt Janis: can't blame her Janis: who'd wanna listen to any of 'em Jimmy: oh I dunno the tall one was making some fair points Janis: 😂 about what, whether to paint their nails this shade of beige or this slightly darker shade of beige Janis: still not thrilling Jimmy: about you being a dickhead Jimmy: not a direct quote Jimmy: taken some liberties with it Janis: awh the tall one likes me Janis: maybe I'll let her pick me up and climb up the nearest skyscraper 💕 Jimmy: I don't reckon you get to call her the tall one when you're tall as you are, babe Jimmy: but as dates go, you could do worse Janis: She's gargantuan Janis: you're just short Jimmy: 🦍🏗💕 Jimmy: piss off I ain't short Jimmy: wind your giraffe neck in Janis: 😏 okay lil man Jimmy: I was brought up on 🥧 🥔 and 🚬 what do you want from me, honestly Jimmy: I ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: s'alright, you're not my real boyfriend, normal rules need not apply Jimmy: and you're not my real girlfriend so you don't get to slag me off Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: there's in-synch and then there's copying, babe Jimmy: don't start something then Jimmy: I'm up to my actual 👀 in mardy customers Jimmy: no need for you to copy that Janis: well if you're messaging even 2 other bitches rn that's probably why Janis: focus, boy Janis: cappucinos are your passion, you really need the dickhead in the suit to not be late to his meeting Jimmy: 1. what would I need you for if I were? 2. this needs all the focus of you making that sandwich you never after I fake rocked your world Jimmy: 3. Making me laugh is the 🥉 guaranteed idea you've had to piss off my manager Jimmy: 4. Are we going for a 4th 🏆 when you get here or what? Janis: 1. idk your business, I meant bitches = female not as in actual cunts 2. how 'bout you make me a panini, babe Janis: 3. they sound like a party are they at least daddy Janis: 4. what did you have in mind because I've strangely not come out in my PJs Jimmy: 1. only so much 🐕 training I've got time for Jimmy: 2. 💰💰 first Jimmy: 3. nah but my dad saw your 👂 handiwork and he's blooding raring to 💍👰 Jimmy: 4. Will it even be the same without them? 😱😭💔 Janis: 1. your dog sounds #problematic you mention it a lot just call me sherlock Janis: 2. golddigger Janis: 3. but I am gonna bae your da so fair's fair Janis: 4. it was just about the soft cotton 💔 soz everyone, can't go on Jimmy: 1. sounds it 'cause she is 👏 Jimmy: 2. starving artist Jimmy: 3. so fair you 💕 Jimmy: 4. obviously Janis: Poor baby, don't they let you eat the leftovers and sendbacks? Janis: That's criminal Jimmy: They do but I'm all about a sob story me Jimmy: white lies ain't criminal though so Janis: Noted Janis: full soap opera when I come through Jimmy: full orchestra an' all Jimmy: 🎻🎻 play on Janis: sure thing Janis: after I've slapped you, told you you are the dad, then you ain't and then tell you I'm 💀💀💀 so still look after it bye Jimmy: looking forward to it Janis: obviously Janis: perv Jimmy: you Janis: be pretty satisfying to smack you one but I wouldn't go that far Jimmy: save it for our fake break up, my dear Janis: spoilsport Jimmy: I do hate P.E but I wouldn't go that far, mate Janis: sucha 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: bet they ain't part of your uniform Janis: gutting Jimmy: such a #rebel an' all though 😈 Janis: with or without a cause though? Jimmy: It's that you only wear PJs Jimmy: the hill I'm gonna die on Janis: 😂 Janis: alright, start a # Jimmy: alright, hang on Jimmy: [does cos he's a nerd] Janis: brilliant Janis: cue the DMs asking to see, like Jimmy: Mr Lucas is gonna let you wear them to school like Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: looking to have a heart attack to get that early but not really pension Janis: 👀 you sir Jimmy: and he'll be seeing loads of you Janis: shut up Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: I know I'm good but making you voming on me #goals Jimmy: I dunno Janis: #goals for a very specific group of gals but probably not otherwise so 🤫 Jimmy: don't reckon you can use #goals and them in the same sentence, Joanne Jimmy: challenge too far Janis: true Janis: right, lemme hit the showers then I can be there Jimmy: tah for that Jimmy: 👃 before 👀 weren't part of the plan Janis: piss off I'm not a skank Jimmy: admitting you faked your work out Jimmy: well committed you Janis: no, admitting I ain't gonna leave the gym after without washing Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: leave me alone so I can do it in peace Janis: or I'll never get there Jimmy: Glad I don't need to talk you through it Janis: thanks, left my blindfold at home Janis: dickhead Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you should wear that all the time an' all it was a #look Janis: no thanks Janis: fake trust will only get us so far Jimmy: only so many fake injuries I can nurse Jimmy: 😇 of 💀 weren't the pact Janis: 💔 Janis: suited you Jimmy: white's my colour Jimmy: why I'm staying pure til 👰 Janis: not if I've got anything to do with it Janis: which I already have so shh Jimmy: If anyone asks I'm filthy, gotcha Janis: you can be a bit more vague Janis: not gotta hoe it up, be fit and mysterious, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: been that since I got here Janis: you ain't a part-timer, I get it Jimmy: not with this job and the one I'm being paid for Janis: hot Jimmy: I know Jimmy: ☕ machine burns to prove it babe Janis: so brave too Janis: wow 😍😩🤤 Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: cold 🚿 Jimmy: we've got work to do Janis: 👌 Janis: even though it's so sexy when you get serious Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I ain't even started Jimmy: wait til I get my 📷 out, girl Janis: umm Jimmy: You scare easy, I remember Jimmy: it'll be alright Janis: 😑 stop saying that Janis: I ain't scared of a flash Jimmy: no need, I know what I'm doing Janis: you better Janis: good thing I can roll with the punches 'cos you're not exactly clueing me in Jimmy: You're in good hands baby Jimmy: nowt else to say Janis: I guess not Janis: in a bit then Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [showing up but outside] Janis: you want me to come in or what Jimmy: Do you wanna? Jimmy: I'm due a break Janis: not gonna cockblock your work romances unnecessarily Janis: come out then Jimmy: They'd only have to check my socials to see how 😍😍 we are Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: [comes out and immediately lights a 🚬 obvs] Janis: people love cheating, only point of having a 9-5, #amiright Janis: [just like hey but not with words obvs] Jimmy: [doesn't answer her typed message because not that type of boy and also #triggered but offers her a 🚬 in greeting] Janis: [picking up such a casual habit lmao like how he never asked if she smokes and she just went with it] Jimmy: [bit rude actually boy but fair assumption cos she wasn't like OMG NO GROSS haha] Jimmy: [when you really need that 🚬 but also you don't have long if you're gonna stage a casual #reunion photoshoot oh the awks] Janis: [least they can take photos as he does 'cos that #badboy rep honey] Jimmy: [hopefully it'll turn at least a few of the 🚭 brigade off] Janis: [you can dream boy but we know you look good fight me, let her put up the pics as her casual #comeback 'sorted'] Jimmy: [he looks hot as hell doing it and we've seen the proof honey, don't even need to discuss at this point how needlessly hard they are going at this for the #fans and not cos they've missed each other nope] Janis: ['course not, like there's every need to be so PDA, mhmm] Jimmy: [cos clearly every real couple is this extra and it's not as if Grace has already called you out or anything] Janis: [soz they need their flimsy excuses lads] Jimmy: [soz you're all jealous] Janis: ['what she even leave anyway?'] Jimmy: ['what hasn't she?' exaggeration but not by much] Janis: [🙄 'what the fuck'] Jimmy: [does a gun finger and puts it to her head & then his because honestly] Janis: [sticks her tongue out and closes her eyes like a nerd but shakes her head like] Jimmy: [when you can't help a little genuine smile cos she cute] Janis: [just like what but not mad] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ?? even though you know what boy] Janis: [pushing his arm but again not aggressive like lol] Jimmy: [when you stop her by holding onto hers but in the most flirty way ever cos obviously bye] Janis: [just raising her eyebrows like really] Jimmy: [doing it back, oh boy be careful if you think you're challenging her rn] Janis: [just maintaining that eye contact for the longest they've probably ever 'your fag break ain't long enough, boy'] Jimmy: ['never is'] Janis: [makes heart with her hands then breaks it 'imagine if you didn't smoke then' 'cos true you get more breaks if you do by default hence they try and crack down on it] Jimmy: [mimes playing that violin 'why you trying to give me suicidal thoughts?'] Janis: [points finger gun back at his head then does a shrug 'not now?'] Jimmy: ['imagine if you had to work for your money, rich girl' shrugs back 'least wait until school starts, get on their roof and let the crowd form, like'] Janis: [gasps dramatically and clutches her chest like how dare you even think it 😏 nods 'sure, you wanna see how many you can take out with you, very white boy of you'] Jimmy: [😏 'more fun when you're in the mood too' and a look cos we know he doesn't mean a 💀 mood lads and nods like yep knew you'd appreciate that] Janis: [tuts like she's so unamused sure ok but you be looking back and not moving even though you could get the stuff and be on your way] Jimmy: [shakes his head in an amused way] Janis: [when you brb to go in for a piss/to be nosy and end up talking to pete like hey boy for the first time why not] Jimmy: [when I make him come back in just in time to see that just so he can be jealous for the first time lol] Janis: [we're so mean but it's real sow the seeds, just like oh hey gimme her crap then] Jimmy: [when you basically throw it at her cos you're 😒] Janis: [when you're obvs ?! at the change in mood but like alright then go with that 'cos what else can you like laters lads] Jimmy: [aggressively makes lattes while watching her go like this is fine] Janis: [lmao poor clueless pete like this is a weird vibe] Jimmy: [god bless that sweet sweet boy] Janis: any point besides 'leave me the fuck alone' you need me to get across to her? Jimmy: is there any point in telling her someone'll nick it next time if she just buy more shit? Jimmy: *can Jimmy: putting the possibility of a shopping spree in her head probably only encourage her Janis: 🔨🔩 on the head, like Janis: any excuse Janis: might turn her all Winona and is there any less endearing rich girl stereotype Janis: she struggles enough as is 💔 Jimmy: 🔨🔩 in the head, like 🤞 Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Janis: god I wish they were still giving out lobotomies like they were last season's prada, honey Jimmy: don't reckon I can fake being a nurse hard enough to sign off on that Jimmy: soz Janis: no oscar for you then Janis: and I thought you were convincing for a sec there Jimmy: put your PJs back on and maybe it'll inspire me Janis: if that was a factor you'd have been more inspired Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I was 🥇 Janis: saying I weren't, please Jimmy: you can have 🥈 Janis: piss off Janis: I put in more graft than you Jimmy: Bollocks, you were lying there 'injured' Janis: Your fault Jimmy: and I had to apologise like some kind of dickhead Jimmy: where's yours for being one? Janis: again, YOUR idea to go do it so shut up Janis: matters is it worked Janis: they've been crying about it since, like Jimmy: Me an' all Jimmy: having to 😘 you has that effect Janis: Pussy Jimmy: That why you're so into it? Janis: that's why I'm the better actor and you should try harder Jimmy: every new comment disagrees with you, mate Jimmy: 🏆 and 👑 me Janis: Not really a brag if they can tell how not into you I am, is it Janis: idiot Jimmy: The whole plan is that you 💔 me not 💍👰 Jimmy: idiot Janis: sympathy sex is your thing Janis: gross Jimmy: Dunno, not had any yet Jimmy: fact is I've got the harder job being 💕😍 that's why I'm 🥇 and you ain't Janis: you changed the plan back Janis: stop pissing about Janis: and the fact is that's a matter of opinion and no one has a higher opinion of you than you Jimmy: Me? You came here and you said we just give everyone more of what they want Jimmy: it's starting to sound like it's what you want and you've got that high opinion of me Janis: I'm not even entertaining that level of narcissism and bullshit Janis: because YOU were complaining so much and asking ME to do something about it Janis: but easy, I will tonight Janis: 💔 hit harder with the tease of a reunion Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Sorted then Janis: actually this time Jimmy: if you stop pissing about, yeah Janis: You're a joke, mate Jimmy: Glad you're 😂 'cause I ain't Janis: go 😢 some more Janis: good practice Jimmy: No need, I'm the 🥇 one Janis: at being a little bitch 💔 Janis: take it, I'm good Jimmy: That's my role, can't change it now, you'll get even mardier Janis: No shit, you had your fucking chance Janis: this is the narrative you want, hope it's everything you dreamed of Jimmy: Tah Janis: 💕 Janis: Bye Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: [literally showing up like a 👻 from the shadows to pull her away from that fuckboy before anything can happen okay] Janis: [when you can barely wait to be like 'what the fuck' 'cos you're that mad like better not be no smokers outside 'cos casually running out] Jimmy: [when you're just looking at her like DON'T DO THIS oh honey you're gonna have to use your words] Janis: [like the level of exasperated cannot be overstated in this moment 'what the fuck' but 🔊 and with more feeling] Jimmy: [When you're gonna type it and pretend like it's cos you don't want peeps to hear but really it's cos you can't look at her rn without showing more than you're ready to] Jimmy: You're right Jimmy: it ain't gonna work Jimmy: they'll just throw themselves at me harder Janis: [the awkward moments when she ain't getting her phone out so is just like fuck you then and ready to walk off before she checks without thinking 'cos habit] Janis: yeah well Janis: why should I make that my problem now Jimmy: [shrugs] Jimmy: [but then just when she'd be about ready to fuck off is like 'I fucked up, I get it' softly and also with feeling] Janis: ['just-' pausing to think how to word this so she doesn't go off off but also so he get its 'cos can't do this again tah 'it ain't gonna fucking work if you don't admit you need it to too, I don't even need to know all your fucking reasons, but you clearly have them and so do it so own it. I'm not making you do shit and I won't do shit for you, even if it'd benefit me, yeah, if you're gonna take the piss like that' breathes out and folds her arms like there, done] Janis: I,* Jimmy: ['Alright' unfolds her arms really gently so it's not in a pisstaking way 'I said I get it'] Janis: [is 😠😟 but eventually does a nod like alright 'can I have a cigarette'] Jimmy: [nods too because #always and of course lights it for her and then one for him because needed] Janis: [just smoking in silence but jogging her legs up and down 'cos the casual pent up mess of emotions that ain't coming out tonight honey] Jimmy: So what did I miss? Have I gotta smack that dickhead or what? Janis: [shakes her head 'no one saw anything' nothing happened but point is don't owe him that info] Jimmy: [nods like oh good but we know it's cos he's a jealous mofo and is glad] Janis: who's socials did you have to stalk to get here Janis: 💀👑? Jimmy: I'm CONSTANTLY refreshing her feed ALWAYS babe Jimmy: the work did itself Janis: gutted for you she weren't on the trip Janis: the 💕 story would've written itself Jimmy: I've had my cry about it, it's alright Janis: probably for the best Janis: always competition at parties Janis: idk how welcome you'd be in the 'men are trash' bathroom sob sesh Jimmy: hang on, I'll go find out Jimmy: [doesn't actually move] Janis: [shaking her head but with less anger by now] Janis: not just from the girls, either Janis: [flashes her phone at him of Harry being whiny like come back where u at] Jimmy: [can't stop himself from being 😒 thank god that's his default expression lol] Jimmy: [takes her phone and deletes the messages like a sassy little bitch] Janis: [does fake cry] Janis: wow, they meant so much to me, how could you Janis: [but is like half-smile/smirk so he knows she ain't gonna be the one to start that up again so soon lmao] Jimmy: [puts his arm around her like he's fake comforting her but we know it real] Jimmy: you're in the right place to drown your sorrows Jimmy: come on Jimmy: [moves like he's gonna go inside but waits for her] Janis: [swipes at him like get off but instead moves his arm so it's around her waist so they can walk in like mat as well start now] Jimmy: [when you're buzzing about it but you can pretend its fake so its fine] Janis: better get that drink for me, babe Jimmy: You better come with 'cause you can't bear to be apart from me 💕 Janis: 🙄 Janis: [but actually 😏] Janis: I guess we are that couple rn Jimmy: No need to take a poll but can do Jimmy: [😏 too] Janis: 🤓 Janis: knew it Janis: got WAY too angry when I slated maths Jimmy: Oh please, Northerners can't even read or write, everybody knows that Janis: Can drink though, yeah? Janis: Try to keep up Janis: [goes in to make point like 'Slainte'] Jimmy: [obviously downs whatever drink to make his point that yeah he can] Janis: [get drunk kiddos, that's not risky AT ALL for yous; at least Harry is the type to see she's got a mans and just be smug like aw yeah she still wanted me, hit you up later babe wink wink, so don't need to brawl the idiot necessarily Jimothy but no one would be that mad if you two had to make a scene to show she don't want you boy bye] Jimmy: [what an absolute smug prick how bloody real but yeah Jimmy should totally use that excuse to be extra because obvs wants to smack him and is jealous af that something might have happened] Janis: [we know it's the typical shit party gotta make it fun somehow] Jimmy: [literally and the only other 'excuse' they need are that Mia and Co are also there so] Janis: [imagine how 😏 they'd have been when she turned up just her and how 😒 when he shows up to meet her lmao] Jimmy: [sucks to suck gals] Janis: [chin chin] Jimmy: what did you eat? You taste like Jimmy: [when you trail off so she don't know if its a compliment or an insult but we do] Janis: don't be ridiculous Janis: don't eat the day before a party Janis: rule #22, like Jimmy: you don't play by or keep up with their rules Jimmy: unless it has been that long Jimmy: did you get to the top of the lobotomy waiting list then? Janis: [shrugs like maybe, boy 😏] Janis: you snooze, I lose a good chunk of my frontal lobe Jimmy: [shrugs back] Jimmy: ah well, give me an easier life that Janis: 🤞 me and all Janis: or I'll have to sue, yeah Janis: #richgirltingz Jimmy: [shakes his head like he's so #overit but is 😏] Jimmy: how much 💸💸💸 were that outfit? Janis: well idk, if I say a months worth of tips is that impressive or nah Janis: 💔 poor boy Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: You mean my tips or the other dickheads that work there? Janis: depends who's the favourite, of course Jimmy: you don't need your frontal lobe to work that one out Janis: alright, dickhead Janis: glad they're compensating you for your time Jimmy: [nods over to where Mia is 👀🔪 at them] Jimmy: didn't 👑🏆 myself Janis: [waves like hey babes and gestures like 'come over' 'cos she obvs won't] Janis: got it's perks then Jimmy: I draw the line at a fake threesome Janis: [snorts and makes a face like desgustang] Janis: I reckon she's had enough she'd know the difference Jimmy: I get it, she keeps it #real yeah? 😎😎😎 Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 on that in your own time Jimmy: don't reckon I can Jimmy: if anyone asks the 😍😍😍 are all yours Janis: 👌 Janis: better move outta their line of sight so there's no confusion Janis: [head to the kitchen] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [get more drinks down you, what could go wrong kids] Janis: [dickhead should be in here 'cos can't go anywhere lads] Janis: [downing that drink like] Jimmy: [likewise because fuming] Janis: [fun and games] Janis: this is so dry Janis: you been to an actual decent party here yet? Jimmy: Have you? Jimmy: [cos that's the tea they're never decent] Janis: [😏 like fairplay] Jimmy: [making himself comfortable in that kitchen rn downing drinks (which isn't a bad idea oh no) cos that fuckboy has gotta leave first can't show weakness] Janis: took the challenge to heart, mate Janis: [keeping up which ain't gonna come back to haunt ya] Jimmy: accepted it Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: drink to that Jimmy: [cue to down another drink of course] Janis: you live far from here? Janis: if I'm gonna have to carry you, like Jimmy: you have your 💪 cut out same time as your 🧠? Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: 🖕 Janis: you're just so big Jimmy: send that tweet anytime you fancy Janis: [does] Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: any excuse to reply with how well hard I am an' all Jimmy: [does] Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😂 Janis: such an idiot Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 💕 my idiot Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: this song is the worst Janis: gonna go change it Janis: [to the living room girl] Jimmy: [when you pull her back for a sec so you can kiss her 'goodbye' dramatically for your audience] Janis: miss u already bb Jimmy: obvs Janis: [assume she puts something decent on lol] Janis: don't get lost Jimmy: [comes back through carrying drinks, gives her one and knocks his against it as if he approves of the song choice but actually like I didn't get lost well done me and kisses her again for the #reunited mood] Janis: [going harder this time 'cos you can pretend it's 'cos Mia and co are in this room] Jimmy: [lowkey picking her up (but in the way she's still standing her feet are just off the floor) whilst because you ain't forgot what she said about carrying you] Janis: [when you whisper something pisstake-y about how strong he is in his ear for the look of the thing] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['just how bad are you at dancing then?' still in his 👂] Jimmy: ['How good are you?' in hers because he means that he needs all the help he can get but he also means he wants to see that, we know] Janis: [nods, 'just let me do the work' 'cos lbr dudes can get away with that if the girl is decent, leading him to where peeps are dancing so they can get lost in the crowd a bit but we know bitches be 👀] Jimmy: [Save him Janis we gotta keep this #goals but least the way he'd be feeling it would be so] Janis: [we all know it would be regardless like more than they be anticipating] Jimmy: [100% because that chemistry 5ever] Janis: [lowkey 😳 but it'd be literally hot in there so you're safe] Jimmy: [the constant 🐘 in the room of how into each other you are in ways that you literally can't fake, okay lads] Janis: [gonna have to break this up somehow] Jimmy: [someone could easily spill a drink on one of them by being a drunken dickhead cos always happens] Janis: [take that one for the team, then he can 'pretend' to be all gentlemanly and help] Jimmy: [close to a cold shower as you're getting rn, so offended on her behalf though cos her outfit is 🔥] Janis: [honestly rude, get another drink whilst you clean up in the bathroom] Janis: fucking hate parties Jimmy: [ooh if it's a lad he can kick off because never got to with Harry and he's got those pent up emotions] Jimmy: we can go Janis: [totally, she ain't gonna stop him, not that 'he's not worth it' type of bitch lol] Janis: not 'til the drink runs dry Janis: shits free, think on Jimmy: alright, pisshead Janis: what's the matter, not feeling 🥇 no more? Jimmy: [joins her in the bathroom to clean up the 🩸 from going too hard on some poor random which is an answer in itself cos obvs won] Janis: [trying to look unphased with almost total success but you catch his eye in the mirror, pass him a towel to fuck up soz whoever's gaff this is they do not care] Jimmy: [checking her out in the mirror too anyway because let's assume she's hitting that cliche where you gotta remove your top to clean it in the sink] Jimmy: [so glad you two are alone in a confined space rn yep] Janis: ['course, just be semi-clothes nbd you know each other like that mhmm] Jimmy: [don't think about what a pro he'd be at getting blood out #thanksIan] Janis: ['not got us kicked out? must be popular'] Jimmy: [shrugs] Janis: [turn 'round so she's actually looking at him, not via the mirror, assesses the damage gently and nods 'you'll survive'] Jimmy: ['weren't nowt but a little scrap, he might an' all'] Janis: ['outfit weren't that pricey, like' just casually still holding his face like bitch you done checking 'we can actually go now, if you wanna..'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looks her up and down 'reckon we can keep that between me and you' WHEN YOU'RE JUST SAYING SHE LOOKS GOOD AS HELL BYE] Janis: ['we could do that too' just gotta hold that eye contact and take a lil step towards him like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [when you only break the eye contact to stare at her lips #goodideaboynotdangerousatall] Janis: ['go rob me a top or we can't go anywhere' when your tone makes it sound like that's an option too tho] Jimmy: [gives her his like walking around topless is an option for him either] Jimmy: [we all know you want to just so she has to give him lovebites on all that bare skin mhmmm I see you boy] Janis: [lols but shamelessly checking him out too now nothing to lose yeah lads 'so chivalrous, you' and you know the others have faded now, checking for them too like this will never do 'so you reckon you could take a few more bruises for me then?'] Jimmy: ['Death pact's tomorrow' like she's gonna freeze it's April not December boyyy but we know meant to be a nod to how hungover they might be if they keep drinking so hard ha and also him saying he'll live/do your worst #notgonnaregretthatohno] Janis: ['won't be in any state to hold you to that, no danger' when you're just scanning his bod plotting where you're gonna do 'em like this is very serious 'don't want 'em to think we've been up here doing nowt, yeah'] Jimmy: [when you're just trying not to die before she's even touched you #mood so you can only shake your head cos can't trust your voice not to betray you rn] Janis: ['got my vampire rep to protect if nothing else' when you done giving reasons why you're about to go in 'cos we all know you just really wanna] Jimmy: ['you earnt that one if nowt else' god's speed Jimothy cos this is gonna be a MOMENT] Janis: [all over that neck and chest down to his stomach 'cos you're 'drunk' (barely) and have no chill, coming back up to his ear to do a throwback one and then being all 'you taste like-' whilst you're there] Jimmy: [RIP him because it feels that good AND you got dragged by your own 'diss' #amazing but of course he has to hit her with a 'what?' every time even if he has to struggle to get the word out] Janis: [just a look like 'you know what' and hoisting yourself up to sit on the sink, expectant, 'you want 'em to think you're as bad a fuck as you are a dancer? better do something this time'] Jimmy: [oh how the tables have turned because a challenge like that is obviously gonna be accepted whenever but now he's gotta go harder than he's ever because the fragile male ego] Janis: [lmao #whoops regret it in the morning lads] Jimmy: [I feel like a thigh lovebite or something to that effect like whatever is clothing feasible but still risque af could be her boob if she's got trousers on idk) is a step too far so therefore he and I must #calm down but actually don't ever] Janis: [no hiding what a moment that is even if she's like 'have fun showing that one off, boy' 😏 after 'cos breathless af still, someone is gonna have to boot this door down lowkey or this is gonna get so far beyond what can be for the 'audience'] Jimmy: [makes me die like WHO'S looking that closely not even Mia] Janis: [she wishes] Jimmy: [bahaha] Jimmy: [but yeah take that interruption as the moment to wander topless through the party to 'find her a shirt'] Janis: [oh the scandal, y'all will see that tho, welcome] Jimmy: [the state of them both literally give them that oscar and then get them a room] Janis: [when you ain't about to wait in the bathroom like you're so ashamed 'cos not a mood so just strut out like sup] Jimmy: [imagine being that confident as a 15 year old or ever] Janis: [honestly, your sister gonna be so fuming again] Jimmy: [gotta send him outside to calm down but if anyone asks he just really needs that post hook up 🚬] Janis: [you can go get a drink, bab, for likewise] Jimmy: [lowkey hope Harry is still around to 👀] Janis: [no doubt he is, don't 👀 too much of her tah] Jimmy: [just enough so you know you still ain't wanted boy] Janis: [maybe mean but is real tbh he should hook up with one of grace's friends maybe other skinny bitch 'cos he can't go back alone if Janis ain't, that kinda boy also] Jimmy: [absolutely and Grace could hook up with one of his friends just to make it really incestuous and legit like are you Rio and Buster no, don't need to be going round the houses like that] ] Janis: [he would've probably got with all her mates by the time they get together like oh really grace, this is the boy you 'love' alright] Jimmy: [Yeah unless any of them are really below his standards, kill me tbh] Janis: [lbr, some of them are just filler, like tonight, soz gurl] Janis: if you don't hurry up, think your girl about to get snatched Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: stand corrected, he's gone for the prettier 💀 Jimmy: thank feck for that Jimmy: stopped breathing for a bit then Janis: says you Janis: my gaff is gonna be consolation HQ now 💔😥 Janis: and that'll be the 🚬 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: it'll be the 🧛💕 Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't talk such a big game, and I'll go easier on you Jimmy: keep it #goals or I'll dump you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: oh will you Janis: didn't agree to that plan either, tah Jimmy: plans change, mate Jimmy: what else am I doing here, like Janis: 😑 did you listen to me at all, dickhead Janis: got to put it to the committee and then wait 3-5 working days before making any more changes Jimmy: Nah, I were too busy being 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: Mhmm Janis: not your fault Janis: 🩸 supply only gonna go so far with me, mate Janis: can't expect you to be brains and beauty Jimmy: that your new twitter bio? Janis: try tinder Jimmy: 👍 Janis: a comeback and a tip Janis: use fake name and no headshots, obvs Jimmy: your head is bigger than your tits though, girl Jimmy: might wanna think again Janis: haaa Janis: 🖕 Janis: not everyone's type is your type, trust Jimmy: if I had a type you'd be the last to know Janis: you give yourself away all the time Janis: ain't hard Jimmy: can't be 💕 for anyone else when my 😍 have to be on you Janis: exactly Janis: all the shit you find so 🤢 about me just shows your hand in the opposite Janis: #duh Jimmy: #whenshebelievesowtyousay Jimmy: 💕 Janis: lie about the 😍 Janis: why lie about that? Jimmy: Why tell you the truth? Janis: 🙄 'cos if it's a lie, I know either way Jimmy: bollocks Janis: I ain't stupid Janis: or a lad Janis: know when someone fancies me Jimmy: I'm a stupid lad and me too Jimmy: so what? Janis: so I know you don't, god Jimmy: You don't know or need to know nowt about me Jimmy: been through that Janis: it ain't about you Janis: all about me, obviously Jimmy: Gracie will be thrilled that you wanna twin with her Janis: no doubt Jimmy: crack on Janis: 👌 that's the plan Janis: if you see people running past, this kid's parents are coming back Janis: it's carrying on at Liam R's, if you want to Jimmy: can't Janis: alright Jimmy: if you keep your real 💕 off socials, will be Janis: never said I was going there Janis: so if that's your reason for not, feel free to RSVP Jimmy: never asked if you were Jimmy: got somewhere else to be, tah Janis: makes two of us Janis: na night Jimmy: you not gonna do a proper goodbye? 💔 Jimmy: [so not for the fans and we all know it boy stop] Janis: who for, skeleton gang having their bones jumped literal Jimmy: 'cause they don't have their phones in one hand even with a 🍆 in the other or owt Jimmy: but alright Janis: 😷 Janis: good thing I'm an oscar-winning actress because that's really off-putting Jimmy: come here then Janis: front or back Jimmy: more people out front Janis: sensible Janis: not in such a rush we need to hop the back fence, only his ma and da, not garda Janis: see you there then, I guess Jimmy: 👌 Janis: actually, fuck it Janis: change of plan Janis: do you one better Jimmy: ? Janis: pretend i'm coming back to yours Janis: cover for whatever we're both actually up to, yeah Jimmy: Good thing I'm 🥇 enough to pretend mine is somewhere #goals Janis: someone with a lesser ego nicked your phone or what Janis: is as far as all the girls are concerned, champ, come on Jimmy: I get it, you don't want the competition but my phone ain't worth nicking either Jimmy: soz rich girl Janis: psh Janis: 🥇 Janis: just hoping someone more my type picked it up but sadly Jimmy: stop pissing about and prove it then Jimmy: paparazzi won't be hanging around all night Janis: you underestimate just how chatty those girls are Janis: but won't keep you waiting any longer than you can bear 💕 Janis: [post up] Jimmy: oi rude, I were talking about me in the 1st place Jimmy: number 1 fan, remember Jimmy: [take that last chance to be extra kids we all know you're frustrated af after earlier] Janis: [does camera flash thing with hands like now's your chance] Jimmy: [obvs does take pics of her because she's beautiful and who wouldn't] Janis: [just a casual set of her getting closer then taking his phone from him so they can make out] Jimmy: [#mood] Janis: [gonna break 'em up this time by the kid's parents showing to bollock 'em so they can lol at that before doing a legger] Jimmy: [good idea boo] Janis: [when you're now alone though like walking like well] Jimmy: [when you should just walk off immediately but don't and offer her a 🚬 instead] Janis: [nodding your thanks] Janis: break off before we get to yours but few people coming this way with so Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when your phone is blowing up 'cos Harry is done with whatserface] Jimmy: [when you're less able to hide how 😒 you are because been drinking and also frustrated af by all the moments and ensuing cockblocking] Janis: [probably keeps trying to facetime her 'cos he's pissed so puts her hand out to stop him for a sec and pulls his top to take a pic of some of the lovebites] Janis: sorry Jimmy: [when you shrug but your face is saying chat to dickheads on your own time] Janis: [shrugs back like i'm getting rid needs must] Jimmy: [shrugs back like well that's what these are for and then takes her phone off her to take better pics cos that art hoe] Janis: [when you roll your eyes and are gonna start taking the piss but then you gotta 'not bad' face at him] Janis: if you wanna take a really artsy dick pic later, I'll be sure to forward it to him Jimmy: Alright Janis: not even gonna accuse me of wanting to 👀 myself? Janis: slacking Jimmy: goes without saying, babe Janis: with how many times I've allegedly seen it, maybe Jimmy: and with how bad you wanna Jimmy: just like all the rest, you Janis: fuck off Janis: say whatever else you like but fuck that Janis: ❄ cunt Janis: you said Jimmy: didn't you deny it? Jimmy: can't remember Janis: regardless Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Want me to have a word to him? Janis: i can handle him Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: s'all good Janis: he's a twat, but a harmless one Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 'course if he goes public with his thirst then feel free but don't reckon he will Jimmy: if he does he'll have to compete with me and 💀👑 Jimmy: might scrap a 🥉 Janis: if those are my options the death pact starts and ends now Janis: ⚰ bye Jimmy: miss you already Janis: erm, miss Janis: death pact, mate Jimmy: 👻 me Jimmy: ain't fuck all you can do to me Janis: wanna bet Jimmy: wanna take the challenge? Janis: your funeral, baby Jimmy: yours Jimmy: you never had an invite to mine, girl Janis: don't reckon our fam will go for sharing a grave Janis: starcrossed like that Janis: a 🗡in my 💔 Janis: so cold Jimmy: my dad would, it'd be well cheaper Jimmy: til he met you anyway Jimmy: 👀 on your non white corpse Janis: he wants on top of me, it's fine Janis: be a squeeze and an awkward story for the archaeologists but we'll make it work Jimmy: 👍 Janis: as long as I ain't gotta mass grave with my family, give a fuck Janis: bad enough in life, not committing me to an eternity of it thanks Jimmy: Agree with you on that one if you don't get an even bigger head over it Janis: wrong twin Janis: the one who craves approval went thatta way Jimmy: Bollocks, you love a 🏆 Jimmy: call it a win Janis: a 🌹 by any other name, dickhead Janis: not from you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: [shows him a pic Mia has sent being 😏 with some lad in bed, like not showing anything but you get the mood] Janis: wrong number or? Jimmy: 🤢🤢💀💀 Jimmy: 💔 you ain't actually staying now #picforpic Janis: I know, right? Janis: hide the face/colour correct the bitch you are having over? Janis: she'll never know Jimmy: artsy black and white shot is always a #mood Janis: 'course Janis: [silence like you didn't bring it up lol] Jimmy: gonna have to take the risk that she reckons I'm also into bestiality unless you wanna 🐕sit Janis: not your wingman, tah Jimmy: I'll live Janis: dog might not, depends on the breed, sickfuck Jimmy: She's too young, gotta give it a bit Jimmy: keep you updated 💕 Janis: again, no tah Janis: already got enough lads giving me their play by play Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: [does a there, there kinda pat] Janis: [smacks him away] Janis: didn't say I didn't like it, just don't want it from you Jimmy: you ain't getting nowt from me Janis: good Janis: [looks around to make sure the crowd has all filtered out] Janis: ok, this is where I get off Jimmy: In a bit Janis: [👋] Jimmy: [watching her go as standard] Janis: [is going mcvickers 'cos we said it'd be nearish and fuck going home but can't be out at the park on the off-chance someone sees then the cover is blown] Jimmy: [we know he's just going home and why #whenyougottaparentyoursiblings] Janis: [if only they knew lmao] Jimmy: [oh kids]