#idk when this takes place and irdc

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[mthoughts2]

why can I not finish anything?

I recently came across the files for a documentary I'd been making for awhile. it's about my Senior Year of high school during the pandemic; part-vlog part-retrospective part-memoir part-documentary part-diary part-coming-of-age. I started work on it in August 2020, and started editing in June 2021. I finished a very rough draft (but mostly complete) version of the film in early January '22. Showed my parents the draft, took some notes on things to touch up, and then never touched them up. or anything else -- I haven't made any edits to the film since January.

Why?

Why did I not finish it?

Why did I not finish the one thing in my life I said I'd finish?

Should I finish it?

Not only is it a documentary about my senior year, but it's also a memoir of my life up to that point. various points throughout the film revisit nostalgic home videos with my childhood self, and draw parallels between things I grew up doing and things I was doing senior year. it definitely played on the "senioritis" nostalgic and coming-of-age feelings seniors tend to get in high school.

the film is very personal, and reveals things nobody else ever knew about me (not in a bad way). I recorded as much of my senior year as I could (er, as I remembered -- there are some parts of the film where I didn't get as much footage in a particular period as I'd hoped, so it's attempted to fill with motion graphics of explanations (or even bad recreations showing a since-grown Micah trying to act like it was taken during senior year, shhhh) to fill that awkward gap void.)

there's some awkward and uncomfortable moments in it. some parts awkward because im cringey and was a cringeworthy awkward high schooler (note I dont mind sharing that, irdc how ppl take me now) but also some parts awkward because of events and such that have transpired since the film has been edited. for example, the prom sequence -- that girl and I broke up a few days later and we dont talk anymore. another sequence involves me meeting an online friend for the first time ever, something that is only uncomfortable in retrospect because of some heartbreak I've experienced since January, when I last touched the film. (rewatching the film the other day I skipped that part over to avoid going to a weird place mentally)

I debated cutting some parts out, even if it means adding to awkward gaps -- simply either because of timing/unimportance to the overall story and development, or just because of awkward feelings after the fact. there already is some stuff cut out -- and out of order -- so this isn't out of the realm of possibility.

because of all this im not entirely sure id release it to anybody, except for maybe a few close people, family and friends. or anyone who would want to watch it, idk who would want to? it's more a film for myself than anything but if there's an audience for a nearly 90 minute autobiography of a significant year of my life, by all means I'll share it.

there's not really too much to do to finish it, but is it worth it?

an ex of mine once told me that I was slowly "killing myself" over trying to finish this documentary. and she was right -- there were nights I was pulling all-nighters trying to finish some sequences, some grades were affected my first semester of college because I was devoting a lot of time to editing the film, I made dozens of phone calls and wrote many emails trying to clear some song licenses to use in the film for copyright purposes (because I initially planned a public release of the film, for, get this, September 2021), and I'd spend an absurd amount of hours recording and animating segments (not that the latter is necessarily a bad thing -- it just shows I put a lot of attention to detail -- but its still something to consider when you factor in how much I really was metaphorically killing myself over finishing this film.)

what happened to that drive?

···

song while writing: Green Eyes - Coldplay

[titsthedamnseason]

Ok so from that scale, I haven't read ugly love, seen a few snippets and thought nope, all your perfects i want to read but I hate the cheating trope (I know it's about miscarriage more idk I think I'm just scared to read it, same with love and other words by Christina Lauren eventhough I know that's not cheating and he actually wasn't able to consent I just don't know how I feel about it all) but I think it's better than it ends with us, eventhough iewu is really good in terms of it being such a true story for coho I think some things got to embellished for me like ryles backstory, his lack of comeuppance and atlas being seen as a god by the fans, I think with kenna her backstory in reminders of us really works and just feels more real

ugly love literally was trying to make me feel bad for this man who totally went ahead and fell in love with his step-sister…..like the actually tragedy that happened WAS horrible but i hate to say…..never would have went down if he’d just kept his dick away from his sister in the first place 😭

as for all your perfects - it’s actually way more about infertility both as a personal struggle and how it affects couples/marriages than about a single miscarriage. i think it’s a really heartfelt book that juxtaposes the beauty and innocence of falling in love with how quickly one thing can completely capsize a relationship. irdc if you don’t want to read it but if the cheating really is the only thing that’s stopping you, it is really really small scale and just one facet of how warped and crumpled their marriage was at that point. it’s such a minuscule plot point i feel like there’s no harm in just reading it with just knowing there’s a possibility you won’t like it and being okay with that, if you really are that curious / want to read it

as for love and other words i really just don’t think that’s cheating at all? like she THOUGHT he cheated and that’s a huge part of why she literally didn’t speak to him for a decade but she quickly forgives him after learning the circumstances. like, if someone was raped while in a relationship with someone else - would you really consider that cheating? it’s kind of how it sounds when you say you “don’t know how you feel” about it being nonconsensual if i’m being honest. i know that makes it sound harsh and i know you’re saying you don’t see it as cheating but it does just read kind of strange that you’re dubious about elliot’s role in that situation if you really see him as nonconsenting. but also, it being a form of sexual assault is just my opinion and i know a lot of people who don’t read it that way, as maybe you would if you did read it. but again, kind of the same thing like even if you don’t know how you’ll feel, the only way to find out is to just give it a chance and if you don’t like it, it doesn’t really matter. maybe i’m the wrong person to take this advice from since i read an abundance of books i don’t like and often to expect to but i think there’s nothing wrong with once in a while reading a book that you end up not liking or dnfing and the book community as a whole puts way too much emphasis on Not Doing That (although that’s kind of irrelevant here and a whole different conversation)

i will also say i’m not sure if you’re into tjr books but i used to also be super against cheating regardless of the circumstances and i think daisy jones & the six and after i do both played a big part in changing my mind (even tshoeh, on a smaller scale). they really show how different marriages need different things depending on the situation and even how moving past cheating can strengthen your relationship and getting through a hardship like that is an extreme force of will and show of dedication to your partner

[lowkey-morbid]

hhhhhhhhhhh petty roommate shit

today my roommate got so fucking pissy with me & here’s the convo:

“hey if the heats on when you’re leaving the house would you mind just shutting it off if no ones home? just bc like, it’s a waste of money and I wanna make sure i can afford a rly high gas bill next month”

“well uh I like being comfortable???”

“no man i didn’t mean it like that? idc if we use it if we’re actually here!!! I just mean if you’re walking out the door for work and no ones at the apt maybe just be mindful of it so we’re not wasting it bc it’s suuuuuper expensive”

“ uhhhhhh wellllll I mean I shouldn’t have to be cold”

“neither should i and i literally didn’t say that.... irdc if we use the heat while we’re actually home....there’s just no point in having it on if no ones home”

“uhhh w/e dude”

and my other roommate, his fiancé, told me he was so mad about it bc “he worked hard for his money to spend on the heat” like DUDE NO ONE ASKED U NOT TO USE IT

but also last week it was 55 outside and he had the heat on 82 degrees and I asked him if he minded that I shut it off for five (5) min bc I was literally sweating and he got super weird about it, asking me why i need to shut it off, like are you fucking kidding me dude what’s with the weird powerplay shit? you can’t even compromise for five mins? it takes five minutes for it to shut off anyway?

idk like living together is working out now that his fiancé is here and I love living with her and she puts him in his place but he’s fucking weird about this shit and super defensive and left a frying pan with shrimp in it AND a pot w/pasta and sauce still in there on the fucking stove, like uncovered... like....DHDKDJKDKDKD