#idk man thats one of those things where i'm like i thought we were doing a bit???

[dashiellqvverty]

always think its funny when people are into a particular rpf ship but get antagonistic/hostile/morally superior towards other rpf ships like girl we are all in the same house here

[mrs-monaghan]

Hey Shaz,

sorry if this is phrased weirdly

Sometimes when anons come here bringing up the possibility of a petty jikook breakup or a breakdown of their relationship over certain things, you say "JK would never allow that to happen".

No idea if you've thought this much about it, but it's a heavy line that might say a lot about how much you believe JK regards having Jimin as his partner. Can you share what moments or traits about JK make you think he wouldn't let Jimin easily walk away?

I could definitely see a Jimin version of this too seeing how much those two adore each other lol

Hello my lovely. It always boils down to satellite Jeon for me. It always will

Did you see that?

RM got in the way and it wasn't even on purpose this time. JK just wasn't quick enough. This moment reminds me of the one I always bring up from this post. Him trying and failing. I feel bad when he fails. Especially when Jimin doesn't notice 😔

Okay so, Jimin loves JK, don't get me wrong. He loves him very, very, very much and is proud to have Jeon Jungkook as a boyfriend. That has been made very clear over the years. So me saying what I'm about to say on this post, does not mean that Jimin loves JK less or doesn't love JK as much as JK loves him. No, that's not it at all and I beg you to not think that that's what I'm saying, at all. Jimin is just as dedicated and committed to the rlship. They both are.

But, it is of my personal opinion that if they broke up it would destroy JK. Jimin would be heartbroken and devastated too but it would hit JK harder.

Now, idk if this spectrum thing is true, but we have seen evidence that points to the fact that Jimin is JK's rock. 1300% When I use the words safe space here, I am not using them lightly. I take satellite Jeon very, very seriously. That my dear is a need not a want.

Now forget about Jimin touching on JK's neck for... sexual reasons

That definitely made JK's dick twitch. For sure. It's the finger placement and how deep he's pressing. It's JK's face. There is nothing innocent about that touch 👆🏽 which explains why it affected JK the way it did. Mans was super confused. Stood up for nothing before sitting back down. But I digress.

If we could all turn to page 13 of our Jikook books we will find this moment here.

An anon brought this up recently but I can't find that ask. Anyhu, the director wanted JK to relax and of course Jimin knew how to get him there. Which, what?

The thing about watching Jikook moments over and over and over is that they start to become just sweet or adorable or cute... they become normal. But, my dear anon there is nothing normal about Jimin knowing exactly where to massage in order to relax JK. There is something about Jimin when it comes to JK's neck because he always finds a reason to touch that neck. There is more than enough compilations of this.

Suffice to say, JK's neck is hella sensitive and his man knows this. As he should. But my main point remains that Jimin knew exactly what to do to relax JK. And that's just a scratch of the surface when we think about just how much Jimin knows about JK.

The post i linked above for the satellite Jeon moment is about what happened with JK when Jimin was busy during FACE era. How it was clearly affecting JK. Maybe even physically. Jimin's absence was affecting him.

Y'all just stop for a second and think about that. Jimin's absence was affecting JK. That's... thats big. That's fucking huge.

Anyone else ever wonder if BTS almost disbanding in 2018 had anything at all to do with Jikook? Like I know they have all talked about how they were overworking and it got to be too much. The fame got to be too much. But was there other factors that couldn't be brought up? Y'all ever wonder about that?

I am reminded of this post by a friend of mine and I'm inclined to agree with her. That maybe, just maybe JK was naive enough to think now that he was essentially an adult they could be more open. But instead they were pushed further into the closest. What's that thing he said that he also started singing about? About how he can finally take off his uniform?

While it sounds like a sexual innuendo, idk. There is something about that whole "FINALLY!"

Look at his face 😂😂😂 its either JK hated school and was glad to have been done with it or it was about Jikook. Or both. As we all know there is alot of questionable things that take place on this day. But either way I agree with my friend up there that JK thought things were going to change after graduation but instead they didn't. Thus why he started being loud in 2018 onwards.

Back to the disbanding, I've always wondered if BTS thought hiding Jikook wasn't sustainable. Its alot of work keeping such a secret. I mean, look at the amount of slip ups. From all of them. And so I often wonder if this affected the Jikook rlship in any way. If over the years their rlship has ever put their group in a difficult position. A position where they thought about halting the breaks on their rlship. And I can see something like this coming from Jimin. Self sacrificing Jimin who puts other people's happiness before his own. And I wonder if this could have affected JK... badly. I'm not saying it happened. It's just something I can see happen. Aint no way the Jikook rlship hasn't caused trouble for all of them at one point or another.

I digressed. But y'all should be used to it by now 😂😂

In 2019 it was rumoured that it was Jimin's idea for them to spend their holidays separately. I already talked about it here how this affected JK. He went along with it, of course. I mean, its what Jimin wanted so of course JK went along with it. But to me it seems like JK would have been just fine being with Jimin over the holidays even though they were always together at work.

I've mentioned before how fascinating it is that they lived together and yet when they got to work JK was fighting to stand next to Jimin or was cheating so they could be on the same team. Like damn. You left the same house and are gonna take the same car to go and sleep in the same bed how do you still want to spend all your time with Jimin at work too????? No wonder Jimin wanted them to have a break from eo that holiday. It's not healthy. U need space.

You see what I mean, anon?

RM and Jin are two members we've seen complain that JK won't come out with them. (Jin in BV4 and RM in a recent live) I'm sure Suga would too but... I don't think they're that close 😂😂 (y'all know how I feel about Yoonkook. Don't start with me) As for V I'm pretty sure they're hanging out is a recent development. And I'm almost positive it's Jimin's doing. Then there's Jhope. Yes, 3J are close. But Jhope is Jimin's bestfriend. So he's gonna be around. But without Jimin, I feel like JK wouldn't bother.

Like, to me, in my opinion, it seems like when it comes to JK, Jimin is enough. He don't need other people. And I can see Jimin pushing him to make other friends, hang out with other people, etc. Wasn't the 97 liners first public appearance in 2019? Which is when Jimin suggested they do their own thing? I know they knew eo way before that. But JK must not have been spending time with them for Jimin to suggest they do their own thing.

See what I mean?

And let's not forget about JK coming live when Jimin leaves the country. When bae is gone, thats when the man remembers we exist 🤭🤭 but hey, I'm not mad at it.

Like I said my dear, it all comes down to satellite Jeon. I'm not saying JK can't live without Jimin but I think that's what he believes. That's why he's so protective and territorial coz he can't afford to lose Jimin.

I've brought up how all members have been caught thirsting over other men and women including Jimin but there is no footage out there that exists of JK checking out another person. I mean, he has eyes, he sees other attractive guys but Jimin seems to be the only one that does it for him. Not that I blame him, of course.

@yuelight98 I have said alot of words but I hope I have answered your question; Jikook are interdependent....there's no question about it. But, JK more than Jimin....

.

.

.

.

I know there are Jikookers who don't like Satellite Jeon. Usually they're the JK biased Jkkrs. And I get it. They think JK needs Jimin too much and wish he was more independent. But I think he is. To some extent. Or at least he's gotten better. And no, I dont think it makes him look weak at all. If anything we should be happy he is attached to the right person. A person who has the kindest soul and would never do anything to hurt him. A person who loves him back and takes great care of him. Maybe you wish JK didn't need Jimin so much. But I believe he's in good hands. Jimin fucking loves that man

Has adored him since the beginning

And he would do anything for him.

Trust.

[alicentsgf]

I want to like Rhaenicent but I feel like Alicent protects Rhaenyra and cares for her way more than Rhaenyra does for her. Adult Rhaenicent seems rather one sided to me ngl. One way Rhaenyra betrayed Alicent was by marrying Daemon, a man who absolutely despises the Hightowers and who wouldn’t hesitate to slaughter Alicent’s children. Does Rhaenyra really not realize how ruthless Daemon is? Daemon is arguably the biggest threat to the Green kids who are Rhaenyra’s own siblings. It just kills me that Alicent stood up to her abuser for Rhaenyra’s life in 1x09 and Rhaenyra has never done anything of that severity for Alicent. And Rhaenyra will likely never know how much Alicent fought to save her. Idk, I just feel like Alicent deserves someone who will love her completely. I can’t see Rhaenyra being that person with the way she’s disregarded Alicent’s worries and feelings.

I'm going to be totally honest and I say this with love... a lot of it becomes easily justifiable for me when i acknowledge that Rhaenyra is just a bit dense. like shes always been sheltered and naive, to the point of genuine stupidity sometimes. she isnt inherently so but her father stomped all over her developing any kind of critical mind early on and she did nothing to overcome that mistake. she became far too comfortable with Viserys waving his crown and magic-ing her problems away and its just a fact shes never managed to see things from alicents perspective... but that doesnt mean alicent isnt as equally important to her as she is to alicent. please bear with me because i promise i will explain this fully.

but first of all, to answer your question 'does rhaenyra not realise how ruthless daemon is?' I mean, giving her the benefit of the doubt ...maybe not? shes pretty much always always seen the best side of daemon. with viserys. with her. with their children. what does she know of daemons genuine ruthlessness? we cant say for sure. once again, giving her the full benefit of the doubt, we dont even know if rhaenyras aware that daemon murdered rhea. like daemons not exactly gonna bring it up and who else would dare suggest that to her of all people? sure shes seen him fight at tourneys she knows hes capable of killing but thats a controlled enviroment where its expected. and she clearly feels safe enough with him personally otherwise she wouldnt have laughed in his face after her grabbed her neck.

its going to be very interesting to see what they do with B&C for this reason. because if rhaenyra isnt involved, at least in the Details... will she be shocked by what daemon is capable of? depends on what version of rhaenyra we get post-luke i suppose. but i dont know if i believe they're likely to have her go That dark so quickly that she'd agree to B&C. (sorry. tangent.)

imo you have to try and see her perspective - rhaenyra is deeply Confused. she thought for many years alicent just suddenly Hated her on the basis of her /loose morals/, like purely hated her, the girl she loved is Gone overnight right when they'd begun to reconcile, and she couldnt really understand why. she just does not understand alicents perspective and she cant begin to fathom alicents situation. and in a way, how could she? shes never faced similar limitations theres an argument to be made she wouldnt be able to even conceptualise it without alicent taking her by the hand and walking her through it. even when they were friends i doubt rhaenyra thought about the privileges she held over alicent (after all, she was a child, it was just what she knew and as far as she could see alicent got to do everything she did so there was no visual imbalance). from rhaenyras point of view, all those years alicent was being unnecessarily antagonistic over something that didnt effect her. this girl she loved and in rhaenyras eyes she is betraying her again and again and again. and rhaenyra thought all that because she couldnt see the bigger picture. how could she begin to understand 'alicent fears what my reign could mean for her children' when viserys actively disencouraged her political interest - her opinion on that point would likely only be 'well obviously i would make sure nothing happened to them', not understanding that That isnt the reassurance she thinks it is.

so yeah. rhaenyra truly doesnt understand what went on or whats going on. but alicent Does (and this imbalance is perfectly demonstrated by the dialogue in the knife scene because, lets be honest, alicent pins down the situation and how rhaenyra fits into it kind of perfectly... whereas rhaenyra incorrectly attributes alicents rage to 'righteousness', not fear.). and personally i think thats why it seems unbalanced or one sided, especially in episode 8. alicent could afford to be genuine, rhaenyra isnt hard to read, whereas rhaenyra still had her guard up because she was just so fucking confused lmao. she briefly saw the gentle, beautiful, kind girl she was in love with in alicents treatment of a dying viserys at the dinner table - and upon realising alicent actually Does still have that side to her rhaenyra doesnt know what to do except subtlety apologise for perhaps not truly Seeing alicent and for accusing her of trying to harm viserys. she thought the alicent she knew was long dead until that moment - the girl has got emotional whiplash. so its not that rhaenyra loves alicent less. her reactions in episode 10 make it very clear there is still A Lot going on there for her (and we know emma d'arcy's pov on it was that rhaenyra genuinely considers conceding the throne with the hope of alicent 'taking her back'). shes just very very Very muddled about whether the current version of alicent is Still the person she loves...

and i think maybe 'love' is the wrong word for what they have when theres so much piled on top but its definitely a devotion. its this constant need to reconcile and be close that they just cant shake because a part of them will always desire the other.

tl;dr rhaenyra is just... kinda dumb god bless. and their imbalance is in their ability to understand the situation, not in the amount of love thats held.

(besides they were never exactly going to be a healthy equal deserving love thats not the point of them imo. they are a missed opportunity. a greek tragedy. starcrossed lovers. etc)

[nopeferatu]

okayyyy i guess ill just write abt some things that i wanna get out before i forget to??

- LOVE, love love how they made ennis the one who initiated all of the romantic affection between the two. literally insane over it. it feels so in-character, considering ennis has probably been affection starved since his mother died when he was a kid. of course he has alma, but do we really get the sense that ennis was ever very affectionate with her? could he have been, in rural, christian, wyoming, where conervative notions of courtship prevail? did he even want to be, knowing that the only person he shows real attraction towards is a man? who knows. we just know that he was craving love, and lucas did an amazing job at capturing that need.

- the "'lets ranch up together', 'no bc earl and rich'" conversation happens after ennis tells jack that he'd divorced alma...a year and a half earlier. what an interesting change! it seems like both adaptations, movie and play, mess around with that specific sequence of events. i really enjoyed what it brought to this specific show, though, because in the script it's described as a "gut-punch" to jack when ennis tells him he already left alma in response to jack telling ennis that he'd decided to leave lureen. it really hammers home the idea that jack thought it was just their wives getting in the way of their life together all that time. it was framed wayyy different than jack driving up 14 hrs after getting his hopes up thanks to a phonecall or a postcard from ennis abt the divorce, but it still hits the beat it's supposed to, where we as the audience can see that its the first time their relationship shifts—and not for the better.

- "little darlin'."I got to hear "LITTLE DARLIN'" not just once, but TWICE. still not over it.

- the show also brought more...i guess, explicit attention to the fact that ennis really only wants to do ranch work, and how much that affects his family. i know its present in all the texts, but the new conversations he and alma have regarding the various 'city jobs' she tries to rope him into and the dead-end ranch jobs that keep going belly up from underneath him are just really sad. he's someone who craves wide open spaces, and the beauty of film allowed heath to capture this hunched, clenched, uncomfortable look and feel of a man who seems too big for any room he's in. ennis is not happy in domesticity. he's a saddle bum through and through, and out with nature is where he belongs. but since theatre (esp theatre in-the-round) doesn't have the luxury of different set dressing, those conversations and arguments bw ennis and alma capture that same bit of characterization.

- i...dunno how i feel about mike's jack, if i'm honest? lucas was incredible. i think he brought just the right amount of taciturn and tender, rage and remorse to a role that needs all of that in an actor. i think mike's jack was a little...idk. too big, if you get me? like there were certain line deliveries that i felt could've been said differently, or had different emotions behind them than the ones i was picking up on. i know stage is different, so in both cases, the actors went VERY big (heath's quiet, simmering rage is a completely different beast against lucas' loud, screaming outburtsts, for example), but...idk. there was just something about mike's jack that threw me off? I told my friend that I was iffy about his performance, and without prompt she said, "I didn't like how much he laughed at everything" and I think I feel the same. For example, the "I didn't want none of either kind but fuck all has worked the way i wanted, nothing has ever come to my hand the right way" line was said really jolly, without much of a edge to it, and i think thats what's thrown me off-kilter so much. in mike's performance, i didn't feel the bitter edge to a lot of his lines that occur later on in the script that are apparent to me not only in jake gyllenhaal's performance, but in the SS text, itself.

He was technically very good and I love the silly things he'd do to get ennis to open up, but he was a little too jovial, not enough bitchy, not enough moody and sassy like jake's jack. i see a lot of jake's jack in mike's performance bc aside from a few lines about how much jack likes the rodeo, all we can really glean from either characters in the SS text is that ennis is quiet, and that jack talks a lot. im not trying to compare the two performances too much bc they are fundamentally different actors working in different mediums, but heath and jake brought a lot of dimsension into charas who could have turned out waaaay different had different actors played them and gotten in touch w different emotions within the script, so i can see how other actors could look to the film for a lot of inspo on how to go about portraying ennis and jack while trying to do their own things as well. my issue is that jack becomes very heartsick and bitter and just plain fed up with everything about his life by the time their last trip rolls around, but play!jack never let that bitterness start to show, so by the time that jack does his whole "i wish i knew how to quit you" monologue, it felt very abrupt to see him screaming and yelling and hollering at ennis like that.

i dunno, after seeing tons of ppl in the brokeback tag over the past few months saying that mike faist was their favorite jack, i was actually really expecting a lot more? but as it stands, jake gyllenhaal still reigns supreme. he captured every facet of jack twist that makes him so compelling to read and write and think about and analyze, and mike, while he was still very good, didn't do that nearly as well imho.

- the play firmly cemented to me that jack twist is just bottom coded, i guess

- some of the music hit at different scenes than i had initially thought they would?? i thought the play would end on "hale strew river" playing in the bg as *SPOILER* old!ennis holds the ghost/dream/memory version of young!jack in a mirror of the way he'd held jack by the campfire on brokeback in '63. but that was not the case. this is an instance of where my heightened expectations made the reality seem kind of disappointing in comparison. i'm also kind of sad that my other favorite song, "beneath the moon," was only featured as a diegetic recording heard on a clock radio (NOT live), and it was played during a scene between alma and ennis. Like, looking back at the lyrics it makes sense:

Why don't you take me for a stroll into the sunset

Another lonely summer's day is ending soon

Oh, let us walk another mile into the twilight

And let me be alone with you beneath the moon

But i thought that it was going to be played during a scene where another one of jack's frequent proposals of a life together gets rejected. when the soundtrack for the play was released it gave me the same vibes as "i dont want to say goodbye", one of the few original songs on the movie soundtrack, and i was POSITIVE that this was a jack-longing-for-ennis song. like, it's all about sunsets and twilight and the moon and all this outdoor imagery, and as we all know, jack and ennis are literally only together underneath the sunsets and twillight and moon! so im actually really sad it wasn't an ennis/jack moment :c

- the actor who played jack's dad played the role a lot more emotionally than i expected. movie!john is very, again, muted and quietly bitter, just like all these characters are. play!john seemed really...what i can only describe as choked up? like, he was shouting and got really riled up in his "jack used to say" monologue at ennis, and there was some disgust in there and a lot of anger, but what i actually read was more like him telling ennis "you're part of the reason why my son is gone." and then he gets up and walks away from the table, and exits the stage. it was really really heartbreaking. maybe i have a different read on the performance than what was intended, but it opens up a whole new side to john twist that i think would be interesting to explore.

- theres a few little added lines of dialogue on jack's part that are great. when they leave brokeback and are heading away in opposite directions, jack turns back around and goes "ennus-" as though he's going to make his proposal to start a life together then and there, but ennis knowingly cuts him off and says smth like "see you around, jack twist", and shakes his hand goodbye. there was another moment (the divorce admission, the rich and earl confession scene) where jack is talking about their sweet life together, and hes talking about them being in rocking chairs on their porch in front of a nice fire and ughhghf....it called to mind this line in one of my all-time fave fics, Recompense:

Couldn't set out on the porch, just set, quiet and together; there wasn't any porch, wasn't even any house, where they could be seen setting. Start hauling their canes, their bifocals, damn electric blankets, up in back of the pickup? They couldn't have that life. They couldn't have any life at all. The weight of Jack's misery, pressing all around, seemed enough to cave him in.

one i didnt like, though, was when jack and ennis are wrestling, jack gets pinned under ennis and says "sheep be damned!" before ennis kisses him in the first romantic display of affection we see bw the two. also when the sheep get mixed up, ennis has a meltdown and tells jack that aguirre will realize the counts off and put 2 & 2 together that they're fooling around, and he yells smth along the lines of their trist being "sick", and Jack says smth like, "you sure didn't seem to think it was sick this past month."

this is just a me thing honestly bc i'm kind of a SS purist in some instances, and one thing that always stuck with me is that jack and ennis never talk about the sex they're having when they're on brokeback. aside from the "im not no queer" convo, the sex wasn't even alluded to; they just "let it happen," and i think thats veryyy in-line for a character like ennis. i think jack would love to talk about it, but he doesn't wanna spook ennis away, so he keeps his mouth shut. i dont think either of them would speak, even in a roundabout way, abt their sex life when they're 19 on brokeback, and thats why the whole "redlined it all the way couldnt get here fast enough" line is so revelatory imo, bc its the first time either of them acknowledge the conscious choice theyre making to fuck. so idk. i didnt really care for the fact that they were (somewhat) openly referring to their tryst while still on brokeback

- less a note of the show and more a note of the audience, but i saw the show twice and the first night i saw it, the audience laughed at REALLY sad and serious moments that i in no way thought were laugb worthy, and i felt like maybe i was taking the work too srsly until i saw the final performance and THAT audience didnt laugh at any of those really sad moments. so i got rly irritated abt that the first night cause it wasnt even like the lines were delivered in a jokey way or anythibg....

anyways. i need to sleep. look out for some other posts cause im sure ill have more to say the longer i stew on it

[twistedtavern]

prithee, what is your ace rant

big spoilers for the new self aware au plot hi hello

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN TRAPPOLA WITH THE METAL CHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!

this is not all final btw! esp the parts about playful land bec i have not played it or watched it or what have you as of making this post! this is subject to change

sweet jesus. where do i begin. uhm. Ace DID like Player when the actual game was in progress. he wasn't their favorite, so he wasn't Crazy about them the way others were (looking at you Leona) but he did help protect them at first. He died for it, and pretty early on too. It wasn't like he laid down his life for them, but that didn't stop whoever killed him (didn't plan that yet) from doing it.

Now we hit the post-reset. He and the Player do NOT hit it off. Neither of them even remember who the other is. Ace gets a permanent, mildly irritating pain inside him that never once goes away. He does have chances to make up and apologize to Player, but actively chooses to avoid them, since he's still bitter and wary from the first interaction. It's taking a toll on him mentally, as is the nature of this effect, but something more has to push him towards the edge I think. I don't know exactly what it would be, but maybe Player tries to initiate something because they feel more confident at that point, and something goes awry. Either way, the feeling gets worse than it was before. He does not like this.

I'm keeping the Halloween events (that exist so far) in the game, just spacing them out more along the year. Playful Land DOES happen. Ace reaches a bit of a snapping point, seeing them be so happy and give so much warmth to everyone else, and watching them all being so friendly toward Player. He tries to kill them, or get them injured and make it so they aren't found in time to be saved. He is interrupted by the events happening around him, and his attempt isn't noticed. What IS noticed is the aftermath of Player being scared shitless of Fellow.

Seeing a grown man, uneducated but surely intelligent, reduced to an animal to the point where Leona had genuinely feared that he was rabid and sick, it shifted something. That could have been him. If he had gone any further and still failed, it WOULD have been him. He looked over in horror at Player, being comforted and fawned over as always, and he just wondered...

What the fuck made THEM so special?

It's this question that really defines his character arc and subsequent spiral. That single question. Even when he technically does get his answer, it's not enough. It's nowhere NEAR enough. It makes things worse, actually. His response is very simple.

They had to die, and he would have to be smart about it.

crazy time, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ITS SUCH A GOOD CONTRAST WITH A CHARACTER I WILL NOT NAME BEC THATS GIGA SPOILER. ITS LITERALLY JUST A REVERSE OF HIS ARC. this is appearing to be Quite centric to that one character i will not name. huh. he really IS closest to all the action isnt he. do i disclose this. i will be vague. He does certainly get his revenge for Deuce dropping that cauldron on him.

If i had to summarize via those "if x characters were charged for their crimes" things, then here is the current list as of me typing this

Assault and battery (uncounted amount of times)

2nd degree attempted murder

Conspiracy to commit murder

Aiding and abetting

Identity theft(? i'm probably keeping this but idk)

My knowledge of the law is limited, admittedly. But that's it so far! I am withholding the more major spoilers, but I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts! He really did just take some of Malleus's old evil didn't he

[sanjidysphoria]

Hi agi I'm obsessed with your tags under that tmi post you're my idol please tell us more about bow you ruined this man's life

you know what. theres 30 mins left so i will. so the reason i got with him was is very confusing and it was obviously out of revenge.

back to elementary school when i had a best friend named uhhhhhh kate (not her actual name). so kate and me we were epic bffs because no one else liked us. however for very different reasons. see kate was genuinely just fuckign irritating while i was emo. i kinda actually hated her ass but since i had no other friends i was like sigh this will do. we went to different highschools and i had a friend in another class named dave. now those two through me got to know each other and they started dating. i dont know how cuz again this girl was fucking annoying but anyway. fast forward two years i basically dropped her ass since i got lowkey popular in highschool because i was openly gay and the highschool had a weird straight gay ratio, like i swear everyone was closeted. again fast forward to last summer they break up because dave couldnt take the long distance thing. and kate hits me up. like every day. and i HATE her ass okay she made me miserable through elementary and now for some reason she thinks she can just traumadump on me every day, and i dont mean like "im sad today :(((" she GENUINELY texted me shit like im killing myself today. i called her mom btw i was so sick of her. and she wouldnt leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!! so i go hm. how can i make her not text me ever again. and she gave me a wonderful idea cuz one time she was bitching about how dave never even liked her he had a crush on me like whatever man i dont give a shit. im gay. but then... what if i wasnt. what if i stole her ex man and she came to hate me and blocked me everywhere. this is where my childhood best friend, andrew came into the equation. because see i was nt rlly friends with dave anymore but i knew they were best friends so if i used andrew i could get with dave! again im gay. im just fucking insane and evil. so we start hanging out and this one time me and dave get very close to hooking up but then he says aw man but ur gay. and in my mind im like yeag thats valid but how do i let him know that im not? so i tell andrew hey im bi thinking he would tell dave. he didnt though and one time we got very drunk and he was like can we make out and im like drunk so i go sure......... and then we started like being a thang lowkey but the funny thing is dave didnt back down like???????? and andrew was like super jealous the whole time and im pretty sure i ruined their bestfriendship whatever i kinda always thought they were in gay love idk. but then kate got the idea that me and dave were also a thing despite me being with the other guy and she actually did block me everywhere so the plan kinda worked idk lol thats the lore

[haethyre]

X-Men 97 Thoughts

My personal opinions

Okay. So I grew up with X-men The Animated Series. It was one of my fave shows. It always came on late at night on Toon Disney (at times i shouldnt have been awake LMAO) so it has a special place in my heart. I was very surprised that of all things they decided to "continue" it. So, when I heard about it, I did a full rewatch (even that ungodly last season where quality took a nosedive OOF) Anywhoo! Started and finished 97. Those who know me best know at heart I am a big OG fan of my fandoms and am trepidacious of reboots/even continuation reboots, bc lets be honest most of them are all about stomping on the source material, SO I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed Xmen 97.

You could really see how much they tried to capture the feel of the old show and the characters. The voice replacements were surprisingly well done. (i mean, Wolverine is a little off, but i'll give the guy a break its been like...28 yrs XD ) The animation looks amazing. Even if i'm taking some points off for the hair hfgjhdf haha

Now the storyline.... The elephant in the room. We all know the one. I have been a Romy fan since I was a kid and yes, when I was a young girl in Borders, I did come across the comic that showed the RoguexMagneto storyline. I hated it then and I hate it now. Its just...weird. (Again, my opinions. If you like it, power to you. Enjoy, but its not for me and this post isn't for you) but its even weirder in the show, and ill tell you why. As a Marvel comic reader, I'm well acquainted with the fact that everyone gets with everyone. That is just a trope of Marvel comics. All ships of imaginable and unimaginable proportions happen. BUT I think when doing this, they really should have thought it through a bit more in context of the show's universe alone . Bc I'll be real, if you're coming in from TAS, this kinda hits you out of nowhere. She had no form of connection with Magneto in the past show. Like....they had a makeshift funeral for him and she didn't even care. She was just worried about Gambit being stuck in space. So, their "secret" just seems so random and out of place. I do like that it was used for her to understand fully her feelings for Gambit, but man was it frustrating to see him just killed off when he was one of the best characters.(even if it was really well done and the animation, again, was amazing)

There's talk of him coming back as "Death" which is a storyline I'm not familiar with but I also heard talk of the original showrunner idealizing a timeline where Rogue and Magneto have kids....so... IDK It all just left me a bit frustrated and disheartened bc Romy was like one of my earliest ships before i knew ships were a thing. To see what happened to it made me sad, even if it could be part of a long game to get them to their HEA. (and thats always an if bc we don't know, even if the original guy isn't in charge anymore)

Other things that bugged me a little but not too much. Gonna bring up Morph. I love Morph. They were always a fave and they went through so much to finally be back on the team again. I really don't understand why they changed their character design tho? I read it was to make Morph look more like the character changeling from the comics but this is again something that doesnt make sense coming out of TAS bc Morph always had that other appearance throughout the entire show. I mean...it could have at least been explained... Also, as far as the feelings for Wolverine, i kinda found it funny XD bc in TAS, it always seemed like it was the other way around jkhfgjkdfh Wolverine was so attached to Morph and wouldn't let 'em go. That being said, I kinda wish they didn't go this route if its only meant to be unrequited and sad. AGAIN. I know. Marvel is all about unrequited drama jfhdkjfdh but hasn't Morph been through enough??? That being said, I love the ship even though I know its doomed. Wolverine is the worst person to be down bad for tho. Mans falls in love at the drop of a hat fhghdfjhsd

Other than these couple things, I really loved the show. Some people said "why are they shoving so much story into such a short amount of time" XD The storyteller in me would like to agree but i will be honest, there is nothing more like Xmen TAS than smooshed storylines jkdfhfkjds with random one-off eps in between. XD So, I was fine with it.

I liked the conclusion with Scott and Jean, as messy as it was. The family fun time was a pleasure to watch.

Xavier and Magneto. They really highlighted their messy, but still devoted relationship from the original series, so that was nice to see. I was glad to see him back in the red suit LMAO bc the one he was wearing all season was weird for me.

I loved Jubilee's journey, and it was cool that they brought Alyson Court back for that one episode.

I was very pleased overall that they didn't tone things down and since censors are different these days, they could show more stuff they couldn't in the 90s. So, I am looking forward to more seasons (and pleeeeease for the love of god give Romy back to me i am begging)

[jeanstapleton]

Does Ole know how to fight? He looks like someone physically trained in the sense of combat, the jump in the gas station scene is very well choreographed (congratulations to Sam for the performance, even considering his height) - I'm a jiu-jitsu fighter and a ballerina, he did a jump very acrobatic in that scene, and I also imagine that he wasn't the type of hitman who kills you with a sniper, but the type who, if necessary, will go into brute force combat.

There's also the scene of him rescuing Dot from the well, Munch literally arrived with everything at Roy's henchman, unarmed and with only a knife (considering he had the knife that blinded Gator), I wanted to see the combat scenes with him, like we saw Malvo, Numbers, Wrench and so on. He seems very well trained to me.

(he seems to follow more of a stealthy style of combat)

ooo yes I love this question >:333

yes I do believe munch knew how to fight, though not formally. again, this is a situation where time is on his side; his own personal form of self defense that he's used for so long it almost resembles a discipline of martial arts were it not for how bestial & instinctive it is. at least with martial arts you can tell there was a before and after while the skills were honed, but munch has always needed to lash back at predators. its likeness to formal combat comes with his eventual incorporation of firearms combined with the pseudo-psychic knowledge he has of human behavior.

munch seems to prefer firearms as a last resort, though & doesn't appear to like relying on them. idk he seemed exasperated when he had to pull out the assault rifle in ep1, & when defending himself against gator in ep2, the scene clearly reads that he is the weapon, and not the pistol. age has not withered him but made him unnaturally strong and fast. thats more my headcanon since its feasible for a grown man to snap another grown man's wrist but learning of munch's supernatural origins adds that different flavor to his physical prowess.

im of the mind that munch's path to becoming a hitman was a complicated one rather than something he just picked up to survive. "a man is paid to soldier" but then he lays down his arms to go live with a community that welcomes him, until "the cannon & the musket" pull him back into solitude. i think thats when he starts using firearms as an extension of himself, to seek revenge. he probably had his own formal hunting skills, sure, but now that the significance behind those skills has been ripped from him, he wants to feed that cruelty back. bows & arrows become guns, and when he cant pick off his enemies from afar, he uses his hands and teeth. it might also be a form of punishment, like attaching a gangrenous limb to a stump. it provides you with temporary reach at the cost of poisoning you.

I thought it was interesting that he knew he was going to be ambushed the second he saw those men through the bushes & yet still followed gator to the shed (?) instead of incapacitating him before they turned the corner. I think he wanted to humiliate him, and, in turn, roy, by proving he's just as useless being supported by others as he is alone. kinda pretentious here so bear with me, but I also thought it was great that munch subdued gator by yanking his groin. a very good blink-and-you'll-miss-it instance of munch using the tillmans' masculinity against them.

the whole thing with dot's rescue will always be fascinating to me no matter what bc of all the unspoken layers leading up to it. munch went to the ranch with the intent of hurting gator, but somewhere along the way he sensed dot's presence, like he could smell her fear, and he followed it. from the way that one henchman was pulled, we can infer munch snuck up from behind, maybe from low ground, which would explain why the others didn't readily see him from their peripherals. that combined with his ferocity threw them off guard just enough that he could disarm them. instead of approaching them as another henchman, which he temporarily was, he rips them apart. instead of leaving dot to use the ladder, he checks up on her, remarks about the unfairness of her situation, and extends a hand. there is a clear thought process here, not entirely governed by animal instincts. he does sense the caged animal in dot, but the residual human in him desires contact and reassurance and the need to help, especially someone who's so like him that it haunts him. I've waxed on about it before but its so "stray animal learns to respect the human that feeds it" except he & dot weren't on that level yet. it was just a spiritual connection, one that was unequivocally necessary to act on. humans are social animals, but animals all the same, & that dormant part of his brain that yearned for love all those centuries was poked at, ironically, after being beaten in battle by this woman who was at her most animalistic. a prey animal turned predator.

[yummyboyzpost]

♥!Boss Bakugo x FemReader!♥

-- 𝔽ᒪ𝓤𝔽𝔽/ 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝑔𝓈𝓉 👊 / ꋊꄲ ꇙM꒤꓄ 𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 :0 --

You've worked For Bakugo for about 7 months now becoming somewhat close with him, but he defiantly doesn't hold back on the yelling nor does he give you special treatment but....its Bakugo lol. But what happens when a certain green haired boy comes along. Ohhh nooo who could that be Muhshaahha. You are also Quirkless Oh yes and when I put >(*) Those little star things its just Y/n Talking to herself :) lmao

♥ *part one*♥

(Your pov)

*Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring*

"Oh god, shut up!" I yell at my phone that doesn't seem to stop ringing. It's my one day off who the hell is calling me. I grab my phone seeing the caller id

-𝘒𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘌𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘔𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳🤬💥-

"ahh shit," I answer the phone "GODDAMN IT Y/N!" I pull the phone away from my ear knowing I'm probably gonna be def tomorrow "I'VE BEEN CALLING YOU FOR THE PAST FUCKING HOUR!" He said heaving breathing on the other side of the phone. ((Oh right for got to mention your his assistant, Gooooddd luckkk babes!!)) "Sorry sir, I was sleeping. I ju-" before I could get anything else out he cut me off "You what?" he said in a unsettling calm voice "I just woke up?" I said confused "My office now!" He said with a stern voice. "Oh uh sir, It's my day off." I said laughing not noticing he had hung up

*That bastard, I'm gonna kill him*

As I was walking into Bakugo's building, I bumped into a tall, buff ass man goddaayuumm. I looked up and I had never seen him before and yet he looked so familiar. God he was Hot as shit, *NO! y/n get your shit together, no time for gocking if I don't get to Bakugo in 5 Minutes I'm as good as dead*

"Sorry." I said grabbing my papers and I was about to get off the floor when I was floating, what the actual fuck? "A cute girl doesn't belong on the floor." he said smiling with the most adorable smile ever! omg my heart I think it might explode. what a lovely death that would me I say taking a step back but regaining my footing *No! Y/n snap out of it! You need to get to Bakugo's office!*

"Ah Thank you for your help uhhm?" I questioned hoping he would answer. but why dose he look so- OH GOD! ITS DEKU. I freeze in shock "Midoriya, you?" I was just standing there like an idiot *Come on Y/n! All you gotta do is say your name.* "De- DEKU!" I scream making everyone look at me *YOU DUMB WHORE!* shit... "I-I mean um, I'm L/n! sorry I just um." I don't know what to say... He laughed "It's okay L/n don't worry abt it, I-" He was about to say something but i saw my coffee all over his I'm guessing very expensive shirt. "OH MY GODS! I'm so sorry, I spilt my Coffee on your shirt! I don't really have money to give you. ummm Here," I said reaching into my pocket. "Thats my card, If you need anything call okay? I'll be there I promise! I gotta go or i might get my head blown off. It was really nice to meet you Deku!" I said running to the stairs.

(Deku's Pov)

Wow she was cute, I wondered If she had a Boyfriend. She gave me her card for what? In all honesty I didn't know what for, its just coffee, yea it might stain but i can just get a different shirt. It's not the end of the world. She made me smile on how clumsy she was, I might just call her.

(Y/n Pov)

I knock on Bakugo's doors hearing him groan knowing that was his was of telling me to come in *SHIT I'm dead* I walk in seeing his back turned to me, "You asked to see me?" I asked walking to his desk. "Where were you?" he said in a calm voice which surprised me. "Oh, today was my off day sir. I thought that meant it was yours too." I said sitting in the chair Infront of his desk. He turned around "You have no off days Y/n" he said eyeing me up and down, I didn't really dress to work today. In all honesty I thought we would just ask me to get him lunch. And yes he calls me by my first name, idk why It doesn't bother me. He's never called me L/n since I started working here.

"You look horrible." he said standing up walking over to me. "Excuse me? You know I could've just not came in. And good luck with firing me, cuz you know damn well no one besides me could handle your explosive attitude Katsuki!" I said standing up and about to walk out but he was already Infront of me. He looked angry "Sit." He said with firy eyes. *Shit y/n what were you thinking, you need this job. You can't just quit like that.

He's defiantly gonna fire you now you DUMB BITCH* I was waiting for him to say not to come back but he didn't say anything. Not gonna lie I was scared, he's never been this quite. "Bakugo, I'm sorry I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed." I said sitting back down in my seat. "Deku, huh?" he said eyeing down on me. "Um what?" I said confused. "Oh you mean earlier? I bumped into him on my way up here and spilt my coffee all over him, So I offered to help him with something in return." I said smiling and grabbing the status report out of all the papers I had on my lap. "Also here," I said handing it to him "I finished it early, Although you're not gonna like it." I said standing up again.

"Didn't I tell you to sit," he said placing the paper on his desk, and making me sit back down by placing both of his hands on either side of the chair. his face was so close I could feel his breath on my nose. his eyes... why is he looking at me like that. My cheeks turn red and my shoulder tense up. "Bakugo w-what are you d-doing?" I said with wide eyes, He didn't say anything he just stared at me. he leaned to my left ear "You won't talk to that damn fucking nerd ever again you hear me?" he said breathing hard *Oh My GoD Katsuki if you don't back up right now I'm gonna... Please back up!!!* "Okay." is all I said why wasn't he backing up? I said okay! then I felt a slight pressure on my shoulder and I heard some mumbling. "Bakugo, I can't hear you you're gonna have to move you head" I said as he shook his head.

He moved his head off my shoulder, "It wasn't important, he said backing off me and back over to his chair. I can't help but to think that he was lying. "You can go home." he said going back to work on his computer. I wanted to say something but, I think it's best if I didn't. I walk out with out but before I close the door I look back to say something but his eyes are already on mine. His eyes widen, "There's no need to be jealous Bakugo, you know yours." I say smiling His cheeks turn the slightest color of pink *cute* I walk out of his office and turn to go to my desk *Welp I'm already here might as well get some work done.*

<<Later that day, everyone has gone home except you and Bakugo, that's usually how it is anyways>>

"I thought I told you to go home." A deep voice said, I knew who it was "And I am," I said grabbing my jacket. "I had a lot of emails to look at and since I was already here I just decided to stay." I said smiling and walking over to him. "You don't drive correct?" he said looking at me "Nope, I sure don't" I laugh walking past him. He grabbed my arm I turned around and he was looking away to him the fact that he was blushing but I could tell *He's too cute! Ugh if only he liked me I'd make this man wish he could kiss me all day HAHAHAH* "It's late, let me give you a ride home Y/n," he said letting go of my wrist

*Why is he acting like this, he's never once asked to take me home. well except that one time I fell down the stairs... yea were not gonna talk abt it.* "Um it's okay! the bus runs late on Friday's. I'll be fine." I said smiling. "I wasn't asking." *UGH Bakugo and his demands... not going to lie its sexy as hell but it also mean I cant say no.*

The ride home was quite, he asked me a few questions abt Deku but that was all. When we got to my apartment, he got out and walked me up to my door. "Goodnight Y/n, I'll see you tomorrow." he said looking down at me with those sexy red eyes. "Goodnight Bakugo." I said about to walk into my house when he grabbed the door nob I turned around *AHHH he's way TOOOO CLOSE MY POOR HEART, IS he trying to kill me?* I turned my head to the left and tried to get ahold of my heart.

"Please don't call me that anymore, just call me Katsuki like you did earlier." he said as he leaned down I turned my head back forward and all of a sudden I felt a warmth on my lips, his lips were on mine?!?!?! His eyes widened and so did mine. He backed up and cover his mouth "I- I didn't mean to-" he was talking but I cut him off "No, N-no, it was my F-fault I shouldn't have-" I cut myself off and covered my mouth. "I- Um, Goodnight Bak- Uh I mean Ka-Katsuki!" I said as I turned around and ran inside my apartment.

*Oh god* I slid down my door and onto the floor. *I JUST KISSED KATSUKI BAKUGO!! I THINK IM GONNA PASS THE FUCK OUT.* my heart was racing and I couldn't catch my breath. What have I done?

algf;iuapfiuabg[uabgd OMG haha you guys kissed what a Silly SILLY Y/N ahahahhaha I'll probably post the second part sometime this weekend. Tell me what you think abt it!!!

I am Jumping with joy!!! this was the post i thought i lost forever lmaoooo it was in my dafts im so mf-ing happy haufgpiafpa

[sapphic-sex-ed]

I know this is just a me problem & I need to just suck it up and deal with it but I feel... incredibly guilty about not wanting to have sex with my friends. For one, I've never had a friend actually want to engage in that with me so a part of it might be me feeling bad about "not being good enough", but another part of me feels like the queer community is advancing to new places that gives them more joy, freedom, and love and it feels like since the topic is so triggering to me (for no good reason mind you) that I just don't really belong? I haven't been able to talk to other queer people or go to pride events because I'm in such a small, homophobic town. But I feel like if I showed up to a queer event, I just wouldn't fit in and they just would not like me. Not only for looking overly masculine and kinda yucky (not in way thats celebrated in the queer community) after my transition, but because the accomodations I would need for my triggers would just be too unrealistic to expect them to accomodate to (I've been in therapy for nearly 10 yrs, unfortunately some triggers just dont go away). And also bc I'm a sapphic trans guy and ,, man idk if that would piss people off.

I just want to ask, is it okay if I still view sex as sacred for myself but don't think poorly of people who have casual sex or sex with friends? If anything, I'm envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having.

I’m glad to hear you’re seeing a therapist, it’s very clear from your ask that you’re struggling with very low self-worth and I’ve been there and it sucks.

As for your question itself — sex positivity and sex acceptance are about finding a sexuality that feels good for you and don’t shame those whose sexuality feels good to them but isn’t the same as yours. If sex is something sacred to you that is for you alone or only to share with a select few then that is always valid as long as it feels good to you. At the same time, having sex with friends and having multiple partners is just as valid as long as it’s what the people practicing it wants. Neither one has the right to shame or devalue the other.

I notice a pattern in your ask, where you make claims about how you feel people will respond to you. This is a normal thing our human brains do, but this anxiety seems to be preventing you from going out and trying. You think but you do not know that people wouldn’t accept you. Thou think but you do not know that you wouldn’t fit in. Internet queer discourse is poison basically and people in the irl communities are usually a lot more accepting. Online we kinda forget that we’re interacting with other people, but irl we can’t do that as easily (although dehumanization of minorities is a thing, so not impossible but it takes a lot more organized, structural effort). In Swedish we have this expression “provtänka” which roughly translates to “try-thinking” or “attempting-think” where we sort of say a thought we had to other people, usually friends, to try it out. It can be something beneficial like “wait isn’t it strange that inflation is up 4% but benefits have only increased by 2,6%?” and then we can all curse capitalism together. But it can also be (and this is a real example of a thing I said when I was 16) “there are so many bad parents like shouldn’t the government like make you take tests and and out a license for you to reproduce so no children get harmed” and your friends will rightfully go “no wtf??? That’s such an over-reach of government power what are you on???”. Like you try out a thought that you haven’t thought about that much or aren’t that invested in and you do a vibe check basically. Like that pregnancy thought was whack but I hadn’t really thought about it. Luckily my friends were reasonable people who asked what tf was wrong with me and explained why that was a horrible thing and I haven’t thought that way since. Online, you sorta either get jumped which has the effect of you doubling down on your not even fully formed opinion bc you get defensive, or you find other whack jobs who agree and that’s how radicalization happens.

So to the point bc I lost it bc that who I am as a person: people are a lot more forgiving offline and if someone has doubts initially, they’re less likely to voice them, and if they do they’re likely to get checked, and if they don’t just spending time with you will humanize you (which is why people from bigger cities are usually more open-minded, bc exposure to people different than them).

And a last point to wrap up: you write that you’re “envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having”. Relationships aren’t a hierarchy. Romantic relationships aren’t superior to friendships, and sex with friends isn’t superior to hook-ups or long-term partners, and partnered sex isn’t superior to solo sex. They’re different flavors and not everyone will like the same thing. I can’t stand olives but I love pineapple on pizza. I once dated a girl who despised potatoes. Neither is better than the other. I can’t really understand why she would hate potatoes and most people I believe find it strange, but like that’s just her preference. And I know many people find me strange for my choices in pizza toppings (pineapple, banana and curry).

That is to say: it sucks when you feel left out of some type of relationship you’ll never have — I’m an only child hand have always been envious of people with siblings — but that doesn’t mean that type is “better” or that that type of connection is “deeper” than what’s possible within the types of relationships that would fit you.

-mod liz

[xxmoonch1ldxx]

hellooo, ive read through ur fics and they are beautiful and i humbly provide a prompt 4 u; Anthony stimming in front of Ian. thats it that the prompt. since their reunion, Anthony has finally felt comfortable enough to stim in front of Ian when he wants to without shame or sum idk im autistic and love projecting onto my favourite content creators

Hey Anon, finally getting back to you after a milennial. I'm sorry for the wait! I got you, I too am autistic and love projecting so here we go :)

Anthony had always held himself to some pretty stupid standards.

When he was younger, he believed he needed to always put socks the same color or people would definitely notice and laugh at him. As he grew older, it became about straightening his hair, not only for the emo style but mainly because he was ashamed of his curls and thought he would get mocked for them. Mainly, though, he battled with his, for a long time undiagnosed but very obvious, ADHD and everything that came along with it.

The shame he felt at his own behavior started pretty young, when he used to simply stay mute instead of allowing himself to talk to people in kindergarten. He knew he had a loud voice and an even louder laugh, one that his mom always told him to quiet down. Even though she was never mean about it, Anthony had ended up taking it more personal than he should have. Sadly, though, it didn't get easier; there were so many assignments he failed because he hadn't been able to focus and was to ashamed to ask for help from anyone, lest they tell him to get his head out of his ass and listen.

Anthony tried, he did, but that never quite worked.

It didn't quite work like a lot of things did, but one person he did let into his life and his odd behavior was Ian. Ian never whined when he laughed too loud, Ian never minded how he jumped subjects of conversations and Ian always helped him in the classes he failed to understand due to having lost focus. Anthony had always been so, so grateful for that, but there was still one thing he had struggled with.

Stimming. Anthony had a lot of small habits that he always suppressed, mostly in fear he would get judged. Even with how much he loved Ian, he always feared he would disrupt the younger man with those repetitive behaviors. He also remembered a few times where he had been unable to help the thrumming of his fingers as he worked, the stress of his later years at Smosh taking a toll on him and making him unable to stay still even more than usual; Ian used to turn around and ask him to stop in this irritated voice. Not mean, once again, but it hit the nail in the coffin.

He was disturbing people in a way he shouldn't be, or at least, that's what he thought.

And then, after a few years of therapy, an official diagnosis, getting on meds and finally unloading all of this trauma, Anthony and Ian had reunited.

The core of the relationship, their comedic chemistry and the ease they had once felt around each other came back, even stronger than it had been before. Anthony had never been more grateful for something in his life; or maybe he had, but only about the fact he and Ian were now an official thing. A couple. Boyfriends.

They had learned how to live around each other again, speak out what bothered them and be honest. Issues were solved way faster today, and way easier too. Working was comfortable, funny, fulfilling in the same way it had been back when they started Smosh. Hanging out was, too, and they now found comfort and pleasure in the mere act of being together, opposite to the later years of their friendship when they barely spent any time together outside of work. For that, Anthony was fully grateful too; it sure was fun that being together now included more things like kisses, hugs and more...Physical activities. Anthony loved those improvements.

Ian and him now were together more often than not, and there was an ease about it that had never been there before. Sometimes, they didn't even do much; Ian would be watching yet another history video and Anthony would be laying with his head on his boyfriend's lap, working on his new interview. He cherished those small moments, especially the few instances when Ian would interrupt him for a bit just to press a fond and loving kiss on his lips. It was lovely, it filled Anthony's heart in a way nothing else ever had.

One of the things he cherished the most, though, was how earnest they had both been with each other. Vyvanse pills might work for focus and other symptoms of ADHD, but the stimming part couldn't be erased from him. Happily, though, Anthony didn't feel the need to hide himself anymore.

When they were in the office, he would sometimes be playing with everything that fell under his hands. The little holder of his phone, the pencil he was holding, his rings that he wore; it was a thing that greatly helped him focusing when they were brainstorming. Instead of whining like he had sometimes used to, Ian would always look at him fondly, with a smile that screamed 'I knew this would happen', but would never interrupt him. He had even started bringing a few of those little water toys that could be squished for Anthony to press on as he talked. He had brought one in the shape of a black cat, because he said it reminded him of Anthony. He was blushing as he said it, but Anthony had thought it was so cute he had kissed Ian on the mouth hard enough to bruise his lips.

Then, there was the way he often hummed as he did things. Really, anything; it would also help him focus and he didn't even notice it at time. Ian would sometimes join him in his low singing when he did the dishes or even worked on some scripts, a smile on his lips. Neither he or Ian were particularly great singers, but they always ended up laughing so hard they cried or just having a sweet, domestic moment.

Ian had also brought a few rocking chairs inside the office, decision that had been questioned but Anthony was forever grateful. It was easier and grounding to rock on a chair that was made for it, a habit Ian had probably noticed and remembered from their time at school and how Anthony couldn't keep himself still on a chair for two seconds. Ian always scolded him when he brought his chair on two legs, telling he might fall and to stop; this was something else that Anthony cherished about him. How protective he had always been, how much he cared.

Most of the time, Anthony thrummed his legs endlessly. This habit put a strain on his muscles, something Ian knew, so he would lean in to place a hand on his thigh, remind him to calm down. Ian would rub the skin and pat it simply before retrieving his hand, knowing Anthony didn't even notice what he was doing. There was also how he would reach out to tug at Anthony's arm when he either bit his nails too much or scratch at his skin until it would become red. Sure, there were days Ian wasn't there to do so and Anthony would end up breaking his skin open, but his boyfriend would always be there once he came back home to rub the skin with lotion and kiss the scar, achingly soft and tender. Anthony didn't think he could love him more, but Ian always outdid himself. He once bought gums and straws just for Anthony to chew on when he needed to.

Even with his weirder habits, Ian didn't judge. He didn't judge when Anthony cleared his throat too much or repeated random words or sentences. He didn't judge when he would flap his hands and move them a little too much as he talked. He didn't mind when Anthony would get excited and jump a little too much, or he would get all over the place. Instead, he seemed to find it very amusing and so, so adorable. Just like he cherished the little tunes Anthony whistled when he was particularly engrossed into something.

All those little things that Anthony had spent years hiding and taming down, all the habits he had taken that included hurting himself and then dealing with the consequences himself, he didn't have to face them alone. Ian would always be there to ease the ache in his muscles after he pulled at them too much by how much he moved, or to cream his red and sore skin, massage his jaw when he had chattered his teeth too much. Anthony treasured all of those actions, how much care Ian had towards him and how he showed him all the time. It was a little wild to find someone who finally didn't mind all those things about him, and especially someone who even cherished a few of those habits. Anthony would see it in the fond smile stretched on Ian's face when he stared at him, just like he hung the moon, when he was just whistling while doing the dishes. He would feel it in the way Ian kissed him softly when he would sing, how he wouldn't even note the flapping of his hands and simply lean over to brush a strand of hair away from his face.

Anthony felt comfortable to be fully himself in a way he had never had before. He knew and could feel the way Ian loved every little thing about him, from the way he smiled so softly to the way he catered to his every needs, even when Anthony ignored he had them.

Anthony simply cherished Ian himself, fully and wholly. He had never been more grateful of something than the fact Ian felt the same.

[superblysubpar]

You asked for it...

The symbolism of Steve's Clothes/Closet - I must know if it was intentional or organically created because ....

See bullet points below:

- Steve hiding the remnants of his old self (Hawkins sports clothes) in the back could go a few ways... Either hanging onto that part of himself or keeping it for a reminder but the Hawkins gear to me kinda is a placeholder for where he came from - good or bad version of himself. Reminding him of a time he felt successful AND doing something he enjoyed (sports) - not just successful for the sake of success (a fancy desk job). Doesn't matter. Just a reminder.

- Steve legit hiding parts of himself tucked away in the back of that closet that he doesn't want others to see (be it his parents or other friends). Like hiding a huge accomplishment like a COLLEGE DIPLOMA/Grad Pic back there. He clearly uses that space to hold on to pieces of himself that he's either not ready to disclose or share or not ready to let go of.

- The clothes in general. I thought I was reading too far into it, seeing him get more and more casual I was like....nah this boy is not dressing down because he is feeling more at ease, is he? but then you bring it up yourself...when he shows up to Halloween all polished again once *she* is in the picture. Once he's performing again for his parents sake. Reader says herself, he's back to a clean cut, chino wearing yuppie. And she's all like *where did my Steve go? This is not my Steve?* Which in reality was "this is not Steve" (in general) but who are we to know that for real at that point? I feel like not recognizing the man you came to know SO well like that probably was another unconscious tug on the heartstrings that pulled those tears out. Reader knew thats not who he really is at this point and she had no idea why he's marching around like that....

- The arcade chapter... Him just being dressed SO casual and in that hat the way he was - makes me feel like he was right there at the perecipus of this engagement thing but trying hard to not to acknowledge it and let go and tip right back into that persona he knows he'll be wrapped up in for all of enternity. It was the most casual and unfiltered and real I feel like they ever were with each other and it was arguably the most casual I felt they were together. Like it wasn't a show, it wasn't an arrangement, it wasn't part of a plan or a lead up to a good fuck. It wasn't 20 questions to find a way to relate, it wasn't takeout on the couch before or after a hookup, it wasn't a hangout with Robin or Nancy. It was just... Happening.. and I think that's why it was so meaningful and sweet and... Ugh..... 🥰

- Bro is literally cultivating a batman experience in his closet. That is a version of Steve he WANTS to be and doesn't know how to embrace or doesn't feel like he CAN embrace it so he hides it all away. It's tucked in the back with his comfortable clothes and his hats and his life he longs for but doesn't think he has permission to have.

- it's fuckin SYMBOLIC AS HELL that the reader is the one to go to the back of that closet in the story and pull out the sweatshirt, see that yellow sweater, find the parts of him he is hiding away like that. She just crawled into the back and poked around and uncovered parts of him hidden away. JUST LIKE SHE DID IN THE STORY. Like.. she is the one at the end of the day that gave him the confidence and power to say no, to change his path, to quit his job and pursue something he was passionate about, to loosen up and ... Wear the sweatshirt.

And so ends this evenings WCIL notes 📒

NotcryingnotcryingNOTcrying

So, #1 I can't believe you actually sent this and you've thought about it this much and you are all killing me (in the best way though, like I'm dying and coming back to life revived, idk I've had a lot of espresso today).

I'm trying to like, actually answer this and discuss it but my brain is too busy full of a bunch of emotions dancing around and throwing papers like, the Inside Out people are literally in my brain right now. My Core Memories are turning rainbow and it's chaos, so just hang on for the ride.

So, to answer the first question, it was both? Steve's clothes transformation was like a thing that just sort of happened without being planned until it was a plan, if that makes any sense? Organic and intentional at the same time. But that happened with a lot of things with WCIL. If you guys remember me saying, WCIL was supposed to be this like little 4 part thing - originally I was just gonna like lean into the smut of it all, no real storyline.

Ha!

So as I started to get a better outline, fall in love with the story I was writing more, the more I thought about the things I wanted to bring full circle, the easter eggs, the things I wanted to break down for Steve and reader. And the clothes for Steve just started to happen - like my subconscious writer side of my brain knew where it was going and the other, doubting side, was like wait what are you doing is this important? Yes, now sush.

I just wanted reader and Steve to become exactly who they've always wanted to be with each other. And for Steve, to me, that's absolutely breaking down material things like his wardrobe.

I thought a lot about Steve's wardrobe in the actual series, and how we all love that yellow sweater and the vests he's seen worn only twice, and the Christmas sweater. It's because they're so typically not Steve outfits. There's a reason we all write about him wearing polos and tight collared shirts - because that's Steve's uniform. It's his mask, just like you said. The Christmas Sweater is with Nancy, when he's just you know, fought a demon from another dimension, got a girl he cared about back after real fear of losing her, after apologizing for being an asshole he's always kind of been...he's scared but safe, he's feeling pretty vulnerable. The first time we see the vest? Steve's writing his college admissions essay. He's vulnerable times infinity. He doesn't think he's good enough, he's gonna leave and lose Nancy? He could just stay! Work for his dad. Security. 2nd time? Star court just happened, you know where he was BEAT UP BY RUSSIAN SPIES and almost died? He's with Robin, you know, this girl that HE ADMITTED TO BEING OVER NANCY BECAUSE THIS GIRL IS BETTER FOR HIM AND WAIT SHE IS A LESBIAN LET ME JUST BE HER BEST FRIEND? And he's applying to jobs, knowing full well, he's not getting a new one with his reputation. And season 4 (well we could have a whole discussion about season 4's wardrobe) but the yellow sweater is key. GUYS. YELLOW?! SO BRIGHT? WHO IS THIS MAN? He's thrust back into this scary shit AGAIN. Where was that bright ass color hiding? Why have we never seen him wear it? Why did he choose that day to wear it? And listen, I know that there could be no rhyme or reason to these choices. But to me, every single detail matters in a show or movie. I want to analyze the brands of Toothpaste. I want it all.

So, idk, to me, it seemed as if Steve picked clothes that were just inherently "not" Steve in times of fear, in times he was a little lost. Trying to figure himself out maybe, trying to figure out what *he* liked?

And so yeah, I think he hides these things about himself. I think he's scared to be his true authentic self - he's made all these friends, he's become successful, but would they stick around if he didn't have his job? If he didn't have money? If they knew how much he really loved his favorite movie or the color yellow? WE all know they would. Of course they would. But Steve doesn't know that, not a for sure guaranteed yes, not yet at least. He's absolutely making a little Bat Cave in his closet, you're so right 💛

And yes, the arcade chapter 💛 Steve had every intention of just going over to apologize. He didn't want to have sex. He didn't want to dance around it anymore. He was scared, vulnerable (see my theories on how he dresses when he is like this above cough cough). The arrangement was over. It wasn't a random hook up. They said SORRY to each other, and it happened because they missed each other, THIS version of each other. The competitive flirting, the casual clothes, the laughing so hard you're crying - REAL love. But that's so scary...to just give up everything you think you know, all the security and sure answers you have for something that might not work out, no matter how much you want it to 💛

Thus ends my long winded response that isn't quite a response. I love you 💛💛💛💛

[natashasbitxh]

To the anon asking you if they're a racoon for feeling the Shaynse, YES YOU'RE A RACCOON!!!!! (In Chance voice) 'cause that's how I feel about it, you can help it, it's just happens.

Now I have to said it I tried to watch sword af but I got stuck in the first video, so Idk if I would watch it completely, maybe if I get out of videos to see, I would end up watching the sword af videos completely.

Also I watched some of the old ones, the chicken video one, where that actually give a vibe to the characters from love is blind hahahaha. I think I started this journey this week to be honest. I really don't understand how it happened, I think I stopped watching smosh like last month and this Monday y started again and basically all the Smosh games videos that were uploaded, I don't remember how but I have the love is blind really as a huge video for me, it made me laugh like no other in the games videos, so I didn't look for the ship tag 'cause I didn't know how or what name it would have. And the one day before the theater video came I actually ended watching love is blind again, I went really crazy, the first time the plot twist was crazy hahahahaha and how everything is like: “oh we're straight but we figure it out”, it's so funny to me for some strange reason.

And now I'm here on Tumblr waiting for people to talk about it, thanks for recommending the teletubbies, I think I watched all the reunion by now, I watched the pumpkin live too and other's lives where they're in. My love for the lives it's just how soft they're, just that. Softness.

The theater kid video, my love for redacted and Sarah Christ would have been the otp for me, but Shaynse took it all, I read all the comment and it's crazy how some minutes of interactions take to see that it's a powerful dynamic what this two be having (which is not bad) is a good thing, even Shayne said in the Smosh mouth year episode where he keeps interrupting Chance because he keeps relating to him, for me it like they have more in common that they thing, that was my highlight of that video, there's a lot of moments I know, but I know you know, so I just feel like we don't need to process those ('cause I will go crazy for the fact that Shayne is so shy and actually gets nervous some times and stutters when trying to answer to Chance hahahaha this man is a treasure).

Going back to the theater video, I just feel Shayne nervousness in all that part, it's so funny hahahaha, I love how everyone is looking at them, like it's the first time they ever interacted hahahah Idk why but it's so funny. AND THE FACT THAT SOMEONE READ THAT FIC AND FIX IT TO ACTUALLY BE IN THE VIDEO, WHO EVER DID THAT, THANK YOU SO MUCH, that the real one, they really have to read that... I'm going insane.

I confess I been watching some videos twice or three times, (I'm going feral like a raccoon if you ask me hahaha) I really love that ask that anon send you.

I guess that's it, today I'll watch more videos if I see something I'll share them here. I hope we get more fun moments.

And my question is, what is your fav video where they're in? And why? Do you feel like they need a playlist soon? Share your thoughts, I'm always pleasant to read everything about what you see in them. Because the spark is there (as a good thing) they just need to shine a little bit more.

Honestly raccoon is a perfect way to describe it

If u don't like sword af that is totally fine!! Not for everybody and thats okay!

tbh that a little vague😭 but my first thought was the vid where they're on a team flipping the chicken? Cause they're great in that vid!

Oh that's so great that u got back into smosh! The love is blind ep truly is such an important vid for me! Rlly showed me how great the smoshblr community is 🫶 Yh they're hilarious in that vid too!! Shayne came to serve drama and he did JUST THAT!!

Thats great! Did u enjoy the reunions? There truly is gold in those and they deserve more love, I miss them!! (Although they do get a lot of love on certain areas of the internet) I rlly miss the improv style vids they used to do on smosh main, where they kept laughter in! I guess the love is blind vid felt a little bit like that, cause they're playing characters? Idk

Oh I LOVE them in lives, I eat it up everytime they're so sweet in those!

I just gotta say I LOVE redacted and Sarah christ too, and it was so fun to see a mutual's fanfic make it in the vid! Yh, I think the fanfic vid rlly did bring a few more ppl to shaynse nation and I think that's so fun!

Yes, they are actually quite similar!! AND YES THE NERVOUSNESS AND STUTTERING!! SOMEBODY PULL UP THE "DID I LOOK GOOD IN MY WEDDING DRESS" CLIP!!!

Yh, Shayne is like uncharacteristically nervous!! Kinda crazy and rare to see within a smosh vid! Can't stop thinking abt the journey the fanfic would've had to get thru to get there...thank you to the author🫡

oh I rewatch smosh vids all the time, especially ones theyre in! Ur not alone!!

Yes, share anymore thoughts u have! I hope we get more moments too!

ooo my fav vid..I'm gonna have to say two! First off, the love is blind vid because it's such a classic and is iconic! When that came out I literally went crazy, shaynse day lives in my hear forever! And I think they're so fun in that vid, they're both competitive so when they got coupled up they were genuinely trying so hard to match! But I also have to say a low key one I love is the smoshmouth ep where they talk abt past jobs, there's a lot of sweet moments in that! And the intro of "Chanse, thanks for being here" "Thanks for having me", is literally the cutest and most gentle thing ever!! And also since u mentioned them not rlly insulting each other, my mind has been blown because also in that intro Shayne is quick to say something like "There's no rules rlly." In a kinda defense of Chanse, I just think that's sweet!

I'd love to hear ur fav vid and why!

I'm curious abt what u mean by playlist? Like a music or a vid playlist? I actually have both of those! I've just not shared yet cause I created both of them on personal accounts, I may make new accounts so I can share them at some point but idk!

Thank you for sharing ur thoughts anon! Yes, their spark needs to be explored!

[endersdead]

What is being angel kin like!! For you and also what does it seem like it’s typically like for others

ah ty for asking! it got super long so im putting it below a read more lol

ok for me its... a bit complicated? like, i know im an angel, both physically and mentally. that's just a fact to me. fuck its harder to describe than i thought... ok. so like, it can definitely be looked at as trauma put through the lens of jewish ideas of angels? its an inherent identity and one ive had for as long as i can remember but thats a decent way to explain it i suppose. i wont go crazy trying to describe it but the main points i connect with are the ways angels are created, and the idea that humans are holier and closer to HaShem than angels. angels are one-dimensional, they have no free will, and were created by HaShem to do one specific task, or created from the actions of a human. Humans on the other hand are multifaceted, they are given the choice to listen or not, the human soul is capable of emotions and like serves HaShem in many ways etc etc. the human soul is a piece of HaShem, where angels are a mere creation. this is all a very basic and rough/bad explanation of the religious stuff so forgive me for that. i think the religious aspect of this is important to me for sure, but a big part of it is how those truths tie into my own life and perception of myself. i wont go super into my trauma details but it made me feel like i was created solely to follow rules in service of humans (not rly in a positive way), and like i'm inherently lesser than them down to my very soul.

and for others in the community, idk i just mostly see posts talking in flowery language about feeling holy and pure and protecting humanity and stuff. all of the aesthetics are gold/white/soft, lots of flowing fabrics, classical music, poetry, love, beautiful things. it all feels very rooted in that to me? i dont identify with p much any of those things. thats not what being an angel looks/feels like to me. its grey, difficult, kind of ugly, lonely in a darker way. i could probably go into better detail about how that all feels when my brain isnt quite so mushy. but yeah so when i see anything i start to identify with more, it falls more into demonkin or fallen angel stuff, but neither of those is true for me. maybe im just the odd man out here? who knows.

another big part of it is the emphasis on christianity & solely focusing on being an angel from that lens. as a jew, that doesnt work for me lol, there are just deep fundamental differences in how we view angels/G-d/humans/heaven/etc. its easy to connect over the physical parts of this (phantom wings, etc), but yeah its been hard for me to find anything i really connect with about the identity part.

i could fully be misinterpreting or not seeing the parts of the community i'd connect with better. but as of right now this has been my experience! i would absolutely Love to hear from other angels about their experience with their identities and the community and stuff.

this got kinda long lol, and i know there was other stuff i had wanted to add but i think this is plenty 😅

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[wormhonky]

I'm going to be talking about the subject of death and the process of which so if that makes you uncomfortable by all means do not read my part

cool so now thats out of the way I originally wanted to put these thoughts in the tags but idk. I felt maybe it'd be better share my thoughts here on this.

one of the most eye opening experiences for me thus far in my life is the experience of caring for someone in decline. if you've ever heard the expression once an adult twice a child I thoroughly believe this. something happens where the individual goes back to how they were in childhood. why am I bringing this up? glad you didn't ask. there were many things therapy helped me with I don't want to say here, however. The thing that helped me the most out of all of it, was the acceptance of the inner child.

Your experience over the course of your life will be unique to you. People may share similar experiences but ultimately your lifetime will be your own. and over the course of that lifetime you may just continue to discover things about yourself, but only if you let yourself. See the thing is I've seen people get to this end part of life, and they start reflecting. Regrets. I think what I've seen the most from people is the regret of not following their own path. I think even now society wise, and keep in mind this very well could be just a western pov, that everyone has this idea of what their life is supposed to look like by adulthood

shit even some people by highschool ->honey your just a baby please enjoy your life and be a kid don't take on other peoples opinions

more of the happier people I have encountered are those who have learned to embrace that inner child. The innocent and harmless aspects of themselves that they do for the spare reason that brings them joy. And to deny yourself that, when in all reality it does no harm to anyone (i say this in good faith i hope you reading this post does not want that), in my opinion is a tragedy. Life can be full of pain and hurt and hardship everywhere you look, but it can also be a gift. sometimes we make mistakes in life, everyone does. not a single person on this planet is perfect, but we all have the ability to be better than we were before.

and by the end of it all, you really are by yourself. for better or for worst. no one can prevent this. even if they are standing right there next you. so the question i had to ask myself was this:

would i rather spend this life being kinder to myself and being kinder to others in hopes of experiencing the happiness of freedom and peace even though I fear what is on the otherside of that unknown gate? or do I watch others and do as they do in hopes of feeling accepted and fulfilled?

personally I chose to be free, and there is not a day I regret making that decision to continue to be true to myself and what works for me. there was some hard and scary ordeals on the other side of that gate thus far, but there was also more waiting for me there than I ever knew I would be blessed with. and meeting new cool people when you know who you are is just a good time man.

This is more or less a plea to anyone who bothered to read this: don't deny yourself that peace of mind. who cares if people like it or not? if it harms no one then why does it really truly matter?

don't be scared. 🫶 you got this! be free and go forward as you. you'll be there for the rest of your life, might as well enjoy that person.

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.