#idk if i've had them since radiotherapy actually

[bitchy-peachy]

Witchy things:

Trying to get my kid a beginner's book on sea witchcraft since they feel a strong connection to the sea (while I feel a strong connection to the mountains).

They're excited about it since now that they're older they can explore more.

So they'll be able to be a solo practitioner and won't need me supervising anymore since they're a completely different branch of craft from me. (Although I'll still teach them tarot and dream definitions and neutral things like stones, incense and oils, natural remedies. I already taught them how to make cough syrup with witch hazel, honey and anis. Stuff clears up your lungs during the cold months and I've given it to them before so they know it works. 🤣 though it takes like absolute crap. They don't like all the ginger remedies cos they don't like the strong taste of ginger though (stuff is good for the immune system especially when sick but Luthian HATES ginger in their foods. They like all spices but hate that one 😔)

It's a good thing too... with my illness and all... Luthian needs to know a lot of things to advance forward not just in our religious beliefs but in all aspects of life on their own.

Ugh my head hurts though... tomorrow I have chemo and I'm NOT looking forward to it. I feel so dang terrible afterwards.

Gonna take stuff in my backpack to avoid being a messy bitch. I DON'T want servere gastritis with dehydration and diarrhea again.

I ended up hospitalized after my first treatment (8 days). Shit is hell. Like chemotherapy sucks ass and I'm not even making light of this shit. I hated it. Radiotherapy was a breeze, but actual chemo?

Evil.

Went through past readings... fucking cards had warned me of my failing health for the past 4 years. I feel so stupid ignoring that 4 of swords... now I've got the King of Swords for my future which, when it comes to a health related reading, could mean potential future surgery.

I also got the death, devil and moon cards from readings years ago (this is why Journaling your own readings is so important). Explains the depression and starting anew. Those cards have come to pass.

Dreams change whenever I decide to self reflect and change. Used to have rather depressing dreams with symbolism regarding death and deterioration but once i chose to stop being mopey... my dreams have brighter meanings of "new life", "fulfillment" and the dilapidated house representing my subconscious is now a sparkling mansion with large rooms that have high ceilings, wide open spaces, everything is new...

Weird how when you change your mindset your entire psyche resets itself subconsciously like that. One night everything looks like hell and then the next... brand new and hopefully. Like a billionaire's house.

I would have liked more antiques since I'm a collector but my spiritual house in my dreams was still pretty nice.

The rooms are as big as basketball courts though and Idk 😅.

I'm more into cute cottages with warm stone fireplaces but apparently my subconscious likes me in a posh super modern environment rather than my cottagecore cozy fantasies.

I did like the woods outside the large windows and the abundance of sunlight and silence.

That's something that suits my taste.

Luthian described the house they kept dreaming of and it sounded Victorian.

Lucky.

[not-poignant]

Hihii for the question meme, could you do 29, 62, 86 and 98?

Hi hi hi! I certainly can :D (Well, I can try)

29. best way to bond with you? 

*thinks* Slow and patient, and usually online first if someone knows me in real life. I am very quick to make acquaintances with someone, but very slow to make friendships, and sometimes it just takes a lot of time and willingness to understand that I’m very reclusive by nature? I’m thinking of the friendships I’ve made over the past few years. And I’d say... the people who have been willing to show patience and trust that my reclusiveness isn’t a personal attack on them, are the people I’m actually more likely to open up to over time.

But I’d also be the first to say I’m pretty hard to bond with. I hold a lot of people at arm’s length, and I prefer not to bond with most people. Which is probably a weird thing to say, now that I think about it.

Also if a person enjoys eating different foods or going out into nature a lot, that helps a great deal :D

62. seven characters you relate to? 

Kiriyama Rei from March Comes in Like a Lion. There’s a lot of personal reasons for this choice, including my childhood in a chess family, and knowing what that pressure was like and sort of...yeah. Anyway. I haven’t vibed so hard with a character for a long time and I don’t expect to for many more years.

Murderbot from The Murderbot Diaries. This one happened by accident. I loved Murderbot, and then one day Glen just said ‘Pia, you ARE Murderbot’ and I realised that maybe I adored the character so much because I found them so hardcore relatable, lol.

Dazai Osamu from (actual history) Bungou Stray Dogs. A lot of reasons for this, but the cavalier constant suicidality, and the...what people think of as an atypical manifestation of depression (but honestly isn’t), and a brain that won’t fucking quit.

Beverly Lincoln from Episodes. Which makes me laugh because one of our close friends hated her from the first episode. But Glen agrees that this one’s on the money. Driven, pragmatic, political, but also impatient, quick to burn a bridge, and sometimes really annoying to be around.

Nakayama Haruki (Haru) from Given. The bassist. That one’s pretty personal, so I’m not going to talk about that one lol.

Dana Scully from The X-Files. In truth I don’t really relate to her much anymore. But kid me and teenage me related to her a lot!

FitzChivalry Farseer from The Farseer Trilogy. I mostly related to how incredibly done he was with the world, and all his chronic illnesses, and how much the world just never let him fucking rest or have a break. His absolute ‘I seem to exist for everyone else except these moments of weird selfishness which only ever further ruin my life’ is um, a whole mood, actually. :D

86. cookies or cupcakes? 

Honestly neither. Yuck. But I suppose out of the two, I’d go with biscuits (which is what we call cookies here). But it has to be on a day when my mouth is actually producing a decent amount of saliva, which is rare since radiotherapy blasted my head.

Mama Mahoney’s cupcakes at the Malaga Markets are pretty good too, but not so good that I’ve had them in the last three years.

98. favorite historical era? 

I don’t actually really have one. (Again, how do people pick favourites?) But also like, I would say I don’t really understand enough about historical eras to really have a favourite. Although I did like those Victorians for their kinky fucking ways, but I wouldn’t say that makes it a favourite historical era? Maybe just the entirety of ‘every historical era before colonisers came and fucked things up’ or ‘every historical era before the Christian or some other religious missionaries killed hundreds of thousands/millions of people with their diseases and converted and ruined the rest.’

(Er)

Idk, I don’t...connect well with history. Like there’s not really ever been a part of me that has gone ‘I wish I could go back to this time period and spectate/see what’s going on or experience that firsthand.’ If you go back to pre-colonial times, there’s the grief and anger of knowing what was taken forcibly away. If you go to post-colonial times, you’re still living among huge systemic issues (and as a queer person with a genetic cancer, I wouldn’t have fared well in the vast majority of those eras). 

I know this question isn’t meant to be complicated, but I can’t get over the ‘it’s complicated’ hurdle to see the simple upbeat answer.

*

From this meme