#idk i'm embarrassed because i tend to be stupid and not notice the simplest most obvious things but.

[leatherbookmark]

yup, i was satisfied with the ending, and i cried again, but

i continue to be baffled how... yuki's death is almost completely glossed over, despite him constantly haunting everyone's lives. ritsuka STILL doesn't have the full story -- i feel like he should, not even because "he deserves it as mafuyu's current boyfriend" but rather because it's irritating to see a character of this sort just... give up. because of that, i feel that mafuyu also hasn't processed everything fully. and it's not like he's absolutely unable to voice his thoughts -- he can do it! he did it with ugetsu! come on!

i wish we had a longer conversation between mafuyu and ritsuka. not only so that they could be honest with each other, understand each other's thoughts and go on with that, but also because a Lot of this manga has been basically... The Relationship, but Apart. they're thinking about each other, they're in conflict, they do things for the other person, but they don't really hang out or talk as much as i'd like. sure, i want them to be happy together, but i fear that the resolution of their conflict -- mafuyu declaring he wants to make music with ritsuka -- is just an exception to the rule, and that their relationship will be just a series of misunderstandings based on the fact that mafuyu can't speak up about what troubles him and ritsuka doesn't want to spook him off, so he gives him space and mafuyu feels abandoned and lonely because of that.

i also felt this lack of... ritsuka spotlight? his plotline was kind of weird. him joining syh as a support guitarist was cool, but i feel like he didn't... really... get anything to do...? that wasn't his communication issues with mafuyu? when you step back and look at both ritsuka and his relationship with mafuyu, it's... kind of shallow? as in, uninteresting in itself? i wish kzntk had shown more of their interactions! then we'd see why they're the main couple of this series. i mean, aside from "the author decided so". because if ritsuka doesn't need to be interesting, and the books are primarily about mafuyu -- well, the pov switches around a lot, and the whole second half of the manga is called "hiiragi mix", and in those chapter the new syh lads look at mafuyu from another, inside-outside perspective. give me more mafuyu himself! give me more mafuyu and ritsuka interactions!

ah, you can see kzntk used to draw doujinshi.

but back to yuki -- i don't know. even considering manga logic... yuki died, idk, half a year before the events of the manga take place? and he didn't just die from an illness or in an accident, he committed suicide. after mafuyu's stupid remark. i really would've loved it if the manga gave us mafuyu trying to navigate that, of the theme of being deeply in love but needing to figure out who you are aside from "X's boyfriend". instead... the manga introduces the concept of "being always together, forever, inseparable, for life, until we die" and then... doesn't really do anything about it.

in this case, akihiko and ugetsu's relationship is the most realistic and interesting -- because they broke up, and despite their lingering feelings, it didn't work out. akihiko and haruki also get a point from me, because of how akihiko tried to change his life and be a better person for haruki. but with yuki and mafuyu, mafuyu and ritsuka, and shizusumi and hiiragi, i feel like there's something there, themes, problems, that just... goes unsolved.

ritsuka doesn't get to find out about yuki, so throughout the entire manga he's writing a song and trying to understand a guy who he just vaguely knows used to date mafuyu before he died, probably. yuki and mafuyu live in their own little world, closed to everyone outside of it, and... nothing comes out of it.

they don't get to deal with being forced to live in the real world, they don't get to define who they are outside of their relationship because yuki dies, and -- why does yuki die? we don't know. yuki's mother says in an EXTRA SHORT CHAPTER that "his father was also like that", referring to him being stubborn and unable to sacrifice his pride even in an obviously downhill-going conflict. but why did he commit suicide? i know people can hurt each other very seriously for stupid reasons, i do, but i expect the protagonist's dark backstory dead boyfriend to at least have a reason why he's dead. how and what exactly did ritsuka understand, i have no idea.

and then there are hiiragi and shizusumi, who... are super into each other, i guess... and misunderstand each other as well, i guess... because shizusumi thinks that hiiragi had a crush on yuki, and so he was always the "odd one out", but hiiragi loved shizusumi, and... they don't talk about it either... and then they have sex, in which hiiragi lets shizusumi do absolutely Everything to him -- whatever it means -- and then... that's it. end of development. the following chapters are still called hiiragi's mix, but he's not really a focus anymore. confusion.

and then... strawberry swing, the four very short extra stories that left me with more questions than answers. why does yuki's own mother calmly relay the story of something that happened the day after yuki committed suicide -- of receiving a next-day delivery of cup ramen that yuki ordered? she's like "oh, so he was still thinking about 'the next day'. his will to live was still there, floating in the air". she ate the ramen and that's when she cried for the first time since his death? i'm sorry, i'm not japanese so maybe this is some cultural thing i don't understand, but ??????????????

both yuki's mother and mafuyu's mother are unbelievably calm about the whole matter, yuki's mother even saying that she laughed seeing all the cup ramen, because yuki "caused all that fuss" and then she gets cup ramen the next day! and then she says that "he's a type to die in a game of chicken" in the original, more serious meaning of "if you give up, your honor will suffer, but if both people are stubborn, they end up dying" -- so she says he's literally stubborn to the death -- but then she says that it wasn't about "what hapened recently" (aka mafuyu and yuki's argument), because "his father was the same" -- I'M SORRY, KIZU NATSUKI, YOU CAN'T JUST PUT THIS IN A SHORT EXTRA AND NOT FOLLOW UP ON IT. WHAT DOES IT MEAN. GIRL. WHAT.

idk, i feel like i'm going insane because these seem like very obvious problems any editor would point out, but... they're just not addressed! and it's impossible someone would ignore something like this, so... i must be imagining things! or maybe i'm forgetful, or maybe some pages in my copy of the book were missing or got stuck together and i missed some important explanations!

and like. obviously i adore this series, if i hated it i would have simply stopped reading (although sunk cost etc etc), but some things about it, like all the stuff mentioned above, are just... baffling. i feel like kzntk came up with a very detailed story and simply didn't have time or capabilities to think it through fully, work on the pacing, figure out where what goes -- strawberry swing shouldn't be an extra story! -- even with the magazine given ran in coming out every two-three months. and it's a great pity! because things like those aren't just stuff the author leaves up to the imagination of their readers, they're... idk, plot holes? and i'm not just pointing them out because i'm an asshole, i'm doing this because i love the series and the characters and want there to be More of them!

sigh.

anyway, 8/10, counting in the extra point for making me cry, and i guess i should see about this given movie... it came out in 2020, so i'm not sure if there's going to be a continuation? another season of the anime? more movies? because i'd really love to hear 海へ lol.