#idk i think i could live with the stigma especially since i could always explain it to my friends.... and friends wouldn't care anyway

[softesthobi]

what if i just lived at home until i graduate sdfksdjf

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Any tips got people starting their creative writing degree in September? Xxx

oh this is a great question!! sometimes I forget I will literally be an upper year next year :) how did this happen :) still feel like I’m in grade 9 :) lol! but I do have tips!

1. Trust in the process

Okay, this sounds a little gimmicky, but what I mean is, let things happen the way they’re going to happen. I was extremely prepared when I entered first year, and even more prepared for second year, and I’m not saying this is a bad thing--in fact, I recommend having something small (even an idea) at the ready, just in case of emergency writer’s block, time constraints, etc, but I’d love to go back in time and tell myself to chill! I wanted so badly to experience the idea of the Ideal Writing Degree Experience, and so kind of missed out on the actual (great) experience I had in front of me! so let it happen! Take creative risks! stray from your plan if your gut is telling you to!

2. Get involved

In first year, I found it SO helpful to get involved in writer events, or clubs on my campus. I joined my department’s lit journal (which I shall be managing in the fall!) as an intern, and made sure to attend most, if not all the writing events they had on campus, including general fine arts mixers. Though I am a super introverted person, it was actually super fun to make connections, and even so, just make memories of faces that I could later recognize on campus. This is also super helpful for getting to know people in your program! On orientation day, I really tried to huddle with some other Writing undergrads, and that was super fun because we just chatted about our writing backgrounds, etc! If you’re anxious like me, coming up with literal talking points could be helpful the night before, kind of like an “About Me” refresh?? Like, oh my name is Rachel and I write literary fiction, also I am from Toronto, would be what I would say in case someone asked (usually people were very excited to hear I was from out of province lol so this worked as a great talking point!). ALSO!! off campus events! go to readings! Readings are 100% more accessible to attend where I go to school versus where I live at home, and so I def took advantage of this by making sure to go out to multiple literary events! It’s nice to make connections, chat with the readers, or even other audience members! Usually people asked me if I was a student and what program I was in, etc, and because being a Writing major is kind of a Fun Thing To Be at a reading, this was always a great talking point!

3. Remember your writing degree is still work

I know a lot of creative degree pals give this advice to remind undergrads that their creative work for school is still work so they should sit down and do it rather than leaving it to the last minute, but I kind of like to flip this idea on its head by saying: it’s okay to prioritize your “non-academic” work versus your “traditionally academic” work! For example, I took many, many English classes this year, and put about 20x more of my time into those classes than my literal writing classes. I am a writing major?? lol! I could’ve gotten an English degree closer to home?? I did not come here for this?? I think it was easy for me to write off putting time into my writing classes because I was “good at that” and “needed to focus on my academic work” (whatever academic even means), but if you’re there for writing, don’t be afraid to actually... do your writing?? Fighting internalized stigma about my own degree is something I still work on! It’s still work! Which means it’s hard, and you should take breaks (and extensions if necessary/if you can) just like with any other work.

4. If you want to, prep a little

Like I mentioned above, this could be a helpful thing to do, though I do caution over preparation because that was me!! and I feel like one may learn more if they have more room to fail (which sometimes preparation reduces?) but this is also dependent on the type of person and student you are, so disregard if necessary! When I entered first year, I didn’t prep actual work, but made sure I knew what was expected of me so I could mentally prepare myself, haha. I knew there were 5 assignments for 5 different genres (because of COVID they actually axed 1 genre which I am GRATEFUL for rip playwriting), so I kept this in mind throughout the term. If I got an idea for a poem but knew we wouldn’t be doing poetry for the next term, I’d write the poem in advance, or write down the idea. A little bit of prep can help alleviate stress especially if you’re transitioning out of high school, but I do tend to overdo it!

5. SUBMIT your work!!!

This is also totally okay NOT to do if you don’t want to publish your work, but if you are interested in curating a portfolio, it doesn’t hurt to start submitting your work early to literary magazines! I know some people are too nervous to send out their work in first year, but if you’re comfortable with it and want to, go for it! I submitted my work for the first time in first year, and got 2 stories published. If you want to be published, you don’t have to wait for upper years to put your work out there! If you have a piece you like, send it out! This also includes on-campus writing contests if your school runs these. I entered one not thinking anything of it and won first place (HOW), and these experiences were fantastic in shaping my experience in the program and also showing me submitting your work is not so scary!

6. Talk to your profs and TAs

Y’ALL I did not realize how much I talk to my profs and TAs and how much the pandemic took that away from me! It’s so critical to form relationships with the people who are teaching you, not only because they’ll help you to shape your work, but also because they’re a great start to networking! In first year, I sat down with my TAs or prof for literally every single piece I wrote, and the amount I learned is astronomical. I guess this depends on your program, but generally, writing programs are generative based rather than super lecture heavy, and you learn by doing hands-on work (workshops, etc). I learned so much (sometimes, even more) by talking to my teachers. They want to help you and it’s a great way to get to know them. I only attended office hours once in COVID (and it was Zoom office hours), and I certainly feel a difference in my experience. Reach out! When I took an intro journalism course, my prof line-edited every one of my pieces by hand, and while it was nerve-wracking because she is a fantastic writer and a tough critic (and literally right in front of me), it was so rewarding when she’d point out where I’d improved. She was also great at taking her time to explain how I could better my piece. You can’t do that if you’re sitting in a 200 person lecture, but you can if you take some time for a one on one! Highly recommend if you can (coming from someone with social anxiety)!

7. Make friends

I will admit it! I still have not done a great job at this lol. But if you can, try to reach out to your peers. You’re all there to learn, and it’s actually so fantastic to meet likeminded people! My peers are incredibly talented, smart individuals, and when we’re in person, I’d love to chat with them more! In first year, it can be scary to reach out, which is why I did this minimally, though I still made an attempt to jump out of my comfort zone whenever possible. It’s nice to recognize faces on campus and wave at people/have a short conversation before you head into class. Like I said, I interned for my on campus lit journal in first year, so I had to reach out a few times to my classmates to participate in events etc, so this was actually kind of easier for me since I had a lil ~motive that allowed me to muster the courage to chat with people! It could be as easy as joining in on a convo of a subject of interest (for example, a lot of people at my school especially in my program, love D&D. I have no idea what that is/how that works, but if I did, this might be something to talk about if you love it also)! Also - follow people on social media if you can find them, or start a group chat!

8. Don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs

This will be my last tip, and it might be the scariest tip of all, but if you are not happy with how something is going in your degree/classes, speak up about it! If something is not accessible to you, don’t be afraid to speak out about that. Idk if it’s just me, but I’ve been advocating for the betterment of my education since elementary school (why am I like this loooool), but especially in university, you’d be surprised by how receptive some people can be! Shoot your prof or TA an email if you have concerns, and see what they say. Rarely, they can be assholes, but most of the time, they’ll try to work with you to make your class experience better. This is why I also recommend filling out your course evals. Most great profs really want their students to enjoy their classes and succeed, so don’t be nervous to speak out about your needs if xyz isn’t being met.

hope that helps!

[deuce-duce]

I enjoy writing this because I mean we can't read eachothers minds... right?! I wish I could sure would make things helluva lot easier...! I want you to consider something and then were going to discuss a few hypotheticals... first, knowing what I have explained previously you might realize I never asked to be who I am... or to rise to the level things have gotten to. I guess sometimes you just don't get a choice as to what piece you are in the game of chess... unless you choose to be a pawn that position is always chosen! But pawns can chose who they want to be when they make it to the other side... That being said the only reason things have reached the level that they have which im sure you might not agree with, but I believe its primarily because of a broken society... and an unreliable 🍇. I mean since when has gossip ever been true?? My experience starting in grade school, gossip was always used as a way to discredit someone or make them look like a fool. Not only that but the amount of inconsistencies and nonsense associated with this situation should have raised some red flags... lets say those flags were raised and a lot of you were thinking hmmm something just isn't right here it doesn't make sense, things just don't add up! Were half way there, in what world/society do you get these red flags and choose to not even ask or say anything to the person involved... Really?! Especially when your told not to tell me that you know who I am... Idk about you but I'd like to live in a place where things like this don't happen at all... but thats simply not reality. But when something of this magnitude is occurring there shouldn't be some type of uncomfortable stigma surrounding the person in question... i think you catch my drift.

Hypothetical time... please appease for a moment. lets just say hypothetically that everything i have told you is true. If thats the case I'd say that whats occurring and those that are involved are wrong and is really fucked up! Right?! The crazy part is what I have laid out for you is only the half of it!.

What do we do?! Turn a blind eye and just hope we are more diligent next time? Thats a viable outlook and requires the minimum amount of effort and individual consequence... so i get it... i can't take it anymore personally but all I can do is my best. Not that there weren't people trying to help which I appreciate but sometimes "we become the cancer that were trying to remove"

a common theme that people like to promote is one life one world one opportunity!! Even one of my my favorite artists Eminem, (got me through my childhood) specifies you only get one shot!! "If you could cease everything you ever wanted in one moment would you capture it!?? Or just let it Slip!!??: I couldnt agree more!! The controversial side of this is that your thoughts on what shot i should be taking and the actual shot I'm taking are very different! A big influencer in my decisions is the craft created by NF "I wanna look at my kids in the face when I'm older

And say I've been something admirable

Fast checks, fast women, that don't inspire me, no!

You don't wanna know what's goin' on inside my personal life?

Then get out my diary" I just don't understand why no one else sees it! I dont think anyone in history or anyone ever again will have the opportunity i have! Or that we all have as a collective. Do we harness it or just let it slip?? To be perfectly honest it is more meaningful and more challenging then anything any of us will ever face again! If I fail then I guess we will all have something in common in the fact of... at least i tried.

Last night was interesting i wont go into details but this dude was trying to tear me apart by talking about me inadvertently to a friend of his... saying oh I wish i was that smart... but i go to such and such college... I tried to make small talk becayse although I knew he was talking about me he couldnt say anything to me directly. Shooting the shit atarted out ok... but I don't think my mind is geared that way... it wasnt long before i was talking about running for president for 2020 my slogan being Enough is Enough. He said that was somewhat abrasive and wished me luck! It wasn't long before i realized he really couldn't stand me and was there to belittle me and well lets just say if theirnot with ya, then their against ya. Definitely in my situation. But I told him oh I see what your side your on... he said what side is that...? It doesn't matter well if your just going to judge me and create a bias then this conversation doesn't mean shit... i said thanks for saying it for me... he didn't like that! But realized I had made the right decision. So I feel better about how things went after that. Becuase all he was trying to do from that point forward was make me jealous... too bad he's actually queer!! And for some reason is either jealous or threatened by a homeless bum...So i don't even know why i let it bother me.

Cool thing though we talked about society and how most eat whatever their fed. now i could into some long winded analogy explaining how this takes place with not only the food we need to nourish our bodies but also the food needed to nourish our mind and soul. And because we dont bother to do the research or find out the truth we continually pollute our minds bodies and souls... After I told him that the conversation was pretty much over I could tell he was mad and talking to myself loud enough for anyone around me to 👂 I said dude I'm fucking brilliant and I'm going to win... this is when he thought it clever to go buy the women that i complimented drinks... oh well!

Another person I met was cool finance major had something eating him up and he asked me what my advice was on the matter. I told him what I thought, which I think was good advice then changed it a little bit because bearing your soul isn't easy! Which is what would have been happening. I told him how much i wanted to conform and be just like the rest of the population here but for some reason my mind literally puts up blocks... he said thats because your not supposed to get the easy road... but i want to yelling at this point and he said nope you gotta take your cards and flip em!! He said that because i told him about eminems song beautiful and he knew exactly what album it came from which was impressive but Em says no one asks to get the bullshit hands were dealt we have to take the cards and flip em ourselves and not to expect any help! Gave him my card which is the only one without a # !?!?!?!?!? Ikr cray!

This really pretty girl I talked to for about a total of thirty seconds complimented her hair and made a couple wise funny comments/questions... then said have a good night and fled... like always.... ugh...

Haha other then that i was trying to find a place to sleep which was difficult but finally found a place. And what do you think i did??? I'm sure you already know so ill spare you!!

Good night

P.s. had another conversation with a psych major. After discussing Maslow's hierarchy I was curious to know how one knows when they have reached the summit of the pyramid?! She didn't know either. Told her it would be a good question to ask her professor and went to catch my bus. After boarding I looked it up there are 9 principals or characteristics that will be prevelant once acquiring self actualization. Thats it just thought it was a cool discovery ✔ it out!!

[janiedean]

(part 1) ur gonna roast me for this but im legit curious why mafia AUs are so bad? im asking in a non confrontational way, i get it romanticizing mafia is wrong, but i also believe that 1)most mafia AUs are a really toned down type of mafia;2)they do make for some interesting kinds of dynamics with fanart and with fics; 3)in a fic specifically u can create your own world and call something mafia and still make it so they don't kill innocent people but only idk members of other gangs or sth

(part 2) plus theyre a way to put ur charas in a completely diff context and see what theyll do. i mean i dont believe that writing ships in a certain context (like mafia) equals romanticizing that context. mafia AUs arent even my fav things to read (in fact i almost never do), im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

I’m not gonna roast you don’t worry xD okay wait let me check if I replied to this already if yes I’m gonna c/p because it’s half past midnight otherwise I’ll just go at it again wait *checks tags* fff obviously I don’t have a general post but anyway pls read this after you’ve done with my post and then this which is also choke-full of links. plus for a (not nice) laugh: here. AH WAIT I FOUND THE POST.

okay, so, let’s have it out of the way: I have nothing against mob aus or crime aus. I have a problem against calling them mafia AUs because in the US mafia = organized crime at large, in Italy mafia = ACTUAL EXISTING ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE ACTIVELY HARMFUL. now that I introduced the topic I’ll c/p you the reply I gave to another anon who while discussing the issue pointed out that most writers don’t even know Italian mafia is a thing, which is pretty much on the same discourse so...

*The thing is - in the US it might not be enough of a deal anymore and I honestly do get why people make the mafia = regular mobsters, since the mafia was the first foreign organized crime being exported to the US via italian immigrants (sorry if this sounds horrible in English but I just woke up and I still didn’t have coffee) so I understand that mafia became the umbrella term.But the thing is that - as you said, these people don’t even know that there’s a mafia in Italy anymore or where the word comes from.

 I’m going to link to italiansreclaimingitaly’s tag about the mafia and its perception outside Italy because they posted about this extensively and it’s an excellent resource, but meanwhile I’m gonna do a very short bullet point list and about the topic:

Mafia might not be a big deal in the US, but it still is here. We have the beauty of four different mafias (Cosa Nostra - the Sicilian one, camorra which is the one in Campania but has tendrils spread everywhere, the 'ndrangheta which is in Calabria and the Sacra Corona Unita in Puglia) which are all active [especially camorra and 'ndrangheta] and whose actions have direct impact (negative) on our economy and on our society. Actually mafias are one of the main reasons we’re currently economically fucked up, and if I start talking about how mafia culture keeps some areas literally backwards I could talk about it for three months.

There are still people who are killed for standing up against them. These days the most prominent personality is Roberto Saviano who is a writer who dared to put together a book documenting minutely the way camorra works and he’s been living under protection for years by this point. Like, they want him dead because he wrote a book. And I’m sorta sure that he was talking about leaving Italy and going to the US after years of sticking with it here because he can’t take it anymore but I don’t know if it was a taken decision or if it’s still debating it.

It wasn’t even thirty years ago that we had the stragi di mafia - in english it’d be something like the mafia slaughters, basically around the beginning of the nineties there were a number of bombs planted by the mafia targeting people who were trying to oppose it including judges Falcone and Borsellino, actually the anniversary of Falcone’s death is like... tomorrow. And they’ve killed people for way longer than that. Here is a list of only Cosa Nostra victims including the ones from the eighties/nineties. And people are still dying because of it. The slaughters I’m referring to are just the ones in the nineties which are enough of a number.

They also perpetuate a culture where if you testify against your mafia-employed relatives you’ll be shunned forever. There are women who testified against their families and couldn’t see their children anymore never mind that they weren’t automatically considered a relative anymore the moment they sided against the mafia. Some people have committed suicide after becoming witnesses also because our police force/justice system can be terribly non-supportive in this kind of situation so they got left on their own. Never mind that back in the day - it was the beginning of the nineties? - I recall at least a particular story of - I think, correct me if I remember wrong but I can’t remember the names for the life of me - where this guy testified against the local mafia when he either used to work for them or was forced to pay them the pizzo and in retaliation his six-year old (or five? Anyway he had a son younger than ten for sure) got kidnapped, killed and thrown into acid to dispose of the body. That happened in what, 1993? 1994? It’s pretty much yesterday. And now the camorra is doing the same - there’s a list here of camorra victims among which accidental passerbys that got killed because they were in the way which I can tell just by glancing is not complete. And I’m not even going into the 'ndrangheta. That is to say, here mafia still kills people and cripples our country.

Now, I get that it’s a word, but the point was: let’s say that instead of the Italians the Japanese came to the US first and the umbrella word for organized crime was yakuza rather than mafia and let’s say yakuza was still what it was originally in Japan while in the US it stopped being a big deal and people write yakuza!AU instead of mafia AU. Let’s say someone Japanese gets angry at that and goes like 'listen the yakuza is a real deal it does this this this and that and it’s a plague in our country so can you please at least look it up before writing your fanfic’, which is what had happened way back then when this whole mafia and fanfic thing blew up. A bunch of people told us to get over it because it’s just a word and if it’s a problem in Italy it’s not in the US so why should they care? Now, if we had been Japanese (or Chinese or Russian or Mexican) would they have said the same thing? Considering the general tumblr attitude I’m pretty sure they would have received either an apology or 'this is an important deal let’s keep that in mind’ with signal boost reblogs and stuff. 

It’s the fact that we should get over people not knowing that it’s still a real problem for us and that they can’t take five seconds to google it that is the problem imo. Especially when instead of mafia au you can just say mobsters au or tag it as organized crime and everyone is a lot happier, mostly because as the tag above explains romanticising the mafia is a good thing for them because it means they can act outside Italy with less stigma because everyone thinks that the mafia is dead or not relevant anymore, if I’m explaining myself. (And it’s active outside Italy - like, there was a mafia kill in Germany in 2007 where six people died (sorry the link is in Italian but there isn’t an English wiki page, if you look the city up you’ll find something probably) and it was because of the 'ndrangheta.

I’d really like to not get worked over it because it meant it was a thing of the past y'know, but the problem is that it isn’t and I’d rather spread some awareness in hope some of these writers look it up (because it’s a good thing that people know what mafia is since as stated they have tendrils everywhere - if you read Saviano’s book the entire first chapter is about how camorra regularly deals with Chinese import/export in Italy for one) than shrug and figure that since they’ll think everything is good for fanfic then it’s not even worth my time.*

Now, ^^^ that was the c/p-ed reply that should answer most of your doubts. What I didn’t address was:

im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

aaaand as we say here in Italy, this is where the donkey falls (sorry we have weird sayings), because in theory there’s nothing wrong with that... except that in 99% of the mafia aus I’ve seen around the thing is that they’re supposed to be cute.

like, I see a lot of shit with TINY MAFIA BOSS STEVE ROGERS with RUSSIAN ENFORCER BUCKY (????? bucky isn’t even russian???) and the yoi thing I saw before had the japanese character being the leader of a russian mafia gang which is... like... guys it doesn’t happen it really doesn’t, and a lot of them re-use wrongly terminology taken from the godfather without context or knowing what the hell it means, and it’s always from the criminals’ pov and they’re somehow seen as criminals doing justice where the police can’t (???) and like... no. mafia bosses/enforcers/employees are bad people period, and at least here if you try to leave or repent they kill your family in retribution. like, not even ten years ago there’s been a woman who used to belong to a mafia family (or one colluded with the mafia) who testified and her entire town/family shunned her and she couldn’t take it anymore and... killed herself drinking acid if I don’t recall wrong. it’s not even special cases. this shit is not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not adorable and it’s not good fodder for your imagine your otp scenario (srsly I saw one like.. let me find it,

LIKE. just look at this shit. in a regular context, the enforcer goes to the show owner to force them to pay a monthly sum to their boss lest they destroy their shop and their lives and their family’s life never mind that mafia culture is deeply homophobic so the mafia enforcer flirting with the shopkeeper is like completely fucking out of the question. I mean, people here like to shit on the sopranos but that show was actually excellent representation of Horrid Criminals Who Were Never Supposed To Be Good People and the small arc that happened when one of tony’s friends turned out to be gay (closeted) was REALLY well done. btw, it ended that when they found out he was gay most of the crowd rejected him and thought badly of him until I think they killed him also for other reasons, but that spiraled from finding out he liked dick. and that’s american mafia that they actually based on well-done research of the culture in Italy it came from, I assure you that here it doesn’t work that differently. like. the shit above is so inaccurate and frankly offensive, it’s like... I get people romanticizing problematic stuff but the thing is that when you tell them that it’s actually offensive you get brushed off as ‘ah well you’re being too sensitive it’s just a word u__u’. now, I’m all for exploring shit we wouldn’t be into, but not like THAT, because that’s like mafia romantic comedy and that’s not how it works. now, you wanna do a fic where the mafia characters are deeply flawed and bad people and the police tries to catch them? fine, great, go ahead. you wanna do a fic where the enforcer above deals with dunno an entire life of internalized homophobia when he finds the shopkeeper attractive and feels conflicted over having to con money out of him and doing horrible shit for a living and maybe understanding that crime isn’t worth it and then he actually collaborates with the police and gets shit from about everyone he knows and loves for that? okay, awesome, go ahead. nothing bad in that.

but the shit above is not exploring things we wouldn’t/writing darkfic, it’s THINKING THAT A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION WHICH IS STILL A THING IN OUR PART OF THE WORLD IS CUTE AND ADORABLE. and that only plays in their favor because it takes the bad aura out of the word and we really should not let that happen. like. that is what is bad about mafia aus and mafia discourse, that people don’t realize the mafia is alive and well and thriving and not a thing that doesn’t exist or a generic word for organized crime.

you wanna write the shit above? okay, CALL IT CRIME AU or mob au, not mafia au.

btw, add-on: idk if I mentioned it in the above post or not, but in case I didn’t, I said that people would balk at the idea of a mexican cartel au. sadly since then I’ve found out a fandom where not only there is one but it’s also extra cutesy and people apparently love it and it has a bunch of kudos/comments and idek I’m not even touching that with a ten foot pole but like... I’ve avoided it and everything that author wrote because to me it’s just... nope. like, nope. if you do mafia aus don’t make them fucking cute. (also: in the same fandom I had to mute a v. famous fanartist whose art I actually liked but did cutesy mafia aus and.. like... haahahhaahahahahaha nah sorry. can’t go there. nope.)

[the-hope-in-my-galaxy]

My BTS WINGS Tour in Chicago Fan Account

THIS IS A LOT. Like 4 whole pages in google docs 😬. Don't feel obligated to read the whole thing just because you follow me. If you have any questions to ask me feel free to message me :-)

OK first things first shout out to the uber guy who was blasting a kpop spotify playlist when he pulled up to get me lmao

He told me he personally wasn't into it but that he had been driving people to the venue since like 11:00 AM and he already saw people lining up so i was like 💀

I got to the venue by 6:30PM and had to wait like 5 minutes to get in

OK…..so I ended up getting an ARMY bomb ewhvfqghrlhotw

And….here’s the kicker……….it was $60 🙃🙃🙃

It was impulsive af but i had the money and i was so afraid i wouldn't get anything else because shiz was selling out fast so i panicked 😬

I waited in this long ass line because i knew I had to get some kind of souvenir but by the time i got to the front the ARMY bombs were the only things left

And you know what's hilarious? i ended up not even using the ARMY bomb because after waiting in the second line i didn't even have enough time to charge it 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

So i was just like Fuck It and bolted to my seat which was 2nd tier

Even though my seat wasn't close to the guys...it didn't feel too far away? The venue is really nice tbh like i was of reasonable distance and could see everything fine.

My seat was at the end of a row in the middle seats so i didn't feel squished which is a HUGE bonus cuz that was my main concern so overall I think my seat was pretty good.

Before i talk my head off about the performances i want to give a big shout out to the people who filmed, did artwork and put together the VCR’s throughout the concert. Everything was so beautiful and fit the themes and songs well.

After the first VCR, which was arguably an art film, these guys came out with Not Today and y’all….

It wAS SO HYPE

That was honestly when i realized that this was...Actually Happening.

Like these guys i care about so much were performing right in front of me

I screamed so damn loud lmaooo

After Not Today they did their introductions and they were all SO CUTE ☺️

Ofc Hobi did his iconic ��I’m your Hope!” and my heart fell out of my ass LMAO

Yoongi was so freakin Extra™ he took his damn ear buds out and made that cocky hand gesture where he closed his eyes and put his palm to the back of his ear to get everyone to scream for him I CAN’T with him 😒

But.. i still screamed as loud as i could 😏

I screamed for all the members everyone did

After their cute introductions and small talk they continued on with the concert where they performed Am I Wrong (an under appreciated tune), Baepsae (LIT 👅👅👅 they all looked so hot) and the Dope which i hadn't listened to in a while so i felt nostalgic jamming to it.

And then we got to the solo stages...

Jungkook is such a talented kid tbh. Like i joke about him a lot in my tags but he looked so cool performing Begin. His footwork was something else 👌🏾

After him was Jimin with Lie and HE HAD HIS TIDDIES OUT (I’m calling his mama lmao). But no it was just a reallllllly low cut shirt like 👀 I see you chimchim. The performance was literally art in motion for me with the choreography and background VCR, and the song itself is just a masterpiece, my fave solo after MAMA. Jimin is so captivating to watch.

After him was Yoongi with First Love and it was so beautiful and passionate. The background VCR had really well done art and complimented the beauty of the song. Yoongi has such a cool energy to him, very confident and unafraid. I really appreciate what he had to offer.

And look... I already knew Yoongi was a good looking dude but like…Idk what happened but this concert made me realize how beautiful he really is??? Hobi is my bae you guys know that but Yoongi had me swerving a couple of times jesus 👀

After that they came back together as a group perform Lost (vocal line only, and another under appreciated bop) Save Me (my favorite group performance, when Hobi’s part came on I screamed and then loudly repeated the only english line he had in his verse,”The best of me!”) and then I Need U (a classic)

After that was Namjoon who performed Reflection which was very mellow. It is a very vulnerable song that encompasses emotions I think anyone can relate to. I am glad he could openly share those feelings in a song. When he go to the part where he repeats the “I wish I could love myself” line we were all chanting WE LOVE YOU like the fans at Brazil and Newark. It was so sweet ☺️

After him was Taehyung with Stigma and HE DID THAT. Tae really gave his all during that performance. I still worry over his vocal technique tho cuz he is a natural baritone and that solo had a lot of high notes. But he was so immersed in his song and it was so soulful like 😭 I’m super proud of him.

And after him...MY MAN CAME OUT 😰 😰 😰  

Y’all i was NOT ready Hobi KILLED IT. Mama is such a bop but the meaning behind it is so gorgeous this boy really does love his mom. He danced, rapped and during the ending chorus he had his lil singing adlibs and I was just felt so content and happy seeing him perform with all his energy. He really is our Hope 😭😭😭😭

And during Hobi’s solo they showed soooo many baby pictures 😱 they showed pictures of him I never seen before including awkward pre teen photos of him posing like a superhero and I LOVED THAT cuz we all have those super awk photos we took when we were 12 thinking we looked badass and then we see them now and we’re like 🙄 so I’m really glad he was confident enough to show that he’s just as human as everyone else. And then...

JIN’S SOLO MADE ME CRY 😖

ALRIGHT so here’s the deal…

Hobi is my Official Bias™ and Yoongi is my now confirmed Bias Wrecker™ but…

Jin is…idk I can’t explain it but he has such a special place in my heart. He gets overlooked a lot and in his solo song Awake he sings about this. Feeling like he is sometimes not a part of his own group and I’ve felt that way before so many times. Hell all my life even. When he was singing his solo I honest to god teared up like he’s just such a great guy with a great sense of humor who works so hard in everything he does. I sang most of the song and I screamed so loud for him, everyone did. I just hope he felt loved that night ❤️

Jeez i teared up just writing that…

And then….after that was the cypher 💀💀💀

EVERYONE was hyped, rap line went off, it was around this time were my voice was starting to hurt 😥

After that was Fire, another hype song

And then it was a huge mashup of their debut/rookie years title songs. It made me realize how far they’ve all came when it comes to music.

Diring that they performed Run which is the era i really started to stan them. It brought back some more nostalgia, mainly back to when the fandom life didn't feel so damn dramatic 25/8 😒

After that was when the started to talk with us again. They talked about how they spent their time in Chicago and how happy they felt to be there.

HOBI WENT TO THE CHICAGO AQUARIUM AND GOT THIS CUTE SHARK HAT AND HE WAS SHOWING IT OFF LIKE IT WAS A TROPHY IT WAS SO CUTE!!!!!!

Namjoon said he went to look at Lake Michigan and the Michigander in me was like 😵😵😵

Like yes boys come to Michigan sometime! Swim across the lake lmao 😭

Namjoon also said that if he had to chose any US city to live in it would be Chicago which i thought was super cute and everyone around me was going nuts. I like Chicago a lot too and i hadn't been there in such a long time so it was good to come back for the concert. Hopefully I can stay longer next time

Also! The Chicago Armys did the rainbow project as well!!! It was so pretty. The organizers did such a great job. I remember when American Armys were first talking about making a project with the light sticks but people (including other American fans) were sort of putting them down because they thought we should leave making good fan projects to the Korean Armys which made me go??? But you guys really pulled it off!!!! Im proud of y’all.

The boys looked shocked that the American fans did it again because they had already did the same project at the Newark concerts, they all looked so happy and commented on it and how grateful they were.

After that they performed their more recent songs off the WINGS album including 2! 3! Hope For Better Days which had a beautiful montage of all the members from debut era. I know i keep saying this but it was obviously nostalgic

The also performed the WINGS Intro which I LOVE and wish it were made to a full song but for the concert they made it longer than usual so the boys could goof off and interact with fans and the stuffed animals the fans tossed at them. Jungkook wore these cute bunny ears  ☺️ ☺️ ☺️ super cute. They all looked like they were having a blast with the fans at the floor seats. That was the only time I felt jealous of not getting a floor seat. There’s always next time tho!

The last songs they performed were Boy Meets Evil(Hobi’s other solo that was the album intro, and ofc he freaking killed it!!! He is such a talented dancer and i hope he goes on Hit the Stage one day so everyone, especially non-fans, can finally see how great of a dancer he is) BST(LIT!) and Spring Day(Beautiful performance, a great way to end the concert)

The boys stayed on stage for the longest time even after Spring Day ended. They all took their sweet time doing final bows and saying goodbye to the fans. They were so sweet this whole concert and always kept the crowd hyped when they could talk to us throughout the concert. I'm so thankful I saw them. I'll never forget this and I hope to see them again.

[chasing-rabbits]

I dont think the monetizing on your mentally ill page is a bad idea, IF you do it the right way. I think the idea behind spreading the word of mental illness, raising awareness and destigmatizing it is what we need to do. If selling buttons or stickers or shirts or what have you to sell accomplishes this goal then go for it! I would buy a pin that says " __awareness" I would NOT buy a pin that says "SOS my girlfriends bipolar" BUT ur smart and you get it so I doubt you would do that anyway lol

Well considering I have bipolar and bpd and am currently battling stigma from MH professionals yeah I just i see on redbubble the site i use for my vegan designs. Like I looked up bipolar some of it was just horrible like there was these his and hers tops and it was basically correlating bipolar gf w/ crazy etc and i just...idk i find it in v. bad taste especially since i found no evidence to suggest this person has bipolar or any mental illness that is heavily stigmatised. I understand using dark humor to cope but i feel if you are going to sell on the nose dark humor related merch it should be about a disorder you personally have. You know? Also i would not sell even dark humor stuff that uses the word crazy in reference to bipolar. Like when I say dark humor and stuff i mean like i used to follow a blog called self harm shark and some ppl sent it hate saying it glorified it and such but honestly it helped me on tough nights not to cut/not to feel less alone i actually felt less crazy because many user submitted stuff I could relate to and its one of those things where you might think youre alone in feeling this or that and you realise youre not and that is sad sure that someone else experiences it too but it is relieving to know youre not the only one it makes you feel less crazy bcos u realise its not just you so its almost like not normal but its not like youre the only one who experiences it therefore you just idk im not good at explaining it just makes me at least feel less crazy etc. But yeah i mean..idk i just think yeah certain things shouldnt be joked about and i feel like if youre not suffering with said mental illness or dont have a relative or partner or anything with said mental illness you shouldnt really even consider making dark humor or on the nose jokes/humor/memes to sell etc. Cos it comes off as more well..do you actually think that? Are you stigmatising us or thinking these things? Are you trying to make a buck off mental health but you dont care about the mentally ill? You know you just never know someones intentions. I know like for example i woudlnt want to buy vegan merch off someone whose not vegan who doesnt believe in the vegan lifestyle..when I could buy a vegan pin or magnet or coaster set etc from a vegan trying to work hard to make a living its just yeah... I have some designs in mind actually that i have already created for bipolar and mental illness. I actually have one saying my mental illness is not your adjective or something like that. I do have one i created that says ‘bipolar af’ i created it when manic and now ive come out of mania im not entirely sure if its a good idea to sell it or not? I mean im not sure if that is like idk if the as fuck bit makes it sound bad or if it could be misinterpreted and seen as like..the whole using it as an adjective thing like what if people buy it who are like buying it to like use bipolar as an adjective in that terms like you know how people say the weather is so bipolar or quite often bipolar is used to describe someone who just has mood swings or someone who people might define as highly strung or ‘crazy’ idk im not sure if the AF bit makes it seem like thats how its gonna be viewed. I mean to me idk I guess it was just an idea of a shirt or pin etc saying hey im bipolar and you know im not ashamed but in less words...idk if youve noticed but im extremely like anxiety riddled and so worried of being seen as what i despise and that..like worried my designs or words might be misinterpreted or that i might have like a dark humor post or something and maybe it is abit too on the nose or that people might be upset about it or so on. I dont know because no one can police how someone copes with their illness but it is different when that person it putting it out there for sale on pins and stuff you know? Oh btw I am going to be making pins and magnets and other stuff. I am currently working on deciding if i do it through Teepublic/Redbubble or if I use this local manafacturer I found in Leeds (im from good old britland lmfao or brexshitland)  Which might be more costly because Idk that i’d be able to afford to bulk buy the products..i mean I could always do like a uhh thing where whats it called where you have a campaign and you set a limit/target so you say once i reach 100 sales i’ll buy the product and ship it out kinda thing? But idk because i mean what if it takes literally a year to reach 100 sales and people dont want to wait that long. So im not sure...i mean I could do a gofundme maybe but idk how that works..or how to set it up. I really want to focus on my Mental health blog and socials and that combines with my poetry as much of my poetry is mental health related and so recovery related too. So my poetry is less of something i really need to worry about maintaining because i write when i want to when i get inspired or when I need to vent to keep my mental health in check. So i just do it off the cuff as and when and post it to my poetry tumblr. I  have over 500 pieces stock piled that I just need to schedule to my WordPress site. So thats not an issue. So I guess right now I need to work out where to focus iike Mental Health stuff or vegan designs for my Rb or what I could do is just dedicate a day a week to the vegan designs on redbubble as its not very time consuming to create the designs. And then I can upload them like as and when maybe just spend an hour a day uploading designs and making a new instagram post and sharing that on facebook and here.  So then I have 6 days minus an hour a day to work on my mental health stuff which is my main focus and passion tbh. I guess ive been delaying it because ive been strugglign so much lately ive felt like a fraud or felt like i’d be a fraud preaching happiness and recovery and talking about things to help yourself during depressive episodes etc when i was just mooching around watching tv and just feeling blah...you know? I just..I dont know where to start with the mental health stuff and im so afraid of failing and fucking up or being judged and people thinking i suck or like recently i got accused of faking my mental illnesses from a guy in a UK businesses networking group..he sent me a tirade of hate and how he was gonna shame me for being a fake and claimed he had borderline PD and bipolar too and how hes learnt most people fake it and take advantage of the system put in place to help people really mentally ill luckily the admins removed him from the group..but its just..it really got to me you know. My biggest thing is being told im faking it because so many people think borderlines fake their mood shifts because we change happy to suicidal in seconds or at least i do sometimes at my worst..its just hard..i get it can seem attention seeking because we over react to minor issues and arguments but thats literally the definition of our disorder. we are emotionally unstable and we think and like evrything to us is in extremes i love to the max i get angry over reactive to the max i ahve extreme fears of abandonment triggered by slight changes in my relationships w/ people things others might not even pick up on.. idk i got a lot to say and dont know where to start! haha but thank you I will definitely look more into creating mental health based merchandise..