#idk i guess i'm bisexual but i've only really been romantically interested in one woman so it almost feels like it doesn't count

[xxchromies]

There is talk of an "ugly man psyop", this idea that women are being psyoped into being attracted to ugly men. I beg to disagree, thirsting over conventionally unattractive men is one of life's greatest joys. It's an art most people couldn't even begin to comprehend.

Now, I understand where people are coming from. So much pressure from men for women to look a certain way and then they don't even bother. Fair enough, fair enough. But consider... women are just better than men in every single way.

[bisexualpositivity]

Hi! I'm submitting an ask mostly to... Maybe seek some validation for how I'm feeling and out of curiosity if anyone feels similarly.

So, I am a bisexual woman, that much I'm certain of. I've only ever had romantic relationships and been intimate with men, not due to lack of wanting to, more due to lack of queer femmes I was attracted to and that were also attracted to me. I'm in a long term relationship with a man - although he is very accepting and has said he doesn't mind if I want to sleep with other women (and not because he thinks it would be hot either, just because he doesn't want to stand in my way if I want to explore the "other side" of my sexuality) but I'm not really a casual hookup kind of person, so I have no plans of actually doing that. I'm mostly pretty confident in my identity even without having the experience. Anyways, all that is besides the point but maybe it's relevant. Idk.

If I had to define my identity more specifically, I guess I would describe myself as biromantic and demisexual, but it's a bit more complicated than that still.

Basically, I feel like I am demisexual only when it comes to my relationships with men. I am not/only very rarely sexually attracted to men when I have no romantic interest in them. It's very rare for me to see a man in the street that I am immediately sexually attracted to. I may have an aesthetic attraction to them, but it's not sexual at all, it's more like looking at a flower or a beautiful sunset. However, it's different with women. It's much more frequent for me to be immediately not just aesthetically but sexually attracted to a woman I see, even without any romantic interest. As for folks in between, I generally tend to be attracted to androgyny and femininity more than masculinity, on average.

Part of me wonders if it's because as a woman, I subconsciously feel more "intimidated" when it comes to being intimate with men, so I need a certain level of connection to feel safe enough to even consider getting to that point, whereas another woman feels more "safe" and less likely to hurt me?

And another part of me feels some sort of guilt about it, like I'm unfairly sexualizing women the way society likes to do to us. I don't approach the people I feel this way about, of course, I just wonder if there's a societal conditioning aspect to how I feel, like I've seen women be sexualized more throughout my life while men were the romantic interest, so is that why I inherently think of women as more sexual/physically attractive than men? Because that's how I've been taught to see women? I wanna think I don't objectify anyone, and it's not inherently objectifying to be physically attracted to someone, right? But what if this is me subconsciously doing that thing where some people don't value f/f relationships the same as m/f ones, and don't take it seriously, reduce it down to "it's hot" and that's all?

That's the point where some doubts creep into my identity, I guess. Since I have no romantic relationships with women under my belt, can I really know? (The old familiar questions we and other people constantly ask ourselves! Which I hate!!) I've had some crushes, but due to lack of any possibility of pursuing (most of my girl crushes were very much straight) they always ended up being kinda surface level. So... what if I only see women sexually, not romantically? Like if I were to try and date a woman, what if I realised that romantic part just wasn't there? And if that was the case, would that be wrong?

Basically, I know I'm bisexual, for sure, but sometimes I wonder if I'm somehow bi for the wrong REASONS if that makes any sense. It's like bi imposter syndrome or something.

Okay I'll wrap up this wall of text- sorry for using the ask box to have my little identity crisis lol

I'll try to respond to individual parts of what you've said here.

what if I only see women sexually, not romantically?

Are you familiar with the split attraction model? It's definitely not perfect, but what you're describing would definitely resonate with a lot of the people who use it. The SAM was originally created to better explain how someone can be asexual but not aromantic and vice versa. You may have heard terms like "biromantic asexual" and "aromantic pansexual" - those terms make use of the split attraction model.

(In fact, you yourself used "biromantic" and "demisexual" to describe the way you currently identify ^^)

if I were to try and date a woman, what if I realised that romantic part just wasn't there?

If that's a description that best fits your personal experience, I don't see a problem with it at all. While it's possible you might be suffering from internalized homophobia and/or your feelings might change someday to include romantic attraction to women, there's really no rush to figure out these things for sure.

Some gay men will meet a woman they're attracted to and no longer identify as gay, vice versa with lesbians. Plenty of gay people in that exact situation will choose to see those men/women as exceptions to the general rule of their lack of attraction to that gender. Neither of these groups are in the wrong.

Point being, you're the one who decides which labels fit you best, imposter syndrome be damned. Nobody else can make the decision for you, and that's one of the most beautiful things about being queer 💗