#idk i got to thinking about one piece movies for too long and got reminded of my feelings towards film red

[sanjipussyindulgence]

i think its so funny that i dont even like film red all that much as a movie. ive got serious gripes with it actually.

most of the characters don't do anything, a lot of things happen for no reason (like the sunny becoming alive for a bit. there was no point to that), there's weird plot holes added to the lore with tot musica's existence (literally why is it a portrayed as demon. out of all the wacky shit in the one piece universe demons have NOT been one of them), and i think the sound mixing + visuals on some of the music numbers is really off-putting (why are there no sound effects in the opening number and why does uta's uncanny 3d model keep getting shoved into scenes randomly)

...but uta is there. so it gets a 7/10 for her alone <3

no joke the best part of that entire movie is her character. and the only thing that keeps the movie from being a complete flop is how its aware of that fact. film red dedicated as much screen time to her as possible. she had more of a presence in the movie than the straw hats and that was honestly for the better. it gave the writers the time to create one of the best villains in one piece.

i walked out of that movie being like "ehhh that was alright i guess" but then went home and immediately reblogged as much uta fanart as possible

her, gran tesoro, and baron omatsuri make up the trio of good op movie villains. the rest stink shit. (yes this is about that stupid fuckass marine in film Z. i hate that guy and i hate that movie.)

[graciegoeskrazy]

one more fight - she's begging you to stay stay part THREE

Matty Healy x lost!OFC!daughter!r

part 1 part 2

Warnings: crying, mourning/death of a parent, mention of running away, school lol, idk really, angst, ft George a bit

A/N: Idk how I feel about this but I think it's good. I had this way longer originally but the rest will just be separate parts. Some if the rest isn't s angsty (who IS she??) I like it. When Liam Payne died this reminded me that this is basically “I got adopted by one direction” fan fiction so now I hate it all actually but whatever

It had been a week since you attempted to run away from home, and a week since you decided to try calling this place home.

The days had been strange and tentative, each one blending into the next. You were slowly piecing together routines, latching onto anything that made you feel settled, though part of you wasn’t ready to trust the feeling. School, of all things, had become a useful distraction. It wasn’t that you suddenly loved studying or cared much about what grades you’d get—just that there was comfort in the rhythm of it. It gave you something to think about other than Matty or Mum. With midterms looming, you had a convenient excuse to keep your head down, keep to yourself, and attempt to be unnoticeable.

Your room, the biggest you’d ever had, still didn’t feel entirely like yours, Since the night Matty found your diary and read how you truly felt about staying, you’d been slowly adding little pieces of yourself to it—posters, knickknacks, little things that might make it feel like you belonged there. Nothing too bold or permanent, just small touches, as if you were testing how much of yourself you could leave behind in this space without making it obvious. It was easier to imagine Matty noticing and disapproving, though he’d only ever tried to show how much he wanted you to feel loved.

Every morning he’d check in, a soft knock on your door, asking if you needed anything. He never asked outright if you were okay or if you wanted to talk, and you only assumed it was because he knew that was too much to ask, too soon. Instead, he let you take each day as it came, hoping that small gestures—a cup of tea, your favorite snack he’d bring home for you, a movie night he’d suggest but would never force—would show you that this was, in his eyes at least, home for as long as you wanted it to be. Maybe even for good.

Yet the question lingered in the air between you both, like a thread that neither one of you wanted to pull. The question of staying. You hadn’t spoken about it since the night he found your diary, and though you’d been too mortified to say anything then, you wondered now if he’d been waiting all along for you to come to him and make it real with words. But for now, you settled into the quiet in-betweens, letting the weeks go by without saying anything final, and instead working to leave small pieces of yourself where you hoped they might take root.

…….

You never heard the quiet rumble of the car outside or the front door shutting. It was only when the light spilling through your bedroom door shifted into the shadow of a man that you finally turned around. Matty stood there, dressed in black with his wallet and keys in hand, dress shoes still on—he hadn’t even bothered to drop them off by the door. He’d come straight to you. “What the bloody hell are you doing up at this hour?” he asked. You rolled your eyes, too exhausted for his lecturing, and turned back to your work.

“Studying,” you said calmly.

He walked toward you, his tone firm but holding no anger or malice. “Not at one in the morning! You should be in bed. I told you I wanted you asleep by the time I got home.”

“Sorry,” you mumbled, not looking up from your work.

He sighed, setting his keys and phone down on your desk. “Did you eat dinner?”

“Yes,” you replied, a little too quickly.

He scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, so we’re lying now, are we?” You shot him a confused look. “I checked my credit card charges,” he added, shrugging with a smile. You rolled your eyes and turned back to your study guides. But before you could get back to work, he closed your laptop and began shutting the books on your desk. “It’s time for bed.”

“No, I’m busy.” You said, starting to open everything back up. Matty started closing everything again as soon as you did, putting more books into your backpack beside your desk.

He laughed, which pissed you off even more, “Don’t tell me ‘no’, it’s time for bed.” You ignored him, opening your laptop and trying to resume working, but it was no use, he just kept shutting everything off around you,

"Stop," His voice was firm, cutting through the air. The word felt heavier than it should, a gentle command that broke through the walls you had been trying so hard to keep up. Your body reacted instantly, curling in on itself as if his voice had unlocked something inside you. You pulled your knees to your chest and clamped your hands over your eyes, as though covering them could make the world go away. The tears you'd fought all night surged forward, warm and relentless. The sobs you’d been choking back finally broke free, trembling out in small gasps, filling the silent room.

For a moment, you felt nothing but the weight of it all—your sadness, your anger, the uncertainty that seemed to wrap itself around you like a second skin. You couldn’t stop shaking, the tears pouring out faster than you could handle, but before you could drown in them, you felt Matty slowly shift beside you. His hand wraps around your wrist. It wasn’t forceful, just a quiet, persistent tug, and you let him pull your hand away from your eyes. Your vision blurred through the tears as you blinked up at him, trying to make sense of his face through the haze of emotions.

"Come here," he murmured, his voice softer now, the firmness replaced by something warmer, something that felt like home. His arms opened prompting you to come to him.

Without thinking, you moved. The space between you two disappeared in a second as you pushed yourself off your desk chair and stumbled into him. You buried your face in his chest, your body shaking as his arms came around you, pulling you in tightly like he was trying to piece you back together. His chin rested on top of your head, and you could hear the steady thump of his heartbeat, a rhythm that began to steady your own.

"It’s okay," he whispered into your hair, his voice a soothing tone against the storm raging inside of you. "I’ve got you. Let it out."

You sobbed harder, your fingers twisting into the fabric of his shirt as if clinging to him could stop you from falling apart completely. He didn’t flinch, instead, his hands moved in slow, comforting circles across your back. His touch was light but steady, grounding you with each stroke. He rocked you gently, the motion slow and rhythmic like he was trying to lull you out of the darkness with nothing but his presence.

"Shh," he murmured again, his breath warm against your hair, "You’re safe. I’ve got you."

His words wove their way into the cracks of your heart, slowly calming the tidal wave of emotions crashing inside of you. The ache in your chest began to ease, though the tears kept coming. You hadn’t realized how badly you needed this, how much you’d been holding back until this moment. The dam had broken, and now there was no stopping the flood.

But he didn’t seem to mind. He just held you tighter, wrapping his arms around you like a shield, protecting you from the world. He leaned back slightly, shifting his position so that you could sink further into his embrace, his arms cradling you like he was afraid you might disappear if he let go.

“You’re okay,” he repeated, his voice steady. Each word felt like it was unraveling the tight knots that had wound themselves deep in your chest, loosening the tension that had been building since your mom died. You weren’t sure how long you’d been crying, but he never left your side, never pulled away,

The warmth of his body seeped into yours, and slowly, the sobs began to fade. Your breaths, though still shaky, came easier now, and the iron grip you had on his shirt began to soften. You felt heavy—exhausted, drained—but somehow lighter at the same time, as if some weight had been lifted. His hands never stopped moving, rubbing soothing patterns across your back, his thumb tracing slow, comforting circles over your shoulder blade.

He didn’t push you to speak. He didn’t pry or prompt you to explain. All he did was hold you, shushing your tears, whispering that everything was going to be okay. And it was you who chose to break the silence, your voice muffled against his shirt as you continued to cry into him.

“I just miss her,” you whispered, your words broken by the tears that hadn’t fully subsided.

He paused for a moment, letting the weight of your words hang in the air. The only sounds were your quiet hiccups and the soft rustle of his breath as he held you tighter.

“I know,” he finally said, his voice gentle, full of understanding.

“I just...want to see her again.”

“I know, baby-”

“And I’m so tired.” The exhaustion wasn’t just physical at this point.. Every part of you was worn thin, stretched beyond breaking.

“I know,” he whispered again. “But pushing yourself like this, studying until you can’t see straight, working every second of every day... it won’t bring her back, love. It won’t take away the hurt.”

His words settled in your chest, heavy but true. You felt the warmth of his breath on your forehead as he pressed a kiss there. He then spoke words that would take a while to itch out of your brain, “You don’t have to be so strong all of the time, kid.” You continued to let the small tears flow off of your cheeks and onto his shirt, “You can ask your help every once in a while, you know that right?” You didn’t nod or answer, just stayed still, letting his words sink in.

He looked at you as he spoke, “You’ve had a long day,  I’ll bet money your exams will go just fine, and deep down, I think you know that, too.” He pulled back slightly, his eyes soft but serious. “But if you don’t get some rest, you’ll be too tired to keep your eyes open for any exam you take.” His fingers brushed a stray tear from your cheek. “It’s time for sleep now, love.” You just nodded as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Go get changed. I'll be right here.” You slowly pried yourself off of him, the chill in the air coming back without his warmth.

You grabbed one of the pajama sets from your dresser and slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind you with a soft click. The momentary silence felt heavy, almost suffocating after the outpour of emotions just moments before. The fluorescent light buzzed faintly as you turned it on, casting a harsh glow on your reflection in the mirror.

For a second, you just stared. Your face was blotchy and red, eyes swollen from crying, dark circles lingering beneath them from nights of restless sleep. It was hard to recognize yourself like this—so raw, so vulnerable. A completely different person than the one you were mere months ago. You reached up to rub at your cheeks, your fingers brushing over tear-streaked skin, but the feeling lingered deeper than the surface.

You dried your face, tugging on your pajama top and slowly made your way back out of the bathroom. Matty was still sitting where you left him, his expression soft but watchful as you re-entered the room. He didn’t say anything, just gave you a small, reassuring smile, patting the spot beside him.

And without thinking, you went to him, letting the quiet between you two speak for itself.

He moved out of the way and moved the covers down, prompting you to get in. He pulled them up once you settled in and started fluffing your pillows. His gaze finally met yours once he got you settled and he couldn’t help the small frown on his face when he saw your eyes, still full of tears.

“Shh. It’s alright my love.” he said, voice almost a whisper, secretly trying to lure you to sleep

You looked at him with those big doe eyes of yours. The ones he has become very accustomed to. “Will you stay with me?” you asked, voice barely a whisper.

It took everything in your father to not cry in that moment, seeing you so small, so fragile. So terrified of what was to come made his heart shatter into a million pieces. “Of course I will.” He said.

Once he took his place next to you, you wasted no time, immediately finding a spot against him and his chest. He held you tighter as you cried into him. He didn’t say a word, yet you felt the most supported you’ve ever been. It almost felt as if a weight started to lift off of you. Eventually, your sobs subsided. The amount of crying in that short time was enough to wear you out during your barely conscious state, He was still in his dress shirt and pants, not that he cared. All he could think about was you. He didn’t dare move. He didn’t want to let go of you.

…….

George bursted through the door, slamming it loudly. Not aware of your sleeping form on the couch, You were cuddled into your father, asleep, face hiding in his chest while your legs were sprawled out on the rest of the couch. To Matty’s surprise, his loud, booming voice didn’t wake you. Matty shut him up before he could continue. “Shhhh! Shut up will you!” he whispered. If he could’ve shouted he would.

George abruptly stopped when his eyes caught sight of you. “Christ, is that her?”

“No, it’s another 12-year-old who lives in my house.” George rolled his eyes. Matty continued, “She’s still asleep. Come sit.” He nodded towards the chair next to him.

He saw George’s hesitant look as he slowly crept to the couch, his eyes never leaving your sleeping form. Matty noticed the way his gaze hovered over you as he took slow, calculated steps towards the chair, afraid a creek in the floorboard would wake you up. He spoke as he sat down. “Why so tired? It’s barely 3?”

Matty shrugged, “She’s been up late. Barely sleeps through the night since Flo died. Being up through the night studying for her exams sure didn’t help.”

George quietly sighed. “Poor girl.” He looked at you once more, paying attention to your features, now having a proper chance. “Christ, she looks just like you.” He said, almost a whisper.

Matty looked up at him quickly. “You think?” He said, not bothering to hide the smile on his face.

“Without a doubt.”

Matty hummed, looking at you again, “Acts like me too, stubborn as hell.”

George let out a small laugh before quickly responding. “Nah, I don’t imagine she’s as big of a pain in the ass as you.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “Oh shut-”

“Dad?”

Both men panicked when they heard the timid and groggy sound of your voice. You were still half asleep, not even bothering to open your eyes all the way. The sun peeking in through the living room windows was too bright anyways,

“I’m sorry I woke you, my love.” He whispered sweetly. “Go back to sleep, darling.”

You rubbed your eyes as if doing so would get rid of the tiredness in them. “What are you doing?” You asked while stretching.

“Nothing, just talking with George. Come here, come back to sleep, my love.” You didn’t argue, just fell limp again into his arms. Matty smiled down at you as George breathed a sigh of relief.

“Shush,” Matty said to him.

“Me shush? You're the one who woke her up!” He whisper-shouted,

Matty shrugged and repeated. “Shush.”

“She’s been doing alright otherwise?” George asked, his pettiness now replaced by pure concern.

Matty smiled as he continued his mindless movements of rocking you back and forth, “As good as she can be. All things considered.”

George hummed. “...And you? You doing alright there ‘Dad’?’

Matty sighed as he looked between his best friend and his daughter, his shoulders falling slump. “...I don’t know. I just…Sometimes I can’t believe she’s mine. Not because of everything that’s happened, but because she just seems…too good for me.”

As much as George wanted to make a joke and say something stupid like well, most women are, he didn’t. He stayed silent, only nodding his head to prompt Matty to continue. “She’s so mature. Well beyond her years, sometimes I think she’s more mature than me. She’s smart. Really really fucking smart, way smarter than me…sometimes I wonder how i’m supposed to help her…grow.” 

“I think you’ve done much more and much better than your giving yourself credit for.”

He sighed, “She’s already amazing. I don’t want to fuck her up. She too perfect.”

George nodded “Maybe that part she gets from Flo.”

Matty smiled, knowing he was right.

[yowyowyaoi]

Itachi’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Konan

Nobody eats until you come out and eat with us 😤

Thank you! You’re the only one who even noticed 💙

You need to do a better job of hiding that kitten lol  it pushed open your door and walked down the hallway again

Of course! You know where I keep it you don’t even have to ask 😊

I know I’ve spoken to Nagato about them he’ll handle it

You have GOT to come try this new massage chair I got it’s heaven 😌

From Deidara

Come on I was just kidding!!

Please call him off if he bites off my hand again Sasori said he won’t replace it 😔

Sharingan is not art it’s dirty cheating 

The counter is covered with plates of eggs, did you do that weird sleepwalking thing again?!

Me and Hidan and maybe Tobi. Come on take the stick out of your ass and just come with us!

I’ll paint them if you braid my hair first.

Why do you always blame me?? Hidan probably took it!

Omfg I SWEAR I meant that for Sasori!! 😳 Please please don’t show Kisame he’ll kill me 😫

From Zetsu

He’s just so emotional is that an Uchiha trait?

I can literally smell your exhaustion you need to go and rest

Yeah very cute. Be a shame if someone ate it 👀

He was doing fine. Got a lot taller. Looks a lot like you in the face.

No I’m glad you made him leave that dude freaked even ME out 😵‍💫

From “Tobi” aka Obito

Can I borrow your face cream? This mask makes my skin itch like crazy!

God stop it man are you TRYING to speed up going blind?!

Would he take your last name or would you take his? 🤔

No. Never. They think I’m a dumbass, remember?

Little more time in the sun would probably help 🤷🏻‍♂️

“Crushes” are for little kids. And anyway he hates me 😔

I thought about that yeah. Reminded me of your mom’s. She always made the best ones.

I’m not sure of anything kid. But we’re in it too far to back out.

Idk you just looked super pale

Ask Sasori to make you more, they’re helping a little 

Idc what Zetsu says. I can do a lotta shit but cannibalism isn’t one of them 🤢

You think I didn’t see you sneak in that pie? Either share or I’m telling Kisame.

From Nagato

Come and join Konan and I for tea. We’ve got a new blend we think you’ll like.

Permission granted. Just be back within three days, I’ll be sending you two on a mission then.

Thank you for the tips. My eyes feel much better now.

Take your time reading it. When you finish I’d love to discuss some of the themes with you.

I know you dislike meat but perhaps a bit more protein might help improve your stamina.

I don’t mind but do not let Kakuzu see it.

From Hidan

Movies with me and blondie?

Yeah but he’s half-animal right? Still counts, pervert.

PLEASE make the splinters in the ass joke PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU😭😭😭

If I didn’t take a piece you would have ate the whole fucking thing yourself and your stomach would burst. You’re welcome 😊

No that was definitely Deidara’s gay ass

Mask boy’s looking for you

Oh right like Kisame wouldn’t beat my ass for that 🙄 Nice try asshole

God damn it’s 3am when the FUCK do you sleep?!

We’re not “plotting” anything just come with ffs 🤦‍♂️

It was an accident and I didn’t even look that long don’t tell her she’ll slice me up with that sharp-ass paper 😖

From Kakuzu

You always being on time with your rent is most appreciated.

To be honest I don’t really know. But at this point I’m too far into my feelings for him so this is my life now. 

Getting enough sleep is important. Nagato agrees that a new mattress would be in your best interests. No arguments.

I’ve ripped off his leg and made it clear it won’t be returned until he returns your property to you.

I’ll consult with Sasori and get back to you.

Konan is insisting everyone text you to come down to eat. It’s my turn. Be advised that continued delay will result in one or more of us coming and retrieving you by force.

From Sasori

Please inform me right away if you notice any adverse side effects. I may need to change the medication or adjust the dosage.

Oh, thank you for reminding me. I wouldn’t want a repeat of last year. What sort of gift do you think I should give him?

You’re more than welcome to anytime. You know I don’t sleep.

Finding the correct body is the most difficult part. All that follows is merely routine.

He can be very sensitive. I’m still learning to decipher and appropriately react to his emotions.

May I borrow that book when you’ve finished it?

Heh. That’s actually very funny.

Try not to overdo it. Your chakra levels still haven’t recovered from the last time.

You may want to hurry back. Zetsu has been circling outside your door like an animal and trying to sniff under it. That lock may not hold.

From Kisame

You remembered your meds today right?

Did you eat?

Yeah? I bet I could work out that tension 😏

Cake is not acceptable for every meal, Itachi.

I got a new blanket, very soft. Come test it out with me 💙

I’ll talk to him about it don’t worry.

For God’s sake just TAKE A NAP!

Have fun but watch your back, I don’t trust those two.

Pretty warm out tonight. Midnight swim later? 😏

You left your necklace on my dresser

Leave it there. You’ve already got one illicit pet you don’t need a second.

I’m cooking, you’re eating. No objections.

My hands are craving being in your hair 😔

I did not eat him. Zetsu is a liar.

You got any more pics like that? Please? 👀

I 💙 you too

[h00nerz]

spots on!

THIRTY-FIVE / i’m not lying

prev | masterlist | next

warnings: slightly suggestive, idk you’ll see

word count: 1.6k

IF YOU TOLD YOUR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF THAT YOU WOULD BE CURLED UP ON YOUR COUCH watching a movie with Chat Noir, you would have assumed you were making things up. But here you were anyway, against all the odds. It really made you wonder, if you hadn’t been so hung up on Yeonjun, and if Chat wasn’t so obsessed with your alter ego, would it have taken so long for you to realize how much you like spending time with him?

“Okay, so it’s a movie about singing? Like, Glee the movie?”

You narrowed your eyes over at him. Honestly, it was amusing seeing his leather clad body sprawled out across your couch, like it was the most normal thing in the world. A part of you wondered how long this would last before you would get too curious about his true identity. But, you knew better than anyone that you could never know.

Ladybug and Chat Noir’s identities had to remain secret.

“Pitch Perfect is not just a movie about singing.” You told him with a scoff. “It is also about sisterhood, and growing up, and finding the people who care about you.”

“I don’t know, it sounds a lot like Glee to me.” He shrugged, and you threw a piece of popcorn at him.

“Just shut up and watch it!” You scolded him, and he grinned at you as he picked up the popcorn and put it into his mouth. The feeling of your heart skipping a beat at the sight was so foreign, it scared you at first. But… You also kind of liked it.

The movie started, opening with a performance by the Treblemakers, and when Bumper appeared on the screen, you couldn’t help but think back to your friends saying he reminded them of Yeonjun.

Yeonjun. You were happy to say it had been a few days since he had crossed your mind. Moving on was hard, that was just a fact, but it wasn’t impossible. Once a week, you were forced to see him in the class you shared together, but you were no longer as hyper aware of his presence as you once were. You had even found yourself able to go a whole class period without even glancing in his direction.

Hard, but not impossible.

When your friends had first made the connection between Yeonjun and Bumper, you had leapt to his defense, just like you always did. But, now that you were watching it, you couldn’t help but giggle as the character danced across the screen. You weren’t sure exactly what the connection was, but there was one there.

Chat Noir looked over at you with an arched eyebrow. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking about how my friends said that Bumper reminded them of Yeon—a guy I used to like.” You were quick to catch yourself, side eyeing him as you prayed he didn’t catch that.

It looked like he didn’t, as he just blinked back at you. “Oh? You liked a guy before me? Was it that Mark guy? I always see him in your mentions.”

You let out a soft laugh at the assumption. “First of all, you’re assuming I like you. Second of all, no it wasn’t Mark.”

He nodded. “Good. Because that guy is a complete loser.”

“He is not a loser! He’s actually really nice and helped me through a rough time.” You rushed to your friend’s defense, and he rolled his eyes.

“So you do like him.”

“No, I don’t like Mark!” You huffed, and leaned back into the couch. “I… It doesn’t matter who it was, because I don’t like him anymore. He got a girlfriend.”

You held your gaze on the TV, the atmosphere suddenly becoming tense. You could see Chat shifting out of the corner of your eye, but didn’t dare look over to see what in the world he was doing. But, when you felt the cushion shift next to you, it became clear he had scooched closer to you.

“Y/N~” He sang your name in his usual sing-song tone, but you kept your attention on the screen.

“You’re gonna miss the best part!” You tried to distract him, as the Braden Bella’s were finishing up their song. You really weren’t in the mood to have some deep talk about your failed crush on Yeonjun, and hoped he would just drop it. He didn’t. Of course he didn’t.

“Whoever that guy was is an idiot. I mean, he’d have to be absolutely brain dead to pass on someone like you.” He ignored you.

You groaned, burying your face into your hands and rolling away from him. “Ugh, don’t do that!”

“Do what?” He sounded confused, and you peeked through your fingers to see him gazing down at you with furrowed brows.

“Lie to me.” You grumbled, and rolled onto your side.

He went quiet for a minute, and you thought maybe he had given up and decided to just watch the movie. “Y/N…” He spoke slowly, his voice much lower, and lacking the mischief it had when he called your name before.

You didn’t respond.

“I’m serious. I think you’re amazing, and I think that guy’s a moron. You’re smart, you’re talented, you’re funny, not to mention gorgeous. I’m not lying when I tell you that.”

Your cheeks were practically on fire. You had heard confessions from Chat Noir before, back when he was obsessed with your superhero alter ego, but not one like this. You didn’t want to, but you genuinely believed the words you were hearing to be true. He thought you were amazing.

“Really?” You breathed out, rolling back over so you were on your back, and could get a good look at him.

He nodded, and the level of seriousness he wore on his face caught you off guard. “I’m serious, Y/N. You’re amazing.”

Before you could fully grasp what was happening, he was leaning down, and propping himself up on his elbow so his face was inches from your own. You could hear your heartbeat in your ear as you simply stared at him, chest heaving with every nervous, heavy breath. His electric green eyes searched your own, and you wondered if they were naturally that bright, or if the mask made them look that way.

“Y/N?” For the third time, he called you out, and this time it was in a tone you didn’t recognize. You couldn’t find it in yourself to speak, too out of breath from the sudden proximity. Instead, you nodded a bit more frantically than you would have liked.

“Can I kiss you?”

You answered by curling your fingers underneath the collar of his suit, and jerked him down to connect his lips to your own. He didn’t hesitate even for a second when you kissed him, instead he almost immediately kissed you back with just as much passion. His lips fit perfectly against your own, as though they were made for one another.

Without thinking, you split your legs apart so he could slot himself between them, and get even closer to you. There was something about the superhero that was so addicting, like you couldn’t get enough of him. Even though you were out of breath, when he pulled away to breathe, you found yourself chasing after his lips.

“So,” he started, his broad chest heaving. “What was that you said, about me assuming you like me?” He smirked down at you, and you slapped his bicep out of annoyance.

“Shut up.” You breathed out, before pulling him down by his neck to kiss you again. He didn’t protest, and went back to hungrily making out with you. As embarrassing as your desire for him was, it was clear he wanted you just as bad, maybe even more so. What had you done to get Chat Noir so wrapped around your finger?

You felt like you were in heaven, with his hot lips melding against your own, and his gloved hand gliding up and down your side. That’s why you didn’t even think twice when your hand slid up the side of his face, and subconsciously tried to push his mask off.

Immediately he pulled away and sat up, hand darting up to his face to make sure you hadn’t moved it too much.

Your eyes widened in horror as you realized what you had just done—or at least what you had tried to do. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“No-no-no, it’s fine, it’s just, um…” He laughed nervously, and started to back away to the other end of the couch. “Maybe we should slow down… You wanted to watch this movie, yeah? So let’s watch it.”

You wanted so badly to protest, but you knew he was right. You had gotten way too sucked into the moment, you had almost made him break the number one rule of being a superhero. So, you nodded instead, and sat back up to face the TV.

You barely watched the movie, though. Instead, there were a plethora of questions occupying your mind. Were you making a mistake, by letting yourself fall for him? It wasn’t going to be possible for you to be in a functioning relationship with him, not as long as he had to stay behind the mask. And you could never, ever ask him to take it off. That would be going against the rule you had always been so adamant about.

You couldn’t break that rule just because you had developed a crush on your partner.

So, what in the world you were you supposed to do now?

authors note: hey… hey! how y’all doooooin? so so sorry this update took a million years i was going through one of the top 3 writers blocks of my Life but that’s ok we’re here now right!!! i hope this funny cutesy little chapter was worth the wait :3 enjoy!

tag list: (closed) @therealhyunjingf @jakeshands @impureperhaps @mazeinthemoon @tyunlatte @loveliii @exohclipse @17szn @txtbrainrot @bubblytaetae @serafilms @iirene304 @snowfalltxt @choistick @lost-leopard-beanie @taekwondoes @captivq @aestheticsluut @suburbiataehyung @cecedrake2217 @omiomipepperoni @ttyunz @stellz581 @cher-bears @tyunner @eggomi @rikismiel @vianna99 @certainyouthpeanut @cookiehaos @90sni-ki @http-gyu @iad0ru @viagumi @reverbtunes @fatoompie @ka143 @sserafimez @hoonjjun @ahnneyong @cutiespaghetti @wonioml @emohazuzworld @taylvvrr @cowsmicwu

[thepunkmuppet]

UNHOLYVERSE CLOSING THOUGHTS YIPPEEEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

it’s 1am and I’ve finished it :)

the plot was fucking amazing as was the writing, it was like a really really good tv show, or maybe an amazing movie (pt1) and its slightly more deranged sequel (pt2 and 3). I think I definitely preferred all things unholy as a whole, but yeah the next parts really did feel very sequel-like, in that the first one was The Story and the second and third were building on that first core story, expanding the characters and world. which ummmm btw the lore is insane??? so much going on lmfao but I think it all worked really well. the fallout boy stuff was fucking wild though icl because WHAT 💀 I’m also obsessed with the idea of god talking to frank in the form of the cardinal dream, that worked soooo well and still leaving it open at the end is great. I’m so glad frank and gerard got a happy ending, I ship those stupid twats SO hard I’m literally clawing at the walls they make me INSANE RRAAHHHH!!! icl I really didn’t care about mikey and ray’s romance like at all but it worked as a source of conflict and was pretty cute

I kind of forgot it was meant to be mcr fanfic for a while lmfao, which brings me on to I guess the most important part which is my main takeaway on the whole rpf thing

as I’ve said in a post before, I really struggle to picture voices and faces accurately in my head when reading. well except when it comes to buffyverse characters, but that’s just because those shows are so deeply ingrained into my psyche forever that istg I could literally channel buffy summers at this point and just become her. lmfao but yeah I really struggle with that! so when I’m reading, I just kind of create a vibe, a vague mind’s-eye image of a character, it’s very hard to explain. so for me these frank, gerard, mikey, etc characters were subconsciously already way far removed from the real people, like I had to consciously make an effort to make them sound and look exactly like them in my head. but like I said, it felt like a real piece of media like a tv show or something, so to me the unholyverse characters are just that - characters. it really felt like mcr playing movie roles lmfao which I was perfectly happy with. the romance and other relationships were written soooooo well, the real problem was ofc the smut!

I don’t like smut in general, not in a judgy or censor-y way, I just get no joy or kick out of reading it and all it does is make me feel awkward. but with rpf smut, even though I see unholyverse frank and gerard as fictional characters, I can’t ignore the fact that THIS IS FULLY EXPLICIT WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY PORN BEING WRITTEN ABOUT REAL PEOPLE 💀 read it write it all you want, personally I find it uncomfortable and it just doesn’t do anything for me. made me think too much about the fact that it WAS rpf, yk?? got me thinking about the real frank and gerard and how fucking weird it would be to read smth like that about yourself idk, also the fact they have wives and kids…. 😟 gosh idk it was very very well-written smut, it just made me so icked out the more I thought about it

but anyway, OVERALL: I loved it. it was so good, will definitely reread, bookmark, and think about it for a very very very long time. possibly scream and cry and tear my hair out too, idk. part 1 was my favourite by a long shot, it’s so iconic, and feels pretty removed from parts 2 and 3 in a nice way that makes it feel like a movie and its strange sequel. I’ve discovered I like rpf when it’s good and when it’s a complete au and the people feel like original fictional characters in their own right. I don’t enjoy rpf smut, though, AT ALL, which isn’t a surprise bc I don’t enjoy smut in general, the rpf aspect just made it way more uncomfy for me personally. kind of feel the need now to bleach my brain out and consume normal mcr content just to remind myself of the disconnect between unholyverse frerard and the real people lmfao

OH ALSO THAT

I do NOT ship frerard irl, that shit’s fucking weird don’t do it. yes there is a difference between fic like this and saying two married friends and colleagues in real life are actually in love with and attracted to each other. I do for sure ship unholyverse frerard, as I’ve said they’re fictional characters to me

[sexybabystevie]

Honestly I can’t stop thinking about how Steve would proudly wear your hair tie around his wrist (especially if it’s like a bright colored scrunchy or something like that) obviously everyone likes to poke fun at him for wearing it every day but he likes having something of yours that is visible to others so whenever you ask to use it he gets worried that you won’t give it back (but ofc you do because nothing is sweeter than him wearing it) and when a girl starts flirting with him he flaunts his wrist in their face to show them is happily taken and not interested

YES!!! i just wrote a little steve thought about him and sharing things, because i really do think he's the type who likes to share EVERYTHING so you can always be reminded of each other <33

also, i weirdly (and maybe falsely) remember a time when this kinda thing was a trend to write about?? idk maybe i'm making that up; either way, i'm happy to write this for you!!

i think maybe it starts out as an accident. you're walking around the mall together and you complain about your scrunchie being uncomfortable around your own wrist, and you don't wanna put it in your hair right now, so steve does what any good boyfriend would and takes it and puts it around his own wrist. every single time he looks down or gets a glimpse of it as you're browsing through the various stores, it brings a wide smile to his face, and from then on it just becomes a thing the two of you do.

you give him on of them to keep and wear whenever he wants - because you also like how connected it makes you, to have a piece of each other even when you aren't around one another - and it's got some bright neon pattern on it that steve's never even seen before, which only makes him like it more since it's unmistakably yours.

the kids are, of course, the first ones to make their teasing little remarks, but they don't bother steve at all. he just does his typical annoyed-older-brother- slash-pseudo-mom eye roll and continues on. he thinks of them as a version of those cute matching couples bracelets (despite the fact that yours are typically in your hair rather than on your wrist) so nothing - and i mean NOTHING - is going to get him to take it off. probably ever. (seriously. you're lucky he gives it back to you so you can use it when you ask; he has a little grumpy pout on his face if you ever have it for 'too long' because he feels like he's missing a piece of you).

and, of course, there's the massive advantage of having an easy way to throw off anyone who tries anything on him. working at the mall didn't really come with much competition for you, but when it burns after the summer of '85 and he starts working at family video, the number of girls that try to shoot their shot is hard to get used to and a little annoying for a guy who's in head over heels like steve. so, when some girl comes up and starts leaning over the counter and asking about steve's favorite romance movies, his new go-to move is to take the hand with the scrunches on it and purposefully place it on the counter, wiggling it around and toying with it as he rests his chin in his palm. if tht isn't enough for them to take a hint, then he'll just get lost in thought while staring down at it, making sure to pull off his most lovestruck expression to really relay the fact that he isn't single or interested.

most will either awkwardly apologize and go back to the sections of movies or they'll grumble as they walk back out the front door. if it comes off a little bitchy, then oh well; it's always a sight that makes robin stifle giggles as she's filling out paperwork or restocking the shelves.

[visceravalentines]

crashing thru the wall of ur inbox like the kool-aid man!! ☄

sinclair thoughts: I highkey always headcanon that when bo was able to wrangle the TV remote as a kid he was obsessed w/those 70s godzilla movies. idk what it is. there's just smthn about him that makes me think he definitely has a mechagodzilla poster buried deep in his closet under his old football stuff. also he 100% played football as a teenager and neither of his parents made any of the games. and he DEFINITELY got into a fistfight on the field after a game and promptly got kicked off the team. (maybe even on the one (1) singular night that trudy and victor were actually in a attendance??) yikes!!!

murph thotz: man is a pussy eating champion. a unit, some may say. gets v into it. raging hard boner throughout. moaning. oh, and I feel like he makes really good drunk food. like. slathered in cheese nonsense concoctions @ 3 AM.

YES YES YES YES YES!!!

too much boy loves big monster movies. too much boy who breaks toys and windows on accident cheers for the dinosaur who is so big nobody can stop him. too much boy keeps the posters on his wall long into his teenage years because they remind him how it feels to be invincible.

also how fuckin dare u make me watch this football scene play out w/ my own fake eyes. the moths under the floodlights the sweaty hair on his forehead. pulling his helmet off to give that kid a piece of his goddamn mind. risking a glance into the bleachers as the coach hauls him off the field even though he fuckin knows what he's gonna see there. he walks home after the game. doesn't get in til four AM. nobody comes to check on him. nobody speaks of it again.

whew yikes lemme just lock that back up real tight yup hide that away jeez gotta make way for HIM!!!! MURPH BBY

you're so right you're so right. whomst exactly is this for?? bc you're having an excellent time being savored like a five course meal but He.....is having a blast. humping the fucking mattress he's so hard. eating you out as a way to edge himself are you for real??? that's a Man right there

and yes yes ofc he is the world's best worst chef. you feel like trash, you're hungover already and you're still fucking drunk, and he's like "here." and the plate is....inconceivable. what is in this. what is under there. and he's like "shhhhh. open." and he feeds you smth on a chip like you are an orphaned baby raccoon. and it is the best.....food....you've ever had. man makes you one hell of a hangover breakfast too.

[avemstella]

Tumblr only just showed me that @ksjundel2003 tagged me with this just now, as technology does. I'll always take the chance to ramble (also thank u for the compliment ahhh :D). These ended up being essays hahahaaaha

1. Three Ships: Uhhh so I'm in a weird place where I'm not actively shipping anything. Like don't get me wrong I still love many ships (I'm a super multi shipper, I have no idea how people dedicate their online everything to one ship) I'm just currently not actively pursuing certain ship tags rn... Hmm hxh's return reminded me of how much I love Leopika, I got into fe3h in this last year and I've read a silly amount of dimiclaude. Also finally got around to getting into mp100 and Terumob is so cute.

Genshin thats what people are here for but if I'm honest while I still am very into the game, I haven't read genshin fic consistently for a while and thats how I interact with shipping the most. Like I love Chili, theres a reason I have plans for that ship, but I haven't read a fic with them in forever (and in the more recent examples it was me searching for found fam harb content). I also adore Kaebedo but same story. I love a lot of genshin ships, many 'contradictory' (love Zhongven as well for example), I just haven't been brainrotting about any of them for a while. God that sounds so morose pfft, its really me just letting my brain take a break and experience other things! Also just know I do think about the final planned Zhongli and Childe scene in this fic (well for the main fic at least) every once in a while and grin like a loon. Hehehe I love it so much and rip its so far away (though also once I get there it'll be right near the end and that thought makes me sad).

Also I think about my fic specific ships a lot too. Sandy and Nella for example have a scene that brings me much amusement in a couple chapters (those 2 always bring me joy). Also I've been recently thinking about the ot3 that's a big old spoiler. There's this angsty but also hopeful romantic scene that's been banging around in my head that I literally can't use in my fic it doesn't work with the timeline. But I love it, maybe an eventual bonus chap. (all I'll say on this ot3 is that at least 1 person is a harb). And taras x any harb that isn't his bro, my favorite running gag I take too seriously. Also Madame Volkov x Tsar, I can't wait to reveal why that ship cracks me up (also weirdly angsty).

uhhh that was way too long of an answer um sorry.

2. First ever ship: God I don't know. Probably amuto from Shugo Chara (I was elementary/middle school, the age gap did not clock as weird then). However my first ship with taste was Soulsilvershipping from pokemon (god we need to bring back that ship name format, so fun). I didn't have fictional crushes the same way most seemed to, however what was close enough was Silver Pokemon my beloved. He spawned my love of grumpy long haired red heads so when I saw Diluc for the first time I remember going fuck I'm gonna love him (and I did haha).

3. Last song: uhhh fun fact I'm not a music person at all. As a child I hated it pfft, while I grew out of that I still have no idea what I'm doing with it. 90% of the music I listen to is from animatics (and back in the day from amvs) or musicals because plot. And u know u find a lot of musicals because of animatics its a cycle. However saying that I was listening to Ricky Montgomery, idk why.

4. Last movie: my parents were like we're watching a movie as a fam and in true Christmas spirit we watched Top Gun Maverick pfft. tbh the movie was fine but not the stunning piece of cinema everyone seemed to be saying... also super military propaganda but we all knew that

5. Currently reading? I'm catching up on the Ascendance of a Bookworm Light Novels (I'm on the last book in part 4 and I have part 5 #1 ready). I've also been really slowly reading through (and got back into after almost a year accidental break) Lout of the Counts Family. Also hunter x hunter (my brain is filled with Sheila theories, despite being the Harbinger found fam fic writer I don't care about the troop lol, just Sheila). I also have some DC comics open in my tabs because I want to watch the newest comicpop back issues episode. Its sort of strange I've been on a reading fan fic break of sorts haha, reading lots of original stuff.

6. Currently watching? uhhhh Mob Psycho though that just ended. Also me and my sis are watching Miraculous together. We used to watch it years ago and we are watching all the stuff we missed and cringing. I also am constantly watching lots of video essays, love a good video essay to put on while doing other things like playing genshin/art/etc

7. Currently consuming? We have a holiday party every year and my dad makes his amazing to die for lasagna (we are not remotely italian, but everyone we know says its amazing). So I've been eating those leftovers and having a time.

8. Currently craving? validation uhhh free time maybe. I had so much free time while I was away at school (well more like I should have been working on stuff time, but it was time I could organize myself). I'm home and between Christmas and parties and my grandparents/Cousins/feels like everyone visiting I've had no time for myself. I love seeing my cute baby cousins I don't get to see too often but its a lot. Also a job, I don't want to have to job but it'll get my mother off my case.

Well that ended on a too serious note haha. Also this was way too long and I have no idea who to tag and I'm anxious so uh, no one I guess. I must now return to my chaotic life, as one does.

[badlydrawnmanic]

WELL ONE PERSON IS INTERESTED HERE WE GO

(spoilers)

so most of the cast from the original movie comes back

charles is technically in it but he's killed off in a way that makes his netherworld self unrecognizable (missing his head / most of his upper torso), his voice is garbled, and it's recapped in this weird faux stop motion flashback that looks kinda ugly so i don't think the actor wanted to be involved

adam and barbara aren't there but it's sort of mentioned in the movie that they found some way to allow them to pass on which is nice but also i miss them :( but also there's too many damn characters in this movie which i'll get to later

otho straight up isn't there and i don't think anyone mentions him. bye otho (i am neutral about this)

there are several callbacks to the original, mostly in delia's art pieces. specifically that weird. ribcage? looking thing? with the cube? idk. also shrunken head guy is back but instead of like. multiple of the waiting room ghosts being there it's just a bunch of shrunken head guys. the main one is called bob. we love bob BUT miss argentina doesn't return as the netherworld receptionist which is disappointing BRING OUR QUEEN BACK (saying this mostly because of the musical version of her)

now for the main thing negatively affecting the movie: the unfocused-ness of the plot where they tried to make it all connect at the end but it wasn't done well and therefore comes across as messy and distracting and at least for me i felt like i was actively forgetting previous scenes as i was watching it. my best summary of the poorly stitched together subplots:

the one you'd think would be the focus of the movie; bj's ex wife dolores (apparently offhandedly mentioned in the first one) is introduced as what seems to have been intended to be the main antagonist of the film. she and bj got married like 400 (?) years ago but she was in some sort of soul stealing death cult and poisoned him, but before he died he chopped her up with an axe. apparently her pieces have just been sitting around in the netherworld backrooms waiting for danny devito as a janitor to accidentally electrocute them back to life, where a very long scene is then dedicated to her stitching herself back together with a staple gun. she can kill ghosts by consuming their souls in a weird action that gets dangerously close to just... making out with them, and it does some cheesy effect thing that i would assume is an homage to the original's cheesy effects. despite her being a cool scary goth chick in a black wedding gown that reminds me a little of morticia addams, being the first (technically) new character introduced, and having the first scene in the movie, she only shows up in brief segments after that. she's apparently trying to hunt down bj to murder him or something? idk. she gets killed by the sandworm (go sandworm!!) in a kinda unsatisfying way with another villain at the end

the one the finale treats as the focus of the movie; lydia is grown up now and is the host of a paranormal tv show where she helps people with their paranormal experiences and such because she can see ghosts. her manager (a guy named rory i think? idc) is also her current boyfriend after her previous husband died on a trip to the amazon (?) and he's a manipulative scumbag who sucks. it's treated as a revelation at the end when he's forced to admit he wanted to marry her for the money and fame and not because he loved her. he gets killed by the sandworm (go sandworm!!) in a kinda unsatisfying way alongside dolores at the end

the one the climax treats as the focus of the movie; lydia has a daughter named astrid (had to google her name because i forgot 💀) who doesn't believe that her mom can see ghosts because she misses her dead dad, but he seems to be the only ghost lydia can't see. for some reason. she's mad that rory proposed to lydia at charles' funeral and they were to get married on halloween, so she rides her bike into town and crashes through a fence into some boy next door's backyard (jeremy). they get along well enough and have a little date on halloween and kiss (despite only meeting 2 days prior and barely interacting) and it's revealed he's a ghost. astrid can see ghosts. he takes her to the netherworld using the chalk doorway thing promising that he can bring her in to see her dad, but only if she says some incantation that oops! turns out he was a murderer who killed his parents and then broke his neck falling out of a tree and he wants to be alive again. that incantation was something to swap astrid's life for his so he can be alive again for... some reason. he has no motivation really. he gets killed by bj sending him through a trapdoor into hell in a really anticlimactic way during the climax

the one that tries to be important but isn't; lydia is traumatized by the events of the first movie and seems to be taking medication for it, but rory sucks and discourages her from taking her pills because it makes her lose her sparkle or some shit. because of this she... hallucinates? bj in various places and has several public freak outs because of it. rory also ends up summoning bj in the attic which leads to a very uncomfortable and unnecessary scene that pretty much just serves to fuck with lydia and that's it. she ends up working with him to save astrid from jeremy in exchange for marrying bj again, and they run into astrid's dad in the netherworld along the way and they have a tearful reunion, but it's short and you aren't really given much of a reason to care about astrid or her dad so it's just kinda meh. the wedding scene is a lip sync scene that's way too damn long and not funny even a little bit but trying to be this movie's day-o but it fails miserably. at the end astrid points out that bj broke some sort of Ghost Law making his contract worthless then lydia sends him back to the netherworld by making him inflate like a balloon and explode. i guess? hm

the one that doesn't matter; willem dafoe's character (idc about his character's name) is like. a dead actor who played a cop in some james bond esque movie series so now he's playing cop in the netherworld i guess. does he have any actual authority? i don't know, but he's investigating the return of dolores... kind of. he kinda doesn't do anything but be silly on occasion and be there at the murder scenes of ghosts she killed. him and his crew show up during the finale but bj literally just says "freeze" and they all stop moving and don't do anything at all. they're unfrozen after the fact and are just like "welp that happened" and go home. he's a fun character but gets no focus and also his backstory is that he was handed a live grenade on set and it exploded in his hand, but unlike other ghosts that's barely reflected in his character design. he kinda just has a bit of his skull and brain exposed on one side of his head and that's it

the one that only exists to tie everything else together; dolores is having her own weird hard time with charles' death and blah blah blah during something artsy at his grave she ends up getting bitten by venomous snakes and dies on the spot. she meets up with bj in the netherworld and asks him to take her back to the living world in exchange for... something? i don't remember and i don't care, but he does. this is what he did that was against Ghost Law that astrid pointed out in one of the previous points. i think she leaves to be with charles in the netherworld at the end but i can't remember it wasn't important

so that's like... 6 separate things you gotta keep track of throughout the movie that the movie seems to hardly be able to keep up with, all jammed into [mutter mutter] an hour 45 which is not enough for all the things they wanted to do

then there's the recurring jokes that kinda just... miss? imo?

the way dolores kills other ghosts by sucking out their soul does this cartoony thing to their. body? where they deflate like a balloon (hm) and i think it's supposed to be funny but meh

this random thing bj does where he adopts a completely different voice and does a poor lip sync to a dubbed over voice in spanish or french or something (idk it might change from scene to scene) where you gotta read subtitles for it. i don't have a gripe with subtitles and sometimes these gags are funny, like with shrunken head guy getting one (1) subtitled line out of the many times he tries to speak with sewn together lips, but this one's a miss for me

a different lip sync thing they did with the finale where they tried to replicate day-o. don't even remember what the song was (googling it it was a song called macarthur park by richard harris) but the thing is it was just the song audio poorly being lip synced by the characters and it lasts way too long so it graduates from maybe "heh" to "how much time is left in this fucking movie"

a recurring joke about the soul train (a tv show from 1971 that my mom had to explain to me because i didn't get it) where there's a bunch of disco ghosts on this train that takes souls to this place that comes... after? the netherworld? which iirc in the original movie the netherworld was supposed to be a lobby for The Great Nothingness After You Die and that was it. at least that's how it was in the musical. i know this isn't the musical but i love the musical so shush

the only good recurring joke imo; astrid finds a flyer for bj's shit in the attic. she shows lydia who goes "ew" at it and then snatches it away when astrid starts saying his name and she freaks out. lydia then goes to show it to delia who goes "ew" about it. the characters who know about bj just kinda being like "ugh that guy" was really funny because tbh that's also how i feel about movie bj, alex brightman supremacy forever

this. weird and viscerally uncomfortable "gag" surrounding sudden hallucinatory pregnancy (hm) turning into some sort of. chestburster type violent spray of blood that summons this child's play chucky doll looking thing that resembles bj. it's not creepy it's not funny it just made me cringe and try to hide in my sweater and it lasts way too damn long and of course they had to make it the last scene in the movie. during astrid's little fantasy (hm) about a different boy she meets on a trip with lydia in the resolution. it's gross it's horrible i fucking hate it ugh

there's nothing after the end credits so no need to stay for that

if you haven't noticed i've put several "hm"s throughout this and like. say what you want about how my brain works but some of the attempted gags were just... they had this fetishy vibe about them i did not care for. like how that one scene in the barbie movie lingering way too long on freaking out about barbie's feet made me think about the weird foot focus in icarly

but yeah all of that and... beetlejuice 2 (i am not calling it beetlejuice beetlejuice that is stupid because it leads into a third one that may take another 25 years to come out (or not be made at all given the muttering i heard on the way out of the theater and my low expectations for general reception for it) and it's too many syllables imo) is certainly a movie. it's not bad but it's not good either. i don't have a better way to describe this but on a scale from enjoyable to unpleasant it sits more in the unpleasant territory more often than not, and on a competency scale it's pretty low, mostly due to the writing

if after all this you still really want to see it, i'd suggest to wait until your local theater has some sort of discount day, or until the movie comes to a streaming service of your choice (or, y'know. the third option 🏴‍☠️)

and that's it from me -w-

beetlejuice 2 is. certainly a movie

i will go on a long tangent about it tomorrow if anyone wants to hear about it but tldr it’s not a good movie but it’s not a bad movie either. very unfocused though

[nicoh57]

Just waiting for the night I can go to bed at a normal time with a clear head. Not worrying about all of this.. I wonder how many nights are going to pass before that happens.. I know I wasn’t all the blame but I do know there are things I could have done better. I guess I never really thought she would leave. Again. I thought we were inseparable to some degree. I thought it would always be me and her. Meeting her all those years ago changed me and my entire life indefinitely. I felt balanced out with her. I never worried about myself or my own problems too much because truthfully at the end of the day, as long as I was with her, I knew we’d be okay. I knew I’d be okay. I thought I did my best, well, at least I tried to do my best.. but after spending years with her, creating a family with her.. I really believed I had found my person. I still can’t figure out if you really were or not. A part of me says you are. A part of me says you never were. Both parts make pretty good points as to why or why not. I do know I have no motivation to put myself in a position to be with another person. I’ll always be looking for her in someone else. I will always love her more than I’ll love anyone else. It sounds cliche and kinda cringe. But idk. I just know it. I’d just rather be alone than to pretend. It’s hard for people to understand that. “You’ll find someone new in time” “you’ll meet someone that’ll change your mind” like.. no. I won’t lol. I know who I was supposed to be with. I know who I was supposed to spend however much time I have in this life. It was her. If reincarnation is real, I just hope that when/if we meet again in the next life, I don’t mess it up. The amount of happiness, heartache, joy, pain, etc. i got from being with her made me feel alive. It made living worth a fuck. Not everyday was the same, obviously some days were harder than others but the one thing that was constant that could reel me back in, was her. Whether we were mad at each other. Or upset. Or happy. I just wanted to belong to her. And only her. And I just know there will never be another Kristina for me. Because I’ve never once met another person that made me think and feel the way she did. And what sucks the most is that she’s had such a fucked life before I had came along I thought maybe I was her light too. Maybe I was at one point. But somewhere along the line, I just wasn’t important anymore. I lost what made me special to her. Idk what that’s like. She’s always been someone special to me. Someone I’d love through anything and everything. Did I know what that actually meant when I first discovered that with her? God no. Love is hard. It’s forgiving and unforgiving at the same time. It’s good days and bad days. It’s never what we’re taught in books and movies. It’s torture. It’s everything to a person. And it can make or break you. Even now I wish she was here. I wish she would’ve stayed. I wish we could’ve just kept everything between us. Made a plan. Fixed it slowly but surely. I wish for a lot of things but wishes don’t come true. But one thing I’ll always regret is.. I could’ve at least done my part better. Maybe she wouldn’t hate me. Maybe she would’ve stayed. Maybe it would’ve helped her be better. All I get to do is wonder now. And that is hard to come to grips with.. Because at this point.. even if she came back.. which she wouldn’t.. it’s just too late for us and that’s what hurts the most.. to know she’s gone for good.. that this just all over and the pieces just get to lie on the floor.. nobody’s picking them up this time and I hate myself and everything around me that reminds me of you for it everyday..

[peakyblindersxx]

May I request a john smut in which, despite being the cocky beast that he usually is, he manages to get all gentle and intense when, after years of mutual pining, he finally makes love to ada's best friend who's younger and totally inexperienced. Idk I just need this to be fucking intense, like John suffocating his desire for ages and now finally indulging in his worst temptation and showing her what lust is... please i'll burn in hellll

a/n: first of all let me say: this killed me. like, it’s literally all i can think about. god help me. but thank you so fucking much for requesting this bc i liked it sooo much that i decided to make a mini series out of it with the help of my babe @stxdyblr-2k who was sweet enough to offer to ghostwrite on the series 🥰 and to all my other angels who requested fics, don’t worry i will get them done! just wanna give you guys the best quality work i can. my 1st priority are some tommy requests i got, as well as some michael ones after :)

love, abi xxx

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (1 of ?)

warnings: nsfw! eventual smut, slow burn, john being sexy as all hell but also soft

John couldn’t tear his eyes off of you. From the moment you walked into the Garrison, arm loosely linked with Ada’s, clad in a black lace dress that hugged you just right, he couldn’t stop staring. Even Tommy and Arthur had noticed, cracking some joke about him being pussy whipped. The words floated right over his head, his mind on one thing only. The last time he had seen you, you were barely eighteen, cheeks pink as you waved goodbye out the train window to Ada as she sobbed. Ada had always had a flair for the dramatic, but the two of you had practically been attached at the hip your entire lives. So, he consoled her, reminding her that university wasn’t forever, that you would be back soon enough. And back, you were, red-stained lips sipping at a glass of something that Ada had practically shoved in your face. You weren’t a girl anymore, black heels crossed at the ankle as you sat across the room in a booth, laughing as Ada waved her arms, telling some sort of story.

“Just fuckin’ talk to ‘er, John-boy,” Arthur’s voice cut through John’s train of thought like a sharp knife, and he focused his eyes on his two brothers sitting at the booth across from him, clouds of smoke from Tommy’s incessant smoking heavy in the air around them.

“Fuck off,” John returned as he stood, earning a chuckle from Tommy.

“That’s right,” Arthur shouted as John made his way towards the bar, rolling his eyes at his older brothers. “Make sure you show her a real good time, eh?” Arthur’s voice was soon drowned out by the crowd around John, as they parted to let him walk through. He didn’t even see them, his eyes trained on your smile. Fuck, you were pretty.

***

“So, then I fucking kicked him in the balls.” Ada’s eyes sparkled triumphantly as she recalled the time she’d incited a riot, managing to cause great injury to a certain part of a policeman’s body. She did so casually, like it was no big deal. You couldn’t control your laughter as Ada grinned, pleased that she’d been able to make you laugh. “Fuckin’ missed you, Y/N,” she professed, shooting the rest of her gin and gesturing at the bartender to “leave the fuckin’ bottle, already.”

“Missed you too,” you smiled back at her, happy to be back in Birmingham in the company of an old friend. London was beautiful, but lonely. There was something inside you that missed the dirty streets, the crowded pubs bursting with familiar faces.

“Had to come over here myself to make sure it was you,” A deep voice interrupted your reverie and you looked up to see none other than Ada’s older brother John, looking even handsomer than the last time you’d seen him, in a grey-three piece suit, a cigar hanging from his lips. You’d had the hugest crush on him growing up, and the butterflies swimming around in your stomach seemed to confirm that you still found the tallest Shelby brother irresistible.

“Hi, John,” You offered him a shy smile and scooched over as he slid into the booth next to you, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to your cheek. You couldn’t help but drink in the smell of his cologne, the various drinks that Ada had encouraged you to down making you press yourself closer to him.

“M’kay, if you’re going to fuck, at least wait until I’m gone.” Ada’s voice snapped you out of it and you looked away, a pink blush staining your cheeks.

“Says the one who managed to fuck three of my best mates before you left school,” John retorted, causing Ada to roll her eyes, shooting her whiskey and pouring the three of you another glass each.

“I feel like getting drunk, and I’m not doing it alone,” Ada announced, causing both you and John to crack a smile at her forcefulness.

“Good thing we took a cab here,” you returned, before shooting your whiskey. If you were going to have to stare at John all night, you thought, you might as well be drunk doing it. Wasn’t like he was going to be staring back.

***

Ada was shitfaced, dancing in the middle of the pub. Luckily, Isaiah had stepped in as her partner, making sure her stumbling didn’t cause her to trip and fall. Unluckily for you, this left a tipsy you and John alone tucked into a booth in the corner of the room, out of view. The conversation was friendly, and you were trying your best to keep your mind off the way you could see John’s forearms practically bulging out of his suit. It wasn’t fair, you thought to yourself, for him to walk around looking like that. Especially when you knew that he was probably fucking the latest movie star, or something. It was almost impossible for you to keep your head straight, yet you managed to keep it civil. However, you couldn’t help your gaze from drifting to his lips. God, they were so pink and looked so soft, it was unfair. You couldn’t stop yourself from imagining how they’d feel on your mouth, let alone other parts of your body. Jesus, you were fucked.

A third of a bottle of whiskey later, you couldn’t help but let yourself slide closer to him, heart beating fast in your chest as you sat tucked into his side, his arm around you as you laughed at a joke he’d made, something about the stick up Tommy’s ass. Your eyes shone as they met his blue ones, his arm sliding down until his fingers were brushing against your waist, radiating heat into your skin.

“Y’know, I’d tell you how fuckin’ pretty you look tonight, but I think you already know that,” John rumbled into your ear, lips just barely brushing against your neck. Your breath hitched, and he noticed, a small grin spreading across his lips.

“You’re something else, you know that?” You shot back, a small smile threatening to take over your lips.

“M’not just sayin’ that. Couldn’t take my eyes off ‘ya, since you walked in.” John wasn’t kidding. For a second you didn’t know how to reply, staring up at him with a slight look of disbelief. The whiskey, however, had other plans, and had decided to respond for you.

“Can't keep your hands off me now." You smirked, waiting for him to escalate the moment, anticipation and liquor silencing the blaring alarm in your mind. God, you shouldn't want him as badly as you do.

"Can you blame me?" He muttered, dragging his fingers across the lace of your dress, tracing the pattern's loops absentmindedly, watching your jaw tense and lips part to take a gasping breath, your jacket having long vanished into the chaos of the pub. Your arms wound themselves around his neck, fingers twisting into his short hair. "Fucking come 'ere lass."

His strong arms lifted you onto his knee, gripping a thigh to help you balance, the friction of his rough hand against the stiff fabric pushing your dress up slightly. The need for more and the desire to know him completely intoxicated you far more than anything from a bottle; you'd never felt as though you were on fire from your drunk hookups. His fingers found the zip of your dress, tugging it down desperately, gripping the flesh of your exposed shoulder blades. A small groan erupted from your lips as you felt him chuckle below you, pressing a thumb to your lips to quieten you.

"John," you whined, pouting playfully against his thumb.

"I'll sort you out, I swear," He muttered, slipping his thumb between your lips. Instinctively, you sucked, locking eyes with him, his hand straying from your back to roughly grab your jaw, holding your gaze. "But if you're going to scream your 'ead off, we'll get caught."

"You wish you could make me scream, John-lad."

"Come off it, I could ruin you, Y/N." He stated, lifting your jaw, as though memorising the construction of your face, tone brimming with a cocky confidence only John could make attractive. "You want that?"

"More than anything." The words tumbled out of your mouth thoughtlessly, watching how his jaw tightened in response as you attempted to read his expression. He studied you for what must've only been a few seconds, but the moment passed so slowly, you could barely remember what it felt like to not be examined by his dominating blue eyed stare.

His grip guided your face to his, fingers tilting your chin so John's lips could brush against yours, before pulling you into a heated almost aggressive kiss, the straps of your dress barely grazing your shoulders, the hem of your dress bunching around your waist as he reached down your back to grab your bum in a firm squeeze. Your mouth gaped open in a gasp of pleasure, John taking the moment to run his tongue against your lips, gaining access and deepening the kiss. You were so caught up in the thrill of John's seduction that you hadn't noticed his hand suddenly pull away after moving your skimpy underwear to one side. You had instinctively ground your hips against him, he'd broken the kiss to let out a string of curses, complimenting you through his quickening breaths (“Fuckin’ wet for me already, aye?”), gripping your thigh. But as soon as he had pulled the thin silk from your thighs, the atmosphere shifted, his lip curling in frustration as his hands left your skin as though your flesh was suddenly scalding.

"John?" You prompted, resting a hand on his shoulder, noticing the dark shadows under his eyes for the first time.

"It's getting late."

"What?" Your voice sounded high and whiny, you mentally scolded yourself for sounding so needy. It was embarrassing to be rejected by the man you've admired for many years, but even worse to be openly vulnerable and so pathetic in front of your best friend's brother.

Ada.

Oh fuck.

Realisation hit you, it was either that or the unholy quantity of alcohol you'd downed which turned your stomach. You had gone too far this time. It was one thing to flirt with John and desire him from a distance, it was an absolute betrayal to have sex with him, knowing Ada's insecurity about being used to get close to her gangster brothers- sex, power and politics. You had sworn during those tearful walks around the canal that you'd never hurt her. You couldn't do that to her.

Your sudden panic must've been obvious, you tried to stand up from John's lap, stumbling slightly, only regaining balance due to a sudden arm across your back, anchoring you upright.

"No one has to know. It's our secret yeah?" He muttered into your ear, his words comforting.

You nodded silently, the reality of the situation settling in. Your hands are shaking by your sides, John catches them, locking his fingers with yours.

"It's fine, now. Nothing happened yeah?" He stood up in front of you, his muscular physique looming before you, the creases across his torso reminding you that just a few minutes ago his body was under yours, he was breathless, needing your skin against his, desperate and vulnerable. "I'll zip you up. Turn around."

His hands dropped from yours to fumble clumsily with your zip, struggling in the gloom and fog of intoxication, he eventually succeeded, the lace clinging to the curve of your hips, waist, back and chest again. You wished it was him instead that was skimming your figure but you pushed the thought away with a simple, "Thanks."

"I'll walk you home yeah?" He offered, as he straightens your skirt and his tie, allowing you to fix his crumpled shirt collar and the row of shining buttons below his throat which you'd ripped open as he whispered dirty nonsense in your ear, smirking at how you arched your back and swore back at him through your moans.

"Isaiah already said he would, it'd be better for us both that way. You know how people around here talk." You replied, glancing at the mirror on the wall of the booth to quickly smooth your tousled hair. Despite only recently returning to Small Heath, you'd already encountered the rife gossiping and quickly realised your neighbour was incapable of minding his own business. "Nobody has to know, right?"

John nodded, disappointed but appreciating your rationale and quick thinking despite your state, "Right."

"Good night, John," You said politely, ignoring the tension in his tone and the sudden soft sadness of his eyes, turning your back and walking to the door. Back to the sticky dance floor, back to Ada, Isaiah, Finn, Tokyo, back to spilling drinks, ashing cigarettes, back to noise, safety and far from the man who made your morals vanish with the same lines he uses on probably every single one of his conquests. Fuck it. You were going to enjoy it, you sped up your pace in your heels, trying to ignore your shaking legs. You tried to ignore the guilty twang in your gut when Ada screamed your name across the pub and stumbled over, dragging some lad on her arm, pressing drunken kisses to your forehead and cheeks.

You couldn't help but look back to see his shadow sloping away into the darkness of the booths closer to the dance floor, being bullied mercilessly by his brothers you assumed. You watched him fake a smirk, take the knuckles to his brow from Arthur, snap an insult back to Thomas and settle into his rightful seat. You only shifted your gaze to Ada for a moment but when you looked back up, he was staring at you, jaw tense, icy stare burning into yours, arms folded on the table, the gold chains of his sleeve garters barely glinting in the dim light. He looked away but you could see his cheeks were flushed with blood even in the glow of the oil lamps.

Pretending nothing happened was going to be impossible.

***

to be continued!

[literaila]

this vast empty space

spencer reid x reader

request: I’ve had this idea floating in my head after watching some One Tree Hill and Criminal Minds one day👀 what if the reader and Spencer have a child together but things are getting a little rocky with reader and Spence and they’re arguing so Spencer spends a lot of time at JJ’s with his child and JJ’s kids and one day the reader doesn’t let her child do something so they get mad and say they wish JJ was their mom🥺 but somehow a fluffy ending? Idk🗿 

warnings: angsty. panic attacks. me. its super duper long...um...depression symptoms...fighting....thats all.............enjoy!

“You’re taking her over to JJ’s?” 

There was this distance. 

There was an impenetrable wall. It was standing between the two of them, blocking their eyes, blocking their bodies from ever touching, from ever looking at one another. 

There was this wall. 

It was stuck between them, stuck standing there keeping them from each other, stuck living next to them, living with them, breathing in their space. 

This distance, this wall, this irritable thing standing between the two of them forcing them apart, forcing an uncomfortable feeling over their house, over their relationship, over their family. 

It was unavoidable. 

It was impossible to remove. 

“Yeah,” Spencer said, not making eye contact, not even saying the words in her direction, just tying their daughter's shoes, too focused on her to even spare a glance at Y/N. “I thought a playdate with Henry would be fun.” 

She watched small hands wrap around his neck, watched him gently pick up their daughter, still avoiding looking at her. She watched her daughter whisper in his ear, watched him smile at her. She watched her daughter's eyes light up at him. 

She watched and she felt like she was far far away from them. 

“When will you guys be back?” Y/N asked quietly, standing, vulnerable, in their doorway, standing just watching the two people she loved the most get ready to leave, getting ready to leave without her. 

Playing with her sweater, moving it over her hands as to hide herself, as to feel smaller, she stared at the floor waiting for them to walk out. 

There was this feeling, a feeling that rested around her body like a blanket, a feeling that made her feel like she wasn't supposed to be there, made her feel like she was just a spare piece, that they didn't need her. 

She didn't want them to walk out the door. 

“We’ll probably stay the night,” Spencer said, still not looking at her, he hadn't been looking at her recently, his voice was a void of numbness, his tone nonchalant, never caring. “I don't want her to stay up too late.” 

Y/N looked up and stared at his back, she stared at her daughter who was smiling at him, she felt a small grin on her face. She felt her mood lift just a little bit, felt the blanket fall just a couple of inches off her shoulder. She was lucky that her daughter couldn't feel the space between them, she was lucky her daughter hadn't caught on yet. 

She was lucky she had a happy little girl. 

Y/N made a small grunt of acknowledgement, made a quiet noise that she hoped wasn't showing her displeasure in the situation, she kept her mouth shut so they wouldn't yell at each other again. She sighed gently, already exhausted, and walked over to the pair. She walked over and got closer to Spencer than she had been in days, she could feel his body heat reflecting off of hers. 

She felt so uncomfortable. She felt so out of place in her own home.

She smiled at her daughter, smiled at the crinkles around her eyes, and the dream-like gaze she had in her eyes, and ran a gentle hand over her face, moving the curly brown hair out of Fayre’s eyes. She poked her cheek, searching for the dimples she knew would show up. 

“I’ll miss you, Fay. Be back tomorrow?” She asked, repeating the words her daughter had said to her multiple times, repeating the words that always seemed to comfort Fayre. Y/N hoped they would comfort her. 

“Be back tomorrow, Momma.” 

Y/n gave her another smile, hoping the sadness she felt wasn't showing in her eyes. She kissed Fayre’s head gently.

“Okay.” She said moving away from the two of them, trying to not let her chest fall at the thought of them leaving for the night. She looked over at Spencer, who was staring at the floor still avoiding her eyes, and she felt her smile fade from her face. “Bye Spence. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

Spencer nodded. He walked over to the door and grabbed his bag. With Fayre on his shoulder he opened the door, Y/N watched Fayre wave happily at her, calling “Bye Momma!” as Spencer walked away. 

She watched Spencer not even glance back at her.

Y/N watched them leave. 

***

Weeks was a brief way to put it. 

The distance between Y/N and Spencer. 

Y/N wasn't sure when she had decided to start picking fights, to start bickering with him every moment they were together, to bicker with him until they were openly fighting with each other. 

She wasn't sure when that had started. 

She can remember the fight that it had all begun with. 

She can remember telling Spencer she was thinking about resigning from the BAU.

She can remember how surprised she was when he got mad. 

She couldn't remember anything after that. 

But there was a tension, a distinct tension between the two, that had put them both into defensive mode. The tension had made them disagree with anything the other said, and the few times they had been able to talk out their problems, those couple of times, the tension was always there the next day. 

The tension eventually turned into distance. 

And then Spencer was leaving the house for longer, he was spending more time in his office, he was sleeping at JJ’s.

He had started sleeping at JJ’s. He couldn't stand to stay with her, to sleep in the same room with her, so he went to his best friend. So he left.

Y/N usually stayed home with Fayre, usually spent their time off taking care of her daughter. 

It seemed like they couldn't even be in the same room for ten minutes without fighting. They couldn't even have a conversation about the doctor's appointment Fayre had next week without arguing about something completely useless. 

Y/N hated it.

She hated it so much. She hated that she never got the opportunity to talk to her husband. She hated that they hadn't spent time as a family, all together, in the past couple of months the fighting had been going on. She hated that when they were working when they were helping each other on a cause, she hated the distance that rested between them. 

She hated not talking to him.

She hated not seeing him smile. 

She missed cuddling with him. 

She missed absolutely everything about him. 

But she didn't know what to do. 

Should she talk to him? Apologize? Explain to him how she felt? Would that do any good, or would it just cause another fight between the two of them, another layer in the wall they were constructing? 

She didn't know what to do. 

She wasn't sure if there was anything left for the two of them. Wasn't sure if there was anything she could say without it ending in a fight. 

Spencer was sleeping at JJ’s.

So she spent time with her daughter. She basked in the love that her daughter offered her free of charge. She spent her days coloring with her, making cupcakes, and taking her to the park. She spent her days playing with old toys, watching Disney movies, and talking to Fayre about anything that was going on in her 3-year-old mind. She loved every second she got to spend happily with her little girl. 

But when Spencer wanted to see her, when Spencer wanted to be the good Dad that he always had been, when Spencer wanted to spend him with their daughter and still had to actively avoid Y/N while doing it… Those days Y/N spent alone. 

She spent those days alone cleaning their house, cleaning her daughter's room and Spencer’s office, doing laundry, and reorganizing anything she could, she spent those days going to buy more groceries and catching up on things that she had meant to do months ago. She spent those days in her house, surrounded by things that just reminded her of how much she loved her family, surrounded by things that just filled her with doubt and hopelessness. 

She spent those days alone. 

She pretended that everything was the same as it was months ago, that she and Spencer still felt desperately in love every waking moment, that their small family was as content as could be, she pretended that she didn't feel the numbness in her chest when she wasn't doing something, she pretended that it was all the same. 

And she was happy. 

She pretended for her daughter, she didn't want her daughter to grow up in a home where everyone was sad, she didn't want her daughter to learn that being happy isn't normal for most people. She pretended for Spencer too, because she knew, she had always known, that even when they were fighting, even with the distance between them keeping them so so far away, she knew that if she said a word, if she voiced her doubts, Spencer would be there in a flash. 

He would hold her and reassure her that everything was okay, he would tell her that he loved her. 

And she wasn't so sure that was true. 

She wasn't sure if Spencer still felt tied to her. If he still felt his heartburn with the adoration he had for her. She wasn't even sure if Spencer still wanted to try and change. 

But he was a good person, and he was an amazing husband, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for his family. Including lie. 

So she didn't say a word. 

She just pretended. Just pretended everything was fine. 

Everything was just fine. 

***

It had been days. 

Days since she’d seen Spencer, days since they’d both been in the same room, days since she had yelled at him, had yelled harsher and angrier than she ever thought she could be. Days since she’d talked to him. 

JJ was their saving grace. 

JJ texted Y/N, and came to pick up Fayre so Spencer could see her, JJ spent time with her husband and her daughter, JJ spent every day with Spencer and didn't tell Y/N anything about him, only gave her a small pitiful smile every time she saw her, JJ who had Spencer sleeping over at her house. 

Y/N didn't know how to feel. 

Sometimes she worried she didn't feel anything. 

She could only hear the yelling in her head, could only remember how sore her throat had been the next day, could only remember the fury in Spencer's eyes, could only remember the way he slammed the door, could only remember the words she’d said to him. 

“She’s my daughter!” 

Spencer sighed and moved past her to their dresser, he was packing more clothes, more clothes so he could leave again, so he could leave and go back to JJ’s. He still wouldn't look at her. 

“Spencer. She's my daughter and I don't want her gone every other night!” 

Y/N wasn't sure when she had started yelling, wasn't sure when she had gotten so angry. She only knew that there was a knife digging into her chest, a knife that was digging under her skin, a knife that was begging her to fight back, a knife that was fueling her rage, she was angry, she was so so angry. 

And Spencer didn't seem to care. He didn't seem to say anything to her, he only let her yell at him while he walked around the room getting all the things he thought he would need. He wouldn't look at her, and he wouldn't pay her words any mind, and it was infuriating. 

The knife only dug deeper with every ignored statement Y/N made. 

“Spencer, are you even going to look at me? Do you even care?”

And with that Spencer turned around, he turned around quickly, his entire body tense and stiff. 

Y/N felt her breath catch at the look on his face. 

He was angry. She could see that clearly in his eyes, his face looked about to break, looked ready to throw everything he had at her, the anger that looked infused into his eyes scared her, the tension in his jaw made her back away from him. 

She’d never seen him angry like that. 

“Of course I care Y/N! I can't look at you because I can't bear to see the person that thought we weren't good enough- you thought I wasn't good enough! I don't want to look at you!” 

The knife retracted at his words, pulled out of her, scared by the reaction, a reaction she had never expected. The knife- the anger -wasn't prepared for him to be mad at her, it wasn't prepared for him to get angry, to actually react to the words she’d been saying. 

Y/N was counting on the fact that he had been ignoring her. 

She took a minute to think, to take in his words, to think about everything he had said, everything that he hadn't said in the weeks they’d been distant, the knife retracted, and she thought. 

She thought she thought

And then the knife plunged back into her. 

Deeper. 

“She's my fucking daughter Spencer! I’m sorry that I’m her mom and you don't want to deal with me but nothing can change that now! You should at least have the decency to talk to me about her!” She spat the words at him, flung them like weapons, like acid that was going to burn his skin, to burn him to nothing. 

She didn't care, she didn't care about his reaction, she didn't care if he was mad at her, she didn't care what he thought, she didn't care that they were fighting, all she cared about was making him see, making him feel the way she’d felt for months. 

Like everything was her fault. 

“You can leave me all you want Spencer!” she screamed at him, her face red, her hands shaking, her entire body rocking with the force of her emotions, the knife digging, she screamed at him angrily, desperately “You can leave if you don't want to be here! But Fayre will not leave, this is her home. She wants to be here!” 

And Spencer stared at her shocked, stared at her as he had never seen her before, had never ever met her, he just looked at her like she was someone he couldn't recognize. 

Y/N didn't know what he was thinking, didn't know if his shocked face was because of her words, or because of the yelling she had always tried to keep in. She stared at him, she stared at him and suddenly felt like she was crazy like she shouldn't have even been there, she stared at him and she could feel herself shrink in size. She could feel the knife disappear, and be replaced with an empty hole that filled her. 

Spencer suddenly walked out of the room. 

Y/N took a moment, took a moment to process what had happened, took a moment to recognize the hole that was now in her body, she moved her hands to her chest as to feel for it, as to make sure it wasn't actually there. 

She couldn't feel anything. 

After that moment she stormed for the door, stormed to go find Spencer, stormed because she wasn't ready for him to give up, to just leave once again. 

She stormed out of their room and she was met with a door about to close, a tiny hand she could see through the crack. 

She stared as the door slammed, more harsh and more final than any words she had screamed. 

She stared and watched her daughter leave with her husband. 

She felt her heart rush, and her head filled with air and, 

There was a hole in her chest and she was trying to grab it, trying to find it trying to trying to, 

There was nothing there but the empty house she was stuck in. 

JJ had brought her back the next day. Had given her that sad smile, and then left. 

Y/N wondered why her husband wasn't back. 

She wondered why he wasn't coming back. 

She wondered if he would ever come back. 

So did Fayre. Every day it was the same question “Where's Daddy?” which was answered with a blank “I don't know little love. I’m sure he’ll be home soon.” and then “Be back tomorrow Momma?” which was asked after a couple of days. And the same answer was always “I don't know Fayre.”

Because Y/N had no clue. She had no idea what her husband was doing, no idea when he was coming back, no idea when he wanted to see their daughter, no idea what to do. 

She caught glances of him at work. The team had been under strict orders for only in state cases, enforced by Strauss, and so there was nowhere else she could see him. But there were moments. There were moments when he was there, but Hotch had told her he had requested to finish his work at him, had requested to stay out of the office for a while, and Hotch had agreed. He’d even looked shocked when Y/N asked if he knew where Spencer was. 

Because she was supposed to know. 

But she didn't. 

There were moments where she saw him come into the office, small moments where she only got glimpses of his hair, of one of his vests. Little moments that reassured her that he was still there, that he hadn't left completely.

She prepared herself for the news that he had resigned, news that there was somewhere else Spencer was going, prepared herself so much. She had told him to go, told him to leave her, why wouldn't he? 

She prepared herself for the inevitable news she had set herself up for. 

But it hasn't come yet. 

Instead, she had gotten news of a party, one that Rossi was throwing, a celebration for whatever reason he had proclaimed. She’d gotten the news, and she’d been told that she had to go, that there was no backing out. 

And she’d agreed. 

Besides, it would be good for her to get out of the house, to go somewhere with her friends where she wasn't constantly looking up from her desk for something. 

She’d been told to take Fayre, told that Jack and Henry and Micheal would all be there, that her little girl should go have fun with them. 

She’d agreed.

But she knew that taking Fayre would mean passing her off, would mean giving her to Spencer so that they could spend more time together. 

She’d been in a mood all morning because of it. 

It had started with breakfast, which she had burned while helping Fayre get dressed, and then it was the loud TV playing while she wasn't trying to finish up some paperwork, and then it was the headache that was burning her eyes, and then it was packing up Fayre’s things. 

She felt so overwhelmed, felt so nervous to see Spencer for the first time, felt so sad that she was going to have to go home without her daughter. 

She felt like she was doing everything wrong, felt like she couldn't even keep her family together, couldn't even keep her daughter happy for one day without Spencer. 

She felt like she shouldn’t have to do any of it without Spencer, felt so angry that he was forcing her to pass their daughter off like she was a present. 

She felt so so overwhelmed. 

But she had to keep a smile on her face, she had to let her husband be a good Dad, she had to let her daughter spend time with her favorite person in the world, and she had to be happy while she did it. Her daughter deserved a happy Mother. She deserved everything. 

She didn't deserve what was happening to her parents. 

When it was finally time to leave Y/N could feel the nerves bunch up from her feet to the tip of her head, she felt them collect together like a bunch of bugs crawling up her skin, and she felt like she was going to puke. 

She could see Spencer. She could. It was the first time in days, the first time she would ever have to directly talk to him. But she could do it. She could she could. 

She wasn't sure. 

She helped Fayre pack the last of her clothes, grabbed the couple of things she hadn't put in her bag earlier when she heard crying come from the other room. 

Immediately she prepared herself for the worst, she felt desperate to get it to stop. 

She walked into their living room and saw her daughter sitting on the floor trying to put her shoes on. Tears were running down Fayre’s face as she messed with the laces, as she tried to remember what her Dad had done for her so many times. She looked up at her Mom and whined. 

Y/N went over to her, sad to see her crying on the floor, sad to see her crying over something that she could’ve just asked for help for. 

“Daddy always do it. I don't how to.” Fayre said angry, her words coming out rushed, skipping over the words she had not yet learned how to say. She was pulling at the strings harder, and Y/N tried to move her hands away from the laces so she couldn't hurt herself. 

That was when she started yelling. 

“No! No!” she said as she hit Y/N’s hands away, as she pushed her away. 

“Fayre. It's okay, just help me, help sweetheart.” 

“No! Daddy always do it! Daddy do it! Not Momma!” she was opening yelling, the tears streaming down her red face as she threw her hands up, not sure how to express her emotions. 

“Let Momma do it once, it's okay sweetie we can do it.” 

Y/N could feel herself getting more frustrated, could feel the nerves still collecting in her body, she didn't know what to do, and she didn't feel like she could deal with a breakdown from her daughter right now. 

Not when she was inches away from having one herself. 

She tried to take a deep breath, tried to calm herself down, and remind herself that Fayre was only three, that she was confused, and she missed her dad, and that she needed to be calm with her. 

“Fayre, I’m sorry sweetie, Daddy’s not here. Let me help and we can go see him.” Y/N said calmly, kneeling in front of her daughter who was looking at her angrily. 

“No! Daddy! Not you! Don't want you!” Fayre said as she got up, her shoes still untied, as she tried to run for the door. 

Y/N could feel her anger go up. 

“Fayre Diana. Don't run away.” Y/N said sternly.

Her daughter was crying and screaming, and banging on the door desperately like she was trying to get out, she was yelling so loud, and Y/N’s head was pounding. And her daughter was upset, and she was upset and she didn't know what to do. 

What should she do what should she do? 

She felt the anger rush up into her head, flashing her eyes red, she felt herself hit her breaking point, felt everything coming to her at once, felt so done, so tired and she just wanted it to stop. 

“Fayre! Daddy isn't here! I need you to listen to me!” she yelled, moving over to her daughter who was too small to resist Y/N picking her up. Fayre kicked and tried to push her away as Y/N walked over to their couch. 

“We won't go if you don't let me help you.” She said, no longer yelling, but her voice with much more power. 

And Fayre stared at her, her eyes wide and almost sad, she stared at her and she started to cry even more. 

Y/N watched as her daughter's eyes welled up in tears, as her daughter was hyperventilating, so sad, and so little, she felt herself breaking at the sight. 

And she tried to grab her arm, trying to do anything to calm her down. 

“No! I don't want you!” Fayre screamed pushing Y/N away, pushing her away and looking at her angrily. “I want JJ! You not nice! JJ!” 

And everything stopped. 

Everything just stopped. 

Y/N could feel everything drain from her body, all her emotions all her thought all her organs, she felt it all fall away from her, felt her heart crack into so many pieces it was practically dust because 

She wasn't good enough

She wasn't enough

She wasn't 

She wasn't

I want JJ!

I want JJ!

I want 

I want

JJ

Her daughter didn't want her, and her husband didn't want her, and she didn't want her, and there was nothing there was nothing

There was so much

She felt everything collapse from within and she couldn't find the words, didn't know how to breathe, didn't know how to remove the air that was filling her body, didn't know how to breathe 

How do you breathe how do you-

She wasn't good enough. 

She wasn't good. 

She wasn't. 

She. she she. 

There was nothing left of her. 

Nothing but the ashes that were barely enough to fill her feet, let alone the hole that was left within her body, the hole that had been building up for weeks. 

There was nothing. 

Everything stopped. 

Everything just stopped. 

And she stared at her daughter, her daughter who wasn't saying anything, barely even looked like she was breathing, and she stared at her and. 

Everything started again. 

Fayre was looking at her, tears running down her cheeks, and Y/N watched as she came over and hugged her legs, she watched as Fayre listed out apologizes, watched as she looked up at her, sad by the tears running down her Moms cheeks. 

She didn't know what to do. 

She didn't she didn't. 

She ignored it. 

She ignored it. 

Nothing had happened nothing was happening, she was whole she was completely there, there was nothing wrong. 

Nothing had happened. 

They were going to be late. 

***

She stood there numb. 

Numb as she watched her daughter laugh with Spencer and JJ. 

She stood there and she felt nothing at all. 

She watched her friends dance and laugh and play games, she watched the kids run around Rossi’s yard, giggly and happy as could be. 

She watched everyone else enjoy themselves, and she couldn't feel anything. 

She didn't know what she was supposed to feel. 

Was she supposed to be sad? Sad that her daughter considered JJ a better mom than she did Y/N?

Was she supposed to be angry? Angry that Fayre had adapted to JJ’s house so much that she thought she was better?

Was she supposed to be annoyed? Or heartbroken? Was she supposed to frustratingly yell at JJ, to yell at Spencer?

Was there something she was supposed to feel? Something she was supposed to do. 

She didn't know.

All she knew was the numbness she’d been submerged in, the numbness that had taken over her body when it had fallen to pieces, fallen apart on her living room floor, the numbness that put clouds in her brain, clouds that forced her to think but not to feel.

Was there something she was supposed to be feeling?

She didn't feel anything. 

She just watched, she watched Hotch laugh with the boys, and Derek talk with Emily and Penelope pull funny faces to make Fayre laugh. She watched as JJ stood with her arms wrapped around Will, watched as Rossi grilled something and yelled out things. 

She watched all of them feel. 

She didn't dare look at Spencer. 

When she had arrived with Fayre, immediately she’d let her run to her Father, let her go hug him desperately, and had not let herself spare a glance at him. She didn't want to see him and she didn't want to think about how he had left, about how he had taken her advice, about how their daughter would be so much better off with a mom who knew what she was doing. 

She didn't want to think about all the ways she had disappointed her family. 

She didn't want to think at all. 

So she didn't look at him, didn't watch him the way she always did, didn't say a single word to him. She wouldn't allow herself that. 

She was looking down at the pavement when Derek came over to her. 

“Hey Pretty Girl,” he said, as he stood next to her, holding out a drink for her, which she took nonchalant as she looked back at the ground. 

“Hey,” she said quietly, her voice void of emotion, her body void of everything. 

“Hey, what's wrong?” he asked, moving his head down so he could get a look at her face. 

She looked up at his words, her neck snapping at the question. 

“Nothing,” she said, looking in his eyes, which were glazed with concern.

“What's going on Pretty girl? You’ve been standing here alone all night?” Derek said, putting a reassuring arm on her shoulder. 

She didn't feel a thing. 

“Nothings going on. I’m just tired,” she said, again, looking back at the ground. She was tired of thinking. 

‘Y/N.” Derek said, moving her chin so she was looking in his eyes again. “Seriously, what's wrong?” 

Y/N stayed silent, willed her body to feel nothing, to think nothing, because there was nothing wrong, there was nothing wrong. 

She looked back down. 

“Alright.” Derek sighed, taking the drink he had given her from her hand and setting it down on a nearby table. He grabbed her hand and led her away from the party, away from everything else. She wondered where they were going. 

When they finally stopped at a small garden farther into Rossi’s backyard Derek halted and turned to stare at her again. 

“What's going on with you and Spencer?” 

Y/N felt herself crack at that. Felt the numbness drain only a smidge, from her body, felt her staring at Derek urgently, felt her mind trying to run again. 

“Nothing. There's nothing.” She said quickly, her words jumbled, her heart racing. 

“You think I haven't noticed the way you two have been acting recently? He's been staring at you all night, and you haven't said a word to anyone. Something is going on. What is it?” 

She looked down, surprised by his words, emotion was filling her body but she was begging herself to just keep it out, to just not feel anything. 

She didn't want to feel anything. 

“Derek I-” and she broke. Her body was flooded with memories and thoughts and emotions, and she could feel the dam breaking in her eyes and she felt everything all at once and she just wanted it to stop. She didn't want to feel any of it. Why wouldn't it just stop?

Derek pulled her into his chest. He pulled her in tight and rubbed her back and she tried to calm herself down, as she tried to keep in all the emotions her body was begging her to let out. 

“Shh, Pretty Girl... It’ll be alright. Just breathe.” He said as she rested her cheek on her chest, as she felt her body start to panic, her mind started to buzz with the overwhelming feeling. 

What would she do? Her daughter didn't want her. Her daughter didn't want her. Her daughter had said she didn't want her and she didn't know what to do what would she do her daughter didn't didn't want her- 

“Fayre said she wanted JJ.” she cried out desperately, the words tumbling out of her like an avalanche, she could feel herself still panicking, she could feel the buzzing of her brain flow to the rest of her body. What would she do-

“What do you mean.” 

“Fayre,” she breathed, “she said that I- I was mean.” she gasped and more tears rolled down her cheeks like rocks falling “and that- she wanted JJ- not-” her body was buzzing in the panic that had contained her “not me,” she said and she cried. She cried against her friend as her family was only a short distance away, as her family had no idea how worthless, how broken she was. 

Derek just let her cry. He let her sob out different words, he looked down at her concerned, wondering when she had fallen apart. Wondered why he was the one comforting her instead of her husband, her husband who was only 100 feet away. 

The panic was still there, still shaking her heart back and forth, still buzzing loud in her brain, but she was breathing, she had gotten the words out, the terrifying words that she so desperately wanted to pretend didn't exist. 

She was starting to breathe. 

Why did she have to feel anything? 

Derek held her, held her close, held her because that was what she needed, she needed her husband but she needed something she needed someone. 

He listened as she gasped out her last sob, as her crying started to slow down. 

He moved back. He kept his hands on her shoulder as she looked up at him. 

She looked so small, her eyes bloodshot, her face pale, she looked like a little kid who had no idea what to do, she looked so small standing there with him. 

“Are you alright?” he asked as he searched her face. 

She took a shaky breath as she said “Thank you. Better now.” 

She didn't think she had the energy to say anything else. 

***

It was time to go. It was time to go back to her house, her empty house, it was time to go back to her numbness, which was empty, just like her house. 

They were quite the pair. 

It was time to say goodbye to Fayre, time to send her off with her Dad, and with JJ who didn't disappoint the two of them. 

In a way, Y/N was thankful to JJ, because she knew that JJ would take care of her family, she knew that JJ would be there for them if they needed anything. She knew that if she couldn't make them happy, at least JJ could. 

She tried to ignore the envy she felt towards JJ. She tried to ignore the anger she wanted to feel. She knew it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault that she didn't disappoint. 

It was Y/N’s.

At least she thought at least they have someone. 

She just wanted them to be happy. 

It was time to say goodbye, as everyone started heading towards their cars, tired and ready to go home, Fayre walked over to her mom, her smile shining bright as she led Spencer towards Y/N. 

They were walking over to Y/N together, Fayre pulling her dad along, pulling him over to her. He was coming over, he was coming over. Y/N didn't let her heart feel anything, she didn't let her eyes drift toward him. 

“Momma!” Fayre yelled excitedly, throwing herself into Y/N’s arms. 

“Hi, baby.” Y/N said quietly, looking at her beautiful daughter, staring at the one relief she had from it all. “Did you have fun?” She said softly. 

“Yeah, Momma! We did games, and Daddy did trick!” She was much too loud and excited for the late hour, but Y/N was happy to see her so full of energy, so alive. 

“Did he?” 

“Yeah! And he said do more!” she was smiling over at her dad, but Y/N didn't take her eyes off of Fayre. 

“More later?” she said quietly, her mood only slightly deflated at the thought of them leaving. 

“Yeah!” Y/N kept a smile on her face, kept her smile, but couldn't change the disappointment stuck in her eyes, she smiled at Fayre and kissed her on the cheek. 

“You go with Daddy alright? Be back tomorrow?” Y/N said, laughing a little at the words. She had given up, given up on trying to stop the tears stinging at her eyes. She was smiling at her daughter, but she felt like sobbing against her. 

Just another way to disappoint the two of them. 

“Why sad Momma?” Fayre asked, her little hand rubbing Y/N’s cheek as she wiped away the one tear she had let go. Y/N wished she wasn't as smart as she was. 

“I’m not sad little love,” She said, feeling her voice crack at the lie, at the words she’d been trying to believe were true. She sighed softly and smiled sadly at her daughter. “Just tired.” 

Fayre was still looking at her with a furrow in her brows, still staring at her confused. “Don't sad Momma.” 

Y/N laughed bitterly at the words, committing them to memory for later. 

“Alright, Fay. I won't. Be back tomorrow?” she asked once again. 

Fayre wrapped her little arms around Y/N’s neck, squeezing tight like she was trying to make everything better. “Be back tomorrow Momma.” She said as Y/N put her down and pushed her gently towards Spencer. 

Spencer, who'd she’d almost forgotten, was there. She gave herself one opportunity, one look, one look to just see him. And she looked in his eyes, she looked at his face that looked so sad, his eyes that were staring right at hers concerned. She looked at his face that looked almost regretful. 

She looked away. 

She felt her heart beat faster, reminding her of the love she was trying to keep away from him. 

She waved at Fayre one more time, blew her a kiss. 

This time she walked away first. 

She couldn't bear to see them leave again. 

***

She was up late at night when there was a knock. 

Quiet, quick, almost as if whoever was there knew she would still be up. 

She hadn't been sleeping well. She felt words swirling around her head, memories of the things she didn't want to think about popping up at random points. 

She couldn't stop her brain. 

She couldn't get numb again. 

But there was a knock. 

She looked at the safe in her closet, wondering if she should grab her gun, just in case. 

In the end, she’d decided against it. If it was someone bad would they have broken in?

She walked towards the door, turning on the lights, and unlocking it. 

She hadn't expected to see her husband standing on the other side. 

She hadn't expected to see Spencer looking at her. 

She hadn't expected to see relief in his eyes. 

She hadn't expected him to talk to her.

“You’re awake,” he said, almost in awe, almost like he wasn't sure, quiet. 

Y/N just stared at him. 

It was the first time she had looked him in the eyes without any hesitation for weeks. It was the first time she had looked into his eyes without nerves running up and down her spine, without feeling like she had to be ashamed for looking at him. 

She felt her heart beat faster. 

“Spence.” she breathed out. 

He gently grabbed her hand, gently moved her out of the way so he could get through the door, he gently let her hand go and moved to take off his shoes. 

He was taking off his shoes. 

Y/N just watched him, wondering if she was dreaming, if she was dreaming about him coming back home, wondering if this was all fake. 

She hoped she wouldn't wake up for a little bit longer. 

“Y/N.” Spencer said, turning back to her, “Can we talk?” 

It was the first time she had heard him speak to her in days, the first time she had heard her name slip from his lips. 

She left like she was floating.

She wondered why she couldn't feel anything but bliss. 

She wondered when the nerves would catch up. 

She only nodded at him, only gestured to the couch. There was too much going on for her brain to comprehend, she was surviving on only coffee and a couple of caffeine pills, she was up far too late and she didn't know what was going on. 

They both sat down on the couch, and Y/N’s heart got faster at the close proximity of the two. What was going on? 

“We have to talk about everything.” 

And then the nerves caught up. 

And then the nerves invaded her body, filling her to the core with irrational thoughts, with messages from her brain that only made her heart beat faster. 

Divorce. 

Custody.

Leaving. 

The nerves were too much too much, and her eyes were wide and all she could do was nod, just nod at him. Unconsciously she moved farther away from him, preparing herself for the distance he was going to ask for.

He was leaving he was leaving he was going to leave he was-

“I think that we should’ve talked a long time ago.” He said quietly looking down at the floor, staring intensely at something Y/N couldn't see. 

“Yeah.” Y/N said, her voice breaking from the pressure, her body ready to collapse. 

“I’m sorry I left,” Spencer said. 

And it stopped. 

Everything stopped.

He was sorry. He was sorry he left, he was sorry for doing the thing that Y/N had told him to do, doing the thing that she had asked of him, he was sorry he was sorry. 

“Why,” she asked. 

“Because I never should have left. And I never should have left for so long. It was childish and only 58% of long-distance relationships work, and I didn't even leave the city I was just gone and I- I’m not sure what I was thinking-”

“I told you to go.” 

“What?” Y/N was staring at him, staring intently. She missed the sound of his voice but she hated the words coming out of his mouth. This was all of her fault, she had told him to leave, she hadn't done anything about it. This was her fault and he shouldn't have been saying any of this. 

“I told you to leave. I said, “Go ahead and leave Spencer.” She paused and looked down at his feet. “You were only doing what I asked.” 

Silence consumed the room. Y/N still didn't know what else Spencer wanted to talk about, she still didn't know if this meant he wanted to try if he wanted to try and be with her, she didn't know if this meant they were going to get better. 

She couldn't help but think of the empty space that filled her body, she couldn't help but think about the hole in her body that was scarring, that was stuck there, almost numb, unbelievably painful. She couldn't help but think about the words she’d endured to get that hole. 

“I shouldn't have listened to you. You were right.” Spencer said, pulling out of her thoughts, pulling her out of the pain that threatened to take over her body once again. “You didn't deserve me leaving, and neither did Fayre. I should’ve stayed.” 

“Spencer you don't-” 

“And then today. Today I was looking at you, I was watching you. And you just-” he paused and shook his hands in front of his face as if he was trying to reach for the words “you looked so empty. You just- you weren't looking at anything and you were just staring- and I don't think I’ve ever seen you look like that and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know what was going on but you looked so empty-” 

Y/N paused. Derek had said Spencer was looking at her, he had told her that right to her face, but there was a block keeping her from thinking about it. She was trying not to think about it. But Derek had been right, and Spencer had noticed he had noticed. 

He’d noticed her. 

“Y/N.,” he said, grabbing her face as he pulled her closer to him. “I’ve never seen you look so emotionless. You looked at me after Fayre said goodbye, and it was like there was nothing. There was nothing- and- It scared me. I had no idea what to do, but I could feel that I started it, I could tell it had something to do with us and-”

“Fayre caused it.” Y/N blurted out. 

“What?” Spencer looked at her shocked, his face unmoving. 

“She,” Y/N took a deep breath, not wanting to relive the memory, but wanting to keep the closeness of Spencer so bad she wouldn't stop. “She was having trouble with her shoes, and she was asking for you, and I got mad- god.” Y/N shook her head angrily, mad at her past self for getting mad at Fayre. “I never should’ve gotten mad. I was mad and she was upset and she said-” 

Something was choking her from the inside. Maybe it was the anxiety holding her throat down, maybe it was the nerves that seemed to be everywhere, maybe it was the desperation to forget everything, to pretend to be okay, maybe it was the exhaustion that rested on her eyes weighing them down, maybe it was the buzzing in her heart. 

It didn't matter what it was, it was choking her, stopping the words from escaping her mouth, stopping the words from reaching the air, stopping her from telling Spencer. 

But she fought, she fought against her instinct, fought against all her self defense mechanisms, and something finally let go. 

“She said, I was mean, and that she wanted JJ.” and she gasped. 

The words were out, out into the world, out where her husband- who she hadn't been speaking to, who she hadn't gotten any affection from in months -could finally hear them.

It felt like a shock to say them. 

It felt like a shock to have to say them again, this time to the man she loved most. 

She felt ashamed in herself, for the decisions she had made earlier, for the disappointment she was to her family, for the void that lived in her body. 

“Y/N,” Spencer said, wiping away tears she hadn't noticed escaped her eyes. “She didn't mean that.” 

And the words might have been reassuring, they might have been helpful, might have rested her self hatred, if she wasn't familiar with the person Spencer was. 

He would like just to make her happy. 

‘I think she did,” she said more tears crawling up her throat. “I think she did. Because I understand, because I’m not an amazing mother, and I’m definitely not an amazing wife, and I’ve been unfair to her, and I wish she didn't have to deal with me all the time, I think she meant it-” 

Spencer put a hand over her mouth stopping her words. He was looking at her angry, his brows furrowed in something that looked like disgust, his mouth turned down. 

“Don't ever say that.” He said harshly. 

“What?” Y/N said as she moved back, her words muffled by his hand, surprised at his sudden change in mood. 

“I don't want to ever hear, I don't want you to ever think that you aren't a perfect Mother.” He said, looking her directly in her eyes, his voice wasn't wavering and neither was his mind. “You are an amazing Mother to Fayre. She loves you.” 

When Y/N tried to interrupt Spencer just spoke over her. 

“And you are an amazing wife. You are more than I could’ve ever asked for. So, I do not want to hear another word about you not being enough. It's a lie, and I hate it.”

He stopped and Y/N was still looking at him shocked at the sudden outburst. She had thought that was why she left. She wasn't enough, because Spencer was disappointed in her. After all, she just wasn't good enough. She thought that's why he left. 

That was why he left. 

Wasn't it? 

Tears ran down her face as she stared at him frustrated. 

“Oh, Y/N.,” he said, moving his hand from her mouth and gently wiping another tear away. “I didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to believe me, baby.” 

He was so gentle, so caring, so everything she had been missing for the months they had been constantly fighting with each other. 

She sobbed against his hand. 

“Baby,” he said desperately, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer to him. She breathed him in, shocked by the smell she loved so much, shocked that he was so close to her, shocked at how cold she had been without him. 

She had been so cold for so long. 

She sobbed even more, shaking against his chest, gasping for breath. 

She had no idea she could miss a person that was so close to her. 

“I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry any of this happened,” he said, rubbing her hair and pulling her close to him. Spencer felt close to tears himself, watching his wife shake in his arms, he knew that she had been deteriorating for months, for months he knew and he hadn't done a thing. He knew that she was barely there, that another week would have burned her away, he felt ashamed that he hadn't been there sooner. 

“Spence.” she cried, tugging on his shirt and nudging her head into his chest. 

He just sat there, helping her get him closer, helping her remove the last couple of centimeters between them. 

She sobbed and she sobbed into his chest, relieved that he was here, still hoping that this wasn't a dream, that this wasn't some cruel joke the world was playing on her. 

She couldn't just let this go again. 

“Y/N,” Spencer said when she had finally caught her breath when she had stopped shaking.

She looked up at him, her eyes puffy, and pleading, at that moment she looked so vulnerable it made Spencer want to protect her from everything. He didn't want to lose the only thing holding him together. “I love you. I’m so sorry that we’ve been so far apart.” 

She moved her hands from his chest, moving them to his neck and jumping into his lap, straddling him on the couch as he hugged her back just as tight. It was a breath of fresh air to be so close together, they were each other's light in a dark room. 

They had been so far apart. 

“I’m sorry too Spencer. I’m sorry.” 

Spencer just ‘shh’’d her, just held her close to him. They were both exhausted, and it was so late, it was too late. 

It was almost too much to be close to him again. 

They stayed like that, silent and together, silent and right next to each other for a while. They let each other's body heat warm them up, let their hearts get used to the close proximity again, let everything that had happened fade between them. 

It was a while later, a while later when Y/N had felt almost repaired when she could no longer feel the burning of the hole in her body, the hole that had so desperately needed to be filled, the hole that was now barely there. It was then that she finally spoke. 

“Where's Fayre?” she asked quietly against his ear, running her hands through the hair on his neck, enjoying the grip he had on her waist, and the kisses he was leaving on her neck. 

“She’s still at JJ’s. I didn't want to wake her up, but I had to see you.” 

There was a pause and then,

“Spencer,” she whispered softly, in awe that he was there, that they were together again. 

He just kissed her some more. 

They stayed like that, connected, for just a moment longer, just another moment together, before Spencer spoke up again. 

“Y/N?” he asked, moving back only a little bit so he could look into her eyes. 

“Yes?” she asked, staring at the brown eyes she had fallen in love with, the brown eyes that always seemed to fill her with a feeling she would never know how to describe. 

“I love you,” he said softly, pecking her lips. 

When he pulled back she smiled with her eyes closed, smiled at him, smiled at the feeling in her chest, smiled at the happiness she hadn't felt in so long, she smiled and she opened her eyes just so she could look at him because he was right there, he was right in front of her. 

“I haven't seen you smile in so long,” Spencer whispered in awe, running his hand over her cheek as he stared at her. 

She only smiled wider. 

“Spencer?” she said softly, the smile stuck to her face. 

“Yes?” he asked, moving to look back up to her eyes instead of her mouth, her eyes which were shining just for him. 

“I love you,” she said. Quietly. Gently. For what felt like another first time. 

He kissed her. Harder this time.

my masterlist here

[sscoutregimentss]

i know we as a collective society believe in gamer! eren supremacy. and yes, this is a good take. however, may i introduce to you: normie/fuckboy/jock eren with gamer/nerd gf. thoughts under the cut (safe for work, pg-13, also slight snk spoilers for season 3 and up!)

see, eren isnt necessarily a fuckboy. in fact, hes very loyal! he doesnt really think that way about any girls or guys except you. but hes popular romantically and had a reputation for sleeping around before he met you (not that theres anything wrong with that but ya know word travels fast across campus). plus, cmon the dude is in a frat, super hot and has a tongue piercing. he cant blame anyone for thinking he is a fuckboy bc he exudes the energy.

you are kind of the complete opposite. you dont really enjoy parties and you keep to yourself. you're a total wreck when it comes to flirting and your kinda oblivious to whenever people like you. you dont have many friends and are a bigger fan of 2d people than 3d.

either way eren finds you so so so cute. he first approached you at one of his frat parties. your roommates convinced you to come after she said that someone (read: connie) had a dance dance revolution mat, but you kinda just stuck around in a corner staring at your cup once you lost them. he looks you up and down-- your outfit was pretty cute, a short plaid orange pleated skirt, dress shirt, orange cardigan and black beret laying neatly upon your head. and your face... he couldn't help himself but try to talk to you. you were really anxious because wahhh scary sports guy you dont know but he was kinda instantly comforting? in a way? and he was freaking pretty. he looked like a final fantasy character--long haired characters were your type. the rest was kind of history.

a lot of people are shocked when they find out your dating bc you two are so different (some people are surprise eren “dates” at all) but no one dares question your relationship when they see how much eren dotes on you. he has so many polaroids of you in his wallet-- from the many arcade dates you bring him on where you decimate him at almost every game, you awkwardly posing in the hentai section of bookstores, or just candids of you being intensely focused on a puzzle in a game. whenever you guys go out to eat and somethings wrong with your meal, he'll send it back (in a polite way, of course, but hes still assertive.) or if you buy like a figurine and its misisng something hes marching up to the cashier stand for you. he always has an arm around your waist or is holding is hand in yours. sometimes you just cling onto his arm and rest your head on it (hes comfy!!!!! and you are always tired) your both pretty clingy, but you get kinda awkward when you two are around people you know so he just kinda subtly holds you as to not make a scene. its nice. hes comfy.

youve got dual monitors, a pc you made yourself, rgb keyboard, the whole nine yards. all your consoles are up to date and you keep a handheld system on you at all times. you spend most your weekends watching anime and movies and tv shows and your shelves are piled high with books and comic books. eren literally does not understand any of it. when you told him you built your pc he goes "you made all those microchippy things? youre soooo smart babe". when you talk about some of your weirder or more complicated animes he nods along but honestly he gets so lost ("so like, lemme get this straight, the kids dad's wife ate his mom?" "yeah but like she was turned into a titan so she didn't realllllly know it was the dads wife, but like she literally walks past this titan shifter so i think she knew." "thats crazy.") and he will never understand the point of otome games when hes literally right there. he actually has a really bad habit of getting jealous of characters you have a crush on but you just find it funny. sometimes he gets an ego boost when they look like him because even if they look like him he is actually real so they can suck it.

hes rlly supportive tho. erens a rlly passionate person and he loves you a lot so he pours a lot of passion into what you do. if you are into esports/fps games hes cheers you on all the time and does all the raging for you ("BABE THAT GUY IS STREAM SNIPING! HES STREAM SNIPING YOU HEY ASSHOLE STOP CHEATING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND" "eren he cant stream snipe me because i dont stream" "oh i thought that just meant cheating"/"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?" "eren its okay i can just report him" "NO NO LET ME AT HIM IF HE WANTS TO CALL YOU A BITCH I CAN CALL HIM MUCH WORSE" "um guys im gonna mute my mic for a second if you need me text chat") if youre into cozy games he likes to watch you play and gives you ideas on where to put things. like in minecraft he makes you put a second bed for him even though he doesnt play and he helps you name all your pets. you get a little less intense with cozy games so you sit on his lap and he lets his hair down puts his head on your shoulder and points at where you should place stuff. he still rages though? this is eren jaeger we are talking about. ("aw, she wont move to my island." "WHAT? who does that little ugly squirrel think she is? you think youre too good for MY y/n's island? i'll shave your unibrow off. then we'll see what island will want you" "leave hazel alone! shes cute!"/"dude that hamster guy with the glasses looks like armin" "graham? what? armin doesnt even wear glasses" "no no look at it more" "oh shit youre right") rpgs/otome games are kinda a wild card with how he acts. if its an otome game and the character looks like him he is more into helping you out because it reaffirms to him that you find him good looking but otherwise he is just sulking and calling them annoying ("princess y/n... i know im just a servant, but i want to be with you forever!" "pft. get a load of this guy. clingy much?" "its romantic! youre jealous.")

one of his favorite things to do with you is cuddle and watch anime. usually he lies his face on your thighs or chest while watching and you play with his hair or he holds you in his chest and you play with one of his hands while the other goes behind his head. he grew up on some of the classics like naruto sailor moon one piece pokemon and dbz but he never got super into it until he started dating you. you put him on to soooo many good shows (cartoons, anime, and live action) hes both a crier and he is a get-angrier(?). he gets mad on characters behalfs and you have to pause the show so he can rant about how annoying someone is or he feels so bad for someone so he has to take a minute because hes tearing up. he likes slice of life anime because the friendships <3 theyre so wholesome and they remind him of him armin and mikasa but he also likes shounen because it is entertaining to watch fights. he gets really into them actually. he also has this really bad habit of whenever there is a character with no parents or a dead mom he goes "oh same" or "welcome to the club buddy" under his breath. when theres a cute couple in an anime you both like guys get matching keychains of them unless one of them dies because he thinks its bad luck. his favorite animes are haikyuu, your lie in april and code geass.

you are equally supportive of erens volleyball career. you know all the rules because sports anime and you actually find yourself really liking it in 3d as well (it is lacking in bromance and screaming but you let it slide). you go to all his games and he always texts you before his practices. has a habit of kissing you before games and one day after he kisses you go "gg ez win" as a JOKE but then they like decimate their long time rival marley university and get into nationals (is that a thing for volleyball idk sports) so hes convinced its because you did your "gamer magic". now every time after getting his good luck kiss he interlocks your pinkies and you go "gg ez win" and he goes “yes.” because to this day he doesnt know what it means (he thinks googling it is like breaking the magic)

okay im gonna stop while im ahead BECAUSE I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I MIGHT JUST GO AHEAD AND WRITE SOME ONESHOTS....

[chasingpj]

𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫

pairing: leo valdez x child of iris!reader

requested?: yes!

translation: full of color

warnings: uhh, mentions of mental health and ?? maybe some typos lmao

category: headcanons, fluff, best friends to lovers

pre-relationship

though, leo saw you around camp often, you caught interest in him before he caught interest in you

i mean, he literally couldn't miss you because your outfits were always bright, whether it was a combination of colors or monochromatic

you and your siblings actually look like a rainbow threw up on you guys, and it's honestly iconic

no one at camp can not notice the children of iris, especially when they're in a herd

one day, you were sitting alone at a picnic table near the lake, and you found yourself drawing him in your sketchbook

you sketched a portrait of him while he spoke to piper at a table nearby

you've always found the floppy curls and how his brightest smiles always look a little manic to be adorable

when you sketched his portrait in your notebook, you didn’t intend for him ever to see it

until a couple of weeks later in the arts and crafts center, leo passed by and caught sight of a new project you were working on

he stopped in his tracks to compliment your drawing

since you were nowhere near done with it, you couldn’t admire the piece as much as he was

but his enthusiasm was so endearing

he politely asked if he could see more, and you didn’t hesitate to slide over your sketchbook

he noticed a lot of your drawings were scenery and people at camp; especially your siblings

he stumbled across a detailed sketch of a woman and her child sitting in a bus

“wow… who’s this?”

“oh, I don’t know. It was just a little girl I saw on the train with her mother.”

“so you just drew her?”

you never realized how weird your habit of drawing random people was until he had asked

you giggled nervously, quick to explain yourself, “I tend to draw people or things that I find beautiful. I wanted to capture how calm and happy she was with her child ‘cause at the time, I was stressed and angry. Watching and drawing her made me calm.”

leo nodded, a faint smile on his lips before looking back down at the drawing. “that’s really cool,” he complimented, and you shifted in your seat, suddenly shy.

And then it hit you

you were so willing to show leo all your works that you had completely forgotten that his portrait was in that book

your pulse thumped loud in your ears, mind racing to figure out a way to take away your sketchbook before he could see it

you ended up spending so long thinking of what to do that he arrived on the page in no time

right before he could see the drawing in its entirety, you slammed the book closed and snatched it

leo’s startled expression turned into a mischievous smirk

“was that me?”

you froze in your place; a squeaky sound escaped your throat in your embarrassment

leo’s brown eyes sparkled as he leaned into you, your gaze fixed on his, “y/n, you think I’m beautiful?”

AHHHH!

^^ that was you in your head btw

leo laughed, amused at your attempt to deny it

“then why did you snatch it away?” he raises an eyebrow before reaching over quickly to grab the sketchbook back

you didn't pull it out of his reach fast enough, leo getting a grip on one side

the two of you pull it back and forth, leo laughing at you as you continued to deny what he saw

though you were incredibly embarrassed, you couldn't contain the laughter bubbling in your chest

gods, of course, this would happen to me, you thought

he got it out of your grip, and you sighed in defeat, watching him flip to the page of him and piper

he was quiet, studying the picture for a second before giving you that playful smirk

“you think I’m beautiful?” he asked again

you playfully rolled your eyes, “it was more piper than you.”

your tone was sarcastic, only fueling leo’s banter with you

“oh really?” he chuckled to himself, “but i’m the only one colored in.”

you were silent at his observation before scoffing, “whatever.”

leo only laughed as you take the book away from him

“don’t you have somewhere to be, fire boy?” you asked and nudged his shoulder

the glint in your eyes made him smile, and he shrugged, “i guess i do. i'll see you around."

you nodded, too shy to do anything else, and he walked off

after that, leo took it upon himself to talk to you every day

leo teased you about the drawing all the time, and he found the way you would play along to be funny

before you both fell in love, you were close friends

you had such an optimistic point of view about life, and it was pretty contagious

somehow when leo was in the dumps about something, you always knew what to say

you were just so easy to talk to, and because of this, your friendship just grew naturally

your first kiss was towards the end of summer

leo invited you to hang out with him in bunker nine at, specifically, 6 pm

you teasingly asked if it was a date, and you remember the way he tensed up a bit

with a mumble, he asked, "what if it is?"

from the tone in his voice, you knew he wasn’t joking

in fact, his tone was hesitant, a part of him was expecting you to reject him

then the heavy pit in his stomach turned light when you smiled and said, "then I'm down."

the grin leo gave you made your heart flutter like crazy

your first date consisted of eating snacks and watching a movie on one of those portable DVD players

You picked up on the tension between you and him, and noticed the opportunities for a kiss kept passing

it was until Leo walked you to your cabin that night did you have a moment of boldness and asked, "so are you going to kiss me or?"

leo's eyes widen in surprise before his face broke out in the familiar smirk he gives when he flirts with you

you rolled your eyes playfully and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into you

your first kiss was sweet and soft; a little awkward

his hands hovered over your sides for a second, not sure what to do with them until he decided to rest them on your waist

it was the perfect way to mark the beginning of your relationship

relationship

since you guys are both broke teenagers, you got creative with date nights

you came up with the idea of paint splattering with him

you guys got canvases, covered the walls and floors with plastic to make sure you didn't dirty them

then you filled water balloons with paint and just threw them

despite you guys singing and dancing around in the midst of it, the canvases came out so good

and to commemorate the beginning of your relationship, you hung them up side by side in bunker nine, and when you guys get a place together, you hang them up in the hallway of your apartment

leo is a huge gift giver; as i’ve said before in my “how he shows he loves you” headcanons

he’s made you a lot of things; canvases, jewelry, little trinkets with scrap metal

one of your favorite gifts from him is a suncatcher with rainbow quartz

you fell in love with it and when you move in together, you make sure to hang it up in the kitchen with the bunch of other suncatchers that he’s made you

i love the idea that you would attempt to bring more color in his wardrobe

a lot of his clothes are muted in color; you don’t mind it but you were interested to see what he’d look like in a colorful outfit like yours

To say the least, he was not that enthusiastic and maybe, you shouldn’t have put him in a monochromatic orange outfit but… you still thought he looked cute

leo thought he looked like a traffic cone though so it didn’t stick

it’s okay because you like him the way he is anyways

another thing is that you guys are super supportive of each other and leo loves just how you manage to lift his mood

once leo was having a bad mental health week

you guys were sitting under a tree, looking out at the water

his head laid on your shoulder and small sniffles came from the other

it hurt to see him like this and you wished you could do more to make him feel better

then you had the greatest idea to make a rainbow for him

so you did

leo was so stunned when he saw the rainbow form over the lake

he looked at you surprised and when you admitted to making the rainbow for him, the emotion on his face was indescribable

and then you laughed and held him when he started crying because he said it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for him

another time, you insisted that meditation would be good for him

he literally sat down for like 3 minutes with his eyes closed before he was itching to get up and do something

even when he was sitting down, he was still bouncing his legs and fidgeting

so that fell through too but you still helped him in other ways and he’s so grateful for your optimism and bubbly personality

leo always says that you bring color to everything; literally and figuratively

one of the things you bring color to is his life

and he’s constantly reminding you of this; that his world just feels brighter now that you’re around

and it’s literal too

since you painted the walls of bunker nine a bright orange

he asked you why orange, and you told him because orange encourages productivity, creativity, and most importantly, optimism

it may have also reminded you of the orange outfit you put him into

anyways, you told him that it hurt you to see him get down in the dumps, and you insisted there was no way he could be sad in a bright orange room

needless to say, you were kinda right

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky @anything-forourmoony @loverstyless @yelenabel0vaswife @ohmydamgods @jordannfields @amy-writes-blog @muted-mayham @dreamerball @earthtokace @thehighladyofday @lala-llama123 @tootsdoll @slytherindaughterofposeidon0 @black-rose-29 @somekidnamedkai @possiblylostchasecousin @hamdehlesmis @cami05sworld @does-anyone-hear-me @sol-the-salmon

if your username is bolded that means i can’t tag you ! you probably have your visibility settings on!

[alpacaparkaseok]

Heartbreak Ave.

When they’re in love with you but you have feelings for a different member (Hyung line)

→ tags/warnings: SFW, angstyyyyy (like, I’m sorry but at the same time I wanted to write something sad), no, there’s not a happy ending really idk so read at your own heart’s risk, but like really. I was listening to “Manos de Tijera” while writing this so it’s a wee bit heartbreaking

→ a/n: I don’t really write reactions very often but this seemed fun when @sierra-fics​ brought it up! I actually have one of your suggestions in my drafts, just haven’t finished it up yet. Thanks for the push, though! I love exploring different styles!

read the maknae line version here!

Kim Seokjin

he’s not surprised

it’s probably the worst part for him, the fact that he’s not surprised when your eyes light up as Taehyung waltzes in the room. 

he had been in the middle of plucking up the courage to invite you to try out that new Thai restaurant you’d been chattering about when Tae walked in

and you tried - you really did - to pay attention to what Jin had been saying, but you faltered a bit as Tae greeted you warmly and plopped down beside Jin

and Jin just watched, not surprised. 

although what does surprise him is how much it hurts

that pain where your heart literally, physically hurts? it’s an exquisite pain, one that takes his breath away

and it doesn’t go away

it doesn’t fade

so he ends up in Namjoon’s studio later that night, and Namjoon knows to wait for him to open up

Jin just stares for a while, blankly at the wall

“Does Tae like her?”

Namjoon already knows who he’s referring to. He’s known about Jin’s helpless crush on you for ages, he knew before Jin himself figured it out

but it’s the way that Jin asks the question so softly, so carefully, that Namjoon realizes with a start that this is so much more than a crush

and Jin looks at him, misery clear in his eyes but also clear resolve visible  even as unshed tears glimmer 

“Would you really let her go?” Namjoon counters gently. Because he knows. He knows that if Tae got the green light, you'd be swept up in a matter of seconds.

and it’s the way that Jin stares down at his feet, and the tears begin rolling down his cheeks, that has Namjoon sick to his stomach

Jin nods, and when he speaks, his voice shakes but he sounds so earnest that it breaks Namjoon’s heart

“I’d do anything for her.”

no words are exchanged after that for a long, heart-wrenching moment. it’s just Jin, staring down at his feet and quietly sobbing, and Namjoon, pulling him into an embrace. 

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

it’s surprising to Jin, just how much that soft phrase cuts through him. It sounds so final. 

because at the end of the day, it’s the only solace that can be offered to him. 

he lost. 

he loved, and he lost.

Min Yoongi

you’re sitting beside him in his studio when the realization hits him like a freight train

sprawled sideways in your designated swivel chair while you stifle a yawn and rub your eyes, Yoongi wonders when he let his emotions get so out of hand

because you’re offering him a shy smile and asking him a question that he numbly answers, but on the inside he’s a total clueless mess

when did he fall in love with you?

it’s something that will haunt him long after you leave that night, rushing out when you get a call from Hobi

for the second time that night, he’s hit with another realization

he’s still reeling from the fact that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with you, so when you gasp and grin when your phone light up with a call, he falters

it’s like being doused with a bucket of ice water, the way you whisper, “oh, it’s Hobi!” and politely ask if you can take the call before rushing out into the hallway

“oh,” he mumbles to himself as the door closes. “it’s Hobi.”

and he laughs. 

quietly, darkly. he laughs to himself, at himself, whatever. 

because of course it’s Hobi. his best friend, his vitamin. you two deserve each other. of that much he’s certain. 

he doesn’t waste too much time feeling sorry for himself; he’s logical enough to see that you two are probably a better match. it’s nothing personal.

so why does he stay in his studio all night, ignoring any calls or messages sent his way?

he’s not sure when he fell asleep, but next thing he knows he’s sprawled out on his little couch and you’re gently shaking him awake

“Yoongo? Did you stay here last night?”

his eyes crack open at the sound of your voice, just enough to be met with your sweet smile

and he, in his half-asleep state, smiles back. he reaches one hand up to gently brush back a strand of your hair, and he swears you lean into his touch

and when you mumble something about Hobi bringing breakfast up, Yoongi is hit with the third realization in less that twenty-four hours.

it’s startlingly simple: 

he wants to cry. 

so he excuses himself to the bathroom, and cries. sets a five minute timer so nobody gets worried and comes looking for him, and allows himself that time to cry. 

then, with machine-like precision, he washes his face and puts some eyedrops in, and goes back out to pretend like everything is fine.

and whenever Jin or Taehyung bring up acting, Yoongi knows. He knows, deep down, that he’s the best actor of all. 

because he still loves you

and you will never know.

Jung Hoseok

hobi has never been the most forthcoming with his emotions

he keeps them on lockdown

monitors them with military-like focus

so he knows the exact moment he begins developing feelings for you

(it’s when you brought Bang PD a bouquet for valentine’s day, just to make him blush)

and he knows the exact second when he fell in love

(it was when, after a grueling day at work, you silently walked through his door with his favorite goodies and left without a single word)

(you were wearing a yellow cardigan that day)

(he’s never looked at the color yellow the same way)

if he’s completely honest, he’s sometimes trying so hard to stay on top of his own feelings that he forgets to watch out for where your attention may be drifting

to be fair, you kept your own little crush on Jimin a secret

so when Hobi decides to get over himself and just shoot his shot, he decides he’s all in

and when you arrive at his apartment that night for a movie, you’re shocked to see a bouquet of yellow flowers in Hobi’s shaking hands

“hey” he breathes

you stare at the flowers, then at him

“hello...?” then, with a sinking felling, you point at the flowers. “are those for me?”

hobi smiles broadly. “yeah, they are.” and he hands them to you, allowing his fingers to brush up against yours 

it’s electrifying, that small touch

and again, he’s so focused on how electrifying it is that he misses the way you look like you might be sick

pale face, concerned expression

he misses it all, because he’s so nervous but so stupidly in love that he’s just barreling ahead.

gotta get this out of the way

ugh, feelings

and so when he leads you to sit with him out on the balcony, he takes a deep breath and looks at you with wonder in his eyes

and that’s when he notices the way you’re fiddling with your bracelet

not a problem, except for the fact that it’s the one he saw Jimin carefully choosing from an online collection

so when you keep fiddling with the bracelet and avoiding Hobi’s eye contact, he gets it

he takes a long look at all those emotions he keeps in check, and allows himself a moment of self-pity before reaching out and laying a hand atop your own

you immediately stop fidgeting and look at him with wide eyes. he can see with a pang how you’re trying to come up with the best way to let him down easy

so he does the job for you

“I just wanted to say thank you for the other day,” he says, forcing a light tone. “when you brought me those goodies after work. It really meant a lot.”

you blink, confused. “Oh. uh, you’re welcome.”

“and,” he drawls, a well-rehearsed smile clawing its way onto his face, “I wanted to snoop and get the inside scoop about Jiminie. I know he got you that bracelet. did he finally cave and confess to you?”

you look shocked, but you burst out into relieved laughter. “how did you know?”

he didn’t. “how could I not? he’s absolutely whipped.”

and you blush under the stars and begin to ramble, lost in your excitement and joy. 

and Hobi watches. smiling. supportive. laughing at the right spots and asking all the right questions. 

later, when you give him a tight hug and thank him for the fun night, he lets the words sting as you call him “such a great friend.” he lets them sting, relishing in the pain. 

he reminds you to take your flowers home, and you begrudgingly admit that they’re your favorite type of flower. 

he didn’t know. but that hurts, too. the fact that he got it right. 

Hobi never looks at the color yellow the same way again.

Kim Namjoon

he’s told you he loves you a million times now

every night, in every dream, he tells you how much he loves you

adores you with everything he is

you manage to find your way into his music, his musings, every piece of artwork he comes across

he's never been like this before

never, he’s sure of it

and everyone knows, except for you.

it becomes a strange game for the boys to play, dropping hints at every opportunity, laughing at your confused expression

Jungkook and Taehyung especially enjoy the chaos that they create, making Namjoon groan and grow embarrassed

but you have no idea

or are you just willfully ignorant?

all Namjoon knows is that he’s swimming in his feelings for you, completely lost and on the verge of drowning

but, oh, what a way to die

he’s never been able to stop himself when it comes to you

and he considers himself rather disciplined, but the way you make him feel he could throw caution to the wind and give it all up

so when you end up staying late one night at the apartment, the boys manage to convince you to stay

“there’s plenty of room” Jungkook muses, feigning deep thought. “besides, it’s too late for you to drive back tonight. just stay.”

and while Namjoon wants to kill them all for the way they offer up his bed to you, he thinks he might actually die when you reluctantly agree with a yawn

he knows he should offer to take the couch, but something stops him

it’s like he physically can’t

“I don’t mind sharing the bed” you state, squinting at him while wearing his basketball shorts and oversized t-shirt. 

you look adorable. he’s unsure of how he’s even functioning right now, to be honest. he’s melting.

“just keep your snoring in check, loser”

and he’s back to laughing, turning off the light and hopping into bed

you’re so far away

why are you so far away?

“hey” he whispers, the sound so loud in the quiet. the only other sound is the muffled voices of the other members, no doubt down in the kitchen gossiping about the events of the night

“hey yourself” you whisper back, turning to face him

he can see you in the moonlight, his eyes having adjusted just enough.

and he wants to kiss you so badly

so he smiles, heart leaping when you smile back

and he reaches out, gently tracing your jawline. 

you say nothing, heart thundering in your chest

because to be honest, you’re confused 

why is he looking at you like that?

but you don’t ask as Namjoon takes a deep breath, steadying himself before propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at you with an adoring expression

your eyes flutter closed as he brushes his thumb against your cheek, and he can feel your heartbeat racing

your reaction gives him all the courage he needs as he leans down, lips capturing your own in a long, sweet kiss

and he’s going out of his mind because he finally kissed you, didn’t he?! finally!! 

but those are your hands on his chest, and instead of pulling him in closer you’re gently pushing him away

“namjoon.”

he’s never hated his name so much.

“I’m so sorry- I- I thought that maybe-” he stutters, pulling himself upright as you do the same, and he launches out of bed, hands in his hair “I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable-”

“Namjoon.” you repeat, and he notices now how utterly distraught you look. 

because you’re still confused, but there’s one name rolling around in your head even as you can still taste namjoon on your lips. 

“I...” you shake your head, unsure of what to say. “It’s just...”

and he’s looking at you with big eyes, taking in every single word you say. and you want to take it all back, want to let him kiss you until you’re breathless, but your heart won’t let you. 

“Just what?” he asks quietly, afraid of the answer. so afraid

“...Jungkook.”

two syllables, and his world comes crashing down around him. 

namjoon is silent, avoiding your gaze as he grabs one of the pillows off of the bed and a spare blanket, heading toward the door. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch. I’m sorry.”

and he’s gone before you can utter another word. 

sure enough, the boys are still downstairs, and they all fall silent as Namjoon appears, throwing the pillow down on the couch. 

“Hyung!” Jungkook asks, scrambling over. “Hyung, what happened? What are you doing down here?”

Namjoon can’t bring himself to look at the maknae, not when he can still picture how it felt to kiss you. not when those few seconds of paradise are still on his lips. 

“Didn’t wanna wake her up with my snoring.”

because how could he ever be angry at the boy that looks at him like he’s his savior?

--

m.list || buy me an orange juice?

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[dxnahdsg]

Tsukishima; Boyfriend Alphabet

A: Affection - How affectionate are they?

About 60% in private. He just doesn't want to show his soft spot to you. But he is clingy when he's tired.

B: Bonding - How often do they bond with you?

Since he has to work at late hours, there's not much time he get to spend time with you. But on weekends, he tries to spend the whole the whole day with you and will do the things you want to do

C: Communication - Do they keep in touch with you when they're away?

He always likes to check up on you whenever one of you is away. He may be a salty giraffe but he's also worried for you. And he always talks to you through video calls just in case you don't get lonely

D: Date - How often do they set up a date for you two?

He ain't a romantic person. He'll only plan dates for the two of you if there's a special occasion

E: Essential - What is the thing that is important to them?

You. Duh. But if it's an object, it's a promise ring he brought for the two of you. It indicates the love and affection that you two show for each other and that you will never leave each other

F: First - Were you his first?

He may be hot but you are definitely his first. He's not the type of person to date many people, he only dates the person who is right for him. And that is you

G: Gross - What is the thing he hates in your relationship?

The fact that you leave hair on the soap. Like it's getting harder and harder to use the soap with your hair covering it 😃

H: Holding Hands - How often do they hold your hands?

He only holds it when you're crossing the road, in a crowded place, or when someone's hitting on you. But sometimes randomly holds your hand cuz it gives him warmth and comfort

I: Intercourse - How are they in 6? (yk what I mean by 6)

He's the rough dom. Literally doesn't stop unless you say the safeword. Sometimes he can't control himself and would still keep going. Okay but really he'll make your legs sore for 5 months-

J: Jealousy - How jealous do they get?

This mf gets jealous easily. He doesn't approach you and tells you about you. Nah, that doesn't work for him. He just glares at the person who's talking to you or spending way too much time with you until they go away.

K: Kiss - How good are they at kissing?

100% good. He got em tongueeeeee. He licky-licky your mouth. He gon bite them lips. Okay but really, HE'S MF GOOOOD. Even just a peck, he gud😎

L: Love - How do they show their love to you?

Well he gives you flowers everytime he goes home. Just to know he misses you. He'll also leave notes or text you reminders. Will have one of his friends to check up on you when he's at work

M: Mad - How often do you argue?

Just when he's like veeeeery tired. Not clingy tired. Like -100 energy tired. He can easily snap at you when he's like that. Of course he apologizes to you the next day but you two argue like once every week.

N: Naughty - How do they deal with you annoying them?

He'll literally just walk out of the room. Like he CANNOT stand it. Sometimes he'll just grab a piece of tape and tape your mouth shut. But of course you still have your body to annoy him, so he'll literally lay on top of you until you surrender

O: Open - How often do they open up to you?

He doesn't really like expressing everything to you. Sometimes he just keeps it to himself. But when he really needs help or needs to talk to you about something, he'll open up to you

P: Pet names - How are they with pet names?

He gets really flustered whenever you give him pet names. He's not the type to give you one but loves it when you say some to him. It makes him feel special

Q: Quiet - How long can they stand silent treatment?

Not long. But also not short. Maybe like a week? He'll be mad at you for like 5 days and the other 2 days are just to give you space. But he is itching for your affection. So after the last 2 days, he'll just bluntly apologize to you and tries to make things normal again

R: Ramble - How often do they talk about you to others?

Rarely. He'll just randomly bring it up. About how great and amazing you are, how beautiful you are, how clumsy you are, etc. Especially when someone talks shit about you

S: Soft - How soft are they to you?

About 60%. What'd ya expect, this is a salty bitch we're talking about. He'll just make fun of you and tease you most of the time

T: Think - What reminds them of you?

You remind him of a dog. You can get annoying and dirty, yes. But you have unconditional love for him and you're very affectionate. Waiting for him to get home. Like a dog.

U: Unhappy - What makes them break if you break up with them?

When you leave the promise ring on the table and how your last words to him were "Save your promise to someone else special"

V: Vacant - How are they with long distance relationship? (That had nothing to do with the word but I am running out of ideas-)

He is not enjoying it at all. As much as he complains about your affection towards him, he is itching for you to give him more. But you can't since you at the other side of the world. Will always check up on you to see if you're okay and will video call you at night before he sleeps

W: Wholesome - The most sweetest thing they ever did to you?

When he made a pillow fort as a sorry from an argument. Along with chips, candles movies.

(Skipping letter X cuz idk what to put there)

Z: Zzz - How do they sleep with you?

Believe it or not, he's very cuddly when he's sleeping. Like he'll literally hold you close while you two are sleeping. Even spoons you. But he'll literally become flustered when he wakes up

A/n: Sorry if it's not the best but it's really late at my country and I did this at 1 am in the morning and I ran out of ideas TvT