#idk i feel. stale?? i feel like i'm past my expiration date
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#man!!#nothing has made me more entirely sure of how badly i want top surgery#than the fact that the day i was supposed to get it#i did not#and now i have to do all the waiting and buildup again#and still not knowing Exactly when i can get it#and feeling like i fucking . shifted timelines horizontally#and i'm like living this life right next to the one i was supposed to live#where it was all over by now and i was recovered and actually starting my real life in my real body#idk i feel. stale?? i feel like i'm past my expiration date#i feel like i look overgrown and wrong#and so much of my life both external and internal has kinda just been on pause#some of it for my whole life some for the last few years and some of it in just this last year when surgery became a reality#and i'm so desperate to like!!#meet new people and discover what i even like to wear#and date! and mess around with what i want my sex life outside my relationship to look like#and who even likes me or is capable of being attracted to whatever i am#and idk just . i want to walk and breathe and speak and sit without This Thing constantly on my mind#and on my BODY#kay ok thanks#probably gonna repost my gfm soon because i'm broke
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