#idk i am moody. got the monday scaries. they'd be the sunday scaries but nobody was sick yesterday.

[onyxhellebore]

So sick of my stupid shitty health and how it's complicating my job search. If I could go back to pre-illness energy I would be cleaning houses and I would be so happy. It was so meditative. The creativity just flowed.

Yes you deal with gross things and annoying people, whatever, I was cleaning rotting shit out of the fridge and dealing with people at age 11, the downsides are downsides I can handle no problem.

It's just so frustrating. I genuinely like doing the things that are so problematically difficult for me now. I was doing the dishes last night to calm down and I have aches and pains from it today and it is so annoying that I can't even do these basic tasks for myself. So obviously that can't be my job lol.

Idk it's just hard looking at all of these universes that have disappeared on me. The one where I'm a teacher, the one where I'm a cleaner, the one where I'm a chemist, the one where I can drive and I just zip around driving for uber talking to people all day. Hell, even the one where I didn't lose my call center job!!! And I have jsut as many future potential universes ahead of me and I am going to make whatever one I get beautiful whatever it takes. But it would be nice to have more to work with.