#idk how long i'll stick with it
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guess who is starting therapy ✨
#it's me#lmao#idk how long i'll stick with it#but yknow#it's whatever#and insurance will help and shit so#cool beanssssss#BUT IF I DEAL WITH MY TRAUMA HOW WILL I WRITE MY SILLY LITTLE STORIES#going sometime next week for an evaluation#I just actually want to live pls and thanks so I decided to go get proper help#as should all of you#if available#fully expect to sob at all of my sessions#and they'll probably want to put me on a plethora of drugs#yipppeeeeeeeeee
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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I'm always looking at the pawpaw trees when I'm out wandering in the woods in summer, because I think they're neat and I want free fruit. But though they bloom and there are certainly many that are large enough to bear fruit, I never see any fruit on them. I suspect this is because each patch, a clonal group, is too isolated for them to effectively cross-pollinate.
But today, I was looking up at some and!
There you are, you weird tropical-tasting, mammoth-missing fruits!
I'm coming back for you in the fall.
#they're not small - hard to miss if they're there & you're looking#idk how i'm going to reach them tho#i'll bring a long stick and basket#maybe it's just a good pawpaw year?#i'll have to go check the others#pawpaws#asimina#asimina triloba#native plants#native fruits#edible plants#way down yonder in the pawpaw patch
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So I was looking at waiter Yakumo and noticed that he had wavy hair. His hair straight normally so who was the one who curled his hair? DOES KLEIN EVEN HAVE CURLING IRONS???? Anyways all of this is to say please imagine Eiden helping Yakumo get ready and that involves putting those old timey curlers in Yakumo's hair before he went to bed so he can have curls the next morning
uhdisomFINMF u are making me IMAGINE!!!!!! yakumo about to apply for the job and wondering if he should present himself a certain way eiden going ;))) you look sexy with your hair pushed back ;))) (but before yakumo can stutter out his embarrassment) eiden gives him the very encouraging "but for real i think you look great as you are!! <3" then aster crashes onto the scene and announces that he will not have his servants treasured colleagues looking anything less than PEAK presentable!!!!! *whips out the old timey pink hair curlers*
#aster asking if a uniform is gonna be provided and if it's not up to his standards he will get it TAILORED for yakumo or smth#he'll get the custom made snake brooch ready within a day LOL#aster's generosity of spirit gives Master Eiden more eye candy#and anything that makes Master happier is worth the time and money <3#idk why but i just imaged aster being the only one in the mansion to own hair curlers#'but mr aster!! i... i haven't gotten the job yet!!'#'pishposh this is you we're talking about of course you're gonna get the job NOW STAND UP STRAIGHT n lemme get a look at u'#not like aster needs to actually look at yakumo to get his measurements. that lil vampire has everyone's measurements memorised LOL#after aster establishes yakumo's beauty routine and uniform standards ahahah he leaves it to eiden to enforce#so eiden does indeed end up putting curlers in yakumo's hair every night before work#not for too long though! one time yakumo did it himself but fell asleep reaaally early and the next day he was extra wavy#like.... full on princess curls... how did he accomplish that... how dense is his hair actually......#i imagine blade hustling in during aster's demo and going#OH!!!! you know what!! i got better at drawing maps on people!!! darling got a little lost last time#but for little yakumo i'll make sure to draw the MOST helpful map for you!!!! i've been practising!!!#*draws a compass on yakumo's wrist*#eiden in the background: heaves a silent sigh of relief that blade didn't actually stick-and-poke tattoo yakumo#puzzling invitation#nu carnival yakumo#feesh answer
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RESIDENT EVIL 2 REMAKE (∞)
#resident evil 2 remake#re2#game scenery#raccoon city#vp#game screenshots#dailyvideogames#resident evil 2#resident evil#made a gif of this ages ago but never posted it bc the pixels were all weird in the area of the lantern light#and couldn't be bothered to figure out how to fix it at the time plus actually making nice gifs takes too long for me#if everyone could just do it easily it wouldn't be anything special so <3 and people make such beautiful gifs#i'll stick to throwing handfuls of screenshots at the couple people who want to see them several times a week <3#did any of that even make sense idk anyway @ gifmakers: 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
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You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
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krad's always been kind of funny to me with how straightforward of a fucked up anime blond he is. dark's like got his melodramatic theater kid 'i don't wanna be evil i wanna be loved' perma-goth mope and then there's krad who's just 'i don't want to be loved I WANT TO BE EVIL!!!!' and then he starts blasting
#*・゚⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#idk how krad rpers do it or like.... even would do it... the range of rs dynamic... but that's on me for mostly writing sympathetic villain#DJFKFDKJ#aight idk if i'll get anything going on#today's been a long day but i'm gonna#brush my teeth n then stick around till i fall asleep#i just went through my drafts and i -think- i found my place/got everything picked up so
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Ok um. I think I'm deciding to try and take a break from Tumblr
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I'll lurk obviously but I just don't wanna post negative stuff on here constantly#mutuals if you want to still talk with me you can reach out on discord#but yeah idk how long I'll stick to this or how long I'll be taking a break here but I'm just nottttt feeling my greatest at ALL#might come back with fics to post idk#I've been writing a lot lately and it's actually been pretty fun to do so#but yeah guys um um I won't be posting after this#I disappear out of thin air. GONE#for who knows how long#see you guys when I come back :33#If I get any asks I'll reply when I am back
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dc is doing a little mini relaunch after the current crossover finishes and honestly thank god because literally only two of their current ongoings interest me but there's a bunch of fun looking stuff happening in november that i might actually look at. and also it's starting series for several guys who should have had ongoings this whole time like the fucking JUSTICE LEAGUE
#i.e. black lightning JSA question batgirl. and i'll keep up with justice league now that they actually HAVE an ongoing#insane that it just wasn't happening for so long. why did they do that.#now i might actually take an interest in the mainline crossovers if there's a series that they're actually building from#then again. if it's crap i probably won't stick with it#but like marvel has three avengers books running concurrently CONSTANTLY. and yet dc hardly ever has justice league stuff going on#a team book is just. the obvious place to do all that stuff. cos i'm not reading batman i do not CARE about batman#but the new justice league has flash and black lightning and martian manhunter and other guys who i think are cool outside the Trinity guys#also i'm thinking i'll have a look at the 'absolute' universe. yes we are pointing and laughing at the batman design but it seems like an#interesting concept. and also extremely funny that they're going oh fuck marvel relaunched ultimates we have to do something like that too#but actually looking at the ACTUAL premise of the thing. it's more about making an extremely stripped back version of each character#designed to be at their lowest with no support systems in place#idk how it'll turn out. might be too edgy and angst filled for my tastes.#but it looks worth a look#for the record the two series i'm actually readign currently are poison ivy and the flash.#flash i'm actually collecting (i got in when it started and am yet to be disappointed)#lily dot tee ex tee#my pull list is getting so long. and my actual pull list of comics i'm buying is getting a bit much too#but i do not regret impulse subscribing to The Power Fantasy having just read issue 1. it's INCREDIBLE.#i've stopped getting ultimate x men tho. was good but i don't think really worth the money of getting it physically. i'll just pirate.#and tbh the current dr who run is eh. and also only a 4 issue limited series. but it's dr who comics of course i'm collecting it anyway.#immortal thor is a thousand times worth the money tho holy SHIT that book is SO GOOD and i'm SO GLAD i'm reading it physically#sorry i don't comicspost often but i had. a lot of thoughts.
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#fairly sure i'm in the midst of a manic episode#(specifically dysphoric mania which is basically all the frantic energy of a stereotypical manic episode#except instead of that euphoric-unstoppable feeling it's like instead the bad is barely containable)#which really sucks!! bc like i've dealt with anxiety and depression episodes throughout my life as well#and of course none of them are enjoyable to deal with they're all awful#but dysphoric mania is the worst imo like even tho i experience it the least often it's the most intense and a lil scary#but like i know i'll get through it fine it's just gonna be a bitch to deal with for however long it sticks around this time#and like the fact that i could identify it as ''dysphoric mania'' fairly early on in the episode is a good sign#and is very helpful to be like ''no this isn't how things will always be you just temporarily have bees in your brain''#and this is also the first episode i've had since realizing i experience mania bc in the past i just labeled any intense bad as ''depressio#and now i know they're different which is helpful!#anyway idk exactly why i'm posting this. i guess venting helps a little bit#and also this works as a disclaimer bc idk if my dysphoric-mania-vibes would be noticeable if i didn't say anything#but y'know if i seem a bit ''off'' this is probably the reason why. i'm getting through it and i think i'm good at managing my shit by now#but y'know sometimes my brain gets a little unbalanced and i just have to deal with it until things get back to how they should be
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starting a new arknights acc for the novelty of maleknighting. i thought i got lucky because mountain arrived from beginner banner because i've always wondered how easy my arknights early game will be with him... but
...i end up missing fedex instead lol. his role compression is just so great for new accounts (or restricted meme strats?) like if mountain is a good laneholder at e1, fedex is already good at e0. literally straight out of the box. maybe i'm just biased 😓
#arknights#the worst part of maleknighting is seeing cheap easy to use units like kroos fang gravel (literally irreplaceable) and refusing to#level them for the challenge#idk how long I'll be sticking with this restriction but hrhhhh i miss units with great cycle times#alsooooo i miss may :((((
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idk I had a very interesting therap today but I just
like it's all very well to recognise that I gotta have a fucking open-ended breakdown and jump face first into the Sadness Bog sometimes instead of sitting on all my feelings
but like
I still have to go to work, you know? it's like. ok yeah have a breakdown which like until you jump into it you don't know if it's going to last an hour or a year. yeah go ahead that's all grand. you do have to get up in the morning and go to work though. you're not allowed to not do that. or to not pay the rent or not shower or not eat.
like all my friends and loved ones are constantly like 'you know you're allowed to be sad right' and it's like. AM I??? because I STILL HAVE TO PAY RENT.
#red said#the thing my therapist keeps pointing out is like. i got on this adulthood thing WAY too early#metaphorically i have Had To Go To Work In The Morning since i was like. 4. bc i am congenitally incapable of#Not Thinking About Consequences. and it's so important to be Good and Tough and Have It Together#but like. maybe if id done more crying and melting down when i DIDN'T Have To Go To Work In The Morning bc i was a Literal Infant#i might be a more balanced adult now that i actually DO. Have To Go To Work In The Morning.#what do people like. do. when they have to have feelings but also meet adult responsibilities? impossible. gotta choose.#i think it doesn't help that i already really struggle to work a full time job. like I'm already late basically every day bc i a night guy#so it's like. there's no give in this. maybe if i was back into a 3-4 day week? but idk if i can afford that#but also the work is only partly work. it's also like. having human relationships. eating. washing. being a person.#but idk. like. until i have some genuinely open-ended time i think I'm gonna always find it impossible to actually let go#i said in therapy it's like. like sadness specifically is like a thick muddy bog. and i can dip a foot in it#but bc i know i need to be able to keep moving#i can only stick a foot in and deal with a bit of it if I'm holding onto something. so in practise i can only cry#right before it becomes inappropriate to cry. so like. end of a therapy session. heading to a train station after seeing someone.#that kind of thing. it's a safety thing.#it would be much more effectively Dealing With to go dive into the bog and plough through it#but I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT'LL TAKE and i have to like. come out all muddy and deal with that#and there's always somewhere i gotta be soon. i can't just jump into the mud. not cause I'll get hurt i just Don't Have Time#anyway. feelings. how do they work. embarrassed about having them. embarrassed about suppressing them. generally just embarrassed.
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in the midst of a little depressive episode at the moment I fear and it's causing me to Ponder... in a weird way I'm almost grateful. like this is UNBELIEVABLY better than it used to be, even as much as it sucks in the moment. I wish I could go back to find myself at twelve years old hiding out in the school toilets and tell them that as long as we stick it out for long enough then one day the outsize bad emotions will be triggered by actual definable events and they'll be a noticeable change from our baseline. I'm not ✨recovered✨ and I don't know if I ever will be - I think I might have spent too many developmental years creating terrible patterns and associations to be able to straighten it all out - but it's Better and I'm able to know that it can continue to get better, too. and that's fucking huge.
#fay gets uncomfortably personal on her video game blog. NOT SORRY.#idk it's just crazy to think about#I really struggle to tap into this space enough to remember when I'm not actively in it#but I was SO FUCKING SICK back then. I was a child. and I was so fucking ill. I didn't know how young I was and I didn't realise how#disturbing it would feel down the line#(obviously. you don't lie down on the road in the middle of the night thinking 'I can't wait to suddenly remember this moment#in several years so it can become a sticking point in my psyche')#but like. that's my brother's age that's my sister's age I work with kids that age and it's so fucking young! and I'm so young now!#and I bet in five years I'll be going 'what a small little child... crazy' all over again#but like. idk. I was SO ILL. and I don't think it's like people say they thought they'd be dead by a certain age#it was a possibility for me but not an inevitability#but I don't think that I could have foreseen being better#in such a material way. you know. like I can't imagine myself ever fully healthy#or as close as anyone can get. I've had all this shit for so long. the idea of not carrying it anymore is honestly unappealing#like what would I even do without it. who would I be. how could that possibly happen#but this shit is BELIEVABLE. it's not gone it's just better and when it crops up I can deal#and I wish I could take the me of back then by the shoulders and say THIS IS NOT FOREVER!!!!!!!#ride it out long enough and you'll learn to live with it!!!!!!!!#it's just. really fucking huge. and I am so grateful#peace and love on planet earth!!!!
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I’m having kind of a hard time :/
#Robin processes emotions on main#personal depressing-ness ahead: feel free to scroll on#idk it's just rough in my head right now#due most likely to not enough sleep As Usual#plus potentially screen time is getting to be an issue#so I think I'll need to step away from tumblr and discord for a while. how long I don't yet know.#but when I come back I'm going to try to be like. setting limits.#because I don't really like this whole ON or OFF thing I have with tumblr right now.#sooo yeah. update later with a date to come back to keep myself accountable#I do find that stepping away from tumblr is good and healthy! and I've had awesome success with sticking to my guns about it!#it's one thing I can point to and go 'look! I AM capable of self-discipline at LEAST in small doses!'#positivity ayyy#ok I'll check back later. thanks y'all#I'm in the low swing of my perpetual ups and downs bleh#on the other hand I know it gets better from here so... that's good!
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[ this thread w/ ifritmade is lowkey makin me wanna add otto as a muse oh no ]
#ooc#morphy rambles#[idk if i will for sure; i'll see if the feeling sticks around for long but yeah]#[considering i still have an oc i haven't gotten anything started for yet i don't wanna immediately jump into another new muse]#[we'll see how it goes lol]
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My fuckin fever won't break and stay broken
#fox doesn't feel well#fox thoughts#its exhausting#as long as it sticks around i cant go anywhere and I've already missed more than half a paycheck's worth of work#even when it does break idk if I'll be going anywhere for a bit anyway#because im so fuckin dizzy and foggy headed#and!!!!!#and!#i somehow haven't had a fibro flare during all of this???#i had two or three days at the end of last week where my body ACHED and every nerve ending hated everything#but that was it and i know fully body pain is a known COVID thing#so now im waiting in anticipation for the inevitable#fibro flare#and i have no idea how long THAT might keep me away from work too and just#ughhh
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