#idk how long i can take it before my 'im gonna kill myself jokes' won't be jokes anymore.

[piospiderfangs]

I need to play games with someone.

I need to feel wanted, I want to stream art to my friends while they give me tips and attention so I can feel fullfilled.

I have needs, but no friend group I already have is able to full fill them(as far as I know), there's a few people who do so and they are barely online because they have actual lifes.

[sapphire-innit]

Thanks!!! It really is a great fandom to be in, and I've seen much worse honestly lol Everyone's been very kind!

My opinion on Tommy has changed so much since I actually started watching him lol. I guess I'm one of those people who "found him annoying at first?"

Except that's not really fair because I honestly only knew him from Techno's SMP Earth stuff (where he WAS a chaotic gremlin, and felt VERY young) and heck, DREAM's smp videos. Those were VERY differently paced and not edited to put Tommy's position in a good light, and also not really playing into the whole theatrical nature of the server.

Honestly the true change is L'manburgs name used to actually make me very uncomfortable because I wasn't sure how seriously it was meant to be taken. And honestly the wife bits still sort of do, though its easier knowing that it really IS a joke and not anywhere close to his actual thoughts -- a 16 year old white boy could have veery easily meant that... poorly to say the least. But now with all the memories and history (and also a great deal more trust) L'manburg just makes me feel wistful lol which is quite a change! The CCs really did take quite a silly name and make it something meaningful, which takes a lot of skill! And Heart, honestly, I don't think it would have landed if they hadn't gone in on it with such sincerity and feeling lol

ALSO LOL I am already on the Tommy side of Tumblr at this point! I knew I was doing something right when I saw absolutely zero bad takes on 'Face your Fears' except in rebuttal lmaooo. Honestly I'm just glad I already refuse to use twitter, because it sounds like a bit of a hellscape out there lmao

Honestly though the apologist nomenclature this fandom has going on kinda weirds me out a bit? And everyone seems to have a different meaning on the word, depending on if they like the character involved or not. Honestly I won't be apologizing for Tommy personally, because he has done nothing wrong lol Quackity on the other hand.../j But yeah IDK how I feel about it in general rather than just being like. A fan with opinions? Maybe I'll get more used to it, but for now I'm just a Tommy fan and a Dream Smp fan, and not to keen on the labels involved

C!Dream can go take a long walk off a short pier imo, and Tommy deserves to kill him honestly lol I don't make the rules ~ (/j) probably not whats gonna HAPPEN today but damn if I wouldn't be down for it lmao ((THOUGH ALSO DID THEY REALLY HAVE TO STREAM ON THE DAY IM MOST BUSY, IM SUFFERING))

ALSO HEY QUESTION FOR YOU. WHERE DO PEOPLE GET LIKE, SCHEDULING DETAILS AND SHIT. is that a twitter thing??? do I have to brave the bird site to find exact timelines for whose streaming and when???????? I had to scramble during the Red Banquet to find out who was actually gonna be live FFFF

yeeeee Tommy really is pretty open with his feelings and hes surprisingly aware of them? I think part of that is cc!Tommy uses it as part of his acting, to help keep the audience informed, but damn if I don't still appreciate it. Its a clever way to keep us in the loop too! I do wish people would listen to him though :(

I will consider myself warned for future assholery lol, though considering what this kids been through, Ill take ANY kind of healing even if its bumpy lol. Honestly he could use any coping mechanism he could get at this point asdfadsf It would be a bit brutal to expect him to think clearly and 'rationally' after this (not to mention I think the 'dip into darkness before deciding its really not what you want' is a pretty killer arc and I'm excited to see it! Also cc!Techno is funny as fuck so I'm here for that too lol)

Saddest Beach Party Ever :(

Watch out for this one folks, it gets a bit dark -- mind the tags (though nothing outside of what you'd expect for.. this episode)

VOD: Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream (Start - 35:30)

(rp) I have Absolutely been putting off watching this one because I WILL cry and I am scared

I can't imagine what it was like to watch live and see NO ONE on the beach

He's keeping up a good face, adding more chairs... I'm not looking forward to it setting in.

like fuck man, fuck Dream for chasing of Ghostbur for MULTIPLE reasons but also because no one else even KNEW about the party :(

He's so excited about maybe seeing Tubbo I hate it Thanks

and now he's putting things down for Quackity and adding more things he's still so happy and excited (though you can occasionally see the mask break - there's a lot of nervous energy here)

"Where... no, well go place this" "why did Fundy leave the game" THANKS I HATE IT

Lazer and Fundy have been some of the people who have visited toooo :(

Tommy's face when no one is on the nether path.............. ouch

.............................................................................................

log off right now green demon

log off RIGHT NOW

just stewing in silence ..... painful....

cc!Tommy really is one of the best actors on the server, this hurts quite a bit

............

I know that's Dream joining the call and I hate it

fuck

"I'm running a little late, sorry :)" >:|

fuck, Tommy apologized and tossed his armor immediately INCLUDING HIS GIFT SHOES AND AXE, Dream didn't even ask

Dream of course taking the chance to be '''''''benevolent''''.... probably as a reward for Tommy doing it immediately and without prompting >:|

and ofc Dream just straight up lies about the invites to rub salt into the wound. Cant have Tommy thinking people CARE ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING.

Even mentioned Tubbo SPECIFICALLY YOU BASTARD "in L'manburg" was that truly necessary bastard

the sun setting... a symbol of hope... the symbol of their friendship.... disappearing into the ocean... I hate it :(

Dream pushing him into eating the cake.. "I've lost my appetite"

just digging in that Tubbo For Sure got the Invite Definitely and no one came except Dream.

"I didn't mind being a little bit late because I thought everyone else would be here" why did he keep pointing out he was late, kept hammering that point home. Like even Dreams attention is not important to Dream? like it has to be earned maybe ..?

"No one cares about me anymore" "that's not true" *BREAKS CAKE* "None of them care about me anymore"

IS HE BREAKING THE PATH OHNOOO ;-;

"No one cares... other than You(Derogatory)"

"Maybe they had something more important" I hate how Dream hides his digs behind sounding consoling it fucking SUCKS

I hate how depressed he sounds, how resigned

....threw away the chicken, and he isn't eating or healing. I knew to watch out for it but its never been this pronounced before. He's down to three hearts ;-;

"I'm pretty sure he burned it, or lost it" I do not believe that for a SECOND Dream, or at least its not as clear cut as it seems. Tubbo CARES ABOUT TOMMY, I *JUST SAW* a clip of him holding the compass aaaaa

ohno

"at least SOMEONE on this entire 30 person server got an invite" "He said he was going to give it to at least 13 people, and at least one person I saw give it in person"

ohno

ohnooooooooooo

he really is gonna toss the compass isn't he nooooooooo

...............

staring into the lava again. "he burned it. On purpose"

Dream quibbling ... but doubling down i hate it

.......its just... so clear he's not only thinking about the compass in lava

Dream shooting at the Ghast,,, telling Tommy to sleep on it, coaxing him back from the edge "almost fell off, careful Tommy" I hate it here

"I don't sleep anymore Dream" "I just want to go home" "Please can I go home" he sounds so broken ;A;

"why can't I stay" :( :( :(

"It's not like they want you anyway Tommy. No one showed up to your party and everyone was invited" And THIS is why Dream tanked the party on purpose. Because if Tommy thinks no one even wants him, he won't even try to get back, and will just stay under Dreams control. There's such a mental and emotional difference and toll from "Outside forces (Dream) are keeping me from going home and maybe I can subvert or change them" and "Home doesn't want me and they're better off without me"

It truly is creepy how Dream is trying to coax him with the Christmas tree, like he's trying to pull this balancing act because he can tell Tommy is on the edge of really giving up and I hate it so much

He still hasn't eaten

"c'monn you want to see the Christmas tree :)" overwriting his feelings as well ugh

"I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say they care about you" I see you invalidating any future concern someone might show him

ALSO TOMMY CALLING EXILE HOME IS SURE SOMETHING

.....him asking Dream to defend him is... painful. Especially having just watched the latest stream where he asked the same of Tubbo right after being triggered as hell ugh. He really has gotten used to being made helpless and depending on Dream, even on the one day he didn't get his armor and weapons taken away from him. He sounds so resigned :(

(( LOL OK THE DNF JOKE WAS PRETTY FUNNY THO))

he's bribing him with the trident and I hate it. Though at least hes enjoying it??? Mixed feelings on that. He ate too and I hate that Dreams honeymoon stage is w o r k i n g )

that is the most sincere I have ever heard Tommy say Dream cares about him and it FUCKING SUCKS

I know we never could have had "Happy Party AU" because Dream never would have allowed people to come and validate Tommy but man Trident tricks w everyone would have been nice

...lol someone pointed out the red looks like blood. the fake girlfriend bits are so Weird

Dream what do you GET out of this, why are you so OBSESSED. He spends so much time here

"I wont bring it up with them because that would be awkward" oof and I bet he won't believe it if anyone says they didn't get the invite will he oof

.. He pulls out the Axe but lets dream actually kill the skeleton, he already put it away before Dream even got on screen how many times do i have to say THANKS I HATE IT HERE before it becomes meaningless

So this was around the point (or maybe a little bit later, but talking about this point) during dsmp where I started seeing it cross my dash without any context and saw a lot of takes about "oh but they didn't get the invite" and I had NO IDEA why Tommy was so upset about what was clearly a misunderstanding or why he was making it such a big deal.... well I get it now

Tommy really really isn't in a place where he can believe someone when they say they didn't get an invite. And it Really Truly WAS a big deal and actually I'm 100% on Tommy's side on this issue now (though I also don't blame the other characters for this: See Big Green Bastard Man who is truly at fault) I can understand completely why he throws it in their face later though

He's doubting if he wants to go back now.. that was exactly the point of it all :(

"Thanks for letting me keep my armor today btw" I hate how sincere Tommy is about this. I hate how Dream has so effectively done this, where Tommy sees it as a FAVOR that Dream doesn't come and blow up all of his things and hard work and THANKS him for it.

People much smarter than me have pointed out how 1:1 this is to real abusive relationships and how well its portrayed. I don't have anything clever or insightful to say here I guess, just that its exhausting and heavy to watch (but also really powerful as well, because we DON'T see shit like this played this realistically, or in this much accurate detail)

I just want Tommy to be out of here safely and realize what is being done to him is WRONG and not his fault and be given a chance to actually heal. I know the likelihood of that in the future, considering whats to come, is also. complicated to say the least.