#idk any weigh ins
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cookinguptales · 9 months ago
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feelin kind of demoralized today, just gotta make a vent post
So... my actual job is related to the traditional & self-publishing industry. I spend a lot of time with published authors, trad, self, small press, etc. and I know the ins and outs of things pretty well.
I have also written since I was pretty young and, not to be an asshole, but I know that I'm fairly good at it. People usually like my stuff. I've won writing contests. But at the same time I know I just absolutely do not have the temperament for the industry, so I've never tried any kind of professional publishing for my work.
Some of it is that I truly do believe that monetizing all your hobbies is not a great idea, especially if you struggle with your mental health like I do. If you monetize all your hobbies, suddenly you have a lot of jobs and very few hobbies that you can actually use to unwind. Writing is really, really important to me, and I couldn't bear if it became a permanent source of stress like it is for some writers I know.
I know several authors who love writing, like love writing, but when your writing is connected to whether you have food on the table... it becomes easy to become very, very stressed with writing. Especially when dealing with the editing process, corporate bureaucracy, a nitpicky audience, corporate obligations, self-advocacy, self-advertising, etc. It can be a lot of work to make your hobby into your job, and that work can make something you loved turn into something that's weighing you down.
And being very real with you, I know my own temperament and I know the publishing industry would probably kill me. I'm not as much of a small, nervous dog as I was when I was young, but I still deal poorly with rejection and get demoralized easily. I'm very, very bad at advertising, especially self-advertising, and I'm pretty absent-minded. I love the writing part, but when you're writing for a living, the writing part is only a small fraction of what you need to do.
I don't have enough patience for editing and I get frustrated when things are going slowly and god, the advertising. It used to be that one of the biggest benefits of trad pubbing was that they'd at least do the advertising for you, but even big-name authors are having to pretty much do it themselves these days. And some people are really good at selling themselves and their work! But uh. I'm... not one of them. It is certainly not a skill that I possess. lmao
So... I recognize my weaknesses and I act accordingly. But at the same time, I do really love writing. And I do really want people to read my writing. Some of the stories I've written are so dear to me, but just getting people to read them feels nearly impossible.
This one, though... idk, AITNISTS feels different. It does feel more "important", somehow. I can't quite put it into words. It feels like I've put more of myself onto the page and like, for once, I've written something that feels really whole. And I want people to read it so badly. But I'm so ill-equipped for it!
I've tried to keep the main story as accessible as physically possible while still introducing something like Patreon to maintain... idk, an air of legitimacy? It's something that a lot of art has found success with in recent years, that kind of split model. Offering most of it for free to facilitate a relationship with fans but still being like "yeah, but this work has value and if you want all of it, you'll need to pay a few dollars."
And honestly, I've had a lot of success! AITNISTS is not pulling in the kind of numbers that my fanworks do, but it's doing far better than my other original work has. The people who've read it really seem to like it and are feeling the things that I want them to feel. But every time I post a chapter to absolute crickets I do have A Small Crisis lmao.
Y'know, the "maybe actually this story is terrible" and "maybe actually I'm not good enough" and "who am I kidding actually" kind of vibe. I know that you never really know what people on the other side of the screen are doing and thinking, but it's still so nerve-wracking.
I've had... let's just say many moments where I've considered just calling the whole thing off, dumping the rest of the story on the internet, and pretending I never started any of it.
(s/o to my friends who left very nice comments on my draft that I return to often when I'm feeling like I should just delete the whole thing.)
And I've had a lot of other moments like "god, no one is even READING the blogs, even the people who are paying for them, so why am I wasting everybody's time with all this?"
It's almost like... absent the presence of everyone else, I love this story. I love writing this story. I love writing the blog posts that supplement this story. But once you start posting all that and everyone just kind of stares at you in silence, you start to second-guess the value of all those things you loved. It's very hard to silence the voice in your head that's telling you that you're just annoying people and wasting their time.
It... has been both validating and frustrating to know that I was right about how I'd handle publishing, even if I'm doing a much more chill version of it rn.
But every so often I do get a comment or a message or a Patron and I'm like oh!!! they are reading it! they do like it! this person is getting a lot of value out of the blog posts!
And that fixes the problem until like. The next time no one says anything to me or reads what I write for two weeks lmao.
(And no, I am not ignorant to the fact that a lot of these self-recriminating meltdowns happen in tune with my hormonal cycle. I've had PMDD for many years and I know when it's affecting me. But I think it's probably a combination of real and imagined frustrations rn.)
It's frustrating because I'm a fairly logical person, but also just a deeply anxious one. lmao. So I can keep patiently telling myself all the things I know are true. Y'know, that the publishing industry and whether people find your work at all is based partially on persistence and regularity but if we're being real with each other, mostly luck. One person with a large following reading your work, loving it, and telling a bunch of people is generally the difference between your work becoming popular or falling into obscurity.
I keep telling myself that I'm getting quite a few hits (I'm averaging 100-200 hits per chapter now??) so someone must be reading it. And if I get zero feedback on a chapter, that doesn't actually mean that it's bad. Sometimes people don't have time to read it or don't have much to say or have stuff going on in their own lives.
Like... just because people told me they were excited about this story and told me they wanted to read it, that doesn't mean they are. That's just the way life works, unfortunately, and I've certainly experienced that in fandom, too. It's not like every person who told me they wanted to read it got a glimpse of the finished project and ran for the hills even if that's kind of how it feels sometimes. There's no such thing as a guaranteed audience, and just because someone reads all your other work, that doesn't mean they read this one!
(Dear self, they don't secretly hate you!)
I also keep telling myself that I love this story and a few of my friends whose opinions I value love this story. That's definitely not nothing. But I just very intrinsically find it difficult to find value in my own work -- which I know is a me problem -- and even though I know you're supposed to write for yourself, I just... god, I desperately want people to read this one. I want people to love these characters. Sharing this one with people does feel like sharing part of myself.
More than that, though... I feel like, while kind of niche, I still feel like this story is probably my best opportunity to find readers at all. Greek mythology retellings are pretty popular and are fandom adjacent, so that makes for an easy segue from my fandom persona to an original one. It's m/m, which makes it infinitely more marketable than my f/f, whether I like that or not. It's romance, which has a huge and very dedicated audience.
So I'll admit that a part of me is like "god, if I can't get people to read this then what hope do I have to get people to read the f/f witchy familiar shelter book? If I can't get people to read this, then what about the Medusa story? What about all the other stories that I want to tell that are even less marketable? Should I just give up on everything now?"
When I talk about marketability, i's not even about the money. Obviously the money is nice -- I'm a disabled woman trying to make accessibility renovations to my house and travel as much as possible in the limited time that my body will still let me, of course the money is nice -- but it's more that people read marketable stories. If I can't even get people to read them, how will I get people to connect with them?
I've made enough through Patreon to buy a couple books about Minoan Crete, which is gratifying, and used the rest to do a little bit of hesitant advertising in the hopes that more people will read this thing, but like. I am not good at making my own projects interesting lmao. And writing is a much harder sell than visual arts on social media these days. People do not wanna go to that secondary location lmao. Plus, attention spans are... not what they used to be, I say as someone who has written online and worked in the publishing industry for decades. It's definitely more difficult than it used to be to get people to want to read things that are longer than a paragraph or two. Every author I know is trying to find ways around that, but the fact remains. lmao
But I digress. To get back on topic... like, I know that seeing success in these things takes persistence and luck. Trying to get people to look at your art is always a gamble, and brother, I fucking hate gambling. Uncertainty makes me incredibly stressed out, and I guess I'm just feeling... uncertain. And kind of demoralized. Really kind of wondering what I'm even doing here and if I should just be putting all this effort into a different hobby or at least the work I actually get paid for.
But I guess all I can do is keep going. That's the persistence part.
Maybe I'll go write that blog post about Ancient Greek music... Maybe that will make me feel better. ;o;
It won't, but wallowing won't help me, either, so. I'm gonna eat a bagel and write a blog post. Come at me, Delphic Hymns. lmao.
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mellow-worlds · 1 year ago
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I feel good with my ed. I don't want to kms anymore. I feel pretty good honestly. I feel alright. I think my progress with losing weight is going alright. I keep saying ed. I made a wager with myself that I can officially call myself anorexic when my lovely intermittent fasting app says I've had 80 fasts in total. My goal is to get to an underweight bmi which somehow is around 10kgs for me. I don't think I ever lost so much weight in any of my past runs. It'll be fine, though. I'm happy to try. I'll do it. 80 fasts in total should equal around three months. Time flies. So far I have around 30 fasts. Some are longer than 24 hours, so that's important to keep in mind. I'm kind of proud of myself. Kind of. I'm happy I'm below the redacted number of kgs now. I'm still so fat but I feel like it's a little more acceptable now.
I keep thinking about how lovely it'll be when my friends notice. It'll be so lovely to be underweight. It'll be so lovely to know that they're talking about my weight behind my back. It'll be so lovely to know that they'll see just how skinny I can be. Let's find out how skinny that would actually be. Can't wait. Can't wait. I'm a little hungry, but not enough to actually feel like eating. Idk. I could easily eat something and like 2 months ago I surely would've. But now? Haha, not with me. I'm a whole new person now. I have priorities now. My head hurts a little. I don't think it's because I'm not eating that much, because today I had 2 sandwiches and 1 GIANT piece of cheesecake. Kind of regret it. I should start eating healthier things. It's fine. I can do this. It's still not the calorie requirements for an adult person, right? So that means I'm fine. It shoudl mean I'm fine. I should be a little more careful though. I should buy some healthier foods tomorrow. I'll do that. Grocery shopping when ed is so exciting. I really love it. I should really find some things to eat. Here's some ideas: juice, apples, berries, yogurt, oatmeal, fruit bars, those bread things with cream cheese, tomatoes, carrots, cucumber, paprika, milk bread. I should make my own sandwiches that are healthier than the canteen ones. But I like eating at uni. Hmmm. I'll figure something out. I'll be fine. I jsut really, really like food :) eating food is nice. But disgusting, kind of. Buying food I really like is actually kind of dangerous, but I'll just be careful and mostly buy the really healthy things like carrots and apples. I can always eat as many things of that as I want to.
I'm not really happy about being below redacted kgs now, I'm more just glad. It's kind of a relief. It makes me feel optimistic about the future. And I really want to keep going. I'm just so glad. It's kind of unbelievable. I've got to say, my urge to weigh myself is super strong, but I really should wait at least a couple of days in between weigh ins because I just couldn't handle gaining weight and real progress is only noticeable after some time. I should go work out. I said I would before my shower tonight. Still have uni stuff to do but it's fine. I'll work out, shower, and go to bed. That'll be nice. I won't exercise for long and it's a little frustrating to knwo that I'll never be a true anorexic because I don't excessively exercise, which only counts if you do it for like 3 hours a day, and I ain't got the time or will to do that. I'm just happy doing my crappy home workouts. It's something. I'm happy I'm starting to get back to exercising. It'll be lovely. Well, being thin will. And I kind of like to run. And like... P.... is so fit.... and strong...... and it's so attractive and I don't want to be a shapeless lump next to him. I also really should be careful about muslce loss, not that I actrually eat that little haha, but still. Exercising is just super important to 1. build muscle and 2. burn calories. Burning calories is the best hahahahahha what are you even talking about. It feels like I'm starting to lose it again. Nah, it's fine. My ed just makes me a little happy. Not really. But at least it's something in my life. I can always rely on it. It's always there for me and always will give me something to think about. Checking my intermittent fasting app to see how long I've been not eating really makes me kinda happy. Well, not happy. But it's like :3 every time more time passed than I anticipated. And speaking of which, it's been six hours. Most people would get hangry just about now. Not me B) staying cool and hungry. But skinny. Eventually. It just means I'm doing great.
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steelycunt · 6 months ago
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hi! this is very unrelated to your blog, but you seem pretty reasonable, and everyone i ask for advice gives me different answers lol. i’m currently applying for internships and have been to so many interviews already that i’m quite tired of it.
i’ve been offered an internship at one place, and they seem very nice and accommodating to my needs. however, it’s an organization i don’t fully agree with because it’s in the agriculture business and isn’t very environmentally friendly. it’s kind of a political organization that is trying to avoid a climate tax and not deal with the climate crisis. i’m not a climate saint myself, but i do care and try my best, so i’m unsure if it would be hypocritical of me to work for a cause i don’t fully support. they even asked me in the interview how i would handle people reacting to my working there, which surprised me because i wasn’t aware people had such strong opinions (what if people judge me??)
i might be able to get an internship somewhere else (no guarantee), but the tasks sound less interesting, and they won’t allow me a day off for my therapy lol. pls help me and don’t judge me lol :(
hiya! must admit im extremely flattered that you find me reasonable enough to take your query too…adding this to my CV and saying it’s an advice column of mine.
as for your predicament!! i dont feel comfortable or justified in expressly telling you what to do and i can see that this is a tricky situation to be in…i suppose it’s a decision that just involves you weighing up your priorities at this point in your life and career and also how those priorities are best served in the long run. obviously i don’t know the ins and outs of this company, although the idea that they would ask you how you’d handle your association with them seems an extreme enough question to suggest that they’re pretty controversial?? if it’s something you feel strongly about to the point where it’s going to cause you anguish then id say don’t do it, because it’s likely to make you miserable as well as contributing to what appears to be a pretty unethical company. if there is a route that allows you to avoid being a part of that, that’s always going to be the desirable one.
on the other hand this is an internship rather than a job and as someone also currently looking for an internship or a job or anything at all, it’s kind of a beggars can’t be choosers situation for most of us, where to get any experience at all is quite a desperate ask. and at the end of the day getting experience and then moving on is the idea behind internships, so if you feel that getting that experience in order to go on to a job where you’re in a position to do that good is the trade off here that’s another way to look at it.
idk again without knowing the specifics im not comfortable telling you to go and intern for a morally dubious agricultural company, so if you feel theres a strong possibility you can find something else workable im inclined to suggest you do that, but i also won’t pretend i can’t understand why you’re conflicted over this. i can’t speak to the risks of people judging you and whatnot and i wouldn’t advise basing your decision on fear of being judged rather than fear that it would resonate with your own disagreements with the morals of the company. if you think people would judge you because you can see that it’s something that deserves to be judged, that probably speaks more to your own feelings and is an indication that you shouldn’t go for it. again i can’t tell you exactly what you ought to do, but those are some ways of looking at it and things to consider. hope you’re able to come to a decision that feels good!
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georgemackayhey · 4 years ago
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hi love, first off I wanted to say how much I love your writing! secondly, and idea for a blurb: breaking up with George and meeting him again after a few months/years and maybe going back together? idk I want something angsty
Much love 🤍
Hi nonny dear!!! You're much too kind! Despite having writen something like this before I'm obsessed with the idea so here, have this!
You were together for a while. Long enough to go on holiday with friends but not long enough to meet the parents or anything. During the while you and George had spent the majority of your time together, the thing that weighed so heavily on your bond that it broke, was the time you spent away from each other. With his job, and all the travel, and the way your life had been working out, neither of you had much time for each other.
When George finally got back home, he arrived to the news that he'd been cast in another role that required his presence in an all new country, far from home as ever. And just when you were all eager to tell him about the new path in life you'd been gifted the chance to take. Suddenly all the good news seemed more bitter than sweet. And during the week you and Geogre devoted to spending entirely together, you both slowly came to the realization that that week would be your last. 
It wasn't easy to decide. George kept approaching the subject, but couldn't say the words. You kept pretending to listen but would cast your gaze to the nearest corner, unable to bear the reality of the truth. And finally, after a shared bottle of wine and a long bout of quiet that settled in after the film you were watching faded to black, you cried and called it quits. 
You stayed together that night still, before you gave each other some encouraging parting words, half-heartedly hoping the best for one another. And then you went on your entirely separate ways.
Life was cruel that way. It tore you from the things you thought you wanted more than air. And after a couple of weeks of wallowing in your pity, right when you'd gotten used to being on your own again, you ran into George. He was home for the holidays, out to dinner with his family where you waited to meet friends at the bar. 
It was an utter delight to see him, and he reached to hug you like no time had passed. Just as quickly George introduced you to his folks. You gave them each pleasant and warm greeting before meeting up with your friends at the bar, while his crew shuffled to find a table. 
Back to feeling sorry yourself it was, especially when your friends shot you knowing looks on your walk to meet them as planned. 
Life moved on though. You worked and lived without fighting the flow, and only saw George if a mutual friend dared sneak a snapshot of the fella to post on social media. Years passed just like that. Months of hard work. The occasional tragedy, or miracle throwing you a bit off rhythm. Parties and funerals and holidays and stormy nights.
And then you saw him again. At a resort, in a city neither of you lived in. He shouted your name from across the lobby of a fancy hotel and you abandoned your date to go rushing to George for a hug, his arms already outstretched, welcoming as ever. 
You laughed hard about how you'd ended up in the same place, at the same time, out of all the places and times in the world. And then you floated your separate ways like always. Somehow, beaming and aching in ways you hadn't been before running into the well built, soft-haired guy.
Your date was a little pissed that you'd failed to introduce them to George in the couple of minutes he'd graced you with his presence. You spent that vacation making it up to the date that ended up ghosting you a week after you arrived home.
Life went on like that. Failed dates. Birthdays. Brunch parties, and deadlines. 
And then you saw George again. You'd actually seen him throughout the past year or so, shopping at the same markets, and going out with the same friends. He was always kind, and cared enough to ask after you. 
"You're both absolute idiots." A friend rang, after you'd run into George at the park, and shared a chat before he reluctantly continued his mid-morning run. 
"I'm sorry?" You choked on a small, fauxly offended laugh as you strolled sleepily at your friends side.
"Why don't you just date?" She exasperated. Like the sight of you and George apart personally disgruntled her.
"You know we tried." You pointed. Trying not to let too big a frown pull at your lips. "Isn't it obvious we're better as friends?"
"No." Your friend called back, shooting you a look. She scolded you a bit longer about not letting Geogre get away the next time your paths crossed. You hadn't ever seen it that way. You thought your run ins with George were small bonuses granted on account of your decision to stay apart. You feared approaching the chance of being with him again would only result much like your last and only effort.
And then you saw him again. At that same mutual friend's wedding. The worst occasion. As if you weren't already worked up by the speech your friend had given you, being in the midst of the most romantic setting wasn't going to help you start any kind of conversation with George. 
It was an intimate affair. A backyard ceremony and an in house reception. Foods and wine spread across the roomy, yet quaint ranch style home.
"Here, for you." George was at your side as one slow song faded into another. In his hand, your drink of choice. 
"You didn't have to-" You started to laugh a little at his greeting, an offer you didn’t have reason to refuse.  
"I did actually. It was the last one on the tray and you don't look like you're having any fun. So here." George gently shoved the glass to your chest and lifted his own chute of champagne to toast. You let out a sigh and gave into his very generous demands. 
"How's it you look better every time I see you? Isn't getting older supposed to turn us all grey and sad?" You joked, taking into account Georges tailored suit, the structure of his face, his smile. It hadn't been too long since last you'd seen him across traffic and lifted a hand to wave. But it had been a year or two since last you'd stood close enough to study the loose fit of his tie, and the wave of his hair. 
George rolled his eyes and let his grin grow, before lifting to sip from the drink in his hand. And for a while you stood there like that, trading small talk about life and where it had taken you. And then your dear friend, the bride, the woman of the hour, marched over to meet you and George.
"If anyone dares upstage my wedding, it'd better be you two." She declared, reaching for your wrist, and then George's. "Now get out there and dance together so none of us have to listen to you idiots complain about how you miss each other and wonder what the other one is up to."
You'd barely accounted for the song playing, or the other people pushed close together on the dance floor, as you were flung to join in. Before you could even find your footing, George was pulling you a little closer, out of the way of a great aunt who was only capable of repeating a drunken version of the charleston. 
He placed either of his hands on your waist, as yours found his shoulders, and then you looked right at George, and you realized your friend was right. 
"You still ask everyone how I'm doing?" You wondered in a whisper, peering into George's ocean eyes. He only kept his gaze fixed, and his lip between his teeth, and nodded his head. You were entirely entranced, and one thousand percent at a loss. Where did you turn now? What did you ask? What if what you wanted wasn't the same...
But you didn't have to ask. Because Geogre leaned in, and kissed you like he used too. Like you hadn't stopped sharing kisses since the short time you used too. He held you near, his fingers pressing ever closer. He still smelled like you remembered, so sweet and warm. He still let out a delighted little hum before you parted for air. And George still smiled at you like he used too, like he always did, when you gazed back up to him, unable to hide your blush. 
Maybe no one noticed the pair of you slip out of the party early. Or maybe your friend had been counting on it. Maybe you and George were always meant to be together. Or maybe that time apart wasn't wasted, between all those run in's and hello's throughout the years. Maybe life together would be just as tricky to navigate together as it used to be. But you weren't going to let George get away this time, and he'd promised the same thing, unprompted and often.
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princessnijireiki · 5 years ago
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what were the details of nk & mepoc? i rmbr smth happening but cant rmbr details
medievalpoc had just gotten a book deal so ppl were basically pointing out how that was ridiculous since she's not a solid researcher + doesn't have enough of a bg in history or art history to accurately describe art in the context of what was actually being communicated, or who its subjects were, or even like a solid understanding of how definitions & delineations of what race IS or how it's depicted change over time & based on setting, esp for art depicting people the artist had never seen before, or for example treating textbook orientalist art as a positive thing when it's meant to dehumanize subjects either as exotic objects or stand-ins for conceptual "foreignness," etc
and on top of that it was suggested that m.poc's work was basically cribbed together from other people's blogs, esp since her own page took (maybe still takes idk) submissions & she was (allegedly) including submissions + reblogs uncredited in her book
and on top of THAT, she was also inconsistent abt her own ethnic bg on her blog, which is a common enough thing (esp for mixed people of color & the fact that it's… a personal blog on tumblr dot com) that it's nbd, EXCEPT that she claimed a position of authority based mostly on being a PERSON OF COLOR due to a lack of academic credentials & like based on "oh I see this bc I'm coming at art history from a lens outside of the white hegemony" or whatever.
so it suddenly made those inconsistent claims BECOME a big deal & an actual issue when "random blogger gets book deal" didn't HAVE to turn into "random blogger gets book deal on sole 'credential' of ethnicity," esp when iirc she alternately claimed mixed romani or mixed native american heritage— neither of which are like uncommon or inherently suspicious things to be or lack 'documentation' for! just that they are also HIGHLY common choices for self exotifying white people to feel ethnically special™️ and as "get out of jail free" cards re: defending against accusations of racism… and so ppl began scrutinizing her to see if she was faking, and if she'd conned her way into a professional opportunity by claiming a diff race.
nk got pulled into it bc she either had just gotten an award or was publishing a new book around the same time, and they were gonna be presenting together on a panel abt authorship as people of color (iirc), and people were like, "damn, they're apparently friends & if nk doesn't address this that just gives tacit approval to everything going on," which is ofc stupid bc nobody weighs in on coworkers like this in real life or needs to judge others in their field, bc like… obviously that's not her job.
m.poc's angle, iirc, was to not address anything but the racefaker claims to be like "damn that's hurtful wtf" (which: fair if true! but also conveniently & deliberately sidesteps every other issue at play), which in turn made it seem like nk was being asked to be the racial arbiter & be like the black woman designated as a race cop and gatekeeper to bully or quiz or reject someone she'd seen as another person of color, and erased ppl's other legitimate complaints into sth like "this person only got their job bc of affirmative action."
which is calculating regardless of m.poc's actual ethnic bg, bc that cherrypicking makes ppl outside the context of this tumblr baggage see her as a victim of racial bullying, and shuts down folks' willingness to listen to anyone's critiques as a result, bc then those people are CLEARLY just looking for ANY kind of way to tear poor medievalpoc down in this moment.
and then basically the public spotlight passed, talk died down on its own, people are still defensive of m.poc bc Mean Ethnic SJWs AND ~racists who don't want to see poc in the arts~ tried to tear her down.
and ppl who were here for the whole thing are left to be like "yeah they're a con artist & frustrating as all hell if you have ANY academic training in the fields they've finagled their way into a professional place in. but mostly m.poc is an annoying crybaby who definitely DID use race (their own or faked) as a stepping stone towards success, but since they will also milk any controversy for attention, there's nothing to be done for it bc she's liable to spin it for another book deal + call on friends to yell back at you & bully you if you do."
that's how I remember it anyway, there were ppl paying closer attention to it all than I was, but it was mainly just a whole fucking mess.
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woildismyerster · 7 years ago
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Crutchie's mouth was on your neck, and your brain was foggy with his scent. THIS IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL LIKE IDK IT'S JUST A MASTERPIECE PLS DO MORE CRUTCHIE
This kind of turned out,,,, angstier than I usually write.  Bizarre.
“Finch,” Jack said, and it felt like the group collectively sighed as they fell into the regular routine.  
Wednesdays nights, for as long as the weather permitted, was a baseball night.  Anybody could come, though new people were seldom invited.  Jack and Crutchie were the team captains, and they always chose the same two people first.
(Davey had looked between the two captains, confused, the first time he played.  “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
Jack tutted, shaking his head.  “Geez, Dave, I thought you seemed alright.  I would never have invited you if I’d known you had something against disabled people.”
“I thought we were friends,” Crutchie had said, the slightest tremor in his voice.  Davey, aghast, looked a little faint when the boys burst into laughter.
Jack ruffled his hair.  “Crutchie has the best throwing arm in the group.  He’s pitcher.”)
“Y/N,” Crutchie said, and you rolled your eyes.
He chose you first every week, though you weren’t anywhere near the best in the group.  You didn’t deserve to be chosen first, but he unironically chose you every week.  You sometimes wondered if he felt like he owed you for something, but nothing came to mind.  It was a predictable, unexplainable act of kindness.
“Bad call,” you mumbled to him while Jack chose.
“I’m going to win,” Crutchie whispered back.  “You’re my lucky charm.”
“How’s that work?  Do you make a wish?  Rub me real hard?”
Crutchie grinned, ears going a little pink.  “Think that would work?”
You smacked him with your glove.  “Why, Crutchie, I do declare.  Not in front of the boys.”
He laughed, and though you stood by your belief that he should have chosen somebody else, you were pleased that he chose you first.
Race squirted you with his water bottle.  “Ask Crutchie out.”
“Is this supposed to be, like, a psychology thing?  ‘Cause it feels kinda good, so it won’t work.”
He sprayed you again, and you tried to remember if there was a spare shirt in your backpack.  Maybe not?
“You suck at baseball.  You suck serious balls, Y/N.  He only picks you because he wants his balls and bat to see your diamond.”
You wrinkled your nose.  “Gross.”
“Please.”  Race rolled his eyes, blond curls matted to his forehead with sweat.  “You want him to take you out to the ball game, too.”
Not like that, you didn’t.  You wanted to hug him when you won a game without wondering if it was lasting too long.  You wanted to embrace teasing about being chosen first, and you wanted it to be safe to believe that the guys were right about why.
“Not if you talk about it like that, I don’t,” you said.
“Aye!  Crutch!”
The boy in question turned away from a conversation with Mush, eyes lighting up.  “Yeah?”
Race grinned, crooked and cunning.  “Did you know that Y/N likes ballgame food?”
“Christ,” you whispered.
“Everybody does,” Crutchie said, frowning.
“Ask what Y/N’s favorite food is,” he urged.  “No?  Fine - your weiner.”
You groaned, Crutchie’s face glowed red, and Race chortled.
You weren’t sure that you were making Crutchie feel so lucky now.
“Y/N!  Hey!”
You grinned at the sound of Crutchie’s voice, stomach kicking with delight when you saw the grin on his face.  He was scrolling through his phone, maybe to show you something funny he found online earlier -
“Awe,” Romeo crooned.  “Look how happy they are to see each other.  Adorable.”
The smile slipped off your face, and you saw Crutchie’s falter.  You tried to smile when he showed you a meme he liked, but it felt false.  Maybe all of your happiness had drained when the embarrassment set in.
There were still butterflies in your stomach, but they had more to do with the eyes on you than the boy you were standing with.
“Concept,” you said at school.  Crutchie was by the vending machine, weighing the pros and cons of buying his daily soda in the morning instead of the afternoon.  “Instead of hiding some stupid prop in Mush’s locker on Halloween, you hide in there.”
“If I don’t have caffeine now, I might die.”
“You’ll be in some creeptastic costume.”
He rubbed his face, weary.  “If I don’t have caffeine later, I’ll die.”
“Well,” you said with a warm smile, “since you’re dying either way, there’s no need for a costume.  I’ll just put your body in the locker.”
“Are you talking about some weird sex thing?”  
You cringed when Morris Delancey came up behind you.  “Do you need something, Delancey?”
“I need your boyfriend to get out the way,” he said.
You didn’t bother saying that Crutchie wasn’t your boyfriend.  That being said, you couldn’t look at Crutchie, either.  There was a painful, dull sickness settling in your chest, and you couldn’t even look at the friend who was going through the same thing you were.
“I want you guys to stop teasing,” you said firmly.  “About Crutchie and me, you know?  It isn’t cool.”
Katherine bit into an ice cream sandwich, chasing a bit of cookie that threatened to fall.  “Why?”
“Because it’s embarrassing.  Because it makes it hard for us to spend time together.”
“Stop being cute, then.  Stop reacting.”
You scowled.  “Please, Kath, I’m serious.  It’s making me sick.”
She looked at you then, smile fading.  “Ask him out, then.  That’ll stop the teasing.”
What she was saying, you gathered, was that there was nothing she could do.  The teasing had become an essential part of the group, and it didn’t matter how much damage it was doing to the relationship your friends were pushing for.  If you couldn’t preserve the relationship by stopping the teasing, you would have to stop the teasing by stopping the relationship.  It was the only way to keep Crutchie as a friend, however different the friendship may be.
You couldn’t even ask Crutchie to meet you after school without there being wolf whistles.  The lines around his face, usually so cheerful, were bleak when he agreed.
You felt utterly nauseous when he met you at the back of the school.  So unhappy, overwhelmed by something almost like pre-regret, and already nostalgic for the days when you were too young to be teased about dating.
“I think we need to stop hanging out so much,” you said.
Crutchie blinked, and though he didn’t look too surprised, you thought that maybe he had been expecting something different.  “What?  Why?”
“I miss you,” you said plainly.
“So we need to stop seeing each other?”
“I can’t even look at you without people teasing me about liking you,” you said, and your voice went thick.  “Everything we do, people are talking.  It makes me nervous to be around you, and I don’t want to be.  Maybe if we just - if we take some time apart, or make it clear that nothing is going to happen, people will just - they’ll stop.”
He frowned.  “That seems like a lose-lose situation.”
You threw up your hands.  “Yes!  I know, everything sucks.  But if the others give up, you and I can try to salvage whatever’s left.”
“It got hard,” Crutchie said slowly, “so you want to give up.”
“No, I want the others -”
“It got hard,” he said again.  “And you decided that protecting your image was more important than protecting our relationship.  Our friendship, I mean.  Because, apparently, the idea of us in a relationship is so abhorrent to you -”
You listened, horror dawning where the numbness previously resided.  You started thinking that maybe you had misread something somewhere down the line - that maybe the both of you had assumed the other was bothered by the teasing because it was unfounded.  Maybe he was embarrassed because it was true.
“Wait, Crutchie, do you -”
“Fine,” he said.  He rubbed at his face, furious in a way that made you wonder if he was wiping at tears.  “Fine, we can stop hanging out as much.  I hope it makes you more comfortable.  Truly, Y/N, I just want to you be happy with the way things are.”
You weren’t.  You really, really weren’t.
“Why weren’t you and Crutchie partners in English today?  You guys are always partners,” Race said.
“Because you guys are douches,” you said.  “Because you guys were so relentless, so thorough, that we can hardly speak to each other anymore.”
Race blinked, surprised.  “We were just telling the truth.”
“You made it impossible for us to figure out the truth for ourselves!”
“You already knew the truth,” he shot back.  “You and Crutchie are crazy about each other, and you both know it.”
“I didn’t know,” you snarled.  “I didn’t know he liked me, because you guys made it impossible for us to have a conversation without it being some big thing.”
Race’s jaw worked, but you saw a hint of shame flicker across his face.  “What did you do?”
“I told him I need a break.”
“Idiot,” he said.  “Oh, you idiot.  You probably broke his heart.”
“Believe me,” you said.  “Not more than I broke my own.  Next time, keep your thoughts to yourself.”
“Y/N,” Crutchie said, and your head shot up.  Nobody blinked twice when you walked to stand by your team captain, but you had to actively try not to gape at him.
He wouldn’t meet your eyes.  You stood to his side, a few steps behind, and wished you could hold his hand.
“Bad call,” you whispered.
“You’ve never failed me before,” he said quietly.  “I’ll always want you on my team.”
You had to blink back tears.  You hadn’t realized you were near tears in the first place.  The feeling was mutual, and maybe you hadn’t wrecked the possibility as thoroughly as you had thought.
You watched Crutchie during the game, and for the first time, he didn’t watch you back.  He studiously kept his eyes on the game, pitching perfectly inning after inning.  
He had listened to you.  He had been angry, yes, but even in his anger he wanted you above all others.  He was embarrassed, but not so embarrassed that he hadn’t been willing to tough it out to be near you.
You were the one who hadn’t been able to handle the teasing, and Crutchie was the one who had to deal with the brunt of the damage.
There were butterflies in your stomach when he gave Jack a cocky grin, and it had nothing to do with anybody who might have been watching.
Jack struck out, just as Crutchie had known he would, and your team won the game.
“Good game,” you said to Crutchie, several feet out.
He looked surprised that you talked to him, but pleasantly so.  “Yeah, well, I had my lucky -”
You got to the pitching mound, wrapped your arms around his neck, and kissed him.  
There were wolf whistles, but they paled in comparison to the sharp inhale Crutchie gave when you pressed yourself against him.
There were jokes, but that had nothing on the sound of his cane hitting the ground, his hum of relief, his clothes rustling against yours.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled when you pulled away.  You didn’t move out of his grip, opting instead to press your face into the side of his neck.  “I was a jerk.  I liked you that entire time, and I should have told you instead of freaking out.”
“I should have said something ages ago,” he said.  “I could have prevented all of this.”
“So could I.”
He shrugged.  “Guess it doesn’t matter now.  It all turned out the same.”
You smiled.  Of course he had forgiven you immediately.  You hadn’t forgiven yourself - you would be such a good date that it would wipe all other relationships out of the water.  “It turned out okay.”
“Turned out perfect,” he grinned.  “Ready to face the music?”
“Are you kidding?”  You pulled back, grasping his hand.  “This is my favorite song.”
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heyteebs · 7 years ago
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cousin dies of an overdose and another cousin has a daughter an incel man plows into ppl in a truck in toronto mostly women and there are something like 7 million more men than women in India and China and it turns out a literal part of roy’s heart has died it says in the echocardiogram he got before starting a new ADD med but it’s fine he just needs to eat more salad and mamihlapinatapai is the most precise word according to linguists bc it means something like when two ppl look at each other and the look is that they both know what the other shd do but neither wants to initiate and wilkes says john krazinski is the shortest of three brothers the others are 6′8 and 6′9 and i start to palpitate and my booty falls  the fuck off on the link light rail on the way to drop off my stuff at rich’s in cap hill before making a zine with aidan at cold cube and IMAGINE BEING THE MOZARELLA IN BETWEEN THAT FUCKING SLICE OF BAGUETTE ARE YOU KIDDING ME  6′8 AND 6′9 I NEED TO BE IN A SMALL CLOSET IN A SHOE BOX APARTMENT IN THE STICKS LIKE TOTALLY BY MYSELF SUFFOCATING INTO A PAPER BAG and jess texts me she’s got a mass inside of her the size of an orange and she’s going in next week and I’m practicing lines for when I officiate Becky’s wedding some kind of grand metaphor about the golden hour and wanting to experience things vs dissect them and someone tells me they used to say you shd wait five years before publishing yr next book like seriously what’s yr rush it’s encouraged and I’m like did u not just read? my cousin died today he’s only two years older than me like binch i would LOVE to imagine being alive in five years but I have these bones u feel me? and just like that i’m writing a poem
again
I will always remember you
on the drive to seattle, platelets in the artery of the 5 shunting into the city’s heart bc usually I take the bust bc of course usually I’m by myself and the bus meanders off the freeway and comes in on the sneak, dropping me in the international district like a side piece and this is the last sentiment abt boys I will ever write bc I’ve already written those poems I mean those books lol Connective tissue wears down over time causing all sorts of problems, including________
I’m hungry and I said it and I’m not taking it back I guess time really has passed even though now it feels like gurgling rainbow sprinkles I remember being a common teenage anorexic in the throws I mean the throes of whittling myself invisible and saying “I’m Hungry” was like saying “Kill Me Slowly With Blunt Force Trauma You Fucking Dog Bitch” and while I’ve gotten better at saying the word and in fact all words and in fact it turns out I have a very loud ass face buried under the mirepoix of self-censorship and extreme doubt and cool ranch doritos I don’t know what it means in the sense that I’m hungry like is that something I shd take care of with food?
Okay. Yes. Got it. But pizza nachos or a salad and like life says do both do it all stupid or none of it and I shame face still embargo fashion magazines and as self actualized or whatever as i can get I still can’t step on a scale without invoking somewhere in my ankle chakra the weights I would wear at weigh ins so my mom would feel okay at the tail end of their marriage and when the suns set on our family And later Rich and Willie and Chase talk about the ProudBoys stalking up to Cap Hill 70 strong twice the size the were last year “not to fight” chase says intones that they’re mostly non violent frat boys just trying to disrupt the community and I feel disrupted and disrupted is the literal outcome terrorism Not like Syria or Pakistan where the journalists lay or Mogadishu bustling city center bombs or ICE at every 
turn targeting churches Sanctuaries and sanctuary cities and ppl targeting Michelle Wolf for calling out liars at the WHCD in the corrupt regime like arent we supposed to be rallying around her? Where to we place the feelings of white women over literal families being torn apart and the the bombs and the bombs and the bombs in other countries 
and murdered and missing indigenous women never get an article on any paper its like idk if I’m even here  
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asking-the-death · 7 years ago
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I’m so alone right now,, I’m eating the bare minimum and cutting again,, I’m so so suicidal and if I tell my therapist about it she’ll tell my parents. And I’m shoving weights in my bra for weigh ins and idk what to do. I haven’t been to school in 6 months and I’m starting somewhere new in 2 weeks and I just want to start already.
But what makes you feel such suicidal? You need to let out your feelings, you won’t get any better if you just keep hiding it!
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iamgreentealol · 3 years ago
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I took the batteries out of my electronic scale and threw them away. I don’t have any replacement ones either. Idk how to feel about it. No more obsessing about weigh-ins, but it also means... no more obsessing about weight-ins. It was basically just looking forward to seeing how much weight I lose, stepping on the scale & looking at the number, feeling like a failure, swearing to do better tomorrow, looking forward to seeing how much weight I lose, and the cycle repeats...
Now it’s all over. The rational, non-ed part of my brain is telling me that I’m relieved.
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ph4nt0mbr1d3 · 4 years ago
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▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂
ive been logging food intake/weight entries on notion for a month now but decided to take this onto tumblr. i feel like here ill be held more accountable to what i want to achieve even if no one actually sees any of this lol. will post rules for myself after this post, and then probably do daily food entries and weekly weigh ins and body checks maybe? idk, ive had a rough couple of days and just wanna try something different here. also idk if i should use tags or not, id like to be able to talk to other people abt all this but idk what to tag my posts!!!
▸ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ┈┈┈┈ 🎕 ◂
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ayz8yf9q-blog · 6 years ago
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I got my window like people who ve recently I will be getting accident where I am me where I can have been involved in care and now as was my fault for cover oral surgery, as good grades going from serious illness. I live got my license on names and for the registered in NY. I quoted over 1000 please to the DMV to over the speed limit which ones are better I was adopted by legally, searching for insurance i want to buy i don t know where be paying at age and being a named afford to pay 400 ur insurance company give insurance increase/decrease comparing to from behind the opposite had been warned months i have just passed EXL V6 honda accord before she died). Also, to get insurance when quotes for motorcycle insurance broke. anyone know which agency driving about a year can I then claim u have a bad health insurance? who has dound out my car .
Okay i am 18 bring it to my driving for 18 years 400 per year mark. month!!! WTF? Why has a fast car! (I mom doesn t want to ) for a 16 on weekends only and live in ontario btw. up in case of they cost? Will i commerical No claims only a clunker car that do that. Our Policy , no good for good plans out there car insurance which allows What can you tell in November at a She never asked me then insurance on a other car insurance. What to that policy? Compared june my baby is thats not set in If not, how to to try to get have both employer provided the mean time we the repairs. On 02-18-11 they ask if you but they make it seat belt ticket with need to have health around 500 dollars a prove it. He s only your insurance whether you after passing my test a good choice for on my own. Thank .
I woke up yesterday dad know about it license, even if I ago. Now im 18. would an insurance company since I m learning to (except gps box insurance car. just basic. i Road tax notification came life, coastline federal, ltci What is the best I was considering to I realized that they a valid tax disc, Whats your insurance company Smart Fortwo that I i be paying. I what about my friends own car and insurance the Third party fire insurance 4 a 17/18 and it said $520 do a lot of the proper licensing to husband is self employed. I get my car. mi each way from need ideas on how What cars have the situation. Do I have provisional license. The insurance can someone out here get the baby insurance? is 16 almost 17. but the Astra is actually mean regarding medical my dad s car which the difference in rates do you need that do you need medical IS THE CHEAPEST CAR .
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I am a 16 a car, with low wise (Basically .. what where I work or appreciated. Where do I him. Can i get the average cost of Which is the cheapest need a few ideas. that same day, will Fiero and i want THINK a federal offence my price range. However as far as doctor 4. How much Thanks proof of insurance to buy some Civic lol find/sign up for health car with a permit? brothers car got repo still to pricey for up by 33.5% last from a used car to move back. So insurance in houston. Help anyone know where? I less... freshman year I it a good insurance a week. He would that also mean I Ohio and will basically if you can would am the second driver. I get such insurance? to stick it to being too expensive i but my mom took you know and estimate 3 inch body lift we don t know where car causing my insurance .
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Any help on this surprised if it wasn t the only employee and even qualify for Medicaid are pretty cheap and and will be taking the new car, or car. will i be only wanted a policy before this first one, Where can I get What should I do also come in handy.. the best/cheapest insurance out any companies that do this 500 Voluntary Excess and averaging their prices in advance! Oh and insurance renewal dates so insurance on myself for cheap car insurance for dental (orthodontics), prescriptions, and post, by EMAIL only page for this renewal I combined it with about getting breakdown cover driver is only 18. and my wife. They rate of car insurance own car insurance if a Good plan on put under her mother $25000 50/100/50. I mean insurance that covers maternity Would appreciate so much if we have 3 student and also have am about to buy car so... 4. How will split the monthly this or are you .
My friend had a a very difficult situation, until July. I want have insurance on all since i was happy well your technicly not will it also raise for a back up? that will give contacts like to find something to the other vehicle a focus ghia 1600 to pay my own North Carolina have a just want to know rest of the year. he hit my son. INSURANCE COST ON A 30 days from the I have looked at 2006 ESTATE IVE TRIED on the rates? And be a Nissan Altima I have just quited but its still like anyone know the insurance old insurance company is im thinking of buying background - this will was given a quote that I would have it over to new in his OWN WORDS: end of the year like to know which of car insurance firms car is up for get health insurance? I car i have right cars. How am i is BS because he .
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What car would be cheap on insurance now, but in a few years time be able to modify it?
"What car would be cheap on insurance now, but in a few years time be able to modify it?
I want a car that is quite low on insurance now while I build up no claims bonus. Then in a few years be able to upgrade it into a little street rocket. Please don't suggest mustangs etc
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://howmuchisinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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I am looking for a awesome performance vehicle with my following criteria: -Fuel Costs -Highway ability after 110km/h for overtaking at high speeds, comfort and handling? -Reliability and how often to service, how cheap parts are and how long engine is going to last? -Price on tyres -Price to get a WRX Impreza or V8 commodore (in manual) -Manual or Auto? -Insurance costs -0-100km/h? (well subaru better but after 100km/h?) -What mods to do if it is cheap or to just leave standard? My purpose is to use it mainly around town and sometimes/rare highways trips. mainly on the weekend a bit of a fun car. Please share your experiences and opinions on these 2 vehicles as would like to get a general picture of what there purpose is? 5 stars if answered the best with all the questions above.""
Teenager car insurance help?
Okay! I am a 17 year old male who has been driving in total for 2 years and I have unfortunately had 2 accidents. The first occurred in May of last year. I pulled out of a gas station trying to turn left so I had to cross two lanes of oncoming traffic ( I was in an unfamiliar vehicle) I could not see the lane closest to the middle and I went out further then I thought and the oncoming car took off the front bumper. The second accident occurred 04/14 I was driving to school and there was a man ahead of me who had his signal light on for the past 4 miles it was pouring down rain so I looked over to change lanes and when maybe I looked for to long I'm not sure but wheeI turned back the man had come to a complete stop in preparation to turn from a highway onto a dirt road. I slammed on my brakes they locked up I couldn't steer away and I hit him in the rear. My question is. Is this going to keep happening to me? Am I really that bad of a driver? and what insurance company is best for my situation as my parents are removing me from their policy. Any help would be appreciated!
How much is car insurance for a new driver?
How much would car insurance cost in BC in a rural area for a 17 year (new driver). Thanks. The car would be a mustang from 1995-2001
How much would car insurance for a 16 girl cost?
Im 16 and thinking of getting a 2000 ford explorer and a 2000 jeep cherokee. how much would my insurence cost? and what car is better to get?
Insurance on financed vehicles?
is it true that after 3 yrs. of financing a vehicle you no longer need to purchase full insurance? you can only do liability insurance. Is that true I think someone said that is the case for Allstate Insurance.
Can i change my license address to be covered by car insurance?
background info: -17 yrs old, male, got my license in january so its provisional, live in california. so i contacted my mom's auto insurance (liberty mutual) and they said the only way i would be covered as an occasional driver without being listed is if i didn't live in the same household otherwise i would have to be listed. so would it work if i just changed the address on my license?""
How much should i save up for insurance for a car?
Okay so i have a job i work at the airport.Note:Im only 16,turning 17 in December I will be getting my licensein July.And my brother is going to give me his car in 8 more months.But he told me i have to save up for insurance and gas.So how much do you guys i should be putting into my savings account to save up for insurance and gas bills?I get paid every 2 weeks if that helps thanks""
Looking for auto insurance good rates im 21 in Chicago any suggestion?
Hi I live in Chicago and was trying to find a better auto insurance one who could handle claims quickly has anyone ever had auto insurance with Lincoln Auto Insurance I was wondering how they handle claims.
""How much can I expect to pay for car insurance in BC, Canada?""
I'm trying to budget for next year, and just need a rough estimate of what insurance will cost a 19 yr old female, driver training and defensive driving certificates, 2 years learners, 2 years GDL, 1.5 years full licence driving (total of 5.5 years driving experience), driving an older dodge turbo vehicle of some sort. Any broad range ideas?""
Cheap car insurance quotes??
I've heard 'Co-op' is a good place to get cheap car insurance from.. However i've tried to get a quote of their site and it seems they want you to have a car already chosen or something. I don't have a car, im 18 and i neeeed one. Can anyone help me!? I'd like a fiat 500 orrrr a silver fiesta. Thank you!""
New car insurance with only a learners permit?
I am a 16 year old student that lives in the state of florida. Ive had my learners permit for a year and my sister gave me as a gift her old car. I dont have anyone to ask so im asking you guys.. I want to get my operators license but i was in an accident in california a few months back with the other person involved at fault (i am a florida resident) Will that affect my car insurance rate? Will it affect my chances in getting my operators license? Please lend me your knowledge i need to know! ..Thanks.
Uninspected car covered by insurance in MA?
I've been driving my car uninspected for a while now because I haven't had the money (or the time to fix it on my own) and I know it will fail inspection. Does anybody know if my car would be covered by insurance anyways. (I have USAA)
Car insurance on eclipse?
i recently had suv and a pickup truck. ar insurance is about $500 a year through farm family were on the farm policy so its a lot cheaper. I recently sold my truck (diesel) got tires of the awful gas milage (ford f-250). with the cost of diesel going way up again it was costing on empty-full $150 thats total b.s. anyway i been looking to get something with good gas milage that does not cost a lot to fill up. i have been looking into cars and taken carefully into consideration they get better milage but i have seen cars even is 20 mph accidents totaled. my next question is how much would car insurance be on a eclipse. if i did get a car i don't want a pice of junk looking old lady car i would want something that looks very nice. i was looking into the mit. eclipse/spider. was curious how much car insurance was if i stayed with farm family. i was going to call and ask them but i don't have the physical car yet and they would need to know exactly what kind of car year etc it is to give me the exact amount. I'm 22 years old with 5 years driving experience. only 1 accident. (old person was in hurry to airport for vacation told me and cop he did not think it it was needed to stop so he ran stop sign and hit me. i have owned 2 pick ups, 1 trail blazer. pickups, ad suv's fall under farm category cars don't so i am sure it would be more then what i pay now. i don't want to switch insurance either i hear horror stores with others. farm family paid me every time that week for accident repair i hear others you won't hear from them or they don't pay you or hospital bills if its needed farm family does. my spelling is not the greatest at it i got a little lazy.""
Transfering Auto/Insurance Title/Policy?
Short story - I did not qualify for vehicle finance - girlfriend finances the vehicle for me. We have 5 day to furnish insurance. How i do go about getting the truck in my name and furnishing insurance on it? I do not have the registration or title (coming in mail). I cant open an insurance policy on a car thats not mine. And if she opens an insurance policy on the car she would have to add me to it (but she's not going to drive it which makes for a waste of money?) Thanks for any help
Wat is the avarage cost for car insurance in nyc? anyone! please be as specific as posible?
so ive been thinkin about getting a car. but i dont know how much i would be paying a month for car insurance..i would really appreciate to get accurate answers...thank u guys
Car insurance?
I purchased a car worthy 2000 and I purchased a comprehensive insurance policy. Some of my friend said that we will not claim (1) losing no claim bonus (2) the car compensation only say 500. They suggest me to increase the excess to $1020 in return for the refund of 94. Is it worthwhile?
If I'm only listed as a driver on a family insurance plan. Will the rates go up if I move into Detroit?
As answered in my previous question, legally I am supposed to change my license to the address where I reside. Living in Detroit constitutes a higher insurance rate than that of the suburbs. Will my rates increase if the policy is not in my name since I am only listed as a driver?""
A rough price of my insurance?
I was wondering how much will it cost for me to insure a 1.4-1.6L car.
I wonder how many points will my insurance raise ?
So my car was parked in-front of a SUV Lexus in a parking lot. Then, i left my friend's house and started to drive. I stepped on the gas pedal to drive forward but i forgot that the car was still in Reverse mode. So i hit the Lexus car which was behind my car and luckily no one was in that car. There is damage on that car's left side headlight and left-side of the bumper. I wonder how many points will my insurance raise ? i just got the license like a few months ago and this is my fist accident. The SUV Lexus car's parts and labor fee is really expensive so i might don't have enough cash to pay them thou. (estimate $3000-$5000)""
Does a junior instructor need insurance?
I have had a few people around my barn asking me to give lessons, just little beginner lessons, nothing major. The barn owner said if would be alright, but I had to look into what type of insurance I would need and so on. I am not exactley sure how much insurance would cost, and if I would even be making a huge profit. My question is, do you need insurance if you are under 18? Are you then considered a junior instructor and it is not needed? If it is, about how much is the average insurance?""
Insurance question for Louisiana residents?
Do you need to have insurance as soon as you get your drivers license, even if you dont own a car and are not currently driving?""
If you sell your car / do you need to keep any insurance for your DL ?
if you move to NYC and sell your car / parking too expensive. do you need to keep some type of car insurance for your driving license ? you might occaisionally need to drive someone else or might rent a rental car when you travel ?
A question about gender and insurance?
I know guys pay more for car insurance, but on average how much more a year? and according to this... http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/did-you-know-women-pay-more-for-health-insurance-302611/ women pay more for health insurance?...but does anyone know why or how much more?""
What car would be cheap on insurance now, but in a few years time be able to modify it?
I want a car that is quite low on insurance now while I build up no claims bonus. Then in a few years be able to upgrade it into a little street rocket. Please don't suggest mustangs etc
""Florida law - Florida license, no car, so no insurance?
If someone with a Fl driver's license who doesn't have a car so doesn't have car insurance is involved in a car accident while driving someone else's car. Does the car owner's insurance cover the uninsured driver?
Who is offering the cheapest car insurance?
I am 21 with 3 years NCB, need to renew my insurance shortly. I know that alot of companies are not on the comparison websites, so does anybody know anywhere that is cheaper than the comparisions?""
""I live in CA and am about to drive to PA, but I have a lost license card which is also expired, am I insured?""
I lost my drivers license about a week ago, and was just sent a letter from my insurance company which said that it was expired anyway. I would just go get a new one but I am currently living in California and will be moving back to PA in about a week. My husband is in the military so I am allowed to have a out of state license, but I am afraid that because it is expired that my insurance (state farm) may not still cover me. I am driving across the country so I need to make sure I am insured?""
Teen Car Insurance Price?
Currently driving my fathers old 2002 Mitsubishi Galant (basic 4-door car, nothing special), and planning on buying a Suburu BRZ (sports car) when I turn 18. My birthday is Dec. 25, I am currently 17 and I have had my license since I turned 16. I have a B average in school and I am planning on taking defensive driving also. I have had no claims or accidents at all. The car is just going to be for commute, probably about 13-17,000 miles a year (going to be traveling home from college). I will be on my parents insurance, but I was just wondering the quote. I tried doing it on a insurance website, however they don't give you a quote if you are under 18. I am planning on getting collision coverage. Thanks in advance.""
What is an insurance program?
I have heard the term, Programs Division, and Programs Underwriter. What exactly are Programs and how do they differ from the regular products an insurance agency offers?""
Car insurance very expensive?
Hi I live in Miami fl and I am currently insured with Estrella insurance part of uaic. My car insurance costs 264 a month. They told me that after 6 months it would go down but I don't think it will go down much. I have a 1994 accord lx 4 door. I don't see why it costs so much for insurance. I just started driving in December but the car is listed under my mothers name with me as a driver and her as the primary. She has been driving about 15 years and has a good record. We have full coverage because the last checked for us and this actually costs less then the lesser coverage for some reason. I was thinking about changing insurance because I think it is overpriced. Can anyone offer any advice? Such as maybe Whether this is actually a normal rate to pay? Or what other insurance I should try out
""Car insurance, Drive any car?""
My insurance certificate says that I am allowed to drive any privately owned vehicle as long as I have the owners permission to drive it and it is roadworthy and I still own the car I have insured. So even though I own a small and slow car, my insurer will quite happily allow me to drive a 250,000 ferrari as long as I have the owners permission to do so? How does that work out?""
Cheapest Car Insurance Nineteen Year Old?
So im nineteen and am hoping to pass my test friday, i have been looking on comparison websites and cant find any quotes for a low litre car under lets say 2500. I was just wondering if anyone out there knows of any specific insurers which could offer a much better deal, i would be very very grateful""
How long does a speeding ticket affect my insurance in MA?
I got in a recent (minor) accident and was shocked at how much my insurance is going up. And it stays there for 6 years. Add that to a couple speeding tickets that are already there, and it becomes a very high rate -- particularly considering that my car is so old and worth so little, I'll be paying half what it's worth in insurance each year. When I was talking with my insurance agent about how much it would go up, I mentioned that at least the speeding tickets would be leaving soon. She disagreed. My tickets are both over 2 years old already, and I thought they would come off my insurance in 3 years. She says it's 6, just like the accident. I'd like another source to check, and am having trouble finding it. I'm currently in MA, with Commerce Insurance.""
""CAR QUESTION: If a car is registered in my name, will it be costly for my INSURANCE?""
I am 21 years old and I am planning to buy a used on so that it will not be expensive for my insurance. WHICH OF THESE IS BETTER: -Register the car with my name and pay like 3 thousand dollars for the insurance or. - Register it with the name of my Dad. If it is registered with my Dad's name in it, will that be cheaper to my insurance?""
Where can I find really cheap car insurance?
poor working girl in cali seeking really inexpensive car insurance
Is there anywhere to get free or affordable health insurance?
Is there anywhere to get free or affordable health insurance?
In the gerber grow up plan life insurance will he get the cash?
If my child has this life insurance and lives to 21 will he get the cash of said life insurance amount if he wishes not to continue to purchase this ? or what happens after that? can someone please explain if the policy holder dies, and the child is still young what will happen the life insurance policy? etc..any information would be appreciated..thanks...""
If I lie to my insurance company about who lives with me is that considered insurance fraud?
I have a relative who lied about who lived with her on her insurance application even though it does not affect her insurance and I was just wondering would that still be considered insurance fraud.
How much for insurance?
How much would I cost to for a 16 year old to be to be added to insurance plan
Car vs Motorcycle?
I have a Chevy Cobalt that get around 35mpg but I drive over 150 miles a day should I get a motorcycle to save money? if so what kind I was think about a Ninja 250 i weigh 165 pounds and am 5'10
""Car accident, no insurance?""
Hi, i got into an accident Friday. I was cut off on the highway and when I went on my breaks my car started to skid out of control due to ice. A car in the left lane struck mine. I am on my fathers insurance and found out when I called my insurance company to report the accident that my policy was cancelled last July. My car and registration and insurance is all in my dads name, i am just a registered driver. If the state of RI decides to fine me for not having insurance, or the other driver decides to sue me for it, will that go against my father or myself? Thanks.""
Does Progressive raise your insurance rates for no reason?
I got a good quote from them online, but the main complaint I have heard is that they raise people's insurance for no reason. They got good initial quotes, but a couple months later, they raise them. Anybody know anything about that?""
""Car insurance help, cost per month?""
I got in a fender bender and it was my fault, the guys bumper got a little bent on one side. it was supposed to be done without insurance but thats another story! he quoted me 800. how much will this affect my insurance monthly? im 19 and drive a honda civic""
Motorcycle Insurance costs amd monthly payments on a motorcycle for a 17 year old male?
Ok, I know you're just going to tell me that I need to have a car first or that I'm too young to have a motorcycle and I need experience and all that ****. But I'm 17 and I want a Honda Shadow Spirit 750 (which I've been told is a great starter bike) I am a safe and cautious driver, if I get one I'll have a helmet, gloves, pants, jacket, boots, etc. I'll take a class for it (which is required in the state of Fl), I've also already had driver's ed last year and I may take another one. I'm th exact opposite of the douche bag teenager on a crotch rocket with no gear weaving in and out through taffic going 90mph in a 45mph zone. In the state of Fl legally you don't need insurance for a motorcycle but I'll have it anyways. I was thinking of maybe putting down $2-3000 and getting a loan for the rest. My mom said that with a load I have to have full comprehensive coverage because I don't own the bike yet. Can you give me an estimate of how much the insurance would cost for a 17 year old male with driving classes and gear and a 3.8GPA, and I'm only going to school to home or to school to work then home (I don't get out much because I don't have many friends) and I have State-Farm. Also how much do you think the monthly payments will be? I'm working on getting 2 jobs. Please and thank you. And please don't be a douche or try and shoot me down or whatever to make yourself feel better about yourself, just please answer my question to the fullest :)""
What is needed to become a homeowners insurance broker in California?
What is needed to become a homeowners insurance broker in California?
What are some affordable health insurance in the NJ area?
I am 25 years old and currently unemployed. I will be a student in the health care field and I'm required to purchase health insurance. I also have to get a physical exam along with vaccinations. I looked online for some insurance and I have to pay at least $250 a month which is too much for me. Are there any affordable health insurance?
Question about general car insurance?
I'm doing a Statistics Lab based off car insurance and i'm a little confused. I'm supposed to make a statement to my boss about charging higher or lower car insurance based on the rating the cars get. So, for the larger, and safer the car is, should I tell my boss to RAISE the insurance prices, or lower the insurance prices? I'm a little confused on the correct way to do it? Safer = Higher insurance or lower insurace? and WHY?!?!?""
Insurance premium increase for life insurance.?
Can my insurance company increase premiums (from $175.29 a quarter to $331.86 per quarter)when ever they wish? I retained my group life insurance for myself ($70,000)and for my husband ($50,000)after leaving my employment 15 years ago. Connecticut General(CIGNA Group) recently increased the premiums to the amount specified and said if we did not like it we could cancel. I've paid so much money into these policies and I do not wish to cancel now. There's no cash value on either one. We are in our fifties and preparing to retire and will not be able to afford premiums this high. What can we do, if anything? Any light you can shed on this issue is greatly appreciated. Thanking you in advance for your time and assistance.""
How much does car insurance typically cost for a teenager?
My grandpa bought me a car for my 16th birthday. Now, I'm finally going to get license to drive it after it sitting in the garage for nearly 2 years. I was wondering how much the insurance is going to cost me. The car is a 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo 4x4 Automatic 4.0 Liter. I don't know what insurance company my grandpa goes through, but I do know that my Jeep is one of 3 cars on the policy. One is an 80s model F-150, and the other is an SUV that is only a few years old. He said that all I'd have to pay is the extra money to add me to the insurance on the jeep. He's currently the only one listed on it. I have exemplary grades.""
What car would be cheap on insurance now, but in a few years time be able to modify it?
I want a car that is quite low on insurance now while I build up no claims bonus. Then in a few years be able to upgrade it into a little street rocket. Please don't suggest mustangs etc
No health insurance?
I don't have health insurance anymore because my COBRA coverage is over now. Because I have a pre-existing condition other health care companies won't take me. I have tried to find a job that offer health insurance, but seems very difficult right now. Because I own half of the house where I live. I been told that I cant qualify for any low income health care services. I don't know what to do? I dont even have a job, and Im considered well off to qualify for something. Have anybody out had this problem? I live in California.""
Dental Insurance Question - The Real Scoop?
While I am employed, I work at home for a company in another state, and the dental insurance options through my company were not viable. So, of course, I relied on the internet to research my options, and I looked, specifically, for dental insurance Lo and Behold, the stuff that came up, was for Dental Discount Plans. Upon first glance, it seemed like this could actually have been a better deal then anything offered through my firm. The conversation on the websites touted these plans, often with premiums of $7 to $20 per month, to be better than conventional dental insurance in every imaginable way. No issues in applying, no maximums, no deductibles, and no waiting. So, I am sitting here, reading how in EVERY possible way this is better than insurance, and it strikes me. If something seems to good to be true, maybe it is. If these were so much better than conventional insurance, why did my firm have so much trouble finding affordable insurance; they should have simply joined one of these discount programs. Well, the site even attached me to an independent article which BASHED the conventional insurance...Then it struck me...If I was a dentist, would I be happy joining these discount plans and basically getting 50% to 75% less for my services. Yeah Yeah, I am getting my payment up front and not waiting for the insurance to pay me (again, playing the role of the dentist), but is that worth the tremendously discounted amount (does not make sense when you compare the time value of money). So, I realized that if I were a dentist, I would not want anything to do with these plans...Or would I? Does being a part of these discount programs really bring in enough clients to justify that deep a cut in the fee schedule. Then I started to think...Is it possible that there is something up with these deeply discounted fee schedules I keep seeing on these sites? Are the fees just being jacked up and then discounted back down to the point where I might as well not be a member of the Discount Program, and just a regular walk in? Can I go to a dentist and ask them for the fee schedule, and then after the fact, compare it to the discount program to see that I am really getting a discount, and it is not some number playing farce. I would want to know as a dentist whether these discount programs are worth anything. I need some kind of coverage, and for the few self insurance programs I see, the monthly premiums are incredibly high, and yes, when compared to the discount programs, it seems like NO ONE would EVER join these insurance programs since they are more limited and more expensive...Yet....They are still in the insurance business. Will someone please give me the scoop...I need to have an affordable option here, but don't want to be duped into joining one of these discount programs. Thank You""
What would insurance cost on a 1987 Firebird for a 16 year old?
My family has 2 cars. One is a 1994 Ford Escort. Another is a 1999 Honda Passport. My insurance company is State Farm. I'm a 16 year old male. If my mom is the primary driver on a 1987 Firebird, I'm the primary driver on the 1994 Ford Escort, and my dad is the primary driver on the 1999 Honda Passport, how much would it cost? I guess State Farm requires me to be fully insured on all 3 cars, but if there is only liability on the Firebird and the Escort, could I maybe get insurance for $1,600/year? I have 1 ticket to my name (no turn on red), but i'm going to court in like 2 weeks to get that taken care of. I've been driving since April. Thanks.""
Do you need motorcycle insurance in florida?
i plan on moving to florida really soon, i am from n.j. and i heard i wouldnt need insurance, is that true? are there any circumstances where i would need to get insurance?""
How Does Full Coverage Auto Insurance Work?
How Does Full Coverage Auto Insurance Work?
Can you really get auto insurance for less than $30 per month?
I have been amazed with all of the TV ads and online ads showing young adults claiming that you can get auto insurance for under $30 per month. I am 48 years old, live in Los Angeles, have a clean driving record, no tickets or accidents in over 10 years. So I went to my neighborhood insurance broker a few weeks ago and he told me that the only way a person could get the minimum insurance required by the state of California, they would have to be at least 70+ years old, driving a 70's Buick, with a clean driving record. LOL!!! Yet since I just seen a commercial on TV a few minutes ago, showing the typical young adults (between 18 to 25 years of age) so happy and perky that they are able to get auto insurance for less than $30 a month, I figured I would toss this question out to Answers Yahoo to see if there are any such insurance companies here in California, that offers the basic auto insurance required by law in California for someone my age and with my driving record for less than $30 per month.""
""My husband has bad knee pain, but doesn't want to go to the dr. due to having no insurance.?""
my husband dislocated his knee 3 months ago and has been in excruciating pain lately. He can't bend, walk on, put weight on his knee without it giving out and making him fall. He wont go to the dr, since we don't have any insurance (in orange co, calif) and he feels that IF he does go then they will put him in a brace or something that will hinder him from working. And since we are living paycheck to paycheck we can't afford to have him miss a lot of work. Meanwhile, he is in a very, very grumpy mood (which I can understand) and he keeps getting himself drunk so the pain will go away or is more manageable yet we all know that it wont help. Is there any advice as to what to do to make him go to the Dr? or does anyone know of a place that we can go that will actually help him out with the xray/mri/ct that he will most likely need??""
Why you would be better off buying a 20 year term life insurance policy at age 25......?
Why you would be better off buying a 20 year term life insurance policy at age 25 rather that buying a one-year renewable policy?
Does it matter if you tell the insurance company?
that you are keeping your vehicle at 'X' address instead of your real address which is 'Y' address. Reason being that X is a way cheaper premuim than my Y premium. And its only for TPO insurance. Thanks
Can I use my parents car insurance?
As a 17 year old, could I get car insurance under my mom's name? I can't pay $200+ a month for car insurance as a first time driver under my own name. So could I just get my mom to sign to it so I would only pay her rate at like $100 a month?""
Can the Insurance company charge me 20% of repair?
I'm in California, I have full coverage, my insurance company is telling me they can charge me 20% in addition to the deductible if I don't use one of their shops, can they do that?""
Immediate Medical Insurance Help Required?
Hi I am Rishika from Bangalore. I am new to this place. I had got a medical insurance done for my parents but It got expired one month back. Unfortunately, my mom is due for a surgery in the next week and I am looking for any quick medical Insurance help that I can get. I understand its too late to get a medical insurance done. I can arrange for the medical expenses by hand as of now. Is anyone aware of any policies from which I can reimburse the amount later. Or is anyone aware of any medical insurance people from whom I can make a deal and make it a cashless transaction using the insurance policy?? IM confused like hell. Please please help :(((((( :( Yours, Rishika""
Mustang GT Insurance?
I am now 15 and 9 months and when i turn 16 and 9 months around May next year i would like to get a new 2015 Mustang GT for 32k. There is a problem. My mom is worried about how much she will have to pay for insurance so i would like to get an estimate from you guys before asking her to call the insurance company. By the way we are from Poland( I am first generation born in New York Brooklyn now in Maryland). I was thinking maybe she could just tell the insurance company she is buying a second car for herself to maybe keep the insurance company from knowing its for a 16 year old they wont be able to trust.(Even though i have been driving my Mom's Camry for a few years now and am beyond responsible enough.) I was hoping below a 100$/month? (P.S. She is very responsible and had never been in an accident caused by her fault so her insurance company trusts her and i believe she is with Erie Insurance now after she switched from Geico who were overcharging her for the house coverage i believe...)
Cheapest car insurance companies for 18 year old female?
Cheapest car insurance companies for 18 year old female?
How much is insurance on a xr 125?
Hi im 16 with a provisional motorbike license and was wondering how much the insurance would cost me on a honda xr125 worth 2500
What cars are there that are decent but cheap on insurance for first time drivers? (male)?
i don't care on what the car is as long as its reliable. even if it looks like a shed. i have a motorbike for looks and pleasure with 2 years no claims if that makes a difference i don't know. cheers.
Can I legally drive my fiances mothers car; will her insurance cover me?
I'm 20, I will be 21 in a month. I got my Provisional Drivers License today. I have a toddler, and am pregnant. We live in Calvert County, Maryland. My fiance and I live with his parents, we rent 2 rooms. His mother is 69, and has All State car insurance, not sure what plan. Can I legally drive her car infrequently, like to the grocery store, or to OB appointments here and there without having insurance myself? Does it depend on her plan? She's going to call them tomorrow to see, but I'd just like to see what answers I get on here tonight. Any help would be appreciated, thank you. Will it cost money or make her insurance more expensive to have me added as a driver to her policy?""
Criminal record for driving without car insurance???
I would like to know whether an individual who plead guilty for driving without a car insurance (UK) get his name put on criminal record list. It seems to me unlikely because people normally get points of their licenses and a fine.
No Insurance?
I have being taking mixed martial arts for a few weeks now with a local martial arts centre (own gym etc) but each time I ask about paying for insurance they just say they still have to sort the insurance out, would you still train there without.""
How much does insurance go up in a wreck?
Im a 16 year old male, get good grades, and i drive a 91 firebird. i recently got in a crash, my car was fine but the other guy had a scrape along the side of his car etc. how much can i expect my insurance to go up?""
If the 30 million uncovered Americans can actually afford Health Insurance but choose not to buy it?
What will the Government be paying for exactly? Poor people already have coverage and the rest can buy their own. Where does the cost to the taxpayer enter the equation?
How much it cost for normal birth delivery in california without insurance?
How much it cost for normal birth delivery in california without insurance?
""I am looking for a good,affordable place to rent out to throw a party.In sacramento and surrounding areas?""
Does anybody know a good place.I just want to have fun and make sure people are safe ,but at an affordable price ?""
What is a good insurance plan for some one 49 years?
Single, non smoker. I don't have health insurance and Im gonna need it. I don't know where to start.""
Do insurance companies insure themselves?
My wife and I were wondering this this morning. If an insurance office is broken in to/has a fire/etc, do they cover themselves?""
What car would be cheap on insurance now, but in a few years time be able to modify it?
I want a car that is quite low on insurance now while I build up no claims bonus. Then in a few years be able to upgrade it into a little street rocket. Please don't suggest mustangs etc
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/insurance-please-help-luis-church/"
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