#idk aksjhglask arson and i have talked a lot ab the process of hotch's recovery post bau

[maschotch]

if you have headcanons about jack growing up and how his relationship with hotch ends up i would love to hear it

i think a significant aspect of jack’s transition to adulthood is the process of unraveling his father’s trauma. alkjsdh it’s unfortunate to be stifled by a burden that shouldn’t be his own, but so much about hotch is related to wounds inflicted over the years that he never cared to fully heal. as much as he hates it, it’s inevitable that at least some of it would affect his son. he may be reluctant to address any of it, much less reveal it to his son, but i like to think hotch is a caring enough father to battle his inner demons for jack’s sake. adolescence is difficult enough—hotch’s refusal to recover would drastically impact his son’s life for the worse

for most of the show jack idolized his dad a ridiculous amount akshjdlgakj like it was definitely some media magic how much that boy loved his dad. it was for the sake of keeping hotch on the show—it’s more acceptable for hotch to traipse around catching killers if his son is ok with him being gone all the time (they do a similar thing with matt and his family). and fine, whatever, i’m alright w that. its a clean and easy way to sweep that load of potential problems under the rug. but thats what makes it so much worse when jack Does start to have issues. its heartbreaking that the last time we see hotch and jack, theyre not really on speaking terms 

its not like hotch didnt see this coming. as much as id like to see him drowning in misery ashdgljad he’s more practical than self deprecating. he knows what to expect as a child develops, he knows the adoring way his son looks at him will take a sharp turn eventually. at some point all kids realize that their parents arent gods, arent heroes, arent perfect, and that they make mistakes. and they start to resent them. and hotch knows more than anyone that jack has so much to resent him for 

witness protection will bring up a lot of painful memories for both of them—maybe ones jack had forgotten about since he was so young. but repeating the same pattern, having his life ripped away and relying on a parent for any sense of stability, has got to be triggering for him. he’s gotta be overwhelmed with conflicting emotions: anger at hotch’s past failures, fear of his remaining parent being taken the same way his mom was. while it sucks for jack aksjhdglj that fear would stop him from cutting hotch off completely, no matter how much jack blames him for

he’s around 10 when we see him last, so he’s hitting his teenage angst a little early, but i think it’s fitting that he gets it out of the way. the very real very present danger will force them to confront issues both of them might otherwise suppress. they only have each other to rely on so they have to clear the air eventually. but i think there’s a lot of stumbling along the way: the sharp venom of vindictiveness has to hit its target a few times before jack’s satisfied, even if he knows it’s unfair. he’s just a kid. forced to mature faster than others, but he can still be petty. he needs to make hotch hurt because he’s young and feels betrayed by his own foolish admiration of a foolish man just as capable of mistakes as anyone

hotch understands. he blames himself just as much if not more for haley’s death. but i think hotch’s acceptance of jack’s anger would only make things worse. he’d react the way haley would (which is extra fun for hotch kajhlfdjg). he’ll be upset that hotch wont defend himself, that hotch won’t deny anything or fight back. that’s because jack, privy to a world broader than he once realized, needs to process the shock of losing veneration for his father before he can come to terms with any sort of sympathetic reasoning of events. he lived his childhood from the rose tinted perspective of absolute trust: he has to see things in black and white before accepting that there are colors beyond that

again, hotch knows all this. he knows it will be a while before jack’s willing to accept any explanation—and that’s if hotch is even willing to provide one. jack may not get the full picture, but hotch might feel like sharing his side of the story would just be hiding behind excuses. i imagine if he ever did, it wouldn’t be planned or thought out at all. likely it’s just jack asking questions during a fragile moment and hotch cant bring himself to deny his son anything 

with a direct confrontation, hotch decides it's time to be honest with his son. he wishes he had more time to prepare; jack may be ready but HE’S certainly not ready for this conversation yet, even if he knew it was coming. but he has to think of jack first, the way he’s always tried to. and this is what jack needs now. not excuses or defenses, just honest explanation: a confession of all his weaknesses and failings. the insecurities and doubts. he doesnt want to overwhelm the kid, but jack deserves an explanation of the truth of it all. he talks about what his job meant for him and why he was so devoted to it. he talks about foyet and how it was the fault of a man, not a monster, but including the choices hotch made to get them to that point and why he’s still guilty for it. he talks about the healthy and unhealthy ways to cope with loss and grief and negativity. how you’re not supposed to let it take over your life or liet it control you. how it’s a lesson hotch hasn’t quite learn himself. but how he doesn’t want jack to end up like him. how he wants jack to be better, how he wants the world for him, how everything he does is for his sake, even if he makes mistakes along the way. how hotch isnt a hero, he’s just a man. and man isnt perfect. 

i imagine he’s around 12-14 when they have this conversation? jack’s already had to deal with so much and hotch doesnt want him growing up with all those questions burning up inside. he knows jack’s young so he simplifies it a little and leaves out some of the darker stuff (like the extent of his injuries during foyet’s attack and the role hotch’s own childhood plays in all this). but jack doesnt want to be treated like a child anymore. hotch is aware that transparency is what will save their relationship.

things go a little smoother after that. jack will still have his teenage mood swings, he’ll snap at his dad, making some hateful but misdirected comments. but he’ll be more understanding. he’ll say sorry faster, knowing a little more about how his words may affect his father. 

hotch of course worries that he’s said too much too soon. he doesn’t want to overburden him with all of his fucking baggage. but it’s kind of an inescapable part of being a parent. their circumstances just happened to call for it earlier than it shouldve been. but it helps hotch too. bc now that he’s explained the problems that he has and the things he’s continuing to work through, he feels more obligated to actually work on himself and show that progress can be made. he wants to set a good example. 

i dont think it's until much later that hotch talks about his own experiences growing up. it's not a part of his life he ever planned on sharing—not with anyone, much less his son. but jack is 17-19 and just as quick as his father. he can put the pieces together and has some idea of what happened, vague as it may  be. hotch is more subtle than some of the others about the impact his childhood has left on him, but jack has grown up needing to read between the lines to truly understand his father’s feelings: jack can read hotch better than most others because he’s grown up with him. he’s more comfortable being open with his dad now, he’s more willing to ask difficult questions. their relationship is strong and he’s sure it’ll take whatever this conversation leaves them with. they’ll make it. so jack sits with his dad at the table and asks his questions. hotch has barely talked about this with anyone before and he doesnt want to frighten his child with it, even if he’s more of an adult now than hotch is willing to admit. but jack is firm and determined. he thinks he can kelp his father somehow (and god. that just kills hotch. to think that his son is so worried for him. loving and kind, but still naive). taking deep breaths and willing himself not to break down, he begins to answer