#idk . idk idk idk idk idk . hm . no it'll be good worst comes to worst i'll just go for a very long walk.............. <3< /div>
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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the thing is if i was presented with the opportunity to be reckless rn i'd take it immediately but i have not put myself in any situations so far where i would now be presented with the opportunity to be reckless does this make sense like i would take the opportunity i want the opportunity but i think i need to have made different decisions leading up to now to have the opportunity presented to me..............
#anyway maybe tomorrow night i'll go to a gig and make friends with someone#or friday or saturday#and it's not really being reckless because it's like . well i would think it through . i'd just do it anyway .#idk . i'm kind of tired maybe i'll just sleep . i'm just stressed about tomorrow icl#i don't know what to do and i know i'll lose it if i don't do anything#and i would love to be able 2 go oh i'll just be cosy and comfy and read or smth but i have worked out that being @ home#when i have a roommate ? is not actually all that chill........#not through any fault of hers just the fact that it's not reallyyyyy my space it's Our space#maybe god will be kind and i'll get a message tomorrow morning asking if i can work bc i don't have uni rn#idk . idk idk idk idk idk . hm . no it'll be good worst comes to worst i'll just go for a very long walk.............. <3#i really like doing things by myself i just don't know what to DO i need to be able to write again but everything i write has been SHIT#oh well it'll be gorgeous and beautiful and who knows it could be an incredible day <3 there's always a possibility <3
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I loved your jacegon posts and I have a question I haven't seen discussed among the shippers yet. What do you think would be Rhaenyra's reaction if she learned there was something not quite platonic between Jace and Aegon? She probably wouldn't be happy, but would she try to stop it? And would Daemon be entertained by Rhaenyra's eldest falling for his uncle or consider Jace a traitor for sleeping with Aegon? Also, out of pure curiosity, what potential Jace ship would upset Rhae the most?
hiii thank you!
hm i think she wouldn't be angry per se because we see that unlike alicent, rhaenyra never says anything to jace and/or luke about playing around with their uncles. i think at this stage rhaenyra wants to foster a good relationship between the two groups, though she might think while not wise to let jace attach himself to aegon, her direct rival, she would relate a lot to jace's situation with her own uncle. idk i'm of two minds because she might think it'll never come to anything because her and daemon are too different from jace and aegon.
i can only see rhaenyra stopping or intervening when the tensions are too high like in episode 8 after they fight. of course, rhaenyra would be a massive hypocrite for doing that but i can see her rationalizing it as that it isn't convenient for their side (it really isn't) and that daemon and her chose each other when they were older and there was an actual reason for them to be together (ofc that if she hadn't married laenor she would've gone to daemon is not anybody's business). i see rhaenyra wanting to correct her and viserys' mistakes in the raising of her sons, so for this reason she might stop jace from following that thread. of course, it's fan fiction if you want to say they were already seeing each other before ep8 or "rekindled" after the dinner.
then again, she might respect his decision at this point if he makes an effort to liken his infatuation/bond/lust/love/etc to her and daemon.
if it is during the war and rhaenyra finds out, she's 100% having words with jace. even if she respects him like her equal, this is not the jace she raised, not the jace that puts diplomacy and politics and the war effort before everything. and of course, it's NOT jace because the dutiful perfect prince jace facade he presents to her doesn't exist either!
daemon 100% thinks it's too dangerous, i don't think he would "allow" it in his position as protector of the family/realm. he's brought into the family dynamic to protect them in the ways rhaenyra cannot. i could see daemon having harsher words with jace, to drop whatever game he is playing because he know's aegon's type. daemon is a black and white guy. he wouldn't consider jace a traitor (if we are talking during the war moment) because daemon is an intelligent guy and knows the means justify the ends and knows that jace is the only one holding on the homefront and rhaenyra while daemon is away. he will not alienate jace and risk losing him.
what potential jace ship would upset rhaenyra the most? oh, this is hard because she could respect most of jace's choices in partner. hmm if we are talking during the dance i'd say sara snow for obvious reasons, both in the sense that it would throw more doubt to his claim and that he would drop baela, the one betrothal that actually secures his claim. well, i guess going by that anything that is not baela would disappoint rhaenyra but i think sara snow is the worst of all choices considering the political climate. you know what could've made rhaenyra the happiest? jace and helaena.
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God you're far more patient than me, Ash. Like...are anon messages to a Tayley stan blog the best place for discourse, maybe yes maybe no, it's a good conversation to me have but jeeeeez. Always jarring seeing people find ways to excuse and justify themselves not condemning little war crimes lmao.
So, to mix it up a little, please feel free to answer all or some (or simply none of the following haha if you've answered them before or just don't want to):
🪄
1) When did you first become aware of Paramore?
2) When did you first see Paramore live/how many times have you?
3) What other artists/bands do you listen to a lot? Maybe...top 5 (no particular order)
4) Do you have any pets? Talk about them (if you want)
5) What was the last new-to-you film, TV show and book you watched/read?
6) What was your favourite moment from running this blog before their relationship was official? I wasn't here then but reading Kels' archive makes me so jealous of how fun and mad it all seemed whenever a new scrap of content arrived haha.
7) If you woke up tomorrow looking like Hayley and couldn't dye your hair (except to refresh it), which hair era would you want?
8) If you had half an hour with Hayley, what would you want to talk about?
That's all I can think of but hopefully it'll give you SOMETHING different to talk/think about!! 🫡🌻
i was saving this so now i shall answer :) the questions were very fun to answer i loved this so much, thank you!! 🖤
1) 2007! that is how long i have been a fan too :)
2) 27th september 2013. overall i have seen them live 4 times! i also saw halfnoise in 2017 and met zac
3) seventeen, jungkook, iu, eminem, billie eilish. honourable mention to taeyeon tho!
4) i don't have any pets. i had a dog (german shepherd) called sam, we had him before i was born so when i came along he was super protective, when i was baby he was always by my crib and stuff and as i was growing up if i needed help when walking or walking down the stairs at our back door (they had no railing) he'd always stand by my side so i could hold him, and then as i grew up too he always slept in my room or on my bed. he passed though in 2005 or 2006? so sad i miss him he was the best. i had another dog after that (yorkshire terrier) and i called him marmite but he was too hyperactive and aggressive so we ended up having to give him to a friend.
5) um..... i don't know. i watched barbie but that was new to everyone. vincenzo (kdrama) is the only thing that comes to mind since i only got into kdramas last year and it came out in 2021. some other things, not new to me but hey i wanna share, little women (kdrama), extraordinary attorney woo (kdrama) and a business proposal (kdrama), the first two were so incredible, the last one was silly but it was a fun time.
6) my fave moment.... the date at the gallery in oct 2018. also LA nov 2018. it was a party over here it was so fun each time. obvs they were dating then but majority of the fanbase still hating tayley shippers and that's what tayley were up to..... incredible time.
7) self titled. granted her personal life was a mess but she went thru 2726267227 hair styles and colours and i think it would be fun
8) hm.... well id like to tell her about finding paramore in 2007 during the literal worst year is my whole life and how it really helped me as a 10 year have something to turn to when i was going through something very traumatic. id also like to pick her brain over some lyrics on ffv so i can understand them properly finally, and hm..... idk what else
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