#idek if i wanna get diagnosed but i want her to believe me. i want to be able to talk about what i need bc if i dont have a good enough

[vanchlo]

The Assistant / Chapter Twenty-Three, “Bleeding Heart”

hello hello. i’m so sorry that i’m an awful person and i haven’t written in a bahillion years. life has been wack and i fell out of writing for awhile. instead of doing homework like a good human being - yay! - i found this chapter i had started and i finished it. it’s not as long as usual, i know, but i did that on purpose and you’ll see why ;) ;) ;) ;) i hope i can write some more soon and stick with this. i’m unreliable i know and i’m terribly sorry. college and work are crazy and my mom was just diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancers soooo oooo life truly is crazy and overwhelming rn. i hope to maybe set aside some time each night to write, but it’s hard to stop when it’s getting fun haha. i enjoyed writing this chapter and delving more into this story, like idek where it’s gonna go haha.

anyways lemme know what you think of this chapter. i wanna hear your predictions and thoughts!!!!!!!!! reblog, like, share with friends, say hi to me :) 

one last thing. we should decide a ship name for harry and becks, i mean it’s been coming. here are my ideas and feel free to send me others :D 

a) hecks (my personal fav) 

b) barry (i just think of rachel’s barry from FRIENDS but it’s ok) 

c) hebecca????

d) ??????

e) hecky?

“No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO.

I try to breathe in, but I can’t.

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” 

The swarm of voices that crowded my ears from before is now gone. A soft chatter of voices occupies the conference room now, around an hour after the festivities had begun. Now the fun is over and the last few of us clean up the forgotten plates, take down the streamers donning the walls, push in the chairs, vacuum up the crumbs, and everything else required to return the room to its former glory. 

“Hey, you stop that,” somebody says from behind me. “This was yer party, yer not s’posed to be cleaning it up,” they finish as I turn around to find Harry pushing a lock of hair out of his eyes as he grasps a wet rag in the other hand. 

“No, I want to help. Please,” I reply, turning back to the table and picking up the spray bottle. I spritz the plastic top and run the wet rag over the spot, repeating in sections until I finish the table. 

“Fine, I guess you can help,” Harry huffs and I smile to myself in triumph as I return to my cleaning. “So, what did ya think?” 

“It was a lot of fun and very nice of all of you, thank you so much again,” I tell him trying to circumvent having a conversation. I move to the other end of the table as he begins on the next one over. 

A few male coworkers fold up the table to my left and carry it out the door, probably to place back in storage. My eyes life to find Harry leaning over the table he scrubs and he must notice my pause because he meets my eyes. But I can’t look at him, not today. 

“I’m glad ya had such a good time, ‘m sure everybody else did too . . Everybody’s going t’ miss ya, ya know,” he comments, and I nod with a small smile. I don’t know how much more of this awkward small talk I can put up with, especially as the domino that caused all of this is gnawing at my insides. Particularly the part where he could have stopped it coming to this. 

But he didn’t.  

The rest of the clean up consists of few words between Harry and I, or anybody else for that matter. We cleaned tables, folded them and carried them away, stacked chairs, vacuumed, packed things away, and carried more things away. The room was now bleak with its new emptiness and quiet, all of the people previously filling it returning to their lives. Luckily I found my escape shortly after the room was all squared away. 

“All done?” a voice asks me. I look over my shoulder and find Asher tying up a bloated garbage bag. My stomach drops all of a sudden with disappointment at who it is, and who it’s not. 

“Yep.” I nod. Then I feel bad for being disappointed. Oh it’s just a never-ending rollercoaster, isn’t it?

“I can’t believe you helped clean up. The whole point was having other people do stuff for you, and then you helped them?!” Asher laughs with a disbelieving shake of his head. He happens to pull a giggle from my unsure lips. I sheepishly nod at his words, and I give him another laugh when he almost trips over the garbage bag. 

“Are you on your way out now?”

“Yeah, I think so. I just have to drop off some last-minute things - keys and keycards, that sorta thing. But now I can’t find the person to give them to . . ,” I confess, losing my words as I scan the room for those green eyes and that mustard top. 

“Hmmmph, well it’s getting late. Maybe he left or had something. You could leave them with Myles or Jennings, I’m sure if you wanna get outta here. I know you’re just dying to get those drinks with me tomorrow,” Asher quips, turning my lips up with his words. 

I leave him with a few words, telling him I’ll see him later. I say goodbyes to a few people as I leave the conference room and begin my hunt to find Harry. One I’m not sure how I want to end. 

I find my desk empty and many others as well. Glancing at my watch, I find that the hours have flown by. Many people jetted out of here as it’s five o'clock on a Friday afternoon. The cushion welcomes me as I sit down in my chair for the last time, but I don’t miss its welcoming squeak. The squeaking continues as I spin my last spin in the chair, feeling hot tears at the back of my eyes at the finality of my actions. My mug of pencils- no, it’s not my mug anymore. It never was mine. 

A polar bear post-it note holder invades my -not my desk - along with framed pictures of strangers, a bright pink day planner, candy apple lotion, and other foreign objects belonging to the new owner of this desk. Who isn’t me. A long sigh leaves my lips as I release my hands I didn’t know I was clenching. 

“It’s now or never,” I say aloud, willing myself to stand. 

Okay, Becky, we can do this. This isn’t even the hard part. 

But it is, I think to myself as my eyes glance up and memories that took place at this desk spin through my head. Making Harry laugh for the first time. Silly arguments with him about which was the better movie. How easily he made me smile by bringing me coffee out of nowhere and- Stop, Becky, you can’t do this now, I tell myself as I swipe a hot tear away from under my eye. I exhale as I get to my feet and feel for the ring of keys in my pocket. Good, they’re still there. 

The hallway is dim, but the light from the London evening comes in through the many windows around the office. His hallway. A hallway I will never walk again. Fuck, am I really sure I want to do this? How can I not see him again? You can and you will. You have to, Becky. It was too hard sitting there day after day wanting him. And him not wanting you back. I nod to myself, trying to affirm those words to myself. They don’t do that good of a job, because of the person I see around the corner. 

“Oh hey, bug. A-are ya leavin’?” Harry stutters, his furrowed emerald eyes falling on me. He comes to a stop in front of me, running a hand through his mop of curls. 

“U-uh yeah. I was just going to drop off the keys with you and go over a few things.” 

“Yeah yeah, sounds good. I jus’ really gotta take a leak, so ‘ll be back in a minute, ‘kay?” He asks with a pat on my arm. I nod with a soft ‘okay,’ as I turn to watch him walk away. Nodding with a thumbs up, he gives me a small sad smile before turning around and walking down the hallway. I watch until he’s gone. 

Almost done. But now for the hard part. Leaving him for the last time, I contemplate with a pout. I shuffle my feet to his door and twist the knob. Immediately, his familiar woodsy scent hits me. Suddenly, all of my senses are inundated with him. His messy desk. His blazer draped over his chair. Bookmarked biographies dotting his desk. Empty mugs of tea taking up empty spots. The essential oil diffuser in the corner humming as it mists Sandalwood. Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 trickling from a Bluetooth speaker in the corner. Harry. It’s all him. And my reserves begin to fall. Can I really do this? No, there’s no way I can. Even if I have to sit at that desk day after day trying to love him, it’s better than leaving him. 

Yeah, and then what about when he marries Amber or somebody else that’s not you? 

I gulp, trying to get rid of the lump in my throat and at the same time pressing my fingers against my eyes, willing them to dry. 

“Wow, are we getting a little teary-eyed on our last day?” a voice snarks from behind me. 

No. No. No. No. No. NO. NO. NO. 

I try to breathe in, but I can’t. 

And suddenly the switch inside of me changes. Instead of pushing him away for the last few weeks, I want him. I want him to come and save me. To save me from her. And to see her for the monster that she is. 

The laugh that falls from my lips surprises the both of us. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Amber,” I snap, turning around to face her with a wry smile coating my lips. 

“Oh I don’t know about that, I still can. But hey, I won, and don’t you forget that,” she retorts. Amber’s blonde curls shake as she stomps her foot and points a tanned manicured finger at me. How can he even comfortably hold hands with those daggers?

Her blow hits me, and she knows it. I can’t hide it, because I’ve lost it. The last few weeks or even months have taken everything from me. My grandpa dying, my mom’s abusive treatment towards me, Harry’s bipolarness, and Amber’s physical and mental attacks. I lost.

“I don’t care,” I croak, throwing up my hands in defeat. The keys on the ring twinkle with movement in my hand. 

“But you do! I know you do!” she cackles, excitement twisting her plastic face into a Cheshire grin. “You wanted him, but you couldn’t have him and so you gave up! I won!” Amber continues, stepping towards me in her flowy scarlet blouse and skin-tight black jeans. 

I instinctively step back and away from her, but I stop when I think I hear a noise. It’s a loud squeak on the floor that makes me stop, but it doesn’t stop right away. 

“I don’t care, Amber, you can have him! I told him what you did to me and he didn’t believe me because of whatever spell you put on him. So you can keep him and live a wonderful, happy life together. I don’t care anymore, and I hate that I ever did,” I announce with weight to my words, willing my feet to lift from the carpet, but they won’t. 

Amber chuckles, crossing her arms with a pleased smile of satisfaction painting her face. “I can’t believe you had the nerve to tell him what I did to you,” she mutters in disbelief, shaking her head. “As if Harry would believe that I’d do such a thing. He probably thinks you made it up. Hell, for all I know I never laid a finger on you and you just imagined the whole thing.” 

“You left marks on me, Amber,” I spit out through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah, and apparently that wasn’t even enough to convince Harry. God, I really do have him wrapped around my finger,” Amber sighs happily. “I can’t do anything wrong in his eyes. He hasn’t even noticed how much I’ve been gone lately, or how often I’ve been texting this new bloke I’m fucking on the side.” 

“You slut!” I exclaim, not being able to hold it in. “Harry loves you and would do anything for you! He built this firm from the ground up! He’s sweet, he’s kind, he’s giving, he’s funny- he’s amazing and that’s how you treat him?!” 

“Excuse me?! Who here was throwing themselves at my boyfriend right in front of me?!” Amber argues, taking another frightening step toward me. She’s no longer laughing, but instead, her drawn-on eyebrows have fallen into a point above her glassy stare. 

“How dense are you?!” I laugh, feeling the anger rise warmly in my chest. I really don’t care anymore. “You have such a huge problem with that - which never happened, thank you - but you think it’s okay to cheat on your boyfriend?! My god, you really are fucking dumb!” 

“You just had your last laugh, bitch, because I’m going to slap that smug smile right off your face,” she snarls, taking several steps before I can almost see the flames rising in her eyes. 

“No, you won’t!” a voice announces. 

I take my eyes off of Amber to see who said that, but it’s a second too long that lets her clawed hand accost my face. 

[jeonpotato]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

I was tagged by @jeonsminssi 🖤

THE LAST…

-Drink: Water (welp its the only drink i drink)

-Phone call: My sister (lol i had to check my phone for this cause i rarely get calls and she was looking for me cause i was lost)

-Text message: My mom (again i was lost, and i dont really text lmao)

-Song you listened to: Me Without You by Sam Tsui (im literally listening now)

-Time you cried: a while ago

-Dated someone twice: nope

-Kissed someone and regretted it: hmmm, not really?

-Been cheated on: nope

-Lost someone special: yep

-Been depressed: I'm not diagnosed but-

-Gotten drunk and thrown up: OKAY BUT I NEVER GET DRUNK??? I want so badly to get drunk cause I wanna know how I am drunk BUT I JUST NEVER DO???

Three favorite colors: black, purple, blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

-Made new friends: uhm well, i got new college friends cause my last group of college friends fucked me up lol

-Laughed until you cried: nope

-Found out that someone was talking about you: yep all the time

-Met someone who changed you: uhm, i think so

-Found out who your friends are: uhm, maybe?

-Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: well my ex lol

-Do you have a any pets?: i don't even know how to take care of myself lol

-Do you want to change your name?: all the goddamn time

-What did you do for your last birthday?: I ate late lunch with my friends and family.

-What time did you wake up?: I don't even know anymore. I have an on/off sleep all the time.

-What what you were you doing at midnight last night?: Twitter, Tumblr, Youtube, Ao3. Take your pick.

-Name something you can’t wait for: to die? to move out? whichever comes first really

-When was the last time you saw your mom?: before she slept

-What are you listening to right now?: Halsey- Eyes Closed

-Have you ever talked to someone named Tom?: yeah, my dad. Which I never wish to talk to lol

-Something that gets on your nerves?: a looooot. I have a temper problem so

-Most visited website: twitter lol

-Hair colour: black with hints of blue

-Long or short hair: SHORT

-Do you have a crush on someone?: nope

-What do you like about yourself?: idk, nothing probably

-Blood type: O

-Nickname: I don't think I have one. Well i do, but it's just a shortcut of my actual name

-Relationship status: Single in a sea of relationships (i wish i was kidding but all my friends in my group literally are taken)

-Zodiac: Cancer

-Pronouns: Her

-Favorite T.V shows: uhm PLL probably

-Tattoos: none BUT I WANT SOME

-Right or left handed: right

-Surgery: nope

-Sport: nope

-Vacation: my bed lol

-Size of shoes: 8-9 (uh ph size?)

-Eating: nothing

-Drinking: nothing

-I’m about to: im waiting for school to get up (and yes im not sleeping lol)

-Waiting for?: nothing really, to die? lol

-Want?: at this point, idek what i want

-Get married?: probably, i need to get a partner first lol

-Career?: Honestly? I want to be a dancer but I trashed that dream a long time ago so whatever my psych degree takes me them

WHICH ONE IS BETTER?

-Hugs or kisses?: hugs. Skin to skin makes me flinch so no kisses

-Lips or eyes?: i like eyes the best

-Shorter or taller?: taller, i guess

-Older or younger?: hmm for a partner, i like older. For a friend, i like both

-Nice arms or stomach?: i have the worst insecurities when it comes to my tummy so id say nice stomach

-Hook up or relationship?: relationship but ill probably be fine with hook ups in the future WHO KNOWS

-Troublemaker or hesitant?: a mixture of both, depending on the mood

-Kissed a stranger?: nope, i cant even flirt to save my life

-Drink hard liquor?: idk, at this point, idek what im drinking anymore s'long as it has alcohol

-Lost glasses/contact lenses?: nope

-Turned someone down?: uh

-Sex on the first date?: nope

-Broken someone’s heart?: I don't think so

-Had a broken heart?: yep

-Been arrested?: nope

-Cried when someone died?: yep

-Fallen for a friend?: my ex was literally one of my closest friends

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

-Yourself?: nah i hate it too much

-Miracles?: nope

-Love at first sight?: like, sure but love? nope

-Santa Claus?: nope

-Kiss on the first date?: nope

uhm so again i dont have tumblr friends so i dunno who to tag but if you read this and wanna do it then THERE youre tagged. lol

[lpdwillwrite4coffee]

Awww yiiissssss, get to know me memes are the best!

I was tagged by @kteague cuz my girl knows what’s up (I love this shit, I can’t help it).

I’m gonna go with @asnowballschance @priya212 @cemeterydreamer @asocialfauxpas @purelyfueledbycaffeine But no pressure! Under the cut for obvious reasons.

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 whoever you’d like!!

The Last …

1. drink: coffee

2. phone call: real estate agent (I’m such an adult haha)

3. text message:  friend telling me she has poison ivy

4. song you listened to: Bellbottoms by the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I got back from seeing Baby Driver and immediately needed the soundtrack in my life.

5. time you cried:  A couple days ago. I was super overwhelmed with life ~stuff and just needed to cry it out.

Have you ever …

6. dated someone twice: No but I’ve thought about it.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: YES. Ugh.... Several. (feel free to ask for details on those train wrecks haha)

8. been cheated on: Not that I’m aware of...

9. lost someone special:  Oh yes.

10. been depressed: Yes, been on medication for it and then off meds. I was incorrectly diagnosed with clinical depression when it was situational and because of my own past traumas and emotional abuse.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes, I just can’t remember how many times... 2? 3? I think?

Favorite Colors…

12. Cobalt blue

13. Rich, royal purple

14. Emerald green

In The Last Year Have You…

15. made new friends: Yes!! IRL and online (y’all know who you are, and if you don’t I’ll come tell you)

16. fallen out of love: It’s been a couple years since I’ve *been* in love.

17. laughed until you cried:  So many times.

18. found out someone was talking about you: In a negative way, yep, and it sucked. I thought we were friends... In a positive way? I think so! Well, found out people were happy about what I was doing and my work. So that’s been super lovely!!

19. met someone who changed you:  Definitely.

20. found out who your friends are:  Yeah, some friendships have fallen apart or been tested. That’s never fun.

21. kissed someone on your facebook list:  Yes

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life:  Most? I tend to accept friend requests from people I don’t *know* but have lots of mutuals with and I’m sure we’ve run into each other or run in the same circles. So like, 85%?

23. do you have any pets:  MY LIGHT OF MY LIFE, MY DOG ODIN. HE’S THE BEST AND I WILL SCREAM ABOUT HIM FOR DAYS IF YOU LET ME.

24. do you want to change your name: Ahaha, I’ve already changed my name. I used to go by my middle name and then started going by my first when I changed schools. I’ve changed my last name too. I’d make a mediocre spy.

25. what did you do for your last birthday: On my actual birthday, I got lunch with friends out and then had dinner made for me by other friends/my surrogate family (they made me steak) And then that weekend I went out for drinks with friends and my favorite bar tender bought me a round and gave me the special pint glass. It was a great birthday week.

26. what time did you wake up: 5:45.... uggghhh.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: I was surprisingly asleep! Good job adulting Lauren, you went to bed on time.

28. name something you can’t wait for: I’m stealing one of my answers from K- The Punisher series! Also, moving to MA, finishing my second book, getting a new house, and currently I can’t wait for my second cup of coffee.

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: September I think........... Yeah, that sounds right.

31. what are you listening to right now: My co-worker’s FB messenger going off...

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom:  I... think so? Sure. I’m sure I have. 

33. something that is getting on your nerves: My co-worker’s FB messenger going off!!! (Vibrate is a setting. USE IT.)

34. most visited website:  Tumblr, Pinterest, and Gmail.

35. hair color: Strawberry blonde/ red, and currently with purple, copper, and bright red highlights. 

36. long or short hair: Short, asymmetrical cut. I used to have long mermaid hair and chopped it all off. Showering takes WAY less time now haha.

37. do you have a crush on someone: I had a crush on an old co-worker, but I left and haven’t seen him in so long that it’s faded. Celebrity crushes? YO HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE??

38. what do you like about yourself:  I’d like to think I’m funny but Idek lol. I’m creative and passionate. I’m a good friend to people. I’m really proud of my empathy and compassion, especially in a world that tells you not to be. I’m also not to be fucked with, and I like that about myself. I like that I can fit into different groups, chill with different kinds of people, and no one can put labels on me because I don’t fit any mold at all. 

39. piercings:  Hold on lemme count... 11!

40. blood type: SHit, I should probably know this about myself... O.... Positive? Negative? I’m an O, I know that much! (bad job adulting Lauren. Bad job)

41. nickname: I don’t really have a nickname... Not that I’m aware of anyway. I’m not opposed to one! But my names don’t really make for good nickname material haha.

42. relationship status: single, and TOTALLY fine with that. Ya girl is too busy for that relationship stuff right now.

43. zodiac: Scorpio

44. pronouns: She/her

45. favorite tv show: Listen, stop trying to make me pick between my children I love them all equally okay?

46. tattoos: I have to count again, hold on.... 8!

47. right or left handed: right-handed

48. surgery: A few times. 4 maybe?

49. piercing:  see above.

50. sport: That I played? Volleyball (very poorly I might add). That I watch? Baseball. The only sport I give 2 shits about is baseball. And maybe rugby if it’s on and I like the team.

51. vacation:  I have a girls weekend planned for the end of this month. My last true vacation was to Beaufort with @asnowballschance and then up to North Adams, MA to visit a friend who had moved. Man I’ve traveled a lot this year...

52. pair of trainers: I have one pair of true “trainers”. The rest are like Converse sneakers or slip ons that can’t be used for actual physical activity, they just make me look sporty haha.

More General

53. eating: Home made trail mix for breakfast 

54. drinking:  Water... and more coffee

55. i’m about to: email my realtor, refill my water bottle, and start writing. I have a Camp NaNo word count to get to.

56. waiting for: NEWS ABOUT THE PUNISHER. GIVE IT YOU ANIMALS. Also waiting for the caffeine to kick in....

57. want: to find a house in my price range that DOESN’T need serious remodels. Seriously, I’m not Bob Villa. Let it be move in ready or close to it please and thank you.

58. get married: Yes! Absolutely! But the dude has to show up first... haha

59. career: Writer/author. I mean, I work an office job to pay the bills but that’s not my career. 

60. hugs or kisses: Both? plz love me.

61. lips or eyes: Eyes! I’m so enamored with people’s eyes- the color, the shape, the way they show emotion, the way they change in the light. I love it. 

62. shorter or taller: Taller? I’m 5′8 almost 5′9 so sometimes that’s hard to find...

63. older or younger: Older. I have the hardest time finding anyone my age who is compatible.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Arrrrmmmmmssss. Not jacked. Just strong. Broad shoulders and a wide, strong chest makes me WEAK

65. hook up or relationship: Both, depending on my mood. I’m currently hooking up with a couple people, but I’m so not wanting to date.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: Hahahahha, I’m called the human embodiment of the grinning Devil emoji for a reason.

67. kissed a stranger: Yes. It was..........

68. drank hard liquor: Lord help me yes. 

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: My glasses are my everything. I’m so blind without them it’s awful. I never take them off. 

70. turned someone down:  Many times. I’m a picky girl.

71. sex on the first date: Sure, I’ve done it before. Worked out fine!

72. broken someone’s heart: Yeahh... It sucked at the time but it was necessary. 

73. had your heart broken:  Yes, in more ways than one.

74. been arrested: No, but I’ve been yelled at by the Coast Guard. That was fun.

75. cried when someone died: Of course!

76. fallen for a friend: Yes.

Do You Believe In …

77. yourself:  Yes! Most of the time. Okay, like 67% of the time. 

78. miracles: Yes, but probably not in the way you’re thinking.

79. love at first sight: Maybe? I’ve never experienced it myself though.

80. santa claus: I used to! Now I believe in the spirit of Christmas/ Holidays that make people want to keep the idea of him alive for children. It’s a precious concept and tradition.

81. kiss on the first date: Sure, if it feels right. Life’s too short. Kiss the person you wanna touch faces with.

82. angels: Yes, but again, not the way you probably think

Other

83. current best friends’ names: *EXTREME KRIS JENNER VOICE* I LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS

84. eye color: Blue green

85. favorite movie: PSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH look you’ve made it to the end of this list do you really think I’m able to pick just one??? 

[adreamoftenderdays]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. Tagged by @noble-hell-fire LAST: 1. Drink: Diet Coke 2. Phone call: My Mummmmm 3. Text message: tessa (I hate this person so much :/) 4. Song you listen to: Cheer up - TWICE 5. Time you cried: Yesterday cause I have a depressed brain :( HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yes unfortunately 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Most definitely 8. Been cheated on: No 9. Lost someone special: Yepppp 10. Been depressed: I'm literally DIAGNOSED 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Yellow (DODIE YELLOW) 13. Pretty lil pastel orange 14. That deep navy blue that you only see in a clear night sky IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Thank goodness YES 16. Fallen out of love: Yep 17. Laughed until you cried: haha yahhhh 18. Found out someone was talking about you: no 20. Found out who your friends are: Hell yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no i deleted hem :D GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them actually 23. Do you have any pets: A 6 month old cat called lulu who is my BABY 24. Do you want to change your name: NOPE 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Got forced to invite friends over, ended up being bossed around and crying. This year should be better hehehehe 26. What time do you wake up: 6am on school days and 8.30 on weekends 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: SLEEPINGGGG 28. Name something you can’t wait for: A time when I'm happy 29. When was the last time you saw your mom? Right now 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: nothing actually haha i love my life so so much 31. What are you listening to right now: Red velvet's comeback 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have indeed 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: People not looking at me when they're talking to me. Idk it's a pet peeve 34. Most visited website: YouTube, im sort of watching a lot of weekly idol rn haha 35. Mole/s: ummmm why??? 36. Mark/s: my dad's name is mark 37. Childhood dream: Surgeon lolllll 38. Hair color: Naturally blonde, dyed red 39. Long or short hair: Medium 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Nope 41. What do you like about yourself: the way my hair naturally curls a little bit, haha it's cute imo 42. Piercings: One in each ear :) 43. Blood type: No clue 44. Nicknames? Haha a lot. Lexi, lexa, Alexa, thing one haha, Russo lolllllll that's all I can remember 45. Relationship status: single 46. Zodiac: Scorpio 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favorite TV Show: don't have one 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: Once for when I broke my arm :) 52. Hair dyed in different color: yep, REF 53. Sport: Horse riding, badminton and occasionally tennis 55. Vacation: every so often Australia but mainly England cause that's where my family comes from 56. Pair of trainers: idek what they are i was just like these'll do MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: bhudja :D 58. Drinking: WATER 59. I’m about to: drink a hot chocolate yayyy 62. Want: idkkkkk 63. Get married: Depends 64. Career: No clue 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs all the way 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes are so pretty omg 67. Shorter or taller: Taller 68. Older or younger: depends so I guess BOTH 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Neither? 71. Sensitive or loud: SENSITIVE 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship ALWAYS 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Both at the same time ;) HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: Nope 75. Drank hard liquor: No 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: you betcha 77. Turned someone down: No 78. Sex on the first date: NO 79. Broken someone’s heart: nope 80. Had your heart broken: Hell yes 81. Been arrested: Nope 82. Cried when someone died: Hell yes A LOT 83. Fallen for a friend: Tooooooo many times DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84: Yourself: yep 85. Miracles: yep 86. Love at first sight: yep 87. Santa Claus: nope 88. Kiss on the first date: Depends OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: I don't have a best friend rn 91. Eye color: Blue 92. Favorite movie: Depends on the time period. 20th century, Breakfast at tiffanys or roman holiday like ahhhhhh Hepburn and 21st century If I stay :) YOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED: Lots of these people I don't know personally but THATS OKAY CAUSE I LIKE THEIR BLOGS LOLLLL @tbhstudying @doddleoddle @emmastudies @hufflepuffwannabe @lilsimsie @meizhun @princess-of-positivity @rosiitea @rievu @writeitdownmaka @wildflower-studyblr @xurbansimsx That's not twenty so if you wanna do it, do it hava

[bangtrashed]

92 Truths tag

Tagged by this looser @kookie-stan

Rules: You must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (nahhh)

THE LAST 1.Drink: Water 2.Phone call: My friend Lucy 3.Text message: My friend Trashie ‘xx’ 4.Song you listened to: Last Dance -Big Bang 5.Time you cried: Today - got bitch slapped by life   6.Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been Cheated on: nope 8.Kissed someone and regretted it: Yup  9.Lost someone special: My Grandpa 10.Been depressed: 2 years ago self diagnosed on reflection 11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 1. Black 2: White 3: Grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15.Made new friends: A nice amount  16.Fallen out of love: nope 17.Laughed until you cried: Yup thanks to good friends and good times

18.Found out someone was talking about you: nope, I avoid beef as much as possible 

19.Met someone who changed you: no person but concepts 

20.Found out who your true friends are: Yes and I am grateful for them all <3 21.Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Idk

GENERAL… 22.How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Most.. I need to unfriend some people...  23.Do you have any pets: doggo (Dea) and pussa (Muji) 24.Do you want to change your name: used to 25.What did you do for your last birthday: School.... 26.What time did you wake up: 8:05 27.What were you doing at midnight last night: thinking about why I can’t sleep 28.Name something you cannot wait for: LEAVING THE HELL HOLS SCHOOL GOD I WANNA LEAVE 29.When was the last time you saw your mother: Monday 30.What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Just one thing?!?! more needed  31.What are you listening to right now: The background noise of Netflix’s 32.Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes who hasn’t 33.Something that is getting on your nerves: Dullness of exams 34.Most visited website: Tumblr 35.Elementary: Done 36, High School: Last Year 37.College: who knows 38.Hair color: brown 39.Long or short hair: long 40.Do you have a crush on someone: nope 41.What do you like about yourself:  42.Piercings: Ears 43.Blood type: O 44.Nickname: Mummy/Noodle/Jabba the hut/Immy 45.Relationship status: single  46.Zodiac sign: Cancer 47.Pronouns: She/her 48.Favorite tv show: none but fave film is Howl’s moving castle 49.Tattoos: None - but want one 50.Right or left hand: Right

FIRST… 51.Surgery: dental 52.Piercing: ears 54.Sport: catch? idek 55.Vacation: Italy <333 56.Pair of trainers: Who knows

MORE GENERAL… 57.Eating: anything... 58.Drinking: something alcoholic please 59.I’m about to: sleep  61.Waiting for: me to wake up and do something with my life 62.Want: to sleep 63.Get married: hope too 64.Career: idek

WHICH IS BETTER… 65.Hugs or kisses: Hugs 66.Lips or eyes: Eyes 67.Shorter or taller: Taller (not difficult tbh) 68.Older or younger: Older 70.Nice arms or nice stomach: A nice arms 71.Sensitive or loud: both 72.Hook up or relationship: both 73.Troublemaker or hesitant: depends on who I’m with

HAVE YOU EVER… 74.Kissed a stranger?: Yes 75.Drank hard liquor? : Yes 76.Lost glasses contact/lenses? : Yes glasses.. I think they’re somewhere 77.Turned someone down?: Nope 78.Sex on first date?: Nope 79.Broken someone’s heart?: Nope 81.Been arrested?: Not yet 82.Cried when someone died?: Yes.. most of the time in films  83.Fallen for a friend?: Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84.Yourself?: Nope 85.Miracles?: Nope 86.Love at first sight?: Nope 87.Santa Claus?: Nope :((((( 88.Kiss on the first date?: Sure 89.Angels?: Park Jimin is the only one I know of...

OTHER…. 90.Current best friend’s name: I’ve got a few Vanessa, Natasha, Lucy, Izy and Ingrid... I’m a very lucky gal :)))) 91.Eye color: Blue 92. Favourite movie: mentioned ^^

imma tag @tsujido and @ch21n-nu 

[heaventide]

tag!!

🌻rules: once you have been tagged, you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag.

@seacoasts I LOVE TAGS TY!!!

🌻LAST… [1] drink: sprite [2] phone call: my mam [3] text message: space fam!! [4] song you listened to: the bad thing by am [5] time you cried: two am because umfb&mha

🌻 HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nah [7] been cheated on: nah [8] kissed someone and regretted it: nah [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: yeah but i’m not diagnosed [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no i am a Child

🌻 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS… [12] maroon/dark red [13] dark green [14] black

🌻 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes!! [16] fallen out of love: yep [17] laughed until you cried: hell yeah [18] found out someone was talking about you: HAHAHHAHA yes [19] met someone who changed you: yep! fuck you rat [20] found out who your true friends are: yes i love them with everything in my body [21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don’t have facebook

🌻 GENERAL… [22] how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: no fb [23] do you have any pets: doggo and two cats [24] do you want to change your name: NO i love ro [25] what did you do for your last birthday: DISNEYLAND what else [26] what time did you wake up: 10 am [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: driving home [28] name something you cannot wait for: SOUNDSATIONAL I AM SO EXCITEDDD IT’S BEEN TOO LONG [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: 2 seconds ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: amount of rats at school [31] what are you listening to right now: piledriver waltz by alex turner!!! [32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: tom holland yes. one sided conversation tho he never replies to me rip [33] something that is getting on your nerves: school Forever [34] most visited website: tumblr and ao3 [35] elementary: i loved elementary!!! wish some of my old friends still talked to me but o well [36] high school: i am Suffering [37] college: ughfjdhg i wanna go to ucsf or uci [38] hair colour: plain old dark brown [39] long or short hair: i cut mine last month so i have bangs n a bob [40] do you have a crush on someone: yes i love em platonically but a relationship is cute [41] what do you like about yourself: my sense of fashion is always lookin nice. lots of people think i’m good at atuff but not rlly whoop [42] piercings: nope [43] blood type: idk [44] nickname: ro, bebe, beebs [45] relationship status: single as hell [46] zodiac sign: libra [47] pronouns: she/her, them/they [48] fav TV show: yuri on ice, voltron: legendary defender, parks and rec, bob’s burgers, and himym [49] tattoos: no i am a Child [50] right or left handed: right

🌻 FIRST… [51] surgery: never [52] piercing: never [53] best friend: sammie!!!! [54] sport: ballet hahaha [55] vacation: philippines!!! i miss it everyday [56] pair of trainers: idek

🌻 RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing [58] drinking: nothing [59] I’m about to: play sims!! fuck you homework [60] listening to: off to the races by ldr [61] waiting for: My life to end jfdgshdif fuck you school [62] want: death and clear skin [63] get married: Yes [64] career: professional yet unofficial disneyland tour guide

🌻 WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hug [66] lips or eyes: either??? [67] shorter or taller: SHORT i love being short [68] older or younger: so long as it is legal [69] romantic or spontaneous: romantic!! [70] nice arms or nice stomach: it doesn’t matter rlly [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: either works?

🌻 HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger: no [75] drank hard liquor: i am a Child [76] lost glasses/contact lenses: more like broke (3 fucking times) [77] turned someone down: YES always [78] sex on first date: no [79] broken someone’s heart: have i?? i don’t know [80] had your own heart broken: fuck you rat [81] been arrested: no never [82] cried when someone died: i cry 24/7 [83] fallen for a friend: yes rip

🌻 DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself: HAHHAHHAHAHA no [85] miracles: yes but they never fuckin happen [86] love at first sight: yes [87] santa claus: nope [88] kiss on the first date: sure? [89] angels: i’m catholic i kinda have to

🌻 OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: noooo that’s too many [91] eye colour: brown [92] favourite movie: kiki’s delivery service, alice in wonderland, moana, big hero 6 and peter pan!! (they’re all cartoons wow)

🌻 I’M TAGGING… @buckys-fossil @punkholland @ultraviolitings @celestial-yuuri  @intheheartofpeterparker (i don’t have a lot of tumblr friends rip