#i.. don't think there is anythin unique to my blog actually

[fairysharkmother]

Mum, I had a little talk with my dad,& he says that I am ruinin my life with callin myself asexual. Cause I don't want sex, so I won't ever get a spouse cause of that.& I am wastin my young life away cause of that. I didn't even say anythin',& he goes up on me tellin me this. I guess it's my fault that I really don't want sex ever in my life,& that I am ruinin it cause of that.& he then tells me that I can't figure out if I am a dog, or a chicken, or [insert stupid noun here]. (1)

hey hun, let’s talk. fellow asexual-to-asexual here

i assure you, not having an interest in sex is not a crime nor something that you did wrong. you are not broken, damaged, or different by any means; you want the same love we all try to find. that idea of love is unique in every one of us and to have (or not have) sex doesn’t need to determine that. it is who you are and you shouldn’t feel the need to change that

i really think that your dad is blowing things way out of proportion and i’m sorry to hear that this is a common thing with him. but for him to yell at you, compare you to something other than a person, and for him to breathe down your neck about your sexuality is entirely his problem. he is doing that because, cue cliche parenting trope, he doesn’t understand what’s going on and doesn’t seem eager to learn about it either. to flip on a dime and start ranting over a silly statement like that, too… he seems pretty insufferable honestly

giving it a bit of context, asexuality only started emerging online in the late 90s and early 2000s after david jay created a group referred to today as asexuality visibility and education network (AVEN) that is still as lively as ever today. however it’s still pretty hidden under the media microscope because it’s not well understood, discussed, or represented both respectfully and accurately. personally, i’ve only seen asexuality representation at pride parades in the past few years i’ve attended. the concept of asexuality itself, believe it or not, was actually first recorded in 1896 in magnus hirschfeld’s book sappho und sokrates. if he tries to give the argument, “this isn’t something that anyone else has” or “you’re just making this up,” counter that with this evidence. this is a legitimate sexuality, there are resources and research on it, and you are not alone

give your dad the opportunity to learn, educate him if he’s willing. tell him how you perceive things, what your definition of attraction and love is, why sex doesn’t mean a whole lot to you, etc. here’s where you find some examples on how to approach that. if he isn’t willing, consider it a lost cause and find solace in those who understand and support you. it’s hard to say it but just because he’s related to you doesn’t mean he’s family. your family is who loves you unconditionally, whether it be your friends, teachers, pets, etc. there’s a cool ace positivity blog you could check out as well if you’re looking for more online support

it is the nature of man to fear what one does not know, such as how many of us fear change, but it is the perseverance through the fear that brings us to rationalize and understand what we have learned. some willingly choose not to dig deeper, reach higher, and give more of what they have to comprehend something. and that, in my opinion, is true imbecility. that is how i see your dad and (sadly) many others who make the conscious decision to stay ignorant, whatever the topic or debate may be

let this message ring clear in your head: his opinion or image of you does not define you. what he has to say about you does not define you. what painful, disgraceful things that he or others associate you to do not define you. you define yourself. no one else has that power; no matter how hard they try to influence it, it is yours and yours alone. surround yourself with your own loving family who will give you a foundation to stand on. and please know that if you ever doubt you have people there for you, there’s a reason why we are called a sea family. we love you, we see you, we validate you, and we treasure you. don’t forget that

~shae the siren