#i've slept 7 hours and 54 minutes in the last 3 days

[loveandleases]

Update Time

I just got back from a brief vacay on Sunday. I picked back up where I left off and now writing and proofing for the demo is done. I just need to port everything over to twine. Luckily I have large parts of it already ported, the ui, the stat bars, almost half the story itself. I want to post some of the side stories in as well, just for a little background, but that will be done after the demo is fully coded. It's a much larger beast than I anticipated, thankfully I type fast. I had expected the demo being between 30k-60k. It looks like after code it will come close to over 60k. If coding goes well then it should be out to beta this week. Now time for an energy drink, and go over my excel sheet to make sure all the variables are in order!

[nathank77]

11/16/24

3:54 a.m

I woke up at 3:30 a.m needing to pee and I should have ignored it. I can't fall back to sleep. Next time I'll just risk a bladder infection it's not fucking worth it. And it's hardly any pee everytime and 9 times out of 10 i struggle for a hour to fall back to sleep bc the Xanax is out of my system by this time. I fell asleep fast last night... but it's been over a hour of trying to fall back to sleep.

I took more Melatonin.. after 30-40 minutes of failure. I already snacked on a protien bars.. I took benadryl. I guess in 30 minutes or so im starting laundry. And my bladder can go fuck itself next time it thinks about waking me up to go to the fucking bathroom future bladder infection here we come. I only got maybe 3 hours and my stupid useless pos brain won't just knock out..

I have tv on in the background cause all I'll do is hallucinate until I fucking commit suicide. So I can't do any silence...

I'm not taking more xanax. Over my dead body and I'm not taking more Hydroxyzine.. why about either? Limited supply... and with xanax then my brain will be like guy will take more if I wake him up around this time. I've considered smoking weed but it's been almost 3 months and i feel that everytime I do I suffer for a while after to my hallucination worsening and it isn't worth it.

Guess I'm starting laundry at 5 a.m. my useless pos brain can go fuck itself. No fucking red bull day if it doesn't get its shit together. I'm about to have a cigarette and throw in the towel a hour of closing my eyes and not being able to rely on better medication makes it just feel pointless at this point...

I'm fucking pissed. The only reason sleep has been better recently is bc I've been staying asleep for 7 hours or so straight.

I'm so fucking angry and I just want to spark a cigarette but that won't help... 30 more minutes and I'm done. Fuck Kristen. If only I could smoke weed without suffering consequences..falling back to sleep or falling asleep ingeneral was never a problem WHEN I HAD WEED.

The only thing I have right now is your eyes. It helped calm me down. If I dont sleep I'll sleep better tonight and I won't microsleep bc I slept even if it was only a few hours. I'll just feel shit.