#i've since found someone who actually did sub these on yt

[gege]

《懂小姐》 Miss Dong (2014)

Cheng Yi Sketches 2/32

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

I've never send you an ask before, but this is very important that you know how much it meant when I found your channel at the start of this year. To see someone my age who looks like me (I'm Brown, but with lots of acne, and curly hair like yours) meant so much to me coz all the authortubers are just supermodels. Love my beautiful queens(!!) but it was also the biggest reason I couldn't start a YT channel. I hope I'm not offending you, but you're voice is so soothing, and you're so talented 1/2

Seeing you in the last couple of months, be as confident as you are, did make me a little self confident too. I wanted to make a Preptober video today, but when I watched it back, all the acne and everything made me feel so bad. Can you give me some advice on how to me more comfortable in my skin, how to be confident enough to film a video, edit and upload it wihtout beating myself up si much. (Again, I hope I have not offended you) 2/2 Love, rev

Oh my <3 this is such a kind, beautiful message, thank you! I talk about the struggle to accept myself in today’s vid, so this is a topic I’ve been thinking about the last few days!

I feel like we’re on the same wavelength here because we’re both brown, have acne, and have curly hair, and oh my! these are three things that I’ve struggled to accept in the past, but that I’ve grown to love. My face wasn’t on the internet at the time of my worst years with acne, but from about age 11-16 I had really horrible breakouts. My skin scars easily, and since it is darker in colour, the scars just end up as dark spots. I remember I used to be so upset that my entire forehead as a young teen was a different colour than my face because of how scarred it was (that was my perception at least). So I feel you, and truly understand the adverse affects these kinds of things can have on your self-confidence, and I wish I could tell you a definitive answer on how I came to love the things I never did love. Growing up not looking like the super white media was not! fun! and I straightened my hair almost daily from the age of 8 until I learned how to style my curly hair last year.

I do have a few tips besides the obvious be kind to yourself!

- Learn how to love the things you’re uncomfortable with.

I mean this in a literal way. I wasn’t comfortable with my curly hair because of how frizzy it got. It was frizzy because I never knew how to style it and combed out all the curls lol! Once I learned how to style my hair, educated myself on haircare, and really created a relationship with it, I absolutely adore it! I’m not saying you have to cover up anything you’re uncomfortable with to feel better--not at all, and I actually stray away from that. I’m saying to get connected to the things you’re uncomfortable with by learning more about it.

The world is so white and so literally everything you’re taught especially if you’re in North America is codified from a white lens. For example, I get these dark spots on my chest & stomach (I think they’re fungal, but don’t know the proper name) and when I was younger, I was really confused and concerned about them because I didn’t know what they were and this was not explored in white media. When I asked my mom I found out they’re just really common for people of my ethnicity and totally normal and fine and just because the Walmart models don’t have them, doesn’t mean I have to get rid of them (and I actually now think they’re so beautiful)! It’s kind of amazing to me how learning a little bit about something that slots me farther away from society’s “normal” makes me feel confident about it and the more I realize that I’m not “abnormal” AT ALL.

- Engage in some diverse communities

Authortube is! so! white! Is there even an authortuber of colour who has over 10k subs? I did a little data study on this for myself over the summer and I believe (this is not fact because obviously I just have to judge on what the authortuber has said!) about the ~top 15 (give or take) channels are all white! And mostly white women. So I understand how uncomfortable it can feel to hop onto the internet as a smaller creator in a white dominated field. My recommendation here? Do NOT let that stop you. I know it can be uncomfortable, but the world needs diverse creators like you. This community needs diverse creators and this community needs to do BETTER to amplify our voices.

Because authortube is so white, I don’t often engage/watch vids in the community because it makes me a little uncomfortable and that is something I’d like to change by watching more diverse authortubers. Not going to lie! Sometimes this is hard because the community is so white dominated and even I need to do a better job at this. If anyone has any faves please put them in the replies!

I mostly watch YouTube outside of authortube. Some of my faves that I watch frequently (non exhaustive):

- abetweene

- Anncy Twinkle

- bestdressed

- Divas Can Cook

- emmymadeinjapan

- HeyParis

- Honeysuckle

- imuRgency

- Jackie Aina

- Karina Gomez

- LongHairPrettyNails

- Marion’s Kitchen (I am not lying any recipe I make from this woman is HEAVENLY just made soup from her yesterday)

- Vee Kativhu

I’ve been watching YouTube for about ten years now, and some of these names have been in my subs since then, so I think seeing diverse YouTubers doing their thing was really helpful in me feeling comfortable to also be on camera!

My last tip for you would be:

- Take the plunge

It will be uncomfortable the first few times you make a video for so many reasons, but once you get over that initial hump, it is so much better. It took me a few months to feel brave enough to make a face-to-face video and a lot of those videos never got uploaded--and that’s okay! It’s okay to feel insecure and lack confidence. I am not a very confident person so it amazes me that people think I am. I am actually super insecure about so many things! But don’t let those insecurities hold you back. What would you get from not doing something you really want to do just because you’re worried about others, including yourself, will think? You don’t get anything besides that awful feeling. What would you get from taking the plunge? Maybe some embarrassment, or some insecurity, but you’d also prove to yourself that you can do it--and that will trump all insecurity in time. If you’re uncomfortable with a new decision you made (of course outside of unhealthy reasons that would make you uncomfortable), you’re living life right. Be uncomfortable! It is okay! You will be okay!

If you do make a channel, please let me know and I’ll sub immediately! You are not alone in this journey, and if you need anyone to chat to, my DMs are always open. <3