#i've really been craving working with clay it's been YEARS

[autobahnmp3]

back with a load of things some useful some necessary some not....

[tozettastone]

I've been thinking about this post in which I was asked about Kakuzu/Deidara. I don't know if I'll go anywhere with this but... maybe!

---

Day 12

It had been two days since Deidara had last seen Kakuzu and three since he'd declared Deidara could finally take care of himself.

And he could. Absolutely. His arms were weak and they hurt, but they weren't fragile.

But right now, he was going to find Kakuzu anyway.

Deidara distantly remembered that ninja got like this, sometimes. It was something the medics used to talk about during kids' academy years, but of course Deidara had been rushed through his early education so fast that he'd only heard the lecture once. The medics encouraged skinship between comrades, even though the broader culture looked down upon it. They claimed that shinobi, who lived lives of violence and isolation, were vulnerable to the craving for skin. Interrogators would use it against them. Skin hunger made them... manipulable.

Deidara really didn't think Kakuzu was working a long-term honey pot mission. But after the horrific week-and-change he'd just had, there was some part of Deidara's brain that had neatly slotted Kakuzu into an otherwise unpopulated category of people: someone who would take care of him.

Deidara felt that brains were useless lumps of meat. They were vulnerable to genjutsu and made people do dumb shit, like fixating on their coworkers, instead of focusing on the important things, like achieving the perfect mushroom cloud.

He still fetched up at Kakuzu's door with his new box of clay.

"Don't make a mess," was all Kakuzu said, and then he just went back to writing — whatever he was writing.

He was a big thing, swaddled in layer after layer of clothes behind his desk. His eyes were mean and his voice was raspy. He was not, Deidara thought with some satisfaction, remotely hot.

Deidara got a glimpse as he passed the desk and saw a lot of columns and numbers and then immediately became uninterested. Accounts? Something?

"I'm not going to make a mess," he sniffed.

Kakuzu glanced up at him, once, a flash of green in the dark landscape of his face. The tone of his voice was a warning. "Then it won't be a problem."

How high handed! Why had Deidara decided he liked this guy so much again?

Kakuzu then totally ignored him. For... like... an hour. It was annoying.

It was fine. Deidara had clay to focus on. He spent the time carefully imbuing it with chakra. But he was annoyed.

Really, he was almost satisfied to know that Kakuzu could still irritate him. This was a familiar and comfortable emotion.

But then, when he was finally done with his accounting, Kakuzu drifted silently over to Deidara and tapped his shoulder with two fingers.

"Show me your arms."

So Deidara peeled off his cloak and showed him, and the touch of Kakuzu's bare skin made him shiver and promptly undid all the great work of the previous hour. He let Kakuzu turn his arm this way and that, and test the stitching with pressure from his fingers, and follow the muscles and tendons with his thumbs, all the way down to Deidara's fingers. Since he was apparently perfectly assured of Deidara's obedience, Kakuzu was precise and gentle. He didn't need to be rough.

"That's healing well," he said, before stepping past Deidara's stiff spine and moving on to the other side.

"Yeah," Deidara croaked. He could feel warm phantom touches wherever Kakuzu's bare fingers had moved over his skin. He flexed his wrist and his fingers as though he could get rid of the sensation, but it didn't go anywhere. "They both feel... fine."

"Hmm," said Kakuzu, like he wouldn't agree until he'd assessed it for himself. His hands were on the other arm now, one a steadying grip at the shoulder and the other working its slow way down the limb.

Deidara wondered if this was how prized animals felt, inspected and rubbed down and felt out for damage.

He bit his tongue. Fuck off, he thought, despairing.

[aonoexpat]

20-08-2023 (2/2)

----- Continuation of part 1 -----

The sunrise the next morning was a beautiful sight, but Elrond had never been as frozen as he was that night! I was glad the doors weren't frozen shut and I could still get out to take some nice pictures:

I'd been keeping a close eye on the status of the roads around these parts, and was overjoyed that the road to Aoraki, which had previously been closed due to heavy snow, had been reopened. At 3724 meters, Aoraki is the tallest mountain in Aotearoa, and a wildly impressive sight to see:

We drove up as close as we could get along the Hooker Valley Road, and then geared up for a hike up to Hooker Lake. Sunscreen and sunglasses were essentials, for the entire trail was covered in a thick layer of snow. The bushes all around the track looked like soft little snowy hills, and I'm proud to announce I only slipped and fell down a set of steps once. My travel buddy joked that she wished she had recorded all the noises I made every time my feet slipped and I almost fell, which happened countless times during the ~4 hours it took us to get there and back. Especially the three ice-covered swing bridges across the Hooker river were dizzyingly treacherous terrain. Though we both felt sore from walking in the snow, the end goal was 1000% worth it! I bet this track is a lot of fun during summer as well, but this felt like the epitome of "walking in a winter wonderland" ❄️🎶

We had a lot of fun throwing snow balls and pushing our faces into the soft snow when we needed to cool down from the walking. By the time we got back to the parking lot we were both exhausted, but very pleased with the day we'd had ❤️

During the drive back we called ahead to a holiday park in Twizel to make sure they'd have space for two cars, because we were both craving a hot shower and a proper meal. The camp kitchen wasn't worth much, but we managed to cook up a feast for ourselves and cozied up to the fireplace with a movie for what would be our last night together, at least for now. In the morning we both went our separate ways, because our plans and wishes had started to diverge. I really enjoyed caravan-ing up with somebody else, it's nice to know you have somebody to talk to before you go to bed, somebody to have a cup of tea with in the morning, and somebody to share the beautiful sights with. Who knows, we might catch up again at a later date! We did briefly run into each other shortly after parting ways at the Omarama clay cliffs, which are a really cool sight (again, a short drive brings you to a dramatically different landscape):

For now I'm back on my own, and while I was planning to head to Oamaru and view the blue penguins, that's going to have to wait for a bit. I decided to take a leap and try my luck at finding a temporary job in the Tāhuna area. It's a bustling region right now due to the ski season, there are loads of tourists here (who drive so slowly omg who have I become that this bothers me) so I'm hopeful I might find a place to work. I'd like to earn back some of the money I've been spending on fuel, and the thought of being in a more populated area for a while, having fun with colleagues, playing music... sounds quite nice to me right now. Who knows though, I might not find anything and decide to just move on after a couple of days after all. Time will tell. In the meantime I'm trying to get some rest, it's been a rather intense week with a lot of driving and I'm content to just sit still for a moment and collect my thoughts. I've been feeling a bit better, getting my sense of adventure back, but I'm not quite as chipper as I'd like to be yet. I do believe I'll get there again though :) I spent some time today looking at photos from my trip to Australia eight years ago, and they reminded me that everything is temporary, and I'll likely look back on all of this with a huge smile in eight years' time too. Negative thoughts can seem overwhelming, and they may make me feel like I'm not making the most of my time here, but even just writing these posts today has made me realise I've been having a lot of fun lately, and I will likely continue to do so 😁

[manicgoblin]

picked up some ❄️ last night and hung with squad. watched scary movies and cackled together all night. ended up staying over with Elliott and watching lilo and stitch together in bed. we had v vulnerable convo after sex about new fantasies and things to explore in the bedroom together, how life is going for us in general, how we've both been feeling low and mentally off our game lately, how we crave community and new and exciting adventures in our daily lives. it was very tender and endearing. im glad we can talk the way we do. we told each other new childhood stories. I opened up about my sadness for the holidays and my birthday tmrw and he rubbed my back while I talked. he gave me the tightest hug after and told me we'll plan a friends day for Christmas. Said that I should stay the night on the 24th and spend time with everyone who's still home. hes good to me, but he's not always good to himself, and that hurts us both sometimes. Its the same with me. we're both a bit (a big bit) of a work in progress, but still our friendship continues to grow. our connection is deeply important to us both, especially at this time of our lives. I'm very grateful for him. he told me that his life here in Maine would look very different if I wasn't here that I really help him feel more at home and cared for at a time in his life where he's struggling to feel connected to the people who love him. he thanked me and reiterated that he's got my back too. we are planning to rent out a pottery studio together so he can teach me how to work with clay, and he can get back into his artistic grind, and we also are planning some volunteer days at a soup kitchen downtown. we both have been struggling w execution lately, so I said why not try it together? I told him my biggest hurdle tends to be going it alone, not that I can't, just that it feels scary and also sad to not have anyone around to share new things with. he understood. he was excited and appreciative for the suggestion. he just dropped me off at home, but he'll pick me up in the am to make breakfast and start the day with squad. we're gonna venture to a new lighthouse as a lil unit, which makes my heart v full. I love lighthouses. I've seen all the landlocked ones in this area already, so this will be another added to the list. then we're squading back up at the boys house, drinking/partying, playing the new we are not really strangers deck I bought, probably some other card games, and dancing all night. ru's meeting us at squad house after work, and I'm bringing my polaroids, so I can add new ones to my fridge. I think this time I'll let some other people take some pictures, so I can be in them too haha. I want to remember this birthday. I always let them go by so fast. I don't want to think about them. I tell myself I hate celebrating, but fuck I'm 25 now. I want this one to feel good and warm, and I want tangible proof of the love I witness with the people in my life this time around. I'm v grateful to be spending it with all of them. I do wish deeply that cherise and sunmi could be here, but I'll see them again soon. Makes my heart ache to not be near them. It would be so nice if Sam could come down from Acadia too, but I'm sure I'll see them all again soon. For now, I'll make the best of what I've got, and cherish the day with my friends that can be here. The emotional whiplash will be heavy tmrw, I know this. I warned squad I'll probably be emotional and moody throughout the day, but I'm very appreciative of them being there with me anyways, just witnessing and experiencing it with me. allowing me to grieve and celebrate in the ways that come up. Here's to making it another year I didn't think possible. To being as sad and grateful as I've ever been. To having all the freedom I've ever dreamed of in the palm of my hands, and simultaneously the most roadblocks right in front of me. To forging on anyway. To love, to love, to love.