#i've never been one to stick with petsites for long

[ferberus-skull]

pixel cat's end i love you.

flight rising.... you're okay (joking, i love you too)

[spursdontplaybasketball]

What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?

This might go long, and I'm sorry if it does.

I won't get into the entire backstory, but I was about 19 or 20, living with my parents, and very unhappy. My relationship with my father was breaking down to the point where I sometimes felt dehumanized by the way he treated me, and my parents were being very controlling of what I tried to do. I wanted to figure out a way to leave, but they kept telling me I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Then my friend told me I should move to San Francisco. He knew of some organizations that could help me get on my feet in the city. It had honestly gotten to the point where I was either going to go through with this or just kill myself. Unfortunately, I was living in rural Pennsylvania at the time, so it was going to be hard to get myself there. I hadn't been able to get a job, but I saved up money from petsitting and bought a one-way plane ticket to California. (I had more money saved up, but not a lot.) I tried to keep my plans a secret from my parents, but they found out anyway, so I had to stick to my guns and go through with it, despite their reaction.

Even just getting to the airport was a difficult thing. I had to leave late at night, on a night that had been proclaimed dangerously cold, with windchills in the range of -5F (-20C). I had to walk in the cold to a bus stop about 8 miles from my house and take a bus and several trains to the airport in Philadelphia. On the walk over, I thought it was possible I would die.

Getting out to California went okay though, and my friend who had helped me with my plans picked me up at the airport, even though I had never met him in real life before. The next day, he brought me over to the youth shelter in San Francisco. I was terrified for him to leave me there, but he was too old to stay with me. I lived in the homeless shelter for several months, until I was able to find stable housing and get myself safe.

That was nearly 8 years ago now, and the whole process remains the most difficult thing I've ever done. Even just making the decision to live and do what I needed to do for myself was really hard.

[I should also add a postscript that things are much better now. I was able to restart my life in the way that I wanted. Out in California, I attended community college and have now gone as far as getting a master's degree. I am living for myself, seeking a job in a fulfilling field, and have even salvaged a relationship with my mom.]

Thank you so much for the ask, and I'm sorry if this is too much 😅